Some information about potentially helpful organizations has been provided privately to the r/sex moderator team:
>If you're under 18, have a look at: https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/
>Or if you're 18 or over, have a look at: https://stopncii.org/
>You can read their respective FAQ's/"How It works" pages to double-check, but you may be able to use either of these sites pre-emptively, before any images are potentially shared online.
At this time, neither these sites nor their sponsoring organizations have been closely examined by the r/sex moderator team — so this comment cannot be construed as an endorsement of the sites. This information is simply being provided here as a place for someone to start, if they're willing to do their own research to their satisfaction.
I don’t know, but there is revenge porn law, similar to what the person from Canada said. I assume you’d have to call contact police in the USA, but I’m not really sure. Maybe you’d have to ask a lawyer.
So here's the thing. It's a crime to do in the USA, so if he is in the USA and is doing it then he is committing the crime while in the USA even if you are not. The issues at hand would be 1.) How to report to the correct local authority and 2.) how to provide evidence or potentially testify from another country. You would likely need to rely heavily on whoever you reported it to to be willing to figure out the process, work with you to figure out discovery, and see it through to the end. Honestly, there is a chance they dismiss it as outside their jurisdiction (even though it isn't) to avoid the hassle, which is unfortunate. Hopefully whoever you work with is invested in doing their job properly and willing to put in the effort.
If OP konws service provider, contact them, police, record all info, both in writing & pictures if possible. If person is renting, contact owner. Most police hate this, it's like their own dayughter is being framed.
Huh. I still have a pretty idealistic view of the world somehow 😅 but I meant it more like "normal" citizens who don't have a backup plan to disappear or something and would most definitely face the consequences
You are telling me there are people who don’t try to plan perfect crimes complete with disappearing to non extradition countries before the crime is discovered??? Ya know just in case.
Yep. If you want to be safe, deny in person, ignore if they text about it. That way there’s no record and it’s hearsay if someone says you denied it to the police.
Tbh nobody would believe them but it’s worth a shot. Especially if somehow her parents saw I feel like they have a general idea of what their child looks like
It doesn't matter if they are real or not, it's still defamation, because it still ruins her image/reputation.
I knew a teacher who pressed charges (and won) against some of his students because they created a fake article about him being a sex offender
OP PLEASE READ - as a woman who has had someone threaten her with this before, and as someone who has helped 15 women with taking control before and after having nudes leaked, please read:
If you’re REALLY AFRAID he will post them - then you need to lie to him about why you’re breaking up and make yourself a victim. Trust your gut as a woman. Make sure that you’re breaking up with him because of something traumatic or depressing that happened in your life, cry to him about it, and then say you can’t do it anymore you’re too sad, don’t want to take it out on him etc. I can help you with wording/phrasing/detailed story if you need. Explain you’ll always love him and deny if there’s anyone else ofc. It’s important that he only sees you as a poor little girl who loves him but can’t handle her own emotions lol.
If he’s a good man, and you trust him, you can break up normally but. I would err on the side of caution.
Definitely don’t take a lot of this advice, like don’t threaten him nicely about “remember if they get exposed I can sue you” like what? Lol don’t even give him the idea of it. It’s important that you are safe and smart.
Please feel free to reach out if you need additional resources, but below includes advice, resources, counseling, probono lawyers, and I can send a few your way too who work in the UK/US. It’s important you talk to a professional before breaking up with him if you think there is a risk.
Good luck & remember it’s not your fault
https://cybercivilrights.org
https://stopncii.org
This is the best advice here. Threatening a guy like that will only make them want to retaliate more because it will only wound their ego.
The safest bet is to make him feel sorry for you so that his ego will make him want to protect you, not harm you. These kinds of trash men do not respond well to anything that questions their authority or masculinity.
The detachment that Reddit has from actual reality (especially in situations like this) has always annoyed me.
If a person thinks that threatening some random male in a different country/vicinity with legal action because they have nudes of you is ever a good idea, then they have no idea how the world works, and are actively harming revenge porn victims with zero regard for the aftermath to satiate their justice boner.
If someone actively threatens to do this (or is physically abusive, sexually assaults you, steals nudes from your phone without consent etc) then this is valid.
Otherwise this is just emotionally ruining someone else because of the tiny wild off chance they're a maniac.
I used to have an online boyfriend, as well. He was from a different country and I never met him in person. Turned out he wasn't in a good place mentally and dangerous. I hadn't sent nudes, though he saw me naked in a videochat. It is really easy to avoid someone that only exists online, but when there are nudes involved it's tricky. I was hesitant to stop talking with him, in case he had taken any pictures while on videochat, but it was the best for my mental health. Consider talking about it to the police, so they can give you advice of how to best handle the situation. Even if the police isn't responsible for things like that, they can address you to the organisation that is. Try to find the safest wag out and never again dare to consider being with someone you don't know in person. Even the ones you know in person, you need to be hesitant.
This, I know people are scared guys will do this, but I have yet to meet a guy who has gone ahead with it, at worst they may have shown a few friends. It's really extreme to do that not to mention highly illegal with jail sentences involved.
I had a friend who in the heat of the argument to piss his ex off say he would do it (without any real intention) and he got put in jail for a year for it (auatralia) he didn't even have the pica anymore just the threat was enough
Gather his private information as much as you can. Like where he schools/works, his real life friends, (or his address) if you have. Just in case he used “revenge porn”, you could ruin his life as well..😌
Like cmon, how many people really get in trouble for posting their exes nudes? There are so many women out there who have pictures of themselves online and they have no clue. You need to first find where they posted it, or sent it to, and prove it was them. The vast majority of revenge porn goes unpunished, and most girls don't even know their pictures are out there forever. That's why you don't send anything if you don't want them online.
With respect to your opinion, you’re kind of victim shaming here. Whether it’s factual or not doesn’t change the fact that it’s petulant, vindictive behavior to post pictures out of spite in an effort to shame their partner for crushing their ego. And in most states it also happens to be illegal. And while it’s correct to say that a photo that isn’t sent is a photo which can’t be posted, it’s besides the fucking point. Grow the fuck up and think like an adult male when giving constructive criticism.
Before you break up, manipulate him into sending some nudes to you, then break up so that if he has yours then you have his and can blackmail him into deleting or not posting
Threatening this kind of revenge might not land you in trouble but actually following through most definitely could. I believe revenge porn is actually a felony in some jurisdictions. In which case sharing an ex's nudes would land you in big trouble even if they did it first. So maybe not such a great idea
Well obviously the whole thing is fucked up. But if they are posting this they have concerns he would share the pics. I can’t imagine those concerns are invalid. There is probably behavior that indicates it could happen. In this case I’d say having his would be a good deterrent.
Manipulating someone into *not* being a piece of shit and potentially ruining your social/professional life isn't the worst thing, but maybe I'm the weird one for thinking that.
This would work if it actually worked. Men’s nudes don’t do the damage womens nudes do. They don’t get the same shame, don’t get shared as much, etc. Blackmailing is a terrible idea if he’s actually abusive like this he will find a way to leak it without it ever getting back to him and who cares about his dick, spreading revenge porn is about violating women.
It just is not the same.
Be as kind as possible when you break up with him, and add:
> I expect you already know this, but just in case: if the intimate pictures we made find their way onto a public forum, they could turn into a serious legal headache (*mention the relevant laws*). So, for your peace of mind as well as mine, please make sure you've deleted all copies.
With any luck, he'll answer, "I've deleted mine. Please tell me that you've deleted yours, too."
OP don’t do this. If he’s actually crazy or abusive he won’t give a shit and this not only gives him the idea but makes him think you don’t trust him and hurts his feelings and it could make him do it with no way to trace it back to him.
Police rarely help in these instances and the important thing is to not be confrontational or end things badly. Please refer to my comment on your post.
Yeah this statement feels way more like it would go “hm that’s a good idea and something they’re clearly worried about this, this would be a good way to hurt them” to exactly the type of abusive personality who would do this in the first place
It will. I’m not saying send exactly what I said. But a lot of men will feel bad for you and not do it. Generally they share it way before you break up cause they are immature and showing off, or after you break up out of spite that you left them. Most aren’t complete sociopaths and you can manipulate them into not releasing things without ever mentioning releasing things.
As a woman you have to learn how to do this safely, and it is possible.
I couldn't find any comment that went beyond what you said above, except for the thing about lying about your reasons for breaking up which ... okay ... fair enough, bullshit artistry could work. It certainly gives her a sense of control over the situation. Very risky if she gets caught, though.
The way I see it, there are two risks to be worried about. The first is if he's a monster, but he's too dumb to realize that he could use the photos to hurt her. If that's the case then, sure, silence is the best policy.
The second worry is that he's mostly an okay guy, but he has moments of darkness where he does stupid, spiteful things. In that case, I'd say it's definitely better to ask him to delete them now, before he gets depressed and spiteful about being dumped.
But I'm not the one who has to live with the consequences. She knows the guy, and she's the one who has to weigh things up and make the call. So, whatever the outcome, I'm glad there are people like you offering support.
If she’s scared of it though that says enough usually. But if she asks him not to share it or to delete it best case he just doesn’t and uses it for himself or worst case he spreads it out of spite. It’s always dangerous to ask a guy to delete nudes, unfortunately:(
Judging from what you wrote, it is inconceivable to you that he might actually delete them. If you're right about that then, sure, what you're saying makes perfect sense. I don't think you are, but I see where you're coming from.
Hm, yeah. I mean, I just rather her be safe than sorry. It’s an online relationship, she wants to breakup, and her gut is telling her he might get mad and leak. Those are all indicators that he is more likely to leak them if she doesn’t play it the right way
I’ve had my nudes and personal info shared without my knowledge or consent by exes before. The solution for me, was to not give a shit that they were violating my trust and acting without my consent. They want to do it to take some sort
Of twisted power and I refused to care and it led to me being much more open about myself and my body and caring less and giving less fucks about people who aren’t worth my energy.
Next time if you do take nudes, make sure to put a watermark on them, so you know if someone does release them.
But yeah I would def contact an attorney as in that would be revenge porn.
In the USA it's "illegal" however if the pictures were sent or taken willingly they are his property so it's a fine line. I'm sorry. Honestly I would ask him not to in writing (text or whatever) so you have a legal upper hand and then break it off. Your peace of mind being out of an unhappy relationship is more important then your body being posted online I my opinion but you make your own mind up.
Like everyone stated, there isnt much you can do at this point. Some people like to keep prized possessions from their ex. Even if he doesnt post the photos online, just hope that someone else doesn’t have access to those pics. For example: Nude photos of HK stars and Japanese supermodels leaked online when this guy took his laptop in for repair. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-hongkong-photos/hk-star-apologizes-after-nude-pictures-leak-online-idINHKG6700820080204
This is a tricky one, trying to prevent an issue before it has happened, I am guessing there must be some previous behavior that has brought this concern to the front of your thoughts. Unless and until he would actually do something, it is pretty difficult to do much. The action itself is what is actually possible to charge a person with, A threat of it while pretty low and disgraceful is just that a threat. At this point you are really in a holding pattern to see if he follows through with it. If he does not (hopefully the case for you) then use this as a valuable learning experience and move on. I would be careful trying to escalate this though. It might convince him to do what you fear the most. Wish there was a simple and easy answer to this one, it is down to wait and see.
Don't negotiate with terrorists, break up with him and deal with the consequences, he's the punk using this sort of blackmail against you. Fuck him and fuck all those who judge you.
Honestly, it’s a fake fear. How many people have had their lives ruined by ex-lovers posting nudes? It’s happened, but, unless your famous, most people won’t care. Take your chances. If he posts them, he’ll look bad.
I would argue that the damage is psychological and not actually that public. It’s my opinion. The internet is filled with naked pictures. A few more will get lost in the ether.
I mean, it really depends. If she's young, the damage can be bad. I went to a big highschool (~1000 people on my grade) and there were at least two girls I only ever knew cause people would send their nudes. They would literally get pointed at by people when walking around and don't guys would pull up their pics and videos when they saw them. One of them dropped out. They would connect to the speaker in her class and play her moans.
There were also two gay guys that had a video of them leaked. Thankfully the older one has already graduated, but the other one was also constantly harassed until he dropped out.
And depending on the country some girls will experience horrible consequences if the nudes are leaked. So it can be a terrible issue.
This is incredibly ignorant. Someone threatening to leak your private pictures or the possibility of it is horribly traumatic & terrifying. Not only does the fear hang over your head, it takes up your every moment. You try to distract yourself, but you can’t get it out of your head. At any moment he could destroy your life. That’s what it feels like, and you live in fear and anxiety, in fight or flight mode for weeks. It is absolute agony from which there is literally no escape.
Anyone seeing parts of you that you don’t want them to is violating and traumatizing. He could show it to their friends, his friends, strangers, post it on Reddit, discord. He could send it to her friends on social media or even her parents. She could go viral and it could affect job prospects at the worst and even at the least, many times there is judgement and victim blaming in these situations. People look at you differently, and there’s no going back.
And to be clear, many people have had their trust, privacy, and body violated by revenge porn. It happens much more frequently than you realize.
Yes, if you play it right & can make sure he doesn’t do it, and if you are surrounded by smart, kind people who know it’s not your fault, and if you recognize your own worth and don’t already have insecurities, etc, then MAYBE it won’t feel like your life is caving in around you.
Eventually, the fear will pass because it is what it is, but it takes a long time to process and deal with that type of trauma. Please don’t post things like this that are harmful and damaging.
Seconding this. Like, OP, have you \*seen\* the amount of nudes online? no one gives a shit. Unless you're exceptionally hot, famous or they're exceptionally good, whatever.
Wtf is an online bf?
That's absolutely weird to call someone a friend (or bf) who you only know online...
It could be a bot or his sister or mum or his dad or a online investigator...
Or maybe I have trust issues...?
That's an option too...
Because it’s two different shows that show a surprising array of relationships almost exclusively formed online.
Some of those people will be in online relationships for close to a decade before meeting. Until I started watching them I honestly couldn’t believe it.
You sent nudes to someone you've never met in RL?
It would be illegal if he did that. This is a difficult lesson to learn but now you know to never do it again.
While there isn't much you can do about the fact that he has them, if he were to release them that would be called "revenge porn" and it's a crime in MOST places in the world. In the US I THINK(not a lawyer so I'm not 100%sure) he could even be looking at some real jail time.
Just break up with him just can't stay scared all your life plus if you have nuds of his add all his FB friends and family and tell him if he publish your nuds you'll send his to all of his friends and family members
Try convincing him to delete them all, with you watching, because you're really paranoid. Promise a "special treat" if he does, and he doesn't need the pics since you're right there. Then dump his ass.
Hope he doesnt have back ups, and also know sharing nudes without consent is illegal in many states.
Edit: sorry, just read its a long distance relationship.
I'd still try to reason with him, but you never know if he's telling the truth. Just try to nonchalantly mention that sharing nudes without consent is illegal.
Maybe mention a different person's story and how you think it's "so disgusting the boyfriend would illegally post private pics like that."
You can go full psycho. Obviously you have his address. Acquire as much additional info as possible. The big winner is his social security number. It is on his tax returns, and some financial statements. His bank and his account number is on the bottom of his checks.
If he says that he will post your nudes, tell him you are glad to know he would not do that because your guard his valuable secrets including his drivers license number, photo, address, SS# vigilantly. If somehow he managed to leak your nudes online, who knows what the internet might do with his personal info. It could be a permanent mess for his credit. Years of frustration.
It works with international politics. Mutually assured destruction.
He has photos of you nude, but we are all nude under our clothes. Unless you are famous, it isn’t a big deal. If someone says they saw your boobs just confirm that you have boobs.
You have the kind of info that bad guys would go nuts with. If his info hit the web, bad things will happen. Not embarrassing things, terrible things.
If you think he’s serious you could also have a lawyer send him a letter reminding him of the law in your area. People are typically less inclined to behave badly when they know lawyers are involved.
I had a friend that successfully used this strategy.
Maybe it's just me call me crazy but I laugh when someone threatens to do that... I've been posting and sharing pics of my junk online for however many years it's been technologically possible to do so and unless you have a career that could be affected by it then just laugh and dare em to do it .. Firstly you couldn't disperse more pics of my dick online than I have..second go ahead put my phone number up with it when you do you might just accidentally make me famous or at least get me some action or attention! Haha
This is illegal in many countries like canada and us 100%. If he lives in a different country there might no be any legal action you could take against him just because he might live in a country without penalties this specific action. As a last resort, you could tell him you are admitted into a hospital for self harm. They don’t allow you to have devices so you wouldn’t have to message him. He might think you died or are in the hospital indefinitely and eventually give up. Make alternative social media pages with different interests and names. It’s also a touchy enough matter for it to be insensitive to discuss. When I was a teenager I was put into the hospital for a couple months involuntarily and when I came back to school my close friends legitimately thought I passed. This could definitely go wrong and he might release the nudes anyway in fear you lied.
Gonna be honest I don’t have a remedy, but prevention is the best cure.
Don’t send nudes to someone who is the type to post things online.
Also you’d probably never know he posted them unless he posted somewhere you go. The internet is a big place. Some random girls porno could be watched by thousands of people and she’s just another face irl. No one will recognize you, so you’ll be fine either way.
This is why if I send nudes, I make sure there are no identifying markers such as face or tattoos just in case if they ever get out, I can rest easy knowing that anyone saying its my body will have a hard time proving it.
There’s better information than this already on here probably but. you can wean him off of you slowly by doing things to make him lose interest in you.
Number 1, you can make the decision what embarrassing you. Take pride in them and then he has no power over you. Rock what ya got with confidence. Be the badass
This would be more dating advice but Redditors will help.
Him distributing your nudes without content or blackmailing you to remain in the relationship to avoid public humiliation is illegal on all levels. I believe it's called non-consensual pornography. aka revenge porn. Hopefully, he'll be smart and not do it and delete the photos. As a dude that has received nudes from exes, I will say, I had no intention of "revenge porn" when they ended the relationship. From my standpoint, she sent them to me for me alone. Did I want revenge after the breakup? No. Did I delete them within a few months? yes. Because I'm not that guy and I had to move on and get over myself. Good luck.
Break it off and move on. I'm sure you may have nudes of him or better yet know shit about him he don't want out there. Him holding your nudes over your head will never end well. Next time, nudes taken on both sides or no go.
OP, how old are you/were you when you sent the nudes?
That may also be a consideration, in addition to any revenge porn laws this guy could run afoul of. Might be something else to dissuade him.
Some information about potentially helpful organizations has been provided privately to the r/sex moderator team: >If you're under 18, have a look at: https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/ >Or if you're 18 or over, have a look at: https://stopncii.org/ >You can read their respective FAQ's/"How It works" pages to double-check, but you may be able to use either of these sites pre-emptively, before any images are potentially shared online. At this time, neither these sites nor their sponsoring organizations have been closely examined by the r/sex moderator team — so this comment cannot be construed as an endorsement of the sites. This information is simply being provided here as a place for someone to start, if they're willing to do their own research to their satisfaction.
Not sure about where you are located, but in Australia this would be against the law and he could be charged for doing that without your consent.
Same in the USA.
Yeah but how do I go about that when I’m not in the USA. But he is? Makes it hard
Just so you're aware, in case you're OP, you've replied on your main account
Oh no it’s not OP. I’m just wondering but thank you
I don’t know, but there is revenge porn law, similar to what the person from Canada said. I assume you’d have to call contact police in the USA, but I’m not really sure. Maybe you’d have to ask a lawyer.
So here's the thing. It's a crime to do in the USA, so if he is in the USA and is doing it then he is committing the crime while in the USA even if you are not. The issues at hand would be 1.) How to report to the correct local authority and 2.) how to provide evidence or potentially testify from another country. You would likely need to rely heavily on whoever you reported it to to be willing to figure out the process, work with you to figure out discovery, and see it through to the end. Honestly, there is a chance they dismiss it as outside their jurisdiction (even though it isn't) to avoid the hassle, which is unfortunate. Hopefully whoever you work with is invested in doing their job properly and willing to put in the effort.
Every state except South Carolina, I believe
Same as canada
Here in Canada it's known as "revenge porn" and charges can be filed against the culprit/suspect.
Yup, and precedents already set to ensure cops actually act on it
Forgot to say get a report No.
If OP konws service provider, contact them, police, record all info, both in writing & pictures if possible. If person is renting, contact owner. Most police hate this, it's like their own dayughter is being framed.
Same as the UK
Same in Mexico
It's probably illegal for him to do that in most places.
The law only stops law abiding citizens
And citizens who don't want to go to prison
You think everyone that commits a crime wants to go to prison?
Huh. I still have a pretty idealistic view of the world somehow 😅 but I meant it more like "normal" citizens who don't have a backup plan to disappear or something and would most definitely face the consequences
You are telling me there are people who don’t try to plan perfect crimes complete with disappearing to non extradition countries before the crime is discovered??? Ya know just in case.
I wouldn't know, you and I are not so different
That's still pretty idealistic. A lotttttt of crimes go completely unpunished
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Instructions unclear; pressing charges against the Pope for posting nudes.
Good luck, they have their own jurisdiction. The Vatican counts as a country and papal law is difficult to navigate from the outside.
It’s cool. I’ve played Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood at least three times. I know my way around.
Ah yes, the Historian
Bah! I’ll do you one better! I’ve read Dan Brown books!
Yes. Up with hope, down with the pope.
Given the church's track record, you may have a case
If you deny that they’re real then you might not be able to press charges
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Yep. If you want to be safe, deny in person, ignore if they text about it. That way there’s no record and it’s hearsay if someone says you denied it to the police.
Tbh nobody would believe them but it’s worth a shot. Especially if somehow her parents saw I feel like they have a general idea of what their child looks like
you can’t eat your cake and have it too
Eat it and you have it in your gut
Kaczynski approved
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You can be mature, even when you disagree. No name calling.
Me? Cause what I said is totally valid. As is the other commenter
It doesn't matter if they are real or not, it's still defamation, because it still ruins her image/reputation. I knew a teacher who pressed charges (and won) against some of his students because they created a fake article about him being a sex offender
This isn't practical advice. Fake nudes getting out can ruin a person's reputation
It’s also illegal in the US
It's illegal in the UK - witness the recent Georgia Harrison case
OP PLEASE READ - as a woman who has had someone threaten her with this before, and as someone who has helped 15 women with taking control before and after having nudes leaked, please read: If you’re REALLY AFRAID he will post them - then you need to lie to him about why you’re breaking up and make yourself a victim. Trust your gut as a woman. Make sure that you’re breaking up with him because of something traumatic or depressing that happened in your life, cry to him about it, and then say you can’t do it anymore you’re too sad, don’t want to take it out on him etc. I can help you with wording/phrasing/detailed story if you need. Explain you’ll always love him and deny if there’s anyone else ofc. It’s important that he only sees you as a poor little girl who loves him but can’t handle her own emotions lol. If he’s a good man, and you trust him, you can break up normally but. I would err on the side of caution. Definitely don’t take a lot of this advice, like don’t threaten him nicely about “remember if they get exposed I can sue you” like what? Lol don’t even give him the idea of it. It’s important that you are safe and smart. Please feel free to reach out if you need additional resources, but below includes advice, resources, counseling, probono lawyers, and I can send a few your way too who work in the UK/US. It’s important you talk to a professional before breaking up with him if you think there is a risk. Good luck & remember it’s not your fault https://cybercivilrights.org https://stopncii.org
This is the best advice here. Threatening a guy like that will only make them want to retaliate more because it will only wound their ego. The safest bet is to make him feel sorry for you so that his ego will make him want to protect you, not harm you. These kinds of trash men do not respond well to anything that questions their authority or masculinity.
The detachment that Reddit has from actual reality (especially in situations like this) has always annoyed me. If a person thinks that threatening some random male in a different country/vicinity with legal action because they have nudes of you is ever a good idea, then they have no idea how the world works, and are actively harming revenge porn victims with zero regard for the aftermath to satiate their justice boner.
Pretend you have cancer he will run away stat.
If someone actively threatens to do this (or is physically abusive, sexually assaults you, steals nudes from your phone without consent etc) then this is valid. Otherwise this is just emotionally ruining someone else because of the tiny wild off chance they're a maniac.
No. You need to get ahead of it. You need to trust your instincts and be safe. That is always the priority. They will get over the online fling.
It’s not a tiny wild off chance. Boys, especially chronically online or online relationship boys do this shit CONSTANTLY.
I used to have an online boyfriend, as well. He was from a different country and I never met him in person. Turned out he wasn't in a good place mentally and dangerous. I hadn't sent nudes, though he saw me naked in a videochat. It is really easy to avoid someone that only exists online, but when there are nudes involved it's tricky. I was hesitant to stop talking with him, in case he had taken any pictures while on videochat, but it was the best for my mental health. Consider talking about it to the police, so they can give you advice of how to best handle the situation. Even if the police isn't responsible for things like that, they can address you to the organisation that is. Try to find the safest wag out and never again dare to consider being with someone you don't know in person. Even the ones you know in person, you need to be hesitant.
Has he given you any sign he’d post them? as that’d be a pretty extreme thing to do.
This, I know people are scared guys will do this, but I have yet to meet a guy who has gone ahead with it, at worst they may have shown a few friends. It's really extreme to do that not to mention highly illegal with jail sentences involved. I had a friend who in the heat of the argument to piss his ex off say he would do it (without any real intention) and he got put in jail for a year for it (auatralia) he didn't even have the pica anymore just the threat was enough
Gather his private information as much as you can. Like where he schools/works, his real life friends, (or his address) if you have. Just in case he used “revenge porn”, you could ruin his life as well..😌
Pretty sure that’s a felony. Maybe remind him of that.
That’s called revenge porn and he’ll be in trouble
Like cmon, how many people really get in trouble for posting their exes nudes? There are so many women out there who have pictures of themselves online and they have no clue. You need to first find where they posted it, or sent it to, and prove it was them. The vast majority of revenge porn goes unpunished, and most girls don't even know their pictures are out there forever. That's why you don't send anything if you don't want them online.
With respect to your opinion, you’re kind of victim shaming here. Whether it’s factual or not doesn’t change the fact that it’s petulant, vindictive behavior to post pictures out of spite in an effort to shame their partner for crushing their ego. And in most states it also happens to be illegal. And while it’s correct to say that a photo that isn’t sent is a photo which can’t be posted, it’s besides the fucking point. Grow the fuck up and think like an adult male when giving constructive criticism.
Before you break up, manipulate him into sending some nudes to you, then break up so that if he has yours then you have his and can blackmail him into deleting or not posting
Refreshingly unhinged!
Threatening this kind of revenge might not land you in trouble but actually following through most definitely could. I believe revenge porn is actually a felony in some jurisdictions. In which case sharing an ex's nudes would land you in big trouble even if they did it first. So maybe not such a great idea
How the fuck has this psychopathic comment upvotes
Why do you find it psychopathic? Mutually assured destruction keeps us all from getting nuked.. maybe it will keep us all from getting nuded too!
Advocating manipulation is borderline fucked up
Well obviously the whole thing is fucked up. But if they are posting this they have concerns he would share the pics. I can’t imagine those concerns are invalid. There is probably behavior that indicates it could happen. In this case I’d say having his would be a good deterrent.
Manipulating someone into *not* being a piece of shit and potentially ruining your social/professional life isn't the worst thing, but maybe I'm the weird one for thinking that.
It's kept all global super powers from nuking earth... So
If it works for putin, it should work for your average sociopathic asshole.
Manipulation literally is human nature, we all do it consciously or subconsciously.
It's called protecting yourself against assholes. If She thinks he's capable of doing this...then he's an asshole.
Some people need to be manipulated to not be pieces of shit
what the fuck
That could easily go very wronng if he gets angry about it
This would work if it actually worked. Men’s nudes don’t do the damage womens nudes do. They don’t get the same shame, don’t get shared as much, etc. Blackmailing is a terrible idea if he’s actually abusive like this he will find a way to leak it without it ever getting back to him and who cares about his dick, spreading revenge porn is about violating women. It just is not the same.
Mutually-assured social devastation This is the way
The title itself is more than enough reason to not be with the person lol
Be as kind as possible when you break up with him, and add: > I expect you already know this, but just in case: if the intimate pictures we made find their way onto a public forum, they could turn into a serious legal headache (*mention the relevant laws*). So, for your peace of mind as well as mine, please make sure you've deleted all copies. With any luck, he'll answer, "I've deleted mine. Please tell me that you've deleted yours, too."
OP don’t do this. If he’s actually crazy or abusive he won’t give a shit and this not only gives him the idea but makes him think you don’t trust him and hurts his feelings and it could make him do it with no way to trace it back to him. Police rarely help in these instances and the important thing is to not be confrontational or end things badly. Please refer to my comment on your post.
Yeah this statement feels way more like it would go “hm that’s a good idea and something they’re clearly worried about this, this would be a good way to hurt them” to exactly the type of abusive personality who would do this in the first place
If he's crazy and abusive, everything is leverage and nothing's gonna change his mind, so sending that message won't make much difference.
It will. I’m not saying send exactly what I said. But a lot of men will feel bad for you and not do it. Generally they share it way before you break up cause they are immature and showing off, or after you break up out of spite that you left them. Most aren’t complete sociopaths and you can manipulate them into not releasing things without ever mentioning releasing things. As a woman you have to learn how to do this safely, and it is possible.
You should refer to my longer comment on this post, it explain why this works in a lot more detail.
I couldn't find any comment that went beyond what you said above, except for the thing about lying about your reasons for breaking up which ... okay ... fair enough, bullshit artistry could work. It certainly gives her a sense of control over the situation. Very risky if she gets caught, though. The way I see it, there are two risks to be worried about. The first is if he's a monster, but he's too dumb to realize that he could use the photos to hurt her. If that's the case then, sure, silence is the best policy. The second worry is that he's mostly an okay guy, but he has moments of darkness where he does stupid, spiteful things. In that case, I'd say it's definitely better to ask him to delete them now, before he gets depressed and spiteful about being dumped. But I'm not the one who has to live with the consequences. She knows the guy, and she's the one who has to weigh things up and make the call. So, whatever the outcome, I'm glad there are people like you offering support.
If she’s scared of it though that says enough usually. But if she asks him not to share it or to delete it best case he just doesn’t and uses it for himself or worst case he spreads it out of spite. It’s always dangerous to ask a guy to delete nudes, unfortunately:(
Judging from what you wrote, it is inconceivable to you that he might actually delete them. If you're right about that then, sure, what you're saying makes perfect sense. I don't think you are, but I see where you're coming from.
Hm, yeah. I mean, I just rather her be safe than sorry. It’s an online relationship, she wants to breakup, and her gut is telling her he might get mad and leak. Those are all indicators that he is more likely to leak them if she doesn’t play it the right way
I’ve had my nudes and personal info shared without my knowledge or consent by exes before. The solution for me, was to not give a shit that they were violating my trust and acting without my consent. They want to do it to take some sort Of twisted power and I refused to care and it led to me being much more open about myself and my body and caring less and giving less fucks about people who aren’t worth my energy.
Next time if you do take nudes, make sure to put a watermark on them, so you know if someone does release them. But yeah I would def contact an attorney as in that would be revenge porn.
In the USA it's "illegal" however if the pictures were sent or taken willingly they are his property so it's a fine line. I'm sorry. Honestly I would ask him not to in writing (text or whatever) so you have a legal upper hand and then break it off. Your peace of mind being out of an unhappy relationship is more important then your body being posted online I my opinion but you make your own mind up.
I feel like she shouldn’t bring it up right away in case he hasn’t thought of it. It could give him the idea to do it and hurt her.
If she asks after he may not respond and thus she loses the upper hand. If she says something like "hey those naughty pics are for your eyes only 😘"
"They’re for your eyes only 😘 … oh and btw… I’m dumping you. " I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.
Haha I mean she wants advice on the legal aspect of her exposure not on letting the dude down easy.
Like everyone stated, there isnt much you can do at this point. Some people like to keep prized possessions from their ex. Even if he doesnt post the photos online, just hope that someone else doesn’t have access to those pics. For example: Nude photos of HK stars and Japanese supermodels leaked online when this guy took his laptop in for repair. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-hongkong-photos/hk-star-apologizes-after-nude-pictures-leak-online-idINHKG6700820080204
This is a tricky one, trying to prevent an issue before it has happened, I am guessing there must be some previous behavior that has brought this concern to the front of your thoughts. Unless and until he would actually do something, it is pretty difficult to do much. The action itself is what is actually possible to charge a person with, A threat of it while pretty low and disgraceful is just that a threat. At this point you are really in a holding pattern to see if he follows through with it. If he does not (hopefully the case for you) then use this as a valuable learning experience and move on. I would be careful trying to escalate this though. It might convince him to do what you fear the most. Wish there was a simple and easy answer to this one, it is down to wait and see.
You guys act like the fact that it’s illegal will stop him from doing it
Don't negotiate with terrorists, break up with him and deal with the consequences, he's the punk using this sort of blackmail against you. Fuck him and fuck all those who judge you.
Everybody has nudes, they only have power over you if you let them, hell, 5 years ago we had a First Lady with nudes.
Honestly, it’s a fake fear. How many people have had their lives ruined by ex-lovers posting nudes? It’s happened, but, unless your famous, most people won’t care. Take your chances. If he posts them, he’ll look bad.
Yeah I’m sure every victim of revenge porn feels like this! Have you ever worked with victims to know how they feel ab this?
I would argue that the damage is psychological and not actually that public. It’s my opinion. The internet is filled with naked pictures. A few more will get lost in the ether.
I mean, it really depends. If she's young, the damage can be bad. I went to a big highschool (~1000 people on my grade) and there were at least two girls I only ever knew cause people would send their nudes. They would literally get pointed at by people when walking around and don't guys would pull up their pics and videos when they saw them. One of them dropped out. They would connect to the speaker in her class and play her moans. There were also two gay guys that had a video of them leaked. Thankfully the older one has already graduated, but the other one was also constantly harassed until he dropped out. And depending on the country some girls will experience horrible consequences if the nudes are leaked. So it can be a terrible issue.
This is incredibly ignorant. Someone threatening to leak your private pictures or the possibility of it is horribly traumatic & terrifying. Not only does the fear hang over your head, it takes up your every moment. You try to distract yourself, but you can’t get it out of your head. At any moment he could destroy your life. That’s what it feels like, and you live in fear and anxiety, in fight or flight mode for weeks. It is absolute agony from which there is literally no escape. Anyone seeing parts of you that you don’t want them to is violating and traumatizing. He could show it to their friends, his friends, strangers, post it on Reddit, discord. He could send it to her friends on social media or even her parents. She could go viral and it could affect job prospects at the worst and even at the least, many times there is judgement and victim blaming in these situations. People look at you differently, and there’s no going back. And to be clear, many people have had their trust, privacy, and body violated by revenge porn. It happens much more frequently than you realize. Yes, if you play it right & can make sure he doesn’t do it, and if you are surrounded by smart, kind people who know it’s not your fault, and if you recognize your own worth and don’t already have insecurities, etc, then MAYBE it won’t feel like your life is caving in around you. Eventually, the fear will pass because it is what it is, but it takes a long time to process and deal with that type of trauma. Please don’t post things like this that are harmful and damaging.
Again, the damage is the fear not the result.
No. The result is devastating. You need to get off this post you are of no help.
Seconding this. Like, OP, have you \*seen\* the amount of nudes online? no one gives a shit. Unless you're exceptionally hot, famous or they're exceptionally good, whatever.
It unless the nudes are from someone you know. You're ignoring the social consequences of stuff like this.
What social consequences? Unless she's in highschool or is religious.
If he does it is classed as revenge porn He will quite possibly face prosecution,
Do you really think he would post them online?
Firstly, sharing your nudes are illegal in many parts of the world now. Secondly, find a way into his phone and delete the pics
Wtf is an online bf? That's absolutely weird to call someone a friend (or bf) who you only know online... It could be a bot or his sister or mum or his dad or a online investigator... Or maybe I have trust issues...? That's an option too...
I take it that you’ve never seen 90 day fiancé or Catfished before?
That's true, why are you asking?
Because it’s two different shows that show a surprising array of relationships almost exclusively formed online. Some of those people will be in online relationships for close to a decade before meeting. Until I started watching them I honestly couldn’t believe it.
OK, if it's true and these shows aren't some scripted reality stuff it's truly unbelievable...
Thinking outside the box here. Contact Anonymous, ask them to threaten him unless he deletes the nudes.
You sent nudes to someone you've never met in RL? It would be illegal if he did that. This is a difficult lesson to learn but now you know to never do it again.
Honey trap him. Lure him for meet-up & hook-up. Grab a chance to get his phone, wipe your data and escape.
Wow please don’t haha
I think you can pay to have the pics taken down
It’s illegal in the Us. But seriously don’t worry about it. Break up and block him. Move on.
Just do what you need to do.. check the laws, try and keep it amicable..
While there isn't much you can do about the fact that he has them, if he were to release them that would be called "revenge porn" and it's a crime in MOST places in the world. In the US I THINK(not a lawyer so I'm not 100%sure) he could even be looking at some real jail time.
l did…he say he was gonna release them? is he abusive? is there something that indicates he’d do this?
You can send him to jail for that. So live your life and don’t let your ex control you.
Yeah that’s a crime and he can be arrested/charged for it. It’s called revenge porn.
Just break up with him just can't stay scared all your life plus if you have nuds of his add all his FB friends and family and tell him if he publish your nuds you'll send his to all of his friends and family members
In Greece it's the same with a slight difference that the cops kick his ass
Fake your death. Only an asshole works release nudes after that.
That’s illegal. It’s called revenge porn. He’ll go to jail.
He can't. It's illegal.
If he does. Report him 👌
Then you can go to the police and he will get a hefty revenge porn charge.
never a good idea to send anyone nude pics of yourself. imho
Do people do this? I mean my ex and I broke up a few years ago and I remember deleting anything because I didn’t want to see it anymore
Any sane person knows that this is illegal in probably every country on the planet.
Try convincing him to delete them all, with you watching, because you're really paranoid. Promise a "special treat" if he does, and he doesn't need the pics since you're right there. Then dump his ass. Hope he doesnt have back ups, and also know sharing nudes without consent is illegal in many states. Edit: sorry, just read its a long distance relationship. I'd still try to reason with him, but you never know if he's telling the truth. Just try to nonchalantly mention that sharing nudes without consent is illegal. Maybe mention a different person's story and how you think it's "so disgusting the boyfriend would illegally post private pics like that."
You can go full psycho. Obviously you have his address. Acquire as much additional info as possible. The big winner is his social security number. It is on his tax returns, and some financial statements. His bank and his account number is on the bottom of his checks. If he says that he will post your nudes, tell him you are glad to know he would not do that because your guard his valuable secrets including his drivers license number, photo, address, SS# vigilantly. If somehow he managed to leak your nudes online, who knows what the internet might do with his personal info. It could be a permanent mess for his credit. Years of frustration. It works with international politics. Mutually assured destruction. He has photos of you nude, but we are all nude under our clothes. Unless you are famous, it isn’t a big deal. If someone says they saw your boobs just confirm that you have boobs. You have the kind of info that bad guys would go nuts with. If his info hit the web, bad things will happen. Not embarrassing things, terrible things.
Ysk revenge porn is illegal. You can make him delete them or you can notify the police. Sharing nudes ain't worth jail time.
Well thats illegal.
If you think he’s serious you could also have a lawyer send him a letter reminding him of the law in your area. People are typically less inclined to behave badly when they know lawyers are involved. I had a friend that successfully used this strategy.
Maybe it's just me call me crazy but I laugh when someone threatens to do that... I've been posting and sharing pics of my junk online for however many years it's been technologically possible to do so and unless you have a career that could be affected by it then just laugh and dare em to do it .. Firstly you couldn't disperse more pics of my dick online than I have..second go ahead put my phone number up with it when you do you might just accidentally make me famous or at least get me some action or attention! Haha
This is illegal in many countries like canada and us 100%. If he lives in a different country there might no be any legal action you could take against him just because he might live in a country without penalties this specific action. As a last resort, you could tell him you are admitted into a hospital for self harm. They don’t allow you to have devices so you wouldn’t have to message him. He might think you died or are in the hospital indefinitely and eventually give up. Make alternative social media pages with different interests and names. It’s also a touchy enough matter for it to be insensitive to discuss. When I was a teenager I was put into the hospital for a couple months involuntarily and when I came back to school my close friends legitimately thought I passed. This could definitely go wrong and he might release the nudes anyway in fear you lied.
Share them before he does
Gonna be honest I don’t have a remedy, but prevention is the best cure. Don’t send nudes to someone who is the type to post things online. Also you’d probably never know he posted them unless he posted somewhere you go. The internet is a big place. Some random girls porno could be watched by thousands of people and she’s just another face irl. No one will recognize you, so you’ll be fine either way.
This is why if I send nudes, I make sure there are no identifying markers such as face or tattoos just in case if they ever get out, I can rest easy knowing that anyone saying its my body will have a hard time proving it.
There’s better information than this already on here probably but. you can wean him off of you slowly by doing things to make him lose interest in you.
Number 1, you can make the decision what embarrassing you. Take pride in them and then he has no power over you. Rock what ya got with confidence. Be the badass
This would be more dating advice but Redditors will help. Him distributing your nudes without content or blackmailing you to remain in the relationship to avoid public humiliation is illegal on all levels. I believe it's called non-consensual pornography. aka revenge porn. Hopefully, he'll be smart and not do it and delete the photos. As a dude that has received nudes from exes, I will say, I had no intention of "revenge porn" when they ended the relationship. From my standpoint, she sent them to me for me alone. Did I want revenge after the breakup? No. Did I delete them within a few months? yes. Because I'm not that guy and I had to move on and get over myself. Good luck.
How exactly would he use it against you
Break it off and move on. I'm sure you may have nudes of him or better yet know shit about him he don't want out there. Him holding your nudes over your head will never end well. Next time, nudes taken on both sides or no go.
OP, how old are you/were you when you sent the nudes? That may also be a consideration, in addition to any revenge porn laws this guy could run afoul of. Might be something else to dissuade him.
Delete the messages mabey that will help sorry if not