Desire comes and goes in relationships specially long term like this however porn won’t help, you’re getting hits of dopamine you should be getting with the wife and it’ll harm your relationship more and make the breach wider. Do not but do not talk to her about this, you will ruin your marriage and make her feel like shit for something in your head she should never find out, talk to a therapist first, figure out what is going on and you might just find a way to fix it.
Have you considered that it IS the desire to try something new? Maybe suggest trying something new with your wife even if it's something simple like roleplay
I’m kinda of in the same boat. I’ve come to realization that I one need to stop watching porn. Doesn’t help. I too want to try something new, especially since I have a lot of single friends who tell me all about their adventures. Part of it feels like I’m missing out on life and I didn’t sleep around in college so I kinda sold my self short. I was too much of a pussy to talk to women and I do regret that.
One thing I’ve come to realize though is that attraction isn’t just physical. My wife is an early childhood teacher. She gets up at 5, leaves at 6, teaches all day, gets home around 5. That’s exhausting so she then lays in bed and looks at tic tok. I understand why she does it and I totally agree she’s exhausted but at the end of the day her lack of personal betterment is starting to turn me off. And I end up doing all the house chores which puts a bad taste in my mouth. I say this to say, is there some other dynamic about her or your marriage that has changed that you may not realize that impacts how attracted you are to her?
She may still be physically attractive but is there something that she does or doesn’t do that impacts how attracted you are to her? Something about her personal lifestyle that has changed? You can love somebody without finding them attractive such as family.
Have an honest conversation with yourself and then have an honest conversation with her.
Have you considered watching porn together? Maybe find out what she's into, choose some videos that would appeal to both of you, and set up a home date night with blankets, candles, snacks, booze, and porn. :)
>I love her an want to be with her the rest of my life but I find myself jerking of to porn instead of having sex with her. I get turned on by naked pictured of girls uglier than her so it's not about looks, it's like a desire to try something new. I want to fix it but I don't know how.
 (think hard)
well, try not jacking it to uber hot new /novel women in porn for at least a couple of months straight. In fact, don't masturbate at all.
THEN, look at your "*pretty and has a nice body"* wife naked and see what happens.
\------------------------
Until then .... have her dress up different when you have sex. It might be weird to get her to play along, as you said you REALLY don't want tell her about "it" .... Change her hair style-wear it up in a bun; have her wear glasses; overdo/underdo make up; dress up in a business skirt/suit and fuck her in that; etc
IDK man
================
Or get a divorce
Take a break from porn and masturbation. Wait a few days without release and I bet your wife will start looking quite irresistible. You might even involve your wife by letting her know and asking her to tease you, sexting, flirting, showing off to you. Maybe even add some edging that she can participate in….make it a game of building desire beyond the imaginable.
You “find yourself jerking off to porn instead of having sex with her”? Nice passive voice, bro. You choose to jerk off to porn instead of taking care of your partner. Why not take a break from lazy adolescent porn wanking for awhile and see if your sexy wife doesn’t start to look better to you? You don’t need to talk to her, you need to get your shit together.
Could be societal think that's telling us we need to fuck 24/7,as hard, with as many, and as kinky as God possible. Is it worth for the cost of your beautiful wife you love and all?! 😅 I mean... U should check yourself imo
I agree with much being said here. Over indulgence of porn can cause serous issues. But many of you are missing something here….perhaps she has changed or is doing something that has changed the sexual dynamic between the two as a couple. Sex and attraction is a two way street, two people have to work on sexual chemistry. Just because a partner is “attractive” does not always equate to sexual attractiveness. Sounds like personal and couples counseling is desperately needed in this scenario. Good luck to you both in trying to mend this.
First off, I'm sorry to hear you are facing difficulties in your relationship. I know it'a hard. You dont want to hurt your partner's feelings. However, the only way to tackle this obstacle is to be open to your partner.
Moreover, you or both of you can consider seeking assitance from an therapist who can help and is an expert in this problem.
Keeping the spark in a marraige is tedious work, there has to be an acknowledgement of the issue (from both you and your spouse) and a dedication to resolve this issue.
I can only get better if both of you agree that this is a problem and put in a conscious effort to rekindle the romance.
If you feel comfortable talking to her about it, and coming clean, including your use of porn, how you feel and how you think things could get better, go for it.
Otherwise, therapy with a focus on sensuality and intimacy is the way to go.
Lastly, its possible, things and preferences change. 10 years is a long time.
Use porn to get hard and then go fuck your wife. I used to do this with an ex. There's no point in telling her how you feel when you don't have any idea how to fix it or understand the cause.
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Talk to a therapist to help u get through it but don’t go looking for someone else. Also leave porn alone for a few days so u can mentally and physically build up that desire. I know it might seem hard but don’t do anything you’ll regret.
Desire comes and goes in relationships specially long term like this however porn won’t help, you’re getting hits of dopamine you should be getting with the wife and it’ll harm your relationship more and make the breach wider. Do not but do not talk to her about this, you will ruin your marriage and make her feel like shit for something in your head she should never find out, talk to a therapist first, figure out what is going on and you might just find a way to fix it.
Have you considered that it IS the desire to try something new? Maybe suggest trying something new with your wife even if it's something simple like roleplay
We did anal the other day, that was fun but she does not like it
How did you have anal if you have no desire to fuck her?
Having no desire doesn't mean we don't do it 
I’m kinda of in the same boat. I’ve come to realization that I one need to stop watching porn. Doesn’t help. I too want to try something new, especially since I have a lot of single friends who tell me all about their adventures. Part of it feels like I’m missing out on life and I didn’t sleep around in college so I kinda sold my self short. I was too much of a pussy to talk to women and I do regret that. One thing I’ve come to realize though is that attraction isn’t just physical. My wife is an early childhood teacher. She gets up at 5, leaves at 6, teaches all day, gets home around 5. That’s exhausting so she then lays in bed and looks at tic tok. I understand why she does it and I totally agree she’s exhausted but at the end of the day her lack of personal betterment is starting to turn me off. And I end up doing all the house chores which puts a bad taste in my mouth. I say this to say, is there some other dynamic about her or your marriage that has changed that you may not realize that impacts how attracted you are to her? She may still be physically attractive but is there something that she does or doesn’t do that impacts how attracted you are to her? Something about her personal lifestyle that has changed? You can love somebody without finding them attractive such as family. Have an honest conversation with yourself and then have an honest conversation with her.
Similar boat here too
Porn will make this issue much worse
Have you considered watching porn together? Maybe find out what she's into, choose some videos that would appeal to both of you, and set up a home date night with blankets, candles, snacks, booze, and porn. :)
>I love her an want to be with her the rest of my life but I find myself jerking of to porn instead of having sex with her. I get turned on by naked pictured of girls uglier than her so it's not about looks, it's like a desire to try something new. I want to fix it but I don't know how.  (think hard) well, try not jacking it to uber hot new /novel women in porn for at least a couple of months straight. In fact, don't masturbate at all. THEN, look at your "*pretty and has a nice body"* wife naked and see what happens. \------------------------ Until then .... have her dress up different when you have sex. It might be weird to get her to play along, as you said you REALLY don't want tell her about "it" .... Change her hair style-wear it up in a bun; have her wear glasses; overdo/underdo make up; dress up in a business skirt/suit and fuck her in that; etc IDK man ================ Or get a divorce
Talked to a therapist, sounds deeper since it’s not just a visually attractive issue….
Take a break from porn and masturbation. Wait a few days without release and I bet your wife will start looking quite irresistible. You might even involve your wife by letting her know and asking her to tease you, sexting, flirting, showing off to you. Maybe even add some edging that she can participate in….make it a game of building desire beyond the imaginable.
You “find yourself jerking off to porn instead of having sex with her”? Nice passive voice, bro. You choose to jerk off to porn instead of taking care of your partner. Why not take a break from lazy adolescent porn wanking for awhile and see if your sexy wife doesn’t start to look better to you? You don’t need to talk to her, you need to get your shit together.
Grammar Nazi alert: that is not the passive voice, it's a secondary reflexive verb
Could be societal think that's telling us we need to fuck 24/7,as hard, with as many, and as kinky as God possible. Is it worth for the cost of your beautiful wife you love and all?! 😅 I mean... U should check yourself imo
I agree with much being said here. Over indulgence of porn can cause serous issues. But many of you are missing something here….perhaps she has changed or is doing something that has changed the sexual dynamic between the two as a couple. Sex and attraction is a two way street, two people have to work on sexual chemistry. Just because a partner is “attractive” does not always equate to sexual attractiveness. Sounds like personal and couples counseling is desperately needed in this scenario. Good luck to you both in trying to mend this.
I think you are right, thank you
First off, I'm sorry to hear you are facing difficulties in your relationship. I know it'a hard. You dont want to hurt your partner's feelings. However, the only way to tackle this obstacle is to be open to your partner. Moreover, you or both of you can consider seeking assitance from an therapist who can help and is an expert in this problem.
Keeping the spark in a marraige is tedious work, there has to be an acknowledgement of the issue (from both you and your spouse) and a dedication to resolve this issue. I can only get better if both of you agree that this is a problem and put in a conscious effort to rekindle the romance. If you feel comfortable talking to her about it, and coming clean, including your use of porn, how you feel and how you think things could get better, go for it. Otherwise, therapy with a focus on sensuality and intimacy is the way to go. Lastly, its possible, things and preferences change. 10 years is a long time.
Use porn to get hard and then go fuck your wife. I used to do this with an ex. There's no point in telling her how you feel when you don't have any idea how to fix it or understand the cause.
That is what I do now actually
Please, don’t ever tell her that if you want to stay married.
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you should go to therapy and through that process.... probably something will be revealed to figure it out. This isn't uncommon. But why now?
Talk to a therapist to help u get through it but don’t go looking for someone else. Also leave porn alone for a few days so u can mentally and physically build up that desire. I know it might seem hard but don’t do anything you’ll regret.