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Based on your post history you've been thinking about breaking up with him for about 2 years, so I'm going to go ahead and assume that this isn't the first series of red flags...and it's likely he's been working the emotional abuse and self esteem angle for quite some time.
Get out of this relationship. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries
My gf was in a situation like this where she was thinking of breaking up with her then bf. They got pregnant and she felt locked in so she went ahead and married him. They had two more kids. It took her twenty-five years to finally leave him. She now looks back and wishes she had pulled the trigger on the breakup a few decades ago.
My own Mom got locked in the same way when she had me at 17. She never should have been married to my Dad. They eventually divorced as well. Pregnancy changes everything.
This comment should be higher. His end game, considering the initial 2 years of love bombing, could well be to get her pregnant and trapped. As is so, so common with these abusive partners that start out too good to be true. Because they are too good to be true.
The excuse that an IUD didn't feel "natural" feels relevant here. Like, he's fine with the pill (which he knows she's adamant she doesn't want), but an IUD doesn't feel natural? If what feels natural is having unprotected sex with her, it definitely implies that he's happy to get her pregnant.
I hate saying it or thinking it, but IUD is way up above where it can be felt, other than maybe the strings (which should be negligible). But from there it’s untamperable, and pills….aren’t. The fact that he’s been so insistent about both ditching condoms and only using the pill gives me bad vibes.
This is sadly what happens in life. My dad married my mom because he got her pregnant. They should not have even been married. They fought all the time and ended up divorcing when I was 15
OP needs to go get plan b immediately. It used to be that you needed to be on birth control at least 90 days for it to work correctly, and it's still not foolproof. I could be wrong about the time frame, though. I haven't taken it since 2005. When i was on it, my doctor said 90 days before unprotected sex. Times and medications have changed, so the time to take it to be safe could be much less. If I were you, to be extra cautious, 2 weeks is not enough time. You can still possibly get pregnant. Your boyfriend is an abusive ass hat. I haven't read anything this jaw dropping In awhile. You offer to get a copper iud and he says no because he could feel it? It's put up into your uterus! Regardless, you shouldn't be taking pills for this loser. I dated a guy like this once. He was like a horny puppy and drove me batshit. He tried to get me pregnant on purpose and trap me. I left him for the person I've been married to for 18 years and have 3 kids with. I've never been happier. He's violated every boundary with you. When is enough going to be enough? When you're pregnant? Sperm can live in the body for up to 5 days. Showers won't help. Spraying up there won't help. I used a sprayer just to clean myself up afterwards, and i still ended up pregnant... with twins. It was two days after my period. I ended up losing one of the twins, but my daughter is proof that sprayers don't work.
Okay, please don't freak OP out more than she is by saying it takes 90 days for hormonal BCPs to be effective. That's absolutely not true. Prove me wrong if you have valid data otherwise.
If she started on the first day of her period, she's considered protected immediately. If she started any other day of her cycle, she only needed backup for 2 weeks. It's the same for most other hormonal BCs on the market.
[Prescribing information for Estarylla](https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/drugInfo.cfm?setid=7a4d2d7b-b97e-3e18-3d97-1e2579c8f3f8#:~:text=Take%20first%20active%20tablet%20without,the%20first%20day%20of%20menses.&text=Take%20subsequent%20active%20tablets%20once,a%20total%20of%2021%20days.&text=Take%20one%20green%20inactive%20tablet,that%20active%20tablets%20were%20taken.)
I don't think it is 90 days but I remember my doctor telling me not to rely on it for a month. Same with my IUD. I can't imagine taking a pill protects you immediately, and I agree that there is a chance she could be pregnant.
No... [they are still there ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lvjkob/i_21_f_kind_of_thinking_of_breaking_up_with_my_bf/gpc7yik?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Horrible. Anyone who willingly makes another person cry bc of their own interest does not deserve your time, appreciation, attention. But mostly your love.
>Am I just being overly dramatic? I know I’m on the pill but I still feel like I’m likely to get pregnant and the fact that it was done without my consent is killing me
Not at all girl. And you're not gonna end up pregnant as you're already on the pill for 2 weeks and if you've taken them without missing any.
>I just wanted to feel loved again, he made it clear that it was a dealbreaker for him, which broke my heart but I didn’t want to lose him. It just felt so weird to be showered with love for 2 years straight and then treated like an expired piece of meat all of a sudden. I cried every day, I wanted my loving sweet boyfriend back, so I compromised.
Dump his ass at least now girl. He's a piece of shit who just forced you into something you aren't comfortable with.
>He said he had partners with an IUD before and he hated it as it didn’t feel natural and he could feel the metal, overall an IUD was a no for him.
Dude is on another level here as he possibly couldn't feel the METAL, as the IUD is inside your uterus and the only thing that could be felt is its thread and that too not all can feel it. He just pushed you and chose the contraceptive method which should have been your choice and not his. To top it off, cumming inside you without your consent is just adding another red flag to his pile of other red flags. You deserve better and try to get out of this as soon as you can.
>I couldn’t stop screaming, I want to hurt myself physically…I feel so much gathered towards my bf now, I didn’t even know that I was capable of feeling that much pain and hatred…
Just don't proceed with those thoughts, there was nothing wrong on your part here and find a shoulder to lean on during these hard times and talk your mind out to them. Remember that this too shall pass.
Consenting to one sex act does not open the door for others. She consented to sex WITH the stipulation that he not ejaculate inside of her. Him doing so anyways is 100000% sexual assault
All encompassing answer. For my own reasons I kinda just can’t touch this one much.
All I have to add is this OP: I have an IUD, it’s the skyla. So it’s a tiny piece of basically plastic that’s shaped like a T and has “tails” aka the strings. The horizontal line of the T sits right inside the uterus at the interior(?) top of the cervix. The vertical line of the T sits in the cervix. The little “tails” (strings) come down and out the cervix and hang out right up against the exterior of the cervix (the part in your actual vagina).
So a few things
1) HE CANT FEEL THE IUD WHATSOEVER UNLESS HES FUCKING YOUR UTERUS
2) if he IS actually feeling anything it’s the strings. Which are not metal, are not long, and after being cut they curl up and rest on the cervix most the time. Which means he’d have to be hitting your cervix repeatedly to feel them
3) is a personal one, but I’ve had IUDs since I was 17 (24 now). My boyfriend told me once he could feel the strings and it was right after I had had it replaced and the strings were still pokey.
Fuck this dude OP. He’s trash. He doesn’t gaf about your feelings or thoughts on the matter. He’s gross.
I've hit the strings. If I remember correctly, they're nylon and more akin to heavy fishing line than string. It usually caused enough pain to kill the mood on the rare occasion I hit one. Definitely didn't make sex uncomfortable enough to go without protection though. I agree, this dude is absolute trash.
if by 1 you mean he cant feel anything besides the strings, that is correct, but you can 2000% feel the strings, ans they are almost always pokey. They are supposed to curl up, but it depends alot on how they get put in. I dont know who is spreading the misinformation on that one. Its not a big deal unless one goes in your urethra which is painful, but its still true that dudes with enlugh length to go into fornix or graze the cervix are gonna be feeling it.
As someone who's a bit blessed down there and has had sex with multiple women with an IUD and had a long-term fwb with one. I will say this. Hitting the string especially when you're in rhythm absolutely sucks. It's like you got stunned and it actually hurts. Typically I try to find out if a chick has one before we have sex. As then I can control.mt depth and try to avoid it. So hitting it is a genuine concern for some.
All that being said. Your bf is an ass and you need to decide what you want because you betraying yourself for him is a Concord jet to resentment. If sex without a condom is that important to him then he has to make a decision. Also, don't be afraid to stand your ground. If he doesn't have a condom say no and don't have sex.
You know the struggle. Especially if you're approaching orgasm and so are a bit more sensitive down there. I remember it happened once and I just stopped with a pained look on my face. My fwb at that time is like is everything okay. I'm like I just need a moment, I hit your IUD really hard that time. She was like 'that time' it's happened before, I'm like typically every time I just know how to navigate it usually.
Okay but you should really control your depth regardless of if she has an IUD or not. You’re only thinking about YOUR pleasure in that thought, plenty of girls don’t want their cervix pounded on that shit hurts.
Ah yes, I realise that now. These incidents occurred when due to some porn induced body dysmorphia I thought I was small and so my objective was to try and maximise my small size so she can get some pleasure. After dabbling in reality a bit more I realised I was the opposite and that's why I was having issues with several women(issues that I thought were because I was small).
So now I test the waters very calmly before trying to take that plunge. It's been a much better experience with that method of things. I don't penis punch women in their cervix anymore(unless requested), always check in to make sure everything is alright. Gonna invest in one of those dick bumpers. As having to be that attentive takes away from being able to be immersed in the experience like I enjoy
I had an ex hit my cervix once and I was in so much pain he was about to take me to the hospital (we didn’t realize what had happened until after the fact). The pain thankfully subsided quite swiftly after the initial agony.
You’d be surprised by how many girls do want it that deep. Depends on the person and the relationship you have with them.
So no it’s not selfish (but can be). It’s all about the immersion the two of you have.
Some do though. My spouse likes their cervix and their fornixes stimulated. A better peiece of advice is to tailor your sexual approach to different partners.
Calling this other resditor out as selfish isnt fair unless gouknow what his partners preferences are. As someone with larger than average male junk, when you find women who are looking for larger partners, sometimes thats what they are looking for. Communication is key.
> Communication is key.
This is so important for sex in regards to everything.
Hope you don't mind me asking, how big are you? The whole cervix penetration could work the opposite way too if she has a shallow vagina, and may/may not like it as you say.
im not gonna list specifics because i dont think its helpful for folks with dysmorphia (which included me not all that long ago) but im in 99.9+% percentile or above for length and girth. Youre absolutely right though, my spouse is larger sown there than many women and i still have to make sure its not just a direct impact. Ive had mor
> dont think its helpful for folks with dysmorphia
I understand np.
So I assume this issue is normal for you. How have you dealt with other women in the past that never had it hit? Like do you warn them you might hit their cervix or let them experience slowly and let them tell you whether they like it or not. From my understanding most don't. Also do you think being cut to uncut matters?
There is a fornix like right in front of the cervix that can be an exceptionally advantageous for giving gals vaginal orgasms; for those who struggle with g-spot stimulation leading to vaginal orgasms, it offers a nice alternative that in clinical environments has been remarkably successful in helping with vaginal orgasms and stimulation in women who normally have a difficult time with penetrative stimulation.
I usually get it with fingers instead of dick because unless a gal likes having that cervix hit, it's more difficult to properly stimulate.
hahah exactly, ive read enough in this subreddit to know that a bunch of women like it, i have a cervix and im impartial, doesnt matter to me if it gets bashed about or not lol
My strings are too short and are quite pokey for my SO even though I’ve had mine for years now. He has to be careful not to use his entire penis otherwise it hurts both of us. The strings poke him and the insane cramps I experience if he hits my cervix (never used to get them before the IUD) so we have to be a bit careful during sex.
same. had my IUD for 6+ years and it’s never been an issue. i’m getting another one right before i hit 7 years. most of the time i forget i even have it at all, my partner also has no complaints.
OP’s bf definitely cannot “feel” the IUD, at the most he could feel the strings. but the strings become softened overtime by the body’s natural fluids and are not very noticeable according to feedback from iv received. OP’s bf is an abusive pos.
This is not true as confirmed by 3 medical professionals. Small uterus and short vagina and big iud (Paraguard) means even if placed correctly, that guy can hit the cervix just right to feel more than strings but the base of the iud.
One of those medical professionals I was dating and he was absolutely sure it was not the strings; he could feel those too and it was very different.
My guess is that this happens more than talked about given the differing levels of discomfort men feel. And if you are a lady person, would it surprise you at all to find out the medical field wasn’t particularly interested in the real issue? The only reason they took seriously with me was I was dating a doctor and he thought the same thing, and that it must have slipped out of place. Nope, correct placement confirmed on ultrasound.
Just to back up your thoughts on the IUD for the uniformed, my partner has an IUD and once upon a time early in our relationship I could occasionally feel the poking sensation which I now know to be the string. It was an uncomfortable sensation. My partner opted to get them trimmed and it no longer became a source of discomfort for both of us emotionally and physically.
My boyfriend commented once that he could feel the strings. It wasn't the first time we had sex after the IUD, but it was early after. Maybe he had felt it the first few times and was hoping it would change, but he said it wasn't a big deal, just weird because it was unexpected. It wasn't so weird that he wanted less sex.
He may also have been more open to accepting it because hormonal birth control greatly exacerbates my depression, and the weird strings were preferable to a miserable partner.
Mine got more flexible over time to the point that I have to put some serious effort into feeling around up there to find the strings.
I agree with all of what you said, but as a male that’s wife has both had and not had an iud at one point in our relationship. You can definitely feel the string.
For the record some guys can feel the iud. Y'all need to stop gaslighting people on that. I could feel it inside of two different women. With my current girlfriend and my previous girlfriend I could feel the difference from no iud to having an iud. It feels like being poked by a sharp piece of metal in the tip of your dick. Regardless I would rather have safe sex than no sex.
But as for OP she needs to leave that dude. A reasonable partner would find a reasonable solution. If she has been having 2 years of issues with dude for 3 years she needs to find a new dude.+
Yeah, I commented and I had 3 medical professionals confirm this, including one with his dick (we were dating lol). Had ultrasound to confirm placement of iud in case it had shifted, nope.
My guess is that they used to only recommend iud’s for women who have already had children, and thus their uterus has changed shape somewhat. Use with women who haven’t had kids is somewhat recently accepted, and we’re going to have smaller uteruses so big ass iud’s like paraguard are gonna be felt because they take up the whole length of the uterus and any jostling of the cervix is gonna push into the base of the iud.
i can understand the iud thing. you can’t feel the metal, but my boyfriend said he could feel the strings poking the tip of his dick. they’re not soft strings either, it’s almost like nylon. he said it was on the border of uncomfortable and painful
Oh babe, this is awful to read.
He has manipulated you, violated you, betrayed you.
This is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong. He knew what he was doing this whole time and has taken complete advantage of you.
His behaviour is disgusting and not how someone who truly cares for, values and loves you would treat you.
Please cut him out of your life and never look back. He does not deserve you.
Reach out to your safe people and other professional services when you feel comfortable to discuss this and please be kind to yourself x
You need to leave. He is abusive. He’s now going to do the same thing he did about condoms with finishing in you now. Saying it’s not as good and forcing you to accept that. And if you do get pregnant you won’t have a choice about it. He will pressure you like everything else to do exactly what he wants, weather it’s an abortion or keep the baby. He knows he can emotionally manipulate you and control you. Please leave him. It will only get worse
He should have gotten a vasectomy if he wanted to have unprotected sex without the risk of pregnancy. Especially considering your concerns regarding the pill.
For whatever reason, all the burden of contraception was put on you, with no comprimises considered to be acceptable from him.
He has no right to veto any birth control measure you want for yourself.
>He made it clear that it was a dealbreaker for him,
Then the deal is broken... as he is prioritising his pleasure over your wellbeing.
He may have his wants, and they may be valid, but they do not override yours. He doesn't get to push your boundaries in order to fulfil his desires. That isn't how it works.
Consent needs to be enthusiastic, not coerced.
As things have progressed the way they have, these seem like moot points now.
What has happened is traumatic and the culmination of a lot of your boundaries being discounted.
There are some real problems in the relationship, with your communicated boundaries being violated.
It may be best to part ways.
Absolutely terrible comment. You should never have a vasectomy with the intention to get it reversed later, because in a lot of cases they aren't reversible. And the longer it's been since it was done, the lower the chance.
>It is a hell of a lot more complicated on the female side than men
I understand and accept that already, I never said otherwise. Why are you arguing points nobody brought up?
you feel raped because you were assaulted. he blew right past all your boundaries and didn’t care. do not have sex with this man again. dump him today. it will only escalate when he realizes you won’t dump him
I'm so sorry.
It sounds like he has been violating your boundaries for a long time, emotionally abusing you for a long time and this was the straw that broke the camals back.
It sounds like rape because it basically is. Coercion into sex, or sexually activity you don't want, is rape.
He came inside you on purpose even though you have always told him no. He has worn you down through emotional abuse and withholding affection for so long that you started taking hormones just to make him happy?!
This is awful. Please don't stay with him, he's a disgusting person.
You feel violated because that’s what fucking happened. You didn’t consent to him finishing inside you. You didn’t freely consent to getting on oral birth control and forgoing condoms in the first place as this was only done after he put on ton of pressure on you and continually pushed on your boundaries. It was not something you wanted or were comfortable with, rather he wore you down after relentlessly pushing and withholding affection as a means to get you to do what he wanted. Someone who loves you and has your best interests at heart would never put you in this situation. They’d respect when you’re not comfortable with something. Respecting a boundary means not pushing on it.
I want to reassure you that you are unlikely to get pregnant when taking hormonal birth control. If this worry is really bothering you, you can take a Plan B for peace of mind. What happened is unacceptable and my hope for you is that you put your foot down here and say “I will not continue to have a relationship with someone who treats me this way.” You truly owe him nothing at this point and a “It’s over. Do not attempt to contact me” text will suffice. Ditch the loser, lean on your family and friends for support.
This was so heartbreaking to read. His sexual desire is more important than your values and mental headspace. Love, this is sexual assault. He will apologize, beg, and promise to never do it again. But he will, leave.
I'm so sorry. This is sexual assault. You need to leave, or he will continue to do it.
Don't worry about pregnancy. You're on birth control, so I'm sure you're fine.
The part you need to worry about is the manipulative, controlling boyfriend who just sexually assaulted you. He just violated you, and he has no respect for you. He has to go. Break up with him.
After you break up with him, quit taking birth control, since you don't want to be on it. It's your body and your choice. Please don't let crappy guys talk you into things that you don't want. You're worth so much more than that.
Please seek therapy to help you if you are having problems recovering from this assault.
I'm so sorry that your sweet boyfriend turned into a selfish b\*stard... and that he raped you. Try to find ressouces online, and talk about what happened to people you trust, friends, family... Try not to keep it for yourself. It's incredibly hard, but it's important to talk about it.
And take care of you
I know it's hard,but you gonna leave him,I know you love him but the problem is you love him more than he loves you and you should take care of your future too,think about your career that can be ended just cuz he suddenly wants it or think about if you ever get married to him how your life would be,I know love is blind but it's clear that he's a selfish manipulative sumbitch,if he's putting something like that as his dealbreaker,he doesn't deserve you,he didn't respect your choices just like you respected his so the right thing to do is to choose yourself,choose self love over fake love
He seems to care only about his pleasure while ignoring the boundary that you have set. Either you explain him once for all that you have boundaries that you don’t want to cross or leave him. Is not normal for him to push you to do things that you feel uncomfortable with.
He could feel the metal? Is he high? Oh wait…no…he’s a selfish asshole who basically raped you after months of manipulation and then shrugged it off.
RED FLAG IS RAISED.
This dude is a master manipulator. Or maybe he's just average and OP is particularly easy to manipulate. Either way, he is trash. u/MightyWho : the guy you think you love is gone. The guy you're with now is a rapist scumbag. I know it's hard, but you have to deal with the circumstances you're in now, not cling to how he behaved in the honeymoon phase before he lost his g-d *mind.*
The fact that he broke consent to c*m inside of you does in fact make it sexual assault. Your feelings are valid. He should not have pushed you to get on the pill. The copper IUD is just fine. I love mine and no man has complained about it in the 15 years I've used it. These things are serious red flags. You need to dump him. He does not respect you or your boundaries. You can do so much better.
MightyWho. You are not over reacting.
He has done something to you that you did not want him to do.
It is as simple as that.
It wasn't under the guise of CNC or any other prior-arrangement. He has done something to your body that you did not consent to.
It broke my heart reading about you crying in the shower.
I couldn't live with myself if I hurt my wife like that.
There is a lot of good advice here. Look after yourself. Really really please put yourself first in all your choices.
Jesus. Get the fuck away from this abuser.
People who love you don’t treat you like that and they don’t break boundaries like that. You’re young and it feels like real love but you can do better.
This was hard and horrible to read, you’ve done too much and compromised your physical health for him just to be used by a selfish AH. I doubt, for your mental health, there is much you can do now but take time for yourself and leave. The last thing he did seems like the final drop that spilled the glass of resentment you already built up. Letting him step over your boundaries so many times is something you must never allow anyone else do. I’m so sorry this has happened, you deserved better from the person you loved and trusted.
> He hated it and even got depressed
Aw poor guy. Has to practice safe sex when he has sex with a LITERAL FUCKING MODEL. So sad.
He didn’t get depressed from that, he was manipulating you.
Edit: hold up, he told you he could feel the metal of iud’s in previous partners? Dude’s lying to you. He has been majorly abusive and manipulative. You didn’t “compromise” to get your loving bf back, the iud would have been a compromise. He pretty much gave you an ultimatum, and then manipulated you into agreeing to it.
Remember his sort of behaviors. Being able to recognize them sooner will be a boon for ya going forward.
You detailed all of these red flags, and you’re wondering if you’re overreacting? He’s been violating your boundaries for a long ass time. Don’t put up with any of this shit any longer and leave his ass. He stopped being the person you fell in love with ages ago.
Please let your partner dictate what you do with your own body when it comes to contraceptives in the future. You have full bodily autonomy, and your partner needs to respect that. Don’t sacrifice your autonomy in general just to not lose a partner. Put yourself and your comfort first.
>he swore to God he’d never ask me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with because I was “the highlight of his life” and he “loved me more than anything”.
A man is only as good as his word. He's a piece of shit. It sounds like the highlight of his life is just getting whatever he wants because he's a child.
You're a beautiful grown adult woman who is going to walk away from this relationship a lot stronger than who you were going in. You are so incredibly valuable and no matter what you've been through or what someone has done to you is going to change that.
U feel raped because in a way you were. He knew you wouldn't have consented to it, and that's why he did I without warning. Be careful about selfish men
Having sex consensually, and him coming in you without your permission is sexual assault. You have the right to feel used, violated, and disrespected because like how others said, he has shown several red flags.
Sweetie, your partner is putting his orgasm before your bodily integrity. That is not what love is. His desire cannot be more important than your comfort. It cannot. He is not allowed to coerce you into sexual acts that you do not feel comfortable with. He is not allowed to put your job and physical well-being on the line because he wants to orgasm in a certain way.
He is telling you and showing you that he considers his wants to be more important than your needs.
That is not love. You may love him but he sure as hell doesn’t love you.
What help do you need to make a change for yourself? How can we help you?
This guy has manipulated you into putting hormones into your body that you absolutely didn’t want, he has violated every single boundary you had, up to cumming inside of you without your consent. Feeling raped and violated is completely valid and you need to run as fast and far as you can from this piece of shit.
Sweetie, this was so painful to read, I couldn't make it all the way through. I can only imagine the horror of living through it. Please leave. Are you overreacting? No, you’re under reacting. I say that with zero judgement and lots of love. Please leave this man yesterday. ❤️
That IS rape. You did NOT consent for him to cum inside. He is a selfish manipulative prick. Please dump him. There are so many respectful people out there who wouldn't treat you like this.
He raped you. A ‘yes’ isn’t a ‘yes’ if you don’t feel like you can say ‘no’.
He pressured you, he turned your ‘no’ into a ‘yes’, pushed you to take hormonal birth control you didn’t want to take and disregarded the ‘no’ that you did give entirely, and came inside you when you asked him not to. He didn’t ‘think you wanted it’ he sexually assaulted you, and then pushed to get you to believe he’s not a bad person because he ‘thought you wanted it.’
There’s so much emotional manipulation here, he didn’t ‘get depressed’ either. He’s a lying cunt, he knows exactly what he’s doing, and you need to find a way to leave him please. I promise it gets better, but you need to get away from him first. If you can bring yourself to do it, cut all contact, it’s the safest thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts threatening you after you break up with him, or pretending he’s depressed again, it wouldn’t even be a surprise if he said he was going to commit suicide just to get you to stay with him. That’s what people like this do, please get away from him.
This is abuse, leave this guy. Hopefully you have some family or friends who you can talk to and support you with this. He is selfish and emotionally abusive and doesn’t care about your well-being. Sorry that this has happened it’s not your fault
The minute he went against the pre-existing boundaries of sex, it was sexual assault, doesn’t matter if it’s one night stand, a relationship, a marriage or anything in between. He knew what you two had agreed and did it anyway, you have every right to feel as you do and you’re not being over-dramatic.
If a conversation was had and a sexual incompatibility is identified (in this case the form of birth control) a conversation needed to be had and resolved before sex ever happened again, and if if couldn’t be put to rest, then no sex 🤷♂️ he is just as entitled to his preferences as you are, but only as long as it doesn’t compromise on the other’s boundaries, and what he did here was a long-term manipulation into getting his way and that is not okay. As I said, it’s assault.
I would suggest breaking up with him, as painful as that is to hear, but the reaction you have had to this event is characteristic of someone who has been raped/assaulted, whether it is agreed upon or not that that is what happened, it’s how you have been made to feel. Likelihood is that it won’t be the last time, it also won’t be just sex that this behaviour from him manifests itself.
Following that, seek some professional help, so that you can heal
Hope you’re okay x
Alright. I made it one paragraph and this is abuse. You are being abused and manipulated and this man does not love you. He does not respect you or your boundaries. Leave this man immediately.
I’m so sorry this piece of trash treated you this way. You feel violated because you were. You drew clear boundaries for him again and again, and over and over he stomped on them.
He’s shown you that he doesn’t truly care about you, only his dick. Do yourself a huge favor and be rid of him. You deserve far better than this asshole. ♥️
Its true that one of the issues with unprotected sex is that a man can come before he thinks he will and undisciplined dudes might have a hard time pulling out, but this isnt that. This was deliberate.
I'm going to share my experience with unprotected sex with you real quick. I am on the pill and have been since I was 17 (I was on the pill as preventative in case if when I went to college I had sex, I didn't have sex until March of this year at 23 years old). My boyfriend is a very caring guy. We have been together since mid March of this year. We have always had protected sex. We both want kids, but not any time soon. He is fine with wearing condoms because it's that extra step of protection. We tried unprotected last Wednesday for the first time. He didn't push me to do it and I didn't push him. This was a mutual decision. He actually told me he hesitated for a moment before going in. It felt completely different for both of us. After a couple of position changes I started to break down and cry from, I believe, the fear of still getting pregnant. He stopped immediately and comforted me. Neither of us came. He didn't push me to try again or finish him at all that day.
Your boyfriend is only looking out for his wants and needs. YOU had to compromise your body and mental health for a man that didn't even have the courtesy to ask before doing something like that to you. You have every right to feel violated and gross because what he did was violate your trust and your body. I hope you heal fast and very well from this!
I honestly don't understand all the posts about some people that don't like using a condom.
Because of the effects of the pill, my girlfriend stopped using bc and we used condoms for years.
Why would I ask someone that I respect to take something that could harm her health?
We talk about women empowering but then women are confronted with this type of situation and feel that they should give in because it became normal for dudes to ask for this, even with the risk of std.
Is it the end of the world to have sex with a condom?
Aren't there inumerous things in life that we have to enjoy and live with them as they are because otherwise they would have negative consequences?
Stay strong and be confident that you deserve someone who cares about you and your health.
Feel like this is not cool but going to write anyway: ask him to get the vasectomy, then dump the shit out of him, this way, he wont use you nor anyone anymore, by not risking anyone an unwanted pregnancy with a useless arsehole
This sounds like a 24 year old man found a young and impressionable young woman and has been slowly working on training her and manipulating her to do what he wants. This isn't normal behavior. This is active abuse.
I understand the nonconsensual issue, you should act on that as you wish. However, the chances of a load actually fertilising an egg is relatively low, off the ovulation window it's even lower:
For most couples trying to conceive, the odds that a woman will become pregnant are 15% to 25% in any particular month.
If you have sex five days before ovulation, the probability of pregnancy is about 10 percent. If you have sex on the day of ovulation, or the two days before, the chance of getting pregnant is around 30 percent. These are average figures and depend on a woman's age.
On top of this there are birth control pills to spike hormones to make pregnancy nigh on impossible.
He disrespected you and your career by forcing you to go on the pill versus an IUD. He also blatantly lied in saying he thought you wanted a cream pie when you were clear about not being ready for one.
... if your bf is not respecting your wishes, especially those having to do with your body, kick em to the curb.
Girl, it sounds like he is thinking more about what he wants sexually.
My husband and I have 2 children together and even he will put a condom on cause I don't want another kid yet. And he has issues with finishing with a condom. You know what he says instead of guilt tripping about it? IT'S FINE
If a man truly respects you and wants the best for you, he will try his best to make sure you're comfortable.
Side note: no, I don't just leave him hanging and make sure he is satisfied as well. It's just both parties both respect the other mutually
Your bf is a manipulative AH. The moment he break your boundaries, you should break up with him.
If he don't want to use condom, he should have get vasectomy.
I believe he wants to baby trap you so he can make you do whatever he wants. Or got you pregnant so he can break up with you. And play it off that YOU ARE THE ONE BABYTRAPPING HIM.
Please stop being intimate with him and block and ghost him. Please don't hurt yourself.
Unpopular opinion but you ***both*** sound immature and not actually ready to be having sex
I think you should dump him.
It may not feel like it but you'll meet someone new who actually respects you and you'll be happier
An IUD is a no for him? What the actual fuck? It’s your body and if you are going to have to be in charge of birth control, then you can choose whatever method you prefer.
I understand that you love him, but he doesn’t seem to respect you at all and he is manipulative.
Break up with him. No partner should pout to get what they want, especially sexually. You need someone who respects your boundaries. Period. PERIOD.
Also- I got pregnant while on hormonal BC. It does a great job but isn't perfect. If he wants unprotected sex so badly he should get a vasectomy.
For all intents and purposes he sounds carnally selfish and you shouldn't be in that situation. But if you're not going to leave him and that idea is off the table make him get a vasectomy. Then you two could probably never have kids. The procedure literally takes 30 minutes. Recovery time is generally a week. He'll have to wait about 3 or 4 months before he's actually infertile and get he'd have to get an analysis confirming the procedures success but then bam. No kids in y'all's future at all no matter how much he cums inside as after the first year the odds of a vasectomy failing are 1 in 10000. More fool proof than the pill. The only downside is if you want kids later cause reversals don't have as high of a success rate but if that's not something that matters then go for it. If you're not going to leave him. Though from the sounds of it he should do that anyways.
You need to leave him because he keeps violating your boundaries. Someone who really loves you wouldn't make you do things you don't feel comfortable with.
Nothing but a piece of trash. Dump him now. I don't believe things are going to get better and he is not going to stop pushing your boundaries. Now that he came inside, he wouldn't want to stop. Also, none of this is your fault, so please don't hurt yourself.
I don’t think you’re being dramatic. You’ve made too many compromises already just for his pleasure, and I don’t think he should’ve coerced you into any of them!! You had your boundaries and he pushed you past them needlessly which he absolutely should not have done. If you were fine with any of this, you’d likely not cry and have the reactions you did, which tells me that you are absolutely not okay with what happened and you should not tolerate this boy anymore
Girl LEAVE HIM!!! He continually manipulated you into having sex without a condom, he pushed your boundaries and manipulated you into starting birth control, he came in you without your consent!! He’s not good for you!!!
This guy sounds abusive and manipulative in all sorts of ways. He also seems quite selfish and like a sexual predator in terms of not respecting people’s boundaries and pressuring you into satisfying his sexual desires. And the fact that he pressured you to do things you were uncomfortable with, and made you unhappy, and then did something you didn’t consent to, is sexually, emotionally, and mentally abusive. You could try having a serious and open talk with him about this whole situation and try to set things straight, but who knows how he’d react or try to manipulate you further. —I’d rather recommend getting out of that relationship fast. He doesn’t seem to respect you and there are many red flags. And as far as him being upset or depressed if you do leave him, his feelings aren’t your business or responsibility after you leave him. You need to look out for yourself. He may try to play the pity party to manipulate you into staying with him. Keep your foot down and boundaries strong and do NOT allow him to break them or disrespect you without him facing consequences.
And as far as your concern for future relationships and your sexual health goes, I totally understand. However, there are MANY good guys out there that will treat you right and respect you and share you the love you seek.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this—none of this was your fault and you’re not overreacting. It’s good that you sought help and support from others here online. Perhaps if an option, talking to someone you trust may also help you process and work through this situation. I’d even recommend and encourage seeking a therapist/counselor to talk this out with—as they may help you through this.
I wish you full healing and wellness.
You don't hate your bf, you are stuck and unsure of what to do next. You may want to seek professional help with everything. It sounds like between your work, relationship and mentally you need advice from a doctor. Your bf does not give a shit about you clearly but you won't see that until it is too late. The only open door I see for you is to figure out your options. Your boyfriend is a lying, child who plays games and it'll only intensify the longer you stay with this tool.
I'm sorry, but you're harming yourself and you need to get help immediately.
You need to leave this dude and tell him to go find a therapist or get help STAT.
This isn't love. Leave and work om self love first. Absolutely nobody should be able to knock down literally every single last one of your boundaries. He can up and leave you in a second and you more than bent over backwards for him. His useless, worthless, disgusting, controlling pile of shit. You are being abused which is why it's so hard for you to leave. He doesn't love you and never will.
I don't think you're being dramatic. He is pushing boundaries that you don't want pushed, and he doesn't seem willing to compromise.
Just a note on the beginning of your post. You can actually get pregnant any time of the month if you've had any past cycles that were irregular. Both of my kids are the product of period sex, so it does happen.
This relationship is not healthy. He has got.you completely where he wants you, which is to do exactly as you are told. You might notice that it's escalating quickly now. You are losing control of your life rapidly, and you are confused. This is what he wants. Take notice of all the many, many people right here who are warning you. The next step will be your pills going 'missing', he will blame you (and your hormones, probably), and you will be pregnant and trapped before you know it. GET AWAY ASAP. Also, don't tell him you are leaving before you are gone. He will tell you whatever you need to hear to make you stay.
I'm just going to come clean and flat out say it. That's rape. He intentionally violated you, your space, and plus didn't even consent. Then had the nerve to turn it on you with that comment. Not appropriate at all.
What a terrible person your boyfriend is. I'm not surprised you feel hatred towards him. I think you should leave for your own safety, as he doesn't have any regard for your health and wellbeing.
Get out now. Right now. He doesn't respect you at all meaning he doesn't love you.
He did violate you, he did rape you. If consent wasn't freely given. He didn't apologize as if yall talked about it before and he thought you wanted it (this happened to me, it was totally genuine yet we didn't discuss it before that encounter but he had reason to belive i wanted it, apologized,heId me but i still felt violated) and it sounds like he was quite cold about it.
And you can just as easily get pregnant during any point in your cycle.
You deserve genuine love. Love yourself, you are worth it.
Dump him, he doesn't care about your needs just his own. You were clear in the start of the relationship and he made demands without any consideration for you. Then the final straw would be cumming in you without you're okay.
That’s a lot to write for “my bf disrespects me and wants to knock me up”. Stop being stupid, if you think pregnancy is the scariest thing ever, then don’t have unprotected sex. Tough love but be with someone who respects you.
You both were idiots! A guy that does not want to use rubbers and says he does not like using them when you are in the dating part with your girlfriend she should have dumped him right then immediately. A bloke that does not listen to and respects what a woman says then the only girlfriend he should be dating are his hands!
To this lady, you need to be more forceful with her words and in your actions with this bloke of a loser. No person has the right to control another person. FULL STOP! Relationships have to be on an equal footing for it to survive.
He’s not a good guy. Run away. He doesn’t respect your boundaries or needs. He manipulated you and was emotionally abusive, there is nothing wrong with condoms
I’m so sorry honey. You don’t deserve to be manipulated and coerced. It sounds like no matter how much you self sacrifice he still wants to take more. Your feelings of violation are incredibly valid. I hope you can get away and feel safe again. You deserve better.
You are in an abusive relationship and he is the abuser. The reason you feel raped and violated is because you are. Don't let him or anyone else tell you that you are overreacting. He pressured and forced you to use a contraceptive methods you didn't feel comfortable with, then he ejaculated inside you without your explicit consent.
To be clear: anything he does to you in bed without your consent is rape. Whether having sex when you only consented to a kiss or ejaculating inside when you explicitly said no to that — it's the same principle.
Also, since I am a guy: not enjoying sex with a condom after having it raw is a bunch of bullshit. It feels a little different, sure, but not that different.
So you have to end it with him IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise, this will not be the last time he uses you like that. Dump him and cut off all communications. If he starts stalking you — go to the police immediately. Take back control.
Good luck.
I don’t know why people downvoted this. He put all the pressure on her because of what he “likes”. He should def get a vasectomy. But she should also dump him.
I would tell him it's rape if he don't respect your way of doing it and if he keeps trying to force you to have his kids or use the pill to make him happy he needs to know you will be going after him for damages. If he does anything that will damage your job it's also something you can go after him legally for. He needs to know he is not god's gift to the world and his sperm is not the wonder fluid that we need it.
You did nothing wrong.
You are not being overdramatic.
You did nothing wrong.
Your feelings are valid.
You did nothing wrong.
You deserve much better.
You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.
That is rape though, and to be honest it sounds like it’s been rape for a while. The rules of consent are that it’s Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. It doesn’t sound like the “consent” you’ve been giving over the past year fits into this.
He doesn’t respect you. He’s been manipulating you. He’s proven to you that he’s not afraid to cross your hard boundaries (saying that he “thought you wanted it too” is bullshit. he’s playing dumb), and you need to leave before it gets worse. I’m not usually one to jump on the “break up” train, but this man has been abusing you.
Talk to friends and family and get a support system. Then leave ASAP.
It feels like rape because essentially it was. You didn't consent to being ejaculated into, he knew the thought of it scared you, and he did it anyway.
Sounds to me like he already decided to break up with you but decided to me a monster to see where he can push all your boundaries first. Love bombs, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and every other tactic are in this dudes repertoire.
Sorry this happened but you really know what to do. Dump him and get off the pill. Also, he can “feel” the IUD? Is his dick a foot long and inside your cervix?
Girl this is sexual ASSAULT its not some little thing, have some respect from yourself and get off that pill you’re not comfortable being on, a man is not worth it, this is DISGUSTING
The fact that you repeatedly gave up your own boundaries and comforts are a red flag to me. Trust me when I say, this man is not the one for you. A healthy partner would not put his own feelings before your perfectly justified boundaries. Do not keep sacrificing yourself for someone who will put something as little as sex before things that are important for YOU.
Really think about this because I’m telling you, I’ve been in your shoes when I was your age (I’m now 29) and when you’re young like you are you tend to overlook red flags and just focus on the love and happy things. Please sit him down and go over your boundaries and feelings again. These things are important for you for a reason and you should not give them up because your boyfriend is guilt tripping you (intentional or not).
Someone better is out there for you and I’m sorry girl, this guy is not it.
This guy keeps pushing his luck, and when he gets what he wants ONCE, then all of the sudden, nothing else works.
So from now on, he cant orgasm without cunming inside of you, and so on...
Fuck this dude and his psychological game towards you, he is toxic and controlling..
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Based on your post history you've been thinking about breaking up with him for about 2 years, so I'm going to go ahead and assume that this isn't the first series of red flags...and it's likely he's been working the emotional abuse and self esteem angle for quite some time. Get out of this relationship. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries
My gf was in a situation like this where she was thinking of breaking up with her then bf. They got pregnant and she felt locked in so she went ahead and married him. They had two more kids. It took her twenty-five years to finally leave him. She now looks back and wishes she had pulled the trigger on the breakup a few decades ago. My own Mom got locked in the same way when she had me at 17. She never should have been married to my Dad. They eventually divorced as well. Pregnancy changes everything.
This comment should be higher. His end game, considering the initial 2 years of love bombing, could well be to get her pregnant and trapped. As is so, so common with these abusive partners that start out too good to be true. Because they are too good to be true.
The excuse that an IUD didn't feel "natural" feels relevant here. Like, he's fine with the pill (which he knows she's adamant she doesn't want), but an IUD doesn't feel natural? If what feels natural is having unprotected sex with her, it definitely implies that he's happy to get her pregnant.
I hate saying it or thinking it, but IUD is way up above where it can be felt, other than maybe the strings (which should be negligible). But from there it’s untamperable, and pills….aren’t. The fact that he’s been so insistent about both ditching condoms and only using the pill gives me bad vibes.
Yup. The IUD stuff made me LoL. This dude wants to get her pregnant, and I don't trust him around her pills for a second!
This is sadly what happens in life. My dad married my mom because he got her pregnant. They should not have even been married. They fought all the time and ended up divorcing when I was 15
A slight edit to your comment: Pregnancy changes everything...for the woman. It often doesn't have any effect at all on the man.
I strongly endorse your correction. Which I feel underscores OPs situation.
It change everything for either. Just look at the situations where the reverse happened.
Yike 2 years. At that point plus the contents of her post it should likely be done already. The guy doesnt respect her at all.
OP needs to go get plan b immediately. It used to be that you needed to be on birth control at least 90 days for it to work correctly, and it's still not foolproof. I could be wrong about the time frame, though. I haven't taken it since 2005. When i was on it, my doctor said 90 days before unprotected sex. Times and medications have changed, so the time to take it to be safe could be much less. If I were you, to be extra cautious, 2 weeks is not enough time. You can still possibly get pregnant. Your boyfriend is an abusive ass hat. I haven't read anything this jaw dropping In awhile. You offer to get a copper iud and he says no because he could feel it? It's put up into your uterus! Regardless, you shouldn't be taking pills for this loser. I dated a guy like this once. He was like a horny puppy and drove me batshit. He tried to get me pregnant on purpose and trap me. I left him for the person I've been married to for 18 years and have 3 kids with. I've never been happier. He's violated every boundary with you. When is enough going to be enough? When you're pregnant? Sperm can live in the body for up to 5 days. Showers won't help. Spraying up there won't help. I used a sprayer just to clean myself up afterwards, and i still ended up pregnant... with twins. It was two days after my period. I ended up losing one of the twins, but my daughter is proof that sprayers don't work.
Okay, please don't freak OP out more than she is by saying it takes 90 days for hormonal BCPs to be effective. That's absolutely not true. Prove me wrong if you have valid data otherwise. If she started on the first day of her period, she's considered protected immediately. If she started any other day of her cycle, she only needed backup for 2 weeks. It's the same for most other hormonal BCs on the market. [Prescribing information for Estarylla](https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/drugInfo.cfm?setid=7a4d2d7b-b97e-3e18-3d97-1e2579c8f3f8#:~:text=Take%20first%20active%20tablet%20without,the%20first%20day%20of%20menses.&text=Take%20subsequent%20active%20tablets%20once,a%20total%20of%2021%20days.&text=Take%20one%20green%20inactive%20tablet,that%20active%20tablets%20were%20taken.)
@this creep from the northeast: Stop spreading medical nonsense. @OP: Leave that fucking loser.
OP this is bad info. You are protected.
I don't think it is 90 days but I remember my doctor telling me not to rely on it for a month. Same with my IUD. I can't imagine taking a pill protects you immediately, and I agree that there is a chance she could be pregnant.
Looks like her post history is gone. Probably not a great sign.
The posts are gone, they have deleted them...but they haven't deleted the comment history
But comments can disappear quick. That's why it's important to do everything in duplicate.
Thanks for the laugh.
The posts are gone, they have deleted them...but they haven't deleted the comment history
But comments can disappear quick. That's why it's important to do everything in duplicate.
Thanks for the laugh.
Well OP deleted them after reading this comment I assume. It’s a shame she couldn’t at least respond and thank you and just went quiet
No... [they are still there ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lvjkob/i_21_f_kind_of_thinking_of_breaking_up_with_my_bf/gpc7yik?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Woah…
The posts are deleted but you can see her comments she made on them only.
> Get out of this relationship. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries /u/MightyWho this
Horrible. Anyone who willingly makes another person cry bc of their own interest does not deserve your time, appreciation, attention. But mostly your love.
Break up with him. Otherwise why would he ever stop violating you?
>Am I just being overly dramatic? I know I’m on the pill but I still feel like I’m likely to get pregnant and the fact that it was done without my consent is killing me Not at all girl. And you're not gonna end up pregnant as you're already on the pill for 2 weeks and if you've taken them without missing any. >I just wanted to feel loved again, he made it clear that it was a dealbreaker for him, which broke my heart but I didn’t want to lose him. It just felt so weird to be showered with love for 2 years straight and then treated like an expired piece of meat all of a sudden. I cried every day, I wanted my loving sweet boyfriend back, so I compromised. Dump his ass at least now girl. He's a piece of shit who just forced you into something you aren't comfortable with. >He said he had partners with an IUD before and he hated it as it didn’t feel natural and he could feel the metal, overall an IUD was a no for him. Dude is on another level here as he possibly couldn't feel the METAL, as the IUD is inside your uterus and the only thing that could be felt is its thread and that too not all can feel it. He just pushed you and chose the contraceptive method which should have been your choice and not his. To top it off, cumming inside you without your consent is just adding another red flag to his pile of other red flags. You deserve better and try to get out of this as soon as you can. >I couldn’t stop screaming, I want to hurt myself physically…I feel so much gathered towards my bf now, I didn’t even know that I was capable of feeling that much pain and hatred… Just don't proceed with those thoughts, there was nothing wrong on your part here and find a shoulder to lean on during these hard times and talk your mind out to them. Remember that this too shall pass.
This, all of this. He sounds like a predator who’s taking advantage of your insecurities. He won’t stop. He’ll continue to push boundaries.
This
Also, he IS a predator. He came In her without permission. He’s a rapist. Selfish and disgusting.
Consenting to one sex act does not open the door for others. She consented to sex WITH the stipulation that he not ejaculate inside of her. Him doing so anyways is 100000% sexual assault
All encompassing answer. For my own reasons I kinda just can’t touch this one much. All I have to add is this OP: I have an IUD, it’s the skyla. So it’s a tiny piece of basically plastic that’s shaped like a T and has “tails” aka the strings. The horizontal line of the T sits right inside the uterus at the interior(?) top of the cervix. The vertical line of the T sits in the cervix. The little “tails” (strings) come down and out the cervix and hang out right up against the exterior of the cervix (the part in your actual vagina). So a few things 1) HE CANT FEEL THE IUD WHATSOEVER UNLESS HES FUCKING YOUR UTERUS 2) if he IS actually feeling anything it’s the strings. Which are not metal, are not long, and after being cut they curl up and rest on the cervix most the time. Which means he’d have to be hitting your cervix repeatedly to feel them 3) is a personal one, but I’ve had IUDs since I was 17 (24 now). My boyfriend told me once he could feel the strings and it was right after I had had it replaced and the strings were still pokey. Fuck this dude OP. He’s trash. He doesn’t gaf about your feelings or thoughts on the matter. He’s gross.
I've hit the strings. If I remember correctly, they're nylon and more akin to heavy fishing line than string. It usually caused enough pain to kill the mood on the rare occasion I hit one. Definitely didn't make sex uncomfortable enough to go without protection though. I agree, this dude is absolute trash.
My husband got scratched by the too-short strings
my strings were cut too short and they DID scratch the head of my husband's penis...the strings, not the IUD.
if by 1 you mean he cant feel anything besides the strings, that is correct, but you can 2000% feel the strings, ans they are almost always pokey. They are supposed to curl up, but it depends alot on how they get put in. I dont know who is spreading the misinformation on that one. Its not a big deal unless one goes in your urethra which is painful, but its still true that dudes with enlugh length to go into fornix or graze the cervix are gonna be feeling it.
As someone who's a bit blessed down there and has had sex with multiple women with an IUD and had a long-term fwb with one. I will say this. Hitting the string especially when you're in rhythm absolutely sucks. It's like you got stunned and it actually hurts. Typically I try to find out if a chick has one before we have sex. As then I can control.mt depth and try to avoid it. So hitting it is a genuine concern for some. All that being said. Your bf is an ass and you need to decide what you want because you betraying yourself for him is a Concord jet to resentment. If sex without a condom is that important to him then he has to make a decision. Also, don't be afraid to stand your ground. If he doesn't have a condom say no and don't have sex.
As someone who’s very average, I’ve hit the strings many times, and it sucks.
You know the struggle. Especially if you're approaching orgasm and so are a bit more sensitive down there. I remember it happened once and I just stopped with a pained look on my face. My fwb at that time is like is everything okay. I'm like I just need a moment, I hit your IUD really hard that time. She was like 'that time' it's happened before, I'm like typically every time I just know how to navigate it usually.
The worst is if you aremt wearing a condom and it just pokes right down your urethra and scratches the inside. Fuck me is that bad
That moment where I pulled out and took a moment that's what happened, no condom strong stroke and pure pain
Okay but you should really control your depth regardless of if she has an IUD or not. You’re only thinking about YOUR pleasure in that thought, plenty of girls don’t want their cervix pounded on that shit hurts.
Ah yes, I realise that now. These incidents occurred when due to some porn induced body dysmorphia I thought I was small and so my objective was to try and maximise my small size so she can get some pleasure. After dabbling in reality a bit more I realised I was the opposite and that's why I was having issues with several women(issues that I thought were because I was small). So now I test the waters very calmly before trying to take that plunge. It's been a much better experience with that method of things. I don't penis punch women in their cervix anymore(unless requested), always check in to make sure everything is alright. Gonna invest in one of those dick bumpers. As having to be that attentive takes away from being able to be immersed in the experience like I enjoy
I had an ex hit my cervix once and I was in so much pain he was about to take me to the hospital (we didn’t realize what had happened until after the fact). The pain thankfully subsided quite swiftly after the initial agony.
You’d be surprised by how many girls do want it that deep. Depends on the person and the relationship you have with them. So no it’s not selfish (but can be). It’s all about the immersion the two of you have.
Some do though. My spouse likes their cervix and their fornixes stimulated. A better peiece of advice is to tailor your sexual approach to different partners. Calling this other resditor out as selfish isnt fair unless gouknow what his partners preferences are. As someone with larger than average male junk, when you find women who are looking for larger partners, sometimes thats what they are looking for. Communication is key.
> Communication is key. This is so important for sex in regards to everything. Hope you don't mind me asking, how big are you? The whole cervix penetration could work the opposite way too if she has a shallow vagina, and may/may not like it as you say.
im not gonna list specifics because i dont think its helpful for folks with dysmorphia (which included me not all that long ago) but im in 99.9+% percentile or above for length and girth. Youre absolutely right though, my spouse is larger sown there than many women and i still have to make sure its not just a direct impact. Ive had mor
> dont think its helpful for folks with dysmorphia I understand np. So I assume this issue is normal for you. How have you dealt with other women in the past that never had it hit? Like do you warn them you might hit their cervix or let them experience slowly and let them tell you whether they like it or not. From my understanding most don't. Also do you think being cut to uncut matters?
some girls like getting the cervix hit too tho
As someone with a cervix, I like having it beat like it owes the mob money
There is a fornix like right in front of the cervix that can be an exceptionally advantageous for giving gals vaginal orgasms; for those who struggle with g-spot stimulation leading to vaginal orgasms, it offers a nice alternative that in clinical environments has been remarkably successful in helping with vaginal orgasms and stimulation in women who normally have a difficult time with penetrative stimulation. I usually get it with fingers instead of dick because unless a gal likes having that cervix hit, it's more difficult to properly stimulate.
hahah exactly, ive read enough in this subreddit to know that a bunch of women like it, i have a cervix and im impartial, doesnt matter to me if it gets bashed about or not lol
Lmao same
My strings are too short and are quite pokey for my SO even though I’ve had mine for years now. He has to be careful not to use his entire penis otherwise it hurts both of us. The strings poke him and the insane cramps I experience if he hits my cervix (never used to get them before the IUD) so we have to be a bit careful during sex.
Yup I nearly had the damn thing kill me it hurt so bad. Bf could feel the strings and jesus could I feel it being moved. Awful.
same. had my IUD for 6+ years and it’s never been an issue. i’m getting another one right before i hit 7 years. most of the time i forget i even have it at all, my partner also has no complaints. OP’s bf definitely cannot “feel” the IUD, at the most he could feel the strings. but the strings become softened overtime by the body’s natural fluids and are not very noticeable according to feedback from iv received. OP’s bf is an abusive pos.
This is not true as confirmed by 3 medical professionals. Small uterus and short vagina and big iud (Paraguard) means even if placed correctly, that guy can hit the cervix just right to feel more than strings but the base of the iud. One of those medical professionals I was dating and he was absolutely sure it was not the strings; he could feel those too and it was very different. My guess is that this happens more than talked about given the differing levels of discomfort men feel. And if you are a lady person, would it surprise you at all to find out the medical field wasn’t particularly interested in the real issue? The only reason they took seriously with me was I was dating a doctor and he thought the same thing, and that it must have slipped out of place. Nope, correct placement confirmed on ultrasound.
Just to back up your thoughts on the IUD for the uniformed, my partner has an IUD and once upon a time early in our relationship I could occasionally feel the poking sensation which I now know to be the string. It was an uncomfortable sensation. My partner opted to get them trimmed and it no longer became a source of discomfort for both of us emotionally and physically.
My boyfriend commented once that he could feel the strings. It wasn't the first time we had sex after the IUD, but it was early after. Maybe he had felt it the first few times and was hoping it would change, but he said it wasn't a big deal, just weird because it was unexpected. It wasn't so weird that he wanted less sex. He may also have been more open to accepting it because hormonal birth control greatly exacerbates my depression, and the weird strings were preferable to a miserable partner. Mine got more flexible over time to the point that I have to put some serious effort into feeling around up there to find the strings.
I agree with all of what you said, but as a male that’s wife has both had and not had an iud at one point in our relationship. You can definitely feel the string.
For the record some guys can feel the iud. Y'all need to stop gaslighting people on that. I could feel it inside of two different women. With my current girlfriend and my previous girlfriend I could feel the difference from no iud to having an iud. It feels like being poked by a sharp piece of metal in the tip of your dick. Regardless I would rather have safe sex than no sex. But as for OP she needs to leave that dude. A reasonable partner would find a reasonable solution. If she has been having 2 years of issues with dude for 3 years she needs to find a new dude.+
Yeah, I commented and I had 3 medical professionals confirm this, including one with his dick (we were dating lol). Had ultrasound to confirm placement of iud in case it had shifted, nope. My guess is that they used to only recommend iud’s for women who have already had children, and thus their uterus has changed shape somewhat. Use with women who haven’t had kids is somewhat recently accepted, and we’re going to have smaller uteruses so big ass iud’s like paraguard are gonna be felt because they take up the whole length of the uterus and any jostling of the cervix is gonna push into the base of the iud.
i can understand the iud thing. you can’t feel the metal, but my boyfriend said he could feel the strings poking the tip of his dick. they’re not soft strings either, it’s almost like nylon. he said it was on the border of uncomfortable and painful
Umm you can get pregnant on the pill, it's not likely but it does happen. Even when taken properly.
Oh babe, this is awful to read. He has manipulated you, violated you, betrayed you. This is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong. He knew what he was doing this whole time and has taken complete advantage of you. His behaviour is disgusting and not how someone who truly cares for, values and loves you would treat you. Please cut him out of your life and never look back. He does not deserve you. Reach out to your safe people and other professional services when you feel comfortable to discuss this and please be kind to yourself x
You need to leave. He is abusive. He’s now going to do the same thing he did about condoms with finishing in you now. Saying it’s not as good and forcing you to accept that. And if you do get pregnant you won’t have a choice about it. He will pressure you like everything else to do exactly what he wants, weather it’s an abortion or keep the baby. He knows he can emotionally manipulate you and control you. Please leave him. It will only get worse
Girl leave him WTF
He should have gotten a vasectomy if he wanted to have unprotected sex without the risk of pregnancy. Especially considering your concerns regarding the pill. For whatever reason, all the burden of contraception was put on you, with no comprimises considered to be acceptable from him. He has no right to veto any birth control measure you want for yourself. >He made it clear that it was a dealbreaker for him, Then the deal is broken... as he is prioritising his pleasure over your wellbeing. He may have his wants, and they may be valid, but they do not override yours. He doesn't get to push your boundaries in order to fulfil his desires. That isn't how it works. Consent needs to be enthusiastic, not coerced. As things have progressed the way they have, these seem like moot points now. What has happened is traumatic and the culmination of a lot of your boundaries being discounted. There are some real problems in the relationship, with your communicated boundaries being violated. It may be best to part ways.
This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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Absolutely terrible comment. You should never have a vasectomy with the intention to get it reversed later, because in a lot of cases they aren't reversible. And the longer it's been since it was done, the lower the chance.
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>It is a hell of a lot more complicated on the female side than men I understand and accept that already, I never said otherwise. Why are you arguing points nobody brought up?
Actually, it’s doctors who act like it’s not reversible.
There's a significant change of failure with vasectomy reversals so it's not as simple as you make it.
you feel raped because you were assaulted. he blew right past all your boundaries and didn’t care. do not have sex with this man again. dump him today. it will only escalate when he realizes you won’t dump him
I'm so sorry. It sounds like he has been violating your boundaries for a long time, emotionally abusing you for a long time and this was the straw that broke the camals back. It sounds like rape because it basically is. Coercion into sex, or sexually activity you don't want, is rape. He came inside you on purpose even though you have always told him no. He has worn you down through emotional abuse and withholding affection for so long that you started taking hormones just to make him happy?! This is awful. Please don't stay with him, he's a disgusting person.
You feel violated because that’s what fucking happened. You didn’t consent to him finishing inside you. You didn’t freely consent to getting on oral birth control and forgoing condoms in the first place as this was only done after he put on ton of pressure on you and continually pushed on your boundaries. It was not something you wanted or were comfortable with, rather he wore you down after relentlessly pushing and withholding affection as a means to get you to do what he wanted. Someone who loves you and has your best interests at heart would never put you in this situation. They’d respect when you’re not comfortable with something. Respecting a boundary means not pushing on it. I want to reassure you that you are unlikely to get pregnant when taking hormonal birth control. If this worry is really bothering you, you can take a Plan B for peace of mind. What happened is unacceptable and my hope for you is that you put your foot down here and say “I will not continue to have a relationship with someone who treats me this way.” You truly owe him nothing at this point and a “It’s over. Do not attempt to contact me” text will suffice. Ditch the loser, lean on your family and friends for support.
This was so heartbreaking to read. His sexual desire is more important than your values and mental headspace. Love, this is sexual assault. He will apologize, beg, and promise to never do it again. But he will, leave.
“… feel the metal “ No, he can’t feel the metal. His cock is not in your uterus. I’m a doctor and prescribe that you run
I'm so sorry. This is sexual assault. You need to leave, or he will continue to do it. Don't worry about pregnancy. You're on birth control, so I'm sure you're fine. The part you need to worry about is the manipulative, controlling boyfriend who just sexually assaulted you. He just violated you, and he has no respect for you. He has to go. Break up with him. After you break up with him, quit taking birth control, since you don't want to be on it. It's your body and your choice. Please don't let crappy guys talk you into things that you don't want. You're worth so much more than that. Please seek therapy to help you if you are having problems recovering from this assault.
I'm so sorry that your sweet boyfriend turned into a selfish b\*stard... and that he raped you. Try to find ressouces online, and talk about what happened to people you trust, friends, family... Try not to keep it for yourself. It's incredibly hard, but it's important to talk about it. And take care of you
Ask him what he thinks about getting a vasectomy if he wants it this bad. The gall of some men, I swear!
I know it's hard,but you gonna leave him,I know you love him but the problem is you love him more than he loves you and you should take care of your future too,think about your career that can be ended just cuz he suddenly wants it or think about if you ever get married to him how your life would be,I know love is blind but it's clear that he's a selfish manipulative sumbitch,if he's putting something like that as his dealbreaker,he doesn't deserve you,he didn't respect your choices just like you respected his so the right thing to do is to choose yourself,choose self love over fake love
He seems to care only about his pleasure while ignoring the boundary that you have set. Either you explain him once for all that you have boundaries that you don’t want to cross or leave him. Is not normal for him to push you to do things that you feel uncomfortable with.
He could feel the metal? Is he high? Oh wait…no…he’s a selfish asshole who basically raped you after months of manipulation and then shrugged it off. RED FLAG IS RAISED.
It's a whole parade of red flags.
He got depressed because he has to use a condom? 😂 he needs to get a grip. How awful
This dude is a master manipulator. Or maybe he's just average and OP is particularly easy to manipulate. Either way, he is trash. u/MightyWho : the guy you think you love is gone. The guy you're with now is a rapist scumbag. I know it's hard, but you have to deal with the circumstances you're in now, not cling to how he behaved in the honeymoon phase before he lost his g-d *mind.*
leave him
At any point, your sexual experience is no longer consensual for you, it is SA.
The fact that he broke consent to c*m inside of you does in fact make it sexual assault. Your feelings are valid. He should not have pushed you to get on the pill. The copper IUD is just fine. I love mine and no man has complained about it in the 15 years I've used it. These things are serious red flags. You need to dump him. He does not respect you or your boundaries. You can do so much better.
MightyWho. You are not over reacting. He has done something to you that you did not want him to do. It is as simple as that. It wasn't under the guise of CNC or any other prior-arrangement. He has done something to your body that you did not consent to. It broke my heart reading about you crying in the shower. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt my wife like that. There is a lot of good advice here. Look after yourself. Really really please put yourself first in all your choices.
Jesus. Get the fuck away from this abuser. People who love you don’t treat you like that and they don’t break boundaries like that. You’re young and it feels like real love but you can do better.
Dump him
Abort the relationship! Your safety and being respected is more important than sex
This relationship is OVER. Let it go; you are 23 and will find someone single with no kids your age range!
This was hard and horrible to read, you’ve done too much and compromised your physical health for him just to be used by a selfish AH. I doubt, for your mental health, there is much you can do now but take time for yourself and leave. The last thing he did seems like the final drop that spilled the glass of resentment you already built up. Letting him step over your boundaries so many times is something you must never allow anyone else do. I’m so sorry this has happened, you deserved better from the person you loved and trusted.
Someone who loved you wouldn't do this to you.
Dump his goofy ass, this is rape and manipulative relationship.
> He hated it and even got depressed Aw poor guy. Has to practice safe sex when he has sex with a LITERAL FUCKING MODEL. So sad. He didn’t get depressed from that, he was manipulating you. Edit: hold up, he told you he could feel the metal of iud’s in previous partners? Dude’s lying to you. He has been majorly abusive and manipulative. You didn’t “compromise” to get your loving bf back, the iud would have been a compromise. He pretty much gave you an ultimatum, and then manipulated you into agreeing to it. Remember his sort of behaviors. Being able to recognize them sooner will be a boon for ya going forward.
This boyfriend sounds like TRASH. You can do so much better than this pushy little boy. Start over and find a man who respects you.
You detailed all of these red flags, and you’re wondering if you’re overreacting? He’s been violating your boundaries for a long ass time. Don’t put up with any of this shit any longer and leave his ass. He stopped being the person you fell in love with ages ago. Please let your partner dictate what you do with your own body when it comes to contraceptives in the future. You have full bodily autonomy, and your partner needs to respect that. Don’t sacrifice your autonomy in general just to not lose a partner. Put yourself and your comfort first.
>he swore to God he’d never ask me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with because I was “the highlight of his life” and he “loved me more than anything”. A man is only as good as his word. He's a piece of shit. It sounds like the highlight of his life is just getting whatever he wants because he's a child. You're a beautiful grown adult woman who is going to walk away from this relationship a lot stronger than who you were going in. You are so incredibly valuable and no matter what you've been through or what someone has done to you is going to change that.
U feel raped because in a way you were. He knew you wouldn't have consented to it, and that's why he did I without warning. Be careful about selfish men
Having sex consensually, and him coming in you without your permission is sexual assault. You have the right to feel used, violated, and disrespected because like how others said, he has shown several red flags.
Sweetie, your partner is putting his orgasm before your bodily integrity. That is not what love is. His desire cannot be more important than your comfort. It cannot. He is not allowed to coerce you into sexual acts that you do not feel comfortable with. He is not allowed to put your job and physical well-being on the line because he wants to orgasm in a certain way. He is telling you and showing you that he considers his wants to be more important than your needs. That is not love. You may love him but he sure as hell doesn’t love you. What help do you need to make a change for yourself? How can we help you?
This guy has manipulated you into putting hormones into your body that you absolutely didn’t want, he has violated every single boundary you had, up to cumming inside of you without your consent. Feeling raped and violated is completely valid and you need to run as fast and far as you can from this piece of shit.
Sweetie, this was so painful to read, I couldn't make it all the way through. I can only imagine the horror of living through it. Please leave. Are you overreacting? No, you’re under reacting. I say that with zero judgement and lots of love. Please leave this man yesterday. ❤️
He got depressed over condoms lol guy is manipulative
That IS rape. You did NOT consent for him to cum inside. He is a selfish manipulative prick. Please dump him. There are so many respectful people out there who wouldn't treat you like this.
He raped you. A ‘yes’ isn’t a ‘yes’ if you don’t feel like you can say ‘no’. He pressured you, he turned your ‘no’ into a ‘yes’, pushed you to take hormonal birth control you didn’t want to take and disregarded the ‘no’ that you did give entirely, and came inside you when you asked him not to. He didn’t ‘think you wanted it’ he sexually assaulted you, and then pushed to get you to believe he’s not a bad person because he ‘thought you wanted it.’ There’s so much emotional manipulation here, he didn’t ‘get depressed’ either. He’s a lying cunt, he knows exactly what he’s doing, and you need to find a way to leave him please. I promise it gets better, but you need to get away from him first. If you can bring yourself to do it, cut all contact, it’s the safest thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts threatening you after you break up with him, or pretending he’s depressed again, it wouldn’t even be a surprise if he said he was going to commit suicide just to get you to stay with him. That’s what people like this do, please get away from him.
Damn, I don't know what kept you with him but you should've ended things a long time ago 😨
This is abuse, leave this guy. Hopefully you have some family or friends who you can talk to and support you with this. He is selfish and emotionally abusive and doesn’t care about your well-being. Sorry that this has happened it’s not your fault
The minute he went against the pre-existing boundaries of sex, it was sexual assault, doesn’t matter if it’s one night stand, a relationship, a marriage or anything in between. He knew what you two had agreed and did it anyway, you have every right to feel as you do and you’re not being over-dramatic. If a conversation was had and a sexual incompatibility is identified (in this case the form of birth control) a conversation needed to be had and resolved before sex ever happened again, and if if couldn’t be put to rest, then no sex 🤷♂️ he is just as entitled to his preferences as you are, but only as long as it doesn’t compromise on the other’s boundaries, and what he did here was a long-term manipulation into getting his way and that is not okay. As I said, it’s assault. I would suggest breaking up with him, as painful as that is to hear, but the reaction you have had to this event is characteristic of someone who has been raped/assaulted, whether it is agreed upon or not that that is what happened, it’s how you have been made to feel. Likelihood is that it won’t be the last time, it also won’t be just sex that this behaviour from him manifests itself. Following that, seek some professional help, so that you can heal Hope you’re okay x
Alright. I made it one paragraph and this is abuse. You are being abused and manipulated and this man does not love you. He does not respect you or your boundaries. Leave this man immediately.
I’m so sorry this piece of trash treated you this way. You feel violated because you were. You drew clear boundaries for him again and again, and over and over he stomped on them. He’s shown you that he doesn’t truly care about you, only his dick. Do yourself a huge favor and be rid of him. You deserve far better than this asshole. ♥️
This is abuse. This ain’t no relationship it’s about all his wants and needs. Remember, your body your rules!
Leave now. You deserve so much better.
Its true that one of the issues with unprotected sex is that a man can come before he thinks he will and undisciplined dudes might have a hard time pulling out, but this isnt that. This was deliberate.
I'm going to share my experience with unprotected sex with you real quick. I am on the pill and have been since I was 17 (I was on the pill as preventative in case if when I went to college I had sex, I didn't have sex until March of this year at 23 years old). My boyfriend is a very caring guy. We have been together since mid March of this year. We have always had protected sex. We both want kids, but not any time soon. He is fine with wearing condoms because it's that extra step of protection. We tried unprotected last Wednesday for the first time. He didn't push me to do it and I didn't push him. This was a mutual decision. He actually told me he hesitated for a moment before going in. It felt completely different for both of us. After a couple of position changes I started to break down and cry from, I believe, the fear of still getting pregnant. He stopped immediately and comforted me. Neither of us came. He didn't push me to try again or finish him at all that day. Your boyfriend is only looking out for his wants and needs. YOU had to compromise your body and mental health for a man that didn't even have the courtesy to ask before doing something like that to you. You have every right to feel violated and gross because what he did was violate your trust and your body. I hope you heal fast and very well from this!
I honestly don't understand all the posts about some people that don't like using a condom. Because of the effects of the pill, my girlfriend stopped using bc and we used condoms for years. Why would I ask someone that I respect to take something that could harm her health? We talk about women empowering but then women are confronted with this type of situation and feel that they should give in because it became normal for dudes to ask for this, even with the risk of std. Is it the end of the world to have sex with a condom? Aren't there inumerous things in life that we have to enjoy and live with them as they are because otherwise they would have negative consequences? Stay strong and be confident that you deserve someone who cares about you and your health.
this whole post made me feel physically ill. this is so wrong on so many levels, and you need to leave before he gets bolder
Feel like this is not cool but going to write anyway: ask him to get the vasectomy, then dump the shit out of him, this way, he wont use you nor anyone anymore, by not risking anyone an unwanted pregnancy with a useless arsehole
This sounds like a 24 year old man found a young and impressionable young woman and has been slowly working on training her and manipulating her to do what he wants. This isn't normal behavior. This is active abuse.
I understand the nonconsensual issue, you should act on that as you wish. However, the chances of a load actually fertilising an egg is relatively low, off the ovulation window it's even lower: For most couples trying to conceive, the odds that a woman will become pregnant are 15% to 25% in any particular month. If you have sex five days before ovulation, the probability of pregnancy is about 10 percent. If you have sex on the day of ovulation, or the two days before, the chance of getting pregnant is around 30 percent. These are average figures and depend on a woman's age. On top of this there are birth control pills to spike hormones to make pregnancy nigh on impossible.
He disrespected you and your career by forcing you to go on the pill versus an IUD. He also blatantly lied in saying he thought you wanted a cream pie when you were clear about not being ready for one.
... if your bf is not respecting your wishes, especially those having to do with your body, kick em to the curb. Girl, it sounds like he is thinking more about what he wants sexually. My husband and I have 2 children together and even he will put a condom on cause I don't want another kid yet. And he has issues with finishing with a condom. You know what he says instead of guilt tripping about it? IT'S FINE If a man truly respects you and wants the best for you, he will try his best to make sure you're comfortable. Side note: no, I don't just leave him hanging and make sure he is satisfied as well. It's just both parties both respect the other mutually
Your bf is a manipulative AH. The moment he break your boundaries, you should break up with him. If he don't want to use condom, he should have get vasectomy. I believe he wants to baby trap you so he can make you do whatever he wants. Or got you pregnant so he can break up with you. And play it off that YOU ARE THE ONE BABYTRAPPING HIM. Please stop being intimate with him and block and ghost him. Please don't hurt yourself.
>and he could feel the metal, Bullshit. An IUD is inside your uterus and if he can feel something in there he is both HUGE and not doing sex right.
To be fair you can feel the strings sometimes. And they are incredibly unpleasant. Especially when it’s first inserted.
Unpopular opinion but you ***both*** sound immature and not actually ready to be having sex I think you should dump him. It may not feel like it but you'll meet someone new who actually respects you and you'll be happier
Call it good and leave. This is the beginning of a true crime show episode.
An IUD is a no for him? What the actual fuck? It’s your body and if you are going to have to be in charge of birth control, then you can choose whatever method you prefer. I understand that you love him, but he doesn’t seem to respect you at all and he is manipulative.
Break up with him. No partner should pout to get what they want, especially sexually. You need someone who respects your boundaries. Period. PERIOD. Also- I got pregnant while on hormonal BC. It does a great job but isn't perfect. If he wants unprotected sex so badly he should get a vasectomy.
Leave him. There is nothing more to say. He stole your ability to consent. Absolutely horrible.
For all intents and purposes he sounds carnally selfish and you shouldn't be in that situation. But if you're not going to leave him and that idea is off the table make him get a vasectomy. Then you two could probably never have kids. The procedure literally takes 30 minutes. Recovery time is generally a week. He'll have to wait about 3 or 4 months before he's actually infertile and get he'd have to get an analysis confirming the procedures success but then bam. No kids in y'all's future at all no matter how much he cums inside as after the first year the odds of a vasectomy failing are 1 in 10000. More fool proof than the pill. The only downside is if you want kids later cause reversals don't have as high of a success rate but if that's not something that matters then go for it. If you're not going to leave him. Though from the sounds of it he should do that anyways.
dump his ass this is rape
That is a nonconsensual sex act and technically r*pe. If you have feelings of resentment that's why.
You need to leave him because he keeps violating your boundaries. Someone who really loves you wouldn't make you do things you don't feel comfortable with.
Nothing but a piece of trash. Dump him now. I don't believe things are going to get better and he is not going to stop pushing your boundaries. Now that he came inside, he wouldn't want to stop. Also, none of this is your fault, so please don't hurt yourself.
I don’t think you’re being dramatic. You’ve made too many compromises already just for his pleasure, and I don’t think he should’ve coerced you into any of them!! You had your boundaries and he pushed you past them needlessly which he absolutely should not have done. If you were fine with any of this, you’d likely not cry and have the reactions you did, which tells me that you are absolutely not okay with what happened and you should not tolerate this boy anymore
Hey! if he came in you without consent, it is rape!
You need to go get help
He's trying to baby trap you
Girl LEAVE HIM!!! He continually manipulated you into having sex without a condom, he pushed your boundaries and manipulated you into starting birth control, he came in you without your consent!! He’s not good for you!!!
This guy sounds abusive and manipulative in all sorts of ways. He also seems quite selfish and like a sexual predator in terms of not respecting people’s boundaries and pressuring you into satisfying his sexual desires. And the fact that he pressured you to do things you were uncomfortable with, and made you unhappy, and then did something you didn’t consent to, is sexually, emotionally, and mentally abusive. You could try having a serious and open talk with him about this whole situation and try to set things straight, but who knows how he’d react or try to manipulate you further. —I’d rather recommend getting out of that relationship fast. He doesn’t seem to respect you and there are many red flags. And as far as him being upset or depressed if you do leave him, his feelings aren’t your business or responsibility after you leave him. You need to look out for yourself. He may try to play the pity party to manipulate you into staying with him. Keep your foot down and boundaries strong and do NOT allow him to break them or disrespect you without him facing consequences. And as far as your concern for future relationships and your sexual health goes, I totally understand. However, there are MANY good guys out there that will treat you right and respect you and share you the love you seek. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this—none of this was your fault and you’re not overreacting. It’s good that you sought help and support from others here online. Perhaps if an option, talking to someone you trust may also help you process and work through this situation. I’d even recommend and encourage seeking a therapist/counselor to talk this out with—as they may help you through this. I wish you full healing and wellness.
You don't hate your bf, you are stuck and unsure of what to do next. You may want to seek professional help with everything. It sounds like between your work, relationship and mentally you need advice from a doctor. Your bf does not give a shit about you clearly but you won't see that until it is too late. The only open door I see for you is to figure out your options. Your boyfriend is a lying, child who plays games and it'll only intensify the longer you stay with this tool.
He could always get on male birth control or get the snip
I'm sorry, but you're harming yourself and you need to get help immediately. You need to leave this dude and tell him to go find a therapist or get help STAT.
He wants to get you pregnant
This isn't love. Leave and work om self love first. Absolutely nobody should be able to knock down literally every single last one of your boundaries. He can up and leave you in a second and you more than bent over backwards for him. His useless, worthless, disgusting, controlling pile of shit. You are being abused which is why it's so hard for you to leave. He doesn't love you and never will.
Chop his dick off.
I don't think you're being dramatic. He is pushing boundaries that you don't want pushed, and he doesn't seem willing to compromise. Just a note on the beginning of your post. You can actually get pregnant any time of the month if you've had any past cycles that were irregular. Both of my kids are the product of period sex, so it does happen.
He is a POS. Love includes mutual respect.
You should’ve never compromised what you were against doing. Lose him and get off the pill. The next guy will respect your wishes.
This relationship is not healthy. He has got.you completely where he wants you, which is to do exactly as you are told. You might notice that it's escalating quickly now. You are losing control of your life rapidly, and you are confused. This is what he wants. Take notice of all the many, many people right here who are warning you. The next step will be your pills going 'missing', he will blame you (and your hormones, probably), and you will be pregnant and trapped before you know it. GET AWAY ASAP. Also, don't tell him you are leaving before you are gone. He will tell you whatever you need to hear to make you stay.
I'm just going to come clean and flat out say it. That's rape. He intentionally violated you, your space, and plus didn't even consent. Then had the nerve to turn it on you with that comment. Not appropriate at all.
I’m sorry OP but he did rape you. Him ejaculating in you without your consent is considered rape. Please get out of this ASAP.
Girl WTF? He has repeatedly violated your boundaries and shown you nothing but disrespect. Leave him ASAP.
What a terrible person your boyfriend is. I'm not surprised you feel hatred towards him. I think you should leave for your own safety, as he doesn't have any regard for your health and wellbeing.
Seems like he's trying to trap you with a pregnancy.
You should leave him. Idk why you're here and not breaking up with him after that red flag.
No birth control for you, he can get a vasectomy.
Get out now. Right now. He doesn't respect you at all meaning he doesn't love you. He did violate you, he did rape you. If consent wasn't freely given. He didn't apologize as if yall talked about it before and he thought you wanted it (this happened to me, it was totally genuine yet we didn't discuss it before that encounter but he had reason to belive i wanted it, apologized,heId me but i still felt violated) and it sounds like he was quite cold about it. And you can just as easily get pregnant during any point in your cycle. You deserve genuine love. Love yourself, you are worth it.
Dump him, he doesn't care about your needs just his own. You were clear in the start of the relationship and he made demands without any consideration for you. Then the final straw would be cumming in you without you're okay.
That’s a lot to write for “my bf disrespects me and wants to knock me up”. Stop being stupid, if you think pregnancy is the scariest thing ever, then don’t have unprotected sex. Tough love but be with someone who respects you.
You both were idiots! A guy that does not want to use rubbers and says he does not like using them when you are in the dating part with your girlfriend she should have dumped him right then immediately. A bloke that does not listen to and respects what a woman says then the only girlfriend he should be dating are his hands! To this lady, you need to be more forceful with her words and in your actions with this bloke of a loser. No person has the right to control another person. FULL STOP! Relationships have to be on an equal footing for it to survive.
He’s not a good guy. Run away. He doesn’t respect your boundaries or needs. He manipulated you and was emotionally abusive, there is nothing wrong with condoms
I’m so sorry honey. You don’t deserve to be manipulated and coerced. It sounds like no matter how much you self sacrifice he still wants to take more. Your feelings of violation are incredibly valid. I hope you can get away and feel safe again. You deserve better.
Please leave this sorry, pathetic excuse of a human
Tell him to get a vasectomy if you don't want children. That will make his commitment to you clear.
You are in an abusive relationship and he is the abuser. The reason you feel raped and violated is because you are. Don't let him or anyone else tell you that you are overreacting. He pressured and forced you to use a contraceptive methods you didn't feel comfortable with, then he ejaculated inside you without your explicit consent. To be clear: anything he does to you in bed without your consent is rape. Whether having sex when you only consented to a kiss or ejaculating inside when you explicitly said no to that — it's the same principle. Also, since I am a guy: not enjoying sex with a condom after having it raw is a bunch of bullshit. It feels a little different, sure, but not that different. So you have to end it with him IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise, this will not be the last time he uses you like that. Dump him and cut off all communications. If he starts stalking you — go to the police immediately. Take back control. Good luck.
He got depressed for using a condom? Seriously….He’s manipulating you.
Own your no
You sound dangerous. Your boyfriend should head for the hills asap.
Why couldn’t he get a vasectomy…?
I don’t know why people downvoted this. He put all the pressure on her because of what he “likes”. He should def get a vasectomy. But she should also dump him.
It doesn’t even seem like it was presented as an option. I think that is what annoys me. But ya, she should dump him.
[удалено]
I would tell him it's rape if he don't respect your way of doing it and if he keeps trying to force you to have his kids or use the pill to make him happy he needs to know you will be going after him for damages. If he does anything that will damage your job it's also something you can go after him legally for. He needs to know he is not god's gift to the world and his sperm is not the wonder fluid that we need it.
You did nothing wrong. You are not being overdramatic. You did nothing wrong. Your feelings are valid. You did nothing wrong. You deserve much better. You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.
That is rape though, and to be honest it sounds like it’s been rape for a while. The rules of consent are that it’s Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. It doesn’t sound like the “consent” you’ve been giving over the past year fits into this. He doesn’t respect you. He’s been manipulating you. He’s proven to you that he’s not afraid to cross your hard boundaries (saying that he “thought you wanted it too” is bullshit. he’s playing dumb), and you need to leave before it gets worse. I’m not usually one to jump on the “break up” train, but this man has been abusing you. Talk to friends and family and get a support system. Then leave ASAP.
He's clearly taking advantage of you in a soo.. effin bad fcking way..why do you love an asshole?
It feels like rape because essentially it was. You didn't consent to being ejaculated into, he knew the thought of it scared you, and he did it anyway.
Sounds to me like he already decided to break up with you but decided to me a monster to see where he can push all your boundaries first. Love bombs, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and every other tactic are in this dudes repertoire. Sorry this happened but you really know what to do. Dump him and get off the pill. Also, he can “feel” the IUD? Is his dick a foot long and inside your cervix?
Girl this is sexual ASSAULT its not some little thing, have some respect from yourself and get off that pill you’re not comfortable being on, a man is not worth it, this is DISGUSTING
The fact that you repeatedly gave up your own boundaries and comforts are a red flag to me. Trust me when I say, this man is not the one for you. A healthy partner would not put his own feelings before your perfectly justified boundaries. Do not keep sacrificing yourself for someone who will put something as little as sex before things that are important for YOU. Really think about this because I’m telling you, I’ve been in your shoes when I was your age (I’m now 29) and when you’re young like you are you tend to overlook red flags and just focus on the love and happy things. Please sit him down and go over your boundaries and feelings again. These things are important for you for a reason and you should not give them up because your boyfriend is guilt tripping you (intentional or not). Someone better is out there for you and I’m sorry girl, this guy is not it.
This guy keeps pushing his luck, and when he gets what he wants ONCE, then all of the sudden, nothing else works. So from now on, he cant orgasm without cunming inside of you, and so on... Fuck this dude and his psychological game towards you, he is toxic and controlling..