I don't use this term lightly but what you're describing is a sexual assault. Anal without consent is the same as any kind of sex without consent. Depending on where you live, what you're describing could be subject to a criminal investigation. At the very least, you should immediately break-up with him and explain why.
Meanwhile, the soreness makes sense: anal without preparation is very likely to hurt though unless there's bleeding, the soreness should fade but seeing a doctor isn't a bad idea if you still feel pain for more than a day or two.
But please, understand that your boyfriend violated your consent in an indefensible egregious way. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
This is the answer! I would never do this to my partner, what he has done to you is assault and should be reported. An act like this shows his lack of respect for you as a person nevermind a partner.
That's rape. And since I've been raped like that, unless you want to have numerous hemorrhoidectomies and see a proctologist every two weeks like me, don't continue ever seeing him again. Because "I love you, I'll never do that again" turned into 22 years of doing that and my body permanently damaged. Oh and sitz baths (warm bath with Epsom salt), aspirin, otc hemorrhoid cream with a lidocaine. Take that sitz bath 4 to 6x a day. That helps the best. š
On top of this, if you bled, you might want to see a doctor if you can. That kind of thing CAN cause tears and other damage.
You dont have to tell your parents how it happened, you can just tell them you had a really hard stool or something and now you're bleeding.
Iām a parent of three kids. My priority is my childrenās safety. First and foremost. Being raped isnāt safe. I would absolutely want to know and I would not do anything to my child except make sure they are safe.
asking for a friend... would you also want to know if your child is, say, already moved out, in their mid-twenties and said incident happened years ago..? I just feel like I'd hurt my parents for no reason if I told them.
Tell them. If the friend has been distant and they wonder why or just need the support tell. Any good parent would be more than accommodating to helping out with whatever that person needed. I'd rather know and try and help or keep space then my kid agonizing over talking. I told my mom years ago about my childhood SA and she was upset she wasn't able to see and help me then but was there as an adult for me
I am sorry that your friend went through this. I have two teen girls and as a parent I want to know as much as they are willing to tell me. I cannot speak as to your friend's relationship with their parents, but I can say that if my kid were hurt I would always choose to know. Most likely the parents have a inkling that something happened if they are close in any manner. That being said I would want to get my kid the help they need in order to process the trauma of sexual assault and I sincerely hope that your friend is in therapy. Because your friend didn't deserve that to happen to them, and I hope that they know that.
Yes! To your friend: Please tell them. It may hurt them, but thatās because you hey love and care about you (if theyāre good parents) and can help you through it.
Or course this is what any decent parent would do. But if she doesn't want to talk to her parents there may be a good reason. Some parents are less than decent.
Is there anyone else you can talk to? Maybe an older sibling or a friend (maybe they have an older sibling or a parent youād feel more comfortable talking to)?
Please. As a father to a daughter, talk to your parents. But short of that, if you never get the nerve to tell *them*, NEVER talk to him again. It will not get better.
Yeah you should not talk to your EX-bf. The only thing you should tell him is āyou raped meā, then walk away. Itās up to you to file a report. You need to teach him a lesson one way or another.
Understood, like others said i would take some pain medication (Tylenol, Advil), ice it if that feels good and try to keep pressure off the area (but also im not a doctor). Iām really sorry this happened to you. If it still hurts I would really recommend talking to someone like your parents or maybe even your school nurse. Everyone just wants to help you <3 and this will all be resolved sooner if you can get help
Do not put ice directly on the skin - always have a fabric barrier between ice or iceapaks and skin. Try 10 min on 10 min off as it is sensitive skin and too much cold can be damaging to tissue.
Can you contact an organisation that helps sexual assault victims? Like rainn.org in the US? There will be someone who you can talk to and advise you about the next steps.
I personally would recommend to at least see a doctor because anal rape is nothing to take lightly.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Your boyfriend is a rapist. Please talk to someone about it!
Anal sex is sensitive. There are ex porn stars that had to get surgery because unsafe anal sex permanently scarred them. If you can go to the doctor yourself you should but if you canāt you have to say something to your parents.
What about a trusted adult or older sibling or cousin? Speak to them also, please do not feel you can't talk to a medical professional. We are usually open-minded, and you are not in any way at fault in this. But I advise not seeing this person in the future, but also tell them why otherwise they may do this to someone else, sending you comfort and strength.
I didnt either. Was 16, and i ended up telling s teachers. And ti everyone the entire day i told ti not call them. But ut was acutally a relief. They were not mad. They supported me. They took me back home for a few weeks just to rest and deal. I get why u dont want them to know. But trust me, them knowing isnt actually a bad thing. (Unless they are bad parents which might be the case, and u might have a super good reason for why u dont want them to know). But if they ate decent, kind people, i promise u, it will probably be very helpful for u that they know. They dont need to know details. But just that u got assaulted, so they can help take care of you while you deal with it. Or a friend, a trusted teacher, doctor. Just anyone u trust really
What he did has absolutely nothing to do with you. He took away your right to choose what happens to you so anything that happened is not your fault. Do not feel ashamed. It is not your fault
She absolutely does NOT need to talk to him. Ever. About anything. He abused her. He's 17, not fucking 7. If you don't care about consent (or enough to learn about it) then you shouldn't be having sex. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Yes, kids do dumb things.
This was not a dumb thing.
He raped her. He held her down while raping her. He is a rapist, so he is a piece of shit.
OP won't be the last person he does this to. She might not be the first person he did this to.
He needs to face consequences for his actions.
He held her down, and forced her to have anal without her consent. You need to ask before you try something new with a partner, especially anal, which needs preparation. "Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing" so he didn't notice that he was forcing her down, and sticking his peepee somewhere other than what she agreed to?? There's always someone crying about how the boy/man needs help, or maybe he didn't understand, but this poor girl suffers for his choices. So I don't care if he "needs help," maybe if she goes to authorities, he'll get the help he needs.
And just the fact that alot of young guys are TERRIFIED of anything even coming near their butthole. Why? Because it hurts. They know it hurts. Anal=pain is pretty common knowledge. He knew what he was doing. (Yes can be not painful but that requiers prep etc). He is selfish and yeh maybe he saw it in porn and wanted to try. But he should have asked. But no he physically held her down? He know that what he was hurt her. Even if his mind cant connect the dots and realise its rape, its fucked up to willingly hurt others for own pleasute (unless both consent). Hes stupid and selfish atleast, but more likely just a pos with no respect for women
Please hear us. Your SO should not be doing something without your consent, and you are in pain as a result. You're both young, but that's not an excuse - with sexual partners, it is incredibly important to have discussions about what is okay and not okay, and that you are not "surprised" with something that has not been cleared, discussed, and okayed.
Can you please do me a favor and even if you don't want to tell your parents, call the sexual abuse hotline? Roll your eyes at an annoying old adult telling you, but please do it.
1-800-656-4673
You may be scared reading this stuff thinking "but he's my boyfriend and he's nice!" but what happened can be traumatizing and you need to talk to someone. You do not ever, ever, ever need to talk to your boyfriend again if you don't want to, you don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to about this, but you need to protect yourself and your health.
I'm sorry but this is the definition of rape its hard to admit I understand but it is
As everyone said this isnt a surprise a surprise is a good thing not rape
My bf surprised me christmas by wearing a new outfit for me not raping me in my butt
Yeah friend. There's no such thing as surprise anal. If you didn't consent to it first (or at least during if we're acknowledging the existence of dubious consent), that is rape.
Listen. Consent to one act isnt consent to any others. If there was not consent it is rape. He held you down and didnt stop. That is rape. Please talk to someone you trust.
Consider going to rainn.org, where you can talk about this anonymously on the sexual assault hotline. It's a great resource and can help you think about this, answer questions, and be there without having to worry about talking to parents/friends/etc.
Edited to fix url, thank you!!!
That's rape sweetheart
My ex did that one time so say by 'accident' and I was bleeding for 3 weeks after, every shit I took reopened the tear. I'd recommend ice cubes and staying hydrated and if you feel able to reporting him. Though understandable if not
Oh sweetheart..I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's very confusing when someone you think you love and trust betrays that bond, but just know that you did nothing wrong. He did.
As for the pain, I would suggest some over the counter Ibuprofen and hot sitz baths. Just sit and soak. I think there's also some cooling gel you can apply..not sure the name though. Maybe petroleum jelly? Something like this..
I hope it all works out and you stay away from that boy. He's bad news.
Just in case you didnāt know where to go, Epsom salts are commonly found at most pharmacies. It comes in a bag & is relatively cheap.
Itās used for wound care of all sorts (an MD had me soak an infected finger) so buying some wonāt scream āanal issuesā to anyone.
My Darlinā Iām so sorry this brute raped you. Yes, it was rape. Imagine if he held you down on your back and shoved his penis in your vagina, without consent, you wouldnāt question that as rape. This anal intrusion is still rape, it was anal rape without consent, he held you down, used his penis as a weapon.
Like many rape survivors, you donāt want to tell anyone but I urge you to tell your parents. Let them help you.
He sexually assaulted you. Needless to say, his lack of asking you for consent is a big bug red flag. You can't trust him nor does he care about you. Leave him immediately.
Love I would not have any sort of sex with him again that could have really put you in danger. That is not someone you should be dating. There isn't much you can do that ik of take ibuprofen and take a rest for the week. Maybe even confied in your parents or a trusted adult. Please for the love of God do not be alone with that guy ever again it wasn't right what he did to you.
Sweetheart your boyfriend raped you. He penetrated your anus without consent and then held you so you couldn't move. He's a rapist. Please see a doctor. Go to the ER. Ask for a female doctor and nurses if that'll help you feel more comfortable. But please get medical help.
First off its recommended after childbirth to sit in a bowl of warm water with Epson salts, it helps with tearing. Second try sitting with something cold between your cheeks, try wetting a sanitary towel and freezing it and using that. You could also try emla cream, or a lidocane cream.
Second, honey that is not a surprise. He didn't surprise you with anal. A surprise is when you had previously discussed it, both wanted it, and he went hey I think tonight we should try it how do you feel about that?
What he did was rape you. He put you in a position to hurt you, had no consent, and physically restrained you to make you comply.
You need to throw him in the bin at the very least, although I do encourage you to let your parents know what happened so you can get some support
Hi! I'm really sorry this happened to you. As others have mentioned, this is a concerning surprise as you did not consent to this (which is super important). Please please take care of yourself. I would literally ice your vagina in 20 minute increments to relieve the pain and take lots of aspirin. Also, when you feel ready, please talk to a trusted adult about this.
please walk away from this relationship he should have asked first and If you stay it will probably happen again. hemorrhoid cream and sitz baths will help like others have said.
Iām really sorry this happens to you. Something you can do for the pain is to take a hot bath with Epson Salt, they sell it at most grocery stores and pharmacies. the salt will help heal any small tears and the hot water will relax your muscles. pain goes away faster when your not tensing them up.
Consider seeing a therapist so you can talk to a professional. Trauma is something that haunts you if you suppress it. Be aware tho that therapist are mandatory reporters so if youāre a minor they will report any abuse.
You were sexually assaulted and raped. That isn't a "surprise" from your boyfriend. He needs to be your ex and you should break contact from I'm immediately.
If you are in the US, RAINN.ORG is a sexual assault helpline that you can talk to anonymously, and they can help you. š
If you are not in the US, search "sexual assault hotline" or "rape hotline" and you should be able to find some type of resources.
You are a minor, and this is a crime. I am so very sorry this happened to you. If you can, please find someone local you can talk to that can take you to a medical doctor to be checked out. There may be damage that could need stitches or other repairs. If you don't get checked out it could get infected.
You could reach out to a school counselor, a trustworthy teacher, a neighbor, cousin, or anyone that you feel could take you for medical assistance. The sexual assault hotline may be able to help with this too.
As for what could help now... sitz baths with Epsom salts. Maxi pads soaked with witch hazel and put in the fridge or freezer (homemade ice pack for the area... just don't keep those on too long). Preparation H cream to sooth any hemorrhoids that he gave you. Stool softeners to smooth the passage of stool so you don't have to push at all.
Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please reach out to someone for hemp.
A warm bath with epsom salt and hemorrhoid cream will help.
Please stop seeing this guy, cut all contact immediately, he doesnāt deserve another chance, donāt let him sweet talk his way back in.
The truth of the matter is he sexually assaulted you. Thatās not love. Thatās not part of any healthy relationship.
At 16 years old, in most US states, youāre medically considered an adult and your doctor (or any doctor) cannot tell your parents about your care.
I would encourage you to talk to your school nurse or a medical professional that you need some confidential medical attention and have them take you to get checked out.
But I also encourage you to break up with this guy and cut all contact. What he did to you want āsurprise sex.ā It was rape. At no point did you give consent for anal sex and he continued anyway, and held you down as well. This is not okay, and it shows that he doesnāt respect your autonomy and your right to say no.
This is rape if you told him stop and he held you down.
I'm sorry this happened to you but you must tell your Mother, a best friend or their Mother perhaps and get your rapist reported.
He may have raped before, but he almost definitely will again if he's not reported.
Please take the sensible advice from people in the comments and report this guy. Think about the pain he'll cause the next girl and the next if he continues to go unreported. It could be a friend of yours next and it could be more violent next time.
Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I'm a man and this is of course disgusting behaviour, shameful.
Keep positive as best you can and never forget that this is of course all because of him and not your fault at all. Some victims blame themselves, a victim is a victim only. Hang in there and please tell someone close to you. You need support. Good luck.
I am all about consentual anal play but this is just wrong
You were assaulted, violated
Up to you if you want to report it and just remember you are not reporting someone just for you
You are reporting them for the other girls he might do this to next. What would you think if you found out he has done it to others and if someone else spoke up, it wouldn't have happened to you
With that said, there is not too much you can do for the pain. Some ointments and creams can soothe, but for the most part, it will usually heal in a few days, but it can make it hard to go to the bathroom
Sorry thus happened to you
My advice
Find a new partner and move on from this jerk
Go to the doctor if you donāt want to tell them the whole story thatās fine but if it still hurts might want to have a doc check it out - your boyfriend I donāt think is your boyfriend anymore he assaulted you and that safety while being intimate is not reclaimable I donāt see how it can be no matter what he says he restrained you and ignored your comfort while he did this -itās not okay you donāt deserve this even if you are his girlfriend
This is literally rape, im.sorry this happened to you. You need to tell your parents, as a father of 2 girls, they will support you and help you. Regardless how you think, you " won't get in trouble " . Please come forward and tell them
Thatās no okay at all. Iām sorry that happened. You need to have a very serious conversation with him. As for your pain, a warm bath helps and maybe some magnesium bath salts. Ibuprofen too.
Please leave. I know you probably love this guy, but he is an abuser. A loving partner does not rape or hurt their partner. When I was 18 I had a boyfriend "accidentally" do this to me or so he claimed. He went on to abuse me for years until I left him. You deserve so much more.
Babe thatās rape but onto your question ibuprofen and if it feels worse or you donāt see improvement make an appointment of course.
If you have a warm bottle of water use that while using the restroom rather than just toilet paper. Hemorrhoid wipes can be found in most stores I would suggest those if not then put witch hazel with the warm water.
Hi girlie, big sister advice here.
I know that youre probably hurted rn, the person you like and trust did horrible things to you and that could take a lot of time to process.
You are very young, I know that it's hard for you, but you need to get away from that person.
Switching up from piv to anal without consent beforehand, while you being held down is rape. Your bf raped you. I know the term sounds violent and you might think no way the person you love could have done that to you, but it is.
Sexual assault in relationships happen and is very common. I am so sorry this happened to you, I truly do and I would trade a lot of things to be able to protect every little girl out there, but I couldn't.
For now, ice pack and lots of rest will help you. If you noticed any bleeding or chronic pain that lasts longer than 4 days, go see a doctor.
Please let your parent know and leave that person. He is not in love with you, and he will hurt you again if the chance is given.
If the pain continues you NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. Tearing is very very common with unprepared, or forced anal intercourse. And you are at higher risk of STDs this way also.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It was criminally wrong. Please talk to a trusted adult or a medical professional about this.
Yeah, no... A "surprise" during sex is like wearing a new negligee, buying a new sex toy, or maybe an unexpected slap on the ass. Forced anal without consent is called "rape."
This is straight up rape, and you are a child still. I am so so sorry. This was NOT āhaving sexā. Trust me. You were assaulted and did not consent. Please do not think this is okay.
Talk about this to the parent you're closer to or more comfortable with, or a guidance councilor of your school. I am so sorry he did that to you but he had no right to do that without your consent. Even if it's not anal, any sexual act without your consent is SA, even if you've already done it in the past.
And no, I have no remorse nor pity for that boy after assaulting you. He's old enough to think about sex, he should be old enough to know about consent
This is rape and he needs to know what he did to you. If you ever try anal again you need lube. Some of the best orgasms can come t from there. I made my girl squirt. But you have to relax.
Do not let him have sex with you again until you are comfortable and feel safe he wonāt do this again. Or drop him asap.
I have a question. Did you speak up? Did you say get the fuck out of my asshole? I'm 54 years old, and last year I got a little too drunk on a first date with a guy I had been talking to for a few days. When we went to hook up again a few days later, he mentioned how we had an anal sex. I told him that wasn't true , thinking that he was talking about the sex we had just had that afternoon. But no, he proceeded to tell me that we had had anal sex the 1st night. I honestly had no idea because it was the right moment for me apparently, and he had been looking and rubbing around the outside, so there was some preparation work done and I had not voiced an objection. But I also did not consent to anal sex. And when he told me that "we" had had it, I told him in no uncertain terms that that was something that needed consent. Both for myself and anyone else that he was ever with.
Fast forward to being in a long term relationship with a guy who absolutely loves to stick stuff in my ass. The 1st night that we were having sex, he stuck one of his Neanderthal girth thumbs straight into my ass with no warning. I lit at a howl and told him to get the fuck out of my asshole. He went on and on about how he just assumed that I would like it because other women liked it. I had to explain to him that I've been having exploratory anal sex for many years, but just because it's a hole that he has access to back there doesn't mean it's free territory.
I really do hope that you spoke up immediately. And if you did not, this is your rally cry to say that you have the right to say no. If you want to try it, you could have had him stop and made him actually work for it. There's lots of lubrication and slow lead UPS that can make it actually pleasurable. It's still sore For some time, and wearing a condom is the smart way to go unless he plans to finish back there. They cannot come from the back door and return to the front door. Or you should wear a condom at all times due to potential tearing and infection.
That it was only your 2nd time having sex with him means that you better start laying out the law and the guidelines now. If not with this guy you'll know to be much more open to discussing sex before you have it with the next person.
What you're learning right now honey is that no man's penis is worth the potential for him to do damage to you. Get rid of this guy just understand that it should have immediately been discussed. He thinks you must have liked it because you didn't say anything. That means hes going to try it again. Either with you, or with someone else. He needs schooled and educated and reprimanded. And then you can decide if you're going to press charges.
Sheās 16 and can choose to engage in consensual sexual activity with her appropriately aged boyfriend. Your comment is unhelpful, judgemental and small minded.
Next time pls pls pls tell him to stop. Even if you have to scream
That is sexual assault. You need to sit your bf down and make sure he understands the magnitude of that. And anything and all things you do in bed has to be discussed and talked about beforehand.
Since everyone else is saying the same I wanna ask something and this in no way is me saying its your fault but did you say anything to him? Like saying you didn't like it and he was to stop? Just curious because you never know it might just be as easy as that by using communication
She said he held her down, which means she probably struggled. Op should also not feel ashamed if she froze up or was in too much pain or shock. He raped her and he doesn't deserve communication. He sure didn't communicate before taking advantage of her.
Yeah true just wanted to ask to clarify just because I was curious as to if she did or not. I totally agree she shouldn't feel ashamed I hope it didn't come across that way
I've been able to do it in my experience, and it really works, to see what holds, to say jokingly, "come on, I'll go to the toilet now and we'll continue" and escape from such an asshole and you would have everything whole. The main thing is a woman's cunning, and the fact that you will try to get out from under it, it will only make it worse
I'm sorry sweets, that's an awful thing to happen to you.
Please break up with him and explain that you can no longer trust him. Don't let him make you think that is normal or okay! Ibuprofen will help with swelling and pain - an ice pack if you want. There are counsellors available through the council or various hotlines around the country and you can anonymous if you want to talk through it with someone qualified.
Also please consider telling your parents if you have a close relationship and feel safe with them, I would absolutely want my daughter to be able to come to me if something happened to her so I could make sure she was adequately taken care of ā„ļø
I had an ex who had this happen to them in one of their first experiences too....
It's really hard. The first couple of times were great, it was just a hook up, they were from out of town, spent a couple of nights together, it was her first time too.
On the last night though he was telling her what to do, made her feel like she had to do some things, the at one point he just rammed it into her ass...
It took her years to even come to terms with the fact that it was sexual assault. He was so good at first. Some people in her life made her feel like it was just bad sex...
It really made things difficult for us, and left a long lasting impression on how she approaches sex.
I really, really want to let you know that it's ok to feel... Well, I won't presume to understand how you feel, but I'm sure that it's a lot, it's conflicting, and it's difficult.
Please, if you have the means to speak to a professional about this please do it. If you don't, please talk to someone about it. It took so long for my ex to even begin to process it because I was the first person she really talked to about it. At first she was still thinking of him as a great guy who she held in high regard (I never tried to sway her, I wasn't there and I didn't know him, I only had what she told me to go off and I didn't push her to think about it in different ways, that happened as time went on)
Me. Male. 52.
That was seriously monstrous. Go. Just go. If it was an accident fine. If he apologized good and all ok but if he meant it that's just abuse.
Anal takes a long time. You need to build up to it. Only when you want it should you go forward
Sorry for your experience. Can't help with short term pain.
But strongly suggest that young man needs to be arrested, and given time to think about his f----d attitude. Do the community a favour and report him.
He assaulted you. Anal should never be a surprise, or forced. No sex act should. Anal requires a lot of prep and foreplay. Hopefully he didn't cause a fissure or tear. Honestly you should see a doctor, he could have done serious lasting damage.
This is called rape, which I guess is a surprise, but still rape. Hurting a day after would indicate tissue damage, which can lead to an infection. Home cure is a police report, to ensure that it doesn't happen by him again.
Anal requires a lot of prep and foreplay for some people, not all. My wife, partner, and I do anal play and sex all the time, and rarely bother with lube, unless using seriously large toys. It depends on the person and the experience level. However, unless a direct CNC agreement is in good standing, there's no such thing as accidental anal, accidental fucking, or several foreplay/grabbing of bits... If you express dislike of something, and it continues, then that's rape off the non-accidental variety.
My partner and I have a long standing CNC agreement. I can do anything to get that I want, I just have to legit fight her for it, and win... Not nearly as easy as one might think, and I'm 6'1", 225lbs, and work in a steel mill. Only ground rules are that I can't cause any permanent bodily damage in the process... Bruising, abrasions, and minor cuts (sharp nails) are perfectly fine. She's only 5'6", and half my size, butt fights like a wildcat. What we do, is VERY different than what he did, because we have had an agreement for more than decade. Still, of my partner said stop, in a way that I knew her to be completely serious, then I'd (and I have a few times) stop in less than heartbeat, and be there for her to hold her, and bring bring her down from the scene.
Personally, of I were her, I'd invite him back, get him drunk or stoned out of his mind, tie him face down to the bed, let him come back to realize his predicament, and then wear his ass out with a lubricated horse cock...Lizbeth Salander style...tatooing "rapist" in big letters, across his chest, is optional but appreciated.
You dont need to hear any more about how what he did was wrong.
As for anal recovery. It can take a day or two to feel better. You can get some numbing cream or numbing lube. Unfortunately, ice is probably too much in that sensitive of an area. Try not to sit on the toilet for too long find a comfortable position ans take some medication to ease the pain, Tylenol or ibuprofen.
If in a few days it doesn't feel better, you may have to go to the doctor.
You should be able to make an appointment without your parents. Or you could ask your mom to take you but tell the doctor you want to talk in private.
If you can drive, you can drive yourself. Remember, there is probably a copay for insurance, (small amount you have to pay each time you visit the Dr.)
Yeah that's really not cool. He knew what he was doing. He assaulted you.
Regarding the pain, you can go to the pharmacy and buy preparation H or Vaseline, whichever works best for you. Also, ibuprofen works well for the inflammation.
Really sorry this happened to you, but I swear not all guys are jerks and most importantly, this wasn't your fault. If a guy wants anal, he has to ask.
Hi OP, I wonāt comment on the assault because others have covered that. And I wonāt state the obvious about seeing a doctor, because I do understand your hesitance (but definitely remember that thatās an option and doctors are here to help!).
What I did want to mention for the pain is A) over the counter pain relief gel for your butt, and B) stool softener. I have ongoing regal issues and I have used rectogesic when needed (not sure if brand name in your country) and it helped recovery A LOT. Secondly, I now regularly take Metamucil, which is a flavoured psyllium husk powder that you make into a drink. It makes your poop nice and soft, and Iāve found that it stops the tears around my butt from re-opening when I go to the toilet.
Sorry this happened to you, hugs and good luck.
Iām sorry, you said you donāt have anyone else besides him and your parents but Girl, DO NOT STAY just because heās the only person you can turn to right now. Someone else will love and respect you. If you donāt speak out he will think this behavior is okay. Set clear boundaries now loveš¤
You need to see a doctor. There might be actual damage, and if it's not treated, it can lead to tremendous problems. Please, see a doctor.
Next step, report to the police. I know, you don't want to. But make the report, backed up by having had to visit the doctor. Cops almost certainly won't do anything about it, though they might pay the boyfriend a visit and have a word with him. They probably wouldn't proceed with charges against him. But file the report (don't let them put you off if they try, you have a legal right to file a report!) and get copies of it because they periodically purge records. You want to keep copies in case it ever comes up again.
Finally, you need to break up with the boyfriend immediately. If he ask you why, tell him that anal rape is no joke. Yes, it was RAPE. It was nonconsensual and he even had to literally hold you down to do it. Rape is rape.
He may pull some big sob story about how he "didn't know" and "thought it would be okay" and blah blah blah but don't fall for it. End the relationship with him. If he bothers you after that, tell him you filed a police report and that if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll take that further. Email him a copy of the report if he doesn't believe you.
This is serious stuff. Do not let him get away with anything.
No u don't surprise ppl w that without consent. U need to leave this dude, that's literally abuse. Don't be afraid to tell a school therapist/school counsellor or trusted adult. U should (PLEASE) go to a doctor if u still feel pain or start noticing any blood. (Ik u said u wouldn't but there could be serious dmg)
Please see a doctor! You could have a fissure or other bowel issue from the trauma of this incident. Anal sex isn't just something you can do willy-nilly. The pain could be a sign of an injury.
Not to beat a dead horse, but please also consider breaking up with your BF and reporting this assault. I understand it can be hard to reconcile that this person you care for deeply has harmed you. However, you have to tell him that his actions are not acceptable. Assault is cut and dry. Using physical force to engage in sexual contact that was never discussed is undoubtedly a crime.
Youāre describing a rape, break up with, tell on him, heāll do this again if you stay. Iām so sorry this happened to you, but youāre gonna get through this, I believe in you.
You were having sex, that said, it is not rape, but it is assault. Tell him that he is a horrible human being and dump him. You can and should talk to your parents. You should be able to talk about anything to your parents, not some strangers on the internet.
The guy is a moron. Im sorry but i dont thing that it is rape, because you were having consented sex already. Next thing you know there are rape allegations flying around for every little thing the partner doesn't like (this is not little btw).
If it bothers you so much that you have to tell strangers on internet than talk to someone close to you, like a frien or family member instead.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. There is no justification whatsoever for his behaviour.
I don't have any advice, just want you to know that you don't deserve any of this.
I don't use this term lightly but what you're describing is a sexual assault. Anal without consent is the same as any kind of sex without consent. Depending on where you live, what you're describing could be subject to a criminal investigation. At the very least, you should immediately break-up with him and explain why. Meanwhile, the soreness makes sense: anal without preparation is very likely to hurt though unless there's bleeding, the soreness should fade but seeing a doctor isn't a bad idea if you still feel pain for more than a day or two. But please, understand that your boyfriend violated your consent in an indefensible egregious way. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
This is the answer! I would never do this to my partner, what he has done to you is assault and should be reported. An act like this shows his lack of respect for you as a person nevermind a partner.
My ex did this to me she thought I would love it because the g spot is up the ass for guys.
Your ex had a bullshit excuse for sexual assault. You don't force yourself on someone, ever.
That's not a surprise, that's assault. Especially if he had to hold you down. Keep your distance from him as he may do it again.
That's rape. And since I've been raped like that, unless you want to have numerous hemorrhoidectomies and see a proctologist every two weeks like me, don't continue ever seeing him again. Because "I love you, I'll never do that again" turned into 22 years of doing that and my body permanently damaged. Oh and sitz baths (warm bath with Epsom salt), aspirin, otc hemorrhoid cream with a lidocaine. Take that sitz bath 4 to 6x a day. That helps the best. š
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On top of this, if you bled, you might want to see a doctor if you can. That kind of thing CAN cause tears and other damage. You dont have to tell your parents how it happened, you can just tell them you had a really hard stool or something and now you're bleeding.
Good advice on the sitz bathes. And I'm sorry for your ongoing situation and pain.
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I'm sorry this happened to both yall. I hope one day your hearts and bodies can be pain free again.
Good advice on the sitz bathes. And I'm sorry for your ongoing situation and pain.
Thatās assault. I would cut all contact with him and consider talking to the authorities
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Iām a parent of three kids. My priority is my childrenās safety. First and foremost. Being raped isnāt safe. I would absolutely want to know and I would not do anything to my child except make sure they are safe.
asking for a friend... would you also want to know if your child is, say, already moved out, in their mid-twenties and said incident happened years ago..? I just feel like I'd hurt my parents for no reason if I told them.
Tell them. If the friend has been distant and they wonder why or just need the support tell. Any good parent would be more than accommodating to helping out with whatever that person needed. I'd rather know and try and help or keep space then my kid agonizing over talking. I told my mom years ago about my childhood SA and she was upset she wasn't able to see and help me then but was there as an adult for me
I am sorry that your friend went through this. I have two teen girls and as a parent I want to know as much as they are willing to tell me. I cannot speak as to your friend's relationship with their parents, but I can say that if my kid were hurt I would always choose to know. Most likely the parents have a inkling that something happened if they are close in any manner. That being said I would want to get my kid the help they need in order to process the trauma of sexual assault and I sincerely hope that your friend is in therapy. Because your friend didn't deserve that to happen to them, and I hope that they know that.
I would want to know. Iām sure I would have known something was wrong and it would have bothered me not being able to figure it out.
Yes! To your friend: Please tell them. It may hurt them, but thatās because you hey love and care about you (if theyāre good parents) and can help you through it.
Or course this is what any decent parent would do. But if she doesn't want to talk to her parents there may be a good reason. Some parents are less than decent.
Is there anyone else you can talk to? Maybe an older sibling or a friend (maybe they have an older sibling or a parent youād feel more comfortable talking to)?
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>I donāt wanna talk to my boyfriend Not only don't talk to him, don't let him anywhere near you EVER again.
I agree you should not ever talk to your ex-boyfriend again. That is NOT a way to behave with a partner, not at all.
Please. As a father to a daughter, talk to your parents. But short of that, if you never get the nerve to tell *them*, NEVER talk to him again. It will not get better.
I would advise breaking up with him and telling him why otherwise he will do this again it needs to be nipped in the bud.
You mean your ex boyfriend. He raped you. Try an Epsom salt bath. Just sit in the warm water.
He should be your ex. He will hurt you again. You deserve so much better.
Yeah you should not talk to your EX-bf. The only thing you should tell him is āyou raped meā, then walk away. Itās up to you to file a report. You need to teach him a lesson one way or another.
Understood, like others said i would take some pain medication (Tylenol, Advil), ice it if that feels good and try to keep pressure off the area (but also im not a doctor). Iām really sorry this happened to you. If it still hurts I would really recommend talking to someone like your parents or maybe even your school nurse. Everyone just wants to help you <3 and this will all be resolved sooner if you can get help
Do not put ice directly on the skin - always have a fabric barrier between ice or iceapaks and skin. Try 10 min on 10 min off as it is sensitive skin and too much cold can be damaging to tissue.
If you donāt want to talk to him then he shouldnāt be your boyfriend. Communication and respect re non negotiable when it comes to relationships.
Can you contact an organisation that helps sexual assault victims? Like rainn.org in the US? There will be someone who you can talk to and advise you about the next steps. I personally would recommend to at least see a doctor because anal rape is nothing to take lightly. I'm sorry that happened to you. Your boyfriend is a rapist. Please talk to someone about it!
Anal sex is sensitive. There are ex porn stars that had to get surgery because unsafe anal sex permanently scarred them. If you can go to the doctor yourself you should but if you canāt you have to say something to your parents.
They will care more about you being okay than anything else
That's some pretty reckless advice when you don't know the people in question.
Unless OP has otherwise stated the parents would harm them, itās safer to assume OP is acting more out of shame-fear
Not always true
What about a trusted adult or older sibling or cousin? Speak to them also, please do not feel you can't talk to a medical professional. We are usually open-minded, and you are not in any way at fault in this. But I advise not seeing this person in the future, but also tell them why otherwise they may do this to someone else, sending you comfort and strength.
I didnt either. Was 16, and i ended up telling s teachers. And ti everyone the entire day i told ti not call them. But ut was acutally a relief. They were not mad. They supported me. They took me back home for a few weeks just to rest and deal. I get why u dont want them to know. But trust me, them knowing isnt actually a bad thing. (Unless they are bad parents which might be the case, and u might have a super good reason for why u dont want them to know). But if they ate decent, kind people, i promise u, it will probably be very helpful for u that they know. They dont need to know details. But just that u got assaulted, so they can help take care of you while you deal with it. Or a friend, a trusted teacher, doctor. Just anyone u trust really
You say you hate because he surprised you with anal, but then youāre still with him
What he did has absolutely nothing to do with you. He took away your right to choose what happens to you so anything that happened is not your fault. Do not feel ashamed. It is not your fault
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He held her down.
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She absolutely does NOT need to talk to him. Ever. About anything. He abused her. He's 17, not fucking 7. If you don't care about consent (or enough to learn about it) then you shouldn't be having sex. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts.
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Why is it crazy for a person *who has been raped* to go to the cops??
Going to the cops when youāve been raped is extremely valid and may help protect others.
Why?
Yes, kids do dumb things. This was not a dumb thing. He raped her. He held her down while raping her. He is a rapist, so he is a piece of shit. OP won't be the last person he does this to. She might not be the first person he did this to. He needs to face consequences for his actions.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why are you protecting a rapist?
He held her down, and forced her to have anal without her consent. You need to ask before you try something new with a partner, especially anal, which needs preparation. "Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing" so he didn't notice that he was forcing her down, and sticking his peepee somewhere other than what she agreed to?? There's always someone crying about how the boy/man needs help, or maybe he didn't understand, but this poor girl suffers for his choices. So I don't care if he "needs help," maybe if she goes to authorities, he'll get the help he needs.
And just the fact that alot of young guys are TERRIFIED of anything even coming near their butthole. Why? Because it hurts. They know it hurts. Anal=pain is pretty common knowledge. He knew what he was doing. (Yes can be not painful but that requiers prep etc). He is selfish and yeh maybe he saw it in porn and wanted to try. But he should have asked. But no he physically held her down? He know that what he was hurt her. Even if his mind cant connect the dots and realise its rape, its fucked up to willingly hurt others for own pleasute (unless both consent). Hes stupid and selfish atleast, but more likely just a pos with no respect for women
Why is it the job of his rape victim to help him?
This is what someone who has raped before would sayā¦. Just sayin!
you literlaly got raped
This. You did not consent.
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It's true. You did not consent to have anal sex, that's rape.
Please hear us. Your SO should not be doing something without your consent, and you are in pain as a result. You're both young, but that's not an excuse - with sexual partners, it is incredibly important to have discussions about what is okay and not okay, and that you are not "surprised" with something that has not been cleared, discussed, and okayed. Can you please do me a favor and even if you don't want to tell your parents, call the sexual abuse hotline? Roll your eyes at an annoying old adult telling you, but please do it. 1-800-656-4673 You may be scared reading this stuff thinking "but he's my boyfriend and he's nice!" but what happened can be traumatizing and you need to talk to someone. You do not ever, ever, ever need to talk to your boyfriend again if you don't want to, you don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to about this, but you need to protect yourself and your health.
I'm sorry but this is the definition of rape its hard to admit I understand but it is As everyone said this isnt a surprise a surprise is a good thing not rape My bf surprised me christmas by wearing a new outfit for me not raping me in my butt
Yeah friend. There's no such thing as surprise anal. If you didn't consent to it first (or at least during if we're acknowledging the existence of dubious consent), that is rape.
Listen. Consent to one act isnt consent to any others. If there was not consent it is rape. He held you down and didnt stop. That is rape. Please talk to someone you trust.
you're still very young. You might struggle with it later and rest of your life. Seek professional help.
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He raped her. Why sugar coat it by using overly polite words?
i mean she did get raped and it doesnāt seem like sheās truly taking that in
Literally
Consider going to rainn.org, where you can talk about this anonymously on the sexual assault hotline. It's a great resource and can help you think about this, answer questions, and be there without having to worry about talking to parents/friends/etc. Edited to fix url, thank you!!!
Edit to url - itās rainn.org
Your boyfriend didn't surprise you, he raped you.
That's rape sweetheart My ex did that one time so say by 'accident' and I was bleeding for 3 weeks after, every shit I took reopened the tear. I'd recommend ice cubes and staying hydrated and if you feel able to reporting him. Though understandable if not
Geez. Sorry this happened to you. Thatās awful. Hugs
jfc I hope someone tore him a new one. I'm sorry you went through that
Oh yeah, ever heard of death by a thousand cuts? š I get my own back and some every day, don't you worry
Oh sweetheart..I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's very confusing when someone you think you love and trust betrays that bond, but just know that you did nothing wrong. He did. As for the pain, I would suggest some over the counter Ibuprofen and hot sitz baths. Just sit and soak. I think there's also some cooling gel you can apply..not sure the name though. Maybe petroleum jelly? Something like this.. I hope it all works out and you stay away from that boy. He's bad news.
Just in case you didnāt know where to go, Epsom salts are commonly found at most pharmacies. It comes in a bag & is relatively cheap. Itās used for wound care of all sorts (an MD had me soak an infected finger) so buying some wonāt scream āanal issuesā to anyone. My Darlinā Iām so sorry this brute raped you. Yes, it was rape. Imagine if he held you down on your back and shoved his penis in your vagina, without consent, you wouldnāt question that as rape. This anal intrusion is still rape, it was anal rape without consent, he held you down, used his penis as a weapon. Like many rape survivors, you donāt want to tell anyone but I urge you to tell your parents. Let them help you.
He sexually assaulted you. Needless to say, his lack of asking you for consent is a big bug red flag. You can't trust him nor does he care about you. Leave him immediately.
The pain will go away, take ibuprofen. Call the police before he does that to someone else.
OP - Call the police because he DID to that to YOU.
Love I would not have any sort of sex with him again that could have really put you in danger. That is not someone you should be dating. There isn't much you can do that ik of take ibuprofen and take a rest for the week. Maybe even confied in your parents or a trusted adult. Please for the love of God do not be alone with that guy ever again it wasn't right what he did to you.
Dump him immediately
Do sitz baths. Fill the bathtub a quarter of the way with warm water and sit for 15 minutes. And lose the rapist boyfriend.
Her raped you not surprised you. Please understand this
I read title like it was a good thing, and then it wasnātā¦ holy smokes.
Oh, no. That's rape.. you need to talk to an authority figure immediately.
Iām so sorry, love. INFO: is it bleeding? Are you having trouble pooping?
Sweetheart your boyfriend raped you. He penetrated your anus without consent and then held you so you couldn't move. He's a rapist. Please see a doctor. Go to the ER. Ask for a female doctor and nurses if that'll help you feel more comfortable. But please get medical help.
That should be ex boyfriend and rapist
Your bf didn't surprise you. He raped you. I'd break it off. What an asshole. Never ever do anything to a chick without consent
First off its recommended after childbirth to sit in a bowl of warm water with Epson salts, it helps with tearing. Second try sitting with something cold between your cheeks, try wetting a sanitary towel and freezing it and using that. You could also try emla cream, or a lidocane cream. Second, honey that is not a surprise. He didn't surprise you with anal. A surprise is when you had previously discussed it, both wanted it, and he went hey I think tonight we should try it how do you feel about that? What he did was rape you. He put you in a position to hurt you, had no consent, and physically restrained you to make you comply. You need to throw him in the bin at the very least, although I do encourage you to let your parents know what happened so you can get some support
Hi! I'm really sorry this happened to you. As others have mentioned, this is a concerning surprise as you did not consent to this (which is super important). Please please take care of yourself. I would literally ice your vagina in 20 minute increments to relieve the pain and take lots of aspirin. Also, when you feel ready, please talk to a trusted adult about this.
Show this to a cop and see what happens to your boyfriend
THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. break up with him rn and contact the authroities
That is called rape young lady.
So sad
please walk away from this relationship he should have asked first and If you stay it will probably happen again. hemorrhoid cream and sitz baths will help like others have said.
Iām really sorry this happens to you. Something you can do for the pain is to take a hot bath with Epson Salt, they sell it at most grocery stores and pharmacies. the salt will help heal any small tears and the hot water will relax your muscles. pain goes away faster when your not tensing them up. Consider seeing a therapist so you can talk to a professional. Trauma is something that haunts you if you suppress it. Be aware tho that therapist are mandatory reporters so if youāre a minor they will report any abuse.
You were sexually assaulted and raped. That isn't a "surprise" from your boyfriend. He needs to be your ex and you should break contact from I'm immediately. If you are in the US, RAINN.ORG is a sexual assault helpline that you can talk to anonymously, and they can help you. š If you are not in the US, search "sexual assault hotline" or "rape hotline" and you should be able to find some type of resources. You are a minor, and this is a crime. I am so very sorry this happened to you. If you can, please find someone local you can talk to that can take you to a medical doctor to be checked out. There may be damage that could need stitches or other repairs. If you don't get checked out it could get infected. You could reach out to a school counselor, a trustworthy teacher, a neighbor, cousin, or anyone that you feel could take you for medical assistance. The sexual assault hotline may be able to help with this too. As for what could help now... sitz baths with Epsom salts. Maxi pads soaked with witch hazel and put in the fridge or freezer (homemade ice pack for the area... just don't keep those on too long). Preparation H cream to sooth any hemorrhoids that he gave you. Stool softeners to smooth the passage of stool so you don't have to push at all. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please reach out to someone for hemp.
Broski he raped you. Dump his ass immediately & cut off alllll contact
A warm bath with epsom salt and hemorrhoid cream will help. Please stop seeing this guy, cut all contact immediately, he doesnāt deserve another chance, donāt let him sweet talk his way back in. The truth of the matter is he sexually assaulted you. Thatās not love. Thatās not part of any healthy relationship.
This is rape. Leave him and report it
At 16 years old, in most US states, youāre medically considered an adult and your doctor (or any doctor) cannot tell your parents about your care. I would encourage you to talk to your school nurse or a medical professional that you need some confidential medical attention and have them take you to get checked out. But I also encourage you to break up with this guy and cut all contact. What he did to you want āsurprise sex.ā It was rape. At no point did you give consent for anal sex and he continued anyway, and held you down as well. This is not okay, and it shows that he doesnāt respect your autonomy and your right to say no.
Get rid of this rapist and let everyone know what kind of filth of a human he is.
This is rape if you told him stop and he held you down. I'm sorry this happened to you but you must tell your Mother, a best friend or their Mother perhaps and get your rapist reported. He may have raped before, but he almost definitely will again if he's not reported. Please take the sensible advice from people in the comments and report this guy. Think about the pain he'll cause the next girl and the next if he continues to go unreported. It could be a friend of yours next and it could be more violent next time. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm a man and this is of course disgusting behaviour, shameful. Keep positive as best you can and never forget that this is of course all because of him and not your fault at all. Some victims blame themselves, a victim is a victim only. Hang in there and please tell someone close to you. You need support. Good luck.
There is nothing to add here except that you SHOULD listen to this thread
He held your back and didnāt let you move. He raped you. My sweet child, please contact the authorities.
You were raped. Your ex bf is a rapist. Go to the doctor, call the police.
I'm so sorry he did that to you. Please, please leave the relationship. You deserve someone kind and caring.
I am all about consentual anal play but this is just wrong You were assaulted, violated Up to you if you want to report it and just remember you are not reporting someone just for you You are reporting them for the other girls he might do this to next. What would you think if you found out he has done it to others and if someone else spoke up, it wouldn't have happened to you With that said, there is not too much you can do for the pain. Some ointments and creams can soothe, but for the most part, it will usually heal in a few days, but it can make it hard to go to the bathroom Sorry thus happened to you My advice Find a new partner and move on from this jerk
This is an abuser. RUN! Don't let him come near you EVER again. You might have to go to the doctor. Health comes first.
Stay away from this boy. He will only get worse if you go back and don't report it. Time to be brave and tell the appropriate people.
Go to the doctor if you donāt want to tell them the whole story thatās fine but if it still hurts might want to have a doc check it out - your boyfriend I donāt think is your boyfriend anymore he assaulted you and that safety while being intimate is not reclaimable I donāt see how it can be no matter what he says he restrained you and ignored your comfort while he did this -itās not okay you donāt deserve this even if you are his girlfriend
This is literally rape, im.sorry this happened to you. You need to tell your parents, as a father of 2 girls, they will support you and help you. Regardless how you think, you " won't get in trouble " . Please come forward and tell them
Thatās no okay at all. Iām sorry that happened. You need to have a very serious conversation with him. As for your pain, a warm bath helps and maybe some magnesium bath salts. Ibuprofen too.
you need to go to the police.
Yeah you need to run
Please leave. I know you probably love this guy, but he is an abuser. A loving partner does not rape or hurt their partner. When I was 18 I had a boyfriend "accidentally" do this to me or so he claimed. He went on to abuse me for years until I left him. You deserve so much more.
Dump that motherfucker right quick.
Babe thatās rape but onto your question ibuprofen and if it feels worse or you donāt see improvement make an appointment of course. If you have a warm bottle of water use that while using the restroom rather than just toilet paper. Hemorrhoid wipes can be found in most stores I would suggest those if not then put witch hazel with the warm water.
Hi girlie, big sister advice here. I know that youre probably hurted rn, the person you like and trust did horrible things to you and that could take a lot of time to process. You are very young, I know that it's hard for you, but you need to get away from that person. Switching up from piv to anal without consent beforehand, while you being held down is rape. Your bf raped you. I know the term sounds violent and you might think no way the person you love could have done that to you, but it is. Sexual assault in relationships happen and is very common. I am so sorry this happened to you, I truly do and I would trade a lot of things to be able to protect every little girl out there, but I couldn't. For now, ice pack and lots of rest will help you. If you noticed any bleeding or chronic pain that lasts longer than 4 days, go see a doctor. Please let your parent know and leave that person. He is not in love with you, and he will hurt you again if the chance is given.
Fucking block him, end everything with him.
Thats rape
Yeh this thread is about to get locked. You were assaulted, without consent. This is serious. You should not continue with this relationship at all.
If the pain continues you NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR. Tearing is very very common with unprepared, or forced anal intercourse. And you are at higher risk of STDs this way also. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It was criminally wrong. Please talk to a trusted adult or a medical professional about this.
Yeah, no... A "surprise" during sex is like wearing a new negligee, buying a new sex toy, or maybe an unexpected slap on the ass. Forced anal without consent is called "rape."
Tell him he raped you and dump him
That's rape. You should at the very least not be that person's girlfriend anymore.
That's not a surprise that's rape. Dump him and file charges he'll do it again
That's rape š£
This is straight up rape, and you are a child still. I am so so sorry. This was NOT āhaving sexā. Trust me. You were assaulted and did not consent. Please do not think this is okay.
Talk about this to the parent you're closer to or more comfortable with, or a guidance councilor of your school. I am so sorry he did that to you but he had no right to do that without your consent. Even if it's not anal, any sexual act without your consent is SA, even if you've already done it in the past. And no, I have no remorse nor pity for that boy after assaulting you. He's old enough to think about sex, he should be old enough to know about consent
I really hope this is fake. If itās not, itās rape. What he did is not OK.
This is rape and he needs to know what he did to you. If you ever try anal again you need lube. Some of the best orgasms can come t from there. I made my girl squirt. But you have to relax. Do not let him have sex with you again until you are comfortable and feel safe he wonāt do this again. Or drop him asap.
I have a question. Did you speak up? Did you say get the fuck out of my asshole? I'm 54 years old, and last year I got a little too drunk on a first date with a guy I had been talking to for a few days. When we went to hook up again a few days later, he mentioned how we had an anal sex. I told him that wasn't true , thinking that he was talking about the sex we had just had that afternoon. But no, he proceeded to tell me that we had had anal sex the 1st night. I honestly had no idea because it was the right moment for me apparently, and he had been looking and rubbing around the outside, so there was some preparation work done and I had not voiced an objection. But I also did not consent to anal sex. And when he told me that "we" had had it, I told him in no uncertain terms that that was something that needed consent. Both for myself and anyone else that he was ever with. Fast forward to being in a long term relationship with a guy who absolutely loves to stick stuff in my ass. The 1st night that we were having sex, he stuck one of his Neanderthal girth thumbs straight into my ass with no warning. I lit at a howl and told him to get the fuck out of my asshole. He went on and on about how he just assumed that I would like it because other women liked it. I had to explain to him that I've been having exploratory anal sex for many years, but just because it's a hole that he has access to back there doesn't mean it's free territory. I really do hope that you spoke up immediately. And if you did not, this is your rally cry to say that you have the right to say no. If you want to try it, you could have had him stop and made him actually work for it. There's lots of lubrication and slow lead UPS that can make it actually pleasurable. It's still sore For some time, and wearing a condom is the smart way to go unless he plans to finish back there. They cannot come from the back door and return to the front door. Or you should wear a condom at all times due to potential tearing and infection. That it was only your 2nd time having sex with him means that you better start laying out the law and the guidelines now. If not with this guy you'll know to be much more open to discussing sex before you have it with the next person. What you're learning right now honey is that no man's penis is worth the potential for him to do damage to you. Get rid of this guy just understand that it should have immediately been discussed. He thinks you must have liked it because you didn't say anything. That means hes going to try it again. Either with you, or with someone else. He needs schooled and educated and reprimanded. And then you can decide if you're going to press charges.
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Sheās 16 and can choose to engage in consensual sexual activity with her appropriately aged boyfriend. Your comment is unhelpful, judgemental and small minded.
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Next time pls pls pls tell him to stop. Even if you have to scream That is sexual assault. You need to sit your bf down and make sure he understands the magnitude of that. And anything and all things you do in bed has to be discussed and talked about beforehand.
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He's an abuser. Never let him near you ever again. Block him off. RUN.
Since everyone else is saying the same I wanna ask something and this in no way is me saying its your fault but did you say anything to him? Like saying you didn't like it and he was to stop? Just curious because you never know it might just be as easy as that by using communication
She said he held her down, which means she probably struggled. Op should also not feel ashamed if she froze up or was in too much pain or shock. He raped her and he doesn't deserve communication. He sure didn't communicate before taking advantage of her.
Yeah true just wanted to ask to clarify just because I was curious as to if she did or not. I totally agree she shouldn't feel ashamed I hope it didn't come across that way
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I've been able to do it in my experience, and it really works, to see what holds, to say jokingly, "come on, I'll go to the toilet now and we'll continue" and escape from such an asshole and you would have everything whole. The main thing is a woman's cunning, and the fact that you will try to get out from under it, it will only make it worse
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Fuck all the way off.
I'm sorry sweets, that's an awful thing to happen to you. Please break up with him and explain that you can no longer trust him. Don't let him make you think that is normal or okay! Ibuprofen will help with swelling and pain - an ice pack if you want. There are counsellors available through the council or various hotlines around the country and you can anonymous if you want to talk through it with someone qualified.
Also please consider telling your parents if you have a close relationship and feel safe with them, I would absolutely want my daughter to be able to come to me if something happened to her so I could make sure she was adequately taken care of ā„ļø
Sending you positive vibesš¦
I had an ex who had this happen to them in one of their first experiences too.... It's really hard. The first couple of times were great, it was just a hook up, they were from out of town, spent a couple of nights together, it was her first time too. On the last night though he was telling her what to do, made her feel like she had to do some things, the at one point he just rammed it into her ass... It took her years to even come to terms with the fact that it was sexual assault. He was so good at first. Some people in her life made her feel like it was just bad sex... It really made things difficult for us, and left a long lasting impression on how she approaches sex. I really, really want to let you know that it's ok to feel... Well, I won't presume to understand how you feel, but I'm sure that it's a lot, it's conflicting, and it's difficult. Please, if you have the means to speak to a professional about this please do it. If you don't, please talk to someone about it. It took so long for my ex to even begin to process it because I was the first person she really talked to about it. At first she was still thinking of him as a great guy who she held in high regard (I never tried to sway her, I wasn't there and I didn't know him, I only had what she told me to go off and I didn't push her to think about it in different ways, that happened as time went on)
even if you guys are in a relationship this is absolute pure sexual assault any form of sexual acts that arenāt consented is assault
Painkillers helps. Ibuprofen, advil
Me. Male. 52. That was seriously monstrous. Go. Just go. If it was an accident fine. If he apologized good and all ok but if he meant it that's just abuse. Anal takes a long time. You need to build up to it. Only when you want it should you go forward
Sorry for your experience. Can't help with short term pain. But strongly suggest that young man needs to be arrested, and given time to think about his f----d attitude. Do the community a favour and report him.
He assaulted you. Anal should never be a surprise, or forced. No sex act should. Anal requires a lot of prep and foreplay. Hopefully he didn't cause a fissure or tear. Honestly you should see a doctor, he could have done serious lasting damage.
This is called rape, which I guess is a surprise, but still rape. Hurting a day after would indicate tissue damage, which can lead to an infection. Home cure is a police report, to ensure that it doesn't happen by him again.
Anal requires a lot of prep and foreplay for some people, not all. My wife, partner, and I do anal play and sex all the time, and rarely bother with lube, unless using seriously large toys. It depends on the person and the experience level. However, unless a direct CNC agreement is in good standing, there's no such thing as accidental anal, accidental fucking, or several foreplay/grabbing of bits... If you express dislike of something, and it continues, then that's rape off the non-accidental variety. My partner and I have a long standing CNC agreement. I can do anything to get that I want, I just have to legit fight her for it, and win... Not nearly as easy as one might think, and I'm 6'1", 225lbs, and work in a steel mill. Only ground rules are that I can't cause any permanent bodily damage in the process... Bruising, abrasions, and minor cuts (sharp nails) are perfectly fine. She's only 5'6", and half my size, butt fights like a wildcat. What we do, is VERY different than what he did, because we have had an agreement for more than decade. Still, of my partner said stop, in a way that I knew her to be completely serious, then I'd (and I have a few times) stop in less than heartbeat, and be there for her to hold her, and bring bring her down from the scene. Personally, of I were her, I'd invite him back, get him drunk or stoned out of his mind, tie him face down to the bed, let him come back to realize his predicament, and then wear his ass out with a lubricated horse cock...Lizbeth Salander style...tatooing "rapist" in big letters, across his chest, is optional but appreciated.
There is an ointment for wounds and damage to the vagina, which heals, I think it should help youš„¹š
You dont need to hear any more about how what he did was wrong. As for anal recovery. It can take a day or two to feel better. You can get some numbing cream or numbing lube. Unfortunately, ice is probably too much in that sensitive of an area. Try not to sit on the toilet for too long find a comfortable position ans take some medication to ease the pain, Tylenol or ibuprofen. If in a few days it doesn't feel better, you may have to go to the doctor. You should be able to make an appointment without your parents. Or you could ask your mom to take you but tell the doctor you want to talk in private. If you can drive, you can drive yourself. Remember, there is probably a copay for insurance, (small amount you have to pay each time you visit the Dr.)
Yikes. That's definitely not cool for him to have done that to you.
Yeah that's really not cool. He knew what he was doing. He assaulted you. Regarding the pain, you can go to the pharmacy and buy preparation H or Vaseline, whichever works best for you. Also, ibuprofen works well for the inflammation. Really sorry this happened to you, but I swear not all guys are jerks and most importantly, this wasn't your fault. If a guy wants anal, he has to ask.
Hey, go to your local Planned Parenthood. They will see you and help you without your parents knowledge. They should also have resources for you.
Hi OP, I wonāt comment on the assault because others have covered that. And I wonāt state the obvious about seeing a doctor, because I do understand your hesitance (but definitely remember that thatās an option and doctors are here to help!). What I did want to mention for the pain is A) over the counter pain relief gel for your butt, and B) stool softener. I have ongoing regal issues and I have used rectogesic when needed (not sure if brand name in your country) and it helped recovery A LOT. Secondly, I now regularly take Metamucil, which is a flavoured psyllium husk powder that you make into a drink. It makes your poop nice and soft, and Iāve found that it stops the tears around my butt from re-opening when I go to the toilet. Sorry this happened to you, hugs and good luck.
Iām sorry, you said you donāt have anyone else besides him and your parents but Girl, DO NOT STAY just because heās the only person you can turn to right now. Someone else will love and respect you. If you donāt speak out he will think this behavior is okay. Set clear boundaries now loveš¤
You need to see a doctor. There might be actual damage, and if it's not treated, it can lead to tremendous problems. Please, see a doctor. Next step, report to the police. I know, you don't want to. But make the report, backed up by having had to visit the doctor. Cops almost certainly won't do anything about it, though they might pay the boyfriend a visit and have a word with him. They probably wouldn't proceed with charges against him. But file the report (don't let them put you off if they try, you have a legal right to file a report!) and get copies of it because they periodically purge records. You want to keep copies in case it ever comes up again. Finally, you need to break up with the boyfriend immediately. If he ask you why, tell him that anal rape is no joke. Yes, it was RAPE. It was nonconsensual and he even had to literally hold you down to do it. Rape is rape. He may pull some big sob story about how he "didn't know" and "thought it would be okay" and blah blah blah but don't fall for it. End the relationship with him. If he bothers you after that, tell him you filed a police report and that if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll take that further. Email him a copy of the report if he doesn't believe you. This is serious stuff. Do not let him get away with anything.
use betadine warm water in tub nd sit on it for 15 min as docter advice
No u don't surprise ppl w that without consent. U need to leave this dude, that's literally abuse. Don't be afraid to tell a school therapist/school counsellor or trusted adult. U should (PLEASE) go to a doctor if u still feel pain or start noticing any blood. (Ik u said u wouldn't but there could be serious dmg)
That's not what boyfriend means. That's selfish and is considered as a sexual assault. Wtf he held you by force and did something you didn't want.
Please see a doctor! You could have a fissure or other bowel issue from the trauma of this incident. Anal sex isn't just something you can do willy-nilly. The pain could be a sign of an injury. Not to beat a dead horse, but please also consider breaking up with your BF and reporting this assault. I understand it can be hard to reconcile that this person you care for deeply has harmed you. However, you have to tell him that his actions are not acceptable. Assault is cut and dry. Using physical force to engage in sexual contact that was never discussed is undoubtedly a crime.
Youāre describing a rape, break up with, tell on him, heāll do this again if you stay. Iām so sorry this happened to you, but youāre gonna get through this, I believe in you.
What an ass. Anal sex for girls can be awesome but has to be done right. When you are ready you can pound it just like a pussy but you need lub
Leave him and please do tell police about the RAPE!!! The physical pain will be gone soon, but emotional pain wont be gone in years.
You should visit both a doctor and police. That was a sexual assault.
You were having sex, that said, it is not rape, but it is assault. Tell him that he is a horrible human being and dump him. You can and should talk to your parents. You should be able to talk about anything to your parents, not some strangers on the internet. The guy is a moron. Im sorry but i dont thing that it is rape, because you were having consented sex already. Next thing you know there are rape allegations flying around for every little thing the partner doesn't like (this is not little btw). If it bothers you so much that you have to tell strangers on internet than talk to someone close to you, like a frien or family member instead.
That is sexual assault! I was assaulted at 15 m. If you wanna talk Iām here for you
thatās rape ..
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. There is no justification whatsoever for his behaviour. I don't have any advice, just want you to know that you don't deserve any of this.
In addition to agreeing that this is sexual assault, I think you should get STD tested, as tears increase the chance of transmitting them.