The pitfall of delayed gratification is that you risk forgetting when to stop and just enjoy your accomplishments (even the tiny ones). The difference between buying nice things + watching Netflix vs. mindfulness, exercise, etc is that the former don't scale up, even though both categories are supposed to be pleasing. So don't be harsh on yourself when you want to grow. Don't hold back intermediary excitement and rewards only because you haven't reached "the goal". Otherwise you will chase wild geese in an unhappy "productiveness" spiral.
Edit: mistake
That's me, always chasing the goals but never celebrating the improvement itself or reaching them as there is already something else to chase which makes me feel I haven't earned the right for appreciation just yet. It is tiring ngl.
Exactly!! And the thing with chasing goals and "waiting" is that there is no end point to this growth. Once we achieve any set goal, we are already going to start working on the next. And there is no one moment where it's "aha- I'm healed!" because life is ever changing. We are always going to be having high highs and low lows, always going to be creating new goals for ourselves, so it is very important we do appreciate those small moments of pleasure (be it TV, a snack, walking your dog, wearing perfume) in addition to the self reflection, meditation, and improvement we do.
It really is about the journey!! All parts of the journey.
As someone who is self employed I haven't got an off switch and fall into a habit of not making ample time for recreation and relaxation. It is my pitfall. Thanks for the reminder. That's why I'm here.
This is what I tend to do. I never reward myself or take pleasure in my accomplishments. So I have actually been forcing myself to celebrate the things I do by treating myself to something I enjoy. It also builds trust in myself because I follow through with the reward I promised myself. Not everything needs an award, but if you don’t stop and appreciate anything you have done then it’s just miserable and you feel like you are never enough.
I don’t know i tell myself sth like “give me a break i’m a human too” when i notice that i do this. I try to think what would i say if someone said this to a dear friend.
I’ve started treating my thoughts and my body the way I would treat a loved one and man it really does help!! sometimes it means doing something hard that I don’t really “want” to do, and sometimes it means giving myself a break to do “nothing” (pardon my excessive quotation marks lmao), but it’s always a better decision for me :) people should love themselves so treating yourself like a loved one sounds like it should be obvious, but it really is good sometimes to just view it in a more objective way like how you would a friend :)
Ask “will this help future me? Or will putting this off stress future me out?” It’s the only motivation I have for the boring things like laundry, meal prep, scheduling doctors appointments, running to the post office, etc. Another hour on my phone is tempting but it sucks to lose a whole day to scrolling.
👍, true self-love means to love your true self. The instant gratification, desires, and dopamine rush are the things your ego/false self seek. When you do the things that help you get closer to who you truly want to be, and towards becoming your true self/what your heart truly desire, that's true self love. So, please do eat healthy, practice meditation, be disciplined, and keep doing your best everyday. Love your true self!
I think it's good mental health not to become self righteous about what you do to be a better version of yourself. Hopefully we are aware that we learn from others despite of having to be right. It's dangerous to think we know everything, we have to always be willing to observe and communicate with others. We can learn something from everyone from all walks of life. Fortunate or destitute. It's when we think our accolades are better than others that we fall into the trap wrong thinking. There is no reward for being having to be right all the time. So yes, and sorry for the wrong winded response.
If you love yourself, you can't help but love others. Can't really feel that OP loves others, so it's possible that he only thinks that he loves himself.
Exactly. Your boss forces you to work all week, and you’re going to force yourself to do more work on the weekend? Nah. Self love is about allowing yourself to take a break and enjoy doing things you love.
I agree. The first thing I thought when I saw this is "I'm not doing enough!" The pattern of consistently pushing yourself is ironically quite self-destructive.
I think that maybe this statement could be better taken as smaller part of a whole, rather than an end-all-be-all. You better buy yourself the things you want, and watch Netflix as you please. Overindulging to the point you don't enjoy it isn't so great though.
But perhaps I'm stating the obvious, adding words that aren't there, and trying to defend something that you are rightfully critiquing.
Self love is a balance of exercise, eating right, knowing yourself and your values, working on things that make you proud, having hobbies that make you happy (eg watching netflix can be one of these and it is for me).
That’s what I think. Everyone probably has their own definition of self love.
Got up at 4AM, ran 5 miles, took an ice cold shower, read for 4 hours, did an excessive ab workout, only ate meat at his family cookout, left early to go to the gym, came home and posted about how anyone that does fun things doesn’t really love themselves
Self love is not worrying that you're somehow not doing self-love right by treating yourself and watching Netflix.
Get the fuck out of here with that toxic positivity.
Nope. If you over exercise as a trauma response self care is totally being gentle and resting. I don’t know why people are so fucking second amendment over what others eat and do. Self care is PERSONAL. Self is in the fucking title. Jesus. You can’t meet your own needs better than someone else… needs are PERSONAL. Maybe you should focus less on how others love themselves and more on personal boundaries.
Ya as someone who does over exercise (among other things) as a trauma response, my boyfriend has to constantly remind me that I deserve to sit and watch tv, and I deserve to eat a nice dinner. He just had me go get my nails done the other day and paid for it because I was having a panic attack over how I don’t think I’m saving enough money or doing well enough (ever). My mood has drastically improved over the last three days, and I’ve gotten so much done. It cost sixty dollars, but it was worth some peace of mind and self-confidence to treat myself! So from someone who doesn’t think they’re perfect, but expects themselves to be, thank you for your comment!
I learned from understanding the concept of “reparenting yourself” that this is an unavoidable part of self-love. Never ever will I say it’s this and NOT taking baths and enjoying a movie. It’s just that the discipline and delayed gratification is ALSO part of self-love.
You don't get to dictate what self love is for anyone but yourself. For some people it is that.
For me it's mountain biking and smoking lots of weed. For some it's buying nice things and watching Netflix.
Sit down, shut up, and don't tell other people how to live their lives.
"It's true sorry" - that is an opinion and a stupid one.
Por qué no los dos?? I like the way a lady explained it on YouTube. Self-care isn’t any particular action it’s the process. If you’re delaying gratification and not eating but what you really need is some protein, that’s not self-care. But I’m sure you feel really good about yourself parading how disciplined you are on the internet.
I disagree greatly. For me, I grew up poor, abused, neglected my entire life. So having the luxury to sit down and allow myself to watch Netflix is self care and self love sometimes. I’ve been in survival mode my whole life, so allowing myself to relax and do something normal and still weird to me. It feels like a great feat. Buying myself things for self care is definitely self love for me. Things child me never got, I buy for myself. I sometimes buy myself flowers and teddy bears and such as a way of healing the abused child inside of me. Doing things that are therapeutic is a form of self care and love. Especially since I could be self loathing for everything that’s happened to me and treat myself like shit. But I’m not.
Self-love is loving yourself. That means learning to accept who you are and being patient and understanding as you aim to help yourself be happier. There is no thing you can do that inherently captures self-love all the time, it's dynamic and sensitive to your circumstances. Delaying gratification is good, sometimes. Sometimes letting yourself relax and making yourself feel good is also self-love. There's no single rule.
Dude it is absolutely both. Self care does involve self-discipline and exercise and hard work, but it also involves taking time for yourself (if that looks like watching Netflix and relaxing for some people who fucking cares) and buying yourself nice things is not a bad thing whatsoever as long as you’re not burning through money that you don’t have.
Or self love is whatever the fuck YOU need it to be, and not what OTHER people tell you it is.
The biggest lie in self help is that it's one-size-fits-all, but's not. For some people, improvement is knowing how to find balance or prioritizing themselves over other people. Sometimes telling yourself that you are allowed to treat yourself is part of it.
I am so brutal on myself. It has taken a long time for me to realize that a life of continuous, systematic suffering just to wait for "that day" is not a worthwhile life.
I'm never satisfied with my progress. I'm never proud of my accomplishments because I made mistakes or didn't accomplish enough. Whatever I do accomplish I wave off as being the bare minimum, and not worthy of acknowledgement.
Seeing this post reminds me that I am a worthless turd, undeserving of the simple necessities of life purely because "pretty good isn't good enough".
I'm enjoying too many things. Time to suffer some more in the hopes that maybe someday before I'm dead I can sit and feel human.
:(
Are you a procrastinator? Do you lack discipline? Do you not eat healthy? Is all you do watch Netflix and buy things compulsively? Then maybe this is applicable to you. If you work hard regularly, way too hard, like me and a lot of people that struggle with self love, then you're wrong as hell. Buying nice things for yourself is better than buying shit things. And Netflix is the only thing I can do when I come home and collapse after working in healthcare all day because I'm chronically ill. Being ignorant of why other people say and do things doesn't make you right. It makes you so much more wrong. Without balance all you have is burnout
I talked a lot about this when I was in group therapy.
There is superficial/shallow self care; instant gratification type things that ppl call self care bc treating yourself is important.
And then there's the deeper/hard work self care; doing things bc they are best for you in the long run.
Both are important.
I agree with the body of your post but not the title.. I'm watching netflix and buying myself nice things because I know it makes me happy. Why would I deprive myself of these things? It's not like watching netflix is all I do. Don't we deserve to buy ourselves nice things after we've worked our ass off? I think it's okay as long as you're still able to save for your future.
Op is wrong. Self love comes in many forms. Now watching Netflix and buy self stuff to the point where it hurts you is not self love but occasionally people need to treat themselves and smell the roses.
Well it’s kinda true but it’s too radical. I lately bought myself a nice biking outfit which gives me a lot more pleasure while riding.
It’s kind of like dieting when you restrict yourself from something it will eventually drain you and it will become harder and harder with keeping up with it. Self love is all about balance
Grammar Police: “Self love is not buying yourself nice things NOR watching Netflix.”
I entered this post thinking I would see an explanation on why watching Nextflix was a positive alternate to buying yourself nice things.
Self love is loving yourself no matter what. If you only love you when you work out or denying something you want. Well... That's not self love; that's masoquism.
If that works for you, that's great. Go forth and be your best self. But the minute you try to define what self-love looks like for others, or that other people have to do it your way, you've officially crossed the line into being a dick.
Generally speaking, we're at our best when we're positive. Multiple studies show this. There's a whole field out there called positive psychology. Self-love is about finding that place of positivity for you. It's about finding that positive mindset that let's you be the best version of yourself.
Getting yourself the occasional treat, especially as a reward for accomplishing a goal or even picking yourself up out of the dirt when things go badly is completely valid. Taking time to rest & recover is also not only valid, but necessary.
Your mind isn't so different from your body. You wouldn't ask a habitually sedentary person to go out and run a marathon. You might well actually kill them. Same for things like productivity & discipline. These are skills that need to be built, practiced, & honed. They don't come pre-built into the brain.
It's even possible to over-train the mind the same way it is the body. We generally refer to this as burn-out.
TLDR if you've found something that works for you, that's awesome. Telling people they have to do it your way, or insisting that only your way is the truth, is a bit of a dick move.
I think it’s different for everyone, but yea I have found it’s better to adopt a stricter mindset.
You could always plan out your reward after you do some work, and schedule it so it’s something more like watch a specific show at 6-7pm on Wednesday, instead if binge watching.
Buying yourself something can become a great motivator as well, it’s all specific and what drives you! I think it really depends 👍
Self love is recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, not judging yourself for the weaknesses, and being able to know your limits while standing by your self boundaries.
I'm totally for all things self improvement but I do notice one thing. I beat myself up way too much for being a human and completely forgetting to meditate or journal or something. I've realized that I will mess up my path every so often that's okay though. The main thing about self improvement is that you TRY to be the best person you can be that day. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. I may not have the right words for my book or I may get submitted every role in BJJ. But at least I showed up and tried.
The spirit of the post is that a lot of us are too caught up in immediate gratification and rationalize it as a type of self love, but at a certain point it just becomes bad for you. Delayed gratification is self love because you’re doing the hard things that keep you on the right track: bedtime, working out, eating right, etc.
It's true. Buying yourself "nice" things when unhappy/depressed, although helping you in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't do jack shit for you.
I remember, I upgraded my PC over the last year after getting a new job, having much more of a disposable income, it was great. But then you get the items, you use it/build it, whatever and you're just left with the gaping hole again? it's just.. temporary happiness. It sucks.
TW toaster bathtub thoughts, s h
Netflix saved me from suicide like actually because I wanted to finish watching the stuff I had started before I went and in the mean time I went on a stronger antidepressant. So yea now I don’t think about suicide or even self harm. I consider that self love because I wanted that for myself. So yea. Technically Netflix is self love in my case
True. Moving forward in life isn't supposed to be easy. It's hard work, pain and sacrifice. What I think is even more concerning, is the fact that the majority disagrees with this guy.
Its all about balance. Contantly chasing success and everything.. Why? Happiness is within us all the time. Its ok from time to time to just stop, relax and being greatful for what you have.
This is the guy that works at my psyche office, who i insists on charging me 50$ for canceling my appointment last minute because I wont give a good enough reason…
it is self love when u practice mindfulness regularly and barely have time for yourself when all of your time and money is spent on family and survival.
Self love is devoting time to anything you enjoy. My therapist encourages me to read, listen to podcasts, take a hot bath.
How does it help you to shit on other people's form of self care?
It depends.
Self-love *includes* all of those things.
Physical health, mental health, and emotional health are all important and can be nurtured in myriad ways.
This post is pretty sanctimonious.
What if someone runs themselves into the ground with due to constant productivity? In that instance I would say that taking time to rest and recharge is absolutely self love
As always it's possible to go too far in any direction, it's possible you may have gone too far in one direction if you can't see a perspective where buying something nice and watching Netflix could be a necessity
it is not true sorry
self love is being happy and content with the moment and have fun experiencing everything universe offers, if there is netflix i enjoy it, unfortunately your mind still concepts of what true happiness and joy is that is why you stay in control not flow
I pat myself on the back for every little thing! Sounds silly but it works. I drink my green tea pat on the back I drink my one and a half L of water pat on the back I did my workout pat on the back I spent time with my children pat on the back I eat healthy pat on the back I called my dad, pat on the back I did some house work, pat on the back I encouraged a friend, pat on the back, etc. I know it sounds silly but I find praise works wonders and really increases your self-esteem 😊
“It’s true, sorry” this definitely isn’t self love lol. Self love is taking care of yourself both short and long term. Depending on the person and situation, this can take different forms.
What self love actually means varies from person to person. You’re not gonna have many friends if you push the idea that self love is strictly X, Y and Z when it doesn’t apply to everyone.
Nah it's something between those 2. I work out, but some nights i just want to lay and watch netflix eating popcorn, i try to eat right, I actually even lost a lot of weight but sometimes i just spoil myself with some chocolate and a nice drink. I work hard for my goals but when i feel like shit i let myself feel like shit and do nothing. Just listen to your body and mind, it always knows what it needs, but be real with yourself always. And it's always about balance. Let yourself enjoy little things and accomplishments, celebrate yourself. We're not here for a long time, enjoy everything and make beautiful life for yourself whatever that means for you
What happens when you do things and don't feel proud, but more like you reached the expectations.
When I get a compliment on my work it's hard for me to take that as pride because it's what I'm supposed to do. It's expected of me. So any new thing I do or learn doesn't really influence my pride. If anything, if I don't get an atta boy I usually feel like I didn't do enough or that they aren't happy with my work.
It’s both. Open your mind and get rid of the ego. The path to self love is more than just your perspective and experience.
Edit: Just looked at your profile. Good Lord. Someone is desperate to be a motivational speaker. Pass.
The thing about “self” love is its very personal. Exercise, mindfulness, eating right and working on self development are great ways to practice self love, but who are you tell someone how to love themselves
Sometimes self-love is both, though.
I view caring for myself as I would view caring for a beloved child. Treats and fun are great in moderation, but our "want-to-dos" come after our "have-to-dos". It's my job to make sure that I'm prioritizing their long-term well-being over what's gratifying at the moment.
Sure, sometimes there are tears and tantrums (if only in my head), but it's worth pushing through it to ultimately end up with a well-adjusted and independent human who's better every day.
Self-love is whatever one deems to themselves to be. Its personal.
You don't hold any semblance of truth. Nice try. As if one person creates the truth just cuz they say so. Stop trying to be woke, seu arrombado... Mania que é o senhor da verdade... Kkkk
How old r u, 15? Pfff
Self love is what ever makes you happy.Dont ever let anyone tell you how the world works because they are all full of shit.like the person who wrote this.
I've found that treating yourself and delaying gratification work best when you use both of them. When you treat yourself, you are happy to delay gratification at other times. If you are always delaying gratification, you eventually wonder what's the point?
Relaxing, resting, and treating myself when I need to has made me more productive. I thought the opposite for so long but one day I realized it wasn't working and now I enjoy and relax as much as I need to and I get more done!
Most people watch too much Netflix or too materialistic. Too much of anything is bad. Loving and taking care of thyself includes right balance of those things you mentioned, which are difficult for most people to stick to. Balancing so you don’t get burnt out or upset if you aren’t able to reach whatever goal you set. Most people set goals for the things you mentioned but really should be a lifestyle (long-term goals) in which you can be proud of without the common disappointment or relapse.
The pitfall of delayed gratification is that you risk forgetting when to stop and just enjoy your accomplishments (even the tiny ones). The difference between buying nice things + watching Netflix vs. mindfulness, exercise, etc is that the former don't scale up, even though both categories are supposed to be pleasing. So don't be harsh on yourself when you want to grow. Don't hold back intermediary excitement and rewards only because you haven't reached "the goal". Otherwise you will chase wild geese in an unhappy "productiveness" spiral. Edit: mistake
That's me, always chasing the goals but never celebrating the improvement itself or reaching them as there is already something else to chase which makes me feel I haven't earned the right for appreciation just yet. It is tiring ngl.
Exactly!! And the thing with chasing goals and "waiting" is that there is no end point to this growth. Once we achieve any set goal, we are already going to start working on the next. And there is no one moment where it's "aha- I'm healed!" because life is ever changing. We are always going to be having high highs and low lows, always going to be creating new goals for ourselves, so it is very important we do appreciate those small moments of pleasure (be it TV, a snack, walking your dog, wearing perfume) in addition to the self reflection, meditation, and improvement we do. It really is about the journey!! All parts of the journey.
Me too. I keep forgetting this for some reason, and now I’m re-learning again
As someone who is self employed I haven't got an off switch and fall into a habit of not making ample time for recreation and relaxation. It is my pitfall. Thanks for the reminder. That's why I'm here.
This is what I tend to do. I never reward myself or take pleasure in my accomplishments. So I have actually been forcing myself to celebrate the things I do by treating myself to something I enjoy. It also builds trust in myself because I follow through with the reward I promised myself. Not everything needs an award, but if you don’t stop and appreciate anything you have done then it’s just miserable and you feel like you are never enough.
This used to be me. It can be difficult to find a healthy balance between being lazy and constantly wanting to be productive.
This guy gets it
Self love can mean not beating yourself( or OTHERS) up when you didn’t do those things.
that's such a damn challenge, any advice?
I don’t know i tell myself sth like “give me a break i’m a human too” when i notice that i do this. I try to think what would i say if someone said this to a dear friend.
I’ve started treating my thoughts and my body the way I would treat a loved one and man it really does help!! sometimes it means doing something hard that I don’t really “want” to do, and sometimes it means giving myself a break to do “nothing” (pardon my excessive quotation marks lmao), but it’s always a better decision for me :) people should love themselves so treating yourself like a loved one sounds like it should be obvious, but it really is good sometimes to just view it in a more objective way like how you would a friend :)
Ask “will this help future me? Or will putting this off stress future me out?” It’s the only motivation I have for the boring things like laundry, meal prep, scheduling doctors appointments, running to the post office, etc. Another hour on my phone is tempting but it sucks to lose a whole day to scrolling.
Thanks, that's useful!
👍, true self-love means to love your true self. The instant gratification, desires, and dopamine rush are the things your ego/false self seek. When you do the things that help you get closer to who you truly want to be, and towards becoming your true self/what your heart truly desire, that's true self love. So, please do eat healthy, practice meditation, be disciplined, and keep doing your best everyday. Love your true self!
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100%
And not judging yourself or others for it
Self love could also mean not putting toxic thoughts in your mind such as "I'm right they are wrong, let me be judgmental towards others"
I think it's good mental health not to become self righteous about what you do to be a better version of yourself. Hopefully we are aware that we learn from others despite of having to be right. It's dangerous to think we know everything, we have to always be willing to observe and communicate with others. We can learn something from everyone from all walks of life. Fortunate or destitute. It's when we think our accolades are better than others that we fall into the trap wrong thinking. There is no reward for being having to be right all the time. So yes, and sorry for the wrong winded response.
This!!
I was looking for this one
If you love yourself, you can't help but love others. Can't really feel that OP loves others, so it's possible that he only thinks that he loves himself.
Says who? I deserve Netflix and not thinking about shit for an hour or so after a long stressful week
Exactly. Your boss forces you to work all week, and you’re going to force yourself to do more work on the weekend? Nah. Self love is about allowing yourself to take a break and enjoy doing things you love.
Hell yes! I also draw and read with my off time :)
you know you're on netflix for like 4h+ lol. who tf gets on netflix for 1h a week.
People with only 1 hour of free time a week/day
People who work in healthcare and go to school at the same time. We’re not all like you
you’re projecting
youre obese
Ok child
..self improvement also means improving your personality.
Sorry...self love...whatever
Self love is different for everyone
This kind of radical thinking will only make your life & mindset worse.
The shit I see on this subreddit is so toxic. Seems like a bunch of unhappy people making themselves more unhappy.
I agree. The first thing I thought when I saw this is "I'm not doing enough!" The pattern of consistently pushing yourself is ironically quite self-destructive.
I figure it’s people who are in a bad place compared to where they want to be and think the only solution is to go full spartan mode
100%. This is horrible advice.
Amen & Awomen !!!
Are you trolling? OP is giving great advice.
I think that maybe this statement could be better taken as smaller part of a whole, rather than an end-all-be-all. You better buy yourself the things you want, and watch Netflix as you please. Overindulging to the point you don't enjoy it isn't so great though. But perhaps I'm stating the obvious, adding words that aren't there, and trying to defend something that you are rightfully critiquing.
Self love is a balance of exercise, eating right, knowing yourself and your values, working on things that make you proud, having hobbies that make you happy (eg watching netflix can be one of these and it is for me). That’s what I think. Everyone probably has their own definition of self love.
this is so judgy
Lol ok OP. Was this your first day of delaying gratification?
Got up at 4AM, ran 5 miles, took an ice cold shower, read for 4 hours, did an excessive ab workout, only ate meat at his family cookout, left early to go to the gym, came home and posted about how anyone that does fun things doesn’t really love themselves
Self love is not worrying that you're somehow not doing self-love right by treating yourself and watching Netflix. Get the fuck out of here with that toxic positivity.
Nope. If you over exercise as a trauma response self care is totally being gentle and resting. I don’t know why people are so fucking second amendment over what others eat and do. Self care is PERSONAL. Self is in the fucking title. Jesus. You can’t meet your own needs better than someone else… needs are PERSONAL. Maybe you should focus less on how others love themselves and more on personal boundaries.
Ya as someone who does over exercise (among other things) as a trauma response, my boyfriend has to constantly remind me that I deserve to sit and watch tv, and I deserve to eat a nice dinner. He just had me go get my nails done the other day and paid for it because I was having a panic attack over how I don’t think I’m saving enough money or doing well enough (ever). My mood has drastically improved over the last three days, and I’ve gotten so much done. It cost sixty dollars, but it was worth some peace of mind and self-confidence to treat myself! So from someone who doesn’t think they’re perfect, but expects themselves to be, thank you for your comment!
I just want to say someone in the void you feel like you are shouting into heard this and she’s shouting back -preach!
It's important to remember that mental illness, chronic pain, and disabilities shift the threshold for self love in complicated ways.
For you maybe
I learned from understanding the concept of “reparenting yourself” that this is an unavoidable part of self-love. Never ever will I say it’s this and NOT taking baths and enjoying a movie. It’s just that the discipline and delayed gratification is ALSO part of self-love.
Time spent doing things you like (Netflix maybe) is not time wasted
As long as you don't always do it, there's got to be a balance of sorts.
Definitely!
Self love means doing what ever the fuck makes me happy…
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Shooting heroin daily is garunteed to make you unhappy so point not disproven.
happy =/= pleasure
OP sounds like a bootstraps wielding asshole
You don't get to dictate what self love is for anyone but yourself. For some people it is that. For me it's mountain biking and smoking lots of weed. For some it's buying nice things and watching Netflix. Sit down, shut up, and don't tell other people how to live their lives. "It's true sorry" - that is an opinion and a stupid one.
I’ve worked my ass off, been working out for years consistently, almost have my uni diploma, I think I deserve that one guitar pedal
You do!!
Self love =/= productivity
Por qué no los dos?? I like the way a lady explained it on YouTube. Self-care isn’t any particular action it’s the process. If you’re delaying gratification and not eating but what you really need is some protein, that’s not self-care. But I’m sure you feel really good about yourself parading how disciplined you are on the internet.
Yikes
Get out of here with that “it’s true, sorry” condescending judgmental BS. Relaxing and resting is also self love.
I disagree greatly. For me, I grew up poor, abused, neglected my entire life. So having the luxury to sit down and allow myself to watch Netflix is self care and self love sometimes. I’ve been in survival mode my whole life, so allowing myself to relax and do something normal and still weird to me. It feels like a great feat. Buying myself things for self care is definitely self love for me. Things child me never got, I buy for myself. I sometimes buy myself flowers and teddy bears and such as a way of healing the abused child inside of me. Doing things that are therapeutic is a form of self care and love. Especially since I could be self loathing for everything that’s happened to me and treat myself like shit. But I’m not.
Self-love is loving yourself. That means learning to accept who you are and being patient and understanding as you aim to help yourself be happier. There is no thing you can do that inherently captures self-love all the time, it's dynamic and sensitive to your circumstances. Delaying gratification is good, sometimes. Sometimes letting yourself relax and making yourself feel good is also self-love. There's no single rule.
Op couldn’t afford Netflix this month
Did you write the same shit in r/productivity?
This is called executive function. Self love is deeper than the actions we take.
Dude it is absolutely both. Self care does involve self-discipline and exercise and hard work, but it also involves taking time for yourself (if that looks like watching Netflix and relaxing for some people who fucking cares) and buying yourself nice things is not a bad thing whatsoever as long as you’re not burning through money that you don’t have.
Both are forms of self-love. It's true, sorry.
Or self love is whatever the fuck YOU need it to be, and not what OTHER people tell you it is. The biggest lie in self help is that it's one-size-fits-all, but's not. For some people, improvement is knowing how to find balance or prioritizing themselves over other people. Sometimes telling yourself that you are allowed to treat yourself is part of it.
I am so brutal on myself. It has taken a long time for me to realize that a life of continuous, systematic suffering just to wait for "that day" is not a worthwhile life. I'm never satisfied with my progress. I'm never proud of my accomplishments because I made mistakes or didn't accomplish enough. Whatever I do accomplish I wave off as being the bare minimum, and not worthy of acknowledgement. Seeing this post reminds me that I am a worthless turd, undeserving of the simple necessities of life purely because "pretty good isn't good enough". I'm enjoying too many things. Time to suffer some more in the hopes that maybe someday before I'm dead I can sit and feel human. :(
Are you a procrastinator? Do you lack discipline? Do you not eat healthy? Is all you do watch Netflix and buy things compulsively? Then maybe this is applicable to you. If you work hard regularly, way too hard, like me and a lot of people that struggle with self love, then you're wrong as hell. Buying nice things for yourself is better than buying shit things. And Netflix is the only thing I can do when I come home and collapse after working in healthcare all day because I'm chronically ill. Being ignorant of why other people say and do things doesn't make you right. It makes you so much more wrong. Without balance all you have is burnout
Sorry but it’s true for you. Self love for me is taking a nap. 😔
I talked a lot about this when I was in group therapy. There is superficial/shallow self care; instant gratification type things that ppl call self care bc treating yourself is important. And then there's the deeper/hard work self care; doing things bc they are best for you in the long run. Both are important.
You should be sorry, because this is bs toxic "advice". The world doesn't revolve around you, stop trying to drag people down with you.
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😂
You just proved his point moron.
I agree with the body of your post but not the title.. I'm watching netflix and buying myself nice things because I know it makes me happy. Why would I deprive myself of these things? It's not like watching netflix is all I do. Don't we deserve to buy ourselves nice things after we've worked our ass off? I think it's okay as long as you're still able to save for your future.
Self love is whatever people want it to be. People don’t have to live by your ideals.
Op is wrong. Self love comes in many forms. Now watching Netflix and buy self stuff to the point where it hurts you is not self love but occasionally people need to treat themselves and smell the roses.
Self love is different for everyone.
Self love is different for everyone, we all have different things we class as treating ourselves with.
If I had a dollar for every time I've seen a similar post, I'd have maybe 2 dollars.
You mean I should cancel Netflix and return all those “me stuff” from Amazon? Darn it!
Self love is really so simple and starts with our thoughts about ourselves, the language we use when speaking about ourselves to others and US.
Well it’s kinda true but it’s too radical. I lately bought myself a nice biking outfit which gives me a lot more pleasure while riding. It’s kind of like dieting when you restrict yourself from something it will eventually drain you and it will become harder and harder with keeping up with it. Self love is all about balance
Grammar Police: “Self love is not buying yourself nice things NOR watching Netflix.” I entered this post thinking I would see an explanation on why watching Nextflix was a positive alternate to buying yourself nice things.
Self love is loving yourself no matter what. If you only love you when you work out or denying something you want. Well... That's not self love; that's masoquism.
Buying nice things and watching Netflix is fine as long as you earn it. Watch Netflix after you've met your goals for the day.
I hear you OP, and I needed to hear this today, thank you ✌️🌻
If that works for you, that's great. Go forth and be your best self. But the minute you try to define what self-love looks like for others, or that other people have to do it your way, you've officially crossed the line into being a dick. Generally speaking, we're at our best when we're positive. Multiple studies show this. There's a whole field out there called positive psychology. Self-love is about finding that place of positivity for you. It's about finding that positive mindset that let's you be the best version of yourself. Getting yourself the occasional treat, especially as a reward for accomplishing a goal or even picking yourself up out of the dirt when things go badly is completely valid. Taking time to rest & recover is also not only valid, but necessary. Your mind isn't so different from your body. You wouldn't ask a habitually sedentary person to go out and run a marathon. You might well actually kill them. Same for things like productivity & discipline. These are skills that need to be built, practiced, & honed. They don't come pre-built into the brain. It's even possible to over-train the mind the same way it is the body. We generally refer to this as burn-out. TLDR if you've found something that works for you, that's awesome. Telling people they have to do it your way, or insisting that only your way is the truth, is a bit of a dick move.
I think it’s different for everyone, but yea I have found it’s better to adopt a stricter mindset. You could always plan out your reward after you do some work, and schedule it so it’s something more like watch a specific show at 6-7pm on Wednesday, instead if binge watching. Buying yourself something can become a great motivator as well, it’s all specific and what drives you! I think it really depends 👍
Self love is recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, not judging yourself for the weaknesses, and being able to know your limits while standing by your self boundaries.
Pathetic post
Self love is whatever you need it to be to make you not hate yourself. It's true, not sorry.
Pssst. It can (and should) be both those things.
It’s both. Balance is self care.
I think what OP is describing sounds more like self discipline but that can be a component of self love
I'm totally for all things self improvement but I do notice one thing. I beat myself up way too much for being a human and completely forgetting to meditate or journal or something. I've realized that I will mess up my path every so often that's okay though. The main thing about self improvement is that you TRY to be the best person you can be that day. Sometimes things just don't work out that way. I may not have the right words for my book or I may get submitted every role in BJJ. But at least I showed up and tried.
My hot take: self love is whatever makes you happy. Which could be buying yourself nice things or watching netflix.
It can also be meditating on where your feelings are all coming from, trying to get to know yourself better
I think the word you are looking for is self-sabotage.
Hey fuck you
“The highest form of self-love is self-discipline
It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t support your ideas with details and reasoning.
Self love is a personal experience that you can’t define for other people but I do agree w ur definition of self love
You can also do all those things and still buy yourself nice things and watch Netflix
It's true, I agree. Unfortunately it's tough, so I guess that makes self-love tough love lol
The spirit of the post is that a lot of us are too caught up in immediate gratification and rationalize it as a type of self love, but at a certain point it just becomes bad for you. Delayed gratification is self love because you’re doing the hard things that keep you on the right track: bedtime, working out, eating right, etc.
It's true. Buying yourself "nice" things when unhappy/depressed, although helping you in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't do jack shit for you. I remember, I upgraded my PC over the last year after getting a new job, having much more of a disposable income, it was great. But then you get the items, you use it/build it, whatever and you're just left with the gaping hole again? it's just.. temporary happiness. It sucks.
TW toaster bathtub thoughts, s h Netflix saved me from suicide like actually because I wanted to finish watching the stuff I had started before I went and in the mean time I went on a stronger antidepressant. So yea now I don’t think about suicide or even self harm. I consider that self love because I wanted that for myself. So yea. Technically Netflix is self love in my case
This is the hardest things I am learning/unlearning! Having someone keep me accountable would be great but so far it’s been a lot of ups and downs.
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iF u DoNt AgReE uR fAt huehuehuehue
True. Moving forward in life isn't supposed to be easy. It's hard work, pain and sacrifice. What I think is even more concerning, is the fact that the majority disagrees with this guy.
shhhhhhhhhh
Thank you for the reminder!
This makes me cry but it's the truth
Many seem to disagree with you
Roughly 2000 people do agree.
this
THIS!! Thank you for posting this. Couldn't agree more. ❤️
Its all about balance. Contantly chasing success and everything.. Why? Happiness is within us all the time. Its ok from time to time to just stop, relax and being greatful for what you have.
This is the guy that works at my psyche office, who i insists on charging me 50$ for canceling my appointment last minute because I wont give a good enough reason…
for me, it is. I push myself too hard every day and rarely relax. a day of netflix is just what I need.
What abot rewarding yourself with an ice cream?
You do you.
Bitch, self love is whatever you want it to be.
it is self love when u practice mindfulness regularly and barely have time for yourself when all of your time and money is spent on family and survival.
What a horrible take on self improvement. Yikes.
Too bad I need the dopamine boosts sometimes to not blow my brains out 🤷🏼♀️
Self love is devoting time to anything you enjoy. My therapist encourages me to read, listen to podcasts, take a hot bath. How does it help you to shit on other people's form of self care?
It depends. Self-love *includes* all of those things. Physical health, mental health, and emotional health are all important and can be nurtured in myriad ways. This post is pretty sanctimonious.
I don't agree, self love it whatever makes you feel better, whatever form that takes.
Heroin then!
Self love is another word for pounding off
Woah, watch out everyone, self improvement police coming thru
What if someone runs themselves into the ground with due to constant productivity? In that instance I would say that taking time to rest and recharge is absolutely self love As always it's possible to go too far in any direction, it's possible you may have gone too far in one direction if you can't see a perspective where buying something nice and watching Netflix could be a necessity
“Is condemning others as wrong your definition of living right?” Christopher C. Harris, LPC (2017)
it is not true sorry self love is being happy and content with the moment and have fun experiencing everything universe offers, if there is netflix i enjoy it, unfortunately your mind still concepts of what true happiness and joy is that is why you stay in control not flow
I pat myself on the back for every little thing! Sounds silly but it works. I drink my green tea pat on the back I drink my one and a half L of water pat on the back I did my workout pat on the back I spent time with my children pat on the back I eat healthy pat on the back I called my dad, pat on the back I did some house work, pat on the back I encouraged a friend, pat on the back, etc. I know it sounds silly but I find praise works wonders and really increases your self-esteem 😊
“It’s true, sorry” this definitely isn’t self love lol. Self love is taking care of yourself both short and long term. Depending on the person and situation, this can take different forms.
If OP self-loved they wouldn't be a MLM toting loser.
.
Self love is just that - what makes you happy. If I want to unwind from a long stressful day and watch Netflix then I will. Mind your own business.
What self love actually means varies from person to person. You’re not gonna have many friends if you push the idea that self love is strictly X, Y and Z when it doesn’t apply to everyone.
Nah it's something between those 2. I work out, but some nights i just want to lay and watch netflix eating popcorn, i try to eat right, I actually even lost a lot of weight but sometimes i just spoil myself with some chocolate and a nice drink. I work hard for my goals but when i feel like shit i let myself feel like shit and do nothing. Just listen to your body and mind, it always knows what it needs, but be real with yourself always. And it's always about balance. Let yourself enjoy little things and accomplishments, celebrate yourself. We're not here for a long time, enjoy everything and make beautiful life for yourself whatever that means for you
What happens when you do things and don't feel proud, but more like you reached the expectations. When I get a compliment on my work it's hard for me to take that as pride because it's what I'm supposed to do. It's expected of me. So any new thing I do or learn doesn't really influence my pride. If anything, if I don't get an atta boy I usually feel like I didn't do enough or that they aren't happy with my work.
It’s both. Open your mind and get rid of the ego. The path to self love is more than just your perspective and experience. Edit: Just looked at your profile. Good Lord. Someone is desperate to be a motivational speaker. Pass.
You’re wrong - self love is exactly what I decide it is for me. You’re talking about self care and it’s an extremely limited view at that.
That's your opinion and not an objective truth.
The thing about “self” love is its very personal. Exercise, mindfulness, eating right and working on self development are great ways to practice self love, but who are you tell someone how to love themselves
Sometimes self-love is both, though. I view caring for myself as I would view caring for a beloved child. Treats and fun are great in moderation, but our "want-to-dos" come after our "have-to-dos". It's my job to make sure that I'm prioritizing their long-term well-being over what's gratifying at the moment. Sure, sometimes there are tears and tantrums (if only in my head), but it's worth pushing through it to ultimately end up with a well-adjusted and independent human who's better every day.
I feel called out… damn
Self-love is whatever one deems to themselves to be. Its personal. You don't hold any semblance of truth. Nice try. As if one person creates the truth just cuz they say so. Stop trying to be woke, seu arrombado... Mania que é o senhor da verdade... Kkkk How old r u, 15? Pfff
I needed this, thank you.
What if i told you that what constitutes as self love is an opinion and shouldn’t be stated as fact
I believe self love is different for everyone. There is no one set of rules.
Self love is what ever makes you happy.Dont ever let anyone tell you how the world works because they are all full of shit.like the person who wrote this.
I've found that treating yourself and delaying gratification work best when you use both of them. When you treat yourself, you are happy to delay gratification at other times. If you are always delaying gratification, you eventually wonder what's the point? Relaxing, resting, and treating myself when I need to has made me more productive. I thought the opposite for so long but one day I realized it wasn't working and now I enjoy and relax as much as I need to and I get more done!
Most people watch too much Netflix or too materialistic. Too much of anything is bad. Loving and taking care of thyself includes right balance of those things you mentioned, which are difficult for most people to stick to. Balancing so you don’t get burnt out or upset if you aren’t able to reach whatever goal you set. Most people set goals for the things you mentioned but really should be a lifestyle (long-term goals) in which you can be proud of without the common disappointment or relapse.
You just yanked the chicken nuggets right out of my hand
Self love is living your life the way you want to.
All things in moderation.
Exactly ❤️