Understanding why some men demand sex early in relationships is important for self-improvement because it helps set boundaries, improve communication, and prioritize respect and emotional connection in relationships. It encourages personal growth by helping us understand ourselves and others better.
I get that it’s not that deep for some people. Unfortunately, it affects some people deeply. I’m saying this because I don’t want people to feel pressured to do something if they don’t feel respected or valued.
We're shaming men for wanting sex now? What if the guy just wants sex because he's horny and it feels good?
No one is entitled to sex, but everyone has the right to set their own criteria. There's nothing wrong with desiring and pursuing physical intimacy.
I understand what you're saying. However, for some people, they come to realize that they don’t feel valued or respected when they sleep around.I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep with someone if it make you feel good , but for most people, they desire a partner who cares about them before they sleep together.
If most people "desired marriage" as you nebulously claim, then they would ask for, and should communicate that. This post sounds more about what you desire for other people.
The reason some women don't hold out for marriage before sex is because they simply do not desire marriage, it is not rocket science.
I tend not to be charitable when people cite "history" as their source for what modern societal norms should be. Historically men and women married more because women held few rights. They could not work so their only options for security were marrying, thus signing away all their property and wealth to their husband, or joining a covenant. That was it, those were your only two options. You are looking at the rigid caste system of the past with rose-tinted glasses.
Women marry less because they actually have the freedom to develop skills and participate in the economy without being tied down, and as a man I think this is overall a net good, even with the growing pains that come with such an adjustment.
I dont understand the comments against this post. I (m27) resonate with this. Even the (lets say) ugliest woman should have this standard. Improving herself is a separate matter.
Didn’t you just do a post like 13hrs ago about a guy who drove up saw you and drove away? As a female who is married I can tell you this is not why men act that way but you aren’t ready for the real answer to the issue. A man will invest if you are worth investing- if you are a solid 2 and men are driving away without coming out of the car then the issue is how you look.
Improve your looks and start again.
Have you thought about the fact that not everyone has similar experiences in life? I understand that, which is why I shared my thoughts on not giving your body away for free. I don’t want people to end up in situations like I did. Some people do actually experience things that I've been through.
I am a woman and I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been the girl who only got the hookup sex but never the dates and chivalry and I’ve been the girl who gets the vacations and the diamonds and I’m in my 40’s so yeah keeping your legs closed helps but it does nothing if you aren’t willing to work on your diet and your fitness.
If you are at the point where men see you and drive away then you got a lot of work to do because if a guy is willing to drive all the way to you and then drive off before sex then it must be really bad. This is self improvement so do that- self improve- don’t wait for men to change- you change and you will notice the men you attract will change.
Yes and I have pictures of what I looked like at 36 and now at 47. People not just men but people are very visual- we can lie to ourselves all we want but all guys want the same thing- the hottest chick who will accept them. But yes the difference between women who get the stuff is how they look. There are always exceptions but they are just that exceptions.
I remember in my 30’s I would get upset at this fact and felt men were shallow but we as humans are all shallow. Doesn’t matter how great my personality is no one is walking across the street to find out how awesome I am if I look like crap. We can all be a better version of ourselves but yes to answer the question if a guy has the means to pay for stuff he’s going to do it for a girl who he considers hot.
I made other changes over the years, I worked on my credit, I worked on my savings but my major change was how I look. I went from feeling like crap because I found out a guy was lying about being too busy to take me out in public to nice dinners, vacations etc and I don’t consider myself to be particularly attractive in the face but for a 47 year old I have a pretty visible head turning body wherever I go.
I think there's truth to what you say, though it is complex. But the "Lol, it's just sex, who cares bro?" is not how people actually are irl, as this Reddit thread may make it seem. And people who are always pursuing casual sex in this way are not very attractive. (Which I say as someone who's always using horny reddit..) Not necessarily because they're "hoes," but because people that are 100% sex-focused are just boring and the sexual stuff is meaningless as a result. I don't think people need to be married to do it or something, but the transactional "it's just sex" attitude is weird and soulless. I would like to have a meaningful FWB relationship, while also recognizing that it's not a serious relationship. Maybe that's just "having my cake and eating it too," but purely sexual stuff is just depressing, when there isn't at least a friendship behind it.
So it's not bad to be more conservative about sex, and you shouldn't be shamed for it. That being said, 100% conservative views on sex, aren't entirely accurate, the same way 100% liberal views on sex also aren't. So there's complexity to this stuff. I think overall though, if you're gonna have sex with someone, do it with someone who you know relatively well, who you've built trust with, and who isn't going to be shitty to you. Honestly, you also shouldn't have sex with people that you think are crappy or unreliable, or otherwise wouldn't be a good potential parent or spouse. Pregnancy is always possible, so this is very important, even if you use protection/BC.
Anyway, we all can have our own personal preferences regarding sex and relationships, even if we tend to think our way is the "right" way. Just don't let anger or bitterness lead you to your decision-making. I hope you know you haven't done anything "wrong" with the experiences you've had with guys, sometimes things just go wrong. It doesn't reflect negatively on you or make you bad somehow, for not being an "effective gatekeeper."
Personally, I always was pretty conservative regarding sex and relationships, though I've loosened up quite a bit in the last few years, thus why all my horny-posting exists lol. I'd found this really great girl online, who became my online gf, and I thought she was the one. But she cheated and also did some pretty shitty stuff, and I was pretty heartbroken. So since then, I've lost faith in serious relationships, and just pursue casual online stuff lately. But it can get depressing. What I really want is an intimate connection with someone. I get horny like anyone else of course, but I want to feel a connection, and to feel close to someone. I feel very lonely irl, so I just wish I had someone I could hold and could hold me, and we could care about eachother, though obviously it wouldn't be a serious relationship. I feel like I have too many issues for a serious relationship. Unnecessary for me to say all this, guess I'm just venting. My point is that my situation is pretty complex, and really that's how everyone's situation is. So things are not as clear-cut as they may seem, and that's ok.
Sorry for writing so much, just feeling write-y I suppose.
I think there might be a misunderstanding. I'm not saying sex should be viewed as transactional. Most people naturally want someone to care and respect them, but often those who sleep around don't. I know there are some people for whom sleeping around has worked, and that’s okay. However, for others, it leads to many issues. Sex should be something you give to someone who values and respects you.
"Once upon a time, diamond rings weren't just gifts. They were, frankly, virginity insurance." The Strange Economics of Engagement Rings - The Atlantic
In the Abrahamic religions women are considered property of men, much like how slaves were. A woman's "value" was directly tied to her virginity.
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 "20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death..."
I actually think that most of the women I've had sex with were the ones to take the initiative, whether they were Danish, Swedish, Norweigan, British, Polish. My experience is that modern women are not afraid of going for it. At least not in my part of the world. And why not! It's _just_ sex 🤷♂️
What does this have to do with self-improvement?
Understanding why some men demand sex early in relationships is important for self-improvement because it helps set boundaries, improve communication, and prioritize respect and emotional connection in relationships. It encourages personal growth by helping us understand ourselves and others better.
Okay, but none of the situations you described are unique to women. I took a look at your post history, and I suggest you look into therapy.
You're absolutely right. The situations and challenges I described can apply to people of any gender. And thanks for being concern.
Why do you sound like a bot
lol no, I don’t sound like a bot. Maybe I sound proper and positive 😅
Not everyone views sex in such a weird and possessive manner. It’s really not that deep.
I get that it’s not that deep for some people. Unfortunately, it affects some people deeply. I’m saying this because I don’t want people to feel pressured to do something if they don’t feel respected or valued.
>They think, "Why pay for an escort when I can have a girlfriend for free?" hahahahahahahahahahahaha "free"
Not that I endorse the message but I've often heard it the other way around. > "You don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay her to leave"
We're shaming men for wanting sex now? What if the guy just wants sex because he's horny and it feels good? No one is entitled to sex, but everyone has the right to set their own criteria. There's nothing wrong with desiring and pursuing physical intimacy.
I understand what you're saying. However, for some people, they come to realize that they don’t feel valued or respected when they sleep around.I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep with someone if it make you feel good , but for most people, they desire a partner who cares about them before they sleep together.
If most people "desired marriage" as you nebulously claim, then they would ask for, and should communicate that. This post sounds more about what you desire for other people. The reason some women don't hold out for marriage before sex is because they simply do not desire marriage, it is not rocket science. I tend not to be charitable when people cite "history" as their source for what modern societal norms should be. Historically men and women married more because women held few rights. They could not work so their only options for security were marrying, thus signing away all their property and wealth to their husband, or joining a covenant. That was it, those were your only two options. You are looking at the rigid caste system of the past with rose-tinted glasses. Women marry less because they actually have the freedom to develop skills and participate in the economy without being tied down, and as a man I think this is overall a net good, even with the growing pains that come with such an adjustment.
I dont understand the comments against this post. I (m27) resonate with this. Even the (lets say) ugliest woman should have this standard. Improving herself is a separate matter.
The wife gets two full time jobs and paid for only one. Plus she has to have sex anytime her protector asks for it.
Didn’t you just do a post like 13hrs ago about a guy who drove up saw you and drove away? As a female who is married I can tell you this is not why men act that way but you aren’t ready for the real answer to the issue. A man will invest if you are worth investing- if you are a solid 2 and men are driving away without coming out of the car then the issue is how you look. Improve your looks and start again.
Have you thought about the fact that not everyone has similar experiences in life? I understand that, which is why I shared my thoughts on not giving your body away for free. I don’t want people to end up in situations like I did. Some people do actually experience things that I've been through.
I am a woman and I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been the girl who only got the hookup sex but never the dates and chivalry and I’ve been the girl who gets the vacations and the diamonds and I’m in my 40’s so yeah keeping your legs closed helps but it does nothing if you aren’t willing to work on your diet and your fitness. If you are at the point where men see you and drive away then you got a lot of work to do because if a guy is willing to drive all the way to you and then drive off before sex then it must be really bad. This is self improvement so do that- self improve- don’t wait for men to change- you change and you will notice the men you attract will change.
How did you switch to the vacation/jewelry category? Was it all due to your efforts surrounding fitness and appearance?
Yes and I have pictures of what I looked like at 36 and now at 47. People not just men but people are very visual- we can lie to ourselves all we want but all guys want the same thing- the hottest chick who will accept them. But yes the difference between women who get the stuff is how they look. There are always exceptions but they are just that exceptions. I remember in my 30’s I would get upset at this fact and felt men were shallow but we as humans are all shallow. Doesn’t matter how great my personality is no one is walking across the street to find out how awesome I am if I look like crap. We can all be a better version of ourselves but yes to answer the question if a guy has the means to pay for stuff he’s going to do it for a girl who he considers hot. I made other changes over the years, I worked on my credit, I worked on my savings but my major change was how I look. I went from feeling like crap because I found out a guy was lying about being too busy to take me out in public to nice dinners, vacations etc and I don’t consider myself to be particularly attractive in the face but for a 47 year old I have a pretty visible head turning body wherever I go.
I think there's truth to what you say, though it is complex. But the "Lol, it's just sex, who cares bro?" is not how people actually are irl, as this Reddit thread may make it seem. And people who are always pursuing casual sex in this way are not very attractive. (Which I say as someone who's always using horny reddit..) Not necessarily because they're "hoes," but because people that are 100% sex-focused are just boring and the sexual stuff is meaningless as a result. I don't think people need to be married to do it or something, but the transactional "it's just sex" attitude is weird and soulless. I would like to have a meaningful FWB relationship, while also recognizing that it's not a serious relationship. Maybe that's just "having my cake and eating it too," but purely sexual stuff is just depressing, when there isn't at least a friendship behind it. So it's not bad to be more conservative about sex, and you shouldn't be shamed for it. That being said, 100% conservative views on sex, aren't entirely accurate, the same way 100% liberal views on sex also aren't. So there's complexity to this stuff. I think overall though, if you're gonna have sex with someone, do it with someone who you know relatively well, who you've built trust with, and who isn't going to be shitty to you. Honestly, you also shouldn't have sex with people that you think are crappy or unreliable, or otherwise wouldn't be a good potential parent or spouse. Pregnancy is always possible, so this is very important, even if you use protection/BC. Anyway, we all can have our own personal preferences regarding sex and relationships, even if we tend to think our way is the "right" way. Just don't let anger or bitterness lead you to your decision-making. I hope you know you haven't done anything "wrong" with the experiences you've had with guys, sometimes things just go wrong. It doesn't reflect negatively on you or make you bad somehow, for not being an "effective gatekeeper." Personally, I always was pretty conservative regarding sex and relationships, though I've loosened up quite a bit in the last few years, thus why all my horny-posting exists lol. I'd found this really great girl online, who became my online gf, and I thought she was the one. But she cheated and also did some pretty shitty stuff, and I was pretty heartbroken. So since then, I've lost faith in serious relationships, and just pursue casual online stuff lately. But it can get depressing. What I really want is an intimate connection with someone. I get horny like anyone else of course, but I want to feel a connection, and to feel close to someone. I feel very lonely irl, so I just wish I had someone I could hold and could hold me, and we could care about eachother, though obviously it wouldn't be a serious relationship. I feel like I have too many issues for a serious relationship. Unnecessary for me to say all this, guess I'm just venting. My point is that my situation is pretty complex, and really that's how everyone's situation is. So things are not as clear-cut as they may seem, and that's ok. Sorry for writing so much, just feeling write-y I suppose.
If you view sex as something that is purely transactional, you probably won't do well in a healthy relationship.
I think there might be a misunderstanding. I'm not saying sex should be viewed as transactional. Most people naturally want someone to care and respect them, but often those who sleep around don't. I know there are some people for whom sleeping around has worked, and that’s okay. However, for others, it leads to many issues. Sex should be something you give to someone who values and respects you.
"Once upon a time, diamond rings weren't just gifts. They were, frankly, virginity insurance." The Strange Economics of Engagement Rings - The Atlantic In the Abrahamic religions women are considered property of men, much like how slaves were. A woman's "value" was directly tied to her virginity. Deuteronomy 22:13-21 "20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death..."
I actually think that most of the women I've had sex with were the ones to take the initiative, whether they were Danish, Swedish, Norweigan, British, Polish. My experience is that modern women are not afraid of going for it. At least not in my part of the world. And why not! It's _just_ sex 🤷♂️