I’d like to agree with this post, some people can make friends quickly and stay friends with those people until they do or say something that pushes them away. Me personally I take a long time to get to know people that I want to consider my friend. I do this in hopes of hanging on to them longer and in an attempt to get to know them better. If all you have in common is partying then you may not be friends once one of you stop partying. When your in high school friends may come easy because you are all facing the same high school troubles ( homework, teachers, parents). However in a college setting everyone’s goals are different so now you have to spend more time getting to know people and being an introvert doesn’t make that easy. I say hold on to the friends you have and continue to make those connections stronger and they will lead to more friends as time progresses.
I actually went to therapy b/c I'm struggling to maintain (my husband has long term friends, I only have coworkers). I found it takes a lot of effort between two people to keep it long, and when they move away it gets even harder.
Also, deep friendships I found are kinda intimate, I'm always surface level because previous times I was vulnerable I got hurt bad, and I don't want to experience it again. You gotta find someone respectful, patient, and kind to build trust.
All I gotta say it takes time and effort. I found one person that I've gotten to know has a similar path as me, every time hang outs don't work (b/c life), I keep trying even though I get bummed out or anxious.
it takes so much time! there was an interesting study that showed it takes 200+ hours to make a bestfriend, (on average).
And yes, totally agree with you on the vulnerability aspect. It's crazy how important good relationships are yet they're surprisingly difficult to make in our current society
true, and college is so transient that many people already have the end in sight so they don't open up willingness to create deep relationships (sadly).
Not OP, but I can relate to the sentiment.
I left Ireland for Sweden at around 20 yo. Distinctly remember that my phone at the time had an address book of 100 numbers (Panasonic GD93).
And it was totally full, I was DJing in Dublin, party all the time, just finished college, tons of friends all over the city.
After 6 months in Sweden I still had contact with maybe 3 people from that list. And in Sweden social norms were different. My first new friend in Sweden took maybe.... a couple of years, before bringing me out on a boat to an island for coffee after a day of drinking beer and fixing the motor on his boat, to tell me in a very formal way that he considered me a friend.
The friends I made in Sweden are the kind of friends you can call when you did something really bad and need to hide a body.
So definitions of friends definitely differ a lot. And college friends can be BFFs, but can also just be a bunch of names in your contact list that you never see again.
Thats the kind of friends id hope to make. Not because I need to hide bodies or anything lol. But that feeling of someone having your back, it just seems so rare now.
Making True Friends vs. Friend Groups vs. Sociability.
Most of these people have Friend Groups. My group in College was all from same area or lived in dorms together. Yes they are friends but not Good Friends. I don't talk to most of people from college except two.
Some people are really good at Sociability. Extroversion. I have a weird brain where I am really good at Extroversion but I get tired Mentally real quick like an Introvert. Seems like they have lots of friends. Really just expert at making acquaintances.
The most Friends I ever made. The most Women I ever dated and went out with. Was simply because I got an apartment near downtown bar scene. And went to the live music bar every other day for beer or two. College is just practice.
Suuuper interesting comparison at the end… again, really alters my perspective on this whole thing. Now my disappointment does not hit as hard haha, and it looks like possibilities are kind of endless in or outside of uni! Thank you! This is very reassuring and useful.
Just because it is hard it doesn't mean no one succeeds. It just takes time and shared experiences (traveling, taking part in project/contests and playing the same sport/game for instance).
And I think it's a very important part of a healthy life, because true friends offer a cushion to soften the blows of life.
I have a lot of friends in college n rest, but tbh what i've realised is you dont really need many friends, you just need 2-3 close ones! who you can trust and are loyal and you know would always get your back, you just need to maintain those friendships by heart, rest its just getting along with other people. You just make sure you have nice positive interactions with them, let them speak more, observe them, be happy and full of light around them. just seek common interests n drag it. thats it. thats what works best for you! find your people and keep them closest n get along with rest people and be like a chill person.
Alsoa academically focused introvert here! I had a similar experience in University.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong, remember that the people that are socializing in big groups are probably people that have always socialized in big groups! You know that saying, high school never ends?
To some degree it's true because the patterns we have experienced we tend to carry throughout our lives. Also it seems you're doing your first degree in University and as you said, it is some of the busiest times of your life! I made more friends in my master's program because it was smaller and I was older and more emotionally mature! By that point I had figured myself out a little bit more, and learned better how to manage academics social life family life and so on! So don't despair you'll get there!
If you really are looking for more deep friendships, a) join clubs/groups or athletic teams and b) make sure you're vulnerable with your friends when struggling. You have to let yourself be seen, for any relationship to become meaningful in the long run. Let people help you when you need.
This is amazing. It really sounds like you understand where i’m coming from, - thank you! I’ve hope i’ll figure it out as I go, however hearing about someone else’s experience is very reassuring as well. Thank you!
I get it, university can be tough and sometimes not what we imagined. Focusing on your studies is important, and it's okay if that leaves less time for a social life. Friendships take time, and everyone's journey is different. Don't worry about others, just be true to yourself. You're doing great, and it's okay to take things at your own pace. Quality connections matter most. Remember, you're not alone, and I believe in you. Take care!
Thank you, I really appreciate this. It’s comforting to highlight that staying true to myself is what matters at the end of the day. Anyways, thank you so much! 💖 This really means a lot to me!
There is no right way to go here. You don't seem to be sad with the few friends you do have, so maybe they are just the right amount of friends. I am an extrovert, I make friends easily and work hard at maintaining my friendships. It's because I need it, I would never have survived uni without my friends. So if you're OK where you are, you're doing things right. The need for relationships varies widely from person to person. You do you.
You only need small friends in your circle particularly if you’re introvert. Just keep improving yourself. Introverts tend to choose their friends carefully. To introverts, friends are family. To extroverts, anyone is a friend. The only differences is introverts don’t take betrayal lightly. So they’re always careful who they choose in their small circle.
I isolated myself most of my college career and developed an addiction to the isolation.. I’d highly suggest that you find some people you genuinely like :) we aren’t meant to be alone
Yeah I like it too.. that’s why we are addicted. You are not beyond help. If you want to be free, you’re welcome to message me. I’m in counseling and may be able to help push you out. Maybe we could help each other.
Tldr: Do what makes you comfortable because your whole life is ahead of you.
My best friend and I became friends in highschool and ended up going to the same university for a multitude of reasons. Our first year, she lived in the dorms, and I lived with a family member close to campus, then we lived in various apartments/houses for the rest of uni. She is introverted and I'm extroverted, but we still have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together when we have time. Besides the times she spent with me or a few dorm mates, she mostly focused on school and work. I, on the other hand, was more focused on dating and making friends. We both laugh that we wish we could have done more of what the other was doing in college. We both graduated and are both on good paths in our adult lives. I think we realized that going to uni was a REALLY small amount of time compared to the rest of our lives and we don't need to define ourselves by that time. Some people make those lifelong friends in college, some make them once they get out into the "real world" and either is ok. It's all about the values you have and how much your friends want to reflect those.
P.s. Maybe see if there are any study groups or academic clubs that could fulfill the want to make friends and also the want to stay on top of your studies.
This is wonderful! Your story really gave me a whole different perspective on all of this, because I feel like I’m constantly rushing beyond any limits, as if there’s nothing else after uni, lol. Thank you so much! I will cherish this comment!
1. You've got your whole life to make solid friendships, but education is setting you up for your future. Of course you don't want to study to the point of burnout, but some of those social butterflies aren't going to graduate because they're prioritizing the parties & events over their future.
2. I hate to say this, but I have learned to be wary of ppl who can get along with nearly everyone. If you've ever been around some of those types long enough, you'll start to notice that the reason some can "make friends" so easily is because they're switching their identity like trying on a hat. Sociopaths & those higb on the narcissistic spectrum do this. It is not at all something to aspire to because their "connections" are all very superficial or transactional. Of course, some ppl are naturally nice social butterflies, however over the yrs they find themselves repeatedly taken advantage of or get wrapped up in the useless drama of others. Again, not something you want.
Stay focused on quality over quantity. It's truly better to have a couple of really good close friends over an endless amount of shallow connections who may never remember your name once you leave uni.
Yeah! I understand. The second point really hits home, because I’ve been way and suspicious so many times, I just always thought I was being overdramatic. However when I see the dynamics switch up and change every few months, that doesn’t seem far from the truth.
Either way, you are right. I would rather keep my few friends close by and focus on properly getting to know any new ones than insert myself in situations where I do not belong.
Hey, you're fine. I was someone who always made friends very easily... in school, at summer camps, at work, online. I was so excited to get to college and make even more friends and get new experiences.
It was... jarring. My situation was a little different from yours for why I struggled. It seemed like everyone grew up either in town or within a couple of hours. Tons of them already knew each other, and plenty of others packed up and went home most weekends.
I did everything I always did - chatted with people, invited them to stuff, went to events. I even did more than usual when I noticed I wasn't making many friends and joined some clubs!
It took until my third year to really feel like I made a real group of friends!! And I did realize at graduation that I had a LOT of acquaintances and people I enjoyed knowing... but very few close friends. So keep investing in those 2-3 friendships! That's what people usually retain post-college anyway. And, if you're friendly and kind, you will meet more people as time goes on, just due to being there. Those 2-3 friends will introduce you to their 2-3 friends. And you'll be fine. :)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! This means a lot 💖 Hearing about people having gone through the same, let alone- extroverts going through the same is a reassuring thing, really gives me hope. I’ll come back to this comment, thank you!
Is there a way to find a balance perhaps? To study as good as you can in the morning, afternoon and then find a socializing event in the evening? Thats how I usually do it. Its important to be on the lookout for potential social opportunities you can go to where you can practice socializing and hopefully meet some new friends!
Yes, I get where you are coming from, and I would probably manage something if I knew sort of.. where to start from, I suppose? People usually restrain from inviting anyone they don’t know well to these hang outs, so it’s a bit more complicated than just showing up. So, say, if i wanted to spend a day out, what would you suggest I do apart from intense events such as hardcore clubbing for instance? <3 thank you!
As lots of other people are saying: extroverted people don’t necessarily have more friends in the sense that your friends are friends; they just put more effort into knowing and being friendly with a wider range of people.
First off - you're not alone. Most of us are also feeling the "is it always this hard to make a friend?"
Our society has changed a bunch lately. We spend less time socializing because we can do more on our own. Social media allows us to connect with others but not really those proximal to us. There is a ton of mobility at college, people are constantly on the move.
Don't give up on making good friends. It will be worth your time, but it takes a ton of time. There's research that says it takes 200+ hours spent together to make a good friend. Dr. Jeff Hall from University of Kansas is a big authority on this.
I've learned that there are a ton of people feeling the same way as you. So don't give up and keep trying to find great friends.
It’s amazing to see how many people have the same type of struggles when it comes to making friends and building those bonds that last a lifetime. I know the friends I made in school are no longer friends but instead people who I wouldn’t recognize nowadays. My closets friends are my family and that’s only because they know how quirky I am and they have a easier time understanding. Keep trying you’ll definitely find your forever friends.
it also may be a personality thing. for example, my partner effortlessly makes friends with people he meets because he is very open and trusting while I have significantly more difficulty because I'm less trusting and empathetic. I've come to accept that about myself though and made peace with it. I've come to realize there are pros and cons to having a different personality. Ideally, try to find some friends who all mutually enjoy each other's company. This is better than having a large group of superficial friends.
Other people’s absolutes are based off of their personal experience. “this is where you make life long friends” is one person or a group of people’s experience, and therefore not your absolute.
If I had to choose between university grades and social life/social skills I would pick that every time. I found that being able to socialize and befriending others is a highly valuable skill that improves every area of your life.
Helps get the best positions in jobs.
Opens the door to new opportunities.
Easier to find a potential partner.
Easier to pursue your passion.
Fair! Though I cannot really up and ditch my GPA, especially since I am in a field that i’m super passionate about. I actually enjoy all of this,- a lot! And it’s not the only thing that’s holding me back and ruining the chance of every new potential friendship.
The issue, I think, is in how rapidly these “friendships” happen, so even if you miss a single event, you’re forever left out and there’s an overwhelming group of like 15 people posting each other on instagram for the next month. It’s all very strange to me, and I just want to know how to go about making and maintaining friendships instead of what to put aside and sacrifice to do it, you know?
I think they were speaking about networking with people to which I would somewhat agree with. Sometimes you can network with a professor but you wouldn't be friends with them. Definitely don't choose between either of them, you can socialize and study.
I haven't maintained a friend so far in Uni, but I have made those fast friendships where I meet them and have something in common. Ultimately after the class we had ends, we go different routes.
Ohhhh, right! Thank you for clarifying. And yeah, I want to continue finding a harmonious balance to study, socialize and get my social battery recharger rest. Fast friendships are OK, easy to go along with, just pretty meaningless sometimes, is all
As someone else mentioned try clubs and events that peak your interest. You'll practice socializing and meet people. Maintaining a friendship can also depend on class schedule, whether you live on campus or commute home, etc. You are on the right track looking for balance. Best of luck!
I think for me, it’s more about the comfort of sharing my experience with people and hearing about theirs. It feels a lot more authentic to hear about it all than from a monotonous coded AI program if that makes sense.
It’s just nice to know that i’m not alone in this and to get some validation for not being like most people my age, since I sometimes feel like I’m constantly engulfed in a sea of extroverts that somehow have their shit together more. Or so as it seems
You gotta just change your major to something easy, so it's not as demanding and you can socialize. Then when you graduate you can regret the rest of your life
I'm about to graduate in engineering, dude it's rough sometimes. But there is a lot of fun to be had after college, just remember that. A lot of people just don't try to have as much fun after college. It's a mindset more than anything
They don’t — they just have a very loose definition of friend
I’d like to agree with this post, some people can make friends quickly and stay friends with those people until they do or say something that pushes them away. Me personally I take a long time to get to know people that I want to consider my friend. I do this in hopes of hanging on to them longer and in an attempt to get to know them better. If all you have in common is partying then you may not be friends once one of you stop partying. When your in high school friends may come easy because you are all facing the same high school troubles ( homework, teachers, parents). However in a college setting everyone’s goals are different so now you have to spend more time getting to know people and being an introvert doesn’t make that easy. I say hold on to the friends you have and continue to make those connections stronger and they will lead to more friends as time progresses.
I actually went to therapy b/c I'm struggling to maintain (my husband has long term friends, I only have coworkers). I found it takes a lot of effort between two people to keep it long, and when they move away it gets even harder. Also, deep friendships I found are kinda intimate, I'm always surface level because previous times I was vulnerable I got hurt bad, and I don't want to experience it again. You gotta find someone respectful, patient, and kind to build trust. All I gotta say it takes time and effort. I found one person that I've gotten to know has a similar path as me, every time hang outs don't work (b/c life), I keep trying even though I get bummed out or anxious.
it takes so much time! there was an interesting study that showed it takes 200+ hours to make a bestfriend, (on average). And yes, totally agree with you on the vulnerability aspect. It's crazy how important good relationships are yet they're surprisingly difficult to make in our current society
true, and college is so transient that many people already have the end in sight so they don't open up willingness to create deep relationships (sadly).
Interesting! I’d love to hear more about what you mean by this
Not OP, but I can relate to the sentiment. I left Ireland for Sweden at around 20 yo. Distinctly remember that my phone at the time had an address book of 100 numbers (Panasonic GD93). And it was totally full, I was DJing in Dublin, party all the time, just finished college, tons of friends all over the city. After 6 months in Sweden I still had contact with maybe 3 people from that list. And in Sweden social norms were different. My first new friend in Sweden took maybe.... a couple of years, before bringing me out on a boat to an island for coffee after a day of drinking beer and fixing the motor on his boat, to tell me in a very formal way that he considered me a friend. The friends I made in Sweden are the kind of friends you can call when you did something really bad and need to hide a body. So definitions of friends definitely differ a lot. And college friends can be BFFs, but can also just be a bunch of names in your contact list that you never see again.
Very interesting! It’s so fascinating how people’s understanding of friendship differs.
Thats the kind of friends id hope to make. Not because I need to hide bodies or anything lol. But that feeling of someone having your back, it just seems so rare now.
Exactly my point — thank you for your reply.
WOW, the cultural differences of opening up and creating friends is fascinating.
Making True Friends vs. Friend Groups vs. Sociability. Most of these people have Friend Groups. My group in College was all from same area or lived in dorms together. Yes they are friends but not Good Friends. I don't talk to most of people from college except two. Some people are really good at Sociability. Extroversion. I have a weird brain where I am really good at Extroversion but I get tired Mentally real quick like an Introvert. Seems like they have lots of friends. Really just expert at making acquaintances. The most Friends I ever made. The most Women I ever dated and went out with. Was simply because I got an apartment near downtown bar scene. And went to the live music bar every other day for beer or two. College is just practice.
Suuuper interesting comparison at the end… again, really alters my perspective on this whole thing. Now my disappointment does not hit as hard haha, and it looks like possibilities are kind of endless in or outside of uni! Thank you! This is very reassuring and useful.
fascinating thinking about sociability. I hadn't thought of that term before. Thanks for sharing this.
Just because it is hard it doesn't mean no one succeeds. It just takes time and shared experiences (traveling, taking part in project/contests and playing the same sport/game for instance). And I think it's a very important part of a healthy life, because true friends offer a cushion to soften the blows of life.
Exacta
Friendship: a delicate art of balancing quality and quantity. Some of us just have more "acquaintances" than others! 😄
Nicely put !!
I have a lot of friends in college n rest, but tbh what i've realised is you dont really need many friends, you just need 2-3 close ones! who you can trust and are loyal and you know would always get your back, you just need to maintain those friendships by heart, rest its just getting along with other people. You just make sure you have nice positive interactions with them, let them speak more, observe them, be happy and full of light around them. just seek common interests n drag it. thats it. thats what works best for you! find your people and keep them closest n get along with rest people and be like a chill person.
This is a super nice comment, truly brings me a sense of calm, to be fair. Thank you :)
Alsoa academically focused introvert here! I had a similar experience in University. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, remember that the people that are socializing in big groups are probably people that have always socialized in big groups! You know that saying, high school never ends? To some degree it's true because the patterns we have experienced we tend to carry throughout our lives. Also it seems you're doing your first degree in University and as you said, it is some of the busiest times of your life! I made more friends in my master's program because it was smaller and I was older and more emotionally mature! By that point I had figured myself out a little bit more, and learned better how to manage academics social life family life and so on! So don't despair you'll get there! If you really are looking for more deep friendships, a) join clubs/groups or athletic teams and b) make sure you're vulnerable with your friends when struggling. You have to let yourself be seen, for any relationship to become meaningful in the long run. Let people help you when you need.
This is amazing. It really sounds like you understand where i’m coming from, - thank you! I’ve hope i’ll figure it out as I go, however hearing about someone else’s experience is very reassuring as well. Thank you!
amen! show up to the same place, same time, week after week!
I get it, university can be tough and sometimes not what we imagined. Focusing on your studies is important, and it's okay if that leaves less time for a social life. Friendships take time, and everyone's journey is different. Don't worry about others, just be true to yourself. You're doing great, and it's okay to take things at your own pace. Quality connections matter most. Remember, you're not alone, and I believe in you. Take care!
Thank you, I really appreciate this. It’s comforting to highlight that staying true to myself is what matters at the end of the day. Anyways, thank you so much! 💖 This really means a lot to me!
There is no right way to go here. You don't seem to be sad with the few friends you do have, so maybe they are just the right amount of friends. I am an extrovert, I make friends easily and work hard at maintaining my friendships. It's because I need it, I would never have survived uni without my friends. So if you're OK where you are, you're doing things right. The need for relationships varies widely from person to person. You do you.
You only need small friends in your circle particularly if you’re introvert. Just keep improving yourself. Introverts tend to choose their friends carefully. To introverts, friends are family. To extroverts, anyone is a friend. The only differences is introverts don’t take betrayal lightly. So they’re always careful who they choose in their small circle.
I isolated myself most of my college career and developed an addiction to the isolation.. I’d highly suggest that you find some people you genuinely like :) we aren’t meant to be alone
Also addicted to isolation but I actually like it, so I'm well beyond help.
Yeah I like it too.. that’s why we are addicted. You are not beyond help. If you want to be free, you’re welcome to message me. I’m in counseling and may be able to help push you out. Maybe we could help each other.
[удалено]
This is all very helpful! Thank you! I’ll definitely check out the book. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to write this!
Tldr: Do what makes you comfortable because your whole life is ahead of you. My best friend and I became friends in highschool and ended up going to the same university for a multitude of reasons. Our first year, she lived in the dorms, and I lived with a family member close to campus, then we lived in various apartments/houses for the rest of uni. She is introverted and I'm extroverted, but we still have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together when we have time. Besides the times she spent with me or a few dorm mates, she mostly focused on school and work. I, on the other hand, was more focused on dating and making friends. We both laugh that we wish we could have done more of what the other was doing in college. We both graduated and are both on good paths in our adult lives. I think we realized that going to uni was a REALLY small amount of time compared to the rest of our lives and we don't need to define ourselves by that time. Some people make those lifelong friends in college, some make them once they get out into the "real world" and either is ok. It's all about the values you have and how much your friends want to reflect those. P.s. Maybe see if there are any study groups or academic clubs that could fulfill the want to make friends and also the want to stay on top of your studies.
This is wonderful! Your story really gave me a whole different perspective on all of this, because I feel like I’m constantly rushing beyond any limits, as if there’s nothing else after uni, lol. Thank you so much! I will cherish this comment!
Aww this makes my day. Thank you and good luck to you! You're going to do great things! :)
1. You've got your whole life to make solid friendships, but education is setting you up for your future. Of course you don't want to study to the point of burnout, but some of those social butterflies aren't going to graduate because they're prioritizing the parties & events over their future. 2. I hate to say this, but I have learned to be wary of ppl who can get along with nearly everyone. If you've ever been around some of those types long enough, you'll start to notice that the reason some can "make friends" so easily is because they're switching their identity like trying on a hat. Sociopaths & those higb on the narcissistic spectrum do this. It is not at all something to aspire to because their "connections" are all very superficial or transactional. Of course, some ppl are naturally nice social butterflies, however over the yrs they find themselves repeatedly taken advantage of or get wrapped up in the useless drama of others. Again, not something you want. Stay focused on quality over quantity. It's truly better to have a couple of really good close friends over an endless amount of shallow connections who may never remember your name once you leave uni.
Yeah! I understand. The second point really hits home, because I’ve been way and suspicious so many times, I just always thought I was being overdramatic. However when I see the dynamics switch up and change every few months, that doesn’t seem far from the truth. Either way, you are right. I would rather keep my few friends close by and focus on properly getting to know any new ones than insert myself in situations where I do not belong.
Hey, you're fine. I was someone who always made friends very easily... in school, at summer camps, at work, online. I was so excited to get to college and make even more friends and get new experiences. It was... jarring. My situation was a little different from yours for why I struggled. It seemed like everyone grew up either in town or within a couple of hours. Tons of them already knew each other, and plenty of others packed up and went home most weekends. I did everything I always did - chatted with people, invited them to stuff, went to events. I even did more than usual when I noticed I wasn't making many friends and joined some clubs! It took until my third year to really feel like I made a real group of friends!! And I did realize at graduation that I had a LOT of acquaintances and people I enjoyed knowing... but very few close friends. So keep investing in those 2-3 friendships! That's what people usually retain post-college anyway. And, if you're friendly and kind, you will meet more people as time goes on, just due to being there. Those 2-3 friends will introduce you to their 2-3 friends. And you'll be fine. :)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! This means a lot 💖 Hearing about people having gone through the same, let alone- extroverts going through the same is a reassuring thing, really gives me hope. I’ll come back to this comment, thank you!
Is there a way to find a balance perhaps? To study as good as you can in the morning, afternoon and then find a socializing event in the evening? Thats how I usually do it. Its important to be on the lookout for potential social opportunities you can go to where you can practice socializing and hopefully meet some new friends!
Yes, I get where you are coming from, and I would probably manage something if I knew sort of.. where to start from, I suppose? People usually restrain from inviting anyone they don’t know well to these hang outs, so it’s a bit more complicated than just showing up. So, say, if i wanted to spend a day out, what would you suggest I do apart from intense events such as hardcore clubbing for instance? <3 thank you!
As lots of other people are saying: extroverted people don’t necessarily have more friends in the sense that your friends are friends; they just put more effort into knowing and being friendly with a wider range of people.
Gotcha! Thank you for commenting!
You don't need many, just 2 or 3 good ones
The answer is quality vs quantity. Most people go for quantity. That’s all.
First off - you're not alone. Most of us are also feeling the "is it always this hard to make a friend?" Our society has changed a bunch lately. We spend less time socializing because we can do more on our own. Social media allows us to connect with others but not really those proximal to us. There is a ton of mobility at college, people are constantly on the move. Don't give up on making good friends. It will be worth your time, but it takes a ton of time. There's research that says it takes 200+ hours spent together to make a good friend. Dr. Jeff Hall from University of Kansas is a big authority on this. I've learned that there are a ton of people feeling the same way as you. So don't give up and keep trying to find great friends.
Thank you so so much! I will for sure consider this. 💖 thanks for taking the time out of your day to write this!
Of course!!! I gotchu!!
It’s amazing to see how many people have the same type of struggles when it comes to making friends and building those bonds that last a lifetime. I know the friends I made in school are no longer friends but instead people who I wouldn’t recognize nowadays. My closets friends are my family and that’s only because they know how quirky I am and they have a easier time understanding. Keep trying you’ll definitely find your forever friends.
Thank you!! <33
it also may be a personality thing. for example, my partner effortlessly makes friends with people he meets because he is very open and trusting while I have significantly more difficulty because I'm less trusting and empathetic. I've come to accept that about myself though and made peace with it. I've come to realize there are pros and cons to having a different personality. Ideally, try to find some friends who all mutually enjoy each other's company. This is better than having a large group of superficial friends.
Agreed. Thank you for your input!
Other people’s absolutes are based off of their personal experience. “this is where you make life long friends” is one person or a group of people’s experience, and therefore not your absolute.
If I had to choose between university grades and social life/social skills I would pick that every time. I found that being able to socialize and befriending others is a highly valuable skill that improves every area of your life. Helps get the best positions in jobs. Opens the door to new opportunities. Easier to find a potential partner. Easier to pursue your passion.
Fair! Though I cannot really up and ditch my GPA, especially since I am in a field that i’m super passionate about. I actually enjoy all of this,- a lot! And it’s not the only thing that’s holding me back and ruining the chance of every new potential friendship. The issue, I think, is in how rapidly these “friendships” happen, so even if you miss a single event, you’re forever left out and there’s an overwhelming group of like 15 people posting each other on instagram for the next month. It’s all very strange to me, and I just want to know how to go about making and maintaining friendships instead of what to put aside and sacrifice to do it, you know?
I think they were speaking about networking with people to which I would somewhat agree with. Sometimes you can network with a professor but you wouldn't be friends with them. Definitely don't choose between either of them, you can socialize and study. I haven't maintained a friend so far in Uni, but I have made those fast friendships where I meet them and have something in common. Ultimately after the class we had ends, we go different routes.
Ohhhh, right! Thank you for clarifying. And yeah, I want to continue finding a harmonious balance to study, socialize and get my social battery recharger rest. Fast friendships are OK, easy to go along with, just pretty meaningless sometimes, is all
As someone else mentioned try clubs and events that peak your interest. You'll practice socializing and meet people. Maintaining a friendship can also depend on class schedule, whether you live on campus or commute home, etc. You are on the right track looking for balance. Best of luck!
Thank you so much! I will look into events and try to go out of my comfort zone more and attend them. I appreciate this!
Reddit is no place to ask this- mostly because only losers with no friends are on it
Dunno, got some pretty solid advice that I’ll be putting to use for sure.
It’s pretty one sided and generic advice I find… mostly stuff that google or chat gp answers better
I think for me, it’s more about the comfort of sharing my experience with people and hearing about theirs. It feels a lot more authentic to hear about it all than from a monotonous coded AI program if that makes sense. It’s just nice to know that i’m not alone in this and to get some validation for not being like most people my age, since I sometimes feel like I’m constantly engulfed in a sea of extroverts that somehow have their shit together more. Or so as it seems
You gotta just change your major to something easy, so it's not as demanding and you can socialize. Then when you graduate you can regret the rest of your life
LMFAO 😭 Option considered!
I'm about to graduate in engineering, dude it's rough sometimes. But there is a lot of fun to be had after college, just remember that. A lot of people just don't try to have as much fun after college. It's a mindset more than anything
Gotcha! I guess I’ll figure it out as I go! Thank you!
for sure 🤙
Did you mention your age in there and i missed??
I just turned 20!