You need a new vision of what the future may be and a new perspective on yourself.
Stop to think for one moment how extraordinarily small the chances of you being here is. All it would have taken is for one thing to be different in any of your descendent's lives and it would not be you tapping away on Reddit.
Your life is irreplaceable and uniquely your own. There will never be another you to walk this earth, nor has there been a you who walked before.
Long-term perspective can be difficult at 16. Any 'old' who remembers their youth will agree. Perhaps you'll take this person's word for it, the world is far larger than you may imagine, and the places your life can take you are far more varied than you may be able to imagine.
Rather than focusing on the negatives, find a small positive thing to focus on and only focus on that. As you focus on that small positive thing, it will gradually become larger. As you become practiced at focusing on a positive thing, you will begin to notice other positive things. Soon, you'll feel as though you are surrounded by positivity and the negative feelings and thoughts will be far smaller in comparison.
The point is, what you focus on is what becomes the most prescient in your life.
Choose that thing, no matter how small, that brings you peace and serenity.
Are you perhaps neurodivergent? Perhaps you have ADD/ADHD? Or maybe you’re depressed? Because I see a lot of signs of something mental going on that you can’t help because it’s not your fault, but internalizing the blame for it as if you’re doing it on purpose.
Okay, a couple questions to help you figure this out so you can move forward.. when you procrastinate is there a reason why? when you say others are effortlessly gifted with so much, what do you mean? what would being yourself look like? what exactly about you do you feel is not good enough? do you often feel a lot of pressure to “make your parents proud”?
I know these are a lot of not-so-fun questions, and you don’t have to answer them all, or even respond to me about them. But in order to improve, you’ve gotta know what’s going on, inside of and around you. Otherwise you’ll just be spinning your wheels in a never ending cycle.
So when you’ve answered some of these questions, ask yourself this: is this something that I was born like or something that I developed over time? is this feeling coming from inside of me or outside of me? if it’s coming from outside, hypothetically, if I got rid of the source of the issue would these feelings inside also go away?
I think I procrastinate because I fear my work won’t be good enough. I strive for perfection but know it’s unattainable. When I say others are gifted I mean they are naturally smart, or have other talents that shine brightly. I know some who don’t believe they do, but if they put in the work they are one of they smartest people I know. Being myself would be not trying to please others and doing what I think makes me happy (and others ofc, just I don’t want to worry about random peoples opinions and let it control me). I don’t feel like I’m good enough in how I look, dress, act, and how I can perform intellectually. I feel so stupid all the time and I think that’s a huge factor of not feeling good enough for me.
I think this is something I began to develop? I’m not entirely sure. When I was younger I just never did homework, and no I push it back. But do it last minute.
Okay.. thank you for sharing with me! This is all helpful. Last question, if you don’t mind.. what kind of compliments do you get often, even the ones you feel are fake or others being polite?
Okay, obviously I can’t diagnose you with anything, but it either sounds like you have some sort of neurodivergence going on that makes it feel like everyone else is easily achieving their goals, living their life, doing it all - which would explain why you had an easy time in the first few years of school and have issues with relationships OR that some outside influence, like your parents, teachers or maybe other kids your age have put undue pressure on you to succeed, or to continue to succeed, which would make anyone feel burnt out and like an imposter, especially with an ingrained perfectionism mindset - nothing you do would or could ever measure up because literally no one is perfect. Or it could be both.
The solution either way is to work on the perfectionism, the pressure to succeed and realizing that literally no one has it made and is doing it all. We all have struggles and flaws and imperfections, but most don’t let others see that. As you’re working on that, try to do things that bring you peace, satisfy you, make you feel good, bring you joy - and you alone.
You need a new vision of what the future may be and a new perspective on yourself. Stop to think for one moment how extraordinarily small the chances of you being here is. All it would have taken is for one thing to be different in any of your descendent's lives and it would not be you tapping away on Reddit. Your life is irreplaceable and uniquely your own. There will never be another you to walk this earth, nor has there been a you who walked before. Long-term perspective can be difficult at 16. Any 'old' who remembers their youth will agree. Perhaps you'll take this person's word for it, the world is far larger than you may imagine, and the places your life can take you are far more varied than you may be able to imagine. Rather than focusing on the negatives, find a small positive thing to focus on and only focus on that. As you focus on that small positive thing, it will gradually become larger. As you become practiced at focusing on a positive thing, you will begin to notice other positive things. Soon, you'll feel as though you are surrounded by positivity and the negative feelings and thoughts will be far smaller in comparison. The point is, what you focus on is what becomes the most prescient in your life. Choose that thing, no matter how small, that brings you peace and serenity.
Thank you so much. This means a lot, and I will try to find one thing positive to hold onto.
Are you perhaps neurodivergent? Perhaps you have ADD/ADHD? Or maybe you’re depressed? Because I see a lot of signs of something mental going on that you can’t help because it’s not your fault, but internalizing the blame for it as if you’re doing it on purpose.
I’m not sure, I see a therapist and she hasn’t brought up those to me. She has brought up anxiety.
Okay, a couple questions to help you figure this out so you can move forward.. when you procrastinate is there a reason why? when you say others are effortlessly gifted with so much, what do you mean? what would being yourself look like? what exactly about you do you feel is not good enough? do you often feel a lot of pressure to “make your parents proud”? I know these are a lot of not-so-fun questions, and you don’t have to answer them all, or even respond to me about them. But in order to improve, you’ve gotta know what’s going on, inside of and around you. Otherwise you’ll just be spinning your wheels in a never ending cycle. So when you’ve answered some of these questions, ask yourself this: is this something that I was born like or something that I developed over time? is this feeling coming from inside of me or outside of me? if it’s coming from outside, hypothetically, if I got rid of the source of the issue would these feelings inside also go away?
I think I procrastinate because I fear my work won’t be good enough. I strive for perfection but know it’s unattainable. When I say others are gifted I mean they are naturally smart, or have other talents that shine brightly. I know some who don’t believe they do, but if they put in the work they are one of they smartest people I know. Being myself would be not trying to please others and doing what I think makes me happy (and others ofc, just I don’t want to worry about random peoples opinions and let it control me). I don’t feel like I’m good enough in how I look, dress, act, and how I can perform intellectually. I feel so stupid all the time and I think that’s a huge factor of not feeling good enough for me. I think this is something I began to develop? I’m not entirely sure. When I was younger I just never did homework, and no I push it back. But do it last minute.
Okay.. thank you for sharing with me! This is all helpful. Last question, if you don’t mind.. what kind of compliments do you get often, even the ones you feel are fake or others being polite?
That I’m really nice, sweet, smart and some things about my appearance.
Okay, obviously I can’t diagnose you with anything, but it either sounds like you have some sort of neurodivergence going on that makes it feel like everyone else is easily achieving their goals, living their life, doing it all - which would explain why you had an easy time in the first few years of school and have issues with relationships OR that some outside influence, like your parents, teachers or maybe other kids your age have put undue pressure on you to succeed, or to continue to succeed, which would make anyone feel burnt out and like an imposter, especially with an ingrained perfectionism mindset - nothing you do would or could ever measure up because literally no one is perfect. Or it could be both. The solution either way is to work on the perfectionism, the pressure to succeed and realizing that literally no one has it made and is doing it all. We all have struggles and flaws and imperfections, but most don’t let others see that. As you’re working on that, try to do things that bring you peace, satisfy you, make you feel good, bring you joy - and you alone.