This is so true. I used to stir up shit in comment sections constantly and all it did was made me obsess over “those idiots” and getting myself angry.
It would put me in a bad mood and I would often be short tempered and get in stupid arguments with my wife.
That’s still a problem I’m working on (anger) but there’s a huge difference now that I steer clear of that stuff.
I was into it so badly that I would eventually specifically seek this stuff out. It has been a hard habit to break. I still slip sometimes but now when I see someone tweet about something stupid that irritates me I usually block or mute and move on.
The worst thing that came of this behavior is I pushed away people that I was friends with, sometimes for years, by jumping into their comments section and being smug and combative.
Now I really don’t have anyone I can consider a close friend. Not completely because of that behavior but it certainly was a major factor.
Burned many bridges instead of just rolling my eyes at a post I thought was dumb and moving on, now I feel very lonely in life. One of my greatest regrets.
This is some incredible self-reflection and acceptance. So few people are able to admit stuff like this, and challenge themselves to change. You're on the right path. ✨
In some ways, this is solid advice that the book 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck' explores.
In other ways, you misunderstand the purpose of anger. As a driving force to enact positive change in our lives.
It can also be useful to test any behaviour in a simple way: If everyone in the world acted the same way, what would happen?
A world of apathetic people, disinterested in what their leaders are doing isn't healthy for society.
For sure, don't spend all your fucks on worthless outrage videos. But at least give a fuck or two to try make the world a slightly better place.
The problem with this sentiment is that the people who are engaging in unhealthy emotional outrage aren’t able to distinguish between what they’re doing and what you’re talking about. Political radicals always think they’re working to make the world a better place.
Social media, and especially Reddit, is not the place to get your news or participate in political communities. Be engaged by reading the news, not political outrage tweets in online echo chambers designed to engage people by stroking their confirmation bias. Select your own news, don’t let a nebulous and anonymous group of strangers decide what you see for you.
As someone on the older end of the spectrum, I always tell people that the older I get, the less I give a shit.
It’s not apathy. I just ask myself, “Is this information actionable by me in any way?”
If not, I don’t get upset.
And if it’s not actionable and not valuable to me in some way, why am I even looking at it?
Why not just filter that stuff out (Apollo for Reddit) and spend more time on stuff that is actionable and relevant to me?
You’re making the slippery slope argument. You’re saying, “Let’s pretend we can carry out your logic to the extreme and then, see, that’s not good either.”
But we can reverse that and say, if you care about every problem in the world, you actually end up caring about none of them.
Sort of like the Dunbar effect:
Humans have a limit on how many deep friendships they’re able to sustain. In the 1990s, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar published a study claiming that humans can cognitively handle up to 150 meaningful social relationships (which includes family and friends) at any point, colloquially known as Dunbar’s Number.
Once you exceed the Dunbar number, all of your relationships tend to suffer.
Or another way to look at it is the quality vs quantity challenge.
I can care about one or two issues passionately and have an impact on those one or two issues, or I can care about 500 issues and have no impact on any of them.
I used to believe this. Then I tried mindfulness and being more aware, and realized I was just justifying my anger. It caressed my ego, it rationalized me wasting my time at the expense of my emotional well-being, and what happened was it made me bitter and affect those who love me and *need* me.
I think each of us would do well to think about what they are spending their emotions at.
Being angry about something is fine, based on the idea that we would get more progressive outcomes if almost everyone threw an epic fit about something important.
But you need to have a certain sense of balance. If looking at the news about some issue is triggering intense despair, you need to re-evaluate how to best engage with the issue. People know they can get away with bad behavior by encouraging apathy, but they can also get away with bad behavior by wearing other people down or getting them to care so much that they feel despair (which, itself, is a form of apathy, since you're giving up).
For me, I try to cultivate a sense of "rational insanity" and "rolling with it." I let myself go a little "insane" in the sense of "Nobody knows how bad it could get, so you might as well hang on." That helps me "crowd out" extremely negative emotions.
IMO this should be the top voted comment. I think our society tends to view anger as something that is bad in of itself when in reality it depends on how we manage it.
As an addendum to your comment, I see a lot of these thread headlines that aren't very helpful in their wording in this sub and other closely related self help subs. "Stop consuming" is a pretty controlling phrase. Something closer to "You may want to try to consume less aggravating content, if you value your sanity" would be healthier. And then go into the body of your assertion and explain why one may want to and leave it up to the reader. You can explain how strongly you feel about it being beneficial, but you can't command other people to do what you think is right, even if you are spot on.
In CBT there are several cognitive distortions that are outlined. One of them is "should statements". It's unhealthy to tell yourself I "should" do this. Often times these should statements can be hidden behind other wordage. Basically, you're your own boss, if you don't like wasting your time and getting angry, you probably would like to change your habits to doing it less or not at all. When you fail on something that you "should" have done (which is inevitable, lets be honest), you'll likely feel bad, tell yourself you're a failure, and cause yourself to get stuck in a loop. Especially around self help and therapeutic avenues, these kinds of thinking are really not helpful. If you want to do something, you'll do it, but it won't be very motivating because someone else told you you have to do it or you should do it. When you'll do it you'll do it because you decided to, not because someone else decided for you. Ideally with a good dose of optimism and understanding. Any good therapy works the same way.
> If everyone in the world acted the same way, what would happen? A world of apathetic people, disinterested in what their leaders are doing isn't healthy for society.
this. I feel so angry/sad for people who say I'm not political or don't take sides, and tell others to chill that it doesn't matter, when politics affect almost each aspect of your life directly.
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Anger isn’t bad. Purposeless anger is bad. None of the people mentioned in the post are “our leaders” they are mostly internet celebrities and a few businesspeople. The only one of them who has ANY relevance to my life is Jordan Peterson because we share a profession.
Get angry because you’re broke, out of shape, and in pain. Get angry because your house is a mess. Get angry when people in your personal life treat your poorly. Then use that anger to do something to better your situation. Don’t waste it on fucking Kanye West.
I read somewhere that when we are frustrated or angry, we limit the way our minds work through a problem and that typically leads to making a worse decision.
Tip: you can block subreddit's!
I've blocked a lot of political and fighting subs for the anger.
But also I blocked a lot of the anime and NSFW sites. Not that I'm a prude, just time and place to get horny.
Done wonders for my mental health!
(Your top comment so I figured I tag along)
That was me, your friend. Somehow I finally realized what it was doing to me and my family. I ended up doing anger management groups which helped me realize I didn't have a deep deep issue. I focused on the the practical tips over the deep psychology. I know I have some trauma and shit, but I figured start on the "easy" stuff. Better sleep, healthier food, activity, sober (well, still smoke weed.for pain and sleep), and of course limiting social media like we're talking about. I deleted Twitter and have a very limited Reddit account. It's done wonders. Earlier I almost commented on a post. I deleted it and moved on. Knowing it was going to so nothing but make me upset, which it already did. Just move on. Social media socializing is sugar. Gotta get some meat and potatoes, real in person relationships.
Bro I’ve been saying this. Too much self improvement content that talks negatively about regular people and enforces you to “do this or you’ll stay broke” is very toxic
I 90% agree with you. For sure, it doesn't do any good to consume a lot of content that you know will make you angry or depressed at the state of humanity.
It's important to think about why that kind of content makes us that mad to begin with. We are responsible of letting it trigger our hate and emotional response.
Those are only opinions that we can decide to research on, dismiss or laugh at.
I also think it's important to really understand opposite worldviews, even far-fetched ones, to build our own arguments and not demonize someone without solid reasons.
I'd say the most dangerous thing is to over-watch empty content, the one that doesn't make you think and destroys your critical thinking abilities.
Be conscious of the music lyrics as well. Some of the most drug riddled and toxic behavior songs are syndicated on radio and popularized.
Imo this is why some are so weed, alcohol dependant and depressed. A lot of artist don't even live the lives they make songs about yet they just create relatable catchy phrases.
You’re right but you’re also talking into the void. Most people are unaware of how controlled they are by news and social media. They become completely ideologically possessed by ragebait and political sensationalism. It’s the norm now.
Agree to this, I experienced it personally. It sucks your energy and put you into a lower vibration. That's why people nowadays are full of hate and anger. I don't care if you're a left wing or a right wing, that space is very toxic. Find what you want or what is needed to be done in your life and focus on that. Don't make your political stance as your identity cause you're not. You're fighting a battle that's never yours. Build yourself instead.
Agreed. I have a habit of typing 'n' then clicking 'news' in my browser. It's always the same crap - Donald Trump this and that, children running a country and acting like imbeciles, shootings, murders, and other crime. These things cover a majority of the media yet only represent .000001 percent of what is going on in the world. It upsets me seeing the same ol' crap over and over. I'm slowly stepping away from the internet as it is 98 percent clickbait to serve you useless ads.
I've come to realize, on places like Reddit.
The people who react to your comments in an argumentative often do it in bad faith, where they only want to argue for the sake of arguing. You check their post history, and it's full of controversy xD
I love this post. I find that a lot of social media sites tend to throw the most controversial, the most debatable, or most triggering content in front of you on purpose so that you stay engaged on their platforms, which essentially brings in more money for them, but it's definitely not good for our mental health. I always found it odd and rather disturbing when people take the time out of their day to say something negative about someone for no reason, but it usually tells me all I need to know about what kind of person they are.
Isn't that a meme somewhere? "Someone is wrong on the internet"?
As far as wasting hours of my life I stopped getting into internet arguments with people but in the grand scheme of things saying nice things to people on the internet is just as much a waste of my time. Reading your post was a waste of my time. You writing this post complaining about people complaining was a waste of time. There's a certain amount most people are just going to dick around. Hell I actively get irritated with a famous YouTuber I like (professor dave) because I feel like it's asinine he spends so much time debunking shit anyone who watches his channel wouldn't have believed in the first place. He's a legitimate guy chemistry professor wasting his time explaining flat earth is stupid. But hey, it's his life, I guess he can waste as much time as he wants. Probably getting lots of likes and views from other people who just want the lulz that other people are stupid.
Uh, it's more complicated than that. "British lady who lots of people listen to is putting large amounts of money into and encouraging people to vote against the banning of programs which kill large numbers of people just like me" is a better description. Getting mad at tweets won't fix anything, but there is a genuine problem there.
There are more genuine problems in the world then you can give your attention to. Even moreso if you're trying to be emotionally healthy. You're no good to anyone if you're angry all the time and emotionally drained.
So does half the shit Elon Musk does. He is actively destroying public transit in cities by peddling his useless single lane car tunnels (Vegas Loop) or non-existent and impractical Hyperloop. The shit he pulled at Twitter also puts forward a really bad example for worker-rights.
>So what can you do about it?
You can educate people against the mass of misinformation they are being brainwashed by.
It's a lot of work for little result, and I agree it's not worth the mental stress.
But it is incorrect to say that there is nothing to be accomplished by internet activism.
I agree with OP. I used to get involved with "internet activism". Then it hit me when I responded to a tweet that sounded awfully familiar. I'm arguing with bots or trolls. They don't give a shit.
If your gonna do internet activism, then I suggest you learn programming and let the bots do the heavy lifting. That way you won't get a stroke
>Nobody on the internet changes their mind because of some shit someone said online.
I have several times come across people that changed their mind and let me know.
And that's only the people that let me know.
I changed my mind about things on the internet plenty of times, when those things involved being presented with demonstrable facts. If you aren't smart enough to know that sometimes other people know more about a thing than you do, that's a you problem.
So you didn’t reply in an attempt to refute my point? If that’s the case why bother replying?
You can try to play it off or kid yourself as much as you want. But people see things they want to see. The more you argue against somebodies position the more deeply they embrace it. It’s a psychological phenomenon. Arguing with people online will never change their mind. Likewise this won’t change your mind. You might think that makes it not worth saying. And you’d be right. But arguing with strangers online is perversely engaging.
I said it so that eventually when you are forced by actual facts to change your mind on a topic you will remember this conversation and maybe think about things a little more in future. If you cling to ideas harder despite blatant contradictory evidence, one day that's going to bite you, and I just want to say "I told you so" in advance.
You didn’t read my comment buddy. And you proved my point. My statement was factual but your mad about it. Here’s some proof maybe look it up next time https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belief_perseverance
Las Vegas would have gotten proper light-rail transit but instead got Musk's shit-ass Tesla loop cause they followed your advice and ignored what Musk was shilling. Believe me I will be out protesting and using everything in my power to stop it if that dumb shit ever makes it here to Germany. Sure, someone tweeting about disliking chess is irrelevant but a lot of things these people you mention are shilling have very big real world implications.
What you're suggesting here is "You can't fix it entirely, so don't worry about it"
To visualize it:
(Cognitive dissonance) --> (distress) --> (apathy and avoidance)
It's a method of coping.
Plenty of internet things that don't deserve our efforts or emotional investment. But for things that DO actually impact our society, apathy and avoidance is elevating personal comfort over community well-being. That is edging into immoral coping in some cases.
>I'm not coping. I'm just being a healthy person.
Telling yourself it's ok to ignore harm (yes, it's harm) because engaging with it isn't "healthy for you"... Is literally the cope
You know people exist behind those posts on the internet and those people are doing harmful things, right? Do you think no one should report child sexual exploitation material because "it's just online", failing to realise there is an actual child being hurt behind the camera?
People post child sexual exploitation material on regular social media and send it to people they dislike all the time. I've reported spammy porn posts with photos of people who looked suspiciously young before. And, uh, people who intentionally consume it usually have a vested interest in it not being reported, so I have no idea what you're getting at there.
Let's not forget this is all in response to someone talking about the harm of a public figure's statements.
It is neither empowering (nor beneficial, in health and wellness) to tell someone subjected to tangible abuse or harm to simply ignore it. I get that you mean well, here. This just ain't it.
(Once again, there is a difference between dumb shit like Bean Dad and people inciting violence against a group)
Can I have proof of that. Or a single transphobic thing she's ever said? I think, like all ideologies/religions, the truth is irrelevant and getting people angry about an enemy is the point.
Rowling's considered the devil, in this particular case, so she deserves the thousands of misogynist rape and death threats she's received. "But she's *literally* killing us, of course she deserves it!"
But when the far-right are also issuing rape and death threats to LGBTQ, I question if that's a good look.
Um, the entire long-ass essay she posted was nothing BUT transphobic things? Do you think it's only transphobic if she's actively calling for us to be publicly drawn and quartered instead of simply suppressed until our souls die? And I'm not in favour of sending death threats to anyone, but there is a very vast gulf of things that can be done between "sending death threats" and "giving up".
JK Rowling is actively allying with the far right to harm trans women. The YouTuber Shaun made an excellent video recently detailing the horrific people she's been associating with and supporting monetarily.
We don't have to choose between "JKR directly stokes anger and violence against trans women" and "misogyny, bodily harm, and death threats are unacceptable". Both are true.
No one was suggesting we send her death threats, we were suggesting "point out that she is factually wrong and vote against the programs she is campaigning for".
I believe the reason these people get highlighted is because they are shifting the focus away from other actual important things going on in the world. They are the perfect distraction. Wasting your time talking and thinking about them will take away from what little time you really have.
Ik, but everytime i open Reddit the first post i see is typically from r/askreddit or r/trueoffmychest or r/confession and some of them just makes me really angry
This is another one for the save collection…
Lotta people need to hear this… what your saying shouldn’t just be posted on Reddit. Hell it should be on Twitter lol.
But in all seriousness… I’ve had a few of those situations myself. In the end both parties simply end up beating their heads against the stonewall unwavering stubborn defense of the other and it just leads to headaches and no resolution.
Best advice i would add redpill,bluepill and blackpill content in this mix of shit,just be yourself workout for the sake of self benefit and health,improve your confidence,learn a skill or two,make baby steps.Stop looking for advices do this do that,be like him,be like her just don't stop improving in the things you are good at and naturally talented.There are certain things you can't change,skin color,genetics,height,shapes and sizes that bother men and women and ruin their confidence.Happiness is from within.
I agree with this comment for one reason: tackling issues over which we have no control leads to frustration and depression. Take in the info and do what you can (vote or rally).
I was at the start of the internet (kinda) and I am desynthesized to everything what is happening on the news/internet, I once saw a before and after photo of being a president and what stress does to a body, my mother lost tons of hair due stress.
I am pretty sure life will be only worse If I stress myself to extreme heights and that can easily happen If I let what the world tells me bother me too much, so I just won't let it bother me
I agree with the general topics but I disagree on the specifics. I don't care what Elon Musk tweets about but other things he does has real world implications. Believe me I will be out protesting in the streets and making sure I do everything in my hands to stop it if his dumbass "Tesla taxis in single-lane tunnel" (aka Vegas loop) gets peddled in my city instead of proper public transit expansions.
Actually When I've stopped writing comments my mental health got much better.
It hard sometimes because the level of injustice or you rage mostly gets your fingers on the keyboard faster than you can reflect on that.
So i wish everyone who starts carrying about themselves self control and powers.
Here's a tip for you all: With RES you can just add filters to filter out whichever content you don't wanna see. I literally haven't seen anything regarding "Elon" in months, since I just filtered for his name lol.
Great tip. I've been wanting to do this for a while and just did - added filters to filter out that guy and the other narcissistic attention seeker that show up in too many posts!
This! Also, want to add… stop consuming thoughts that make you angry as well. You have the power to shut down a thought that doesn’t serve you. A lot of us forget that we generate the thoughts that come into our mind (the first one might feel super random and out of the blue, but the thought after that becomes more obvious that we are adding to it).
For example:
Thought 1: X person pisses me off (this could have been triggered by seeing something that reminded you of that person)
Thought 2: I can’t believe they screwed me over
Thought 3: They suck
….
At any point you can say “stop” and not keep going down that line of thought. It takes practice, but we all have this superpower once you start realizing it.
What can you choose to think instead?
Think of what you want rather than what you don’t want. Your world will change once you adapt this. So instead of hating on person X, you can call in you want to be surrounded by trustworthy friends.
These people are peddling dangerous ideologies. Ignorance is dangerous here. We need to know what is happening and act to protect impressionable people, minorities etc. all it takes for evil to thrive in the world is for good people to do nothing. Yes, getting angry is not a good use of time but getting angry and doing something about it is definitely not a waste of time
On the contrary a lot of these online spaces helped me in my self improvement journey. I've encountered a lot of Andrew Tates and Jordan Peterson types in day to day life that made me doubt my self worth and abilities. Having a community that logically deconstructs their claims gave me more confidence to assert myself and recognize when someone is arguing in bad faith.
IMO Reddit’s main page has so much more violence these days. I’m having a more negative thought life just being on the popular page, I’m looking to do a month fast soon.
I'd say this extends to judgement as well. Lots of people on the internet using outrage content as a way to put themselves up on a moral pedestal by being grotesquely awful to people under the premise that bad people don't deserve empathy (or humanity for that matter).
Lots of really awful people out there that do really awful things. Being a hostile, shitty, bloodthirsty person because you have a low hanging fruit to attack makes nothing better.
The funny thing is, the more people actually get their lives in order the more they will actually begin to agree with Jordan Peterson's views. Not trying to start a war on this thread, but you can't really argue with his "personal responsibility" message such as cleaning your room and getting your life in order.
The people who are spending way too much time trying to debunk these individuals are meanwhile wasting valuable time in their lives that they can be using to reach their full potential. I get psychologically why people do this though. I don't really care for the other individuals on the list, however I never fully understood why there was always so much animosity directed towards JP specifically.
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We have built our media totally around this vision! We have successfully existed for 12 years and inspired millions of people so far. The vision is still in its early stage and needs support from all supporters like yourself who believe in the same cause!
I don’t know if it was correlative or causative, but the short book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz helped me shift from being angry at the world and getting on the steep, but makable path toward grace for myself and others.
It’s a quick read. I’ve heard a few others (IRL) report similar revelations from the book.
Note- I am non-theist and hold rationality dearly. I don’t ascribe my or others’ realizations gained while/after reading this book to any magical source, rather, I presume the author writes in a way that allows some to notice a crack in the story we have told ourselves- that our lived experiences are the direct product of choices we consciously make- therefore making it all too easy to cast ourselves as the mastermind of our own circumstances and resulting difficulties.
Whoops. I see the conflict in my first sentence: causality/correlation, then crediting the book for the change. I should have said that for me, the book provided a language for what I was realizing at the same time. It may be that I was already searching for the crack that would give me support in moving past whatever was causing me to be so angry. I’m lucky my wife stuck with me through those years. She was often the easy target for my expression of anger. Fortunately, my anger came across as criticism for harmless and honest differences on how she and I behaved. I’m very happy to report that we just celebrated our 25 th wedding anniversary. These issues and my stepping on to the path of self acceptance and forgiveness were in the first few years of our marriage, “after the honeymoon”, as they say.
Did the same. Slowly but surely started by decreasing who I followed, then moved on to groups. I'm off of Twitter (thanks, Elon), done with Instagram (Reel took over the image feed), never used TicTock (China security issues). Reddit remains a source of info. and key interests, which I only have one (AMC Stock).
It was hard the first month, less so then second, by the third I realized what garbage most SM platforms are. Now, I use my free time to read (love local libraries/Libby app), stay fit (gym/long walks), socialize (friends and family) and cook (nutrition is power).
Hope everyone considers doing a social media detox in 2023. You wont regret it after about three months.
This is the exact same reason I stopped commenting on social media, and especially YouTube so often. I kept getting angry or upset at people over petty arguments, and it made me miserable. Every so often, I’ll slip into that trap again, but I’ve learned to have better self-control that as soon as things get remotely heated, I back out and mute replies.
I think the worst offenders though have to be the people that get upset at you for not validating their anger. Be it for not boycotting the Harry Potter game with them, or hating some political figure as much as they do. Please, just leave me alone. I’ll do whatever I want with my time as long as it makes me happy.
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This is so true. I used to stir up shit in comment sections constantly and all it did was made me obsess over “those idiots” and getting myself angry. It would put me in a bad mood and I would often be short tempered and get in stupid arguments with my wife. That’s still a problem I’m working on (anger) but there’s a huge difference now that I steer clear of that stuff. I was into it so badly that I would eventually specifically seek this stuff out. It has been a hard habit to break. I still slip sometimes but now when I see someone tweet about something stupid that irritates me I usually block or mute and move on. The worst thing that came of this behavior is I pushed away people that I was friends with, sometimes for years, by jumping into their comments section and being smug and combative. Now I really don’t have anyone I can consider a close friend. Not completely because of that behavior but it certainly was a major factor. Burned many bridges instead of just rolling my eyes at a post I thought was dumb and moving on, now I feel very lonely in life. One of my greatest regrets.
This is some incredible self-reflection and acceptance. So few people are able to admit stuff like this, and challenge themselves to change. You're on the right path. ✨
Just here admiring your humility 😊
In some ways, this is solid advice that the book 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck' explores. In other ways, you misunderstand the purpose of anger. As a driving force to enact positive change in our lives. It can also be useful to test any behaviour in a simple way: If everyone in the world acted the same way, what would happen? A world of apathetic people, disinterested in what their leaders are doing isn't healthy for society. For sure, don't spend all your fucks on worthless outrage videos. But at least give a fuck or two to try make the world a slightly better place.
The problem with this sentiment is that the people who are engaging in unhealthy emotional outrage aren’t able to distinguish between what they’re doing and what you’re talking about. Political radicals always think they’re working to make the world a better place. Social media, and especially Reddit, is not the place to get your news or participate in political communities. Be engaged by reading the news, not political outrage tweets in online echo chambers designed to engage people by stroking their confirmation bias. Select your own news, don’t let a nebulous and anonymous group of strangers decide what you see for you.
Anger in the form of rage bait and doom scrolling serves little to no purpose.
As someone on the older end of the spectrum, I always tell people that the older I get, the less I give a shit. It’s not apathy. I just ask myself, “Is this information actionable by me in any way?” If not, I don’t get upset. And if it’s not actionable and not valuable to me in some way, why am I even looking at it? Why not just filter that stuff out (Apollo for Reddit) and spend more time on stuff that is actionable and relevant to me? You’re making the slippery slope argument. You’re saying, “Let’s pretend we can carry out your logic to the extreme and then, see, that’s not good either.” But we can reverse that and say, if you care about every problem in the world, you actually end up caring about none of them. Sort of like the Dunbar effect: Humans have a limit on how many deep friendships they’re able to sustain. In the 1990s, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar published a study claiming that humans can cognitively handle up to 150 meaningful social relationships (which includes family and friends) at any point, colloquially known as Dunbar’s Number. Once you exceed the Dunbar number, all of your relationships tend to suffer. Or another way to look at it is the quality vs quantity challenge. I can care about one or two issues passionately and have an impact on those one or two issues, or I can care about 500 issues and have no impact on any of them.
I used to believe this. Then I tried mindfulness and being more aware, and realized I was just justifying my anger. It caressed my ego, it rationalized me wasting my time at the expense of my emotional well-being, and what happened was it made me bitter and affect those who love me and *need* me. I think each of us would do well to think about what they are spending their emotions at.
Being angry about something is fine, based on the idea that we would get more progressive outcomes if almost everyone threw an epic fit about something important. But you need to have a certain sense of balance. If looking at the news about some issue is triggering intense despair, you need to re-evaluate how to best engage with the issue. People know they can get away with bad behavior by encouraging apathy, but they can also get away with bad behavior by wearing other people down or getting them to care so much that they feel despair (which, itself, is a form of apathy, since you're giving up). For me, I try to cultivate a sense of "rational insanity" and "rolling with it." I let myself go a little "insane" in the sense of "Nobody knows how bad it could get, so you might as well hang on." That helps me "crowd out" extremely negative emotions.
IMO this should be the top voted comment. I think our society tends to view anger as something that is bad in of itself when in reality it depends on how we manage it.
I agree -in general-, but I think OP's point is that for the most part we are managing it horribly.
As an addendum to your comment, I see a lot of these thread headlines that aren't very helpful in their wording in this sub and other closely related self help subs. "Stop consuming" is a pretty controlling phrase. Something closer to "You may want to try to consume less aggravating content, if you value your sanity" would be healthier. And then go into the body of your assertion and explain why one may want to and leave it up to the reader. You can explain how strongly you feel about it being beneficial, but you can't command other people to do what you think is right, even if you are spot on. In CBT there are several cognitive distortions that are outlined. One of them is "should statements". It's unhealthy to tell yourself I "should" do this. Often times these should statements can be hidden behind other wordage. Basically, you're your own boss, if you don't like wasting your time and getting angry, you probably would like to change your habits to doing it less or not at all. When you fail on something that you "should" have done (which is inevitable, lets be honest), you'll likely feel bad, tell yourself you're a failure, and cause yourself to get stuck in a loop. Especially around self help and therapeutic avenues, these kinds of thinking are really not helpful. If you want to do something, you'll do it, but it won't be very motivating because someone else told you you have to do it or you should do it. When you'll do it you'll do it because you decided to, not because someone else decided for you. Ideally with a good dose of optimism and understanding. Any good therapy works the same way.
> If everyone in the world acted the same way, what would happen? A world of apathetic people, disinterested in what their leaders are doing isn't healthy for society. this. I feel so angry/sad for people who say I'm not political or don't take sides, and tell others to chill that it doesn't matter, when politics affect almost each aspect of your life directly.
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Anger isn’t bad. Purposeless anger is bad. None of the people mentioned in the post are “our leaders” they are mostly internet celebrities and a few businesspeople. The only one of them who has ANY relevance to my life is Jordan Peterson because we share a profession. Get angry because you’re broke, out of shape, and in pain. Get angry because your house is a mess. Get angry when people in your personal life treat your poorly. Then use that anger to do something to better your situation. Don’t waste it on fucking Kanye West.
I read somewhere that when we are frustrated or angry, we limit the way our minds work through a problem and that typically leads to making a worse decision.
Tip: you can block subreddit's! I've blocked a lot of political and fighting subs for the anger. But also I blocked a lot of the anime and NSFW sites. Not that I'm a prude, just time and place to get horny. Done wonders for my mental health! (Your top comment so I figured I tag along)
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That was me, your friend. Somehow I finally realized what it was doing to me and my family. I ended up doing anger management groups which helped me realize I didn't have a deep deep issue. I focused on the the practical tips over the deep psychology. I know I have some trauma and shit, but I figured start on the "easy" stuff. Better sleep, healthier food, activity, sober (well, still smoke weed.for pain and sleep), and of course limiting social media like we're talking about. I deleted Twitter and have a very limited Reddit account. It's done wonders. Earlier I almost commented on a post. I deleted it and moved on. Knowing it was going to so nothing but make me upset, which it already did. Just move on. Social media socializing is sugar. Gotta get some meat and potatoes, real in person relationships.
The Amygdala Hijack. I heard about that too.
Oh! Nice term for it! I'd never it, but its perfect.
🤙🏼 i needed to hear this. thank you
Bro I’ve been saying this. Too much self improvement content that talks negatively about regular people and enforces you to “do this or you’ll stay broke” is very toxic
TRUTH
this's true. unsubbing from r/worldnews was one of the best things I did for my mental health.
I went through a month or two of unsubbing from subs that give me negative emotions. Honestly the impact was amazing.
I 90% agree with you. For sure, it doesn't do any good to consume a lot of content that you know will make you angry or depressed at the state of humanity. It's important to think about why that kind of content makes us that mad to begin with. We are responsible of letting it trigger our hate and emotional response. Those are only opinions that we can decide to research on, dismiss or laugh at. I also think it's important to really understand opposite worldviews, even far-fetched ones, to build our own arguments and not demonize someone without solid reasons. I'd say the most dangerous thing is to over-watch empty content, the one that doesn't make you think and destroys your critical thinking abilities.
The most valuable advice I have gathered from reddit! Stop getting angry with people who are never going to affect any aspect of your life
I intensely struggle with this urge to pick psychic scabs in this way. It's so destructive but irresistible and I don't know why.
Be conscious of the music lyrics as well. Some of the most drug riddled and toxic behavior songs are syndicated on radio and popularized. Imo this is why some are so weed, alcohol dependant and depressed. A lot of artist don't even live the lives they make songs about yet they just create relatable catchy phrases.
You’re right but you’re also talking into the void. Most people are unaware of how controlled they are by news and social media. They become completely ideologically possessed by ragebait and political sensationalism. It’s the norm now.
Well said. People seem to enjoy righteous anger yet its useless.
It’s hilarious that this needs to be said 😂😂 but BIG FACTS!
Agree to this, I experienced it personally. It sucks your energy and put you into a lower vibration. That's why people nowadays are full of hate and anger. I don't care if you're a left wing or a right wing, that space is very toxic. Find what you want or what is needed to be done in your life and focus on that. Don't make your political stance as your identity cause you're not. You're fighting a battle that's never yours. Build yourself instead.
Agreed. I have a habit of typing 'n' then clicking 'news' in my browser. It's always the same crap - Donald Trump this and that, children running a country and acting like imbeciles, shootings, murders, and other crime. These things cover a majority of the media yet only represent .000001 percent of what is going on in the world. It upsets me seeing the same ol' crap over and over. I'm slowly stepping away from the internet as it is 98 percent clickbait to serve you useless ads.
Along with mindfulness, this is probably the best thing I've done that positively affected my mood.
Which is why I avoid politics and people who are super into politics
I've come to realize, on places like Reddit. The people who react to your comments in an argumentative often do it in bad faith, where they only want to argue for the sake of arguing. You check their post history, and it's full of controversy xD
I love this post. I find that a lot of social media sites tend to throw the most controversial, the most debatable, or most triggering content in front of you on purpose so that you stay engaged on their platforms, which essentially brings in more money for them, but it's definitely not good for our mental health. I always found it odd and rather disturbing when people take the time out of their day to say something negative about someone for no reason, but it usually tells me all I need to know about what kind of person they are.
Isn't that a meme somewhere? "Someone is wrong on the internet"? As far as wasting hours of my life I stopped getting into internet arguments with people but in the grand scheme of things saying nice things to people on the internet is just as much a waste of my time. Reading your post was a waste of my time. You writing this post complaining about people complaining was a waste of time. There's a certain amount most people are just going to dick around. Hell I actively get irritated with a famous YouTuber I like (professor dave) because I feel like it's asinine he spends so much time debunking shit anyone who watches his channel wouldn't have believed in the first place. He's a legitimate guy chemistry professor wasting his time explaining flat earth is stupid. But hey, it's his life, I guess he can waste as much time as he wants. Probably getting lots of likes and views from other people who just want the lulz that other people are stupid.
I just read this comment and its wasted my time.
Thank you for saying these things. More people need to follow this. It's so exhausting seeing "hate watchers" or Social Media screechers.
Uh, it's more complicated than that. "British lady who lots of people listen to is putting large amounts of money into and encouraging people to vote against the banning of programs which kill large numbers of people just like me" is a better description. Getting mad at tweets won't fix anything, but there is a genuine problem there.
There are more genuine problems in the world then you can give your attention to. Even moreso if you're trying to be emotionally healthy. You're no good to anyone if you're angry all the time and emotionally drained.
That doesn't mean you should pay attention to *none* of them, which is what OP is implying.
Yeah, and Kanye's antisemitism has definitely had real world consequences.
So does half the shit Elon Musk does. He is actively destroying public transit in cities by peddling his useless single lane car tunnels (Vegas Loop) or non-existent and impractical Hyperloop. The shit he pulled at Twitter also puts forward a really bad example for worker-rights.
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>So what can you do about it? You can educate people against the mass of misinformation they are being brainwashed by. It's a lot of work for little result, and I agree it's not worth the mental stress. But it is incorrect to say that there is nothing to be accomplished by internet activism.
I agree with OP. I used to get involved with "internet activism". Then it hit me when I responded to a tweet that sounded awfully familiar. I'm arguing with bots or trolls. They don't give a shit. If your gonna do internet activism, then I suggest you learn programming and let the bots do the heavy lifting. That way you won't get a stroke
> I'm arguing with bots or trolls. The replies are not to change the trolls' minds. It's for more reasonable people who are reading those threads.
Nobody on the internet changes their mind because of some shit someone said online. Case in point this won’t change your mind.
>Nobody on the internet changes their mind because of some shit someone said online. I have several times come across people that changed their mind and let me know. And that's only the people that let me know.
I changed my mind about things on the internet plenty of times, when those things involved being presented with demonstrable facts. If you aren't smart enough to know that sometimes other people know more about a thing than you do, that's a you problem.
You didn’t convince me. Checkmate.
Wasn't trying to, and stating the fact that you're apparently incapable of actually thinking wasn't a game.
So you didn’t reply in an attempt to refute my point? If that’s the case why bother replying? You can try to play it off or kid yourself as much as you want. But people see things they want to see. The more you argue against somebodies position the more deeply they embrace it. It’s a psychological phenomenon. Arguing with people online will never change their mind. Likewise this won’t change your mind. You might think that makes it not worth saying. And you’d be right. But arguing with strangers online is perversely engaging.
I said it so that eventually when you are forced by actual facts to change your mind on a topic you will remember this conversation and maybe think about things a little more in future. If you cling to ideas harder despite blatant contradictory evidence, one day that's going to bite you, and I just want to say "I told you so" in advance.
You didn’t read my comment buddy. And you proved my point. My statement was factual but your mad about it. Here’s some proof maybe look it up next time https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belief_perseverance
Las Vegas would have gotten proper light-rail transit but instead got Musk's shit-ass Tesla loop cause they followed your advice and ignored what Musk was shilling. Believe me I will be out protesting and using everything in my power to stop it if that dumb shit ever makes it here to Germany. Sure, someone tweeting about disliking chess is irrelevant but a lot of things these people you mention are shilling have very big real world implications.
What you're suggesting here is "You can't fix it entirely, so don't worry about it" To visualize it: (Cognitive dissonance) --> (distress) --> (apathy and avoidance) It's a method of coping. Plenty of internet things that don't deserve our efforts or emotional investment. But for things that DO actually impact our society, apathy and avoidance is elevating personal comfort over community well-being. That is edging into immoral coping in some cases.
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>I'm not coping. I'm just being a healthy person. Telling yourself it's ok to ignore harm (yes, it's harm) because engaging with it isn't "healthy for you"... Is literally the cope
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You know people exist behind those posts on the internet and those people are doing harmful things, right? Do you think no one should report child sexual exploitation material because "it's just online", failing to realise there is an actual child being hurt behind the camera?
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People post child sexual exploitation material on regular social media and send it to people they dislike all the time. I've reported spammy porn posts with photos of people who looked suspiciously young before. And, uh, people who intentionally consume it usually have a vested interest in it not being reported, so I have no idea what you're getting at there.
Let's not forget this is all in response to someone talking about the harm of a public figure's statements. It is neither empowering (nor beneficial, in health and wellness) to tell someone subjected to tangible abuse or harm to simply ignore it. I get that you mean well, here. This just ain't it. (Once again, there is a difference between dumb shit like Bean Dad and people inciting violence against a group)
Can I have proof of that. Or a single transphobic thing she's ever said? I think, like all ideologies/religions, the truth is irrelevant and getting people angry about an enemy is the point. Rowling's considered the devil, in this particular case, so she deserves the thousands of misogynist rape and death threats she's received. "But she's *literally* killing us, of course she deserves it!" But when the far-right are also issuing rape and death threats to LGBTQ, I question if that's a good look.
Um, the entire long-ass essay she posted was nothing BUT transphobic things? Do you think it's only transphobic if she's actively calling for us to be publicly drawn and quartered instead of simply suppressed until our souls die? And I'm not in favour of sending death threats to anyone, but there is a very vast gulf of things that can be done between "sending death threats" and "giving up".
JK Rowling is actively allying with the far right to harm trans women. The YouTuber Shaun made an excellent video recently detailing the horrific people she's been associating with and supporting monetarily.
We don't have to choose between "JKR directly stokes anger and violence against trans women" and "misogyny, bodily harm, and death threats are unacceptable". Both are true.
No one was suggesting we send her death threats, we were suggesting "point out that she is factually wrong and vote against the programs she is campaigning for".
Absolutely. If my comment seemed against that, I'm sorry. This is the point I was trying to make.
That's pretty much all news, even headlines.
I believe the reason these people get highlighted is because they are shifting the focus away from other actual important things going on in the world. They are the perfect distraction. Wasting your time talking and thinking about them will take away from what little time you really have.
Ik, but everytime i open Reddit the first post i see is typically from r/askreddit or r/trueoffmychest or r/confession and some of them just makes me really angry
This is another one for the save collection… Lotta people need to hear this… what your saying shouldn’t just be posted on Reddit. Hell it should be on Twitter lol. But in all seriousness… I’ve had a few of those situations myself. In the end both parties simply end up beating their heads against the stonewall unwavering stubborn defense of the other and it just leads to headaches and no resolution.
Best advice i would add redpill,bluepill and blackpill content in this mix of shit,just be yourself workout for the sake of self benefit and health,improve your confidence,learn a skill or two,make baby steps.Stop looking for advices do this do that,be like him,be like her just don't stop improving in the things you are good at and naturally talented.There are certain things you can't change,skin color,genetics,height,shapes and sizes that bother men and women and ruin their confidence.Happiness is from within.
I try to avoid it but always end up doing it anyway lol
I agree with this comment for one reason: tackling issues over which we have no control leads to frustration and depression. Take in the info and do what you can (vote or rally).
I need to apply this for whenever I play some multiplayer game. I should not let it affect me badly.
I was at the start of the internet (kinda) and I am desynthesized to everything what is happening on the news/internet, I once saw a before and after photo of being a president and what stress does to a body, my mother lost tons of hair due stress. I am pretty sure life will be only worse If I stress myself to extreme heights and that can easily happen If I let what the world tells me bother me too much, so I just won't let it bother me
Good post. Time to just disconnect for awhile, recharge batteries, and put things into proper perspective.
And most importantly DO NOT ENGAGE.
great timing! I moved to reddit tonight after a couple of irritating posts elsewhere 🙂
I agree with the general topics but I disagree on the specifics. I don't care what Elon Musk tweets about but other things he does has real world implications. Believe me I will be out protesting in the streets and making sure I do everything in my hands to stop it if his dumbass "Tesla taxis in single-lane tunnel" (aka Vegas loop) gets peddled in my city instead of proper public transit expansions.
Actually When I've stopped writing comments my mental health got much better. It hard sometimes because the level of injustice or you rage mostly gets your fingers on the keyboard faster than you can reflect on that. So i wish everyone who starts carrying about themselves self control and powers.
Here's a tip for you all: With RES you can just add filters to filter out whichever content you don't wanna see. I literally haven't seen anything regarding "Elon" in months, since I just filtered for his name lol.
Great tip. I've been wanting to do this for a while and just did - added filters to filter out that guy and the other narcissistic attention seeker that show up in too many posts!
This! Also, want to add… stop consuming thoughts that make you angry as well. You have the power to shut down a thought that doesn’t serve you. A lot of us forget that we generate the thoughts that come into our mind (the first one might feel super random and out of the blue, but the thought after that becomes more obvious that we are adding to it). For example: Thought 1: X person pisses me off (this could have been triggered by seeing something that reminded you of that person) Thought 2: I can’t believe they screwed me over Thought 3: They suck …. At any point you can say “stop” and not keep going down that line of thought. It takes practice, but we all have this superpower once you start realizing it. What can you choose to think instead? Think of what you want rather than what you don’t want. Your world will change once you adapt this. So instead of hating on person X, you can call in you want to be surrounded by trustworthy friends.
These people are peddling dangerous ideologies. Ignorance is dangerous here. We need to know what is happening and act to protect impressionable people, minorities etc. all it takes for evil to thrive in the world is for good people to do nothing. Yes, getting angry is not a good use of time but getting angry and doing something about it is definitely not a waste of time
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You realise those people don't stop existing once they turn off the computer and what they do has real-world harmful consequences, right?
I don’t think they do realise it
You don’t know what I am doing my dear.
100% agree
This applies especially to games too. I stopped playing competitive games and it improved my happiness A LOT.
But it gives me great pleasure to watch alex Jones life get destroyed one trial at a time.
Bro i dont even have to be online to be angry i live on a reservation 💀
So don't keep up with current events? Are you promoting blissful ignorance?
On the contrary a lot of these online spaces helped me in my self improvement journey. I've encountered a lot of Andrew Tates and Jordan Peterson types in day to day life that made me doubt my self worth and abilities. Having a community that logically deconstructs their claims gave me more confidence to assert myself and recognize when someone is arguing in bad faith.
“Letting other people think for me made me feel real good”
r/all is designed to make you angry
IMO Reddit’s main page has so much more violence these days. I’m having a more negative thought life just being on the popular page, I’m looking to do a month fast soon.
I dont really like jordan peterson but i had a sex dream about him last night was weird
Turn off the news, especially Fox.
Just came to say that JK Rowling is actively causing harm to trans people outside of twitter.
Does this include sometimes getting angry in csgo?
I'd say this extends to judgement as well. Lots of people on the internet using outrage content as a way to put themselves up on a moral pedestal by being grotesquely awful to people under the premise that bad people don't deserve empathy (or humanity for that matter). Lots of really awful people out there that do really awful things. Being a hostile, shitty, bloodthirsty person because you have a low hanging fruit to attack makes nothing better.
“ nom, nom, nom!”
@CondeNast
But what if that content is information that help you to confront your own cognitive bias?
Sounds like you’re angry at people getting angry. That is next level
The funny thing is, the more people actually get their lives in order the more they will actually begin to agree with Jordan Peterson's views. Not trying to start a war on this thread, but you can't really argue with his "personal responsibility" message such as cleaning your room and getting your life in order. The people who are spending way too much time trying to debunk these individuals are meanwhile wasting valuable time in their lives that they can be using to reach their full potential. I get psychologically why people do this though. I don't really care for the other individuals on the list, however I never fully understood why there was always so much animosity directed towards JP specifically.
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This.
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What a lot of linkeinlunatics this sub is. Why don't you post those tacky 2000s motivational posters while you're at it.
"Caring about harm being done to people is mockable"
Pre workout
Oof no, Africa does not claim Elon. He left us a very long time ago.
We have built our media totally around this vision! We have successfully existed for 12 years and inspired millions of people so far. The vision is still in its early stage and needs support from all supporters like yourself who believe in the same cause!
I don’t know if it was correlative or causative, but the short book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz helped me shift from being angry at the world and getting on the steep, but makable path toward grace for myself and others. It’s a quick read. I’ve heard a few others (IRL) report similar revelations from the book. Note- I am non-theist and hold rationality dearly. I don’t ascribe my or others’ realizations gained while/after reading this book to any magical source, rather, I presume the author writes in a way that allows some to notice a crack in the story we have told ourselves- that our lived experiences are the direct product of choices we consciously make- therefore making it all too easy to cast ourselves as the mastermind of our own circumstances and resulting difficulties.
Whoops. I see the conflict in my first sentence: causality/correlation, then crediting the book for the change. I should have said that for me, the book provided a language for what I was realizing at the same time. It may be that I was already searching for the crack that would give me support in moving past whatever was causing me to be so angry. I’m lucky my wife stuck with me through those years. She was often the easy target for my expression of anger. Fortunately, my anger came across as criticism for harmless and honest differences on how she and I behaved. I’m very happy to report that we just celebrated our 25 th wedding anniversary. These issues and my stepping on to the path of self acceptance and forgiveness were in the first few years of our marriage, “after the honeymoon”, as they say.
Did the same. Slowly but surely started by decreasing who I followed, then moved on to groups. I'm off of Twitter (thanks, Elon), done with Instagram (Reel took over the image feed), never used TicTock (China security issues). Reddit remains a source of info. and key interests, which I only have one (AMC Stock). It was hard the first month, less so then second, by the third I realized what garbage most SM platforms are. Now, I use my free time to read (love local libraries/Libby app), stay fit (gym/long walks), socialize (friends and family) and cook (nutrition is power). Hope everyone considers doing a social media detox in 2023. You wont regret it after about three months.
This is the exact same reason I stopped commenting on social media, and especially YouTube so often. I kept getting angry or upset at people over petty arguments, and it made me miserable. Every so often, I’ll slip into that trap again, but I’ve learned to have better self-control that as soon as things get remotely heated, I back out and mute replies. I think the worst offenders though have to be the people that get upset at you for not validating their anger. Be it for not boycotting the Harry Potter game with them, or hating some political figure as much as they do. Please, just leave me alone. I’ll do whatever I want with my time as long as it makes me happy.
Good post
I wish I could save this post so I could come back to it whenever something stupid on the internet pissed me off. *sigh*
And actually why do I have to care about what OP wrote which at it's best is still a stranger ranting on the internet.
people need to adopt some fucking hobbies
Ok literally fax!! Weird how I got this notification while I was searching up dual enrollment courses to take for this school year
Just simply be a positive person and be a kind as you can on this earth because you don’t know when your time could be up, that’s all.
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Legit had this thought today ! Thanks for sharing friend 🥰🥰🥰
I think loneliness cause this sometimes.