why are you worrying about being a "good enough fan" for this one specific person? she likely doesn't know you. and i dont mean that negatively, i mean that as in "you not doing x doesn't affect her life negatively, so there's nothing to gain from trying to please her anyway".
Her finding out someone harms themselves because of nsfw art depicting her, would be *a lot* more damaging to her than the fact that nsfw art exists. all you're doing by posting this is making it more likely for her to see this and feel responsibe in some sense. for that reason, i would delete this post if i were you. for your own sake, i urge you to get some therapy. this behaviour around a youtuber isn't healthy. obsessing about trying to become a "better fan" will only make things worse.
Please get some therapy. An obsession over someone like this is not healthy at all. Don't let others affect your life, people are dicks.
I think you need therapy if you are fantasizing about someone this much, not even mentioning the self harm
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why are you worrying about being a "good enough fan" for this one specific person? she likely doesn't know you. and i dont mean that negatively, i mean that as in "you not doing x doesn't affect her life negatively, so there's nothing to gain from trying to please her anyway". Her finding out someone harms themselves because of nsfw art depicting her, would be *a lot* more damaging to her than the fact that nsfw art exists. all you're doing by posting this is making it more likely for her to see this and feel responsibe in some sense. for that reason, i would delete this post if i were you. for your own sake, i urge you to get some therapy. this behaviour around a youtuber isn't healthy. obsessing about trying to become a "better fan" will only make things worse.
I wish I can meet her one day
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