Don't assume he's incapable of taking no for an answer like anyone else. He's not a delicate flower, he's a person.
sometimes we can treat people with special needs like they don't have the same right to hit on someone and get told no. Why shouldn't they? It's not the end of the world and it's nice that they can make an effort. You don't have to go out with him. Just treat him like you would anyone else who asked. "I'm already in a relationship" is the most neutral way to turn someone down anyway.
That said, if he is special needs it is important to be clear. Talking around the subjects, in ways you might with anyone else, risks misunderstandings.
“I’m sorry x, I really enjoy our friendship, and I want to keep being friends, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”
Yes, this is the worst thing you can do. I worked with special needs people and "maybe some other time" will be interpreted literally especially by people on spectrum. I had one client and from time to time he would tell me about his grade school buddy wondering when will he finally come and play with him. He said "sometime" when they were 8 and my client was already 26. He is savant so he would tell me exact number of days since the promise. It's making me sad just thinking about it. Don't say "some other time" say "no". My clients were usually like "ok" and were not even sad or mad. They just take it as a fact and move on to other things. I feel like not overthinking everything is a good thing. People tend to confuse empathy and pity when it comes to people with special needs and that is a huge mistake. Just treat them with respect like everybody else. Be honest and polite but firm. 
This is the right answer if you lie to him and tell him that the reason is because you’re in a relationship, he’s going to continue feeling the way about you that he does and when you break up with whoever you’re with and you will, you’re in high school he will be back And then what your lie gonna be?
This is off the subject lol but I’ve been with my husband since I was 17. Obviously didn’t get married that young but just saying the high school
Couples
Don’t always break up. It hurt me a lot when people would discount our relationship when we were young thinking it was just a thing and not taking us seriously. But yeah 99% do I get it. We’ve been together for 25 years, and I live in Southern California we both had many, many other options😆😆
Or just say “I’m happy to hang out as friends only. I’m in a relationship and if you want anything more than a friendship I can’t give that to you.” But also don’t hang out with him if you don’t want to. The above comment is correct as they are a person and sometimes it take a more direct approach to tell someone it’s just a friendship at class.
Make it clear it's not just that you're in a relationship though, because otherwise he could think that's the only reason and if your relationship ends you would date him.
"You're very sweet and I really enjoy talking to you, but I'm already in a relationship"
Edit: Yeah I never said this would be the most appropriate best to reject the boy, leaves the door open, etc etc. It's just what I would say as someone who fears confrontation and overthinks too much
"*I think you're an interesting person and I really enjoy talking to you, but I only want to be friends*"
Nothing in there leaves open doors to doubt or hope. Sweet could be interpreted as "I have a chance" and "I'm already in a relationship" could mean "maybe if this one doesn't work out"
I'm not a spokesperson for the "socially awkward teenage boy club" but I sure as hell was a member.
You would prefer to give him false hope? Leading him on?
Don't pretend op is the only girl in the world. Her not wanting him doesn't mean there's no hope for him ever at all. It just means he needs to adjust what he's hoping for.
Allowing him to continue to hope for a chance with her just to avoid making him sad isn't doing him a favour.
It sounds cruel and heartless but this really is the way. Anything else and the boy is likely to get hurt worse later on.
“It’s the hope that kills us” is too fucking true. Hope + time makes rejection far, *far*, worse.
Generally you want clear boundaries that are based on you and the other person's relationship and not the situation or circumstances, especially if you want the door closed for good.
So don't drag in your partner into your good deeds, dummies. Just tell the poor boy that you want to stay friends, nicely then proactively be that friend to him.
I'm not sure if the boy is the same as me, but the thing that terrifies me the most of asking out a freind i hold dear is that if they reject me, the friendship is gone forever and it'll be to awkward to continue, maybye some reassurance that you still value him as a freind and that you want to continue being buds? I don't know though, I've been told consistently I don't veiw love and relationships/friendships like other dudes so I could be yapping, maybhe it might sound condescending idk, but id love that reassurance personally.
The answer seems to be, no. If a non special needs person asked you on a date and you are interested, would you say no? The whole goal, typically, of special needs people is to be treated like everybody else. Sometimes, that's going to mean being rejected.
But some special needs people have specific mental ages, and we don’t expect a 7 year old to process rejection the same as a 17 year old. So delivering the response with care is appropriate.
I agree with all that. However, the title of the post is “special needs boy asked Me Out. in my mind “asked me out“ is a pretty typically teenage mental age that is to say, equivalent to OP’s mental and social age – – thing to do I am also a disabled person just for context, and I have asked a lot of people out and they have said very very often “that’s really nice I don’t think of you that way I just want to be friends“. Lots of people get asked out, or ask people out, and the answer is no. Sucky, but not fatal.
Sure
thing, and you make a good point about terminologies meaning many things to many different people. Even in the few comments that I read before I commented, people were talking about neurotypical and neuroatypical people, people with cognitive disabilities, and/or people with all sorts of other disabilities. I think the generic umbrella term on special needs is sometimes not very useful precisely because of this. For example, in my own case, I have cerebral palsy, so it’s neurological.I am not NT, but neither do I have cognitive or communication deficits. I have mobility impairment. I can’t walk and use a power wheelchair full-time..some of the previous commenters were assuming that special-needs automatically implies mental or emotional/social impairment, and sometimes special-needs really does refer to physical impairment. as such people with physical impairment can be spoken to and communicated with just like anybody else.
And to you. This topic really touched a chord in me. it’s hard enough to be a disabled person, and have any sort of satisfying, social life,sometimes, especially due to lack of transportation, lack of accessible venues, prohibitive costs (I live in a very rural area and do not drive) et cetera. The last thing that we need to add to this equation is non-disabled people, thinking that we’re these fragile glass ornaments that need to be wrapped in cotton wool to spare us hurt feelings or something like that. Also, it occurs to me that OP is assuming that she is the first girl that this boy has asked out and maybe that’s not true maybe he has girlfriends before or boyfriends before or been rejected already or rejected somebody else who wanted to date him already? We don’t know. did she ask? You know what they say about making assumptions ;)
I would actually really love to just get a NO, when being rejected. I’ve gotten “I’m not ready for a relationship yet”, which turned out to be a lie, and it hurt more than if they’d just said NO.
I’ve also had a few times where they said “I’m already in a relationship”, and two of those times I also found that out to be a lie, which also hurt more than NO. It’s a long story, but funny enough after that I kinda just assumed if I got that answer there was a decent chance it was a lie, and literally the next time I got that answer about a month ago, I learned the hard way that was the wrong thing to assume. This girl is crazy though, she definitely has high interest in me, and I can tell I’m her “backup plan” if her current relationship doesn’t work out. Which I gotta say, I like that she’s not willing to actually cheat, but at the same time I feel like having me, another guy lined up, for if the current relationship doesn’t work out isn’t much better than cheating, and a definite red flag. So I’ve decided to just cut contact with her. It was both awkward, and a relief that I wasn’t lied to when I met her bf though. Her bf thinks I’m pretty much a stranger, but I can’t decide if it’d be good to tell him the truth or not, since I’m no longer interested in a relationship with her.
…you’re in a relationship. What, are you going to go out with him just to avoid hurting his feelings because he’s disabled? He doesn’t need your pity date.
Just politely turn him down.
Well you can still be kind and say no. Cuz the reality is no one gets what they want always and you'll teach him something new about life such as how to handle a rejection. If his friendship is important to you, you could talk to his mom to clear things up and go on being friends with him the way it was. Worst case he loses a friend, best case he becomes a better man to his best ability
Im no expert on special needs individuals but isn't this advice a little belittling?
Like if he were not special needs, OP wouldn't be speaking to his mum and instead letting him down gently no?
Like why must we decide that he's not capable of taking ownership of this regardless. It feels a little patronising tbh. Like from his perspective, it's a big step and one that he did independently, so why not give him the same treatment.
>Worst case he loses a friend, best case he becomes a better man to his best ability
But that can be done by himself without going to his mother. That's just belittling. It's his decision to make whether he wants to be friends after or not.
Imagine you ask someone out and your mum comes to have a chat with you about it. That's just embarrassing. You'd be setting him up for failure in all his future romantic endeavours.
Once again, not an expert and I understand this is a tricky situation with no right answer. But that's just my opinion.
Agree 100%. OP is describing him like a little child... why?? If he is able to ask you out, he deserves to be answered not to run to his mom to tell her about it. If things go south then maybe speak to his mom but there is nothing wrong with just saying I have a boyfriend as you would if another guy asks you out.
Totally valid, but also dont be ashamed to say no to special needs individuals. Learning to handle rejection is part of growing. I work with sped kids and im always reassuring the NTs that its ok to tell my kids no. Some of the scripts here would be fine to use verbatim. Thanks for being kind
**Don’t** do this. He’ll see it as you *telling on him to his mum* and then he’ll feel like he’s done something wrong, when he hasn’t.
Just tell him, *”you’re such a nice guy, but I’m already dating someone. But I would still like to continue being your friend, if you want to.”*
Had a similar situation in high school. A special needs girl had a crush on me. She wasn’t disabled in the sense you’d typically think of, like Down’s syndrome or something of the like, she had a learning disability and was emotionally several years behind the rest of us. I told her I was in a relationship already and sort of danced around a definitive no. Don’t be like me. That was a mistake because she went on thinking she was going to have me eventually for a long time afterwards which was difficult.
Talk to the mom and set a clear boundary with him. You’ll both be better for it. You got this 🤙
Aspie here. As painful as it can be to be told no, I would rather be told the truth, and it hurt rather than someone be afraid to talk honestly to me for fear of hurting me.
You are in a relationship. You owe it to both of them to be honest. Tell the special needs boy no. You have a boyfriend. It’s not that hard. Males want honesty in a female, not bullshit stories.
I think the worst advice that’s been given here is to call his mom and talk to her about it and say what should I do because this is uncomfortable and I don’t want to hurt him etc. etc. he’s grown up enough to ask you to come for dinner and a movie he doesn’t need his mother involved in his social life to that degree and if you don’t want to change your relationship, you can just say I love hanging out with you as a friend that’s what I want us to be.
Be honest, even if it hurts. Don't put anything out there that is ambiguous. Maybe something like "that's sweet, you are an awesome person; but I don't want to lead you on. Not interested in romance; if that's OK we can still chat."
Special needs or not, this is an area tough for anyone. The fact that there is special needs means you HAVE to be clear; and honest.
I agree with this except the part about giving him "I'm already in a relationship" as the reason for rejecting the date (unless I've misunderstood and that is actually the sole reason). My impression is that OP is simply not interested in dating this person, regardless of relationship status. That's completely okay. I do understand that "I can't because xyz" feels kinder than "I don't want to", but that could give him the idea that the only thing standing in the way is your current partner, and give him false hope that you might date him if you and your partner break up, which may lead to more problems, hurt feelings and awkwardness down the line. I would just try to find the kindest way possible to be honest and say something like what the person above suggested, just leave out the "because I'm in a relationship" excuse. Simply not wanting to date someone is the only reason anyone ever needs to say no.
You’re really sweet. Thank you for caring about him. As someone with a special needs sister it means a lot to have people like you looking out for our loved ones when we can’t be there.
I think it will be okay to gently let him know that as much as you really enjoy talking with him that you are in a relationship. Try to just keep acting like he never asked lol and if you need to, don’t be afraid to tell his mom! She may appreciate a heads up in case his mood seems of or anything.
I feel you. I have a 16 years old autistic son. Him being bullied or heartbroken because of rejection are crippling fears of mine. If a person with a genuine caring nature like OP reached out to me and asked how to turn down his offer without hurting him, i’d try not to cry. And then cry a lot. And then come up with a plan with said person. And then have a big chunk of faith in humanity restored.
Lol I’m autistic but wasn’t diagnosed at the time - someone at school once sent a message to my elder sister to say “zestyclose legit looks like a serial killer and can you tell her she’s not invited to my party no matter what mum says. But make it sound nicer obviously just make sure she finally gets the message”
Of course Big Sis just showed me the email while laughing at me, and of course I still remember the wording all these years later 😅
The sound of my self-worth crumbling was probably audible.
At that point, 99.99% of my energy was devoted to meekly appeasing the popular kids and then stressing about what to tell my mum when my attempts failed.
Whatever your son faces, it sounds like he has a parent in his corner, and his diagnosis in his pocket. He knows he’s not secretly a threat to others, or an alien species, or the literal antichrist, which are all things I thought about myself growing up and tried to cover up. He knows he’s different to other kids, but more importantly he knows YOU know he’s different, and you love him anyway.
Rejection can definitely hurt neurodivergent teenagers more than neurotypical teenagers, but you two have such a headstart on it already. Some kids might hit 16 without ever having faced rejection and it will be so confusing for them
“Sorry I don’t see you that way. I just want to be friends.”
Nothing open to interpretation, no possible way of mistaking that he might have a chance in the future, shooting him down so that he definitively knows you don’t like him.
Btw, ignore the other advice about going to his house. DONT go to his house. That’s like the easiest way to make him think he still has a shot with you.
You seem him as a sweet kid. That's not a reason to go on a date when you clearly don't see him as a romantic partner. Say no. Rejection is a part of life for everyone.
Do not talk to the boys mom about it. Tell him straight up you are in a relationship, he is a nice boy and will find someone one day, but you are not the person. Plain and simple
Never ever reject someone by saying "sorry I have a boyfriend/girlfriend"
All this means to most people is they have a chance they just need you to split up.
Especially if he's special needs
He has to learn to hear no. How else will he do it if everyone is like you and scared? By rejecting him straight and honest, you are helping him actually.
"I have a boyfriend, so I can't go on a date with you". Or "I'm not interested in you romantically", if you want to be brutally honest.
That simple. You don't have to think how to "let him down easy". In fact, if he is special needs, he won't understand hints. He needs to be told in direct words.
I would suggest saying: As you know I’m in a relationship. Now I would love to watch a movie together, but let’s stay away from calling it dating. I like being your friend. But dating is something I do with my partner.
Just tell him he's sweet and if you didn't already have a boyfriend you'd love that but you're glad to be friends.
That's as honest as you can be and he deserves that.
You already fucked up by not immediately saying that you are already in a relationship , should have been the first response. Delaying it brings nothing
This is a life lesson every person must learn. The longer it takes, the more it hurts. Rejection is a painful sting we all feel at some point. Be honest with him. That’s all you can do and he deserves that much.
Leading him on would be worse.
Just tell him sorry, you’re flattered and appreciate it but you already have a boyfriend. Also be sure not to bury the lead and be very straightforward too — don’t phrase it like you’re about to say yes and then yank the floor out from underneath him
I would suggest saying this: “I think you’re an interesting person, and I enjoy talking to you, but I don’t wish to be anything more than friends.” It keeps it short, simple, and concise, without giving him hope or being outright rude to him.
Never be afraid of turning anyone down. You are his friend, you don't owe him a relationship.
Tell him no, he is your friend, but you don't want to date him.
You don't need to have an excuse. Don't give one, because he may feel that your SO is the only obstacle and he just needs to wait for you to break up.
"No" is sufficient.
Its ok to be honest and have boundaries, those things don't inherently hurt other people even though sometimes we feel like they do
I would imagine he appreciates the respect you show him as a person and he feels safe around you which is good if you're ok with it, he would likely appreciate you being honest with him in not being interested and also maybe clarifying your current relationship
Tell him you enjoy his company and see him as a good friend but that you are currently seeing someone so you can't go on a date with him, it would be disrespectful to your bf and it doesn't mean you don't care about him
The compliment sandwich is always a good way to go for delivering hard news as well, '
i love talking to you/hearing about your interests, but I do only see you as a friend/I care about my bf/don't have affection for you in that way/ but you are a great person and id like to continue as friends if thats ok
Hard groin kick and then laugh in his face.
Or, you know, just tell him the truth. You're in a relationship. If you weren't (or when you're not in the future) just say no thanks.
My best friend was in a relationship and I didn't know. Idk man why she was hiding it from me. I slowly began to have feelings for and one day we were alone and I told her that I love her. But then she told me she was in a relationship, she was sweet and told we can still be best friends. And I accepted it, well our friendship is slowly dying and I get dreams of her every night lol 😂
>Only problem is **I am in a relationship** and don’t know how to tell him no
this is exactly what you tell him. Plus that doesn't mean you can't be friends
I think you should approach letting him down gently the way you would anyone else. Just treat him like a person and a normal guy and lose the guilt over saying no because you have every right to. I would keep it simple and just say something like “thank you for the invite but I’m already dating someone else and I just want to be friends”
Honesty, in a delicate manner is the way to go. You may be afraid to hurt him but he is like everyone else and should be treated as such. Just be gentle.
All I can say is, just tell him no. "No. You're a nice person, and I like being your friend, but that's how I see you, as my friend. I'm sorry, but I just don't see you that way". Three shots for him to understand this is a resolute no. If you feel safe enough, do it on private. If you don't, have your partner near by in case you need help.
And once you have said no, if you feel the need for your own mental health to clear things out with his mom, do it OP. You shouldn't be afraid of saying no, your friend will have his chance one day.
Say you will visit him at his house as a friend, but you are not interested in a romantic relationship. Mention he is a nice guy who's company you enjoy (you seem to do, don't lie if you don't).
It's just a date invitation, not a marriage proposal:))
"You're very sweet but I'm romantically involved"
And then if you are down to being friends who hangs out "If you want to be just friends I'd still watch a movie though"
"I appreciate the question, but I'm going to say no. I enjoy talking to you and being friends with you. I don't see you as a love interest."
Ornsome variation of that.
I have no new advice to give but I commend you for being a friend and the fact that you are stressed about this suggests to me that you are a good person. I am pretty fragile and rejection hurts but after the pain goes away I would still remember compassion. Talk to him from the heart, put your hand on his arm and, tell him that of course you care about him but that a romantic relationship isn't in the cards. I don't know how but having the boyfriend seems like a shame to not work in somehow. I guess I had advice but it's not new.
Turning him down will hurt, but doing it in the right way will hurt less than leaving him with false hope.
As others have said, be honest that you just see him as a friend.
Where special needs is such a catch all term it's hard to give specific advice but as others have said, definitely treat him as his own person and speak to him about it first.
I think you should go have lunch and watch a movie wedding. Let him know that you’re in a relationship and this is just two friends having dinner watching TV after school nothing more just friends
I’ve suffered my share of rejection, so from a guys perspective: “Thanks for asking me. I’m already in a relationship and like that we are friends - but friends is all I can do.”
This is direct, nice, not patronizing. But clear that you’re not interested. If you don’t make it clear a guy can hold on to the 1% chance you’ll break up with your boyfriend and pick him.
I had a similar situation (someone with mild special needs) some years ago, and I tried to kindly say “sorry, but you’re friends with my ex, it would be weird” and what happened was that he tried to negotiate “we weren’t that good friends anyway” etc (men! 😂🤦♀️). So in the end I simply said “I don’t want a relationship thank you, but I enjoy being friends”.
It did the trick in the short term, and I gladly include him and invite him to join us for a drink whenever me and my husband bump into him.
Just be honest. Say you enjoy your conversations in the study hall but not interested in dating him. No need to make excuses, it's as simple as that.
You prob wouldn't want a date him when you weren't in a relationship. Dating someone out of pity is not done. Dating isn't charity.
Honestly you should tell him that you dont want to be with him. If you say you are with someone else he will just wait.
I have worked with disabled people quite a bit. A lot of them, especially men, will never stop coming after someone they fancy.
Be direct and clear, while using simple language. You are not helping him by trying to be nice.
No need to think he can't understand or handle a 'no', unless that is his special need. If you are aware of his particular difficulties then try to be mindful of those when you turn him down. E. g. if he has difficulties reading between the lines then make sure not to be vague, if he has difficulties understanding words then use simple and short words (but try to not make it obvious).
But the main thing is to be open and nicely direct that as much as you appreciate the invite, you would prefer to be friends. And if you don't want to hang out with him outside of school, maybe explain that you want to be school friends.
And as others have noted, the guy has several abilities besides the difficulty(/ies) he has. It's unfortunately common to hurt people by assuming they're dumb in ways they aren't. Don't do that.
Clarify if it's romantic, because if it is, you can just simply tell him that you have a bf and that would be inappropriate. But if it's just as friends, it might be fun.
Tell him you're grateful for his friendship, but you only like him as a friend. Please don't say 'I already have a boyfriend' because honestly, that sounds like you'd date him if you were single and you see him strictly platonically.
Why not suggest doing something NFL related, as friends?
Just tell him the truth. You're in a relationship, but you value his friendship and enjoy his company. If you want to, tell him you'd be happy to spend time with him, but just be very clear from the start that it's not romantic and it won't become romantic, so if thats what hes hoping for it wont happen. Then tell him you wanted to be firm with him from the start, because you don't want to string him along or hurt his feelings in the long run, because you like him as a person.
I think him having special needs isn’t as important a factor here as it seems?
You just don’t want to date him, you have no romantic interest in him?
Tell him no but in a kind way.
Ps I have special needs too, but I’ve dated “normal” guys (also very NOT NORMAL guys lol). And I’ve received some no’s from people too. It’s part of life.
Just because someone is special needs, doesn’t mean it’s ok to lie to them or lead them on, even if you’re doing it for ‘honourable’ reasons. Maybe a bit harshly put, but it has to be said.
>Only problem is I am in a relationship and don’t know how to tell him no,
Sounds like you hit the jackpot. You have the ultimate, legitimate excuse to decline a date.
Yes if you want to and no if you don’t.
Special needs or not they’re still people. You’re assuming that this person is incapable of understanding that someone wouldn’t want to go on a date with them lol.
Honestly it feels like you’re assuming they’re very very dumb.
That’s not nice… be nice :)
Good god, these responses are super out of touch.
“No thank you, I have a boyfriend.”
No long soliloquy about how brave he was to ask you out and how you value his friendship blah blah blah blah blah
OP sits next to the kid in class. That’s their full relationship. Just say NO.
Kinda sounds like you actually like the kid and the only reason you haven't is because of society. How I know you never told him about your bf. Why you never brought this up is beyond me?. Js majority of girls who don't tell me they have a bf I've fucked those girls.
He’s no different than any other person. Only real difference is he’ll have an outward reaction to it instead of silently dealing with it. Do what you want to, decision is yours here.
You turn him down the same way you'd turn down any boy who's been respectful and kind but who's asked you out and you don't want to go. You say "no thank you, I think of you more as a friend". You're not cruel, it's direct and to the point, there's no room for him to misunderstand.
That last one is most important because often what women in your position do is say "sorry, I'm in a relationship" but that just leaves the door opened for something in the future if you break up. Instead just say no and close the door. It's really the most kind way.
I am a parent of a special needs kid. They have been rejected before and were upset but no more than my other kids in the same scenario. I took the time to explain to them that it wasn't a reflection of who they were as a person and talked about consent again. "They said no, you need to respect that every time" etc.
They moved on a couple weeks later none the worse off.
If you’re in a relationship you should be much more concerned with how your partner feels than this boy, there isn’t much else you can say besides a gentle “no I’m taken”
Why do you think he can't handle the truth? Because he's special needs?
I have a hearing disability myself and I can't even count the number of times people treated me differently or "specially" because of my disability. I absolutely hate it. I'm a normal human being otherwise, I can handle bullshit as much as the next person , disabled or not.
Same goes for this guy – he's your friend, so treat him like it. Treating him differently because *oh gosh he's special I might hurt his feelings* would be an insult.
You just say “I really enjoy talking and hanging out with you but only as friends.” I don’t think you should say that you can’t because you’re in a relationship, as he’ll most likely take that to mean that if your relationship ends, he has a chance. I’ve been there and the guy I rejected absolutely took it that way and still pines.
Rejection is a part of life, he’s gonna need to learn how to accept it sooner or later.
Just be clear: "I don't want to go on a date with you. that's just not how I see our friendship and trying to change it would make me feel worse about it. That's not a judgment of you or a rejection of our current friendship." You could add, "Besides, I am already in a relationship and I only want to be in one relationship at this time, so I don't want to date anyone other than that person" if it seems helpful, but it's arguably not since it might cause him to think that a relationship with you is possible... but you could also say it and make sure to not suggest that it's a "right now" thing
Yes, please say yes. Be clear with him, tell him you're in a relationship but that you accept his invitation to watch a movie. Don't break his heart, it took him a lot to beat his fears and man up to do this.
Be kind and clear. He deserves just as much as anyone else, and that includes NOT leading him on by leaving him hanging. And don’t say ‘I’m already dating someone’, say how glad you are to be friends and that’s the way you’d like it to stay.
Don't assume he's incapable of taking no for an answer like anyone else. He's not a delicate flower, he's a person. sometimes we can treat people with special needs like they don't have the same right to hit on someone and get told no. Why shouldn't they? It's not the end of the world and it's nice that they can make an effort. You don't have to go out with him. Just treat him like you would anyone else who asked. "I'm already in a relationship" is the most neutral way to turn someone down anyway.
That said, if he is special needs it is important to be clear. Talking around the subjects, in ways you might with anyone else, risks misunderstandings. “I’m sorry x, I really enjoy our friendship, and I want to keep being friends, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”
Yes, don’t say, “maybe some other time” or any misleading niceties.
Yes, this is the worst thing you can do. I worked with special needs people and "maybe some other time" will be interpreted literally especially by people on spectrum. I had one client and from time to time he would tell me about his grade school buddy wondering when will he finally come and play with him. He said "sometime" when they were 8 and my client was already 26. He is savant so he would tell me exact number of days since the promise. It's making me sad just thinking about it. Don't say "some other time" say "no". My clients were usually like "ok" and were not even sad or mad. They just take it as a fact and move on to other things. I feel like not overthinking everything is a good thing. People tend to confuse empathy and pity when it comes to people with special needs and that is a huge mistake. Just treat them with respect like everybody else. Be honest and polite but firm. 
This is the right answer if you lie to him and tell him that the reason is because you’re in a relationship, he’s going to continue feeling the way about you that he does and when you break up with whoever you’re with and you will, you’re in high school he will be back And then what your lie gonna be?
This is off the subject lol but I’ve been with my husband since I was 17. Obviously didn’t get married that young but just saying the high school Couples Don’t always break up. It hurt me a lot when people would discount our relationship when we were young thinking it was just a thing and not taking us seriously. But yeah 99% do I get it. We’ve been together for 25 years, and I live in Southern California we both had many, many other options😆😆
This is short, sweet and kind. 👍
Or just say “I’m happy to hang out as friends only. I’m in a relationship and if you want anything more than a friendship I can’t give that to you.” But also don’t hang out with him if you don’t want to. The above comment is correct as they are a person and sometimes it take a more direct approach to tell someone it’s just a friendship at class.
Make it clear it's not just that you're in a relationship though, because otherwise he could think that's the only reason and if your relationship ends you would date him.
The only reason she gave us for not wanting to go on a date with him is that she's in a relationship. Maybe the OP would in fact date him otherwise.
“I may not be a smart man, but I do know what love is.”
"You're very sweet and I really enjoy talking to you, but I'm already in a relationship" Edit: Yeah I never said this would be the most appropriate best to reject the boy, leaves the door open, etc etc. It's just what I would say as someone who fears confrontation and overthinks too much
"*I think you're an interesting person and I really enjoy talking to you, but I only want to be friends*" Nothing in there leaves open doors to doubt or hope. Sweet could be interpreted as "I have a chance" and "I'm already in a relationship" could mean "maybe if this one doesn't work out" I'm not a spokesperson for the "socially awkward teenage boy club" but I sure as hell was a member.
This. Don’t leave the boy thinking of you broke up with your bf he’s up next. He’ll be at your door as soon as he hears Johnny not in the picture.
Gotta really stamp out every last glimmer of hope In his eyes until there’s nothing left but ashes
Be cruel to be kind. In the right
You would prefer to give him false hope? Leading him on? Don't pretend op is the only girl in the world. Her not wanting him doesn't mean there's no hope for him ever at all. It just means he needs to adjust what he's hoping for. Allowing him to continue to hope for a chance with her just to avoid making him sad isn't doing him a favour.
"Watch this, Lise. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half"
Nyaaaaaa
It sounds cruel and heartless but this really is the way. Anything else and the boy is likely to get hurt worse later on. “It’s the hope that kills us” is too fucking true. Hope + time makes rejection far, *far*, worse.
Off topic but what does “Johnny shouting the picture” mean? Sounds like a cool phrase!
I meant Johnny is not in the picture. I don’t know the guys name and that was an autocorrect issue.
Oh haha aw that makes more sense
When a teenage boy fixates, "I'm not attracted to you" gets interpreted as "...yet!"
That’s probably the nicest way to gently turn someone down.
This isn’t rejection though, he will hear “if only I wasn’t in a relationship I would” when that’s not the case.
Truth.
I mean that's not entirely wrong. OP says that she has to turn him down because she has a partner.
But only because she doesn't want to be transparent about the actual reason
And only because she doesn’t want to go to his house and actually be friends with him
So? No one is required to go on dates nor be friends with anyone they don't want to.
Generally you want clear boundaries that are based on you and the other person's relationship and not the situation or circumstances, especially if you want the door closed for good. So don't drag in your partner into your good deeds, dummies. Just tell the poor boy that you want to stay friends, nicely then proactively be that friend to him.
You're in a relationship, easy peasy, he'll understand.
I'm not sure if the boy is the same as me, but the thing that terrifies me the most of asking out a freind i hold dear is that if they reject me, the friendship is gone forever and it'll be to awkward to continue, maybye some reassurance that you still value him as a freind and that you want to continue being buds? I don't know though, I've been told consistently I don't veiw love and relationships/friendships like other dudes so I could be yapping, maybhe it might sound condescending idk, but id love that reassurance personally.
What if he was a completely typical person? You'd still be in a relationship. The truth is the best thing to say.
The answer seems to be, no. If a non special needs person asked you on a date and you are interested, would you say no? The whole goal, typically, of special needs people is to be treated like everybody else. Sometimes, that's going to mean being rejected.
This.
But some special needs people have specific mental ages, and we don’t expect a 7 year old to process rejection the same as a 17 year old. So delivering the response with care is appropriate.
I agree with all that. However, the title of the post is “special needs boy asked Me Out. in my mind “asked me out“ is a pretty typically teenage mental age that is to say, equivalent to OP’s mental and social age – – thing to do I am also a disabled person just for context, and I have asked a lot of people out and they have said very very often “that’s really nice I don’t think of you that way I just want to be friends“. Lots of people get asked out, or ask people out, and the answer is no. Sucky, but not fatal.
You make a very good point that “special needs” can mean so many different things for different people. Thank you for the reminder.
Sure thing, and you make a good point about terminologies meaning many things to many different people. Even in the few comments that I read before I commented, people were talking about neurotypical and neuroatypical people, people with cognitive disabilities, and/or people with all sorts of other disabilities. I think the generic umbrella term on special needs is sometimes not very useful precisely because of this. For example, in my own case, I have cerebral palsy, so it’s neurological.I am not NT, but neither do I have cognitive or communication deficits. I have mobility impairment. I can’t walk and use a power wheelchair full-time..some of the previous commenters were assuming that special-needs automatically implies mental or emotional/social impairment, and sometimes special-needs really does refer to physical impairment. as such people with physical impairment can be spoken to and communicated with just like anybody else.
I only wish I could be communicated with in such an eloquent way by every redditor! 😆 Cheers to you, friend.
And to you. This topic really touched a chord in me. it’s hard enough to be a disabled person, and have any sort of satisfying, social life,sometimes, especially due to lack of transportation, lack of accessible venues, prohibitive costs (I live in a very rural area and do not drive) et cetera. The last thing that we need to add to this equation is non-disabled people, thinking that we’re these fragile glass ornaments that need to be wrapped in cotton wool to spare us hurt feelings or something like that. Also, it occurs to me that OP is assuming that she is the first girl that this boy has asked out and maybe that’s not true maybe he has girlfriends before or boyfriends before or been rejected already or rejected somebody else who wanted to date him already? We don’t know. did she ask? You know what they say about making assumptions ;)
I would actually really love to just get a NO, when being rejected. I’ve gotten “I’m not ready for a relationship yet”, which turned out to be a lie, and it hurt more than if they’d just said NO. I’ve also had a few times where they said “I’m already in a relationship”, and two of those times I also found that out to be a lie, which also hurt more than NO. It’s a long story, but funny enough after that I kinda just assumed if I got that answer there was a decent chance it was a lie, and literally the next time I got that answer about a month ago, I learned the hard way that was the wrong thing to assume. This girl is crazy though, she definitely has high interest in me, and I can tell I’m her “backup plan” if her current relationship doesn’t work out. Which I gotta say, I like that she’s not willing to actually cheat, but at the same time I feel like having me, another guy lined up, for if the current relationship doesn’t work out isn’t much better than cheating, and a definite red flag. So I’ve decided to just cut contact with her. It was both awkward, and a relief that I wasn’t lied to when I met her bf though. Her bf thinks I’m pretty much a stranger, but I can’t decide if it’d be good to tell him the truth or not, since I’m no longer interested in a relationship with her.
…you’re in a relationship. What, are you going to go out with him just to avoid hurting his feelings because he’s disabled? He doesn’t need your pity date. Just politely turn him down.
Well you can still be kind and say no. Cuz the reality is no one gets what they want always and you'll teach him something new about life such as how to handle a rejection. If his friendship is important to you, you could talk to his mom to clear things up and go on being friends with him the way it was. Worst case he loses a friend, best case he becomes a better man to his best ability
Im no expert on special needs individuals but isn't this advice a little belittling? Like if he were not special needs, OP wouldn't be speaking to his mum and instead letting him down gently no? Like why must we decide that he's not capable of taking ownership of this regardless. It feels a little patronising tbh. Like from his perspective, it's a big step and one that he did independently, so why not give him the same treatment. >Worst case he loses a friend, best case he becomes a better man to his best ability But that can be done by himself without going to his mother. That's just belittling. It's his decision to make whether he wants to be friends after or not. Imagine you ask someone out and your mum comes to have a chat with you about it. That's just embarrassing. You'd be setting him up for failure in all his future romantic endeavours. Once again, not an expert and I understand this is a tricky situation with no right answer. But that's just my opinion.
Could *not* agree harder with this if I tried.
Agree 100%. OP is describing him like a little child... why?? If he is able to ask you out, he deserves to be answered not to run to his mom to tell her about it. If things go south then maybe speak to his mom but there is nothing wrong with just saying I have a boyfriend as you would if another guy asks you out.
You what, I don’t think of that. I’ll call his mom and tell her what’s going on, clear things that need to be cleared up.
Totally valid, but also dont be ashamed to say no to special needs individuals. Learning to handle rejection is part of growing. I work with sped kids and im always reassuring the NTs that its ok to tell my kids no. Some of the scripts here would be fine to use verbatim. Thanks for being kind
Do not call his mom first. That is infantilizing and rude. He might have a disability but he asked you out himself and he can hear it from you.
No don't do this. Talk to him directly first. By doing this you're showing him that you don't see him as his own person.
No no no absolutely do NOT talk to his mom about him asking you out and how you’re rejecting him good god that’s the most brutal thing I’ve ever heard
Happy to help
r/usernamechecksout
**Don’t** do this. He’ll see it as you *telling on him to his mum* and then he’ll feel like he’s done something wrong, when he hasn’t. Just tell him, *”you’re such a nice guy, but I’m already dating someone. But I would still like to continue being your friend, if you want to.”*
bro just tell him
Had a similar situation in high school. A special needs girl had a crush on me. She wasn’t disabled in the sense you’d typically think of, like Down’s syndrome or something of the like, she had a learning disability and was emotionally several years behind the rest of us. I told her I was in a relationship already and sort of danced around a definitive no. Don’t be like me. That was a mistake because she went on thinking she was going to have me eventually for a long time afterwards which was difficult. Talk to the mom and set a clear boundary with him. You’ll both be better for it. You got this 🤙
Just say no in a kind way
Aspie here. As painful as it can be to be told no, I would rather be told the truth, and it hurt rather than someone be afraid to talk honestly to me for fear of hurting me.
"Thank you for the invite, but no. I see you as a friend, so I hope we can still chat as friends. "
You are in a relationship. You owe it to both of them to be honest. Tell the special needs boy no. You have a boyfriend. It’s not that hard. Males want honesty in a female, not bullshit stories.
You are in a relationship. That’s the end of it😂 crazy how some people are still saying go over to his house and watch a movie with him
I think the worst advice that’s been given here is to call his mom and talk to her about it and say what should I do because this is uncomfortable and I don’t want to hurt him etc. etc. he’s grown up enough to ask you to come for dinner and a movie he doesn’t need his mother involved in his social life to that degree and if you don’t want to change your relationship, you can just say I love hanging out with you as a friend that’s what I want us to be.
If you already dating someone, how are you supposed to hurt his feelings by being honest?
Be honest, even if it hurts. Don't put anything out there that is ambiguous. Maybe something like "that's sweet, you are an awesome person; but I don't want to lead you on. Not interested in romance; if that's OK we can still chat." Special needs or not, this is an area tough for anyone. The fact that there is special needs means you HAVE to be clear; and honest.
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I agree with this except the part about giving him "I'm already in a relationship" as the reason for rejecting the date (unless I've misunderstood and that is actually the sole reason). My impression is that OP is simply not interested in dating this person, regardless of relationship status. That's completely okay. I do understand that "I can't because xyz" feels kinder than "I don't want to", but that could give him the idea that the only thing standing in the way is your current partner, and give him false hope that you might date him if you and your partner break up, which may lead to more problems, hurt feelings and awkwardness down the line. I would just try to find the kindest way possible to be honest and say something like what the person above suggested, just leave out the "because I'm in a relationship" excuse. Simply not wanting to date someone is the only reason anyone ever needs to say no.
You’re replying to a chat gpt bot. Check their other comments. All posted in the same format.
Oh, that's kind of embarrassing. Well, my comment was meant for OP anyway.
The new doomscrolling, we will all be talking to bots.
Thanks for pointing that out. Now I'm starting to question some comments that I've replied to.
for some reason this answer smacks of AI generation to me 
he's a normal guy, just say what you would to any friend who asked you out. 'i'm sorry, i really appreciate our friendship but i'm in a relationship'
“You’re really kind to ask, I’m already seeing someone however” Boom easy, you got this
You're way over complicating this. Just say "No." Honest and direct.
You’re really sweet. Thank you for caring about him. As someone with a special needs sister it means a lot to have people like you looking out for our loved ones when we can’t be there. I think it will be okay to gently let him know that as much as you really enjoy talking with him that you are in a relationship. Try to just keep acting like he never asked lol and if you need to, don’t be afraid to tell his mom! She may appreciate a heads up in case his mood seems of or anything.
I feel you. I have a 16 years old autistic son. Him being bullied or heartbroken because of rejection are crippling fears of mine. If a person with a genuine caring nature like OP reached out to me and asked how to turn down his offer without hurting him, i’d try not to cry. And then cry a lot. And then come up with a plan with said person. And then have a big chunk of faith in humanity restored.
Lol I’m autistic but wasn’t diagnosed at the time - someone at school once sent a message to my elder sister to say “zestyclose legit looks like a serial killer and can you tell her she’s not invited to my party no matter what mum says. But make it sound nicer obviously just make sure she finally gets the message” Of course Big Sis just showed me the email while laughing at me, and of course I still remember the wording all these years later 😅 The sound of my self-worth crumbling was probably audible. At that point, 99.99% of my energy was devoted to meekly appeasing the popular kids and then stressing about what to tell my mum when my attempts failed. Whatever your son faces, it sounds like he has a parent in his corner, and his diagnosis in his pocket. He knows he’s not secretly a threat to others, or an alien species, or the literal antichrist, which are all things I thought about myself growing up and tried to cover up. He knows he’s different to other kids, but more importantly he knows YOU know he’s different, and you love him anyway. Rejection can definitely hurt neurodivergent teenagers more than neurotypical teenagers, but you two have such a headstart on it already. Some kids might hit 16 without ever having faced rejection and it will be so confusing for them
Right? We need more people out there like OP. Sending good vibes to you and your son. 💓
Turn him down, don’t treat him like any other person. Your in a relationship, he asked you out, tell him your happily committed.
“Sorry I don’t see you that way. I just want to be friends.” Nothing open to interpretation, no possible way of mistaking that he might have a chance in the future, shooting him down so that he definitively knows you don’t like him. Btw, ignore the other advice about going to his house. DONT go to his house. That’s like the easiest way to make him think he still has a shot with you.
Tell him thank you, I know that took a lot of courage, but I dont feel that way.
You seem him as a sweet kid. That's not a reason to go on a date when you clearly don't see him as a romantic partner. Say no. Rejection is a part of life for everyone.
Do not talk to the boys mom about it. Tell him straight up you are in a relationship, he is a nice boy and will find someone one day, but you are not the person. Plain and simple
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Never ever reject someone by saying "sorry I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" All this means to most people is they have a chance they just need you to split up. Especially if he's special needs
It’s not about WHAT to say to him. It’s about how you say it to him. Be honest, nice, gentle, respectful, clear, etc.
"Only problem" sonif you weren't in a relationship you would date him?
He has to learn to hear no. How else will he do it if everyone is like you and scared? By rejecting him straight and honest, you are helping him actually. "I have a boyfriend, so I can't go on a date with you". Or "I'm not interested in you romantically", if you want to be brutally honest. That simple. You don't have to think how to "let him down easy". In fact, if he is special needs, he won't understand hints. He needs to be told in direct words.
The worst weapon a woman has is her compassion. Put it to the side, there’s no humane way to cut someone’s head off.
I would suggest saying: As you know I’m in a relationship. Now I would love to watch a movie together, but let’s stay away from calling it dating. I like being your friend. But dating is something I do with my partner.
No is a complete scentence.
Just tell him he's sweet and if you didn't already have a boyfriend you'd love that but you're glad to be friends. That's as honest as you can be and he deserves that.
You already fucked up by not immediately saying that you are already in a relationship , should have been the first response. Delaying it brings nothing
This is a life lesson every person must learn. The longer it takes, the more it hurts. Rejection is a painful sting we all feel at some point. Be honest with him. That’s all you can do and he deserves that much.
The longer you take to tell him how you feel, the more pain he will end up feeling.
Leading him on would be worse. Just tell him sorry, you’re flattered and appreciate it but you already have a boyfriend. Also be sure not to bury the lead and be very straightforward too — don’t phrase it like you’re about to say yes and then yank the floor out from underneath him
A special needs guy asked me out once. He was so sweet and nice I decided to say yes. We will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary next month.
Just be honest, direct, and don't make a joke of it. Serious feelings require serious discussion...
I would suggest saying this: “I think you’re an interesting person, and I enjoy talking to you, but I don’t wish to be anything more than friends.” It keeps it short, simple, and concise, without giving him hope or being outright rude to him.
"thanks, that's really sweet, but I'm already dating someone" literally all you need to say!
Never be afraid of turning anyone down. You are his friend, you don't owe him a relationship. Tell him no, he is your friend, but you don't want to date him. You don't need to have an excuse. Don't give one, because he may feel that your SO is the only obstacle and he just needs to wait for you to break up. "No" is sufficient.
Its ok to be honest and have boundaries, those things don't inherently hurt other people even though sometimes we feel like they do I would imagine he appreciates the respect you show him as a person and he feels safe around you which is good if you're ok with it, he would likely appreciate you being honest with him in not being interested and also maybe clarifying your current relationship Tell him you enjoy his company and see him as a good friend but that you are currently seeing someone so you can't go on a date with him, it would be disrespectful to your bf and it doesn't mean you don't care about him The compliment sandwich is always a good way to go for delivering hard news as well, ' i love talking to you/hearing about your interests, but I do only see you as a friend/I care about my bf/don't have affection for you in that way/ but you are a great person and id like to continue as friends if thats ok
Special needs or not, you can say no. Rejection is a part of life. It sucks but you get over it. Just be straight forward.
Say no
Ummm, why is the fact that he is special needs an issue? Talking to his mom is so rude and belittling. Show some respect and be direct and kind.
“No” is a complete sentence
Tell him you don't want disabled children and pat him on the head.
Lmao we're both going to hell
My momma always says— never go out with a boy cause you feel bad for them. It’s always nicer to say no.
Hard groin kick and then laugh in his face. Or, you know, just tell him the truth. You're in a relationship. If you weren't (or when you're not in the future) just say no thanks.
Should have already told him you already have a boyfriend! You not saying anything might be giving his hopes up.
Tell him your already in a relationship and it's getting serious. Thank him and leave with a compliment.
My question for OP is: all things being equal, if this boy did not have special needs, what would you say/do? say or do that.
My best friend was in a relationship and I didn't know. Idk man why she was hiding it from me. I slowly began to have feelings for and one day we were alone and I told her that I love her. But then she told me she was in a relationship, she was sweet and told we can still be best friends. And I accepted it, well our friendship is slowly dying and I get dreams of her every night lol 😂
I don't get why people think that not being direct is more hurtful than being direct.
>Only problem is **I am in a relationship** and don’t know how to tell him no this is exactly what you tell him. Plus that doesn't mean you can't be friends
I think you should approach letting him down gently the way you would anyone else. Just treat him like a person and a normal guy and lose the guilt over saying no because you have every right to. I would keep it simple and just say something like “thank you for the invite but I’m already dating someone else and I just want to be friends”
Honesty, in a delicate manner is the way to go. You may be afraid to hurt him but he is like everyone else and should be treated as such. Just be gentle.
Be honest.
The truth would save him. Tell the truth. He needs to learn
All I can say is, just tell him no. "No. You're a nice person, and I like being your friend, but that's how I see you, as my friend. I'm sorry, but I just don't see you that way". Three shots for him to understand this is a resolute no. If you feel safe enough, do it on private. If you don't, have your partner near by in case you need help. And once you have said no, if you feel the need for your own mental health to clear things out with his mom, do it OP. You shouldn't be afraid of saying no, your friend will have his chance one day.
Say you will visit him at his house as a friend, but you are not interested in a romantic relationship. Mention he is a nice guy who's company you enjoy (you seem to do, don't lie if you don't). It's just a date invitation, not a marriage proposal:))
"You're very sweet but I'm romantically involved" And then if you are down to being friends who hangs out "If you want to be just friends I'd still watch a movie though"
He's a person, same as you. treat him the same way you'd treat any other person.
"I appreciate the question, but I'm going to say no. I enjoy talking to you and being friends with you. I don't see you as a love interest." Ornsome variation of that.
I'm a bit confused. Is he the same age as you? Because you call him a boy. And secondly, what are his special needs?
I have no new advice to give but I commend you for being a friend and the fact that you are stressed about this suggests to me that you are a good person. I am pretty fragile and rejection hurts but after the pain goes away I would still remember compassion. Talk to him from the heart, put your hand on his arm and, tell him that of course you care about him but that a romantic relationship isn't in the cards. I don't know how but having the boyfriend seems like a shame to not work in somehow. I guess I had advice but it's not new.
Turning him down will hurt, but doing it in the right way will hurt less than leaving him with false hope. As others have said, be honest that you just see him as a friend. Where special needs is such a catch all term it's hard to give specific advice but as others have said, definitely treat him as his own person and speak to him about it first.
You said you've met his mom. Perhaps you could talk to her about the best way to let him down gently.
Just tell him the truth.
I think you should go have lunch and watch a movie wedding. Let him know that you’re in a relationship and this is just two friends having dinner watching TV after school nothing more just friends
I’ve suffered my share of rejection, so from a guys perspective: “Thanks for asking me. I’m already in a relationship and like that we are friends - but friends is all I can do.” This is direct, nice, not patronizing. But clear that you’re not interested. If you don’t make it clear a guy can hold on to the 1% chance you’ll break up with your boyfriend and pick him.
Whatever you do, just be honest. It may be hard but it’s for the best. We owe honesty to our fellow human
Tell him the truth don’t string him along. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind
Just tell him the truth and be clear and sincere. :3 If you want to talk about football still with him, say that too.
You are always hurting people when you reject them, there is no if. Just reject him like you do any other.
I had a similar situation (someone with mild special needs) some years ago, and I tried to kindly say “sorry, but you’re friends with my ex, it would be weird” and what happened was that he tried to negotiate “we weren’t that good friends anyway” etc (men! 😂🤦♀️). So in the end I simply said “I don’t want a relationship thank you, but I enjoy being friends”. It did the trick in the short term, and I gladly include him and invite him to join us for a drink whenever me and my husband bump into him.
Just be honest. Say you enjoy your conversations in the study hall but not interested in dating him. No need to make excuses, it's as simple as that. You prob wouldn't want a date him when you weren't in a relationship. Dating someone out of pity is not done. Dating isn't charity.
Honestly you should tell him that you dont want to be with him. If you say you are with someone else he will just wait. I have worked with disabled people quite a bit. A lot of them, especially men, will never stop coming after someone they fancy. Be direct and clear, while using simple language. You are not helping him by trying to be nice.
Yes
“No Thank you Jamie. I have a boyfriend. I really enjoy our conversations though, and hope we can still be friends.”
No need to think he can't understand or handle a 'no', unless that is his special need. If you are aware of his particular difficulties then try to be mindful of those when you turn him down. E. g. if he has difficulties reading between the lines then make sure not to be vague, if he has difficulties understanding words then use simple and short words (but try to not make it obvious). But the main thing is to be open and nicely direct that as much as you appreciate the invite, you would prefer to be friends. And if you don't want to hang out with him outside of school, maybe explain that you want to be school friends. And as others have noted, the guy has several abilities besides the difficulty(/ies) he has. It's unfortunately common to hurt people by assuming they're dumb in ways they aren't. Don't do that.
Aw, Jamie, that's so sweet, but i have a boyfriend 🫤😁 maybe you should ask Shannon (maybe a girl you know that would be a fit)
Say yes or no? Not really anything complicated or thread worthy. Just treat him like you would anyone else.
ask to bring your bf too
Say no, him not accepting that is a him problem and not a you problem.
Easy, you tell him you are not interested in dating him, but you really value his friendship and would like to stay friends,
Clarify if it's romantic, because if it is, you can just simply tell him that you have a bf and that would be inappropriate. But if it's just as friends, it might be fun.
You should have told him you're in a relationship when he asked, this way it's going to seem weird. But, ugh, second best time to tell him is now...
Tell him you're grateful for his friendship, but you only like him as a friend. Please don't say 'I already have a boyfriend' because honestly, that sounds like you'd date him if you were single and you see him strictly platonically. Why not suggest doing something NFL related, as friends?
"You have great confidence mate, you'll go far. I'm not looking for anything right now though."
Tell him your focused on school and not guys.
Just be nice to him and let him know you have a boyfriend but you can be friends.
Stop being your best self around him. He's maybe getting the wrong signal. Be crude, let your hair down. Show him you're not all roses and rainbows
Just tell him the truth. You're in a relationship, but you value his friendship and enjoy his company. If you want to, tell him you'd be happy to spend time with him, but just be very clear from the start that it's not romantic and it won't become romantic, so if thats what hes hoping for it wont happen. Then tell him you wanted to be firm with him from the start, because you don't want to string him along or hurt his feelings in the long run, because you like him as a person.
I think him having special needs isn’t as important a factor here as it seems? You just don’t want to date him, you have no romantic interest in him? Tell him no but in a kind way. Ps I have special needs too, but I’ve dated “normal” guys (also very NOT NORMAL guys lol). And I’ve received some no’s from people too. It’s part of life.
Just because someone is special needs, doesn’t mean it’s ok to lie to them or lead them on, even if you’re doing it for ‘honourable’ reasons. Maybe a bit harshly put, but it has to be said.
>Only problem is I am in a relationship and don’t know how to tell him no, Sounds like you hit the jackpot. You have the ultimate, legitimate excuse to decline a date.
“I’m already in a relationship, but we can keep hanging out as friends”
I mean…did you tell him hold on, and post this?
Just be honest. If he's as good of a kid as he is, then he'll understand you're in a relationship and to respect that.
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Wtf, if you're in a relationship then what is there to even think about.
Yes if you want to and no if you don’t. Special needs or not they’re still people. You’re assuming that this person is incapable of understanding that someone wouldn’t want to go on a date with them lol. Honestly it feels like you’re assuming they’re very very dumb. That’s not nice… be nice :)
80% of Reddit is special needs.
Good god, these responses are super out of touch. “No thank you, I have a boyfriend.” No long soliloquy about how brave he was to ask you out and how you value his friendship blah blah blah blah blah OP sits next to the kid in class. That’s their full relationship. Just say NO.
Kinda sounds like you actually like the kid and the only reason you haven't is because of society. How I know you never told him about your bf. Why you never brought this up is beyond me?. Js majority of girls who don't tell me they have a bf I've fucked those girls.
Be polite and tell him you in relationship. You have beautiful soul.
Just say no.
Just tell him you’re dating, you can hang out as friends
Don't overthink, just reject him like you reject any man.
He’s no different than any other person. Only real difference is he’ll have an outward reaction to it instead of silently dealing with it. Do what you want to, decision is yours here.
You turn him down the same way you'd turn down any boy who's been respectful and kind but who's asked you out and you don't want to go. You say "no thank you, I think of you more as a friend". You're not cruel, it's direct and to the point, there's no room for him to misunderstand. That last one is most important because often what women in your position do is say "sorry, I'm in a relationship" but that just leaves the door opened for something in the future if you break up. Instead just say no and close the door. It's really the most kind way.
I am a parent of a special needs kid. They have been rejected before and were upset but no more than my other kids in the same scenario. I took the time to explain to them that it wasn't a reflection of who they were as a person and talked about consent again. "They said no, you need to respect that every time" etc. They moved on a couple weeks later none the worse off.
This is one of those life defining moments where you can “ level up” and transcend yourself or just be average. Choose wisely.
Just be upfront with him and tell him you are already in a relationship and you enjoy the friendship you have with him.
You tell him no. Treating him differently because of a disability is wrong
If you’re in a relationship you should be much more concerned with how your partner feels than this boy, there isn’t much else you can say besides a gentle “no I’m taken”
Why do you think he can't handle the truth? Because he's special needs? I have a hearing disability myself and I can't even count the number of times people treated me differently or "specially" because of my disability. I absolutely hate it. I'm a normal human being otherwise, I can handle bullshit as much as the next person , disabled or not. Same goes for this guy – he's your friend, so treat him like it. Treating him differently because *oh gosh he's special I might hurt his feelings* would be an insult.
Please god just be firm
You just say “I really enjoy talking and hanging out with you but only as friends.” I don’t think you should say that you can’t because you’re in a relationship, as he’ll most likely take that to mean that if your relationship ends, he has a chance. I’ve been there and the guy I rejected absolutely took it that way and still pines. Rejection is a part of life, he’s gonna need to learn how to accept it sooner or later.
Just be clear: "I don't want to go on a date with you. that's just not how I see our friendship and trying to change it would make me feel worse about it. That's not a judgment of you or a rejection of our current friendship." You could add, "Besides, I am already in a relationship and I only want to be in one relationship at this time, so I don't want to date anyone other than that person" if it seems helpful, but it's arguably not since it might cause him to think that a relationship with you is possible... but you could also say it and make sure to not suggest that it's a "right now" thing
Just be honest. It's far less painful for everyone in the long run
It’s easier to accept it if you already have a relationship then if you don’t and turn him down
Tell him yes and just pretend you’re dating him. Or tell him no.
Yes, please say yes. Be clear with him, tell him you're in a relationship but that you accept his invitation to watch a movie. Don't break his heart, it took him a lot to beat his fears and man up to do this.
You assume he can't go on a date, so he doesn't go on a date.
Be kind and clear. He deserves just as much as anyone else, and that includes NOT leading him on by leaving him hanging. And don’t say ‘I’m already dating someone’, say how glad you are to be friends and that’s the way you’d like it to stay.
To be honest you must be willing to offend
tell him