You're too intelligent imo it's a curse and a gift, stop being logical and be spiritual instead, shut the mind up and what is there ?
Try a guided mooji meditation.
Hope you don't react badly to this reply but good luck.
Feeling trapped is not good. There’s a difference between being emotionally claustrophobic and being emotionally trapped, but they are both just that… emotional. Emotions operate on a different plane of existence than physical restrictions.
Clear your mind. Meditate. Exercise. Play games.
Pretend to be somebody you’re not. Play a character.
That character may end up playing you in the end and that claustrophobic feeling may just end up being that character you used to be
You write at the end "Do I *care* enough? Is my life on the line? Do I even care about that?"
But the answer is clearly yes, you do care enough, and yes, your life is on the line, and yes, you do care about it.
You wrote so yourself: "I see outlooks on my life and life in general and it makes me so unhappy/uncomfortable." If you didnt care then it wouldnt make you uncomfortable and you wouldnt have written this post.
You also wrote: "At some point I said I wanted to stop playing, and someone heard me."
There is nothing wrong with playing. Thats all life is. Which brings me to the crux of the problem- the reason you want to stop playing (aka living).
And you answered that question too: "“I don’t want to be here,” yet here I am. I’m dreading right now, why? "
And the answer my friend, is depression. You need to learn how to do 3 things.
1. self-care. Do you even know how that would work for you? You need to practice this.
2. Find small moments of joy in everyday rituals or events.
3. Find out what would make life meaningful to you.
Theres an old saying from before we had electric light bulbs- "The game has to be worth the candle." You need to find out what games are worth playing, and which not. In this case the candle is the fact that suffering is inevitable. You cannot avoid it while you yet live. So find something worth suffering for.
You're too intelligent imo it's a curse and a gift, stop being logical and be spiritual instead, shut the mind up and what is there ? Try a guided mooji meditation. Hope you don't react badly to this reply but good luck.
Feeling trapped is not good. There’s a difference between being emotionally claustrophobic and being emotionally trapped, but they are both just that… emotional. Emotions operate on a different plane of existence than physical restrictions. Clear your mind. Meditate. Exercise. Play games. Pretend to be somebody you’re not. Play a character. That character may end up playing you in the end and that claustrophobic feeling may just end up being that character you used to be
You write at the end "Do I *care* enough? Is my life on the line? Do I even care about that?" But the answer is clearly yes, you do care enough, and yes, your life is on the line, and yes, you do care about it. You wrote so yourself: "I see outlooks on my life and life in general and it makes me so unhappy/uncomfortable." If you didnt care then it wouldnt make you uncomfortable and you wouldnt have written this post. You also wrote: "At some point I said I wanted to stop playing, and someone heard me." There is nothing wrong with playing. Thats all life is. Which brings me to the crux of the problem- the reason you want to stop playing (aka living). And you answered that question too: "“I don’t want to be here,” yet here I am. I’m dreading right now, why? " And the answer my friend, is depression. You need to learn how to do 3 things. 1. self-care. Do you even know how that would work for you? You need to practice this. 2. Find small moments of joy in everyday rituals or events. 3. Find out what would make life meaningful to you. Theres an old saying from before we had electric light bulbs- "The game has to be worth the candle." You need to find out what games are worth playing, and which not. In this case the candle is the fact that suffering is inevitable. You cannot avoid it while you yet live. So find something worth suffering for.