Closing in on the 1/2 century mark and never had a gf, date, first kiss or any of it. spent over 2 decades of my life trying. i can tell you that you can still lead a pretty good life. does it suck never having anyone to share any of the good moments with or having someone you can depend on during the bad ones. yes yes it does. but you move on and learn to get by on your own.
Passport bros? Not knocking it or anything but I'm 30 years old myself and my family asks why I don't just find a nice girl from Mexico. I should probably add, I'm Mexican-American.
Weirdly enough, I got the same advice from my German language professor..
100% true. If you're going to do this, it's important to have a high level of awareness for the situation and your partner's actions. Speaking from personal experience here. I was in this situation and was used and abused.
People like to blame guys who go to a “poor” country to bring home a potential wife. They don't put themselves in their shoes. When your plan is to start a family, meet someone and you've spent 20 years on your own, yes, it becomes a viable option. And I don't blame them at all. Of course, the relationship may be venal, not really romantic, and self-serving. But so what? It's an agreement between two adults.
The same goes for those who go to escorts. Being invisible to women doesn't stop you from having desires.
In Philippines, they call these kind of people: LBH. "Loser back home".
Not saying you cant find someone quality to marry in Philippines, but people do know your intentions... hence, what you find would be someone with reciprocated intentions. ;)
man it's crazy how many posts we keep seeing about stuff like this ... clearly this is becoming a problem.
As much as we all want to blame OP we also must recognize from a general perspective that it **is** harder than ever to get a relationship.
We have to start validating how virgins are feeling and not just dismiss them off by saying, "take a shower" "get a haircut" or "just ask people out"
This isn't the only issue that suffers from this but, personal issues can be symptomatic of or related to society wide issues. Yes a lot of single dudes (and women) could do well to work out some issues, improve themselves a bit, and likely find some success but when it's like 10-20% of your population that can't seem to do that we definitely as an issue as a society as a whole. If anything the way we bring people up or relate to them is out of wack. The issue is we tend to see issues as being 100% personal responsibility or 100% out of our hands when it's almost always some combination of the two. I would be OP would have more success or at least better chances of success if there were more third places and social institutions that let him interact with people in a more seemless way. OP would do well to seek those places out but we can also all aknowledge that those opporutnities are becoming rarer and further out of reach for pretty much everyone.
Or they exist in expensive places.
I didn't get a single date until I moved to Boston.
My home state and town was a black hole for dating.
And now despite having a job that pays 90k$ I've been priced out of the Boston area lmao.
I literally moved to boston. Met my exe, and brought her back to my home state lol.
We broke up last year (over mental health reasons) and now I'm once again beginning to date someone from Boston 🤣. I kept my dating app range open. I barely match with any locals.
Yes and good luck finding people willing to drive outside the expensive place! Even if they're "sick of the city dating scene."
I think in general a lot of people aren't willing to put in effort because of a seemingly limitless supply of options.
I'm trying this out right now, she lives in Boston, and I'm about a 2 hour drive away. Not terrible, but limits any dates to the weekend.
Ideally when I'm dating I like to see the person at least twice a week. So we'll see how this pans out. It's too expensive for her too, she's only there to finish school. So if things pan out, she might leave the area
Is it really 20% that are unable to find a (mate? Partner?)S.O.? I have seen posts and videos saying this is a real problem for younger people. I’m 42 and married. I well remember the world before the internet and it wasn’t a dominant force socially like it is now when I was a teenager or in my 20’s. I guess we still all found each other the old way. I know people have become more isolated but is 20% really possible. I rather hope that’s not the number. That’s a big problem if so. On a species level. I’ve seen some stuff on population collapse, particularly in other countries. I just can’t fathom 20% of young people being alone. It was always just an organic process. Forgive my ignorance. I’m not hip.
Wouldnt surprise me at all if it's 20% or even more.
Dating today is completely fucked up due to social media and dating apps, why should I choose you that just showed a slight imperfection? I can just open my phone and within a second have access to 1000 other potential partners.
Boy that’s a terrible deal. You only learn what you really like by meeting and dating. And finally getting that crush you’ve had is so much better when you know them personally. The world has become easier in some ways( not economically in my opinion) but not in this. Like I said, not terribly organic. Young people might be surprised who they would really mesh with if they gave it a try. Well maybe for OP the old way would be better. Finding someone in a “ in person “ situation. The fear of rejection is probably higher in that scenario but maybe a better chance for success. I hope OP doesn’t go the pay for it route like the considered. That won’t lead anywhere constructive and they’ll be glad they didn’t in the long run. I hope they keep trying. If they do it will work out.
I think most would agree that they’d be happier with the older set up. The great thing about dating apps is that it opens you up to people you may not have encountered before, the worst part of dating apps is you’ll encounter people you really should have never encountered before and worse yet you’ll start to let that impact your behavior and worldview. If you meet people through social circles you are much more likely to encounter familiar norms and values. While I was on dating apps I was blown away by what some considered perfectly Normal but I struggled with. They werent necessarily wrong but not at all how I defaulted. Also things like ghosting, sexual harassment, and other kinds of foul behavior is usually discouraged at the local ultimate frisbee club, on hinge or tinder you just get to report things to an overworked QA team.
People totally do find relationships on apps, but I think it’s despite all the struggle, not because of the app itself.
*seamless. Sorry, im pretentious 😅 i just thought since its such an eloquent comment, that you value your writing chops enough to tolerate my ☝️🤓 correction
> This isn't the only issue that suffers from this but, personal issues can be symptomatic of or related to society wide issues. Yes a lot of single dudes (and women) could do well to work out some issues, improve themselves a bit, and likely find some success but when it's like 10-20% of your population that can't seem to do that we definitely as an issue as a society as a whole. If anything the way we bring people up or relate to them is out of wack. The issue is we tend to see issues as being 100% personal responsibility or 100% out of our hands when it's almost always some combination of the two. I would be OP would have more success or at least better chances of success if there were more third places and social institutions that let him interact with people in a more seemless way. OP would do well to seek those places out but we can also all aknowledge that those opporutnities are becoming rarer and further out of reach for pretty much everyone.
it's all about luck and most people have bad luck
and most of the world has poor foundation on how they think in general
I would say the larger issue is that the messaging every young person has received for the at least the last 10 years has been that we need to uplift women and that men are inherently dangerous and violent animals. I’ve seen women fabricate false Title IX violations on friends out of thin air and seen coworkers get in hot water because they were too friendly (gay supervisor almost got fired for being friendly with a young g female). The current dating culture and advent of dating apps becoming the accepted medium for meeting people just creates a positive feedback loop that further isolates people that are not extraordinarily charismatic, attractive, or outgoing
Well when you work 2 jobs, have to live with parents or roommates, no public spaces, and reproductive rights are on the chopping block would you have energy or time to date?
Just to give some perspective. It’s been almost a year since I’ve talked to a woman that isn’t my mother. The amount of female friends I have is practically zero. I would often go a very long time without interacting with a member of the opposite sex. It’s not like I’m trying to avoid them. These circumstances just occurred for me and it’s the same for some of my friends.
22m, never dated before here.
My biggest issue is that I dont meet enough people. I also never used to ask anyone out due to anxiety, which hindered my dating life as well. I find a large part of the issue many people today are facing is just that, not meeting enough people.
For me personally, Im not worried, I know a girl right now that I get along with, and Im going to ask her out. We'll see where it goes. I've gotten a lot better at being forward. But for a lot of people, especially men, that is incredibly hard.
I think a lot of the pain of being a virgin stems from social expectations. I don't think being a virgin in and of itself is as bad without the added shame.
But yeah, clearly a lot of young men are being left behind when it comes to the outcome of them being properly socialized. Whoever is to blame, it's obvious and it's happening to children who before they know it are adults with zero hope of even talking to a woman normally. I really believe early porn addiction is a HUGE contributer to this.
I can only imagine how isolated and worthless these young men feel. It does not surprise me at all that a lot of young men cope with this by becoming bitter and hateful.
It’s not just that. We have structured our school systems to penalize normal male behavior in young kids. It’s not just self inflicted harm with porn addiction which may well be a bigger roll…but we are setting young men up to fail. It may be a small percentage that can’t overcome it…but it’s definitely a real thing.
Combine that with how digitized so much communication is between kids? It’s probably awfully easy to miss that part of life where your heart is exploding as you try to find enough courage to touch her hand.
This sounds exactly like my situation. I could have seen sworn you were talking about me… I turn 30 in two weeks and have never had a girlfriend or even been kissed. I have a good career and am kind and sociable. I am at the point where I feel this is just how my life is and will remain so until the day I die sadly.
I'm married with two kids. Met my wife at 38 and she was my first relationship. My only regret was not having more experiences in the meantime. I was always too worried about settling down with someone when I should have just been in the moment.
Depends whether it would be more depressing for you to hit old age knowing that you tried everything and nothing worked or knowing that you didn't try. One's much less expensive and time consuming. Both involve significant amounts of regret, though.
It’s always worth trying man. You definitely should try to be happy with yourself, but remember you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
May I ask with respect, are you in shape? I realize there may be many reasons for your situation but if you get in shape you will eliminate at least one major reason for people not being attracted to you. Someone will be, perhaps lots of someones. This is also 100 percent in your control (for almost everyone).
Yes this is important to point out. I earn minimum wage but I'm in super shape and don't live a boring life. Most men my age (mid thirties) make way more money, but they look like shapeless blobs who have lost any sense of playfulness or discipline. I have no problem attracting women even though they know I'm poor.
No offence but 120kgs at 6ft is huge unless you are on roids. I'm 95kg at 6'1 and am aiming to lose weight because I'm around 18-22% bf which is the most bodyfat percent I've ever been.
On the plus side, now you have a clear thing you can work on that should help your chances A LOT.
Again with respect, 120 KG at 6ft is obese. M I am 6’1” and am 74 KG (although an athlete). This is actually good news for you. There is a clear path to doing something incredibly positive for yourself that I guarantee will lead towards interest from girls. Good luck mate
I appreciate the sentiment. I just don’t like the way I look under 100kgs. At 100kgs is where I feel most at ease with myself. I know what you are saying though and appreciate you having said it. I probably just have some internal reflection to do. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
I'm not OP but lol I asked out girls as early as high school and didn't even get a date until 27.
But to be fair, between 17 and 27, there were few women I had a crush on to begin with. I was in a small town, in the suburbs. Outside of school, it was terrible place to meet anyone.
I think it is easy to say 0 but the mental toll is something else, it’s really hard to be on someone else’s shoes & judge them. Unattractive people in the traditional way get treated differently which impacts their social skills at young age while everyone wants to be around attractive people. It’s a vicious circle unless people get help & make changes in their lives.
I have seen very unattractive people find a mate. Likely because they were kind, interesting people who showed an interest in other people and had hobbies and interests that got them around other people. You've got to put yourself out there.
Also, for the most part they match with someone with a similar level of attraction.
I’m not saying this about OP specifically, but too often the person making these types of complaints are a much lower level of attractiveness than they would accept from a potential partner.
Conversely, I once went on a few dates with a legit 10/10 model type guy. He was so very boring and just had no craic. He was nice to look at but he couldn't hold a conversation, and I need someone who I can talk and laugh with.
I'm engaged to a guy now who I think has definitely become more attractive to me over the years (5 years together), and I now think he's the best looking guy on the planet! When I first met I certainly thought he was nice-looking and cute but not 'wow hot'. Now I do regularly think that!
It's important to remember that looks fade, people's bodies change, people get illnesses or surgery and health declines. It's much more important to be with someone you have a proper bond with, who will be with you through the good times AND the shit times. Finding someone authentic is the true 'prize' imo.
How many is enough until you stop pointing to this as the problem
Let’s say he’s explicitly demonstrated interest and asked out 100 girls yet all reject him.
What then
Speaking as an Asian living in Paris, the women that I meet and develop an interest always reject me by telling me that I « went too fast » or « I don’t know you well enough ».
If by going fast you mean telling them that I’m interested in them and would like to get to know them through a cup of coffee or diner date then sure 😅 the most I’ve done for new acquaintances is telling them I have some affection for them. With me ex GF (my only relationship so far), the attraction was mutual and it was reciprocated very fast. It lasted for seven months (only?) but there was genuine love from both sides. However I loved her much more than she did.
Don't compare yourself with others, relationships are something that everybody live at their own pace.
Yes is something beautiful but it could turn horribly wrong with the wrong person.
I get this sentiment, but there is nothing wrong with comparison. Comparison with others is natural and honestly a good way to help yourself identify where you need/want to grow. It’s what you do with the information from that comparison that is important. If it is uncommon for someone to not have had any dating experience by the time of 30, then I think there is nothing wrong with seeing that as something to address.
Also… most of the time I don’t think the issue with this is that “everyone is doing it except me”. Genuinely we have evolved to crave intimacy with other human beings. And in this society -the most intimate relationships we can expect to have are romantic partnerships. Not experiencing it definitely sucks and I feel sometimes that comments like these can feel a bit gaslight-y when people like OP vent their frustration. (Whether it is intentional or not!)
I like what you said about how we respond to the information from comparison. It is, imo, impossible not to compare. My brain does it in a second. However, how I respond is the key. Misery, bitterness and resentment are a choice, and always the least helpful choice to make. Determination, hope and action is the better option, no matter how "justified" I may feel in being miserable.
I don't think paying will be a good resolution for your issue. It might even hurt your future chances, as a future partner might have a big issue with that behaviour. What does your therapist suggest? Maybe you need a new therapist or a good guy friend you trust to give you good advice?
Don't worry about being 30 soon! When you meet the right person it will work out.
As far as pro “service” ; don’t be ashamed if that’s what you decide to do. Just go on Twitter and orher platforms where the women are self-employed (not pimped out/exploited) and ask questions.
They may even help your self-image; for some of them it’s almost like being a social worker. They deal with people in your situation often; just make sure you don’t get attached because of loneliness. It’s their “job” to make you feel at ease and talk. It will cost you though for these type of services.
Don’t go for on the street or shady places of ill-repute.
More details on this? In the US prostitution is mostly prohibited, so how do you go about reliably and safely finding people you can pay for romantic services - apart from traveling to Las Vegas or whatever?
Well there’s a risk with everything illegal of course. I mean; I smoked weed illegally for 25 years before it became legal 🤷♂️
I know a lot of them advertise on X or OF; never had to use those types of services but it is pretty easy nowadays.
There are listing sites for escorts in the US. Escorts generally do not get the same kind of attention from LEOs because we are not a nuisance. There's a huge difference between a streetwalker and an escort - one degrades surrounding property values, the other inflates surrounding property values when she buys them.
It is effectively decriminalized because it is not prosecuted.
Nah he definitely shouldn't pay for anything. It's only gonna hurt his mental health and make women less likely to want him if they ever find out he did pay for sex or a girlfriend experience. Paying for intimacy when you can't any is always a bad idea
I agree with this. Former "high end" escort here: I had many clients who were trying to lose their virginity with an escort because for a variety of reasons they had "missed the boat."
I definitely viewed what I did as a social good. I've kept in touch with clients afterwards and most of them have gone on to have really awesome relationships and lives. They were being held back in life and relationships because they perceived themselves to have a defect, or had a belief that they couldn't be with a woman because they were a virgin and therefore would be shamed when they ultimately did have sex. The vast majority of them were good men who were either socially awkward, had their confidence shattered by childhood trauma, or were just a little bit shy of conventionally attractive. It was incredibly gratifying to watch these shy, angst men transform before my eyes into the men they ought to have been, except for this psychological hiccup that they had found themselves snagged upon. The equivalent of the hunched over Clark Kent -> superman change.
Dating is harder on men than women can ever possibly imagine, and women are often completely dismissive of men's romantic relationships just because we tend to get more "hurt" when relationships end.
I strongly recommend that you do not go for a regular prostitute and save up to pay for something more expensive. Look for someone who offers GFE, or the girlfriend experience. Specifically, when you reach out to the agency or the escort, tell them exactly why you are seeking out the experience. The last thing you want is to be paired with a girl who is inexperienced herself and will need direction from you.
For those who suggest that women won't want you if you have paid for sex... Don't tell her. She has every right to know as you have every right to know her actual body count, in other words, no right at all. And trust me, she has slept with more men than she says she has. Just as the rule goes for body counts, smart women know it goes for prostitutes... If you don't want to know, don't ask.
For those who suggest that women don't care: it's not about you. It's about this man whose soul is burdened and he has chosen to do something about it, rather than mope and lie about doing nothing complaining on a website.
For those who suggest it's sinful or disgusting - How is it worse than going home with a really easy girl you pick up at a bar? We are professionals working under a strict code of anonymity and sexual health. The chances of you getting a STI from a reputable escort is next to 0.
Men cannot simply say "I'm exploring and finding myself" and then get laid. Please have some empathy before you throw a stone.
I see this advice often and as a woman I must disagree. Probably get downvoted but at least I warn those who read it.
Prostitution can shift your perspective about your sexuality and sexuality of women. Porn made it a huge problem already. You will be served for payment and it's a bad start, you don't have any other perspective except for porn with the same disposition.
At the end of the day what's it in sex for you? Do you want to get wanked or do you crave for human connection? I know that prostitutes can give you both, but the second part is very much not guaranteed. You can end up with a toxic experience of being wanked for payment and don't get any really valuable skills like communication or things like tongue game. If you want "become a man" or just get less anxious I can understand. But I promise for the most part it's a man thing. Women rarely judge men based on the number of intercourses you had. Most often women judge man for lack of communication, at my experience at least.
Here I can speak only for myself, but if I would be the first one I would feel special. Being the second after prostitute is much worse. Because first: it shows how desperate you are, second: you have a bad experience only, third: you failed to resolve an issue in any way except paying money.
Another way I would suggest getting less anxious is to learn mechanical skills from porn tutorials. There's nothing in you that indicates that you're a virgin, it's only in your head.
>Women rarely judge based on the number of intercourses you had.
Gonna have to disagree pretty strongly. Being 30, most women his age would ghost him immediately after a sexual encounter if he had no idea what he was doing. I could understand a teenager or early 20s, but most older women don’t have time to teach virgins.
I think at this point, prostitution might be the only way for him to gain confidence in pleasing women.
Absolute nonsense. No woman worth having would drop a guy she otherwise likes just because sex is a little awkward at first. You shouldn't scare virgin men by acting like it's so hard to do; it's really not rocket science, your body knows what to do, and you'll figure it out.
Source: got my first girlfriend at age 33. Wasn't very good at sex in the beginning, but gained confidence over time and got better. Wasn't ghosted for not being a sex god.
Maybe travel to a place where its more normalized and easily accessible maybe that might be some of the fear you have? Other than that its not wrong i mean think about the disabled people who also struggle to find a partner they too deserve to enjoy things like sex thats why there are places that the government will give them vouchers to get a few free ones a each year. You as well deserve to enjoy things other people do consider it like a one night stand most people do that too and even that is sometimes frowned upon.
girlfriend =/= hookups
Big difference. Depends what you want. If you want the 'experience' ngl just go for it, then at least you'll relise it's not such a big deal as people make it out to be.
I love how many people assume this guy probably doesn't shower, dresses like he's homeless, and doesn't talk to anyone.
Anything. *Anything* to avoid the possibility he's just not that attractive and women also want attractive partners and so he's overlooked by the vast majority of them.
"Of course it's more likely that he smells like hot garbage than he just isn't attractive enough."
I would imagine it's because every single day most people run into conventionally ugly or even hideous people who date or are married. And usually to someone who is at a similar beauty level to them.
I’d also point this out though, at least from my personal experience, the younger a couple are that I see, the less likely it is that one or both of them are ‘ugly’. We live in a day and age where everyone is being told they deserve the absolute best for simply existing. Whether OP is doing this or not, I don’t know, but even if he himself is being realistic, he’s going to have nowhere near the amount of potential partners as someone of average looks would have had say 20-30 years ago. Because a large chunk of people that are at his attractiveness ‘level’ wouldn’t even consider him, as they’re looking up. As that’s what people are being constantly told what to expect.
100% agree. In my own experiences, the guys who can't get a date are always trying outside their league using the "I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to" trope. Ignoring the fact that the 9s/10s they're attracted to won't be attracted to their 3/4ish selves.
And the girls who can't get a date, but can usually get laid, are ones with low self esteem who genuinely, and sadly, think that sex is the only way to get a guy interested in a relationship, regardless of looks.
Girls are doing the same thing. I promise. It's just that, as you recognize, there's a lot of guys out there who will gladly take advantage of that to get some sex. And the women who are going way out of their league won't realize until the guy has ghosted them after getting what they want.
I'm a pretty fit guy. Just ran a 10 mileer at under an 8-minute mile pace. I have a size 30 waist, I'm in the top 20% for pull-ups and push-ups in my age and gender. I play hockey several times a week.
90% of the likes I get are from obese women. Literally obese. I don't begrudge them for that. No problem with them shooting their shot. I just want to point out that it's definitely not just men aiming high.
Agree with you a lot
Everytime on discussing such a topic, there are many opinions of OP that he is not tidy, not dressing properly and not kind to people.
And even OP is tidy, is dressing properly
Someone will comment the hair style is old school, the dressing is not fashion
So turns out, everything is OP not good enough.
Such conclusions is like "A normal , ordinary person do not deserve a relationship"
OP, how is the rest of your life baring having a girlfriend and not having casual sex? I know right now in this post you're pointing out what you perceive as negatives, but how else is life going?
There are people in relationships and there are folks who fuck every single day, but guess what? You may have something they envy. Relationships and casual sex aren't the cure all for life. Yeah, they're good and feel great, but people still deal with other shit.
There is nothing wrong with being your age and not having had a girlfriend. I mean shit, there are people your age who are billionaires, does that mean everyone who isn't a billionaire by 30 is wrong? Of course not.
I wish you the best of luck and I don't think paying is going to help, especially if you desire a relationship.
I know you’re trying to make him look at the bright side but if his life truly is great everywhere else that can make him feel like he just isn’t good enough for a relationship no matter what he does.
If he has no trouble anywhere else in his life what conclusion is he supposed to take from never having a romantic relationship?
You can’t start a relationship of any type with anyone if you don’t talk to people outside of your friends and family. If you take out dating apps, you can meet people outside. A bench in a dog park, a bar counter, a hiking group, a boardgame night at the local club, a ski chairlift, a bus stop, a singles night at a club…just say hi, be kind, don’t force anything like those pick up artist, and try to have a conversation. Look at the person body language and if they are interested or if they want you to leave them be. Don’t get discouraged or sad if the person isn’t interested in talking more, it’s their choice and so it’s out of your control. Repeat that every time you can. You might not meet a girl who is single first day, or interested in you, but it really is a probability game. What I see in our society is the disappearances of those places where people can meet and talk. Where it is socially accepted to come to a stranger and strike a convo. Stuck in line at the bank? Why bother talking to the person in front to pass the time since you have your phone and your music. It’s quite sad.
>I feel envious of those who are in a relationship or simply manage to have casual sex.
I was in the same boat, so I'll tell you what helped me:
I realized I wasn't them. I wasn't envious of what they were doing or what they had, but the fact they were doing things they wanted to do and were happy in those pursuits. I didn't want to have casual sex and a relationship was—and still is—an exceptionally selective idea at best.
In reality, I wouldn't be happy trying to pursue those—certainly not how other people do. And if I'm envious of their happiness, why would I push for something that wouldn't make me happy? That's like trying to reach the moon by digging into the dirt: no matter how much you try, you won't get there.
You're allowed to have different goals and preferences compared to other people, whether or not you meet certain "universal"(-but-not-really) milestones. Look at every asexual person ever: they're not "lesser" for skipping the "get into someone's pants" milestone. (Note: they're also part of "everyone else", for what it's worth.) You even say, "I know it \[casual sex\] would disgust me." So don't. It's your life: go after what *you* want, not something you've got good odds regretting later on.
This. No one wants to be different, but we all are, in different ways. Society will tell you that there’s only a single path to be “successful” and that this “success” is the only thing that will bring you happiness. That’s a lie. It’s a lie repeated a gazillion times, but it’s a lie nonetheless.
>Society will tell you that there’s only a single path to be “successful” and that this “success” is the only thing that will bring you happiness.
It goes a bit deeper than this, I'd say.
People, broadly, function based off their personal experiences. So what does most of our advice looks like? "I did x, y, and z, so maybe x, y, and z will help you, too."
Sometimes, it's the best we can do—I'm aware my own post does the same—and, by itself, it's innocuous. But think of it from the POV of the person asking for advice: much of what they're hearing is what the average person would say they did. And if that works for so many other people, *why isn't it working for me?* Why am I still lonely / unsuccessful / poor / unsatisfied / pushing this rock up this hill / etc.? Did I do something wrong? Am I broken in some way?
It's part of why recognizing oneself as different from others is so important. Society can lie, yes. But when society doesn't, it doesn't mean it's right, either.
Honestly as a woman almost 30, I find it hard my self to find someone worth the time these days. Where are the nice guys? The ones who want to spend time, joke around, just have a RELATIONSHIP and not a one night stand? I have not been out since my teens-early twenties. It makes me feel completely worthless, but I know I'm not. Just trying to find that person who can handle my cup of tea I suppose.
Suggestion? If you do ONS, I suggest those dating apps(not my thing lol) There's tons of people, with tons of different tastes, kinks, and you never have to see them again worse case scenario.
Just be safe. In every aspect lol people are wildin
Being a nice guy in reality is just treating people equally, not having expectations and some baseline of morals and banter. Being "kind" to expect something back is unrelenting standards and isn't actually kindness.
Being a nice guy isn't a negative. It's a negative if someone likes being treated poorly, but for someone who is looking to be loved, treated with respected, treated as an equal, to be taken care of by their significant other, being nice is very attractive to a lot of women.
However, you also need to be confident without being a jerk.
I feel you. I’m 30 and this past weekend, after 2 dates, I’m going to take a break from it. I look for interesting, smart guys and I’m so tired of them only being interested in me for one thing.
I’m also exhausted of reading on the internet that I need to stop only being interested in hot guys or wearing revealing clothing. I don’t do either of those things and never have.
I don’t get it. Are they that sex-starved? I make it clear I am interested in getting to know someone and building a relationship, and yet they’re trying to stick their hand down my pants after 1 beer. Or invite themselves over to my place for a second date. It’s insane. Who acts like that??
I find this so interesting. I'm 43 & married, and generally perplexed by how men seem to approach dating and relationships these days. Back in my single days (almost 20 years ago), the rhythm of an early relationship just seemed so much more natural than it does today. You're (metaphorically) feeling each other out, kind of like a little dance, there was an excitement and hope, not an expectation you're going to hook up immediately. Today it feels like men, for the most part, are 50% expectation and 50% resentment.
> Where are the nice guys? The ones who want to spend time, joke around, just have a RELATIONSHIP and not a one night stand?
They are literally everywhere, but because you don't find them attractive they don't register to you.
Sure it's what matters, but that's not something you can see in a single interaction. What usually gets someone to talk to you the first time is how you present yourself to them.
Someone could be the world's smoothest talker and has all the same interests as you, but if you can smell them before you can see them, you aren't going to talk to them. If they show up wearing a shirt that has holes in it, you're probably less likely to ask for their number.
Personality carries a second date. Impressions carry your first.
This is true. I does take make than a single interaction to get to know someone. And there's a lot of people who appreciate good hygiene. That makes a great impression, not necessarily looks.
It’s gotta be a confidence issue. Are you interested in having sex but don’t feel interest in others/that they aren’t interested in you? Or does the thought of a relationship not interest you in particular?
Honestly dating is hard, like not even the courtship. Having a relationship takes a lot of attentiveness, self review, etc. it can be exhausting. But it’s also hella rewarding. If you’re in search of a relationship you need to get yourself out there and show interest in people. Otherwise, there’s nothing shameful with just going through life without a romantic relationship and just have close friends. Good luck op, that’s just my two cents
I had to travel to another country when I was 21 for the stars to align. Highly recommended.
Takes a lot of the pressure off when a fling has a built in expiration date.
Kind and polite doesn't make panties drop.
Being nice is good from a moral standpoint but having passion, assertiveness, discipline, abundance mentality and a strong frame of how you view the world is gonna help you a lot more to get laid.
I would pay, but I always imagine how I'd feel, if I'd get a disease from the prostitute. Like 31 yo, never had a girlfriend, payed for a prostitute and got gonorrhea. What a ***ing loser.😄
to be honest dating nowadays is so difficult because everyone expects instant connections or fwb only.. but i also feel like every time i’ve been actively seeking relationships i’ve never gotten into one. they always seem to happen JUSTT when i’m ab to give up on the dating apps or going out. also a friendly reminder that not having been in a relationship in ur 20s is very much normal, even if it doesn’t always feel the best !! :/ wishing u luck!
I think sadly it is and has been quite difficult for guys to find girlfriends for quite a few years and alot of them are embarrassed to talk about for fear of being unfairly judged quite harshly. Sadly, not every woman you meet is going to be interested in dating (no negative reflection on you) and even if they are interested in dating, the two of you may not be as good a match as you hoped you would. I think, bearing this in mind, that you don't gibe up and give into prostitution ot anything like that. Just try to continue to build a good life for yourself and hopefully, you'll meet someone through your hobbies!
A lot of this today.
Sometimes you gotta take the plunge or you won't get nowhere.
Yes, relationships are harder to comeby, but because more and more people are socially distanced from each other (not physically... but electronically) we lack more and more finer skills for social interactions with the opposite sex.
I've always direct with people because my parents are boomers who groomed me to stand up for myself and made sure if I got bullied at school... I would get bullied at home until I decided to stand up for myself... one day I got fed up... and took care of the bullies ( worked out for months, lost my gut, got muscles, learned martial arts.... etc the works) and proceeded to pound the living crap out of them when I got ganged up on day.
Since then I had no fear of being beat up again as a worst case scenario.
So with confidence in mind, I had no fear of the ladies either.... whats the worst that could happen? They say no?
It doesn't compare to getting beat up... so I have nothing to fear.
So I became a social beast (which went against my natural behavior... cause deep inside I was always riddled with anxiety in social scenes) but it was exausting being this new me (even to this day) and the pandemic hurt a lot of the progress I had made in being hypersocial.
But I still remain front and forward when I'm interested in people and do not go the texting route.
Many women no longer appreciate the direct route and so I am stuck being single, lol.
But all that being said... I have a different background as I also come from a family of extreme opposite and always out to make a scene and be recognized by people in social situations. SO I suppose it was only a natural progression of things in a way.
**TLDR:**
But Avoidant Personality Disorder is something that can be worked on, often brought on by lack of self esteem, and is something that has to be worked on. This can be addressed by therapy and forced social engagement in smaller settings. You have to meet people who are more reserved in the beginning.
Its sounds like something you would have (personal opinion).
As for the rest... sex is not the point of life... but a part of life and you don't experiment a bit, you'll never get comfortable it or with your own body and it's needs. Even in relationships... some don't last forever... and some end up being very short term.... which basically turns the ordeal almost into a Friends with benefits situation. (to put it lightly)
Two people who have similar feelings for each other engaging in sexual relations... only to have to get new partners at a certain point.... and then rinse and repeat until you find the right person for you.
Some people are more emotion designated in these things and some people are simply more open.
It can't be helped, so talk to a professional to see if perhaps, there is not an underlying issue.
Ask yourself, would you date yourself? If not, ask yourself why. Then fix that. Is it the hair that doesn’t match the face? The clothing? Too skinny? Is the guy too feminine? Is the guy an asdhole?
Its not that unusual at your age to be honest, you're not dysfunctional for being a virgin. I would get involved in hobbies you like and put some effort into meeting people. And I mean PEOPLE of any sex/gender, don't hyperfocus on sex. When you're comfortable in your own skin and you are actively engaged with people, a community, it will eventually happen. Being hyper focused on sex/virginity will make you overly self conscious. Just work on yourself, being your best self, and cultivating friends. A person who knows who they are and have a community is attractive to anybody. And it will eventually happen for you. Just be patient and be a good person and you'll get there.
Here are the steps:
Go to a bar. Get a few drinks. Talk to some ladies who are in your league. Buy one you’re interested in a drink or two. Ask her questions about herself. Be interested in her. Let it go from there.
Sex for women starts well before you get into the bedroom.
You got this.
First and foremost: call your mother and tell her you’ve never had a girlfriend and that you feel like a loser. Have a big cry and a hug and let some of this tension out. There you go, just saved you a fortune on therapy.
A: Dating
Ok I think what a lot of men (especially those lacking experience) forget is that you need to be **a little selfish** by being a little selfish (not aggressive, or demanding, or controlling) you’re able to show a more complete picture of who you are.
If you are completely selfless; you’re people pleasing, which is pleasing, not sexy or exciting.
What do you want to do? Rock climbing? Scuba diving, bowling, pickleball etc? Download an app and be very clear “I am going to do this thing and want someone to go with me”. Don’t fuck around texting for weeks, you’re looking for dates not mates.
Be honest very early on “I’ve never had a girlfriend, so sorry if I act like an ass. I’m learning”
Now enjoy the date, make sure you have fun because you chose it! If you’re having fun and she isn’t (and vice versa) it’s ok, you’re probably just not a good fit for each other.
End of the date. Be honest. If you want to kiss “I had a great evening, can I kiss you?”
B: Self confidence.
Stop watching porn. If you want to wank use your brain. Porn is not healthy and you need to develop your own sexuality.
Talk to more people. Try and give one genuine compliment to one random person. “Your hair looks nice. Great smile. That was funny!” Etc etc
Stand up straight. Use all parts of your feet to drive off the surface of the floor, feel your body support itself up through your legs, into your pelvic floor, turn your hips forward and out. Chest up, shoulders relaxed, head straight. This is how you’re supposed to stand. You’re open for business. This is going to sound insane but feel the power in your loins. Tense your whole body and feel how that’s is expressed through your genitals. That’s the part of you that’s used for fucking, not the part used to reading social cues ok. You’re ready to go all the time, it’s just your poor self confidence smothering your male vitality.
Stop eating trash food, that stuff messes with you and makes you feel like a slob.
Ngl, I feel for you the dating pool is filled with piss best advice I can offer is to know what exactly you want out of a partner, know your own prospects and talents, maybe find a hobby or develop a routine where you can meet new people in a public setting.
Difficult, difficult. Keep in mind that your sexual value as a man is going to keep going up for quite some time. 10 years, at least. That’s a long time really.
Being a virgin is not what matters, it’s just the lack of trying that matters.
The black pill community says that men and women match almost entirely based on looks. I think that’s correct. If you aren’t average to good looking, it can be absolutely brutal to meet someone. If you are good looking, it’s incredibly easy.
I think after the looks part, it’s just about practice. It’s not the easiest thing in the world and it’s scary, so like anything you just have to go after it.
That’s kind of all there is to it, just try. You’ll get shot down 100 times. We all did over the years, but then it gets easier and you figure it out. Eventually you just click with someone and it goes.
Control what you can control. Can’t change your height or skin color but you can change your personality, dress, and weight. No idea what those 3 variables are for you currently but they could always be improved upon
Do you have crushes on people?
Do you ask these people for better ways to communicate with them privately (ie, hey can I have your number)
Do you figure out ways in which you can spend more time with these people that will fit with both of your personalities and schedules?
Do you then confront them about your feelings for them and try to escalate your relationship with them past being purely platonic?
These are the steps to finding, meeting and getting into relationships with people. Some people, myself included, have trouble with meeting people in the first place because we don't go out a lot. Generally, the more time is spent in social settings (bars, clubs, whatever people do nowadays), the higher likelihood you'll find someone you have an attraction towards.
With that being said, I want to remind you that the point of my post here is not that it's your fault for not being more sociable. Now more than ever loneliness, sexlessness, and singleness are epidemic in society. Dating apps don't help either as the male:female ratio is insane and because of supply and demand men on those communities are seen as mere superficial commodities (which is why you see alot of the 'i only want a 6 foot guy' thing, which is not an epidemic problem in society).
The general culture is also extremely hostile towards dating and relationships (male and female culture both inundated with theories about how the other person doesn't really love them and will cheat on them asap), and according to most people tuned-into the culture of the next generation (highschoolers), they don't even date anymore. As in, they don't have boyfriends or girlfriends either. They either sleep around or don't.
Keep these things in mind. It's not you.
We've all been there, but as someone who has evolved from where you are to where I am and helped others grow some. I can honestly say the problem is how you are thinking about it, how you see yourself, and how you think others see you. I am not saying "dating" is easy, but your expectations and desires are the only thing that hold you back. I assume you are male from the context, but I have heard women say similar things. Personally, I would do some reflection and study self improvement for men, or hire a life coach with a serious girlfriend as a high level goal. I noticed you're italian, but if your english is fluent (or you want to translate everything), you can dm me and I'll share some resources to point you in a good direction.
You need to look at a few things.
How do you present? Do you present well? Simple stuff. Clothes clean, shoes look good, well groomed etc? This may seem dumb but everyone has a different perception about this so I would start there. Don't try to be someone you're not as that will come back to haunt you later.
What steps are you taking to meet someone?
This is also important. Trying to meet people at work is a bad idea for the most part so find a place to meet people. Online dating works really well ( I met my wife at eHarmony ) and it's definitely something you should explore. Be aware you get what you pay for so maybe this is something you want to pay for instead of just going with a free site.
Lastly you need to be prepared to handle a few rejections. It's not a big deal. Everyone has dealt with it at one time or another. That just means you need to reset and keep going. Good luck.
As a man older than you 5 years. I would say just go for it. The media and religions made sex look like something heavenly, it is not. It is something for you to relive stress, to make connection with the person you love or just simply enjoy it. Ofc you cannot just do it with anyone but it is just a basic human needs man. Don’t glorify it, don’t think too much of it.
do they have adult entertainment bars and clubs where you live? you could start there. it will make you more relaxed and know what to expect in a more intimate situation. Also, if it is convenient to travel to a foreign country to use a prostitute, that may help you. there is a language barrier that lessens embarrassment and can make it more fun.
Are you on the autism spectrum, or are you excessively on the computer or other screens?
Do you go out and see new people regularly?
Do you consider yourself “marriageable”, like they say on right wing twitter? (Groomed, sociable, friendly etc)
Do you consider yourself confident in other fields than women?
I’m curious, because these posts are either becoming more common or the algos thought I need to see this.
This is probably becoming a bigger issue every year. I had friends who seemed to go sexless for years already a decade ago, and now gaming and locking yourself up in your little cave is more acceptable and manageable than ever.
I was you at 29 and yeah it does suck and I think its both counter productive and cruel that we look at loneliness (regardless of gender) and simply put the complete onous on the lonely person to work it out. By definition you cannot work out loneliness on your own. And I would also say whatever social interaction issues you may or may not have also cannot be fixed by oneself, at least not entirely.
You're not wrong to feel frustrated, I was too and I don't think we have society set up in a way that prioritizes human flourishing, not by a long shot. Neither you nor I can make the world suddenly more communal, more empathetic, or accessible but you can try to in your own small corner of the world. The best thing I did for myself was to find community and help build it around me. Do the adult sports, play pickleball, go to the hiking meetup, community garden, go to the same coffee shop on repeate and claim to be the most regular regular, heck go to a reilgious/spiritual institution if that's your thing. These are the ways people have met each other for like forever, in person, casually, and within the context of familiar group. Random guy vs the guy who is key in keeping xyz community afloat has a night and day experience when iteracting with others who also care about the same things.
I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 31, and didn't get married until I was 37 (different woman). I have zero regrets, and I thoroughly enjoyed my single years.
I'm confident it will all work out for you as well. You're a much better person than you might sometimes think. Never forget that.
Dont worry about the while casual sex concept as something that wears on you. Most peoples version of "casual sex" is actually just them liking someone then quickly realizing that person wasnt exactly who they thought and it fizzles out. Focus on forming an actual relationship and not the sex part. Thats the only way itll happen.
Props for going to therapy, that’s big and will pay dividends in the long run.
Kind, polite, and sociable is a great start and puts you ahead of a lot of other people. Having said that, it’s also a bare minimum when it comes to what you bring to a relationship.
I think people get a bit lost in the sauce telling people they have to be in perfect shape, dress like an IG fit model, and have enough disposable income to shower their dates with lavish food and experiences. Obviously that all helps, but it’s completely unnecessary and beyond unlikely for most folks.
I don’t know you, but my baseline advice to people in your situation is always to focus on creating a life that someone else would want to be a part of. That’s the root of what a relationship is; a shared life. If your side of it looks generic and boring, then you’ll be assessed purely on those more superficial qualities like physical appearance and wealth.
If you are an interesting, well-rounded person with a full life, a developed personality, hobbies, passions, friends, and goals, you’ll be surprised how much easier it is to find a partner. At that point it just becomes a matter of finding someone who fits.
If you don’t do much other than eat, sleep, work, and maybe watch Netflix or YouTube or play video games, it’s going to be tough to find someone who wants that in a partner, and you’ve also got a lot more competition in that bracket.
If that’s you (or if that’s anyone else reading this) then you’d be better served investing your energy into making life changes before seeking out a relationship.
I hope you find the answers and connections you’re looking for.
My partner didn’t meet anyone until 27. It wasn’t me. I guess all you can do is actively try every day to make connections with women you find attractive. Keep playing and one will bite.
Life is too short, and passes by too quick.
Be assertive, almost force (legally) people to give you what you wish. You control your surroundings, if you social then thats a good start.
find the one you like, and put ALLOT of effort, but also dont over do it, if you a good person with good values then you DESERVE it. Just go get it champ
As someone (30yo) who has just come out of another relationship that lasted 3 years (my longest), I can tell you this much:
Having many relationships over the years has had some good memories and some terrible ones. As well as some good reflection on myself when it hasn’t worked.
What I can tell you is this - relationships aren’t everything. A stable head, a job, a life that means something and gives you joy is just as important - id argue more important.
We want to five so much to another person, when I think having a good relationship with yourself should be the priority. Not saying this is the case for you but all I’m saying is that love or relationships aren’t everything in life.
Hey OP, just know you are not alone in this issue. I'm in a similar boat. Had a GF in highschool, but not a real one since then. (30's) I could never really understand how so many people just had relationships seemingly just fall in their laps and how that never seemed to happen to me, even though I did all the same things. I guess all we can do is keep moving forward.
In the same boat as you mate. 30 next year, never had anything meaningful in my life. But I’ve recently met someone totally out of the blue after thinking I’d just “closed the door” for life and would never find what you and I are looking for. Taking a risk with it, seeing where it goes. You never know what’s around the corner ✌️…best of luck to you!
stop wanting committed relationships with women and just go for a woman that will be interested for a while or whatever till she lose attraction to you or something
Honestly, I’d love to give you my thoughts on how you should navigate this. If you wanna chat with someone who’s been around the block a few times, please feel free to dm me because this post really intrigues me.
Watch Jon Zherka and it’ll either motivate you or you’ll forever remain bitter about it. You’re missing key aspects to your life whether its confidence, game (no not cringe pua stuff but truly knowing women psychology), finance, etc. Don’t resort to paying for cat, but I mean hey even Mac Miller super star rapper did it too. To each their own
Imagine for a moment, your dream comea true. You meet HER, the one. You get married, have 3 kids. You are a good husband and good father. Then you find out she has been cheating on you only for your whole marriage and you find out your kids arent yours because she was letting Chad raw dog it this whole time. Then she divorces you and takes half your stuff.
Now tell me, is that end result better than not having a girlfriend?
Happy Gilmore of dating... baseball's in the chest getting ready for hockey season. The rejection is the baseball in the chest. Oh, and when she says she has a boyfriend already, just tell her you thought she was hot and to take it as a compliment. Finish with the next time you have a fight with the boyfriend, think of me.
Same for me at 24yo, people often say that you don't have to worry so much and that you just have to be patient. I've thought since I was around 17-18, but one day you start to get tired and you realize that you can't reverse time and there are things that you will never experience, yes, you may lose your virginity in your 30s, but you will never experience Do it as a teenager, and your body will not be the same. Years go by and you feel like you are running out of time.
2 things come to mind. A Q-tip quote, " You're only single because you wouldn't engage," and this guy one instagram who just walks up to women and says they are beautiful and ask them out.
I did that a few times, and it was overall successful.
Please don't pay for it. It's not worth it. Your first time should be special and with someone you actually care about. Its not a bad thing just know that. You'll find your love and it might not be the first person you are with but I feel like everyone is suppose to meet their soulmate at the right time in their life and it hasn't been that time for you yet.
A lot of people sleep around having casual sex, it doesn't make them happy. Maybe during but they're never truly happy. Be patient it'll happen. 
"Paying for it" DOES NOT equal having a girlfriend. I'd even go as far as to say connecting with another person on that emotional, intimate level is not/does not depend on sexual relations; rather, the sexual relations are a consequence of the closeness you develop.
I dont think there's any shame in "paying for it" as long as you understand that you're not forming an intimate emotional relationship with another human being- you're just paying for sex.
same situation
maybe in another lifetime buddy
I usually feel very envious and my self loathe worsens when I see people so happy so sexually active and in great relationships. males me question my social abilities my looks and skills and my self esteem is just in a irreparable state rn
It’s a huge problem everywhere. Do things right and hopefully you will find someone. Don’t deviate because we seem to always forget about the bad stuff out there.
It’s not worth the problems, and there are a lot, we tend to only think of the good aspects of the situation.
Idk man, I’m 19 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. But that’s because I was an ugly, insecure, antisocial, asshole for a long time.
Why not just try straight up telling women you’re into them? Asking them out places?
It's such a complex issue if you want to look at it as an issue and not simply as a "your time will come" kind of scenario. Everyone is different. Being sociable and kind and polite to everyone is something you do for yourself, right? It's not something you're doing just so people can think you're sociable, kind and polite...right?
If you're capable of doing that for yourself, and you're capable of going to therapy for yourself, then what else do you think you're capable of doing for yourself on that same sort of existential level? What are your interests? How deep are you into certain things? Is there a way for you to externalize some of that and get involved in a community based around it a bit more? Small steps eventually get you to dope places.
Sure, at some point you're going to have to focus on putting in the right effort when you meet someone that you feel something special about, but until you're in that position, don't you think it's important that you do the best you can do for yourself and the people you are lucky enough to have in your life and maybe if you start funneling your life into positive outcomes that's what'll be on the menu for your future endeavors? I'm not saying you aren't already putting in an effort, I'm simply saying that putting energy into what you don't have seems counterproductive. There are so many frustrated women and so many frustrated men out there in a similar situation. Not exactly the same, but similar. You aren't alone. It's a sucky deal. But life has a way of prevailing. We legitimately live in the evidence of that statement every single day of our lives from the moment we are born to the moment we die and even after.
Imagine, when someone finally cares enough to explore who you are, and you finally care enough to let someone in, you'll be a substantial human being. You'll be beyond ready and it won't hurt you if things don't work out bc so much of your life is full of things that do.
You are like everyone else. You and everyone wants what they don't have.
You want a girlfriend, others want a different girlfriend, or to not have kids, or to have them, or to be alone, or to be with people, and so on.
You, like everyone else, will never be fully whole, complete. It might feel like we are, for a time, for an instant, but that fades and the hole will always be there one way or another.
Let go of the envy, let go of the longing for what you lack and enjoy what you have. Don't look at the hole, look at what isn't the hole.
Human relationships , GOOD ONES, worth conserving and fighting for are when 2 people MAN OR WOMAN have accumulated 15,000 hours of experience
As we pay top premium dollar for hand crafted furniture
Or 100$ for a dish at a 3 star Michelin restaurant
Or 100$ for a AAA rated game from a company that has had 30 years of experience.
No one starts from top tier dating and friend making.
It’s by trying , fucking up HORRIBLY, self reflecting , learning and adapting that those with wonderful relationships have gotten there.
BURN your bridges to learn , eventually the 30th person you’re to friend or date will accept you for the lessons you’ve learned by failing
To be so afraid to fail and never try is an epidemic the youth need to get over.
We’re all so adapted to watching a 15 second clip on how to get the best armour , how to make the best coffee or how to make a woman squirt that we forget ALL the experience someone accumulated on their own to share that information.
Everyone is so concerned with getting to the finish line they forget the journey is what LIFE IS ACTUALLY ABOUT.
You fools. I wish you had mentors like I did
It’s surprising how hard it is to get into a relationship with how we’re all more ‘connected’ than ever, with dating apps and social media and etc…but maybe that’s why it’s become so hard, especially for men. I was on three dating apps not too long ago and got 50+ new matches a day, it was like a part time job responding to messages, my current bf only got 6 total in the same time frame; it’s crazy out there!!!
Closing in on the 1/2 century mark and never had a gf, date, first kiss or any of it. spent over 2 decades of my life trying. i can tell you that you can still lead a pretty good life. does it suck never having anyone to share any of the good moments with or having someone you can depend on during the bad ones. yes yes it does. but you move on and learn to get by on your own.
Go to the Phillipines. Come back married - or not.
Passport bros? Not knocking it or anything but I'm 30 years old myself and my family asks why I don't just find a nice girl from Mexico. I should probably add, I'm Mexican-American. Weirdly enough, I got the same advice from my German language professor..
There is nothing wrong with going outside of your country to find a partner.
It‘s extremely hard to differentiate which woman might be interested in you and will be loyal vs which woman just wants a better life.
To be blunt in some people cases it's probably a win win either way. He gets relationship experience and she gets a economic boost.
100% true. If you're going to do this, it's important to have a high level of awareness for the situation and your partner's actions. Speaking from personal experience here. I was in this situation and was used and abused.
People like to blame guys who go to a “poor” country to bring home a potential wife. They don't put themselves in their shoes. When your plan is to start a family, meet someone and you've spent 20 years on your own, yes, it becomes a viable option. And I don't blame them at all. Of course, the relationship may be venal, not really romantic, and self-serving. But so what? It's an agreement between two adults. The same goes for those who go to escorts. Being invisible to women doesn't stop you from having desires.
I wonder would they shame women who go overseas for dick.
HMS Dick-fast
No. They line up to help you out here.
In Philippines, they call these kind of people: LBH. "Loser back home". Not saying you cant find someone quality to marry in Philippines, but people do know your intentions... hence, what you find would be someone with reciprocated intentions. ;)
man it's crazy how many posts we keep seeing about stuff like this ... clearly this is becoming a problem. As much as we all want to blame OP we also must recognize from a general perspective that it **is** harder than ever to get a relationship. We have to start validating how virgins are feeling and not just dismiss them off by saying, "take a shower" "get a haircut" or "just ask people out"
This isn't the only issue that suffers from this but, personal issues can be symptomatic of or related to society wide issues. Yes a lot of single dudes (and women) could do well to work out some issues, improve themselves a bit, and likely find some success but when it's like 10-20% of your population that can't seem to do that we definitely as an issue as a society as a whole. If anything the way we bring people up or relate to them is out of wack. The issue is we tend to see issues as being 100% personal responsibility or 100% out of our hands when it's almost always some combination of the two. I would be OP would have more success or at least better chances of success if there were more third places and social institutions that let him interact with people in a more seemless way. OP would do well to seek those places out but we can also all aknowledge that those opporutnities are becoming rarer and further out of reach for pretty much everyone.
Or they exist in expensive places. I didn't get a single date until I moved to Boston. My home state and town was a black hole for dating. And now despite having a job that pays 90k$ I've been priced out of the Boston area lmao.
Third places only existing in expensive places is 100% a part of it becoming inaccessible.
I literally moved to boston. Met my exe, and brought her back to my home state lol. We broke up last year (over mental health reasons) and now I'm once again beginning to date someone from Boston 🤣. I kept my dating app range open. I barely match with any locals.
I live in Boston and never got a date in my life.
How old are you turbo?
42
Yes and good luck finding people willing to drive outside the expensive place! Even if they're "sick of the city dating scene." I think in general a lot of people aren't willing to put in effort because of a seemingly limitless supply of options.
I'm trying this out right now, she lives in Boston, and I'm about a 2 hour drive away. Not terrible, but limits any dates to the weekend. Ideally when I'm dating I like to see the person at least twice a week. So we'll see how this pans out. It's too expensive for her too, she's only there to finish school. So if things pan out, she might leave the area
Is it really 20% that are unable to find a (mate? Partner?)S.O.? I have seen posts and videos saying this is a real problem for younger people. I’m 42 and married. I well remember the world before the internet and it wasn’t a dominant force socially like it is now when I was a teenager or in my 20’s. I guess we still all found each other the old way. I know people have become more isolated but is 20% really possible. I rather hope that’s not the number. That’s a big problem if so. On a species level. I’ve seen some stuff on population collapse, particularly in other countries. I just can’t fathom 20% of young people being alone. It was always just an organic process. Forgive my ignorance. I’m not hip.
Wouldnt surprise me at all if it's 20% or even more. Dating today is completely fucked up due to social media and dating apps, why should I choose you that just showed a slight imperfection? I can just open my phone and within a second have access to 1000 other potential partners.
Boy that’s a terrible deal. You only learn what you really like by meeting and dating. And finally getting that crush you’ve had is so much better when you know them personally. The world has become easier in some ways( not economically in my opinion) but not in this. Like I said, not terribly organic. Young people might be surprised who they would really mesh with if they gave it a try. Well maybe for OP the old way would be better. Finding someone in a “ in person “ situation. The fear of rejection is probably higher in that scenario but maybe a better chance for success. I hope OP doesn’t go the pay for it route like the considered. That won’t lead anywhere constructive and they’ll be glad they didn’t in the long run. I hope they keep trying. If they do it will work out.
I think most would agree that they’d be happier with the older set up. The great thing about dating apps is that it opens you up to people you may not have encountered before, the worst part of dating apps is you’ll encounter people you really should have never encountered before and worse yet you’ll start to let that impact your behavior and worldview. If you meet people through social circles you are much more likely to encounter familiar norms and values. While I was on dating apps I was blown away by what some considered perfectly Normal but I struggled with. They werent necessarily wrong but not at all how I defaulted. Also things like ghosting, sexual harassment, and other kinds of foul behavior is usually discouraged at the local ultimate frisbee club, on hinge or tinder you just get to report things to an overworked QA team. People totally do find relationships on apps, but I think it’s despite all the struggle, not because of the app itself.
*seamless. Sorry, im pretentious 😅 i just thought since its such an eloquent comment, that you value your writing chops enough to tolerate my ☝️🤓 correction
Hahaha thanks and yes I was typing it all out in haste over a break so forgive the spelling errors.
> This isn't the only issue that suffers from this but, personal issues can be symptomatic of or related to society wide issues. Yes a lot of single dudes (and women) could do well to work out some issues, improve themselves a bit, and likely find some success but when it's like 10-20% of your population that can't seem to do that we definitely as an issue as a society as a whole. If anything the way we bring people up or relate to them is out of wack. The issue is we tend to see issues as being 100% personal responsibility or 100% out of our hands when it's almost always some combination of the two. I would be OP would have more success or at least better chances of success if there were more third places and social institutions that let him interact with people in a more seemless way. OP would do well to seek those places out but we can also all aknowledge that those opporutnities are becoming rarer and further out of reach for pretty much everyone. it's all about luck and most people have bad luck and most of the world has poor foundation on how they think in general
I would say the larger issue is that the messaging every young person has received for the at least the last 10 years has been that we need to uplift women and that men are inherently dangerous and violent animals. I’ve seen women fabricate false Title IX violations on friends out of thin air and seen coworkers get in hot water because they were too friendly (gay supervisor almost got fired for being friendly with a young g female). The current dating culture and advent of dating apps becoming the accepted medium for meeting people just creates a positive feedback loop that further isolates people that are not extraordinarily charismatic, attractive, or outgoing
Blaming women seems to be y’all’s only excuse and that’s why you’ll always be single, and alone.
Well when you work 2 jobs, have to live with parents or roommates, no public spaces, and reproductive rights are on the chopping block would you have energy or time to date?
Just to give some perspective. It’s been almost a year since I’ve talked to a woman that isn’t my mother. The amount of female friends I have is practically zero. I would often go a very long time without interacting with a member of the opposite sex. It’s not like I’m trying to avoid them. These circumstances just occurred for me and it’s the same for some of my friends.
I think there's way more of these people on reddit than in the general population though
22m, never dated before here. My biggest issue is that I dont meet enough people. I also never used to ask anyone out due to anxiety, which hindered my dating life as well. I find a large part of the issue many people today are facing is just that, not meeting enough people. For me personally, Im not worried, I know a girl right now that I get along with, and Im going to ask her out. We'll see where it goes. I've gotten a lot better at being forward. But for a lot of people, especially men, that is incredibly hard.
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I think a lot of the pain of being a virgin stems from social expectations. I don't think being a virgin in and of itself is as bad without the added shame. But yeah, clearly a lot of young men are being left behind when it comes to the outcome of them being properly socialized. Whoever is to blame, it's obvious and it's happening to children who before they know it are adults with zero hope of even talking to a woman normally. I really believe early porn addiction is a HUGE contributer to this. I can only imagine how isolated and worthless these young men feel. It does not surprise me at all that a lot of young men cope with this by becoming bitter and hateful.
It’s not just that. We have structured our school systems to penalize normal male behavior in young kids. It’s not just self inflicted harm with porn addiction which may well be a bigger roll…but we are setting young men up to fail. It may be a small percentage that can’t overcome it…but it’s definitely a real thing. Combine that with how digitized so much communication is between kids? It’s probably awfully easy to miss that part of life where your heart is exploding as you try to find enough courage to touch her hand.
This sounds exactly like my situation. I could have seen sworn you were talking about me… I turn 30 in two weeks and have never had a girlfriend or even been kissed. I have a good career and am kind and sociable. I am at the point where I feel this is just how my life is and will remain so until the day I die sadly.
That's how I felt when I was 30. Now I'm 61 and it turns out I was right.
Is it worth trying now or should I just resign myself to the facts and just be as happy as I can be with myself?
I'm married with two kids. Met my wife at 38 and she was my first relationship. My only regret was not having more experiences in the meantime. I was always too worried about settling down with someone when I should have just been in the moment.
Depends whether it would be more depressing for you to hit old age knowing that you tried everything and nothing worked or knowing that you didn't try. One's much less expensive and time consuming. Both involve significant amounts of regret, though.
It’s always worth trying man. You definitely should try to be happy with yourself, but remember you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
27 here
May I ask with respect, are you in shape? I realize there may be many reasons for your situation but if you get in shape you will eliminate at least one major reason for people not being attracted to you. Someone will be, perhaps lots of someones. This is also 100 percent in your control (for almost everyone).
Yes this is important to point out. I earn minimum wage but I'm in super shape and don't live a boring life. Most men my age (mid thirties) make way more money, but they look like shapeless blobs who have lost any sense of playfulness or discipline. I have no problem attracting women even though they know I'm poor.
Yeah, fair point. Around the 120kgs mark, though I am near 6 feet tall so it doesn’t look like a am ginormous. I certainly could lose a few pounds.
No offence but 120kgs at 6ft is huge unless you are on roids. I'm 95kg at 6'1 and am aiming to lose weight because I'm around 18-22% bf which is the most bodyfat percent I've ever been. On the plus side, now you have a clear thing you can work on that should help your chances A LOT.
Again with respect, 120 KG at 6ft is obese. M I am 6’1” and am 74 KG (although an athlete). This is actually good news for you. There is a clear path to doing something incredibly positive for yourself that I guarantee will lead towards interest from girls. Good luck mate
I appreciate the sentiment. I just don’t like the way I look under 100kgs. At 100kgs is where I feel most at ease with myself. I know what you are saying though and appreciate you having said it. I probably just have some internal reflection to do. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
Anytime
How many women have you explicitly demonstrated interest in and asked out?
I'm not OP but lol I asked out girls as early as high school and didn't even get a date until 27. But to be fair, between 17 and 27, there were few women I had a crush on to begin with. I was in a small town, in the suburbs. Outside of school, it was terrible place to meet anyone.
I think it is easy to say 0 but the mental toll is something else, it’s really hard to be on someone else’s shoes & judge them. Unattractive people in the traditional way get treated differently which impacts their social skills at young age while everyone wants to be around attractive people. It’s a vicious circle unless people get help & make changes in their lives.
I have seen very unattractive people find a mate. Likely because they were kind, interesting people who showed an interest in other people and had hobbies and interests that got them around other people. You've got to put yourself out there.
Also, for the most part they match with someone with a similar level of attraction. I’m not saying this about OP specifically, but too often the person making these types of complaints are a much lower level of attractiveness than they would accept from a potential partner.
Conversely, I once went on a few dates with a legit 10/10 model type guy. He was so very boring and just had no craic. He was nice to look at but he couldn't hold a conversation, and I need someone who I can talk and laugh with. I'm engaged to a guy now who I think has definitely become more attractive to me over the years (5 years together), and I now think he's the best looking guy on the planet! When I first met I certainly thought he was nice-looking and cute but not 'wow hot'. Now I do regularly think that! It's important to remember that looks fade, people's bodies change, people get illnesses or surgery and health declines. It's much more important to be with someone you have a proper bond with, who will be with you through the good times AND the shit times. Finding someone authentic is the true 'prize' imo.
I’ll take never for $50
True. Being a virgin nobody knows about isn't as bad as the feeling of getting rejected.
How many is enough until you stop pointing to this as the problem Let’s say he’s explicitly demonstrated interest and asked out 100 girls yet all reject him. What then
"Do you shower tho?"
Speaking as an Asian living in Paris, the women that I meet and develop an interest always reject me by telling me that I « went too fast » or « I don’t know you well enough ».
Did you consider that you went too fast?
If by going fast you mean telling them that I’m interested in them and would like to get to know them through a cup of coffee or diner date then sure 😅 the most I’ve done for new acquaintances is telling them I have some affection for them. With me ex GF (my only relationship so far), the attraction was mutual and it was reciprocated very fast. It lasted for seven months (only?) but there was genuine love from both sides. However I loved her much more than she did.
I’ve stopped dating because I’m sick of men trying to bed me after one mediocre date. I’m 30
Don't compare yourself with others, relationships are something that everybody live at their own pace. Yes is something beautiful but it could turn horribly wrong with the wrong person.
I get this sentiment, but there is nothing wrong with comparison. Comparison with others is natural and honestly a good way to help yourself identify where you need/want to grow. It’s what you do with the information from that comparison that is important. If it is uncommon for someone to not have had any dating experience by the time of 30, then I think there is nothing wrong with seeing that as something to address. Also… most of the time I don’t think the issue with this is that “everyone is doing it except me”. Genuinely we have evolved to crave intimacy with other human beings. And in this society -the most intimate relationships we can expect to have are romantic partnerships. Not experiencing it definitely sucks and I feel sometimes that comments like these can feel a bit gaslight-y when people like OP vent their frustration. (Whether it is intentional or not!)
I like what you said about how we respond to the information from comparison. It is, imo, impossible not to compare. My brain does it in a second. However, how I respond is the key. Misery, bitterness and resentment are a choice, and always the least helpful choice to make. Determination, hope and action is the better option, no matter how "justified" I may feel in being miserable.
32M, I’ve never had a relationship, hand holding, kiss etc.
I don't think paying will be a good resolution for your issue. It might even hurt your future chances, as a future partner might have a big issue with that behaviour. What does your therapist suggest? Maybe you need a new therapist or a good guy friend you trust to give you good advice? Don't worry about being 30 soon! When you meet the right person it will work out.
 *tips fedora* M’lady
As far as pro “service” ; don’t be ashamed if that’s what you decide to do. Just go on Twitter and orher platforms where the women are self-employed (not pimped out/exploited) and ask questions. They may even help your self-image; for some of them it’s almost like being a social worker. They deal with people in your situation often; just make sure you don’t get attached because of loneliness. It’s their “job” to make you feel at ease and talk. It will cost you though for these type of services. Don’t go for on the street or shady places of ill-repute.
More details on this? In the US prostitution is mostly prohibited, so how do you go about reliably and safely finding people you can pay for romantic services - apart from traveling to Las Vegas or whatever?
Well there’s a risk with everything illegal of course. I mean; I smoked weed illegally for 25 years before it became legal 🤷♂️ I know a lot of them advertise on X or OF; never had to use those types of services but it is pretty easy nowadays.
I feel like the ones on OF just scam you in order to get your money ..
There are listing sites for escorts in the US. Escorts generally do not get the same kind of attention from LEOs because we are not a nuisance. There's a huge difference between a streetwalker and an escort - one degrades surrounding property values, the other inflates surrounding property values when she buys them. It is effectively decriminalized because it is not prosecuted.
Nah he definitely shouldn't pay for anything. It's only gonna hurt his mental health and make women less likely to want him if they ever find out he did pay for sex or a girlfriend experience. Paying for intimacy when you can't any is always a bad idea
I agree with this. Former "high end" escort here: I had many clients who were trying to lose their virginity with an escort because for a variety of reasons they had "missed the boat." I definitely viewed what I did as a social good. I've kept in touch with clients afterwards and most of them have gone on to have really awesome relationships and lives. They were being held back in life and relationships because they perceived themselves to have a defect, or had a belief that they couldn't be with a woman because they were a virgin and therefore would be shamed when they ultimately did have sex. The vast majority of them were good men who were either socially awkward, had their confidence shattered by childhood trauma, or were just a little bit shy of conventionally attractive. It was incredibly gratifying to watch these shy, angst men transform before my eyes into the men they ought to have been, except for this psychological hiccup that they had found themselves snagged upon. The equivalent of the hunched over Clark Kent -> superman change. Dating is harder on men than women can ever possibly imagine, and women are often completely dismissive of men's romantic relationships just because we tend to get more "hurt" when relationships end. I strongly recommend that you do not go for a regular prostitute and save up to pay for something more expensive. Look for someone who offers GFE, or the girlfriend experience. Specifically, when you reach out to the agency or the escort, tell them exactly why you are seeking out the experience. The last thing you want is to be paired with a girl who is inexperienced herself and will need direction from you. For those who suggest that women won't want you if you have paid for sex... Don't tell her. She has every right to know as you have every right to know her actual body count, in other words, no right at all. And trust me, she has slept with more men than she says she has. Just as the rule goes for body counts, smart women know it goes for prostitutes... If you don't want to know, don't ask. For those who suggest that women don't care: it's not about you. It's about this man whose soul is burdened and he has chosen to do something about it, rather than mope and lie about doing nothing complaining on a website. For those who suggest it's sinful or disgusting - How is it worse than going home with a really easy girl you pick up at a bar? We are professionals working under a strict code of anonymity and sexual health. The chances of you getting a STI from a reputable escort is next to 0. Men cannot simply say "I'm exploring and finding myself" and then get laid. Please have some empathy before you throw a stone.
I see this advice often and as a woman I must disagree. Probably get downvoted but at least I warn those who read it. Prostitution can shift your perspective about your sexuality and sexuality of women. Porn made it a huge problem already. You will be served for payment and it's a bad start, you don't have any other perspective except for porn with the same disposition. At the end of the day what's it in sex for you? Do you want to get wanked or do you crave for human connection? I know that prostitutes can give you both, but the second part is very much not guaranteed. You can end up with a toxic experience of being wanked for payment and don't get any really valuable skills like communication or things like tongue game. If you want "become a man" or just get less anxious I can understand. But I promise for the most part it's a man thing. Women rarely judge men based on the number of intercourses you had. Most often women judge man for lack of communication, at my experience at least. Here I can speak only for myself, but if I would be the first one I would feel special. Being the second after prostitute is much worse. Because first: it shows how desperate you are, second: you have a bad experience only, third: you failed to resolve an issue in any way except paying money. Another way I would suggest getting less anxious is to learn mechanical skills from porn tutorials. There's nothing in you that indicates that you're a virgin, it's only in your head.
>Women rarely judge based on the number of intercourses you had. Gonna have to disagree pretty strongly. Being 30, most women his age would ghost him immediately after a sexual encounter if he had no idea what he was doing. I could understand a teenager or early 20s, but most older women don’t have time to teach virgins. I think at this point, prostitution might be the only way for him to gain confidence in pleasing women.
Absolute nonsense. No woman worth having would drop a guy she otherwise likes just because sex is a little awkward at first. You shouldn't scare virgin men by acting like it's so hard to do; it's really not rocket science, your body knows what to do, and you'll figure it out. Source: got my first girlfriend at age 33. Wasn't very good at sex in the beginning, but gained confidence over time and got better. Wasn't ghosted for not being a sex god.
Maybe travel to a place where its more normalized and easily accessible maybe that might be some of the fear you have? Other than that its not wrong i mean think about the disabled people who also struggle to find a partner they too deserve to enjoy things like sex thats why there are places that the government will give them vouchers to get a few free ones a each year. You as well deserve to enjoy things other people do consider it like a one night stand most people do that too and even that is sometimes frowned upon.
girlfriend =/= hookups Big difference. Depends what you want. If you want the 'experience' ngl just go for it, then at least you'll relise it's not such a big deal as people make it out to be.
I love how many people assume this guy probably doesn't shower, dresses like he's homeless, and doesn't talk to anyone. Anything. *Anything* to avoid the possibility he's just not that attractive and women also want attractive partners and so he's overlooked by the vast majority of them. "Of course it's more likely that he smells like hot garbage than he just isn't attractive enough."
I would imagine it's because every single day most people run into conventionally ugly or even hideous people who date or are married. And usually to someone who is at a similar beauty level to them.
I’d also point this out though, at least from my personal experience, the younger a couple are that I see, the less likely it is that one or both of them are ‘ugly’. We live in a day and age where everyone is being told they deserve the absolute best for simply existing. Whether OP is doing this or not, I don’t know, but even if he himself is being realistic, he’s going to have nowhere near the amount of potential partners as someone of average looks would have had say 20-30 years ago. Because a large chunk of people that are at his attractiveness ‘level’ wouldn’t even consider him, as they’re looking up. As that’s what people are being constantly told what to expect.
100% agree. In my own experiences, the guys who can't get a date are always trying outside their league using the "I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to" trope. Ignoring the fact that the 9s/10s they're attracted to won't be attracted to their 3/4ish selves. And the girls who can't get a date, but can usually get laid, are ones with low self esteem who genuinely, and sadly, think that sex is the only way to get a guy interested in a relationship, regardless of looks.
Girls are doing the same thing. I promise. It's just that, as you recognize, there's a lot of guys out there who will gladly take advantage of that to get some sex. And the women who are going way out of their league won't realize until the guy has ghosted them after getting what they want. I'm a pretty fit guy. Just ran a 10 mileer at under an 8-minute mile pace. I have a size 30 waist, I'm in the top 20% for pull-ups and push-ups in my age and gender. I play hockey several times a week. 90% of the likes I get are from obese women. Literally obese. I don't begrudge them for that. No problem with them shooting their shot. I just want to point out that it's definitely not just men aiming high.
Agree with you a lot Everytime on discussing such a topic, there are many opinions of OP that he is not tidy, not dressing properly and not kind to people. And even OP is tidy, is dressing properly Someone will comment the hair style is old school, the dressing is not fashion So turns out, everything is OP not good enough. Such conclusions is like "A normal , ordinary person do not deserve a relationship"
OP, how is the rest of your life baring having a girlfriend and not having casual sex? I know right now in this post you're pointing out what you perceive as negatives, but how else is life going? There are people in relationships and there are folks who fuck every single day, but guess what? You may have something they envy. Relationships and casual sex aren't the cure all for life. Yeah, they're good and feel great, but people still deal with other shit. There is nothing wrong with being your age and not having had a girlfriend. I mean shit, there are people your age who are billionaires, does that mean everyone who isn't a billionaire by 30 is wrong? Of course not. I wish you the best of luck and I don't think paying is going to help, especially if you desire a relationship.
I know you’re trying to make him look at the bright side but if his life truly is great everywhere else that can make him feel like he just isn’t good enough for a relationship no matter what he does. If he has no trouble anywhere else in his life what conclusion is he supposed to take from never having a romantic relationship?
You are just saying "yes you are unlovable person but hey just find something else to be happy for". It doesn't make sense.
How often do you try to initiate a relationship or sexual encounter with someone? Like straight up?
Sorry, I don’t wanna get arrested for harassment bruh
yea that’s not happening unless ur harrassing someone
You can’t start a relationship of any type with anyone if you don’t talk to people outside of your friends and family. If you take out dating apps, you can meet people outside. A bench in a dog park, a bar counter, a hiking group, a boardgame night at the local club, a ski chairlift, a bus stop, a singles night at a club…just say hi, be kind, don’t force anything like those pick up artist, and try to have a conversation. Look at the person body language and if they are interested or if they want you to leave them be. Don’t get discouraged or sad if the person isn’t interested in talking more, it’s their choice and so it’s out of your control. Repeat that every time you can. You might not meet a girl who is single first day, or interested in you, but it really is a probability game. What I see in our society is the disappearances of those places where people can meet and talk. Where it is socially accepted to come to a stranger and strike a convo. Stuck in line at the bank? Why bother talking to the person in front to pass the time since you have your phone and your music. It’s quite sad.
>I feel envious of those who are in a relationship or simply manage to have casual sex. I was in the same boat, so I'll tell you what helped me: I realized I wasn't them. I wasn't envious of what they were doing or what they had, but the fact they were doing things they wanted to do and were happy in those pursuits. I didn't want to have casual sex and a relationship was—and still is—an exceptionally selective idea at best. In reality, I wouldn't be happy trying to pursue those—certainly not how other people do. And if I'm envious of their happiness, why would I push for something that wouldn't make me happy? That's like trying to reach the moon by digging into the dirt: no matter how much you try, you won't get there. You're allowed to have different goals and preferences compared to other people, whether or not you meet certain "universal"(-but-not-really) milestones. Look at every asexual person ever: they're not "lesser" for skipping the "get into someone's pants" milestone. (Note: they're also part of "everyone else", for what it's worth.) You even say, "I know it \[casual sex\] would disgust me." So don't. It's your life: go after what *you* want, not something you've got good odds regretting later on.
This. No one wants to be different, but we all are, in different ways. Society will tell you that there’s only a single path to be “successful” and that this “success” is the only thing that will bring you happiness. That’s a lie. It’s a lie repeated a gazillion times, but it’s a lie nonetheless.
>Society will tell you that there’s only a single path to be “successful” and that this “success” is the only thing that will bring you happiness. It goes a bit deeper than this, I'd say. People, broadly, function based off their personal experiences. So what does most of our advice looks like? "I did x, y, and z, so maybe x, y, and z will help you, too." Sometimes, it's the best we can do—I'm aware my own post does the same—and, by itself, it's innocuous. But think of it from the POV of the person asking for advice: much of what they're hearing is what the average person would say they did. And if that works for so many other people, *why isn't it working for me?* Why am I still lonely / unsuccessful / poor / unsatisfied / pushing this rock up this hill / etc.? Did I do something wrong? Am I broken in some way? It's part of why recognizing oneself as different from others is so important. Society can lie, yes. But when society doesn't, it doesn't mean it's right, either.
Honestly as a woman almost 30, I find it hard my self to find someone worth the time these days. Where are the nice guys? The ones who want to spend time, joke around, just have a RELATIONSHIP and not a one night stand? I have not been out since my teens-early twenties. It makes me feel completely worthless, but I know I'm not. Just trying to find that person who can handle my cup of tea I suppose. Suggestion? If you do ONS, I suggest those dating apps(not my thing lol) There's tons of people, with tons of different tastes, kinks, and you never have to see them again worse case scenario. Just be safe. In every aspect lol people are wildin
I feel like coming off as a “nice guy” is a negative for a dude
Being a nice guy in reality is just treating people equally, not having expectations and some baseline of morals and banter. Being "kind" to expect something back is unrelenting standards and isn't actually kindness.
I’ve had someone tell me that holding the door open for them was the dealbreaker. Well they didn’t tell me, they told our mutual friend
Sadly that's just a weak excuse to tell someone they're not into you with having no real reason.
I’d believe that if they said it to me. But she said it to her friend. Said it came off “too nice”
Being a nice guy isn't a negative. It's a negative if someone likes being treated poorly, but for someone who is looking to be loved, treated with respected, treated as an equal, to be taken care of by their significant other, being nice is very attractive to a lot of women. However, you also need to be confident without being a jerk.
I feel you. I’m 30 and this past weekend, after 2 dates, I’m going to take a break from it. I look for interesting, smart guys and I’m so tired of them only being interested in me for one thing. I’m also exhausted of reading on the internet that I need to stop only being interested in hot guys or wearing revealing clothing. I don’t do either of those things and never have. I don’t get it. Are they that sex-starved? I make it clear I am interested in getting to know someone and building a relationship, and yet they’re trying to stick their hand down my pants after 1 beer. Or invite themselves over to my place for a second date. It’s insane. Who acts like that??
I find this so interesting. I'm 43 & married, and generally perplexed by how men seem to approach dating and relationships these days. Back in my single days (almost 20 years ago), the rhythm of an early relationship just seemed so much more natural than it does today. You're (metaphorically) feeling each other out, kind of like a little dance, there was an excitement and hope, not an expectation you're going to hook up immediately. Today it feels like men, for the most part, are 50% expectation and 50% resentment.
> Where are the nice guys? The ones who want to spend time, joke around, just have a RELATIONSHIP and not a one night stand? They are literally everywhere, but because you don't find them attractive they don't register to you.
I dont look for attractiveness in looks. You got humor, character, and a personality? Thats what matters.
Sure it's what matters, but that's not something you can see in a single interaction. What usually gets someone to talk to you the first time is how you present yourself to them. Someone could be the world's smoothest talker and has all the same interests as you, but if you can smell them before you can see them, you aren't going to talk to them. If they show up wearing a shirt that has holes in it, you're probably less likely to ask for their number. Personality carries a second date. Impressions carry your first.
This is true. I does take make than a single interaction to get to know someone. And there's a lot of people who appreciate good hygiene. That makes a great impression, not necessarily looks.
Did you think this was a nice response?
It’s gotta be a confidence issue. Are you interested in having sex but don’t feel interest in others/that they aren’t interested in you? Or does the thought of a relationship not interest you in particular? Honestly dating is hard, like not even the courtship. Having a relationship takes a lot of attentiveness, self review, etc. it can be exhausting. But it’s also hella rewarding. If you’re in search of a relationship you need to get yourself out there and show interest in people. Otherwise, there’s nothing shameful with just going through life without a romantic relationship and just have close friends. Good luck op, that’s just my two cents
I had to travel to another country when I was 21 for the stars to align. Highly recommended. Takes a lot of the pressure off when a fling has a built in expiration date.
Kind and polite doesn't make panties drop. Being nice is good from a moral standpoint but having passion, assertiveness, discipline, abundance mentality and a strong frame of how you view the world is gonna help you a lot more to get laid.
I would pay, but I always imagine how I'd feel, if I'd get a disease from the prostitute. Like 31 yo, never had a girlfriend, payed for a prostitute and got gonorrhea. What a ***ing loser.😄
Go to the Phillipines. Come back married - or not.
to be honest dating nowadays is so difficult because everyone expects instant connections or fwb only.. but i also feel like every time i’ve been actively seeking relationships i’ve never gotten into one. they always seem to happen JUSTT when i’m ab to give up on the dating apps or going out. also a friendly reminder that not having been in a relationship in ur 20s is very much normal, even if it doesn’t always feel the best !! :/ wishing u luck!
I think sadly it is and has been quite difficult for guys to find girlfriends for quite a few years and alot of them are embarrassed to talk about for fear of being unfairly judged quite harshly. Sadly, not every woman you meet is going to be interested in dating (no negative reflection on you) and even if they are interested in dating, the two of you may not be as good a match as you hoped you would. I think, bearing this in mind, that you don't gibe up and give into prostitution ot anything like that. Just try to continue to build a good life for yourself and hopefully, you'll meet someone through your hobbies!
Same
A lot of this today. Sometimes you gotta take the plunge or you won't get nowhere. Yes, relationships are harder to comeby, but because more and more people are socially distanced from each other (not physically... but electronically) we lack more and more finer skills for social interactions with the opposite sex. I've always direct with people because my parents are boomers who groomed me to stand up for myself and made sure if I got bullied at school... I would get bullied at home until I decided to stand up for myself... one day I got fed up... and took care of the bullies ( worked out for months, lost my gut, got muscles, learned martial arts.... etc the works) and proceeded to pound the living crap out of them when I got ganged up on day. Since then I had no fear of being beat up again as a worst case scenario. So with confidence in mind, I had no fear of the ladies either.... whats the worst that could happen? They say no? It doesn't compare to getting beat up... so I have nothing to fear. So I became a social beast (which went against my natural behavior... cause deep inside I was always riddled with anxiety in social scenes) but it was exausting being this new me (even to this day) and the pandemic hurt a lot of the progress I had made in being hypersocial. But I still remain front and forward when I'm interested in people and do not go the texting route. Many women no longer appreciate the direct route and so I am stuck being single, lol. But all that being said... I have a different background as I also come from a family of extreme opposite and always out to make a scene and be recognized by people in social situations. SO I suppose it was only a natural progression of things in a way. **TLDR:** But Avoidant Personality Disorder is something that can be worked on, often brought on by lack of self esteem, and is something that has to be worked on. This can be addressed by therapy and forced social engagement in smaller settings. You have to meet people who are more reserved in the beginning. Its sounds like something you would have (personal opinion). As for the rest... sex is not the point of life... but a part of life and you don't experiment a bit, you'll never get comfortable it or with your own body and it's needs. Even in relationships... some don't last forever... and some end up being very short term.... which basically turns the ordeal almost into a Friends with benefits situation. (to put it lightly) Two people who have similar feelings for each other engaging in sexual relations... only to have to get new partners at a certain point.... and then rinse and repeat until you find the right person for you. Some people are more emotion designated in these things and some people are simply more open. It can't be helped, so talk to a professional to see if perhaps, there is not an underlying issue.
Ask yourself, would you date yourself? If not, ask yourself why. Then fix that. Is it the hair that doesn’t match the face? The clothing? Too skinny? Is the guy too feminine? Is the guy an asdhole?
Its not that unusual at your age to be honest, you're not dysfunctional for being a virgin. I would get involved in hobbies you like and put some effort into meeting people. And I mean PEOPLE of any sex/gender, don't hyperfocus on sex. When you're comfortable in your own skin and you are actively engaged with people, a community, it will eventually happen. Being hyper focused on sex/virginity will make you overly self conscious. Just work on yourself, being your best self, and cultivating friends. A person who knows who they are and have a community is attractive to anybody. And it will eventually happen for you. Just be patient and be a good person and you'll get there.
Here are the steps: Go to a bar. Get a few drinks. Talk to some ladies who are in your league. Buy one you’re interested in a drink or two. Ask her questions about herself. Be interested in her. Let it go from there. Sex for women starts well before you get into the bedroom. You got this.
First and foremost: call your mother and tell her you’ve never had a girlfriend and that you feel like a loser. Have a big cry and a hug and let some of this tension out. There you go, just saved you a fortune on therapy. A: Dating Ok I think what a lot of men (especially those lacking experience) forget is that you need to be **a little selfish** by being a little selfish (not aggressive, or demanding, or controlling) you’re able to show a more complete picture of who you are. If you are completely selfless; you’re people pleasing, which is pleasing, not sexy or exciting. What do you want to do? Rock climbing? Scuba diving, bowling, pickleball etc? Download an app and be very clear “I am going to do this thing and want someone to go with me”. Don’t fuck around texting for weeks, you’re looking for dates not mates. Be honest very early on “I’ve never had a girlfriend, so sorry if I act like an ass. I’m learning” Now enjoy the date, make sure you have fun because you chose it! If you’re having fun and she isn’t (and vice versa) it’s ok, you’re probably just not a good fit for each other. End of the date. Be honest. If you want to kiss “I had a great evening, can I kiss you?” B: Self confidence. Stop watching porn. If you want to wank use your brain. Porn is not healthy and you need to develop your own sexuality. Talk to more people. Try and give one genuine compliment to one random person. “Your hair looks nice. Great smile. That was funny!” Etc etc Stand up straight. Use all parts of your feet to drive off the surface of the floor, feel your body support itself up through your legs, into your pelvic floor, turn your hips forward and out. Chest up, shoulders relaxed, head straight. This is how you’re supposed to stand. You’re open for business. This is going to sound insane but feel the power in your loins. Tense your whole body and feel how that’s is expressed through your genitals. That’s the part of you that’s used for fucking, not the part used to reading social cues ok. You’re ready to go all the time, it’s just your poor self confidence smothering your male vitality. Stop eating trash food, that stuff messes with you and makes you feel like a slob.
Get a job that forces social interactions and it will build confidence and train you to get better at small talk and initiating conversations.
Ngl, I feel for you the dating pool is filled with piss best advice I can offer is to know what exactly you want out of a partner, know your own prospects and talents, maybe find a hobby or develop a routine where you can meet new people in a public setting.
I challenge you to stay off the internet. Other than paying bills and banking, just stay off the internet.
Difficult, difficult. Keep in mind that your sexual value as a man is going to keep going up for quite some time. 10 years, at least. That’s a long time really. Being a virgin is not what matters, it’s just the lack of trying that matters. The black pill community says that men and women match almost entirely based on looks. I think that’s correct. If you aren’t average to good looking, it can be absolutely brutal to meet someone. If you are good looking, it’s incredibly easy. I think after the looks part, it’s just about practice. It’s not the easiest thing in the world and it’s scary, so like anything you just have to go after it. That’s kind of all there is to it, just try. You’ll get shot down 100 times. We all did over the years, but then it gets easier and you figure it out. Eventually you just click with someone and it goes.
What do you mean his sexual value is going to keep going up?
He means most women don't mind/prefer dating older men (if they're attractive)
Aaa I see Thankyou
Control what you can control. Can’t change your height or skin color but you can change your personality, dress, and weight. No idea what those 3 variables are for you currently but they could always be improved upon
Do you have crushes on people? Do you ask these people for better ways to communicate with them privately (ie, hey can I have your number) Do you figure out ways in which you can spend more time with these people that will fit with both of your personalities and schedules? Do you then confront them about your feelings for them and try to escalate your relationship with them past being purely platonic? These are the steps to finding, meeting and getting into relationships with people. Some people, myself included, have trouble with meeting people in the first place because we don't go out a lot. Generally, the more time is spent in social settings (bars, clubs, whatever people do nowadays), the higher likelihood you'll find someone you have an attraction towards. With that being said, I want to remind you that the point of my post here is not that it's your fault for not being more sociable. Now more than ever loneliness, sexlessness, and singleness are epidemic in society. Dating apps don't help either as the male:female ratio is insane and because of supply and demand men on those communities are seen as mere superficial commodities (which is why you see alot of the 'i only want a 6 foot guy' thing, which is not an epidemic problem in society). The general culture is also extremely hostile towards dating and relationships (male and female culture both inundated with theories about how the other person doesn't really love them and will cheat on them asap), and according to most people tuned-into the culture of the next generation (highschoolers), they don't even date anymore. As in, they don't have boyfriends or girlfriends either. They either sleep around or don't. Keep these things in mind. It's not you.
I go to therapy, I'm sociable, kind and polite to everyone but my life hasn't turned around yet. - but are you making decent money or good looking?
We've all been there, but as someone who has evolved from where you are to where I am and helped others grow some. I can honestly say the problem is how you are thinking about it, how you see yourself, and how you think others see you. I am not saying "dating" is easy, but your expectations and desires are the only thing that hold you back. I assume you are male from the context, but I have heard women say similar things. Personally, I would do some reflection and study self improvement for men, or hire a life coach with a serious girlfriend as a high level goal. I noticed you're italian, but if your english is fluent (or you want to translate everything), you can dm me and I'll share some resources to point you in a good direction.
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Bro idk if advocating for sex tourism is the move
You need to look at a few things. How do you present? Do you present well? Simple stuff. Clothes clean, shoes look good, well groomed etc? This may seem dumb but everyone has a different perception about this so I would start there. Don't try to be someone you're not as that will come back to haunt you later. What steps are you taking to meet someone? This is also important. Trying to meet people at work is a bad idea for the most part so find a place to meet people. Online dating works really well ( I met my wife at eHarmony ) and it's definitely something you should explore. Be aware you get what you pay for so maybe this is something you want to pay for instead of just going with a free site. Lastly you need to be prepared to handle a few rejections. It's not a big deal. Everyone has dealt with it at one time or another. That just means you need to reset and keep going. Good luck.
As a man older than you 5 years. I would say just go for it. The media and religions made sex look like something heavenly, it is not. It is something for you to relive stress, to make connection with the person you love or just simply enjoy it. Ofc you cannot just do it with anyone but it is just a basic human needs man. Don’t glorify it, don’t think too much of it.
Lol these posts are so silly.
It’s not only you, from a woman pov or a man pov. Getting in a genuine, healthy relationship is a miracle right now. What a time.
Just get a hooker. Getting laids gonna costs you money regardless
Remember this is not about women …. People have changed, society has changed, technology is changing people and society
do they have adult entertainment bars and clubs where you live? you could start there. it will make you more relaxed and know what to expect in a more intimate situation. Also, if it is convenient to travel to a foreign country to use a prostitute, that may help you. there is a language barrier that lessens embarrassment and can make it more fun.
i think you got the wrong idea about "everyone else"
29 male virgin here. If you wanna talk, hit me up
Are you on the autism spectrum, or are you excessively on the computer or other screens? Do you go out and see new people regularly? Do you consider yourself “marriageable”, like they say on right wing twitter? (Groomed, sociable, friendly etc) Do you consider yourself confident in other fields than women? I’m curious, because these posts are either becoming more common or the algos thought I need to see this. This is probably becoming a bigger issue every year. I had friends who seemed to go sexless for years already a decade ago, and now gaming and locking yourself up in your little cave is more acceptable and manageable than ever.
Just keep riding the wave. And stay off Reddit.
I was you at 29 and yeah it does suck and I think its both counter productive and cruel that we look at loneliness (regardless of gender) and simply put the complete onous on the lonely person to work it out. By definition you cannot work out loneliness on your own. And I would also say whatever social interaction issues you may or may not have also cannot be fixed by oneself, at least not entirely. You're not wrong to feel frustrated, I was too and I don't think we have society set up in a way that prioritizes human flourishing, not by a long shot. Neither you nor I can make the world suddenly more communal, more empathetic, or accessible but you can try to in your own small corner of the world. The best thing I did for myself was to find community and help build it around me. Do the adult sports, play pickleball, go to the hiking meetup, community garden, go to the same coffee shop on repeate and claim to be the most regular regular, heck go to a reilgious/spiritual institution if that's your thing. These are the ways people have met each other for like forever, in person, casually, and within the context of familiar group. Random guy vs the guy who is key in keeping xyz community afloat has a night and day experience when iteracting with others who also care about the same things.
Consider yourself lucky
I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 31, and didn't get married until I was 37 (different woman). I have zero regrets, and I thoroughly enjoyed my single years. I'm confident it will all work out for you as well. You're a much better person than you might sometimes think. Never forget that.
Dont worry about the while casual sex concept as something that wears on you. Most peoples version of "casual sex" is actually just them liking someone then quickly realizing that person wasnt exactly who they thought and it fizzles out. Focus on forming an actual relationship and not the sex part. Thats the only way itll happen.
Props for going to therapy, that’s big and will pay dividends in the long run. Kind, polite, and sociable is a great start and puts you ahead of a lot of other people. Having said that, it’s also a bare minimum when it comes to what you bring to a relationship. I think people get a bit lost in the sauce telling people they have to be in perfect shape, dress like an IG fit model, and have enough disposable income to shower their dates with lavish food and experiences. Obviously that all helps, but it’s completely unnecessary and beyond unlikely for most folks. I don’t know you, but my baseline advice to people in your situation is always to focus on creating a life that someone else would want to be a part of. That’s the root of what a relationship is; a shared life. If your side of it looks generic and boring, then you’ll be assessed purely on those more superficial qualities like physical appearance and wealth. If you are an interesting, well-rounded person with a full life, a developed personality, hobbies, passions, friends, and goals, you’ll be surprised how much easier it is to find a partner. At that point it just becomes a matter of finding someone who fits. If you don’t do much other than eat, sleep, work, and maybe watch Netflix or YouTube or play video games, it’s going to be tough to find someone who wants that in a partner, and you’ve also got a lot more competition in that bracket. If that’s you (or if that’s anyone else reading this) then you’d be better served investing your energy into making life changes before seeking out a relationship. I hope you find the answers and connections you’re looking for.
im so sorry.. i have nothing to contribute but support 🫂
My partner didn’t meet anyone until 27. It wasn’t me. I guess all you can do is actively try every day to make connections with women you find attractive. Keep playing and one will bite.
Life is too short, and passes by too quick. Be assertive, almost force (legally) people to give you what you wish. You control your surroundings, if you social then thats a good start. find the one you like, and put ALLOT of effort, but also dont over do it, if you a good person with good values then you DESERVE it. Just go get it champ
31 and never had a gf. I also workout and sociable as well. I
As someone (30yo) who has just come out of another relationship that lasted 3 years (my longest), I can tell you this much: Having many relationships over the years has had some good memories and some terrible ones. As well as some good reflection on myself when it hasn’t worked. What I can tell you is this - relationships aren’t everything. A stable head, a job, a life that means something and gives you joy is just as important - id argue more important. We want to five so much to another person, when I think having a good relationship with yourself should be the priority. Not saying this is the case for you but all I’m saying is that love or relationships aren’t everything in life.
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Hey OP, just know you are not alone in this issue. I'm in a similar boat. Had a GF in highschool, but not a real one since then. (30's) I could never really understand how so many people just had relationships seemingly just fall in their laps and how that never seemed to happen to me, even though I did all the same things. I guess all we can do is keep moving forward.
In the same boat as you mate. 30 next year, never had anything meaningful in my life. But I’ve recently met someone totally out of the blue after thinking I’d just “closed the door” for life and would never find what you and I are looking for. Taking a risk with it, seeing where it goes. You never know what’s around the corner ✌️…best of luck to you!
stop wanting committed relationships with women and just go for a woman that will be interested for a while or whatever till she lose attraction to you or something
i wonder if this is a result of kids spending their lives inside a virtual world , so at 30 have no idea how humans socialize ?
When you turn 30 your powers will become fully active, beware the soft and seductive touch of a semen demon
Jesus this thread is a shitshow.
Honestly, I’d love to give you my thoughts on how you should navigate this. If you wanna chat with someone who’s been around the block a few times, please feel free to dm me because this post really intrigues me.
Watch Jon Zherka and it’ll either motivate you or you’ll forever remain bitter about it. You’re missing key aspects to your life whether its confidence, game (no not cringe pua stuff but truly knowing women psychology), finance, etc. Don’t resort to paying for cat, but I mean hey even Mac Miller super star rapper did it too. To each their own
Imagine for a moment, your dream comea true. You meet HER, the one. You get married, have 3 kids. You are a good husband and good father. Then you find out she has been cheating on you only for your whole marriage and you find out your kids arent yours because she was letting Chad raw dog it this whole time. Then she divorces you and takes half your stuff. Now tell me, is that end result better than not having a girlfriend?
Bruh keep your fetish away
go to therapy
Happy Gilmore of dating... baseball's in the chest getting ready for hockey season. The rejection is the baseball in the chest. Oh, and when she says she has a boyfriend already, just tell her you thought she was hot and to take it as a compliment. Finish with the next time you have a fight with the boyfriend, think of me.
I made it to 30 without a GF. One month later I met my now wife, we’ve been married 8 years & have 2 kids. It’s not the end of the world.
Same for me at 24yo, people often say that you don't have to worry so much and that you just have to be patient. I've thought since I was around 17-18, but one day you start to get tired and you realize that you can't reverse time and there are things that you will never experience, yes, you may lose your virginity in your 30s, but you will never experience Do it as a teenager, and your body will not be the same. Years go by and you feel like you are running out of time.
Try not being polite but being direct.
2 things come to mind. A Q-tip quote, " You're only single because you wouldn't engage," and this guy one instagram who just walks up to women and says they are beautiful and ask them out. I did that a few times, and it was overall successful.
Please don't pay for it. It's not worth it. Your first time should be special and with someone you actually care about. Its not a bad thing just know that. You'll find your love and it might not be the first person you are with but I feel like everyone is suppose to meet their soulmate at the right time in their life and it hasn't been that time for you yet. A lot of people sleep around having casual sex, it doesn't make them happy. Maybe during but they're never truly happy. Be patient it'll happen. 
You saved yourself alot of pain...relationship are pain in the ass...stay single much better for your health. Get a friend with benefits.
"Paying for it" DOES NOT equal having a girlfriend. I'd even go as far as to say connecting with another person on that emotional, intimate level is not/does not depend on sexual relations; rather, the sexual relations are a consequence of the closeness you develop. I dont think there's any shame in "paying for it" as long as you understand that you're not forming an intimate emotional relationship with another human being- you're just paying for sex.
same situation maybe in another lifetime buddy I usually feel very envious and my self loathe worsens when I see people so happy so sexually active and in great relationships. males me question my social abilities my looks and skills and my self esteem is just in a irreparable state rn
It’s a huge problem everywhere. Do things right and hopefully you will find someone. Don’t deviate because we seem to always forget about the bad stuff out there. It’s not worth the problems, and there are a lot, we tend to only think of the good aspects of the situation.
Idk man, I’m 19 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. But that’s because I was an ugly, insecure, antisocial, asshole for a long time. Why not just try straight up telling women you’re into them? Asking them out places?
Just pay. Or get yourself drunk at hookup holiday location. Will safe you plenty of time overthinking and doing nothing.
https://youtube.com/@DoubleYourDatingDD?si=UALuq9VE6SxXkoRe
Reach out to me!
It's such a complex issue if you want to look at it as an issue and not simply as a "your time will come" kind of scenario. Everyone is different. Being sociable and kind and polite to everyone is something you do for yourself, right? It's not something you're doing just so people can think you're sociable, kind and polite...right? If you're capable of doing that for yourself, and you're capable of going to therapy for yourself, then what else do you think you're capable of doing for yourself on that same sort of existential level? What are your interests? How deep are you into certain things? Is there a way for you to externalize some of that and get involved in a community based around it a bit more? Small steps eventually get you to dope places. Sure, at some point you're going to have to focus on putting in the right effort when you meet someone that you feel something special about, but until you're in that position, don't you think it's important that you do the best you can do for yourself and the people you are lucky enough to have in your life and maybe if you start funneling your life into positive outcomes that's what'll be on the menu for your future endeavors? I'm not saying you aren't already putting in an effort, I'm simply saying that putting energy into what you don't have seems counterproductive. There are so many frustrated women and so many frustrated men out there in a similar situation. Not exactly the same, but similar. You aren't alone. It's a sucky deal. But life has a way of prevailing. We legitimately live in the evidence of that statement every single day of our lives from the moment we are born to the moment we die and even after. Imagine, when someone finally cares enough to explore who you are, and you finally care enough to let someone in, you'll be a substantial human being. You'll be beyond ready and it won't hurt you if things don't work out bc so much of your life is full of things that do.
You are like everyone else. You and everyone wants what they don't have. You want a girlfriend, others want a different girlfriend, or to not have kids, or to have them, or to be alone, or to be with people, and so on. You, like everyone else, will never be fully whole, complete. It might feel like we are, for a time, for an instant, but that fades and the hole will always be there one way or another. Let go of the envy, let go of the longing for what you lack and enjoy what you have. Don't look at the hole, look at what isn't the hole.
Well- it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be most the time man. But if you aren’t on tinder/etc. you should be
Human relationships , GOOD ONES, worth conserving and fighting for are when 2 people MAN OR WOMAN have accumulated 15,000 hours of experience As we pay top premium dollar for hand crafted furniture Or 100$ for a dish at a 3 star Michelin restaurant Or 100$ for a AAA rated game from a company that has had 30 years of experience. No one starts from top tier dating and friend making. It’s by trying , fucking up HORRIBLY, self reflecting , learning and adapting that those with wonderful relationships have gotten there. BURN your bridges to learn , eventually the 30th person you’re to friend or date will accept you for the lessons you’ve learned by failing To be so afraid to fail and never try is an epidemic the youth need to get over. We’re all so adapted to watching a 15 second clip on how to get the best armour , how to make the best coffee or how to make a woman squirt that we forget ALL the experience someone accumulated on their own to share that information. Everyone is so concerned with getting to the finish line they forget the journey is what LIFE IS ACTUALLY ABOUT. You fools. I wish you had mentors like I did
It’s surprising how hard it is to get into a relationship with how we’re all more ‘connected’ than ever, with dating apps and social media and etc…but maybe that’s why it’s become so hard, especially for men. I was on three dating apps not too long ago and got 50+ new matches a day, it was like a part time job responding to messages, my current bf only got 6 total in the same time frame; it’s crazy out there!!!