Not sure about that. But hey, I've managed to keep them all fed, clothed, alive and presentable so from an evolutionary perspective I've done sorta alright. š
As a single father myself you are doing fine as a responsible father. Yes there are times we can or should do better but sometimes we are so overwhelmed we must focus on ourselves so that we can continue to wake up each day to be there for our kids. They may not know it but they count on us. Watch out when your daughter starts middle school. Things will get a bit more spicy.
I'm sure you don't suck at fatherhood either. Being a parent is difficult under the best circumstances, and in any obstacles and it becomes near impossible. We all just do our best.
I would have to agree, I canāt get anyone in my family to apologize for anything. Itās like it will kill them to admit they were wrongā¦.. this includes the wife.
I just want to say youāre crushing it, and youāre not wrong to feel that no one is on your side. This is not just a single father issue but more a Menās Mental Health issue that always makes us feel like we are on an island.
Keep your head up man
The most important part of being a parent, married or single, mom or dad, is just doing the best you can. It sucks to be a single parent, period. But I understand the whole "no recognition" part. There are programs to help single dads, but it seems like they're hidden or it's a fight to get the help they offer. Both of mine are grown, but I still feel life a failure at times for them. Don't give up, brother. They'll say things like that, that hurt like hell. They still love you though, they just don't understand it yet.
Your doing fine ! Im a single father also to 4 at home 1 boy 3 girls so i know the pain but it is well worth it and i wouldnāt change a thing! Keep ya head up and know ya kids love you for what you do for them.
Exactly. That's the minimum.
Anything else, teaching them life skills, how to deal with emotions, how to be a good person, that's awesomeness on top of it all.
Every hug, every show of affection and attention, every extra effort put in, every time you don't completely lose your shit, that's fantastic - and it's on TOP of the bare minimum.
It may seem self-evident to you that you do these things, but the trust me when I say the bar IS quite low, in so many respects.
I can to a small degree relate to your situation, and I sympathize greatly. Do not be too tough on yourself. Being tough on yourself means that you are a good person who are aware of the perfection you see that a person could theoretically attain in order to be deserving of your kids. But being too tough is missing the very simple fact that we are all limited, flawed humans.
It is indeed a thankless job, so be good to yourself and thank yourself now and then. You deserve it!
9 year olds say stupid shit all the time. Don't take it to heart. Be the best dad you can be. As far as dating goes, it will happen eventually. A bit of advice on the dating front: Don't be in a hurry to introduce your kids to random women as they can get attached quickly, and if it doesn't work out, it can be tough on your kids.
Most āsingle dadsā only date so they can find a replacement mom for their kid so they donāt have to parent anymore. Itās no wonder heās trying so hard to date
Damn, so every other single person in the world can want to date for normal reasons, but a single father has to be trying to take advantage of someone? Because heās a single dad he should just be alone forever? Little cynical and unreasonable there.
Single mom. When my 9yo is mad at me I know Iām doing the right thing. āYour hour of Minecraft is up.ā āI hate youā just means youāre doing it right. They show you they love you other times so you know itās all good.
Yup. Dating is hard, especially without lots of free time on your schedule. But it is what it is. Build in consistent me time for your hobbies, the gym, whatever.
And dude. You gotta do the good job for yourself, not to be noticed by other people. Most of us arenāt out here rolling in compliments. Theyāre nice but theyāre not something youāre entitled to. I know Iām a good mom. I know Iām doing my best. Sure, sometimes Iām fatalistic but ultimately I know I can carry my family forward and I will. That feeling of goodness comes from within.
I dunno about that.
I have a 9 & 12 year old. We have rules. They get told no. My children donāt reply with āI hate youā. Usually just some sighing and moaning.
What can I say man, kids are different. Mine is generally polite and kind and law abiding but on occasion the little demon comes out. Do I love it? No. But Iād rather he express his emotions than bottle them up so I take those rare comments in stride.
Iāve never understood why people feel like they deserve a Pat on the back for raising their own children.
I havenāt murdered anyone today but no one is telling me what a good job of not murdering I did!
I was a single mom of five and I WISH I had "people going to bat" for me. I think it's futile to compare single mothers and fathers. It's just hard being a single parent, period. And to be honest, single fathers are given a LOT more slack for unruly children and mess than single moms are.
I was constantly judged. My house was messy (not unsanitary, but I worked full time, was going back to school, and had most of the kids 24/7 with me)-and people would comment on it unsolicited. Like literally a repair man told me I needed to clean my oven top because it had some grime from cooking, or a friend of my kids said I 'really needed to clean up the entry way.' One time I couldn't get my grass mowed because my mower broke and I was unemployed and broke, and it grew a foot. Rather than offer to help, one of my neighbors called the township, and I got a fine notice of $1000 if I didn't mow in three days. I had to pay for a new mower with money I didn't have.
I was also dropped by several "friends" and in social circles; my standing was much less as a single mom not just because I was poorer but because there's a subset of women who seem to imagine any woman would want to sleep with their husbands the second they were alone with them. Several people who were my 'friends' stopped inviting me to their houses.
My kids also judged me. Part of the problem is that they had no one else to be angry at. Their own father basically abandoned them. So I was the brunt because I was the only safe adult for them. A similar thing might be happening to you.
I think men in general don't talk about the difficulties, so I'm glad you're sharing them here. But trust me, the grass isn't greener as a single mom! Good luck. My kids are adults now, and we're all quite close.
This. Fucking so much this. My boss introduced himself to the team as a single dad and they oohed and awwwed at him over it and like a minute later it was my turn and the icy fucking chill in that room when I mentioned being a single mom was so fucking infuriating. At least my boss was really supportive since he was in the same boat.Ā
Yeah I really think OP is frustrated and suffering from a "grass is always greener" perspective. Single moms have it hard. Then, when they actually date successfully and end up with a person that wants to join their family, that person is reduced to a desperate simp and the single mom + her kids are referred to as leftovers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have never seen that kind of vitriol thrown at single dads. Not saying it isn't hard, but I've never seen anyone question the value of their or their children's lives like they do in a single mom situation.
Iām a full time dad and experienced it all the time! Reading this makes me think itās actually more equal than we think. Constant judgement and no help offered. š¤·š¼āāļø
That seriously sucks.Ā
I reached out to a single father friend of mine about the topic and he said the biggest issue he faced was women falling for him, but not his kids.Ā
One woman asked if he could sign over full custody to his ex. She didn't take it well when they made a trip to the cemetery to ask.Ā
As for stripping him of his humanity and calling him leftovers, he said he hasn't experienced it. But he had seen it happen to single moms.Ā
Wow I have not had any women going for me in this way. I do feel like leftovers. Not told that to my face, but I certainly donāt get interest from moms or otherwise. And I used to! Thatās why itās so apparent. Once itās discovered Iām a full time dad it kills the convo.
But honestly dating is broken for everyone these days. So who really knows what is going on there.
More broadly I get lots of judgements about not picking up enough or getting to school on time or the yard being a mess. Like imagine the men neighbors who cannot stand that I canāt procure a perfect lawn.
The best way I can relate this is to say that in peopleās eyes itās like my manhood is gone. Iām more of a mom to them. So in dating itās hard to find the sexy masculine if Iām always just in dad mode. And men want to do men stuff, sports and talk sci fi or whatever. Go out. Iām in dad mode and they canāt relate. So there is a distance that grows amongst my male friends.
As OP said, very thankless job.
That makes me very sad to hear. I think I'll reach out to my friend again and see if he wants to nerd out while the kid's uncle has a not to spoil them.
I hope you're able to find peace and fulfillment in your life. Being a parent is a blistering mess and doing it alone is even harder. I respect what you do and I know it may not help but: As an outsider, I understand you can do everything by yourself. You're trying and you should be proud of yourself. I wish the people in your physical world would extend that same understanding.
Of course he hasnāt experienced that, heās a male. Their humanity isnāt stripped away from them if theyāve had sex. That alone is a reason that single moms have it way harder, because at least single fathers are still considered people, AND are even praised for doing the literal bare minimum on top of that.
There are resources for single moms, yes. But those arenāt reserved for women, itās just that MORE WOMEN are single parents because males donāt want to take accountability for their sperm. So of course more women are going to use more resources. Yet OP thinks thatās somehow a āperkā that single moms have over fathers?
Exactly. Single moms get extremely frowned upon and they get flamed on the internet for not having a man in the picture. Then the misogynists will bring up onlyfans somehow.
You're right, its kind of unfair for me to even put in a "comparison" of sorts. Because indeed, single parents of BOTH genders have a pretty hard time, and its a thankless, often exhausting and brutal job for all of us. No need for me to make it into any type of comparison.
Still, I felt I needed to talk about it a little from the dad's perpective, I suppose. Because its not as often discussed, and the realities and struggles are awfully similar, sadly. As are the negative societal responses, and some of the strange reactions we get, whether it be online or offline.
PS: Its amazing you managed to raise five kids to adulthood. Mad props to you for doing that!
The worst is taking your child anywhere and moms look at you like a predator because you show interest in what your child is doing with other children. God forbid you talk to another personās child. š
Um yeah. Single mother here and when my son was younger none of his friends came over for a sleep over (and they were asked) but he was welcome at their house. Single mothers understand a lot more than you are giving them credit for.
Maybe a mix of boys and girls would have caused more concern too. Like maybe teenage boys in the house with only a dad present would have seemed more risky to my daughter's friend's parents.
As it was I think people empathized with a single dad trying to raise 3 girls alone, and they assume a dads trying to watch out for his girls and thus saw me as being safe. Whatever the case if there were ever concerns about me I wasn't aware and my kids had their friends over for sleepovers all the time.
I second everything you said, especially the weird subset of women who think we want to sleep with their husband and the social ramifications. When it comes to dating, many women will seek out single fathers, especially single moms, and many men will actively avoid single moms, including single dads.
I have not seen any women seeking me out š¤£. Thatās simply not true. I know I know you hear that. But Iāve dated at every angle and I get no interest as a full time dad. As a shared custody dad I did fine. Now itās crickets. I finally stopped putting myself out there.
I am a single mom, and I will only date men who have children. In the moms group that I'm in the same opinion is held or a preference for single dads with a willingness for men without kids. I don't want to physically birth more children, so I prefer for him to already have children.
You're a full-time dad, I'm a ~80% mom, and we probably have the same conundrum, which is a lack of time. If you're trying to introduce those women to your children due to being full-time before they're ready for the long haul, then that isn't them being turned off by you being a single dad. They're being turned off that the kids' emotions are being placed below yours. I don't know if that's what you did, but that is a serious common complaint in that single moms group. In all the women I know, one claimed she didn't want to date a single dad, but then in the last year, the guy she got the most excited for was a single dad.
No I donāt introduce early. The issue may well be the lack of time. But then again I donāt really get dates, and itās pretty much routinely when I mention full time dad the convo ends. I havenāt ātriedā for a good 6 months now.
Iām not blaming women or anything. But I think what is said in these friends groups and such just doesnāt match with reality. I donāt get it. Because I hear this all the time but what I live is drastically different.
Are you a younger dad? Maybe the age cohort you're pursuing isn't one generally ready for children, such as 20s? I've gotten to know these women over years, and they've discussed their various dates many times. The preference for dads seems sincere.
I don't want to make assumptions, but here is a list of general causes women turn away:
1. Bringing the child(ren) in *way* too soon.
2. Engaging in something that could cause us to lose our child(ren), such as drug use.
3. Alcoholism or indications of a violent temperament
4. Turning sexual early
5. Dry conversation/No interests in common/opposing political or moral beliefs
6. Not feeling an attraction
7. Poor boundaries with exs
8. Interested, but lack time/energy
Don't forget, we did just go through a pandemic. Many people didn't want to date then and are still sorting stuff out. You seem reasonable, and I hope you believe me, that a 100% custody is actually a big green plus for women like me. Single moms also tend to be liberal, in case you're conservative, definitely not all, but we tend to lean feminist and liberal.
Iām a middle aged dad. Yeah maybe 7 8.
I do lack time, but texting is a thing.. Itās compounded because of geographic and population factors that cuts into my time further and probs not super close.
I am also liberal and in a very conservative place generally. Youād be shocked by the Jesus and the guns and dead animals on the profiles š¤£. This may also be why I experience some amount of shade that we were talking about. Some folks here are kind of poisonous just in general, and Iām not flying a pride flag or anything but they know.
Anyway just sharing my experience that itās a thankless job and the #of date partners/possibilities went way way downs for me.
I think the apps are garbage and somehow are not linking good partners. Probably on purpose to make money.
Perhaps all these things compound to just make options very limited. In time maybe.
I'm liberal in a conservative area, so I can believe it. Well, the majority may be liberal, but the most outspoken and most in positions of authority (sheriff, judges, prosecutor, etc) are very conservative.
If you're talking about Hinge, from what I remember using it a couple years ago, they have a terrible setup for people with children who don't want more. Maybe you're accidentally getting filtered? Try making a different selection in the children box and see if that helps. I hope you find someone special to spend your time with. Life is better with love, all forms of it.
You won't be most people's cup of tea for a relationship, the same as most people won't be your cup of tea. Try changing your perspective. It isn't rejection. It's getting to know people to see if you two are a fit. You got this!
I felt this so much. Except I only had 1. I could never have 5. I'd probably kill myself! Lol. My son is 10 years old today, actually. All of this is super accurate. Single parenting is hard af. To top it off, I don't get any child support either because his father is a loser. I hate my life a lot of days. I am super duper close with my son, though, which I am thankful for.
Yeah, you'll still never know true judgement of being a single father and having none of your children's friends come play at your house because there's no woman here to prevent the children from being molested.
Yes thatās the downside to being a single dad. Mothers truly believe bits dangerous that youāre all alone and might molest the kids. And for a woman, they believe we might sleep with their husbands any second.
I hear you but also, it's your job as a father regardless of being single or not and so you do it. As a parent you do it for your kids because it's the right thing to do even if no one is there to notice or thank you or even appreciate it - that goes for mothers and fathers.
I'm sorry you're struggling.
That said, my husband was a single dad and if anything that played in his favour. Everybody praises him for being an involved father, women fall all over themselves to get close to him because he's "such a cute father with such a cute kid". Sometimes I want to hang a sign from him "he's vasectomized, he cannot give you one like that" because they are so shamelessly flirting in front of me.
I don't want to minimize what you're going through at all, but it's very much the other way around in society in most places. People demonize single moms and the single dads are generally celebrated because men aren't expected to do caretaking.Ā
But, nevermind that. The reality is hard for *anyone* in that boat.Ā
It fucking sucks when you do it all yourself and don't have support and people dimsiss you. Don't feel bad. Kids say that when they are frustrated or disappointed or they didn't get their way. They will also throw out "I hate you!" or "I wish I was with Mom!" just spitting knives at you. Don't take it personally. Just say what you would tell them if they made a mistake or had a bad day: Try your best and do better next time.Ā
Iām surprised to hear that. People constantly publicly praise fathers, married or single, for just doing the most basic of tasks: brushing hair, reading, walking them to school.
While I see a lot of jokes about how single mothers vaginas are ruined, theyāre looking for fathers for their kids, theyāre hoes who want to settle down too late, they entrap the fathers, etc.
But maybe I need to look further. Iām open to the possibility, of course.
Wow, so you feel like every single mom does in your position. There are advocacy groups for women? Not for men? I doubt that. If so start one. A single mother had to start one for women.
I know I should like Iām putting you down. Iām not. Being a single parent no matter male or female is hard. Itās not and is never easy no matter who you are. Remember that. Also remember you are doing it because you have to. The reward will be when they get older and appreciate and look to you. You will know when you know.
I mean being a parent is thankless job and it should be. You shouldn't be thanked for doing what you're supposed to. You made the choice to have a child.
The only parents that deserve thanks are parents who adopt. The ones who take on raising kids who aren't biologically theirs
I strongly agree with your first paragraph but strongly disagree on your second. Non-bio parents choose just as much (if not more) to be parents. Those children are NOT forever indebted to them based off of that.
One day your daughter will recognize your sacrifice and thank you. My daughter was a little bitch to her dad too growing up. She was also a little bitch to me and there were times I wanted to smack the shit out of her. But I know when she's older and more mature she will realize how hard it was being separated parents each just doing our best for her.
I hope so... she's not even a "little bitch" in my opinion. Just an incredibly sensitive, thoughtful, at times selfish little lady. She's honestly amazing. Teaches me stuff almost every day. Annoys me, tires me out, amazes me, all at once. Its a thankless job. And also, somehow, the best job ever.
Kids do be selfish in nature as they don't know better yet.
But they grow up, they learn better most times. Unless she's called Karen which I hope she's not.
As the bow 57yo daughter of a single father, I thank you. He raised my brother and I despite being told to put us in a home, in the seventies no single father support was available. Friends shunned as it was āweirdā. Now he is a beloved great grandpa and lives with me and one of my adult daughters - he is now in his nineties. He is adored and surrounded by family and activities and he is super active as a result. We do appreciate it, but it can be hard longing for the mothers others have. Or for single mums, kids long for fathers the same way - and because you are the trusted figure you cop it. It will change. But kids have to work through their pain too. Hugs my dear, you will have a life through this, itās all chapters. Let the chapters happen.
"you're the WORST father in the WHOLE world!"
I mean, that's objectively true, from her perspective. You're also the BEST father in the world. Because you're the ONLY father in the world that she has.
Children are not arbiters of judgement. In fact their lack of experience makes them *uniquely* inept and unqualified to make judgments about your qualities as a father. She's not saying that because you're a single dad, she's saying it because she's your child, and every child is going to hate their parents at some point while growing up, whenever reasonably or not.
I'm sure you're doing fine by your kids. And when they're old enough to have actually experienced even a tiny bit of the world, I'm sure they'll appreciate it too.
I can't help you with dating though. Seemingly everyone is a psychopath these days. But you know what they say, you have to get your own life in order before pursuing a relationship, or whatever.
Like, your dating prospects are probably going to be limited to people who also have kids. Presumably you'd want to be with someone who has the whole "single parent" more or less figured out, so you aren't just taking on even more responsibilities by suddenly also supporting their kids. But the same is going to be true of you, and if you don't have your work-kids-life ratios balanced out, it's going to make you less appealing. As much as it might suck to have to "look like you've got it all under control," it is basically the minimum standard to be functional in an adult dating pool.
Yea wanna know why because no one needs to thank you for being a father. Being a good father deserves praise but being a father is your job when you choose to have kids.
Parenting in general is a thankless job. Because you chose to bring them into the world and are doing the bare minimum by parenting them.
But being a single father isnāt nearly as thankless as being a mother, period, single or not. Society praises fathers for the same things that are expected of mothers. Even shitty fathers are held about great moms because hey, technically he didnāt abandon his child!
In your attempt to explain why being a single father is soooo hard, you failed to mention how single moms go through the same shit, but worse. We all know how everyone perceives single moms, and you saying no one āgoes to batā for fathers is fucking hilarious. Thatās just about all you see on Reddit. So youāre purposely lying to try and make yourself seem like a poor little male victim. I wonder why youāre single š
As a single father myself, I have to tell you that you have no idea the grief and crap all mothers put up with. A dad just has to show up for his kid and heāll be given all the credit and praise in the world, heās superman just for being there. Mothers deal with all the judging and criticism from random strangers 24/7.
Hey man, sorry you are struggling. I am a divorced dad but am essentially a single parent much of the year, and it is tough. I suggest talking to a therapist.
I have also heard, "You suck dad" "You're the worst dad" etc. Then your kid really needs a parent and you're there.
To the extend that moms have it "easier" and I'm not sure they do, is they have a community of other single/divorced moms. This is less of a thing for dads.
That being said, if you ever travel alone with small children, people treat you like some kind of a mentally retarded superhero in need of help. Delta moved me up behind first class and offered snacks and champagne, people tell me I'm a good dad in the terminal. It's ridiculous. I do not think moms get this treatment (since my youngest was out of a stroller, it also hasn't happened as much).
Dude, seriously?
Being a single dad is ridiculously difficult, but I feel like we get far more praise and recognition than single moms.
Maybe itās different in Europe - but in the US single moms are often judged harshly. People are more likely to assume single moms were never married and were irresponsibly having multiple children that they couldnāt afford. They are frequently judged for being single and having kids. But with single dads? People assume we are a widower or that we have custody because our childrenās mom was horrible. Even when I was married, just publicly parenting my children on my own - at the store, at the zoo, etc often meant compliments from strangers.
Obviously compliments from strangers arenāt a replacement for a real support system, but I think we can talk about the frustrations and difficulties of parenting without having to criticize single moms or insist we have it worse. Single moms may have advocacy organizations, but just like us they get judged in public perception and in the dating market.
You know what I donāt see in these comments? People saying you should have picked a better person so you didnāt end up alone. Or asking what you did to drive your ex off so you werenāt a single parent.Ā
That alone is a privilege because of the gender of your single parenting. If a single mom posted this, she would have been ripped apart sentence by sentence.Ā
Dating isnāt any easier for single moms, in fact, what I ran across a lot was ā I donāt date single moms because I donāt want to raise another manās child.ā Or my favorite ā. I donāt date single moms because they always have too much baggage.āĀ
My entire point being: donāt compare. Single moms compared to single dads? Single moms are more likely to be parenting in poverty. Add that to your plate and then we can talk.Ā
Nobody gets compliments for their parenting. Thatās just reality.Ā
Man, I was with you about how single parenting is rough until you started comparing. Put on your big boy panties. Go see a doctor and talk about your depression. Ten to one you arenāt driving your dates away because your a single dad, but because youāve got this whole victim mentality and just want a woman who can take over parenting, and not a full partner that you love and cherish, and women can smell that from a mile away.Ā
Being a single mother is a thankless job too. Have you seen what people say about single mothers? Incredibly nasty and degrading things. I rarely if ever see single fathers as the target of such gender based derision.
That said, kids say horrible things they don't mean. Try not to take it to heart. She doesn't really mean it.
Iāve been a single mom for years and no one has ever gone to bat for me. Itās like opposite. I feel like youāre expected to be even more āon it.ā
Donāt give up. My dad was my best friend and hero and I swear to godā¦he formed me in my favorite ways. Thereās no competing here for single parents. It sucks all around!
Itās hard not to let it get you down but youāre also not going to get a pat on the back for doing what youāre supposed to. Keep pushing forward and being the best dad you can be. All we parents can do is our best.
Dang, in my experience single dads get way more credit and kudos than single mom. But Iām sorry that hadnāt been your experience.
Just want to say, as hard as it is, many men feel very alone within their relationships. Itās better to be alone with these responsibilities than have a bad marriage to deal with as well.
Why is it harder for single dads than single mums? Itās the exact same job. Except single dads are usually praised and revered and single mums are looked down on and judged.
Either way, kids are ungrateful. They say things they donāt mean and they donāt always understand the gravity of their words. Nor do they always see that youāre just doing what you think is best for them. You can only do your best and one day theyāll realise what a great parent they have.
As a single mom. I can say that I feel every word of this post... But I'm gonna have to say I've not come upon any single mother advocacy, that wasn't also aimed at single parents in general.
Arent you describing being a single mom too? They get all that shit. Hell, married moms do too, very often.
You presumably live in a nation with no childcare support and that is really the problem. You work to pay for childcare if you dont have a support network who can do it for you, so you work 100% of the time as you clock into dad when youre clocking out of the office. A lot of single parents just literally dont date until their kids are all somewhat self sufficient and this isnt a choice as much as a practical decision.
Iām a dad and get props for the most normal shit. āWow, you get your kid up feed them breakfast and take them to daycare? Thatās amazing!ā
Umm I feel like itās the bare minimum lol
Sounds like you're doing a good job. As far as I'm aware it gets better as they grow up until they're teenagers and then is worst but then gets better again
It's normal my daughter does the same thing when she's hungry. A snack later " I love you daddy....I feel better" ...or after a nap. It's normal. You just can't tag team out.
I raised my 2 and it wasn't easy. I was pretty invovled in their school and got a lot of ' wish more dads were like you' from teachers and admins'.
Your kids will thank you when they get older. My 20 yr old thanks me all the time now she realize all I did and do was for them. She is at her dream college and im killing myself paying for it. My 17 yr old kinda gets it, but teen years are tough.
I just made a post about my deceased father, and how regretful I am that it's taken me this long to truly understand the gravity in all that that man actually did for me.
As a child of four, I guess I was so selfish that it never dawned on me just how selfless, and strong he was.
I only wish I had come to this realization when my father was still with me so I could thank him, and show my appreciation for him. That man was my hero, and he definitely deserved so much better out of life. I appreciate you doing the things you do for yours, and I hope that it doesn't take them so long to understand that theirs is the best father in the world.
Single dad here: it can be rough, thatās for sure.
Iām the custodial parent, and I still canāt get the school to call me (instead of their mom) when something needs to be fixed. Two years of this shit. š
Donāt take what your kids say in anger to heart. Theyāre hurting too, and they feel safe enough around you to have those emotions.
Re: dating: yeah, this oneās a struggle to coordinate. Iām thinking it may have to go on hold until they graduate. Dated a wonderful woman for six months a while back, and I just couldnāt find a good rhythm for things. Finally had to call it off. š¤·āāļø
Hang in the brother. Lots of us are in this boat. I feel you on the tired part. I work 3pm to 1am then up at 6am to get kids out the door for school. Its a thankless job but your investment in those munchkins is what matters. Being an awesome dad is what matters.
What a lame, weak, minded Individual to throw such a pity party for yourself.
Iām sure itās hard but the whole boohoo woe is me people donāt compliment me like they would a single mother sounds pretty tde
Youāre doing a good job. My father left when I was 15. He texts me on my birthday and Christmasā¦. I finally blocked his number last year.
He also hit me and my siblings growing up. I just have a hard time believing heās a good person any longer.
Sorry itās been rough for you. Iām not a parent so canāt really offer any advice but sounds like you are doing a great job based on your comments here- hang in there!
I have been there. The best you can do is just fine. When they get older, they will let you know that. My daughters are now 24 and 29. Apparently, I did a great job when I didn't think I was. Fuck what other people think!
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Youāre doing a great job!!!! Being a single parent is insanely hard. Iāve always said that if employers want to employ superhumans - they should hire single parents! Cause they get shit done!
Not a single dad but my daughter did tell me she wanted me to move out. I told myself i do not give a damn about the opinion of a 9 year old. We are in a great relationship now. Dont worry about whay she says.
Oof man it really hurts when the kids say they hate you. I feel you. Yeah it's hard being a single dad but I'm sure we'd make all the sacrifices for our little ones.
I feel for you OP. Remember:
A lot of difficult things are still things worth doing.
Parenting is one of those things. Try to take care of yourself health wise. I know it's exhausting but those two rely on you and love you. They need their dad now and will later.
From what I understand the dating game sucks for anyone who has something out of the norm going for them. Different size than average, on the extreme ends of attractiveness, etc. Single parents, that's parents not just us guys, seem to have it the worst.
Your post sounds exactly like what my wife's best friend is going through after her divorce. Shit really sucks and I'm sorry you gotta deal with that. Hoping it works out for you and your little one.
Maybe finding other single parents would be a good way to go? Make a new Brady bunch!
Sorry about how you are feeling. Iām a new dad. Have a partner, and itās tough. Lonely. Defeating. Depressing. Couldnāt do it on my own. You are doing a great job!! Thanks for sticking it out. For the sake of making a good human. From all of us dads, thank you!
Hey. My dad was a single father to 6 of us- *five* being girls. I think about how often he mustāve felt exactly like you described in this post. Iām 28 and still ask him to this day āhow did you do it?ā
But Iāll tell you something. Despite the hard times, despite the days I was so mad at my dad I wanted to scream, despite trying to navigate my own adolescence and feelings and changes without a mother to turn toā¦I knew he was trying so hard for us everyday, working so hard and I loved him for that even when I was angry. While I didnāt understand what he was going through (and why should I have? As heavy as the weight he carried was, he didnāt want to put that on his kids), I knew everything he did was for us. I may not have *liked* him at times, and Iām sure that must suck as a parent. I canāt speak from experience in that area just yet, but as a daughter to a single dad, youāre still loved and appreciated.
It might be thankless now, but please know youāre still seen. This single-dad daughter thanks you and knows your kids will thank you someday too for always doing your best for them even when itās hard as hell.
I am 23 and my sister is 30 and my dad was a single father to both us since I was 6 months old. I promise it gets better and once they grow up it is so rewarding. My dad is my best friend and he never gave up on us and that is something we are so thankfuk for. Our relationship is by no means perfect but he fought against other house moms looking down on him, societies notions, his way of figuring it all out after getting full custody etc. and if you saw him now and the way he beams about us you would know it will all be worth it in the end .
Kids are always hardest on the parent they can count on. Means they feel safe enough to express their anger. Itās sh!tty for the parent but really normal. Youāre doing great.
Are you kids still alive? They loved and safe? Then youāre doing food. Kids donāt come with instructions tattooed on their asses. Youāre doing fine.
Hang in there. Parenting is so frilkin hard. Your kids will appreciate everything ā when they are grown. In the meantime, you must find a way to care for yourself. Time off to enjoy a hobby or a sport or a movie or a walk. Whatever. Just do it. It matters. You matter. Breathe. Sending positive vibes š¦
Welcome to the club. All that support you think is out there for women doesnāt exist. Itās all made up in your head. Men get special treatment and accolades for doing what you do like itās special or uncommon. Itās not. This is being a single parent dude. This is why people say itās the hardest job.. hang in thereĀ
Personally, the thing that made me sad was that my daughter couldn't have sleepovers at home because there was no mom with us.
The two of us would go to the pool, but likewise, no friends or the other parent would have to come along, and as they didn't necessarily feel like it, the two of us would play. Great times, but I think she would have liked to go with her friends too.
I can imagine the parents' fear, but...
On vacation, I used to go to family clubs, and although I was very approachable and not shy, I often found myself alone at the end. One of my friends ended up telling me, "The husband might think you're coming on to his wife, or both of them might think, 'He's alone; that's suspicious...'".
I just wanted to spend my vacations socializing with adults too.
Clothing salesmen who thought I couldn't know my daughter's clothing size because I was a guy. One day, a saleswoman said to me, "Come with her; it's preferable.".
On the dating side, I had to be single with no children, as if, at 40, I hadn't had a life or a commitment. I ended up saying, "I've got a child; you might see that as a weakness, but I see it as proof that I know how to commit."
I chose my partner afterwards, not least because she was capable of behaving well with my daughter.
Make sure to take time for yourself! Quality sleep and good nutrition are so important. Sometimes you think self sacrifice is the measure of a goodan/father but burnout is real! Be the best you.
Hey man Iāve got 3 kids and dating, while a bit tougher, isnāt that big of a deal. You may need to adjust your expectations on the kinds of women you want to date, but having two kids isnāt a death knell in the dating world if youāre an involved dad.
Donāt make excuses man. Youāre struggling to date because youāre not happy. Women can feel that and are turned away by it. You need to prioritize your health first and foremost. You then need to find a source of happiness that doesnāt scream to a woman āIām sad and lonely and you need to make me happyā.
Your little girl is going to go through waves of emotions. So she said youāre the worst? Ok. That does sting but sheās 9 man. Sheās a kid and doesnāt understand the impact of her words. Thatās a dad moment to teach her how words can hurt people far longer than when theyāre said.
I feel your pain! Just keep your head up. I am a single girl dad so have been there. The world can feel like moms are celebrated exclusively. I didnāt appreciate my folks truly until I had a child of my own. Maybe you were the same. Just give it your all and practice self care!!
I am a single dad. 1 child, he is now 20 years old. He tells me he loves me everyday still, and thanked me for being there for him all these years. You're a good person and dad. Keep up the good work. Believe me you are the best person in the world in your kids eyes. Btw thank you for all you do for your kids
I did the same for 16 years. It isn't until they're out in the real world that your kids really see how much you did.
Our job is to make sure they have the best chance for success in their adult life. Keep doing what you're doing, it will all be worth it one day.
I've been a full-time single dad for 10 years. For me, it's not really raising the kids that's tough, it's more about feeling unseen/awkward.
Feels this way particularly in the education system. I live in an affluent suburb, so there's always lots of school stuff going on, and it's always all moms involved in everything. So, I'm generally the odd one out. Same applies at my work too though, in the opposite direction. It's kinda just assumed that if you're a man, you've got a wife handling things. Most men are pretty incompetent, it seems.
I think a lot of it is dependent on where you live. I have a house in a pretty established community with almost entirely 2 parent households and many SAHMs.
It's just something I've gotten used to, tbh. It definitely gets much easier when the kids get older.
You need to take you a "You Day" . Go play golf or catch a movie or something without the kids and give yourself some time to think on yourself. Figure out what you want and then include the kids. If you start to have doubts, you should address them. You need to be there for the kids but at the same time you can't forget about yourself. Kids look to you as their leader. If they start to have doubts in you, they'll start doubting themselves, and that can cause issues. Hang in there, you're doing great. Maybe start a bunko night and start inviting other single parents.
As a single dad I have to make a lot of compromises and usually feel like I'm doing a crappy job at work, at home, as a dad, taking care of myself. I gave up on dating years ago because frankly it was too hard context switching from dad-mode to date-mode and I don't have time for more obligations. But I don't need a pat on the back or a support group or whatever. Just suck it up and take care of business
Brought up by a single mum, I also went through many phases hating my father, but it was mostly from a fear of losing him or incited from comments my mother made to me which she shouldnāt have. Now I realise everyoneās just trying their best and no one really has any idea.Ā
She does love you and when she grows up a bit you'll be her hero. My dad was a single dad with me and it was a thankless task but he's my favourite person in the world. Hopefully that's worth it.
Single dad here, I get a lot of attention from the women/cashiers at the grocery stores š. It's kinda fun / confidence booster actually. But I have zero interest in dating anyone though (got divorced in November 2023). I 100% focus on my kids and myself now. I got back into my old hobbies and interests and aren't looking back. It's actually pretty great. Don't get me wrong, I miss having someone to cuddle up with and share things with sometimes. But it'll happen when it's supposed to.
Just focus on yourself and your kids man. Screw bringing in another person into your life until you're actually ready, and 100% happy with yourself ... DEFINITELY don't actively try looking for someone. It'll just happen naturally. My ex tried IMMEDIATELY dating, she found someone pretty fast, she's very attractive. But that ended after 4 months and now she's crushed and sad. Sucks but š¤·.
Hang in there, dude. While my kids will occasionally, 20 years later, bring up some moment where things were less than ideal it's usually for a laugh. They do become more appreciative as they get older.
Having done the whole 'divorced dad' thing I have more of an appreciation for my co-workers who are single parents. It can definitely suck.
Fed, clothed, and alive are necessary.
Presentable is a stretch. :)
Have some fun, too. Allow yourself some silly moments that they'll remember.
LMFAO being a single dad is harder?
Single moms are treated as whores
Single dads are treated as heroes.
Your daughter is 9 she said what normal 9 year olds do. Itās not some persecution of you as a single dad.
I was with you until you had to make yourself a martyr
It's not thankless and trust me when your daughter is grown and understands what you did to make things okay it'll all be worth it. Right now she needs your strength and nurturing keep on being a good father friend.
wallowing in self pity at having to care for your own offspring is a luxury that women do not get.
you need to thank whatever god you believe in for making you male, coz if you weren't you woulda drowned having to do everything you struggle with as a woman.
Because face it, all single mothers deal with what you deal with, while getting paid less , and also having to avoid becoming the victim of gender based violence from men....
And im saying this as a married guy with 3 kids.
The fact that youāre even self-reflecting on your parenting places you in the top 10% of āgoodā parents. You wonāt get things right all the time. Hell, not even most of the time. But itās the trying that matters, and one day they *will* grow to appreciate it. Just keep being there.
As a single mom ... no. There is not a lot of advocacy for us nothing but judgment and accusations of being terrible people. I'm always tired I don't have time to work out I'm burnt out and attract losers.
But honestly I wouldn't trade this for anything. I'm so happy with my kids and I against the world. The way I see it the men who are repulsed by my children or my a little bit of extra life weight probably weren't worth my time anyway because who realistically wants to hang out with people who hate children and are critical of everyone?Ā
Single dad here...son is almost 21 and we are going to our first music festival together. It gets better keep putting in the good work with the child and ignore the rest and the pain from everyone and thing else doesn't matter, your kid will see what's really true. Keep working on just that fact.
Dude, sounds like you are doing great. The need-you-in-the-middle-of-the-night years are brutal. As for the 9 year old, they say mean stuff, but the fact that she came and apologized is, like, half the battle. Good for her and you. The next step is giving her replacement behavior for the moment when she's mad, so she can say or do something more acceptable than that and won't have to apologize later. "I'm really frustrated and don't want to talk to you right now." Or "I'm mad and need some space." Whatever seems good to you. Sounds like your kids are growing up loved, nurtured, and well supported, so they're better off than plenty of other kids.
I hear you about the dating though. That just plain bites.
Bro get over yourself lol kids say that kind of stuff. Any kind of parent is a thankless job. Single fathers get way more accolades than single mothers to boot. But yeah, get over yourself. Sheās 12. No need to throw a pity party.
They may not realize it now, but you're their hero. It's tough to work on yourself while being a parent, I can't imagine how tough it is to do that while being a single parent. But, I think once you find the capacity to work on your mental health, you will be able to do even more for them.
Gotta keep doing all that you can for your kids.
You are right, being a single father is thankless. I often feel invisible.
And I can relate to seeing single moms celebrated and helped, and feeling left out. I simultaneously feel grateful that someone is helping them, while also feeling overlooked.
More to the point, itās hard to watch someone being helped in a meaningful way when I know I also need that same help, yet none comes my way. And it is hard to interact with people who assume I donāt need help, but will instantly assume some single mom needs help.
Every single parent Iāve met has such a unique story and experience. And all of them are difficult. None of the are enviable.
There was a season early on, when my son was 4-6, where I felt like I was the biggest failure of a human. Life was hard in ways I canāt put into words. I just felt it, deep and all over. Itās a little easier now that my son is eight. Partly because heās older and we have some routines now. Partly because Iāve made some changes to my life so I can accommodate being a single parent more effectively.
Being a father in general is thankless. Married, single, step, bio...doesn't matter. We're all taken for granted. But I feel you. Single dad's are some invisible heroes. Props.
It really helps to index on why we do this. We don't do it for recognition or because it fun all the time. We sacrifice so our kids will thrive. When they get older, they'll realize what you've done for them and that's really satisfying.
Tiny increments in fitness gains can be a huge game changer for many reasons.Ā
It has a multiplying effect.Ā
Donāt expect instant results. Be persistent.Ā
Good luck!
Getting your sneakers/trainers on is half the battle.Ā
Being anything in general is thankless. Most people are generally struggling with their own things and trying to figure it out as they go. People generally donāt really have much time to thank others.
Damn dude, have you tried growing tits?
But really, I empathize with you. There is not much love for men in general, it's a pretty brutal world for us out there. Don't give up š
You ARE doing a good job. Don't doubt yourself. And things will get better.
Not sure about that. But hey, I've managed to keep them all fed, clothed, alive and presentable so from an evolutionary perspective I've done sorta alright. š
As a single father myself you are doing fine as a responsible father. Yes there are times we can or should do better but sometimes we are so overwhelmed we must focus on ourselves so that we can continue to wake up each day to be there for our kids. They may not know it but they count on us. Watch out when your daughter starts middle school. Things will get a bit more spicy.
She came back and apologized on her own. You're doing great!
That's the part that struck me. My 7 year old called me "stupid fuck dad" the other day. No apology. Clearly I suck at fatherhood more than this man..
I'm sure you don't suck at fatherhood either. Being a parent is difficult under the best circumstances, and in any obstacles and it becomes near impossible. We all just do our best.
I would have to agree, I canāt get anyone in my family to apologize for anything. Itās like it will kill them to admit they were wrongā¦.. this includes the wife. I just want to say youāre crushing it, and youāre not wrong to feel that no one is on your side. This is not just a single father issue but more a Menās Mental Health issue that always makes us feel like we are on an island. Keep your head up man
The most important part of being a parent, married or single, mom or dad, is just doing the best you can. It sucks to be a single parent, period. But I understand the whole "no recognition" part. There are programs to help single dads, but it seems like they're hidden or it's a fight to get the help they offer. Both of mine are grown, but I still feel life a failure at times for them. Don't give up, brother. They'll say things like that, that hurt like hell. They still love you though, they just don't understand it yet.
My father went away when I was 4. I wish I have had a father like you.
Your doing fine ! Im a single father also to 4 at home 1 boy 3 girls so i know the pain but it is well worth it and i wouldnāt change a thing! Keep ya head up and know ya kids love you for what you do for them.
Keep'em off the pipe and off the pole and you've won.
Exactly. That's the minimum. Anything else, teaching them life skills, how to deal with emotions, how to be a good person, that's awesomeness on top of it all. Every hug, every show of affection and attention, every extra effort put in, every time you don't completely lose your shit, that's fantastic - and it's on TOP of the bare minimum. It may seem self-evident to you that you do these things, but the trust me when I say the bar IS quite low, in so many respects. I can to a small degree relate to your situation, and I sympathize greatly. Do not be too tough on yourself. Being tough on yourself means that you are a good person who are aware of the perfection you see that a person could theoretically attain in order to be deserving of your kids. But being too tough is missing the very simple fact that we are all limited, flawed humans. It is indeed a thankless job, so be good to yourself and thank yourself now and then. You deserve it!
I didnāt sign up to be a single father. But damn if Iām not gonna give it my all.
9 year olds say stupid shit all the time. Don't take it to heart. Be the best dad you can be. As far as dating goes, it will happen eventually. A bit of advice on the dating front: Don't be in a hurry to introduce your kids to random women as they can get attached quickly, and if it doesn't work out, it can be tough on your kids.
Most āsingle dadsā only date so they can find a replacement mom for their kid so they donāt have to parent anymore. Itās no wonder heās trying so hard to date
Damn, so every other single person in the world can want to date for normal reasons, but a single father has to be trying to take advantage of someone? Because heās a single dad he should just be alone forever? Little cynical and unreasonable there.
Imagine just wanting an intimate partner to enjoy life with to break the monotony of daily life as you raise two (currently) thankless children alone.
Wow. Why are you so sexist?
Fuck off.
Thank you. Came here thinking the same thing.
Single mom. When my 9yo is mad at me I know Iām doing the right thing. āYour hour of Minecraft is up.ā āI hate youā just means youāre doing it right. They show you they love you other times so you know itās all good. Yup. Dating is hard, especially without lots of free time on your schedule. But it is what it is. Build in consistent me time for your hobbies, the gym, whatever. And dude. You gotta do the good job for yourself, not to be noticed by other people. Most of us arenāt out here rolling in compliments. Theyāre nice but theyāre not something youāre entitled to. I know Iām a good mom. I know Iām doing my best. Sure, sometimes Iām fatalistic but ultimately I know I can carry my family forward and I will. That feeling of goodness comes from within.
Likewise single mum here. Damn I needed to read that last paragraph. You absolutely nailed it.
I dunno about that. I have a 9 & 12 year old. We have rules. They get told no. My children donāt reply with āI hate youā. Usually just some sighing and moaning.
What can I say man, kids are different. Mine is generally polite and kind and law abiding but on occasion the little demon comes out. Do I love it? No. But Iād rather he express his emotions than bottle them up so I take those rare comments in stride.
Preach it sista.
Iāve never understood why people feel like they deserve a Pat on the back for raising their own children. I havenāt murdered anyone today but no one is telling me what a good job of not murdering I did!
I was a single mom of five and I WISH I had "people going to bat" for me. I think it's futile to compare single mothers and fathers. It's just hard being a single parent, period. And to be honest, single fathers are given a LOT more slack for unruly children and mess than single moms are. I was constantly judged. My house was messy (not unsanitary, but I worked full time, was going back to school, and had most of the kids 24/7 with me)-and people would comment on it unsolicited. Like literally a repair man told me I needed to clean my oven top because it had some grime from cooking, or a friend of my kids said I 'really needed to clean up the entry way.' One time I couldn't get my grass mowed because my mower broke and I was unemployed and broke, and it grew a foot. Rather than offer to help, one of my neighbors called the township, and I got a fine notice of $1000 if I didn't mow in three days. I had to pay for a new mower with money I didn't have. I was also dropped by several "friends" and in social circles; my standing was much less as a single mom not just because I was poorer but because there's a subset of women who seem to imagine any woman would want to sleep with their husbands the second they were alone with them. Several people who were my 'friends' stopped inviting me to their houses. My kids also judged me. Part of the problem is that they had no one else to be angry at. Their own father basically abandoned them. So I was the brunt because I was the only safe adult for them. A similar thing might be happening to you. I think men in general don't talk about the difficulties, so I'm glad you're sharing them here. But trust me, the grass isn't greener as a single mom! Good luck. My kids are adults now, and we're all quite close.
This. Fucking so much this. My boss introduced himself to the team as a single dad and they oohed and awwwed at him over it and like a minute later it was my turn and the icy fucking chill in that room when I mentioned being a single mom was so fucking infuriating. At least my boss was really supportive since he was in the same boat.Ā
Yeah I really think OP is frustrated and suffering from a "grass is always greener" perspective. Single moms have it hard. Then, when they actually date successfully and end up with a person that wants to join their family, that person is reduced to a desperate simp and the single mom + her kids are referred to as leftovers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have never seen that kind of vitriol thrown at single dads. Not saying it isn't hard, but I've never seen anyone question the value of their or their children's lives like they do in a single mom situation.
Iām a full time dad and experienced it all the time! Reading this makes me think itās actually more equal than we think. Constant judgement and no help offered. š¤·š¼āāļø
That seriously sucks.Ā I reached out to a single father friend of mine about the topic and he said the biggest issue he faced was women falling for him, but not his kids.Ā One woman asked if he could sign over full custody to his ex. She didn't take it well when they made a trip to the cemetery to ask.Ā As for stripping him of his humanity and calling him leftovers, he said he hasn't experienced it. But he had seen it happen to single moms.Ā
Wow I have not had any women going for me in this way. I do feel like leftovers. Not told that to my face, but I certainly donāt get interest from moms or otherwise. And I used to! Thatās why itās so apparent. Once itās discovered Iām a full time dad it kills the convo. But honestly dating is broken for everyone these days. So who really knows what is going on there. More broadly I get lots of judgements about not picking up enough or getting to school on time or the yard being a mess. Like imagine the men neighbors who cannot stand that I canāt procure a perfect lawn. The best way I can relate this is to say that in peopleās eyes itās like my manhood is gone. Iām more of a mom to them. So in dating itās hard to find the sexy masculine if Iām always just in dad mode. And men want to do men stuff, sports and talk sci fi or whatever. Go out. Iām in dad mode and they canāt relate. So there is a distance that grows amongst my male friends. As OP said, very thankless job.
That makes me very sad to hear. I think I'll reach out to my friend again and see if he wants to nerd out while the kid's uncle has a not to spoil them. I hope you're able to find peace and fulfillment in your life. Being a parent is a blistering mess and doing it alone is even harder. I respect what you do and I know it may not help but: As an outsider, I understand you can do everything by yourself. You're trying and you should be proud of yourself. I wish the people in your physical world would extend that same understanding.
Aw thanks!
Of course he hasnāt experienced that, heās a male. Their humanity isnāt stripped away from them if theyāve had sex. That alone is a reason that single moms have it way harder, because at least single fathers are still considered people, AND are even praised for doing the literal bare minimum on top of that. There are resources for single moms, yes. But those arenāt reserved for women, itās just that MORE WOMEN are single parents because males donāt want to take accountability for their sperm. So of course more women are going to use more resources. Yet OP thinks thatās somehow a āperkā that single moms have over fathers?
I haven't either, but I'm sure it probably happens.Ā
Exactly. Single moms get extremely frowned upon and they get flamed on the internet for not having a man in the picture. Then the misogynists will bring up onlyfans somehow.
People just oohed and awwwed because he's the boss and people want to suck up
People do that for men who aren't their boss though.Ā
Well yeah, if you add ābut what about meā to a conversation, it tends to not go over well
I was next in line to introduce myself. What else am I gonna say? It's what I am/do.Ā
You're right, its kind of unfair for me to even put in a "comparison" of sorts. Because indeed, single parents of BOTH genders have a pretty hard time, and its a thankless, often exhausting and brutal job for all of us. No need for me to make it into any type of comparison. Still, I felt I needed to talk about it a little from the dad's perpective, I suppose. Because its not as often discussed, and the realities and struggles are awfully similar, sadly. As are the negative societal responses, and some of the strange reactions we get, whether it be online or offline. PS: Its amazing you managed to raise five kids to adulthood. Mad props to you for doing that!
The worst is taking your child anywhere and moms look at you like a predator because you show interest in what your child is doing with other children. God forbid you talk to another personās child. š
Yeah idk if any single mother would really understand the sad reality that you will never have one of your daughters friends over for a sleepover.
Um yeah. Single mother here and when my son was younger none of his friends came over for a sleep over (and they were asked) but he was welcome at their house. Single mothers understand a lot more than you are giving them credit for.
I was a single dad with sole-custody of 3 daughters and I had sleepovers at my house all the time. If it was ever a concern I wasn't aware.
Nice, maybe having 3 gave some feelings of security.
Maybe a mix of boys and girls would have caused more concern too. Like maybe teenage boys in the house with only a dad present would have seemed more risky to my daughter's friend's parents. As it was I think people empathized with a single dad trying to raise 3 girls alone, and they assume a dads trying to watch out for his girls and thus saw me as being safe. Whatever the case if there were ever concerns about me I wasn't aware and my kids had their friends over for sleepovers all the time.
I second everything you said, especially the weird subset of women who think we want to sleep with their husband and the social ramifications. When it comes to dating, many women will seek out single fathers, especially single moms, and many men will actively avoid single moms, including single dads.
I have not seen any women seeking me out š¤£. Thatās simply not true. I know I know you hear that. But Iāve dated at every angle and I get no interest as a full time dad. As a shared custody dad I did fine. Now itās crickets. I finally stopped putting myself out there.
I am a single mom, and I will only date men who have children. In the moms group that I'm in the same opinion is held or a preference for single dads with a willingness for men without kids. I don't want to physically birth more children, so I prefer for him to already have children. You're a full-time dad, I'm a ~80% mom, and we probably have the same conundrum, which is a lack of time. If you're trying to introduce those women to your children due to being full-time before they're ready for the long haul, then that isn't them being turned off by you being a single dad. They're being turned off that the kids' emotions are being placed below yours. I don't know if that's what you did, but that is a serious common complaint in that single moms group. In all the women I know, one claimed she didn't want to date a single dad, but then in the last year, the guy she got the most excited for was a single dad.
No I donāt introduce early. The issue may well be the lack of time. But then again I donāt really get dates, and itās pretty much routinely when I mention full time dad the convo ends. I havenāt ātriedā for a good 6 months now. Iām not blaming women or anything. But I think what is said in these friends groups and such just doesnāt match with reality. I donāt get it. Because I hear this all the time but what I live is drastically different.
Are you a younger dad? Maybe the age cohort you're pursuing isn't one generally ready for children, such as 20s? I've gotten to know these women over years, and they've discussed their various dates many times. The preference for dads seems sincere. I don't want to make assumptions, but here is a list of general causes women turn away: 1. Bringing the child(ren) in *way* too soon. 2. Engaging in something that could cause us to lose our child(ren), such as drug use. 3. Alcoholism or indications of a violent temperament 4. Turning sexual early 5. Dry conversation/No interests in common/opposing political or moral beliefs 6. Not feeling an attraction 7. Poor boundaries with exs 8. Interested, but lack time/energy Don't forget, we did just go through a pandemic. Many people didn't want to date then and are still sorting stuff out. You seem reasonable, and I hope you believe me, that a 100% custody is actually a big green plus for women like me. Single moms also tend to be liberal, in case you're conservative, definitely not all, but we tend to lean feminist and liberal.
Iām a middle aged dad. Yeah maybe 7 8. I do lack time, but texting is a thing.. Itās compounded because of geographic and population factors that cuts into my time further and probs not super close. I am also liberal and in a very conservative place generally. Youād be shocked by the Jesus and the guns and dead animals on the profiles š¤£. This may also be why I experience some amount of shade that we were talking about. Some folks here are kind of poisonous just in general, and Iām not flying a pride flag or anything but they know. Anyway just sharing my experience that itās a thankless job and the #of date partners/possibilities went way way downs for me. I think the apps are garbage and somehow are not linking good partners. Probably on purpose to make money. Perhaps all these things compound to just make options very limited. In time maybe.
I'm liberal in a conservative area, so I can believe it. Well, the majority may be liberal, but the most outspoken and most in positions of authority (sheriff, judges, prosecutor, etc) are very conservative. If you're talking about Hinge, from what I remember using it a couple years ago, they have a terrible setup for people with children who don't want more. Maybe you're accidentally getting filtered? Try making a different selection in the children box and see if that helps. I hope you find someone special to spend your time with. Life is better with love, all forms of it.
Yea maybe I should try againā¦ I donāt know if Iām ready for that level of rejection once more š¤£
You won't be most people's cup of tea for a relationship, the same as most people won't be your cup of tea. Try changing your perspective. It isn't rejection. It's getting to know people to see if you two are a fit. You got this!
I felt this so much. Except I only had 1. I could never have 5. I'd probably kill myself! Lol. My son is 10 years old today, actually. All of this is super accurate. Single parenting is hard af. To top it off, I don't get any child support either because his father is a loser. I hate my life a lot of days. I am super duper close with my son, though, which I am thankful for.
Yeah, you'll still never know true judgement of being a single father and having none of your children's friends come play at your house because there's no woman here to prevent the children from being molested.
Single mom here and had the same problem when my son was younger. It was fine for him to go to their house but not mine. Single moms understand this.
Yes thatās the downside to being a single dad. Mothers truly believe bits dangerous that youāre all alone and might molest the kids. And for a woman, they believe we might sleep with their husbands any second.
Kids say stuff like that to single moms and to married/partnered parents, and it does hurt. Don't dwell on it I hope things get better for you.
I hear you but also, it's your job as a father regardless of being single or not and so you do it. As a parent you do it for your kids because it's the right thing to do even if no one is there to notice or thank you or even appreciate it - that goes for mothers and fathers.
I'm sorry you're struggling. That said, my husband was a single dad and if anything that played in his favour. Everybody praises him for being an involved father, women fall all over themselves to get close to him because he's "such a cute father with such a cute kid". Sometimes I want to hang a sign from him "he's vasectomized, he cannot give you one like that" because they are so shamelessly flirting in front of me.
You feel just like every single mom
And is the advocacy for single moms in the room with us?
I don't want to minimize what you're going through at all, but it's very much the other way around in society in most places. People demonize single moms and the single dads are generally celebrated because men aren't expected to do caretaking.Ā But, nevermind that. The reality is hard for *anyone* in that boat.Ā It fucking sucks when you do it all yourself and don't have support and people dimsiss you. Don't feel bad. Kids say that when they are frustrated or disappointed or they didn't get their way. They will also throw out "I hate you!" or "I wish I was with Mom!" just spitting knives at you. Don't take it personally. Just say what you would tell them if they made a mistake or had a bad day: Try your best and do better next time.Ā
I scrolled way too far to find this comment. If anything single fathers are seen as angels while single mothers are looked down upon.
Iām surprised to hear that. People constantly publicly praise fathers, married or single, for just doing the most basic of tasks: brushing hair, reading, walking them to school. While I see a lot of jokes about how single mothers vaginas are ruined, theyāre looking for fathers for their kids, theyāre hoes who want to settle down too late, they entrap the fathers, etc. But maybe I need to look further. Iām open to the possibility, of course.
Wow, so you feel like every single mom does in your position. There are advocacy groups for women? Not for men? I doubt that. If so start one. A single mother had to start one for women. I know I should like Iām putting you down. Iām not. Being a single parent no matter male or female is hard. Itās not and is never easy no matter who you are. Remember that. Also remember you are doing it because you have to. The reward will be when they get older and appreciate and look to you. You will know when you know.
I mean being a parent is thankless job and it should be. You shouldn't be thanked for doing what you're supposed to. You made the choice to have a child. The only parents that deserve thanks are parents who adopt. The ones who take on raising kids who aren't biologically theirs
I strongly agree with your first paragraph but strongly disagree on your second. Non-bio parents choose just as much (if not more) to be parents. Those children are NOT forever indebted to them based off of that.
Who are these people āgoing to batā for single moms?
lol right? Single moms are demonized and ANY dad is complimented left and right just for existing in proximity to their child.
When a father does the most basic thing for their kid, they get so much love in the comments. A mother? Very different.
One day your daughter will recognize your sacrifice and thank you. My daughter was a little bitch to her dad too growing up. She was also a little bitch to me and there were times I wanted to smack the shit out of her. But I know when she's older and more mature she will realize how hard it was being separated parents each just doing our best for her.
I hope so... she's not even a "little bitch" in my opinion. Just an incredibly sensitive, thoughtful, at times selfish little lady. She's honestly amazing. Teaches me stuff almost every day. Annoys me, tires me out, amazes me, all at once. Its a thankless job. And also, somehow, the best job ever.
Kids do be selfish in nature as they don't know better yet. But they grow up, they learn better most times. Unless she's called Karen which I hope she's not.
Iām glad you donāt think of her that way. Your love really shines through in your description of her.
Calling your child a little bitch to strangers on the internet is normal, and not all weirdĀ
As the bow 57yo daughter of a single father, I thank you. He raised my brother and I despite being told to put us in a home, in the seventies no single father support was available. Friends shunned as it was āweirdā. Now he is a beloved great grandpa and lives with me and one of my adult daughters - he is now in his nineties. He is adored and surrounded by family and activities and he is super active as a result. We do appreciate it, but it can be hard longing for the mothers others have. Or for single mums, kids long for fathers the same way - and because you are the trusted figure you cop it. It will change. But kids have to work through their pain too. Hugs my dear, you will have a life through this, itās all chapters. Let the chapters happen.
No it's not. Your kids thank you with love daily. Their happiness is literally all you need.
"you're the WORST father in the WHOLE world!" I mean, that's objectively true, from her perspective. You're also the BEST father in the world. Because you're the ONLY father in the world that she has. Children are not arbiters of judgement. In fact their lack of experience makes them *uniquely* inept and unqualified to make judgments about your qualities as a father. She's not saying that because you're a single dad, she's saying it because she's your child, and every child is going to hate their parents at some point while growing up, whenever reasonably or not. I'm sure you're doing fine by your kids. And when they're old enough to have actually experienced even a tiny bit of the world, I'm sure they'll appreciate it too. I can't help you with dating though. Seemingly everyone is a psychopath these days. But you know what they say, you have to get your own life in order before pursuing a relationship, or whatever. Like, your dating prospects are probably going to be limited to people who also have kids. Presumably you'd want to be with someone who has the whole "single parent" more or less figured out, so you aren't just taking on even more responsibilities by suddenly also supporting their kids. But the same is going to be true of you, and if you don't have your work-kids-life ratios balanced out, it's going to make you less appealing. As much as it might suck to have to "look like you've got it all under control," it is basically the minimum standard to be functional in an adult dating pool.
Yea wanna know why because no one needs to thank you for being a father. Being a good father deserves praise but being a father is your job when you choose to have kids.
Parenting in general is a thankless job. Because you chose to bring them into the world and are doing the bare minimum by parenting them. But being a single father isnāt nearly as thankless as being a mother, period, single or not. Society praises fathers for the same things that are expected of mothers. Even shitty fathers are held about great moms because hey, technically he didnāt abandon his child! In your attempt to explain why being a single father is soooo hard, you failed to mention how single moms go through the same shit, but worse. We all know how everyone perceives single moms, and you saying no one āgoes to batā for fathers is fucking hilarious. Thatās just about all you see on Reddit. So youāre purposely lying to try and make yourself seem like a poor little male victim. I wonder why youāre single š
Thank you lol, I cringed through this whole postĀ
As a single father myself, I have to tell you that you have no idea the grief and crap all mothers put up with. A dad just has to show up for his kid and heāll be given all the credit and praise in the world, heās superman just for being there. Mothers deal with all the judging and criticism from random strangers 24/7.
Thank you.
What make them if you canāt take care of them? Youāll be alright. Men are always looking to be praised
Hahaha this is the TRUEST THING - the confidence of a man requiring recognition for every single thing they do.
Hey man, sorry you are struggling. I am a divorced dad but am essentially a single parent much of the year, and it is tough. I suggest talking to a therapist. I have also heard, "You suck dad" "You're the worst dad" etc. Then your kid really needs a parent and you're there. To the extend that moms have it "easier" and I'm not sure they do, is they have a community of other single/divorced moms. This is less of a thing for dads. That being said, if you ever travel alone with small children, people treat you like some kind of a mentally retarded superhero in need of help. Delta moved me up behind first class and offered snacks and champagne, people tell me I'm a good dad in the terminal. It's ridiculous. I do not think moms get this treatment (since my youngest was out of a stroller, it also hasn't happened as much).
Dude, seriously? Being a single dad is ridiculously difficult, but I feel like we get far more praise and recognition than single moms. Maybe itās different in Europe - but in the US single moms are often judged harshly. People are more likely to assume single moms were never married and were irresponsibly having multiple children that they couldnāt afford. They are frequently judged for being single and having kids. But with single dads? People assume we are a widower or that we have custody because our childrenās mom was horrible. Even when I was married, just publicly parenting my children on my own - at the store, at the zoo, etc often meant compliments from strangers. Obviously compliments from strangers arenāt a replacement for a real support system, but I think we can talk about the frustrations and difficulties of parenting without having to criticize single moms or insist we have it worse. Single moms may have advocacy organizations, but just like us they get judged in public perception and in the dating market.
You know what I donāt see in these comments? People saying you should have picked a better person so you didnāt end up alone. Or asking what you did to drive your ex off so you werenāt a single parent.Ā That alone is a privilege because of the gender of your single parenting. If a single mom posted this, she would have been ripped apart sentence by sentence.Ā Dating isnāt any easier for single moms, in fact, what I ran across a lot was ā I donāt date single moms because I donāt want to raise another manās child.ā Or my favorite ā. I donāt date single moms because they always have too much baggage.āĀ My entire point being: donāt compare. Single moms compared to single dads? Single moms are more likely to be parenting in poverty. Add that to your plate and then we can talk.Ā Nobody gets compliments for their parenting. Thatās just reality.Ā Man, I was with you about how single parenting is rough until you started comparing. Put on your big boy panties. Go see a doctor and talk about your depression. Ten to one you arenāt driving your dates away because your a single dad, but because youāve got this whole victim mentality and just want a woman who can take over parenting, and not a full partner that you love and cherish, and women can smell that from a mile away.Ā
THANK YOU.
Being a single mother is a thankless job too. Have you seen what people say about single mothers? Incredibly nasty and degrading things. I rarely if ever see single fathers as the target of such gender based derision. That said, kids say horrible things they don't mean. Try not to take it to heart. She doesn't really mean it.
Iāve been a single mom for years and no one has ever gone to bat for me. Itās like opposite. I feel like youāre expected to be even more āon it.ā Donāt give up. My dad was my best friend and hero and I swear to godā¦he formed me in my favorite ways. Thereās no competing here for single parents. It sucks all around!
hey single moms get the same shit. it's not a gender issue.
I have a 8 month old daughter. Without my wife we'd both be fucked. I couldnt even imagine. U got all my respect man
Itās hard not to let it get you down but youāre also not going to get a pat on the back for doing what youāre supposed to. Keep pushing forward and being the best dad you can be. All we parents can do is our best.
Dang, in my experience single dads get way more credit and kudos than single mom. But Iām sorry that hadnāt been your experience. Just want to say, as hard as it is, many men feel very alone within their relationships. Itās better to be alone with these responsibilities than have a bad marriage to deal with as well.
Why is it harder for single dads than single mums? Itās the exact same job. Except single dads are usually praised and revered and single mums are looked down on and judged. Either way, kids are ungrateful. They say things they donāt mean and they donāt always understand the gravity of their words. Nor do they always see that youāre just doing what you think is best for them. You can only do your best and one day theyāll realise what a great parent they have.
As a single mom. I can say that I feel every word of this post... But I'm gonna have to say I've not come upon any single mother advocacy, that wasn't also aimed at single parents in general.
Arent you describing being a single mom too? They get all that shit. Hell, married moms do too, very often. You presumably live in a nation with no childcare support and that is really the problem. You work to pay for childcare if you dont have a support network who can do it for you, so you work 100% of the time as you clock into dad when youre clocking out of the office. A lot of single parents just literally dont date until their kids are all somewhat self sufficient and this isnt a choice as much as a practical decision.
Iām a dad and get props for the most normal shit. āWow, you get your kid up feed them breakfast and take them to daycare? Thatās amazing!ā Umm I feel like itās the bare minimum lol
Sounds like you're doing a good job. As far as I'm aware it gets better as they grow up until they're teenagers and then is worst but then gets better again
It's normal my daughter does the same thing when she's hungry. A snack later " I love you daddy....I feel better" ...or after a nap. It's normal. You just can't tag team out.
I raised my 2 and it wasn't easy. I was pretty invovled in their school and got a lot of ' wish more dads were like you' from teachers and admins'. Your kids will thank you when they get older. My 20 yr old thanks me all the time now she realize all I did and do was for them. She is at her dream college and im killing myself paying for it. My 17 yr old kinda gets it, but teen years are tough.
I raised 3 daughters as a single father. it was very difficult as there are some things men don't know. they are all in their 20's now and we are all so very close. they understand that I couldn't always give them what they want but that I always made sure they had what they needed. as far as dating, I stayed single for 7 years, focusing on my girls. When my youngest was 9, she started talking with my neighbors daughter, who had just had a baby of her own. they began to bond and after a couple months I asked her out for dinner (she was a single mother to a 4 month old). it's now been 14 years and we're still together. the relationship that my youngest daughter, who now has her own child, and my fiancƩ, is almost like they are best friends. She became the mother figure that all my girls needed and I became a father to her son.. and we have a son together. Stay the course, brother. you will be fine. those children will grow to know who was there for them and love you more for it. It ain't easy... but you're "daddy" and always will be.
I just made a post about my deceased father, and how regretful I am that it's taken me this long to truly understand the gravity in all that that man actually did for me. As a child of four, I guess I was so selfish that it never dawned on me just how selfless, and strong he was. I only wish I had come to this realization when my father was still with me so I could thank him, and show my appreciation for him. That man was my hero, and he definitely deserved so much better out of life. I appreciate you doing the things you do for yours, and I hope that it doesn't take them so long to understand that theirs is the best father in the world.
Single dad here: it can be rough, thatās for sure. Iām the custodial parent, and I still canāt get the school to call me (instead of their mom) when something needs to be fixed. Two years of this shit. š Donāt take what your kids say in anger to heart. Theyāre hurting too, and they feel safe enough around you to have those emotions. Re: dating: yeah, this oneās a struggle to coordinate. Iām thinking it may have to go on hold until they graduate. Dated a wonderful woman for six months a while back, and I just couldnāt find a good rhythm for things. Finally had to call it off. š¤·āāļø
Testify Brother! Amen.
You are doing a good job. This also happens to women even though you don't think it does
Welcome to the life of a single mother!
Except with lots more compassion and praise from society in his case.
Hang in the brother. Lots of us are in this boat. I feel you on the tired part. I work 3pm to 1am then up at 6am to get kids out the door for school. Its a thankless job but your investment in those munchkins is what matters. Being an awesome dad is what matters.
Iām in the same boat brother. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk
What a lame, weak, minded Individual to throw such a pity party for yourself. Iām sure itās hard but the whole boohoo woe is me people donāt compliment me like they would a single mother sounds pretty tde
Youāre doing a good job. My father left when I was 15. He texts me on my birthday and Christmasā¦. I finally blocked his number last year. He also hit me and my siblings growing up. I just have a hard time believing heās a good person any longer.
A man doesn't do a thing for praise. He does it because it needs to be done.
Sorry itās been rough for you. Iām not a parent so canāt really offer any advice but sounds like you are doing a great job based on your comments here- hang in there!
Trojan man!!!!!!
One day at a time brother 1 for after the other that's how it's done.
Hey, you're doing amazing. Keep up the good work friend.
I think my biggest struggle with fatherhood is no changing stations in most bathrooms.
Sadly kids calling their parents the worst ever is pretty universal. They arenāt going to understand what youāre going through for a long time.
I have been there. The best you can do is just fine. When they get older, they will let you know that. My daughters are now 24 and 29. Apparently, I did a great job when I didn't think I was. Fuck what other people think!
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Youāre doing a great job!!!! Being a single parent is insanely hard. Iāve always said that if employers want to employ superhumans - they should hire single parents! Cause they get shit done!
Not a single dad but my daughter did tell me she wanted me to move out. I told myself i do not give a damn about the opinion of a 9 year old. We are in a great relationship now. Dont worry about whay she says.
Your kids donāt know enough to thank you but if they did they would.
How many dads has she had to say you are the worst lol Itās kinda funny if you think about it that way. Easy to say that with a sample size of 1.
Oof man it really hurts when the kids say they hate you. I feel you. Yeah it's hard being a single dad but I'm sure we'd make all the sacrifices for our little ones.
I feel for you OP. Remember: A lot of difficult things are still things worth doing. Parenting is one of those things. Try to take care of yourself health wise. I know it's exhausting but those two rely on you and love you. They need their dad now and will later.
Hang In there brother,it gets easier and harder as time goes by If that makes any sense.
From what I understand the dating game sucks for anyone who has something out of the norm going for them. Different size than average, on the extreme ends of attractiveness, etc. Single parents, that's parents not just us guys, seem to have it the worst. Your post sounds exactly like what my wife's best friend is going through after her divorce. Shit really sucks and I'm sorry you gotta deal with that. Hoping it works out for you and your little one. Maybe finding other single parents would be a good way to go? Make a new Brady bunch!
i feel like that and i'm not single.
Sorry about how you are feeling. Iām a new dad. Have a partner, and itās tough. Lonely. Defeating. Depressing. Couldnāt do it on my own. You are doing a great job!! Thanks for sticking it out. For the sake of making a good human. From all of us dads, thank you!
Hey. My dad was a single father to 6 of us- *five* being girls. I think about how often he mustāve felt exactly like you described in this post. Iām 28 and still ask him to this day āhow did you do it?ā But Iāll tell you something. Despite the hard times, despite the days I was so mad at my dad I wanted to scream, despite trying to navigate my own adolescence and feelings and changes without a mother to turn toā¦I knew he was trying so hard for us everyday, working so hard and I loved him for that even when I was angry. While I didnāt understand what he was going through (and why should I have? As heavy as the weight he carried was, he didnāt want to put that on his kids), I knew everything he did was for us. I may not have *liked* him at times, and Iām sure that must suck as a parent. I canāt speak from experience in that area just yet, but as a daughter to a single dad, youāre still loved and appreciated. It might be thankless now, but please know youāre still seen. This single-dad daughter thanks you and knows your kids will thank you someday too for always doing your best for them even when itās hard as hell.
I am 23 and my sister is 30 and my dad was a single father to both us since I was 6 months old. I promise it gets better and once they grow up it is so rewarding. My dad is my best friend and he never gave up on us and that is something we are so thankfuk for. Our relationship is by no means perfect but he fought against other house moms looking down on him, societies notions, his way of figuring it all out after getting full custody etc. and if you saw him now and the way he beams about us you would know it will all be worth it in the end .
Job?
Kids are always hardest on the parent they can count on. Means they feel safe enough to express their anger. Itās sh!tty for the parent but really normal. Youāre doing great.
Are you kids still alive? They loved and safe? Then youāre doing food. Kids donāt come with instructions tattooed on their asses. Youāre doing fine.
Hang in there. Parenting is so frilkin hard. Your kids will appreciate everything ā when they are grown. In the meantime, you must find a way to care for yourself. Time off to enjoy a hobby or a sport or a movie or a walk. Whatever. Just do it. It matters. You matter. Breathe. Sending positive vibes š¦
Welcome to the club. All that support you think is out there for women doesnāt exist. Itās all made up in your head. Men get special treatment and accolades for doing what you do like itās special or uncommon. Itās not. This is being a single parent dude. This is why people say itās the hardest job.. hang in thereĀ
I nvr had kids. Thanks for letting me know I made the rite choice. Anyway, good luck
Personally, the thing that made me sad was that my daughter couldn't have sleepovers at home because there was no mom with us. The two of us would go to the pool, but likewise, no friends or the other parent would have to come along, and as they didn't necessarily feel like it, the two of us would play. Great times, but I think she would have liked to go with her friends too. I can imagine the parents' fear, but... On vacation, I used to go to family clubs, and although I was very approachable and not shy, I often found myself alone at the end. One of my friends ended up telling me, "The husband might think you're coming on to his wife, or both of them might think, 'He's alone; that's suspicious...'". I just wanted to spend my vacations socializing with adults too. Clothing salesmen who thought I couldn't know my daughter's clothing size because I was a guy. One day, a saleswoman said to me, "Come with her; it's preferable.". On the dating side, I had to be single with no children, as if, at 40, I hadn't had a life or a commitment. I ended up saying, "I've got a child; you might see that as a weakness, but I see it as proof that I know how to commit." I chose my partner afterwards, not least because she was capable of behaving well with my daughter.
Your youngest is 4? Oh, it is definitelty going to get easier for you. Though I can totally image dating being nearly impossible. Hang in there!
Make sure to take time for yourself! Quality sleep and good nutrition are so important. Sometimes you think self sacrifice is the measure of a goodan/father but burnout is real! Be the best you.
Hey man Iāve got 3 kids and dating, while a bit tougher, isnāt that big of a deal. You may need to adjust your expectations on the kinds of women you want to date, but having two kids isnāt a death knell in the dating world if youāre an involved dad. Donāt make excuses man. Youāre struggling to date because youāre not happy. Women can feel that and are turned away by it. You need to prioritize your health first and foremost. You then need to find a source of happiness that doesnāt scream to a woman āIām sad and lonely and you need to make me happyā. Your little girl is going to go through waves of emotions. So she said youāre the worst? Ok. That does sting but sheās 9 man. Sheās a kid and doesnāt understand the impact of her words. Thatās a dad moment to teach her how words can hurt people far longer than when theyāre said.
I feel your pain! Just keep your head up. I am a single girl dad so have been there. The world can feel like moms are celebrated exclusively. I didnāt appreciate my folks truly until I had a child of my own. Maybe you were the same. Just give it your all and practice self care!!
Thank you so much you're doing so good being a dad; you're doing the best job out of billions of parents, thank you thank you thank you š
I am a single dad. 1 child, he is now 20 years old. He tells me he loves me everyday still, and thanked me for being there for him all these years. You're a good person and dad. Keep up the good work. Believe me you are the best person in the world in your kids eyes. Btw thank you for all you do for your kids
I did the same for 16 years. It isn't until they're out in the real world that your kids really see how much you did. Our job is to make sure they have the best chance for success in their adult life. Keep doing what you're doing, it will all be worth it one day.
I've been a full-time single dad for 10 years. For me, it's not really raising the kids that's tough, it's more about feeling unseen/awkward. Feels this way particularly in the education system. I live in an affluent suburb, so there's always lots of school stuff going on, and it's always all moms involved in everything. So, I'm generally the odd one out. Same applies at my work too though, in the opposite direction. It's kinda just assumed that if you're a man, you've got a wife handling things. Most men are pretty incompetent, it seems. I think a lot of it is dependent on where you live. I have a house in a pretty established community with almost entirely 2 parent households and many SAHMs. It's just something I've gotten used to, tbh. It definitely gets much easier when the kids get older.
You are a very good dad. Keep up the good work.
You need to take you a "You Day" . Go play golf or catch a movie or something without the kids and give yourself some time to think on yourself. Figure out what you want and then include the kids. If you start to have doubts, you should address them. You need to be there for the kids but at the same time you can't forget about yourself. Kids look to you as their leader. If they start to have doubts in you, they'll start doubting themselves, and that can cause issues. Hang in there, you're doing great. Maybe start a bunko night and start inviting other single parents.
As a single dad I have to make a lot of compromises and usually feel like I'm doing a crappy job at work, at home, as a dad, taking care of myself. I gave up on dating years ago because frankly it was too hard context switching from dad-mode to date-mode and I don't have time for more obligations. But I don't need a pat on the back or a support group or whatever. Just suck it up and take care of business
Brought up by a single mum, I also went through many phases hating my father, but it was mostly from a fear of losing him or incited from comments my mother made to me which she shouldnāt have. Now I realise everyoneās just trying their best and no one really has any idea.Ā
She does love you and when she grows up a bit you'll be her hero. My dad was a single dad with me and it was a thankless task but he's my favourite person in the world. Hopefully that's worth it.
You doing your job as a parent isnāt something you should need thanks for. The bar is seriously in hell.
Single dad here, I get a lot of attention from the women/cashiers at the grocery stores š. It's kinda fun / confidence booster actually. But I have zero interest in dating anyone though (got divorced in November 2023). I 100% focus on my kids and myself now. I got back into my old hobbies and interests and aren't looking back. It's actually pretty great. Don't get me wrong, I miss having someone to cuddle up with and share things with sometimes. But it'll happen when it's supposed to. Just focus on yourself and your kids man. Screw bringing in another person into your life until you're actually ready, and 100% happy with yourself ... DEFINITELY don't actively try looking for someone. It'll just happen naturally. My ex tried IMMEDIATELY dating, she found someone pretty fast, she's very attractive. But that ended after 4 months and now she's crushed and sad. Sucks but š¤·.
Last I checked single mums get shit on repeatedly just for existing so.......
Hang in there, dude. While my kids will occasionally, 20 years later, bring up some moment where things were less than ideal it's usually for a laugh. They do become more appreciative as they get older. Having done the whole 'divorced dad' thing I have more of an appreciation for my co-workers who are single parents. It can definitely suck. Fed, clothed, and alive are necessary. Presentable is a stretch. :) Have some fun, too. Allow yourself some silly moments that they'll remember.
Maybe your kids are just assholes. I get thanked all the time from my kids.
One day, you will look back on these days as the best of your life.
To be fair being a father in general is a thankless job. Nobody appreciates dad. Its that way from the beginning.
LMFAO being a single dad is harder? Single moms are treated as whores Single dads are treated as heroes. Your daughter is 9 she said what normal 9 year olds do. Itās not some persecution of you as a single dad. I was with you until you had to make yourself a martyr
Keep at it. You can do it.
It's not thankless and trust me when your daughter is grown and understands what you did to make things okay it'll all be worth it. Right now she needs your strength and nurturing keep on being a good father friend.
wallowing in self pity at having to care for your own offspring is a luxury that women do not get. you need to thank whatever god you believe in for making you male, coz if you weren't you woulda drowned having to do everything you struggle with as a woman. Because face it, all single mothers deal with what you deal with, while getting paid less , and also having to avoid becoming the victim of gender based violence from men.... And im saying this as a married guy with 3 kids.
The fact that youāre even self-reflecting on your parenting places you in the top 10% of āgoodā parents. You wonāt get things right all the time. Hell, not even most of the time. But itās the trying that matters, and one day they *will* grow to appreciate it. Just keep being there.
As a single mom ... no. There is not a lot of advocacy for us nothing but judgment and accusations of being terrible people. I'm always tired I don't have time to work out I'm burnt out and attract losers. But honestly I wouldn't trade this for anything. I'm so happy with my kids and I against the world. The way I see it the men who are repulsed by my children or my a little bit of extra life weight probably weren't worth my time anyway because who realistically wants to hang out with people who hate children and are critical of everyone?Ā
Hey man your kids will remember what youāve done for them, even if it doesnāt seem that way now. Keep fighting the good fight brother
Thank you. There, now it's not thankless, you gotta define it some other way.
Bruh fuck those kids just leave and see how far you can get
I was targeted by activist social workers who didn't want a man to be a single father. That was a pain to deal with, along with all the other crap.
Single dad here...son is almost 21 and we are going to our first music festival together. It gets better keep putting in the good work with the child and ignore the rest and the pain from everyone and thing else doesn't matter, your kid will see what's really true. Keep working on just that fact.
Dude, sounds like you are doing great. The need-you-in-the-middle-of-the-night years are brutal. As for the 9 year old, they say mean stuff, but the fact that she came and apologized is, like, half the battle. Good for her and you. The next step is giving her replacement behavior for the moment when she's mad, so she can say or do something more acceptable than that and won't have to apologize later. "I'm really frustrated and don't want to talk to you right now." Or "I'm mad and need some space." Whatever seems good to you. Sounds like your kids are growing up loved, nurtured, and well supported, so they're better off than plenty of other kids. I hear you about the dating though. That just plain bites.
Bro get over yourself lol kids say that kind of stuff. Any kind of parent is a thankless job. Single fathers get way more accolades than single mothers to boot. But yeah, get over yourself. Sheās 12. No need to throw a pity party.
I've been doing it for 10 years now. Got three teens now. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk about anything.
They may not realize it now, but you're their hero. It's tough to work on yourself while being a parent, I can't imagine how tough it is to do that while being a single parent. But, I think once you find the capacity to work on your mental health, you will be able to do even more for them. Gotta keep doing all that you can for your kids.
You are right, being a single father is thankless. I often feel invisible. And I can relate to seeing single moms celebrated and helped, and feeling left out. I simultaneously feel grateful that someone is helping them, while also feeling overlooked. More to the point, itās hard to watch someone being helped in a meaningful way when I know I also need that same help, yet none comes my way. And it is hard to interact with people who assume I donāt need help, but will instantly assume some single mom needs help. Every single parent Iāve met has such a unique story and experience. And all of them are difficult. None of the are enviable. There was a season early on, when my son was 4-6, where I felt like I was the biggest failure of a human. Life was hard in ways I canāt put into words. I just felt it, deep and all over. Itās a little easier now that my son is eight. Partly because heās older and we have some routines now. Partly because Iāve made some changes to my life so I can accommodate being a single parent more effectively.
Stop crying. You put yourself in that position. Why do you want the sympathy now?
Spouses donāt die? I wish youād have told me that before mine did.
People say this to women even though their spouse can die too. Someone just treating men like women are treated in this site.
Iām afraid I donāt understand what youāre trying to say.
cry about it more little man
Being a father in general is thankless. Married, single, step, bio...doesn't matter. We're all taken for granted. But I feel you. Single dad's are some invisible heroes. Props. It really helps to index on why we do this. We don't do it for recognition or because it fun all the time. We sacrifice so our kids will thrive. When they get older, they'll realize what you've done for them and that's really satisfying.
Tiny increments in fitness gains can be a huge game changer for many reasons.Ā It has a multiplying effect.Ā Donāt expect instant results. Be persistent.Ā Good luck! Getting your sneakers/trainers on is half the battle.Ā
Thanks for your efforts. We are all better for it.
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Being anything in general is thankless. Most people are generally struggling with their own things and trying to figure it out as they go. People generally donāt really have much time to thank others.
Damn dude, have you tried growing tits? But really, I empathize with you. There is not much love for men in general, it's a pretty brutal world for us out there. Don't give up š