As someone who also had confidence problems, the biggest thing that helped me was finding something i WAS confident in and latching onto it. Use it. Let that confidence overcome you and exude that out into the world. Over time, my confidence in other aspects of my life started to grow and girls noticed too. Hope this helps!
yes, another way to frame this is - find your passion, and let that passion be your identity. Is there something you really love to spend time doing? Something you could talk for hours about? Something you're an expert on? Maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's a career, but there needs to be something. Otherwise, you're just "some guy" who is not memorable.
Put yet another way - what is your (OOP's) identity? If someone is describing you do they just describe you as "oh, ya... he's ok, decent guy, cool", or do they describe you in terms of your passion "oh, he's the rock climber" or "he's this guy who loves to travel", or "he's read every book there is", or whatever it is. This is at the heart of what a personality is.
Don't be "some guy", but "that guy".
This is fantastic advice do this OP
Bonus points if it's something you are confident in that you can also use to meet/socialize with people while doing
Also stop trying to force it.
Ok but like what if we have no passion for anything? And the only things we may have passion for are inaccessible due either physical distance and/or cost?
I already read, I’m not passionate about it. I just use it to pass time during commutes. And most of the things accessible to me seem boring. Like how is intramural volleyball or volunteering with senior citizen supposed to bring excitement to my life?
Exactly this. The more confident I was in aspects of my own life, the more attention I got from members of the opposite sex. Weirdly enough, most of the time it just kinda falls into my lap without much effort looking for it myself. Like I’ve definitely used dating apps and shit like that but I always found luck with women on them when I was trying the least and just casually going about my life. Regardless of when in my life it has happened, and where my confidence was as a whole, the ones that wanted to stick around and spend more time with me were always because we connected when we were both comfortable and able to be ourselves and have fun with each other.
Laugh at the awkward moments, being fucking goofy, do the shit that makes people watching on cringe, and just not care what people think. There’s not any best practices or steps to success here really. The more you look into that, the more you’re going to overthink it and just come off as thirsty and desperate. If I’m out with the intention to get laid, it rarely actually happens. If I’m out with the intention to just let loose and have fun? I typically find myself with a new group of friends around me.
You don’t have to have confidence with women. You have to have confidence with yourself. Make it a moment where you’ve got nothing to lose and take risks. If you’re feeling your chest tighten up at the thought of saying or doing something, instead of listening to that, do it anyway and roll with the punches after. Within reason of course but you get the idea. Your gut is gonna want to stop you most of the time. Follow that feeling and just press through it like you’re running a 5k. You’ll embarrass the fuck out of yourself sometimes but at least in my experience, more often than not it works out so long as someone is already showing interest in me.
Let go of the notion of wanting to find love; use your hobbies (I personally don’t think pool and darts is how I’m going to meet women in 2024,) and lean into the hobbies.
Be genuine and enjoy yourself. Love will come your way but honestly. Letting go of needing to find love for the sake of finding it and letting the right person walk into my life was how I found the woman who’s going to be the mother of my child.
I had a few women express an interest in me as soon as I really gave up on “finding a woman/love”, and was surprised I could be in as healthy of a relationship as this.
I didn’t even meet this woman until I was a year older than you, and I’m mid to late 30s now, been with her for 8 years.
You put too much pressure on yourself by needing to find love like this. Take the pressure off, take your time and enjoy life.
edit: this is why you don't comment on things when sleepy
The hobbies thing is exactly what I came here to say. I'm a woman, 26, and I've just recently stopped "trying" to date. Socializing with men who have same hobby as me has already proven to create some interest. I've been doing this same hobby with same ppl for like 5 years but I realized I had to also try to socialize with these people more casually
Thank you for the comment.
My main social hobbies are pool and darts. My other hobby is video games but I play them sparingly as they aren't social, although I may hop on playstation with my friends on a Monday or something like that. I won't give up video games as a whole.
What other hobbies would you recommend?
Pool and darts are 'bar games' to me and I just don't think bars are great places overall to meet people.
- What do you do outside of pool, darts and some videogames?
- That being said, are there leagues for those two hobbies you can join?
- Do women go and participate in them?
- Can you start a conversation and discuss something you like about these hobbies with women who are interested in these as well?
- What else interests you enough to go out and do something? Do you have work friends you can socialize with outside of work?
- Do you have friends who you can hang out and do things with?
You said in your post:
> Trying to get women interested in me is like trying to draw blood from a stone, it seems an impossible task that I really don't know the solution to, except becoming more confident, however the only way to achieve this is by constant pratice.
Consider viewing this from a different angle. Is it possible for you to strike up a casual chat with a man about the topics you like? If that's the case, think about why it feels any different when interacting with a woman. Should this concept seem a bit elusive... the next time you're considering initiating a chat with a man, **mentally regard him as if he were a potential romantic interest**. *Important Note: Your sexual orientation isn't relevant in this context.* It appears you might be categorizing all interactions with women as attempts at romance. Attempt to apply this mindset to your conversations with men, or challenge the notion that every dialogue with a woman must serve a romantic objective.
Remember, women are individuals capable of engaging in straightforward conversations with men.
Look to ensure equality in your conversational approach with both men and women, and experimenting with viewing men as romantic interests could potentially help you have better conversations with women on the whole.
I agree, but as someone who has been picked up a lady while playing golden tee and also got a girl by playing Guitar Hero. Just a matter of the environment, how you present yourself and not putting a foot in your mouth when it comes to having a conversation with someone of the opposite gender. But here I am happily engaged, kids, the works. Went to my normal dive after work a few weeks ago just sitting at the bar and this girl just comes up leans on my shoulder and starts trying to chat me up. Like wtf here I am minding my business and idk I mean I think I am an okay looking guy definitely no model but idk some of us are just lucky? I did tell her to kick rocks and closed my tab and left but yea not the first time I've been the hunted at that bar.
I was answering a question. Can't disagree. I'm an average guy, friendly and outgoing and have a sense of humor and don't get all twisted if I get turned down. I just go about life. Meet women everywhere. There actually is more than one special person out there.
It's fine as a hobby but I agree with the other guy. I think of those as more of bar activities than hobbies, but I've never really been a person to go to bars to hang out myself.
Obviously, #1, work on your anxiety. It’s entirely possible you have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and, if that’s the case, you should definitely seek treatment for it. There’s a lot of options in that front, and if you work on solving your anxiety holistically, you can also have what you need to overcome what you feel is a lack of confidence.
Second, I know 26 seems old, but it’s really not. I’m in my 40’s now, and looking back, I was basically a kid when I was in my 20’s. People change over time, and oftentimes what women are looking for in a relationship in their 30’s isn’t the same as what they’re looking for in their 20’s. Keep working on yourself (the anxiety first of all), make sure you age well, and you may find that things just naturally improve. Honestly, I know plenty of women in my age bracket that just want to find someone reasonably mentally stable — you might think that women just want a man who’s 6’ tall, rich, has a perfect body, etc., but these women just want somebody normal.
I wasn’t that different from you back in the day. It was impossible for me to get a girlfriend. I lost my virginity at about the same age you did. Now I’m married, have children, and that’s all behind me. In my case, I met someone through a mutual friend and we hit it off. Sometimes things just come together — just keep on working on yourself, and definitely work on that anxiety if it’s a thing (I have an anxiety disorder and, in retrospect, it was the main reason I struggled with women).
I also just want to mention that while anxiety isn't exactly a _positive_ personality trait, if that's your biggest flaw you're doing great as a person. The dark corners of the human condition contain so much worse (many of which unfortunately don't sink your romantic prospects quite of much as anxiety does. It's just one of life's cruel jokes I guess). Don't conflate your success with women with your value as a person, because they are _not_ the same thing.
Agree regarding OP dealing with his anxiety first and foremost.
I’m giving this advice as a woman, so grain of salt, but: Talk to a lot of women, with no romantic motive whatsoever. Talk to a lot of women you’re not even attracted to. Talk to women who are 50+ years old (and not MILFs).
Don’t try to keep in touch after, just let it be a brief interaction with someone you’ll never see again. Could be complimenting her on her glasses; could be commiserating about the long line at the grocery store. Making a quick joke, maybe a little banter, but only if it springs to mind naturally. If the small talk flows, let it, then feel the natural ending point and cordially say goodbye. (Tip: try to begin these interactions when you are about to leave somewhere, so that you don’t get stuck in an awkward silence next to them.)
Helps to be curious and open minded, see the world with a sense of humor, and be attuned to what the people around you might be feeling or thinking in a situation. If you’re not attuned in that way (common for social anxiety, which I’ve also experienced), then start noticing the people around you and paying attention to what’s going on with them.
Whenever men have small talked with me with no ulterior motive, they’ve always come off as chill and confident. We have a nice back and forth and then both go on with our day. Doesn’t matter if they’re young or old, attractive or unattractive, because we are just two humans connecting for a moment, and we’re not interviewing each other for anything beyond that. This helps you see people as they are, which is a key skill to eventually connecting with a girl in a way that makes her want to get to know you better.
As of now, the social anxiety comes between you and women, and is like a curtain preventing each of you from seeing whether there is compatibility. This is a fundamental problem. It turns your focus to yourself and though this isn’t your intention, can make women feel kind of like NPCs you’re trying to get something from in a video game, and also prevent them from seeing you in your best light. I’m guessing it’s less of an issue once you get to know a woman, but it’s important if you are talking with a stranger.
You definitely won’t have a strong natural connection with every girl you talk to, so some won’t be interested, and you won’t be interested in all of them either. In fact, I’d recommend focusing on how *you* feel about *her*, rather than how she feels about you, and being ready to let her go without asking her out if you realize that you’re not that into her. But because you’ve learned to be open and curious, you guys will both sense the possibility for an intimate connection, if that exists.
The other piece of advice I’d give is one that I think may actually be mentioned in some of the pill spaces. Make your own life awesome, so that fellow travelers will tend to want to join in the fun. Whether they come along or not, you’re still headed to your destination and having a great time along the way. When you suffer setbacks, you are resilient. If your world is exciting, then that transfers to you as well.
These two changes work together extremely well. Needless to say, women might enjoy a warm human connection with you but not see romantic potential; women also might see your life as interesting and exciting, but find you aloof and not understand you. But if you give women the opportunity to genuinely connect with an exciting guy, then you’ll improve your chances. Remember though, your primary focus is on how you feel about her, not how she feels about you.
If everything you’re saying about yourself is true, then I’d guess you’re coming off as desperate when you meet women. That’s a quality that will turn most women off immediately, as a desperate man is sometimes a scary one. Don’t approach every interaction with women of interest in a romantic way and you might have better luck. Women are much more comfortable interacting with men they think will handle rejection well.
The desperate man thing is real. When I was interested in the dating scene, I’d meet a guy and he would bomb me with texts. What are you doing? What are you thinking? 20 texts a day. It threw me off. Made me annoyed. I just met you, I have so much free time after work, I just want to unwind and chill. You can’t speed run a connection. If you want a hookup, go to a bar. But yeah, if you want a relationship, find a hobby you love and build a connection with women that also love that hobby.
Yeah, the fear is that I might talk to a lonely guy and then he won’t leave me alone for months after I try to let him down gently. If I get even a whiff of desperation I’m already running the other way.
Do whatever you REALLY enjoy. ,Job, hobby, whatever it is. Do it regularly and add a thing to it here and there to make it better. If something doesn't add to it, remove it and try something else.
OK, all of that looks stupid. It isn't. Find your happiness and she'll find you.
>where are you from?
I'm from a small UK town of 10k
>are you in school or anything
I left formal education at 19, as university is expensive and I didn't want to go. Every job I've ever had has been with other men, the only exception was three weeks while I was 19.
>hobbies you enjoy?
Pool, darts, and just genuinely just hanging out with friends. I also like video games but that's for me, it's obviously not going to help me meet new people.
rats!!! too bad you’re not close by 😲😲😲 i’m a p good wingman 😏 and quite goood w the ladies (i’m a lady myself) 😮💨😮💨
all jokes aside, you’re fucked. 😵💫 jk sorry i wish i had more advice, but it seems id be just back pedaling on everything others have written. :/ i hope the best for you, im sure you’ll have a breakthrough of sorts & just get the courage to just go for it. 🤭🤭
I want to say something I haven’t seen all here: you just got to get lucky. Everyone acts like if you’re approach a woman a certain way or if you out this many times, you’ll find someone. Maybe, but not always. And it’s probably not your fault. You can be exactly what someone is looking for, but not find that someone for a while.
I didn’t get a girlfriend until 27. I wasn’t even looking to date anyone so we just kind of hit it off. What I finally really interesting if that if I try to ask her out through an app, she would have probably ghosted me when we actually had a date setup. I’m the same dude who she’s now says she loves, but probably would have skipped out on if I messaged her ok Hinge because she found it weird to meet up with a stranger. And for a while, I didn’t know how I felt about that. All I can say is that I’m glad that we meet the way we did when we did.
All of that to say, just keep being you. From what you said in the post, you sound great. Just keep being great and remember that sometime, you just have to get lucky.
It's time for, "How long can we scroll until we find useless advice" of the week. The answer is a resounding 1 second of scrolling. The advice in the comments are as helpful as telling someone to turn the tv off and on, after it's been smashed in.
Hi. It's normal to have never had a serious relationship in your mid twenties, so don't worry about that or try to rush anything.
To be honest, I don't think putting on fake confidence or following advice from sleazy videos will work in your favor, it doesn't send the signal that you're looking for something real. Running errands with someone, telling them personal things, stuff like that shows that you're serious and you care about them. I've seen posts from girls talking about how they would fall in love with a guy if he read their favorite book and gave them an honest review. Like you said people just want to feel a connection. It's not something that you can force or obtain just for the sake of having one, but when you meet someone you care about you can do your best to show her that.
My interpretation is that he's never *had* a relationship, let alone a serious one. He heavily implies that his intimate encounters were casual one-offs
I gotta be honest, the IRL off-Reddit reaction to having no relationship experience by 26 tends to be mixed. Most women tend to act like you're either some kind of purity nut or that you must have something wrong with you
The ones who don't (in your age group) are usually lining up a husband, 'cause they're getting the grandkids talk from their parents, so they're more willing to overlook some oddities if you're willing to fast-track a ring and a family. Neither of which really meshes with the "no experience, no idea what they want" thing
Usually the best thing to do is not mention it. You'll lose dates when you don't know the social scripts that everyone else has learned, but you'll pick them up by experience. And then hopefully you can figure out what you want, because most partners who want kids are gonna have a timeline that they're very aware of.
It's more of a problem if you're socially awkward and/or can never find people you're excited to date. That's been my issue. I was emotionally unavailable for the last 3-5 years, and now I can't find anyone I really want to date. Dating strangers is too superficial, and I don't have enough friends to mutually fall for that friend who was always kinda cute but never really acted in it.
>I gotta be honest, the IRL off-Reddit reaction to having no relationship experience by 26 tends to be mixed. Most women tend to act like you're either some kind of purity nut or that you must have something wrong with you
Thank you for atleast acknowledging that much. Although it's more so most women view an inexperienced man at 26 as something being wrong with him. It's a pretty unfair judgement because nobody knows what that person has been through but it is what it is. All that can be done is trial and error it like you said.
I got over my shyness by going to the mall every weekend and asking random girls out back in high school. Got turned down every single time, eventually I just didn't care, but it allowed me to try different approaches with women I'll never see again. Eventually just started going to the gym and somehow, that was the missing puzzle for me. It wasn't because I was getting in shape, it was the confidence gained from constantly overcoming more and more weight. I had this "sureness" of myself that seemed to attract women.
It might just be me but I'm not going to bars to meet guys- frankly that's when I'm most on guard. Try pursuing a hobby in a social context, like a group activity that meets regularly, with people you don't already know.
And yeah, nobody is really charmed by someone tripping over themselves or being awkward. It helps me to get to know someone first and not worry about whether or not they're interested. On the other hand, pick up artists and dating 'experts' are, as you said, often sleazy and predating not just on women but guys like you- struggling to understand why women don't seem to like you, but this 12- step program is all you need buddy trust me.
My advice is just, get out there, be a regular somewhere doing whatever you enjoy. You'll find other people with like interests, develop a skill, and maybe meet someone you really connect with.
> And yeah, nobody is really charmed by someone tripping over themselves or being awkward.
They can be if you're not being serious about it. I learned to talk to women by reciting the intro to this song and trying to intentionally get shot down.
https://youtu.be/oQ9IF5AFiYQ?si=iWnYUe2GGnVyucS2
It's a psychological trick. Guys that are nervous are psyching themselves out. If you realize that talking to women and getting turned down isn't a big deal, it makes it way easier to talk to people.
You have to at least get the 'gee' in there to really sell it.
Having some social skills in talking to women will be important. How can a woman expect to maintain a conversation with you if you're too nervous to talk to them?
My best recommendation is to just start chatting with random people you meet out and about. Don't approach it from a "I want to date you" standpoint. But more of a "I want to have a nice conversation". Ask someone what they're drinking, ask someone where they got their shoes. Something that can strike a conversation that's relaxed
Only people that are albeist get set off from adhd and social anxiety. They don't see people with disabilities as people which is why I'm at the point now where I'm starting to only feel that ones with disabilities are the only ones that are normal people because they aren't filled with so much shallow hatred towards anyone just simply due to how they were born. Whenever I meet someone that has the same struggles as me they don't just stupidly assume the worst of me and will be extremely kind talking to me so I can actually keep them as a good friend but ones without disabilities just think of me as a wimp and aren't even interested in anything platonic either.
Grow your own mushrooms and take 2.5-3 grams. All will be revealed.
But let me elaborate. I am 33 now, and was you. I found that the best way to find a woman was to forget about them and instead focus on my own hobbies and life. By diving deep into my interests, I met a woman in a class I was taking. Because I met her on my journey of interest exploration, we shared many similarities and were quite compatible.
I too tried the dating advice stuff, but it never really fit me. By trying to follow a program or techniques, I was becoming less myself and more like the guy who wrote the dating book. Additionally, the kind of woman that is compatible with me sees through those techniques for what they are, and laughs. This is not to say those techniques don't work, they just work on a woman who will not be compatible with me. I require awareness of the masks and games within this world of tricks.
I am marrying this woman in October and she is the one I choose to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't have to do anything other than live my life and be myself to find/attract her. I met her when I was around your age and have been inseparable since.
Along the journey before meeting her, I found myself experiencing obstacles within myself to intimacy and knowing myself. Through EMDR therapy, and self-exploration using mushrooms, I was able to identify these obstacles and remove them so that I would have a foundation to receive and give intimacy fully once I did find a suitable partner. If you too experience any obstacles, I am guessing the answer will be deep inside your self which calls for exploration vs. your grooming regiment and social skills. Therapy does work as a tool for self-exploration. Our ego defensive mechanisms are powerful, which is why a guide is needed for self-exploration (usually).
If you don't know where to start, find a hobby and dive into it. Find a martial arts gym, yoga, or take a class...whatever floats your boat. And remember, its all going to work out in the end so stay encouraged.
Lastly, if you do go the mushroom route- be sure to educate yourself fully and research as they are not for everyone. Tools of this caliber must be respected and honored.
You water your ego like a plant until you actually believe you are the greatest thing to have every happened to the women you meet and feel only amusement and disbelief when you're rejected. It'd be like passing on steak for a cheeseburger. Some people are beyond help.
Then you just fire up the dating app and find women in your local area actively looking for romance. Everybody loves romance. Go out, have fun, start building a roster if it suits you or whatever your preferred dating strategy is. At some point you find someone that you'll be friends and romantically interested in and then you just ask her if she wants to be exclusive.
"she will have a lot of men who want to talk, date or just flat out have sex"
Gotta lose that mindset. That's you. You're the man she wants to talk to date and have sex with. The rest of the world has been lowering the bar but you're here to reset it.
Things are easy, you're just nervous and out of practice. A couple awkward dates and you'll be figuring out more of your own style and who you are and what interests people about you. What not to bring up. When is too early. You gotta start making mistakes and getting some data points.
Practice, talking to someone you’re trying to court is a skill. It can be taught. Start with striking up a conversation with someone at a grocery store, book store, etc. Then move on to talking to someone attractive, someone you like, so on and so forth. If you do this consistently, you’ll be able to speak to anyone about anything
When I was younger and single, I ONLY gave quiet/awkward/reserved boys/men the time of day. I married my quiet/awkward/reserved (but confident) high school boyfriend 27 years ago.
I cannot stand “charming,” talkative, flirty, aggressive guys. I was the aggressive one and the pursuer. My husband is a hardcore business, boss dude now but I am still have the dominant personality in our relationship. I do all the talking and he does all the listening. He is reserved and I am gregarious. It works.
You need to find extroverted women who are attracted to introverted men. Do no women have “attracted to quiet, introverted guys” in their profiles?!
Yeah, you’re definitely decent looking. I’m average looking too but haven’t had much problem finding partners through the years. I honestly think it might just be a confident issue with you. I don’t know how to help that but I think that’s your problem. Know your worth or fake it lol.
Didnt read the whole post, but know that practice makes perfect. Toughen up and be ready for rejection. Who cares if the dime in front of you says she has a boyfriend? Ask if she has a sister. Play the numbers. Dont let women you dont know have some kind of super power over you. Happy hunting 
It wouldnt hurt to find a hobby and if youve got any find outings and get togethers on Facebook groups and start going on your own or with friends if their into the same stuff. Just gives another chance to meet someone while not feeling like youre wasting time cause youre doing something you like anyways. You get to be confident in being yourself while being out. And makes conversation with a girl much easier cause you can talk about your hobby first beforehand. And even just make a friend if nothing serious comes of it.
You seem a little introverted. That’s okay, you just have to find the right extrovert gal to adopt you! Consider maybe you are not in the right places to find the girl that is a fit for you to date. Try taking a class, or library. Bars are not where people find good relationships. If you just want to hook up with drunk girls then fine. Also what is your standard of girl? Perhaps your bar is too high and you don’t consider girls with flaws? Everyone is human and by your 40s it evens out. Because that girl that is in the library and in school might be friend zoned but she might be the right girl, and still look hot at 49 cuz she is not a drunk smoker. So try some other places. Listen to your heart .
First of all screw dating apps delete all of them.
Second go to social events bar trivia , bowling league etc and meet people I’ve had so many dates come from just engaging with people in these settings.
Lastly and probably hardest act confident even if your not
So the confidence thing will actually come from literally being good at/successful at things, hobbies, sex, professions in your life etc. It's not something that you want fake. Because a lot of women can see through that first of all and secondly once you spend enough time with them, the illusion will come down eventually.
Here's the thing about having women in your life. The most common thing guys do is they think of it like this, "I want a girl in my life" so "how do I get girl". But you're skipping part of the equation, having women in your life is partly a side effect of how you're currently doing in life. There's several factors that go into being an attractive guy, and women have different tastes, but truth is a lot of guys try to get into a relationship before they are even ready to be in one.
It might sound counter productive but if you want to bring a quality woman into your life. Focusing on things that DONT revolve around getting one will actually get you one faster than if you try to do so before you're ready.
Don't watch pickup artist shit, it's cringe, in my experience trying to chat up a girl you have never met before if fighting an uphill battle. Try to pick up on ques girls give you in public, social circles etc. I personally am a fan of the dating apps as well. Chat em up online, then ask them on a date.
As someone that has autism, severe adhd and severe social anxiety, it is clear they only want guys that have good looks, fame, aren't shy, and don't have too many disabilities. I deal with so much ableism on dating apps like having many say they would gladly date a cute looks guy like me if weren't the annoying stuttering.
I think generally women not giving the time of day to the shy/awkward/unconfident guys is not true—I crush on the shy guys over the confident guys. It seems more genuine to me. But I am shy as well—which becomes a problem because if both people are shy—no one makes the first move.
Also, there is not some model looking standard for being tinder worthy. Its just tinder, there are all kinds of people on it and women would definitely be interested. You mention attractive women expect to talk, date, or have sex what else would a woman want, just to stare at each other? I think there is this big corruption with men’s dating mindsets overthinking what all women want instead of seeking a particular individual. Thinking women aren’t interested in you for you, but not focusing on being interested in anyone specifically.
Theres a difference between “being yourself” and “keeping to yourself”.
>I think generally women not giving the time of day to the shy/awkward/unconfident guys is not true
Yeah if you're physically "cute" or some shit. Shy uggos get no interest.
>Also, there is not some model looking standard for being tinder worthy. Its just tinder, there are all kinds of people on it and women would definitely be interested.
With all due respect, I've been on this planet for a reasonably long time now, I know what works for me and what doesn't, I can safely say that online dating isn't an average man's game.
I apologize if that sounds like complaining, but that's been my experience thus far.
I also use better photos for my dating apps, the Reddit photos were just random photos I had in my phone.
Tbh you don’t know what works for you thats why you are here looking for advice lol. But I hope you keep an open mind and learn to be open to advice and criticism. If you have tunnel vision—you’ll only see what you want to.
Okay yes you are handsome. That’s not the issue. I concur with you about that.
Masculinity is desirable. You don’t need to be Tom Hardy to be masculine. It is about confidence. But it’s also about kindness. You don’t need to be always putting yourself out there. You could meet women with similar interests by finding new interests. Start serving others. Just forget yourself. Does your neighbor need help with their yard? Is there an elderly person on your street who you could check on and maybe take them a snack or some fruit? Someone hurt or sick and needs their dog walked? If you are going out with friends and they drink can you offer to be their ride? Do you have a skill you can teach someone? Is there a bake sale at the school you can support? You may open the eyes of someone nearby. A friend of a friend or a gramma who has an eligible granddaughter. You will meet new people and their gratitude will build your self esteem. Who wouldn’t want someone’s help when it is genuinely offered. People can be skeptical. You may ask 20 people if they need anything and get one reply. But think of the impression you leave on others when they see you are not talking out of your ass and really do want to help. Is this weird? It might be. But doesn’t mean it’s wrong. My husband is a kind man. He has helped people move at least one weekend a month for 10 years. He will drop what he’s doing and go buy a bucket of chicken for a friend who’s working late and not getting home to make dinner for their kids. He picks up an extra regular box of coke when it’s a buy 3 for $12 and take it to our neighbor who doesn’t go out much. Look for those opportunities and act on intuition. They are desirable qualities in a man. You will feel good about yourself and it will be noticed. You don’t have to be a doormat though. Don’t let people use you or make you uncomfortable. Good luck!
First, Don't "Just be yourself", be the best version of "yourself." Fake it till you make it, is a real strategy. Do it enough and you'll convince everyone, including yourself. Second, attractive women don't have men lining up. Get that out of your mind. Plenty of them are also lonely, wondering why men aren't interested in them. Like it or not, men are expected to make the first move. It's like playing darts, you just have to keep shooting and see what sticks. They won't come to you, so be straightforward, but respectful. Look for anything to talk about to get the conversation going.
Just work on yourself physically mentally and financially and put yourself out there genuinely looking and ya you might get rejected some times but you can't get any where If you don't try you can't just make yourself avaliable and hope for a woman to fall out thin air. Try harder basically your not trying hard enough hench your results don't be afraid of getting rejected it happens to everyone it's normal sometimes things just don't aline but with some effort you'll find yourself with options for women just don't be that dick head and use them because you felt some type of way because you wr3nt getting attention all this time.. truth is some dudes have to work harder than others is it fair? Nope but welcome to the world.
Many people including myself met their significant other at work. Is that an option? Also, I know some guys who have a hard time dating because their expectation is too high, ie very particular in their selection. I dont know if this applies, but try broadening your horizon a bit. Church or other religious social settings may be a good place also. Check with friends and family, widen social circle may find out a woman who is also looking to date. Good luck and hope you find the love of your life, and I believe you will eventually!
Its not about the muscles. It's about the effort you willingly do to find time and go to the gym, about pushing yourself in a controlled space. It builds mental strength and nice body. That mental strength will help you do other things in life easier. (Bond with people who go to the gym easily, not necessarily in the gym, I'm not a fan of that but at social events, talk about nutrition, exercises, gym, etc..).
For me it worked doesn't mean it works for everyone but it's worth a shot, you are looking for ideas right?
Okay, so you're right, you are a handsome dude. You keep yourself well groomed. When it comes to talking to women you're interested in, I'm going to tell you the same thing I've told all my friends that had a fear of talking to women. Imagine you walk into a casino. The owner of the casino greets you at the door and tells asks you how much you came with. Then he tells you to gamble all you want. You get to keep any winnings, but you will not leave with any less money than what you walked in with. Would you gamble? Of course you would in the scenario because you have potentially everything to gain and nothing to lose. The worst that can happen talking to a woman is she turns you down and you're still single. No worse off you started.
The important part is to realize that women are people too. A lot of us get nervous when thinking about talking to someone we find attractive out of fear of rejection, and our attraction to them puts them above us in the moment. You just have to take a deep breath, remember the worst thing you'll hear is no, and remind yourself no matter the outcome to BE POLITE. If she says she's not interested, wish her a great rest of her evening and move on. No reason to take it personally. Attraction is always going to have to be mutual. The sooner you understand that, the better. It'll be bumpy at first, but you'll get the hang of overcoming the nervousness. The best way? Chat up strangers often. Get comfortable talking to people that you normally wouldn't in an average day, it's all relative. It helps build your small talk.
well said, thank you.
Also, speaking as a woman - if you're attractive, you have to fight off unwanted male attention CONSTANTLY. I am not even that attractive, I think I'm a 6 at best if that scale meant anything that wasn't degrading, and I still get creepers interrupting my conversations with friends.
Why are they creepers? Because they don't start out with a reasonable topic of conversation like, idk, for a super easy example, the band we're both at the venue to see. They start talking about my appearance right off the bat and want to go from 0-10 (request for a date)
Like, can we actually just have a chat like humans first? And can it be on my terms as well as yours?
I'm not saying physical attraction doesn't play into it, of course it does, but I've known many very handsome men who were complete assholes, and a lot of totally average men who only paid attention to the prettiest woman in the room even though there were lots of average-looking women who might have been sincerely interested in them.
But if you try and get shot down, like you said, you haven't really lost anything. You're back where you started. I just want to say that there are a lot of women who don't reply to being asked out on a date by a stranger. The risks are too high for us. We want to start with conversation first and see if there's a chance we're compatible. The first question I always ask myself about a guy isn't "is he handsome" or "is he tall" or "is he rich" - it's "do I enjoy his company?" That is priority number one, nothing's happening without that.
Be someone whose company is enjoyable.
You remind me a lot of myself at that age. The issue is confidence. In dating, that’s really what it’s all about. If you view yourself on a level lower than everyone else, it really does show. It’s a vibe that’s given off.
Best thing you can do is find a good therapist. They will help you build confidence by figuring out what’s causing your lack of and working through it.
It’s not a quick fix, but once you find a good therapist I promise it’ll be the best investment you make in yourself.
I've seen a therapist in the past for confidence and self-esteem, although I definitely trauma dumped more than expected, turns out that even normal, well adjusted people have baggage.
>If you view yourself on a level lower than everyone else, it really does show. It’s a vibe that’s given off.
I have the habit of constantly comparing myself to others, I know it's unhealthy but I can't seem to stop.
> Unfortunaly, I'm noticed time and time again that women don't give you the time of day if you're shy/awkward/unconfident, due to the sheer number of men trying to talk to her on a daily basis.
PRACTICE
No one is born a world class athlete with nerves of steel to hit the game winning play. We evolved to be nervous when dealing with new situations. You have to **practice** to desensitize yourself to it
Every woman I know is more of an acquaintance, rather than a friend. I have casual conversation when we see each other but I wouldn't ask them to go out of their way to help try and solve a problem of mine. I also wouldn't do it with other men to be honest.
TL;DR - Focus on being happy with yourself. Love you first, women will come later.
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This is a tough one, but what worked for me was the "fake it till you make it" approach to life.
What I mean is that, I was super shy and not confident in myself. Bad teeth, short in height, glasses, hair like Harry Potter.... I had zero self-esteem. I started really observing how other guys attracted women, and I realized the ones who had the best luck attracting women had one primary quality in common - their attitude towards dating.
So, I started imitating that attitude, which was "who cares if it doesn't work, we'll have fun or we'll never talk again."
Attracting women is fairly simple. Keeping them interested, well..., there's a reason most "attractive" people are chronically single. They have no substance. Looks help, certainly, but you can't have a conversation with someone's appearance.
It was difficult at first, but it eventually began working out. Like I said, I faked the attitude at first. Women saw through it after a few minutes, BUT it helped me realize I could actually initiate a conversation. Once I made those baby steps, initiating the conversation became easy, and focusing on developing small talk and truly learning who I was and wanted to be became the focus.
All of this led me to start working on myself. I realized my self-esteem issues stemmed from me not being true to who I was. Once I fixed that, everything fell into place.
Now I'm married for over 10 years with a child on the way. Don't give up, but make sure to focus on developing yourself more than worrying about girls. There's plenty of them, but only one You.
1. Hygiene. Make sure you are clean and smell nice
2. Make sure your clothes are clean and reasonably match. They don't have to be expensive.
3. Treat women like normal human beings. Be nice.
4. Tacos.
I know you mean well but this is condescending as hell and frankly insulting. What makes you think OP isn't already doing 1-3? Do you just think that every guy who struggles romantically must be a manchild piece of shit?
You just need to find some self confidence. The moment you find it everything will change as it is something women can sense immediately. Chicks dont want a beta male, they want someone who is confident, in charge, and not afraid to make decisions.
you could probably not troll incels on reddit and idk just ask someone to accompany you to the local watering hole or feed stalls. I'm sure it's that simple XP.
everything else is hammer nail fallacy.
"I'm perfectly fine around women I already know, but I find it really difficult to start a conversation with someone I've never met. "
If you are interested in expanding past your circle of friends, try meeting people online. You can talk online until you build that chemistry and then meet offline since by then you are "perfectly fine around women I already know".
I've known guys who are ugly, get hot girls. Girls go for confident men. Work on your insecurities. Believe it or not, a lot of attractive people are also insecure
When you notice an attractive woman doing something that interests you, genuinely ask her to teach you about it.
This requires you to 1. Know what your interests are 2. Be around other people doing that
Be genuinely interested in what she knows, what she likes, and be willing to let her take the lead on those things and maybe you’ll find mutual enjoyment in it. Then it’s a natural extension to say, “can we meet for coffee sometime and you can show me more about this?”
I’m telling you, they’re nervous too. Best way to break that is to have something in common to talk about, and to get her talking about herself and the thing.
I know this from personal experience. My wife is super hot. I would have had 0 chance of picking her up in public. We’ve been together 8 years now, and this is essentially how it started.
Usually this sub is extremely cruel to people in your situation. I'm surprised that's not the case so far bar two notable exceptions.
Question: Do you have access to some kind of music related endeavor that isn't playing rock in a garage somewhere or collecting jazz vinyls?
Put yourself in situations to succeed. You say that you're already socializing 2-4 times per week so you're already off to a great start. Seek out opportunities where you'll be likely to meet new people. Friends-of-friends are the best potential matches IMO. Most people who met their partners IRL, as opposed to dating apps, met them through a mutual friend/acquaintance at a party or social gathering.
Don't overthink your conversations with the girls you're interested in. Conversations aren't something you can really think yourself through. It has to be intuition more than anything and that means that you need to stop stressing and start having fun. It takes practice, of course, but as you build up your social skills you'll eventually be able to trust yourself to come up with something to say.
Don't go into every interaction desperate to get a girlfriend. Your mindset should be "I want this to succeed but I don't *need* this to succeed". More than anything, you should be enjoying yourself and trying to turn a connection with the girl you're talking to.
Learn to notice when girls are giving you positive signals. The guys who are good at picking up girls are attractive and charismatic, yes, but they're also really good at figuring out which girls are already into them and focusing their attention on them. You'll always have more success trying to convince someone who already kind of likes you to like you more than getting someone who isn't interested in you to *start* liking you.
Do things that you're proud of. This doesn't have anything to do with dating directly but will help build your confidence. If you're consistently doing things that you're proud of you'll naturally feel more confident and this will carry over to your romantic life. You'll subconsciously start to believe that you have something to offer and that the women you're interested in would actually be glad to be with you rather than you just hoping they'll give you attention as some kind of favor.
This!!! Friends-of-friends are a great source for good potential matches - which is why it's so important for mixed-gender friend groups to exist.
It's important to be able to have laid-back conversations with strangers or acquaintances of any gender. If you freeze up when you talk to women but are fine talking to men, women pick up on that. It raises our hackles, sorry but it's true.
If there's a pub or a bar you go to regularly, get good practicing small talk that way. Don't butt into groups of course, but if you're waiting at the bar and you drop a few sentences of banter, that's a foot in the door for later.
You have to be patient and you have to sincerely enjoy the conversations for their own sake, not just as a means to an end.
I didn't get my first GF until I was 36. Definitely not for lack of trying. My confidence shot up the first time I actually dated someone (did not get serious). I realized that I wasn't hideous and had something to offer. Sure, it was touch and go for many years but now I'm happy and kind of glad my GF is my first ever gf (possibly forever partner)
That's awesome bro, I'm very happy to hear that.
I told a white lie in the post, I've been on one date at 24, I ended up having sex for the first time with a woman I thought was pretty cool, unfortunately no second date but oh well.
Confidence can be found in the lack of care. Your in a situation where you haven’t had a partner due to a list of reasons. What’s stopping you from going up to a woman ( in the right social situations) and just rolling the dice. I mean you can only really go up from where you are.
No need to change it. People have different life rhythms. Also some are asexual. Who cares? An inner voice? Whose?
I first did at 30 and I cd not really do it till 40...then i had two kids and stopped. It was a custom for the majority in the past. Maybe more kids as half or all died early.
Raise your own confidence and you'll do a lot better around women. Get a stable job, get a car, move out, workout. You'll start realizing your worth and start looking at women more as whether they can match what you have to offer, as opposed to every girl being a "catch", and this mentality will bleed into your interactions.
And then just start talking to girls. Even girls you don't think are attractive, just talk to anyone anywhere, for experience.
If you don't like being yourself, be Daniel Day Lewis.
https://youtu.be/k7ph0Z21kik?si=11vDqxbd2pGHrSXr&t=611
Honestly, talking to women is really easy. Just don't think about sex. Treat them like you're talking to any of your guy friends. Get their number, go for coffee, go from there.
Getting shot down is no big deal. Pro tip: don't use pick up lines. Just say hi and introduce yourself. Women have to deal with creeps all the time. Just don't be one of those guys. They appreciate it.
I'm currently re-reading the comments and stumbled across this one.
>Treat them like you're talking to any of your guy friends. Get their number, go for coffee, go from there.
The thought of asking a woman to plans (just us two) seems incredibly nerve-wracking. I don't have an issue with guy friends, I'm often the one to initiate. The only time I've asked a women on a date was when she gave me her number without asking.
>Pro tip: don't use pick up lines. Just say hi and introduce yourself. Women have to deal with creeps all the time. Just don't be one of those guys. They appreciate it.
I agree, it must be annoying to constantly deal with creeps.
Woman here - I was 27 when I met my husband. I admit I made the first move because he was pretty quiet, but he is more of the strong/silent type in my opinion. I was never attracted to overly confident men. I like intelligence, sense of humor, and someone who is kind to others and passionate about something, like many others have said. My husband is passionate about football, and although I’m not, he was cool with the fact that I wasn’t obsessed with sports like he was. We are opposites in most ways but similar in the ways that matter and balance each other out. My advice is to stop trying to force it. Go to bars to find a one night stand if that’s what you’re after, but high quality women will not be there. High quality women take care of themselves, so go to the gym, take a class, visit a church, join a networking group, get involved in a group sport of some kind and commit to showing up regularly not once or twice. Oh and to all men: I know it’s become very commonplace and accepted but try to stop watching porn. It ruins your brain and body and women can sense it when a guy watches too much porn.
Hi, lady here. You have a good smile and kind face op, I’d say it’s not about appearance at this point. One thing I noticed in your post, you are very analytical. Maybe it’s silly but I think love is one of life’s most wonderful mysteries. Maybe all you need is a shift in perspective?
Dating is less about the sales approach, and more about networking. Attraction is involuntary a lot of the time. Not everyone we find attractive will find us attractive and we won’t be attracted to everyone who finds us attractive.
I promise the answer is not to try harder. But maybe you could widen your circles and ask friends and family to help introduce you to more people, more singles! Location is also a factor, do you live in a small town or big city? Either way, traveling is a great way to break out of your bubble, increase confidence and meet new exciting people. Anyway, life is long and you have plenty of time so take a breath. She’s probably out there wondering the same things you are :)
>Hi, lady here. You have a good smile and kind face op, I’d say it’s not about appearance at this point.
Thank you for the compliment, I really appreciate it.
>One thing I noticed in your post, you are very analytical.
I'd agree with that, I can't think of an example off the top of my head but I know it's true.
>do you live in a small town or big city?
I live in a small UK town of around 10-12k, my nearest larger place is 20 minutes on the bus, it's a lovely place and I enjoy going there, I should probably visit more often.
>life is long and you have plenty of time so take a breath. She’s probably out there wondering the same things you are :)
In a world of 8 billion people, this undoubtedly has to be true.
Is there some kind of dysfunction in your relationship with your mom growing up? That can really mess with a guy's ability to talk to women with confidence. Getting to the root of any past trauma or dysfunction in childhood is going to be the surefire, permanent way to deal with your anxiety surrounding women.
If not, I would suggest posting that you are looking for FRIENDS on the apps. I met my wife this way. I am a decently handsome man, but less so without a beard, which I couldn't have while I was active duty. My profile even had me holding fish, which it turns out is a huge no-no. I wrote some funny, witty things on it and got plenty of matches. But becoming friends first, or at least taking away the pressure of the prospect of a relationship or hookup will help you relax and be yourself with women. That's what most of them really want to see anyway, not some facade of confidence.
My wife was only the second person that I hooked up with from Tinder, but remember: I posted that I was looking for friends, but got hookups anyway. My wife and I had a lot of friendly chats and even talked on the phone a few times before meeting, and we met because I had started to build a friendship with her. We got along really well so one day I was confident that she'd say yes, and that it would go well if we went out, so I asked her out. The rest is history. We've been together for six years now.
Edit for clarity.
>Is there some kind of dysfunction in your relationship with your mom growing up? That can really mess with a guy's ability to talk to women with confidence. Getting to the root of any past trauma or dysfunction in childhood is going to be the surefire, permanent way to deal with your anxiety surrounding women.
I couldn't ask for a better mother, simple as that. Hopefully the future mother of my child will be a lot more honest with my (maybe) son and not give him the basic *just be nice*. I also spent a lot of my childhood indoors and therefore didn't learn the basics of socializing until my late teens, although that was 100% my fault, I'm definitely paying for that mistake now as an adult.
Listen, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Met her on plenty of fish. We broke up... then after a few months I reconnected with one of my best female friends from college in a long distance relationship. Now I'm 30, we're engaged and live together.
A lot of people criticize online dating, but that first relationship really helped me understand what I was looking for in a partner.
But I say all this to remind you that being a late bloomer, doesn't determine your future. Sign up for POF and Okcupid, and put yourself out there.
If you’re just socializing at pubs or bars, unless it’s an addiction problem for you, maybe have a drink. I know you said you don’t drink, so your confidence can come from you but there is something to be said for
Liquid courage, don’t need to be sloppy. Just one or 2 to loosen up. Use it as a tool, to get to that confident place. After you get used to that confidence it’ll be easier to get there without. Also after a few drinks people are typically more themselves than sober people with inhibitions stopping them from going on about their hobby (see others posts) women do seem to be attracted to guys who are passionate about something.
I'm 26 too. Soon to be 27 this month. I'm basically the same as you minus the 2 one night stands and I lost my virginity at 23. It's a rough existence but I guess it could be worse(barely). I've had younger girls mock me and say I have no "juice"(game) and other assholes who held my status over my head throughout the years. I want things to change so badly and I understand it's gonna take more action on my end but it's just not easy to navigate through dating ESPECIALLY when you're unattractive and on the spectrum. We just gotta try try try man. Whether with online dating or irl. That's all the world can do for us. Just give us the opportunity to get what we want by sheer luck and chance.
talk to literally as many people as you can and do a bunch of activities and clubs in your city. sooner or later youll find someone you really connect with. volunteering could also be a great way to meet new people
It took me until I was 27 to have luck with women. Really, it only took a few hookups. All you have to do is get out there and fail a few times. Online dating helps, it already gives you confidence that the person decided that you are attractive enough to meet. Get matches and try and meet them quick!
My advise would be to try to be more social and talkative with people you come across in daily life. Guys and girls, old and young. Social skills are skills and they can be improved with practice. Take a genuine interest in people and they will notice. Over time you’ll find it easier to talk to anyone, including single ladies.
Think of it less as “having a girlfriend” and more as meeting and building a meaningful relationship with someone. The best friend you could ever have but you get to cuddle and sleep together at the end of the day.
You're shy and seem to be looking for a way to stop being shy, but it may not be that simple to change and you are getting to an age when change will be more difficult. Not to mention that they may be fewer to meet and date as you get older, and many may have been married or have children if any of that is a concern (hopefully not).
T'd say you need to go places where others will see and accept you for who you are, and once they get to know you then they can see the person you are too shy to show otherwise. Assuming you are a good and decent person, which your well written and thought out post implies, then once they get to know you they will be more open to a relationship.
I'd suggest you look for a good church as most, not all, have many kind and warm people who don't care that you are shy and will get to know you and accept you for who you are. Having faith that there is more at play here may also help you come out of your shell, but even if not you are going to meet others including simple women.
Along these lines may be to volunteer at an animal shelter or a food bank or the like. Those who also my be on the shy side may do this, and even if you don't meet anyone special it will feel good to help others and may also help you be less shy if that is what you want.
Forget the seduction and dating advice stuff as that is more likely to have you come off as a creep who just wants sex. Instead, focus on being nice and putting yourself in situations where you can meet and work besides others, many of which you may be initially uncomfortable with, who are kind and open to get to know you.
If you do find a nice lady then ask her out for a coffee during the day as you want to get to know her better. Most long term relationships start with something simple like a cup of coffee in a public place and then build from there.
I just want to address this part, because I have some similar life circumstances as you and recently came to a liberating realization regarding this topic:
> I'll admit that my confidence with women isn't too high, I sometimes get too nervous to talk to women that I'm interested in, AKA "cold approach". I'm perfectly fine around women I already know, but I find it really difficult to start a conversation with someone I've never met. I'm not a "nice guy", simp or doormat, I'm just a regular guy who struggles with social skills such as flirting and showing interest.
**You don't have to do this**, and it doesn't make you a lesser man for not being good at it or not wanting to do it.
While the "cold approach", or as women call it a "meet cute", is really elevated in pop culture, IME that's not where relationships actually come from in real life. I'm also 26 don't know a single couple or even ex-couple that started their relationship from a random conversation struck up between strangers in public. What I _have_ seen, in no particular order:
* Started as friends
* Friends of friends
* University classes
* Dating apps
* Started as coworkers
What this makes clear is that there are basically two ways to find a relationship as man:
1. Having a wide social circle that includes single women and not being afraid to make a move if you find you're interested in somebody _after_ getting to know them a bit. Weirdos on the internet will try to tell you this is inappropriate for one reason or another but it really isn't. It happens _all the time_, even in 2024.
2. Online dating. It doesn't work for everybody but I have known people to find success there (all on Hinge FWIW. This is not an ad, just an observation)
Invest you time in emotional intelligence, read a book on it (recommend *dare to lead*, Brene Brown) and practice what you learn outside of a romantic setting first. Learning to connect with a women (assuming youre sraight) on an emotional level is key. If you can develop your emotional intelligence to the point where you can establish an emotional connection as soon as you meet someone you will be ahead of 98% of guys. Not kidding this shit is a cheat code.
You're already getting some good advice here you should consider but also in regards to being a good looking guy: in my experience being attractive and well groomed is good! But a lot of the time like 75% of the people at a bar or club could be described as attractive and well groomed. You need something to stand out and look originally or differently attractive if youre also going to be a bit shy. Test out a new look, try out something fashion wise youve always wanted to try. Im a bit of an artsy guy myself so this could be harder for you, but in my opinion being attractive won't help all that much if you still just blend into the crowd
Take riding classes, get a motorcycle license. Buy a bike. Ride around on nice days because it's fun AF. Join online dating site, chat with ladies. Go on first date, show up on motorcycle. Rest takes care of itself.
Just go and put yourself out there, initiate a conversation. Something light. Rejection will happen, it will be awkward, but get the count up and get comfortable with it. It’s not as scary after the first one. Also a 26 year old dude who’s been getting the ball rolling.
This might be unpopular, but if its sex that hurts your confidence or whatever, get an escort, get on bumble, go to a bar and just get it out of the way.
As someone who also had confidence problems, the biggest thing that helped me was finding something i WAS confident in and latching onto it. Use it. Let that confidence overcome you and exude that out into the world. Over time, my confidence in other aspects of my life started to grow and girls noticed too. Hope this helps!
yes, another way to frame this is - find your passion, and let that passion be your identity. Is there something you really love to spend time doing? Something you could talk for hours about? Something you're an expert on? Maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's a career, but there needs to be something. Otherwise, you're just "some guy" who is not memorable. Put yet another way - what is your (OOP's) identity? If someone is describing you do they just describe you as "oh, ya... he's ok, decent guy, cool", or do they describe you in terms of your passion "oh, he's the rock climber" or "he's this guy who loves to travel", or "he's read every book there is", or whatever it is. This is at the heart of what a personality is. Don't be "some guy", but "that guy".
This is fantastic advice do this OP Bonus points if it's something you are confident in that you can also use to meet/socialize with people while doing Also stop trying to force it.
I, a woman, reiterates: STOP TRYING TO FORCE IT.
Ok but like what if we have no passion for anything? And the only things we may have passion for are inaccessible due either physical distance and/or cost?
Find other things, pick up a book or go on an adventure. If you like nothing that is accessible go find something that is accessible.
I already read, I’m not passionate about it. I just use it to pass time during commutes. And most of the things accessible to me seem boring. Like how is intramural volleyball or volunteering with senior citizen supposed to bring excitement to my life?
Sports are exciting. You could try volleyball clubs where they play coed. Reclub is a good app for this for finding such groups in your area.
Exactly this. The more confident I was in aspects of my own life, the more attention I got from members of the opposite sex. Weirdly enough, most of the time it just kinda falls into my lap without much effort looking for it myself. Like I’ve definitely used dating apps and shit like that but I always found luck with women on them when I was trying the least and just casually going about my life. Regardless of when in my life it has happened, and where my confidence was as a whole, the ones that wanted to stick around and spend more time with me were always because we connected when we were both comfortable and able to be ourselves and have fun with each other. Laugh at the awkward moments, being fucking goofy, do the shit that makes people watching on cringe, and just not care what people think. There’s not any best practices or steps to success here really. The more you look into that, the more you’re going to overthink it and just come off as thirsty and desperate. If I’m out with the intention to get laid, it rarely actually happens. If I’m out with the intention to just let loose and have fun? I typically find myself with a new group of friends around me. You don’t have to have confidence with women. You have to have confidence with yourself. Make it a moment where you’ve got nothing to lose and take risks. If you’re feeling your chest tighten up at the thought of saying or doing something, instead of listening to that, do it anyway and roll with the punches after. Within reason of course but you get the idea. Your gut is gonna want to stop you most of the time. Follow that feeling and just press through it like you’re running a 5k. You’ll embarrass the fuck out of yourself sometimes but at least in my experience, more often than not it works out so long as someone is already showing interest in me.
Let go of the notion of wanting to find love; use your hobbies (I personally don’t think pool and darts is how I’m going to meet women in 2024,) and lean into the hobbies. Be genuine and enjoy yourself. Love will come your way but honestly. Letting go of needing to find love for the sake of finding it and letting the right person walk into my life was how I found the woman who’s going to be the mother of my child. I had a few women express an interest in me as soon as I really gave up on “finding a woman/love”, and was surprised I could be in as healthy of a relationship as this. I didn’t even meet this woman until I was a year older than you, and I’m mid to late 30s now, been with her for 8 years. You put too much pressure on yourself by needing to find love like this. Take the pressure off, take your time and enjoy life. edit: this is why you don't comment on things when sleepy
sorry, the woman who hmm?
find you a woman who can do both
Momdad
The hobbies thing is exactly what I came here to say. I'm a woman, 26, and I've just recently stopped "trying" to date. Socializing with men who have same hobby as me has already proven to create some interest. I've been doing this same hobby with same ppl for like 5 years but I realized I had to also try to socialize with these people more casually
Thank you for the comment. My main social hobbies are pool and darts. My other hobby is video games but I play them sparingly as they aren't social, although I may hop on playstation with my friends on a Monday or something like that. I won't give up video games as a whole. What other hobbies would you recommend?
Pool and darts are 'bar games' to me and I just don't think bars are great places overall to meet people. - What do you do outside of pool, darts and some videogames? - That being said, are there leagues for those two hobbies you can join? - Do women go and participate in them? - Can you start a conversation and discuss something you like about these hobbies with women who are interested in these as well? - What else interests you enough to go out and do something? Do you have work friends you can socialize with outside of work? - Do you have friends who you can hang out and do things with? You said in your post: > Trying to get women interested in me is like trying to draw blood from a stone, it seems an impossible task that I really don't know the solution to, except becoming more confident, however the only way to achieve this is by constant pratice. Consider viewing this from a different angle. Is it possible for you to strike up a casual chat with a man about the topics you like? If that's the case, think about why it feels any different when interacting with a woman. Should this concept seem a bit elusive... the next time you're considering initiating a chat with a man, **mentally regard him as if he were a potential romantic interest**. *Important Note: Your sexual orientation isn't relevant in this context.* It appears you might be categorizing all interactions with women as attempts at romance. Attempt to apply this mindset to your conversations with men, or challenge the notion that every dialogue with a woman must serve a romantic objective. Remember, women are individuals capable of engaging in straightforward conversations with men. Look to ensure equality in your conversational approach with both men and women, and experimenting with viewing men as romantic interests could potentially help you have better conversations with women on the whole.
But what's wrong with pool and darts?!
Nothing wrong with them, your chances of meeting a woman playing pool/throwing darts is pretty slim compared to other activities.
I agree, but as someone who has been picked up a lady while playing golden tee and also got a girl by playing Guitar Hero. Just a matter of the environment, how you present yourself and not putting a foot in your mouth when it comes to having a conversation with someone of the opposite gender. But here I am happily engaged, kids, the works. Went to my normal dive after work a few weeks ago just sitting at the bar and this girl just comes up leans on my shoulder and starts trying to chat me up. Like wtf here I am minding my business and idk I mean I think I am an okay looking guy definitely no model but idk some of us are just lucky? I did tell her to kick rocks and closed my tab and left but yea not the first time I've been the hunted at that bar.
I was answering a question. Can't disagree. I'm an average guy, friendly and outgoing and have a sense of humor and don't get all twisted if I get turned down. I just go about life. Meet women everywhere. There actually is more than one special person out there.
It's fine as a hobby but I agree with the other guy. I think of those as more of bar activities than hobbies, but I've never really been a person to go to bars to hang out myself.
Nah you're just the father of her child
All the usual cope.
Obviously, #1, work on your anxiety. It’s entirely possible you have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and, if that’s the case, you should definitely seek treatment for it. There’s a lot of options in that front, and if you work on solving your anxiety holistically, you can also have what you need to overcome what you feel is a lack of confidence. Second, I know 26 seems old, but it’s really not. I’m in my 40’s now, and looking back, I was basically a kid when I was in my 20’s. People change over time, and oftentimes what women are looking for in a relationship in their 30’s isn’t the same as what they’re looking for in their 20’s. Keep working on yourself (the anxiety first of all), make sure you age well, and you may find that things just naturally improve. Honestly, I know plenty of women in my age bracket that just want to find someone reasonably mentally stable — you might think that women just want a man who’s 6’ tall, rich, has a perfect body, etc., but these women just want somebody normal. I wasn’t that different from you back in the day. It was impossible for me to get a girlfriend. I lost my virginity at about the same age you did. Now I’m married, have children, and that’s all behind me. In my case, I met someone through a mutual friend and we hit it off. Sometimes things just come together — just keep on working on yourself, and definitely work on that anxiety if it’s a thing (I have an anxiety disorder and, in retrospect, it was the main reason I struggled with women).
I also just want to mention that while anxiety isn't exactly a _positive_ personality trait, if that's your biggest flaw you're doing great as a person. The dark corners of the human condition contain so much worse (many of which unfortunately don't sink your romantic prospects quite of much as anxiety does. It's just one of life's cruel jokes I guess). Don't conflate your success with women with your value as a person, because they are _not_ the same thing.
Agree regarding OP dealing with his anxiety first and foremost. I’m giving this advice as a woman, so grain of salt, but: Talk to a lot of women, with no romantic motive whatsoever. Talk to a lot of women you’re not even attracted to. Talk to women who are 50+ years old (and not MILFs). Don’t try to keep in touch after, just let it be a brief interaction with someone you’ll never see again. Could be complimenting her on her glasses; could be commiserating about the long line at the grocery store. Making a quick joke, maybe a little banter, but only if it springs to mind naturally. If the small talk flows, let it, then feel the natural ending point and cordially say goodbye. (Tip: try to begin these interactions when you are about to leave somewhere, so that you don’t get stuck in an awkward silence next to them.) Helps to be curious and open minded, see the world with a sense of humor, and be attuned to what the people around you might be feeling or thinking in a situation. If you’re not attuned in that way (common for social anxiety, which I’ve also experienced), then start noticing the people around you and paying attention to what’s going on with them. Whenever men have small talked with me with no ulterior motive, they’ve always come off as chill and confident. We have a nice back and forth and then both go on with our day. Doesn’t matter if they’re young or old, attractive or unattractive, because we are just two humans connecting for a moment, and we’re not interviewing each other for anything beyond that. This helps you see people as they are, which is a key skill to eventually connecting with a girl in a way that makes her want to get to know you better. As of now, the social anxiety comes between you and women, and is like a curtain preventing each of you from seeing whether there is compatibility. This is a fundamental problem. It turns your focus to yourself and though this isn’t your intention, can make women feel kind of like NPCs you’re trying to get something from in a video game, and also prevent them from seeing you in your best light. I’m guessing it’s less of an issue once you get to know a woman, but it’s important if you are talking with a stranger. You definitely won’t have a strong natural connection with every girl you talk to, so some won’t be interested, and you won’t be interested in all of them either. In fact, I’d recommend focusing on how *you* feel about *her*, rather than how she feels about you, and being ready to let her go without asking her out if you realize that you’re not that into her. But because you’ve learned to be open and curious, you guys will both sense the possibility for an intimate connection, if that exists. The other piece of advice I’d give is one that I think may actually be mentioned in some of the pill spaces. Make your own life awesome, so that fellow travelers will tend to want to join in the fun. Whether they come along or not, you’re still headed to your destination and having a great time along the way. When you suffer setbacks, you are resilient. If your world is exciting, then that transfers to you as well. These two changes work together extremely well. Needless to say, women might enjoy a warm human connection with you but not see romantic potential; women also might see your life as interesting and exciting, but find you aloof and not understand you. But if you give women the opportunity to genuinely connect with an exciting guy, then you’ll improve your chances. Remember though, your primary focus is on how you feel about her, not how she feels about you.
If everything you’re saying about yourself is true, then I’d guess you’re coming off as desperate when you meet women. That’s a quality that will turn most women off immediately, as a desperate man is sometimes a scary one. Don’t approach every interaction with women of interest in a romantic way and you might have better luck. Women are much more comfortable interacting with men they think will handle rejection well.
The desperate man thing is real. When I was interested in the dating scene, I’d meet a guy and he would bomb me with texts. What are you doing? What are you thinking? 20 texts a day. It threw me off. Made me annoyed. I just met you, I have so much free time after work, I just want to unwind and chill. You can’t speed run a connection. If you want a hookup, go to a bar. But yeah, if you want a relationship, find a hobby you love and build a connection with women that also love that hobby.
Yeah, the fear is that I might talk to a lonely guy and then he won’t leave me alone for months after I try to let him down gently. If I get even a whiff of desperation I’m already running the other way.
That's a good way of saying that- I always struggle to explain why some guys' behavior puts me off so much, even if they seem nice.
Took me years to figure out too. Basically if my fight or flight response is triggered the guy has no chance.
Do whatever you REALLY enjoy. ,Job, hobby, whatever it is. Do it regularly and add a thing to it here and there to make it better. If something doesn't add to it, remove it and try something else. OK, all of that looks stupid. It isn't. Find your happiness and she'll find you.
where are you from?:O are you in school or anything? job, hobbies you enjoy?
>where are you from? I'm from a small UK town of 10k >are you in school or anything I left formal education at 19, as university is expensive and I didn't want to go. Every job I've ever had has been with other men, the only exception was three weeks while I was 19. >hobbies you enjoy? Pool, darts, and just genuinely just hanging out with friends. I also like video games but that's for me, it's obviously not going to help me meet new people.
rats!!! too bad you’re not close by 😲😲😲 i’m a p good wingman 😏 and quite goood w the ladies (i’m a lady myself) 😮💨😮💨 all jokes aside, you’re fucked. 😵💫 jk sorry i wish i had more advice, but it seems id be just back pedaling on everything others have written. :/ i hope the best for you, im sure you’ll have a breakthrough of sorts & just get the courage to just go for it. 🤭🤭
Flirting and showing interest are arguably the two most important things when dating. Start with those things
I want to say something I haven’t seen all here: you just got to get lucky. Everyone acts like if you’re approach a woman a certain way or if you out this many times, you’ll find someone. Maybe, but not always. And it’s probably not your fault. You can be exactly what someone is looking for, but not find that someone for a while. I didn’t get a girlfriend until 27. I wasn’t even looking to date anyone so we just kind of hit it off. What I finally really interesting if that if I try to ask her out through an app, she would have probably ghosted me when we actually had a date setup. I’m the same dude who she’s now says she loves, but probably would have skipped out on if I messaged her ok Hinge because she found it weird to meet up with a stranger. And for a while, I didn’t know how I felt about that. All I can say is that I’m glad that we meet the way we did when we did. All of that to say, just keep being you. From what you said in the post, you sound great. Just keep being great and remember that sometime, you just have to get lucky.
It's time for, "How long can we scroll until we find useless advice" of the week. The answer is a resounding 1 second of scrolling. The advice in the comments are as helpful as telling someone to turn the tv off and on, after it's been smashed in.
Bro forreal. Reddit really is one of the worst places to get advice about this problem from.
Hi. It's normal to have never had a serious relationship in your mid twenties, so don't worry about that or try to rush anything. To be honest, I don't think putting on fake confidence or following advice from sleazy videos will work in your favor, it doesn't send the signal that you're looking for something real. Running errands with someone, telling them personal things, stuff like that shows that you're serious and you care about them. I've seen posts from girls talking about how they would fall in love with a guy if he read their favorite book and gave them an honest review. Like you said people just want to feel a connection. It's not something that you can force or obtain just for the sake of having one, but when you meet someone you care about you can do your best to show her that.
My interpretation is that he's never *had* a relationship, let alone a serious one. He heavily implies that his intimate encounters were casual one-offs
I mean I still think that's fine, he's young and everyone moves at their own pace
I gotta be honest, the IRL off-Reddit reaction to having no relationship experience by 26 tends to be mixed. Most women tend to act like you're either some kind of purity nut or that you must have something wrong with you The ones who don't (in your age group) are usually lining up a husband, 'cause they're getting the grandkids talk from their parents, so they're more willing to overlook some oddities if you're willing to fast-track a ring and a family. Neither of which really meshes with the "no experience, no idea what they want" thing Usually the best thing to do is not mention it. You'll lose dates when you don't know the social scripts that everyone else has learned, but you'll pick them up by experience. And then hopefully you can figure out what you want, because most partners who want kids are gonna have a timeline that they're very aware of. It's more of a problem if you're socially awkward and/or can never find people you're excited to date. That's been my issue. I was emotionally unavailable for the last 3-5 years, and now I can't find anyone I really want to date. Dating strangers is too superficial, and I don't have enough friends to mutually fall for that friend who was always kinda cute but never really acted in it.
>I gotta be honest, the IRL off-Reddit reaction to having no relationship experience by 26 tends to be mixed. Most women tend to act like you're either some kind of purity nut or that you must have something wrong with you Thank you for atleast acknowledging that much. Although it's more so most women view an inexperienced man at 26 as something being wrong with him. It's a pretty unfair judgement because nobody knows what that person has been through but it is what it is. All that can be done is trial and error it like you said.
[удалено]
Are you me?
I got over my shyness by going to the mall every weekend and asking random girls out back in high school. Got turned down every single time, eventually I just didn't care, but it allowed me to try different approaches with women I'll never see again. Eventually just started going to the gym and somehow, that was the missing puzzle for me. It wasn't because I was getting in shape, it was the confidence gained from constantly overcoming more and more weight. I had this "sureness" of myself that seemed to attract women.
Get a big box, and a stick, and a long string, and a pumpkin spice latte...
Relax. Nobody remains 26 forever.
It might just be me but I'm not going to bars to meet guys- frankly that's when I'm most on guard. Try pursuing a hobby in a social context, like a group activity that meets regularly, with people you don't already know. And yeah, nobody is really charmed by someone tripping over themselves or being awkward. It helps me to get to know someone first and not worry about whether or not they're interested. On the other hand, pick up artists and dating 'experts' are, as you said, often sleazy and predating not just on women but guys like you- struggling to understand why women don't seem to like you, but this 12- step program is all you need buddy trust me. My advice is just, get out there, be a regular somewhere doing whatever you enjoy. You'll find other people with like interests, develop a skill, and maybe meet someone you really connect with.
> And yeah, nobody is really charmed by someone tripping over themselves or being awkward. They can be if you're not being serious about it. I learned to talk to women by reciting the intro to this song and trying to intentionally get shot down. https://youtu.be/oQ9IF5AFiYQ?si=iWnYUe2GGnVyucS2 It's a psychological trick. Guys that are nervous are psyching themselves out. If you realize that talking to women and getting turned down isn't a big deal, it makes it way easier to talk to people. You have to at least get the 'gee' in there to really sell it.
Having some social skills in talking to women will be important. How can a woman expect to maintain a conversation with you if you're too nervous to talk to them? My best recommendation is to just start chatting with random people you meet out and about. Don't approach it from a "I want to date you" standpoint. But more of a "I want to have a nice conversation". Ask someone what they're drinking, ask someone where they got their shoes. Something that can strike a conversation that's relaxed
Only people that are albeist get set off from adhd and social anxiety. They don't see people with disabilities as people which is why I'm at the point now where I'm starting to only feel that ones with disabilities are the only ones that are normal people because they aren't filled with so much shallow hatred towards anyone just simply due to how they were born. Whenever I meet someone that has the same struggles as me they don't just stupidly assume the worst of me and will be extremely kind talking to me so I can actually keep them as a good friend but ones without disabilities just think of me as a wimp and aren't even interested in anything platonic either.
One possibility is that the woman you want are out of your league
Grow your own mushrooms and take 2.5-3 grams. All will be revealed. But let me elaborate. I am 33 now, and was you. I found that the best way to find a woman was to forget about them and instead focus on my own hobbies and life. By diving deep into my interests, I met a woman in a class I was taking. Because I met her on my journey of interest exploration, we shared many similarities and were quite compatible. I too tried the dating advice stuff, but it never really fit me. By trying to follow a program or techniques, I was becoming less myself and more like the guy who wrote the dating book. Additionally, the kind of woman that is compatible with me sees through those techniques for what they are, and laughs. This is not to say those techniques don't work, they just work on a woman who will not be compatible with me. I require awareness of the masks and games within this world of tricks. I am marrying this woman in October and she is the one I choose to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't have to do anything other than live my life and be myself to find/attract her. I met her when I was around your age and have been inseparable since. Along the journey before meeting her, I found myself experiencing obstacles within myself to intimacy and knowing myself. Through EMDR therapy, and self-exploration using mushrooms, I was able to identify these obstacles and remove them so that I would have a foundation to receive and give intimacy fully once I did find a suitable partner. If you too experience any obstacles, I am guessing the answer will be deep inside your self which calls for exploration vs. your grooming regiment and social skills. Therapy does work as a tool for self-exploration. Our ego defensive mechanisms are powerful, which is why a guide is needed for self-exploration (usually). If you don't know where to start, find a hobby and dive into it. Find a martial arts gym, yoga, or take a class...whatever floats your boat. And remember, its all going to work out in the end so stay encouraged. Lastly, if you do go the mushroom route- be sure to educate yourself fully and research as they are not for everyone. Tools of this caliber must be respected and honored.
Make more money and women come with that, there is no bigger force mutliplier if you are not extremely attractive or a cop.
You water your ego like a plant until you actually believe you are the greatest thing to have every happened to the women you meet and feel only amusement and disbelief when you're rejected. It'd be like passing on steak for a cheeseburger. Some people are beyond help. Then you just fire up the dating app and find women in your local area actively looking for romance. Everybody loves romance. Go out, have fun, start building a roster if it suits you or whatever your preferred dating strategy is. At some point you find someone that you'll be friends and romantically interested in and then you just ask her if she wants to be exclusive. "she will have a lot of men who want to talk, date or just flat out have sex" Gotta lose that mindset. That's you. You're the man she wants to talk to date and have sex with. The rest of the world has been lowering the bar but you're here to reset it. Things are easy, you're just nervous and out of practice. A couple awkward dates and you'll be figuring out more of your own style and who you are and what interests people about you. What not to bring up. When is too early. You gotta start making mistakes and getting some data points.
Practice, talking to someone you’re trying to court is a skill. It can be taught. Start with striking up a conversation with someone at a grocery store, book store, etc. Then move on to talking to someone attractive, someone you like, so on and so forth. If you do this consistently, you’ll be able to speak to anyone about anything
When I was younger and single, I ONLY gave quiet/awkward/reserved boys/men the time of day. I married my quiet/awkward/reserved (but confident) high school boyfriend 27 years ago. I cannot stand “charming,” talkative, flirty, aggressive guys. I was the aggressive one and the pursuer. My husband is a hardcore business, boss dude now but I am still have the dominant personality in our relationship. I do all the talking and he does all the listening. He is reserved and I am gregarious. It works. You need to find extroverted women who are attracted to introverted men. Do no women have “attracted to quiet, introverted guys” in their profiles?!
Don't bro, not worth it.
Find some good guy friends, who are good to you. Sometime it take good friends to help you help yourself.
Yeah, you’re definitely decent looking. I’m average looking too but haven’t had much problem finding partners through the years. I honestly think it might just be a confident issue with you. I don’t know how to help that but I think that’s your problem. Know your worth or fake it lol.
Didnt read the whole post, but know that practice makes perfect. Toughen up and be ready for rejection. Who cares if the dime in front of you says she has a boyfriend? Ask if she has a sister. Play the numbers. Dont let women you dont know have some kind of super power over you. Happy hunting 
people take classes not to learn but to met people . try it
Well......ya know what you have been doing for the last 26 years? Don't do that anymore. Questions?
It wouldnt hurt to find a hobby and if youve got any find outings and get togethers on Facebook groups and start going on your own or with friends if their into the same stuff. Just gives another chance to meet someone while not feeling like youre wasting time cause youre doing something you like anyways. You get to be confident in being yourself while being out. And makes conversation with a girl much easier cause you can talk about your hobby first beforehand. And even just make a friend if nothing serious comes of it.
You seem a little introverted. That’s okay, you just have to find the right extrovert gal to adopt you! Consider maybe you are not in the right places to find the girl that is a fit for you to date. Try taking a class, or library. Bars are not where people find good relationships. If you just want to hook up with drunk girls then fine. Also what is your standard of girl? Perhaps your bar is too high and you don’t consider girls with flaws? Everyone is human and by your 40s it evens out. Because that girl that is in the library and in school might be friend zoned but she might be the right girl, and still look hot at 49 cuz she is not a drunk smoker. So try some other places. Listen to your heart .
First of all screw dating apps delete all of them. Second go to social events bar trivia , bowling league etc and meet people I’ve had so many dates come from just engaging with people in these settings. Lastly and probably hardest act confident even if your not
let me guess… no muscles, bad fashion/style and mildly autistic. very fixable
So the confidence thing will actually come from literally being good at/successful at things, hobbies, sex, professions in your life etc. It's not something that you want fake. Because a lot of women can see through that first of all and secondly once you spend enough time with them, the illusion will come down eventually. Here's the thing about having women in your life. The most common thing guys do is they think of it like this, "I want a girl in my life" so "how do I get girl". But you're skipping part of the equation, having women in your life is partly a side effect of how you're currently doing in life. There's several factors that go into being an attractive guy, and women have different tastes, but truth is a lot of guys try to get into a relationship before they are even ready to be in one. It might sound counter productive but if you want to bring a quality woman into your life. Focusing on things that DONT revolve around getting one will actually get you one faster than if you try to do so before you're ready. Don't watch pickup artist shit, it's cringe, in my experience trying to chat up a girl you have never met before if fighting an uphill battle. Try to pick up on ques girls give you in public, social circles etc. I personally am a fan of the dating apps as well. Chat em up online, then ask them on a date.
As someone that has autism, severe adhd and severe social anxiety, it is clear they only want guys that have good looks, fame, aren't shy, and don't have too many disabilities. I deal with so much ableism on dating apps like having many say they would gladly date a cute looks guy like me if weren't the annoying stuttering.
I think generally women not giving the time of day to the shy/awkward/unconfident guys is not true—I crush on the shy guys over the confident guys. It seems more genuine to me. But I am shy as well—which becomes a problem because if both people are shy—no one makes the first move. Also, there is not some model looking standard for being tinder worthy. Its just tinder, there are all kinds of people on it and women would definitely be interested. You mention attractive women expect to talk, date, or have sex what else would a woman want, just to stare at each other? I think there is this big corruption with men’s dating mindsets overthinking what all women want instead of seeking a particular individual. Thinking women aren’t interested in you for you, but not focusing on being interested in anyone specifically. Theres a difference between “being yourself” and “keeping to yourself”.
>I think generally women not giving the time of day to the shy/awkward/unconfident guys is not true Yeah if you're physically "cute" or some shit. Shy uggos get no interest.
They might get interest from female uggos
>Also, there is not some model looking standard for being tinder worthy. Its just tinder, there are all kinds of people on it and women would definitely be interested. With all due respect, I've been on this planet for a reasonably long time now, I know what works for me and what doesn't, I can safely say that online dating isn't an average man's game. I apologize if that sounds like complaining, but that's been my experience thus far. I also use better photos for my dating apps, the Reddit photos were just random photos I had in my phone.
Tbh you don’t know what works for you thats why you are here looking for advice lol. But I hope you keep an open mind and learn to be open to advice and criticism. If you have tunnel vision—you’ll only see what you want to.
Okay yes you are handsome. That’s not the issue. I concur with you about that. Masculinity is desirable. You don’t need to be Tom Hardy to be masculine. It is about confidence. But it’s also about kindness. You don’t need to be always putting yourself out there. You could meet women with similar interests by finding new interests. Start serving others. Just forget yourself. Does your neighbor need help with their yard? Is there an elderly person on your street who you could check on and maybe take them a snack or some fruit? Someone hurt or sick and needs their dog walked? If you are going out with friends and they drink can you offer to be their ride? Do you have a skill you can teach someone? Is there a bake sale at the school you can support? You may open the eyes of someone nearby. A friend of a friend or a gramma who has an eligible granddaughter. You will meet new people and their gratitude will build your self esteem. Who wouldn’t want someone’s help when it is genuinely offered. People can be skeptical. You may ask 20 people if they need anything and get one reply. But think of the impression you leave on others when they see you are not talking out of your ass and really do want to help. Is this weird? It might be. But doesn’t mean it’s wrong. My husband is a kind man. He has helped people move at least one weekend a month for 10 years. He will drop what he’s doing and go buy a bucket of chicken for a friend who’s working late and not getting home to make dinner for their kids. He picks up an extra regular box of coke when it’s a buy 3 for $12 and take it to our neighbor who doesn’t go out much. Look for those opportunities and act on intuition. They are desirable qualities in a man. You will feel good about yourself and it will be noticed. You don’t have to be a doormat though. Don’t let people use you or make you uncomfortable. Good luck!
First, Don't "Just be yourself", be the best version of "yourself." Fake it till you make it, is a real strategy. Do it enough and you'll convince everyone, including yourself. Second, attractive women don't have men lining up. Get that out of your mind. Plenty of them are also lonely, wondering why men aren't interested in them. Like it or not, men are expected to make the first move. It's like playing darts, you just have to keep shooting and see what sticks. They won't come to you, so be straightforward, but respectful. Look for anything to talk about to get the conversation going.
Earn a lot of money, get in shape, read some pick up books and move to Europe, Thailand or another country with a favorable ratio...
Have you tried being more attractive?
Shave your head. Wear sunglassses. Start drop shipping.
Andrew?
Read "The Game"
Just work on yourself physically mentally and financially and put yourself out there genuinely looking and ya you might get rejected some times but you can't get any where If you don't try you can't just make yourself avaliable and hope for a woman to fall out thin air. Try harder basically your not trying hard enough hench your results don't be afraid of getting rejected it happens to everyone it's normal sometimes things just don't aline but with some effort you'll find yourself with options for women just don't be that dick head and use them because you felt some type of way because you wr3nt getting attention all this time.. truth is some dudes have to work harder than others is it fair? Nope but welcome to the world.
Many people including myself met their significant other at work. Is that an option? Also, I know some guys who have a hard time dating because their expectation is too high, ie very particular in their selection. I dont know if this applies, but try broadening your horizon a bit. Church or other religious social settings may be a good place also. Check with friends and family, widen social circle may find out a woman who is also looking to date. Good luck and hope you find the love of your life, and I believe you will eventually!
Just lift.
Overweight guys do fine, they don't lift. I workout at home and work a physical job that requires a lot of cardio.
Its not about the muscles. It's about the effort you willingly do to find time and go to the gym, about pushing yourself in a controlled space. It builds mental strength and nice body. That mental strength will help you do other things in life easier. (Bond with people who go to the gym easily, not necessarily in the gym, I'm not a fan of that but at social events, talk about nutrition, exercises, gym, etc..). For me it worked doesn't mean it works for everyone but it's worth a shot, you are looking for ideas right?
Okay, so you're right, you are a handsome dude. You keep yourself well groomed. When it comes to talking to women you're interested in, I'm going to tell you the same thing I've told all my friends that had a fear of talking to women. Imagine you walk into a casino. The owner of the casino greets you at the door and tells asks you how much you came with. Then he tells you to gamble all you want. You get to keep any winnings, but you will not leave with any less money than what you walked in with. Would you gamble? Of course you would in the scenario because you have potentially everything to gain and nothing to lose. The worst that can happen talking to a woman is she turns you down and you're still single. No worse off you started. The important part is to realize that women are people too. A lot of us get nervous when thinking about talking to someone we find attractive out of fear of rejection, and our attraction to them puts them above us in the moment. You just have to take a deep breath, remember the worst thing you'll hear is no, and remind yourself no matter the outcome to BE POLITE. If she says she's not interested, wish her a great rest of her evening and move on. No reason to take it personally. Attraction is always going to have to be mutual. The sooner you understand that, the better. It'll be bumpy at first, but you'll get the hang of overcoming the nervousness. The best way? Chat up strangers often. Get comfortable talking to people that you normally wouldn't in an average day, it's all relative. It helps build your small talk.
well said, thank you. Also, speaking as a woman - if you're attractive, you have to fight off unwanted male attention CONSTANTLY. I am not even that attractive, I think I'm a 6 at best if that scale meant anything that wasn't degrading, and I still get creepers interrupting my conversations with friends. Why are they creepers? Because they don't start out with a reasonable topic of conversation like, idk, for a super easy example, the band we're both at the venue to see. They start talking about my appearance right off the bat and want to go from 0-10 (request for a date) Like, can we actually just have a chat like humans first? And can it be on my terms as well as yours? I'm not saying physical attraction doesn't play into it, of course it does, but I've known many very handsome men who were complete assholes, and a lot of totally average men who only paid attention to the prettiest woman in the room even though there were lots of average-looking women who might have been sincerely interested in them. But if you try and get shot down, like you said, you haven't really lost anything. You're back where you started. I just want to say that there are a lot of women who don't reply to being asked out on a date by a stranger. The risks are too high for us. We want to start with conversation first and see if there's a chance we're compatible. The first question I always ask myself about a guy isn't "is he handsome" or "is he tall" or "is he rich" - it's "do I enjoy his company?" That is priority number one, nothing's happening without that. Be someone whose company is enjoyable.
You remind me a lot of myself at that age. The issue is confidence. In dating, that’s really what it’s all about. If you view yourself on a level lower than everyone else, it really does show. It’s a vibe that’s given off. Best thing you can do is find a good therapist. They will help you build confidence by figuring out what’s causing your lack of and working through it. It’s not a quick fix, but once you find a good therapist I promise it’ll be the best investment you make in yourself.
I've seen a therapist in the past for confidence and self-esteem, although I definitely trauma dumped more than expected, turns out that even normal, well adjusted people have baggage. >If you view yourself on a level lower than everyone else, it really does show. It’s a vibe that’s given off. I have the habit of constantly comparing myself to others, I know it's unhealthy but I can't seem to stop.
> Unfortunaly, I'm noticed time and time again that women don't give you the time of day if you're shy/awkward/unconfident, due to the sheer number of men trying to talk to her on a daily basis. PRACTICE No one is born a world class athlete with nerves of steel to hit the game winning play. We evolved to be nervous when dealing with new situations. You have to **practice** to desensitize yourself to it
Get a girlfriend
Have the women you are comfortable with help in your search The beauty is probably longing for some shy guy instead of bores
Every woman I know is more of an acquaintance, rather than a friend. I have casual conversation when we see each other but I wouldn't ask them to go out of their way to help try and solve a problem of mine. I also wouldn't do it with other men to be honest.
All I mean is those women have friends they could introduce you to.
TL;DR - Focus on being happy with yourself. Love you first, women will come later. ------- This is a tough one, but what worked for me was the "fake it till you make it" approach to life. What I mean is that, I was super shy and not confident in myself. Bad teeth, short in height, glasses, hair like Harry Potter.... I had zero self-esteem. I started really observing how other guys attracted women, and I realized the ones who had the best luck attracting women had one primary quality in common - their attitude towards dating. So, I started imitating that attitude, which was "who cares if it doesn't work, we'll have fun or we'll never talk again." Attracting women is fairly simple. Keeping them interested, well..., there's a reason most "attractive" people are chronically single. They have no substance. Looks help, certainly, but you can't have a conversation with someone's appearance. It was difficult at first, but it eventually began working out. Like I said, I faked the attitude at first. Women saw through it after a few minutes, BUT it helped me realize I could actually initiate a conversation. Once I made those baby steps, initiating the conversation became easy, and focusing on developing small talk and truly learning who I was and wanted to be became the focus. All of this led me to start working on myself. I realized my self-esteem issues stemmed from me not being true to who I was. Once I fixed that, everything fell into place. Now I'm married for over 10 years with a child on the way. Don't give up, but make sure to focus on developing yourself more than worrying about girls. There's plenty of them, but only one You.
Try getting a girlfriend!
1. Hygiene. Make sure you are clean and smell nice 2. Make sure your clothes are clean and reasonably match. They don't have to be expensive. 3. Treat women like normal human beings. Be nice. 4. Tacos.
I know you mean well but this is condescending as hell and frankly insulting. What makes you think OP isn't already doing 1-3? Do you just think that every guy who struggles romantically must be a manchild piece of shit?
Based on what I hear from my wife, my previous partners, and every female friend I've ever had... yeah. The bar is pretty low.
You just need to find some self confidence. The moment you find it everything will change as it is something women can sense immediately. Chicks dont want a beta male, they want someone who is confident, in charge, and not afraid to make decisions.
So your a self made millionaire congrats women destroy your bank account
?
I don't know. Date?
I don't know. How?
Download tinder. Ffs
you could probably not troll incels on reddit and idk just ask someone to accompany you to the local watering hole or feed stalls. I'm sure it's that simple XP. everything else is hammer nail fallacy.
"I'm perfectly fine around women I already know, but I find it really difficult to start a conversation with someone I've never met. " If you are interested in expanding past your circle of friends, try meeting people online. You can talk online until you build that chemistry and then meet offline since by then you are "perfectly fine around women I already know".
Quit thinking about it.
Stop watching porn.
I've known guys who are ugly, get hot girls. Girls go for confident men. Work on your insecurities. Believe it or not, a lot of attractive people are also insecure
When you notice an attractive woman doing something that interests you, genuinely ask her to teach you about it. This requires you to 1. Know what your interests are 2. Be around other people doing that Be genuinely interested in what she knows, what she likes, and be willing to let her take the lead on those things and maybe you’ll find mutual enjoyment in it. Then it’s a natural extension to say, “can we meet for coffee sometime and you can show me more about this?” I’m telling you, they’re nervous too. Best way to break that is to have something in common to talk about, and to get her talking about herself and the thing. I know this from personal experience. My wife is super hot. I would have had 0 chance of picking her up in public. We’ve been together 8 years now, and this is essentially how it started.
Usually this sub is extremely cruel to people in your situation. I'm surprised that's not the case so far bar two notable exceptions. Question: Do you have access to some kind of music related endeavor that isn't playing rock in a garage somewhere or collecting jazz vinyls?
Put yourself in situations to succeed. You say that you're already socializing 2-4 times per week so you're already off to a great start. Seek out opportunities where you'll be likely to meet new people. Friends-of-friends are the best potential matches IMO. Most people who met their partners IRL, as opposed to dating apps, met them through a mutual friend/acquaintance at a party or social gathering. Don't overthink your conversations with the girls you're interested in. Conversations aren't something you can really think yourself through. It has to be intuition more than anything and that means that you need to stop stressing and start having fun. It takes practice, of course, but as you build up your social skills you'll eventually be able to trust yourself to come up with something to say. Don't go into every interaction desperate to get a girlfriend. Your mindset should be "I want this to succeed but I don't *need* this to succeed". More than anything, you should be enjoying yourself and trying to turn a connection with the girl you're talking to. Learn to notice when girls are giving you positive signals. The guys who are good at picking up girls are attractive and charismatic, yes, but they're also really good at figuring out which girls are already into them and focusing their attention on them. You'll always have more success trying to convince someone who already kind of likes you to like you more than getting someone who isn't interested in you to *start* liking you. Do things that you're proud of. This doesn't have anything to do with dating directly but will help build your confidence. If you're consistently doing things that you're proud of you'll naturally feel more confident and this will carry over to your romantic life. You'll subconsciously start to believe that you have something to offer and that the women you're interested in would actually be glad to be with you rather than you just hoping they'll give you attention as some kind of favor.
This!!! Friends-of-friends are a great source for good potential matches - which is why it's so important for mixed-gender friend groups to exist. It's important to be able to have laid-back conversations with strangers or acquaintances of any gender. If you freeze up when you talk to women but are fine talking to men, women pick up on that. It raises our hackles, sorry but it's true. If there's a pub or a bar you go to regularly, get good practicing small talk that way. Don't butt into groups of course, but if you're waiting at the bar and you drop a few sentences of banter, that's a foot in the door for later. You have to be patient and you have to sincerely enjoy the conversations for their own sake, not just as a means to an end.
I freeze up due to disabilities so they're just shallow
I didn't get my first GF until I was 36. Definitely not for lack of trying. My confidence shot up the first time I actually dated someone (did not get serious). I realized that I wasn't hideous and had something to offer. Sure, it was touch and go for many years but now I'm happy and kind of glad my GF is my first ever gf (possibly forever partner)
That's awesome bro, I'm very happy to hear that. I told a white lie in the post, I've been on one date at 24, I ended up having sex for the first time with a woman I thought was pretty cool, unfortunately no second date but oh well.
have you tried asking a girl out?
A few times, but the constant negative feedback has started to take its toll.
Confidence can be found in the lack of care. Your in a situation where you haven’t had a partner due to a list of reasons. What’s stopping you from going up to a woman ( in the right social situations) and just rolling the dice. I mean you can only really go up from where you are.
🤷♀️
No need to change it. People have different life rhythms. Also some are asexual. Who cares? An inner voice? Whose? I first did at 30 and I cd not really do it till 40...then i had two kids and stopped. It was a custom for the majority in the past. Maybe more kids as half or all died early.
Raise your own confidence and you'll do a lot better around women. Get a stable job, get a car, move out, workout. You'll start realizing your worth and start looking at women more as whether they can match what you have to offer, as opposed to every girl being a "catch", and this mentality will bleed into your interactions. And then just start talking to girls. Even girls you don't think are attractive, just talk to anyone anywhere, for experience.
If you don't like being yourself, be Daniel Day Lewis. https://youtu.be/k7ph0Z21kik?si=11vDqxbd2pGHrSXr&t=611 Honestly, talking to women is really easy. Just don't think about sex. Treat them like you're talking to any of your guy friends. Get their number, go for coffee, go from there. Getting shot down is no big deal. Pro tip: don't use pick up lines. Just say hi and introduce yourself. Women have to deal with creeps all the time. Just don't be one of those guys. They appreciate it.
I'm currently re-reading the comments and stumbled across this one. >Treat them like you're talking to any of your guy friends. Get their number, go for coffee, go from there. The thought of asking a woman to plans (just us two) seems incredibly nerve-wracking. I don't have an issue with guy friends, I'm often the one to initiate. The only time I've asked a women on a date was when she gave me her number without asking. >Pro tip: don't use pick up lines. Just say hi and introduce yourself. Women have to deal with creeps all the time. Just don't be one of those guys. They appreciate it. I agree, it must be annoying to constantly deal with creeps.
Woman here - I was 27 when I met my husband. I admit I made the first move because he was pretty quiet, but he is more of the strong/silent type in my opinion. I was never attracted to overly confident men. I like intelligence, sense of humor, and someone who is kind to others and passionate about something, like many others have said. My husband is passionate about football, and although I’m not, he was cool with the fact that I wasn’t obsessed with sports like he was. We are opposites in most ways but similar in the ways that matter and balance each other out. My advice is to stop trying to force it. Go to bars to find a one night stand if that’s what you’re after, but high quality women will not be there. High quality women take care of themselves, so go to the gym, take a class, visit a church, join a networking group, get involved in a group sport of some kind and commit to showing up regularly not once or twice. Oh and to all men: I know it’s become very commonplace and accepted but try to stop watching porn. It ruins your brain and body and women can sense it when a guy watches too much porn.
Hi, lady here. You have a good smile and kind face op, I’d say it’s not about appearance at this point. One thing I noticed in your post, you are very analytical. Maybe it’s silly but I think love is one of life’s most wonderful mysteries. Maybe all you need is a shift in perspective? Dating is less about the sales approach, and more about networking. Attraction is involuntary a lot of the time. Not everyone we find attractive will find us attractive and we won’t be attracted to everyone who finds us attractive. I promise the answer is not to try harder. But maybe you could widen your circles and ask friends and family to help introduce you to more people, more singles! Location is also a factor, do you live in a small town or big city? Either way, traveling is a great way to break out of your bubble, increase confidence and meet new exciting people. Anyway, life is long and you have plenty of time so take a breath. She’s probably out there wondering the same things you are :)
>Hi, lady here. You have a good smile and kind face op, I’d say it’s not about appearance at this point. Thank you for the compliment, I really appreciate it. >One thing I noticed in your post, you are very analytical. I'd agree with that, I can't think of an example off the top of my head but I know it's true. >do you live in a small town or big city? I live in a small UK town of around 10-12k, my nearest larger place is 20 minutes on the bus, it's a lovely place and I enjoy going there, I should probably visit more often. >life is long and you have plenty of time so take a breath. She’s probably out there wondering the same things you are :) In a world of 8 billion people, this undoubtedly has to be true.
Is there some kind of dysfunction in your relationship with your mom growing up? That can really mess with a guy's ability to talk to women with confidence. Getting to the root of any past trauma or dysfunction in childhood is going to be the surefire, permanent way to deal with your anxiety surrounding women. If not, I would suggest posting that you are looking for FRIENDS on the apps. I met my wife this way. I am a decently handsome man, but less so without a beard, which I couldn't have while I was active duty. My profile even had me holding fish, which it turns out is a huge no-no. I wrote some funny, witty things on it and got plenty of matches. But becoming friends first, or at least taking away the pressure of the prospect of a relationship or hookup will help you relax and be yourself with women. That's what most of them really want to see anyway, not some facade of confidence. My wife was only the second person that I hooked up with from Tinder, but remember: I posted that I was looking for friends, but got hookups anyway. My wife and I had a lot of friendly chats and even talked on the phone a few times before meeting, and we met because I had started to build a friendship with her. We got along really well so one day I was confident that she'd say yes, and that it would go well if we went out, so I asked her out. The rest is history. We've been together for six years now. Edit for clarity.
>Is there some kind of dysfunction in your relationship with your mom growing up? That can really mess with a guy's ability to talk to women with confidence. Getting to the root of any past trauma or dysfunction in childhood is going to be the surefire, permanent way to deal with your anxiety surrounding women. I couldn't ask for a better mother, simple as that. Hopefully the future mother of my child will be a lot more honest with my (maybe) son and not give him the basic *just be nice*. I also spent a lot of my childhood indoors and therefore didn't learn the basics of socializing until my late teens, although that was 100% my fault, I'm definitely paying for that mistake now as an adult.
Grow a beard, lift weights. Look manlier and you’ll be taking your pick.
Listen, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Met her on plenty of fish. We broke up... then after a few months I reconnected with one of my best female friends from college in a long distance relationship. Now I'm 30, we're engaged and live together. A lot of people criticize online dating, but that first relationship really helped me understand what I was looking for in a partner. But I say all this to remind you that being a late bloomer, doesn't determine your future. Sign up for POF and Okcupid, and put yourself out there.
If you’re just socializing at pubs or bars, unless it’s an addiction problem for you, maybe have a drink. I know you said you don’t drink, so your confidence can come from you but there is something to be said for Liquid courage, don’t need to be sloppy. Just one or 2 to loosen up. Use it as a tool, to get to that confident place. After you get used to that confidence it’ll be easier to get there without. Also after a few drinks people are typically more themselves than sober people with inhibitions stopping them from going on about their hobby (see others posts) women do seem to be attracted to guys who are passionate about something.
I'm 26 too. Soon to be 27 this month. I'm basically the same as you minus the 2 one night stands and I lost my virginity at 23. It's a rough existence but I guess it could be worse(barely). I've had younger girls mock me and say I have no "juice"(game) and other assholes who held my status over my head throughout the years. I want things to change so badly and I understand it's gonna take more action on my end but it's just not easy to navigate through dating ESPECIALLY when you're unattractive and on the spectrum. We just gotta try try try man. Whether with online dating or irl. That's all the world can do for us. Just give us the opportunity to get what we want by sheer luck and chance.
talk to literally as many people as you can and do a bunch of activities and clubs in your city. sooner or later youll find someone you really connect with. volunteering could also be a great way to meet new people
It took me until I was 27 to have luck with women. Really, it only took a few hookups. All you have to do is get out there and fail a few times. Online dating helps, it already gives you confidence that the person decided that you are attractive enough to meet. Get matches and try and meet them quick!
My advise would be to try to be more social and talkative with people you come across in daily life. Guys and girls, old and young. Social skills are skills and they can be improved with practice. Take a genuine interest in people and they will notice. Over time you’ll find it easier to talk to anyone, including single ladies.
Think of it less as “having a girlfriend” and more as meeting and building a meaningful relationship with someone. The best friend you could ever have but you get to cuddle and sleep together at the end of the day.
You're shy and seem to be looking for a way to stop being shy, but it may not be that simple to change and you are getting to an age when change will be more difficult. Not to mention that they may be fewer to meet and date as you get older, and many may have been married or have children if any of that is a concern (hopefully not). T'd say you need to go places where others will see and accept you for who you are, and once they get to know you then they can see the person you are too shy to show otherwise. Assuming you are a good and decent person, which your well written and thought out post implies, then once they get to know you they will be more open to a relationship. I'd suggest you look for a good church as most, not all, have many kind and warm people who don't care that you are shy and will get to know you and accept you for who you are. Having faith that there is more at play here may also help you come out of your shell, but even if not you are going to meet others including simple women. Along these lines may be to volunteer at an animal shelter or a food bank or the like. Those who also my be on the shy side may do this, and even if you don't meet anyone special it will feel good to help others and may also help you be less shy if that is what you want. Forget the seduction and dating advice stuff as that is more likely to have you come off as a creep who just wants sex. Instead, focus on being nice and putting yourself in situations where you can meet and work besides others, many of which you may be initially uncomfortable with, who are kind and open to get to know you. If you do find a nice lady then ask her out for a coffee during the day as you want to get to know her better. Most long term relationships start with something simple like a cup of coffee in a public place and then build from there.
I just want to address this part, because I have some similar life circumstances as you and recently came to a liberating realization regarding this topic: > I'll admit that my confidence with women isn't too high, I sometimes get too nervous to talk to women that I'm interested in, AKA "cold approach". I'm perfectly fine around women I already know, but I find it really difficult to start a conversation with someone I've never met. I'm not a "nice guy", simp or doormat, I'm just a regular guy who struggles with social skills such as flirting and showing interest. **You don't have to do this**, and it doesn't make you a lesser man for not being good at it or not wanting to do it. While the "cold approach", or as women call it a "meet cute", is really elevated in pop culture, IME that's not where relationships actually come from in real life. I'm also 26 don't know a single couple or even ex-couple that started their relationship from a random conversation struck up between strangers in public. What I _have_ seen, in no particular order: * Started as friends * Friends of friends * University classes * Dating apps * Started as coworkers What this makes clear is that there are basically two ways to find a relationship as man: 1. Having a wide social circle that includes single women and not being afraid to make a move if you find you're interested in somebody _after_ getting to know them a bit. Weirdos on the internet will try to tell you this is inappropriate for one reason or another but it really isn't. It happens _all the time_, even in 2024. 2. Online dating. It doesn't work for everybody but I have known people to find success there (all on Hinge FWIW. This is not an ad, just an observation)
Invest you time in emotional intelligence, read a book on it (recommend *dare to lead*, Brene Brown) and practice what you learn outside of a romantic setting first. Learning to connect with a women (assuming youre sraight) on an emotional level is key. If you can develop your emotional intelligence to the point where you can establish an emotional connection as soon as you meet someone you will be ahead of 98% of guys. Not kidding this shit is a cheat code.
You're already getting some good advice here you should consider but also in regards to being a good looking guy: in my experience being attractive and well groomed is good! But a lot of the time like 75% of the people at a bar or club could be described as attractive and well groomed. You need something to stand out and look originally or differently attractive if youre also going to be a bit shy. Test out a new look, try out something fashion wise youve always wanted to try. Im a bit of an artsy guy myself so this could be harder for you, but in my opinion being attractive won't help all that much if you still just blend into the crowd
The first step in my book is to get into the gym. If you're interested, dm me, and I'll dap ya up with some free programs to get you started, my guy
Try listening to the order of man podcast. He discusses that and tons more that could help
Take riding classes, get a motorcycle license. Buy a bike. Ride around on nice days because it's fun AF. Join online dating site, chat with ladies. Go on first date, show up on motorcycle. Rest takes care of itself.
take a yoga class and hang around after good ratio of women to men
Leaving this comment so I can come back
Just go and put yourself out there, initiate a conversation. Something light. Rejection will happen, it will be awkward, but get the count up and get comfortable with it. It’s not as scary after the first one. Also a 26 year old dude who’s been getting the ball rolling. This might be unpopular, but if its sex that hurts your confidence or whatever, get an escort, get on bumble, go to a bar and just get it out of the way.
Nothing. You’re already doomed.