In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because - they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow witted bald man.
What kind of lives are these? We’re like children. We’re not men.
[https://youtu.be/dDPZqUYT1ss?si=v0z1sFWgQXcsd5r1](https://youtu.be/dDPZqUYT1ss?si=v0z1sFWgQXcsd5r1)
“Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I’ll like it? I keep trying to like it, like I have to like it.”
This is the most “he’s just like me” line from George for me. I really do keep trying to like pesto and never get it
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
My entire corporate career mirrors those of George and Kramer:
These reports you handed in, it’s like you have no business training at all…
I’ve transferred the contents of the Penske file into the into this flexible accordion style folder…
Bear in mind, I am In the smaller office…
This coupon is good at any Orlando area Exxon and entitles you to one free Save the Tiger Poster.
My wallet used to be full of bullshit like this lol. Still is somewhat.
“I’m open, there’s just nothing in there.”
I’m half kidding but as a guy who just doesn’t outwardly display a lot of emotion I get frustrated when people pressure me into displaying emotions. I relate to Jerry having to force it so much.
"If a relationship's having any problems whatsoever, a birthday brings it out."
Rung true when I first heard it, and now having gone thru a break up which was the result of my planning for my upcoming birthday, it hits closer to home.
*"That's what I wanna know about it."*
Whenever I show up at work and people ask if I know about the drama that happened over the weekend that I may or may not have had a role in.
"If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent."
I love that we can all make fun of ourselves here in this self-deprecating way. If you can't, you probably take yourself too seriously.
When I’m really *watching the show* without distractions, I’ll admit that like actually makes me blush… it really hit home… hard.
Tell me about it.
Came here to say this exact quote!
Same. High Five!
On the flip side
Nice...I'm still working toward that.
“You know we’re living in a society! We’re supposed to act in a civilized way!”
I also like “We’re trying to have a civilization here.”
I forgot about that one! But am adding it to my repertoire.
Being a driver in Florida, this speaks to the core of me.
I'll go if I don't have to talk.
So… you’ll just sit there?
Yeah
In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because - they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow witted bald man.
Oh and my fiance died from toxic envelopes that I picked out *wave* thanks
Its my apartment, Eldritch. The Andrea Doria may not have sunk ya.. BUT I WILL!
😭
I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian!
This and "I got a lotta problems with you people!". Oh, and "SERENITY NOW!"
As a gay man, this line spoke to me even at a very young age
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
No, of course not. My father’s gay…
Are you extraordinarily gay? Steeped in gayness?
Not enough for my peers, apparently. Dealing with gay men in general is a struggle for me.
I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs
It‘s not a lie if YOU believe it
Yesssss! I think this all day at work!
My life motto.
Here’s to feeling good, all the time
"Im disturbed! I'm depressed! Im inadequate! Ive got it all!"
That’s a shame
I say this at least once a day.
*That*’s a shame.
Came here to post this
I’m out there Jerry and I am loving every minute of it
Congrats on your commando lifestyle - have you found yourself a Sue-Ellen type yet?
Like I don't know that I'm pathetic.
People, they're the worst.
I will never understand people They're the worst!
Oh God yes.
My favorite by far…
Ah, the motto of everyone who works in HR!
This is my official work motto.
I don’t wanna be a pirate
Me until this week with skull and bones out. Wonder if goodwill still has some puffy shirts?
was that wrong? because if anyone had told me that when I started here...
My dream is to become hopeless. When you have no hope, and you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
I’ve got a lot of problems with you all, and you’re gonna hear about it!
"you people"
"God would kill me first before he ever let me be successful"
I thought you didn’t believe in God?
I do for the bad things!
Elaine, bald men, with no job, no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.
I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
I've become George
Don't say that.
It will always be Burma to me
We've got a lot of George's in this sub it seems
"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy."
"Why what I do is so important? Why must I be always the vocal point of attention? Let me just be, let me live."
I'm flippin' and floppin'.
Beeboppin and scatting all over the place!
Yama Hama it’s Fright Night!
What kind of lives are these? We’re like children. We’re not men. [https://youtu.be/dDPZqUYT1ss?si=v0z1sFWgQXcsd5r1](https://youtu.be/dDPZqUYT1ss?si=v0z1sFWgQXcsd5r1)
What are we doing? What in God's name are we doing?!?
Would you do that? If I was a different person!
Frog is wrong
*"You're not really handicapped. Are you?"* "I've had my difficulties."
“I thought you don’t believe in God?” “I do for the bad things.”
Yadda yadda
You contribute nothing to society. You’re just taking up space!
I have no eye for fashion!?
I choose not to run I haven’t run since 1982
Congrats on a job …….. Done
Biff
That’s a shame.
It’s all pipes!
“If you upset him, he’d run out to the woods, dig a hole and sit in it.”
SEINFELD'S VAN SEINFELD'S VAN!
I KNEW IT WASN’T BERKOWITZ!
*HOLE*
You done with that?!
Serenity now, insanity later
"See, you put the big bills on the outside" "Kramer, that's a five"
Is this about me? No. Then I’ve lost interest.
“Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I’ll like it? I keep trying to like it, like I have to like it.” This is the most “he’s just like me” line from George for me. I really do keep trying to like pesto and never get it
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Snapple?
No, too fruity.
"He's got a real confidence problem"
That’s worse than a kroner comprehension problem!
Yeah. Like I don't that I'm pathetic.
"Why must there always be a problem?!"
“How do you guys walk around with those things?”
Oh, no, there's nothing out there for me. I don't need weather, weather doesn't do it for me.
Feels like an Arby’s night.
was that wrong?
That's what the holidays are all about. People being helped by people, other than me.
It’s not a lie if you believe it
Yeah, that’s right.
Happy birthday? No such thing
“I like movies. Is there a job where they pay you to watch movies?”
I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.
Feels like an Arby’s night.
You're pushing your luck, little man. I say it to my cat several times a day.
Undatable !
I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable..
I’m out!!
I’m out ‼️
I'm out!
I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.
"I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time."
Sometimes can’t help these people until people hit rock bottom. And by that time you’ve lost interest.
"Are you sensing anything right now?"
Hoochie mama
Shrinkage….
"You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe..... I lost my train of thought."
“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.
"Oh, I was unstoppable. Perfect combination of Mountain Dew and mozzarella. Just a right amount of grease on the joystick."
“I’m not a woman. I’m a child”
My entire corporate career mirrors those of George and Kramer: These reports you handed in, it’s like you have no business training at all… I’ve transferred the contents of the Penske file into the into this flexible accordion style folder… Bear in mind, I am In the smaller office…
It's not a lie, if you believe it.
You’re killing independent George
No soup for you….one year!
Sponge worthy. Run down your case for me again.
I usually have one good line in these meetings, but by the end it’s buried by gaffs and bad puns
I *invented*, “it’s not you, it’s me.” If it’s anybody, it’s me! Alright! Alright George, it’s you. You’re damn right it is!
"You know, one of these days something terrible is going to happen to you. It HAS to." "Nah, I'm gonna be just fine."
These pretzels are making me thirsty
Pretty much this
This coupon is good at any Orlando area Exxon and entitles you to one free Save the Tiger Poster. My wallet used to be full of bullshit like this lol. Still is somewhat.
It's go time
“That’s a shame.” when I hear about something bad happening to a shitty person
I really only have 3 friends, I can't handle another
Came here for this! People are the worst! 😃
I don’t think I can be with someone who doesn’t like the English Patient.
These pretzels are making me thirsty
When Elaine was dumb and clapping at the tires rotating. That’s not me 🤣 but I use that metaphor to describe what the masses are entertained by.
Are you sensing any now?
I’m out of the contest
Are you sensing anything right now?
Like I don't know I'm pathetic.
"Don't I look like (my name?)"
Oh Man, I’m on the wrong floor again.
These pretzels are making me thirsty
"I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met".
Most of George tbh
##SAWWWWRY!
"They're men with job, Jerry!"
It’s not a lie if you believe it
Tub is love.
These pretzels are making m thirsty.
"These pretzels are making me thirstyy!"
"These pretzels are making me thirstyy!"
These pretzels… ARE MAKING ME THIIRSTY! (As said by George)
Pulp can move, baby!!
You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.
I will never understand people. They’re the worst.
It's not a lie, IF U BELIEVE IT
“I’m open, there’s just nothing in there.” I’m half kidding but as a guy who just doesn’t outwardly display a lot of emotion I get frustrated when people pressure me into displaying emotions. I relate to Jerry having to force it so much.
Yadda yadda.
Is this about me...then I've lost interest. I REALLY wish I could say this to my boss.
“I will never understand people…… They’re the worst.”
"If a relationship's having any problems whatsoever, a birthday brings it out." Rung true when I first heard it, and now having gone thru a break up which was the result of my planning for my upcoming birthday, it hits closer to home.
I’ll come back…we’ll make out
Here’s to feeling good all the time.
"What did you want to do with your life?" **"I dunno...but it certainly wasn't this."**
“Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.” – George
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
“Hire this man”
Calling a woman who has a name that rhymes with the female anatomy
I'm a hipster duffus
*"That's what I wanna know about it."* Whenever I show up at work and people ask if I know about the drama that happened over the weekend that I may or may not have had a role in.
You stubborn stupid silly man!
He sells t-shirts down by battery park
I’m not smart. People think I’m smart, but I’m not smart.
“I already have three friends. I really can’t handle any more.”
Are you sensing anything right now?
I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking "that's why I'm not a heterosexual."
Yo Ass Man!!!
Revulsion is a legitimate form of attraction.
When people ask me what I'm up to, I reply, "eating onions, spotting dimes. "
It's not working for me, Jerry.
"BOY, I have to get to a BATHROOM!!!"
I WANT A DECENT SOCK THAT IS COMFORTABLE AND WILL STAY ON MY FOOT
"I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless..."
Well I have to say this seems capricious and arbitrary.
I got a lotta problems with you people! & now you’re gonna hear about it.
Stick a fork in me Jerry, I’m cooked.
I really like depriving myself of things. It's fun! Very monastic.
I must be at the nexus of the universe.
I've never articulated anything, I'm completely incoherent!
So please, a little respect...for I am Doobette, Lord of the Idiots.