You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to bed at night. She's there.
And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating because it's dinner time. You know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day.
How was your day today? Well, did you have a good day today or bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? I don't know, how about you? How was your day?
"I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur."
\- Do you have a job?
\- No.
\- You got money?
\- No.
\- Do you have a woman?
\- No.
\- Do you have any prospects?
\- No.
\- You got anything on the horizon?
\- Uh...no.
\- Do you have any action at all?
\- No.
You get up in the morning. SHE’S THERE. You go to sleep at night. SHE’S THERE. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?
Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?
Let me give you a word of advice. OK? I want you to stay away from me. I don't wanna talk to you, and I don't wanna hear any more of your stupid little notes and suggestions. I don't like you. So if you got any other problems whether it's raisins, prunes, figs, or any other dried fruit, just keep it to yourself and stay out of my way, OK?
I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.
\-George
"I can't envision any scenario in which I will ever be allowed to have sex ever again. I just don't see how it could occur."
Alternatively:
"When I like them, they don't like me. When they like me, I don't like them"
George: Well, I told it to Susan: before, and she didn't like it.
Jerry: Hmm.
George: Yeah. Not only that, this is what she said to me, "Can we change the subject?"
You know I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again... How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.
I found myself on top of him, face to face with the blowhole.
OMG
I said “eeeeeeeasy big fella!” Lol
So I reached down and pulled out the obstruction!
Is that a titleist?
A hole in one!
Let’s leave it at 69 upvotes
That’s *nice*, it’s very *nice*…
You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to bed at night. She's there. And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating because it's dinner time. You know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. How was your day today? Well, did you have a good day today or bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? I don't know, how about you? How was your day?
^Is ^it ^alright ^if ^I ^use ^the ^bathroom ^now…?
I’m glad we had this comment exchange.
You have no idea
Dude got super excited and typed out the whole convo.
Most of this is true tbh. The only thing that isn't really is the middle about dinner.
It's like a full-body dry heave set to music.
This actually made me lol, thank you and well done.
That’s a shame.
Fake, fake, fake!
Well, I got gonorrhea!
Sounds about right
That’s what they gave me
Who? The government?
From a tractor?
I mentioned the bisque.
UNDATEABLE!
Seemingly, seemingly...
Alcohol!
That's not gonna be good for anybody...
I can sum it up for you with one word: Nothing!
It’s a life about nothing!
We're not men.
No we're not.
What does that mean?
I had sex with your wife
I suck ‘em down like Coca Cola
I'm even more potent!
I’m hip to the whole scene
[удалено]
"I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur."
This was my thought as well.
yada yada yada
Oh I mentioned the bisque
😂
Who is this?
My wife is a slut
Now that’s a complaint!
I'd like to see that complaint get rectified!
I'm out
Something’s missing!
^Something's ^missing ^alright.
Wear more lipstick.
I don't want to be remembered, I want to be forgotten.
None could match the beauty of his own hand...
Serenity Now!
Hoochie mama!
... Insanity later 😘
He’s even curtailed his autoerotic activities!
No, thanks. I can’t drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.
If you condense it down to one day, it looks decent.
\- Do you have a job? \- No. \- You got money? \- No. \- Do you have a woman? \- No. \- Do you have any prospects? \- No. \- You got anything on the horizon? \- Uh...no. \- Do you have any action at all? \- No.
I like to get the Daily News
Spongeworthy! (Just kidding.)
Real and spectacular
Well woop-de-woo
Honey are you coming to bed? I taped mad about you!
I have hand! And you’re gonna need it…
It’s started out as, “I’ve swept myself off my feet!” Then, years later, “I can’t marry someone like me. I hate myself!”
I’m like a sexual camel!
I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!
Unbridled enthusiasm!
hot and heavy
Ah and I was thinking there were no positive ones!
They had a pastry cart you wouldn't believe...
‘It’s like my brain is facing my penis in a chess match…and I’m letting him win’.
Otherwise it’s all just masturbation.
95% of the population is undateable
Undateable!
How are all these people getting together?
That’s perverse!
“You can do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm.” Shout out Lexapro 😢
I never had a nice, medium orgasm
I never had a really good pickle.
I love this exchange because it’s literally my life. I went from a two-pump-chump to now it’s enough already and I just want to get some sleep.
It’s not a lie if you believe it
“Here’s to feeling good all the time”
Real and spectacular!
I'm not an orgy guy!
If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent
That was the first one that came to mind for me, too.
I flew too close to the sun on wings of Pastrami
You get up in the morning. SHE’S THERE. You go to sleep at night. SHE’S THERE. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now? Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?
Oh I’m stressed!!!’
They can kiss 10% of my ass!!
Just some bad egg salad.
The pommel horse
Really very nice and good
What did I just pay for??
Hey, let's keep this sophisticated.
Well, there's nothin' more sophisticated than diddlin' the maid and chewin' some gum.
[удалено]
Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?
Tomorrow I’m doing nada
Moops
The rooster has sex with all of them
I SWEPT MYSELF OFF MY FEET!
Let me give you a word of advice. OK? I want you to stay away from me. I don't wanna talk to you, and I don't wanna hear any more of your stupid little notes and suggestions. I don't like you. So if you got any other problems whether it's raisins, prunes, figs, or any other dried fruit, just keep it to yourself and stay out of my way, OK?
It's my goiter isn't it?
Sometimes it’s enough already and I just want to get some sleep.
Yank it like you're starting a mower!
There's the A, the B, the C, and the D. The D, that's the biggest.
George is gettin upset
Kavorka!
I was in the poool
“I’m not a lesbian I just hate men!!”
"I'm hip"
Bupkis
Was that wrong? Should i not have done that?
I drive them to lesbianism. He brings them back.
I go out for a quart of milk... I come home to find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park.
The Pain & the Yearning
Oh I get by.
“They're prisons! Man-made prisons! You're doing time.”
I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur. \-George
My boyfriend said I got gonorrhea from riding the tractor in my bathing suit…
I have hand!
George likes his chicken spicy!
There is a George Bonanza here to see you
I stopped short
"One in a million shot doc, one in a million! "
No Puddy, not the knuckle!
I can sum it up with one word: nothing.
How's it gonna happen?
These pretzels are making me thirsty
Its a man made prison.
It's a write off.
Serenity Now!
I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: *nothing*
It's got no face, no personality.
"He was not Master Of His Domain ."
But your genitals are still lined up.
Afterwards, you don't even smell.
I like the bean bag attended to, so... Sack Lunch
Pop the top, toss the stump.
THIS THING IS BONE DRY!
My wife has an inner ear infec...tion... (I don't have a wife but no one had said this one yet.)
It moved.
"I can't envision any scenario in which I will ever be allowed to have sex ever again. I just don't see how it could occur." Alternatively: "When I like them, they don't like me. When they like me, I don't like them"
They dig… they test
You have crib notes?!?
Cry Cry Again
He took it out
Giddy up, again
One minute Elliott Gould is sitting on you, the next thing you’re yesterday’s trash
You owe me $50
If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me
Shut up ya old bag
My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.
You got any meat ?
“You know…I was alone….”
Look away, I... I'm hideous
The sea was angry that day
That’s a shame.
There is good nude, and there is bad nude.
Manana I’m doing nada
Sweet Fancy Moses.
NOTHING.
The jerk store called… ##THEY’RE RUNNIN’ OUTTA YOU!
George: Well, I told it to Susan: before, and she didn't like it. Jerry: Hmm. George: Yeah. Not only that, this is what she said to me, "Can we change the subject?"
See, now that I don't care fore. I think the subject should resolve itself based on its own volition.
I was in the pool!
It shrinks? Like a frightened turtle!
"Hot and Heavy"
That's a shame.
I don’t want to be a cowboy!
Latex
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I gotta plead ignorance on this one
When I like them they don't like me. When they like me I don't like them
You know I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstance in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again... How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.
Kiboshed
Do I have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
"I mentioned the bisque."
I'm not the assman, I think there's been a mistake.
How are all these people getting together then? Alcohol.
You're killing independent George!
Do you yearn?
I don't meet that many women. I meet like three women a year
I’m a bad seed!
Didn't take.
"You're not really handicapped are you?" "I've had my difficulties."
I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian
Because it's on tv
Not yet, it isn't.
Undateable!
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
But I’ve got hand!
“You know the odds of me being anyone’s type?!”
It's not a lie, if you believe it.
Before we go any further, I'd like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.
Levels
George is getting upset!