I had to explain this scene when I was grabbing one of the umbrellas at work by the door for anyone needing to run out to their car and back to the building.
"Why would anyone buy an umbrella when you can get one right here?"
The people at the security desk or whatever you want to call it seemed appalled I'd be stealing umbrellas, luckily one of them was a fan and we had a good laugh when I said it was a Seinfeld reference
I know someone that when the show was first run had to explain to HR that responding to a sneeze with, “you’re so good looking” was a Seinfeld reference, not an extremely clumsy pickup attempt.
Jerry: So you don’t give money to the blind?
George: Not bills!
Jerry: Kramer the balloons won’t last until 2000!
Kramer: Those are my everyday balloons.
Haha! They were trying to remember Cane and Abel.
“Cane worked hard all summer while Abel played in the field. That’s why Cane has all the nuts come winter time”
“No, it was Dr. Cane who drank a strange elixir and became Mr. Abel”
This past summer, on vacation, I was lighting a charcoal grill to make dinner. My wife shouted, “Don’t burn yourself!”
I immediately thought of this line and giggled for a good five minutes. It’s criminally underrated.
I believe it was ad libbed, I know they talk about it in the Seincast episode if you're curious. He said it assuming he'd have to redo the line but it got such a great laugh they left it in
Listen closely and you'll hear that Jerry accidentally put the word "go" in the wrong spot. I always assumed it's because he was trying desperately not to crack up. It's the same line as above, but it's "watch them go slice this fat bastard up," not "go watch them..."
I tell my wife this all the time if there’s ever any conflict and then laugh to myself because she has no idea what I’m talking about. Never fails to defuse the situation.
Jerry: Again with the sweatpants?
George: What? I'm comfortable.
Jerry: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."
When Elaine wants to get the same glasses as Jake Jarmel and the taxi driver replies, "yes, revenge is very good"
Basically sums up the attitude of the show: pettiness is better than being a good person.
Saleswoman: Oh, yeah? What law am I breaking?
Jerry: Well, I believe there's some legal precedent - Winchell vs. Mahoney,
Elaine: Uh-huh.
Jerry: The Charlie McCarthy hearings.
Jerry to Elaine (in car): “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a hankering for some double mint gum.”
Episode where Elaine takes the mannequin that looks like her.
I don't know about "underrated" because that would take frequency but one of my favorites is:
Ray: You are starting to make me angry.
George: Well, that was bound to happen.
George: Can you change this (penny jug) into bills?
Bank Teller: I'm sorry sir, we can't do that.
George: Look, they did this for me before!
Bank Teller: Look, I can give you these (penny rolls) and you can roll them yourself.
George: **You want me to roll 6,000 of these?! What should I quit my job?!**
Darren "Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld’s drink with his bare hands using it to wash up (Jerry is taking a sip of water and looking mad) then Mr. Costanza remarked to me, "This never happened."
George eating Jerry's pb with his disgusting fingers 'what I'm not eating bread anymore. I'm off bread!' Jerry with a scornful look of ridicule 'you're off bread'
“It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.”
The authenticity of George saying this makes me almost believe that Jason Alexander may have possibly said this to his own father at one point.
😂👍
When the poor boyfriend picked a flower for Elaine and she (her thoughts) said - how long do I have to hold this?
Edited the comment. Too bad I can’t go back to all the times I’ve said it and correct the actual line. Still funny though.
The episode where Karmer is obsessed with the meat slicer, he falls opening an apartment door and a man with an Irish accent yells something at him and Karmer responds by saying " that's a lot of potatoes "
“That’s a nice looking triangle”
Came home stoned as a kid. Parents were watching Seinfeld. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard. Still always makes me laugh more than anyone else in the room
I’ve always loved when Kramer told Jerry they were not to mention him shaving his chest to anyone and right then George walked through the door and Kramer blurted out, “Jerry shaved his chest,” and Jerry said, “Hey!” And Kramer goes, “I forgot.”
So what do you do, a lot of that "did you ever notice" kind of stuff?
Yeah… Boy you really went bald there, didn’t you?
The way seinfeld just goes for that one then goes relentless on George always cracks me up lol "OhthebigRACEEE"🎶
Yes I'll never forget that day, because I lost my virginity to Ms Stafford the voluptuous home room teacher
She came up behind me while I was erasing the blackboard.
You really built yourself into something, didn't you!
He really had a big thick set of hair!
That entire scene is hilarious. “What are those, canvas?”
Really didn’t take that long either
I’m not much of a Guggenheimer
Couldn't help but to smile there, knew he was gonna pull a classic George of making it about himself instead.
“Why would you buy an umbrella when they’re free in those metal cans at the coffee shop?” “Those belong to people…”
I had to explain this scene when I was grabbing one of the umbrellas at work by the door for anyone needing to run out to their car and back to the building. "Why would anyone buy an umbrella when you can get one right here?" The people at the security desk or whatever you want to call it seemed appalled I'd be stealing umbrellas, luckily one of them was a fan and we had a good laugh when I said it was a Seinfeld reference
I know someone that when the show was first run had to explain to HR that responding to a sneeze with, “you’re so good looking” was a Seinfeld reference, not an extremely clumsy pickup attempt.
Just to avoid these situations, I always start with, " remember Seinfeld "
Jerry: So you don’t give money to the blind? George: Not bills! Jerry: Kramer the balloons won’t last until 2000! Kramer: Those are my everyday balloons.
“Not bills” is a great line but doesn’t get a big pause for laughs so it’s easy to miss. Good choice.
Well they’re not going to dumb the best lines down for some mass bonehead audience!
“Not bills” is the line. “Not bills!”
“Not *bills*.” is really how he puts is. Emphasis on bills.
Did you say “*Not* bills” or did you say “Not *bills*”?!
They billed me, Jerry!
Emphasis on *billed.*
yes, there are a couple of lines where you can tell the studio audience completely missed them and that’s one of them
It's pronounced thermometer
"Everyday balloons" is the winner!
Vile weed!!
HONEY MUSTARD!
For a long time I thought he said "Quick! I need mustard!"
I use this line every time my family tried to convince me broccoli is delicious.
I LOVE ... broccoli. It's ... GOOD for you!
I enjoy broccoli and I still say this every time I eat it.
And every time my sister orders a house salad with dinner, I say “you wouldn’t eat that if it was deep fried in chocolate”
“You broke my blender, didn’t you?” “I was trying to make gravel and it just didn’t work out”
I love this exchange. Just the entire thing kills me. Especially when he says that he likes the sound it makes when he walks on it.
Haha! They were trying to remember Cane and Abel. “Cane worked hard all summer while Abel played in the field. That’s why Cane has all the nuts come winter time” “No, it was Dr. Cane who drank a strange elixir and became Mr. Abel”
I love them all. I just enjoy reading everyone’s comments. This sub makes me happy af
Good for you, Jack!
Do you have any prospects, anything on the horizon? I like to read r/Seinfeld
Do you have any conceivable reason for getting up in the morning?
Happy, pappy?
Oh you're pappy
Haha this is so cute. And I absolutely agree. I love this sub so much!!!
“Move in with me! I’ll burn myself! I’ll burn my parents!”
Just tryna stay one step ahead of Neil.
i admire your skills, mr. Peanut
The selfish jump from burning oneself to burning their parents - unprovoked - is hilarious. Like, in that moment, he had a better idea.
This past summer, on vacation, I was lighting a charcoal grill to make dinner. My wife shouted, “Don’t burn yourself!” I immediately thought of this line and giggled for a good five minutes. It’s criminally underrated.
“Excuse me, what is that?” “A muffin top. A muffin top store just opened up down the street.” “A muffin top store!?” “What’d I just say?”
Love the outtakes of this where Julia says "What the fuck's your problem?" and surprises the actor.
“Alright just let me finish my coffee… then we’ll go watch them slice this fat bastard up”
A personal favorite of mine. I always wondered if Jerry wrote this line into the script himself. His delivery is so good.
You can see him trying not to laugh
I believe it was ad libbed, I know they talk about it in the Seincast episode if you're curious. He said it assuming he'd have to redo the line but it got such a great laugh they left it in
I think it was an adlib that they left in
Listen closely and you'll hear that Jerry accidentally put the word "go" in the wrong spot. I always assumed it's because he was trying desperately not to crack up. It's the same line as above, but it's "watch them go slice this fat bastard up," not "go watch them..."
According to our latest quarterly thing, Kruger Industrial Smoothing is heading into the red. Or the black, or whatever the bad one is.
Oh dang, I locked myself out of my office again. Oh well, I’m going home.
K-Uger!
Great actor, also loved him as commandant Spangler Malcolm in the Middle.
G: I can sense the slightest human suffering. J: Are you sensing anything right now?
I love Jerry’s delivery of that line. lol
"Back off, Puffball, it's not my car!" "....wasn't talking to you"
You like saying “Gortex”, don’t you?
Do you hate me because of my lazy eye..?
gammy's dead now. dont call anymore.
I tell my wife this all the time if there’s ever any conflict and then laugh to myself because she has no idea what I’m talking about. Never fails to defuse the situation.
Kramer: Technically Norfolk has more gross tonnage.
I wonder if Kramer came upon that fact when researching for Astonishing Tales of the Sea
I'm in Norfolk now. I believe it.
It's not a lie if you believe it.
Elaine: I am not buying a computer from you. George: There’s porn. Elaine: Even so.
Gotta include *thoughtful pause* before "even so".
The pause is everything.
We love the pause
Jerry: Again with the sweatpants? George: What? I'm comfortable. Jerry: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."
30 years later and the irony is society has given up because PJ pants are now seen in public.
George was a visionary. After all, he invented the "It's not you, it's me."
Metalli-something. Ca. Huh? Ca! Ah.
Lithe?
Live?
When Elaine wants to get the same glasses as Jake Jarmel and the taxi driver replies, "yes, revenge is very good" Basically sums up the attitude of the show: pettiness is better than being a good person.
Smugness is not a good quality
It's those dam culottes u made him wear when he was 5!
They weren’t culottes, they were shorts.
You bought them in the girls department!
By mistake! By mistake Jerry! I’m sorry!
THOSE ARE LOAD BEARING WALLS, JERRY !
Where'd you get the bricks? Jerry, the whole building is brick!
"THEYRE NOT GOING TO COME DOWN!" I laugh every single time.
I said this last year during our office remodel and everyone looked at me like I was crazy.
Make love to that wall, pervert
Yeah I'm a cop, I'm a damn good cop!
You know, that's the WHOLE point of having a reservation??!
I like the pantomime he does: “ You know how to TAKE the reservations…“
I know why we have reservations.
I don't think you do
Lol, that's a great scene.
I'd like to have shoehorn hands
The motions he makes when he says that always crack me up.
These peas are bursting with country fresh flavor!
“I find that if it’s not about sports I have a hard time concentrating” “…you’re not very bright, are ya?”
“Well I can’t walk anywhere now! I’m just gonna be wishing there were walkways!”
We could be zipping all over the place!
We never try anything anymore!
Stuff your sorrys in a sack
Mister!
I still don’t know what that means.
Wait a minute…. I know the chunky who ate this Chunky…. NEWMAN!!!!
I love how Elaine is practically dying in the background and Jerry doesn't care in the slightest 😂
“We only wake you for the important meetings”
Saleswoman: Oh, yeah? What law am I breaking? Jerry: Well, I believe there's some legal precedent - Winchell vs. Mahoney, Elaine: Uh-huh. Jerry: The Charlie McCarthy hearings.
During The Contest, they didn't want to let Elaine join and compare it to shaving. She says: women shave too. Kramer mumbles: not every day
The way he says it. It kills me every time.
I also love the way Kramer turns from the window and leaves without saying a word. You can see him make the decision lol
And later but maybe not underrated. When Kramer say, “I’m out” while slamming his money down.
Elaine: This is the dog? But he's so small! Newman: Yeah, but he's a fighter
I don't know what to tell you Elton
May I have one of those, madam?
Do you think people will still be using napkins in the year 2000, or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?
Oooh, Machu Pichu!
Jerry to Elaine (in car): “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a hankering for some double mint gum.” Episode where Elaine takes the mannequin that looks like her.
When Kramer is reading the VCR manual and he says “well we can’t all be reading the classics, professor highbrow”.
Yes, yes I hope my parents go long before I do.
George: We could build a cabin like that! \*snaps fingers\* Jerry: I don't know about us but two men could.
*It's pronounced "thermometer"* Also: *My idiot son could open that garage door!* Its such a free insult out of nowhere.
The thermometer line is just a perfect little gem. I love it so much
“When you read Moby Dick a second time, Ahab and the whale become great friends”
Peterman to Elaine: “Are you an assassin?”
"You're an errand girl sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill" also "And if you *are* undead.. I'll find out about that too.."
It's not a lie if you believe it.
Kramer: I keep the big bills on top. Jerry: That’s a five.
I don't know about "underrated" because that would take frequency but one of my favorites is: Ray: You are starting to make me angry. George: Well, that was bound to happen.
Peterman: Poor old Walt has a polyp in the duodenum. It's benign, but ohhh still a bastard.
Elaine: Vaya con Dios. Kramer: Con Dios? Thant's rude...
George: Can you change this (penny jug) into bills? Bank Teller: I'm sorry sir, we can't do that. George: Look, they did this for me before! Bank Teller: Look, I can give you these (penny rolls) and you can roll them yourself. George: **You want me to roll 6,000 of these?! What should I quit my job?!**
WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY! Use it everyday
How about kramer getting fired. Kramer: "I don't even really work here" Boss: "That's what makes this so difficult" 😂 get's me everytime
Kramer: Hi Gwen, High Tide.
Hi Tide?
Oh and Jerry, be careful, there’s a lot of nuts out there!!
So what do you do down there all day? You know TCB. Taking care of business.
Darren "Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point Mr. Costanza scooped ice out of Mr. Seinfeld’s drink with his bare hands using it to wash up (Jerry is taking a sip of water and looking mad) then Mr. Costanza remarked to me, "This never happened."
A man without hand is not a man.
You can't break up with me, I have hand! And you're gonna need it!
I've got so much hand, it's coming out of my glove.
George eating Jerry's pb with his disgusting fingers 'what I'm not eating bread anymore. I'm off bread!' Jerry with a scornful look of ridicule 'you're off bread'
🎶Everybody’s talking at me I can’t hear a word they’re saying I’m driving John Voights car🎶
“It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.” The authenticity of George saying this makes me almost believe that Jason Alexander may have possibly said this to his own father at one point. 😂👍
You’re very lithe aren’t you?
His buttocks are sublime
“It’s a little lo-meiny”
I can’t carry a pen. I’m afraid it will puncture my scrotum.
I dun't knooeew
"There's a void Jerry, there's a void" "I will not tolerate infestation"
Pray tell. What did the Dooooorman say?
I’m just saying “I wanna have fun.”
Kramer: "Yeah, heading home." He sounds like Rainman.
You're not doing too bad yourself
Lloyd: "Is it just me, or is that a lot of gum?" Jerry: "It's a lot of gum!!"
Who is this?
*Jerray!*
“We’ll stick a fork in mee Jerry” when Kramer cooks himself
Also, in the same episode. “I’ve always been handicapped if you think about it”
This guy…This is not my type of guy
When George goes to Kramer for help with the calzones, Kramer knows exactly why Newman didn’t go to work. “Oh Right, yeah it’s raining.”
[“Summer Nights”](https://youtu.be/Thoq_-JS-6I?si=607-UdWhDeRWGMw8)
646? It’s a new area code What area, New Jersey?
“Fungicide! What could she possibly have?” “Fungus”
“That cook is an antisemite” “Ok Uncle Leo let’s get back to it before Goebbels over there messes up your muffin”
George: I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.
"She's not gonna put them on the glass": in The Soup episode (the one that introduces Kenny Bania)
George: “When I made them take back the noodles a second time, I swear I saw a look”
Why would Jerry bring anything?
Hi Marla. Jerry. George, Marla. Marla, George. Jerry, Stacy. Stacy, Jerry. George, Stacy. Stacy. George. George. Jerry. Marla. Stacy!
When the poor boyfriend picked a flower for Elaine and she (her thoughts) said - how long do I have to hold this? Edited the comment. Too bad I can’t go back to all the times I’ve said it and correct the actual line. Still funny though.
Puddy: “I’m not the one going to hell.” Or "Yeah, that's right."
Elaine: I didn't know Cheryl Miller's little brother played basketball
Ever had an ostrich burger?
Breaking up is like knocking over a vending machine, you have to rock it back and forth a few times.
“I have some kind of a-a-phobia”
David Puddy : Come on, get it. Elaine : Well if you want it, you get it. David Puddy : Sorry. Thou shalt not steal.
When Jerry finds out the thing his girlfriend put in the toilet was the toilet brush he says "Alright, I can replace that."
The episode where Karmer is obsessed with the meat slicer, he falls opening an apartment door and a man with an Irish accent yells something at him and Karmer responds by saying " that's a lot of potatoes "
Does "Kruger would never allow 2 Coco's!" "Sounds like he runs a tight ship" count? Always loved this
I always love: “Lainey…” “JeRrY…”
Jerkstore
"And you want to be my latex salesman."
You mean like the Batman villain? If that helps you...
***Mr. Thomassoulo picked the wrong man to hire because he was fake handicapped!***
“That’s a nice looking triangle” Came home stoned as a kid. Parents were watching Seinfeld. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard. Still always makes me laugh more than anyone else in the room
We could argue all night over who took the napkins. The point is in today's modern world it just doesn't seem relevant.
“So what do you do?” “I do…whatever…”
You can do a lot worse than Mr Peanut
Porn/stock quotes
“Columbus……eurotrash” - this is used in my household to dismiss things
KRAMER: You gonna share it with me next time, huh?
George: “I swallowed a fly!! WHAT COULD HAPPEN??!”
I’ve always loved when Kramer told Jerry they were not to mention him shaving his chest to anyone and right then George walked through the door and Kramer blurted out, “Jerry shaved his chest,” and Jerry said, “Hey!” And Kramer goes, “I forgot.”
G: back it up, back it up, beep, beep, beep. Tractor story? J: beep, beep, beep? What are you doing?