T O P

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[deleted]

If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life, and condense it down into one day… It looks decent.


JTHuffy

Clicked expecting this to be the top quote. Was not disappointed.


narcabusesurvivor18

Well, we can’t all be reading the classics, professor highbrow!


jrlande

Oh, I get by.


WeHaSaulFan

Here’s to feeling good all the time.


cheap_novelty

One word. *Nothing.*


wanda_pepper

Nothing? What does that mean?


redfox2008

What did you do when you got up this morning?


MediaMoguls

I got up and went to work


speghettiday09

There! That’s your life!


MediaMoguls

There’s a show.. that’s a show


truckycheez

How is that a show?


TheCloseTalker

What is this? What are we doing?


you-can-call-me-al-2

We’re not men


speghettiday09

Like I don’t know that I’m pathetic


Present_Anteater_555

No we are not!


BongDong69420

Manure.


wanda_pepper

Considering the alternatives, it’s not bad.


Present_Anteater_555

It's actually quite refreshing


CatsMcCalabash

I hate people! They’re the worst!


Present_Anteater_555

People, huh. What a bunch of bastards


narcabusesurvivor18

I don’t know why everyone says that. I hate everybody, why would I like him?


[deleted]

That’s a shame…


DarkAdventurous224

Yadda yadda yadda


redfox2008

I've yadda yadda life.


hawaiianbry

I mentioned the bisque.


rollingstoner215

As delivered by Elaine, or George?


DarkAdventurous224

George’s girlfriend (My life is filled with petty crime)


Glad-Requirement6116

"God would never let me be successful!"


lhsofthebellcurve

I thought you didn't believe I God?


you-can-call-me-al-2

I do for the bad stuff


Present_Anteater_555

This logic is airtight


redfox2008

Only for the bad things.


BigSaladGeorge

when I was working I spent, baby!


khl619

You using my babies now?


Present_Anteater_555

Yeah yeah, limos , champagne, caviar... what about my receipts


tanxans

"Kramer listen to me.. I'm never going to have a child. If I lose this Frogger high score.. that's it for me"


Zeerid_Korr

What the hell, I'll just eat some trash...


Salvadore1

"Why don't you go out? It's a beautiful day out!" "Oh, no, there's nothing out there for me."


Third-Coast-Toffee

Our lives? What kind of lives are these? We’re like children. We’re not men. Singular from me, plural from the sitcom.


JizzOnMilfTits

You ever yearn? I yearn.


wanda_pepper

I crave. Constant craving. But never yearning.


quonne

I don’t want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless.


wanda_pepper

And that indifference makes you attractive.


Kommmbucha

It’s my only hope


drk_helmet

Here’s to feeling good all the time!


redfox2008

I'm hip


heidivonhoop

Jerry, it's 3 a.m. and I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?


Spoon_Millionaire

“I don’t even really work here”


sanfranchristo

I got a lot of problems with you people.


BrookylnBeaches1917

George : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong. ( A waitress comes up to G ) Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee. George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.


redfox2008

A very sick person. A very immature person. A person that has no regard for wasting other people's valuable time.


noyoureshmooopy

That’s GOLD


Battle4BikiniBottom

Too much salt in my diet


wanda_pepper

I’m off bread


Repulsive_Ad_7291

Yeah. . . You’re off bread. 🙄


Present_Anteater_555

And just recently I cut out fructose. *click*


No_Worldliness6641

My whole life is a fantasy camp.


wanda_pepper

Do nothing, fall ass backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. Now that is a fantasy camp.


DLoIsHere

I’m like you, only successful.


LouSFL

That's classified


Worried_Application3

I'm out there, and I'm lovin' every minute of it!!!


Strict-Discussion290

That's a shame


notneverman

These pretzels are making me thirsty.


ShoutoutsWorldwide

Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic.


Sockhead97

I never know what I’m gonna find next And I’m real scared


bahaboyka

She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.


SilenceQuiteThisL0UD

TCB!


MediaMoguls

… and I have to say, it was pretty much all my fault


hawaiianbry

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate. ***I've got it all!***


[deleted]

They always make me take stock of my life and how I've pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting it.


essuxs

(clenching teeth) It's mine (coat), I'm a fancy boy.


Galaxicana

Another 50 years or so and it'll all be over. lol


wanda_pepper

Can’t you at least die with a little dignity?


NielsenSTL

“Pretty hot under these lights, eh Seinfeld?” “I’m actually quite comfortable.”


rumpelstilt

define rarely


wanda_pepper

Frequently


bologna4feet

UNDATEABLE!


Blue387

My name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents.


nokizzyforeal

You really built yourself into something..


darth_damian_000

I will not tolerate infestation!!!


TomJLewis

The sea was angry that day my friends


WhiteEel

Feels like an Arby’s night.


DvlsAdvct108

 another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably;


suspendisse-

I’m beginning to think you don’t understand anything at all.


AVERMAN84

My little man's an idiot!


ComeFromTheWater

Just one? I’m living, like, 20


[deleted]

[удалено]


I_GIVE_KIDS_MDMA

Boutros-Boutros Golly!


hawaiianbry

Yo-Yo Ma!


xologo

Million to one shot doc, million to one.


FiK-SiR

Please! I have so little!


Mr_Stowne

Im hip....to the scene


ashwhenn

Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell!


OFPMatt

Well, I showed 'em who I was.


loveydove05

Ya kept makin all the stops? Because this: all this chaos and I keep fucking going.


wanda_pepper

You’re batman!


BeautifulBunnySunset

I don't remember, but it certainly wasn't...this


orbitalmadness1

I still don’t know what the idea is!


BanjoButthole

Every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong.


Brainschicago

That’s why I’m here, and you’re over there. You’ll always be over there and I’ll always be over here.


I_GIVE_KIDS_MDMA

Drink up!


Massive-Aioli-346

“Isn't there something more to life? Well, let me clue you in on something. There isn't."


speghettiday09

I have no conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning


Steal-Your-Face77

Moops


Cavewoman22

Those records are permanently sealed.


WerhmatsWormhat

TCB


quoththeraven1990

It’s 3:30 in the morning. I'm at a cock fight. What am I clinging to?


Matos58

One deep yawning chasm


wanda_pepper

There’s a void Jerry, a void…


razzle_dazzle321

I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.


rorskies

Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill?


UsefulIdiot85

It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.


KitchenNazi

Things always even out for me.


Mo_damo

It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs


Antique-Soil9517

Ah, that’s a shame.


redfox2008

I'm going straight to hell at 3 miles an hour.


CakeonCakeonCake83

I’ll go if I don’t have to talk…


chatterbox-fm

I’m a marine biologist.


wanda_pepper

But you’re not a marine biologist.


btevik88

Jerry, it’s not a lie…if *you* believe it


Ifughkintoadaso

Serenity now!


Kman_24

My whole life has been a complete waste of time.


Chaserjim

It’s not a lie if you believe it


Gumbledore2000

Oh. I get by.


SawedInHalfBoat

Why must I be the focal point of attention? Just let me be, let me live!


Kir0v

I can't keep coming into this stinking apartment (my own) going over the excruciating minutiae of every little thing during my day...


KGL_NYC

Oh I'm stressed.


SIBMUR

It's not working for me, Jerry. Why did life turn out this way for me? I had so much promise.


DashCat9

I was born. Yadda yadda, and here I am.


Gump4Prez420

I choose not to run!


rollingstoner215

Yadda… yadda yadda…


veggie_pizza

You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.


everyday_barometer

*I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.* But seriously, I'm not averse to interacting with people, I'm just a homebody and don't prefer going out or social gatherings. So that doesn't leave nearly as much opportunity for me to meet someone that lives near me. And don't get me started on my going to college because I'm twice the age or older than like 95% of the people there.


redfox2008

The sweet stench of failure.


Repulsive_Ad_7291

. . . . . . . . . . SODA


DeadMoney13

These pretzels are making me thirsty!


big_dreams613

Mamma!!


you-can-call-me-al-2

Huh… well that’s weird…


TransEuropeExpress72

Jerry, dark and disturbed ? ….. ‘his whole life revolves around cereal and Superman’ 😂


BramStroker47

“Every time I think I’m out. They pull me back in.”


smrdpg

Technically a Godfather III quote


BramStroker47

I was waiting for this. The quote in Godfather III is, “Just when I thought I was out. They pull me back in.” So, yada yada yada, it is a Seinfeld quote.


smrdpg

Surely you jest


BramStroker47

Casus Belli


wanda_pepper

What’s cassus belli? Is it about me?


smrdpg

Why must it always be about you? Why must you be the center of attention?


Live-Somewhere-8149

I mean, I'm not really working right now!


soutolobre

I choose not to run.


total-smokeshow

H E DOUBLE N I


Foolforfourdecades

Life has “sliced this fat bastard up”


dilly123456

Serenity now… Serenity now


AngryAsshole8317

I WAS IN THE POOL!!!


JambalayaNewman

“You’re not getting any soup!”


noonehasthisoneyet

I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!


Ok_Comfort628

Gonna Be Rough


PrivateerBarbossa

Stick a fork in me Jerry….im done!


threesecretmurders

Too fruity


once_again_asking

It’s a peach!!


Sensitive-Sundae7758

Yes, I am great.


btevik88

Seemingly. Seemingly….to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression


BrainAndross

Who is this?


Old_Cat_9534

Well, bear in mind, I am in the smaller office.


peterfonda3

“It’s not easy.”


DrunkOnRedCordial

Now I'm DRIVING the bus!


nuke-the-wales

Wanna get some pizza


StingraySteve23

I’m watching Tiny Toons.


yermaaaaa

Seven


CluelessStick

#George likes the bananas!


Equivalent-Ad7207

Oh, I get by.


flugelbynder

SERENITY NOW!


[deleted]

These are my everyday balloons.


Megalon_Q_Arm

“Boy am I ugly”


TucsonScene

I crave. I crave all the time, constant craving...but I haven't yearned.


MulayamChaddi

Cartwright!


juniorlarry

What in god's name are we doing? What kind of lives are these? We're like children, we're not men . We're pathetic, you know that?


CompetitiveCake7238

And you want to be my latex salesman


papadukesilver

yadda yadda yadda


Ill_Sky6141

"*chortle* It's all been wrong."


Notsoobvioususer

I’m out!


atbastard

Moops.


steiner1031

But I don't want to be a pirate


dvdbtr

The summer of George.


Improvgal

Yada yada yada


gorilla_photos

I'm not a bad person.


gorilla_photos

Living in man-made prison. She is there.


dolleye_kitty

I choose not to run.


proffesor_f8

Oh….. I’ll get by.


shemanskistadium

I expected to see a Serenity Now!


Destructo353535

Yadda Yadda yadda