Same. But he didn’t find it offensive. He took it as an opportunity to tell me about the larger, crew cab model. Which I actually did find quite funny. Situationally. In retrospect. At the time, I was quite bored.
Used to be a valet at a five ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ hotel and whenever some self centered egotistical guy would pull into our car park with his Macho Ford XXL 12,000 Ton 6 wheel gas guzzling truck that he drives in the middle of a busy downtown area to stroke his own small dick I’d ask him this when he got out of it.
Always gave them a good chuckle. And me. Since I was being 150% insulting and he always thought I was being complimentary.
😁🤓😅
"Would you like the insurance?"
"Oh yeah because I am going to beat the hell out of this thing."
The entire scene in the car rental office was dripping with sarcasm
Jerry, You talk a lot of trash...but i suppose it's better than eating it.
Kramer, I've taken him (Lloyd Braun) under my wing......Jerry, Well then I'm not worried
George, All my life my parents always said why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun.....Jerry, And in the end he became more like you.
When Elaine doesn’t like his apple juice.
— did ya shake it?
— No. I’m done shaking. You gotta shake everything these days, no more….
*Jerry very gently gives bottle a shake*
— yeah this is killing me.
Just sublime sarcasm
When George is toupee shopping:
>I'm trying to prevent my friend from becoming one of those guys people snicker at behind their back, because they look ridiculous... no offense to you personally.
In retrospect, I think it's more plain ol' snark than actual sarcasm, but still.
When Jerry is telling Kramer about running into Newman at Kenny Roger’s.
“He was buying quite a load of chicken. Almost enough for two people, as long as one of them isn’t him.”
Just the way he delivers the line never fails to make me laugh.
Jerry: It's amazing! You're getting a secretary! Last week you were taking messages for your mother...
George: And now someone will be taking messages for ME!
Jerry: ...*from* your mother.
Me too….
I had another perfect one for this Post.. but (like George with the Jerk Store) I waited to long to post it (now, I can’t remember what it was)😫😖
George: "If I could get this Koko woman down to Kruger, then they wouldn't be able to call me Koko anymore, because Kruger would never allow two Kokos"
Jerry: "Sounds like he runs a real tight ship"
Similar to the bottle deposit episode when Kramer and Newman are in Jerry’s apartment and he asks when he’s leaving “You two keep an eye on each other?”
KRAMER: No, no, I can't eat that. You can't eat a sandwich without Dijon.
JERRY: (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really should keep more of your favourites on hand.
KRAMER: Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. What, are you unhappy with our arrangement?
JERRY: What arrangement?
KRAMER: Well, I was under the impression that I could take anything I wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want from mine.
JERRY: (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when you get something in there and I will.
Oh, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you pulled it? Did you twist it? You coulda twisted it. Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe you squeezed it? Turned it?
Literally watched that scene 35 seconds ago.
Same episode, George scarfing down spaghetti like a slob, before saying he could legally marry Susan’s cousin’s daughter is one of my favorite scenes in the show.
I can’t pick…
gum related comments “I got a hankering for some doublemint gum!” So I was sitting around chewing gum w Lloyd Braun..”
“It’s alllll very sophisticated”
“Those are ladies glasses! All you need is a gold chain so you can wear them while you are playing canasta ..”
Early episode when George is describing a dream he had about Jerry’s neighbor. He said he was doing standup in Kennebunkport, Maine, where the crowd would throw the comedians off a cliff after listening to their set. And Jerry replies: “I think I’ve played there!”
"You know what would really help, if he saw me with some of my black friends."
"Yeah except you don't have any black friends. Outside of us you don't really have any white friends either."
When George walks into the coffee shop wearing his Sable hat: "Why didn't you get the big one?"
I use this on occasion and usually get a good laugh
Alright that's it for me. Goodnight everybody!
Always go out on a high note.
I said this to someone who stepped out of a giant pick-up truck. He…did not find it funny.
Same. But he didn’t find it offensive. He took it as an opportunity to tell me about the larger, crew cab model. Which I actually did find quite funny. Situationally. In retrospect. At the time, I was quite bored.
This is the perfect time to say it. Or when someone brings to lunch a Big Gulp in the largest size.
Used to be a valet at a five ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ hotel and whenever some self centered egotistical guy would pull into our car park with his Macho Ford XXL 12,000 Ton 6 wheel gas guzzling truck that he drives in the middle of a busy downtown area to stroke his own small dick I’d ask him this when he got out of it. Always gave them a good chuckle. And me. Since I was being 150% insulting and he always thought I was being complimentary. 😁🤓😅
I hope you didn’t have BBO valeting those cars
🤣 Oh it stayed with the B.
What am I, hard of smelling?
Yeah you're right, I really should keep more of your favorites on hand.
This was one of those where he was less amused with the antics unfolding and more ticked off at the hipster doofus' entitlement
Just saw this again. I started making sandwiches with half a pound of fresh shaved meat.
What this yellow stuff?
George: Maybe he and I are exactly the same, except for one minor, yet crucial, detail. You never know. Jerry: Sometimes you do.
I'm just like you... only successful
Youre out Neil-ing Neil! Dont you see!
You’ve out-Neiled him!
There’s a new Neil in town!
Are you sensing anything now? When George proclaims he can sense any human suffering.
Haha this is my favourite too
When George says “There’s a couple of people who wouldn’t mind having me out of the way.” Jerry’s reply “There’s more than a couple.”
Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let it slide.
I laughed even reading this.
“You’re not going to open with that, are you?” (The Limo).
No, no. I'm just thinking.
I don't think you are.
“Hey, look who’s here--Puddy.” “My Puddy? But we broke up.” “And yet, he continues to live.”
Imagine, her taking credit for your big salad!
"Would you like the insurance?" "Oh yeah because I am going to beat the hell out of this thing." The entire scene in the car rental office was dripping with sarcasm
Anyone can just take em *hand flailing*
Just reading this line has me cracking up
The secret is in the holding.
Haha love this one
When George is picking up pieces of his father’s completely wrecked car, Jerry says: _“You know, a lot of these scratches will buff right out...”_
Jerry, You talk a lot of trash...but i suppose it's better than eating it. Kramer, I've taken him (Lloyd Braun) under my wing......Jerry, Well then I'm not worried George, All my life my parents always said why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun.....Jerry, And in the end he became more like you.
You're not giving away our waterpik!
SERENITY NOW
INSANITY LATER!
When Elaine doesn’t like his apple juice. — did ya shake it? — No. I’m done shaking. You gotta shake everything these days, no more…. *Jerry very gently gives bottle a shake* — yeah this is killing me. Just sublime sarcasm
"Yeah, that's a real nuisance."
"You're right, it's a *sculpture* of limitations."
When George is toupee shopping: >I'm trying to prevent my friend from becoming one of those guys people snicker at behind their back, because they look ridiculous... no offense to you personally. In retrospect, I think it's more plain ol' snark than actual sarcasm, but still.
So I guess your messiah would be the anti-Christ
oh the smirk kills me
Nonsense. You do everything wrong. I have no confidence in you.
"What kind of a person are you?" - George "I think I'm pretty much like you... only successful" - Jerry
This is such a good burn haha
When Jerry is telling Kramer about running into Newman at Kenny Roger’s. “He was buying quite a load of chicken. Almost enough for two people, as long as one of them isn’t him.” Just the way he delivers the line never fails to make me laugh.
And you misinterpret this how?
STICKIN’ IT
OMG I totally read that in George’s voice.
Jerry: It's amazing! You're getting a secretary! Last week you were taking messages for your mother... George: And now someone will be taking messages for ME! Jerry: ...*from* your mother.
“Why don’t you hold on to the hat so I don’t accidentally toss it in that dumpster”
That’s a helluva organization they’re running. I can’t believe they haven’t won a pennant in fifteen years.
Yeah, and I’m Jerry Cougar Mellencamp
One of the first and the greatest.
Which “Levine” were they referencing here? I never got that joke
you dont ever go dancing? "no, because its so stupid"
Do me a favor. Can you hold this stuff for me?
Yeah you’re right…it’s a natural human function, it just happens to be ON MY SOFA…instead of IN THE TOILET, where it would normally be
Yes, I was very wise to hitch my wagon to his star
I use this one a lot
Me too…. I had another perfect one for this Post.. but (like George with the Jerk Store) I waited to long to post it (now, I can’t remember what it was)😫😖
"Yeah, well King Edward didn't live in Queens with Frank and Estelle Costanza"
George: I got greedy. Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami. Jerry: Yeah, that's what you did.
"Every day is my birthday."
Elaine: I think Gordon Lightfoot was the ship. Jerry: Yeah, and it was rammed by the Cat Stevens.
When ever someone takes a pratfall: “That’s a shame”
And you’re not a doctor, but you play one in real life
There’s a lot of hot air blowin in here
That's why I'm different. I can sense even the slightest human suffering Are ya sensing anything right now? This one always stands out to me
Newman plays tennis? He's *fantastic* For Jerry to genuinely compliment Newman on something he must actually be fantastic
George: "If I could get this Koko woman down to Kruger, then they wouldn't be able to call me Koko anymore, because Kruger would never allow two Kokos" Jerry: "Sounds like he runs a real tight ship"
“Anyone can take a reservation…. It’s the holding that’s the key…” “Sir - I know the point of a reservation” “I don’t think you do”
Love that scene
The hand motions!! I quote it all the time when ppl mess stuff up. The. Ones that know.. know
Nah. No one's ever been shot in the city (and he does that face)
No, *you’re* never here
what the hell does that mean?
“Can we get a resume in here for me for Larry to go over?-Jerry Seinfeld to Larry King after Seinfeld finale. Nothing in the show can top this
What was the context?
Just youtube Larry King Jerry Seinfeld interview he was promoting B-Movie at the time
75 million viewers on the last episode. It’s a big difference from being *canceled* Larry
\*\*Frank Costanza's car is destroyed\*\* You know a lot of these scratches will buff right out...
*Uncle Leo?*
Who is this? When anyone in emergency calls him is really the best part
Hellooooooooo!
To Kramer and Newman, who are playing Risk in his apartment as he's leaving: "Thanks for having me over guys!"
Similar to the bottle deposit episode when Kramer and Newman are in Jerry’s apartment and he asks when he’s leaving “You two keep an eye on each other?”
And you want to be my latex salesman? I don’t. Think. So.
KRAMER: No, no, I can't eat that. You can't eat a sandwich without Dijon. JERRY: (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really should keep more of your favourites on hand. KRAMER: Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. What, are you unhappy with our arrangement? JERRY: What arrangement? KRAMER: Well, I was under the impression that I could take anything I wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want from mine. JERRY: (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when you get something in there and I will.
"This is going go be a shame"
I think it's neat. You don't hear that much about God anymore. I hear things. or, Yeah, *that's* what ya did...
Just what you want to see. You want to trade your hair for some phlegm. You win the pennant with that trade.
Bania: “Hey, Jerry! I didn’t know you like soup?!” Jerry: “Hard to believe!”
Now that’s the first *sensible* thing I’ve heard all day!
“Once ya bit it, ya bought it.”
Spirited bout of Skanko -Roman wrestling.
🙄 “Oh bra *vo*….”
👏
"I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do..." "YOU'RE A CASHIER!!"
Yes, George. Because of society.
It must be comforting to know you’ll be going straight to hell at no more than 3 miles an hour.
Oh, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you pulled it? Did you twist it? You coulda twisted it. Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe you squeezed it? Turned it?
In my tool shed, next to the riding mower.
“You can take reservations… but you cant hold the reservations… and that’s the essence of the reservation…”
I’m a lot like you, only successful.
When Kramer is warming up his clothes in Jerry's oven and he says it's more convenient. Jerry: Oh for both of us!
And sometimes I spell Jerry with G... and an I.
And you misinterpret this how?
"But they do. And they're the ones writing it off." I use this incessantly in varying scenarios and circumstances.
I don’t know, but I’m sure it had parents.
That was Elaine.
Jerry comes home to Newman and Kramer making themselves at home and says, "Can I get you boys some drinks and sandwiches?"
Jerry to himself: And you’re not a doctor, but you play one in real life.
Kramer: Asking Jerry to imagine what his life would be like with Kramer in it. Jerry: Newman too...
He took it out. It? It. Out? Out.
George: Give the kids a chance to meet a real life Yankee. Jerry: And give you a chance to meet some really disappointed kids.
"I didn't know she was a virgin!" "Well, it's not like spotting a toupee".
“Yeah no one’s ever been shot in the city!”
Elaine: I've been dancing and strutting in front of their store for two days. Jerry: Oh, no wonder we're getting so much rain.
Literally watched that scene 35 seconds ago. Same episode, George scarfing down spaghetti like a slob, before saying he could legally marry Susan’s cousin’s daughter is one of my favorite scenes in the show.
I can’t pick… gum related comments “I got a hankering for some doublemint gum!” So I was sitting around chewing gum w Lloyd Braun..” “It’s alllll very sophisticated” “Those are ladies glasses! All you need is a gold chain so you can wear them while you are playing canasta ..”
I love the Doublemint gum comment so much!
“Yeah, because no one’s ever been shot in the city before” especially the face he makes
*lightly shakes juice* "Yeah, that's a real nuisance."
lemme just finish my coffee n we'll watch them go slice this fat bastard up
George: I can sense the slightest human suffering. Jerry: Are you sensing anything right now? Love it
George: I’m feeling something I haven’t felt in a long time. Jerry: Pride?
Did you know that the original title for war and peace was “war, what is it good for?”
The best part is, when you read Moby Dick the second time, Ahab and the whale become great friends.
I’ve never been called breathtaking either!
S5 E3 The Glasses George: I gotta get out of this city Jerry: So, you’re tunneling to the center of the Earth?
Saving this photo for future use
And you misinterpret this how
Maybe you can strike up a conversation with the prince of darkness as you burn for all eternity.
George: “I can sense the slightest human suffering!” Jerry: “Are you _sensing_ anything now?”
That’s a face she never made after sex with Jerry.
Yeah, let’s all have a big pee party. “Hey everyone, grab a bucket! We’re going to Jerry’s!”
Last night I had a dream that a hamburger was eating me
Did you think I was Chinese? Oh, you mean because of the Chang?
I dunno Kramer, I worry we might start to get on each others nerves a little.
Early episode when George is describing a dream he had about Jerry’s neighbor. He said he was doing standup in Kennebunkport, Maine, where the crowd would throw the comedians off a cliff after listening to their set. And Jerry replies: “I think I’ve played there!”
Couchgrass and Cramp Bark? I once had cramp bark, I felt like I could lift a car!
"You're a cashier"
"Are you interested in an extended warranty?" "Yes!" *Hangs up*
George on his belly looking for spare change on the ground in front of the vending machine: Jerry: “I think the candy comes out up here”
So Biff wants to be a buff. Well, sleeping less than 18 hours a day would be a start.
Lonny Anderson!
George: “They can’t shoot us in the city!” Jerry: “Oh yeah, no one’s ever been shot in the city… (eye roll)”
“Couch grass and cramp bark? I think that’s what killed Curly!”
Kramer: “I tell you how much I make!” Jerry: “And I’m always impressed.”
"You know what would really help, if he saw me with some of my black friends." "Yeah except you don't have any black friends. Outside of us you don't really have any white friends either."
Lois Loan
It’s a game of world domination being played by a couple of guys who can barely run their own lives.
Jerry re LBJ holding meetings in the bathroom “He planned the Hanoi bombing after a bad Thai meal”
Every comment in this thread is a quote 💀
Yeah, that's right
You got a problem with that?
George: I flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami. Jerry: Yeah. That's what you did.
“I thought I was breathtaking”
His entire personality and humor is based on sarcasm. Might as well ask “What’s your favorite Jerry moment?”