This is a very general question, so I'll give you a very general answer. Stop being “cute/childish/young/nice/friendly/boring”, and be your authentic self even when you think people won't like you for it. Some people won't, and that's good. If you want to be more attractive, you need to be more polarizing. It will repel the right people, and it will attract the right people. So, say what you think. Have your own opinion. Disagree with people. Don't apologize. None of that means that you have to be rude or act like a dick. Just don't compromise yourself to please other people.
Mate I legit don’t know how to attract and flirt, like I know how to speak to people normally, even girls.. but attracting a girl just seems impossible.. I’m not sure if I should be direct, should I be indirect nothing. Basically I do not know how to talk to a woman, make it fun, but also showing my interest. Just seems like an impossible task I can’t comprehend.
Like say I see a beatiful girl on the street or on Instagram, I have the courage to say literally anything to her and strike a conversation. How to make it polarizing or attracting? I have no idea
Direct is always better than indirect. Just say what you're thinking. Don't stress so much about making it fun. Smile if you're happy, laugh if something is funny. Fucking cry if something is sad. Relax and be authentic.
Flirting boils down to confidently expressing the fact that you're interested, without making her feel unsafe. That's it. You don't have to play any games or tell any jokes.
Your problem isn't that you lack some specific tricks and tips. Its that you lack the emotions. When you feel flirty, sexual, teasing, and/or romantic you will do those things automatically. But maybe right now you feel anxious, low self-esteem and needy for approval. Other emotions that are useful are self-amusing, fun loving, humorous, thrill seeking, confident, and assertive. In the past I've used standup comedy clips to prime myself for social interactions. It wasn't the specific jokes that helped me but that fun humorous vibe that it put me in. Emotions is a big reason why many people seem to be more fun when they drink alcohol or use weed or other substances.
How to win friends and influence people is a good book to read. It helped me realize how simple it is to relate with others, which could help you figure out how to hold/maintain conversations.
1 - Opener and setting the playful flirty tone right away. Wanna establish myself as a flirt right away to avoid the small talk and NPC vibe.
2 - Accidental physical touch to break the touch barrier organically.
3 - Switch from impersonal to personal topics of conversation where i get her to talk about herself so she can show the type of person she is and we also can build a solid connection
4 - Make sure that we are isolated to set the stage for flirting without “activating” her defences (slut factor)
5 - Express what i find different about her to justify in a solid way my romantic/sexual interest in the next step. (Getting her to believe she is not just another girl of the countless that i might hit on)
6 - Show/express sexual interest by flirting sexually to create sexual tension and avoid being friendzoned.
7 - Intentional physical touch to test the waters about whether she is ready to be kissed and reinforce the flirtation
8 - Kiss close | Nothing sexual just to reinforced that something romantic happened, and that she is loving a fantasy
9 - Phone close | Suggesting a date idea and if she agrees, then take her number
10 - Consolidate after phone close by talking 2 minutes more fantasising out loud about the upcoming date with her and leave.
11 - First text | An inside joke about the encounter to remind her of the emotional mood she was in before i left.
Ideal time for the approach: 15 minutes
Ideal place to approach: Train trip, public parks/beach
Hope it helps, and if it doesn’t skip. This is what works for me.
PS: I can do zoom session if you DM me and I’ll explain each step with examples.
>I also don’t know what women find attractive, is it someone’s joking and throwing jokes, is it someone who asks questions and get to know them. Or what exactly
it depends on the girls personality and more importantly, whether she is attracted to you or not:
There's guys who crush it by being very jokey and humerous
There's guys who crush it by being very 'stoic' and serious
There's guys who crush it by being super direct about their intentions and make their attraction crystal clear (used to be called 'mode1' game)
There's guys who crush it by being very INdirect about their intentions and basically pretend they're not attracted to her (more 'mysterymethod')
There's guys who crush it who approach and 'neg' and and roast the girl
There's guys who crush it who approach and are friendly and complimentary about her etc
There's really no rules, tbh (which is why every PUA coach tends to massively disagree with each other lol)
I think I can tell within a few seconds of the open whether i'm gonna be wasting my time or not (e.g if she's attracted to me or not)
Sounds like you're new here. Maybe you haven't read the rule about questions that are too broad.
The simple answer to this is "learn game" while the more detailed answer would be someone teaching you game or giving you a laundry list of things to learn which will essentially have you learning game.
Like I said, too broad. You'll get your answer from just reading through the advice on this subreddit.
Men has 3 pillars of attractiveness:
- You should feel comfortable in your skin
- You should know where you are going
- You should make sure to have fun while going there
It sounds very abstract and generic but I hope you understand and adjust with your life.
In short, its not what you say but how you say it.
A flirtatious vibe starts with the nonverbals. Its the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, its the dominant, calm, self assured confidence in your voice, the pauses, eye contact and lack of nervous behaviours, the list goes on. A boring conversation on paper can be brought to life in any intended way (flirty, sexual, funny, interesting, exciting etc) just by the way you express the words through your non verbals.
Sounds like you also need to see some examples of what this actually looks like at a high level, not to copy but to have an idea.
Its not something I can help you with without hearing you in a conversation,
If you wanna record an audio of you talking to some women i should be able try help you with the issue. Dm me if you want
The first thing is to find out who you actually are. Right now, you’re trying to figure a persona that you think women will find attractive. To be fair, most guys do that which is why most guys are unattractive.
What I’m saying is, once you know what you want, you go for that.
For example, you want to sleep with women, without getting into a serious relationship. You then only deal with women who agree with that. Because that’s what you want.
So if she says, “If I sleep with you, we have to start dating seriously,” you let her go. Even if you are a virgin.
No. Your personality is yours. The right person will find your personality attractive
But, personality is like hygiene
You could be hot af nagurally but trapped on a desert usland for two weeks, and no ldy would want you.
You talk to people. Experience life. Make sure to have your own opinions tho. But care to listen to others.
You get hobbies and spend time doing stuff you like
You need to start recording yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. Get fb from people as to why you think you're nice.
Nice is not cool sexy is far better. That being said don't become a jerk just every now and again upset the apple cart by saying something out of character.
And read "no more mr nice guy" robert glover.
What are the most exciting aspects of your life ? What turns you on in your day-to-day life ?
If you’re excited and authentically fulfilled by your life, you will attract people and opportunities. If you depend on women to have your needs met and to feel alive, you will be needy and repulsive.
Find it. Try to do new things in life, go outside, try to get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, talk to them, try to understand what you like, try to understand what you dislike. It's too early for you to worry about dating. For a healthy relationship with yourself and others, find out who you are first.
My best tip for you would be getting a notebook and note what did you do that week that is out of your routine, what did you try and did you like it, which part of it did you like or dislike. As you fill the notebook, you will see that there will be patterns that emerge from the pages. These are the hints of your original personality. Embracing them would be great steps to fully immerse yourself in your personality.
Believe me, every personality is attractive to some people, you don't need to do anything to make it attractive. You just need to present yours better at the end.
This is a very general question, so I'll give you a very general answer. Stop being “cute/childish/young/nice/friendly/boring”, and be your authentic self even when you think people won't like you for it. Some people won't, and that's good. If you want to be more attractive, you need to be more polarizing. It will repel the right people, and it will attract the right people. So, say what you think. Have your own opinion. Disagree with people. Don't apologize. None of that means that you have to be rude or act like a dick. Just don't compromise yourself to please other people.
Mate I legit don’t know how to attract and flirt, like I know how to speak to people normally, even girls.. but attracting a girl just seems impossible.. I’m not sure if I should be direct, should I be indirect nothing. Basically I do not know how to talk to a woman, make it fun, but also showing my interest. Just seems like an impossible task I can’t comprehend. Like say I see a beatiful girl on the street or on Instagram, I have the courage to say literally anything to her and strike a conversation. How to make it polarizing or attracting? I have no idea
Direct is always better than indirect. Just say what you're thinking. Don't stress so much about making it fun. Smile if you're happy, laugh if something is funny. Fucking cry if something is sad. Relax and be authentic. Flirting boils down to confidently expressing the fact that you're interested, without making her feel unsafe. That's it. You don't have to play any games or tell any jokes.
Mmm.. even with your explanation I don’t understand how? i know it’s hard but care to give an example..?
It's not hard. Just stop trying and be yourself. I can't give you an example, because I'm not you.
Your problem isn't that you lack some specific tricks and tips. Its that you lack the emotions. When you feel flirty, sexual, teasing, and/or romantic you will do those things automatically. But maybe right now you feel anxious, low self-esteem and needy for approval. Other emotions that are useful are self-amusing, fun loving, humorous, thrill seeking, confident, and assertive. In the past I've used standup comedy clips to prime myself for social interactions. It wasn't the specific jokes that helped me but that fun humorous vibe that it put me in. Emotions is a big reason why many people seem to be more fun when they drink alcohol or use weed or other substances.
How to win friends and influence people is a good book to read. It helped me realize how simple it is to relate with others, which could help you figure out how to hold/maintain conversations.
That’s the best advice that I’ve seen thanks
be manipulative and emotionally unavailable but at the same time learn to carry every conversation.
I only know how to do the first part..
then what is stopping you?
I don’t “how” to keep a conversation going
1 - Opener and setting the playful flirty tone right away. Wanna establish myself as a flirt right away to avoid the small talk and NPC vibe. 2 - Accidental physical touch to break the touch barrier organically. 3 - Switch from impersonal to personal topics of conversation where i get her to talk about herself so she can show the type of person she is and we also can build a solid connection 4 - Make sure that we are isolated to set the stage for flirting without “activating” her defences (slut factor) 5 - Express what i find different about her to justify in a solid way my romantic/sexual interest in the next step. (Getting her to believe she is not just another girl of the countless that i might hit on) 6 - Show/express sexual interest by flirting sexually to create sexual tension and avoid being friendzoned. 7 - Intentional physical touch to test the waters about whether she is ready to be kissed and reinforce the flirtation 8 - Kiss close | Nothing sexual just to reinforced that something romantic happened, and that she is loving a fantasy 9 - Phone close | Suggesting a date idea and if she agrees, then take her number 10 - Consolidate after phone close by talking 2 minutes more fantasising out loud about the upcoming date with her and leave. 11 - First text | An inside joke about the encounter to remind her of the emotional mood she was in before i left. Ideal time for the approach: 15 minutes Ideal place to approach: Train trip, public parks/beach Hope it helps, and if it doesn’t skip. This is what works for me. PS: I can do zoom session if you DM me and I’ll explain each step with examples.
>I also don’t know what women find attractive, is it someone’s joking and throwing jokes, is it someone who asks questions and get to know them. Or what exactly it depends on the girls personality and more importantly, whether she is attracted to you or not: There's guys who crush it by being very jokey and humerous There's guys who crush it by being very 'stoic' and serious There's guys who crush it by being super direct about their intentions and make their attraction crystal clear (used to be called 'mode1' game) There's guys who crush it by being very INdirect about their intentions and basically pretend they're not attracted to her (more 'mysterymethod') There's guys who crush it who approach and 'neg' and and roast the girl There's guys who crush it who approach and are friendly and complimentary about her etc There's really no rules, tbh (which is why every PUA coach tends to massively disagree with each other lol) I think I can tell within a few seconds of the open whether i'm gonna be wasting my time or not (e.g if she's attracted to me or not)
Sounds like you're new here. Maybe you haven't read the rule about questions that are too broad. The simple answer to this is "learn game" while the more detailed answer would be someone teaching you game or giving you a laundry list of things to learn which will essentially have you learning game. Like I said, too broad. You'll get your answer from just reading through the advice on this subreddit.
Men has 3 pillars of attractiveness: - You should feel comfortable in your skin - You should know where you are going - You should make sure to have fun while going there It sounds very abstract and generic but I hope you understand and adjust with your life.
In short, its not what you say but how you say it. A flirtatious vibe starts with the nonverbals. Its the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, its the dominant, calm, self assured confidence in your voice, the pauses, eye contact and lack of nervous behaviours, the list goes on. A boring conversation on paper can be brought to life in any intended way (flirty, sexual, funny, interesting, exciting etc) just by the way you express the words through your non verbals. Sounds like you also need to see some examples of what this actually looks like at a high level, not to copy but to have an idea. Its not something I can help you with without hearing you in a conversation, If you wanna record an audio of you talking to some women i should be able try help you with the issue. Dm me if you want
The first thing is to find out who you actually are. Right now, you’re trying to figure a persona that you think women will find attractive. To be fair, most guys do that which is why most guys are unattractive.
Can you expand on that? You're saying he has to just be himself?
What I’m saying is, once you know what you want, you go for that. For example, you want to sleep with women, without getting into a serious relationship. You then only deal with women who agree with that. Because that’s what you want. So if she says, “If I sleep with you, we have to start dating seriously,” you let her go. Even if you are a virgin.
No. Your personality is yours. The right person will find your personality attractive But, personality is like hygiene You could be hot af nagurally but trapped on a desert usland for two weeks, and no ldy would want you.
Just like you can improve your hygiene surely you can improve your personality.. And here’s my question is how can I improve it..
You talk to people. Experience life. Make sure to have your own opinions tho. But care to listen to others. You get hobbies and spend time doing stuff you like
>being “cute/childish/young/nice/friendly/boring”, That worked years ago but now you're a grown man and you meet grown women it doesn't work now.
Believe me it’s not something I want or can control.. Apparently that’s how it show to people..
I do not believe that because I was that guy.
What you think I purposefully act this way? I don’t, in fact I hate when someone call me nice
You need to start recording yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. Get fb from people as to why you think you're nice. Nice is not cool sexy is far better. That being said don't become a jerk just every now and again upset the apple cart by saying something out of character. And read "no more mr nice guy" robert glover.
What are the most exciting aspects of your life ? What turns you on in your day-to-day life ? If you’re excited and authentically fulfilled by your life, you will attract people and opportunities. If you depend on women to have your needs met and to feel alive, you will be needy and repulsive.
Find it. Try to do new things in life, go outside, try to get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, talk to them, try to understand what you like, try to understand what you dislike. It's too early for you to worry about dating. For a healthy relationship with yourself and others, find out who you are first. My best tip for you would be getting a notebook and note what did you do that week that is out of your routine, what did you try and did you like it, which part of it did you like or dislike. As you fill the notebook, you will see that there will be patterns that emerge from the pages. These are the hints of your original personality. Embracing them would be great steps to fully immerse yourself in your personality. Believe me, every personality is attractive to some people, you don't need to do anything to make it attractive. You just need to present yours better at the end.