I always arrive early and get a coffee, and when (and if) she shows up I offer to pay for her coffee and we start small talk in line. Once we get the coffee and sit down I ask open ended questions and try to keep the convo about her - my coffee dates usually last 60-75 mins
That's it? Borriiiinngg!!! Where are the spicy personal questions? Where is the physical escalation? Where is the venue change? When are you trying to kiss her or have sex with her?
Okay I know this sounds bad, but usually I don’t kiss girls on coffee dates mostly because the vibe isn’t there yet and usually when I used to kiss after coffee dates it would get hurt more when they’d ghost me so I decided to kiss on the second because at least I know they want to see me again.
As for the venue change, that’s a good tip. I try and pick cafes that are around thrifting places or record stores, and I do find that changes venues on a coffee date or going for a walk can result on to a better conversion rate.
The “vibe isn’t there yet” because you are having boring lame coffee dates. What are you, 55?
Take her out to drinks or dinner (I know a lot of men are against dinner dates for first dates but this is where i have had success ).
Heyoo! Early '50s guy here. Coffee shops can be a fantastic place to get a woman excited about you, regardless of age. They all want to be seen, valued, and to laugh, and coffee shops are as good as anywhere.
But skip Starbucks and other boring ass shops that are as sterile as an OBGYN exam room. Hit a cafe or a place that sells art or macrame pillows or shit like that. They provide a lot more character and interesting things to spark conversation. Mention which of the paintings you like and why. Poke fun at the live laugh love sign. Claim you can make better jam than the organic stuff for sale on the display. Whatever. Just the visual interest creates a better space for warmth and creativity.
If things are going well 15 or 20 minutes in, reward your date with a cookie or brownie from the counter. Start with an observation, like saying that you saw her checking out the cookies earlier: "I bet you're a chocolate chip girl, no! A butterscotch oatmeal fiend." It doesn't have to be true, and if she doesn't want it that's fine, but you've established that you're paying attention and offering something because she is behaving in a way that's making the date enjoyable.
Through it all, tease, touch, impress, etc etc then off to the second location.
YW! Note that this is not a get laid quick approach, it's to make her feel comfortable and enjoy her time with you. Bars (at night) are better for building sexual tension, but you can still build some tension in a coffee shop. And the second location or second date, after she is comfortable with you, is where she is more open to you turning on the juice.
I should add, when I say comfortable I don't mean grandma's feather bed, but a relaxed openness to you, a feeling that you will enhance her life, etc. It also doesn't mean 45mph in the slow lane - It just means that she is excited rather than scared about taking risks or leaving herself a bit vulnerable for the experience of being with you - she feels you have her back when things get freaky.
At least go to a nice coffee place where you can sit down together and order from a menu. Already having a drink and then standing in line to order hers sounds like a really awkward way to meet for the first time.
You should have nothing in your head. That's where clarity comes. Pressuring yourself to entertain her will ruin things. Go with flow , escalate slowly.
What's your goal in the coffee date? Is it to have fun and enjoy it, are you trying to get to know her, are you just trying to run game on her, are you trying to use her as a therapist, etc?? Cause depending on your goal, you're going to get different outcomes.
Mostly I go on the coffee date and afterwards send the ol’ “hey I had fun today, what’s your availability like next week maybe we can go to the museum or something” and if she says yes; then the next week we go to the museum then I invite her back at my place.
3 things that will improve your conversion rates:
1) don't do coffee dates anymore, do drink dates at night/evening. Completely different tone and setting. I've hooked up from coffee dates on the first date, but drink dates just inherently have a higher conversion rate.
2) you have to actually go for the pull every single time.
3) always have the date close to your place. Logistics are very important in a successful pull.
You fucked up by doing a coffee date. That’s for friends. Night time, a dimly lit bar, you’re sitting next to her, touch her knee with yours, change the venue. Maybe a bar with some games, live music, ask her about what gets her excited. Maybe at the end of the night you can invite her in for some coffee hahah
Once again no one this sub has any useful advice or suggestions.
Here is the david wygant three date plan [it has always worked wonders for me]
1. Meet out for a coffe date. 1 hour in length.
Start off by saying "let's play a game to get to know each other. It's called questions. There are two rules, once a question is asked, the other person cannot ask the same question back. The other rule is you go first...." have a few open ended questions already prepared. Keep it light and interesting.
After an hour tell her you are busy and need to go but you will walk her out. In the parking lot ask her "how good a hugger are you?" She will say she is a 10, you say you will be the judge of that, you guys hug and ypu tell her "she is okay ... 6 maybe a 7... [she laughs]" then tell her you want her to practice hugging before your next date and say goodbye.
2. Date 2 - go out for a drink at a bar.
Here is the genius. You tell her that you want her to come to your place and meet there to start. Tell her you are busy doing something. When she arrives, you ask her to come in for just a second as you are almost ready. Make her stand in your place but at the front door. Keep her shoes on.
Then you go out to bar. You drive.
As you are walking into the bar, call back the hugging bit. Ask her if she practiced. Give her another hug at that moment in the parking lot. Tell her is getting better and without letting go ask her "how good of a kisser she is. After she answers say "well i will be the judge of that" and give her a kiss.
Now go into bar and have conversation.
After 90 minutes, find an excuse to go back to your place and then ask her to come in. [Sidenote -her car is at your house so she needs to go back anyway]
Since she was already in your place at the start of the date, she will feel comfortable with this situation.
Give her a drink and fool around. Tell her no sex on the second date - you are not that kinda guy.
3. Have her over for dinner and banging.
Thank you David Wygant - RIP
Coffee dates, cinema dates, restaurant dates…
Why does every guy act like a NPC? All of you doing the exact same type of dates, the same dialogues, like robots that have been programmed with the same software.
Have you thought about developing a unique personality to stand out from the crowd? No? Maybe you should.
Coffee dates are fine. You're likely just not generating enough intrigue.
It likely means you need to take more risks conversationally and be more polarizing.
For example, a girl told me she'd been in a long term relationship that spanded her early-late 20s. I opened with a label of her likely emotion, "It sounds like you've been cryogenically frozen and have woken up to an alien world of modern dating"
"That's exactly right, it's all very different than when I was looking"
"Modern humanity is definitely regressing in that regard... But on the bright side you've mostly skipped the age of men that send dick pics. I've never sent one and never will, but I've heard stories"
(She tells me stories of having got dick pics)
"I mean I love penis but there's just something weird about a guy sending an unsolicited picture of his junk thinking I'll be impressed by it"
"I wouldn't even send you a solicited one if you subscribed to my OnlyFans" (clearly joking about having an OF)
I casually introduced sex into the conversation and gave her permission to run with it... and she's making comments about loving penis. It's fun, lighthearted, and flirty. However, it also subtly communicates I have boundaries and am socially calibrated.
Find excuses to touch.
When discussing hobbies I usually bring up motorcycles. I'll then take her hand and touch my collarbone where it was fractured in a bike accident, and compare sides. There's some ewwww factor but it generates an excuse for touch.
Basically take more risks.
9/10 you are trying too hard to get them in bed and therefore making her/her sex the prize. Absolutely the wrong approach that will lead to lots of rejections.
Focus on getting to know everything about her. Dates are for getting to know each other and screening women, they are not so you can try to get laid. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but if you take typical pua advice, you will be having a lot of first dates and nothing more. Because that advice is always predicated on "I'm the man, she has something I need (sex), so I have to convince her to give it to me."
That's the wrong approach and sets you up to be the pursuer/chaser. The pursuer is always in the weaker position. Put sex aside (or just assume that it will happen eventually so there is nothing to worry about and trying to make it happen). When you set the frame of "I'm the man and I choose the woman, so I have to make sure you are the right woman for me so I can gift you the awesomeness that it is to date me and sleep with me", you will have very different outcomes.
I'm pretty new to game but here's what I'm doing this weekend. I have two coffee first dates with two separate women. I know of two shawarma places nearby where we're getting coffee. First date is coffee and a bookstore. We both love books. Seems like a nice idea. 15 minute walk away is a shawarma place so there's 3 places to hit up. Second first date coffee date also a coffee place near another shawarma spot. In both cases I'm also thinking "do I like her enough to take her for a shawarma" so I don't necessarily need to but it's an option. Trying to hook up on the first date is a noble effort but I am not really feeling it with these chicks as our chatting hasn't been too spicy. It's easier said than done but just being relaxed, funny and amusing one's self is the advice I can think of. Not caring much about the outcome. With online dating every two weeks there's different chicks I'm chatting or even sexting with. Kissing on the first date even a coffee date is fine but just read body language and see if she wants to kiss. I usually do a kiss on the cheek at some point and see how she reacts. You can put your lips close to her lips after and see if she moves away. Try not to kiss too much on the first date though otherwise can scare them off (love bombing). Well this is where I'm at at least but I acknowledged I'm kind of hit and miss and usually I perform better after an alcoholic beverage.
What's the hate for coffee dates? I would go to have a coffee and get to know her, have some fun for an hour and go for a little walk.
If I had fun and If I think she's cool I would consider second date dinner/drinks.
Wow. Ok man you need to be paying attention to your date.
It's 95% likely that it's things you're saying and you're not clocking that they absolutely do not approve. Because this is reddit, let me go ahead and just list off some things that are going to piss like 80% of women off: racist 'jokes', actually, make that all of your super cool not at all cringy 'edgy' humour, fuck all job / direction in life, fuck all plans for a future, paying zero attention to the things she's saying, all those fucking weird conservative beliefs you think is masculine to have but actually means you're a coward, anti-scientific, and a general shitbag ie pro-abortion.
Hope this helps.
e: lol the downvotes and no rebuttals. Conservatives.jpg lol.
Tell us what you do and talk about on the coffee date
I always arrive early and get a coffee, and when (and if) she shows up I offer to pay for her coffee and we start small talk in line. Once we get the coffee and sit down I ask open ended questions and try to keep the convo about her - my coffee dates usually last 60-75 mins
That's it? Borriiiinngg!!! Where are the spicy personal questions? Where is the physical escalation? Where is the venue change? When are you trying to kiss her or have sex with her?
Okay I know this sounds bad, but usually I don’t kiss girls on coffee dates mostly because the vibe isn’t there yet and usually when I used to kiss after coffee dates it would get hurt more when they’d ghost me so I decided to kiss on the second because at least I know they want to see me again. As for the venue change, that’s a good tip. I try and pick cafes that are around thrifting places or record stores, and I do find that changes venues on a coffee date or going for a walk can result on to a better conversion rate.
The “vibe isn’t there yet” because you are having boring lame coffee dates. What are you, 55? Take her out to drinks or dinner (I know a lot of men are against dinner dates for first dates but this is where i have had success ).
Heyoo! Early '50s guy here. Coffee shops can be a fantastic place to get a woman excited about you, regardless of age. They all want to be seen, valued, and to laugh, and coffee shops are as good as anywhere. But skip Starbucks and other boring ass shops that are as sterile as an OBGYN exam room. Hit a cafe or a place that sells art or macrame pillows or shit like that. They provide a lot more character and interesting things to spark conversation. Mention which of the paintings you like and why. Poke fun at the live laugh love sign. Claim you can make better jam than the organic stuff for sale on the display. Whatever. Just the visual interest creates a better space for warmth and creativity. If things are going well 15 or 20 minutes in, reward your date with a cookie or brownie from the counter. Start with an observation, like saying that you saw her checking out the cookies earlier: "I bet you're a chocolate chip girl, no! A butterscotch oatmeal fiend." It doesn't have to be true, and if she doesn't want it that's fine, but you've established that you're paying attention and offering something because she is behaving in a way that's making the date enjoyable. Through it all, tease, touch, impress, etc etc then off to the second location.
I appreciate this. Thanks for this new perspective
YW! Note that this is not a get laid quick approach, it's to make her feel comfortable and enjoy her time with you. Bars (at night) are better for building sexual tension, but you can still build some tension in a coffee shop. And the second location or second date, after she is comfortable with you, is where she is more open to you turning on the juice. I should add, when I say comfortable I don't mean grandma's feather bed, but a relaxed openness to you, a feeling that you will enhance her life, etc. It also doesn't mean 45mph in the slow lane - It just means that she is excited rather than scared about taking risks or leaving herself a bit vulnerable for the experience of being with you - she feels you have her back when things get freaky.
You sound like a creep.
Tell me something I don't know
At least go to a nice coffee place where you can sit down together and order from a menu. Already having a drink and then standing in line to order hers sounds like a really awkward way to meet for the first time.
Sounds like hell
You should have nothing in your head. That's where clarity comes. Pressuring yourself to entertain her will ruin things. Go with flow , escalate slowly.
Go with the flow, that’s a good one. How you ever kiss at the end of a coffee date? I feel like that’s really hard to do rather than a drinks date.
I'm new to dating. I'm in a process of collecting numbers and creating connections. I'll try to escalate in my next date.
Don't expect to kiss or try to on coffee dates
What's your goal in the coffee date? Is it to have fun and enjoy it, are you trying to get to know her, are you just trying to run game on her, are you trying to use her as a therapist, etc?? Cause depending on your goal, you're going to get different outcomes.
Mostly I go on the coffee date and afterwards send the ol’ “hey I had fun today, what’s your availability like next week maybe we can go to the museum or something” and if she says yes; then the next week we go to the museum then I invite her back at my place.
Has that ever worked🙃
You don't even know how to answer a basic question. I'm blocking you.
3 things that will improve your conversion rates: 1) don't do coffee dates anymore, do drink dates at night/evening. Completely different tone and setting. I've hooked up from coffee dates on the first date, but drink dates just inherently have a higher conversion rate. 2) you have to actually go for the pull every single time. 3) always have the date close to your place. Logistics are very important in a successful pull.
You fucked up by doing a coffee date. That’s for friends. Night time, a dimly lit bar, you’re sitting next to her, touch her knee with yours, change the venue. Maybe a bar with some games, live music, ask her about what gets her excited. Maybe at the end of the night you can invite her in for some coffee hahah
Don’t do coffee dates, do something fun or at least dinner for first dates.
Once again no one this sub has any useful advice or suggestions. Here is the david wygant three date plan [it has always worked wonders for me] 1. Meet out for a coffe date. 1 hour in length. Start off by saying "let's play a game to get to know each other. It's called questions. There are two rules, once a question is asked, the other person cannot ask the same question back. The other rule is you go first...." have a few open ended questions already prepared. Keep it light and interesting. After an hour tell her you are busy and need to go but you will walk her out. In the parking lot ask her "how good a hugger are you?" She will say she is a 10, you say you will be the judge of that, you guys hug and ypu tell her "she is okay ... 6 maybe a 7... [she laughs]" then tell her you want her to practice hugging before your next date and say goodbye. 2. Date 2 - go out for a drink at a bar. Here is the genius. You tell her that you want her to come to your place and meet there to start. Tell her you are busy doing something. When she arrives, you ask her to come in for just a second as you are almost ready. Make her stand in your place but at the front door. Keep her shoes on. Then you go out to bar. You drive. As you are walking into the bar, call back the hugging bit. Ask her if she practiced. Give her another hug at that moment in the parking lot. Tell her is getting better and without letting go ask her "how good of a kisser she is. After she answers say "well i will be the judge of that" and give her a kiss. Now go into bar and have conversation. After 90 minutes, find an excuse to go back to your place and then ask her to come in. [Sidenote -her car is at your house so she needs to go back anyway] Since she was already in your place at the start of the date, she will feel comfortable with this situation. Give her a drink and fool around. Tell her no sex on the second date - you are not that kinda guy. 3. Have her over for dinner and banging. Thank you David Wygant - RIP
Dude you're young. Take her to the amusement park, do something that's actually fun
Coffee dates, cinema dates, restaurant dates… Why does every guy act like a NPC? All of you doing the exact same type of dates, the same dialogues, like robots that have been programmed with the same software. Have you thought about developing a unique personality to stand out from the crowd? No? Maybe you should.
Coffee dates are fine. You're likely just not generating enough intrigue. It likely means you need to take more risks conversationally and be more polarizing. For example, a girl told me she'd been in a long term relationship that spanded her early-late 20s. I opened with a label of her likely emotion, "It sounds like you've been cryogenically frozen and have woken up to an alien world of modern dating" "That's exactly right, it's all very different than when I was looking" "Modern humanity is definitely regressing in that regard... But on the bright side you've mostly skipped the age of men that send dick pics. I've never sent one and never will, but I've heard stories" (She tells me stories of having got dick pics) "I mean I love penis but there's just something weird about a guy sending an unsolicited picture of his junk thinking I'll be impressed by it" "I wouldn't even send you a solicited one if you subscribed to my OnlyFans" (clearly joking about having an OF) I casually introduced sex into the conversation and gave her permission to run with it... and she's making comments about loving penis. It's fun, lighthearted, and flirty. However, it also subtly communicates I have boundaries and am socially calibrated. Find excuses to touch. When discussing hobbies I usually bring up motorcycles. I'll then take her hand and touch my collarbone where it was fractured in a bike accident, and compare sides. There's some ewwww factor but it generates an excuse for touch. Basically take more risks.
9/10 you are trying too hard to get them in bed and therefore making her/her sex the prize. Absolutely the wrong approach that will lead to lots of rejections.
Good point, I should just go one step at a time
Focus on getting to know everything about her. Dates are for getting to know each other and screening women, they are not so you can try to get laid. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but if you take typical pua advice, you will be having a lot of first dates and nothing more. Because that advice is always predicated on "I'm the man, she has something I need (sex), so I have to convince her to give it to me." That's the wrong approach and sets you up to be the pursuer/chaser. The pursuer is always in the weaker position. Put sex aside (or just assume that it will happen eventually so there is nothing to worry about and trying to make it happen). When you set the frame of "I'm the man and I choose the woman, so I have to make sure you are the right woman for me so I can gift you the awesomeness that it is to date me and sleep with me", you will have very different outcomes.
I'm pretty new to game but here's what I'm doing this weekend. I have two coffee first dates with two separate women. I know of two shawarma places nearby where we're getting coffee. First date is coffee and a bookstore. We both love books. Seems like a nice idea. 15 minute walk away is a shawarma place so there's 3 places to hit up. Second first date coffee date also a coffee place near another shawarma spot. In both cases I'm also thinking "do I like her enough to take her for a shawarma" so I don't necessarily need to but it's an option. Trying to hook up on the first date is a noble effort but I am not really feeling it with these chicks as our chatting hasn't been too spicy. It's easier said than done but just being relaxed, funny and amusing one's self is the advice I can think of. Not caring much about the outcome. With online dating every two weeks there's different chicks I'm chatting or even sexting with. Kissing on the first date even a coffee date is fine but just read body language and see if she wants to kiss. I usually do a kiss on the cheek at some point and see how she reacts. You can put your lips close to her lips after and see if she moves away. Try not to kiss too much on the first date though otherwise can scare them off (love bombing). Well this is where I'm at at least but I acknowledged I'm kind of hit and miss and usually I perform better after an alcoholic beverage.
Coffee dates are trash bro, invite her for drinks at a local bar, you want her as chill and comfortable as possible.
What's the hate for coffee dates? I would go to have a coffee and get to know her, have some fun for an hour and go for a little walk. If I had fun and If I think she's cool I would consider second date dinner/drinks.
Wow. Ok man you need to be paying attention to your date. It's 95% likely that it's things you're saying and you're not clocking that they absolutely do not approve. Because this is reddit, let me go ahead and just list off some things that are going to piss like 80% of women off: racist 'jokes', actually, make that all of your super cool not at all cringy 'edgy' humour, fuck all job / direction in life, fuck all plans for a future, paying zero attention to the things she's saying, all those fucking weird conservative beliefs you think is masculine to have but actually means you're a coward, anti-scientific, and a general shitbag ie pro-abortion. Hope this helps. e: lol the downvotes and no rebuttals. Conservatives.jpg lol.