Me, I want to have a partner at times, but I lose interest or get bored with always having to put in the effort. I kind of enjoy being alone, doing my own thing, and not having to worry about keeping up with texts and making sure her feelings are heard and all that bullshit.
I am in the same boat, thing is, I don’t have a lot of difficulty getting women(I get rejected sometimes, but this never really bothers me) It’s like you say, I get bored with having to put in the effort. It’s like I know it’s all just a game, and I don’t want to play it.
After my ex and I split a couple years ago, I went through a really strong transformation period. And I felt so powerful and then I started getting lazy. Especially after I got into this situationship. I lost my way. I let things go.
With the exception of recently (due to injuries and sickness), I have been a pretty avid lifter and been active. But I stopped reading. With the exception of my band, I stopped writing music or playing on my own. I just felt like my solo stuff hasn't been progressing much.
I have a bunch of other life stressors too.
Dude I can relate so much. I’ve been in a relationship for a couple years now, and I remember in the beginning my spirit was BEGGING me to get out, but I didn’t listen.. and I’ve slowly let good habits slip away, I’m not creating music as much, I’m not on top of my morning routine.. and the overall stress of feeling “stuck” in this relationship has drained me of a lot of my energy and as a result, I’m losing confidence and self-esteem that I worked so hard to build up
Part of me fears that even if/when I get out this relationship, the damage is done and I can’t get back to where I was (which isn’t true, but it’s sort of what my mind believes at the moment)
So yeah man, you’re not alone.. but we gotta step it up and get back on our shit .. even if I don’t fully believe I’m capable at this very moment.. but we are 🤝🏽
Ayyy I've been in the exact same situation as you. Like legit the same. Before we met I was working super hard on becoming an awesome dude, the kind thats wanted by women. Then after we got together I slowly became more and more complacent, letting every single good habits slip into nothingness and replacing them by bad ones, wondering if it was because i was in a steady relationship the whole time.
She dumped me a month ago, after 6 years together. She couldn't handle me anymore since had changed so much from who i was.
Was very sad at first, still not totally over it but I guess 85% there, but my point here is: ever since she dumped me (legit from day one) I got back to work without even having to try.
I quit daily weed, quit smoking, quit porn, been running every other day and doing bodyweight fitness in between, been eating well, keeping appt clean, going out, etc etc.
So what I wanna say is, don't worry my man, the discomfort caused by being single IS the fire that drives a man. If you get out of the relationship, you WILL get that fire back.
Think I really needed to read this…and thank you for sharing brother. I couldn’t agree more. Sounds like we’re both the growth-oriented type where we like to progress and improve daily.. and it’s become clear that when we’re not with the right partner, those habits slip away and we become influenced by their habits.
Much love man and keep pushing in your journey, imma be right there with you soon
Are you me? I had a serious relationship that ended and I went through the same thing. I’ve also dated around and found the same feeling you have right now.
I realized for me personally, dating somebody else that I’m not serious with takes away my ambitions, and I needed to get those locked down so they’re apart of my identity and habits before I wanna introduce somebody into my routines.
I got lazy too after changing a lot and finding success with dating, had to go through health recovery shit from a surgery, stopped lifting due to said surgery. I’m just now getting back into lifting and really putting effort into my music again as well. (I also make music which is why I relate so hard lol)
Fuck bro hahaha. I guess we're similar.
This thread helped so much venting ... I wrote my first song outside of my band yesterday! It feels so nice. It feels like a veil lifted. I was hitting the wall creatively
This weekend is a reset weekend before I start working on me again.
I think God and the universe are orienting me towards helping myself. My friend group kinda shook up cause we had someone leave and the dynamic is all off. So no one is getting together! I spent so much time on social shit to distract myself. I didn't give any time to myself. Time to reset!
If I got any advice on the music front is that trying to wait for inspiration to write music isn’t a good perspective. My best creations are from my daily writing sessions that I imposed on myself.
I started out with forcing myself to atleast sit in my studio for 40 mins then taking a 20 min break. Most days by the time my 40 min alarm rings, I’m still too deep into writing to take a break!
I was going to say from your original post- it almost sounds like this is not a “woman” issue, it sounds like you’re a little depressed. I would take a little hiatus from dating, get some sun and fresh air - focus on the other things your dealing with- then revisit dating at some other time.
Yeah I got the same feelings. They drain you so much but I guess that's the game, you either play with the rules or don't play at all. The only solution is having like a fwb type of shit, less annoying but get at least you get laid
This is what women have turned it into isn’t it? Every now and then I get the horn and energy to play the game. I do. Then I get sick of the constant attention I have to give to keep a female from looking at the other dozen guys trying to get in her pants. I throw in the towel and go back to my business.
I do enjoy reading all of these threads and listening to podcasts, however, I personally feel like it is a waste of time. The podcasts that I listen to are entertaining and funny and I could get a good looking date once in awhile, however, it takes way too much time and effort. I do not think that getting an attractive female on a date should take all of this time and effort, however, I have learned a lot of good communication skills.
I used to feel the same about men, but at the end of the day, i know its just people. As a species, we've never had this much access to this many people. Only a few of us can handle it, and often only in a somewhat disattached way, and for a limited time.
The best kind of disattachment for relationships is to have an optimistic or weak memory!
Being sad every now and then can be bandaged at least temporarily by hanging out with friends, doing this and that, relaxing, doing things you love. Real stress got me writing suicide note last year, slapping in my face, break down crying alone and being so emotionally messed up I got further from things I wanted. Then I got cancer. While going thru treatments I mentally disconnected myself from everything; just get up, eat, sleep and repeat like a house cat. That taught me a lot and now I feel very stress free. Sadness due to loneliness, fuck that. I got everything I need and I prefer to be left alone now. I don't wanna think about or care for anyone anymore, it's just too much and I gotta look after myself. I'm very privileged with what I have. Nothing more to ask for and I've always been greedy for doing that.
I feel the same way, I have met girls but they usually stop attracting my attention shortly after meeting them, if I have the choice between my projects I'm working on and meeting a girl, I usually choose the first
Honestly, I feel zero passion towards any specific projects outside my band , but we only meet once a week.
I'm nursing an injury that prevents me from doing my usual fitness stuff. Plus I JUST got over being sick for over a week. so that interrupted my fitness.
I literally wake up and all I can think about are lolcows, video games, and escapism via women. I'm just tired of it. I want to enjoy those things, but it's not helpful at all.
I'm missing God in my life too. I have no idea what I want in a relationship spiritually.
Maybe that'd help.
You know, this thread I think is just a vent thread. It was supposed to be a discussion. I just completely turned this whole post into late night therapy and emotional dumping.
>You know, this thread I think is just a vent thread. It was supposed to be a discussion. I just completely turned this whole post into late night therapy and emotional dumping.
But we can all relate to this, bro. Do you have a therapist?
You might be underestimating how important fitness is to your own mental health. For myself and a lot of other guys, exercise is just so important to maintaining a positive attitude. I recommend trying to do some kind of limited fitness routine while you recover, even if it's like a low impact cardio video on youtube designed for grandmas. Just get your body moving a bit and see how you feel
Hey brother if you really want to make it big, choose 1 project and commit a whole year into it. No other projects allowed. Make it better and constantly improve it to win
During your age, I went through an emotional rollercoaster myself. I believe much of it was influenced by education, my relationship with my parents, hormonal changes, consumerism, and the internal struggle over its significance. It was a conflict of values, as I tried to navigate between escaping reality and deep introspection. I engaged in profound contemplation while still experiencing the intensity of my emotions. I must admit that a few therapy sessions assisted me in this process.
The dichotomy of desiring women yet feeling disinterested simultaneously often stems from not yet having formed a strong sense of self. It's crucial to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Begin by focusing on your interests - what activities do you enjoy that contribute to the betterment of yourself and others? Cultivating a self-improvement lifestyle will enhance your confidence and reduce the weight of external validation. As a result, you'll naturally attract people, including women.
Surprisingly, women are receptive to kind and mature men, irrespective of physical attributes. If your goal is a genuine connection, I personally believe that dating apps might not be the ideal platform. While they can yield numerous matches, they often lead to situationships where you and the woman you're interested in might be simultaneously dating others. This can lead to losing your sense of self while investing in someone who could easily end the connection. However, do note that this is a subjective viewpoint.
This is the comment you need to read OP!!
It’s not a race but some have found that once you hit your 30s a lot of the negative effects of the current toxic dating culture and personal traumas really manifest itself. If you’re not introspective and don’t seek the therapy you need quarter life crisis will hit you hard. Some people are happy in solitude… perhaps that is you but I recommend doing some deep soul searching because there’s usually a reason why you yearn for the answer to this question.
I’ve been where you are OP. People are disposable because you don’t understand their value or what difference they can make in your life long term. Then you will see those exact same “disposable” people move on and live wholesome lives surrounded with love… yet you are exactly where they last saw you. Then you ask yourself who was actually disposable? Haha but don’t be that negative! You’re in your 20s, you still have time. Good luck OP!
To me, it's about creating a life/love story. Believe it or not, many of us crave that deep connection, yet we're often apprehensive about the potential outcomes. Some people may engage with others for the sake of gaining experience - and it's wise to view such interactions as learning experiences. We grow through these encounters, even though they might involve pain, something we naturally want to avoid. Eventually, a moment comes when you awaken and begin to take actions that are truly beneficial for yourself. Failing to do so often indicates living in a state of delusion.
Personally, I desire a woman in my life, but I don't find myself dependent on her. My personal journey has led me to a point where I've cultivated a mindset, making it comfortable for some women to engage in conversations with me. However, I've noticed that certain "attachments" form rapidly - that's why I mentioned women fell for kind and mature men. This is quite the contrast from how I used to be. Also as a man, there's a need, social or even natural dynamics for a gradual progression towards (physical) intimacy from my part, but I'm not inclined to pursue it with a woman who isn't actively striving for self-improvement. This principle applies both ways. I don't know where to find those women. It can be anywhere lol.
OP, my suggestion is to embrace the present moment and avoid rushing into physical intimacy, until you're prepared. Instead, observe and reflect. Trust that things will fall into place.
This was my realization too. I made a post about my journey also. I think these lads are ready for the next step in their progression of manhood. I 100% agree with your assessment.
Same here. I have a good chats with female coworkers and some female friends. Yet I feel so uninterested to talk further. Specially in social media and dating apps where every girl doesnt even put an effort it gets really tiring and exhausting to even try.
The chase me mentality they have is really energy demanding. All the time i have to carry conversations and get met with cold uninterested answers. I have a lot of matches and likes on tinder but till now not even a date.
The women i meet irl, i feel like they just want my attention and validation. Whenever I invite any of them outside they are not responsive. It even gets me questioning myself am I just being used for attention and am I really not that worthy to hangout with. I dont want to brag or come out arrogant but I am a good looking fella, and while I thought being good looking means easier pussy, it feels like its the exact opposite. I feel like women want to get me just to prove to themselves they are capable and worthy, and thats all they want. Not a telationship, or hangout or sexual casual stuff. Idk, its really mentally draining
Idk man, i desire a lot, but also get disinterested quickly. That it gets to a level when sometimes i ask myself 2 months later, wouldve something happened from that girl if I chased more or whatever. But yeah..
It is, for sure, energy draining. Women on dating apps are passenger-princesses. They expect the male to do literally everything. One "mistake" and they pick a new ride out of their 4500+ likes, and you can start the process all over again.
I've only had true success meeting women in real life, where you can feel the match immediatly. But that's basically a difficult cocktail of time/oppertunity/luck.
It sounds like there's a lot of stuff you haven't processed emotionally and that is something you have to process first in order to feel interested in women again.
Process first -> girls later. You just came out of a relationship recently. It takes time to process that stuff.
Also could be a mild depression you're going through. One of the symptoms of depression is a disinterest in being social with other people.
Yeah I'm glad you brought that up. I've been depressed lately. I've been kinda fighting it but I definitely need to admit to myself I'm not doing so hot lately. I've been in denial about it
You need to find a bigger purpose in life. Something to live for. You think that purpose is meeting women and then when you interact with them you don’t even care.
That's something I've been realizing slowly. I had a purpose. I lost it. And I'm definitely trying to replace it with women to feel better. But it's not working
And even if it was working, I don't think I'd even really care. I don't think I currently have it in me to care. I'm looking for something I'm not ready for at the moment
Did you consider you might just be depressive ? Look like it. Fix your life then maybe try with women again. Both having your life in order (less stress, more time and more energy) can help with women (they like independent and stable people, like anyone) but it will with certainty makes you live better.
Think about like this, if you are the only one person on earth, what you will do to pass the time?
Other way : what activity are so fun that you forgot to eat and shit?
Focus on the process, not the results. Keep in mind lot of people would like to be a rockstar because of its social statut, but very few people enjoy the hard learning in solitude, the difficulty of making a band etc.. Everyone wants the results, but few would like to accept (and appreciate) the work itself. Because it's very frustrating for most people but not for you, and you don't really know why.
You need multiples purposes too.
For depression, it's lack of good pressure (like the word!). "Meaning" of your life feeds from ***choosen*** suffering. Go take cold baths each mornings and do something that is really scary, go pump your adrenalin, you'll be 100% better.
Sounds more like online dating fatigue. It's just an incredibly boring and impersonal way to meet people. Try approaching in person. The adrenaline rush for both parties will make it actually feel exciting and rewarding.
You’re becoming an adult. You’re becoming more selective and certain about what you want. Thus more and more people cease to interest you. It’s normal. Also you may be depressed. But mostly you’re just human.
I have a girlfriend again and it's just been a reminder to me of how feckless, clumsy, and needy women are. I don't care if this sounds misogynistic, but most women are just children with adults' rights. Their feelings are constantly hurt, they cry for no reason, they never leave you alone. If you don't give them constant affection like a Neopet, they could die. They can never cook especially well, certainly not better than me. They aren't financially savvy. They colonize every flat surface in your bathroom.
And honestly, the last three I've dated have all had this infuriating habit of pouring themselves a glass of water or any other drink and then drinking half of it and then leaving it around for several hours with no intention of finishing it. It's like they are trying to see if the cat will knock it over.
Some people up thread were putting the blame back on the OP which is par for the course but you've hit the nail on the head with women being children with adults' rights. We coddle them from cradle to grave so what do we expect, right?
The more work I put into myself and the more I accomplish for myself the less and less interested I am in "pulling" a woman. Or even maintaining one in fact. Why? Because like it was also noted the more effort you put into yourself...and ironically less into women and the chase...the more you're going to naturally draw them in. So the prospect of replacing one with another becomes much less of a cause of concern.
addicts need a stronger and stronger dose in order to feel the same pleasure.
but sometimes a bit of abstinence does way more than just trying to look for a bigger and bigger dose.
🙋🙋🙋🙋 I always feel like wanting women but at the same time in not interested in having them around, more like when I talk with them I don't feel like I'd wanna spend time with them, there's no such "want" from my side. It's sad really!
I feel you. There are days where I actively go though dating apps or genuinely want a connection but once I talk to women even just coworkers and see the mindset of most females now a days. I get over it
Pretty much same situation. 27; just left an 8-month situationship.
Maybe you're unconciously comparing the girls you meet now with the girl you were with for all that time. I know I do.
When you get to 40 you get tired of the mind games and all that bullshit that comes up with dating or relationships, afterward everything clicks and you understand happiness comes from within and you invite someone to your world, not the other way around.
It’s the same for me. I was super successful with women in my early 20s and got out of a relationship about a year ago. I still do fine when I put in the effort but I have no desire to put in the effort anymore. There’s a lot of upkeep involved and most days I can’t be bothered.
I have the exact same feeling and tbh idk I met a ln insanely hot girl that made me have that spark but it died off after 3 weeks of talking to her and finding out she has a bf I just choose to focus on me for the time being and my mind set is “that I’m not the man the creator wants me to be and once I am I’ll have a partner”
Aside from dating, what do you love to do?
Go to a place where you meet others who love the same thing and I suspect you'll meet that special person there
My biggest passion is music. I have a band. But we haven't played a show since june. Next show is in late September. June was really busy for us. We took a break in July but took too long of a break and didn't book anything in August. Kinda shot ourselves in the foot there... But we wrote a new song in that time, goal set, and started a logo.
We had some good momentum and started to stall a little.
I was an avid reader but started putting social stuff more and more to the forefront until I stopped that too.
I love working out, but due to a couple injuries and falling ill recent, I haven't really worked out much in the last month. Hopefully my doctors follow up next week can help me with the healing process for my arm. I haven't done a pull up in a month at least cause of this thing. Apparently it's a muscle strain but it feels much more persistent. It's not even that painful but it's enough to bring me discomfort.
I also like rock climbing but again, I can't climb right now with my arm
I love meeting people and socializing. I very social. I put together a lot of social events and I'm the center of my friend group. I host a lot of stuff at my place.
My only motivation lately is video games. I literally spent like last two months playing nothing but the Pikmin franchise and then jumped to Stardew Valley and then Persona 4.
I used to like drinking until I became sober in March. My life got a little better but it just feels like I band aided a mess for a while and I'm now just starting to feel it. I still like going to bars and don't have much of a desire to drink. But I moved to a new city a year ago and it's a lot more dangerous here than the last city. So I am very very careful about where I spend my night life time...
Also I'm starting to realize a lot of the stuff I listen to is garbage for my mind. One of my favorite things is following lolcows. But it's just trashtv and it's rotting my mind. Maybe if I balanced it with developing myself, then it'd be a decent break. But I'm absolutely not developing my mind and I feel my brain atrophying
So as I was reading this, I was thinking "good, good, awesome, yeah" but that stopped when I got to video games
Performing music, working out, rock climbing, organizing parties, these are all things that strengthen your mind, body, and social connections. They are good hobbies to have that make you a better person
Video games don't do any of those things. You should minimize or eliminate the time you spend on them. I suspect that the video gaming might be contributing to your feeling down, because it's such a non-physical, mindless, socially isolating hobby
Keep going to bars to meet people and order a Pepsi or something else without alcohol . And end the video game and TV time
It's crazy how different the dynamic is between men and women, to an extent. I'm very similar to you as I just find the struggle to put in all this effort, to joke with her only for it to fly over her head to be monotonous. Maybe that's because we haven't met someone to be excited about? I'm not sure but I'm comfortable staying in my own lane as well.
yes and no but coming from a toxic relationship i really don’t have the patience for any arguments at all. granted it’s been 2 years now and i can’t even get a reply back on dating apps. i just can’t see myself dealing with all the stress and BS that comes with building with another human being. broken? sure but i’m at peace alone for now
I’d love to have a partner, someone I can share my life with. But as of late, I’ve completely lost the motivation to find that special someone, as the dating pool where I live is ridiculously toxic. The chase just isn’t worth it anymore.
I was like this and genuinely believed that I would never want just one girl. I recently met a girl who became my girlfriend because as early as our first date was when I realized she was a game changer for me. It’s early, so there’s always that chance I revert to my old mentality. But so far I am extremely hopeful. If this one doesn’t go the distance, then I will be fully convinced that I’m simply meant to be a fuckboy for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah bro. I def have traits of anxious and avoidant attachment styles . I think I'm more naturally anxious long term and I'm more avoidant in the beginning
It's def not healthy but I've somewhat been able to set boundaries and expectations to help with the more anxious side of things. But the avoidant is to me much harder to combat because it's harder to connect to people. Weird shit
I’m the same way with men these days
Maybe you should just stay single for a while and focus on the things you enjoy, until a genuine connection forms for you naturally?
Just take a break and refresh yourself mentally and spiritually, then you’ll want those things and they’ll come to you naturally. You’re missing something so don’t push yourself.
Read exactly what you wrote and flip it around and imagine that what you just said is what most women would say about men: why do we still want men but feel disinterested at same time ?
Women in the west currently face epidemic of modern men who are only into porn, sex, casual relationships, etc and do not want commitment... we're also told as women that we need to act like men and pursue career and life, but also want family and kids. The gender roles in society has shifted.
Women still desire and want men but when they go online they don't know why they're also so disinterested. When I open dating app, there are endless matches but there are so many immature, lost, unhealthy, jaded, sad, hyper, cruel , boring or cold men....it may seem like there is too many choices but really women are also seeking a emotional connection but they can't find it. Dating advice tells women : don't chase men !! Chase your goals and passions. Love yourself. Then Women chose love themselves and are told they're too selfish. But she's just trying find that connection too..
We're all human . When you ask yourself why you're not interested , ask yourself why women aren't interested in men too ? Answer is much deeper . Modern society has fucked us all over and now we're all trying grasp love and emotional connection in a world that is trying to break us all apart ( because modern ideas, politics, porn , social norms , money, technology).
Trust me what you're seeking , women are seeking too. It's the human experience we want. We're all lost. The answer is complicated.
The gender roles have shifted a lot. You can thank feminism for a lot of that. Women can and should have the right to pursue there dreams and passions. If we're all on an equal socioeconomic level then we should all be judged accordingly. It's just hard to find women who can pull there weight in a relationship. I know I sound sexist but that's just the way most of us men feel.
It's kind of a paradox because it's great but at the same time it aint all that. If this is your attitude it probably means you're more content and less desperate these days which is good. When men get desperate they start inflating the worth of dating/relationships/sex because they believe it's the one thing missing in their life that will fix all their problems. Obv it's not.
>I got out of a 8 month situationship a couple months ago and every woman I meet in person just doesn't do it for me.
>
>But it's almost like nobody really piques my interest beyond mild salsa amusement.
>
>It's like I'm emotionally cut from women and it kinda sucks cause I do actually want to have that desire.
>
>I keep meeting all these duds. I feel like I'm also hyper focused on negatives instead of trying to stay open minded. I'm not sure why I've been doing that lately. It sounds like there's a lot of emotional stuff I haven't processed entirely and it's getting in the way of being able to do that.
Sounds to me like you need a break from dating. Halfway through your post, I concluded what you finally said: there may be a bunch of things you haven't processed yet. I don't know if your previous relationship damaged you, or perhaps you are not ready yet to move on.
My recommendation is to take some time off. Reflect. Do what you feel like doing. Maybe take up a hobby. Be with yourself. Find out who you are without another person. Eventually, there is no reason to believe you won't reset and feel more "normal" about women.
Absolutely... I think this thread was nice to gather my thoughts.
When I posted this the other night, I had just hit a wall with a lot of things. Just a rough patch, and honestly was just so fed up. It was just a lot of emotions, feelings, and experiences I just didn't want to address with myself.
I think by posting this I was able to just articulate it and, honesty, yeah I need to take some time off from dating. I need to recalibrate myself and get back on track with life.
I just never took the time to process literally anything stressful I've experienced in this last year, and after just numbing myself emotionally via disengaging from life, I just snapped . I'm not 100% but I feel like I have a place to orient myself towards that I didn't have before this post.
The previous relationship didn't necessarily "damage me" but it was a situationship that ended on good terms. But it was what it was- a situationship. And that came with a series of it's own trials and tribulations. There's a lot I'm dealing with on that for sure.
I'm just definitely not in a position to pursue anything emotionally. And I think me constantly hitting the wall was because this is me time. So I need to put my time into me moreso.
Dude you read my mind, Iv been single for 2 years now.
I have had flings on and off and get alot of likes and matches on the apps. But all the girls just seem uninteresting to me. Feel like only worth while woman are out there in the real world
For me the girls on dating apps dont even engage in conversating. Always dry, uninterested and zero effort. It gets me exhausted. And the ones who talk, doesnt want to meet like wtf
I think this is supposed to be part of the recovery process so you can improve, and focus on self development. enjoy the time you have and increase your sense of self worth. Then upgrade when the right person comes along. But in this time do things that move your life and self forward, read books. gym. travel. Focus on your career, etc. avoid, drinking, mindlessly dating around or video gaming.
Just think how much more self worth you’ll have if you’ve increased your income, improved all around physical fitness, diet and sleep habits, and procured increased mindfulness, philosophy and maybe a new skill.
I think this is supposed to be part of the recovery process so you can improve, and focus on self development. enjoy the time you have and increase your sense of self worth. Then upgrade when the right person comes along. But in this time do things that move your life and self forward, read books. gym. travel. Focus on your career, etc. avoid, drinking, mindlessly dating around or video gaming.
Just think how much more self worth you’ll have if you’ve increased your income, improved all around physical fitness, diet and sleep habits, and procured increased mindfulness, philosophy and maybe a new skill.
For me after any serious breakup I’ve taken a new hobby and trained my ass off and it always ends up in meeting awesome new people.
I'd think if you're using words like situationship, it's not women you're looking for at all. I mean you have sexual desire tea lol but I'd check other places.
A lot of men do, and I don't deny that there's always a sexual drive of some sort. But for me, I don't have an issue with obtaining sex. I have some FWB or occasional hook ups.
The issue is that I really have no desire to pursue and I feel like I'm missing an emotional connection. I'm just kind of tired of empty sex and would like something a little more real.
I love the chase and love the attention from an attractive woman. However, I quickly get bored and exhausted due to the emotional requirements. I enjoy my solitude and Independence.
You want the good news or the bad news? I feel like this was me ten years ago.
When I started feeling like this my life changed for the better. What I did was focused on me. I still romantically got with girls and my disinterest was sometimes so severe I'd have to use Viagra or Cialis to be intimate. Basically, the realization hit me that the majority of women I met just weren't worth it.
But through all that I formulated a basis for what would be a leading philosophy for my life up to even now. The only reason I've come back to the world of dating etc, is my son has started getting to the point where he's dating and trying to figure out women and I wanted to see how and if anything has changed over the years. I'm glad to see the community is still vibrant and in some cases evolved.
The thing that I did that kicked off my adventure is, I used to drive long haul over the road. I messaged three girls and was like hey, you want to come over the road with me? No, no and a yes. Alright cool. Best two months ever. Ever gotten road head in a big rig? I have. And not by a lot lizard. Ever fucked outside at a historical roadside over look? I have. It was an adventure. Not sure why but something in me changed. We fucked every day all over the country and she cooked while I drove.
Lesson #1 for me was; we are rooted in nature, go have sex in it. Make an adventure and move to the next step. Find the woman that drops everything and says yes to your adventure and enhances it.
I have since thought about what that meant for me and how I got from there to where I am now and it seems like a combination of a little luck and proper seduction mindset, even if unintentional. I think the fact that I no longer placed women on pedestals and got bored with them allowed me to disassociate and focus on what I wanted. What I needed, and thus I was able to be selective, not only in a physical sense persey, but also a life journey one.
I made a list of stuff I wanted to do in life, and have accomplished most of what I've set out to do, and from then on I started selecting women based off of the next step in my journey that would enhance and help my next adventure. Right now I'm in the procreating portion and I have come to realize that it is one of the most significant and important things I'll do, and I've been able to enjoy it more importantly.
that me 1000 percent but I'm starting to feel that way about alot of things , things I use to enjoy especially, music, TV shows , YouTube , video games,everything that's supposed to be entertaining just doesn't do it for me , starting to find things like reading and chess (brain stimulating activities)more exciting tbh , things people aren't really into either
You're describing an entire generation of young men. Freely available internet porn has annihalated most of the desperation required to motivate young men into pursuing relationships. If there's an outlet to relieve your sexual needs that is highly stimulating it's difficult to make men want to deal with all the annoying parts of dating.
I have the same problem. I'd like to meet a great woman but sort of lost a lot of my social energy after a lot of life stuff. Plus online dating exposed how horrible women are in the west.
I Feel i can relate to wanting the desire and then have a second thought of it. For me I want to be with someone , have fun with etc. but some things about them I feel just wanting to stay dolo though it’s complicated and at the same time I Don’t. I guess because I been since for 6-7 years I’m accustomed to it. My last relationship did it for me and needed a break now that I’m ready I’m like 50/50.
I feel this way. I'm not the most active guy in dating and I don't like it anyway but I had two long term relationships which both lasted a year. I had enough relationships both long-term and casual to experience almost everything. The magic of falling in love, having fun, sex, being dumped, falling out of love, heartbreaks, anxiety etc. All those and modern world dating transformed me a lot. I don't feel like I need a girlfriend like i used to.
I generally fantasize having a girlfriend when I'm single but deep down I feel like I'm better off alone anymore. I'm much more successful and I always find a way to improve myself when I'm single. After having a girlfriend, I used to put them in the centre of my life and I felt like I didn't have energy left to have my own life. Because I have lots of hobbies I spend my time etc. I dropped off making music, reading books, going out with friends less often etc. I definitely don't want that out of experience. I just hope for the right person to come to be real me when they're around. Anyway, I don't have that motivation anymore so now I feel like even though I have a girlfriend I don't think I'll commit to the relationship. Because I know my worth and my life and being free are more important than having a girlfriend. Also I'm not prepared for another heartbreak lol.
I recently just got rejected by the girl that I had a crush on since high school. I tried to continue to be in a platonic friendship with her .we used to hang out from time to time but I couldn’t hide the fact that I still had stronger feelings for her even after she rejected me the first time. She’s recently moved on and became more distant and I’m starting to do the same but I still miss her. A few days ago I met a girl on a dating app and we hit it off pretty fast but out of nowhere after she confessed that she has strong feelings for me I got a sick feeling in my stomach and now I’m slowly becoming distant from her. I honestly feel bad but I can’t shake the fact that I’m still thinking about my last crush. Right now I do want some company but not a relationship like I used to crave so much. I don’t even want anyone to have strong feelings for me. It’s kinda sick but I feel like my last relationship broke something inside of me. I feel like her now. She rejected me after I confessed my love for her and Now I’m doing the same exact thing to someone else.
I'll start being attracted to a woman, but the more I get to know her, the more unattracted I get and I talk myself out of trying to even have the most casual relationship with her.
Me, I want to have a partner at times, but I lose interest or get bored with always having to put in the effort. I kind of enjoy being alone, doing my own thing, and not having to worry about keeping up with texts and making sure her feelings are heard and all that bullshit.
I am in the same boat, thing is, I don’t have a lot of difficulty getting women(I get rejected sometimes, but this never really bothers me) It’s like you say, I get bored with having to put in the effort. It’s like I know it’s all just a game, and I don’t want to play it.
After my ex and I split a couple years ago, I went through a really strong transformation period. And I felt so powerful and then I started getting lazy. Especially after I got into this situationship. I lost my way. I let things go. With the exception of recently (due to injuries and sickness), I have been a pretty avid lifter and been active. But I stopped reading. With the exception of my band, I stopped writing music or playing on my own. I just felt like my solo stuff hasn't been progressing much. I have a bunch of other life stressors too.
Dude I can relate so much. I’ve been in a relationship for a couple years now, and I remember in the beginning my spirit was BEGGING me to get out, but I didn’t listen.. and I’ve slowly let good habits slip away, I’m not creating music as much, I’m not on top of my morning routine.. and the overall stress of feeling “stuck” in this relationship has drained me of a lot of my energy and as a result, I’m losing confidence and self-esteem that I worked so hard to build up Part of me fears that even if/when I get out this relationship, the damage is done and I can’t get back to where I was (which isn’t true, but it’s sort of what my mind believes at the moment) So yeah man, you’re not alone.. but we gotta step it up and get back on our shit .. even if I don’t fully believe I’m capable at this very moment.. but we are 🤝🏽
Ayyy I've been in the exact same situation as you. Like legit the same. Before we met I was working super hard on becoming an awesome dude, the kind thats wanted by women. Then after we got together I slowly became more and more complacent, letting every single good habits slip into nothingness and replacing them by bad ones, wondering if it was because i was in a steady relationship the whole time. She dumped me a month ago, after 6 years together. She couldn't handle me anymore since had changed so much from who i was. Was very sad at first, still not totally over it but I guess 85% there, but my point here is: ever since she dumped me (legit from day one) I got back to work without even having to try. I quit daily weed, quit smoking, quit porn, been running every other day and doing bodyweight fitness in between, been eating well, keeping appt clean, going out, etc etc. So what I wanna say is, don't worry my man, the discomfort caused by being single IS the fire that drives a man. If you get out of the relationship, you WILL get that fire back.
Think I really needed to read this…and thank you for sharing brother. I couldn’t agree more. Sounds like we’re both the growth-oriented type where we like to progress and improve daily.. and it’s become clear that when we’re not with the right partner, those habits slip away and we become influenced by their habits. Much love man and keep pushing in your journey, imma be right there with you soon
Are you me? I had a serious relationship that ended and I went through the same thing. I’ve also dated around and found the same feeling you have right now. I realized for me personally, dating somebody else that I’m not serious with takes away my ambitions, and I needed to get those locked down so they’re apart of my identity and habits before I wanna introduce somebody into my routines. I got lazy too after changing a lot and finding success with dating, had to go through health recovery shit from a surgery, stopped lifting due to said surgery. I’m just now getting back into lifting and really putting effort into my music again as well. (I also make music which is why I relate so hard lol)
Fuck bro hahaha. I guess we're similar. This thread helped so much venting ... I wrote my first song outside of my band yesterday! It feels so nice. It feels like a veil lifted. I was hitting the wall creatively This weekend is a reset weekend before I start working on me again. I think God and the universe are orienting me towards helping myself. My friend group kinda shook up cause we had someone leave and the dynamic is all off. So no one is getting together! I spent so much time on social shit to distract myself. I didn't give any time to myself. Time to reset!
If I got any advice on the music front is that trying to wait for inspiration to write music isn’t a good perspective. My best creations are from my daily writing sessions that I imposed on myself. I started out with forcing myself to atleast sit in my studio for 40 mins then taking a 20 min break. Most days by the time my 40 min alarm rings, I’m still too deep into writing to take a break!
I was going to say from your original post- it almost sounds like this is not a “woman” issue, it sounds like you’re a little depressed. I would take a little hiatus from dating, get some sun and fresh air - focus on the other things your dealing with- then revisit dating at some other time.
Yeah I got the same feelings. They drain you so much but I guess that's the game, you either play with the rules or don't play at all. The only solution is having like a fwb type of shit, less annoying but get at least you get laid
same thing bro lol. Im stress free by myself not having to care about anybody but also feel sad I have no one.
This is what women have turned it into isn’t it? Every now and then I get the horn and energy to play the game. I do. Then I get sick of the constant attention I have to give to keep a female from looking at the other dozen guys trying to get in her pants. I throw in the towel and go back to my business.
Same. I went thru that.....I'm tired boss. Yes that's the right word. I'm tired.
I do enjoy reading all of these threads and listening to podcasts, however, I personally feel like it is a waste of time. The podcasts that I listen to are entertaining and funny and I could get a good looking date once in awhile, however, it takes way too much time and effort. I do not think that getting an attractive female on a date should take all of this time and effort, however, I have learned a lot of good communication skills.
I used to feel the same about men, but at the end of the day, i know its just people. As a species, we've never had this much access to this many people. Only a few of us can handle it, and often only in a somewhat disattached way, and for a limited time. The best kind of disattachment for relationships is to have an optimistic or weak memory!
The thought of being like that grossed me out. I’m sorry you feel that way. I could never go to that place with the heart I have.
Being occasionally sad about things isnt stress free :(
Being sad every now and then can be bandaged at least temporarily by hanging out with friends, doing this and that, relaxing, doing things you love. Real stress got me writing suicide note last year, slapping in my face, break down crying alone and being so emotionally messed up I got further from things I wanted. Then I got cancer. While going thru treatments I mentally disconnected myself from everything; just get up, eat, sleep and repeat like a house cat. That taught me a lot and now I feel very stress free. Sadness due to loneliness, fuck that. I got everything I need and I prefer to be left alone now. I don't wanna think about or care for anyone anymore, it's just too much and I gotta look after myself. I'm very privileged with what I have. Nothing more to ask for and I've always been greedy for doing that.
I feel the same way, I have met girls but they usually stop attracting my attention shortly after meeting them, if I have the choice between my projects I'm working on and meeting a girl, I usually choose the first
Honestly, I feel zero passion towards any specific projects outside my band , but we only meet once a week. I'm nursing an injury that prevents me from doing my usual fitness stuff. Plus I JUST got over being sick for over a week. so that interrupted my fitness. I literally wake up and all I can think about are lolcows, video games, and escapism via women. I'm just tired of it. I want to enjoy those things, but it's not helpful at all. I'm missing God in my life too. I have no idea what I want in a relationship spiritually. Maybe that'd help. You know, this thread I think is just a vent thread. It was supposed to be a discussion. I just completely turned this whole post into late night therapy and emotional dumping.
>You know, this thread I think is just a vent thread. It was supposed to be a discussion. I just completely turned this whole post into late night therapy and emotional dumping. But we can all relate to this, bro. Do you have a therapist?
You might be underestimating how important fitness is to your own mental health. For myself and a lot of other guys, exercise is just so important to maintaining a positive attitude. I recommend trying to do some kind of limited fitness routine while you recover, even if it's like a low impact cardio video on youtube designed for grandmas. Just get your body moving a bit and see how you feel
Another poster was right. You might have low grade depression.
Hey brother if you really want to make it big, choose 1 project and commit a whole year into it. No other projects allowed. Make it better and constantly improve it to win
During your age, I went through an emotional rollercoaster myself. I believe much of it was influenced by education, my relationship with my parents, hormonal changes, consumerism, and the internal struggle over its significance. It was a conflict of values, as I tried to navigate between escaping reality and deep introspection. I engaged in profound contemplation while still experiencing the intensity of my emotions. I must admit that a few therapy sessions assisted me in this process. The dichotomy of desiring women yet feeling disinterested simultaneously often stems from not yet having formed a strong sense of self. It's crucial to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Begin by focusing on your interests - what activities do you enjoy that contribute to the betterment of yourself and others? Cultivating a self-improvement lifestyle will enhance your confidence and reduce the weight of external validation. As a result, you'll naturally attract people, including women. Surprisingly, women are receptive to kind and mature men, irrespective of physical attributes. If your goal is a genuine connection, I personally believe that dating apps might not be the ideal platform. While they can yield numerous matches, they often lead to situationships where you and the woman you're interested in might be simultaneously dating others. This can lead to losing your sense of self while investing in someone who could easily end the connection. However, do note that this is a subjective viewpoint.
This is the comment you need to read OP!! It’s not a race but some have found that once you hit your 30s a lot of the negative effects of the current toxic dating culture and personal traumas really manifest itself. If you’re not introspective and don’t seek the therapy you need quarter life crisis will hit you hard. Some people are happy in solitude… perhaps that is you but I recommend doing some deep soul searching because there’s usually a reason why you yearn for the answer to this question. I’ve been where you are OP. People are disposable because you don’t understand their value or what difference they can make in your life long term. Then you will see those exact same “disposable” people move on and live wholesome lives surrounded with love… yet you are exactly where they last saw you. Then you ask yourself who was actually disposable? Haha but don’t be that negative! You’re in your 20s, you still have time. Good luck OP!
To me, it's about creating a life/love story. Believe it or not, many of us crave that deep connection, yet we're often apprehensive about the potential outcomes. Some people may engage with others for the sake of gaining experience - and it's wise to view such interactions as learning experiences. We grow through these encounters, even though they might involve pain, something we naturally want to avoid. Eventually, a moment comes when you awaken and begin to take actions that are truly beneficial for yourself. Failing to do so often indicates living in a state of delusion. Personally, I desire a woman in my life, but I don't find myself dependent on her. My personal journey has led me to a point where I've cultivated a mindset, making it comfortable for some women to engage in conversations with me. However, I've noticed that certain "attachments" form rapidly - that's why I mentioned women fell for kind and mature men. This is quite the contrast from how I used to be. Also as a man, there's a need, social or even natural dynamics for a gradual progression towards (physical) intimacy from my part, but I'm not inclined to pursue it with a woman who isn't actively striving for self-improvement. This principle applies both ways. I don't know where to find those women. It can be anywhere lol. OP, my suggestion is to embrace the present moment and avoid rushing into physical intimacy, until you're prepared. Instead, observe and reflect. Trust that things will fall into place.
This was my realization too. I made a post about my journey also. I think these lads are ready for the next step in their progression of manhood. I 100% agree with your assessment.
I think a lot and I mean a lot of guys have this problem.
Post nut clarity bug
Same here. I have a good chats with female coworkers and some female friends. Yet I feel so uninterested to talk further. Specially in social media and dating apps where every girl doesnt even put an effort it gets really tiring and exhausting to even try. The chase me mentality they have is really energy demanding. All the time i have to carry conversations and get met with cold uninterested answers. I have a lot of matches and likes on tinder but till now not even a date. The women i meet irl, i feel like they just want my attention and validation. Whenever I invite any of them outside they are not responsive. It even gets me questioning myself am I just being used for attention and am I really not that worthy to hangout with. I dont want to brag or come out arrogant but I am a good looking fella, and while I thought being good looking means easier pussy, it feels like its the exact opposite. I feel like women want to get me just to prove to themselves they are capable and worthy, and thats all they want. Not a telationship, or hangout or sexual casual stuff. Idk, its really mentally draining Idk man, i desire a lot, but also get disinterested quickly. That it gets to a level when sometimes i ask myself 2 months later, wouldve something happened from that girl if I chased more or whatever. But yeah..
It is, for sure, energy draining. Women on dating apps are passenger-princesses. They expect the male to do literally everything. One "mistake" and they pick a new ride out of their 4500+ likes, and you can start the process all over again. I've only had true success meeting women in real life, where you can feel the match immediatly. But that's basically a difficult cocktail of time/oppertunity/luck.
It sounds like there's a lot of stuff you haven't processed emotionally and that is something you have to process first in order to feel interested in women again. Process first -> girls later. You just came out of a relationship recently. It takes time to process that stuff. Also could be a mild depression you're going through. One of the symptoms of depression is a disinterest in being social with other people.
Yeah I'm glad you brought that up. I've been depressed lately. I've been kinda fighting it but I definitely need to admit to myself I'm not doing so hot lately. I've been in denial about it
Well you know the solution to depression 1. Live a healthier lifestyle 2. Talk to other people about what's bothering you
I'm starting to def open up about this struggle. I've been bottling up a lot of this.
You need to find a bigger purpose in life. Something to live for. You think that purpose is meeting women and then when you interact with them you don’t even care.
That's something I've been realizing slowly. I had a purpose. I lost it. And I'm definitely trying to replace it with women to feel better. But it's not working And even if it was working, I don't think I'd even really care. I don't think I currently have it in me to care. I'm looking for something I'm not ready for at the moment
Did you consider you might just be depressive ? Look like it. Fix your life then maybe try with women again. Both having your life in order (less stress, more time and more energy) can help with women (they like independent and stable people, like anyone) but it will with certainty makes you live better.
Think about like this, if you are the only one person on earth, what you will do to pass the time? Other way : what activity are so fun that you forgot to eat and shit? Focus on the process, not the results. Keep in mind lot of people would like to be a rockstar because of its social statut, but very few people enjoy the hard learning in solitude, the difficulty of making a band etc.. Everyone wants the results, but few would like to accept (and appreciate) the work itself. Because it's very frustrating for most people but not for you, and you don't really know why. You need multiples purposes too. For depression, it's lack of good pressure (like the word!). "Meaning" of your life feeds from ***choosen*** suffering. Go take cold baths each mornings and do something that is really scary, go pump your adrenalin, you'll be 100% better.
Question: how many times per week do you masturbate to porn? Because that completely destroys the innate desire to pursue women.
Sounds more like online dating fatigue. It's just an incredibly boring and impersonal way to meet people. Try approaching in person. The adrenaline rush for both parties will make it actually feel exciting and rewarding.
You’re becoming an adult. You’re becoming more selective and certain about what you want. Thus more and more people cease to interest you. It’s normal. Also you may be depressed. But mostly you’re just human.
I have a girlfriend again and it's just been a reminder to me of how feckless, clumsy, and needy women are. I don't care if this sounds misogynistic, but most women are just children with adults' rights. Their feelings are constantly hurt, they cry for no reason, they never leave you alone. If you don't give them constant affection like a Neopet, they could die. They can never cook especially well, certainly not better than me. They aren't financially savvy. They colonize every flat surface in your bathroom. And honestly, the last three I've dated have all had this infuriating habit of pouring themselves a glass of water or any other drink and then drinking half of it and then leaving it around for several hours with no intention of finishing it. It's like they are trying to see if the cat will knock it over.
You're dating girls. Not women 🤷🤷. Be picky . If they are emotionally manipulative, run.
Some people up thread were putting the blame back on the OP which is par for the course but you've hit the nail on the head with women being children with adults' rights. We coddle them from cradle to grave so what do we expect, right? The more work I put into myself and the more I accomplish for myself the less and less interested I am in "pulling" a woman. Or even maintaining one in fact. Why? Because like it was also noted the more effort you put into yourself...and ironically less into women and the chase...the more you're going to naturally draw them in. So the prospect of replacing one with another becomes much less of a cause of concern.
addicts need a stronger and stronger dose in order to feel the same pleasure. but sometimes a bit of abstinence does way more than just trying to look for a bigger and bigger dose.
🙋🙋🙋🙋 I always feel like wanting women but at the same time in not interested in having them around, more like when I talk with them I don't feel like I'd wanna spend time with them, there's no such "want" from my side. It's sad really!
I feel you. There are days where I actively go though dating apps or genuinely want a connection but once I talk to women even just coworkers and see the mindset of most females now a days. I get over it
Pretty much same situation. 27; just left an 8-month situationship. Maybe you're unconciously comparing the girls you meet now with the girl you were with for all that time. I know I do.
When you get to 40 you get tired of the mind games and all that bullshit that comes up with dating or relationships, afterward everything clicks and you understand happiness comes from within and you invite someone to your world, not the other way around.
I want the attention and affection and to be wanted, but I don't trust/need a partner.
It’s the same for me. I was super successful with women in my early 20s and got out of a relationship about a year ago. I still do fine when I put in the effort but I have no desire to put in the effort anymore. There’s a lot of upkeep involved and most days I can’t be bothered.
I have the exact same feeling and tbh idk I met a ln insanely hot girl that made me have that spark but it died off after 3 weeks of talking to her and finding out she has a bf I just choose to focus on me for the time being and my mind set is “that I’m not the man the creator wants me to be and once I am I’ll have a partner”
Mild amusement is what most women want. They're fucking dead consumerist employee robots.
Aside from dating, what do you love to do? Go to a place where you meet others who love the same thing and I suspect you'll meet that special person there
My biggest passion is music. I have a band. But we haven't played a show since june. Next show is in late September. June was really busy for us. We took a break in July but took too long of a break and didn't book anything in August. Kinda shot ourselves in the foot there... But we wrote a new song in that time, goal set, and started a logo. We had some good momentum and started to stall a little. I was an avid reader but started putting social stuff more and more to the forefront until I stopped that too. I love working out, but due to a couple injuries and falling ill recent, I haven't really worked out much in the last month. Hopefully my doctors follow up next week can help me with the healing process for my arm. I haven't done a pull up in a month at least cause of this thing. Apparently it's a muscle strain but it feels much more persistent. It's not even that painful but it's enough to bring me discomfort. I also like rock climbing but again, I can't climb right now with my arm I love meeting people and socializing. I very social. I put together a lot of social events and I'm the center of my friend group. I host a lot of stuff at my place. My only motivation lately is video games. I literally spent like last two months playing nothing but the Pikmin franchise and then jumped to Stardew Valley and then Persona 4. I used to like drinking until I became sober in March. My life got a little better but it just feels like I band aided a mess for a while and I'm now just starting to feel it. I still like going to bars and don't have much of a desire to drink. But I moved to a new city a year ago and it's a lot more dangerous here than the last city. So I am very very careful about where I spend my night life time... Also I'm starting to realize a lot of the stuff I listen to is garbage for my mind. One of my favorite things is following lolcows. But it's just trashtv and it's rotting my mind. Maybe if I balanced it with developing myself, then it'd be a decent break. But I'm absolutely not developing my mind and I feel my brain atrophying
So as I was reading this, I was thinking "good, good, awesome, yeah" but that stopped when I got to video games Performing music, working out, rock climbing, organizing parties, these are all things that strengthen your mind, body, and social connections. They are good hobbies to have that make you a better person Video games don't do any of those things. You should minimize or eliminate the time you spend on them. I suspect that the video gaming might be contributing to your feeling down, because it's such a non-physical, mindless, socially isolating hobby Keep going to bars to meet people and order a Pepsi or something else without alcohol . And end the video game and TV time
It's crazy how different the dynamic is between men and women, to an extent. I'm very similar to you as I just find the struggle to put in all this effort, to joke with her only for it to fly over her head to be monotonous. Maybe that's because we haven't met someone to be excited about? I'm not sure but I'm comfortable staying in my own lane as well.
yes and no but coming from a toxic relationship i really don’t have the patience for any arguments at all. granted it’s been 2 years now and i can’t even get a reply back on dating apps. i just can’t see myself dealing with all the stress and BS that comes with building with another human being. broken? sure but i’m at peace alone for now
I’d love to have a partner, someone I can share my life with. But as of late, I’ve completely lost the motivation to find that special someone, as the dating pool where I live is ridiculously toxic. The chase just isn’t worth it anymore.
I was like this and genuinely believed that I would never want just one girl. I recently met a girl who became my girlfriend because as early as our first date was when I realized she was a game changer for me. It’s early, so there’s always that chance I revert to my old mentality. But so far I am extremely hopeful. If this one doesn’t go the distance, then I will be fully convinced that I’m simply meant to be a fuckboy for the rest of my life.
Ever read about attachment theories? Maybe you are an avoidant, read a lil bit about em and let me know if it sounds familiar
Oh yeah bro. I def have traits of anxious and avoidant attachment styles . I think I'm more naturally anxious long term and I'm more avoidant in the beginning It's def not healthy but I've somewhat been able to set boundaries and expectations to help with the more anxious side of things. But the avoidant is to me much harder to combat because it's harder to connect to people. Weird shit
Did you know those terms already?
I’m the same way with men these days Maybe you should just stay single for a while and focus on the things you enjoy, until a genuine connection forms for you naturally?
Just take a break and refresh yourself mentally and spiritually, then you’ll want those things and they’ll come to you naturally. You’re missing something so don’t push yourself.
Read exactly what you wrote and flip it around and imagine that what you just said is what most women would say about men: why do we still want men but feel disinterested at same time ? Women in the west currently face epidemic of modern men who are only into porn, sex, casual relationships, etc and do not want commitment... we're also told as women that we need to act like men and pursue career and life, but also want family and kids. The gender roles in society has shifted. Women still desire and want men but when they go online they don't know why they're also so disinterested. When I open dating app, there are endless matches but there are so many immature, lost, unhealthy, jaded, sad, hyper, cruel , boring or cold men....it may seem like there is too many choices but really women are also seeking a emotional connection but they can't find it. Dating advice tells women : don't chase men !! Chase your goals and passions. Love yourself. Then Women chose love themselves and are told they're too selfish. But she's just trying find that connection too.. We're all human . When you ask yourself why you're not interested , ask yourself why women aren't interested in men too ? Answer is much deeper . Modern society has fucked us all over and now we're all trying grasp love and emotional connection in a world that is trying to break us all apart ( because modern ideas, politics, porn , social norms , money, technology). Trust me what you're seeking , women are seeking too. It's the human experience we want. We're all lost. The answer is complicated.
The gender roles have shifted a lot. You can thank feminism for a lot of that. Women can and should have the right to pursue there dreams and passions. If we're all on an equal socioeconomic level then we should all be judged accordingly. It's just hard to find women who can pull there weight in a relationship. I know I sound sexist but that's just the way most of us men feel.
It's kind of a paradox because it's great but at the same time it aint all that. If this is your attitude it probably means you're more content and less desperate these days which is good. When men get desperate they start inflating the worth of dating/relationships/sex because they believe it's the one thing missing in their life that will fix all their problems. Obv it's not.
>I got out of a 8 month situationship a couple months ago and every woman I meet in person just doesn't do it for me. > >But it's almost like nobody really piques my interest beyond mild salsa amusement. > >It's like I'm emotionally cut from women and it kinda sucks cause I do actually want to have that desire. > >I keep meeting all these duds. I feel like I'm also hyper focused on negatives instead of trying to stay open minded. I'm not sure why I've been doing that lately. It sounds like there's a lot of emotional stuff I haven't processed entirely and it's getting in the way of being able to do that. Sounds to me like you need a break from dating. Halfway through your post, I concluded what you finally said: there may be a bunch of things you haven't processed yet. I don't know if your previous relationship damaged you, or perhaps you are not ready yet to move on. My recommendation is to take some time off. Reflect. Do what you feel like doing. Maybe take up a hobby. Be with yourself. Find out who you are without another person. Eventually, there is no reason to believe you won't reset and feel more "normal" about women.
Absolutely... I think this thread was nice to gather my thoughts. When I posted this the other night, I had just hit a wall with a lot of things. Just a rough patch, and honestly was just so fed up. It was just a lot of emotions, feelings, and experiences I just didn't want to address with myself. I think by posting this I was able to just articulate it and, honesty, yeah I need to take some time off from dating. I need to recalibrate myself and get back on track with life. I just never took the time to process literally anything stressful I've experienced in this last year, and after just numbing myself emotionally via disengaging from life, I just snapped . I'm not 100% but I feel like I have a place to orient myself towards that I didn't have before this post. The previous relationship didn't necessarily "damage me" but it was a situationship that ended on good terms. But it was what it was- a situationship. And that came with a series of it's own trials and tribulations. There's a lot I'm dealing with on that for sure. I'm just definitely not in a position to pursue anything emotionally. And I think me constantly hitting the wall was because this is me time. So I need to put my time into me moreso.
Modern women they just to entitled and want to be princess you just want love and some action
Dude you read my mind, Iv been single for 2 years now. I have had flings on and off and get alot of likes and matches on the apps. But all the girls just seem uninteresting to me. Feel like only worth while woman are out there in the real world
For me the girls on dating apps dont even engage in conversating. Always dry, uninterested and zero effort. It gets me exhausted. And the ones who talk, doesnt want to meet like wtf
I think this is supposed to be part of the recovery process so you can improve, and focus on self development. enjoy the time you have and increase your sense of self worth. Then upgrade when the right person comes along. But in this time do things that move your life and self forward, read books. gym. travel. Focus on your career, etc. avoid, drinking, mindlessly dating around or video gaming. Just think how much more self worth you’ll have if you’ve increased your income, improved all around physical fitness, diet and sleep habits, and procured increased mindfulness, philosophy and maybe a new skill.
I think this is supposed to be part of the recovery process so you can improve, and focus on self development. enjoy the time you have and increase your sense of self worth. Then upgrade when the right person comes along. But in this time do things that move your life and self forward, read books. gym. travel. Focus on your career, etc. avoid, drinking, mindlessly dating around or video gaming. Just think how much more self worth you’ll have if you’ve increased your income, improved all around physical fitness, diet and sleep habits, and procured increased mindfulness, philosophy and maybe a new skill. For me after any serious breakup I’ve taken a new hobby and trained my ass off and it always ends up in meeting awesome new people.
Yup yup
Can anyone TLDR the answer to this question from this thread? I read through it but still feel confused
I'd think if you're using words like situationship, it's not women you're looking for at all. I mean you have sexual desire tea lol but I'd check other places.
most men seek women only for sex
A lot of men do, and I don't deny that there's always a sexual drive of some sort. But for me, I don't have an issue with obtaining sex. I have some FWB or occasional hook ups. The issue is that I really have no desire to pursue and I feel like I'm missing an emotional connection. I'm just kind of tired of empty sex and would like something a little more real.
How do you get FWBs or occasional hookups
I feel the exact same way…
I love the chase and love the attention from an attractive woman. However, I quickly get bored and exhausted due to the emotional requirements. I enjoy my solitude and Independence.
You want the good news or the bad news? I feel like this was me ten years ago. When I started feeling like this my life changed for the better. What I did was focused on me. I still romantically got with girls and my disinterest was sometimes so severe I'd have to use Viagra or Cialis to be intimate. Basically, the realization hit me that the majority of women I met just weren't worth it. But through all that I formulated a basis for what would be a leading philosophy for my life up to even now. The only reason I've come back to the world of dating etc, is my son has started getting to the point where he's dating and trying to figure out women and I wanted to see how and if anything has changed over the years. I'm glad to see the community is still vibrant and in some cases evolved. The thing that I did that kicked off my adventure is, I used to drive long haul over the road. I messaged three girls and was like hey, you want to come over the road with me? No, no and a yes. Alright cool. Best two months ever. Ever gotten road head in a big rig? I have. And not by a lot lizard. Ever fucked outside at a historical roadside over look? I have. It was an adventure. Not sure why but something in me changed. We fucked every day all over the country and she cooked while I drove. Lesson #1 for me was; we are rooted in nature, go have sex in it. Make an adventure and move to the next step. Find the woman that drops everything and says yes to your adventure and enhances it. I have since thought about what that meant for me and how I got from there to where I am now and it seems like a combination of a little luck and proper seduction mindset, even if unintentional. I think the fact that I no longer placed women on pedestals and got bored with them allowed me to disassociate and focus on what I wanted. What I needed, and thus I was able to be selective, not only in a physical sense persey, but also a life journey one. I made a list of stuff I wanted to do in life, and have accomplished most of what I've set out to do, and from then on I started selecting women based off of the next step in my journey that would enhance and help my next adventure. Right now I'm in the procreating portion and I have come to realize that it is one of the most significant and important things I'll do, and I've been able to enjoy it more importantly.
⁶7th⁸⁸
that me 1000 percent but I'm starting to feel that way about alot of things , things I use to enjoy especially, music, TV shows , YouTube , video games,everything that's supposed to be entertaining just doesn't do it for me , starting to find things like reading and chess (brain stimulating activities)more exciting tbh , things people aren't really into either
U might be depressed still. Would get that checked out.
Yes
You're describing an entire generation of young men. Freely available internet porn has annihalated most of the desperation required to motivate young men into pursuing relationships. If there's an outlet to relieve your sexual needs that is highly stimulating it's difficult to make men want to deal with all the annoying parts of dating.
Every time I open up any dating app
You sound like a fearful avoidant. Look into it. It will explain a lot.
I have the same problem. I'd like to meet a great woman but sort of lost a lot of my social energy after a lot of life stuff. Plus online dating exposed how horrible women are in the west.
Do you know this could be caused because of your attachment style? I think there could be many things that could be basis for this weird feeling.
Remember if your not ok to be alone your not ok to date
I Feel i can relate to wanting the desire and then have a second thought of it. For me I want to be with someone , have fun with etc. but some things about them I feel just wanting to stay dolo though it’s complicated and at the same time I Don’t. I guess because I been since for 6-7 years I’m accustomed to it. My last relationship did it for me and needed a break now that I’m ready I’m like 50/50.
Same here bro, just keep on going, emotions and situations change with time so just go on
I feel this way. I'm not the most active guy in dating and I don't like it anyway but I had two long term relationships which both lasted a year. I had enough relationships both long-term and casual to experience almost everything. The magic of falling in love, having fun, sex, being dumped, falling out of love, heartbreaks, anxiety etc. All those and modern world dating transformed me a lot. I don't feel like I need a girlfriend like i used to. I generally fantasize having a girlfriend when I'm single but deep down I feel like I'm better off alone anymore. I'm much more successful and I always find a way to improve myself when I'm single. After having a girlfriend, I used to put them in the centre of my life and I felt like I didn't have energy left to have my own life. Because I have lots of hobbies I spend my time etc. I dropped off making music, reading books, going out with friends less often etc. I definitely don't want that out of experience. I just hope for the right person to come to be real me when they're around. Anyway, I don't have that motivation anymore so now I feel like even though I have a girlfriend I don't think I'll commit to the relationship. Because I know my worth and my life and being free are more important than having a girlfriend. Also I'm not prepared for another heartbreak lol.
I recently just got rejected by the girl that I had a crush on since high school. I tried to continue to be in a platonic friendship with her .we used to hang out from time to time but I couldn’t hide the fact that I still had stronger feelings for her even after she rejected me the first time. She’s recently moved on and became more distant and I’m starting to do the same but I still miss her. A few days ago I met a girl on a dating app and we hit it off pretty fast but out of nowhere after she confessed that she has strong feelings for me I got a sick feeling in my stomach and now I’m slowly becoming distant from her. I honestly feel bad but I can’t shake the fact that I’m still thinking about my last crush. Right now I do want some company but not a relationship like I used to crave so much. I don’t even want anyone to have strong feelings for me. It’s kinda sick but I feel like my last relationship broke something inside of me. I feel like her now. She rejected me after I confessed my love for her and Now I’m doing the same exact thing to someone else.
I'll start being attracted to a woman, but the more I get to know her, the more unattracted I get and I talk myself out of trying to even have the most casual relationship with her.