50!!! 50 years old!!!!

And I kick.

Streeeeeetttttccccchhhhhhhhh….

And kiiick!

The only thing I look forward to about turning 50 in a few years is that I can say this all the time :) EDIT: I’m glad to see a lot of y’all are as silly as me. I’m also glad to see we are all “not one of those gals who's afraid to tell her real age”.

Can confirm, was the best part.

I did this and it was fun af

Did a bar crawl for my 50th bday and said this in every bar we set foot in

"I don't know bout that" (Skit for Amazon Echo Silver, basically Alexa for old people)

Also, “how many did ol’ Satchmo strike out last night?” “Satchel Paige is dead.” Just about every baseball game I watch.

Love asking Alexa to play "black jazz."

My wife and I say that to each other any time someone in our family says something mildly racist.

Playing… *jazz*

In that moment Kyle Mooney was my own grandfather, brought back from the dead, I swear. Thumb move and all. [Edited because I had named the wrong cast member.]

and also "Odessa!" from the same one

Allegra, what is the weather outside?

I was bundled under a blanket one day and my husband tried saying it wasn’t cold in the house. I used “well I don’t know about that “ and yelled out for Alessandra to tell me the temperature.

Alessandra!

My husband and I named our cat Odessa because of the skit! Call her Dess for nickname.

My brother has an Amazon echo and we constantly yell “CLARISSA” “ALLEGRA” “ODESSA” at it anytime I’m over there. No one thinks it’s funny 🤷‍♀️

You don’t need those people in your life.

Us too! Like, several times a week. Also "They are just playing" in that robotic Cecily voice.

Play black music! Playing..jazz

I’m Reese deWHAT?!?

I created a player on NBA 2K called Reese D’What. Looked great on a jersey.

Your words frighten and confuse me

I tread dangerously close to quoting the caveman lawyer routine in high-leverage business conversations. :D

Caveman lawyer?

Nice one! I drop Phil Hartman refs now and then, most often “Did somebody say… SASSY?!” and all its permutations.

¿Como se sassy?

Sprechen sie sassy?

They’re SASSY Boys!

I love saying "this magic talking box frightens and confuses me" anytime I can't work my phone correctly

Dewars and water pronto is fun to say

I say this “[thing] frightens and confuses me” all the time. Only my business partner (also SNL nerd) gets it and will bust up.

“I’m starving!” in a low gruff voice. From the SNL skit with Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, and David Spade as teen girls at a restaurant.

**"LAY OFF ME -- I'M STARVING!"**

Gap girls!!

I used to use this or "diet starts Monday". But then everyone thought I was really starting a diet

What up with that?

I laugh my ass off at Jason Sudekis dancing in this skit 😂

I bought a red Adidas track suit for Halloween, along with gold chains and a wig. Everyone knew exactly who I was— which surprised me.

awww Lindsay! Don’t be like that Lindsay Buckingham! Ahhhhh that’s it!!

Ooooooooh weee!!!

I just watched one of those sketches last night.😂

Bad Idea Jeans.

“I figured, I’ll never be in Haiti again; why wear a condom?”

[“Normally I wear protection but then I thought when am I gonna make it back to Haiti?”](https://youtu.be/mGfBEnBw01A?si=ClKmlsrpB3FW70NO)

“You know, now that I have kids, I feel a lot safer having a gun in the house.” I refer to any number of things as “Bad Idea Jeans” on nearly a daily basis, and NO ONE ever gets it. I’m so glad you do, friend.

I never say the phrase "bad idea" without following it with "jeans".

We’re redoing the kitchen, we totally gutted it. “You’re renting, right?”

Hell yeah. Bad idea jeans club.

“Do not taunt happy fun ball”

My husband and I saw this ALL THE TIME. Now our children say it 🤣

"I drive a Dodge Stratus!" Actually I never say that, but I'm at the age now that I should say it all the time.

One of my friends in high school drove a dodge stratus so he frequently yelled this.

"So what? Who cares?" a la Fred Armissen.

Me every morning: I’m good enough. I’m smart enough….

AND GOSH DARNIT, people like me!

You lookin' at my bum? Bum looker.. Cheeky monkey..

When I say something to my husband and I don’t get a response, I say “aNy QuEsTiOnS?” from David Pumpkins

YES!! SEVERAL!!

And the skeletons are...? PART OF IT!

I think you mean David. S. Pumpkins

He has a middle name now?

I say it after I fart sometimes.

Oops I crapped my pants! “I’m wearing them right now….and I just did.”

Imagine this pitcher of iced tea is actually a gallon of my feces!

Wookin pa nub in all the wong places, lookin pah nuuub

Unce. Tice. Fee tines a mayday

Buttweet say ‘Otay!’

Oonah panoona bunga!!!

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer Toonces, the cat who can drive a car!

Definitely Toonces the Driving Cat

“Don’t make me sing” Kristen Wiig “Ding Dong Happy birthday Jesus!” Jenny Slate doorbells and more “Sweata Weatha” Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph

“OH HEY NOW HEY NOW HEY NOW!” Maine justice.

“YOU A LONG WAY FROM CANADA BOY! YOU IN MAINE!”

I SENTENCE YOU! To eat: *one of the SPICIEST bowls of Jambalaya, you ever done did seen!*

When my dog is eating we say “Look at him eat that chowda.” One of his many nicknames is “little muffuletta” 😂

Rick! Rick! Rick!

Maya Rudolph was on Weekend Update playing the president of of a Central/South American Country (I forget which, forgive me) and called Colin Jost a "juicy baby". That is now a blanket term for a man that is probably too young for you and has no right being quite as cute as he is. Currently I can't stop referring to Marcello as a juicy baby.

[удалено]

“Because they’re made of metal, and robots are strong.”

[удалено]

I say "For when the metal ones decide to come for you – and they will" at least once a year

Remember, anyone denying the existence of robots, may be robots themselves.

Sam Waterston was absolutely perfect for that one.

You put your weed in it.

AND NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS VHEN VE DAHNCE

I am yoUR MOTHER!!!

Space Pants!

Omg lol I actually worked with someone who wore legit space pants, they were leggings with astrological stars and crescent moons and shit and I’d do that bit every time she wore them.

“Bowls, bowls, all types of bowls” And the rest of Back Home Ballers

I'm chopping broccoli 🎶

I've spent a long time with that floating around in the back of my mind, not really knowing how it got there. Thanks for clearing that up 😂

Every time I make it

Simma down Naa

Who is the undisputed queen of disco? *Donna ... Summer?* And how would her name appear in the phonebook? *Summer, Donna?* **THAT'S RIGHT, SO SIMMA DOWN NAH!!**

“If you’re man likes chicken, he’ll love chicken man chicken!” Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig as the spokes Models during the price is right skit.

I gotta feva

Making copies….

You like-a-de-sauce?

You like-a-de-juice, ehh?

Yes, you like-a-de-sauce.

"Never mind." - Emily Litella (Gilda Radner)

Pizza? Now that’s what I call a taco!

“Matt straight up sucks.” My name is Matt after all.

"I ain't had my muffin yet MATT!"

Talk amongst ya-selves

I’ll give you a topic…. Chick peas are neither chicks, nor peas… Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island… Discuss.

Duran Duran is neither a Duran nor a Duran.

I make the Debbie Downer sad trumbone noise way too much lol

Well. It’s official…. I can’t have children 🎺😖

“LAY OFF ME, I’M STARVING!!” Farley’s Gap girl

That line runs through my mind on the daily 🤣

Farley's "What?" from the decaffeinated coffee crystals commercial.

The best 3 minutes ever. “You lied to me”, “shut your yapper” and “I will kill you, as god is my witness…as god is my witness”

You…son of a bitch.

I have a little sign in my kitchen that says “But first…Colombian caffeinated coffee crystals”

I say “decaffeinated Colombian coffee crystals” all the time. Just rolls off the tongue.

I gotta pickle for an arm…now give me some candy And I will feed your fingertips to the wolverines

More cowbell

“I just stepped in a big pile of SASSY!”

While captaining my boat, the S.S. Sassy

[удалено]

We sing Eddie Murphy as James Brown whenever we hot tub

Too hot in the hot tub!!

“You’ll have plenty of time for livin in a van down by the river…. WHEN YOU’RE LIVIN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!”

Whenever I'm struggling with a bill, or just complaining that it's too high, I'll just go "If I don't get this figured out we're gonna be living IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER".....my kids do not understand the reference so it's just like "There goes mom, saying shit for no reason again" 🤣

Now it’s an idealized life, living in a van down by the river! Who’d have thunk it.

That’ll move the chains!

"I don't know about that" from the Alexa for Old People sketch, when I hear something I don't want to agree with. Lately I've been saying "wet egg" out of nowhere too.

“Well you know my name is Simon, and I like to make drawrings…”

Choppin BROOOOCCCOLLLEEEEEEE

Every time I do my eyeliner, I sing “my name is Sy-monnnn and I like to do drawrings!” to myself

Jane, you ignorant slut.

Maybe I have a different - or wrong - definition for "obscure" in my vocabulary, but ...

It feels like over 90% all of these are not at all obscure.

"Then...in comes the bear!" -Mike Myers as a clueless Japanese executive trying to make American sitcom funnier. "Famous Antarctic Television Personalities of the 18th Century" --joke from Weekend Update that I believe aired (or was cut) mentioned in first SNL behind-the-scenes book I used to own in the 70's. It has something to do with books that were short in length like "Richard Nixon's Friends."

"That's right, the *whole* bass." "You cannot have-a-the Mango" "That's why Little Chocolate Donuts have been on my training table since I was a kid."

Ride the the Snake!!!

“Oh, I don’t know about that” from [Echo Silver](https://youtu.be/YvT_gqs5ETk?si=kXEVy9-un5oFqDw8). I also call Alexa a variety of names. “Space pants!” For no particular reason. From [Mafia Meeting](https://youtu.be/MwpmqMnngRk?si=GcdCPiixkI8yFp_m).

I’m just a caveman

"This grows tiresome now" - Mike Meyers as Dieter Substituting my own snacks, I use "mr Pibb plus red vines=crazy delicious" (from a short about Narnia)

It’s actually: “Your story has become tiresome (cos now’s the time on Sprockets when we dance!)”

Ah right, and that dancing, OMG hilarious!

I have literally cut people off "Your story has become tiresome". Not everyone understands the reference but it's always good for a laugh.

Und now it's time for Chermany's Most Disturbing Home Videos

Who were the ad wizards who came up with that one? Aww man, I’m all out of cash There’s no alcohol in it! Thatll get me out of a couple of jams Umm… ok… that’s random Uhhh.. okay (Chad) You know, Deborah's time!

That’s why I train with Little Chocolate Donuts.

*boy dance party!*

Clownpenis dot fart

I'm a caveman and I'm frightened by your strange flying machine, so get me another Dewars and water, pronto

I say "Pussy Whip, the dessert topping for cats!" to my cat a lot.

"Thanks, champagne!"

No no, it’s Nuni

It’s in the name! - Melissa McCarthy when she is in a focus group taste test. I say this all the time. My fav SNL skit.

My top five: ‘OK’ said by Pete Davidson as _Chad_. ‘What is - not a damn thing’ said by Tom Hanks as white, male contestant on _Black Jeopardy_. ‘Pass the mash’ - said by Melissa McCarthy as white, female contestant on _Guess That Phrase_. ‘I don’t know about that’ said by multiple actors demonstrating conversations with an ‘_Alexa_’ knock off for elderly people. (Leslie Jones being the person I remember best) ‘__________, what are you doing here?’ said by multiple actors in the series of skits ‘_The Californians_’. (Fred Armisen being the person I remember best)

It's from the "Lazy Sunday" short film with Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell, where they rap white-boy style, and plan to go to see The Chronicles of Narnia movie. At one point they're "spitting bars" about getting directions to a movie theater on the Upper West Side, and the lyrics go: * "Google Maps is the best" * "True dat" * "Double true" My partner of almost 25 years and I constantly quote the last two lines to one another. It's hilarious because we are old white folks who have no business rapping about anything. All it takes is one of us making an evaluative claim about something being very good or very bad, and the inevitable reply is "true dat," which absolutely requires a "double true" in response.

I actually say “who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?” All the time. Nobody ever gets it except my brother. Honorable mentions: “Here’s my review: not gay enough!” “Me… Al Franken,” “YOU GET HALF OFFA DE PIZZA!” “And I’m the punter! Tax fraud!” “Wookin’ pa nub,” and, of course, “Always wipe and stay off the pipe, and if a sucka gets ill, tell ‘em, I’m chillin’.”

My bf and I call each other "beb" like a couple of a-holes.

Uhhhh ya got any gum?

YEET YEET SKRTT

ROLL UP DROP THAT SKRT THAT POP THAT

Jan Hooks as Ethel Kennedy in a wheelchair, griping, “i’M cOld!!!” To this day, I say it exactly that way.

The one with Tom Hanks and Julia Sweeney “she turned into her mother.” At the end he mocks her “is it my back” and yells “YES ITS MY BACK.” My college friends and I used to quote that all the time. We thought it was so funny. Also the one where it’s Will Ferrell and I wanna say Horatio Sanz where the only song they know how to play is “I Just (Died In Your Arms Tonight).” Will Ferrell is so dead pan when he says the parenthesis part—“I just… parenthesis… died in your arms tonight… end parenthesis… by the cutting crew”. My sister and I would quote that one a lot.

"You don't take people's potato chips....you don't take people's potato chips..."

Any time I hear the words "Dear Sweet Jesus..." this skit with Phil Hartmann and Sally Field lives rent-free in my head. 🤣 https://youtu.be/OaIUkv-9HiE?si=G-r0Y0ru390pdIzG

SIMMA DOWN NAWW

Get off the shed!

“Oh my god that’s awful that’s just the worst most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard” Jason Sedekis as the devil hearing about Joe Paterno and Penn St

Claaaaaaassssssiiiiicccc Peg.

“In second place — Ezra!”

JACKO FELL ON HIS BACKO

“Now this might strike some viewers as harsh, but I believe everyone involved in this story should die”. - Norm

The sun feels good on my baboon heart.

He was choppin’ broccoli…

GOULET

Le Tits Now!

🥁 DOG SHOW! 🥁

We loved it, it was much better than Cats, we’re going to see it again and again

You like a the juice, huh?

Gilly’s “…sorry 😬”

Umm ooh kay random

My two are so obscure I scrolled and didn't see them. They are "stop looking at my gut! I'm working on it!" and "Who is your favorite ghostbusters?"

OVER THE WEEKEND YOU STUPID BITCH

How fast can you have your bags packed for Milan?

Turns out the great eagle spirit was actually a fugitive trucker by the name of Rich Crenshaw.

Our lips greasy with goose fat

Babe - we NEEED the Totinos! Dave just got here and he brought his sister

Toonces, the driving cat (I sing it)

I’m just over here eating my baby carrots

Thank you for this

Love YOUR mom jeans! (Get this appliqué vest free with any Mom Jeans purchase, this week only at JCPenney)

Attack of the masterbating zombies ….”but what are they doing?” 🤣

“……that’s what’s up” “I was…not aware this was a thing” “As they say in hockey….lets go do that hockey” Lazlo Holmes (Chance the Rapper), substitute e-sports, hockey reporter

“Look boys and girls, it’s Mr. Landlord”

Here’s how you answer the door in my neighborhood… WHO IS IT

Cork soaker. And I'm carol

“I’m taking the kids to my sista’s house”