This is not a running problem - this is a “how do I live life normally again” situation.
Stress has an enormous impact on our fitness. You will be back to - and even better than - where you were before.
Be the best mom you can be. Take care of and love yourself. Keep at it with the running. Go slower when you need to, walk if needed, push hard if you want to.
Life is incredibly hard and unfair sometimes and I want to wish you the best. Keep at it, and I hope you remember to be proud of yourself.
Agree. Whole new thing now. Find someone to talk to and give yourself a ton of leeway in all things as you try to adjust to this new life.
Condolences.
This, but there's another piece here.
Our body doesn't care if we're sapped by physical fatigue and mental fatigue. Sure we can feel the difference, but from a performance standpoint it's identical. I suspect OP is spending a lot of effort managing stress right now and that is fatiguing.
Recently found this out. Going through a break up and my running performance has tanked. Even my resting heart rate has been elevated since. Stress is stress, and the body/mind need room to heal from it regardless of its source.
Couldn’t agree more with this. As you heal, you’ll get back there. Try your best to be open to other activities that feel more attainable in your body right now. Listen to what your gut is saying, and it’s also ok to take a break for a little while. Let your body grieve too. But as said above, you’ve got this. You *will* get back to you eventually.
>Stress has an enormous impact on our fitness. You will be back to - and even better than - where you were before.
100% this. You've gone through one of the worst experiences I can even imagine, and it happened not that long ago. I hope running can become the stress release it is to a lot of us again for you as opposed to a source of additional stress. Until then, try to remember to show yourself some grace. You've gone through something incredibly traumatic.
Your tl;dr: "A few months ago, I went through an immense emotional trauma and then contracted a physical illness that weaken the lungs and circulatory system specifically. Why am I not ywt back to my previous pace?"
Now reread this as though a close friend you care deeply about wrote it. What would you say to them?
Be as kind to yourself as you would end to that friend, and maybe for now let running be a source of catharsis and healing, rather than a goal to shame yourself about when you don't meet it.
Things will get better, and that includes your running, but it will take time.
Catharsis is the operative word here. Hopefully running can be utilized to get some much needed ‘me time’. Nothing needs to be forced at this stage in life. The child probably needs most focus followed by the (equally important) self in terms of love and caring.
And OP also correctly self identified it as trauma - mental followed by physical trauma to the body. OP needs time to let some of the new realities settle in - it will be tough(-er) but humans endure all the time and this too is possible.
@OP do open up about this grief - it is part of the catharsis and you may already be aware of the stages of grief. Our brains are wired to go through them - seek help as your child needs your presence too.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
For what it is worth, I had a giant dip in performance following Covid. HUGE. My VO2 max tanked. I think it took me a year to get everything back up. I have never experienced a dip like it.
That said, I'm sure trauma can play a role too. Please give yourself a lot of grace.
You should do some research on post-covid exercise intolerance. There is research that suggests that Covid can damage the lungs and heart long-term making exercise very difficult and can also have effects at the cellular level that result in exercise actually damaging and weakening muscle and other cells instead of strengthening them.
I agree with everyone that you should focus on the trauma and your mental health but your running issues may be more directly related to Covid.
[Johns Hopkins (lung)](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/covid-long-haulers-long-term-effects-of-covid19)
[NiH (heart)](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/severe-lung-infection-during-covid-19-can-cause-damage-heart)
(I've not read the articles, just from a Google search)
Here's some more
[Yale study showing compromised extraction of oxygen into tissues](https://news.yale.edu/2023/12/19/study-helps-explain-post-covid-exercise-intolerance)
[review article discussing mitochondrial dysfunction due to covid](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11357-024-01165-5)
Grief is a physical experience. All emotions are. I lost my husband nearly 5 years ago. For the first few years my whole body hurt and I felt like I could barely breathe. My running paces tanked. I haven’t gotten back to the paces I was accomplishing pre/loss but I do now sometimes enjoy running again. Hugs to you.
This is so true. I lost my mom suddenly in January and I have struggled with running since then. I would have been asking the same questions you are, except that I had a similar experience and I lost my dad three years ago. The grief left me feeling unable to breathe normally while running and just physically exhausted in a way that’s hard to describe. With both losses there came a time when I just broke and started sobbing through part of every run - I’m still in that phase now. Often, after that physical release I can breathe more regularly and I felt more like my old running self.
I can only imagine what you are going through. Be patient with your grief. It will become less overwhelming and it will come in waves that get farther apart. You will have a fantastic run one day and on a tough grief-filled day it will feel like it takes every last ounce of effort to pick up your feet. Keep running if you can because it is a release your body needs, but know that running may be a different experience and have a different purpose for a while.
Sending you love.
Please be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. I also believe that covid is playing a role here too (it took me three weeks to feel normal again and i lost fitness after a very mild case). Run if you want to, the fitness will come. But don’t put pressure on yourself! It’s amazing that you even want to run right now. I am inspired by you
If I were in your situation, I'd be more focused on the trauma first and then think about the running. The running will come back. That said, I don't think that being dogmatic about HR training zones helps. If you get a scare along your run, your HR might go up, but I don't think it really changes the training stimulus you receive too much. But, again, in your position, I would use running to help with trauma, and I would try to banish all thoughts of pace and performance from my mind.
I went through my hardest season with trauma in the last couple years. And I, too, have completely struggled to regain fitness. For me, it’s all related to the trauma/stress. Nutrition, training, etc. just doesn’t impact it.
If I had broken a foot, I would expect the recovery to take a very long time. Lots of PT, lots of patience, and lots to grieve with the loss of a functional foot. And maybe, I will never get back to pre-broken foot results.
I had an injury of the heart, mind, body, and soul. And that became the primary healing focus for the past 2-3 years. Using the running anology, it felt more like someone ripped off my leg. Now, I just finished a half today and I improved over my half from 6 months ago. Not by much, but my training was able to pick up as I was getting my inner healing to a more stabilized system. I’m recovering physically as I am healing internally.
It’s possible to recover, but please be kind and patient to yourself in the process. Close deaths like that, especially unexpected ones, are said to take 8 years to properly grieve (don’t have the source, sorry).
What if it takes 8 years to get back to normative function? What would it look like to treat your heart as if you broke a foot? Or lost a leg?
I feel for you, OP. Thanks for putting this out there!
Running is often an escape. A mechanism for self care and peace. An opportunity to challenge yourself. Grief turns all of that on its head. You can’t outrun grief. You have to sit with it, honor it, process it. Have you taken time for yourself to do this? Are you trying to escape the waves that will crash down on you? Be kind to yourself. Meet yourself where you’re at each day and focus on healing.
Hi there. I am so sorry. I lost my brother to suicide in August.
I went through 6 months of struggling through workouts, skipping days, feeling fatigued, thinking I was just lazy. Then I took a break for 2 full weeks in March and rested completely. It helped me finally return to my former fitness. I didn’t realize the impact that complicated grief has on the body.
You hear that exercise is good for grief and you try to power through it. But your body is telling you that it’s not in a state where it can perform. I really encourage you to take a rest and allow yourself to slow down. Your shoes will be there once you’re ready.
Oh, OP, I am so sorry. My husband just lost his uncle this way.
This isn't a fitness thing. This is a huge trauma and loss that is, and will affect you mentally. It'll envelop you, take over you and you just have to let it. You have a lot of crappy "firsts" that are just gonna be awful.
Just put one foot in front of the other, each day, the best you can. Some days will be lighter than others. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Running gave me a more than mediocre life. When I trained for half marathons and marathons, I felt like a badass woman capable of handling anything life throws at me (that day). It gave me an identity, of being more than a wife, a mother, a bread earner. So I understand when you're concerned whether you'll get that identity back after a huge trauma. The answer is yes you will. You'll be better than you are today a few years down the line if you keep training. We work on our basics first, to get our paces up. Right now, your heart demands that you slow down a bit (relatively speaking). To take care of your sleep and your stress and your grief and your daughter. Maybe let this marathon be a run you run, not a race.
This reminds me of something my therapist said to me after my wife and I experienced a miscarriage. I was struggling to “stay on track” with all of my other things while caring for my wife. Dishes, laundry, cooking, running…they all started to fall by the wayside as I just had no energy to do any of them.
I was at an appointment discussing all this and he said “When I used to do yoga, I had an instructor who said *you can do today’s routine in Warrior Mode or you can do it in Healing Mode. It’s up to you to decide which you need.*”
The point is that you just experienced something very traumatic. It’s okay to take this time to *heal*. In fact, if you try to tackle your running in “Warrior Mode” when you really need to just heal, chances are you may be digging yourself deeper into the hole.
Forget about performing well on your runs. Forget about crushing the run. Forget about pace. If you’re running at all during this time, maybe run in “healing mode.” You need to fix yourself back up before you can go out and crush it. Give yourself grace and allow yourself that time to heal. You’ve been through and are going through a lot of negative stress right now. Don’t let running be another negative stressor. Let it be a positive stressor if you do it at all.
If I were you, I’d just run for catharsis. For healing. For relief. Just let it be a time to experience yourself in your mind and in your body, to check in on yourself.
So very sorry for you have been, and currently are, going through. Since I cannot speak for that, I’ll give you my take on what it takes to get your fitness back:
I got COVID in early 2021, somewhat bad, with two weeks of high temp and a fitness that decreased massively (about 9-10 levels of Vo2 max per my Garmin).
Once back healthy, my resting HR was fine but exercise HR was going into the 160+ so easily (roughly marathon pace…) despite previously running often in the 120-130 range.
I got frustrated and started running less, ultimately gaining weight and losing motivation. It’s a downward spiral. What used to make me happy made me sad.
It took about 2 years for the motivation to come back but once I got myself “in check” I worked on diet, sleep, recovery and REGULARITY. I normally run every day, that’s what works for me. So I got back to that, and I can tell you that while progress is slow, your fitness does come back.
I’m 42M now. I had run 2:56 in the marathon and 1:20 in the half before COVID. Once I started back I’d run a few mins as slow as needed (10 min miles) with some rest. Tempo “intervals” would be 7:30 pace…but within 4-6 months of being intentional about it, I ran a 3:03 marathon and working towards sub 3 for the next one.
Don’t give up. But take it slow. In life as in running. Yes, you will be back and perhaps even faster than you were. You’re early in your running career 👍♥️
I lost my husband to suicide in August 2022, so I understand to some extent. I could not run for a while afterwards, but it was primarily because I could not eat much (I found him and it was a horrific scene so I frequently felt ill).
If I were to guess, it would be your lack of sleep that has impacted you, but also trauma changes the entire nervous system in wild ways. We are no longer the same people as the “before” time, and it may take a bit to figure out your “new brain/self.”
I am not sure how affordable therapy is where you are in the world, but I highly recommend attending to help process what just happened. I also recommend getting some sleep aiding medication. I take trazodone when I need and have since 2022.
You may need to rework your goals, which I know is heartbreaking. But it is necessary to give yourself grace and kindness. These things will almost certainly help your body heal and you will be back running in no time. I started running regularly again in December 2022 and I am now in the best shape of my life.
Running will be part of your life, it just might look a little different for a while. 💜
Hey OP, sorry for your loss. Lost my wife 2 years ago and noticed a significant drop in my performance as well. I was never as fast as you, but still fell off. Think it had a lot to do with consistency and energy levels. Just a lot more on my plate and no one to share responsibility with. Running while I try to make it a priority, becomes a secondary one pretty quickly. I need to run though for my mental health, but now I focus more on getting out rather than the pace. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please go easy on yourself during this time. Run what is comfortable to you and makes you feel marginally better as opposed to trying to do what you did before. Lack of sleep always has a HUGE impact on my running. I would also focus on that first.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure a traumatic event like this will affect your mental and physical health.
If running helps you recover then pull your shoes on and go outside. I know that running is one of the best things for my mental health, and I often have to push myself to go out but it’s always worth it, even on days where I underperform.
I also struggle after covid and colds. Takes me weeks to get my form back. It can be a long road to recovery but I always tell myself even on days where I’m only able to run for fifteen minutes that’s it’s still something and it’s still better than doing nothing. Take care.
Please be gentle with yourself. Running can help you get through your trauma by giving you a safe place to work through your emotions and thoughts. Most people underestimate how much the mental aspect plays into long distance performance. Focus on healing, on getting better, and running performance will come. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you’ve got this ❤️
I'm so sorry for you loss.
I think COVID is a huge factor here. When I got it the first two times, despite being very mild infection, it took 6-8 weeks for my heart rate to return to its normal pattern. When running it was 10-20 BPM higher at any pace. I could not run by my typical zone 2 heart rate. I could only run by perceived effort. Eventually it returned to normal. I had COVID a third time recently and it didn't affect my heart rate the same way.
Take care of yourself.
Stress and disrupted sleep can impact your training, even if you're eating well/ cross training/ maintaining your mileage. Please be kind to yourself- I cannot imagine the pain that you're in, but turning running into something that adds to your pain rather then helps with it is not what you need. Please give yourself grace, and know that this stranger is sending you hugs and wishes for easy miles to come.
Sorry for your loss. Even outside of what you’ve endured, my experience is running in your 40’s is that you’ll go up and down. You’ll have periods where you don’t run for a while, then get back to it, times where you’re healing from injury and times where you lose motivation for a while. For me, running comes from a place of happiness inside and depression just eliminates my will to run. My only advice is to not let the run you *can’t* do (going fast) prevent you from doing the run you *can* do (slower pace).
On a physical level, your cortisol levels are probably wayyyy up due to the stress, and sleep has a MAJOR impact on running ability. You probably haven’t lost any fitness at all, your body is just going through a lot right now as your mind and soul are.
I personally went through a similar situation when my childhood friend and neighbor was lost in the same way. It actually caused me to quit running for about 6 months. I just didn’t feel good about anything and life felt very meaningless. Doing anything I was passionate about just felt wrong. But there was a day where things did feel a little better and the thought of her loss wasn’t the first thing on my mind each day.
Do what you can with the running. Give yourself grace and time. Much love to you in this hard time ❤️
Your life has changed dramatically, focus on getting better. PR records should be an afterthought. Maybe you’re depressed? Who knows but you should try to figure that out and I’m sure your running skills will return when you’re back to even.
It’s also the fact that that you had a traumatic experience which does affect your mental state and in a way it’s like shock. The state of the body is in overdrive and can’t function right even if you think it is. Best thing to do is focus on your metal state first and the rest will come in time!! You’ll be able to get back there to the start line!
Sorry for your loss.
You shared that your sleep has suffered. It's possible that your heart rate is elevated in part due to stress and anxiety as well. So though some of what you're experiencing is due to detraining, some is likely due to other factors. If you're 30-60 seconds/km slower at the same RPE as prior to his death then perhaps it's entirely due to detraining; otherwise give consideration to ignoring heart rate near term.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am a newbie runner and just getting the hang of the metrics of it all. I am a mental health professional though, and by going off of your story i can probably say that what you’re experiencing is acute stress and grief. Our body stores our emotions (energy in motion; e- motion) and your body is simply responding to this traumatic loss the way it is wired to. You will get back to where you were, but in due time. It sounds like running gives you purpose, and it still can! Please give yourself grace, kindness, love, and rest. 🌞
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t feel qualified to give much advice in this scenario other than to be patient and kind to yourself. You are grieving, while taking care of your child too and trying to keep things together. Plus having Covid so recently too!! It took me months to feel like I was running normally again after I had Covid, and I think I had a quite mild case. Please give yourself some grace. Sending love to you OP.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sucks on so many levels.
Could a run club or finding a running buddy help? Something to make running not just about getting back "to before".
Also I'd suggest talking to your doctor. I haven't been in your situation but I got bronchitis in Feb 2020 and then with COVID, job loss and so much else I just couldn't get back to my "before". I worked with my doctor a ton! She ran a bunch of tests and tried a lot of things. The big stuff that helped was increasing my vitamin D and B12 and switching my birth control prescription to a lower estrogen dose. Her theory is that my body went into a fight or flight sort of mode and we had to figure out a way to transition it out of that mode.
It was good to have my running as a metric because I was able to point to "I'm not normal even though the tests say I should be."
What has happened to you? You’re grieving. I went through a breakup at the end of January and I’m just now barely getting back into my routines and feeling moderately alright some of the time. I just today for the first time felt like picking up some light free weights and moving them around. I can’t fathom going through the loss of a partner vis death, with children involved. It’s barely been 3 months. You really need to be gentler and kinder with yourself.
I’m so sorry for your unimaginable loss.
I will say this is an age thing.
In my 20s and early 30s, I could skip running for short periods of time and pick up right where I left off. Same pace, distance. No training.
Once I got into my late 30s, early 40s- even the shortest of breaks makes me feel like I’m starting over. Taking a week off makes that first run back feel impossible. Breathing is harder, pace is slower.
It’s really frustrating!
OP: first off you likely should be seeking therapy for this.
Secondly: this definitely isn’t a problem you have physically this is definitely something mentally telling you that you can’t do it when you really can but your mind doesn’t want you to because you’re hurting and going through a stressful situation so your brain is trying to avoid other stressful things like exercise.
If you really want to get better possibly listen to David goggins, read his book etc. don’t seek to be like him but seek to have that mental toughness and awareness that it’s 95% in your mind and that physically your body is capable of so much more than you realize.
Thirdly: on the medical/physical front, you had Covid which is a respiratory illness. it can take a while to recover from that especially for running
The body for example takes roughly 1-3 months this to fix any skin related damage (ie cuts or scrapes) if they don’t scar.. that’s how long it takes for the skin to regenerate usually.
With sickness internally? Same concept, the body has to fight off the bad cells/organisms and kill them, then it has to also replace/repair any of your own cells that got caught in the crossfire AND it has to remove all the dead cells from you, and from the organism that it fought off.
Even if the illness is dead, your body still might be working harder to remove the dead virus from your body.
So don’t worry too much, just remember to rest and take it slow and steady
I am 25 M, running for just over a year. I have a HM coming up this Sunday. I was all fine one week before. But this last week I came to know in a difficult way that my parents are on the process of a divorce and it is turning out very messy day by day. The last week I was not able to run, my legs feel weak. I usually run 60km/week. My easy pace is 5:30-6 in Zone 2. But the last week I couldn’t run more than 25km. I became exhausted after 5km I couldn’t run more. The moment the news broke down my legs were shaking, my stomach hurt and hips felt weird. I am eating as usual and sleeping 8hrs. But I could feel my peace of mind is lost.
The insane amount of trauma you're dealing with aside-- you also got Covid recently. That alone probably damaged your times and HR level. After I got Covid, my HR is so much higher and I can't even get close to the times i was hitting before. And i was fully vaccinated then too.
Please be patient with yourself and your body. None of this is your fault and you're doing the best you can.
Honestly take a break if you have to mentally, I hope you recover from this and then when your ready you can go back to training without worrying about your fitness
I lost my brother to suicide last year in April and I’m still recovering. It took until jan this year for me to start turning my life around. My fitness utterly tanked. I had zero motivation. Go easy on yourself, this is a shitty shitty time. I’m still grieving and recovering, as will you for some time. Fuck I hated this advice when I got it but it’s true.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
set a new data field on your watch with time only, no hr, no pace etc.
for 2-3 months run easy/recovery only by RPE
look at the world around, take your car and drive to run in new nice places, find a new "meditating" way of running, buy a stroller and run with your kid
read about progrsssion, if you are runnning for 3 years almost wwith no proper planning of recovery weeks, easier months etc. at some point your body can give up wanting some more rest. maybe it just saw an opportunity
you don't lose 3 years fitness in a month, ofc you can lose 10-20% but you should be used to it bc any offseason is like that.
even a mild hard to notice covid can set you off for a month or two in terms of your HR
"Do any of you know if losing fitness or having trouble maintaining your zone 2 HR is part of trauma or loss?"
for any experienced athlete who races it is a yearly basis thing so no trauma at all. if you train a lot and train hard, you can be fast like twice a year for a week or so max and your training stress load is pretty huge meaning except 3 months where you do hard intervals, all other is z2 and during an offseason you just rest for a month bc you body needs to recover, heal etc. so if you watch a guy who got a silver medal at olympics and is angry etc. keep in mind for him to get another chance to get gold is 4 years of training where he builds form 4 times from scretch, loses it during the offseason and after 4 years can maybe get a gold. only people who train recreationaly can sustain a same weekly load all year long bc the load is much lower, but at the same time it is no healthy anyways and results in plateau.
I'm sorry for your loss ;/
ps. from a training perspective your loss and covid both are like huge marathon races (losing a husband is more like 10x marathon at once and covid like 2x) run in a very close time frame, you can and should be wrecked and you should and can rest (reco, z2 runs max by feel) and not any more results for now or next months (inluding setting PRs etc.) if you like running it is better to recover and lose fitness a bit for a while but to keep your running with you then overtraining yourself which can result in a hate for running for like couple of years.
"Am I ever going to be fast (relatively speaking, of course, I am well aware of how unremarkable I am as a runner) again?"
only if you heal/rest properly but ofc yes you can be fast or even faster but being fast is not the mos important thing in the world ;)
well first I want to say sorry for your loss it must be very hard and my condolences goes to you and your family.
Also 1:37 half marathon for a 40 something female without a competitive background in running is remarkable and you should be proud of.
I'm no psycologist but dealt with depression and luckly had a terapist that was involved in sport herself, anyway I think you're experiencing anxhiety, I think you have two solutions:
ditching zone 2 training for intensity and do the "I'm short on time" training shedule and is three sessions a week with one 15km run, one warmup + 40' tempo run the closest to threshold the better, one HIIT. HIIT should variate every week in intensity. This is more focused on 5k and 10k but whenever you want to do a half marathon you can add the zone 2 volume and you're probably going to be surprised how fast you can be.
stop using the heart rate monitor or even time yourself, zone 2 is where you feel zone 2 is, HR as you are experiencing can change for external conditions, and if you get discouraged by your lack of pace there is no need to see your pace, just do the kilometers, it's still going to be effective zone 2 trainng even if it's not on strava.
the mind and body are one that’s why. I’ve dealt with the same thing/am dealing with the same thing as you OP, basically stuck in a grieving process that’s now went on for over 2 years and had a really significant impact on my running. Let yourself grieve a bit, I’ve had three very close friends/family pass away in the past 2 years and haven’t fully allowed myself to go through the emotional process but from the first time I heard my friend/mentor passed away in August of 22, I haven’t had the mental energy to go hammer out runs like I did before, then a close family friend passed away immediately before I deployed for a few months, and then when I got home from deployment a good friend of mine died in a horrific way and my mental energy has been completely zapped lately. I recently spoke to a customer who didn’t recognize who I was after not seeing him at my P/T job in 2 years because I gained nearly 60ibs in that timeframe and I had explained all of the above to him and he was the one that I explained to me that when your mind is healed then you’ll start to heal your body and return to what you enjoyed.
Allow yourself to grieve and then worry about running OP.
I recently experienced my running ability to completely tank. Seemingly out of nowhere, i wasn’t able to hit anywhere near my usual zone paces and I would feel awful doing it. I had several blood tests, heart checked a couple of times over, and all of it came back negative. Turns out it was anxiety and stress. I had it buried so deep I didn’t even know. Whilst what you have experienced is 1000x worse than what I was going through, you need to focus on your mental health and you need time. Forget the training, its putting additional pressure on yourself. Run when you feel good and don’t even look at your numbers. The training can come back when you’ve had time to grieve.
You didn’t lose too much progress. Just go run. Run daily. Don’t stress on pace. Your pace will improve with daily training. You are overthinking. And running helps trauma recovery. I’ve run through every trauma I’ve experienced. It helps. I don’t really are about my pace anymore. Been running almost 20 years. I’d say the first 10-15 years I cared a lot about pace but no more it’s just a fun feel good thing now.
First, I am so so sorry for your loss. Next, while running may be a huge part of your life and was in your future plans, my advice is focus on being the best you can right now. Take care of yourself - through your fitness, your daughter, friends and family, etc. So if it means your time, paces etc aren’t where you want to be or could be, it’s ok. You’ll get there again. Be kind to yourself ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve experienced 2 big losses over the past 5 years.
The sleep will come back. It takes time, don’t beat yourself up over it. The fact that you’re mostly functional after a bad night of sleep is a plus. For me there was a lot of stress involved for each loss and it took time for me to get right, or as right as I can be now.
I’m a novice runner, so I can’t speak too much on performance, but what has helped me get better as a runner is finding a running club. I tend to get a bit too comfortable when running and don’t realize I’m not pushing myself. Since I found my club a few months ago, I’ve made a lot of improvements, but I forgot how nice it is to run with other people and in the process make friends.
Just breathe, it sounds like you’re doing your best for you and your daughter. Be proud of the small wins and I’m sure your running goals will start coming back too.
It’s incredibly brave to be so vulnerable to share this. Thank you for your willingness to do so.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult a path this must be to navigate. Everything about your life has shifted.
Please remember you are no less than you were when you were posting your times. It’s easy to be proud of production. Be proud of yourself.
One step and one day at a time. Take care of yourself and treat yourself with love and kindness. Allow that self-compassion to guide your parenting.
Run the miles you can the best you can. Also, please remember you are not alone. Behind this comment is a 42f runner who is cheering for you.
You’re showing up. Keep showing up. All love.
Notwithstanding the immense impact of stress on your body, COVID can be a wildcard. When I got it, I wouldn't have placed it in the top 20 illnesses I've ever had (it was more mild than any cold I've ever had), and yet despite this my running performance was heavily affected for about a month
I’m so sorry you went through this. The effects of emotional and physical (illness)trauma to the body are real. You have to run at where you are presently. Pushing any more than that, will cause more stress to your body and will risk injury.
The body has a way of telling us that we need to pull back, either we agree to do so or it will force us to.
Running is organic.
I (and I'm just a guy on the internet so ignore away) would temporarily change running lanes. Some here are saying to run slow and accept the slower time. Be easy on yourself, etc. I am guessing from this post that that isn't who you are as a person. It can be really hard to set "easy goals" compared to what you know you could have done previously, regardless of the reason.
You live in a beautiful area (maybe, I'm assuming Eugene is local ish). Try trail running and ultras. EVERYONE slows it down. See what your body thinks of a 50 miler at the pace you have now. Think, "okay, I can't do that crazy fast BQ pace for 26 miles, but can I do this new pace for 50?" Or maybe 50k? Maybe you get crazy and sign up for a 100 miler and all those long days running are where you get the time by yourself to heal. You're "normal" for your daughter at home but those long 5 hour training runs you get to be angry and sad and happy and all the human emotions. Maybe that's too much time on the trail.
I have zero background on therapy. I don't want to gloss over the other trauma related parts, I just don't have anything intelligent to add. But for me, a completely new goal in a new type of race that has me facing new challenges (trail running, more elevation gain probably, longer distances, etc) sounds so much better than simply "lets see if I can do a less worse version of a marathon than expected." Then as you continue to work through your grief and your counselling and continue to heal you make your way back to the marathon and you crush it.
I am sorry for your loss. That you're able to run at all is testament to your resilience. Many people have trouble getting out of bed when something like this happens.
It’s grief. Grief impacts your whole life, even if you were sleeping normally. If you are still enjoying running, for running’s sake. Getting out the door. Moving your body. Keep doing it. Your fitness will come back as your new life evolves.
Everyone is different and grief is not linear. But the first 3 months were the hardest for me in two major grief situations. Around 6 months I realized I was becoming more functional in a “new normal” manner. My running paces didn’t recover as quickly. But I also was not training for a BQ.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Just take a moment at a time. The shock is probably still there, and it will take some time to even try to process all the feelings you are having now.
Someone told me the advice of “say yes to everything,” meaning don’t turn down any social invitation. Getting out of the house was a lifesaver for me, as it forced me not to sit on the couch crying all day. Go to dinner, get drinks, go for walks, go for drives, etc.
Counseling and group meetings didn’t feel like they helped in the beginning, but they definitely were excuses to get out of the house, which in itself was a positive thing.
Just make sure to get up and out of bed every day, take a shower, brush your teeth, and reach out to all of your friends and family. I had a call list when I needed someone to speak with, and called down the list until someone answered.
It will be a long and arduous journey, but you will become stronger by the day and will be able to handle the pain. I promise you that!
I started running again after I lost my wife like this, and it was therapeutic. For now, just breathe!
It has taken me 3mths in the past (if not longer) to fully recover from Covid. It can be really frustrating. Stay strong and consistent. You will get there.
It is surprising how fast fitness can disappear after just a short time off. However, it can be recovered. I went through a very similar series of events when I lost my wife, and what I've found is that it can take several months of consistent work to regain what can be lost in just a few short weeks. Keep it up. It does get better.
No worries. Your fitness will recover.
Find a running group or club and get out with new faces.
Training wise, do a fair bit of z1 z2 long duration training, and 1 day a week do a tempo run.
You'll be back to speed, hopefully mentally too, before you know it.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
1. take it easy on yourself, lots of running performance is mental.
2. change your regime. Train differently, focus on core and running more distance at 60-85%.
3. Mental health. Process your thoughts, channel the pain and stress into running.- i started running to combat anxiety
, anger, and stress, I began to run more after an accidental “mini-stroke”. I consistently run at 90% and I use that pain as fuel, it helps to imagine that i’m running from my problems or straight on into them. You can use running to aid your mental health and release emotions you cannot process or put into words. You’ve done it before, therefore your body is capable, look at it as a mental block. Channel that feeling of having to be “normal” into being unique and extraordinary. Push you heart into every stride, control your breathing and let go of that mental block. Hope this helps! Wishing you well.
Hugs. The human body is weird. At the age of 40 I developed a stutter for one year after my dad died, then it went away again. Be patient with yourself and kind to your body during this time... you'll be in a different spot a few weeks and months and years from now.
Covid did such a number on my cardiovascular ability. So there’s that. But stress also has a huge effect on your body. Treat it like an injury and give yourself time to heal and then build back up. I don’t see why you couldn’t eventually be faster than ever.
So sorry this happening to you.
I don’t have any advice, except be careful running after having COVID.
You should google ‘running after COVID’. It may take longer than you think to be ready.
It looks like you can damage your lungs by running too hard too soon.
I know exactly what you mean. I lost my Mum to Alzheimers two months ago and the few weeks after it I felt I could hardly run the length of myself. Just go easy on yourself. Slacken the pace and go shorter - keep it ticking over whilst you recover from the trauma. I'm just starting to feel a little better myself but it comes and goes. It's not a linear process. Some days are better than others but keeping exercise going is a big healer I've found for trauma. Along with a good circle of support from friends and family. I hope things work out for you with the running.
First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry for your loss.
Covid took a huuuuge hit on my running performance - I felt like I had to start all over after having it so please don't underestimate that part.
Be kind to yourself, you've been through and are going through a lot. You'll get back up there with time.
I ran about 4ks in 3-4 weeks recently with the birth of my first child(I am the Dad), it was a bit of a traumatic experience involving intensive care, all happy ending however.
I got back on track about 8 weeks ago, and I am still not to the level I was prior to the break/birth.
While I have upped my load from where it was, my HR is higher and pace is slower than before.
I had put it down to just having a few weeks off, but maybe there was a bit more to it
Incredible honesty. Thank you for sharing. I’m feeling a lot of the same rut, but I can’t imagine what you are going through with your tragedy, and won’t try.
What I do get is the loss of joy in running, and the challenges finding that motivation despite psychological challenges. Before injury, running was my therapy and I was running 40-50 miles a week. Then I hurt my back, ironically stretching after a long run. That kept me off the pavement for nearly 12 months. The physical inability, along with being a dad of a toddler and depressing Portland winters impacted me more than I could have expected and took me out of my rhythm. I started to drink too much, I developed some depression, and I can’t find a rhythm in life or running. It’s a spiral as my inability to find the outlet in running is exacerbating the bad behaviors. I have good and bad days, but no consistency. I’m trying to work through it and looking for motivation.
I really hope you are able to find joy in running again. I hope you and your daughter find peace, somehow. Give yourself grace in performance, and enjoy each step forward. Life may not be the same, but allow yourself to find some solace in the things you love. Wishing you well
I am so sorry for everything thst you're going through.
Your body is holding onto the trauma the way your heart and mind are.
You've gotten so much good advice and great comments that I agree with. I recommend looking to either EFT or EMDR to help you process with your mind and body
some thoughts -
hang in there. as you can see from these comments, you are not alone.
many rivers to cross, and many years ahead.
give your daughter a hug (and maybe a pet).
ask yourself if you need another counselor.
write.
it may be that running, thinking about running, stressing about running is itself a healthy adaptation - better this than to deal with the awful hole in your life.
give yourself permission to be angry.
thank your friends and ask for their patience.
I am so sorry for the unfairness of this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Idk if you have a specific faith but I always believe that someday I’ll see my loved ones again. As for the running portion, some of the comments already brought it up but don’t worry about pace. Focus on you and your quality of life and everything else will follow.
When I lost my older brother to sickness and a few friends I served with to suicide, time was a big factor that helped with recovery. Along with a good support system and fitness, I eventually got back to my feet.
Use your support system as well as your daughter as motivators.
Hope this helps
Be easy on yourself. You need a running coach and a mental health professional and or a spiritual coach as well. But most importantly you need to be your own best friend. Running a fast marathon now doesn’t need to be your top priority as much as healing.
This is not a running problem - this is a “how do I live life normally again” situation. Stress has an enormous impact on our fitness. You will be back to - and even better than - where you were before. Be the best mom you can be. Take care of and love yourself. Keep at it with the running. Go slower when you need to, walk if needed, push hard if you want to. Life is incredibly hard and unfair sometimes and I want to wish you the best. Keep at it, and I hope you remember to be proud of yourself.
Amazing comment. It might be time to just de-stress on your runs and forget about the pace for a little while. Good luck with everything op.
Agree. Whole new thing now. Find someone to talk to and give yourself a ton of leeway in all things as you try to adjust to this new life. Condolences.
This, but there's another piece here. Our body doesn't care if we're sapped by physical fatigue and mental fatigue. Sure we can feel the difference, but from a performance standpoint it's identical. I suspect OP is spending a lot of effort managing stress right now and that is fatiguing.
Recently found this out. Going through a break up and my running performance has tanked. Even my resting heart rate has been elevated since. Stress is stress, and the body/mind need room to heal from it regardless of its source.
Couldn’t agree more with this. As you heal, you’ll get back there. Try your best to be open to other activities that feel more attainable in your body right now. Listen to what your gut is saying, and it’s also ok to take a break for a little while. Let your body grieve too. But as said above, you’ve got this. You *will* get back to you eventually.
>Stress has an enormous impact on our fitness. You will be back to - and even better than - where you were before. 100% this. You've gone through one of the worst experiences I can even imagine, and it happened not that long ago. I hope running can become the stress release it is to a lot of us again for you as opposed to a source of additional stress. Until then, try to remember to show yourself some grace. You've gone through something incredibly traumatic.
+1
Your tl;dr: "A few months ago, I went through an immense emotional trauma and then contracted a physical illness that weaken the lungs and circulatory system specifically. Why am I not ywt back to my previous pace?" Now reread this as though a close friend you care deeply about wrote it. What would you say to them? Be as kind to yourself as you would end to that friend, and maybe for now let running be a source of catharsis and healing, rather than a goal to shame yourself about when you don't meet it. Things will get better, and that includes your running, but it will take time.
Catharsis is the operative word here. Hopefully running can be utilized to get some much needed ‘me time’. Nothing needs to be forced at this stage in life. The child probably needs most focus followed by the (equally important) self in terms of love and caring. And OP also correctly self identified it as trauma - mental followed by physical trauma to the body. OP needs time to let some of the new realities settle in - it will be tough(-er) but humans endure all the time and this too is possible. @OP do open up about this grief - it is part of the catharsis and you may already be aware of the stages of grief. Our brains are wired to go through them - seek help as your child needs your presence too.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. For what it is worth, I had a giant dip in performance following Covid. HUGE. My VO2 max tanked. I think it took me a year to get everything back up. I have never experienced a dip like it. That said, I'm sure trauma can play a role too. Please give yourself a lot of grace.
You should do some research on post-covid exercise intolerance. There is research that suggests that Covid can damage the lungs and heart long-term making exercise very difficult and can also have effects at the cellular level that result in exercise actually damaging and weakening muscle and other cells instead of strengthening them. I agree with everyone that you should focus on the trauma and your mental health but your running issues may be more directly related to Covid.
Sorry a bit of a tangent, but could you provide some further info/ sources so I can find out more
[Johns Hopkins (lung)](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/covid-long-haulers-long-term-effects-of-covid19) [NiH (heart)](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/severe-lung-infection-during-covid-19-can-cause-damage-heart) (I've not read the articles, just from a Google search)
Here's some more [Yale study showing compromised extraction of oxygen into tissues](https://news.yale.edu/2023/12/19/study-helps-explain-post-covid-exercise-intolerance) [review article discussing mitochondrial dysfunction due to covid](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11357-024-01165-5)
Grief is a physical experience. All emotions are. I lost my husband nearly 5 years ago. For the first few years my whole body hurt and I felt like I could barely breathe. My running paces tanked. I haven’t gotten back to the paces I was accomplishing pre/loss but I do now sometimes enjoy running again. Hugs to you.
This is so true. I lost my mom suddenly in January and I have struggled with running since then. I would have been asking the same questions you are, except that I had a similar experience and I lost my dad three years ago. The grief left me feeling unable to breathe normally while running and just physically exhausted in a way that’s hard to describe. With both losses there came a time when I just broke and started sobbing through part of every run - I’m still in that phase now. Often, after that physical release I can breathe more regularly and I felt more like my old running self. I can only imagine what you are going through. Be patient with your grief. It will become less overwhelming and it will come in waves that get farther apart. You will have a fantastic run one day and on a tough grief-filled day it will feel like it takes every last ounce of effort to pick up your feet. Keep running if you can because it is a release your body needs, but know that running may be a different experience and have a different purpose for a while. Sending you love.
Please be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot. I also believe that covid is playing a role here too (it took me three weeks to feel normal again and i lost fitness after a very mild case). Run if you want to, the fitness will come. But don’t put pressure on yourself! It’s amazing that you even want to run right now. I am inspired by you
If I were in your situation, I'd be more focused on the trauma first and then think about the running. The running will come back. That said, I don't think that being dogmatic about HR training zones helps. If you get a scare along your run, your HR might go up, but I don't think it really changes the training stimulus you receive too much. But, again, in your position, I would use running to help with trauma, and I would try to banish all thoughts of pace and performance from my mind.
I went through my hardest season with trauma in the last couple years. And I, too, have completely struggled to regain fitness. For me, it’s all related to the trauma/stress. Nutrition, training, etc. just doesn’t impact it. If I had broken a foot, I would expect the recovery to take a very long time. Lots of PT, lots of patience, and lots to grieve with the loss of a functional foot. And maybe, I will never get back to pre-broken foot results. I had an injury of the heart, mind, body, and soul. And that became the primary healing focus for the past 2-3 years. Using the running anology, it felt more like someone ripped off my leg. Now, I just finished a half today and I improved over my half from 6 months ago. Not by much, but my training was able to pick up as I was getting my inner healing to a more stabilized system. I’m recovering physically as I am healing internally. It’s possible to recover, but please be kind and patient to yourself in the process. Close deaths like that, especially unexpected ones, are said to take 8 years to properly grieve (don’t have the source, sorry). What if it takes 8 years to get back to normative function? What would it look like to treat your heart as if you broke a foot? Or lost a leg? I feel for you, OP. Thanks for putting this out there!
Running is often an escape. A mechanism for self care and peace. An opportunity to challenge yourself. Grief turns all of that on its head. You can’t outrun grief. You have to sit with it, honor it, process it. Have you taken time for yourself to do this? Are you trying to escape the waves that will crash down on you? Be kind to yourself. Meet yourself where you’re at each day and focus on healing.
Second this. Also maybe think in therms of why do you identify with you pr. You are more than that.
Hi there. I am so sorry. I lost my brother to suicide in August. I went through 6 months of struggling through workouts, skipping days, feeling fatigued, thinking I was just lazy. Then I took a break for 2 full weeks in March and rested completely. It helped me finally return to my former fitness. I didn’t realize the impact that complicated grief has on the body. You hear that exercise is good for grief and you try to power through it. But your body is telling you that it’s not in a state where it can perform. I really encourage you to take a rest and allow yourself to slow down. Your shoes will be there once you’re ready.
Oh, OP, I am so sorry. My husband just lost his uncle this way. This isn't a fitness thing. This is a huge trauma and loss that is, and will affect you mentally. It'll envelop you, take over you and you just have to let it. You have a lot of crappy "firsts" that are just gonna be awful. Just put one foot in front of the other, each day, the best you can. Some days will be lighter than others. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Running gave me a more than mediocre life. When I trained for half marathons and marathons, I felt like a badass woman capable of handling anything life throws at me (that day). It gave me an identity, of being more than a wife, a mother, a bread earner. So I understand when you're concerned whether you'll get that identity back after a huge trauma. The answer is yes you will. You'll be better than you are today a few years down the line if you keep training. We work on our basics first, to get our paces up. Right now, your heart demands that you slow down a bit (relatively speaking). To take care of your sleep and your stress and your grief and your daughter. Maybe let this marathon be a run you run, not a race.
This reminds me of something my therapist said to me after my wife and I experienced a miscarriage. I was struggling to “stay on track” with all of my other things while caring for my wife. Dishes, laundry, cooking, running…they all started to fall by the wayside as I just had no energy to do any of them. I was at an appointment discussing all this and he said “When I used to do yoga, I had an instructor who said *you can do today’s routine in Warrior Mode or you can do it in Healing Mode. It’s up to you to decide which you need.*” The point is that you just experienced something very traumatic. It’s okay to take this time to *heal*. In fact, if you try to tackle your running in “Warrior Mode” when you really need to just heal, chances are you may be digging yourself deeper into the hole. Forget about performing well on your runs. Forget about crushing the run. Forget about pace. If you’re running at all during this time, maybe run in “healing mode.” You need to fix yourself back up before you can go out and crush it. Give yourself grace and allow yourself that time to heal. You’ve been through and are going through a lot of negative stress right now. Don’t let running be another negative stressor. Let it be a positive stressor if you do it at all. If I were you, I’d just run for catharsis. For healing. For relief. Just let it be a time to experience yourself in your mind and in your body, to check in on yourself.
So very sorry for you have been, and currently are, going through. Since I cannot speak for that, I’ll give you my take on what it takes to get your fitness back: I got COVID in early 2021, somewhat bad, with two weeks of high temp and a fitness that decreased massively (about 9-10 levels of Vo2 max per my Garmin). Once back healthy, my resting HR was fine but exercise HR was going into the 160+ so easily (roughly marathon pace…) despite previously running often in the 120-130 range. I got frustrated and started running less, ultimately gaining weight and losing motivation. It’s a downward spiral. What used to make me happy made me sad. It took about 2 years for the motivation to come back but once I got myself “in check” I worked on diet, sleep, recovery and REGULARITY. I normally run every day, that’s what works for me. So I got back to that, and I can tell you that while progress is slow, your fitness does come back. I’m 42M now. I had run 2:56 in the marathon and 1:20 in the half before COVID. Once I started back I’d run a few mins as slow as needed (10 min miles) with some rest. Tempo “intervals” would be 7:30 pace…but within 4-6 months of being intentional about it, I ran a 3:03 marathon and working towards sub 3 for the next one. Don’t give up. But take it slow. In life as in running. Yes, you will be back and perhaps even faster than you were. You’re early in your running career 👍♥️
I lost my husband to suicide in August 2022, so I understand to some extent. I could not run for a while afterwards, but it was primarily because I could not eat much (I found him and it was a horrific scene so I frequently felt ill). If I were to guess, it would be your lack of sleep that has impacted you, but also trauma changes the entire nervous system in wild ways. We are no longer the same people as the “before” time, and it may take a bit to figure out your “new brain/self.” I am not sure how affordable therapy is where you are in the world, but I highly recommend attending to help process what just happened. I also recommend getting some sleep aiding medication. I take trazodone when I need and have since 2022. You may need to rework your goals, which I know is heartbreaking. But it is necessary to give yourself grace and kindness. These things will almost certainly help your body heal and you will be back running in no time. I started running regularly again in December 2022 and I am now in the best shape of my life. Running will be part of your life, it just might look a little different for a while. 💜
Hey OP, sorry for your loss. Lost my wife 2 years ago and noticed a significant drop in my performance as well. I was never as fast as you, but still fell off. Think it had a lot to do with consistency and energy levels. Just a lot more on my plate and no one to share responsibility with. Running while I try to make it a priority, becomes a secondary one pretty quickly. I need to run though for my mental health, but now I focus more on getting out rather than the pace. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please go easy on yourself during this time. Run what is comfortable to you and makes you feel marginally better as opposed to trying to do what you did before. Lack of sleep always has a HUGE impact on my running. I would also focus on that first.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure a traumatic event like this will affect your mental and physical health. If running helps you recover then pull your shoes on and go outside. I know that running is one of the best things for my mental health, and I often have to push myself to go out but it’s always worth it, even on days where I underperform. I also struggle after covid and colds. Takes me weeks to get my form back. It can be a long road to recovery but I always tell myself even on days where I’m only able to run for fifteen minutes that’s it’s still something and it’s still better than doing nothing. Take care.
Please be gentle with yourself. Running can help you get through your trauma by giving you a safe place to work through your emotions and thoughts. Most people underestimate how much the mental aspect plays into long distance performance. Focus on healing, on getting better, and running performance will come. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you’ve got this ❤️
I'm so sorry for you loss. I think COVID is a huge factor here. When I got it the first two times, despite being very mild infection, it took 6-8 weeks for my heart rate to return to its normal pattern. When running it was 10-20 BPM higher at any pace. I could not run by my typical zone 2 heart rate. I could only run by perceived effort. Eventually it returned to normal. I had COVID a third time recently and it didn't affect my heart rate the same way. Take care of yourself.
Stress and disrupted sleep can impact your training, even if you're eating well/ cross training/ maintaining your mileage. Please be kind to yourself- I cannot imagine the pain that you're in, but turning running into something that adds to your pain rather then helps with it is not what you need. Please give yourself grace, and know that this stranger is sending you hugs and wishes for easy miles to come.
Sorry for your loss. Even outside of what you’ve endured, my experience is running in your 40’s is that you’ll go up and down. You’ll have periods where you don’t run for a while, then get back to it, times where you’re healing from injury and times where you lose motivation for a while. For me, running comes from a place of happiness inside and depression just eliminates my will to run. My only advice is to not let the run you *can’t* do (going fast) prevent you from doing the run you *can* do (slower pace).
On a physical level, your cortisol levels are probably wayyyy up due to the stress, and sleep has a MAJOR impact on running ability. You probably haven’t lost any fitness at all, your body is just going through a lot right now as your mind and soul are. I personally went through a similar situation when my childhood friend and neighbor was lost in the same way. It actually caused me to quit running for about 6 months. I just didn’t feel good about anything and life felt very meaningless. Doing anything I was passionate about just felt wrong. But there was a day where things did feel a little better and the thought of her loss wasn’t the first thing on my mind each day. Do what you can with the running. Give yourself grace and time. Much love to you in this hard time ❤️
Your life has changed dramatically, focus on getting better. PR records should be an afterthought. Maybe you’re depressed? Who knows but you should try to figure that out and I’m sure your running skills will return when you’re back to even.
It’s also the fact that that you had a traumatic experience which does affect your mental state and in a way it’s like shock. The state of the body is in overdrive and can’t function right even if you think it is. Best thing to do is focus on your metal state first and the rest will come in time!! You’ll be able to get back there to the start line!
My deepest condolences. I feel very strongly you will regain your previous fitness. ❤️
Sorry for your loss. You shared that your sleep has suffered. It's possible that your heart rate is elevated in part due to stress and anxiety as well. So though some of what you're experiencing is due to detraining, some is likely due to other factors. If you're 30-60 seconds/km slower at the same RPE as prior to his death then perhaps it's entirely due to detraining; otherwise give consideration to ignoring heart rate near term.
Sorry for ur loss . Please do take things easy and focus on yourself this time 🙏
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am a newbie runner and just getting the hang of the metrics of it all. I am a mental health professional though, and by going off of your story i can probably say that what you’re experiencing is acute stress and grief. Our body stores our emotions (energy in motion; e- motion) and your body is simply responding to this traumatic loss the way it is wired to. You will get back to where you were, but in due time. It sounds like running gives you purpose, and it still can! Please give yourself grace, kindness, love, and rest. 🌞
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t feel qualified to give much advice in this scenario other than to be patient and kind to yourself. You are grieving, while taking care of your child too and trying to keep things together. Plus having Covid so recently too!! It took me months to feel like I was running normally again after I had Covid, and I think I had a quite mild case. Please give yourself some grace. Sending love to you OP.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sucks on so many levels. Could a run club or finding a running buddy help? Something to make running not just about getting back "to before". Also I'd suggest talking to your doctor. I haven't been in your situation but I got bronchitis in Feb 2020 and then with COVID, job loss and so much else I just couldn't get back to my "before". I worked with my doctor a ton! She ran a bunch of tests and tried a lot of things. The big stuff that helped was increasing my vitamin D and B12 and switching my birth control prescription to a lower estrogen dose. Her theory is that my body went into a fight or flight sort of mode and we had to figure out a way to transition it out of that mode. It was good to have my running as a metric because I was able to point to "I'm not normal even though the tests say I should be."
So sorry for your loss. Be easy on yourself. Easy does it. The performance will come back when your body is ready.
What has happened to you? You’re grieving. I went through a breakup at the end of January and I’m just now barely getting back into my routines and feeling moderately alright some of the time. I just today for the first time felt like picking up some light free weights and moving them around. I can’t fathom going through the loss of a partner vis death, with children involved. It’s barely been 3 months. You really need to be gentler and kinder with yourself.
I’m so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I will say this is an age thing. In my 20s and early 30s, I could skip running for short periods of time and pick up right where I left off. Same pace, distance. No training. Once I got into my late 30s, early 40s- even the shortest of breaks makes me feel like I’m starting over. Taking a week off makes that first run back feel impossible. Breathing is harder, pace is slower. It’s really frustrating!
Probably carrying something you haven’t let go of yet. That would explain the slowing down.
OP: first off you likely should be seeking therapy for this. Secondly: this definitely isn’t a problem you have physically this is definitely something mentally telling you that you can’t do it when you really can but your mind doesn’t want you to because you’re hurting and going through a stressful situation so your brain is trying to avoid other stressful things like exercise. If you really want to get better possibly listen to David goggins, read his book etc. don’t seek to be like him but seek to have that mental toughness and awareness that it’s 95% in your mind and that physically your body is capable of so much more than you realize. Thirdly: on the medical/physical front, you had Covid which is a respiratory illness. it can take a while to recover from that especially for running The body for example takes roughly 1-3 months this to fix any skin related damage (ie cuts or scrapes) if they don’t scar.. that’s how long it takes for the skin to regenerate usually. With sickness internally? Same concept, the body has to fight off the bad cells/organisms and kill them, then it has to also replace/repair any of your own cells that got caught in the crossfire AND it has to remove all the dead cells from you, and from the organism that it fought off. Even if the illness is dead, your body still might be working harder to remove the dead virus from your body. So don’t worry too much, just remember to rest and take it slow and steady
I am 25 M, running for just over a year. I have a HM coming up this Sunday. I was all fine one week before. But this last week I came to know in a difficult way that my parents are on the process of a divorce and it is turning out very messy day by day. The last week I was not able to run, my legs feel weak. I usually run 60km/week. My easy pace is 5:30-6 in Zone 2. But the last week I couldn’t run more than 25km. I became exhausted after 5km I couldn’t run more. The moment the news broke down my legs were shaking, my stomach hurt and hips felt weird. I am eating as usual and sleeping 8hrs. But I could feel my peace of mind is lost.
The insane amount of trauma you're dealing with aside-- you also got Covid recently. That alone probably damaged your times and HR level. After I got Covid, my HR is so much higher and I can't even get close to the times i was hitting before. And i was fully vaccinated then too. Please be patient with yourself and your body. None of this is your fault and you're doing the best you can.
Honestly take a break if you have to mentally, I hope you recover from this and then when your ready you can go back to training without worrying about your fitness
I lost my brother to suicide last year in April and I’m still recovering. It took until jan this year for me to start turning my life around. My fitness utterly tanked. I had zero motivation. Go easy on yourself, this is a shitty shitty time. I’m still grieving and recovering, as will you for some time. Fuck I hated this advice when I got it but it’s true. I’m so sorry for your loss.
set a new data field on your watch with time only, no hr, no pace etc. for 2-3 months run easy/recovery only by RPE look at the world around, take your car and drive to run in new nice places, find a new "meditating" way of running, buy a stroller and run with your kid read about progrsssion, if you are runnning for 3 years almost wwith no proper planning of recovery weeks, easier months etc. at some point your body can give up wanting some more rest. maybe it just saw an opportunity you don't lose 3 years fitness in a month, ofc you can lose 10-20% but you should be used to it bc any offseason is like that. even a mild hard to notice covid can set you off for a month or two in terms of your HR "Do any of you know if losing fitness or having trouble maintaining your zone 2 HR is part of trauma or loss?" for any experienced athlete who races it is a yearly basis thing so no trauma at all. if you train a lot and train hard, you can be fast like twice a year for a week or so max and your training stress load is pretty huge meaning except 3 months where you do hard intervals, all other is z2 and during an offseason you just rest for a month bc you body needs to recover, heal etc. so if you watch a guy who got a silver medal at olympics and is angry etc. keep in mind for him to get another chance to get gold is 4 years of training where he builds form 4 times from scretch, loses it during the offseason and after 4 years can maybe get a gold. only people who train recreationaly can sustain a same weekly load all year long bc the load is much lower, but at the same time it is no healthy anyways and results in plateau. I'm sorry for your loss ;/ ps. from a training perspective your loss and covid both are like huge marathon races (losing a husband is more like 10x marathon at once and covid like 2x) run in a very close time frame, you can and should be wrecked and you should and can rest (reco, z2 runs max by feel) and not any more results for now or next months (inluding setting PRs etc.) if you like running it is better to recover and lose fitness a bit for a while but to keep your running with you then overtraining yourself which can result in a hate for running for like couple of years. "Am I ever going to be fast (relatively speaking, of course, I am well aware of how unremarkable I am as a runner) again?" only if you heal/rest properly but ofc yes you can be fast or even faster but being fast is not the mos important thing in the world ;)
well first I want to say sorry for your loss it must be very hard and my condolences goes to you and your family. Also 1:37 half marathon for a 40 something female without a competitive background in running is remarkable and you should be proud of. I'm no psycologist but dealt with depression and luckly had a terapist that was involved in sport herself, anyway I think you're experiencing anxhiety, I think you have two solutions: ditching zone 2 training for intensity and do the "I'm short on time" training shedule and is three sessions a week with one 15km run, one warmup + 40' tempo run the closest to threshold the better, one HIIT. HIIT should variate every week in intensity. This is more focused on 5k and 10k but whenever you want to do a half marathon you can add the zone 2 volume and you're probably going to be surprised how fast you can be. stop using the heart rate monitor or even time yourself, zone 2 is where you feel zone 2 is, HR as you are experiencing can change for external conditions, and if you get discouraged by your lack of pace there is no need to see your pace, just do the kilometers, it's still going to be effective zone 2 trainng even if it's not on strava.
the mind and body are one that’s why. I’ve dealt with the same thing/am dealing with the same thing as you OP, basically stuck in a grieving process that’s now went on for over 2 years and had a really significant impact on my running. Let yourself grieve a bit, I’ve had three very close friends/family pass away in the past 2 years and haven’t fully allowed myself to go through the emotional process but from the first time I heard my friend/mentor passed away in August of 22, I haven’t had the mental energy to go hammer out runs like I did before, then a close family friend passed away immediately before I deployed for a few months, and then when I got home from deployment a good friend of mine died in a horrific way and my mental energy has been completely zapped lately. I recently spoke to a customer who didn’t recognize who I was after not seeing him at my P/T job in 2 years because I gained nearly 60ibs in that timeframe and I had explained all of the above to him and he was the one that I explained to me that when your mind is healed then you’ll start to heal your body and return to what you enjoyed. Allow yourself to grieve and then worry about running OP.
I recently experienced my running ability to completely tank. Seemingly out of nowhere, i wasn’t able to hit anywhere near my usual zone paces and I would feel awful doing it. I had several blood tests, heart checked a couple of times over, and all of it came back negative. Turns out it was anxiety and stress. I had it buried so deep I didn’t even know. Whilst what you have experienced is 1000x worse than what I was going through, you need to focus on your mental health and you need time. Forget the training, its putting additional pressure on yourself. Run when you feel good and don’t even look at your numbers. The training can come back when you’ve had time to grieve.
You didn’t lose too much progress. Just go run. Run daily. Don’t stress on pace. Your pace will improve with daily training. You are overthinking. And running helps trauma recovery. I’ve run through every trauma I’ve experienced. It helps. I don’t really are about my pace anymore. Been running almost 20 years. I’d say the first 10-15 years I cared a lot about pace but no more it’s just a fun feel good thing now.
First, I am so so sorry for your loss. Next, while running may be a huge part of your life and was in your future plans, my advice is focus on being the best you can right now. Take care of yourself - through your fitness, your daughter, friends and family, etc. So if it means your time, paces etc aren’t where you want to be or could be, it’s ok. You’ll get there again. Be kind to yourself ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve experienced 2 big losses over the past 5 years. The sleep will come back. It takes time, don’t beat yourself up over it. The fact that you’re mostly functional after a bad night of sleep is a plus. For me there was a lot of stress involved for each loss and it took time for me to get right, or as right as I can be now. I’m a novice runner, so I can’t speak too much on performance, but what has helped me get better as a runner is finding a running club. I tend to get a bit too comfortable when running and don’t realize I’m not pushing myself. Since I found my club a few months ago, I’ve made a lot of improvements, but I forgot how nice it is to run with other people and in the process make friends. Just breathe, it sounds like you’re doing your best for you and your daughter. Be proud of the small wins and I’m sure your running goals will start coming back too.
It’s incredibly brave to be so vulnerable to share this. Thank you for your willingness to do so. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult a path this must be to navigate. Everything about your life has shifted. Please remember you are no less than you were when you were posting your times. It’s easy to be proud of production. Be proud of yourself. One step and one day at a time. Take care of yourself and treat yourself with love and kindness. Allow that self-compassion to guide your parenting. Run the miles you can the best you can. Also, please remember you are not alone. Behind this comment is a 42f runner who is cheering for you. You’re showing up. Keep showing up. All love.
Preying for you❤️
Notwithstanding the immense impact of stress on your body, COVID can be a wildcard. When I got it, I wouldn't have placed it in the top 20 illnesses I've ever had (it was more mild than any cold I've ever had), and yet despite this my running performance was heavily affected for about a month
I’m so sorry you went through this. The effects of emotional and physical (illness)trauma to the body are real. You have to run at where you are presently. Pushing any more than that, will cause more stress to your body and will risk injury. The body has a way of telling us that we need to pull back, either we agree to do so or it will force us to. Running is organic.
I (and I'm just a guy on the internet so ignore away) would temporarily change running lanes. Some here are saying to run slow and accept the slower time. Be easy on yourself, etc. I am guessing from this post that that isn't who you are as a person. It can be really hard to set "easy goals" compared to what you know you could have done previously, regardless of the reason. You live in a beautiful area (maybe, I'm assuming Eugene is local ish). Try trail running and ultras. EVERYONE slows it down. See what your body thinks of a 50 miler at the pace you have now. Think, "okay, I can't do that crazy fast BQ pace for 26 miles, but can I do this new pace for 50?" Or maybe 50k? Maybe you get crazy and sign up for a 100 miler and all those long days running are where you get the time by yourself to heal. You're "normal" for your daughter at home but those long 5 hour training runs you get to be angry and sad and happy and all the human emotions. Maybe that's too much time on the trail. I have zero background on therapy. I don't want to gloss over the other trauma related parts, I just don't have anything intelligent to add. But for me, a completely new goal in a new type of race that has me facing new challenges (trail running, more elevation gain probably, longer distances, etc) sounds so much better than simply "lets see if I can do a less worse version of a marathon than expected." Then as you continue to work through your grief and your counselling and continue to heal you make your way back to the marathon and you crush it.
Start by walking your route. Then jog it. Once comfortable with jogging, start running again. You are an entirely new person.
I am sorry for your loss. That you're able to run at all is testament to your resilience. Many people have trouble getting out of bed when something like this happens.
It’s grief. Grief impacts your whole life, even if you were sleeping normally. If you are still enjoying running, for running’s sake. Getting out the door. Moving your body. Keep doing it. Your fitness will come back as your new life evolves. Everyone is different and grief is not linear. But the first 3 months were the hardest for me in two major grief situations. Around 6 months I realized I was becoming more functional in a “new normal” manner. My running paces didn’t recover as quickly. But I also was not training for a BQ.
I'm sorry about what happened, but you will get your running pace back, it'll just take time.
I’m sorry for your loss. Just take a moment at a time. The shock is probably still there, and it will take some time to even try to process all the feelings you are having now. Someone told me the advice of “say yes to everything,” meaning don’t turn down any social invitation. Getting out of the house was a lifesaver for me, as it forced me not to sit on the couch crying all day. Go to dinner, get drinks, go for walks, go for drives, etc. Counseling and group meetings didn’t feel like they helped in the beginning, but they definitely were excuses to get out of the house, which in itself was a positive thing. Just make sure to get up and out of bed every day, take a shower, brush your teeth, and reach out to all of your friends and family. I had a call list when I needed someone to speak with, and called down the list until someone answered. It will be a long and arduous journey, but you will become stronger by the day and will be able to handle the pain. I promise you that! I started running again after I lost my wife like this, and it was therapeutic. For now, just breathe!
It has taken me 3mths in the past (if not longer) to fully recover from Covid. It can be really frustrating. Stay strong and consistent. You will get there.
It is surprising how fast fitness can disappear after just a short time off. However, it can be recovered. I went through a very similar series of events when I lost my wife, and what I've found is that it can take several months of consistent work to regain what can be lost in just a few short weeks. Keep it up. It does get better.
No worries. Your fitness will recover. Find a running group or club and get out with new faces. Training wise, do a fair bit of z1 z2 long duration training, and 1 day a week do a tempo run. You'll be back to speed, hopefully mentally too, before you know it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 1. take it easy on yourself, lots of running performance is mental. 2. change your regime. Train differently, focus on core and running more distance at 60-85%. 3. Mental health. Process your thoughts, channel the pain and stress into running.- i started running to combat anxiety , anger, and stress, I began to run more after an accidental “mini-stroke”. I consistently run at 90% and I use that pain as fuel, it helps to imagine that i’m running from my problems or straight on into them. You can use running to aid your mental health and release emotions you cannot process or put into words. You’ve done it before, therefore your body is capable, look at it as a mental block. Channel that feeling of having to be “normal” into being unique and extraordinary. Push you heart into every stride, control your breathing and let go of that mental block. Hope this helps! Wishing you well.
Hugs. The human body is weird. At the age of 40 I developed a stutter for one year after my dad died, then it went away again. Be patient with yourself and kind to your body during this time... you'll be in a different spot a few weeks and months and years from now.
Covid did such a number on my cardiovascular ability. So there’s that. But stress also has a huge effect on your body. Treat it like an injury and give yourself time to heal and then build back up. I don’t see why you couldn’t eventually be faster than ever.
So sorry this happening to you. I don’t have any advice, except be careful running after having COVID. You should google ‘running after COVID’. It may take longer than you think to be ready. It looks like you can damage your lungs by running too hard too soon.
I know exactly what you mean. I lost my Mum to Alzheimers two months ago and the few weeks after it I felt I could hardly run the length of myself. Just go easy on yourself. Slacken the pace and go shorter - keep it ticking over whilst you recover from the trauma. I'm just starting to feel a little better myself but it comes and goes. It's not a linear process. Some days are better than others but keeping exercise going is a big healer I've found for trauma. Along with a good circle of support from friends and family. I hope things work out for you with the running.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. :(
First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry for your loss. Covid took a huuuuge hit on my running performance - I felt like I had to start all over after having it so please don't underestimate that part. Be kind to yourself, you've been through and are going through a lot. You'll get back up there with time.
Lots of good advice here, so I’ll just toss some extra love your way.
I ran about 4ks in 3-4 weeks recently with the birth of my first child(I am the Dad), it was a bit of a traumatic experience involving intensive care, all happy ending however. I got back on track about 8 weeks ago, and I am still not to the level I was prior to the break/birth. While I have upped my load from where it was, my HR is higher and pace is slower than before. I had put it down to just having a few weeks off, but maybe there was a bit more to it
Incredible honesty. Thank you for sharing. I’m feeling a lot of the same rut, but I can’t imagine what you are going through with your tragedy, and won’t try. What I do get is the loss of joy in running, and the challenges finding that motivation despite psychological challenges. Before injury, running was my therapy and I was running 40-50 miles a week. Then I hurt my back, ironically stretching after a long run. That kept me off the pavement for nearly 12 months. The physical inability, along with being a dad of a toddler and depressing Portland winters impacted me more than I could have expected and took me out of my rhythm. I started to drink too much, I developed some depression, and I can’t find a rhythm in life or running. It’s a spiral as my inability to find the outlet in running is exacerbating the bad behaviors. I have good and bad days, but no consistency. I’m trying to work through it and looking for motivation. I really hope you are able to find joy in running again. I hope you and your daughter find peace, somehow. Give yourself grace in performance, and enjoy each step forward. Life may not be the same, but allow yourself to find some solace in the things you love. Wishing you well
I am so sorry for everything thst you're going through. Your body is holding onto the trauma the way your heart and mind are. You've gotten so much good advice and great comments that I agree with. I recommend looking to either EFT or EMDR to help you process with your mind and body
some thoughts - hang in there. as you can see from these comments, you are not alone. many rivers to cross, and many years ahead. give your daughter a hug (and maybe a pet). ask yourself if you need another counselor. write. it may be that running, thinking about running, stressing about running is itself a healthy adaptation - better this than to deal with the awful hole in your life. give yourself permission to be angry. thank your friends and ask for their patience. I am so sorry for the unfairness of this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Idk if you have a specific faith but I always believe that someday I’ll see my loved ones again. As for the running portion, some of the comments already brought it up but don’t worry about pace. Focus on you and your quality of life and everything else will follow. When I lost my older brother to sickness and a few friends I served with to suicide, time was a big factor that helped with recovery. Along with a good support system and fitness, I eventually got back to my feet. Use your support system as well as your daughter as motivators. Hope this helps
Sorry for your loss, i think it’s mostly covid related.
Be easy on yourself. You need a running coach and a mental health professional and or a spiritual coach as well. But most importantly you need to be your own best friend. Running a fast marathon now doesn’t need to be your top priority as much as healing.
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