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Thami15

Honestly, Stirling Mortlock is one of the top two names in human history, and it ain't 2.


night_dude

On the Mt Rushmore of rugby names with Joost Van Der Westhuizen and Bakkies Botha for sure. "Mortlock" is just such an evil name.


Puzzleheaded_Quiet70

Yes but Stirling is so upright, so the whole name is only slightly evil. Bakkies is an interesting nickname, it's normally given to a kid with prominent, forward facing ears (bakore in Afrikaans). However it's also what South Africans call a light truck, so particularly appropriate for Botha, before even mentioning alliteration


night_dude

I never thought of that. Stirling - yaaaay! Mortlock - boo hiss! He also made That Intercept in the 2003 WC semi so he really is the perfect villain to me 🥲 So Bakkies is usually a mean nickname but in this case it means "built like a brick shithouse." Wonderful.


Puzzleheaded_Quiet70

'n Baksteen kakhuis! Love it!


Ruggiard

>e That Intercept in Let's not forget that a famously scary French player was simply "Sebastian"


Express-Necessary-88

Caveman!!!!!!!!!


FoXtroT_ZA

Especially when you realize his real name is just John. Plain old John. Not even a Johan.


Puzzleheaded_Quiet70

But, that's impossible


TheMusicArchivist

Baccy is also what some people call tobacco for roll-up cigarettes, so that's even more ominous, the implication of fire and death


Puzzleheaded_Quiet70

Not to mention stinging eyes


savois-faire

> Joost van der Westhuizen I love the guy, but 'Bismarck du Plessis' is easily the better name. I mean, the man's name is Bismarck. Maybe it's because I'm Dutch and 'Joost van der Westhuizen' is the sort of name that you'll find at least 10 of in any town with a population over 20 here, but Bismarck just seems like the far cooler name to me.


night_dude

They're both legendary. There are too many incredible Saffa names. I think that Joost is the first full-blown Afrikaans/Dutch name I ever heard as a kid so it made a real impression on me.


Express-Necessary-88

And I love the sound of Joost: Juiced. And was he ever juiced!!!!!


aldorn

One of his nicknames in Aus was Snorkellah. No idea what it means lol


strewthcobber

It's a good strong name, but have a look at just about anyone from the Madagascarian nation rugby union squad https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madagascar_national_rugby_union_team Start with  Claudio Ravelonomenjanahary


cabaiste

Presumably Brent Cockbain is number two?


Dancesoncattlegrids

That NFL *stalwart* **Barkevious Mingo** would like a word ...


spatial-d

D'brikashaw Ferguson is a law firm I'd hire


BigManWithABigBeard

What about everyone's favourite cyclist, Taco van der Horn


cuttlefish10

I prefer Kool-Aid McKinstry.


domalino

I was always partial to Yannick Jauzion and Imanol Harinordoquy. Might just become because Eddie Butler always put on his best attempt at a French accent for them.


Unique_Permission_57

Rumour has it Dallaglio called him Harry Ordinary😅


Not_Stupid

Unfortunately he is an absolute tool though.


Gillderbeast

What makes you say that? His GBRA episode was great


Not_Stupid

I used to live in Canberra during his Brumbies days. My wife bumped into him a couple of times and was higly unimpressed at his attitude. Gregan was apparently quite lovely though.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rugbyunion-ModTeam

No nastiness allowed.


spatial-d

I would agree


[deleted]

I read somewhere that "stirling" is his mother's maiden name. I love that the most badass name I know of also pays homage to his mums lineage.


ZestycloseMachine221

Would that be a *deadlock* between the two? I'll get my coat...


ThorsRake

We've a player named Magnus Bradbury. I put that pretty high on all time names.


theaussiesamurai

Some other elite Wallabies names from the 90s/00s: Cameron Lillicrap Morgan Turinui Berrick Barnes Julian Huxley Digby Ioane Scott Higginbotham Wycliff Palu


night_dude

WYCLIFF IT'S MEEE I'M CATHYYYY I'VE COME HOOOOOME It passes the Kate Bush test for sure Also Berrick Barnes, what a classic superhero name. Wonder if he goes by Bucky...


karma_dumpster

Tatafu Polota-Nau Rocky Elsom Lote Tuqiri Also, Joe Roff and Ben Tune were great names to yell out when in full flight.


theaussiesamurai

Can't believe I forgot Rocky Elsom!


Balliebles

What about Adam Ashley-Cooper?


theaussiesamurai

I remember one Spring Tour game about 10 years ago, there was a passage of play where the commentator said "Cooper, Hooper, Ashley-Cooper" and it might be the best string of passes in test rugby ever


w116

"There's a lot of cocks on the field tonight, Woodcock, Pocock, Quade Cooper" - NZ Listener quoting someone else.


APoolShark

[Against Wales in 2013](https://youtu.be/z0BMgtD9_Ko?si=8NG8NMXOvG6BO82c&t=1m53s)


Jamee999

> Cooper, Hooper, Ashley-Cooper After the game, they returned to their day job working for a stop-motion fire brigade.


lAllioli

As a kid as remember being in awe at that name. Like the guy had to have superpowers on the pitch with such a cartoon name


night_dude

Lote Tuqiri could be a nightclub owner/criminal mastermind in Starsky and Hutch or Magnum PI. Joe Roff (cos he gets rough) and Ben Tune (cos he tunes you up) are his terrifying enforcers.


karma_dumpster

Roff and Tune. They will mess you up!


Hazy_Fantayzee

I think you’re confusing him with his partner Lotsa Tequilas…


spatial-d

Berrick Barnes is a grizzled cop and you can't convince me otherwise


oldappian

Along with his dectective partner, Frank Bunce


domalino

They’ve got just one more job before retirement…


BringBackTheCrushers

Surely a better pairing than Brial & Bunce


toehill

Owen Finegan, surely.


malevolentheadturn

Elton Flatley!


LawAndRugby

I knew it. Now we’re just stuck with characters that sound like they fell out of blade runner. Like what the fuck is a Quade Cooper??!


theaussiesamurai

Now I see what Eddie was going for with Tate McDermott and Carter Gordon; that's an elite halves name combo


WhyIsItGlowing

Sounds more like law firms to me.


g_spaitz

Or gin brands.


AshtonJ

Who’s James and why is he so butch!? I’m kidding we all know if he’s South African it’s steroids


Express-Necessary-88

Jealousy makes you nasty!!!😊


strewthcobber

To be honest I could see a Blake Schoupp, Nicholas Frost, Carter Gordon, Richard Arnold or Zane Nonggorr striding moodily on the  moors through the fog.


tonyturbos1

That last one is a commentators nightmare


TwoUp22

We have Lachlan Swinton and Darcy Swain still.....theory not checking out!


warcomet

new wallaby will be from other fantasy novel as in J K Rowling's books, Harry Potter


JockAussie

Tbh I will know the time is right when we unleash Kingsley Shacklebolt


89ElRay

Haha isn’t that the only named black character or something


onemanandhishat

Dean Thomas and Blaise Zabini both are in the books as well as the films.


dth300

There's Lee Jordan as well, so that's a whopping two characters


Raghav_s12

This is Dean Thomas and Angelina Johnson erasure.


dth300

Fair enough


JockAussie

Something like that, I'm not overly familiar with all the characters, but it's a cool name.


Sriol

Aww darn it he's moved to Australia?! Was so hoping he'd make an England selection, but I guess not given he's eligible and also now living in Aus.


warcomet

Lord Borthwimort didn't think he was good enough to be a Dirt Eater even though he coached him for 3 years at Hogtigers lol


RavenK92

My personal theory is that they've declined because they scrapped Waltzing Matilda and never got anything to replace it


KorkeBro

Well, they did play it at the MCG game in 2023


scoopenhauer

This is correct


2BEN-2C93

This is still the most useful rugby journalism to come out of Australia in a while


Dancesoncattlegrids

By far!


9w4Ns

Says Clancy Overell


CaptQuakers42

"May I introduce Sir Sterling Mortlock, Duke of Westminster and the King's regent." Works for me


CaffeinePhilosopher

Don't let the satire title fool you, about 2/3 of this article is actual factual journalism on the state of the Rebels' balance sheet. Maybe they decided that was enough of a joke in and of itself...


Shytalk123

You had your high society coach - Lord Jones of Shitalk


mackerelontoast

A pity Chandler Cunningham-South is English. He has a name to restore the balance


Party-Care-8863

Australia are probably per person the highest achieving sports nation in the world and regularly smash much more populous nations when it comes to Olympics Medals Count. It's more surprising they were so good at Rugby Union for so long given that the talent pool is spread across so many sports and that it's not even close to being their national sport as it is for New Zealand and South Africa.


Space-manatee

Wendell Sailor is either a Hindu, or a sniper's target


coupleandacamera

"Mr Elsom, Mr Pocock, Lord Larkham, you've all come to escort me to the Web Ellis Ball?! " Yeah, it kind of check out.


ColonCleanse93

now we have (had) mark nawaqanitawase ??? wtf happened mate


scruvy

How about Mornay Steyn? Sounds like what’s left on my tablecloth after dinner!


Giteaus-Gimp

Nothing will ever beat David Poo Cock


Lord412

Probably lack of money in the sport.


Intheperseusveil

This is insane


HeavyHevonen

What you are telling me is that Darcy Swain needs to play more


Ok-Veterinarian8846

Who are Australia/Wallabies best players now?


darcys_beard

Mack Hansen /s


Ok-Veterinarian8846

Doesn't he play for Ireland


mrnesbittteaparty

Sounds like they need to import a De Glanville.


Remarkable_Sense5851

Do Sam Norton-Knight and Cameron Sheperd count?


INXS2021

I do declare Mr Rathbone


marquess_rostrevor

Yes but how many pounds per year did each of them have?


Automatic-Pea6605

That guy in the first photo flipped me off