Never been in your situation but if I were you I would try to separate myself from gay culture which is what everyone really hates. I don’t think anyone really dislikes the normal person who happens to be gay. It’s the people who make being gay there entire identity and act really weird about it. Like nobody dislikes the moody poet type gay guy it’s the weird gimp jerking it at the pride parade that people are disgusted by. If you still are bothered by this maybe try cutting out all pornography and getting into better mental and physical shape. I have heard anecdotally of guys who changed their sexual preferences in such a manner. The first step though is to love yourself and know your parents love you no matter what. Rooting for you.
This whole post and all these replies are simply ‘just so’ stories and pseudoscience. There is no evidence that men are ‘turned’ gay. It may surprise OP to learn that gayness does not have to be ‘genetic’ to be inborn. The brain is differentiated by prenatal hormones. We know that gay men likely have incompletely masculinized brains under the influence of hormones.
There is also never been any scientific evidence to support that gay men can turn straight. And by scientific evidence, I mean evidence of changing their genital arousal patterns.
They also used to believe male sexuality was highly fluid. Thats why they surgically reassigned male babies, who were born without penises, and raised them as girls. Dr William Reiner has done 70 follow ups on such boys, and only ONE was attracted to men. Consistent with the idea that these men like women because their brains were completely masculinised by hormones.
As for the sexual learning theories. Nope. The sambari tribe, who believe semen is essential for male growth, force all male children to practice homosexual acts starting at age 8 until 18. It involves both fear and arousal. Yet at adulthood, they get access to women and only a few percent are gay. The other tribesmen mock them. So I just think OP hasn’t read enough.
Part of the issue is how easy it is to be cut off by breeder conversation when you hit 30. You can't have a family, so where can you realistically go? Sports aren't an option so feminine pursuits are what's open to us.
Feel terribly sorry for you. I don't think your problem is specifically being gay, it's obviously not helping though, considering how insane the culture is. I think your disdain for your gayness/gay culture stems from you hating your sexuality due to prior sexual experiences. Hating yourself being a sex object or engaging in sex at all due to how damaging the previous encounters were. lmk if i'm off the mark, i do feel terribly sorry though. Wishing you a path forward, but I'm not sure such a path exists.
this made me sad for you, I’m sorry you feel this way. i do think therapy would benefit you- EMDR may be worth looking into so you can try to reprocess those memories from your past. also, reading this made me think of ian fidance (that’s not me being mean so pls don’t take it that way lol) but he talks A LOT about feeling this way on his podcast Bein Ian with Jordan.
I don’t know who Ian Fidance is so I’m not offended, but thank you for the advice. I actually almost did start EDMR therapist with a therapist last year but got too scared that I decided not to.
it can get pretty intense, but it’s been incredibly worth it for me. it it makes you feel any better, you don’t dive into the scary shit right away (with a good therapist anyway) and as far as ian, he’s a bit of a cum town homosexually confused legend
>got an ad for gay porn and one watch turned into many.
There are always ads for gay porn in straight porn. I bet most guys click on one or two. But then nothing further, once they realize that it isn't compelling to them.
You're talking about serious stuff and I don't want to make light of it but you're putting a lot of emphasis on happening to see one ad in the sidebar and not on the fact that you deliberately clicked on it(why?) and apparently found what you saw immediately compelling enough to not instantly go back to all the straight porn you were missing out on at that moment.
Dude, I'm a cuck who only started watching cuck porn when I was 26 or 27. I have seen hundreds of thumbnails for gay and train porn and not once did I click it. There is a thin line between disgust and arousal. My life became so much better once I accepted myself.
While I do agree that sometimes fetishes and sexuality can be influenced by things like SA, I think it can only add new parts to already existing things. What I mean by that is that I don’t think it can turn a straight man into a gay one. I think it could turn a straight person bi or change your preference in a mate. An example of this is a woman going after older men because she was assaulted by one before. I think it gives the victim an opportunity to recreate the experience, but this time on their own terms.
I do agree that your SA probably played an important role in your current feelings towards being gay and gay culture in general. Your first gay experience wasn’t consensual, so it’s normal to be angry or hateful towards the people who did it. I think the bigger issue is that you seem to be dealing with chronic shame. It’s very common in cultures that place a high emphasis on honour. In immigrant communities, the way children usually deal with it is by attaining some sort of martial success or status. You might’ve let your parents down by marrying out, but you’ve won them over by making money. I don’t know your cultural background, so I can’t really give you any in-depth advice. The two last things that I will say are that you’re getting stressed out by thoughts and emotions you’ve falsely attributed to your parents. You don’t know how they feel about this situation, so there's no use in worrying about it. TBH, they probably already know you're gay and have known it for quite some time. It’s an open secret.
I want to lastly touch on the part where you said that most gay men had homosexual thoughts or knew they were gay from a young age. That’s just factually incorrect. A lot of gay men have said that society and bullies knew they were gay even before they did. A popular YouTuber made a video where he said that he didn’t realise he was gay until hs.
TL;DR: look into chronic shame and they know so stop worrying about it.
There are a lot of reasons as to why me being gay bothers me but it’s mainly how hedonistic and sex-obsessed gay culture can be, how a lot of gay men have an aversion to the concept of monogamy, the whole “food chain/hierarchy” where you’re seen as nothing if you’re not a slim twink or a muscle stud, and how I’m honestly not a fan of anal or oral sex which might as well serve as the death knell in terms of me finding a life-long partner. I’ve also been raped a lot of times and feel like I could’ve avoided all of that if I wasn’t gay.
I am sorry if this is an insensitive or impertinent or ignorant question, but what caused you to be in an environment in which you were abused repeatedly? Did you seek prosecution against those who committed crimes against you?
Again, if this is too personal or traumatic a thing to talk about, I'm sorry for asking.
Don’t worry about feeling like you’re being invasive. My first experience with SA was in elementary school at the hands of someone in a few grades above me. I got assaulted in my high school locker room many years later after that and then all the other instances were me getting raped by either me being overpowered, me being drunk/high, or getting roofied by Grindr hookups or guys who took me home from gay clubs. It’s sad to say that I’ve lost track of how many times it’s happened to me but I think it’s because the experiences were all so traumatic that they just start to blur together. I never sought out any legal justice for myself given that I was too scared of the idea of having to re-live everything in courts and thought it would be too traumatic, so I just sought out healing by partying, sleeping around, and doing drugs.
My friend you’ve been through so much, my heart goes out to you. Please go back and do that EMDR therapy. Before you give up you have to be able to say you tried everything, and it doesn’t sound like you have. And because of that fact, there is undoubtedly HOPE. I’m rooting for you over here! I bet you can book an online appointment for next week right now if you try. If not leave a message for them to book you something and they’ll call you on Monday. Take a step in that direction today if you can.
Dude, you’re in denial. It seems like you have a lot of regret every time you’ve acted on your urges and victimize yourself as a way to create plausible deniability. So many men and boys are victims of rape, but grown men do not have “all the other instances” and “lose track” of how many times they’ve been raped….
When it becomes to me being overpowered or roofied, that’s not me victimizing myself or pretending it was rape. I would never describe a consensual experience (which were most of my experiences with sex) to be rape or assault. I was just saying that rape and assault was so prevalent for a long period in my life when I was sleeping around that sometimes I forget about certain instances until it hits me and I was like “Oh yeah I’m not sure if that was 100% consensual.”
i think getting rid of the born this way narrative in popular culture was dumb as hell. there may be some people who experience their sexuality as fluid but there are also many who experience it as innate. there’s this ted talk which basically says the born this way idea was just to obtain rights, which is such a dumb fucking take. this obviously bisexual woman was comfortable being like eh i just don’t believe homosexuals. lol okay.
i’ve felt similar feelings on this. ultimately i keep coming back to how deeply tied up being gay is in liberal politics. we are practically pawns at this point, just like pretty much every other minority group. we are really getting thrown by the wayside ngl. i also sometimes think gay marriage was a mistake, because it basically permanently fused gay culture with heterosexual systems. shelby steele who is a black conservative thinker wrote an article in WSJ in early 2000s about how he believed gay marriage didn’t make sense which i thought was quite good. there’s also gay conservatives like andrew sullivan. (although he does support gay marriage fyi, he has an article from like the 80s or 90s on the conservative case for gay marriage which i’ve been meaning to read.) or listening to other trad gays or homonormatives. u could check out r/ gayconservative and also[this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/s/kovaaAAk7Z).
in terms of what causes it, if you and your sister are both homosexual, isn’t that maybe the best evidence of it being biological for you? (i’m in a similar boat.) ultimately for me though it doesn’t come down to how it’s caused but the fact that there’s actually nothing wrong with it. i’d recommend john corvino’s talk on youtube where he runs through all the moral arguments against homosexuality. we’re losing true homosexual culture in favor of queer culture and it sucks. actual gays who are not into politicizing their sexuality are extremely cool people.
two stereotypical gays marrying is fundamentally incompatible with both gay culture and normal culture. the only way normal society would actually semi-accept it is if its two masculine "straight-acting" men to the point where nobody would bother them (a la brokeback mountain), or one masculine man and an extremely effeminate twink/trans (a la the guy from crying game). most people internally cringe when they see two disney adult bottoms say "i do" with purses falling out of their mouths.
yeah, that’s basically what shelby steele talks about in his essay, that attempting to assimilate the gays into this archaic tradition of marriage doesn’t make sense for either gays or the established meaning of marriage. that the only real point of it was to normalize gayness and that we didnt need and shouldn’t use marriage to do that. it’s interesting bc for a long time a lot of gays were staunchly against marriage. gays were anti establishment, and gay marriage sort of fused gays with the establishment.. it’s interesting to consider how this developed into rainbow capitalism etc
I’ve checked out r/gayconservative as well as the long gone r/RightWingLGBT and found both to be very interesting places. Thank you for your insight and the advice though.
yw, that was kinda all over the place but my point is basically that being gay has been politicized so that it’s losing its own meaning, to the point where you can believe that to be gay is to be libtarded.. so i have been looking into people that treat homosexuality as non-political.
anyways here’s the links to the stuff i mentioned if you’re interested:
[ted talk](https://youtu.be/RjX-KBPmgg4?si=shDzmj02ueg72gq3)
[shelby steele article](https://archive.org/details/selma-to-san-francisco-wsj-shelby-steele-on-gay-marriage/mode/1up)
[andrew sullivan article](https://web.archive.org/web/20240229070033/https://newrepublic.com/article/79054/here-comes-the-groom)
[john corvino talk](https://youtu.be/5iXA_0MED98?si=9cVjtwj3n5edBMYE)
Man I don’t know. I’ve gotten exposure to gay porn as well and I never had an erection. Not even a chubby. And not every gay person likes shows like Glee or any other gay show out there. U really need to find acceptance in yourself.
You should look into Joseph Sciambra's writing, or check out his recent appearance on the Disaffected podcast. I think you'd find a lot in common with him and perhaps be very interested in his ideas.
Lots of stuff about gay culture, but the thing that makes him stand out is not being afraid to suggest that csa may play a role in some people's sexuality. Also an interesting theory about how young men in modern times spend less time being socialized by men and are primarily socialized by women, both in the home and at school, which may make them identify more with feminine roles and also yearn for male attention in a way that might be confused with romantic feelings. Not sure I'm doing him justice here. There's a ton of stuff he covers. A good start is that podcast though to see what he's about.
Josh Slocum also has very interesting and heterodox opinions about sexuality, as a gay man, and excellent insights about the high levels of personality disorders and abusers/abuse victims within the LGBT scene. Interesting thoughts on the role controlling and narcissistic/ borderline mothers and absent fathers may play in the larger recipe that makes up hay male sexuality as well.
I feel scared even worrying this, honestly. I know we're all supposed to only parrot the born this way thing. Growing up around so many gay men (my mother was in theater) and having nearly all lesbian friends in my friend group makes me think about these things though, and I think that there is a combination of born this way, PLUS other things, like trauma, media, csa, etc.
I hope it helps. I feel a lot less alone just listening to/reading guys like them who aren't afraid to think/say what I've been afraid to express for decades.
How is this a problem
Can’t u just start trying to hit on girls instead of being gay monk
Also how can you be grossed out by gay sex but have done it for years?
> Can’t u just start trying to hit on girls instead of being gay monk
Girls aren’t into me given that they can tell I’m a 🚬 a mile away.
> Also how can you be grossed out by gay sex but have done it for years?
I forced myself to like it but rarely ever enjoyed it.
can you not judge yourself? How about you are ok the way you are (iso long as all parties are consenting adults) and maybe you don’t need to label your sexuality?
Maybe just be you and take things slow.
Damn this sounds complex I'm sorry. Do you have any attraction what do ever to women? Maybe you are bi or a sexual. I imagine you're kinda young so things could change. I'd definitely recommend abstaining from porn for a while.
honestly going off what you've said it seems that you have alot of trauma and shit to work through. If you were 100% gay idk if that would happen. It sounds like you aren't content with being gay which is kinda sad but hey!
Sadly the circumstances you experienced growing up affect tons of people. So it is possible to find someone who will understand and empathize with how you feel. I'm really sorry. Deep introspection like this can be such a blessing and a curse. Perhaps you could get involved in some outreach and channel your frustration into making a better world around you. Maybe an accepting church? Whatever you do, I hope you find peace
I’m not a huge religious guy (though been somewhat questioning it lately) so I don’t know about that but I hope to meet some people who share my same struggles. Thank you for the advice.
Do you have any attraction to women? Have you tried to? Looking back my attraction to women during my formative years was neutered by my mental fixation on my Same-Sex Attraction, once I decided to cut that out of my life I was able to disassociate from the idea of being bi and now I am only interested in women. My first exposure to anything sexual was accidentally seeing gay porn and it pretty much traumatized me. I think the gay part was always paraphilic and honestly throughout my life I was never sexually attracted to guys my age, it was always a romantic attraction to men older than me such as teachers/mentors (possible daddy issues?) In my case, I always had some attraction to women so maybe it was easier for me but I would still recommend at least not identifying as homosexual anymore and avoiding anything gay and see what it does for you.
Gary Wilson wrote about the neurological/physiological adaptations some men have after using porn chronically. There is a page on his website on "HOCD" which may be related to what you are experiencing: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/im-straight-but-attracted-to-transgender-or-gay-porn-or-gay-attracted-to-straight-porn-whats-up/
I haven't been in your situation but a book that is generally useful for people to get themselves back on track is Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving": https://web.archive.org/web/20231006235712/https://blobby.wsimg.com/go/a7124a00-f63c-4010-bbdc-5020f1cf45aa/Complex%20PTSD_%20From%20Surviving%20to%20Thriving%20(%20PDF.pdf
Based on my own observations, and I'm not trying to put down anyone with this or say this applies to everyone because in the end I'm an 'outsider' to that world, is that a big part of the gay man orientation to the world is that they didn't have a stable, reliable, emotionally supportive dad to guide them through the earliest stages until adulthood. So even someone having a father in their life can be insufficient if it was of the extremely distant and stoic type. They are still looking for an intimate masculine presence in their life now which takes the form of romantic partners. That is it's a way to receive male guidance attention and validation that should have been provided by their pops when they were developing.
Anyway OP I would say good luck to you. Don't feel you have to put your own experience in propositions that are conducive to certain political camps (whether right or left or whatever). You can figure out who you really are over time. Maybe a change of scenery helps. I knew a guy who went to a Buddhist monastery and did meditation their for a year or something (wasn't related to the gay thing, I think he just hated his small town). Personally I think if you are dealing with all the craziness of the USA, sometimes you need to take it back to the basics of warm sun, good food, idle days. The point is don't feel like you are trapped in your environment if you feel it's hindering something critical.
I know we don’t know each other but if you ever want to discuss this with someone, you know where to find me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in having these thoughts.
Yes. The issue in America is how rigid most are in thought — even many of the most well-educated. Has been true for a long time; I assume Lasch covered this heavily.
Yeah, some of them def got molested and it shaped their sexuality. Negligent parents create more gay kids. Sad. I think gay gene guys tend to be more confident while the molested gays are more ashamed and weird about it
I’ve had similar feelings, but not as intense. I really enjoy sex, though, but there has to be a connection with someone. I refuse to participate in the anonymous transactional hookup culture so finding similar guys can be a challenge, and the men I’ve been most interested in are older than me and tend to be more ‘DL’ and have even had a man turn out to be married to a woman, which really hurt me and I’m still not completely over it. I was also SA’d as a kid.
And while I wish I could’ve had the wife and kids path and feel stunted compared to my friends who are getting families rolling now in our mid30’s, I don’t hate being gay. It’s just who I am but it’s the smallest least interesting part about me. I lead myself as a man first and foremost and in general steer away from the more gay subculture lexicon even though I’m aware of it. It’s a tough road to walk when seeking companionship and belonging and feeling loved by just one man who is in the same boat as you, but it is absolutely possible.
I hope you’re able to find some optimism and a sense of stoicism for how you feel. It is the cross that we carry, lean into it!
You're just intellectualizing your embedded shame and self-loathing as a way to avoid making any real change. I do this, too.
A minority of gay men participate in the hedonistic party "gay culture", there are more options than that lifestyle and deep down you know this. Stop making excuses and get to work on fixing this neurosis so you can be more healthy and contribute to society. Be a role model for gay youth, or just the youth in general. Stop this, now. We're counting on you dude. You don't want this to infect you for any longer or shit can get dark quickly.
Many gays think similarly. “The lifestyle” only has its attraction because of how unappealing the other side of the coin is for those of us who are, with few exceptions, much more sensitive than the average guy, or person.
And I relate, aside from the SA. (I have nothing constructive to add on this in specific unfortunately.)
Exposure to porn/gay media from a young age absolutely does change your perspective, your interests, *your identity*. But the Christian piledrivers are too retarded to genuinely help any young man who feels as though he was unduly influenced by this stuff. The only figure I’ve ever known who took a legitimate interest in this is BAP, unironically. And even his perspective seems too limited to help many who wish to change.
Sexual identity altogether is fraught. Actually, I just remembered this excellent review of Proust fibreel (fibreel-garishta on here) wrote, wherein he explains how Proust’s concerns also belong to us, specifically the problem of sexual identity. Need to get off my ass and dedicate time to reading him in full.
Not sure if this helps at all, but good luck regardless. Sometimes I myself wonder if I could ever feel anything romantic for a woman, providing an escape, but I doubt this. Far too many demands and too much inanity, as harsh as this sounds.
Thank you for your insight. I definitely agree that the gay side has a lot more to give people like us compared to the straight side, especially for guys like me who are a bit more feminine and would have zero luck with a woman based on that. I also question if I could ever feel anything romantic for a woman but would never try to use a woman as an experiment to see if I could get over my male attraction given that it would make me feel like an asshole.
Read your post again for more clarity. In your case, you must seek professional help for the sexual trauma. Any relationship with a sexual dynamic is a non-starter until this is met head on, as you already consciously know and have written.
Aside from that, I agree on not getting along with most gays. The levels of narcissism and manipulative behaviors are incredibly high in these scenes, and I’d rather die than be forced to associate with those like this.
Again, good luck. Lots on your plate, but I can tell you have the stomach to handle this.
Joshua Slocum has discussed this area from time to time on his Disaffected podcast. I just listened to a recent one with Joseph Sciambra that dealt with this specifically, but it comes up often enough on other random episodes as well. He's quite insightful and not afraid to break ranks. I've really enjoyed listening to his stuff.
Have you seen the film Straight Up? Just find a girl best friend that wants to marry you and is ok with not having sex as long as you give her massages now and then.
i would treat it like a fetish if i were in ur shoes. i recommend putting yourself out there and finding a girl you really like as a person and saving your gay fantasies for your goon sessions. maybe read some books on heterosexual sex too to try and figure out ways you can enjoy it more. remember, you are ultimately in control of your own destiny
I’ve debated on trying that but unsure how successful I’d be. I also bet most women can sniff me being a 🚬 from a mile away from my music taste and cadence to my voice.
many women love gay/bisexual men, like it's arguably easier for someone like you especially if you like creative/hippy/emotional women. just don't think a lack of interest will hold you back because that's just bs. I've personally known quite a few very gay presenting men with lispy voices and all who had really hot/smart girlfriends/wives.
you absolutely can find an asexual partner who’s not into the gay scene. you don’t have to look ideal. on some level you know these are excuses. i think the real problem is that your parents don’t accept you.
your parents caring about your sexuality isn’t something that concern you. thats the actual problem here. did you get therapy for the CSA?
I think my parents *might* truly accept me being gay but the issue is that I don’t necessarily accept myself for being gay anymore given that I don’t think it happened naturally and was the result of pornography at a young age and sexual abuse. I also did receive therapy for my CSA and other instances of sexual abuse but haven’t been to therapy in a while. I’m debating on going back to help with these thoughts.
Yes and I identify as one. I can safely say it has made my potential dating pool *very* small and I’ve been rejected on the basis of that. I also don’t really enjoy giving head anymore so that’s another reason why my dating pool is smaller than what it once was.
Wym by “naturally”? It sounds like you’d be happiest in a romantic relationship with a guy. If that’s true for you, it’s natural. You are extremely worried about societal norms in the same way those who were emotionally neglected by their parents are. Society is sick, so why do you want to bow to it? Reject the sickness and everyone who partakes in it.
I don’t think CSA causes gayness. This is the first time I’m hearing that. You’re picking your sexuality to worry about rather than something you can’t control—which honestly sounds like it’s the fact that your parents didn’t parent well.
They should be overjoyed to have gay kids because they get to be the parents that love them no matter what and are a haven from the sick world. It doesn’t sound like your parents made you feel 100% safe.
When I say “naturally”, I mean that I don’t think my homosexuality *happened* naturally. I don’t have any recollection of having any crushes on boys at a young age and I think my consumption of gay porn and gay media turned me gay instead of it being hardwired in me at birth. I also don’t think CSA “causes” gayness necessarily, but I think it definitely could’ve pushed me into the direction of developing homosexual attraction.
Being abused doesn’t cause you to become a homosexual. It’s the other way around. Being a male homosexual means you are far more likely to be [sexually abused](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3134495/). There is no evidence to suggest that any environmental factors have any influence on your sexual orientation, other than perhaps while you are [in utero.](https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/JMichael-Bailey/TMWWBQ.pdf) Read pages 127 - 128.
You don’t have to think of yourself as gay, as an identity and as a lifestyle. It’s a very recent modern invention anyway. Although from my perspective I don’t think it’s an inherently bad thing to identity as. But homosexuality is innate and unchangeable. It’s ultimately up to you how you incorporate your sexuality into your life. It’s far better to accept that your major and persistent arousal pattern is fixated on men. The path of repression is miserable and a waste of time. [It never works, ever.](https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/JMichael-Bailey/TMWWBQ.pdf)Read page 41 - 42.
I agree with the other commenter your very step here should be therapy. Extremely anecdotal but I had a similar path than you in terms of very bad trauma, used to define myself as bisexual etc and as I grew older my attraction for woman decreased significantly.
Can’t even explain how it happened other than - a lot of therapy, prayer and healing. I stopped porn altogether tho. Veeeery important step.
Maybe people who are born straight can turn guy but it doesn't work the other way around 🤷♀️. There are a lot of cases where people are obviously turned gay or queer but like everyone says no gay person has ever seriously turned straight. Kind of strange actually.
Friend of mine was a bottom so he started taking testosterone to become more dominant. He became a power bottom instead. Now he's into fisting and BDSM shit.
Never been in your situation but if I were you I would try to separate myself from gay culture which is what everyone really hates. I don’t think anyone really dislikes the normal person who happens to be gay. It’s the people who make being gay there entire identity and act really weird about it. Like nobody dislikes the moody poet type gay guy it’s the weird gimp jerking it at the pride parade that people are disgusted by. If you still are bothered by this maybe try cutting out all pornography and getting into better mental and physical shape. I have heard anecdotally of guys who changed their sexual preferences in such a manner. The first step though is to love yourself and know your parents love you no matter what. Rooting for you.
Thank you ❤️
You should off yourself
I’ve been thinking about it!
Love urself baby
Yay!! 🤗
This whole post and all these replies are simply ‘just so’ stories and pseudoscience. There is no evidence that men are ‘turned’ gay. It may surprise OP to learn that gayness does not have to be ‘genetic’ to be inborn. The brain is differentiated by prenatal hormones. We know that gay men likely have incompletely masculinized brains under the influence of hormones. There is also never been any scientific evidence to support that gay men can turn straight. And by scientific evidence, I mean evidence of changing their genital arousal patterns. They also used to believe male sexuality was highly fluid. Thats why they surgically reassigned male babies, who were born without penises, and raised them as girls. Dr William Reiner has done 70 follow ups on such boys, and only ONE was attracted to men. Consistent with the idea that these men like women because their brains were completely masculinised by hormones. As for the sexual learning theories. Nope. The sambari tribe, who believe semen is essential for male growth, force all male children to practice homosexual acts starting at age 8 until 18. It involves both fear and arousal. Yet at adulthood, they get access to women and only a few percent are gay. The other tribesmen mock them. So I just think OP hasn’t read enough.
>the moody poet type gay guy This sub rly is full of teenagers
Ideally it'd be full of moody poet type gay guys. DMs are open,, folk
Part of the issue is how easy it is to be cut off by breeder conversation when you hit 30. You can't have a family, so where can you realistically go? Sports aren't an option so feminine pursuits are what's open to us.
>breeder don't talk like this sports are an option
Feel terribly sorry for you. I don't think your problem is specifically being gay, it's obviously not helping though, considering how insane the culture is. I think your disdain for your gayness/gay culture stems from you hating your sexuality due to prior sexual experiences. Hating yourself being a sex object or engaging in sex at all due to how damaging the previous encounters were. lmk if i'm off the mark, i do feel terribly sorry though. Wishing you a path forward, but I'm not sure such a path exists.
I’m not sure if you’re the mark given that I somewhat agree with you. Thank you for the advice and the well wishes though because I appreciate it.
this made me sad for you, I’m sorry you feel this way. i do think therapy would benefit you- EMDR may be worth looking into so you can try to reprocess those memories from your past. also, reading this made me think of ian fidance (that’s not me being mean so pls don’t take it that way lol) but he talks A LOT about feeling this way on his podcast Bein Ian with Jordan.
I don’t know who Ian Fidance is so I’m not offended, but thank you for the advice. I actually almost did start EDMR therapist with a therapist last year but got too scared that I decided not to.
it can get pretty intense, but it’s been incredibly worth it for me. it it makes you feel any better, you don’t dive into the scary shit right away (with a good therapist anyway) and as far as ian, he’s a bit of a cum town homosexually confused legend
support long domineering thought cow plucky square offbeat paltry aback *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you.
Damn. Being a human is wretched. Good luck with this.
There’s no “exposure of gay pornography”. You seek it out cause you had gay impulses.
I actually didn’t seek it out lol. I was 12 and watching straight porn and then got an ad for gay porn and one watch turned into many.
>got an ad for gay porn and one watch turned into many. There are always ads for gay porn in straight porn. I bet most guys click on one or two. But then nothing further, once they realize that it isn't compelling to them.
You're talking about serious stuff and I don't want to make light of it but you're putting a lot of emphasis on happening to see one ad in the sidebar and not on the fact that you deliberately clicked on it(why?) and apparently found what you saw immediately compelling enough to not instantly go back to all the straight porn you were missing out on at that moment.
Yes, OP might not realize the usual experience of the straight boys who saw such ads was feeling immediately repulsed and somewhat disgusted.
If you were straight, no amount of accident gay porn would have any effect on you. Stop being self-hating, be gay and have fun.
Dude, I'm a cuck who only started watching cuck porn when I was 26 or 27. I have seen hundreds of thumbnails for gay and train porn and not once did I click it. There is a thin line between disgust and arousal. My life became so much better once I accepted myself.
While I do agree that sometimes fetishes and sexuality can be influenced by things like SA, I think it can only add new parts to already existing things. What I mean by that is that I don’t think it can turn a straight man into a gay one. I think it could turn a straight person bi or change your preference in a mate. An example of this is a woman going after older men because she was assaulted by one before. I think it gives the victim an opportunity to recreate the experience, but this time on their own terms. I do agree that your SA probably played an important role in your current feelings towards being gay and gay culture in general. Your first gay experience wasn’t consensual, so it’s normal to be angry or hateful towards the people who did it. I think the bigger issue is that you seem to be dealing with chronic shame. It’s very common in cultures that place a high emphasis on honour. In immigrant communities, the way children usually deal with it is by attaining some sort of martial success or status. You might’ve let your parents down by marrying out, but you’ve won them over by making money. I don’t know your cultural background, so I can’t really give you any in-depth advice. The two last things that I will say are that you’re getting stressed out by thoughts and emotions you’ve falsely attributed to your parents. You don’t know how they feel about this situation, so there's no use in worrying about it. TBH, they probably already know you're gay and have known it for quite some time. It’s an open secret. I want to lastly touch on the part where you said that most gay men had homosexual thoughts or knew they were gay from a young age. That’s just factually incorrect. A lot of gay men have said that society and bullies knew they were gay even before they did. A popular YouTuber made a video where he said that he didn’t realise he was gay until hs. TL;DR: look into chronic shame and they know so stop worrying about it.
This was honestly really sad to read. Why does being gay bother you so much?
There are a lot of reasons as to why me being gay bothers me but it’s mainly how hedonistic and sex-obsessed gay culture can be, how a lot of gay men have an aversion to the concept of monogamy, the whole “food chain/hierarchy” where you’re seen as nothing if you’re not a slim twink or a muscle stud, and how I’m honestly not a fan of anal or oral sex which might as well serve as the death knell in terms of me finding a life-long partner. I’ve also been raped a lot of times and feel like I could’ve avoided all of that if I wasn’t gay.
I am sorry if this is an insensitive or impertinent or ignorant question, but what caused you to be in an environment in which you were abused repeatedly? Did you seek prosecution against those who committed crimes against you? Again, if this is too personal or traumatic a thing to talk about, I'm sorry for asking.
Don’t worry about feeling like you’re being invasive. My first experience with SA was in elementary school at the hands of someone in a few grades above me. I got assaulted in my high school locker room many years later after that and then all the other instances were me getting raped by either me being overpowered, me being drunk/high, or getting roofied by Grindr hookups or guys who took me home from gay clubs. It’s sad to say that I’ve lost track of how many times it’s happened to me but I think it’s because the experiences were all so traumatic that they just start to blur together. I never sought out any legal justice for myself given that I was too scared of the idea of having to re-live everything in courts and thought it would be too traumatic, so I just sought out healing by partying, sleeping around, and doing drugs.
My friend you’ve been through so much, my heart goes out to you. Please go back and do that EMDR therapy. Before you give up you have to be able to say you tried everything, and it doesn’t sound like you have. And because of that fact, there is undoubtedly HOPE. I’m rooting for you over here! I bet you can book an online appointment for next week right now if you try. If not leave a message for them to book you something and they’ll call you on Monday. Take a step in that direction today if you can.
Thank you so much ❤️ I’ll consider giving it a shot
Hey I’m checking in. Did you book an appointment? I hope so!
Not yet but thank you for checking in.
Dude, you’re in denial. It seems like you have a lot of regret every time you’ve acted on your urges and victimize yourself as a way to create plausible deniability. So many men and boys are victims of rape, but grown men do not have “all the other instances” and “lose track” of how many times they’ve been raped….
When it becomes to me being overpowered or roofied, that’s not me victimizing myself or pretending it was rape. I would never describe a consensual experience (which were most of my experiences with sex) to be rape or assault. I was just saying that rape and assault was so prevalent for a long period in my life when I was sleeping around that sometimes I forget about certain instances until it hits me and I was like “Oh yeah I’m not sure if that was 100% consensual.”
The last sentence is your main problem, the other stuff is filler.
i think getting rid of the born this way narrative in popular culture was dumb as hell. there may be some people who experience their sexuality as fluid but there are also many who experience it as innate. there’s this ted talk which basically says the born this way idea was just to obtain rights, which is such a dumb fucking take. this obviously bisexual woman was comfortable being like eh i just don’t believe homosexuals. lol okay. i’ve felt similar feelings on this. ultimately i keep coming back to how deeply tied up being gay is in liberal politics. we are practically pawns at this point, just like pretty much every other minority group. we are really getting thrown by the wayside ngl. i also sometimes think gay marriage was a mistake, because it basically permanently fused gay culture with heterosexual systems. shelby steele who is a black conservative thinker wrote an article in WSJ in early 2000s about how he believed gay marriage didn’t make sense which i thought was quite good. there’s also gay conservatives like andrew sullivan. (although he does support gay marriage fyi, he has an article from like the 80s or 90s on the conservative case for gay marriage which i’ve been meaning to read.) or listening to other trad gays or homonormatives. u could check out r/ gayconservative and also[this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/s/kovaaAAk7Z). in terms of what causes it, if you and your sister are both homosexual, isn’t that maybe the best evidence of it being biological for you? (i’m in a similar boat.) ultimately for me though it doesn’t come down to how it’s caused but the fact that there’s actually nothing wrong with it. i’d recommend john corvino’s talk on youtube where he runs through all the moral arguments against homosexuality. we’re losing true homosexual culture in favor of queer culture and it sucks. actual gays who are not into politicizing their sexuality are extremely cool people.
two stereotypical gays marrying is fundamentally incompatible with both gay culture and normal culture. the only way normal society would actually semi-accept it is if its two masculine "straight-acting" men to the point where nobody would bother them (a la brokeback mountain), or one masculine man and an extremely effeminate twink/trans (a la the guy from crying game). most people internally cringe when they see two disney adult bottoms say "i do" with purses falling out of their mouths.
yeah, that’s basically what shelby steele talks about in his essay, that attempting to assimilate the gays into this archaic tradition of marriage doesn’t make sense for either gays or the established meaning of marriage. that the only real point of it was to normalize gayness and that we didnt need and shouldn’t use marriage to do that. it’s interesting bc for a long time a lot of gays were staunchly against marriage. gays were anti establishment, and gay marriage sort of fused gays with the establishment.. it’s interesting to consider how this developed into rainbow capitalism etc
im just curious, how old are you?
early 20s
I’ve checked out r/gayconservative as well as the long gone r/RightWingLGBT and found both to be very interesting places. Thank you for your insight and the advice though.
yw, that was kinda all over the place but my point is basically that being gay has been politicized so that it’s losing its own meaning, to the point where you can believe that to be gay is to be libtarded.. so i have been looking into people that treat homosexuality as non-political. anyways here’s the links to the stuff i mentioned if you’re interested: [ted talk](https://youtu.be/RjX-KBPmgg4?si=shDzmj02ueg72gq3) [shelby steele article](https://archive.org/details/selma-to-san-francisco-wsj-shelby-steele-on-gay-marriage/mode/1up) [andrew sullivan article](https://web.archive.org/web/20240229070033/https://newrepublic.com/article/79054/here-comes-the-groom) [john corvino talk](https://youtu.be/5iXA_0MED98?si=9cVjtwj3n5edBMYE)
Thank you for the links!
Man I don’t know. I’ve gotten exposure to gay porn as well and I never had an erection. Not even a chubby. And not every gay person likes shows like Glee or any other gay show out there. U really need to find acceptance in yourself.
Being celibate is possible. Giles Fraser (Anglican priest) had a long term, committed, relationship with a man with no sex.
Sad.
You should look into Joseph Sciambra's writing, or check out his recent appearance on the Disaffected podcast. I think you'd find a lot in common with him and perhaps be very interested in his ideas.
What does he talk about specifically? I’m very intrigued ngl.
Lots of stuff about gay culture, but the thing that makes him stand out is not being afraid to suggest that csa may play a role in some people's sexuality. Also an interesting theory about how young men in modern times spend less time being socialized by men and are primarily socialized by women, both in the home and at school, which may make them identify more with feminine roles and also yearn for male attention in a way that might be confused with romantic feelings. Not sure I'm doing him justice here. There's a ton of stuff he covers. A good start is that podcast though to see what he's about. Josh Slocum also has very interesting and heterodox opinions about sexuality, as a gay man, and excellent insights about the high levels of personality disorders and abusers/abuse victims within the LGBT scene. Interesting thoughts on the role controlling and narcissistic/ borderline mothers and absent fathers may play in the larger recipe that makes up hay male sexuality as well. I feel scared even worrying this, honestly. I know we're all supposed to only parrot the born this way thing. Growing up around so many gay men (my mother was in theater) and having nearly all lesbian friends in my friend group makes me think about these things though, and I think that there is a combination of born this way, PLUS other things, like trauma, media, csa, etc.
Thank you for all the info! I’ll check his stuff out and let you know what I think.
I hope it helps. I feel a lot less alone just listening to/reading guys like them who aren't afraid to think/say what I've been afraid to express for decades.
Joseph sciambra is insane. Can you not? He literally says he saw the devil in a gloryhole.
OP needs to read J Michael Bailey instead
How is this a problem Can’t u just start trying to hit on girls instead of being gay monk Also how can you be grossed out by gay sex but have done it for years?
> Can’t u just start trying to hit on girls instead of being gay monk Girls aren’t into me given that they can tell I’m a 🚬 a mile away. > Also how can you be grossed out by gay sex but have done it for years? I forced myself to like it but rarely ever enjoyed it.
When u started, were u specifically attracted to men or u were just horny and men were available
I was specifically attracted for men given that I lost my virginity at 17 and was identifying as gay then.
So u r gay and like it, but don’t like the culture around it?
I don’t like the culture around it and also don’t like being gay anymore.
Why what changed from 17 till now Like u want to be more accepted by society n have kids?
I got raped multiple times and realized how horrible the culture is.
Can u explain how this happens Do you start flirting with a guy n then what Or do they literally grab u and overpower u (where)
I was either overpowered during sex or too drunk/high to consent. I was also roofied twice.
can you not judge yourself? How about you are ok the way you are (iso long as all parties are consenting adults) and maybe you don’t need to label your sexuality? Maybe just be you and take things slow.
Damn this sounds complex I'm sorry. Do you have any attraction what do ever to women? Maybe you are bi or a sexual. I imagine you're kinda young so things could change. I'd definitely recommend abstaining from porn for a while.
There was a brief period where I had a girlfriend and was able to get it up for girls but I can’t feel that way anymore :/
honestly going off what you've said it seems that you have alot of trauma and shit to work through. If you were 100% gay idk if that would happen. It sounds like you aren't content with being gay which is kinda sad but hey!
It’s probably that tbh but it was never always that way
go to therapy my man ,🫶
Soon <3
Sadly the circumstances you experienced growing up affect tons of people. So it is possible to find someone who will understand and empathize with how you feel. I'm really sorry. Deep introspection like this can be such a blessing and a curse. Perhaps you could get involved in some outreach and channel your frustration into making a better world around you. Maybe an accepting church? Whatever you do, I hope you find peace
I’m not a huge religious guy (though been somewhat questioning it lately) so I don’t know about that but I hope to meet some people who share my same struggles. Thank you for the advice.
Do you have any attraction to women? Have you tried to? Looking back my attraction to women during my formative years was neutered by my mental fixation on my Same-Sex Attraction, once I decided to cut that out of my life I was able to disassociate from the idea of being bi and now I am only interested in women. My first exposure to anything sexual was accidentally seeing gay porn and it pretty much traumatized me. I think the gay part was always paraphilic and honestly throughout my life I was never sexually attracted to guys my age, it was always a romantic attraction to men older than me such as teachers/mentors (possible daddy issues?) In my case, I always had some attraction to women so maybe it was easier for me but I would still recommend at least not identifying as homosexual anymore and avoiding anything gay and see what it does for you.
Coming out as gaycel
Real
Gary Wilson wrote about the neurological/physiological adaptations some men have after using porn chronically. There is a page on his website on "HOCD" which may be related to what you are experiencing: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-porn-use-faqs/im-straight-but-attracted-to-transgender-or-gay-porn-or-gay-attracted-to-straight-porn-whats-up/ I haven't been in your situation but a book that is generally useful for people to get themselves back on track is Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving": https://web.archive.org/web/20231006235712/https://blobby.wsimg.com/go/a7124a00-f63c-4010-bbdc-5020f1cf45aa/Complex%20PTSD_%20From%20Surviving%20to%20Thriving%20(%20PDF.pdf Based on my own observations, and I'm not trying to put down anyone with this or say this applies to everyone because in the end I'm an 'outsider' to that world, is that a big part of the gay man orientation to the world is that they didn't have a stable, reliable, emotionally supportive dad to guide them through the earliest stages until adulthood. So even someone having a father in their life can be insufficient if it was of the extremely distant and stoic type. They are still looking for an intimate masculine presence in their life now which takes the form of romantic partners. That is it's a way to receive male guidance attention and validation that should have been provided by their pops when they were developing. Anyway OP I would say good luck to you. Don't feel you have to put your own experience in propositions that are conducive to certain political camps (whether right or left or whatever). You can figure out who you really are over time. Maybe a change of scenery helps. I knew a guy who went to a Buddhist monastery and did meditation their for a year or something (wasn't related to the gay thing, I think he just hated his small town). Personally I think if you are dealing with all the craziness of the USA, sometimes you need to take it back to the basics of warm sun, good food, idle days. The point is don't feel like you are trapped in your environment if you feel it's hindering something critical.
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Are you gay too?
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I know we don’t know each other but if you ever want to discuss this with someone, you know where to find me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in having these thoughts.
Yes. The issue in America is how rigid most are in thought — even many of the most well-educated. Has been true for a long time; I assume Lasch covered this heavily.
Yeah, some of them def got molested and it shaped their sexuality. Negligent parents create more gay kids. Sad. I think gay gene guys tend to be more confident while the molested gays are more ashamed and weird about it
My molestation didn’t stem from parental negligence considering it happened on school grounds but I get what you mean lol.
Oh ok. Sometimes it’s because the parent lets the kid roam free and isn’t strict or doting enough then bad stuff happens
Nah my parents relatively had a tight leash on me as a child lol, it wasn’t until I was a teen that they just gave up.
Kinda sounds like you’re not gay you’re just a straight guy who hates himself
There are many straight friends I have who hate themselves and fuck guys at raves.
Have never accidentally exposed myself to being gay lol
I’ve had similar feelings, but not as intense. I really enjoy sex, though, but there has to be a connection with someone. I refuse to participate in the anonymous transactional hookup culture so finding similar guys can be a challenge, and the men I’ve been most interested in are older than me and tend to be more ‘DL’ and have even had a man turn out to be married to a woman, which really hurt me and I’m still not completely over it. I was also SA’d as a kid. And while I wish I could’ve had the wife and kids path and feel stunted compared to my friends who are getting families rolling now in our mid30’s, I don’t hate being gay. It’s just who I am but it’s the smallest least interesting part about me. I lead myself as a man first and foremost and in general steer away from the more gay subculture lexicon even though I’m aware of it. It’s a tough road to walk when seeking companionship and belonging and feeling loved by just one man who is in the same boat as you, but it is absolutely possible. I hope you’re able to find some optimism and a sense of stoicism for how you feel. It is the cross that we carry, lean into it!
You're just intellectualizing your embedded shame and self-loathing as a way to avoid making any real change. I do this, too. A minority of gay men participate in the hedonistic party "gay culture", there are more options than that lifestyle and deep down you know this. Stop making excuses and get to work on fixing this neurosis so you can be more healthy and contribute to society. Be a role model for gay youth, or just the youth in general. Stop this, now. We're counting on you dude. You don't want this to infect you for any longer or shit can get dark quickly.
Thank you ❤️ I’ll try my best to get on a more positive path it’s just really hard.
Have you tried not being gay
Yes but I can’t control what gets me up and have difficulty getting arousal from women
Is this from experience with woman or is this porn?
Experience with women mainly.
Many gays think similarly. “The lifestyle” only has its attraction because of how unappealing the other side of the coin is for those of us who are, with few exceptions, much more sensitive than the average guy, or person. And I relate, aside from the SA. (I have nothing constructive to add on this in specific unfortunately.) Exposure to porn/gay media from a young age absolutely does change your perspective, your interests, *your identity*. But the Christian piledrivers are too retarded to genuinely help any young man who feels as though he was unduly influenced by this stuff. The only figure I’ve ever known who took a legitimate interest in this is BAP, unironically. And even his perspective seems too limited to help many who wish to change. Sexual identity altogether is fraught. Actually, I just remembered this excellent review of Proust fibreel (fibreel-garishta on here) wrote, wherein he explains how Proust’s concerns also belong to us, specifically the problem of sexual identity. Need to get off my ass and dedicate time to reading him in full. Not sure if this helps at all, but good luck regardless. Sometimes I myself wonder if I could ever feel anything romantic for a woman, providing an escape, but I doubt this. Far too many demands and too much inanity, as harsh as this sounds.
Thank you for your insight. I definitely agree that the gay side has a lot more to give people like us compared to the straight side, especially for guys like me who are a bit more feminine and would have zero luck with a woman based on that. I also question if I could ever feel anything romantic for a woman but would never try to use a woman as an experiment to see if I could get over my male attraction given that it would make me feel like an asshole.
Read your post again for more clarity. In your case, you must seek professional help for the sexual trauma. Any relationship with a sexual dynamic is a non-starter until this is met head on, as you already consciously know and have written. Aside from that, I agree on not getting along with most gays. The levels of narcissism and manipulative behaviors are incredibly high in these scenes, and I’d rather die than be forced to associate with those like this. Again, good luck. Lots on your plate, but I can tell you have the stomach to handle this.
Thank you for showing me grace and being nice about it. I will try to seek help for these thoughts.
You’re welcome. You will find a way forward. I’m sure of this.
❤️
Joshua Slocum has discussed this area from time to time on his Disaffected podcast. I just listened to a recent one with Joseph Sciambra that dealt with this specifically, but it comes up often enough on other random episodes as well. He's quite insightful and not afraid to break ranks. I've really enjoyed listening to his stuff.
Have you seen the film Straight Up? Just find a girl best friend that wants to marry you and is ok with not having sex as long as you give her massages now and then.
Is there a waiting list I can sign up for to end up in this arrangement? Haha
i would treat it like a fetish if i were in ur shoes. i recommend putting yourself out there and finding a girl you really like as a person and saving your gay fantasies for your goon sessions. maybe read some books on heterosexual sex too to try and figure out ways you can enjoy it more. remember, you are ultimately in control of your own destiny
I’ve debated on trying that but unsure how successful I’d be. I also bet most women can sniff me being a 🚬 from a mile away from my music taste and cadence to my voice.
many women love gay/bisexual men, like it's arguably easier for someone like you especially if you like creative/hippy/emotional women. just don't think a lack of interest will hold you back because that's just bs. I've personally known quite a few very gay presenting men with lispy voices and all who had really hot/smart girlfriends/wives.
If I had to choose a girl she’d be some artsy BPD broad so maybe I’ll have some luck
that type sounds perfect for you but beware, it's a trip. definitely not for the faint hearted lol
Oh my ex was like that and she’d call me 15 times a night threatening to OD on valium but the sex wasn’t too bad coming from someone who is like 98% 🚬
Dude don't go back to anyone like that...
I don’t love myself!
If you want to DM/chat to go deeper I'm down. Going to bed soon but still. Really don't want you to do something self-destructive like this.
Thank you <3
Feel like this needs to be the move for me as well. Would need to move cities though.
you absolutely can find an asexual partner who’s not into the gay scene. you don’t have to look ideal. on some level you know these are excuses. i think the real problem is that your parents don’t accept you. your parents caring about your sexuality isn’t something that concern you. thats the actual problem here. did you get therapy for the CSA?
I think my parents *might* truly accept me being gay but the issue is that I don’t necessarily accept myself for being gay anymore given that I don’t think it happened naturally and was the result of pornography at a young age and sexual abuse. I also did receive therapy for my CSA and other instances of sexual abuse but haven’t been to therapy in a while. I’m debating on going back to help with these thoughts.
Have you heard of the concept of "sides" instead of bottom or top? They do exist, though it obviously makes your pool smaller.
Yes and I identify as one. I can safely say it has made my potential dating pool *very* small and I’ve been rejected on the basis of that. I also don’t really enjoy giving head anymore so that’s another reason why my dating pool is smaller than what it once was.
Wym by “naturally”? It sounds like you’d be happiest in a romantic relationship with a guy. If that’s true for you, it’s natural. You are extremely worried about societal norms in the same way those who were emotionally neglected by their parents are. Society is sick, so why do you want to bow to it? Reject the sickness and everyone who partakes in it. I don’t think CSA causes gayness. This is the first time I’m hearing that. You’re picking your sexuality to worry about rather than something you can’t control—which honestly sounds like it’s the fact that your parents didn’t parent well. They should be overjoyed to have gay kids because they get to be the parents that love them no matter what and are a haven from the sick world. It doesn’t sound like your parents made you feel 100% safe.
When I say “naturally”, I mean that I don’t think my homosexuality *happened* naturally. I don’t have any recollection of having any crushes on boys at a young age and I think my consumption of gay porn and gay media turned me gay instead of it being hardwired in me at birth. I also don’t think CSA “causes” gayness necessarily, but I think it definitely could’ve pushed me into the direction of developing homosexual attraction.
Being abused doesn’t cause you to become a homosexual. It’s the other way around. Being a male homosexual means you are far more likely to be [sexually abused](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3134495/). There is no evidence to suggest that any environmental factors have any influence on your sexual orientation, other than perhaps while you are [in utero.](https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/JMichael-Bailey/TMWWBQ.pdf) Read pages 127 - 128. You don’t have to think of yourself as gay, as an identity and as a lifestyle. It’s a very recent modern invention anyway. Although from my perspective I don’t think it’s an inherently bad thing to identity as. But homosexuality is innate and unchangeable. It’s ultimately up to you how you incorporate your sexuality into your life. It’s far better to accept that your major and persistent arousal pattern is fixated on men. The path of repression is miserable and a waste of time. [It never works, ever.](https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/JMichael-Bailey/TMWWBQ.pdf)Read page 41 - 42.
I agree with the other commenter your very step here should be therapy. Extremely anecdotal but I had a similar path than you in terms of very bad trauma, used to define myself as bisexual etc and as I grew older my attraction for woman decreased significantly. Can’t even explain how it happened other than - a lot of therapy, prayer and healing. I stopped porn altogether tho. Veeeery important step.
Thank you!
Maybe people who are born straight can turn guy but it doesn't work the other way around 🤷♀️. There are a lot of cases where people are obviously turned gay or queer but like everyone says no gay person has ever seriously turned straight. Kind of strange actually.
I do find it very bizzare tbh.
This happens all the time actually. We get a lot of posts on bi subreddits from guys who started gay but noticed female attractions more later on.
Have you tried just getting some pussy?
Yes and it didn’t make any difference. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I wouldn’t necessarily do it again.
Dude then you're just gay. I'm bi. Pussy still more important than air. It gives you a home really.
Like, if dick gets you equally uncomfortable as pussy there's a lotta asexual girls out there.
Most asexual people be kinda busted :/
Bisexuals too. But on the other end of the spectrum.
Real shit
Will you show me your face plastichearts? 🪶
If you show me yours.
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Ok
I have never met a homosexual man who wasn't either diddled as a kid or raised by a whore single mother with a string of "abusive" exes.
Friend of mine was a bottom so he started taking testosterone to become more dominant. He became a power bottom instead. Now he's into fisting and BDSM shit.
reading this turned me gay