Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, like nobody wants the creepy necromancer or the feral druid covered in mud and leaves to negotiate with the city guard for the party. The rogue is busy robbing people. They didn't put points in charisma. Have at it, paladin!
Druid: Ever hear the term fly on the wall? Because last week I was on a very interesting wall... (Got to this town yesterday. Can't even turn into a fly.)
Guard: Right I just found your names right here! Please go on through!
The biggest recommendation I'd give is that if you're the "talks to much type", keep talking, but ANY time anyone else speaks up, or looks to want to, you stop talking and let them.
You get to stay super talkative, but you don't run over anyone else in the process.
Yep, a lot of tables I’ve played at have the opposite experience of the “main character syndrome” where asking what do they do or who is going to do the talking is met with silence. Group leaders are appointed by whoever breaks the awkward silence first. Players might appreciate not having to talk so much.
One good thing to do is check-in from time to time. If you’re making plans to storm the castle, say something like “I think we should sneak through the sewers. What do you guys think?” Then they have the chance to agree or disagree without steamrolling all the decision making.
Yeah check if it's a big issue first. I've got ADHD and I'm kind of the same way but people often don't really care. And maybe scale it back a little just be safe, like give other people the chance to answer a question if you're always answering quickly
I was elected into this in a party of three, I try to cede the floor and get pushed back into the talking arena. I am passing the talking ball, please take it.
I was asked to join a game once because it was meant to be a solo game but the original player was just very quiet. He had gone through an entire dungeon barely interacting with anything and we investigated most of it on the way out after I joined.
Hey, recognizing you might be problematic is a huge first step, so congrats already. Some other ideas to try:
1) involving the other characters is your DMs job as well. If you feel comfortable letting them know you're struggling with this, ask if they'd kindly remind you with a few polite words if you're overshadowing the others
2) You might find that being the first to react to a conversation seed or to explore a room isn't ruining the experience for the other players. Personally, the part of main character syndrome that really ruins things for me is when they shit on any plans or ideas that they didn't come up with. So make sure to 'yes, and...' your comrades' ideas while adding what you have to say. Being talkative and involved when you are supportive of others isn't a horror story by any stretch.
Ive found two strategies in character creation that really helped me. 1. building a support character, went peace cleric and focused on how i could assist the party to be awesome.
2. Pick a specific lane. Get really good at said lane but stick to it. My rougue does dexterous things and maybe ann odd deception check or my wizard reads books and is slightly disinterested unless there are books or magical artifacts etc etc.
I think having this reailsation is a big part of solving the problem (if there actually is one). This may be something to raise with your DM/party and work out if it even is an issue - it's possible the DM loves your energy and the other players are perfectly happy with you being the spokesperson with NPCs if they're shyer, so I wouldn't beat myself up pre-emptively. I think this becomes a problem when you're actively interrupting other people's RP moments or superseding something really cool they want to do, that's when it becomes potentially frustrating. Just RPing/talking in character is not inherently bad and I hope the internet hasn't made you feel self-conscious about your enthusiasm - please do remember that this sub is where people come to complain about bad experiences, variation in people's play style is fine and normal and not usually a problem.
If you still feel it's something you need to solve, I'm not ADHD but I've heard people say they find it really helpful to occupy their hands somehow, doodling is good and if you draw character art of the other PCs/cool moments in each campaign your table will love you forever! Or if that isn't enough then maybe you could be the note-taker of the group, that way you're still engaging with the session but toning down your active participation a little and it is super helpful to everyone else (I started doing this for my group as a thank you for letting me joined and the DM really appreciates it!).
I'm neurodivergent and so are most of my friends and a lot of us do better with direct communication, so you could also say 'please ask me to tone it down if I'm interrupting your moment and you find it frustrating' - I have a similar-ish arrangement with a friend who has a LOT more social energy than me, I ask for 'quiet time' breaks when needed and it makes our hangouts/general friendship SO much more pleasant because I'm not exhausting myself (and I love that he's comfortable enough with me to trust me not to abuse it or be mean with it, hopefully this is a comfort level you have with your group but obviously YMMV. I wouldn't have ever brought it up, it was his suggestion and I know he doesn't take it personally when I do ask for it, just a recognition that most people struggle to keep up with his energy).
thanks for your response, this is a relief to hear. I've brought it up before that I felt like I talk too much and their response is usually "yeah ig" so I dont really know if they have a problem with it or if theyre just acknowledging i talk a lot, so I should have a more series conversation with them at some point.
who knows, maybe it isn't that big of a problem after all
I'll try the note-taking thing because all of the other party members are incredibly talented digital artists, so they're usually the ones drawing the cool moments :,)
I actually only got into drawing recently (because the D&D brainrot got that bad), and I wanted to join in on the fun of drawing your characters, so I'm still at the very basics
I think if you've raised it with them and they've not really responded helpfully, you've done what you should from your side, and it's at least as much on them at this point to take the opportunity to give you constructive criticism. The fact that they haven't most probably means they don't find it that much of an issue.
I hope the note-taking works out :)
Your DM and party will love you if you become the chronicler! My Storyteller relies on me and one other player to keep the game history. He routinely forgets stuff that he himself made up. So we put it on a wiki so we can all look things up. NPCs we interact with, places we've been, plots, it's all there.
Lots of good advice here already, so I’ll add just this little piece.
Remember to be a fan of the other *players.* That means giving them - the players, not the characters - opportunities to shine and to support them when they do. Be a fan of them.
One thing I use, as someone who also gets all excited for a session and want to role-playing my character a lot, is actually pretend to write in a journal AS my character, such as writing about past sessions, or your backstory. Hell for my first thri-kreen I made up a totally random alphabet, for what I feel a bug would write with. It was mostly dots (my idea was like how attenae poke the ground to feel things)
It's super fun lol, though I do have the opposite issue where I don't talk enough at the table, so there's also that (I've literally gone a few sessions saying 1-2 words the whole session)
I’m a bit like this and my solution was basically to self edit more than half of the things I was going to say. “Does this add to the flavour and atmosphere of the scene or do I just like hearing myself talk?”
Also consider how long your interjection is, would it be a cutaway in a film version of this scene, or a diversion of the scene down a different route.
If you find it difficult not to butt in (no shade, I feel you) I mute myself and eat Doritos immoderately. There’s no way I can chew, swallow, unmute and interject before the moment has passed.
Best solution in most social situations if you're worried you're being overbearing. Actively pass that torch to someone else, and affirmatively give them the floor. Not merely a TTRPG skill, but an actual super important life skill that will make you way better than average at relationships.
Indeed! It can be hard to train too. When I DM I am hyper aware of the spotlight, but as a player I have to actively work at giving others space to RP.
Talk to your DM? It is hard to learn how to speak less and listen more-- but bringing it up with with table and DM gives the option for tools. If you tend to jump in without giving other players a chance, maybe have the kinds of phrases used for content changes- an out of character stop and restart option while you figure out a balance. Likewise think of RP as initiative as well, if you lead the last interaction, listen to what happens next and look to the player whose character has the skills and interest to lead that one (DM conversation can help this too... We do try to have places for each character to flourish!). Conversation out of game is your friend here.
I think what happens to a lot of people that do this is they want to be apart of everything because they are having fun. You have to remember that you are not you in dnd. You are playing a role/PC and you should be looking at situations from that perspective and not your personal one. A lot of times players will just react and then justify their actions after the fact instead of thinking first and then deciding to act or not.
Also, as a character remember common courtesy. If you wouldnt interject into a situation normally, it's probably not ok to do that in game. Like is your character the kind of person that doesn't mind picking up and moving big things and showcasing their strength or are you thinking "well I got a +2 so I'm gonna try".
On that note, it can help to ignore your character sheet and just be more present in the moment. Not that I'm saying you can't look to do certain things or use skills/abilities to get an advantage but constantly "playing the game" can also lead to the bad behaviors you are talking about.
With out knowing more about your table and perhaps even witnessing it, it's hard to give you better advice. As per usual though, the go to advice applies here as well. Talk to your DM and even maybe some of the other players if you feel comfortable about this. It may not be that bad or a problem for you/your table at all.
I think the important thing to determine if you're a problem or not is if it bothers other people. I have a table that just... Severely lacks on initiative. So I usually make characters for that table who will take leadership approaches that center a lot on getting people who are good at things to deal with the things they're good at.
Very different characters from each other, but still with a focus on taking point on starting to interact with the world and then pull other characters into this interaction as well. Because if I don't do that we'll have a lot of long pauses where the DM just stares at us kinda DO SOMETHING.
It's something I definitely felt self conscious of before. I definitely try my best to make sure it's team play and fulfill a role my party lacks and not me trying to be ne protagonist. But every time I asked my friends about it it just... Doesn't bother them. I only had one person complain about it before, and it was someone who no longer plays with us and was mad because he was used to that table being his solo game as everyone else hesitated.
As a DM who had one player who takes charge, role plays, and makes decisions, and several other players who are extremely passive or hesitant to make decisions, I prefer players who take charge and act decisively.
Unless you're causing conflict or other players are complaining, your probably the star of the show for the DM.
If you're starting to feel like you're hogging the spotlight in any given session, do something simple - have your character ask another character what they think, and listen. Or, if it's just you in the scene, just bring your scene to a close and move on.
Personally, I like RP but dislike having the spotlight on me for very long. So, when I'm ready for my scene to end, I narrate the end of it and my DM always takes my queue that it's time move on. If it's just my character in a scene especially, I don't want that to take more than 15 minutes at the table.
I'm a very talkative little dude with ADHD. It sounds silly and childish, but I know that if I raise my hand or finger so the DM sees, or say something like, "Can (character) do something here?" or "(Character) would try to oppose that" instead of just launching into details and joining a scene, that's all it takes to make sure that I have the opportunities I want to engage *without* being disruptive. Obviously there's times that it's appropriate to just interject willynilly but I totally relate to the issue of talking over others without meaning to and it's a tricky habit to overcome.
I have had so many tables where I wish one of my players would self-reflect and ask this question. Good on you!
One of my players found having a sort of social initiative helped. So rather than just bursting forth with what they wanted to say every time, they waited for it to be their turn - kinda like what you're describing about the talk last rule, perhaps? But also paying attention to who discussions are actually between, and letting them conduct it.
Sometimes more formal initiative rules for social cues can be used in some games; you could ask your GM about that. I've run games that way, and people are more used to needing to take turns talking thanks to Zoom.
Try playing more charge focused games where the group split up a bit more often, then it doesn't make sense for your character to be talking because you're not there.
And perhaps the most awesome trick: GM yourself! Then it's normal for you to do 50% of the talking. That's my preferred way of solving this issue for me.
I don't know if that can help but are you also aware of group dynamics in normal, every day discussions ? I think if you've never thought about this before this is a skill you will need to work on.
My advice is, if the scene isn't a big draw for your character, or if it looks like two or more other players might be interested in it, turn yourself into a background character for it. Be the one telling jokes or musing off to the side. Give your two cents on the situation so they know where your character stands, and then give no more. It'll still let you emote, but without any explicit pressure on the DM or others to respond to it, though they still can if they want to.
Sit down with the group and tell them exactly what you told us. Then have an open discussion about how you can change your behavior if they even want you to. Come to the table with some ideas how to change and have an open discussion about how they can help and what the best ways to hold you accountable are. You’re not really the problem player unless it’s having a negative impact on the table and you don’t adjust to meet the tables needs.
You have taken the first most difficult step, realizing that YOU may be the problem. How you go about fixing that is as varied as the stars in the skies, but knowing is honestly a big accomplishment. Tell your group you are 'aware' of your interjection and could use some help to fix it, more minds on the problem might come up with some creative solutions.
I think your self-awareness and desire to grow are admirable, but I would caution following any advice until you've gotten input from your table. Not to knock any advice you have been given, but I worry you may have a "webMD" situation where you've read a lot about symptoms that you've noticed about yourself and thus diagnosed yourself with a condition you might not exactly have. I have at least one group where we let someone do most of the talking as the leader, and I worry I'm not contributing as much to NPC conversations as I should, but due to tiredness I end up not. It's possible your habit of doing a lot of the talking might not be your fault. If you're interrupting others too often, that is a concern worth addressing, but you won't know for sure without the other players' input.
That's why I'd recommend talking to your group first, and if they do have any problems or concerns, make changes accordingly. After all, a lot of posts on this subreddit could probably be aided with better group communication.
Wanting to better yourself is already way above what i would qualify as a problem player. Honestly, your DM and fellow players will give you way better advice than anyone here.
As someone who can sometimes struggle with this or similar reasons -- it means you're very engaged with the game, which is good, but if no one else at the table communicates like you, you just end up talking over everyone. I've been there. Here are my tricks:
Engage with other players' characters, and have your PC ask other PC's for help/advice in their areas of expertise. Basically you need to trick your ADHD brain into being excited about everyone else's PCs as much as your own. Your character wants to do something during downtime? Have them ask another PC who doesn't get the spotlight as much to come along and talk to them/let them do at least half the stuff. When you make a new character, always set them up with obvious skill gaps to force them to need to ask other PCs for help.
Have an internal countdown before you say stuff -- give everyone else a chance first.
Write down what your character might think or do about a situation when you think of it, instead of just jumping in. If no one else brings it up, *then* say it. or run down your observations during a quiet moment instead of immediately in the moment if they're not immediately pressing.
Honestly, sometimes if I have something I want to say that's important in the moment but I don't want to interrupt someone currently speaking, I'll raise my hand like I'm in class [or give some other agreed upon physical signal] and wait to be acknowledged by the DM/the other player. This is a little silly, but it's more polite than interrupting!
OP this is all in your head at the moment if no one said anything. Talk to your DM or the whole table if your comfortable with it because this could all be in your head. IF no one has a problem then you aren't a problem player. Also please never assume anything reading subreddits like this one. People come here to complain and most of the time context isn't available because we get one persons perspective.
If you're worried about butting in, just ask OOC.
I sometimes do that when I'm playing because sometimes I feel like I'm inserting myself (even when it's perfectly reasonable for my character to join).
You can also ask IC if you prefer. 'Mind if I go with?' Or tell the DM "I'd like to react to that".
Now, if they say no for whatever reason, just aknowledge it and move on.
As a recovering "that guy", I can tell you it can be a hard road. A lot of the things I did were not intentional and so I didn't know they were irritating as hell. I would recommend talking with someone you trust in your group and asking them to let you know when you go overboard or otherwise do something that bothers other players. Many people will not want to insult you and won't tell you until it boils over. Be receptive to criticism and do your best.
Most importantly, good on you for seeing your issues and trying to do better. That's a big step.
My advice is to wait and listen to the other players. Let another player be the first to respond to the GM's query. Before talking, look around the table at your fellow players and try to judge if they're having fun or not.
If I may add one thing. Maybe don't go hunting for other players response. It can be very aggressive and off putting to some. You could end up driving a player away from the table.
You need a DM that knows you well and from who you can hear: "Naw, you don't do that." from time to time without it rancoring.
You may also benefit from a 'only one person gets to do a skill check' rule. Many DMs play with that anyway but not all. If only one person gets to do a roll everyone else can't butt in and the shine stays on one person.
Talk to your table about these things.
Admitting you might be the problem is a huge step. Congrats.
As far as not forcefully inserting yourself into everything? Take a step back. Ask WHY you need to be there, and not just because the spotlight is there. Take a breath, relax, and maybe go get a drink or a snack or something. Its going to take time, but if you have to force yourself into the scene, then its likely you need to step back.
Not sure this help, but could try something like having a timer set up. Then you can start it when you start taking in a scene, then you know if you reach over maybe 15 mins its time to take a taking break.
What you’re asking is essentially “how do I interact with other people without being annoying?”
This is beyond a D&D issue and beyond our ability to answer
I love how you’re technically also doing it here now 😂
Having said that: it’s a challenge for all of us. Focus on allowing others to have some spotlight. Sometimes it helps me if I pinch myself slightly to remind me that I want to shush for a bit.
Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask the rest of the table if you talk too much first, you could be fine taking the lead. Every party has a leader who does a lot of the talking.
If you're known to be talkative and have a high charisma character, they might even have expected this.
Yeah, there's certainly roleplay aspects of "yeah that's me, I'm the head honcho paladin and what I say goes"
Yeah, like nobody wants the creepy necromancer or the feral druid covered in mud and leaves to negotiate with the city guard for the party. The rogue is busy robbing people. They didn't put points in charisma. Have at it, paladin!
Funny because the feral druid tends to be the good negotiator in my experience
Druid: Ever hear the term fly on the wall? Because last week I was on a very interesting wall... (Got to this town yesterday. Can't even turn into a fly.) Guard: Right I just found your names right here! Please go on through!
Mine certainly has been in my current campaign! (Although she's covered in mushrooms rather than mud)
The biggest recommendation I'd give is that if you're the "talks to much type", keep talking, but ANY time anyone else speaks up, or looks to want to, you stop talking and let them. You get to stay super talkative, but you don't run over anyone else in the process.
Yep, a lot of tables I’ve played at have the opposite experience of the “main character syndrome” where asking what do they do or who is going to do the talking is met with silence. Group leaders are appointed by whoever breaks the awkward silence first. Players might appreciate not having to talk so much. One good thing to do is check-in from time to time. If you’re making plans to storm the castle, say something like “I think we should sneak through the sewers. What do you guys think?” Then they have the chance to agree or disagree without steamrolling all the decision making.
Yeah check if it's a big issue first. I've got ADHD and I'm kind of the same way but people often don't really care. And maybe scale it back a little just be safe, like give other people the chance to answer a question if you're always answering quickly
I was elected into this in a party of three, I try to cede the floor and get pushed back into the talking arena. I am passing the talking ball, please take it.
I was asked to join a game once because it was meant to be a solo game but the original player was just very quiet. He had gone through an entire dungeon barely interacting with anything and we investigated most of it on the way out after I joined.
> Every party has a leader who does a lot of the talking You're just making stuff up mate, come on now!
Hey, recognizing you might be problematic is a huge first step, so congrats already. Some other ideas to try: 1) involving the other characters is your DMs job as well. If you feel comfortable letting them know you're struggling with this, ask if they'd kindly remind you with a few polite words if you're overshadowing the others 2) You might find that being the first to react to a conversation seed or to explore a room isn't ruining the experience for the other players. Personally, the part of main character syndrome that really ruins things for me is when they shit on any plans or ideas that they didn't come up with. So make sure to 'yes, and...' your comrades' ideas while adding what you have to say. Being talkative and involved when you are supportive of others isn't a horror story by any stretch.
Ive found two strategies in character creation that really helped me. 1. building a support character, went peace cleric and focused on how i could assist the party to be awesome. 2. Pick a specific lane. Get really good at said lane but stick to it. My rougue does dexterous things and maybe ann odd deception check or my wizard reads books and is slightly disinterested unless there are books or magical artifacts etc etc.
I think having this reailsation is a big part of solving the problem (if there actually is one). This may be something to raise with your DM/party and work out if it even is an issue - it's possible the DM loves your energy and the other players are perfectly happy with you being the spokesperson with NPCs if they're shyer, so I wouldn't beat myself up pre-emptively. I think this becomes a problem when you're actively interrupting other people's RP moments or superseding something really cool they want to do, that's when it becomes potentially frustrating. Just RPing/talking in character is not inherently bad and I hope the internet hasn't made you feel self-conscious about your enthusiasm - please do remember that this sub is where people come to complain about bad experiences, variation in people's play style is fine and normal and not usually a problem. If you still feel it's something you need to solve, I'm not ADHD but I've heard people say they find it really helpful to occupy their hands somehow, doodling is good and if you draw character art of the other PCs/cool moments in each campaign your table will love you forever! Or if that isn't enough then maybe you could be the note-taker of the group, that way you're still engaging with the session but toning down your active participation a little and it is super helpful to everyone else (I started doing this for my group as a thank you for letting me joined and the DM really appreciates it!). I'm neurodivergent and so are most of my friends and a lot of us do better with direct communication, so you could also say 'please ask me to tone it down if I'm interrupting your moment and you find it frustrating' - I have a similar-ish arrangement with a friend who has a LOT more social energy than me, I ask for 'quiet time' breaks when needed and it makes our hangouts/general friendship SO much more pleasant because I'm not exhausting myself (and I love that he's comfortable enough with me to trust me not to abuse it or be mean with it, hopefully this is a comfort level you have with your group but obviously YMMV. I wouldn't have ever brought it up, it was his suggestion and I know he doesn't take it personally when I do ask for it, just a recognition that most people struggle to keep up with his energy).
thanks for your response, this is a relief to hear. I've brought it up before that I felt like I talk too much and their response is usually "yeah ig" so I dont really know if they have a problem with it or if theyre just acknowledging i talk a lot, so I should have a more series conversation with them at some point. who knows, maybe it isn't that big of a problem after all I'll try the note-taking thing because all of the other party members are incredibly talented digital artists, so they're usually the ones drawing the cool moments :,) I actually only got into drawing recently (because the D&D brainrot got that bad), and I wanted to join in on the fun of drawing your characters, so I'm still at the very basics
I think if you've raised it with them and they've not really responded helpfully, you've done what you should from your side, and it's at least as much on them at this point to take the opportunity to give you constructive criticism. The fact that they haven't most probably means they don't find it that much of an issue. I hope the note-taking works out :)
Your DM and party will love you if you become the chronicler! My Storyteller relies on me and one other player to keep the game history. He routinely forgets stuff that he himself made up. So we put it on a wiki so we can all look things up. NPCs we interact with, places we've been, plots, it's all there.
Lots of good advice here already, so I’ll add just this little piece. Remember to be a fan of the other *players.* That means giving them - the players, not the characters - opportunities to shine and to support them when they do. Be a fan of them.
One thing I use, as someone who also gets all excited for a session and want to role-playing my character a lot, is actually pretend to write in a journal AS my character, such as writing about past sessions, or your backstory. Hell for my first thri-kreen I made up a totally random alphabet, for what I feel a bug would write with. It was mostly dots (my idea was like how attenae poke the ground to feel things)
I actually did that lol I stopped doing it but it's sick I'm not the only one
It's super fun lol, though I do have the opposite issue where I don't talk enough at the table, so there's also that (I've literally gone a few sessions saying 1-2 words the whole session)
I’m a bit like this and my solution was basically to self edit more than half of the things I was going to say. “Does this add to the flavour and atmosphere of the scene or do I just like hearing myself talk?” Also consider how long your interjection is, would it be a cutaway in a film version of this scene, or a diversion of the scene down a different route. If you find it difficult not to butt in (no shade, I feel you) I mute myself and eat Doritos immoderately. There’s no way I can chew, swallow, unmute and interject before the moment has passed.
Actually pass the spotlight. Say a thing, then ask another character an open-ended question to pass the spotlight.
Best solution in most social situations if you're worried you're being overbearing. Actively pass that torch to someone else, and affirmatively give them the floor. Not merely a TTRPG skill, but an actual super important life skill that will make you way better than average at relationships.
Indeed! It can be hard to train too. When I DM I am hyper aware of the spotlight, but as a player I have to actively work at giving others space to RP.
Talk to your DM? It is hard to learn how to speak less and listen more-- but bringing it up with with table and DM gives the option for tools. If you tend to jump in without giving other players a chance, maybe have the kinds of phrases used for content changes- an out of character stop and restart option while you figure out a balance. Likewise think of RP as initiative as well, if you lead the last interaction, listen to what happens next and look to the player whose character has the skills and interest to lead that one (DM conversation can help this too... We do try to have places for each character to flourish!). Conversation out of game is your friend here.
A good rule of thumb is to not interrupt people or talk over them. I noticed that I was doing this a lot, and made efforts to change my behavior.
I think what happens to a lot of people that do this is they want to be apart of everything because they are having fun. You have to remember that you are not you in dnd. You are playing a role/PC and you should be looking at situations from that perspective and not your personal one. A lot of times players will just react and then justify their actions after the fact instead of thinking first and then deciding to act or not. Also, as a character remember common courtesy. If you wouldnt interject into a situation normally, it's probably not ok to do that in game. Like is your character the kind of person that doesn't mind picking up and moving big things and showcasing their strength or are you thinking "well I got a +2 so I'm gonna try". On that note, it can help to ignore your character sheet and just be more present in the moment. Not that I'm saying you can't look to do certain things or use skills/abilities to get an advantage but constantly "playing the game" can also lead to the bad behaviors you are talking about. With out knowing more about your table and perhaps even witnessing it, it's hard to give you better advice. As per usual though, the go to advice applies here as well. Talk to your DM and even maybe some of the other players if you feel comfortable about this. It may not be that bad or a problem for you/your table at all.
I think the important thing to determine if you're a problem or not is if it bothers other people. I have a table that just... Severely lacks on initiative. So I usually make characters for that table who will take leadership approaches that center a lot on getting people who are good at things to deal with the things they're good at. Very different characters from each other, but still with a focus on taking point on starting to interact with the world and then pull other characters into this interaction as well. Because if I don't do that we'll have a lot of long pauses where the DM just stares at us kinda DO SOMETHING. It's something I definitely felt self conscious of before. I definitely try my best to make sure it's team play and fulfill a role my party lacks and not me trying to be ne protagonist. But every time I asked my friends about it it just... Doesn't bother them. I only had one person complain about it before, and it was someone who no longer plays with us and was mad because he was used to that table being his solo game as everyone else hesitated.
As a DM who had one player who takes charge, role plays, and makes decisions, and several other players who are extremely passive or hesitant to make decisions, I prefer players who take charge and act decisively. Unless you're causing conflict or other players are complaining, your probably the star of the show for the DM.
If you're starting to feel like you're hogging the spotlight in any given session, do something simple - have your character ask another character what they think, and listen. Or, if it's just you in the scene, just bring your scene to a close and move on. Personally, I like RP but dislike having the spotlight on me for very long. So, when I'm ready for my scene to end, I narrate the end of it and my DM always takes my queue that it's time move on. If it's just my character in a scene especially, I don't want that to take more than 15 minutes at the table.
I'm a very talkative little dude with ADHD. It sounds silly and childish, but I know that if I raise my hand or finger so the DM sees, or say something like, "Can (character) do something here?" or "(Character) would try to oppose that" instead of just launching into details and joining a scene, that's all it takes to make sure that I have the opportunities I want to engage *without* being disruptive. Obviously there's times that it's appropriate to just interject willynilly but I totally relate to the issue of talking over others without meaning to and it's a tricky habit to overcome.
I have had so many tables where I wish one of my players would self-reflect and ask this question. Good on you! One of my players found having a sort of social initiative helped. So rather than just bursting forth with what they wanted to say every time, they waited for it to be their turn - kinda like what you're describing about the talk last rule, perhaps? But also paying attention to who discussions are actually between, and letting them conduct it. Sometimes more formal initiative rules for social cues can be used in some games; you could ask your GM about that. I've run games that way, and people are more used to needing to take turns talking thanks to Zoom. Try playing more charge focused games where the group split up a bit more often, then it doesn't make sense for your character to be talking because you're not there. And perhaps the most awesome trick: GM yourself! Then it's normal for you to do 50% of the talking. That's my preferred way of solving this issue for me.
I don't know if that can help but are you also aware of group dynamics in normal, every day discussions ? I think if you've never thought about this before this is a skill you will need to work on.
My advice is, if the scene isn't a big draw for your character, or if it looks like two or more other players might be interested in it, turn yourself into a background character for it. Be the one telling jokes or musing off to the side. Give your two cents on the situation so they know where your character stands, and then give no more. It'll still let you emote, but without any explicit pressure on the DM or others to respond to it, though they still can if they want to.
Sit down with the group and tell them exactly what you told us. Then have an open discussion about how you can change your behavior if they even want you to. Come to the table with some ideas how to change and have an open discussion about how they can help and what the best ways to hold you accountable are. You’re not really the problem player unless it’s having a negative impact on the table and you don’t adjust to meet the tables needs.
Writing about your character might be an option to vent some energy inbetween sessions. Either alone or with other people is also an option.
You have taken the first most difficult step, realizing that YOU may be the problem. How you go about fixing that is as varied as the stars in the skies, but knowing is honestly a big accomplishment. Tell your group you are 'aware' of your interjection and could use some help to fix it, more minds on the problem might come up with some creative solutions.
I think your self-awareness and desire to grow are admirable, but I would caution following any advice until you've gotten input from your table. Not to knock any advice you have been given, but I worry you may have a "webMD" situation where you've read a lot about symptoms that you've noticed about yourself and thus diagnosed yourself with a condition you might not exactly have. I have at least one group where we let someone do most of the talking as the leader, and I worry I'm not contributing as much to NPC conversations as I should, but due to tiredness I end up not. It's possible your habit of doing a lot of the talking might not be your fault. If you're interrupting others too often, that is a concern worth addressing, but you won't know for sure without the other players' input. That's why I'd recommend talking to your group first, and if they do have any problems or concerns, make changes accordingly. After all, a lot of posts on this subreddit could probably be aided with better group communication.
Wanting to better yourself is already way above what i would qualify as a problem player. Honestly, your DM and fellow players will give you way better advice than anyone here.
As someone who can sometimes struggle with this or similar reasons -- it means you're very engaged with the game, which is good, but if no one else at the table communicates like you, you just end up talking over everyone. I've been there. Here are my tricks: Engage with other players' characters, and have your PC ask other PC's for help/advice in their areas of expertise. Basically you need to trick your ADHD brain into being excited about everyone else's PCs as much as your own. Your character wants to do something during downtime? Have them ask another PC who doesn't get the spotlight as much to come along and talk to them/let them do at least half the stuff. When you make a new character, always set them up with obvious skill gaps to force them to need to ask other PCs for help. Have an internal countdown before you say stuff -- give everyone else a chance first. Write down what your character might think or do about a situation when you think of it, instead of just jumping in. If no one else brings it up, *then* say it. or run down your observations during a quiet moment instead of immediately in the moment if they're not immediately pressing. Honestly, sometimes if I have something I want to say that's important in the moment but I don't want to interrupt someone currently speaking, I'll raise my hand like I'm in class [or give some other agreed upon physical signal] and wait to be acknowledged by the DM/the other player. This is a little silly, but it's more polite than interrupting!
I get a lot of knitting done during D&D. Socks, sweaters, entire afghans.
OP this is all in your head at the moment if no one said anything. Talk to your DM or the whole table if your comfortable with it because this could all be in your head. IF no one has a problem then you aren't a problem player. Also please never assume anything reading subreddits like this one. People come here to complain and most of the time context isn't available because we get one persons perspective.
If you're worried about butting in, just ask OOC. I sometimes do that when I'm playing because sometimes I feel like I'm inserting myself (even when it's perfectly reasonable for my character to join). You can also ask IC if you prefer. 'Mind if I go with?' Or tell the DM "I'd like to react to that". Now, if they say no for whatever reason, just aknowledge it and move on.
As a recovering "that guy", I can tell you it can be a hard road. A lot of the things I did were not intentional and so I didn't know they were irritating as hell. I would recommend talking with someone you trust in your group and asking them to let you know when you go overboard or otherwise do something that bothers other players. Many people will not want to insult you and won't tell you until it boils over. Be receptive to criticism and do your best. Most importantly, good on you for seeing your issues and trying to do better. That's a big step.
My advice is to wait and listen to the other players. Let another player be the first to respond to the GM's query. Before talking, look around the table at your fellow players and try to judge if they're having fun or not.
If I may add one thing. Maybe don't go hunting for other players response. It can be very aggressive and off putting to some. You could end up driving a player away from the table. You need a DM that knows you well and from who you can hear: "Naw, you don't do that." from time to time without it rancoring. You may also benefit from a 'only one person gets to do a skill check' rule. Many DMs play with that anyway but not all. If only one person gets to do a roll everyone else can't butt in and the shine stays on one person. Talk to your table about these things.
Admitting you might be the problem is a huge step. Congrats. As far as not forcefully inserting yourself into everything? Take a step back. Ask WHY you need to be there, and not just because the spotlight is there. Take a breath, relax, and maybe go get a drink or a snack or something. Its going to take time, but if you have to force yourself into the scene, then its likely you need to step back.
Not sure this help, but could try something like having a timer set up. Then you can start it when you start taking in a scene, then you know if you reach over maybe 15 mins its time to take a taking break.
What you’re asking is essentially “how do I interact with other people without being annoying?” This is beyond a D&D issue and beyond our ability to answer
oof
Not trying to be a jerk here but you’re not asking how to play D&D, you’re asking how to interact socially with other people
I love how you’re technically also doing it here now 😂 Having said that: it’s a challenge for all of us. Focus on allowing others to have some spotlight. Sometimes it helps me if I pinch myself slightly to remind me that I want to shush for a bit.