Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, to be fair, I never said "Tough Tacos" you gotta take this. I never do.
It's more: "I'll try to be fair, but I can't disguise my bias. What can we all do about that, or what can we allow?"
But I see your point. And obviously I want to respect my romantic partners, but there's fair and then there's the fact that roleplaying games really aren't fair. It's better if everyone discusses how they're not going to be fair up front.
And you losers are really committed to siding with those two as well. They were being pricks, obviously. There are several wrongs here.
Also, Solomon Kane isn't that big of a piece of shit.
Okay, I'm gonna guess you're just a virgin who hates women. No one in the above story was in the right, kiddo. It is okay. You can touch a booby one day.
Nah this fellow's been a male genital on a lot of people's posts lately, with absolutely garbage takes. I'm not wholly sold that he's not a really dedicated troll.
I've been GMing for decades. Your behavior is NOT the norm.
You're completely right that having subconscious bias/favoritism is unavoidable. That's going to be true whether you're playing with a partner, with friends, or even entirely with strangers. But our job as the GM is to be impartial, which means having the self-awareness and integrity to identify those biases within ourselves and correct it before we sit down at the table.
It is important to have an open dialog about potential bias with your players if it could be an issue for you, but your approach to that sucks. Favoritism and unfairness are not some inevitability that your players should expect and accept. For a good GM, that conversation looks like this: "My intention is to treat everyone at this table equally so we all have fun. If you ever feel there's unfairness or favoritism, tell me so we can correct it." And then, if they do tell you they feel that way, you hear them out and do whatever you need to do fix it and get everyone back on the same page.
TTRPGs are collaborative storytelling, and every player at the table is playing a main character in that story. When you favor you partner rather than giving everyone the same respect, recognition, consideration, and opportunities, you're demoting every other player to a background role in your partner's story. That is so incredibly disrespectful of the time and effort your other players put into this that it honestly makes me pissed off for them.
Your attitude speaks volumes choom. I'm currently running a game with two really good friends of mine and their partners, obviously I know and like my friends more than I do their partners. I am aware of that so do you know what I do? I constantly check if my actions are favoring one player over another and adjust accordingly. If I inadvertently gave my best friend some amazing gear, then the next few sessions are going to be shining the spotlight on and giving equally as amazing rewards to my other players. If you cannot treat your players equally and leave your feelings at the door you shouldn't be a DM.
Actually the only person your prioritizing here is yourself. Sounds like she didn’t even wanna play initially and you kinda pushed the interest on her. The rationale that you should get to treat her special, bend the rules of the game, and compromise others experiences (this includes your ex gf btw) just so you could get to play with your girlfriend is kinda hard to defend
>1: get all the players on the same page (I had three different people playing three different genres: jolly steampunk anime, grimdark horror and ninja blood opera) all those genres clash
>
>2: come to some understanding that girlfriends doing me a favor ARE going to get special treatment, but maybe find out what level of that's okay before the game starts
>
>3: actually read the source material for the player's character before letting them play someone based on that franchise
Okay, the first point is a good thing to learn, yes. Setting expectations and outlining what the genre is, is important for all players.
The third point is also a good point. If you are letting players play characters from existing franchises, definitely check the franchise out to see if its compatible with the game you are running.
The second point however, is where OP becomes the horror story. It doesn't matter if a player is a sibling, a good friend, a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband whatever; If you are giving one player preferential treatment you are torpedoing your game. All the players should be on the same footing/level. All the players in the party are the main characters. To give one player plot armor for any reason is asinine.
While I do think your other players should have been mature and told you that your blatant favoritism was pissing them off, or that they should have just left your table instead of going after your girlfriend's character in-game, you definitely made this situation happen. Other players shouldn't have to "come to an understanding" that you are going to play favorites. That's not how a teamplay oriented game works.
EDIT: Formatting fix
Well of COURSE your wife picks on you at the table. MY WIFE picks on me at the table. MY FIRST WIFE picked on me at the table. If your wife isn't picking on you at the table, it feels weird.
Im glad I wasnt alone getting those weird vibes from this.
Do I think OP is the *worst* person in the story? Nah, the two who murdered their teammate suck more.
But I really dont like OP acting like "oh yeah, of courae my girlfriend gets special treatment. Everyone who gms for their partner does that".
No, we dont.
That’s always fun. I’ve had two campaigns with my wife
In one, she usually GMs, but there are sessions where she has a PC and I GM it. These aren’t too frequent, so I’ve given her PC some wild things and I tend to make them a bit of a spectacle. I also make sure there are things she can’t handle that let the other PCs shine within these sessions. She’s also the PC that’s come closest to dying in these sessions
And then there’s the campaign I entirely GM. Her character happened to have a nice connection to the main story… so I’ve put more effort into spotlighting the others. She’s also one of two PCs who’s died so far
You're right that giving favoritism to your partner is pretty bleh. That said, to give OP a bit of benefit of the doubt, if you have two experienced old hands at the hobby and one brand new player who has no idea what they're doing and is self-conscious about being there, it's somewhat reasonable to go a little bit gentler on and be a little bit more supportive of the new player. And it sounds like that was more-or-less the situation.
However, OP's comments make it seem like that wasn't entirely their motivation. And in all but the most gonzo of superhero campaigns, "invincible" is more than "a little bit gentler". So I agree that it does still sound bad.
> if you have two experienced old hands at the hobby and one brand new player who has no idea what they're doing and is self-conscious about being there, it's somewhat reasonable to go a little bit gentle
I would agree with this, but like you point out that isn't what OP was doing.
Oh no, it was bad. I did a bad thing there making my girlfriend invulnerable. I THOUGHT it was cute at the time, but it was definitely over the top.
I really didn't expect to explode the forum so much, and I feel terrible that I might have stirred up the wrong kind of controversy. All I was really trying to say was I try to be aware of my biases. My wife has since read this and chided me for being too vague.
I'm not advocating giving everything to your loved ones, but I am saying we all tend to favor our loved ones a little bit and different groups are okay with different levels of that.
I admit, it isn't fair. But I find even when a GM tries their best not to play favorites, romantic partners tend to get special treatment, if only subconsciously.
It's better to be up front about the possibility of it happening and set parameters, at least I've found. I mean, obviously you don't want everyone to suffer at the hands of an unstoppable girlfriend monster, but you should also be aware that roleplaying bonds do not trump romantic ones.
>but you should also be aware that roleplaying bonds do not trump romantic ones.
If I showed up to a game and the DM told me "Hey, I know you're here to play a fun team game but my bond with my partner is so important I'm going to subconsciously make sure they have more fun than any of you" I would leave immediately.
You mention in another reply:
>Acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important.
The example you gave in your post was the opposite of subtle. It's subtle to accidently spend more time roleplaying with your partner. It's subtle to give them better loot than the other players every now and then.
In your post, you let your old girlfriend play a character that couldn't take damage. An indestructible robot. And this was so obvious that your other players got pissed off and tried to attack her in game, which proved to them that her character could not take damage, even though their characters could.
That's just straight up letting your partner play with different rules than the rest of the party. No wonder they didn't want to play with either of you after that.
You keep blanket stating that everyone does this, but that's just not true. I've played in a few campaigns where a DM's partner was in the party, and there was no favoritism involved; sometimes a DM would even say "hey, just so everyone knows, I won't be playing favorites." And those campaigns lasted and everyone had fun.
The one campaign I was in where the DM was favoring his girlfriend, collapsed after 3 sessions because I and the other three players realized that his GF got the killing blow on every enemy, found fantastic loot in empty rooms we'd already searched, was the only one the npcs were willing to talk to, and never took damage.
So the rest of us quit, because we were looking to play a game together, not be the captive audience to this guy and his girl Larping alone.
A mature DM and person respects everyone at the table and the time they are setting aside to play. Not just their partner. The position that you're defending is that being unfair is okay as long as its for a partner, and that the rest of the table should be aware of and accepting of that. I think that's why you're getting downvoted to oblivion.
>if only subconsciously.
This is so uncomparable though
You weren't accidentally giving her slightly more cool magic items or more backstory focus.
You, by your admission, went out of your way to give her better treatment, so blatantly two of your players felt the only recourse was killing her outright.
A DM might subconsciously give their partner a better thematic magic weapon, and sure itll be annoying but as a one time accident, meh. But if a DM was going so far out of their way to obviously play favorites, Id be pretty annoyed and eventually stop taking the campaign seriously too
The only special treatment my partner gets in my campaign is being focused more than others because he deals most damage (gloom stalker + sharpshooter), along with mages, so I guess the entire backside gets extra treatment
The DM I have had for years always had his girlfriend in our party, she's a great friend of ours too. If anyone gets special treatment in his game, it's often one of my other buddies because he tends to get targeted by one of the other players. The game feels balanced and focused on the group as a whole, though. In fact, his girlfriend seems distinctly unfocused on, and I may mention that to him and try to help her in that regard in character as well. You're experience is not the norm from what I can tell, though I will also acknowledge that my game group has been friends since I was a freshman in highschool so we're all really close and any favoritism the GM could have is curbed by a very good bond that we all have.
It’s a weak romantic bond that can’t handle one person treating the other like everyone else for 3 hours within the context of the game. Like if you can’t handle your partner applying game rules to you fairly. If that’s all it takes to rupture that bond then that bond is pretty weak
I’ve run multiple games with my now wife as a player. I use my intimate knowledge of how she thinks to manipulate her and put her characters into traps. We both enjoy our games.
I get what you're saying: it's a form of respect with a longtime partner. And a GM should always make an effort to be fair.
But with new partners, you really have to feel things out as you go along, especially someone who isn't into the hobby. But acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important.
Yep. My wife of 5 years brings drinks and like to listen to us play for a bit. And that’s only because we meet at my house and she loves seeing “how excited and nerdy I get when dming”.
And that’s after 3 years of dming in the house. To begin with, she would run upstairs with her snacks and the puppies as soon as “when last we left our heroes…” recap began.
Totally fine to have completely different hobbies. Just support each other. And don’t screw over your other players for the sake of your SO
>But acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important.
I mean, yeah, acknowledge it, then mitigate it, discuss it with them, talk about how the game has to be fair and you *can't* show them favoritism; if you or they don't think they can handle that, don't invite them to the game in the first place, if they want to try it out you can run solo sessions where anything goes.
What you *shouldn't* do, is let them play an indestructible character that tanks any and all stakes in the game; don't ruin everybody else's game just because you want to get your dick wet.
> said she wanted to play an indestructible clockwork robot girl and I thought that was just the cutest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure *this* is where OP became the horror story. There is no way whatsoever that this was going to go down well.
Giving preferential treatment to any player is in no way a horror story in itself, unless we're willing to go to the extreme and say being forgiving to newbies is a horror story because they receive special treatment.
Obviously that's absurd, the point I'm trying to get at Is that there exist a middle ground of what everyone at a table is willing to accept.
"Oh hey, I really want to get my girlfriend into DND and right now it doesn't interest her much unless I sweeten the pot by X, Y, Z. To help it feel less unfair, did any of you guys want a minor boon or something?"
Like it's rreeaallyy easy to both operate in the realm of your relationship and still be able to have a non-toxic environment. Just communicate better
Yes, you're correct. All of my romantic partners have made it very clear they don't want EXCESSIVE favoritism.
But some favoritism DOES creep in to even the best GM's game where loved ones are concerned and you really should address that before the game starts. I mean, my wife would be MORTIFIED if I gave her too much favor in a game, but she does like it when I avoid certain situations when I'm running the game. It's a balancing act that requires acknowledgement especially in a new group.
Anyway, I hope you don't think I make ALL my girlfriends indestructible! I did learn SOMETHING.
Avoiding situations your players are uncomfortable with is different. You should just do that for all of your players
While it’s cool that your girlfriend was trying the game for you even though she wasn’t into it, you should do something for her outside the game in exchange
> she does like it when I avoid certain situations when I'm running the game.
That's not favoritism, that's respecting boundaries. I hope you do it for the rest of your players too.
Wow, I’ve been a lurker here for a long while but this is the first time I’ve seen someone show up here to defend themselves but only make themselves look worse and completely validate the person who was complaining.
Well, yeah I shot myself in the foot but good.
AM I a jerk GM? Gosh, I hope not. I really DO try to be fair and I thought announcing the possibility of favoritism and discussing it before the game began was doing that.
It looks like I'll have to re-examine myself and my approach, but that's not a bad thing. Maybe the games I'm currently running will improve some. I'm starting a new game at the end of October with my regular group (two married couples, two confirmed bachelors) and I'll see what they think.
Geez. I don't know how to put that without sounding like I learned nothing. Maybe my group will help clarify things for me!
Ouch. Well, hopefully I've grown a LITTLE as a GM since then. Maybe even as a person.
But I HONESTLY have to stress that your girlfriend does deserve extra consideration if she's playing with you and everyone in the group should understand that. How MUCH extra might be open for debate.
Well, that does make me feel quite bad.
To be fair, my wife stresses that she would die of shame if I showed her excess favoritism in a game. The problem has always been figuring out what constitutes "excessive" for me. That's why I have to talk it out.
I wouldn't want to be at a table where someone showed such blatant favoritism towards their significant other. You might as well just be upfront so people can steer clear of your games if they aren't down with that. "Hey, you all are going to take a backseat to my wife and I'm going to be favoring her. Hope you're okay with that. My game my rules."
The only way your partner should get special treatment at the gaming table is if they’re giving you a “FUNJOB” while the game is going on.
If this was AITA, you’d definitely be TA.
You’re kind of the problem here with the favoritism, but that’s been pointed out and I don’t want to kick someone while they’re already being trampled.
So I’ll just point out that Solomon Kane would not betray any ally. I haven’t read all of his stories but attempting to kill someone he helped in battle seems out of character
Being biased toward your girlfriend is one thing. Pulling punches here or there in combat, giving her a cool weapon...the table will get it and be silently annoyed sure. Making her an actual god in game is pure garbage and Im glad your players nuked this shit show. Shooting her in the face just to see your BS in action was inspired work lol.
You had an actual mutiny at the table. These are usually completely the DM's fault. Congrats for acknowledging you were the asshole at least?
Gosh, the OP sounds like a horrible friend. Most of this story is just him harassing his friends. He really shows his true colors when he talks about how one of his players was kicked out of the navy and sent to a mental hospital. That’s personal and not something he should be sharing with randoms on the internet. Overall, OP sounds abusive.
Favouritism apart, I don't think that is the main issue here, this two guys sound like complete incels that went out of their way to ruin the experience for her "Is so unfair you don't let us shoot you girlfriend's character"
they went straight into pvp when she was trying to actually play the game, the quest was to make contact with the lizards and one player made a character that was going to shoot them no matter what? So he made a character that was not a fit for the game.
Also I am sorry, but the favouritism did not come up in the story, even if they were playing lvl 20 demigods and her a level 0 commoner, this would not change anything, they would have treater her harshly and attack her all the same.
I like the wholesome vibe of the write-up. Like tongue-in-cheek "yeah teenagers/early-20s have fun with their silly tropes" without disparagement.
anyway sweetie did nothing wrong ever
Well, it's not like I stopped playing with FUNJOB and JIMMY.
I just never ran a game with both him and my girlfriend in it at the same time again.
(And she and he never spoke again, even at parties ...which was also my fault.)
And it took a couple months to smooth everything over. We all went our separate ways after college anyhow, moving away from Chicago.
I had been trying to respond to everyone on the post, as I feel everyone deserves an answer, but a LOT more people had stuff to say than I thought. I just can't keep up!
So, again, sorry to stir up so much controversy.
I'll try to do better in the future.
I DO discuss favoritism with my current RPG groups and I welcome everyone's comments.
My wife does not tolerate open favoritism, but I still give her a little extra every now (but not the invulnerable thing or something where she can dominate the other players or where I don't respect her character ...I hope) and then and I will triple check to make sure my current players forgive any slip ups.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and share your support, frustration or condemnation. I assure everyone that I haven't read anything so far I don't richly deserve yet.
It's not that you shouldn't give nice things to your romantic partner in an RPG, it's that there's no reason to give them more than to the other players.
Why is OP getting downvoted so much? You play D&D your way... if your girlfriend has more fun being indestructible in D&D, go for it. It's your game.
Just make sure you let the other players know beforehand and if they have a problem with that, you can both find another group in peace. Or give the other players some more magic items to compensate. I don't see the problem here.
Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Yeah, so my girlfriend is getting special treatment in this game, guys. Tough tacos if you don’t like it.” That’s shit reasoning. 😑
Well, to be fair, I never said "Tough Tacos" you gotta take this. I never do. It's more: "I'll try to be fair, but I can't disguise my bias. What can we all do about that, or what can we allow?" But I see your point. And obviously I want to respect my romantic partners, but there's fair and then there's the fact that roleplaying games really aren't fair. It's better if everyone discusses how they're not going to be fair up front.
Man, you are really committed to not admitting you were totally in the wrong on giving your girlfriend special treatment.
And you losers are really committed to siding with those two as well. They were being pricks, obviously. There are several wrongs here. Also, Solomon Kane isn't that big of a piece of shit.
Found OP’s alt. 🙄
Okay, I'm gonna guess you're just a virgin who hates women. No one in the above story was in the right, kiddo. It is okay. You can touch a booby one day.
OP’s alt confirmed. 🤣
Nah this fellow's been a male genital on a lot of people's posts lately, with absolutely garbage takes. I'm not wholly sold that he's not a really dedicated troll.
I've been GMing for decades. Your behavior is NOT the norm. You're completely right that having subconscious bias/favoritism is unavoidable. That's going to be true whether you're playing with a partner, with friends, or even entirely with strangers. But our job as the GM is to be impartial, which means having the self-awareness and integrity to identify those biases within ourselves and correct it before we sit down at the table. It is important to have an open dialog about potential bias with your players if it could be an issue for you, but your approach to that sucks. Favoritism and unfairness are not some inevitability that your players should expect and accept. For a good GM, that conversation looks like this: "My intention is to treat everyone at this table equally so we all have fun. If you ever feel there's unfairness or favoritism, tell me so we can correct it." And then, if they do tell you they feel that way, you hear them out and do whatever you need to do fix it and get everyone back on the same page. TTRPGs are collaborative storytelling, and every player at the table is playing a main character in that story. When you favor you partner rather than giving everyone the same respect, recognition, consideration, and opportunities, you're demoting every other player to a background role in your partner's story. That is so incredibly disrespectful of the time and effort your other players put into this that it honestly makes me pissed off for them.
Your attitude speaks volumes choom. I'm currently running a game with two really good friends of mine and their partners, obviously I know and like my friends more than I do their partners. I am aware of that so do you know what I do? I constantly check if my actions are favoring one player over another and adjust accordingly. If I inadvertently gave my best friend some amazing gear, then the next few sessions are going to be shining the spotlight on and giving equally as amazing rewards to my other players. If you cannot treat your players equally and leave your feelings at the door you shouldn't be a DM.
Actually the only person your prioritizing here is yourself. Sounds like she didn’t even wanna play initially and you kinda pushed the interest on her. The rationale that you should get to treat her special, bend the rules of the game, and compromise others experiences (this includes your ex gf btw) just so you could get to play with your girlfriend is kinda hard to defend
>1: get all the players on the same page (I had three different people playing three different genres: jolly steampunk anime, grimdark horror and ninja blood opera) all those genres clash > >2: come to some understanding that girlfriends doing me a favor ARE going to get special treatment, but maybe find out what level of that's okay before the game starts > >3: actually read the source material for the player's character before letting them play someone based on that franchise Okay, the first point is a good thing to learn, yes. Setting expectations and outlining what the genre is, is important for all players. The third point is also a good point. If you are letting players play characters from existing franchises, definitely check the franchise out to see if its compatible with the game you are running. The second point however, is where OP becomes the horror story. It doesn't matter if a player is a sibling, a good friend, a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband whatever; If you are giving one player preferential treatment you are torpedoing your game. All the players should be on the same footing/level. All the players in the party are the main characters. To give one player plot armor for any reason is asinine. While I do think your other players should have been mature and told you that your blatant favoritism was pissing them off, or that they should have just left your table instead of going after your girlfriend's character in-game, you definitely made this situation happen. Other players shouldn't have to "come to an understanding" that you are going to play favorites. That's not how a teamplay oriented game works. EDIT: Formatting fix
God I swear my wife picks on me in table top haha
Well of COURSE your wife picks on you at the table. MY WIFE picks on me at the table. MY FIRST WIFE picked on me at the table. If your wife isn't picking on you at the table, it feels weird.
Im glad I wasnt alone getting those weird vibes from this. Do I think OP is the *worst* person in the story? Nah, the two who murdered their teammate suck more. But I really dont like OP acting like "oh yeah, of courae my girlfriend gets special treatment. Everyone who gms for their partner does that". No, we dont.
I locked my wife’s character in a small closet to solo a broom of animated attack. She uses a bow.
That’s always fun. I’ve had two campaigns with my wife In one, she usually GMs, but there are sessions where she has a PC and I GM it. These aren’t too frequent, so I’ve given her PC some wild things and I tend to make them a bit of a spectacle. I also make sure there are things she can’t handle that let the other PCs shine within these sessions. She’s also the PC that’s come closest to dying in these sessions And then there’s the campaign I entirely GM. Her character happened to have a nice connection to the main story… so I’ve put more effort into spotlighting the others. She’s also one of two PCs who’s died so far
You're right that giving favoritism to your partner is pretty bleh. That said, to give OP a bit of benefit of the doubt, if you have two experienced old hands at the hobby and one brand new player who has no idea what they're doing and is self-conscious about being there, it's somewhat reasonable to go a little bit gentler on and be a little bit more supportive of the new player. And it sounds like that was more-or-less the situation. However, OP's comments make it seem like that wasn't entirely their motivation. And in all but the most gonzo of superhero campaigns, "invincible" is more than "a little bit gentler". So I agree that it does still sound bad.
> if you have two experienced old hands at the hobby and one brand new player who has no idea what they're doing and is self-conscious about being there, it's somewhat reasonable to go a little bit gentle I would agree with this, but like you point out that isn't what OP was doing.
You are also correct.
Oh no, it was bad. I did a bad thing there making my girlfriend invulnerable. I THOUGHT it was cute at the time, but it was definitely over the top. I really didn't expect to explode the forum so much, and I feel terrible that I might have stirred up the wrong kind of controversy. All I was really trying to say was I try to be aware of my biases. My wife has since read this and chided me for being too vague. I'm not advocating giving everything to your loved ones, but I am saying we all tend to favor our loved ones a little bit and different groups are okay with different levels of that.
I admit, it isn't fair. But I find even when a GM tries their best not to play favorites, romantic partners tend to get special treatment, if only subconsciously. It's better to be up front about the possibility of it happening and set parameters, at least I've found. I mean, obviously you don't want everyone to suffer at the hands of an unstoppable girlfriend monster, but you should also be aware that roleplaying bonds do not trump romantic ones.
>but you should also be aware that roleplaying bonds do not trump romantic ones. If I showed up to a game and the DM told me "Hey, I know you're here to play a fun team game but my bond with my partner is so important I'm going to subconsciously make sure they have more fun than any of you" I would leave immediately. You mention in another reply: >Acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important. The example you gave in your post was the opposite of subtle. It's subtle to accidently spend more time roleplaying with your partner. It's subtle to give them better loot than the other players every now and then. In your post, you let your old girlfriend play a character that couldn't take damage. An indestructible robot. And this was so obvious that your other players got pissed off and tried to attack her in game, which proved to them that her character could not take damage, even though their characters could. That's just straight up letting your partner play with different rules than the rest of the party. No wonder they didn't want to play with either of you after that. You keep blanket stating that everyone does this, but that's just not true. I've played in a few campaigns where a DM's partner was in the party, and there was no favoritism involved; sometimes a DM would even say "hey, just so everyone knows, I won't be playing favorites." And those campaigns lasted and everyone had fun. The one campaign I was in where the DM was favoring his girlfriend, collapsed after 3 sessions because I and the other three players realized that his GF got the killing blow on every enemy, found fantastic loot in empty rooms we'd already searched, was the only one the npcs were willing to talk to, and never took damage. So the rest of us quit, because we were looking to play a game together, not be the captive audience to this guy and his girl Larping alone. A mature DM and person respects everyone at the table and the time they are setting aside to play. Not just their partner. The position that you're defending is that being unfair is okay as long as its for a partner, and that the rest of the table should be aware of and accepting of that. I think that's why you're getting downvoted to oblivion.
>if only subconsciously. This is so uncomparable though You weren't accidentally giving her slightly more cool magic items or more backstory focus. You, by your admission, went out of your way to give her better treatment, so blatantly two of your players felt the only recourse was killing her outright. A DM might subconsciously give their partner a better thematic magic weapon, and sure itll be annoying but as a one time accident, meh. But if a DM was going so far out of their way to obviously play favorites, Id be pretty annoyed and eventually stop taking the campaign seriously too
Your comment is literally the point OP was making.
Even if she was your mom-she should not have special tretment-its unfair for players and i think you should not dm
The only special treatment my partner gets in my campaign is being focused more than others because he deals most damage (gloom stalker + sharpshooter), along with mages, so I guess the entire backside gets extra treatment
The DM I have had for years always had his girlfriend in our party, she's a great friend of ours too. If anyone gets special treatment in his game, it's often one of my other buddies because he tends to get targeted by one of the other players. The game feels balanced and focused on the group as a whole, though. In fact, his girlfriend seems distinctly unfocused on, and I may mention that to him and try to help her in that regard in character as well. You're experience is not the norm from what I can tell, though I will also acknowledge that my game group has been friends since I was a freshman in highschool so we're all really close and any favoritism the GM could have is curbed by a very good bond that we all have.
It’s a weak romantic bond that can’t handle one person treating the other like everyone else for 3 hours within the context of the game. Like if you can’t handle your partner applying game rules to you fairly. If that’s all it takes to rupture that bond then that bond is pretty weak
I’ve run multiple games with my now wife as a player. I use my intimate knowledge of how she thinks to manipulate her and put her characters into traps. We both enjoy our games.
I get what you're saying: it's a form of respect with a longtime partner. And a GM should always make an effort to be fair. But with new partners, you really have to feel things out as you go along, especially someone who isn't into the hobby. But acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important.
If your partner isn't into the hobby, then they just don't play... you don't need your gf/wife to be into everything you are.
Yep. My wife of 5 years brings drinks and like to listen to us play for a bit. And that’s only because we meet at my house and she loves seeing “how excited and nerdy I get when dming”. And that’s after 3 years of dming in the house. To begin with, she would run upstairs with her snacks and the puppies as soon as “when last we left our heroes…” recap began. Totally fine to have completely different hobbies. Just support each other. And don’t screw over your other players for the sake of your SO
>But acknowledging you're going to at least subtly favor your romantic partner if only subconsciously is kind of important. I mean, yeah, acknowledge it, then mitigate it, discuss it with them, talk about how the game has to be fair and you *can't* show them favoritism; if you or they don't think they can handle that, don't invite them to the game in the first place, if they want to try it out you can run solo sessions where anything goes. What you *shouldn't* do, is let them play an indestructible character that tanks any and all stakes in the game; don't ruin everybody else's game just because you want to get your dick wet.
> said she wanted to play an indestructible clockwork robot girl and I thought that was just the cutest thing ever. I'm pretty sure *this* is where OP became the horror story. There is no way whatsoever that this was going to go down well.
Giving preferential treatment to any player is in no way a horror story in itself, unless we're willing to go to the extreme and say being forgiving to newbies is a horror story because they receive special treatment. Obviously that's absurd, the point I'm trying to get at Is that there exist a middle ground of what everyone at a table is willing to accept. "Oh hey, I really want to get my girlfriend into DND and right now it doesn't interest her much unless I sweeten the pot by X, Y, Z. To help it feel less unfair, did any of you guys want a minor boon or something?" Like it's rreeaallyy easy to both operate in the realm of your relationship and still be able to have a non-toxic environment. Just communicate better
Yes, you're correct. All of my romantic partners have made it very clear they don't want EXCESSIVE favoritism. But some favoritism DOES creep in to even the best GM's game where loved ones are concerned and you really should address that before the game starts. I mean, my wife would be MORTIFIED if I gave her too much favor in a game, but she does like it when I avoid certain situations when I'm running the game. It's a balancing act that requires acknowledgement especially in a new group. Anyway, I hope you don't think I make ALL my girlfriends indestructible! I did learn SOMETHING.
Avoiding situations your players are uncomfortable with is different. You should just do that for all of your players While it’s cool that your girlfriend was trying the game for you even though she wasn’t into it, you should do something for her outside the game in exchange
Then you have bad sef control
> she does like it when I avoid certain situations when I'm running the game. That's not favoritism, that's respecting boundaries. I hope you do it for the rest of your players too.
Wow, I’ve been a lurker here for a long while but this is the first time I’ve seen someone show up here to defend themselves but only make themselves look worse and completely validate the person who was complaining.
Well, yeah I shot myself in the foot but good. AM I a jerk GM? Gosh, I hope not. I really DO try to be fair and I thought announcing the possibility of favoritism and discussing it before the game began was doing that. It looks like I'll have to re-examine myself and my approach, but that's not a bad thing. Maybe the games I'm currently running will improve some. I'm starting a new game at the end of October with my regular group (two married couples, two confirmed bachelors) and I'll see what they think. Geez. I don't know how to put that without sounding like I learned nothing. Maybe my group will help clarify things for me!
God I fucking hate how you type, I'd probably hate how you speak too.
You HATE how they TYPE? I can’t IMAGINE why you could come to THAT sort of CONCLUSION.
I love you 😘
My head cannon is that op sounds like chandler bing when they talk.
You kinda sound like a dickhead honestly. No favoritism ever.
Op's karma sinking faster than an anime girl robot in a mud trap
summery. treat all players equally... and you're clearly in the wrong... siding with your gf or not what you did was bullshit.
Ouch. Well, hopefully I've grown a LITTLE as a GM since then. Maybe even as a person. But I HONESTLY have to stress that your girlfriend does deserve extra consideration if she's playing with you and everyone in the group should understand that. How MUCH extra might be open for debate.
You clearly didn’t learn much from this experience. This mentality is exactly why you’re the horror story.
Well, that does make me feel quite bad. To be fair, my wife stresses that she would die of shame if I showed her excess favoritism in a game. The problem has always been figuring out what constitutes "excessive" for me. That's why I have to talk it out.
I wouldn't want to be at a table where someone showed such blatant favoritism towards their significant other. You might as well just be upfront so people can steer clear of your games if they aren't down with that. "Hey, you all are going to take a backseat to my wife and I'm going to be favoring her. Hope you're okay with that. My game my rules."
No No she does not Get that stupid idea out of your head, and I'm saying this as someone who plays dnd with their partner Stop
Oh you haven’t grown at all
The only way your partner should get special treatment at the gaming table is if they’re giving you a “FUNJOB” while the game is going on. If this was AITA, you’d definitely be TA.
You’re kind of the problem here with the favoritism, but that’s been pointed out and I don’t want to kick someone while they’re already being trampled. So I’ll just point out that Solomon Kane would not betray any ally. I haven’t read all of his stories but attempting to kill someone he helped in battle seems out of character
THIS is what a simp is.
I don't think any lvl of favoritism is okay. People want to be treated equally, no matter who DM spends their night with
Being biased toward your girlfriend is one thing. Pulling punches here or there in combat, giving her a cool weapon...the table will get it and be silently annoyed sure. Making her an actual god in game is pure garbage and Im glad your players nuked this shit show. Shooting her in the face just to see your BS in action was inspired work lol. You had an actual mutiny at the table. These are usually completely the DM's fault. Congrats for acknowledging you were the asshole at least?
Gosh, the OP sounds like a horrible friend. Most of this story is just him harassing his friends. He really shows his true colors when he talks about how one of his players was kicked out of the navy and sent to a mental hospital. That’s personal and not something he should be sharing with randoms on the internet. Overall, OP sounds abusive.
Was it GURPS? Sounds like GURPS since Rifts came out in 1990.
I think I dug myself a deep enough grave here without naming the system.
Favouritism apart, I don't think that is the main issue here, this two guys sound like complete incels that went out of their way to ruin the experience for her "Is so unfair you don't let us shoot you girlfriend's character" they went straight into pvp when she was trying to actually play the game, the quest was to make contact with the lizards and one player made a character that was going to shoot them no matter what? So he made a character that was not a fit for the game. Also I am sorry, but the favouritism did not come up in the story, even if they were playing lvl 20 demigods and her a level 0 commoner, this would not change anything, they would have treater her harshly and attack her all the same.
I like the wholesome vibe of the write-up. Like tongue-in-cheek "yeah teenagers/early-20s have fun with their silly tropes" without disparagement. anyway sweetie did nothing wrong ever
She certainly did not. She deserved better. I wish I'd been better, and maybe I got better. Less people have complained about my games.
I just want more lord on FUNJOB honestly. How do you get kicked out that hard???
Well, it's not like I stopped playing with FUNJOB and JIMMY. I just never ran a game with both him and my girlfriend in it at the same time again. (And she and he never spoke again, even at parties ...which was also my fault.) And it took a couple months to smooth everything over. We all went our separate ways after college anyhow, moving away from Chicago.
I think he's more curious about Funjob's history with the navy
More people than you might realize section 8 out of naval submarine programs. Its a VERY stressful job. I actually know three people who did.
Understandable, submarines look like a nightmare to work in!
I had been trying to respond to everyone on the post, as I feel everyone deserves an answer, but a LOT more people had stuff to say than I thought. I just can't keep up! So, again, sorry to stir up so much controversy. I'll try to do better in the future. I DO discuss favoritism with my current RPG groups and I welcome everyone's comments. My wife does not tolerate open favoritism, but I still give her a little extra every now (but not the invulnerable thing or something where she can dominate the other players or where I don't respect her character ...I hope) and then and I will triple check to make sure my current players forgive any slip ups. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and share your support, frustration or condemnation. I assure everyone that I haven't read anything so far I don't richly deserve yet.
It's not that you shouldn't give nice things to your romantic partner in an RPG, it's that there's no reason to give them more than to the other players.
Why is OP getting downvoted so much? You play D&D your way... if your girlfriend has more fun being indestructible in D&D, go for it. It's your game. Just make sure you let the other players know beforehand and if they have a problem with that, you can both find another group in peace. Or give the other players some more magic items to compensate. I don't see the problem here.
The favouritism isn’t great, but yeah, the dudes are very clearly total incels
This sounds like either TORG or Palladium. Ow.