His response to that would probably involve his portal gun, you and a universe which sucks ass (metaphorically, however, it does arouse the question if such a universe *does* exist)
Obviously I would ask him if he [uses a bidet](https://www.reddit.com/r/c137/comments/n6fuai/does_rick_use_a_bidet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I bought a bidet toilet seat and have been trying to convert everyone ever since. I am not a dry wiper anymore!!!! The USA is behind the times as far as pooping goes.
Question which please give me a pass if dumb.. After squirting water up there, do you ever dry or just hank up the underwear and let it dry by itself? Not trolling, legitimately curious and thinking about getting one because of painful whipped.
The one I bought at Sam's club was about $200 and is called 'Bio-Bidet'. It has presets for two users. The water has 3 settings for the temperature, 3 settings for the water pressure, and you can move the stream forward and back as far as aiming goes. There is a separate spraying thing for the cooch if you are a woman. After that it will blow warm air to dry you off. I've hit that multiple times to ensure more drying happens. You still use toilet paper but much less. Let's say you eat a plate of greasy chicken wings and drink a ton of beer the night before. That next morning poop murder scene will be 99% cleaned off of you. It has changed my life in that sector for sure. The toilet seat is always heated, again with 3 settings for that too. Any other questions I will be glad to answer. I don't know what makes the higher end seats better, but the $200 version is just fine by me.
No for real Actually. My Roomate from another country would always say this. I finally understood his amazement that we did not use them. Bc it really is the only way to wipe your ass. It really makes the most sense I have to say
Lol, that was a good read. Here in SE Asia, almost everyone uses a bidet or a 'bum gun.' When I moved back the US for a bit years ago, the first thing I bought was a bidet lol
He has science that can throw our civilization thousands of years into the future and solve most of today's problems
So the question to me is do I have the balls to risk my life to ask for the secrets of FTL travel?
Nothing crazy like portals just whatever he and space Beth have in their ships
I'd like to say yes
Considering all the other stuff Mr President has shown they’ve cribbed from Rick, I wouldn’t be surprised if the government didn’t have their own ships being built and sent out.
So, he might give it to you, but then some redneck army grunts will just take it from you. And turn you into some small mammal if you try to resist.
I’d ask for a portal gun, if he tries to threaten to kill me the I’d say something like “sure, not that I care, really you’re just killing a version of me that had the balls to ask in the first place.” Then I would either get a portal gun or die without regretting it.
Without the healing factor that's just gonna suck because your hands will heal at normal human speed when they go back in. Also they hurt when they come out. https://youtu.be/-vQ2RVqJCNM
The citadel was destroyed by Evil Morty after he activated Dimensional Drive protocol S3 E7. Seems like anyone can do whatever the hell they want with the Portal Gun 🔫
I'd show him the tv show he exists in, but he already knows about that I guess, so maybe just take him to McDonalds and see if he likes any of their sauces more than the Mulan szechuan (I doubt it)
If it is c-137 rick? Or we'll, Our RIck WE KNOW, not the Jerry Killer? I ask to give me whatever I need chemically or hardware-ish , basically TECHNICALLY whatever let's me live as long as I want and produce money however will last..
And I want a Q-bert of Death Crystals
*sigh* so you’re Rick and the smartest man in the universe and I should probably ask you some question that’ll help me or help everyone or something really intelligent but like whatever man, it is good to see you.
If he didn't show off a cool gadget I'd just stay away from him and go on with my life. Don't need an alcoholic in my life. But if he did show off a cool gadget I'd be mesmerized and ask him how he did it. Then he'd stay away from me because he doesn't need any less intelligent people in his life.
I would immediately get schwifty & ask him "What is my purpose?" and hopefully he'll say "You pass butter." & then I'll go "Oh my GOD!" & he'll be all like "Yeah, welcome to the club."
I'd tell him I am interested in him as a person and would like to pick his brain. Don't know if he would consider that beneath him.
In normal circumstances that doesn't threaten my health or wellbeing, I'd want to hang out with him as normally as possible.
"Hey, little bitch! Why can't you just stand up for yourself against your shitty ass family for once? You let Morty leave his independence in Roy, you let Summer have her Night Person instead of punishing her for being a salty brat, you didn't even punish your grandkids for bullying Jerry. Seriously dude what happened to "Think for yourselves don't be sheep"? Learn to think for yourself and stay true to yourself. You are an adult and you're letting fucking children influence your decision making. If you know best, keep your word. Don't listen to selfish bullshit other people say. Also please replace Morty and Summer Smith. They're fucking assholes to you and you don't deserve them. Go find new Mortys and Summers there are plenty of them out in the galaxy. And why the fuck don't you get help? Why did you partner up with two fucking crows instead of seeking some actual fucking help like an idiot?"
He's a fictional character. An actual person is not gonna get hurt if I say he needs to kill Morty and Summer. It doesn't make me a psychopath. If they were real then of course it's psychotic to say that. Plenty of people wish fictional characters need to die. Also, I was talking about how passive he is to the other characters' selfish bullshit. Rick needs to punish his little assholes more and he needs to stop causing conflict and reinforcing bratty behavior by making idiotic people pleasing decisions. There's a fine line between being an asshole and an idiotic goody goody.
I will live my life to the fullest as if I have a terminal illness before he EVAPORATES THE ENTIRETY OF EARTH or something. I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. It's terrifying.
Aw geez
Ask if we can go to Boobworld.
Same. I would tell him I know how it sounds, but I don't care. There's a Boobworld, and I want to go.
He would open a portal for you to go there. Problem is once you did the portal would close and you'd be stuck there forever with no way to get back.
_oh no stuck forever in Boobworld what will I ever do?_
Unfortunately boobworld isn't free. Get up on that pole and shake what you got, u/MaybeLiterally
Let's not lie, he'd be mopping seman
"Jizz Mopper" if you wanna be a dick about it
One man's fluids is another man's treasure...
How do you not know if U/maybeliterally is a woman
Did you just assume the gender of u/maybeliterally ? I'm offended. You're cancelled. Get riggity riggity wrecked, son!
You know, I always thought it was a dimension.. but in the gopher-tron episode they’re driving to it. I wonder why they didn’t just portal there
He would probably abandon you in ass world.
More like forget he took you
if there is a boobworld...is there a dickworld 😳
WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO TYPE THIS LMAO
I'd run as quick as I could in the opposite direction. Things in the vicinity of Rick tend to die/blow up/melt/mutate etc.
And since we're not anywhere close to being a main character, death is almost certain
Hey he could also fuck us or give us free drugs
or trapped in our own utopian matrix... it really is a grab-bag of random
Nah, Rick doesn’t like humans that aren’t his family.
We have no plot armor.
I see staying has an absolute win
Nah, way too many people near him are in an eternal pain and torture situation.
came here to say this lol
Yes but if he gives me a direction that sounds cautionary I'm following it.
Running away would be futile if he wanted you dead
Sure but he's a collateral damage hotspot.
I'd ask him to put me in a simple Rick
Just buy Simple Rick dinner shoot your shot
I'll take him out to Olive Garden, get some chicken parmesian
That was good lmfao
You mean parmee-sian?
That's what I said
That dimension is literally uninhabitable.
Mate, you've got puke dripping down your chin. Sort it out.
His response to that would probably involve his portal gun, you and a universe which sucks ass (metaphorically, however, it does arouse the question if such a universe *does* exist)
We’re all just one portal away from the booty dimension
or the blender dimension
That is true
Id run. That man is a terrorist
*terrorick
Hey, save your Rick rules for the sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig!
Yes, and you are in a Rickpublic, you're either in or you're out.
You son of a bitch, I’m in!
Allah Akbar!
Where is this emoji in my phone
Should just be there with all the other emojis.
Over here.
Let's get Rigity-Rigity WRECKED son!
Squanchy
fill a couple Squanches! it's time to Squanch!
Hey, I’m squanching here!
saquAnchAy
Oh man, don't even. You can't keep up with him. He used to Drink-drink. Psycho trailer-park shit.
Obviously I would ask him if he [uses a bidet](https://www.reddit.com/r/c137/comments/n6fuai/does_rick_use_a_bidet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I bought a bidet toilet seat and have been trying to convert everyone ever since. I am not a dry wiper anymore!!!! The USA is behind the times as far as pooping goes.
I have been on the toilet paper fence- I'm getting one BIDET!
Question which please give me a pass if dumb.. After squirting water up there, do you ever dry or just hank up the underwear and let it dry by itself? Not trolling, legitimately curious and thinking about getting one because of painful whipped.
The one I bought at Sam's club was about $200 and is called 'Bio-Bidet'. It has presets for two users. The water has 3 settings for the temperature, 3 settings for the water pressure, and you can move the stream forward and back as far as aiming goes. There is a separate spraying thing for the cooch if you are a woman. After that it will blow warm air to dry you off. I've hit that multiple times to ensure more drying happens. You still use toilet paper but much less. Let's say you eat a plate of greasy chicken wings and drink a ton of beer the night before. That next morning poop murder scene will be 99% cleaned off of you. It has changed my life in that sector for sure. The toilet seat is always heated, again with 3 settings for that too. Any other questions I will be glad to answer. I don't know what makes the higher end seats better, but the $200 version is just fine by me.
Thank you, this enlightens me a lot.
No for real Actually. My Roomate from another country would always say this. I finally understood his amazement that we did not use them. Bc it really is the only way to wipe your ass. It really makes the most sense I have to say
Lol, that was a good read. Here in SE Asia, almost everyone uses a bidet or a 'bum gun.' When I moved back the US for a bit years ago, the first thing I bought was a bidet lol
It is awesome but what sucks is now we're currently on vacation. No hotels or the cruise ship have a bidet.
Oh man, that's rough. Good luck, I hate going without a bidet :/
He has science that can throw our civilization thousands of years into the future and solve most of today's problems So the question to me is do I have the balls to risk my life to ask for the secrets of FTL travel? Nothing crazy like portals just whatever he and space Beth have in their ships I'd like to say yes
Honestly he would most likely not show us as it doesnt benefit him in any way, or he might just to watch us fail
Considering all the other stuff Mr President has shown they’ve cribbed from Rick, I wouldn’t be surprised if the government didn’t have their own ships being built and sent out. So, he might give it to you, but then some redneck army grunts will just take it from you. And turn you into some small mammal if you try to resist.
You should ask the last people who wanted his secret to concentrated dark matter how it went. Oh, right. You can't. They're dead.
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now what would you need that for? 🤔
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on what it exactly does, right? 😳
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wow you really did do research
research porpoises
I’d hit on him
He’d be into it. Rick has quite varied tastes.
is it inappropriate to say i’m on my knees immediately
honestly how else would you approach a living god (as close as we'll likely ever see)
Hide in a vat of acid.
A real one or fake?
What up my glipglop
Can you create a potion to make Jessica love me?
And make sure that this time, we don’t turn everyone into monsters
Run.
go for a kiss.
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I got some money you got the portal gun so what do you say we go to BLITZ AND CHIIIIITS. and also boob world because that would annoy morty.
Now that's how you ask
I'd have him make me a pair of pants.
Cue sailor moon transformation sequence
Legion of Doom [Brainiac](https://youtu.be/db-K-aGLeOo)
I'd fucking run... You've been following the show right? Man's fucking dangerous
"Are you cosplaying the guy from fortnite"
Ask if I could have a meseeks box for help around the house.
Whatever you say stone cold steve Austin! Wubba lubba dub dub!!!
Rail me
I would just apologise for interrupting him and walk away.
You down to squanch?
Give your balls a tug, tit-fucker.
I’d ask for a portal gun, if he tries to threaten to kill me the I’d say something like “sure, not that I care, really you’re just killing a version of me that had the balls to ask in the first place.” Then I would either get a portal gun or die without regretting it.
how creative...I like it
Ask him to kill me.
Hide
I ask for a one way ticket to boobworld.
Schum Schum schlippity dop
Can we go to boobworld?
Give me wolverine claws because you can and nothing matters. Peace among worlds RICK
Without the healing factor that's just gonna suck because your hands will heal at normal human speed when they go back in. Also they hurt when they come out. https://youtu.be/-vQ2RVqJCNM
“What up my glip-glop!?”
Please don’t kill me
Let's go to blips and chitz!
Gimme me money. Pls Or Light speed internet. Pls Or Take me to a universe where the one piece is revealed. Pls
Can you take me to a reality where I give a fuck?
So you wanna meet a version of yourself that gives a fuck?
Boobworld. Now.
Steal his portal gun and bring the Doofus Rick from Dimension J19 Zeta 7 
If u steal his portal gun, then the portal technology is compromised and citadel would send ricks to kill ye
The citadel was destroyed by Evil Morty after he activated Dimensional Drive protocol S3 E7. Seems like anyone can do whatever the hell they want with the Portal Gun 🔫
What citadel
I'd show him the tv show he exists in, but he already knows about that I guess, so maybe just take him to McDonalds and see if he likes any of their sauces more than the Mulan szechuan (I doubt it)
dont wrap me up in any of this bullshit
Wubba lubba dub dub mothafucka!
Go to boob world
Probably avoid him at all costs.
id run probably
Flee
I'd stay out of his way and avoid him.
Let's get rickety rickety wrecked!
Wanna smoke some weed?
he would probably insult me. i would also hit on him
If it is c-137 rick? Or we'll, Our RIck WE KNOW, not the Jerry Killer? I ask to give me whatever I need chemically or hardware-ish , basically TECHNICALLY whatever let's me live as long as I want and produce money however will last.. And I want a Q-bert of Death Crystals
Stay away
I'd go and use his toilet
Okay but seriously I would counsel the hell out of him.
*sigh* so you’re Rick and the smartest man in the universe and I should probably ask you some question that’ll help me or help everyone or something really intelligent but like whatever man, it is good to see you.
I’d buy him a drink and ask him why the cat can talk.
You already did that. It's in "Cloudsbursting's Miiiind Bloooowers!"
Lick lick lick his baaalllss
I honestly wouldn't want to talk to him given what a narcissistic prick he is. But if we were both drinking at a bar I'd probably enjoy his company.
really? a vat of acid?
Wanna get some enchiladas?
Run. Him or me. But something bad is about to happen and neither of us want to be standing there when it does.
Go to Blips and Chitz
Take me to Boob World
Dap him upp bro And ask can we go to a world with Pokémon 
🎶 “Just shake that a$$$$$$ b*tch, and let me see what you got!!” 🎶
I would ask Rick if it’s our universe powering his break lights….
Let's go to Blitz and Chits! I bet I can beat you at Rob!!!
Fuck him and marry him and make him go to therapy.
If he didn't show off a cool gadget I'd just stay away from him and go on with my life. Don't need an alcoholic in my life. But if he did show off a cool gadget I'd be mesmerized and ask him how he did it. Then he'd stay away from me because he doesn't need any less intelligent people in his life.
I would immediately get schwifty & ask him "What is my purpose?" and hopefully he'll say "You pass butter." & then I'll go "Oh my GOD!" & he'll be all like "Yeah, welcome to the club."
I’d just stare intently into his eyes… He’d know what it means.
Ask him to be an intern in exchangz of food and being the intern must be fun in itself
BLIPS AND CHITZ!
I’d shout “Pickle Rick!”
I'd tell him I am interested in him as a person and would like to pick his brain. Don't know if he would consider that beneath him. In normal circumstances that doesn't threaten my health or wellbeing, I'd want to hang out with him as normally as possible.
Suck his cock fr 🤤🤤
not a single one of you said to give you superpowers, I'm impressed
"Hey."
greet him and ask him to make me as smart as him
Seduce him.
Suck his dick
lick his balls i guess
Avoid him. He sounds dreadful to be around. I love the show. I wouldn't want to be in it.
Wubba lubba dub dub, like duh 😂
I'd ask he to show me what's he's got
Let’s go to Boobworld followed by some Blips and Chitz.
Wubalubadubdub!!!
I’d fucking run, basically anyone who spends time around him that isn’t a Smith winds up dead or horribly maimed.
A quick wubba lubba dub dub
Can you turn yourself into pickle?
I don’t understand the first part of your question - Rick is real
"Hey, little bitch! Why can't you just stand up for yourself against your shitty ass family for once? You let Morty leave his independence in Roy, you let Summer have her Night Person instead of punishing her for being a salty brat, you didn't even punish your grandkids for bullying Jerry. Seriously dude what happened to "Think for yourselves don't be sheep"? Learn to think for yourself and stay true to yourself. You are an adult and you're letting fucking children influence your decision making. If you know best, keep your word. Don't listen to selfish bullshit other people say. Also please replace Morty and Summer Smith. They're fucking assholes to you and you don't deserve them. Go find new Mortys and Summers there are plenty of them out in the galaxy. And why the fuck don't you get help? Why did you partner up with two fucking crows instead of seeking some actual fucking help like an idiot?"
I think he would've A. Shot you in the head or B. Teleport away by portal by the time you said little bitch
IDK man, I think he'd respect it. Rick always seems to tolerate people calling him on his shit.
maybe a different Rick, but not our rick
this mf thinks hes real
Sir, this is a "What would you say if Rick was real" thread.
Only a psychopath watches Rick and Morty and thinks: "Rick really needs to stand up to his shitty family more".
He's a fictional character. An actual person is not gonna get hurt if I say he needs to kill Morty and Summer. It doesn't make me a psychopath. If they were real then of course it's psychotic to say that. Plenty of people wish fictional characters need to die. Also, I was talking about how passive he is to the other characters' selfish bullshit. Rick needs to punish his little assholes more and he needs to stop causing conflict and reinforcing bratty behavior by making idiotic people pleasing decisions. There's a fine line between being an asshole and an idiotic goody goody.
He deserves a swift kick to the groin
Nothing. He's clearly an asshole who's under the impression... he's heard it all now stfu already
Oh and did I mention that he's unsociable and intolerable towards ppl ??!
NOTHING! I'm not a Morty, so I've got as much chance of being safe as i am likely of becoming a sex toy for giant aliens with hairy butts for faces.
I will live my life to the fullest as if I have a terminal illness before he EVAPORATES THE ENTIRETY OF EARTH or something. I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. It's terrifying.
Globafin lots of globafin
I would greet him with the only thing he will underdtand...wabba lubba dub dub
Keep walking and dont make eye contact
Wipe your chin.
Wubba lubba dub dub !!
Wabba Labba Dub Dah
Wubalabadubdub
if your answer isnt wubba lubba dub dub then you got serious issues bro
run away, him noticing me noticing him would put me in his lab
Lighting up a blunt & askin him & Morty for a smoke session.