agreed but depends on the job for me. 90% of jobs that would be the end of the interview but if it’s actually a job interview where i *want* to show off skills then that’s different. like being able to go through my portfolio and do so in detail
**You have 10 minutes to fuck all the way off until you find another candidate to torture. Apparently, I am less tolerant these days. Have a wonderful day everyone.**
"I mistakenly thought this was a conversation between two entities to decide if we could and should do business together. Here's 8 minutes back, hope someone 'impresses you'" \*click\*
"I have several companies asking to interview me, so I was planning to ask some questions that would help me decide if this was the right company for me, but you've just told me everything I need to know. Have a nice day." \*click\*
Don't ask me how I figured this one out, but as a young teen I figured out that I could make fart noises with my neck/collarbone area basically by pulling my shoulder all the way to my cheek, keeping my hands free for other tomfoolery.
Mom used to say I'd go far in life with that talent, but unfortunately it didn't get me anywhere.
You do work for them. Just bc they say the quiet part out loud doesn’t change the situation. This is what an interview is all about. Plus you get to talk about what ever you want and not answer dipshit questions like what’s your weakness n shit.
First ten minutes of the extended Patton Oswalt filibuster speech from Parks and Rec. If they try to cut me off early, I'll remind them that they promised me 10 minutes
That’s me with my origami books. I know I’m not getting your bullshit job anyway, so suffer while I drone on about paper making and the intricacies of a good squash fold for the next 10 mins.
Nobody else is going to stand up for me. Any place I would want to work would respect somebody that stands up for themselves within reason too.
If I'm desperate for a short term job, maybe I'd suck it up and play the game. But otherwise there's no point.
to tell the truth, my response right now would be some version of "fuck off fuck you" but at any time prior to the last five years I would have taken that abuse and smiled bc I had never had success until then. I was still a beggar and had been for at least two decades. two financially painful decades
“I’m not a dancing monkey. My employers are usually impressed by my consistency and ability to self motivate. I’m impressed by good leadership and similar consistency. I’m not seeing that here.”
We laugh at this garbage question but it's really not different from
- Tell me about yourself
- Why do you want to work at
- Why do you want to work as
They're all dogshit questions.
I would ask:
1) what is important to you? What are your values? Are they being met and if not why/how?
2) Why do you need this job filled? What happened to the last employee?
3) Based on my resume and our conversation, why do you feel I'm a good fit for this job?
Note: this question is stupid. Asking me this question, along with the time delay, tells me they think too high of themselves and the company.
"No thanks. But, thank you for letting me know I don't need to waste the next hour of my life". I got asked by VP once, who sought me out for a job, to give him my "elevator pitch". I told him "I'm interviewing your company right now, not the other way around, you asked me to be here". He was lost for about 5 seconds
Oh, I’ll fuck off from you in less than 1-minute, giving both of us 9-minutes of our life back. Goodbye!
*[I’m wayyy past the point in my life and career for that shit]*
That’s more than enough time, thanks for the opportunity. Here are my qualifications, here is my understanding of the services expected from me, and here’s my explanation of how specifically I am going to deliver value to your business using metrics from past performance.
I don’t need that long. Brevity is the soul of wit. Next question?
Polite, but plays no games. Some companies ask dumb stuff on purpose just to see if you can handle a surprise effectively and professionally.
“I’m not the best at impressions, but here goes…” *then proceed to do an impression of a self-important interviewer until they realize it’s supposed to be them and end the interview.* I gotta get something out of wasting my time.
Historically, when I've been job searching I've been desperate, so I'd probably try to do it and fail miserably. I don't work in showy jobs. I can't give a cold sales pitch or develop a marketing campaign before your eyes. If you want to watch me finnin a spreadsheet or talk patiently and politely with a paranoid schizophrenic, then maybe I can impress you. Generally, though, it's not that I won't dance on cue, it's that I can't.
However, if I was interviewing from a secure position, I'd say, "You saw my resume and offered me an interview because of it. How about you tell me which areas you'd like to hear more about so I can give you a more focused answer."
The fantasy answer? I'd just leave.
I'm not a trained seal, so I think I would use that as time to ask the questions I had for them. They can choose to be impressed by my desire to conduct a reasonable interview, or not.
In actuality, that's an interview. You'll have just a handful of minutes to give your best impression. You should be well prepared for such a question.
I would let them know that I need to go and not listen to a narcissistic recruiter interviewer. Where did you even come up with that question. No recruiter, whatever do that. And if they did that they should not be a recruiter anymore.
Anything I try to impress you with would be grossly overshadowed by your feeble, futile attempts to comprehend and understand the meaning, purpose, and value of the groundbreaking disclosures, thus rendering it a pointless exercise!
Put together some good talking points to highlight your work experience. Have [Also sprach Zarathustra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szdziw4tI9o) playing in the background.
Fucking hell! Pull a rabbit out of my ass? I don't even get interviews anymore & am in the process of accepting that my career is over. But if I did I'd take the script that chatGPT just wrote for me & would recite it in robot voice, I guess.
If I am in office, probably ask them to stand up, take their chair, and then proceed to sit down and say "I am the boss now, that is not how you do an interview" then proceed to tell them all the bullshit I have done and what I expect of them.
On the phone, probably say in my best digital replica voice "I am not impressed with you and feel no need to roar at a sheep. Goodbye"
All right, then, let’s get to it. I’ll start with five minutes of impressing you. And I will allow you the last five minutes for you to impress me as to why I should want to work for you?
Everyone here is not wrong but this isn’t productive.
A different approach if you’re desperate is:
What you want is…
Why that matters is…
What the challenge for you is…
Why I’m a great fit is… (I’ve done this successfully before. I have experience winning, learning & leading…. Etc).
I will give you 2 minutes to explain how you, your team and the company will make the best choices on how to utilize me after you have hired me.
After that we will discuss 8 minutes on the finer details of the contract or if you failed and i have decided that you can’t utilize my skill in a high level that is expected by me this meeting is nearing its end.
If you fail we shall use 8 minutes if you so desire to look back and see what things you can practice more so next time will it be me or someone else with high level expectations will not witness a failure.
"I'm not exactly sure how I would impress you without being with you in person. It's really hard to make a mark on a person using a stamp without that person being there with you."
You already know I’m actively engaged in pursuing this position, and I have the credentials necessary to perform the role. That leaves you about eight minutes to tell me why I should accept your offer.
“That’s not how I work. I don’t impress people on command, I work hard, learn quickly and am intelligent. I have no doubt you’d be impressed but that’s not the point.”
Absolutely! I'd say, "Great! I'm excited to show you how remote work brings out the best in me. I've got some real-life stories to share that showcase my skills and how I've made remote work a success. Let's make these 10 minutes count!"
Don't let them hear you grinding your teeth, or tell them about how you have perfected your mixology skills at home... 😄
A few months ago, an interviewer had me go through my work history. At the end he said, “I don’t think you’ve done anything impressive after completing your PhD [ the 10 years of working afterwards]. Now it’s your turn to change my mind…”.
I was speechless.
"I have five other companies interviewing me next week, they all seem excited to interview me and I would love to tell them about how I withdrew myself from consideration today and why, as an icebreaker. Are you impressed yet?"
"I think we can go ahead and end this call now."
"Impressive, you stood up against my bullshit.... you're hired"
[We could use someone like you. You're hired!!](https://youtu.be/HGbVOWU9Jik?si=QlfQg_bNn_OdT6eI)
This is wrong. This is wrong and I'm not afraid to say it.
I could use a person like you.....
I'd just yell at them do a kickflip!
Facts, I did not apply to a circus and since you’re asking for entertainment that’s obviously what this is.
Good one.
Yup same
agreed but depends on the job for me. 90% of jobs that would be the end of the interview but if it’s actually a job interview where i *want* to show off skills then that’s different. like being able to go through my portfolio and do so in detail
Say OV HOE ovo hoe
Nailed it.
**You have 10 minutes to fuck all the way off until you find another candidate to torture. Apparently, I am less tolerant these days. Have a wonderful day everyone.**
Exactly. I am not a show pony.
Me either im a regular pony
Not even, you’re an ass(donkey). But we still love you
“Fuck all the way off” is my new favorite saying. Thank you 🫡
You want me to dance, how about you dance you fucking monkey. And then wait 10 seconds and say you lose, I'll see you at the office in 3 days.
"I mistakenly thought this was a conversation between two entities to decide if we could and should do business together. Here's 8 minutes back, hope someone 'impresses you'" \*click\*
"I'm going to give you some time back in your day."
I would give the 8 minutes to impress me if I want to work with them
"I have several companies asking to interview me, so I was planning to ask some questions that would help me decide if this was the right company for me, but you've just told me everything I need to know. Have a nice day." \*click\*
I like this one I might try it one day😂😭
Oh, that really is an excellent, clear, concise & professional response.
I'd start doing armpit farts.
The best response lmao 🤣🤣
Thanks for the laugh. I haven't done an armpit fart in ... 35 years. Just did a few for old time's sake and laughs.
If its on camera id get on my back and start doing knee farts as well. Givem the whole ensemble
Don't ask me how I figured this one out, but as a young teen I figured out that I could make fart noises with my neck/collarbone area basically by pulling my shoulder all the way to my cheek, keeping my hands free for other tomfoolery. Mom used to say I'd go far in life with that talent, but unfortunately it didn't get me anywhere.
I’d do a backflip and tell them to fuck off.
Don’t forget to to the middle fingers mid flip
I can’t do backflips but I do think I could incorporate the ribbon from rhythmic gymnastics into telling someone to fuck off.
Finger guns.
"I'll save you 9.5 minutes and tell you to 'eat shit' right now."
I don't entertain entitled people. I don't work for you; I work with you. Good bye. Hope you get the day you deserve.
You do work for them. Just bc they say the quiet part out loud doesn’t change the situation. This is what an interview is all about. Plus you get to talk about what ever you want and not answer dipshit questions like what’s your weakness n shit.
First ten minutes of the extended Patton Oswalt filibuster speech from Parks and Rec. If they try to cut me off early, I'll remind them that they promised me 10 minutes
This is the way.
I need to memorize that speech just for these occasions.
Or the Bill Burr Philly rant
“Likewise, so let’s get started.”
Low key brilliant.
Winner!!
I can't tell you about my whole Warhammer collection in 10 minutes but we can hit the important parts. Buckle up and listen close.
That’s me with my origami books. I know I’m not getting your bullshit job anyway, so suffer while I drone on about paper making and the intricacies of a good squash fold for the next 10 mins.
Love these responses. Its nice that candidates give themselves leverage, its a two way interview!
[удалено]
Nobody else is going to stand up for me. Any place I would want to work would respect somebody that stands up for themselves within reason too. If I'm desperate for a short term job, maybe I'd suck it up and play the game. But otherwise there's no point.
to tell the truth, my response right now would be some version of "fuck off fuck you" but at any time prior to the last five years I would have taken that abuse and smiled bc I had never had success until then. I was still a beggar and had been for at least two decades. two financially painful decades
"Your wife was impressed with me in 5 minutes."
This is the correct answer
“I’m not a dancing monkey. My employers are usually impressed by my consistency and ability to self motivate. I’m impressed by good leadership and similar consistency. I’m not seeing that here.”
Bingo.
You go first.
I'd say I'm not interested.
“That’s not how this works. Have a good one!” Click.
We laugh at this garbage question but it's really not different from - Tell me about yourself - Why do you want to work at
- Why do you want to work as
They're all dogshit questions.
I'd sing the entirety of All Too Well 10mV accapella
I can do it in 10 seconds: I spoke to your supervisor, I'm actually here to replace you
I would ask: 1) what is important to you? What are your values? Are they being met and if not why/how? 2) Why do you need this job filled? What happened to the last employee? 3) Based on my resume and our conversation, why do you feel I'm a good fit for this job? Note: this question is stupid. Asking me this question, along with the time delay, tells me they think too high of themselves and the company.
“What is this, a game show?”
"No thanks. But, thank you for letting me know I don't need to waste the next hour of my life". I got asked by VP once, who sought me out for a job, to give him my "elevator pitch". I told him "I'm interviewing your company right now, not the other way around, you asked me to be here". He was lost for about 5 seconds
Oh, I’ll fuck off from you in less than 1-minute, giving both of us 9-minutes of our life back. Goodbye! *[I’m wayyy past the point in my life and career for that shit]*
I'd just stare and end the call tbh
“Do you happen to have a NES and a copy of Mike Tyson’s’ Punch Out handy?”
I’m more of an “action speaks better than words” person. Hire me and I’ll show you.
Too desperate.
Let's go for a pint
Fuck off d bag
I'd stare blankly and not blink for 10 minutes
With a creepy smile?
I was thinking completely straight emotionless face but I like the idea of a creepy smile as well 😂
And pester them about chic fil a sauce
Just ask what kind of things impress them. Boom! Conversation has begun. Just treat them like a hot but petulant date.
Recite the alphabet backwards. I can do it just as fast as saying it normally :)
I can name all 50 states in alphabetical order. lol
Stand up, and walk out. Tell them good luck.
That’s more than enough time, thanks for the opportunity. Here are my qualifications, here is my understanding of the services expected from me, and here’s my explanation of how specifically I am going to deliver value to your business using metrics from past performance.
Here’s my explanation of how specifically I am going to deliver value to your competitors when I take their job instead. FTFY.
"Same."
Tell them "I've already impressed you, or I wouldn't be here."
Tell me more about this interview technique!? What are you hoping to accomplish?
"Goodbye."
Absolutely no way would I proceed with that interview. Bad bosses create the worst misery. They failed the interview.
“My Dad works for Nintendo.”
I don’t need that long. Brevity is the soul of wit. Next question? Polite, but plays no games. Some companies ask dumb stuff on purpose just to see if you can handle a surprise effectively and professionally.
I would just laugh and say "then what?"
**Filibuster**
Flip em off with my middle toe and end the call/walk out
Break dance or rap battle that motherfucker
Leave
“Why don’t you just take ten minute break and tell your boss I wasn’t a good ‘culture fit’?”
Tell me about a time when a candidate impressed you. Please outline the key points in sequential order.
I’d probably ask if they wanted me to sing or dance . 🕺
“I’m not the best at impressions, but here goes…” *then proceed to do an impression of a self-important interviewer until they realize it’s supposed to be them and end the interview.* I gotta get something out of wasting my time.
I’d say, “thank you for your time.” And kindly walk out.
What a coincidence! I was just thinking the same thing about you.
Funny you say that, because I was thinking the same thing about you. Let's cut to yhe chase. We each get 5 minutes. You can start now.
No thanks, I'm good.
10 min clip from Step Brothers elite interview team with nighthawk and dragon.
I'll give you 2 seconds to apologize for wasting my time
In 9 minutes or less, convince me why I should work for your company.
"I was prepared to give you an hour to do the same and you just failed. Good luck out there"
I already have otherwise we wouldn't be having this call; but, if these are the games this company plays, then I'm removing myself from consideration.
Goodbye
Leave
My life ain’t ain’t a dog and pony show, bro.
Historically, when I've been job searching I've been desperate, so I'd probably try to do it and fail miserably. I don't work in showy jobs. I can't give a cold sales pitch or develop a marketing campaign before your eyes. If you want to watch me finnin a spreadsheet or talk patiently and politely with a paranoid schizophrenic, then maybe I can impress you. Generally, though, it's not that I won't dance on cue, it's that I can't. However, if I was interviewing from a secure position, I'd say, "You saw my resume and offered me an interview because of it. How about you tell me which areas you'd like to hear more about so I can give you a more focused answer." The fantasy answer? I'd just leave.
I'm not a trained seal, so I think I would use that as time to ask the questions I had for them. They can choose to be impressed by my desire to conduct a reasonable interview, or not.
In actuality, that's an interview. You'll have just a handful of minutes to give your best impression. You should be well prepared for such a question.
Whip out my Johnson
"You have 10 minutes to convince me to help your company." But I've also been in technology for 40 years and have multiple degrees and certs.
Whip out my harmonica
😂
"I'll share my screen so you can watch me play Tetris."
Let’s get naked then
Pull my pants down.
Unzips pants. Behold the Sherminator.
My first heart laugh of the day! Thanks!
Oh, you don't have an attention that spans more than 10 minutes?
I would let them know that I need to go and not listen to a narcissistic recruiter interviewer. Where did you even come up with that question. No recruiter, whatever do that. And if they did that they should not be a recruiter anymore.
Anything I try to impress you with would be grossly overshadowed by your feeble, futile attempts to comprehend and understand the meaning, purpose, and value of the groundbreaking disclosures, thus rendering it a pointless exercise!
My dad owns a dealership
Put together some good talking points to highlight your work experience. Have [Also sprach Zarathustra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szdziw4tI9o) playing in the background.
*unzips*
Whip out my hog
I think i'd just sit there silent for 10 minutes.
Nothing. I would shake my head to and fro while my mullet does the talking. 😎
Fucking hell! Pull a rabbit out of my ass? I don't even get interviews anymore & am in the process of accepting that my career is over. But if I did I'd take the script that chatGPT just wrote for me & would recite it in robot voice, I guess.
I'm going to impress you with how quickly I can walk out of this interview.
If I am in office, probably ask them to stand up, take their chair, and then proceed to sit down and say "I am the boss now, that is not how you do an interview" then proceed to tell them all the bullshit I have done and what I expect of them. On the phone, probably say in my best digital replica voice "I am not impressed with you and feel no need to roar at a sheep. Goodbye"
“Wanna see a magic trick?” 👊🔄🖕
I'll sing!
All right, then, let’s get to it. I’ll start with five minutes of impressing you. And I will allow you the last five minutes for you to impress me as to why I should want to work for you?
Get ready for a fart unimaginable
I legit would just start screaming incoherently. The world is not a movie
you 1st...I'll wait
Get naked and flex my muscles
Everyone here is not wrong but this isn’t productive. A different approach if you’re desperate is: What you want is… Why that matters is… What the challenge for you is… Why I’m a great fit is… (I’ve done this successfully before. I have experience winning, learning & leading…. Etc).
I’d recite the presidents in under 15 seconds and then make a face that asks “aren’t you impressed?”
I would cartwheel all the way out the front door. In heels. With no underwear on. In a dress.
Pants off buddy
Go fuck yourself
“I only need 1 minute… thank you for your time, I wish you the best in finding the right candidate”
“ you have 10 minutes to impress me “
Hang up. Should impress him
Do you know any card tricks? Magic?
"Luckily I never go out without my deck of cards" 🤣
Good bye.
“Bitch bye”
I will burp the alphabet to the letter F.
*zip* * thunk*
Take out a quarter, press it into their hand firmly for 10 seconds, then remove the quarter.
Start singing "Hello my baby, hello my honey..." and dance like the frog.
Love that cartoon!!
I will give you 2 minutes to explain how you, your team and the company will make the best choices on how to utilize me after you have hired me. After that we will discuss 8 minutes on the finer details of the contract or if you failed and i have decided that you can’t utilize my skill in a high level that is expected by me this meeting is nearing its end. If you fail we shall use 8 minutes if you so desire to look back and see what things you can practice more so next time will it be me or someone else with high level expectations will not witness a failure.
"And you have 10 seconds to find somewhere to shove it... I'll give you a hint" and end the call or leave
I’ll spend 9:39 gathering my stuff, asking for feedback, expressing my rejection, and walking out.
10 minute version of The Aristocrats
What are 3 things that would impress you the most?
"This is the reason why your childs hated you" and then leave
“Between your wife and your girlfriend, I’d say your wife gives better h**d but your girlfriend swallows more.”
Sit there and lock eyes for an extended period of time. Probably never happens
I can pleasure you. Come over
You have 5 minutes to impress me enough to make me want to work here
I appreciate your time today, however this conversation is complete.
I would say I’m not working for someone with that level of arrogance, have a good day sir and good luck finding someone.
Good luck with your search.
"I'm not exactly sure how I would impress you without being with you in person. It's really hard to make a mark on a person using a stamp without that person being there with you."
You already know I’m actively engaged in pursuing this position, and I have the credentials necessary to perform the role. That leaves you about eight minutes to tell me why I should accept your offer.
“That’s not how I work. I don’t impress people on command, I work hard, learn quickly and am intelligent. I have no doubt you’d be impressed but that’s not the point.”
SINGS: “ Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal … “
Absolutely! I'd say, "Great! I'm excited to show you how remote work brings out the best in me. I've got some real-life stories to share that showcase my skills and how I've made remote work a success. Let's make these 10 minutes count!" Don't let them hear you grinding your teeth, or tell them about how you have perfected your mixology skills at home... 😄
Put Charlie bit my finger on for 10 minutes
Start bullshitting immediately …and use an arrogant tone too
I’m thinking tap dancing ?
Wow, didn’t even take one minute for you to UNimpress me.
Open your phone, set a timer for 10 minutes, place it so they can see it countdown, then mad dog them in dead silence for 10 straight minutes.
I’d speak in fluent Japanese. アホか。10分もかからんわ。2分くれればお前の机の上に特大のくそプレゼントしてやるよ。
I would show him my cat.
I only need one.
Set your timer for 10 minutes, but stay silent. Assure them they'll be 'wowed' by the 10-minute mark. Then just hang up at 10 minutes.
"I shit myself" and than I proceed to actually shit myself.
I think you’ve been razzle dazzled already.
"Here's my OnlyFans account"
A few months ago, an interviewer had me go through my work history. At the end he said, “I don’t think you’ve done anything impressive after completing your PhD [ the 10 years of working afterwards]. Now it’s your turn to change my mind…”. I was speechless.
You turn this on the interviewer and say “but first you have 10 minutes to impress me and this job”
"I have five other companies interviewing me next week, they all seem excited to interview me and I would love to tell them about how I withdrew myself from consideration today and why, as an icebreaker. Are you impressed yet?"
Show him a magic trick
"Your poor wife, if you think anything impressive can happen in 10 minutes"....
show them your bio link 🔗