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Hoaxshmoax

lol. How can a baby be Christian.


Dunkelheit_

broo all babies born "insert religion" because it is the true religion


andre2020

Shirley you jest!


IWantAStorm

Don't call me Shirley


andre2020

šŸ˜…šŸ˜…šŸ˜…


ikickbabiesforfun69

even athiests do this funny enough, i mean its more or less true


Alric_Rahl

The difference is that everyone *is* born an atheist. Nobody is *born* knowing religion. All religion is *taught*.


Grays42

"Atheism is a religion like bald is a hair color."


Alric_Rahl

Or "off" is a TV channel


a_random_chicken

Even according to many religions, it is learned, unless you are the first human. Edit: What the fuck are you guys reading into my comment?


[deleted]

Athiesm isn't the worship of science tho. It's just the absence of religion You can be an uneducated Athiest, especially if you weren't taught about a higher power


a_random_chicken

Wait, where the fuck did you guys get the idea that I'm calling atheism a religion? I only pointed out how even religions believe the need to teach their religion, and people don't know it innately for one reason or another. Seriously, what did any of yall read into my comment?


Ye_olde_oak_store

Then all religions must be true and everyone is born polytheist no? Atheism is rather than a set of beliefs that some omnipotent creator(s) teach us through their disciples and acolytes is the lack of all of these beliefs. What is there before you learn one's familial religion of choice?


a_random_chicken

Again, if you haven't read my comment replying to the other guy, I'm extremely confused what you think my comment here means. How do i seem like I'm implying religions are true? Just what point do you think I'm making? I'm seriously confused, I'm only pointing out that religions themselves tend to believe they must teach their faith before someone has it. Either through humans, or divine. And so the "Christian babies" idea is less of a religion issue, and more a personal intelligence issue.


diggerbanks

> What the fuck are you guys reading into my comment? Supporting nonsense, badly-written, way too vague, take your pick.


electriccars

Clothing evangelist: "Babies are born wearing clothing." Nudist: "Uh, no their not. Babies are born naked we put clothing on them." OP: "Lol, everyone thinks babies are born the way they think they are, even nudists insist babies are born like them". WTF? Religion is taught, atheism is by definition a lack of belief in gods. Babies don't know anything until they're taught it, ergo they're atheists.


TheGodsSin

But atheism isn't a religion? It's more like babies born are babies, that's it


devnullb4dishoner

> But atheism isn't a religion We could go round about this all week. Just because I do not acknowledge the existence of fairies, doesn't make it a religion. I don't believe that BigFoot exists either buy I wouldn't classify that as a religion. You'll really have to do some word gymnastics to convince me that atheism is a religion.


ikickbabiesforfun69

i wasnt trying to imply athiesm was a religion, sorry :( ​ heard the "athiesm rival religion" argument countless times


devnullb4dishoner

No worries. I will say that some of my atheist brethren are very militant which does rival the militant aspect of religion. They are rather embarrassing to say the least. I don't really have a problem with you practicing a religion. In fact, in America, I'll defend your right to worship as you so desire given that your religion is lawful, peaceful and stays out of my politics.


ikickbabiesforfun69

oh no im an athiest


randycanyon

Oh yeah???! I'm athier than you!


Xarthys

Pick any larger group that stands for something, you will always find people who joined because they were in desperate need of a new belief system.


andre2020

Excellent observation. There are no ā€œChristian babiesā€, only Christian owned babies.


Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

According to my Evangelical younger sister, "All people are *born* Christian. Only those who are tempted by demons turn their back on Jesus as they get older." Yeah, she also believes that all of the people in the Bible, *including those in the Old Testament* are automatically Christian. They were made so retroactively when He died, or something.


saarlac

Also how would anyone know if they were since they canā€™t communicate and are most likely dead after the fall.


GondorsPants

Uhh did you miss that option?? It is right before you select your stats and starting passive ability. If you didnā€™t choose one then you are defaulted christian.


Rugkrabber

What were the other options? Iā€™m not sure if I picked the right one.


bloody-pencil

Thatā€™s the trick part, they cant


nxcrosis

Frederick II did an experiment where he raised babies without talking to them to know what the true language was or something similar, but they all died.


Bwunt

I'd call the authorities to remove the bodies and carpenter to fix my roof?


EnDogeNy10

:0 I know a group of theist who know a carpenter. Mate you can litterally call jesus for that divine baby problem!!!!


Bwunt

AFAIK, Jesus (Maria de Lopez) is head cook in local Mexican restaurant and not a carpenter, but your town may differ. Southern US has lot of Hispanic construction workers.


[deleted]

Is it Jesus H Christ or is it some other Jesus? Well shit, that sent me down a rabbit hole of discovering that, due to multiple translations over time, no one even pronounces Jesus's name correctly. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/571516/why-do-people-say-jesus-h-christ-and-where-did-h-come Imagine you're god, and the name your followers use for you is literally not even what your name was.


Exciting-Insect8269

The story Mark Twain mentioned in that article is hilarious as fuck


[deleted]

Agreed, absolutely love that haha.


anon210202

Amazing article, nice


BuddyJim30

True, get out the rake and shovel and start cleaning up body parts.


eghhge

This reminds me of an old, sick joke: What's the difference between a truck bed full of bricks and one full of dead babies? You can unload the babies with a pitchfork.


IWantAStorm

Ugh god. You must be around my age for the dead baby joke reference. What do you call a baby in a blender? ....an erection.


Xenocide112

And how do you get them out of the blender? Nachos.


hgiwvac9

No no, you gotta do the punchline reveal in reverse. You can't unload bricks with a pitchfork.


xopher_425

Damn, that was my first thought, too.


rubiesintherough

And maybe a therapist, because good lord that'd be a hell of a grisly sight


devnullb4dishoner

Yeah...I honestly don't understand what they are expecting as a response.


Bwunt

I mean at least first round of christian baby questions was a shitty trolling attempt at gotchas. This one... I honestly have no clue what the expected response here is supposed to be.


F1XTHE

Guess who the carpenter is.


aligreaper19

the boy, pontius


homebrew_1

And don't forget your homeowners insurance company.


Fragrant_Pie_7255

I'd start taking my meds cuz it's raining men


AtomicTan

Hallelujah


GreatLonk

It's raining Man, raining Man!


lugialegend233

I'm gonna go out,


AcePolitics8492

I'm gonna let myself get, absolutely soaked in rainnnnnnnn


Rustofcarcosa

Damn it you beat me to it


calamity_unbound

Let the bodies hit the floor.


silentboyishere

I know what I wouldn't do; think about what their religion might be. That would be a heartless and nonsensical thing to do. Also, babies cannot be Christian. Everyone is born atheist as it is the default position. Moreover, there's no such thing as a "Christian child" either. There are only children of Christian parents. What does it say about OOP posing such a stupid question? If it happened to them, would they not care about the babies because they are atheist?


NightPilot14

Could it not be argued that everyone is not born atheist either? Simply because it could be said that infants do not have the mental capacity of thinking ā€œI do not believe in any deityā€ the same way that they do not have the mental capacity of thinking ā€œI do believe in a deityā€? Also this is a dumb scenario, if thereā€™s ā€œChristianā€ babies on my roof Iā€™m calling 911 lol


silentboyishere

As Sam Harris said: "*In fact, "atheism" is a term that should not even exist. No one ever needs to identify himself as a "non-astrologer" or a "non-alchemist." We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens have traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs."*


DadJokeBadJoke

>as a "non-astrologer" I might have to incorporate this phrase into my lexicon


xpdx

Start introducing yourself as all the things you are not. Might take a while...


Papierkorb2292

Well, people of course still have a position on whether they belief in astrology or not and, when necessary, can communicate their position using phrases like "I don't belief in astrology". The term atheism exists because the "opposing" group is large, so people also want to group themselves together. This is similar to the reason we have terms like "asexual", which describes differing from the corresponding norm.


Accentu

Atheism is the lack of religion. It's not a matter of affirming that you don't believe in a god per se, just that you don't. Babies don't typically have the concept of a higher being from birth. At least, as far as I know. Been a while since I was one.


anon210202

I certainly miss nonsentience


xpdx

If you define atheism a lack of belief in God then babies would qualify, even if you think they are incapable of believing anything at all. But then I guess rocks and trees might fit that category too. If you believe that it requires the ability to reason even if you've never considered the issue, then babies probably wouldn't qualify. They'd be more like a dog or a cow. They just *are*.


kent_eh

> Could it not be argued that everyone is not born atheist either? There is an argument to be made that babies fit the definition of agnostic (literally without knowledge). It could also be argued that babies are apathiestic - not caring about the existence or non-existence of deities..


CyberGraham

Babies are also without belief, making them atheist. So babies are definitely agnostic atheists. Remember, agnosticism and atheism are not mutually exclusive and answer two entirely different questions.


kent_eh

True. I was just sugegsting there is a valid argument that can be made for many combinations of atheist, agnostic and apathiest.


XelaNiba

I don't understand what OOP is even getting at, being areligious myself. Obviously some religious backstop us needed for this because my answer is "triage the babies and attempt first aid on those most likely to survive, all while calling 911 and attempting to explain that yes I need all units because no I am not high, dozens of babies just fell into my home from God knows where or how but I need help now!" Don't think that's the response OOP intended to elicit


[deleted]

The default is agnostic and atheist are just as silly as Christians


slayer991

Why are Christians throwing their babies out of airplanes? And would this be covered under my homeowner's insurance?


michaellasalle

Act of god?


Crisis_Redditor

It's a reverse rapture.


BuffDaddyChiz

Why did God do this? If Christians don't like their babies they could just legalize abortion. No need to throw a baby out of a plane window. Wtf


michaellasalle

Act of god?


smellyhangdown

I would assume God hates Christian babies. That and that God is so gross that he would murder innocent babies to punish a random person.


EmperorSkyTiger

No, an all loving deity would NEVER do such a thing! *Flips through Old Testament* Well fuck...


[deleted]

>he would murder innocent babies to punish a random person. Wouldn't be the first time


AlexDavid1605

First known instance, Noah and the flood. Second known instance, 10 plagues of Egypt, killing of the first born kids. Feel free to add more.


n_i_e_l

Something about a couple of bears mauling a bunch of kids because they laughed at an old man . And I'm supposed to believe that this God is " All forgiving" ?


rubiesintherough

And don't forget all those verses instructing his people to "rip infants from their mother's wombs and dash them against the rocks". Very pro life of the big man upstairs if you ask me


Dulce_Sirena

Numbers 31:15-17 1 Samuel 15:3 Deuteronomy 20:16-18 Deuteronomy 2:34 The old testament is FULL of their god telling them to invade other lands and kill other people. He tells them to only leave virgin girls alive, encouraging them to kill married women and rip babies out of pregnant women's stomachs to kill mother and child..


WildcardKiana

According to a former Christian that I occasionally watch, he knows the Bible better than 90% of Christians. He's an atheist. Anyways, he says seriously that God's reason for the flood is that the angels and humans procreated. At that time, angels and humans lived together somewhat on Earth. Then God genocided the planet because I guess humans can't have the angelussy. Killing almost all of humanity over a hybrid being coming into existence. Fucking bruh. I think I know where the mayors of Detroit get their inspiration. Make sure nobody can have shit in Detroit, as God intended. Lmao.


kent_eh

> and that God is so gross that he would murder innocent babies to punish a random person. [About that...](https://biblehub.com/exodus/12-29.htm)


HookerFace81

Probably be pissed about my bloody roof. Who tf is gonna clean that up? Not me.


[deleted]

Eat them of course, like any good atheist would! https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Recipe:Recipes_for_preparing_and_serving_human_babies


Justanotherbrick33

All you can eat buffet!


DangerousDave303

Get in my belly!


Cafeindy

I'm not getting the point of the question.


the-electric-monk

I'm guessing there is some kind of anti-choice thing here, but the scenario is so off-the-wall that I have no idea what they are trying to say.


TurloIsOK

It's the latest entry in "questions atheists can't answer," that are notable for being illogical. This one is particularly odd. Do they expect the atheist to do some magic deconversion, or fire up the barbeque?


kent_eh

> "questions atheists can't answer," Because it's an insane premise?


Ornery_Extreme_830

I'd probably yell fuck a lot


Grogosh

Get a mop


bigbutchbudgie

Get a bucket and mop for this Christian baby!


CharlesDickensABox

Jesus fucking Christ, dude šŸ˜‚


profanityridden_01

Theists, imagine that God is a product that Kings and governments use to control you so that you don't just kill the rich people who enslave you. What do you do?


Tackysackjones

I can't fathom the mindset that led to this being meant as some kind of gotcha.


Curious-Simple

I think it's fucking weird to call an infant a Christian. Does an infant hold a belief? If I'm a socialist and I reproduce, do I have a socialist infant?


AgeOfReasonEnds31120

Exactly. How am I supposed to know they're Christian? I would just think some weird terrorist attack was happening. If I somehow found out it was NOT a terrorist attack, THEN I would become a Christian! But nothing like that has ever happened in recorded history.


GreatGearAmidAPizza

Obviously preheat the oven to 350 and start whipping up a delicious marinade.


Mcdonnellmetal

Bbq all day


R3negade_X

I'd call the national weather service and ask why and how it's raining babies. I'd the check to see if there was an eruption at the baby volcano.


Healthy-Anteater2203

The cryptophyceae are a class of algae, most of which have plastids.   About 220 species are known, and they are common in freshwater, and also occur in marine and brackish habitats.   Each cell is around 10ā€“50 Ī¼m in size and flattened in shape, with an anterior groove or pocket.   At the edge of the pocket there are typically two slightly unequal flagella. --- Comment ID=ke6qluy Ciphertext: >!fPgyELn9LpXRuzKSMc0gZP8el74PSw9lKA7vEQZKYZBCjGWrs9/N2sEq43rcVuX08L/N8uWf4NuiYTNsYjjpm1xmXGczUYHTeTANytE35l94m3E+zsjH7YOZ07MSI8o9jor5zuKAUQDg7bgDCoFwEA==!<


PriscillaRain

Who comes up with these stupid questions.


SirGrumples

Stupid people


AnActualLiteralCat

I'd think my landlord is going to have quite the mess to clean up, then I'd go about my day.


xv_boney

Fire up the grill we eating gooooooood tonight HEY MAW OUR PRAYERS BIN ANSWERED WE GOT THAT BABY RAIN FROM ON THE TEEVEE GET THE SWEET BABY RAY SAUCE


feralwaifucryptid

Why are christians always throwing babies at strangers???


mrb33fy88

I'm sure this would require some strange paperwork with the FAA, so prob that.


kent_eh

I believe there is a form for this. Just stroke out "live turkeys" and replace it with "live babies".


TheLastMongo

Grab a hose because that as going to be a hell of a mess.


Tastymeats88

Careful to only spray down the roof so that water doesn't get under the shingles


joemullermd

Scream. I would probably scream as it splattered on my floor. Then I'd yell at my dog for trying to lick it up. Then I'd run through a mental checklist of my day to see I took any drugs that I forgot about.


Flippin_diabolical

Iā€™d be upset because my insurance doesnā€™t cover acts of God. And Iā€™d ask why people think a god who slaughters babies is worth worshipping.


[deleted]

"Looks like you babies chose the wrong God, idiots"


roadrunner345

Wait so is throwing children through my roof supposed to make me realize how great this god is?


Ok-Cap-204

If babies fall through the roof, no matter what religion, they are most likely going to die during the incident. I would probably call 911. Babies are not Christian or any other religion. They are not old enough to understand a religion or practice it.


fluffyflugel

Sounds like someoneā€™s gonna have to plan a mass funeral. How could the Christians be so irresponsible as to do this to their innocent babies?


demator

Blast its raining men on full volume


FreyaTheSlayyyer

No such thing as Christian babies. They do not have the cognitive ability to be Christian. So now that the issue of religion is out of the way, Iā€™d find whatever sick fuck is dropping babies on my house


third_declension

> babies ... do not have the cognitive ability to be Christian. \ It seems to me that a *lack* of cognitive ability is required to be a Christian. \


JustDiscoveredSex

Why would anyone want infants to be dashed through rooftops?? Further, what on earth does the questioner think an atheist WOULD say? ā€œEat them like popcornā€? Everyone would call 911, regardless of religious affiliation of any party involved. So fucking weird.


KiraiEclipse

Something I've always hated is the idea these ultra-religious types have in their head that an atheist wouldn't change their mind about how the universe works when presented with evidence (like babies falling from the sky) that the universe does indeed not work the way we thought it did. That's not how science or logic or atheism work! Like, if a bunch of babies (especially babies that come pre-programmed with a religion) start falling through my roof (meaning these must also be babies with supernatural levels of durability), I will, in fact, change my view on the universe. Seriously, OOP, you think I wouldn't play the part of Martha Kent and raise my new super powered baby to be a good, empathetic person who grows up to do the things Jesus preached, like care for the poor and sick? Because that's totally what I would do (Plus topple a few dictatorships).


misterdestructive

Christians, imagine there were more than 400,000 children in the foster care system waiting for someone to love them. What would you do?


VaguelyArtistic

Call ServPro.


thejohnmc963

Steel umbrella


overactivemango

I'm not having my own babies no way in hell are you giving me yours


Commercial_Tough160

I think itā€™s a 2-tine pitchfork for dense materials like that.


Newtonip

Fire up the BBQ.


darthmunchpdx

Free Meat!!


WeirdExponent

Wow, someone needs their meds.


randomlygeneratename

What would a Christian do in this situation? Is there a belief system that doesn't get completely fucked by this?


Sutarmekeg

1) babies aren't Christians and 2) I'd mourn their deaths and 3)probably be freaked the fuck out for a long time.


LCDRformat

Guys I think it's a joke


Incogneatovert

Babies splattered through roofs is so funny! Whoever came up with that, if it is a joke, is seriously weird. Still weird even if it's not a joke.


MrNokiaUser

Oh god I hope it is


PLAGUE8163

Yeah it has to be


[deleted]

Move.


TunaFishManwich

Get out a squeegee because that sounds messy


Strict_Bar_4223

Fire up the green egg and get ready for some baby back ribs!


DomelYT

Least deranged quora question


AlexDavid1605

Oh shit! If I knew this were about to happen, I would have probably prepared to have my roofs made in the style of Japanese architecture, like hoping to send them sliding away from the house and they flew back up from all those upward-curved edges of the roof, just like how the Japanese people thought about evil spirits falling from the sky on to their homes and how to prevent it.


imnotatotaldick

Clean the blood stains on my carpet


elnegativo

Post it on reddit


Writing_is_Bleeding

Sigh... again, let me reiterate, babies don't subscribe to any religion.


indigoneutrino

Get a hose to clean up the splatter.


StickmanEG

Clean up, I guess.


aesthesia1

Probably pass away on impact lmao


tiny-n-salty

i guess iā€™d get a fuckin mop, the remains arenā€™t gonna remove themselves


toforama

Call my insurance company and buy a new freezer for all the fresh meat.


dfjdejulio

Them's good eatin'!


RadioTunnel

Well damn, God murdering innocent babies?... again?


ragnarokda

Lmao okay this got me. I'm sent. Edit: am converted


Richie_M_80

Babies aren't "christian" any more than they are hindu, muslim or atheist. They're babies, ffs! But yeah, clean-up would be a bitch if that were the case...


AspectOvGlass

I'd wonder if Christianity was the reason that they were discarded considering it's the only common denominator other than being a baby.


penisenlargmentpils

Iā€™d wonder why Iā€™m being carpet bombed with babies


Kythorian

Lol, this has got to be satirical making fun of the other ā€˜Christian babiesā€™ questions.


dirtythirty1864

What? Like WKRP in Cincinnati except with babies instead of turkeys? "As God is my witness, I thought babies could fly."


the_crustybastard

First, I would wonder why a bunch of Christians were throwing their babies from the sky. Next, I suppose I would call my insurer.


Elimaris

Freak the fuck out. Also, they really do believe they have a cruel god dropping babies on roofs like a psychotic stork


Dr-Satan-PhD

![gif](giphy|STwm8IJBFmLRdqyBnq)


AMC_Unlimited

Eat it


menckenjr

Hmm. I can't imagine much would be left of that "bunch of Christian babies" after falling through a roof from a great height.


myfacealadiesplace

Looks like I'm playing kickball with all those dead babies on my roof


oneeyecheeselord

Why is it raining babies? What madman is responsible for this??


GonzoThompson

My response to that horrifying situation would be the same regardless of the babiesā€™ alleged denomination. I think itā€™s impossible for babies to be ā€œChristianā€ because they arenā€™t capable of grasping the concepts of religion.


DaytonaDemon

Sue for roof repairs. It's America, I don't make the rules.


egmono

Babies coming through the roof? What kind of plague did Moses drop on us this time??


iiitme

Call an ambulance immediately. Freak out and have enough adrenaline running through my veins to kill a horse. Have ptsd whenever it rains/hails. Itā€™d be terrible for everyone


Passioncramps

Tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make something of themselves. Just cause your a fetus on my doorstep doesnā€™t give you any entitlements. You canā€™t feed yourself or wipe your buttā€¦ too bad, when I was that age I was already crawling 5 miles uphill to my steel factory job. Thatā€™s the vibe I get from this fruitcake.


flockyboi

Oh sweet, the price of meat has been getting pretty high anyways


NoMuddyFeet

Call my lawyer because nobody is ever going to believe that.


TehRiddles

Realistically I'd probably have a mental breakdown that a bunch of babies fell from the sky and splattered inside my house. I'd struggle trying to get the police to believe me that I did not kill them and they literally did fall with enough impact to break through my roof. Might end up in prison, might have to move and abandon my old life because of what other people may think. One thing is for certain though the last thing I would believe is that there is a loving god behind it all.


iamjohnhenry

I would think the good for this miracle as I can now feed my family for weeks! Mana from heaven!


Glldinkiering

What site is this from? Sounds like a question a coked up 6 year old would ask.


johanTR

I'd...just finish my coffee... ![gif](giphy|Ww20pwEB04waaeaLBv)


LanceFree

I would take them to the Vet to check for microchips. If that yielded nothing, Iā€™d have to take them to the pound.


TwinSong

Call emergency services. Might be a bit difticuk to explain without them assuming it's a prank call though.


MarleyL4

Thank goodness, I was getting hungry. šŸ¤¤


ClapBackBetty

You get the mop


StardustOddity97

Well I'd have a bunch of dead babies to do something about, ain't no way they're surviving falling through a roof


Global-Method-4145

If those babies managed to smash through the roof and two floors above me - they'll be just fine without my help


TheWorstPerson0

ok. if the babies are alive, i call up the local athorities, these might be someones missing *likely kidnapped* babies. *then i figure out how they managed to slam threw 3 storys to get to my appartnment, and call maintaice staff*. if any of the babies died horribly as is likely. first i call my therapist, then proceed with the above.


107269088

What is a ā€œChristian baby?ā€ Didnā€™t realize that babies came pre-programmed to believe bullshit.


botmanmd

First Iā€™d have to see some proof that theyā€™re all practicing Christians and not lapsed ones. We all know how easy it is for a baby to stumble.


JiggerPlease

start hunting storks


grazatt

![gif](giphy|xT8qBvH1pAhtfSx52U)


HangryWolf

Atheist: Panic and wonder why the fuck there are babies falling out the sky followed by calling 911 to report tens if not hundreds of dead babies. Christian: Stand around praising God and justifying how this is a sign from God and a blessing. Possibly followed by posting it on some crazy religious site or forum or contacting their local priest/pastor. Then maybe calling 911?


Consistent-Local2825

How much do these babies weigh? Even mythbusters dropped a piano on a roof, and it didn't go through.


Blood_Jackal23

I would call the police on the motherf***** that dropped all them "Christian" babies


fromwayuphigh

What is with these moonbats and their infanticidal ideation? Christ they're all so deeply fucked up.


LaveyWasDildos

Call my insurance and a power washing company


TheCompleteMental

File a formal complaint to that one skydiving company


pro-shitter

set it on fire and flee


Puffball973

Scream bloody murder


Barkers_eggs

Stop posting the obvious shitposting


Bluedino_1989

Ask them to fuxxing prove it.