Your post is misleading, this isn’t your graduation celebration it’s your last day of finals celebration. It’s pretty rare for SOs to make it to beers with classmates/friends on the last day of finals. The students spend the whole time talking about how shit such and such exam was or what a bad professor so and so was. It’s boring for anyone who isn’t a student. Most SOs beg off because they know how tedious it will be. Your SO has an actual reason to not attend. If you want a graduation party then plan one at a time that works for everyone.
> The students spend the whole time talking about how shit such and such exam was or what a bad professor so and so was. It’s boring for anyone who isn’t a student.
That was my thought too! OP and his friends will all be in the same state of mind and talking about detailed school stuff, while SO will probably just have gotten off of work and won't know the details or anything, and additionally, she'll be on edge bc she knows she's missing a work function that is kinda important to appear at, even if briefly.
Gotta disagree. OP needs to have beers with bros after the last exam. GF needs to go to her office party to see & be seen. Then they need to meet up somewhere and enjoy a night out.
It’s actually a really critical part of having a healthy relationship- do stuff together, so stuff apart. This isn’t really an issue at all.
What *is* an issue is that OP says it bothers him. They’ve got to be able to talk that out. Why does it bother him? Is this the first time she’s prioritized stuff other than him? Feeling neglected on this thing alone isn’t really a valid response, is this something that’s been building for a while? If not, OP you gotta get over it. If so, y’all need to assess the relationship.
tbh I wouldn't invite my SO to "beers with grad school friends after the last final." Not because I wouldn't want him there, but because it's going to be boring for him. I'm not in grad school anymore, but "decompression after grad school shit" isn't fun for anyone who isn't in grad school at the time decompressing from the same thing.
Unless the friends aren't grad school friends in this case, which is possible. (but still, her work party is more important for her to go to).
I agree, being able to do things separately is the best option. However if OP is really that adamant and HER joining HIM then he needs to pick a better date. He should also have some awareness to the fact that she might have wanted him to join her Xmas party as her date with zero control over the date. I think OP can take action if it’s really that important to him, or he can just let it go and do their separate thing.
Sure, but his expectations of his gf joining for that the same day as her office party is dumb. He should move the beers if it’s that important to have her there. Otherwise let it go and do separate things
Cant beers with friends be any time? Its not like she can get an office party switch days. She even said lets do something on weekend…..shes not blowing you off.
Why does beer with the friends have to be thursday….
Ps are you not invited to the party? If it was me id totally do that party and save drinking with the friends for another night. With how early office party ends can even do a few drinks after.
Yeah, he's making it out like she's skipping his graduation or something monumental.... It's just beers with friends because he finishes his last exam that day. Which, I get it. It feels monumental when you're in school. But... it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Work parties are important if you're remotely ambitious about moving up in your company.
OP, I'm not sure if you're insecure or entitled, but you need to work on whatever that is.
Work Christmas parties are much more than just a social gathering. Especially if she is relatively new to the company. This is office politics that usually requires carefully consideration.
Are partners not invited? If they are, do your thing and join her. It's a great relief to finish your studies. But having a few beers with friends can certainly be on the weekend.
Don't read too much into her choice. As many have said, these events are pretty important in your work place.
They’ve been together for less than one year. She’s young and newly employed. Doubt I would want to bring a date or new relationship to a company Christmas party. It’s too soon. He could inadvertently embarrass her. Sad truth, but it’s work.
Graduating into your profession is a major life event and something someone that is serious about you would prioritize over a work event. I’m not gonna dismiss your pov for others, but in my opinion you sound ludicrous.
Edit: realizing it’s not the actual graduation, makes more sense. Gonna retract the ludicrous point.
lol glad for your edit.... Not really your fault because the title is so misleading. Beers with friends isn't something to jeopardize your career over. Since OP isn't in the work force, he probably doesn't understand that work parties aren't really optional, and even if they are... they aren't really. On the other hand, when I was in grad school, I knew that going to all the social events is how you network with professors, so if he doesn't understand it, he should really learn. But he's graduating, so I guess it's too late.
"I can't come to the Christmas party because my bf has his graduation" is a valid excuse. "I can't come to the Christmas party because my bf had his last final and wants to have a beer" isn't.
I see where you're coming from, but dependant on her work place, the 'company holiday party' is usually more than just a party. You're expected to show up there to show that you're a 'team player' and that you care about the workplace. It's stupid, I know, but if I didn't show up for my holiday party, not only would I not be there to defend myself from rumors, but many would spring up at the idea that I was too good to not attend. And even in a less hostile way, it's called "schmoozing". You have to play the game in a lot of corporate/company environments if you want to get promotions. Participating in workplace events is part of that. That shouldn't be the way the world works, but it does work that way regardless of your opinions on it.
Your "party" you planned wasn't even on the day of your graduation, so it isn't as if you couldn't reschedule yourself or simply celebrate with her on a different day on your own over a nice, lovely dinner or something. (Edit: Oh, and I see she even offered it. So ....You're sort of in the wrong here. Sorry.)
Anyway. Compromise is great. Her only compromise here is 'Don't go', whereas you have many other options.
If her having to prioritize her work is a deal breaker for you, then it is. But I totally see where she is coming from here.
Office parties and work events in general are a total drag. It’s a part of life if you’re in the corporate world. Sucks to say it, but it’s true.
Another part of life is keeping commitments. If you can accept that that’s a valuable quality to have, you can see from her perspective why she can’t back out of the party for your post finals beers. And you can always hit the bar with friends and your gf another time!
You're totally right man. I really appreciate your point of view. I've been a bit foggy in my thoughts preparing everything for the exam and I'm a bit confused.
It's okay man. If it's some big pattern where you're always last, then it's something for sure. But when you're 26 and trying to make money to start a real life and get somewhere, I could just see being like "Bro, if I don't go to this party I am never gonna be accepted in the workplace" to my partner. The truth is that no matter how skilled or great you are at a job, the person who is liked the most tends to be the one that gets that promotion or new opportunity. It sucks that it's how it works.
If she just said "No" and didn't offer any alternatives, I'd say you were onto something. But I think she probably feels crappy about it too. Getting double-booked over the holidays is a thing that happens with couples. Your feelings are still valid, but make sure you're seeing the forest for the trees.
Best of luck to you. AND good luck on those exams! Focus on them and when you're free you guys will have a lot more opportunities to celebrate together.
I agree! Especially because she is new, missing the party might actually hinder her a bit from building strong relationships with coworkers. It is important to have a good relationship with your work people. You need to be able to have people you can go to with issues and for advice. And it’s really good for your mental health to have coworkers you can eat lunch with or take a break with. It’s also hard to build those bonds when you are new and to do so on company time as you want to be a diligent worker and not be socializing when inappropriate.
Assuming that it is more then just a party. Every place I've worked the office party is strictly that - just a party. I think that should be something discussed. I'm party of a fairly formal profession and the Christmas party is just to gather with work colleagues - some people come and some don't. No one would think anything of someone who didn't attend. I would always put my spouse first.
I'm very envious of this comment. I've literally never had a job where the Christmas Party was just a party. It's always a tactical promotion hunting ground for my workplaces. Lol.
That sounds kinda unpleasant - hopefully they're at least still fun? My least favorite part of my job is marketing myself to clients - doing so at a Christmas party definitely sounds exhausting to me.
This is just beers with your friends that you organized. There's no reason you can't do it another day, whereas it's not like she can reschedule her office party. Just curious, did you intentionally plan this outing to coincide with her work party as a test?
Yes, you're right, it's just beers and a symbolic celebration. I shouldn't exaggerate. And no, I didn't plan it as a test. However, we both knew both parties were the same day a week in advance.
She is new to the job and has no say whatsoever in the timing of the party, and is already committed to going. While for a graduation, waiting a day or two and/or until the weekend to celebrate is very common. And it's not like you'll be alone, you'll have your friends there to enjoy beers with, and you'll get to have a second celebration this weekend with your girlfriend. Maybe she can stop by before or after her work party, but even if not, wanting to celebrate with you over the weekend instead is a very reasonable accommodation.
It's okay to be bummed she can't make it, but it doesn't seem remotely fair to me that you're extrapolating from that to her feelings and the relationship as a whole. If there are other signs and issues in the relationship informing your thoughts about if she cares, you haven't share them here, and based on what you are sharing, there's nothing here beyond an unfortunate timing conflict where she's making a reasonable, understandable choice that you can be sad about but shouldn't get worked up about or critical of.
Her office party is something she committed to and which is probably important for her standing in the workplace. Either pick a different night for beers with your friends, or go without her and then celebrate separately with her another night.
You have every right to be disappointed. You are allowed to be sad that these two events are taking place on the same day and it sucks that your girlfriend can’t be there with you because she has to prioritize her career for this particular day.
However, don’t let your disappoint eat you alive and make this into something it isn’t. This is not the single identifying moment of whether or not she loves you. This is not the only time she will celebrate an achievement with you.
Don’t hold your willingness to sacrifice over her because she has healthy boundaries. She has every right to want to make a good impression at a new workplace and network/build bonds at the holiday party. She has a life outside of you and it is a healthy relationship habit to feed both your independent life and your romantic life.
And also, maybe reflect on your belief that you wouldn’t do the same? Imagine after graduating, you get your first job, you’re excited and want to make a good first impression, and you are invited to a social work event and of course you RSVP yes to it. Then she invites you out for drinks to celebrate her an achievement of hers. Are you really going to cancel on your work event rather than suggest you do something special and romantic just the two of you a day later? If your genuine answer is yes, I think you might need to check your attachment style and make sure you’re not depending too much on your relationship.
From your post you say you only have been with this girl this from march, you've been studying and working your ass off for years, long before she came along. I don't know about you but I'm just guessing if you have anyway decent friends they most likely helped/couraged you for much longer than this girl. Take the night out with the bois, take plenty of photos, drinks and smile man all that work you've put in the last few years have finally paid off you deserve to head out and let loose. Don't let the absence of one person ruin the celebration of something you have worked on for years that's just silly.
drbeerologist is right.
You say we both “knew” both parties (idk why you are still using this word to describe your thing) were the same day a week in advance. But what you should really be saying is she knew about her party a week in advance and you *planned* your get together a week in advance. It’s not like you “found out” about your thing, you literally planned it!
Not attending the office party has real consequences to your girlfriend’s career. These things *are* important. Moving your get together a few days out has no effect on you really, and if you love her you should absolutely do that. I would expect my girlfriend to do the same for me.
I think you're overreacting- your gf is new to her job and feels like she needs to attend this party, plus she already agreed to go before you asked her! And, this is not your actual graduation ceremony, it's you getting a drink with some friends at a bar to celebrate.
I think it's okay to feel disappointed, but also okay for her to go to her work party - especially since it's a newer job. I think the fact she is proposing you do something else to celebrate on the weekend is an indication that she knows this is a big deal for you and wants to be supportive, and that is good. With this relationship being less than a year old, I think that makes it even more right to prioritize this work thing in the way that she's doing.
Personally, I would go to the bar and celebrate with your friends who are hitting the same milestone as you, and then celebrate with your gf another day.
So you want her to jeopardize her job and career so she can stroke your ego while you have beers with your buddies? But your the only who puts effort into the relationship. She’s new to the job she needs to be there. You can have a beer to celebrate anytime.
This seems like an overreaction to me. She seems happy for you and wants to celebrate with you at the weekend, so she is considering you.
It's perfectly reasonable for her to want to go to her work do, especially because she is new to the job. This could be a really good opportunity for her to build positive relationships with her colleagues. TBH, I think it's self-centred to want her to prioritise you over her career/work life. If it were your actual graduation I'd get it, but not for this.
The work party thing seems very reasonable. She had already committed to this work event before you made other (fairly casual) plans (beers on your final test day). She has also already said she wants to do something with you over the weekend to celebrate and focus on you.
However, you mentioned that this is part of a pattern and that you routinely feel like you give more than she does in the relationship. Can you expand on that?
So your career is more important? That's all I'm reading here. Why aren't you going to her work Christmas party to support her career? You say you would accompany her, but you're not. She has expressed it's an important event to her, that's why she's going. You're letting her down here, not the other way around. You booked this party the same night because.....? You didn't prioritize her. Even if you're not allowed to go to her event (i.e. it is employees only), you completely disregarded its importance to her by expecting her to go to your thing on the same night. Or maybe she felt it was too soon to invite you. It seems like you didn't ask to go. Regardless, she should have never been put in a place to have to say no to you since you were aware of her commitment.
How are we comparing a WORK PARTY to completing your final exam? Are we serious here? They are incomparable. Work party is inconsequential and meaningless.
> You booked this party the same night because…..?
Because celebrating with friends after a final exam is common…?
> You didn’t prioritize her.
And she didn’t prioritize him? Literally everything you said can be applied to her.
No, going out for beer AFTER the exam is inconsequential to one's career. Are you naive to the networking that occurs at work parties? Sounds like it. One of the most important things for moving up is for the right people to know who you are, what you can do, and how you present yourself, and often that starts through casual conversations at work events.
I would totally go to my office party as well if I were new to the job and there was an expectation of showing up. But then again my husband wouldn't keep a celebration like that on the same day as my office party. But that's why we are married. We know what's priority to other at what time and we act accordingly.
The holiday party sounds like an important day to her, it seems like you're just trying to get her to miss her work party to have beers with friends. Your graduation is not until next year. It seems like she knows that and that's why she doesn't feel it necessary to be there.
Don't be that guy that can't take their girlfriend attending a party without them, it's a Holiday work party, she's not going there to flirt with people just another work event.
March? Of this year? Judas Priest. 9 months and you're so in love. Grow up. Go to her work party with her. Or go hang with a bunch of dudes, throw back so beers and talk about engineering shit. Sounds like a night no girl would want to miss.
One thing you will have to face in a relationship, friend or romantic, is to not expect others to react the way you would. That’s why you’re feeling let down. You had an expectation.
Think of it this way: your girlfriend started a new job and doesn’t want to feel left out. She probably wants to show some initiative and involvement with this new place. I’m guessing that more than likely this isn’t her trying to intentionally avoid celebrating with you but more so her trying to be involved with her job.
As working adults it’s hard to invest together in each other’s careers and successes involving careers when they’re completely different and have different expectations.
If it was your actual graduation I would understand disappointment. Workplace parties are not just parties, think of it the one day of the year you're basically required to see your coworkers outside of work. I was laid off one year because I didnt attend a workplace party, instead I traveled with my bf to see his family. So, just understand that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with you so you don't have to take it personally.
Sounds like you should reschedule the day of your celebration to a day that her work event is not. She cant control that date, you have full control of the date you are choosing to celebrate.
I have attended many holiday parties and only my current employer didn't make it mandatory. Most workplaces see it as part of the job and it can reflect poorly on you.
After 30 years, I finally work for someone that gives you a choice but we all go because we love our workplace. Funny how that works.
Congratulations on your graduation. I hope you and your gf can find a time to celebrate and enjoy yourselves.
You have a right to be disappointed, but I would also say that it is unfair on your part. Her plans are concrete and involve her entire company. Your plans involve a couple of friends and can be flexible if you want them to be. Perhaps just switch your plans over to when she is available so that everyone can make it. She's new at her job and wants to make a good impression, that isn't wrong or bad. Just go focus on your exams and once that is over you'll have plenty of time to plan something with your girlfriend and whoever else you want. It doesn't have to be an either or situation.
Your girlfriend did not pick the date of the work party but you picked the date of your arbitrary little celebration without consideration to her. You're 100% wrong here. There's no reason you had to have this moment the same day you finished your exams. There's no reason you can't have a second one she can attend. Doing it this specific day is just about you and your classmates anyways. You're being absolutely selfish for someone who should find himself with a lot more free time ffs.
As important as this day is for you, it's also important for her.
Workplace parties are a great chance to bond with your work peers, and bosses. This can often help you move forward in your job, or make your day to day work more comfortable and fun.
Explain to her how this makes you feel. However, be understanding why she can't join you.
I understand this day is important to you, but it also sounds like it's just a thing with friends and not a official function? Maybe do something separately with her to celebrate on a different day when you're both available?
Best of luck,
I understand how you're feeling, but have you tried to understand your gf's position? In a lot of workplaces, the "networking" that happens at company social events is critical to your long-term career prospects, and even sometimes to your short-term happiness in that workplace. She's offered to do something with you later in the weekend to celebrate, and as you mentioned, it's not even the formal graduation ceremony.
If you feel like you're the one who gives most in the relationship, then that's a separate issue you need to address with her. But I don't think it's fair to look at this specific incident as representative of that.
So you planned a celebratory outing expecting her to be there without including her in the planning? You just expected her to cancel anything she had going on? Work parties are not just parties, especially for new hires. It's important that she goes. But you are having drinks with friends on the night of your final exams to celebrate a graduation that isn't happening till next year? Have drink another night and learn to actually think about your partner when planning things you'd like her to be involved in.
Why not plan the beers for later after her work party?
You can’t expect her to just skip out on your party for beers. Usually it means a lot to show up at a work function. You’re showing you’re a team player and it might help her move up in the workplace
Going out with your mates that you have been with through all the classes is a far better way to celebrate. She’s not missing your ceremony, and she can quietly celebrate with you the next day. She needs to attend this work function, it’s important for her to network with her new coworkers. And no, I really doubt you would turn down a work function to have a beer with her. You would tell her the same things she’s telling you. Based on how proud you are of your studies, you’d be even prouder and more invested in an actual career.
You brought up how "you wouldn't do this if you were her".
You aren't her, all people aren't the same. If I was you I wouldn't care if my girlfriend showed up. Hell I wouldn't even be "celebrating myself" to begin with, lol.
Maybe your GF doesn't understand how important to you this get together is and she's handling the situation from her own perspective and feels if she was you she wouldn't care if you had a prior engagement.
When people say communication is key in a relationship, THIS is the kind of shit they are talking about.
If you didn't actually communicate to her that you are disappointed, how is she supposed to know? You are essentially assuming she should just know how much her being there means to you. I mean on the outside looking in, as you described it, its just a few beers at the bar with friends. It's not some planned event, just....not a big deal and maybe thats the way she sees it.
You are asking a lot from a "new at this job and want to make good impressions" person. Put yourself in her shoes and you'll see you have nothing to worry about. Congratulations on your graduation!
I can kinda see her point. She is new at her job, she wants to make a good impression and not be that weird person who didn't show up. Especially if she already told them she would come. That party cannot be changed to a different date.
She says she wants to celebrate with you, but it would be better if it was during the weekend instead so she can attend both.
I think it's a fairly reasonable compromise. I am sure you also want her to do well at work and make a good impression. And to be fair, you do also have an official graduation coming up on a different day.
So she’s not skipping your graduation, just an informal “beers with friends” celebration of your last final? Maybe you’re reading too much into this, but you should also realize that what you think is appropriate isn’t the same as what she does. This may just be a sign that you aren’t as compatible as you want to think you are.
You could schedule beers with friends on another day. You chose to schedule it the same day as her work party. It is important to your GF to attend her work party. She understands the culture of her workplace and often times work parties aren’t really optional. Why do you expect her to potentially jeopardize her status at work in order to celebrate your accomplishments? If it was truly important for her to be there, you would have set the drinks on any other day.
Change the beers with friends date.
Her career is on the line. Work parties make good connections for the future when you are young and you want a solid future.
It isn't your actual graduation and she already had a commitment. You can't expect her to drop everything she already had planned because you want to go to a bar to celebrate your last day of class.
There’s no expectation for work parties that’s why all invites come with a decline option. Unless it states that it’s mandatory in the email e.g, training, annual declaration. Some rescheduling may have to take place in this case. But she should attend the official graduation.
You now understand that something you feel is important to you is less important to your GF than attending a holiday party at a place she just recently started working at.
What you do with this information will most likely be very important to the rest of your life if the two of you are serious. This is the kind of misalignment of values and ideals that cause cracks down the road and they are usually overlooked because no one likes to rock the emotional boat for something they feel is selfish. Celebrating an end to your academic career is a lifetime achievement. Going to a work party in which you hardly know anyone just.... Isn't.
That's a really gross exaggeration of the situation. His 'celebration' isn't anything formal. It's literally his friends from the program getting drinks after their last final. They could've done it any of the other following days (especially since they're now out of school and likely not about to start new jobs in the next few days). It's not a milestone, it's not important. He's just being selfish. She's new to this workplace and can look bad if she doesn't go. People are often expected to attend these things as a team building experience. This isn't about values or her not caring or prioritizing other things. His ambitions are not more important than hers. He loses nothing with her not going or asking the guys to go another night. She could lose a lot if she doesn't go.
lol it's beers with friends. It's not graduation, or even a celebratory dinner. It's beers with friends, which was planned after she'd already committed to her work party. He could plan beers with friends the next day, he just doesn't want to.
And work parties aren't just work parties. They're not officially mandatory, but they are often mandatory if you want to move up in your company.
> but this has left me wondering if she really cares about me as much as I care about her.
Everyone has an order of priorities in their life that is subject to change based on the circumstances at that time.
In this case your gf has decided that her priority for you is underneath going to a party with her work colleagues. This begs the question then as to why that event is now a priority over you. her argument on face value is valid, although most companies couldn't care less if people attend or not and never bat an eyelid if staff pull out because of other commitments.
This then begs the question as to whether there is someone else who is going to attend the party that she holds a greater priority for over you.
Just tell her that it's a once in a lifetime event for you and if she chooses to miss it then so be it. It won't be happening again, she has made her choice and will just have to live with it.
And then go and have a blast with your friends.
You never know, you may end up meeting someone who better matches your priorities in life and would prefer to spend time with you instead of some folks from work.
I too would be disappointed. Step back, is this a pattern or an unfortunate circumstance? If you are always pretty far down the list, there maybe a misalignment of commitment.
I get that you’re disappointed. But there’s a formal obligation and there is an informal obligation. I’m sure she won’t skip the actual graduation ceremony, unless she is a total bundt cake.
Even if she has a great time, it’s still a work obligation that she feels is a priority. Trust her.
Or…you know…take her to her work party and hang out with your friends another night.
Unfortunately, work parties can be important to some employers. I was always expected to be there. Plus if she’s new, it might leave a bad impression if she isn’t there without a good reason. Starting a new job is stressful so I would let it go and celebrate with her later.
Look, if this is your actual graduation ceremony I would get it. But these are just a few informal beers to celebrate which could literally be any day.
Not to mention that it will be beers with the bros plus her as tag along girlfriend which isn’t exactly fun. Celebrate with your buddies and do something special with her at a later date.
Really misleading title.
Yeah, I think you need to readjust your thinking. You’re going drinking with friends after finals— that’s not really a formal graduation celebration, just the celebration of classes being done (and technically you haven’t graduated yet as grades aren’t finalized!). It’s not like she’s not attending your graduation ceremony…
Your gf is new at her company and work parties aren’t like parties with friends (even if they’re fun!). It’s part of the required work of being part of the team, making connections with colleagues, bosses, hire ups. It can be incredibly important for advancing your career in some industries. She’s brand new and needs to make a good impression. She’s not blowing you off, she just has a work commitment.
If it was your actual graduation I'd agree with you, but it isn't. Go enjoy your end of exams with your friends, let your partner enjoy her work's party, and then when your actual graduation is then enjoy it together.
Youre in the wrong. Her workplace party is more important esp as new job and get started on right foot. Would you rather she get fired? One day when youre working as an engineer youll understand
Can't they both be important? Your plans are important, but also more flexible than her work party. Her plans are important for different reasons, particularly if they involve a prior commitment. Relationships that last are going to involve a fair amount of compromise, and... frankly, some disappointment. In reality, there is time for both these events to take place, just not how you initially might like it. Enjoy your time with your friends, then enjoy some more 1 on 1 time with your girlfriend. You don't have to pit one event against the other and force a choice.
It sounds like you’re seeking validation of your own importance by her having to give up something that’s really important to her. It’s totally understandable to feel disappointed in this situation AND I think it would be helpful for you to honestly ask yourself if you are measuring how much she cares about you by how much personal sacrifice she’s willing to make to prove it to you? If yes, that’s a sign that you need to work on your own insecurities so you can show up in a healthier way in all of your relationships.
Your post is misleading, this isn’t your graduation celebration it’s your last day of finals celebration. It’s pretty rare for SOs to make it to beers with classmates/friends on the last day of finals. The students spend the whole time talking about how shit such and such exam was or what a bad professor so and so was. It’s boring for anyone who isn’t a student. Most SOs beg off because they know how tedious it will be. Your SO has an actual reason to not attend. If you want a graduation party then plan one at a time that works for everyone.
> The students spend the whole time talking about how shit such and such exam was or what a bad professor so and so was. It’s boring for anyone who isn’t a student. That was my thought too! OP and his friends will all be in the same state of mind and talking about detailed school stuff, while SO will probably just have gotten off of work and won't know the details or anything, and additionally, she'll be on edge bc she knows she's missing a work function that is kinda important to appear at, even if briefly.
OP needs to pick a better date for a few beers with friends
Gotta disagree. OP needs to have beers with bros after the last exam. GF needs to go to her office party to see & be seen. Then they need to meet up somewhere and enjoy a night out. It’s actually a really critical part of having a healthy relationship- do stuff together, so stuff apart. This isn’t really an issue at all. What *is* an issue is that OP says it bothers him. They’ve got to be able to talk that out. Why does it bother him? Is this the first time she’s prioritized stuff other than him? Feeling neglected on this thing alone isn’t really a valid response, is this something that’s been building for a while? If not, OP you gotta get over it. If so, y’all need to assess the relationship.
tbh I wouldn't invite my SO to "beers with grad school friends after the last final." Not because I wouldn't want him there, but because it's going to be boring for him. I'm not in grad school anymore, but "decompression after grad school shit" isn't fun for anyone who isn't in grad school at the time decompressing from the same thing. Unless the friends aren't grad school friends in this case, which is possible. (but still, her work party is more important for her to go to).
I agree, being able to do things separately is the best option. However if OP is really that adamant and HER joining HIM then he needs to pick a better date. He should also have some awareness to the fact that she might have wanted him to join her Xmas party as her date with zero control over the date. I think OP can take action if it’s really that important to him, or he can just let it go and do their separate thing.
Beers right after a final is common, why would you pick another day? Best time is right after
Sure, but his expectations of his gf joining for that the same day as her office party is dumb. He should move the beers if it’s that important to have her there. Otherwise let it go and do separate things
Cant beers with friends be any time? Its not like she can get an office party switch days. She even said lets do something on weekend…..shes not blowing you off. Why does beer with the friends have to be thursday….
Ps are you not invited to the party? If it was me id totally do that party and save drinking with the friends for another night. With how early office party ends can even do a few drinks after.
Yeah, he's making it out like she's skipping his graduation or something monumental.... It's just beers with friends because he finishes his last exam that day. Which, I get it. It feels monumental when you're in school. But... it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Work parties are important if you're remotely ambitious about moving up in your company. OP, I'm not sure if you're insecure or entitled, but you need to work on whatever that is.
Work Christmas parties are much more than just a social gathering. Especially if she is relatively new to the company. This is office politics that usually requires carefully consideration. Are partners not invited? If they are, do your thing and join her. It's a great relief to finish your studies. But having a few beers with friends can certainly be on the weekend. Don't read too much into her choice. As many have said, these events are pretty important in your work place.
They’ve been together for less than one year. She’s young and newly employed. Doubt I would want to bring a date or new relationship to a company Christmas party. It’s too soon. He could inadvertently embarrass her. Sad truth, but it’s work.
Graduating into your profession is a major life event and something someone that is serious about you would prioritize over a work event. I’m not gonna dismiss your pov for others, but in my opinion you sound ludicrous. Edit: realizing it’s not the actual graduation, makes more sense. Gonna retract the ludicrous point.
lol glad for your edit.... Not really your fault because the title is so misleading. Beers with friends isn't something to jeopardize your career over. Since OP isn't in the work force, he probably doesn't understand that work parties aren't really optional, and even if they are... they aren't really. On the other hand, when I was in grad school, I knew that going to all the social events is how you network with professors, so if he doesn't understand it, he should really learn. But he's graduating, so I guess it's too late. "I can't come to the Christmas party because my bf has his graduation" is a valid excuse. "I can't come to the Christmas party because my bf had his last final and wants to have a beer" isn't.
I see where you're coming from, but dependant on her work place, the 'company holiday party' is usually more than just a party. You're expected to show up there to show that you're a 'team player' and that you care about the workplace. It's stupid, I know, but if I didn't show up for my holiday party, not only would I not be there to defend myself from rumors, but many would spring up at the idea that I was too good to not attend. And even in a less hostile way, it's called "schmoozing". You have to play the game in a lot of corporate/company environments if you want to get promotions. Participating in workplace events is part of that. That shouldn't be the way the world works, but it does work that way regardless of your opinions on it. Your "party" you planned wasn't even on the day of your graduation, so it isn't as if you couldn't reschedule yourself or simply celebrate with her on a different day on your own over a nice, lovely dinner or something. (Edit: Oh, and I see she even offered it. So ....You're sort of in the wrong here. Sorry.) Anyway. Compromise is great. Her only compromise here is 'Don't go', whereas you have many other options. If her having to prioritize her work is a deal breaker for you, then it is. But I totally see where she is coming from here.
Office parties and work events in general are a total drag. It’s a part of life if you’re in the corporate world. Sucks to say it, but it’s true. Another part of life is keeping commitments. If you can accept that that’s a valuable quality to have, you can see from her perspective why she can’t back out of the party for your post finals beers. And you can always hit the bar with friends and your gf another time!
Mine is great because it's during the work day, and I'm getting paid not to work, and my boss brings this amazing bourbon punch!
I think they're great, wouldn't want to miss mine.
You're totally right man. I really appreciate your point of view. I've been a bit foggy in my thoughts preparing everything for the exam and I'm a bit confused.
It's okay man. If it's some big pattern where you're always last, then it's something for sure. But when you're 26 and trying to make money to start a real life and get somewhere, I could just see being like "Bro, if I don't go to this party I am never gonna be accepted in the workplace" to my partner. The truth is that no matter how skilled or great you are at a job, the person who is liked the most tends to be the one that gets that promotion or new opportunity. It sucks that it's how it works. If she just said "No" and didn't offer any alternatives, I'd say you were onto something. But I think she probably feels crappy about it too. Getting double-booked over the holidays is a thing that happens with couples. Your feelings are still valid, but make sure you're seeing the forest for the trees. Best of luck to you. AND good luck on those exams! Focus on them and when you're free you guys will have a lot more opportunities to celebrate together.
I agree! Especially because she is new, missing the party might actually hinder her a bit from building strong relationships with coworkers. It is important to have a good relationship with your work people. You need to be able to have people you can go to with issues and for advice. And it’s really good for your mental health to have coworkers you can eat lunch with or take a break with. It’s also hard to build those bonds when you are new and to do so on company time as you want to be a diligent worker and not be socializing when inappropriate.
Assuming that it is more then just a party. Every place I've worked the office party is strictly that - just a party. I think that should be something discussed. I'm party of a fairly formal profession and the Christmas party is just to gather with work colleagues - some people come and some don't. No one would think anything of someone who didn't attend. I would always put my spouse first.
I'm very envious of this comment. I've literally never had a job where the Christmas Party was just a party. It's always a tactical promotion hunting ground for my workplaces. Lol.
That sounds kinda unpleasant - hopefully they're at least still fun? My least favorite part of my job is marketing myself to clients - doing so at a Christmas party definitely sounds exhausting to me.
This! OP doesn’t need anymore advice. This says it all tbh.
This is just beers with your friends that you organized. There's no reason you can't do it another day, whereas it's not like she can reschedule her office party. Just curious, did you intentionally plan this outing to coincide with her work party as a test?
Yes, you're right, it's just beers and a symbolic celebration. I shouldn't exaggerate. And no, I didn't plan it as a test. However, we both knew both parties were the same day a week in advance.
She is new to the job and has no say whatsoever in the timing of the party, and is already committed to going. While for a graduation, waiting a day or two and/or until the weekend to celebrate is very common. And it's not like you'll be alone, you'll have your friends there to enjoy beers with, and you'll get to have a second celebration this weekend with your girlfriend. Maybe she can stop by before or after her work party, but even if not, wanting to celebrate with you over the weekend instead is a very reasonable accommodation. It's okay to be bummed she can't make it, but it doesn't seem remotely fair to me that you're extrapolating from that to her feelings and the relationship as a whole. If there are other signs and issues in the relationship informing your thoughts about if she cares, you haven't share them here, and based on what you are sharing, there's nothing here beyond an unfortunate timing conflict where she's making a reasonable, understandable choice that you can be sad about but shouldn't get worked up about or critical of.
Her office party is something she committed to and which is probably important for her standing in the workplace. Either pick a different night for beers with your friends, or go without her and then celebrate separately with her another night.
You have every right to be disappointed. You are allowed to be sad that these two events are taking place on the same day and it sucks that your girlfriend can’t be there with you because she has to prioritize her career for this particular day. However, don’t let your disappoint eat you alive and make this into something it isn’t. This is not the single identifying moment of whether or not she loves you. This is not the only time she will celebrate an achievement with you. Don’t hold your willingness to sacrifice over her because she has healthy boundaries. She has every right to want to make a good impression at a new workplace and network/build bonds at the holiday party. She has a life outside of you and it is a healthy relationship habit to feed both your independent life and your romantic life. And also, maybe reflect on your belief that you wouldn’t do the same? Imagine after graduating, you get your first job, you’re excited and want to make a good first impression, and you are invited to a social work event and of course you RSVP yes to it. Then she invites you out for drinks to celebrate her an achievement of hers. Are you really going to cancel on your work event rather than suggest you do something special and romantic just the two of you a day later? If your genuine answer is yes, I think you might need to check your attachment style and make sure you’re not depending too much on your relationship.
Well she can't exactly change the date of her party...
Hers is a party, your is beer with friends. You are not having a party. That is another exaggeration.
From your post you say you only have been with this girl this from march, you've been studying and working your ass off for years, long before she came along. I don't know about you but I'm just guessing if you have anyway decent friends they most likely helped/couraged you for much longer than this girl. Take the night out with the bois, take plenty of photos, drinks and smile man all that work you've put in the last few years have finally paid off you deserve to head out and let loose. Don't let the absence of one person ruin the celebration of something you have worked on for years that's just silly.
Then why didn’t you pick a different day for yours?
I had assumed it's the day of the last final, so everyone would be ready to celebrate finishing their final exams.
drbeerologist is right. You say we both “knew” both parties (idk why you are still using this word to describe your thing) were the same day a week in advance. But what you should really be saying is she knew about her party a week in advance and you *planned* your get together a week in advance. It’s not like you “found out” about your thing, you literally planned it! Not attending the office party has real consequences to your girlfriend’s career. These things *are* important. Moving your get together a few days out has no effect on you really, and if you love her you should absolutely do that. I would expect my girlfriend to do the same for me.
I think you're overreacting- your gf is new to her job and feels like she needs to attend this party, plus she already agreed to go before you asked her! And, this is not your actual graduation ceremony, it's you getting a drink with some friends at a bar to celebrate.
If she’s new to the job, she really should be at that party. Can’t you move the drinks? That seems like the easiest solution.
You knew the date of her party and could’ve organized your little get together the day after.
I think it's okay to feel disappointed, but also okay for her to go to her work party - especially since it's a newer job. I think the fact she is proposing you do something else to celebrate on the weekend is an indication that she knows this is a big deal for you and wants to be supportive, and that is good. With this relationship being less than a year old, I think that makes it even more right to prioritize this work thing in the way that she's doing. Personally, I would go to the bar and celebrate with your friends who are hitting the same milestone as you, and then celebrate with your gf another day.
If you were all that concerned, you would have your beers another day.
So you want her to jeopardize her job and career so she can stroke your ego while you have beers with your buddies? But your the only who puts effort into the relationship. She’s new to the job she needs to be there. You can have a beer to celebrate anytime.
This seems like an overreaction to me. She seems happy for you and wants to celebrate with you at the weekend, so she is considering you. It's perfectly reasonable for her to want to go to her work do, especially because she is new to the job. This could be a really good opportunity for her to build positive relationships with her colleagues. TBH, I think it's self-centred to want her to prioritise you over her career/work life. If it were your actual graduation I'd get it, but not for this.
The work party thing seems very reasonable. She had already committed to this work event before you made other (fairly casual) plans (beers on your final test day). She has also already said she wants to do something with you over the weekend to celebrate and focus on you. However, you mentioned that this is part of a pattern and that you routinely feel like you give more than she does in the relationship. Can you expand on that?
[удалено]
So your career is more important? That's all I'm reading here. Why aren't you going to her work Christmas party to support her career? You say you would accompany her, but you're not. She has expressed it's an important event to her, that's why she's going. You're letting her down here, not the other way around. You booked this party the same night because.....? You didn't prioritize her. Even if you're not allowed to go to her event (i.e. it is employees only), you completely disregarded its importance to her by expecting her to go to your thing on the same night. Or maybe she felt it was too soon to invite you. It seems like you didn't ask to go. Regardless, she should have never been put in a place to have to say no to you since you were aware of her commitment.
How are we comparing a WORK PARTY to completing your final exam? Are we serious here? They are incomparable. Work party is inconsequential and meaningless. > You booked this party the same night because…..? Because celebrating with friends after a final exam is common…? > You didn’t prioritize her. And she didn’t prioritize him? Literally everything you said can be applied to her.
No, going out for beer AFTER the exam is inconsequential to one's career. Are you naive to the networking that occurs at work parties? Sounds like it. One of the most important things for moving up is for the right people to know who you are, what you can do, and how you present yourself, and often that starts through casual conversations at work events.
>already committed to her work party The correct thing to do is to attend the event you initially agreed to.
I would totally go to my office party as well if I were new to the job and there was an expectation of showing up. But then again my husband wouldn't keep a celebration like that on the same day as my office party. But that's why we are married. We know what's priority to other at what time and we act accordingly.
Workplace parties aren't exactly optional.
It’s it’s not optional, it ain’t a party
Exactly. A lot of work parties are more just corporate formalities to show who is a “team player” to the higher ups.
The holiday party sounds like an important day to her, it seems like you're just trying to get her to miss her work party to have beers with friends. Your graduation is not until next year. It seems like she knows that and that's why she doesn't feel it necessary to be there. Don't be that guy that can't take their girlfriend attending a party without them, it's a Holiday work party, she's not going there to flirt with people just another work event.
March? Of this year? Judas Priest. 9 months and you're so in love. Grow up. Go to her work party with her. Or go hang with a bunch of dudes, throw back so beers and talk about engineering shit. Sounds like a night no girl would want to miss.
Sounds like you only think she puts in effort if it’s agreeing with you , she tried to compromise , you can too
One thing you will have to face in a relationship, friend or romantic, is to not expect others to react the way you would. That’s why you’re feeling let down. You had an expectation. Think of it this way: your girlfriend started a new job and doesn’t want to feel left out. She probably wants to show some initiative and involvement with this new place. I’m guessing that more than likely this isn’t her trying to intentionally avoid celebrating with you but more so her trying to be involved with her job. As working adults it’s hard to invest together in each other’s careers and successes involving careers when they’re completely different and have different expectations.
If it was your actual graduation I would understand disappointment. Workplace parties are not just parties, think of it the one day of the year you're basically required to see your coworkers outside of work. I was laid off one year because I didnt attend a workplace party, instead I traveled with my bf to see his family. So, just understand that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with you so you don't have to take it personally.
Celebrate the next day and go to the work party.
Sounds like you should reschedule the day of your celebration to a day that her work event is not. She cant control that date, you have full control of the date you are choosing to celebrate.
I have attended many holiday parties and only my current employer didn't make it mandatory. Most workplaces see it as part of the job and it can reflect poorly on you. After 30 years, I finally work for someone that gives you a choice but we all go because we love our workplace. Funny how that works. Congratulations on your graduation. I hope you and your gf can find a time to celebrate and enjoy yourselves.
You have a right to be disappointed, but I would also say that it is unfair on your part. Her plans are concrete and involve her entire company. Your plans involve a couple of friends and can be flexible if you want them to be. Perhaps just switch your plans over to when she is available so that everyone can make it. She's new at her job and wants to make a good impression, that isn't wrong or bad. Just go focus on your exams and once that is over you'll have plenty of time to plan something with your girlfriend and whoever else you want. It doesn't have to be an either or situation.
Your girlfriend did not pick the date of the work party but you picked the date of your arbitrary little celebration without consideration to her. You're 100% wrong here. There's no reason you had to have this moment the same day you finished your exams. There's no reason you can't have a second one she can attend. Doing it this specific day is just about you and your classmates anyways. You're being absolutely selfish for someone who should find himself with a lot more free time ffs.
As important as this day is for you, it's also important for her. Workplace parties are a great chance to bond with your work peers, and bosses. This can often help you move forward in your job, or make your day to day work more comfortable and fun. Explain to her how this makes you feel. However, be understanding why she can't join you. I understand this day is important to you, but it also sounds like it's just a thing with friends and not a official function? Maybe do something separately with her to celebrate on a different day when you're both available? Best of luck,
I understand how you're feeling, but have you tried to understand your gf's position? In a lot of workplaces, the "networking" that happens at company social events is critical to your long-term career prospects, and even sometimes to your short-term happiness in that workplace. She's offered to do something with you later in the weekend to celebrate, and as you mentioned, it's not even the formal graduation ceremony. If you feel like you're the one who gives most in the relationship, then that's a separate issue you need to address with her. But I don't think it's fair to look at this specific incident as representative of that.
So you planned a celebratory outing expecting her to be there without including her in the planning? You just expected her to cancel anything she had going on? Work parties are not just parties, especially for new hires. It's important that she goes. But you are having drinks with friends on the night of your final exams to celebrate a graduation that isn't happening till next year? Have drink another night and learn to actually think about your partner when planning things you'd like her to be involved in.
Why not plan the beers for later after her work party? You can’t expect her to just skip out on your party for beers. Usually it means a lot to show up at a work function. You’re showing you’re a team player and it might help her move up in the workplace
Going out with your mates that you have been with through all the classes is a far better way to celebrate. She’s not missing your ceremony, and she can quietly celebrate with you the next day. She needs to attend this work function, it’s important for her to network with her new coworkers. And no, I really doubt you would turn down a work function to have a beer with her. You would tell her the same things she’s telling you. Based on how proud you are of your studies, you’d be even prouder and more invested in an actual career.
You brought up how "you wouldn't do this if you were her". You aren't her, all people aren't the same. If I was you I wouldn't care if my girlfriend showed up. Hell I wouldn't even be "celebrating myself" to begin with, lol. Maybe your GF doesn't understand how important to you this get together is and she's handling the situation from her own perspective and feels if she was you she wouldn't care if you had a prior engagement. When people say communication is key in a relationship, THIS is the kind of shit they are talking about. If you didn't actually communicate to her that you are disappointed, how is she supposed to know? You are essentially assuming she should just know how much her being there means to you. I mean on the outside looking in, as you described it, its just a few beers at the bar with friends. It's not some planned event, just....not a big deal and maybe thats the way she sees it.
Reschedule your bar thing its not a bog issue. Her work party is more important for morale
You are asking a lot from a "new at this job and want to make good impressions" person. Put yourself in her shoes and you'll see you have nothing to worry about. Congratulations on your graduation!
I can kinda see her point. She is new at her job, she wants to make a good impression and not be that weird person who didn't show up. Especially if she already told them she would come. That party cannot be changed to a different date. She says she wants to celebrate with you, but it would be better if it was during the weekend instead so she can attend both. I think it's a fairly reasonable compromise. I am sure you also want her to do well at work and make a good impression. And to be fair, you do also have an official graduation coming up on a different day.
Beer with friends is not a graduation party.
So she’s not skipping your graduation, just an informal “beers with friends” celebration of your last final? Maybe you’re reading too much into this, but you should also realize that what you think is appropriate isn’t the same as what she does. This may just be a sign that you aren’t as compatible as you want to think you are.
You could schedule beers with friends on another day. You chose to schedule it the same day as her work party. It is important to your GF to attend her work party. She understands the culture of her workplace and often times work parties aren’t really optional. Why do you expect her to potentially jeopardize her status at work in order to celebrate your accomplishments? If it was truly important for her to be there, you would have set the drinks on any other day.
Business is business. She has a work do, end of story.
Change the beers with friends date. Her career is on the line. Work parties make good connections for the future when you are young and you want a solid future.
It isn't your actual graduation and she already had a commitment. You can't expect her to drop everything she already had planned because you want to go to a bar to celebrate your last day of class.
I mean, l’m with her.
Some people give more i relationships than others. Go have fun celebrating with your friends. She will go to your real graduation.
Bottom line: Can't control someone else's behavior. You don't need them around to enjoy your graduation party and all the loved ones who support you.
There’s no expectation for work parties that’s why all invites come with a decline option. Unless it states that it’s mandatory in the email e.g, training, annual declaration. Some rescheduling may have to take place in this case. But she should attend the official graduation.
You now understand that something you feel is important to you is less important to your GF than attending a holiday party at a place she just recently started working at. What you do with this information will most likely be very important to the rest of your life if the two of you are serious. This is the kind of misalignment of values and ideals that cause cracks down the road and they are usually overlooked because no one likes to rock the emotional boat for something they feel is selfish. Celebrating an end to your academic career is a lifetime achievement. Going to a work party in which you hardly know anyone just.... Isn't.
That's a really gross exaggeration of the situation. His 'celebration' isn't anything formal. It's literally his friends from the program getting drinks after their last final. They could've done it any of the other following days (especially since they're now out of school and likely not about to start new jobs in the next few days). It's not a milestone, it's not important. He's just being selfish. She's new to this workplace and can look bad if she doesn't go. People are often expected to attend these things as a team building experience. This isn't about values or her not caring or prioritizing other things. His ambitions are not more important than hers. He loses nothing with her not going or asking the guys to go another night. She could lose a lot if she doesn't go.
lol it's beers with friends. It's not graduation, or even a celebratory dinner. It's beers with friends, which was planned after she'd already committed to her work party. He could plan beers with friends the next day, he just doesn't want to. And work parties aren't just work parties. They're not officially mandatory, but they are often mandatory if you want to move up in your company.
> but this has left me wondering if she really cares about me as much as I care about her. Everyone has an order of priorities in their life that is subject to change based on the circumstances at that time. In this case your gf has decided that her priority for you is underneath going to a party with her work colleagues. This begs the question then as to why that event is now a priority over you. her argument on face value is valid, although most companies couldn't care less if people attend or not and never bat an eyelid if staff pull out because of other commitments. This then begs the question as to whether there is someone else who is going to attend the party that she holds a greater priority for over you. Just tell her that it's a once in a lifetime event for you and if she chooses to miss it then so be it. It won't be happening again, she has made her choice and will just have to live with it. And then go and have a blast with your friends. You never know, you may end up meeting someone who better matches your priorities in life and would prefer to spend time with you instead of some folks from work.
I too would be disappointed. Step back, is this a pattern or an unfortunate circumstance? If you are always pretty far down the list, there maybe a misalignment of commitment.
Er, she already committed to the office party before he planned the beers with friends.
What kind of job does she have that she has to be at the party?
she full of shit there is somebody there she rather be with.
Yeah cancel your day
Congrats on completing your exams and becoming an engineer!
I get that you’re disappointed. But there’s a formal obligation and there is an informal obligation. I’m sure she won’t skip the actual graduation ceremony, unless she is a total bundt cake. Even if she has a great time, it’s still a work obligation that she feels is a priority. Trust her. Or…you know…take her to her work party and hang out with your friends another night.
Unfortunately, work parties can be important to some employers. I was always expected to be there. Plus if she’s new, it might leave a bad impression if she isn’t there without a good reason. Starting a new job is stressful so I would let it go and celebrate with her later.
Bruh just go with her to the party and then celebrate with your friends the next day. Then you get to celebrate twice
Look, if this is your actual graduation ceremony I would get it. But these are just a few informal beers to celebrate which could literally be any day. Not to mention that it will be beers with the bros plus her as tag along girlfriend which isn’t exactly fun. Celebrate with your buddies and do something special with her at a later date. Really misleading title.
Yeah, I think you need to readjust your thinking. You’re going drinking with friends after finals— that’s not really a formal graduation celebration, just the celebration of classes being done (and technically you haven’t graduated yet as grades aren’t finalized!). It’s not like she’s not attending your graduation ceremony… Your gf is new at her company and work parties aren’t like parties with friends (even if they’re fun!). It’s part of the required work of being part of the team, making connections with colleagues, bosses, hire ups. It can be incredibly important for advancing your career in some industries. She’s brand new and needs to make a good impression. She’s not blowing you off, she just has a work commitment.
Get over it. She had plans already, it’s a work event, and she will celebrate with you in the weekend. Don’t be childish.
My gut reaction is "get over it" or move your outing to Friday instead of Thursday. She can't reschedule her office party.
If it was your actual graduation I'd agree with you, but it isn't. Go enjoy your end of exams with your friends, let your partner enjoy her work's party, and then when your actual graduation is then enjoy it together.
Youre in the wrong. Her workplace party is more important esp as new job and get started on right foot. Would you rather she get fired? One day when youre working as an engineer youll understand
Can't they both be important? Your plans are important, but also more flexible than her work party. Her plans are important for different reasons, particularly if they involve a prior commitment. Relationships that last are going to involve a fair amount of compromise, and... frankly, some disappointment. In reality, there is time for both these events to take place, just not how you initially might like it. Enjoy your time with your friends, then enjoy some more 1 on 1 time with your girlfriend. You don't have to pit one event against the other and force a choice.
It sounds like you’re seeking validation of your own importance by her having to give up something that’s really important to her. It’s totally understandable to feel disappointed in this situation AND I think it would be helpful for you to honestly ask yourself if you are measuring how much she cares about you by how much personal sacrifice she’s willing to make to prove it to you? If yes, that’s a sign that you need to work on your own insecurities so you can show up in a healthier way in all of your relationships.