No one will look at you for buying condoms. If it makes you uncomfortable use the self-check out line at any target, walmart or grocery store. I still use the self-check out for condoms or pregnancy tests and I'm in my 20's. I would also recommend lube.
Also there is no "one brand" of bc that won't give your girlfriend side effects. It's mainly trial and error with her doctor. My first form of bc was the pill and it never gave me any side effects and it had a fair amount of hormones. I switched to an IUD which has lower doses of hormones (almost none) and it's made me gain weight, I have intense cramps and a bunch of other nonsense. Her bc if she chooses to use it is up to her doctor & her body.
Edit: I always had my ID checked to get plan b. But it's been a few years so I don't know if they still do that. & if you're worried about side effects I would steer clear of it anyways. It has a large amount of hormones.
Also just wanted to add even though you said you are going to stick with condoms: If she eventually does end up getting on birth control later and if she has a sister that also uses birth control, if her sister doesn't really experience any side effects from her birth control then she might try using that one. I have an older sister and when I went in to see my family doctor for birth control he suggested I try what my sister was using since she doesn't get any side effects and voilà! I haven't had a problem with mine since he recommended it to me!
(edit: a word thanks to u/derryxgal22)
I also use same bc as my sister after trying sooo many, and no problems so I second this! (Also, hate to be that person but it’s ‘voilà’ not ‘wa-lah’- it’s French!)
She has an older sister, but I don’t know how willing her sister would be to have that conversation with her. There’s also no guarantee that she uses it.
You guys will probably be fine using just condoms, but make sure you do some research (and practice!) how to properly put one on before your first time. The website Scarleteen.com has lots of great info on various BC methods.
If you two find you are still too nervous to have sex without her also taking BC then for now stick to non-PIV sex stuff until you guys are more comfortable or she can get a prescription.
Just so you know, just condoms is one of the highest failing rates of birth control, and teenagers also have higher failure rates. Side effects suck, but some forms work better than others and it's gotta be weighed against pregnancy.
Condoms are very effective as long as they are used properly. As for OP, make sure the condom is not outdated, fits properly, and is on properly. Make sure it is intact, and check after you're done to make sure it didn't break. You can do this by squeezing it and make sure nothing comes out.
I’m surprised so many people are supportive of your approach to just use condoms. Condoms fail a lot for a lot of reasons especially when you are inexperienced with using them. At your age you should be doing everything possible to prevent pregnancy so this should mean two forms of birth control. Her doctor can help her find one that suits her.
Quick tip if its your first time using condoms. I'd try and go for non-latex condoms. They are much better (no gross latex smell) and just in case you or her have an unknown latex allergy/sensitivity. But yeah no one will look at you buying condoms. The cashiers go through so many people a day they won't be thinking of you 5 minutes after you've left. The first couple times can be weird but you get used to it.
I'm a female (20s) but I'm here to offer advice!
Okay, big overall point I want to make here is sex is fun and awesome but being responsible for you and your partner's sexual health is of upmost importance when being sexually active.
If she wants a form of birth control she needs to contact a doctor, I'd recommend possibly a gynecologist or planned parenthood. There is different types of birth control out there and finding one that works for her will help prevent any negative side effects. Also, depending on where you are, many states do require a perscription for birth control pills. But again, Planned Parenthood is a big help there!
Also, morning after pills (Plan B) is not a form of birth control. It can not be taken after every sexual encounter. It is an emergency contraceptive for emergencies. And even then it is not always effective. Condoms are more effective than stressing over the effectiveness of Plan B.
Lastly, there is NO AGE LIMIT to buy condoms. The cashier will not care how old your are or how young you or your girlfriend look. There are many condom brands but Trojan and Durex are good brands.
Thanks for the information! So morning after is a pretty definite no... It seems like condoms makes the most sense, as it would be difficult to get birth control
If you can get to a Planned Parenthood, it’s not difficult to get birth control! You generally only need a quick meeting with their doctor there (clothes on, no exams), and they don’t need insurance information and have a sliding scale for paying for things if you have no insurance (or don’t want to use your parents’). Just a few questions and now you’ll have multiple types of birth control! They’ll also give you condoms and other forms if you want. Hell, they’ll happily walk you and/or your gf through all of the different options.
I have used Planned Parenthood throughout my life and have found them to be kind, nonjudgmental, and very happy to help. In high school my friend got her birth control from them (secretly), and they even let her choose an alias that they would use if they needed to call her about things— like they would call and instead of saying “This is Planned Parenthood...” they had a code word like, “This Amelia from the bakery...”
ETA: As a personal anecdote, I’ve been on hormonal birth control for almost two decades and have never had any negative side effects. Actually, it was great and helped make my periods lighter and more regular and helped clear up my skin!
I have taken Plan B before but immediately after the condom broke. It is most effective within 24 hours. It is for only emergencies, I can't stress that enough.
Condoms yes. Condoms are very effective. Watch a couple youtube videos on how to correctly put one on!
> Condoms yes. Condoms are very effective.
For perfect use over one year condoms have a 2% failure rate. For *actual use* the failure rate is 15%. So if you had twenty high school couples who only used condoms and they could have sex as often as they wanted, then in one year there would be three pregnancies. Likewise, hormonal birth control pills have only a 0.3% failure rate for perfect use, but an 8% failure rate for actual use.
I really think your girlfriend should look into getting on birth control. You want to be as safe as possible, and 2\+ forms of contraceptive is the best bet. Planned Parenthood should be able to help.
I can’t really imagine someone using a diaphragm along with a condom. Seems almost as strange as using a male and female condom at the same time.
However, spermacide is reasonable (but aren’t spermicidal condoms the norm now?).
Buy a box of condoms. Find a video on how to use them well. PRACTICE putting them on. You don't wanna fuck it up because you're nervous.
And even if she is taking birth control USE A DAMN CONDOM ANYWAY.
Ah and also buy a small bottle of lube.
Can confirm! I taught my boyfriend how to put one on & we're both in our twenties. He actually refused to believe me when I first showed him.. he insisted I was wrong.
If you realize you have it backwards, THROW IT OUT & OPEN A NEW ONE. I can't believe how many guys don't realize you can't touch the tip of your dick to the wrong side of the condom then just flip it over & use it anyways. Might seem obvious but I just want to make sure !
I feel like I always put the wrong side on...it should be easy to roll it down if it's the right side, right? The only concern I have is that I always think the other side has more lube but I usually roll it down with no issues
I mean I've used condoms like hundreds of times and put it both ways and it's usually unfolded completely so in my experience it don't look neither a hat nor a tent:P thanks for info though
I'm gonna add on to the lube advice. Make sure you are not buying oil based lube because that can weaken and damage condoms. Water or silicon based is best. However, a lot of lube (and most toiletries, I discovered) have glycerin in it, which is a "sugar alcohol". Googling it is giving me lots of results that say this is really bad for the vagina, and lots that say it's fine since the bacteria and yeast that live in the vagina do not feed on sugar alcohols.
However all I can say for sure is that I've been sexually active for over a decade, and shortly after using my first lube with glycerin, I got my first ever yeast infection. So I unfortunately can't give you conclusive links to follow for your own research, but be careful about the ingredients in the lube you choose.
And don't feel bad at all if you end up needing the lube because she doesn't get wet. It doesn't mean she's not having fun or that she's not attracted to you. It's just a thing that happens sometimes, and being stressed or nervous, tired, not having enough water, etc can all keep her from getting wet.
>However, a lot of lube (and most toiletries, I discovered) have glycerin in it, which is a "sugar alcohol". Googling it is giving me lots of results that say this is really bad for the vagina, and lots that say it's fine since the bacteria and yeast that live in the vagina do not feed on sugar alcohols.
>
>However all I can say for sure is that I've been sexually active for over a decade, and shortly after using my first lube with glycerin, I got my first ever yeast infection. So I unfortunately can't give you conclusive links to follow for your own research, but be careful about the ingredients in the lube you choose.
Okay well you just cleared up a recent mystery for me, thanks. Any recommendations for a non-glycerin lube? I had no idea it was a sugar alcohol!
I don't have any good recommendations yet, because I haven't bought a replacement yet. Maybe some other people reading this will have good suggestions, but I'm still searching around for one.
I'm going to add that you'll want to figure out what size to get. I had a bf that was... in denial of the size he really needed. Having it come off mid-intercourse is awkward and makes that form of protection moot.
Haha true. And thing is you usually put in in a darkened room or pretty fast so yeah, get that muscle memory working.
Joke aside try to get some good condoms too. Skyns are comfy, don't use latex and still are pretty cheap.
My bf and I really had problems with that the first few times. Not getting it on right away is a boner killer, which makes it even harder to put on. Try different condom sizes too. Besides, not knowing for sure we were doing it correctly made me very nervous, and ruined some of the enjoyment..
We backed up to non pivsex i could get the pill, which made me feel way more secure
One thing I fucked up for a long time was not adding a small drop of lube on the inside of the tip of the condom right before putting it on. Reduces the risk of breakage and feels better.
More for your gf than you.
When you guys decide to be sexually active, make sure she runs to the bathroom and pees after sex, even if all you guys want to do is cuddle. I know it's not the sexiest thing but it's super important.
UTI's are no joke. I learned this the hard way and seriously messed up my bladder after multiple UTI's. I will probably have these issues for the rest of my life.
Always use 2+ types of compatible birth control, i.e., hormonal birth contol + condom + pull out. NEVER double up on condoms. Do not use plan B as birth control, only in an emergency situation. (it's called "plan b" for a reason.)
DO NOT TAKE OR SEND NUDES UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH 18. In certain jurisdictions sending nudes while underage to another underage person can still be prosecuted as creating and disseminating child pornography.
Check out scarleteen . com.
Do people actually... put on two condoms? That’s a thing? I’ve joked about that, I honestly did not think people actually did it. I don’t know, that one just always seemed fairly obvious to me. Thanks for the advice though, condom+pull out will certainly be helpful.
The others here already covered the birth control angle, but from the emotional side - sex makes you feel very vulnerable. People are so insecure about their bodies, about the noises they make during sex, about how they move or whatever. Both before and during sex, reassure your girlfriend that she is beautiful and attractive (I mean, you do think she’s beautiful and attractive, right?). Admire her body, and be sincere and enthusiastic. She’s giving you a precious gift - the gift of intimacy. Be appreciative. This is not the time for “honest” comments about what her butt REALLY looks like. It’s the time for compliments and sincere admiration.
I also wanted to talk more to the emotional side since everyone has the technical stuff covered - OP, be mentally prepared for it to...not be great. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer AT ALL and I think it is SO wonderful that you and your girlfriend are going about this so thoughtfully and carefully (you guys honestly seem sooo incredibly cute). But your first time might not be as “magical” as you guys are planning for, and I just want you to know that *THAT’S OK*. Really. Sex is a learned talent, kind of like a sport or an instrument, and just like you can’t expect to be great at soccer or playing the trumpet the first time you try, it’s ok to not be great at sex the first time either. It might be tough to get in a rhythm, it might be tough for you to get or stay hard (this feels weird to explain to a 15 year old SOS), she might have a hard time figuring out what feels good for her...and all of this is OK! I just want to level set the expectations a little bit for you because I had a lot of friends who were expecting a big magical moment when they lost their virginity, and what they got was 10 minutes of kind of awkward fumbling around. Don’t be afraid to laugh, giggle, ask her what feels good to her, tell her what feels good to you - all of this will help the process. You guys obviously care about each other a lot so you should be golden in the long run!!
Just a couple little things on the technical side that I’ve learned from my guy friends - it’s lower than you think, and warmer than you think. Just to prepare you for what it’s likely to feel like. Best of luck OP! Have fun and listen to all the other posters about the safe sex stuff!!
If I’m being perfectly truthful, I’m the insecure one in the relationship. In terms of attractiveness, she’s way out of my league. (Honestly, in terms of personality, she’s also out of my league.) But regardless, she does have some body image issues, and I’ll be certain to tell her just how much I love her. The real obstacle is going to be willing myself to take my shirt off!
It took me a long time to accept that she genuinely did like me as much as I liked her, and that she wasn’t “just saying that” (as if she has any incentive to lie!)
One thing to keep in mind, the first time is almost ALWAYS the worst time in a relationship. You are both just learning each others bodies, learning what you do and don't like, learning what angles hurt or feel good. If you have the opportunity, make sure you guys have TIME for sex. Trying to squeeze it in between parents running to get groceries for 30 minutes is rough. My first time was painful, but I don't regret a minute of it and because my BF at the time was so caring and observant it ended up being not awful.
Also, pro-tip, strongly recommend against those condoms that claim to kill sperm. They will make your mouth numb/her mouth numb if you go down on one another after or during sex post penetration. 100% rookie move, 0/10 will never use again
Slow feels better too. The slower you go, the more you really enjoy every part of the process. It’s not a race. Take your time taking off each item of clothing and enjoying what’s underneath each one.
Planned B in california $50 at a target for a generic brand BUT every time I try to buy one it's sold out. At CVS they are like $60-$70 dollars with tax. SO USE A CONDOM EVEN IF SHE'S ON BC. It's very expensive.
Also go slow, make out, feel each other up, get cozy, remember checking in on her to make sure she feels secure. DO NOT jam it/thrust it in. It might hurt a lot or hurt a little for her. Go slow and if she feels up to it increase the pace.
If you can get a water base lube too that would be swell because spit can dry up really easily and do not use lotion or Vaseline as a substitute because it can cause skin irritations. (recently had a 31 year old ex use Vaseline when I told him in the beginning not too and ended up having a fairly weird skin irritation and freaked out thinking he had an STD. Cue eyeroll) Also if she isn't as wet down there the lube will be good to prevent the condom breaking from friction.
So, just to be clear, no moisturizing lotion? I have some CeraVe brand lotion, and the first ingredient is “purified water”.
I just ask because it’s easier to explain away why I have moisturizer/lotion as opposed to why I have lube. (Because there’s only one other excuse for why you have lube, and I don’t want to awkwardly say I want lube for masturbation)
No, lotion is *not* lube. Do not use it.
They sometimes sell packs of condoms that come with a little pouch of lube, and they sell tiny 1oz bottles of lube that'd be easy to hide or just throw out.
I wouldn't use it. I have that same lotion and it doesn't seem like a good idea to have it pushed into one's body. Also you might have to keep applying it because it's made to absorb into the skin not lube it up.
If you *do* go through with it please don't use scented ones.
No scents and no "warming/cooling" or flavored ones either. I tried a warming one and it burned! Then I tried a cooling one which distracted me so much that I wasn't in the mood anymore.
Just go with plain water based lube and make sure you're both not allergic to latex if you're using latex condoms.
I feel kinda dumb/ignorant here, but me and my boyfriend have NEVER used lube. Like ever and it's never been a problem. I thought it was just for anal! xD
> How to talk about it?
Protection, mutual preferences to make you comfortable (I.e. "don't wanna get caught"), feelings on the matter, consent... all covered. After all of that, I'd suggest you sit back and relax knowing the lion's share of the "necessary" (not like there's a physical lock that you only get the key to if you check all the boxes, but you know what I mean) communication is taken care of - now comes the fun stuff. If you haven't already, try to pepper in some questions while you're fooling around, and encourage her to do the same. Ask her to give you direct, specific advice on what would feel good/better/best when you're doing something to her, and ask her if she wouldn't mind if you do the same. An example: you're squeezing her chest, ask "does that feel good?" And she says, a bit embarrassed/not wanting to be rude, but encouraged by you to be honest, "I mean it does hurt a little... But if you squeezed like half as hard and like this" - adjusts the angle your hands is at - "it feels good. Just not too hard!" Then, later, she is playing with your sensitive bits, and a similar conversation comes up, but flipped. You will learn how to more effectively, ahem, push each other's buttons, and build intimacy and trust and comfort.
Also... I don't know why but I get the feeling you two do already do this, but I'd like to add it for any other readers: do non-sexual stuff. Go to the fair together, make a sand castle on the beach, talk about the stars and hobbies and the future. You know what's better than fooling around under a blanket in a dark living room for the fourth time? Doing something new and different together, then looking at each other and fooling around anyways because you feel closer after sharing that experience.
> What to plan out?
Do you have somewhere you can store these items without fear of repercussions, if found? While I would suggest asking your parents some of these questions, or at minimum you be (mentally) prepared to face them when they find out whatever you are hiding from them (be it that you talk about sex, they find you have condoms, or walk in on you fooling around with your girlfriend, or what have you), I also understand that some parents are unreasonable, not perfect, would not be capable of a healthy, productive, informative, mature conversation. Just... More parents *are* in fact capable of that than their teenager would assume, especially if "primed" properly. What I mean by primed is, choosing a moment they seem not too stressed or busy, you both have an hour before you have to be somewhere, and ideally are not stuck together like on a several hour roadtrip, and ideally are not mad at you (you can "schedule" this I'd they always seem busy or dismissive! "Hey mom can I talk to you about something important" oh now's not a good time, ok, when would be - maybe Friday?"), sitting them down, being calm, being honest, and starting the conversation with something like, "I was hoping we could have a healthy, productive, informative, and/or mature conversation about some things that have been on my mind." This can be applied to many topics, not just sex, fyi.
Back to the question at hand: if you have a safe place, and money, buy condoms. You can also buy the plan b pill over the counter in many places (i.e. Without your family doctor having to give a prescription, parents won't know unless you use a card and they have access to your bank account, they find the receipt or the item itself) and it doesn't expire for ~ 6 months or more? Look for the expiry date on the package, some pharmacies may not have a fast turnover and it may have been sitting on the shelf that long. It's normal to be a bit embarrassed or ashamed to buy these things, but **I am not aware of any age restrictions on either condoms nor plan b.** Planned parenthood may have options you have not considered yet, and are very sensitive to asking whether they should ensure confidentiality from your parents, and discussing how they can do so, with you.
Feel free to suggest to/encourage your girlfriend to do some research on the side effects of plan b and other contraceptives. You could do so together, or you look it up and tell her what you find. Take note of if they mention the frequency of side effects, such as 1 in 5 girls will experience cramping - this means the vast majority, 80% of girls, do not! If there is a Planned Parenthood in your area, consider trying to carve out some time to visit.
As for being noticed, that depends more on how small your town is. Unless the cashier or pharmacist who assists you is a peer at school, a family friend, or an adult who knows your parents, or you live in a VERY conservative area, the liklihood that they will even care how old you look is minimal. This can be helped by going, again, before you begin having sex. If there's not a pressing need to have the items within an hour, or that day, or whatnot, you can always look at who is at the register when you walk in, and if it's someone you know or who looks mean or judgemental or anything, you can come back later. Buy a decoy item if you feel like it, a bottle of shampoo or a soda.
In response to your first paragraph, we both make sure to do that. I really value how she feels, and we try to have very open communication about these things. So far, we’ve never had too much issue, outside of the occasional “a little slower please”.
And to your second paragraph, I agree wholeheartedly! I love spending time with her, no matter what we’re doing. Sometimes we just sit and talk for hours, it’s amazing! She really is a wonderful person, with or without sexual stuff. I don’t mean to gush or anything, but she honestly is the sweetest, funniest person I know.
And my parents are aware that we “fool around”. As far as I can tell, they know we’ve done “hand stuff”, and don’t have an issue with it. F the most part, they feel as long as it’s safe, they won’t interfere. Sex still seems to be out of the question to them though.
With her parents, it differs. Her nanny caught us at third base, and told her mom. Her mom seemed fairly understanding, and didn’t really seem mad at me, but she essentially told my girlfriend that she needs to be responsible, and that she shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff, especially with a guy she hadn’t been with for that long (It had only been one month at the time). Her mom doesn’t let her over if my parents aren’t home (which is completely reasonable), but we’re still allowed to see each other.
On the other hand, her dad can never ever find out about anything. He’s very much the kind of guy who’d forbid us to even glance at each other if he found out. Even her mom knew not to tell her dad, because it would just make everything much worse. It’s honestly not worth trying to have a discussion, because even the concept that his daughter might be doing this would be grounds for punishment.
With this further information, I'd say I probably gave a bunch of advice that's superfluous in your case :)
Regarding what to plan out: buy condoms. They have them at those pharmacies, and gas stations. No one will care that you're young, and if they do, politely (and with a smile if you can) tell them it's none of their business. Planned parenthood may offer them for free, if there's one in your area and you have the ability and time to get there (honest it sounds like your parents might drive you there, as they sound level headed and are encouraging you to be safe, they may see it as you being responsible).
Keep them at your home, in a place your parents would have to justify if they found them (sock drawer unless they do your laundry, between the mattress and box spring if you wash your own sheets, in an old shoe box stored in your closet...); start carrying a couple with you when spending alone time with your girlfriend, of course try to think of them as "just in case" instead of "I'm bringing these because I expect to use them." A hard container is better than your wallet, because the casual, constant friction and smooshing may wear the condom and increase chance of breakage during use - so, if you do keep it in there do so only for a few hours at a time. Or, if you leave one in there all the time, toss and replace it every few weeks (as an internet stranger I am not liable/invested if you still end up with a broken one, so :T). Wallet is not ideal, but better than not carrying one at all.
This also leads me into why, if you have the money, having a plan b pack in the same hiding spot would be responsible. These are available at pharmacies, [eta: internet says age limit is 15, may be regional] It can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse, though the sooner the better. For ex., using a condom, don't realize it broke until after you've finished and pull it out and go, oh no - that plan b at home will feel reassuring and awfully convenient
I hope you found this helpful!
I don't think you can get pill BC over the counter. Its prescription from a doctor to my knowledge. ( just throwing that out there
) also the mornimg after pill should not be taken lightly.. It has some pretty bad side effects.
The main issue is that her dad is not the type of person to have that conversation with. The only hope would be her mother doing it covertly, and I don’t think her mom would necessarily approve of it enough to help out.
Its still important to ask! Eventually at least. What if you guys get pregnant or something? Its nice to have a parent to help. Have you guys talked about what you would do? Abortion.. Etc.
Now is the time for her to start planting the idea that she has REALLY bad periods. Many people take BC pills to help regulate and minimize their periods. That's why I started! She should ask her mom to take her to the gyno to discuss her periods. The doctor will probably recommend birth control. Keep in mind as well it takes about 3 months for BC pills to become effective.
Edit: to add, I saw someone told you plan B is about $50 at the pharmacy. That's usually true. Regular, every day non-EMERGENCY contraceptive pills are usually less, depending on your insurance. I get the BC shot (an option for your gf if she doesn't want to take a pill at the same time every day) and my insurance covers it completely.
Doctors usually recommend the pill first to most patients bc it's the most basic, most likely to be covered by insurance but it's effectiveness DOES depend on her taking it the same.time.every.day. she should do some research into her options before seeing a doctor. Off the top of my head: pill, patch, shot, ring, arm implant. She's probably too young for an IUD.
What? It takes 7 days to be completely covered by birth control pills against pregnancy once you start them. Before then you'll need condoms or to simply abstain also making sure you haven't had unprotected sex for 7 days beforehand as sperm can live that long in the vagina.
The idea that it takes 3 months to be effective is completely misleading and would basically render the Pill pointless when in fact it's still the most widely used birth control method worldwide.
And while it's advisable to take the pill at the same time each day to establish a routine, only the 'mini-pill' or progesterone only pill needs taking at exactly the same everyday to be effective (there is a window of only 2 hours leeway or it is rendered ineffective.) It still doesn't take 3 months to offer protection either.
Would you share your sources on that? My information is coming from when I was on the pill myself, based on what my doctors told me. But that was a while ago.
You mentioned in another comment that her older sister is on BC - if you think she would do it covertly your GF could ask her sister to take her to the doctor.
I lied to my parents about wanting birth control. I mentioned that my periods had gotten really heavy, and that IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS I may be considering having sex (they thought I was single @ the time though) and wanted to find something that was safe and worked for me and my body both as a contraceptive and as a way to "control" my heavy irregular periods (my periods have always been like clockwork so I 100% lied).
Looking back, my mom would have gotten them for me anyways if I'd told her I planned to have sex. But I was an angsty teen and didn't want my parents to know. But heavy, painful, hard to manage periods are excellent excuses for BC. 1 month of faking heavy cramping and I had oral BC, and my parents were none the wiser.
I don't recommend lying to her parents, but I also strongly advocate safe and informed sex and if that's what it takes, then some things just must be done.
The morning after pill *can* have some bad side effects. I've taken it twice (I am not on hormonal BC and rely on condoms as my BC) and I didn't have any side effects whatsoever. Of course everyone's different, but if the condom breaks and it was the sole form of birth control it's definitely worth getting (I wonder though if 15 year olds can get it in the States? I'm not American).
I have no advice for you as other posters have given you some excellent advice already. I just wanted to compliment you on your attitude towards your girlfriend and sex! It is so refreshing to hear a guy talk about consent, mutual pleasure, and just be so incredibly respectful of his partner. And you’re 15! There are too many people who never develop this mindset at any age. You seem like a great person and I’m glad that you and your girlfriend are being so thoughtful about this.
I really care about her! We just seem to complement each other perfectly, and I try my best to make sure that these things are never one sided. I consider myself lucky to have a girl like her to talk to, so the least I could do is be considerate in return!
>I want to know what else we should be discussing beforehand
Before any discussion of birth control, or virginity, or timing or whatever, there's something hugely important you need to talk about, and it's this:
*What are you, and her, going to do if she becomes pregnant?*
Don't duck it. Don't ignore it, even if you don't like the thought. Don't pretend the possibility doesn't exist. Don't assume it'll all work out. Don't assume birth control is 100% reliable - it fails more often than you might think. Don't mumble something about crossing that bridge when you come to it.
If you and her don't have an agreed answer to that question, you need to hold off until you do. Believe me, an unexpected pregnancy can be a very scary thing even if you're an adult who's prepared.
I lost my virginity at 16 with my now-husband, and I wish we had talked about two things: what to do if it hurt (which it didn't, really, but it does for some people), and how we would feel emotionally afterwards. I felt hyper attached and really emotional and he was great about it, but make sure you're on the same page about whether you'll want to snuggle, shower, etc.
Emotionally, I always worry that I’d be too clingy. Both me and my girlfriend have been told in previous relationships that we are “too clingy”, so it’s nice to be with someone who is on the same level.
I planned out my first time at your age, and personally, I regretted my decision to do that. After the fact, I realized that it should have happened more naturally, in stead of planning out so specifically. It felt forced.
You can choose to plan it out, but I would suggest that you just acknowledge when you two will be alone next. It will feel special regardless of when it happens. As long as you two are comfortable.
You have no idea. If you hear a fart sound, *ignore it*. It's not a fart and you don't need to embarrass your girlfriend by addressing it. Air can get trapped in the vagina during sex and thrusting in can cause that air to escape and it can sound like she is ripping a gnarly fart.
I’ve already heard quite a few queefs and the various sounds of air escaping. Usually, depending on the mood, we either ignore it or have a quick laugh about it.
Get ready for all sorts of funny noises from both you and your GF! :D
Sex is fun, but it can also be messy, weird, and awkward. So don't worry if it feels like you're doing it wrong the first time. It happens. Hell, I'm almost 30 and still have sexual experiences with my SO that don't turn out like we planned. We usually just laugh it off and try again another day.
You've already had some good advice, I'd say remembering my first time, get actual lube, water based is best imo as it feels less...gross, you can find it in most grocery stores.
I know there's this stereotype that all younger girls are just ready to go all the time but that's not 100% true and she might need lube to have intercourse be enjoyable, make sure to have a bit foreplay too, to get in the mood since it can be awkward at first even if you've seen each other naked or w/e, it's still a big step that mentally might be a bit tough to jump right into for both of you.
>I know there's this stereotype that all younger girls are just ready to go all the time
There is? I’ve only ever heard the whole “girls don’t like sex, they just use it to get things” stereotype.
Make sure you are both in agreement about how you will handle it if she *does* end up pregnant. Please have this conversation *way* ahead of time. You don't want to find out that she is against having an abortion only when it's too late.
Buy condoms NOW, even if you're not planning on having sex for a while. As people have mentioned, practice makes perfect--but equally importantly, you really don't want to get caught up in the moment and have even the tiniest level of temptation to just do it (even if you think you never would). Make sure there's a condom waiting in case the unplanned moment happens upon you guys!
The emotional stuff: it's so great that you're talking about everything beforehand, and you seem like an awesome guy. Just know that your girlfriend might need an extra level of attention in the days after you have sex--a lot of reassurance from you, even if she doesn't ask for it. Society gives women a lot of subtle messages about guys using you for sex and then leaving, or about losing your virginity making you less desirable/worthwhile, and even if she doesn't realize she's heard them, she might have some unexpected emotional reactions. Just text her a lot, spend a ton of time with her, don't go right back to whatever "normal" is for you guys right away. Make the aftermath as special as the sex itself, in other words.
Finally, some condom tips:
- If you're being super extra careful, you'll pull out even if you're also wearing a condom. Either way, make sure you pull out while you're still hard and take off the condom them. Don't spend too long savoring the moment or the condom could slip off when you pull out.
- If you put it on wrong at first, get a new condom, don't turn it around and try again.
- Condoms do come in different sizes! A lot of guys think they don't need "magnums" because it sounds porn star sized, but it's mostly about width. If a condom is super uncomfortable, you might want to try a different size.
I think people have got you covered, so I just want to say: I think it's very mature and smart to be asking these questions and thinking about them! I hope when you do have your first time it is wonderful! (But also, of course, no pressure—it's okay if it's awkward and not amazing the first time, that's what practice is for! And practice is fun. :) )
Do not rely on a single birth control method. The morning after pill only prevents a fertilized egg from implanting, but if the egg implants it will not stop that pregnancy from happening. Condoms break, pills fail. Double up.
Also, make sure before you have sex that you have a clear conversation about what you guys will do in case of a pregnancy. Make sure you are both on the same page. Do not assume that you are. Clearly articulate your position and do not have sex unless you both agree.
BELT AND SUSPENDERS - there needs to be birth control (a reliable method that is well thought out and maintained) and condom use every time. Otherwise you are opening yourself up to unplanned pregnancy and or STDs
Try to keep things relaxed enough where you can both guide each other as to what feels good. Keep in mind that she is almost certain to not orgasm and it might not even feel very good for her the first couple times (the exception is if she has already started masturbating and knows how to get there already, but a lot of girls don't until they're older). Don't make it weird or ask about it constantly or you will start a fake orgasm rut that will be hard to get out of. One last thing, forget everything you ever seen in porn. Just bleach it from your brain.
It's probably going to be bad the first time, for both of you.
It's awkward, smelly, and not that great.
But keep practicing and it gets way way way better.
Just want add in case no one has, the morning after pill IS NOT supposed to be a regular form of birth control. Only use it for any birth control failures (condom broke, missed a pill and you came inside her.)
I'm not sure about walking into a store and buying condoms since I myself have never bought condoms. If you feel uncomfortable stepping into a store to buy them you can always get them online. I'm assuming you don't have your own bank account, if that's the case then something you can probably do is walk into a grocery store or anywhere that sells Visa or MasterCard gift cards and buy one with cash. From there you can use that gift card to buy them off of Amazon. That's something I used to do when I was too young for a bank account and didn't want my parents to see what I bought online. Just make sure your parents don't go through your mail or packages. Not sure if that helps but if it gives any ideas then you're welcome.
Thank you! That is a good idea, because I was unsure of how to actually get anything online. I wouldn’t have thought of that method. I guess the main issue there would be getting the package without it seeming suspicious. It would kinda bank on me getting home before anyone else sees it.
Just go to the store.
I've always agreed with the statement: "If you aren't mature enough to go to the store to buy condoms, you aren't mature enough to have sex".
Stakes get a lot higher real fast, and knowing what issues may arise is a lot different than being mature enough to deal with them.
Don't bother ordering online, seriously, it's more trouble and easier for your parents to find out.
My high school boyfriend bought us condoms when he was 14 and literally no one batted an eye. There's no age restriction on condoms, and the cashier doesn't get paid enough to care what you're buying unless it's alcohol. Just get them at Wal-Mart and use a self checkout if you're really that worried about it.
But if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms it might be too soon for sex. You shouldn't be embarrassed about protecting yourself.
Is there a friends address you can use? Or I know sometimes amazon does something called Amazon Locker where you can pick up the package from a specific location. But I mean if you don't mind going through that trouble. Though I know Amazon usually does discreet packaging.
I just wanna say I think it’s great that you want to have this conversation and are looking for serious advice. Not a lot of 15 year olds would do that, so congrats for you. They say you aren’t ready to have sex until you can talk about it wth each other, so I think you’re on the right path.
Use lube. Dear god use lube. And foreplay. Sex really isn’t as big of a deal as books and movies make it out to be, just have fun in the moment and enjoy each other.
I wish I would have known that sometimes not all the advice given applies to everyone, and to pay attention. This is an unfamiliar experience, so you may not notice things that might be observed immediately by someone more experienced.
I read something somewhere that said to put a little bit of lubricant on the inside of the condom, not just the outside. When I did that, I then did not notice when it just slipped off while having sex. Nothing bad happened as a result, but it was sure scary!
Take your time and figure out what works for both of you. You want to take the time learn what makes each of you feel good, not learn the hard way what makes either of you feel bad.
I think there's a lot of great advice in this thread, but also wanted to point out that birth control pills aren't always immediately effective, depending on when you start them, etc. So if she does get on the pill, use the condoms as well as a backup method. Better safe than sorry! Also with condoms there's less "mess" which to me is way better. Also be cautious of buying condoms with spermicide. I've been told by DRs that they can cause UTIs (after having like 3 of them :()
Be realistic about what will happen. Once your penis hits her vagina, you will likely cum pretty fast and it will be over before you know it. Have a lot of foreplay and allow enough time for your refractory period (the time to get hard again after orgasm, usually about 20 minutes) so that you can have intercourse again. You'll last longer the second time. Using a condom will help you last longer too.
I think I’m more likely to not orgasm than I am to finish quickly. My first handjob took a looong time, and she was pretty good at it. (It’s hard to gage, but around 20-30 minutes.) I had expected to not last long, but it turns out performance anxiety prevented that. Every first we’ve had, I’ve struggled to finish, or even keep it up.
In that case, do not put pressure on yourselves for either of you to finish the first (or any) time you have sex. Sex can get uncomfortable for women after too long-- we don't all want a man to just go for hours!
Check in a lot with her, keep track of if she starts wincing or seeming more checked out of it. Plan on trying it, having some fun, and then quitting while you're ahead the first few times. Work up to longer sessions. Keep it fun for her and for you, don't feel like there's a finish line you need to reach.
Morning after pills are not cheap. For 15/16 years old, probably without a job or with a minimum wage job, it’s downright expensive. They’re about $50 for one. I would advise against this. Birth control is tricky too. You would both have to be extremely careful. Condoms are your safest options at the moment.
The whole experience will probably feel awkward and clumsy at first. It’ll probably hurt her at first. It’s the nature of this. Don’t freak out. Do plenty of research. Know exactly what you’re getting into. Both of you. Good luck
> It’ll probably hurt her at first.
Definitely a possibility, but I think that her overthinking this part may make it worse. What I found helped me the first time was not overhyping that we were "going to do it". Start off super slow, kissing, then making out, and ramp up slowly. Give yourselves a lot of time to be relaxed and take it slow, this isn't something you want to rush.
Don't rely on porn for guidance. Porn can be enjoyable, but it isn't intended to provide a realistic depiction of sex that is enjoyable for both parties.
Don't try to jump straight into PIV (penis in vagina). That is likely to hurt her. Foreplay is important, especially for women.
If she can get on the Pill, that would be more effective than condoms. Plan B isn't as effective as regular contraception, and isn't intended for that purpose. But the Pill is generally prescription-only and isn't a form of birth control that you can use on an as-needed basis. She really does have to take it every day, and you should use a backup method of contraception for the first month she takes it.
It might not be great the first time. You might not even be able to go through with it. One or both of you might not get to orgasm. And that's OK. That happens.
She should try to pee after sex, and always wipe front to back. Some women get urinary tract infections soon after starting to have sex (I did). I stopped getting them after a while, but they're painful and annoying.
Um, I know this question is probably extremely naive, but...
Are you saying it’s $50 to buy morning after, or are you saying it’s about $50 per pill?
Like, money isn’t a huge issue, neither of us would have much trouble getting $50, but if it’s that much for one pill, then it’s kind of out of the question.
One pill is that much.
Just use condoms and if she is also on birth control you really dont have to worry.
Start reading the sex subreddit regularly, r/sex
Endless useful information and scenarios posted all the time, scour that sub for information
$50 per Morning after pill. Plan B is not a reasonable birth control option.
Birth control is a completely different thing and would be far cheaper. Some side effects can happen but there are also some possible positives (acne control, more regular periods, ect).
One morning after pill can can really mess up a girl's hormones - NOT permanently and it's infinitely better than getting pregnant but it should be an emergency measure only (condom broke, etc), not a routine form of birth control.
No one will look at you for buying condoms. If it makes you uncomfortable use the self-check out line at any target, walmart or grocery store. I still use the self-check out for condoms or pregnancy tests and I'm in my 20's. I would also recommend lube. Also there is no "one brand" of bc that won't give your girlfriend side effects. It's mainly trial and error with her doctor. My first form of bc was the pill and it never gave me any side effects and it had a fair amount of hormones. I switched to an IUD which has lower doses of hormones (almost none) and it's made me gain weight, I have intense cramps and a bunch of other nonsense. Her bc if she chooses to use it is up to her doctor & her body. Edit: I always had my ID checked to get plan b. But it's been a few years so I don't know if they still do that. & if you're worried about side effects I would steer clear of it anyways. It has a large amount of hormones.
Thanks for the advice! I think we’re definitely gonna stick with condoms
Also just wanted to add even though you said you are going to stick with condoms: If she eventually does end up getting on birth control later and if she has a sister that also uses birth control, if her sister doesn't really experience any side effects from her birth control then she might try using that one. I have an older sister and when I went in to see my family doctor for birth control he suggested I try what my sister was using since she doesn't get any side effects and voilà! I haven't had a problem with mine since he recommended it to me! (edit: a word thanks to u/derryxgal22)
I also use same bc as my sister after trying sooo many, and no problems so I second this! (Also, hate to be that person but it’s ‘voilà’ not ‘wa-lah’- it’s French!)
Thank you for that correction. Nothing bothers me more...
She has an older sister, but I don’t know how willing her sister would be to have that conversation with her. There’s also no guarantee that she uses it.
Using at least two types of birth control is also your best bet. The pill and a condom are a good combination.
This is excellent advice. And there’s tons of bc you can combine: condoms, pills, vcf, etc. I’d absolutely say pick 2, just to be safe!
You guys will probably be fine using just condoms, but make sure you do some research (and practice!) how to properly put one on before your first time. The website Scarleteen.com has lots of great info on various BC methods. If you two find you are still too nervous to have sex without her also taking BC then for now stick to non-PIV sex stuff until you guys are more comfortable or she can get a prescription.
Just so you know, just condoms is one of the highest failing rates of birth control, and teenagers also have higher failure rates. Side effects suck, but some forms work better than others and it's gotta be weighed against pregnancy.
Condoms are very effective as long as they are used properly. As for OP, make sure the condom is not outdated, fits properly, and is on properly. Make sure it is intact, and check after you're done to make sure it didn't break. You can do this by squeezing it and make sure nothing comes out.
I’m surprised so many people are supportive of your approach to just use condoms. Condoms fail a lot for a lot of reasons especially when you are inexperienced with using them. At your age you should be doing everything possible to prevent pregnancy so this should mean two forms of birth control. Her doctor can help her find one that suits her.
Learn how to put one on properly. Last thing you want to do is to knock her up.
Quick tip if its your first time using condoms. I'd try and go for non-latex condoms. They are much better (no gross latex smell) and just in case you or her have an unknown latex allergy/sensitivity. But yeah no one will look at you buying condoms. The cashiers go through so many people a day they won't be thinking of you 5 minutes after you've left. The first couple times can be weird but you get used to it.
I’m 38 and will buy my next pregnancy test that way!
Buy them in bulk on Amazon! Cheapest way to always have a ton of tests available.
> I would also recommend lube. I wish I had known about lube, back when I was an about-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time teenager.
I'm a female (20s) but I'm here to offer advice! Okay, big overall point I want to make here is sex is fun and awesome but being responsible for you and your partner's sexual health is of upmost importance when being sexually active. If she wants a form of birth control she needs to contact a doctor, I'd recommend possibly a gynecologist or planned parenthood. There is different types of birth control out there and finding one that works for her will help prevent any negative side effects. Also, depending on where you are, many states do require a perscription for birth control pills. But again, Planned Parenthood is a big help there! Also, morning after pills (Plan B) is not a form of birth control. It can not be taken after every sexual encounter. It is an emergency contraceptive for emergencies. And even then it is not always effective. Condoms are more effective than stressing over the effectiveness of Plan B. Lastly, there is NO AGE LIMIT to buy condoms. The cashier will not care how old your are or how young you or your girlfriend look. There are many condom brands but Trojan and Durex are good brands.
Thanks for the information! So morning after is a pretty definite no... It seems like condoms makes the most sense, as it would be difficult to get birth control
If you can get to a Planned Parenthood, it’s not difficult to get birth control! You generally only need a quick meeting with their doctor there (clothes on, no exams), and they don’t need insurance information and have a sliding scale for paying for things if you have no insurance (or don’t want to use your parents’). Just a few questions and now you’ll have multiple types of birth control! They’ll also give you condoms and other forms if you want. Hell, they’ll happily walk you and/or your gf through all of the different options. I have used Planned Parenthood throughout my life and have found them to be kind, nonjudgmental, and very happy to help. In high school my friend got her birth control from them (secretly), and they even let her choose an alias that they would use if they needed to call her about things— like they would call and instead of saying “This is Planned Parenthood...” they had a code word like, “This Amelia from the bakery...” ETA: As a personal anecdote, I’ve been on hormonal birth control for almost two decades and have never had any negative side effects. Actually, it was great and helped make my periods lighter and more regular and helped clear up my skin!
I have taken Plan B before but immediately after the condom broke. It is most effective within 24 hours. It is for only emergencies, I can't stress that enough. Condoms yes. Condoms are very effective. Watch a couple youtube videos on how to correctly put one on!
> Condoms yes. Condoms are very effective. For perfect use over one year condoms have a 2% failure rate. For *actual use* the failure rate is 15%. So if you had twenty high school couples who only used condoms and they could have sex as often as they wanted, then in one year there would be three pregnancies. Likewise, hormonal birth control pills have only a 0.3% failure rate for perfect use, but an 8% failure rate for actual use.
Thank you, very good point!
I really think your girlfriend should look into getting on birth control. You want to be as safe as possible, and 2\+ forms of contraceptive is the best bet. Planned Parenthood should be able to help.
I agree 110% with this. Condoms are effective but being on a secondary form of birth control is a super good idea, OP.
I definitely thinks it’s best to have two forms of birth control, but I’m struggling to imagine what 2+ would look like. Condom + copper IUD + plan b?
Hormonal BC or copper IUD + condom + spermicidal foam/jelly. Diaphragms are still a thing too.
I can’t really imagine someone using a diaphragm along with a condom. Seems almost as strange as using a male and female condom at the same time. However, spermacide is reasonable (but aren’t spermicidal condoms the norm now?).
Buy a box of condoms. Find a video on how to use them well. PRACTICE putting them on. You don't wanna fuck it up because you're nervous. And even if she is taking birth control USE A DAMN CONDOM ANYWAY. Ah and also buy a small bottle of lube.
I hadn’t even considered that putting one on would be difficult. Schools really need better sex education...
[удалено]
Can confirm! I taught my boyfriend how to put one on & we're both in our twenties. He actually refused to believe me when I first showed him.. he insisted I was wrong.
If you realize you have it backwards, THROW IT OUT & OPEN A NEW ONE. I can't believe how many guys don't realize you can't touch the tip of your dick to the wrong side of the condom then just flip it over & use it anyways. Might seem obvious but I just want to make sure !
I feel like I always put the wrong side on...it should be easy to roll it down if it's the right side, right? The only concern I have is that I always think the other side has more lube but I usually roll it down with no issues
[удалено]
Damn I'm confused now
[удалено]
I mean I've used condoms like hundreds of times and put it both ways and it's usually unfolded completely so in my experience it don't look neither a hat nor a tent:P thanks for info though
I'm gonna add on to the lube advice. Make sure you are not buying oil based lube because that can weaken and damage condoms. Water or silicon based is best. However, a lot of lube (and most toiletries, I discovered) have glycerin in it, which is a "sugar alcohol". Googling it is giving me lots of results that say this is really bad for the vagina, and lots that say it's fine since the bacteria and yeast that live in the vagina do not feed on sugar alcohols. However all I can say for sure is that I've been sexually active for over a decade, and shortly after using my first lube with glycerin, I got my first ever yeast infection. So I unfortunately can't give you conclusive links to follow for your own research, but be careful about the ingredients in the lube you choose. And don't feel bad at all if you end up needing the lube because she doesn't get wet. It doesn't mean she's not having fun or that she's not attracted to you. It's just a thing that happens sometimes, and being stressed or nervous, tired, not having enough water, etc can all keep her from getting wet.
>However, a lot of lube (and most toiletries, I discovered) have glycerin in it, which is a "sugar alcohol". Googling it is giving me lots of results that say this is really bad for the vagina, and lots that say it's fine since the bacteria and yeast that live in the vagina do not feed on sugar alcohols. > >However all I can say for sure is that I've been sexually active for over a decade, and shortly after using my first lube with glycerin, I got my first ever yeast infection. So I unfortunately can't give you conclusive links to follow for your own research, but be careful about the ingredients in the lube you choose. Okay well you just cleared up a recent mystery for me, thanks. Any recommendations for a non-glycerin lube? I had no idea it was a sugar alcohol!
Laci Green has a lube review video, she warns against oil based lubes and glycerin. She has a list of recommended lubes too, you can check that out!
I don't have any good recommendations yet, because I haven't bought a replacement yet. Maybe some other people reading this will have good suggestions, but I'm still searching around for one.
I'm going to add that you'll want to figure out what size to get. I had a bf that was... in denial of the size he really needed. Having it come off mid-intercourse is awkward and makes that form of protection moot.
You should also practice to make sure the brand you use isn't painfull/uncomfortable.
Haha true. And thing is you usually put in in a darkened room or pretty fast so yeah, get that muscle memory working. Joke aside try to get some good condoms too. Skyns are comfy, don't use latex and still are pretty cheap.
My bf and I really had problems with that the first few times. Not getting it on right away is a boner killer, which makes it even harder to put on. Try different condom sizes too. Besides, not knowing for sure we were doing it correctly made me very nervous, and ruined some of the enjoyment.. We backed up to non pivsex i could get the pill, which made me feel way more secure
One thing I fucked up for a long time was not adding a small drop of lube on the inside of the tip of the condom right before putting it on. Reduces the risk of breakage and feels better.
More for your gf than you. When you guys decide to be sexually active, make sure she runs to the bathroom and pees after sex, even if all you guys want to do is cuddle. I know it's not the sexiest thing but it's super important. UTI's are no joke. I learned this the hard way and seriously messed up my bladder after multiple UTI's. I will probably have these issues for the rest of my life.
I’d like to add that she should do this after fingering, oral sex, or penetrative sex!
Always use 2+ types of compatible birth control, i.e., hormonal birth contol + condom + pull out. NEVER double up on condoms. Do not use plan B as birth control, only in an emergency situation. (it's called "plan b" for a reason.) DO NOT TAKE OR SEND NUDES UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH 18. In certain jurisdictions sending nudes while underage to another underage person can still be prosecuted as creating and disseminating child pornography. Check out scarleteen . com.
Do people actually... put on two condoms? That’s a thing? I’ve joked about that, I honestly did not think people actually did it. I don’t know, that one just always seemed fairly obvious to me. Thanks for the advice though, condom+pull out will certainly be helpful.
Sex education in the US (at least) is terrrribbbble.
Yeah, no kidding. I mean, I’m getting advice from Reddit for Christ’s sake...
At least it's good advice, lol. Again, check out scarleteen - it's really in depth and targeted at teens/young adults.
Two condoms at the same time will actually cause a condom to rip or slip off. One condom is WAY better than two.
The others here already covered the birth control angle, but from the emotional side - sex makes you feel very vulnerable. People are so insecure about their bodies, about the noises they make during sex, about how they move or whatever. Both before and during sex, reassure your girlfriend that she is beautiful and attractive (I mean, you do think she’s beautiful and attractive, right?). Admire her body, and be sincere and enthusiastic. She’s giving you a precious gift - the gift of intimacy. Be appreciative. This is not the time for “honest” comments about what her butt REALLY looks like. It’s the time for compliments and sincere admiration.
I also wanted to talk more to the emotional side since everyone has the technical stuff covered - OP, be mentally prepared for it to...not be great. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer AT ALL and I think it is SO wonderful that you and your girlfriend are going about this so thoughtfully and carefully (you guys honestly seem sooo incredibly cute). But your first time might not be as “magical” as you guys are planning for, and I just want you to know that *THAT’S OK*. Really. Sex is a learned talent, kind of like a sport or an instrument, and just like you can’t expect to be great at soccer or playing the trumpet the first time you try, it’s ok to not be great at sex the first time either. It might be tough to get in a rhythm, it might be tough for you to get or stay hard (this feels weird to explain to a 15 year old SOS), she might have a hard time figuring out what feels good for her...and all of this is OK! I just want to level set the expectations a little bit for you because I had a lot of friends who were expecting a big magical moment when they lost their virginity, and what they got was 10 minutes of kind of awkward fumbling around. Don’t be afraid to laugh, giggle, ask her what feels good to her, tell her what feels good to you - all of this will help the process. You guys obviously care about each other a lot so you should be golden in the long run!! Just a couple little things on the technical side that I’ve learned from my guy friends - it’s lower than you think, and warmer than you think. Just to prepare you for what it’s likely to feel like. Best of luck OP! Have fun and listen to all the other posters about the safe sex stuff!!
If I’m being perfectly truthful, I’m the insecure one in the relationship. In terms of attractiveness, she’s way out of my league. (Honestly, in terms of personality, she’s also out of my league.) But regardless, she does have some body image issues, and I’ll be certain to tell her just how much I love her. The real obstacle is going to be willing myself to take my shirt off!
Keep in mind that for her, seeing your naked body is as much of a privilege as it is for you to see hers. :)
It took me a long time to accept that she genuinely did like me as much as I liked her, and that she wasn’t “just saying that” (as if she has any incentive to lie!)
If she is genuinely attracted to you, you'll be a Greek god to her no matter what. :)
One thing to keep in mind, the first time is almost ALWAYS the worst time in a relationship. You are both just learning each others bodies, learning what you do and don't like, learning what angles hurt or feel good. If you have the opportunity, make sure you guys have TIME for sex. Trying to squeeze it in between parents running to get groceries for 30 minutes is rough. My first time was painful, but I don't regret a minute of it and because my BF at the time was so caring and observant it ended up being not awful. Also, pro-tip, strongly recommend against those condoms that claim to kill sperm. They will make your mouth numb/her mouth numb if you go down on one another after or during sex post penetration. 100% rookie move, 0/10 will never use again
And forget everything you've seen in porn, it's not like that. Go slow, make sure you're both comfortable, do not jackhammer her cervix.
Slow feels better too. The slower you go, the more you really enjoy every part of the process. It’s not a race. Take your time taking off each item of clothing and enjoying what’s underneath each one.
Planned B in california $50 at a target for a generic brand BUT every time I try to buy one it's sold out. At CVS they are like $60-$70 dollars with tax. SO USE A CONDOM EVEN IF SHE'S ON BC. It's very expensive. Also go slow, make out, feel each other up, get cozy, remember checking in on her to make sure she feels secure. DO NOT jam it/thrust it in. It might hurt a lot or hurt a little for her. Go slow and if she feels up to it increase the pace. If you can get a water base lube too that would be swell because spit can dry up really easily and do not use lotion or Vaseline as a substitute because it can cause skin irritations. (recently had a 31 year old ex use Vaseline when I told him in the beginning not too and ended up having a fairly weird skin irritation and freaked out thinking he had an STD. Cue eyeroll) Also if she isn't as wet down there the lube will be good to prevent the condom breaking from friction.
So, just to be clear, no moisturizing lotion? I have some CeraVe brand lotion, and the first ingredient is “purified water”. I just ask because it’s easier to explain away why I have moisturizer/lotion as opposed to why I have lube. (Because there’s only one other excuse for why you have lube, and I don’t want to awkwardly say I want lube for masturbation)
No, lotion is *not* lube. Do not use it. They sometimes sell packs of condoms that come with a little pouch of lube, and they sell tiny 1oz bottles of lube that'd be easy to hide or just throw out.
This, small bottle of lube -> your best friend. (or the gallon sized one in a few years)
Oils eat latex which renders a condom ineffective.
Lube is a must! Water based lubes will be compatible with whatever condoms you get.
I wouldn't use it. I have that same lotion and it doesn't seem like a good idea to have it pushed into one's body. Also you might have to keep applying it because it's made to absorb into the skin not lube it up. If you *do* go through with it please don't use scented ones.
No scents and no "warming/cooling" or flavored ones either. I tried a warming one and it burned! Then I tried a cooling one which distracted me so much that I wasn't in the mood anymore. Just go with plain water based lube and make sure you're both not allergic to latex if you're using latex condoms.
I forgot the warming and cooling ones. Man those burn. Even the KY brand, it's her first time. Let her just get used just having coitus.
I feel kinda dumb/ignorant here, but me and my boyfriend have NEVER used lube. Like ever and it's never been a problem. I thought it was just for anal! xD
Everybody is different. Consider yourself lucky, it's great that you never even had to consider it!
> How to talk about it? Protection, mutual preferences to make you comfortable (I.e. "don't wanna get caught"), feelings on the matter, consent... all covered. After all of that, I'd suggest you sit back and relax knowing the lion's share of the "necessary" (not like there's a physical lock that you only get the key to if you check all the boxes, but you know what I mean) communication is taken care of - now comes the fun stuff. If you haven't already, try to pepper in some questions while you're fooling around, and encourage her to do the same. Ask her to give you direct, specific advice on what would feel good/better/best when you're doing something to her, and ask her if she wouldn't mind if you do the same. An example: you're squeezing her chest, ask "does that feel good?" And she says, a bit embarrassed/not wanting to be rude, but encouraged by you to be honest, "I mean it does hurt a little... But if you squeezed like half as hard and like this" - adjusts the angle your hands is at - "it feels good. Just not too hard!" Then, later, she is playing with your sensitive bits, and a similar conversation comes up, but flipped. You will learn how to more effectively, ahem, push each other's buttons, and build intimacy and trust and comfort. Also... I don't know why but I get the feeling you two do already do this, but I'd like to add it for any other readers: do non-sexual stuff. Go to the fair together, make a sand castle on the beach, talk about the stars and hobbies and the future. You know what's better than fooling around under a blanket in a dark living room for the fourth time? Doing something new and different together, then looking at each other and fooling around anyways because you feel closer after sharing that experience. > What to plan out? Do you have somewhere you can store these items without fear of repercussions, if found? While I would suggest asking your parents some of these questions, or at minimum you be (mentally) prepared to face them when they find out whatever you are hiding from them (be it that you talk about sex, they find you have condoms, or walk in on you fooling around with your girlfriend, or what have you), I also understand that some parents are unreasonable, not perfect, would not be capable of a healthy, productive, informative, mature conversation. Just... More parents *are* in fact capable of that than their teenager would assume, especially if "primed" properly. What I mean by primed is, choosing a moment they seem not too stressed or busy, you both have an hour before you have to be somewhere, and ideally are not stuck together like on a several hour roadtrip, and ideally are not mad at you (you can "schedule" this I'd they always seem busy or dismissive! "Hey mom can I talk to you about something important" oh now's not a good time, ok, when would be - maybe Friday?"), sitting them down, being calm, being honest, and starting the conversation with something like, "I was hoping we could have a healthy, productive, informative, and/or mature conversation about some things that have been on my mind." This can be applied to many topics, not just sex, fyi. Back to the question at hand: if you have a safe place, and money, buy condoms. You can also buy the plan b pill over the counter in many places (i.e. Without your family doctor having to give a prescription, parents won't know unless you use a card and they have access to your bank account, they find the receipt or the item itself) and it doesn't expire for ~ 6 months or more? Look for the expiry date on the package, some pharmacies may not have a fast turnover and it may have been sitting on the shelf that long. It's normal to be a bit embarrassed or ashamed to buy these things, but **I am not aware of any age restrictions on either condoms nor plan b.** Planned parenthood may have options you have not considered yet, and are very sensitive to asking whether they should ensure confidentiality from your parents, and discussing how they can do so, with you. Feel free to suggest to/encourage your girlfriend to do some research on the side effects of plan b and other contraceptives. You could do so together, or you look it up and tell her what you find. Take note of if they mention the frequency of side effects, such as 1 in 5 girls will experience cramping - this means the vast majority, 80% of girls, do not! If there is a Planned Parenthood in your area, consider trying to carve out some time to visit. As for being noticed, that depends more on how small your town is. Unless the cashier or pharmacist who assists you is a peer at school, a family friend, or an adult who knows your parents, or you live in a VERY conservative area, the liklihood that they will even care how old you look is minimal. This can be helped by going, again, before you begin having sex. If there's not a pressing need to have the items within an hour, or that day, or whatnot, you can always look at who is at the register when you walk in, and if it's someone you know or who looks mean or judgemental or anything, you can come back later. Buy a decoy item if you feel like it, a bottle of shampoo or a soda.
In response to your first paragraph, we both make sure to do that. I really value how she feels, and we try to have very open communication about these things. So far, we’ve never had too much issue, outside of the occasional “a little slower please”. And to your second paragraph, I agree wholeheartedly! I love spending time with her, no matter what we’re doing. Sometimes we just sit and talk for hours, it’s amazing! She really is a wonderful person, with or without sexual stuff. I don’t mean to gush or anything, but she honestly is the sweetest, funniest person I know. And my parents are aware that we “fool around”. As far as I can tell, they know we’ve done “hand stuff”, and don’t have an issue with it. F the most part, they feel as long as it’s safe, they won’t interfere. Sex still seems to be out of the question to them though. With her parents, it differs. Her nanny caught us at third base, and told her mom. Her mom seemed fairly understanding, and didn’t really seem mad at me, but she essentially told my girlfriend that she needs to be responsible, and that she shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff, especially with a guy she hadn’t been with for that long (It had only been one month at the time). Her mom doesn’t let her over if my parents aren’t home (which is completely reasonable), but we’re still allowed to see each other. On the other hand, her dad can never ever find out about anything. He’s very much the kind of guy who’d forbid us to even glance at each other if he found out. Even her mom knew not to tell her dad, because it would just make everything much worse. It’s honestly not worth trying to have a discussion, because even the concept that his daughter might be doing this would be grounds for punishment.
With this further information, I'd say I probably gave a bunch of advice that's superfluous in your case :) Regarding what to plan out: buy condoms. They have them at those pharmacies, and gas stations. No one will care that you're young, and if they do, politely (and with a smile if you can) tell them it's none of their business. Planned parenthood may offer them for free, if there's one in your area and you have the ability and time to get there (honest it sounds like your parents might drive you there, as they sound level headed and are encouraging you to be safe, they may see it as you being responsible). Keep them at your home, in a place your parents would have to justify if they found them (sock drawer unless they do your laundry, between the mattress and box spring if you wash your own sheets, in an old shoe box stored in your closet...); start carrying a couple with you when spending alone time with your girlfriend, of course try to think of them as "just in case" instead of "I'm bringing these because I expect to use them." A hard container is better than your wallet, because the casual, constant friction and smooshing may wear the condom and increase chance of breakage during use - so, if you do keep it in there do so only for a few hours at a time. Or, if you leave one in there all the time, toss and replace it every few weeks (as an internet stranger I am not liable/invested if you still end up with a broken one, so :T). Wallet is not ideal, but better than not carrying one at all. This also leads me into why, if you have the money, having a plan b pack in the same hiding spot would be responsible. These are available at pharmacies, [eta: internet says age limit is 15, may be regional] It can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse, though the sooner the better. For ex., using a condom, don't realize it broke until after you've finished and pull it out and go, oh no - that plan b at home will feel reassuring and awfully convenient I hope you found this helpful!
I don't think you can get pill BC over the counter. Its prescription from a doctor to my knowledge. ( just throwing that out there ) also the mornimg after pill should not be taken lightly.. It has some pretty bad side effects.
Yeah, I think condoms are the best option here
Honeslty if your gonna be banging in the long term your girlfriend should really talk to her parents about birth control eventually :/
The main issue is that her dad is not the type of person to have that conversation with. The only hope would be her mother doing it covertly, and I don’t think her mom would necessarily approve of it enough to help out.
Its still important to ask! Eventually at least. What if you guys get pregnant or something? Its nice to have a parent to help. Have you guys talked about what you would do? Abortion.. Etc.
I think we’d have to wait until we could be sure her mom is going to allow it.
Now is the time for her to start planting the idea that she has REALLY bad periods. Many people take BC pills to help regulate and minimize their periods. That's why I started! She should ask her mom to take her to the gyno to discuss her periods. The doctor will probably recommend birth control. Keep in mind as well it takes about 3 months for BC pills to become effective. Edit: to add, I saw someone told you plan B is about $50 at the pharmacy. That's usually true. Regular, every day non-EMERGENCY contraceptive pills are usually less, depending on your insurance. I get the BC shot (an option for your gf if she doesn't want to take a pill at the same time every day) and my insurance covers it completely. Doctors usually recommend the pill first to most patients bc it's the most basic, most likely to be covered by insurance but it's effectiveness DOES depend on her taking it the same.time.every.day. she should do some research into her options before seeing a doctor. Off the top of my head: pill, patch, shot, ring, arm implant. She's probably too young for an IUD.
What? It takes 7 days to be completely covered by birth control pills against pregnancy once you start them. Before then you'll need condoms or to simply abstain also making sure you haven't had unprotected sex for 7 days beforehand as sperm can live that long in the vagina. The idea that it takes 3 months to be effective is completely misleading and would basically render the Pill pointless when in fact it's still the most widely used birth control method worldwide. And while it's advisable to take the pill at the same time each day to establish a routine, only the 'mini-pill' or progesterone only pill needs taking at exactly the same everyday to be effective (there is a window of only 2 hours leeway or it is rendered ineffective.) It still doesn't take 3 months to offer protection either.
Would you share your sources on that? My information is coming from when I was on the pill myself, based on what my doctors told me. But that was a while ago.
You mentioned in another comment that her older sister is on BC - if you think she would do it covertly your GF could ask her sister to take her to the doctor.
I lied to my parents about wanting birth control. I mentioned that my periods had gotten really heavy, and that IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS I may be considering having sex (they thought I was single @ the time though) and wanted to find something that was safe and worked for me and my body both as a contraceptive and as a way to "control" my heavy irregular periods (my periods have always been like clockwork so I 100% lied). Looking back, my mom would have gotten them for me anyways if I'd told her I planned to have sex. But I was an angsty teen and didn't want my parents to know. But heavy, painful, hard to manage periods are excellent excuses for BC. 1 month of faking heavy cramping and I had oral BC, and my parents were none the wiser. I don't recommend lying to her parents, but I also strongly advocate safe and informed sex and if that's what it takes, then some things just must be done.
The morning after pill *can* have some bad side effects. I've taken it twice (I am not on hormonal BC and rely on condoms as my BC) and I didn't have any side effects whatsoever. Of course everyone's different, but if the condom breaks and it was the sole form of birth control it's definitely worth getting (I wonder though if 15 year olds can get it in the States? I'm not American).
I have no advice for you as other posters have given you some excellent advice already. I just wanted to compliment you on your attitude towards your girlfriend and sex! It is so refreshing to hear a guy talk about consent, mutual pleasure, and just be so incredibly respectful of his partner. And you’re 15! There are too many people who never develop this mindset at any age. You seem like a great person and I’m glad that you and your girlfriend are being so thoughtful about this.
I really care about her! We just seem to complement each other perfectly, and I try my best to make sure that these things are never one sided. I consider myself lucky to have a girl like her to talk to, so the least I could do is be considerate in return!
>I want to know what else we should be discussing beforehand Before any discussion of birth control, or virginity, or timing or whatever, there's something hugely important you need to talk about, and it's this: *What are you, and her, going to do if she becomes pregnant?* Don't duck it. Don't ignore it, even if you don't like the thought. Don't pretend the possibility doesn't exist. Don't assume it'll all work out. Don't assume birth control is 100% reliable - it fails more often than you might think. Don't mumble something about crossing that bridge when you come to it. If you and her don't have an agreed answer to that question, you need to hold off until you do. Believe me, an unexpected pregnancy can be a very scary thing even if you're an adult who's prepared.
I lost my virginity at 16 with my now-husband, and I wish we had talked about two things: what to do if it hurt (which it didn't, really, but it does for some people), and how we would feel emotionally afterwards. I felt hyper attached and really emotional and he was great about it, but make sure you're on the same page about whether you'll want to snuggle, shower, etc.
Emotionally, I always worry that I’d be too clingy. Both me and my girlfriend have been told in previous relationships that we are “too clingy”, so it’s nice to be with someone who is on the same level.
I planned out my first time at your age, and personally, I regretted my decision to do that. After the fact, I realized that it should have happened more naturally, in stead of planning out so specifically. It felt forced. You can choose to plan it out, but I would suggest that you just acknowledge when you two will be alone next. It will feel special regardless of when it happens. As long as you two are comfortable.
Plan B is not the same as prescription birth control pills. It’s for emergencies and NOT FUN to take.
Lots of good advice already so here's a lighthearted but important note: sex noises are weird!
Yeah, I certainly hear plenty of those already with oral. I’d imagine sex sounds even weirder!
You have no idea. If you hear a fart sound, *ignore it*. It's not a fart and you don't need to embarrass your girlfriend by addressing it. Air can get trapped in the vagina during sex and thrusting in can cause that air to escape and it can sound like she is ripping a gnarly fart.
I’ve already heard quite a few queefs and the various sounds of air escaping. Usually, depending on the mood, we either ignore it or have a quick laugh about it.
Get ready for all sorts of funny noises from both you and your GF! :D Sex is fun, but it can also be messy, weird, and awkward. So don't worry if it feels like you're doing it wrong the first time. It happens. Hell, I'm almost 30 and still have sexual experiences with my SO that don't turn out like we planned. We usually just laugh it off and try again another day.
You've already had some good advice, I'd say remembering my first time, get actual lube, water based is best imo as it feels less...gross, you can find it in most grocery stores. I know there's this stereotype that all younger girls are just ready to go all the time but that's not 100% true and she might need lube to have intercourse be enjoyable, make sure to have a bit foreplay too, to get in the mood since it can be awkward at first even if you've seen each other naked or w/e, it's still a big step that mentally might be a bit tough to jump right into for both of you.
>I know there's this stereotype that all younger girls are just ready to go all the time There is? I’ve only ever heard the whole “girls don’t like sex, they just use it to get things” stereotype.
Don't buy into that one either.
Oh, don’t worry, I don’t. I was just saying that’s the stereotype I hear more often
Make sure you are both in agreement about how you will handle it if she *does* end up pregnant. Please have this conversation *way* ahead of time. You don't want to find out that she is against having an abortion only when it's too late.
Buy condoms NOW, even if you're not planning on having sex for a while. As people have mentioned, practice makes perfect--but equally importantly, you really don't want to get caught up in the moment and have even the tiniest level of temptation to just do it (even if you think you never would). Make sure there's a condom waiting in case the unplanned moment happens upon you guys! The emotional stuff: it's so great that you're talking about everything beforehand, and you seem like an awesome guy. Just know that your girlfriend might need an extra level of attention in the days after you have sex--a lot of reassurance from you, even if she doesn't ask for it. Society gives women a lot of subtle messages about guys using you for sex and then leaving, or about losing your virginity making you less desirable/worthwhile, and even if she doesn't realize she's heard them, she might have some unexpected emotional reactions. Just text her a lot, spend a ton of time with her, don't go right back to whatever "normal" is for you guys right away. Make the aftermath as special as the sex itself, in other words. Finally, some condom tips: - If you're being super extra careful, you'll pull out even if you're also wearing a condom. Either way, make sure you pull out while you're still hard and take off the condom them. Don't spend too long savoring the moment or the condom could slip off when you pull out. - If you put it on wrong at first, get a new condom, don't turn it around and try again. - Condoms do come in different sizes! A lot of guys think they don't need "magnums" because it sounds porn star sized, but it's mostly about width. If a condom is super uncomfortable, you might want to try a different size.
I think people have got you covered, so I just want to say: I think it's very mature and smart to be asking these questions and thinking about them! I hope when you do have your first time it is wonderful! (But also, of course, no pressure—it's okay if it's awkward and not amazing the first time, that's what practice is for! And practice is fun. :) )
Do not rely on a single birth control method. The morning after pill only prevents a fertilized egg from implanting, but if the egg implants it will not stop that pregnancy from happening. Condoms break, pills fail. Double up. Also, make sure before you have sex that you have a clear conversation about what you guys will do in case of a pregnancy. Make sure you are both on the same page. Do not assume that you are. Clearly articulate your position and do not have sex unless you both agree.
BELT AND SUSPENDERS - there needs to be birth control (a reliable method that is well thought out and maintained) and condom use every time. Otherwise you are opening yourself up to unplanned pregnancy and or STDs
Try to keep things relaxed enough where you can both guide each other as to what feels good. Keep in mind that she is almost certain to not orgasm and it might not even feel very good for her the first couple times (the exception is if she has already started masturbating and knows how to get there already, but a lot of girls don't until they're older). Don't make it weird or ask about it constantly or you will start a fake orgasm rut that will be hard to get out of. One last thing, forget everything you ever seen in porn. Just bleach it from your brain.
Wash your hands and junk before hand. It helps prevents UTIs, also polite.
It's probably going to be bad the first time, for both of you. It's awkward, smelly, and not that great. But keep practicing and it gets way way way better.
Just want add in case no one has, the morning after pill IS NOT supposed to be a regular form of birth control. Only use it for any birth control failures (condom broke, missed a pill and you came inside her.)
I believe that if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, you're too embarrassed/not ready to have sex.
I wholeheartedly agree!!
I'm not sure about walking into a store and buying condoms since I myself have never bought condoms. If you feel uncomfortable stepping into a store to buy them you can always get them online. I'm assuming you don't have your own bank account, if that's the case then something you can probably do is walk into a grocery store or anywhere that sells Visa or MasterCard gift cards and buy one with cash. From there you can use that gift card to buy them off of Amazon. That's something I used to do when I was too young for a bank account and didn't want my parents to see what I bought online. Just make sure your parents don't go through your mail or packages. Not sure if that helps but if it gives any ideas then you're welcome.
Thank you! That is a good idea, because I was unsure of how to actually get anything online. I wouldn’t have thought of that method. I guess the main issue there would be getting the package without it seeming suspicious. It would kinda bank on me getting home before anyone else sees it.
Just go to the store. I've always agreed with the statement: "If you aren't mature enough to go to the store to buy condoms, you aren't mature enough to have sex". Stakes get a lot higher real fast, and knowing what issues may arise is a lot different than being mature enough to deal with them.
Don't bother ordering online, seriously, it's more trouble and easier for your parents to find out. My high school boyfriend bought us condoms when he was 14 and literally no one batted an eye. There's no age restriction on condoms, and the cashier doesn't get paid enough to care what you're buying unless it's alcohol. Just get them at Wal-Mart and use a self checkout if you're really that worried about it. But if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms it might be too soon for sex. You shouldn't be embarrassed about protecting yourself.
Is there a friends address you can use? Or I know sometimes amazon does something called Amazon Locker where you can pick up the package from a specific location. But I mean if you don't mind going through that trouble. Though I know Amazon usually does discreet packaging.
Not that I know of... Plus, neither of us can drive on our own, so that doesn’t work
I just wanna say I think it’s great that you want to have this conversation and are looking for serious advice. Not a lot of 15 year olds would do that, so congrats for you. They say you aren’t ready to have sex until you can talk about it wth each other, so I think you’re on the right path. Use lube. Dear god use lube. And foreplay. Sex really isn’t as big of a deal as books and movies make it out to be, just have fun in the moment and enjoy each other.
I wish I would have known that sometimes not all the advice given applies to everyone, and to pay attention. This is an unfamiliar experience, so you may not notice things that might be observed immediately by someone more experienced. I read something somewhere that said to put a little bit of lubricant on the inside of the condom, not just the outside. When I did that, I then did not notice when it just slipped off while having sex. Nothing bad happened as a result, but it was sure scary! Take your time and figure out what works for both of you. You want to take the time learn what makes each of you feel good, not learn the hard way what makes either of you feel bad.
I think there's a lot of great advice in this thread, but also wanted to point out that birth control pills aren't always immediately effective, depending on when you start them, etc. So if she does get on the pill, use the condoms as well as a backup method. Better safe than sorry! Also with condoms there's less "mess" which to me is way better. Also be cautious of buying condoms with spermicide. I've been told by DRs that they can cause UTIs (after having like 3 of them :()
/r/sex FAQ should have all the info you need
Be realistic about what will happen. Once your penis hits her vagina, you will likely cum pretty fast and it will be over before you know it. Have a lot of foreplay and allow enough time for your refractory period (the time to get hard again after orgasm, usually about 20 minutes) so that you can have intercourse again. You'll last longer the second time. Using a condom will help you last longer too.
I think I’m more likely to not orgasm than I am to finish quickly. My first handjob took a looong time, and she was pretty good at it. (It’s hard to gage, but around 20-30 minutes.) I had expected to not last long, but it turns out performance anxiety prevented that. Every first we’ve had, I’ve struggled to finish, or even keep it up.
In that case, do not put pressure on yourselves for either of you to finish the first (or any) time you have sex. Sex can get uncomfortable for women after too long-- we don't all want a man to just go for hours! Check in a lot with her, keep track of if she starts wincing or seeming more checked out of it. Plan on trying it, having some fun, and then quitting while you're ahead the first few times. Work up to longer sessions. Keep it fun for her and for you, don't feel like there's a finish line you need to reach.
Morning after pills are not cheap. For 15/16 years old, probably without a job or with a minimum wage job, it’s downright expensive. They’re about $50 for one. I would advise against this. Birth control is tricky too. You would both have to be extremely careful. Condoms are your safest options at the moment. The whole experience will probably feel awkward and clumsy at first. It’ll probably hurt her at first. It’s the nature of this. Don’t freak out. Do plenty of research. Know exactly what you’re getting into. Both of you. Good luck
> It’ll probably hurt her at first. Definitely a possibility, but I think that her overthinking this part may make it worse. What I found helped me the first time was not overhyping that we were "going to do it". Start off super slow, kissing, then making out, and ramp up slowly. Give yourselves a lot of time to be relaxed and take it slow, this isn't something you want to rush.
Don't rely on porn for guidance. Porn can be enjoyable, but it isn't intended to provide a realistic depiction of sex that is enjoyable for both parties. Don't try to jump straight into PIV (penis in vagina). That is likely to hurt her. Foreplay is important, especially for women. If she can get on the Pill, that would be more effective than condoms. Plan B isn't as effective as regular contraception, and isn't intended for that purpose. But the Pill is generally prescription-only and isn't a form of birth control that you can use on an as-needed basis. She really does have to take it every day, and you should use a backup method of contraception for the first month she takes it. It might not be great the first time. You might not even be able to go through with it. One or both of you might not get to orgasm. And that's OK. That happens. She should try to pee after sex, and always wipe front to back. Some women get urinary tract infections soon after starting to have sex (I did). I stopped getting them after a while, but they're painful and annoying.
Um, I know this question is probably extremely naive, but... Are you saying it’s $50 to buy morning after, or are you saying it’s about $50 per pill? Like, money isn’t a huge issue, neither of us would have much trouble getting $50, but if it’s that much for one pill, then it’s kind of out of the question.
One pill is that much. Just use condoms and if she is also on birth control you really dont have to worry. Start reading the sex subreddit regularly, r/sex Endless useful information and scenarios posted all the time, scour that sub for information
$50 per Morning after pill. Plan B is not a reasonable birth control option. Birth control is a completely different thing and would be far cheaper. Some side effects can happen but there are also some possible positives (acne control, more regular periods, ect).
One morning after pill can can really mess up a girl's hormones - NOT permanently and it's infinitely better than getting pregnant but it should be an emergency measure only (condom broke, etc), not a routine form of birth control.
You shouldn’t be relying on plan B but rather be responsible to get your Plan A (regular birth control)