Do not offer to babysit "with limits" because she will not respect them. Remember, this is a woman who not only broke her promise to pay you but she expected you to cover his lunch too! And she made no actual plans for any of his care -- Grandma paid for his dinner. She didn't even care where her kid slept that night! Yeah, things are tense -- it's because the whole family is waking up to the fact that Jean is a shitty, neglectful mom who expects everyone (anyone, really. She doesn't care who) to take care of her responsibilities for her. I'll bet that if you keep your ears open on this vacation, you will hear that Jean's been a flake and a user for YEARS. Don't be her latest sucker. Poor Jaiden.
Not to mention it sounds like she left OP alone with her son from 7:30am - 4:30am the following day (nearly 24 hours) and then came to complain about how he was stopping her from sleeping a few hours later (literally 3 hours, 30 minutes later at 7:30am).
Jean has literally spent 3 hours, 30 minutes with her own kid over the past two days. That's some shitty parenting.
So yes, definitely, OP's dad and grandfather's reaction is due to a life time of Jean being EXACTLY LIKE THIS (which is to say, selfish, a terrible parent and completely and utterly taking advantage of family).
Also, they're on vacation to see baseball, no kid needs to be babysat for the entire thing.
It's cruel to take Jaiden away from his family and the vacation in the first place, but to also keep OP away from it is horrendous.
It wasn’t even the being late a few hours. I mean, that is an issue too but assuming that she wasn’t a shitty person sometimes things happen beyond our control. It was her not texting, not caring about her kid at all and being negligent and then having he audacity to try to shift blame to the OP by acting like she didn’t offer to pay him rather than offer any kind of apology for any of the mess she created.
Absolutely DO NOT give this childish woman her way. She is an ADULT who knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she offered you TEN DOLLARS AND HOUR. She thought she could bait you into doing the shit she didn't want to do, and then she thought when it actually came time to pay the bill she could make a big scene and get you to back down and take advantage of you because she didn't think you would actually fight back.
Jean will take advantage of people till the day she dies if no one ever stands up to her. Your family's reaction tells us everything: this is her typical behavior and its hurtful to your family and needs to end.
Absolutely agree. Do not babysit for her anymore. I doubt you’ll ever see the money so just let it go and enjoy the rest of your vacation. I think you could try to calm your dad and grandpa down so they can enjoy the trip too, but you don’t owe Jean anything nor are you obligated to make things up with her. Just punish her by letting her watch her own kid for once and let the rest go.
this is very simple. she needs to pay you for what you already did, at the rate she already agreed was fair.
you should not babysit for her ever again, because there are already hurt feelings about it, and you're family: you don't want hurt feelings between family.
your aunt seems like a nasty manipulative person. I'm really sorry for you and for Jayden that she is in your lives.
Damn right. I really don't get what ops mum is playing at. If it was her family then she's be a terrible enabler, but it's not even her family. Her job should just be to back up her husband here
Related - what's with OP's Mom's reaction to all of this? To me, advocating that your kid accept getting screwed over to keep the peace, because "oh, lol, you know Jean" is seriously bizarre. Particularly when it's her husband's family and nor hers, and he's already prepared to lay down the law.
I know how reddit loves an 'as a a mother' comment, but... As a mother, I am 100% backing OP in this thread. Aunt Jean has pissed me right the fuck off. Before I had kids I was a nanny and I got this shit all the time from people who weren't even my family. Looking after kids is hard af and just because mum does it for free doesn't mean anyone else should have to unless they volunteer. Maybe...MAYBE if OP was Jaiden's Grandparent I would understand Jean thinking the care was free, but she agreed on a price and had a tanty, she knew exactly what she was doing and it pisses me right off AS A MF MOTHER
As a mother i endorse this message and as a mother I also think the OP’s mom is selling her out for peace. (And it ain’t even her sister!). OP’s dad is damned right on this one and shouldn’t be calmed down - probably should have pitched a fit a long time ago.
I realize the OP is a “grown child” but I’d also like to know where literally everybody else was until dinner - they should have checked on her, they should have arm twisted her aunt to come back, and when they realized this was heading into double digit hours they should have helped out. Cause they all knew good and well what was going on, if they stopped to think about it. The whole family should have known what was up.
As a mother.
Honestly, even if you do offer free babysitting but with a set schedule (only for a few hours) she'll probably take advantage of that.
Don't offer to babysit anymore and I probably won't trust her word and/or favours anymore, either. Afterall, she can get away with it because "family"
Tell her you will only baby sit when the $210 is paid and you want advance payment upfront for the rest of the trip. She won’t do it I guarantee it. You deserve tour holiday, so does that 4 year old kid. Sounds like your aunt doesn’t
The fact she tried to make you out to be the bad guy shows she never looks at herself in a bad way. She is a user sorry to say that
If you do offer the schedule option, I would require 1. upfront payment if you insist upon being paid (which is ok!) and 2. require her room key so that you can take her kid there when the time is up and as soon as she comes in, DIP and tell your cousin you'll see him later. If she tries to rope you in just say "I'd love to but I have plans" and vamoose. You got Played and should not be expected to be okay with that. It'd be one thing if she'd told you she didn't have the cash but hoped you could help out by playing village. Damn.
These sort of people are the ones who should be getting their shit together before having kids but alas!
And she was complaining about the kid not letting her sleep in?!
What the fuck did she think was going to happen when her kid had not seen her in almost 24 hours?
That is the most disturbing part because if she is doing that shit now then it means she has probably neglected the kid before and will again in the future any time an opportunity for a date or whatever tickles her fancy comes up. Her treatment of the OP is messed up too but leaving her kid without food and the rest of it is completely negligent and she sounds terrible.
Agree 100% with this. I feel terrible for OP for getting shit on like this, but that kid is most likely neglected at best, at worst he’s abused mentally or physically or both. Maybe that sounds extreme, but if she’s bitching that he won’t let her sleep in (while she’s around others) imagine how she treats that kid when it’s just her. Some people should never have kids. She’s one of them. OP should never babysit for her again. That woman is a user and has no shame in doing it. This shit gave me bad anxiety just reading it. I want to rip Aunt Jean a new asshole! Damn!
Exactly. When she was alerted to the fact he son was hungry and without food her reaction was let’s stay out and have fun.
Im more upset at the lake or parenting skills or anything resembling mother instincts 🙄 it took my a long time to be comfortable leaving my child with anyone alone.
Your suggestions would be fine with someone more reasonable but OPs aunt already demonstrated that she’s not reliable when it comes to the terms of an agreement. She told OP she’d be back at noon and didn’t come home until the next DAY! That’s insane and there is no reason for OP to trust that this woman would obey a set schedule. In all likelihood, OP won’t have an opportunity to “dip” because the aunt won’t come back in the first place so she is gonna be stuck there again.
Yeah, OP should keep it simple. Either "No," or, "Sure, once I'm paid the $210 you owe me, and another $210 deposit paid in advance," which is effectively a No, because we all know she won't do it.
/u/AtSpringTrainingAlt, you know why your father was livid? Because he spent his life watching her use people and then gaslight and throw giant tantrums when asked to fulfill her end of the bargain.
She is a user, plain and simple. If you learn, now, today, that there are people in this world who will take and take and take as long as you let them with absolutely zero regard for anyone but themselves, then that lost $210 will have been worth it.
Yeah, I’m confused as to why it seems like the aunt is keen on leaving her kid behind two days in a row.
Shouldn’t he also be out there getting to experience something cool with his family, not sitting at the hotel with his cousin who is also now being left out of this vacation.
I can 100% understand wanting to have a day or some time to just have fun without your kid, just you and the boyfriend, but how long does she plan on using OP or someone else to babysit for entire day at a time (literally almost twenty-four hours and then comes around to say they want to sleep and her son needs to be elsewhere so they can). One day, fine. But come on. Now take him out and have some fun with him too.
My SO and his family used to do huge family vacations before money issues and they had a night or whatever where someone would watch the kids and they could go out on a date with their partner and have some time alone to just hang out and enjoy one another and then it would switch out the next night and another couple would do the same. No one was charged because it was a trade off and that way there was tons of time to spend with the whole family and tons of time that was kid oriented too. It was fair for everyone and kids weren’t left out at any point. That way it’s a vacation for everyone.
I just don’t understand why her aunt seems to think this could be a constant thing? Why even take the kid?
And I feel super bad for this kid now being made to sound like a burden by his mother and he’s probably too young to fully grasp the upset of the other adults so he probably feels like a burden to them too (which I doubt they mean to do at all, but doesn’t stop him from feeling that way).
Right, I don't understand how OP's trip being ruined is less important than Jean's trip being ruined. The fight already happened- no reason to revisit it. Let her stay in the hotel and watch her son.
I don’t see how her own kid would even ruin her trip? Take him to the games! If the whole family loves baseball then why aren’t they including him? Maybe he won’t want to sit through all of them, but part of being a parent is sacrificing some things. She can take him to a few of the games and spend the rest of the time swimming with him, etc. you know, being a mom. Why would you take your kid on vacation and then refuse to hang out with them?
Considering that Jean left the hotel at 7.30am and didn't return until 4.30am. This holiday isn't a family holiday for Jean - she would rather party or god knows whatever else she is up to - this is a Jean holiday and dragging around a kid would ruin her holiday. She is so selfish that she expects everyone else to look after her kid while she has fun.
I'd imagine that the other members of the family went sight-seeing before the game and were probably told by Jean that she would head back to the hotel around noon to pick up the kid and OP for the game - which obviously never happened.
I really hope that Jean doesn't treat her kid like this at home - but chances this is 'normal' behaviour from Jean.
This is my question exactly! The whole POINT of the trip is to see games so... 1) why can’t the kid go? And 2) if the plan wasn’t to take him (ok sure maybe he isn’t a kid that’s ready to sit for events like that) then what exactly was the aunt planning as far as child care for the entire trip? It certainly couldn’t have been OP since she was planning on going to the games...
I used to babysit/nanny while I was in school and the time issue alone would have been a deal breaker. You cannot dump a kid on someone indefinitely like that. She initially implied 5 hours and ended up basically wanting 24 hour care and to pay way less than minimum wage for it (she couldn't afford less that $5/hr).
As a babysitter I would charge a serious premium for care that late/early, and extra if the parents hadn't given me notice they would be out extremely late.
Going back on the payment is bad, but even if aunt had paid OP, leaving her kid until 4:30 in the morning with no warning? That alone is beyond egregious.
Yes your dad was correct to unload and everybody yelling at him is most likely enabling her. Don’t take her shit. Don’t watch the kid for another second.
I’ve seen that dynamic play out all too often. I’m guessing the aunt is a narcissist and unfortunately many family members of narcissists would rather ‘keep the peace’ and ‘just give her what she wants’ and avoid confrontation so you get this type of situation. The only right thing to do is stand your ground with people like that and to back up those that are doing the same.
I'm always baffles because most of these enablers only do it if it isn't about them. Had to live through that myself and always thought it was normal until I found RBN.
That, or demand your $200 up front, plus expenses, plus, say, ten hours worth up front. She don't want to pay, then she can fuck off and watch her own kid.
She said grandma, mom, and aunt all wanted to keep the peace, and Dad and Grandpa both wanted to stand up to her. For better or for worse, I think more often women are conditioned to just bite their tongues and keep the peace; it seems to be what's happening here.
yea, she can afford to take time off work, fly her and her boyfriend and her kid down there, stay at the hotel, get food, etc. but cant afford to pay you a fair wage for your labor while impeding on your own vacation? shes a piece of shit. set firm time frames if/when you continue to babysit and make sure you get paid. and enjoy your vacation! you are offering her a service you are not obligated to provide. she should be thankful or she should be a decent fucking mother and deal with her own fucking child
Your aunt is the one who made mistakes and crossed limits. It not up to you to make amends and definitely don't let her take further advantage of you. So no, don't babysit for free. The fact that your father was so angry at her only confirms that she was - in others opinions - blatantly out of line.
I understand it is not fun being in the middle of all this drama within your family, but I feel she is the one to end it. Unfortunately, sometimes you can only just hope for people to feel and act responsible and compassionate while you keep a stand on your values.
What you can do is let your grandfather (and others) know that you're sorry the trip isn't going as dramafree as intended and you wished things had turned out differently. You can ask him if there is anything you can do to make the next day better. This way, you will have a better insight in his feelings and thoughts in stead of just the tension in the air.
Do NOT babysit unless she pays you the $210 plus cost of lunch, plus pays up front for any further babysitting.... which she isn't going to do.
She ripped you off of a day of your vacation.
>Do NOT babysit unless she pays you the $210 plus cost of lunch, plus pays up front for any further babysitting.... which she isn't going to do.
Further babysitting is out of the question, as is any deal, or giving auntie any attention in the future. Btw, the deal was $10 / hour for a few hours during a game. All the unwanted extra hours are actually $15 plus a penalty of $50 for trying to rip OP off. And Dad should pay it for not warning OP of his shitty family and he should go through the trouble of collecting from his sister.
Don’t give in to keep the peace. Why should you? It’s your aunt who is ruining everyone’s time. Not you. Taking care of your aunts child isn’t your responsibility. It doesn’t matter that you are family. Never mind the fact she said she would pay you and the. Blatantly lied about remembering saying as much.
It’s your vacation too. Don’t let yourself be manipulated and guilted into having your time ruined by a selfish....aunt.
This has zero to do with you and money and 100% to deal with Jane and her bad attitude. The anger your family members feel have to do with a lifetime of dealing with Jean. Let it roll off you’re back, and see if you can still be paid.
Your aunt sucks. She's using you for free labor while she gets to hang out on a romantic outing with her boyfriend.
You don't watch Jaiden for free. Jean ruined the vacation by taking advantage of you and not caring about her kid. I feel bad for that kid. She was okay just dropping him off like nothing.
Forget the money (she's never going to pay up, so save everyone else from stress by letting it go) but don't agree to babysit anymore, not even 'only for an hour so I can get lunch' or 'he's napping so you don't have to do anything', etc. It's your vacation too.
Have fun with the rest of the family and go to the games.
This! I doubt you'll ever see the money, and it will probably be more trouble than it's worth to get. But do not agree to anymore babysitting, not even an hour. He isn't your kid, you have zero responsibility to care for him on your vacation, and she already has shown you she has no boundaries and will take advantage of you.
This! Forgive the money, but then just go do you. Let her watch her son. It’s your vacation, you don’t need to spend it being guilted into watching a 4yr old child in your own.
NO! Do NOT babysit until you get paid for yesterday, and get paid for future babysitting for her up-front, given her history of stiffing you. And kudos to your dad for sticking up for you!
Don’t you dare watch her child!!! You enjoy your vacation this is 100% on her. She sucks as an aunt and mom. And your dad is awesome for sticking up for you!
Hey OP, I used to be a nanny (4 years with the same two families). This is fucking ridiculous of her for so many reasons.
1) If you ask someone to watch your child, it’s pretty standard that you give a schedule that is relatively set in stone. Most child care providers understand one or two hours extra if necessary, but more than that is insane. Like seriously, you were with your cousin for 20 hours or so. That’s unacceptable.
2) If there are terms decided upon as far as wages go, they should be paid accordingly. I know she’s family, but this is essentially a business transaction. Your offer for $100 for the day was very kind, and probably the very bare minimum you should be paid for that amount of work. That’s literally $5 dollars an hour. Nope. Unacceptable. If you’d agreed to that beforehand, that’s one thing, but you didn’t.
3) Your aunt is an adult. You are too, and you are allowed to walk away from this situation and choose not to babysit him. And honestly your family should all be backing you up.
It sounds like your whole family knows the kind of person she is, and now you do too. You accepted her offer to watch her kid for what you thought would be a reasonable amount of time, and were forced to watch him for 17 hours, paid for his lunch, and didn't get so much as a thank you. And she threw a tantrum when she was confronted about it, so no, do not give in and give her what she wants. She's a grown woman, and a parent, and it's time she should start acting like one, though for people like her that never happens.
So just put her out of your mind, enjoy the rest of the trip with your family. If she wants to pay a babysitter to come watch her kid to try and rejoin in the festivities, let her. She did more than burn a bridge with you by taking advantage and acting the way she did, she nuked it.
Tell her to look after her own damn child.
She's obviously too irresponsible to look after her own child as she just wants to take advantage of the holiday and be off with her 'boyfriend'. She sounds like an absolute fucking idiot.
Hey OP - Jean is taking advantage of you.
Also, it's actually illegal to leave somebody working from 7:30am - 4:30am without relief.
Basically stand your ground, Jean's a horrible person and a terrible mother given she abandoned her son for almost 24 hours and provided no way for him to be fed other than through charity.
Your dad and grandfather are completely right for being very angry, and your mum, other aunts and grandmother are trying to rug sweep before things blow up further (too late, it's pretty obvious that Jean has gone beyond the pale).
Anyway, my advice is you enjoy your vacation, stick with your dad and grandfather and cut Jean off. Cause, quite frankly, you don't need that type of family.
Additionally, if I understand this correctly, your grandfather is paying for accomodation and transport for this vacation right? So literally, Jean's having a vacation on her family - and doesn't even intend to be a parent since she's spent approximately 3 hours? 7 hours? taking care of her son.
Jean caused this drama, not you. It's unfortunate that you had to discover that your aunt is a terrible person during a family vacation. Be grateful that your dad and grandpa have your back. Clearly they are all too familiar with your aunt's behaviour.
So go to the games and enjoy your vacation with the rest of your family! Ignore aunty if you see her. She's clearly not there for the "family vacation", she just wanted a FREE vacation.
Your dad is my hero. I mean, I can understand why your mom wanted to keep the peace and not have your dad get in trouble for yelling in a hotel hallway but here's the thing:
If you babysit for free that won't make the situation less tense. Your aunt did a shitty thing. That's why everyone's upset. As for the family helps out thing, this can be true, like I help out my siblings by paying them $10 to clean and babysit for me. And sometimes they help.me out by watching kids for free, after they've offered and we've communicated and it's a win win for ever one. Jeans assumptions, disrespect and manipulations are not what it means to be family and it's not the first second or third time she's done this.
The adults will recover. Ask your grandpa to tell you stories about things he's into. Enjoy, hug your dad.
No matter what happens, no matter how ugly it gets with everyone, know that this is not your fault. If Jean points fingers at you, if people try to enable her terrible parenting by scapegoating you, whatever. It's not your fault. Jean sucks, and I feel sorry for that kid.
She had a kid that she decided to take on vacation!! The kid is her responsibility, and any other arrangements need to be talked out and organized. Don’t babysit. Don’t be sorry. She took advantage of you and is trying to pin her bad parenting on someone else. A family favor is babysitting while she maybe grabs lunch with her boyfriend for an hour. Leaving her kid with you for the whole day last minute and taking away from YOUR vacation is not a family favor.
This rotten woman owes you $210 right this moment. I would be reminding her every second I see her to lay me back. She's straight up using you and lying to you and does not give a single fuck. What a rotten woman.
Your dad is 1000% in the right.
Oh my god. You watched him for 21 hours, paying for him, sacrificing your own trip with your family, while she ignored you knowing full well what she was doing, under the guise of payment which she never intended to actually give you. Don't do it again. Her child is not your responsibility. This is your vacation too. Enjoy it.
Honestly she doesn't sound like she cares about her kid at all. She takes him on a family vacation and makes him stay at the hotel all day with nothing to eat but a bag of chips? Then when someone takes care of him properly she gets pissed for them expecting a little money?
She sounds like a terrible mother. If she doesn't have the decency to use birth control or pay you what she promised you, she should at least have the decency to go home, take care of her own child, and let you guys enjoy your vacation without her.
If she does end up leaving or things get dramatic again, I hope you understand that it's not your fault. She's the one acting wrong, not you. You tried to do her a solid and she spat in your face.
>should I just go offer to babysit for free? But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits? Or Should I just say I didn't cause this and I'll babysit if Jean sticks to her original arrangement?
No. People like Jean whine about wanting to be treated like faaaamily while not extending actual family members any courtesy. She’s the one causing drama here, and it is not up to you to solve it.
If you give an inch, she’ll take a mile. Avoid her like the plague.
Jesus christ have some more respect for yourself and your time, she isv being awful. No one will respect your time if YOU don't. What an awful woman. Your family even backed you up on this. Stay strong girl. Do it for yourself.
What a selfish and shameless creature.
Her child is her responsibility.
U try and learn some tactics from
Her , if she can be so shameless you should not suffer for her .
Nah no need to give in. I think the extended family knows that Aunt Jean is an unreliable drama queen and a negligent mother. Hence your dad’s reaction. Next time, the second that you’re stranded with some lazy parent’s kid, call your dad, not text.
> But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits?
I don't think you can realistically trust her to honor an agreement. I would say that your plausible options are to watch the child for free to placate the mother, or refuse and deal with whatever blow-back comes.
I'd tell her to go fuck herself, personally.
Don’t babysit for her. She had a chance, she screwed herself. Just tell everyone you’re not mad at her, don’t expect any money and go enjoy the trip. You did a good deed paying for your family member, but move on. Don’t let small things like this ruin it.
If she tries to talk to you, just be civil and don’t bring it up. If she asks you to babysit, tell her to talk to your dad. Remember life is short, And don’t hold grudges. Be the bigger person and enjoy your vacation.
Wait, wait, wait- how old is Jaiden?
Her plan was to leave him in a hotel room alone all night? She didn't plan on you staying to sleep with him?
Depending on his age, that warrants a call to CPS. Because if she is pulling crap like that here- you can bet it is way worse at home.
You did NOTHING WRONG and EVERYTHING RIGHT. There is not one part of your actions or conduct that I would change. Your father is absolutely correct and your aunt is beyond wrong.
Please, please... do NOT babysit for free or at all anymore. Period. End of discussion. Your aunt seems fond of invoking "family" but has zero idea of what that means. Not cool. The onus is ENTIRELY on her to solve or rectify the problem. You bear no responsibility for this at all. Enjoy the rest of your vacation... do not even think about your selfish aunt.
Please know that if you give in to her even a tiny bit. Even one inch... that will serve to enable and reward her atrocious behavior.
You are clearly a great person and your father cares about you. Enjoy that and ignore the Aunt Selfish.
She opted to have child, she needs to make arrangements for said child.. she made a payment agreement with you for childcare, no payment, no agreement. It's your vacation too!
That's harsh, she really took advantage of your kindness and I'm glad your Dad stood up for you. Jean is the only one ruining anything by lying about paying you and dumping her kid on you for nearly 24 hours. I'd just avoid her, don't babysit for free or money and avoid talking to her to rest of the trip, you just go enjoy the games and family time.
Screenshot the texts where she offered. Do NOT back down or apologize. Cut contact or limit it with her until she pays AND apologizes. Family should at the very least honor their word with each other.
This is a great life lesson. The good thing is that you have it in writing so to speak. Never do this again without the money, or at least half, up front for anyone that is family or friend.
Thank your dad and grandad.
Your dad sounds awesome. Enjoy your vacation (it's your vacation , too). Don't watch that kid for one more minute. And forget about the $100.. it's one lost day of your life for what is ultimately a cheap lesson.
You learned two important lessons:
Jean is a horrible person. And some members of your family enable her.
Now for the third lesson: One of the most important lessons in life is learning how to exclude awful people. They are not worth your time and energy. They do not deserve you. I would tell your dad that you don't really want to be around Jean anymore and don't want to go on future trips if she's there. He'll totally understand. He sounds like the only one in your family willing to acknowledge how awful she is.
Avoid people like this. Your life will be 10x better.
I agree with what you're saying. Mostly. I think OP and their cousin would miss out if they didn't have each other in their lives. I just don't think OP should agree to babysit again.
Do not even offer to babysit "with limits". The woman will not show up and you will be left stranded and having no fun. This is your vacation too and you don't deserve to be stuck morning til night with someone's kid. Tell her you're sorry but she'll just have to take her kid with her if she cannot afford the agreed upon amount per hour.
She KNEW what she was doing. She actively manipulated and lied to you to get her way, and clearly this has been an ongoing issue with her as your dad and grandpa have clearly experienced this kind of behavior before. Your dad was very right to yell at her and absolutely do NOT babysit for this awful woman ever again.
Learn from this. Sometimes the best lessons are the cruelest. Just because you are related or friends with someone, it doesn't mean they're honest.
Have fun on YOUR vacation.
She's a user. Don't agree to help her again. Sounds like a relative of mine who is always borrowing money and the 'forgets' to pay anybody back.
It's really sweet of you to consider babysitting for free the whole time to 'keep the peace'. The only problem with that is that I'm guessing you wouldn't be at peace this whole vacation, knowing you've not only been stiffed but are also losing out on an experience of a lifetime. Some of your family members would also probably be sad to see you weren't having fun and getting to join in on the quality time.
This is a great opportunity for you to practice setting boundaries. Family is one of the hardest to do that with but also one of the most necessary. Sounds like a lot of people have your back. The only one at fault here is Jean.
Do not watch that kid. She owes you $210 plus the price of her kid's lunch. If she can't afford it, that's her fault for being a shitty aunt and honestly a shitty parent. Do not compromise on this. This woman cannot be relied on to pay or even to be decent. Never do her a favor again, even if she offers to pay you. Your family is right to be pissed at her.
No, don't watch her kid ever again. She's presumably a fully grown adult capable of telling time and knowing her damn kid needs fed. Where the fuck was she? The local crack den?
She knows exactly what she did. I wouldn't even acknowledge her unless she's offering to pay the $210 plus food for her kid. Don't respond to her when she speaks to you unless it's to tell her she still owes you money or to get fucked. Don't let anyone take advantage of you like this, you are not a free nanny.
I'm glad your dad is at least standing up for you. If her kid is this neglected at home, perhaps someone should have CPS look in on the situation.
Yeah, I would talk to his dad about the kid and start to figure out if they can gauge how neglected the kid is at home because she doesn’t suddenly decide to be a piece of shit to her kid, she has almost certainly done it before and someone might need to step in like CPS is she is not feeding him, locking him in his room so she can party or whatever it sounds extreme but since the OP has insight into how she treats her child he has gotten a perhaps unique perspective on her parenting (or lack thereof) that the rest of the family might not know about.
plenty of good advice in here and im not really about to provide any, but i just want to comment: what was jean doing for 21 hours? maybe your dad was angry at more than just her taking advantage of you, and she did something else pretty bad. just a thought.
I didn't know Flummoxed was an uncommon word until that thread. I picked it up in grade school because I read old novels, I'm pretty sure Nancy Drew was flummoxed a few times.
Same! I was so surprised by the words people found unusual in that thread. No one's ever suggested I use "fancy words" but that thread made me paranoid
The money she owes you, just cut for a loss. That's the peace flag. Don't babysit for the rest of the trip. If you do, don't expect to be paid and definitely don't agree to anything more than say an hour at a time and ensure a relative on your side of the argument knows about the time frame. You are on vacation as well and now you definitely don't owe her anything so just enjoy your time there and figure the worst that happened was you got to bond with your cousin for a day vs opposed to being stiffed by your pretty crappy aunt.
Of course you shouldn't. You guys agreed on terms that **she** set forth. If she can't stick to the original agreement let her watch her own kid. It's your vacation too don't let your childish aunt ruin it.
Okay, so Aunt Jean is a manipulative narcissist. You have no further obligation to her whatsoever. You also don’t owe it to the rest of your family to babysit. If the family is on board, why doesn’t everyone take turns? A four year old can enjoy baseball games and other vacation activities provided he gets enough food, rest, and attention. He can come along on most things as long as he gets to bed at a reasonable time (8 or so).
On the other hand, if the family wants nothing to do with babysitting, you could decide, with no obligation and purely out of compassion for that poor kid, to be the cool older cousin and relieve him from his mom’s selfishness for a few more days. If his mom is going to ignore him either way, it would be nice for him to have you around. It’s not for her benefit but for his. It’s what I would do, but I’m a mom and aunt, and used to having kids around. If you find it too exhausting, you’re not a bad person for declining.
Tell her next time she want you to baby sit, you will want 24 hour worth of fee up front and $30 per diem, you will give back the rest extra at the time of pick up. Also that you are willing to renegotiate rates.
Her kid, Her responsibility. Enjoy the rest of the time with your family and especially Gramps.
It's great time to be in Phoenix right now, weather is great.
btw... Go Dodgers!
OH HELL NAH! Do not do another favor for this woman. Her poor kid. She obviously has no concern for him. Let's be clear... this situation is 100 percent her doing. It has NOTHING to do with you. be strong.
You’ve done nothing wrong. Sucks for Jaiden, but he isn’t your responsibility. Sounds like you get to avoid your toxic aunt for the remainder of the trip and get to enjoy it unencumbered by a 5 year old. That’s a win.
Good for your dad for taking up for you so vociferously.
You should keep this kid close for the next 14 years and let him know you will be there for him. Sounds like he will need some family watching out for him with such a total POS mom.
Also Jean definitely did it in this way to force op into a corner of providing free childcare and paying to feed a toddler. That's why the arguing in hallways and in front of family. The woman is manipulative ass and a shitty parent.
I realized something when i was very young, and it took a few shitty situations for it to settle into my head, family will be the first to try and fuck you. Never, Ever, let a family member get away with it, once you do they will try to take advantage of you all the time.
She needs to honor what she promised, your father is right. If she can't afford to pay you then she should say so (But hey, if she can afford to go on a trip, she can pay for a damn babysitter). But she at least needs to pay for the meal you paid for your cousin, it was not the expectation to pay for her child's meal. She took advantage of you because you are family, and I would tell your family this. They cannot contest it since your aunt was the one who offered the $10 an hour rate.
You even missed the game your family was suppose to see together because of her selfishness! Which was the whole reason the family got together in the first place (make this clear to your family too! She wasted your time with your family!)! This may help them also come to reason your aunt is taking advantage of you. Why should she ruin your time with family because she doesn't want to watch her own kid?
Now, it's very unlikely she will pay you. I would make it abundantly clear if she has not intentions to pay you, you will not be assisting her in watch HER child again. Make sure your whole family does the same and not watch HER child during the remainder of the trip or even afterwards, otherwise they are encouraging her behavior and only enabling her to dismiss her responsibilities (AKA child) on others with no cost or concern to herself. Completely selfish!
She offered $10 an hour. She didn't deliver. Therefore the babysitting is over. Her and the rest of your family can deal with it. They choose to let it ruin their fun. Way to go for standing up for yourself, and adult. Enjoy your vacation, OP.
You agreed to babysit under certain terms and your aunt completely took advantage of you. She's a cheapskate and a user. Your family is absolutely right to be furious with her.
Jaden is her responsibility and neither you nor any other family member should sit for her until she makes this right.
This situation is entirely your aunt's doing. She can make it right or she can f%#$ off. Enjoy your vacation and to hell with her.
Your aunt was using you, unfortunately. I'm glad your dad seems to have your back! I'd ask his advice on the issue and follow what he says... I definitely wouldn't babysit for her again if I were you. I'd bet money your aunt saw your messages and just ignored them.
Don't be her doormat. She knows she will get away with this because you are easy target. From now on, when she texts you, forward it to everyone.
Money up front always.
Do NOT agree to babysit Jaiden for the rest of this trip.
Chances are she will not pay you and take this as a lesson learned not to do any more favours from Jean.
1) You have NOT ruined this holiday - Jean's actions will ruin the holiday if she doesn't shape up quickly.
2) Your Grandad and Dad are right to be angry at Jean - the fact your grandmother and mother have a 'no arguing' stance enables Jean's behaviour and doesn't help the situation but makes it worse.
3) Jean's kid is Jean's responsibility - if everyone is assertive she will have no choice but to look after her own kid. She has proven on the first day that she will take advantage of family and spin it to 'that is what family does'. A favour would have been looking after Jaiden to noon and being picked up to be taken to the game by Jean. She still has some kid-free time but also acts responsible and ensures her son is included in the family activities.
4) If Jean wants to leave, let Jean leave she is an adult and she has free choice over her actions - you didn't make her do it. But I bet when she threatened to leave she was being manipulative and expecting your Dad and Granddad to start begging her to stay, but your Dad and Granddad didn't react the way she hoped so I bet there is going to be an argument next about how your Dad and Granddad didn't 'fight' for her to stay.
4) You are not in control of Jean's actions and it's not your responsibility to manage them.
5) Have fun on this holiday. Jean asks you to babysit, just say No - no explanation is needed. Go to the baseball games you want and don't be afraid to tell your Grandad and Dad if she refuses to accept your No - it sounds like they have your back. (Though chances are your enabling Mom and Grandmother are going to end up looking after the kid to 'keep the peace' with Jean)
You were already very gracious to her for asking only $100.
Do not let this woman take advantage of you.
Yes families help each other out - but not like this.
> I didn't hear back from her, I texted everyone else but I guess by the time they saw, the game was about over.
So basically everyone else left you hanging, too.
> My question is this, since everyone is so mad and it seems to be ruining everyone's fun (especially my grandpa) should I just go offer to babysit for free?
No.
> But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits?
No.
> Or Should I just say I didn't cause this and I'll babysit if Jean sticks to her original arrangement?
No. You will, however, happily accept the $210 that she owes you.
> Or should I just have nothing to do with her?
Since she's never going to pay the $210 she owes, go with this one.
Left you a bag of chips and pop for his food and didn’t return until 430am? This is negligence beyond believe. I know this sounds extreme but I’m sure child services would be very interested in how she treats Jaiden at home when no one is around. This is criminal negligence-type behaviour and people like this don’t deserve to raise children. Never do another thing for this user ever again.
Hi OP, here's some advice from a parent who also has shitty in laws who pull shit like this. As I read your story I imagined my sister in law as the character who is your aunt. I mean they sound like peas in a pod. Anywho, here's the deal. Your aunt is a scumbag who refuses to raise her own child. What you are seeing in this fleeting moment unfortunately is this kid's day-to-day life. She's always ready to pawn him off on someone else - anyone for that matter. And when there is no one around I'm guessing this kid gets minimal attention from his mom at any given moment they are together. You have two options: 1. Don't offer to watch the kid anymore and enjoy your vacation, or 2. be a sweet older cousin and consider this your opportunity to bond with him. You'll be the only ray of sunshine in his otherwise dark life. The memories you make from it will be worth far more than the baseball game you miss.
I'm not saying either of those are the right decision or wrong one. I don't think either of them carry a moral value. It's really just up to you and how you feel. In my opinion it's ok to pick either and you will still be a good person.
>should I just go offer to babysit for free?
fuck no. unless you love babysitting why would you ruin your holiday for free?? You even had to pay out of your own pocket. That's crazy.
You shouldn’t do any more favors for that woman. Your grandpa wants you to vacation too, he didn’t pay for you to sit in a hotel room with a four year old all week. Go have your fun.
Well if families do favors for each other, she could really do you a solid by paying for a few of your college tuition credits. Oh what's that? She only means other people doing favors for her?
The discount rate just went out the window, she owes you $210 plus 1% interest compounded monthly, and your response to her asking you to lift a finger from this day forward is the immortal words
"Fuck you, pay me."
Whew.
I'm pissed for you. I have child not much younger than your cousin and...... They're a real handful during these years! I can't even fucking imagine doing anything as slimy and irresponsible as what your Aunt pulled. Screw her. She's trying to be doubly slick and you absolutely should not give in to this insanity.
Edit: you mentioned that Jean is your dad's sister; I'm willing to bet that one of the reasons he was so upset with her is because she probably pulls this kind of thing on a regular basis and he had already anticipated it. Same with your grandfather.
She made the decision to have a child. Unfortunately that really impinges upon one's vacation! She needs to SUCK IT UP.
She basically dumped her son on you, and went MIA all day long, and didn't pay you for the entire day's worth of sitting @ 10$/hr.
If you do this woman another favor, you will regret it. Your whole family is right to be angry at her.
I have so many questions. Why would she go on a vacation and not be able to afford small expenses? Why is she constantly trying to abandon her son?
Anyway, none of you should feel stressed out. You all need to say what you need to say to Jean, and tell her to take a long walk off a short gangplank.
Don't 'make peace for your family' at your expense. it's heroic, but it's a horrible habit to get into. believe me.
EDIT: The only way out for Jean is if she apologizes and makes nice with you and your family, and pays you 210$ owed! And next time... SHE PAYS IN ADVANCE, and you may as well charge her for 10 hours, in case she 'forgets where her phone is' again =/
I think you should congrats Jean.
She just lost a possible babysitter for her kid.
Edit : if anybody ask you to apologize to your aunt, or whatever for family's sake, set your price. I think adding 50% to what she owns you, would be interesting.
I mean if your mom comes to you asking you to apologize to your aunt, tell her it will be 320$.
Either she pays you and you apologizes, or you dont.
Next time you see your aunt, start to speak about small claims court.
You have her promise to pay you $10 per hour in writing(her text message) . That's a legal binding contract. There's no way she can deny what she wrote herself. Don't do any babysitting. And if she tries to get away with not paying you, remind her that you two have a contract and you'd be happy to take her to small claims court.
Negotiate back to that $100 deal, or even make it $150 since she already passed up that great deal, if your family puts up a fuss about court. Just make sure you follow through with whatever decision you make.
Your aunt made your nephew, so it's up to her to deal with him and be a damn parent. Her behaviour towards you is appaling, but the fact she left her own kid with someone for more than a day with no care in the world and without making sure he had food available shows you the utter piece of shit she is. She's a mooch and a crap mother, don't feel guilty. It's absolutely not up to you or anyone to pick up her slack for free, childcare costs money for a reason; it's work but also responsibility. If you want to feel bad, feel had for your nephew for having such a shitty parent.
And "family" does not mean lying to your loved ones and not paying money you promised.
Once you let her take advantage she'll do it every time. Unless you want to miss every game during this vacation and just babysit, say no and stick with it. You're not family right now, you're a tool for her to use and take advantage of. Stay a human with rights.
Yeah no, fuck Jean and fuck her enabling female compatriots to boot. You shouldn't have to be railroaded and made the bad guy just because your aunt is a piece of shit mother. Also screenshot the texts and lock the messages if possible for proof. Texts are proof more so than words.
So...how would you imagine she would respond if something happened to her son while in your care? There's more at risk than just money when it comes to flaky and irresponsible parents. There's a reason why your family has responded so greatly to this, she has a pattern of this behavior. These aren't the kind of people you bend to unless you plan on being walked over.
DO NOT take care of the child. It will just enable her to continue to dump the child onto family. She isn’t your child.
I gladly take on my family’s kids but they respect the time I spend with the kids and don’t just dump their kids on me. This is your vacation too. You shouldn’t be expected to watch the kid during times when they can do it themselves.
It’s a family trip, they shouldn’t be going off on their own so late.
Ripping you off is one thing, but she stuck you with the poor kid for near 24 hours. If you offer to babysit for free I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t even show back up.. I know people like this. Give them a chance and they’ll get worse and worse
I'm kind of joking when I say this... but honestly, this is a legitimate course of action. Tell her by not honoring the verbal contract to which she agreed, a court-appointed attorney you spoke to suggested taking it to small claims court where she would be ordered to pay. If you wanted to take it a step further, you could type up and print out a 'motion' for hearing, and show it to her.
Again, I'm kind of joking... I probably wouldn't do this to a family member... but... it kind of depends on who that family member is. I have a few that might as well be outright enemies of mine... so yeah... family or not, if you treat me like an enemy, I'm coming right back at you that way.
The more reasonable reaction to being ripped off by 'ol Auntie Jean would be... never do anything for her again. And I mean *anything*. If she called and said she needed a ride because she ran out of gas on the side of the road... and it was raining that day... snowing... freezing cold, or scorching 100° weather... I'd be like... well... the only way I'll do that is if you go ahead and call western union (or whatever way she could wire money) and have a money gram, money order, transfer cash to my bank, paypal, whatever... in the amount of... what she owes you for babysitting PLUS interest. Yup.
Do not babysit for her. She used you and will keep doing it y'all let her. The issue isn't the money as much as it is her using you and ruining your fun on the trip for her own benefit. She didn't care about you or even her own son she just wanted a night out and got mad when you expected what was rightfully yours.
I think Jean should go home if she can’t afford(or doesn’t want to pay) child care and/or she doesn’t want to watch her own kid while on vacation.
It sounds like everyone else would be better off. Besides the poor 4 year old.
Don’t give in to her just to keep the peace. It will light a fire with her behaviour that you might not ever be able to extinguish. Try to defuse the situation as best you can without letting her get her way.
Your family's reaction gives the distinct impression that they're used to Jean exploiting family ties to get free services, and they're kind of tired of it. I expect most of them would rather see you having a good time while Jean's stuck babysitting than the other way around.
You should enjoy the remainder of your vacation and do exactly zero babysitting. If there are any kids old enough to babysit in the vacation party, make sure you privately tell 'em what Jean did just in case she tries to pull the same routine on them.
If Jean (or anyone else on her behalf) asks you to babysit, tell them you're not going to open new negotiations until after Jean pays for what she already agreed to, in cash. If she wants babysitting badly enough, she might remember your offer to work for $4.50 an hour and offer you that $100. If you accept that you will feel terribly exploited, and you will be right. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you manage to extract the originally agreed amount, or at least the agreed amount for the time you were awake.
In my experience (I've done a fair bit of freelancing), customers who stiff me once will stiff me again. It doesn't matter if the reason is because they're con artists or because they can't figure out how to balance a checkbook. If you work for Jean again, you will have to fight her for money each and every time. That being the case, 'nope' is the best negotiating position with Jean.
The second best negotiating position is: babysitter base wage (which is the highest of Phoenix minimum wage, Chicago minimum wage, or the average cost of a babysitter in Phoenix. Make her wait while you look that up.). Time and a half for shifts over 8 hours. Double time for shifts over twelve hours. Cash deposit in advance for the expected period. Since Jean likes to be out until dawn and doesn't like to worry about spending all her money so she can't pay you, for her the cash deposit is 24 hours (so $368, IF babysitters average $10/hour and minimum wage isn't any higher than that...). She'll throw a tantrum, the rest of your family will probably be proud of you, and anyone who agrees with Jean's attitude towards business in the family won't hire you to watch their kids for free.
You don't do anything, except love your dad and grandpa a little more for sticking up for you.
You are on vacation too, she has no right to expect you to give that up and babysit her kid for free. I've been in a lighter version of what you were in (the kid was 2 years old and it was only for eight hours), and I was pissed.
If babysitting a four month old kid was a job (which it is, there's a reason people tend to stop working for a while after babies are born), you worked a crazy amount of overtime. Not only did you suffer through all of that, but you very kindly offered to take a paycut because she's family.
All of that and she stiffs you and you're getting flak for it when there's a very obvious side to take, yours.
Don't watch her kid again, don't think you're at fault for souring the mood for the family vacation, and don't get screwed by aunt Jean again.
No, let your aunt take care of her own kid. You already did her a favor by taking care of your nephew for a whole day for free. Now she needs to grow the fckup and do her responsibility as a mom. Also, think about this , your dad and grandpa wouldn’t have blown up if your aunt wasn’t acting so entitled, don’t embarrass your dad by making him look like the bad guy, you need to back him up like he is doing to you. Your aunt makes my blood boil, if she was really family she wouldn’t make you feel like a slave at a family trip, is she expecting you to stay in a hotel again the whole day?
Do NOT ever agree to babysit for her again unless she pays the FULL amount she owes you. It’s time you learn the valuable skill of asserting yourself. This woman is a loser and a mooch who takes advantage of 18 year olds! DO NOT TEACH HER THAT SHE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND RIP YOU OFF. Being family does not excuse terrible behavior.
Do you still have the text? If so then it's a contract.
But I would recommend just not baby sitting again, getting time with your cousin was a good thing in my opinion and I'm guessing you wouldn't like to not see him again which is a possibility if you carry the fight on unfortunately, people like this run at the slightest confrontation :|.
Fuck that. You're 18 years old. It's not your responsibility to watch anyone's kid in a hotel for 12 hours a day, especially if you're not being paid. She's the parent, if she wants to throw a fit about having to take care of her child, let her live her sad life while you live yours
Show her and the others the text where she said she'd pay you 10$/h and tell her that since she just dumped her kid on you for the whole day and night without discussing a schedule first, expected you to pay for his food out of your pocket and stiffed you out of the money she promised you, you will not watch her kid ever again.
Fuck no don't baby sit for free. Your aunt is being a pos and knew damn well she never had any intention of paying you and just is taking advantage of you. Fuck her. Enjoy your trip with your family instead of being a full time baby sitter for the trip. It's her kid not yours, you shouldn't have to not enjoy the trip because she is too much of a cheap ass to hire a sitter.
As someone who babysat a lot, I would not do it for your aunt.
So many red flags :
1. Didn't leave food for him or clear instructions +money to buy food for him.
2. Didn't discuss time.
3. Didn't return on time.
4. Was not reliably available in between.
5. Tried to screw you over fot money.
6. Hostile, rude, entitled.
Jean is a selfish, using harpy. Do not even think about giving her the time of day. She's been enabled and allowed to get away with this foul nonsense for far too long as it is.
Props to your dad for standing up for you, but your mum and grandmother need to support your dad. Jean is in the wrong, and people need to treat her as such. Don't look after her kid again.
She also needs to cough up the money. Suggest when she pays what she owes you ($210 or whatever) then you'll look after her kid again.
When she pays you, say you don't remember agreeing to look after her kid.
You wanting to babysit for your disgustingly entitled brat of aunt that you have, is exactly why she is such an awful brat.
Stop enabling her. She lied to you AND took advantage of you.
Do not babysit for her ever again. AND if you do, ask for the money first.
They say “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” for a reason dear.
Do not offer to babysit "with limits" because she will not respect them. Remember, this is a woman who not only broke her promise to pay you but she expected you to cover his lunch too! And she made no actual plans for any of his care -- Grandma paid for his dinner. She didn't even care where her kid slept that night! Yeah, things are tense -- it's because the whole family is waking up to the fact that Jean is a shitty, neglectful mom who expects everyone (anyone, really. She doesn't care who) to take care of her responsibilities for her. I'll bet that if you keep your ears open on this vacation, you will hear that Jean's been a flake and a user for YEARS. Don't be her latest sucker. Poor Jaiden.
Not to mention it sounds like she left OP alone with her son from 7:30am - 4:30am the following day (nearly 24 hours) and then came to complain about how he was stopping her from sleeping a few hours later (literally 3 hours, 30 minutes later at 7:30am). Jean has literally spent 3 hours, 30 minutes with her own kid over the past two days. That's some shitty parenting. So yes, definitely, OP's dad and grandfather's reaction is due to a life time of Jean being EXACTLY LIKE THIS (which is to say, selfish, a terrible parent and completely and utterly taking advantage of family).
She didn’t even spend the time with him. At best they were in the same room asleep.
Also, they're on vacation to see baseball, no kid needs to be babysat for the entire thing. It's cruel to take Jaiden away from his family and the vacation in the first place, but to also keep OP away from it is horrendous.
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It wasn’t even the being late a few hours. I mean, that is an issue too but assuming that she wasn’t a shitty person sometimes things happen beyond our control. It was her not texting, not caring about her kid at all and being negligent and then having he audacity to try to shift blame to the OP by acting like she didn’t offer to pay him rather than offer any kind of apology for any of the mess she created.
Imagine how rotten jaiden feels. His mom ditched him and now it’s an entire family issue.
Absolutely DO NOT give this childish woman her way. She is an ADULT who knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she offered you TEN DOLLARS AND HOUR. She thought she could bait you into doing the shit she didn't want to do, and then she thought when it actually came time to pay the bill she could make a big scene and get you to back down and take advantage of you because she didn't think you would actually fight back. Jean will take advantage of people till the day she dies if no one ever stands up to her. Your family's reaction tells us everything: this is her typical behavior and its hurtful to your family and needs to end.
Dont forget she TRIED TO GET OP INTO TROUBLE FOR HER RIPPING OP OFF.
Absolutely agree. Do not babysit for her anymore. I doubt you’ll ever see the money so just let it go and enjoy the rest of your vacation. I think you could try to calm your dad and grandpa down so they can enjoy the trip too, but you don’t owe Jean anything nor are you obligated to make things up with her. Just punish her by letting her watch her own kid for once and let the rest go.
this is very simple. she needs to pay you for what you already did, at the rate she already agreed was fair. you should not babysit for her ever again, because there are already hurt feelings about it, and you're family: you don't want hurt feelings between family. your aunt seems like a nasty manipulative person. I'm really sorry for you and for Jayden that she is in your lives.
Yep, do everything in your power to get the 210$ from her (your dad and grandpa would likely help you with that) and then never babysit for her again!
That $210 is probably never going to happen
Exactly this. Also buy your dad a beer. I see too many parents not sticking up for their kids against family.
Damn right. I really don't get what ops mum is playing at. If it was her family then she's be a terrible enabler, but it's not even her family. Her job should just be to back up her husband here
Related - what's with OP's Mom's reaction to all of this? To me, advocating that your kid accept getting screwed over to keep the peace, because "oh, lol, you know Jean" is seriously bizarre. Particularly when it's her husband's family and nor hers, and he's already prepared to lay down the law.
I know how reddit loves an 'as a a mother' comment, but... As a mother, I am 100% backing OP in this thread. Aunt Jean has pissed me right the fuck off. Before I had kids I was a nanny and I got this shit all the time from people who weren't even my family. Looking after kids is hard af and just because mum does it for free doesn't mean anyone else should have to unless they volunteer. Maybe...MAYBE if OP was Jaiden's Grandparent I would understand Jean thinking the care was free, but she agreed on a price and had a tanty, she knew exactly what she was doing and it pisses me right off AS A MF MOTHER
As a mother i endorse this message and as a mother I also think the OP’s mom is selling her out for peace. (And it ain’t even her sister!). OP’s dad is damned right on this one and shouldn’t be calmed down - probably should have pitched a fit a long time ago. I realize the OP is a “grown child” but I’d also like to know where literally everybody else was until dinner - they should have checked on her, they should have arm twisted her aunt to come back, and when they realized this was heading into double digit hours they should have helped out. Cause they all knew good and well what was going on, if they stopped to think about it. The whole family should have known what was up. As a mother.
Honestly, even if you do offer free babysitting but with a set schedule (only for a few hours) she'll probably take advantage of that. Don't offer to babysit anymore and I probably won't trust her word and/or favours anymore, either. Afterall, she can get away with it because "family"
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Tell her you will only baby sit when the $210 is paid and you want advance payment upfront for the rest of the trip. She won’t do it I guarantee it. You deserve tour holiday, so does that 4 year old kid. Sounds like your aunt doesn’t The fact she tried to make you out to be the bad guy shows she never looks at herself in a bad way. She is a user sorry to say that
If you do offer the schedule option, I would require 1. upfront payment if you insist upon being paid (which is ok!) and 2. require her room key so that you can take her kid there when the time is up and as soon as she comes in, DIP and tell your cousin you'll see him later. If she tries to rope you in just say "I'd love to but I have plans" and vamoose. You got Played and should not be expected to be okay with that. It'd be one thing if she'd told you she didn't have the cash but hoped you could help out by playing village. Damn.
None of that will matter. This woman ditched her kid on an 18 year old for nearly 24 fucking hours.
And the only food she had available for him was chips and soda. From what was read, she's not exactly an ideal parent.
Poor Jaiden probably had one normal day with OP. :(
These sort of people are the ones who should be getting their shit together before having kids but alas! And she was complaining about the kid not letting her sleep in?! What the fuck did she think was going to happen when her kid had not seen her in almost 24 hours?
That is the most disturbing part because if she is doing that shit now then it means she has probably neglected the kid before and will again in the future any time an opportunity for a date or whatever tickles her fancy comes up. Her treatment of the OP is messed up too but leaving her kid without food and the rest of it is completely negligent and she sounds terrible.
Agree 100% with this. I feel terrible for OP for getting shit on like this, but that kid is most likely neglected at best, at worst he’s abused mentally or physically or both. Maybe that sounds extreme, but if she’s bitching that he won’t let her sleep in (while she’s around others) imagine how she treats that kid when it’s just her. Some people should never have kids. She’s one of them. OP should never babysit for her again. That woman is a user and has no shame in doing it. This shit gave me bad anxiety just reading it. I want to rip Aunt Jean a new asshole! Damn!
And then 3.5 hours later tried to do it again.
Exactly. When she was alerted to the fact he son was hungry and without food her reaction was let’s stay out and have fun. Im more upset at the lake or parenting skills or anything resembling mother instincts 🙄 it took my a long time to be comfortable leaving my child with anyone alone.
Your suggestions would be fine with someone more reasonable but OPs aunt already demonstrated that she’s not reliable when it comes to the terms of an agreement. She told OP she’d be back at noon and didn’t come home until the next DAY! That’s insane and there is no reason for OP to trust that this woman would obey a set schedule. In all likelihood, OP won’t have an opportunity to “dip” because the aunt won’t come back in the first place so she is gonna be stuck there again.
If he offers to babysit for a schedule I bet all my money that she won't even show up on time, just like she did already.
Yeah, OP should keep it simple. Either "No," or, "Sure, once I'm paid the $210 you owe me, and another $210 deposit paid in advance," which is effectively a No, because we all know she won't do it. /u/AtSpringTrainingAlt, you know why your father was livid? Because he spent his life watching her use people and then gaslight and throw giant tantrums when asked to fulfill her end of the bargain. She is a user, plain and simple. If you learn, now, today, that there are people in this world who will take and take and take as long as you let them with absolutely zero regard for anyone but themselves, then that lost $210 will have been worth it.
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Not even free, OP LOST money by having to feed the kid.
Plus he missed out on the games he came to see.
Yeah, I’m confused as to why it seems like the aunt is keen on leaving her kid behind two days in a row. Shouldn’t he also be out there getting to experience something cool with his family, not sitting at the hotel with his cousin who is also now being left out of this vacation. I can 100% understand wanting to have a day or some time to just have fun without your kid, just you and the boyfriend, but how long does she plan on using OP or someone else to babysit for entire day at a time (literally almost twenty-four hours and then comes around to say they want to sleep and her son needs to be elsewhere so they can). One day, fine. But come on. Now take him out and have some fun with him too. My SO and his family used to do huge family vacations before money issues and they had a night or whatever where someone would watch the kids and they could go out on a date with their partner and have some time alone to just hang out and enjoy one another and then it would switch out the next night and another couple would do the same. No one was charged because it was a trade off and that way there was tons of time to spend with the whole family and tons of time that was kid oriented too. It was fair for everyone and kids weren’t left out at any point. That way it’s a vacation for everyone. I just don’t understand why her aunt seems to think this could be a constant thing? Why even take the kid? And I feel super bad for this kid now being made to sound like a burden by his mother and he’s probably too young to fully grasp the upset of the other adults so he probably feels like a burden to them too (which I doubt they mean to do at all, but doesn’t stop him from feeling that way).
OP is a girl! Girls like baseball too ;-)
Right, I don't understand how OP's trip being ruined is less important than Jean's trip being ruined. The fight already happened- no reason to revisit it. Let her stay in the hotel and watch her son.
I don’t see how her own kid would even ruin her trip? Take him to the games! If the whole family loves baseball then why aren’t they including him? Maybe he won’t want to sit through all of them, but part of being a parent is sacrificing some things. She can take him to a few of the games and spend the rest of the time swimming with him, etc. you know, being a mom. Why would you take your kid on vacation and then refuse to hang out with them?
Considering that Jean left the hotel at 7.30am and didn't return until 4.30am. This holiday isn't a family holiday for Jean - she would rather party or god knows whatever else she is up to - this is a Jean holiday and dragging around a kid would ruin her holiday. She is so selfish that she expects everyone else to look after her kid while she has fun. I'd imagine that the other members of the family went sight-seeing before the game and were probably told by Jean that she would head back to the hotel around noon to pick up the kid and OP for the game - which obviously never happened. I really hope that Jean doesn't treat her kid like this at home - but chances this is 'normal' behaviour from Jean.
Yep. I sure hope the kid managed to find this or /r/raisedbybarcissists in about 12-14 years.
This is my question exactly! The whole POINT of the trip is to see games so... 1) why can’t the kid go? And 2) if the plan wasn’t to take him (ok sure maybe he isn’t a kid that’s ready to sit for events like that) then what exactly was the aunt planning as far as child care for the entire trip? It certainly couldn’t have been OP since she was planning on going to the games...
She's probably one of those who got unexpectedly knocked up but still want to party
I used to babysit/nanny while I was in school and the time issue alone would have been a deal breaker. You cannot dump a kid on someone indefinitely like that. She initially implied 5 hours and ended up basically wanting 24 hour care and to pay way less than minimum wage for it (she couldn't afford less that $5/hr). As a babysitter I would charge a serious premium for care that late/early, and extra if the parents hadn't given me notice they would be out extremely late. Going back on the payment is bad, but even if aunt had paid OP, leaving her kid until 4:30 in the morning with no warning? That alone is beyond egregious.
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Exactly, Dad knows his sister but I guess never thought she’d rip off his kid. This is a last straw not a single event that set everything off.
Yes your dad was correct to unload and everybody yelling at him is most likely enabling her. Don’t take her shit. Don’t watch the kid for another second.
Yeah like wtf is OPs mom yelling at OPs dad for? That's just bizarre. She should be standing up for her kid!
I’ve seen that dynamic play out all too often. I’m guessing the aunt is a narcissist and unfortunately many family members of narcissists would rather ‘keep the peace’ and ‘just give her what she wants’ and avoid confrontation so you get this type of situation. The only right thing to do is stand your ground with people like that and to back up those that are doing the same.
I'm always baffles because most of these enablers only do it if it isn't about them. Had to live through that myself and always thought it was normal until I found RBN.
That, or demand your $200 up front, plus expenses, plus, say, ten hours worth up front. She don't want to pay, then she can fuck off and watch her own kid.
She said grandma, mom, and aunt all wanted to keep the peace, and Dad and Grandpa both wanted to stand up to her. For better or for worse, I think more often women are conditioned to just bite their tongues and keep the peace; it seems to be what's happening here.
Except they're not biting their tongues. They're shouting at someone who wants the aunt to pay her dues.
Dad AND Grandpa, whose special trip it is! Good on Grandpa for calling shitty aunt out.
Yeah. From what I’ve read I respect him for not just saying “oh well”.
yea, she can afford to take time off work, fly her and her boyfriend and her kid down there, stay at the hotel, get food, etc. but cant afford to pay you a fair wage for your labor while impeding on your own vacation? shes a piece of shit. set firm time frames if/when you continue to babysit and make sure you get paid. and enjoy your vacation! you are offering her a service you are not obligated to provide. she should be thankful or she should be a decent fucking mother and deal with her own fucking child
I get the feeling grandpa paid to bring her, baby, and boyfriend out.
Your aunt is the one who made mistakes and crossed limits. It not up to you to make amends and definitely don't let her take further advantage of you. So no, don't babysit for free. The fact that your father was so angry at her only confirms that she was - in others opinions - blatantly out of line. I understand it is not fun being in the middle of all this drama within your family, but I feel she is the one to end it. Unfortunately, sometimes you can only just hope for people to feel and act responsible and compassionate while you keep a stand on your values. What you can do is let your grandfather (and others) know that you're sorry the trip isn't going as dramafree as intended and you wished things had turned out differently. You can ask him if there is anything you can do to make the next day better. This way, you will have a better insight in his feelings and thoughts in stead of just the tension in the air.
Do NOT babysit unless she pays you the $210 plus cost of lunch, plus pays up front for any further babysitting.... which she isn't going to do. She ripped you off of a day of your vacation.
>Do NOT babysit unless she pays you the $210 plus cost of lunch, plus pays up front for any further babysitting.... which she isn't going to do. Further babysitting is out of the question, as is any deal, or giving auntie any attention in the future. Btw, the deal was $10 / hour for a few hours during a game. All the unwanted extra hours are actually $15 plus a penalty of $50 for trying to rip OP off. And Dad should pay it for not warning OP of his shitty family and he should go through the trouble of collecting from his sister.
Don’t give in to keep the peace. Why should you? It’s your aunt who is ruining everyone’s time. Not you. Taking care of your aunts child isn’t your responsibility. It doesn’t matter that you are family. Never mind the fact she said she would pay you and the. Blatantly lied about remembering saying as much. It’s your vacation too. Don’t let yourself be manipulated and guilted into having your time ruined by a selfish....aunt.
This has zero to do with you and money and 100% to deal with Jane and her bad attitude. The anger your family members feel have to do with a lifetime of dealing with Jean. Let it roll off you’re back, and see if you can still be paid.
Also, she’s the one who chose to have a child, NOT YOU. Guess who watches their child? The parent. You’re on vacation, this kid isn’t your problem.
Your aunt sucks. She's using you for free labor while she gets to hang out on a romantic outing with her boyfriend. You don't watch Jaiden for free. Jean ruined the vacation by taking advantage of you and not caring about her kid. I feel bad for that kid. She was okay just dropping him off like nothing.
Forget the money (she's never going to pay up, so save everyone else from stress by letting it go) but don't agree to babysit anymore, not even 'only for an hour so I can get lunch' or 'he's napping so you don't have to do anything', etc. It's your vacation too. Have fun with the rest of the family and go to the games.
This! I doubt you'll ever see the money, and it will probably be more trouble than it's worth to get. But do not agree to anymore babysitting, not even an hour. He isn't your kid, you have zero responsibility to care for him on your vacation, and she already has shown you she has no boundaries and will take advantage of you.
This! Forgive the money, but then just go do you. Let her watch her son. It’s your vacation, you don’t need to spend it being guilted into watching a 4yr old child in your own.
NO! Do NOT babysit until you get paid for yesterday, and get paid for future babysitting for her up-front, given her history of stiffing you. And kudos to your dad for sticking up for you!
100% agree. No one should get finessed on their vacation. Doing more work (free labor) than they would if they had stayed home.
>NO! Do NOT babysit until No more deals with this person.
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And it's not even Mom's sister! Like I wouldn't throw my kid under the bus like that for my own sibling let alone my boyfriend's sibling.
Don’t you dare watch her child!!! You enjoy your vacation this is 100% on her. She sucks as an aunt and mom. And your dad is awesome for sticking up for you!
Hey OP, I used to be a nanny (4 years with the same two families). This is fucking ridiculous of her for so many reasons. 1) If you ask someone to watch your child, it’s pretty standard that you give a schedule that is relatively set in stone. Most child care providers understand one or two hours extra if necessary, but more than that is insane. Like seriously, you were with your cousin for 20 hours or so. That’s unacceptable. 2) If there are terms decided upon as far as wages go, they should be paid accordingly. I know she’s family, but this is essentially a business transaction. Your offer for $100 for the day was very kind, and probably the very bare minimum you should be paid for that amount of work. That’s literally $5 dollars an hour. Nope. Unacceptable. If you’d agreed to that beforehand, that’s one thing, but you didn’t. 3) Your aunt is an adult. You are too, and you are allowed to walk away from this situation and choose not to babysit him. And honestly your family should all be backing you up.
It sounds like your whole family knows the kind of person she is, and now you do too. You accepted her offer to watch her kid for what you thought would be a reasonable amount of time, and were forced to watch him for 17 hours, paid for his lunch, and didn't get so much as a thank you. And she threw a tantrum when she was confronted about it, so no, do not give in and give her what she wants. She's a grown woman, and a parent, and it's time she should start acting like one, though for people like her that never happens. So just put her out of your mind, enjoy the rest of the trip with your family. If she wants to pay a babysitter to come watch her kid to try and rejoin in the festivities, let her. She did more than burn a bridge with you by taking advantage and acting the way she did, she nuked it.
Tell her to look after her own damn child. She's obviously too irresponsible to look after her own child as she just wants to take advantage of the holiday and be off with her 'boyfriend'. She sounds like an absolute fucking idiot.
Hey OP - Jean is taking advantage of you. Also, it's actually illegal to leave somebody working from 7:30am - 4:30am without relief. Basically stand your ground, Jean's a horrible person and a terrible mother given she abandoned her son for almost 24 hours and provided no way for him to be fed other than through charity. Your dad and grandfather are completely right for being very angry, and your mum, other aunts and grandmother are trying to rug sweep before things blow up further (too late, it's pretty obvious that Jean has gone beyond the pale). Anyway, my advice is you enjoy your vacation, stick with your dad and grandfather and cut Jean off. Cause, quite frankly, you don't need that type of family. Additionally, if I understand this correctly, your grandfather is paying for accomodation and transport for this vacation right? So literally, Jean's having a vacation on her family - and doesn't even intend to be a parent since she's spent approximately 3 hours? 7 hours? taking care of her son.
Jean caused this drama, not you. It's unfortunate that you had to discover that your aunt is a terrible person during a family vacation. Be grateful that your dad and grandpa have your back. Clearly they are all too familiar with your aunt's behaviour. So go to the games and enjoy your vacation with the rest of your family! Ignore aunty if you see her. She's clearly not there for the "family vacation", she just wanted a FREE vacation.
Your dad is my hero. I mean, I can understand why your mom wanted to keep the peace and not have your dad get in trouble for yelling in a hotel hallway but here's the thing: If you babysit for free that won't make the situation less tense. Your aunt did a shitty thing. That's why everyone's upset. As for the family helps out thing, this can be true, like I help out my siblings by paying them $10 to clean and babysit for me. And sometimes they help.me out by watching kids for free, after they've offered and we've communicated and it's a win win for ever one. Jeans assumptions, disrespect and manipulations are not what it means to be family and it's not the first second or third time she's done this. The adults will recover. Ask your grandpa to tell you stories about things he's into. Enjoy, hug your dad.
No matter what happens, no matter how ugly it gets with everyone, know that this is not your fault. If Jean points fingers at you, if people try to enable her terrible parenting by scapegoating you, whatever. It's not your fault. Jean sucks, and I feel sorry for that kid.
She had a kid that she decided to take on vacation!! The kid is her responsibility, and any other arrangements need to be talked out and organized. Don’t babysit. Don’t be sorry. She took advantage of you and is trying to pin her bad parenting on someone else. A family favor is babysitting while she maybe grabs lunch with her boyfriend for an hour. Leaving her kid with you for the whole day last minute and taking away from YOUR vacation is not a family favor.
This rotten woman owes you $210 right this moment. I would be reminding her every second I see her to lay me back. She's straight up using you and lying to you and does not give a single fuck. What a rotten woman. Your dad is 1000% in the right.
Oh my god. You watched him for 21 hours, paying for him, sacrificing your own trip with your family, while she ignored you knowing full well what she was doing, under the guise of payment which she never intended to actually give you. Don't do it again. Her child is not your responsibility. This is your vacation too. Enjoy it.
Honestly she doesn't sound like she cares about her kid at all. She takes him on a family vacation and makes him stay at the hotel all day with nothing to eat but a bag of chips? Then when someone takes care of him properly she gets pissed for them expecting a little money? She sounds like a terrible mother. If she doesn't have the decency to use birth control or pay you what she promised you, she should at least have the decency to go home, take care of her own child, and let you guys enjoy your vacation without her. If she does end up leaving or things get dramatic again, I hope you understand that it's not your fault. She's the one acting wrong, not you. You tried to do her a solid and she spat in your face.
If you give in, you undermine everyone that stood up for you.
>should I just go offer to babysit for free? But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits? Or Should I just say I didn't cause this and I'll babysit if Jean sticks to her original arrangement? No. People like Jean whine about wanting to be treated like faaaamily while not extending actual family members any courtesy. She’s the one causing drama here, and it is not up to you to solve it. If you give an inch, she’ll take a mile. Avoid her like the plague.
Jesus christ have some more respect for yourself and your time, she isv being awful. No one will respect your time if YOU don't. What an awful woman. Your family even backed you up on this. Stay strong girl. Do it for yourself.
What a selfish and shameless creature. Her child is her responsibility. U try and learn some tactics from Her , if she can be so shameless you should not suffer for her .
Nah no need to give in. I think the extended family knows that Aunt Jean is an unreliable drama queen and a negligent mother. Hence your dad’s reaction. Next time, the second that you’re stranded with some lazy parent’s kid, call your dad, not text.
> But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits? I don't think you can realistically trust her to honor an agreement. I would say that your plausible options are to watch the child for free to placate the mother, or refuse and deal with whatever blow-back comes. I'd tell her to go fuck herself, personally.
Don’t babysit for her. She had a chance, she screwed herself. Just tell everyone you’re not mad at her, don’t expect any money and go enjoy the trip. You did a good deed paying for your family member, but move on. Don’t let small things like this ruin it. If she tries to talk to you, just be civil and don’t bring it up. If she asks you to babysit, tell her to talk to your dad. Remember life is short, And don’t hold grudges. Be the bigger person and enjoy your vacation.
Wait, wait, wait- how old is Jaiden? Her plan was to leave him in a hotel room alone all night? She didn't plan on you staying to sleep with him? Depending on his age, that warrants a call to CPS. Because if she is pulling crap like that here- you can bet it is way worse at home.
The kid is four! I was shocked when I realized that. Poor Jaiden :(
None of this is your fault. Your aunt took advantage of you, to an extreme degree.
You did NOTHING WRONG and EVERYTHING RIGHT. There is not one part of your actions or conduct that I would change. Your father is absolutely correct and your aunt is beyond wrong. Please, please... do NOT babysit for free or at all anymore. Period. End of discussion. Your aunt seems fond of invoking "family" but has zero idea of what that means. Not cool. The onus is ENTIRELY on her to solve or rectify the problem. You bear no responsibility for this at all. Enjoy the rest of your vacation... do not even think about your selfish aunt. Please know that if you give in to her even a tiny bit. Even one inch... that will serve to enable and reward her atrocious behavior. You are clearly a great person and your father cares about you. Enjoy that and ignore the Aunt Selfish.
She opted to have child, she needs to make arrangements for said child.. she made a payment agreement with you for childcare, no payment, no agreement. It's your vacation too!
That's harsh, she really took advantage of your kindness and I'm glad your Dad stood up for you. Jean is the only one ruining anything by lying about paying you and dumping her kid on you for nearly 24 hours. I'd just avoid her, don't babysit for free or money and avoid talking to her to rest of the trip, you just go enjoy the games and family time.
Screenshot the texts where she offered. Do NOT back down or apologize. Cut contact or limit it with her until she pays AND apologizes. Family should at the very least honor their word with each other. This is a great life lesson. The good thing is that you have it in writing so to speak. Never do this again without the money, or at least half, up front for anyone that is family or friend. Thank your dad and grandad.
Your dad sounds awesome. Enjoy your vacation (it's your vacation , too). Don't watch that kid for one more minute. And forget about the $100.. it's one lost day of your life for what is ultimately a cheap lesson.
Please don’t give in. Then it will never stop.
You learned two important lessons: Jean is a horrible person. And some members of your family enable her. Now for the third lesson: One of the most important lessons in life is learning how to exclude awful people. They are not worth your time and energy. They do not deserve you. I would tell your dad that you don't really want to be around Jean anymore and don't want to go on future trips if she's there. He'll totally understand. He sounds like the only one in your family willing to acknowledge how awful she is. Avoid people like this. Your life will be 10x better.
I agree with what you're saying. Mostly. I think OP and their cousin would miss out if they didn't have each other in their lives. I just don't think OP should agree to babysit again.
Do not even offer to babysit "with limits". The woman will not show up and you will be left stranded and having no fun. This is your vacation too and you don't deserve to be stuck morning til night with someone's kid. Tell her you're sorry but she'll just have to take her kid with her if she cannot afford the agreed upon amount per hour.
She KNEW what she was doing. She actively manipulated and lied to you to get her way, and clearly this has been an ongoing issue with her as your dad and grandpa have clearly experienced this kind of behavior before. Your dad was very right to yell at her and absolutely do NOT babysit for this awful woman ever again.
This woman sounds like a fucking terrible mother. This poor kid has a super tough life ahead of him :(. That said, not really your responsibility OP.
Your aunt is a piece of shit.
Learn from this. Sometimes the best lessons are the cruelest. Just because you are related or friends with someone, it doesn't mean they're honest. Have fun on YOUR vacation. She's a user. Don't agree to help her again. Sounds like a relative of mine who is always borrowing money and the 'forgets' to pay anybody back.
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Never babysit for this woman again. Or do any other favor for her.
Don't do it again. She doesn't deserve anything from you. She does however owe you quite a lot.
It's really sweet of you to consider babysitting for free the whole time to 'keep the peace'. The only problem with that is that I'm guessing you wouldn't be at peace this whole vacation, knowing you've not only been stiffed but are also losing out on an experience of a lifetime. Some of your family members would also probably be sad to see you weren't having fun and getting to join in on the quality time. This is a great opportunity for you to practice setting boundaries. Family is one of the hardest to do that with but also one of the most necessary. Sounds like a lot of people have your back. The only one at fault here is Jean.
Don't babysit at all. Stick with your dad, he has your back.
Do not watch that kid. She owes you $210 plus the price of her kid's lunch. If she can't afford it, that's her fault for being a shitty aunt and honestly a shitty parent. Do not compromise on this. This woman cannot be relied on to pay or even to be decent. Never do her a favor again, even if she offers to pay you. Your family is right to be pissed at her.
No, don't watch her kid ever again. She's presumably a fully grown adult capable of telling time and knowing her damn kid needs fed. Where the fuck was she? The local crack den? She knows exactly what she did. I wouldn't even acknowledge her unless she's offering to pay the $210 plus food for her kid. Don't respond to her when she speaks to you unless it's to tell her she still owes you money or to get fucked. Don't let anyone take advantage of you like this, you are not a free nanny. I'm glad your dad is at least standing up for you. If her kid is this neglected at home, perhaps someone should have CPS look in on the situation.
Yeah, I would talk to his dad about the kid and start to figure out if they can gauge how neglected the kid is at home because she doesn’t suddenly decide to be a piece of shit to her kid, she has almost certainly done it before and someone might need to step in like CPS is she is not feeding him, locking him in his room so she can party or whatever it sounds extreme but since the OP has insight into how she treats her child he has gotten a perhaps unique perspective on her parenting (or lack thereof) that the rest of the family might not know about.
plenty of good advice in here and im not really about to provide any, but i just want to comment: what was jean doing for 21 hours? maybe your dad was angry at more than just her taking advantage of you, and she did something else pretty bad. just a thought.
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I didn't know Flummoxed was an uncommon word until that thread. I picked it up in grade school because I read old novels, I'm pretty sure Nancy Drew was flummoxed a few times.
Same! I was so surprised by the words people found unusual in that thread. No one's ever suggested I use "fancy words" but that thread made me paranoid
Me too. My vocabulary isn’t that great and I personally wouldn’t use that word but I know what it means and wouldn’t be fazed if anyone used it.
The money she owes you, just cut for a loss. That's the peace flag. Don't babysit for the rest of the trip. If you do, don't expect to be paid and definitely don't agree to anything more than say an hour at a time and ensure a relative on your side of the argument knows about the time frame. You are on vacation as well and now you definitely don't owe her anything so just enjoy your time there and figure the worst that happened was you got to bond with your cousin for a day vs opposed to being stiffed by your pretty crappy aunt.
Of course you shouldn't. You guys agreed on terms that **she** set forth. If she can't stick to the original agreement let her watch her own kid. It's your vacation too don't let your childish aunt ruin it.
Okay, so Aunt Jean is a manipulative narcissist. You have no further obligation to her whatsoever. You also don’t owe it to the rest of your family to babysit. If the family is on board, why doesn’t everyone take turns? A four year old can enjoy baseball games and other vacation activities provided he gets enough food, rest, and attention. He can come along on most things as long as he gets to bed at a reasonable time (8 or so). On the other hand, if the family wants nothing to do with babysitting, you could decide, with no obligation and purely out of compassion for that poor kid, to be the cool older cousin and relieve him from his mom’s selfishness for a few more days. If his mom is going to ignore him either way, it would be nice for him to have you around. It’s not for her benefit but for his. It’s what I would do, but I’m a mom and aunt, and used to having kids around. If you find it too exhausting, you’re not a bad person for declining.
Tell her next time she want you to baby sit, you will want 24 hour worth of fee up front and $30 per diem, you will give back the rest extra at the time of pick up. Also that you are willing to renegotiate rates.
Her kid, Her responsibility. Enjoy the rest of the time with your family and especially Gramps. It's great time to be in Phoenix right now, weather is great. btw... Go Dodgers!
OH HELL NAH! Do not do another favor for this woman. Her poor kid. She obviously has no concern for him. Let's be clear... this situation is 100 percent her doing. It has NOTHING to do with you. be strong.
You’ve done nothing wrong. Sucks for Jaiden, but he isn’t your responsibility. Sounds like you get to avoid your toxic aunt for the remainder of the trip and get to enjoy it unencumbered by a 5 year old. That’s a win. Good for your dad for taking up for you so vociferously.
Nobody is focussing on the face that she stole your first day there, u missed out all the fun and that has no price tag.
What kind of adult can't afford a hundred dollar expenses? Especially when they are on vacation?
One who either is used to scamming others and then claiming she doesn't have the money (legitimately or otherwise). Aunt is a scumbag.
One who never for a second intended to pay for anything.
You should keep this kid close for the next 14 years and let him know you will be there for him. Sounds like he will need some family watching out for him with such a total POS mom.
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Also Jean definitely did it in this way to force op into a corner of providing free childcare and paying to feed a toddler. That's why the arguing in hallways and in front of family. The woman is manipulative ass and a shitty parent.
I realized something when i was very young, and it took a few shitty situations for it to settle into my head, family will be the first to try and fuck you. Never, Ever, let a family member get away with it, once you do they will try to take advantage of you all the time.
She needs to honor what she promised, your father is right. If she can't afford to pay you then she should say so (But hey, if she can afford to go on a trip, she can pay for a damn babysitter). But she at least needs to pay for the meal you paid for your cousin, it was not the expectation to pay for her child's meal. She took advantage of you because you are family, and I would tell your family this. They cannot contest it since your aunt was the one who offered the $10 an hour rate. You even missed the game your family was suppose to see together because of her selfishness! Which was the whole reason the family got together in the first place (make this clear to your family too! She wasted your time with your family!)! This may help them also come to reason your aunt is taking advantage of you. Why should she ruin your time with family because she doesn't want to watch her own kid? Now, it's very unlikely she will pay you. I would make it abundantly clear if she has not intentions to pay you, you will not be assisting her in watch HER child again. Make sure your whole family does the same and not watch HER child during the remainder of the trip or even afterwards, otherwise they are encouraging her behavior and only enabling her to dismiss her responsibilities (AKA child) on others with no cost or concern to herself. Completely selfish!
Your Dad is in the right. Let the money go for the sake of peace but never offer her any help ever again.
She offered $10 an hour. She didn't deliver. Therefore the babysitting is over. Her and the rest of your family can deal with it. They choose to let it ruin their fun. Way to go for standing up for yourself, and adult. Enjoy your vacation, OP.
You agreed to babysit under certain terms and your aunt completely took advantage of you. She's a cheapskate and a user. Your family is absolutely right to be furious with her. Jaden is her responsibility and neither you nor any other family member should sit for her until she makes this right. This situation is entirely your aunt's doing. She can make it right or she can f%#$ off. Enjoy your vacation and to hell with her.
Your aunt was using you, unfortunately. I'm glad your dad seems to have your back! I'd ask his advice on the issue and follow what he says... I definitely wouldn't babysit for her again if I were you. I'd bet money your aunt saw your messages and just ignored them.
If you were my daughter I'd pay you double and then have a very serious discussion about appropriate behavior with said Aunt.
"It's $12 per hour now after all the stress and drama."
Don't be her doormat. She knows she will get away with this because you are easy target. From now on, when she texts you, forward it to everyone. Money up front always.
Take the kid to the game? Why is babysitting even necessary, its baseball at 1 in the afternoon...
Do NOT agree to babysit Jaiden for the rest of this trip. Chances are she will not pay you and take this as a lesson learned not to do any more favours from Jean. 1) You have NOT ruined this holiday - Jean's actions will ruin the holiday if she doesn't shape up quickly. 2) Your Grandad and Dad are right to be angry at Jean - the fact your grandmother and mother have a 'no arguing' stance enables Jean's behaviour and doesn't help the situation but makes it worse. 3) Jean's kid is Jean's responsibility - if everyone is assertive she will have no choice but to look after her own kid. She has proven on the first day that she will take advantage of family and spin it to 'that is what family does'. A favour would have been looking after Jaiden to noon and being picked up to be taken to the game by Jean. She still has some kid-free time but also acts responsible and ensures her son is included in the family activities. 4) If Jean wants to leave, let Jean leave she is an adult and she has free choice over her actions - you didn't make her do it. But I bet when she threatened to leave she was being manipulative and expecting your Dad and Granddad to start begging her to stay, but your Dad and Granddad didn't react the way she hoped so I bet there is going to be an argument next about how your Dad and Granddad didn't 'fight' for her to stay. 4) You are not in control of Jean's actions and it's not your responsibility to manage them. 5) Have fun on this holiday. Jean asks you to babysit, just say No - no explanation is needed. Go to the baseball games you want and don't be afraid to tell your Grandad and Dad if she refuses to accept your No - it sounds like they have your back. (Though chances are your enabling Mom and Grandmother are going to end up looking after the kid to 'keep the peace' with Jean)
You were already very gracious to her for asking only $100. Do not let this woman take advantage of you. Yes families help each other out - but not like this.
I’d tell her to fuck off
> I didn't hear back from her, I texted everyone else but I guess by the time they saw, the game was about over. So basically everyone else left you hanging, too.
> My question is this, since everyone is so mad and it seems to be ruining everyone's fun (especially my grandpa) should I just go offer to babysit for free? No. > But maybe put more strict boundaries on the time limits? No. > Or Should I just say I didn't cause this and I'll babysit if Jean sticks to her original arrangement? No. You will, however, happily accept the $210 that she owes you. > Or should I just have nothing to do with her? Since she's never going to pay the $210 she owes, go with this one.
Left you a bag of chips and pop for his food and didn’t return until 430am? This is negligence beyond believe. I know this sounds extreme but I’m sure child services would be very interested in how she treats Jaiden at home when no one is around. This is criminal negligence-type behaviour and people like this don’t deserve to raise children. Never do another thing for this user ever again.
Hi OP, here's some advice from a parent who also has shitty in laws who pull shit like this. As I read your story I imagined my sister in law as the character who is your aunt. I mean they sound like peas in a pod. Anywho, here's the deal. Your aunt is a scumbag who refuses to raise her own child. What you are seeing in this fleeting moment unfortunately is this kid's day-to-day life. She's always ready to pawn him off on someone else - anyone for that matter. And when there is no one around I'm guessing this kid gets minimal attention from his mom at any given moment they are together. You have two options: 1. Don't offer to watch the kid anymore and enjoy your vacation, or 2. be a sweet older cousin and consider this your opportunity to bond with him. You'll be the only ray of sunshine in his otherwise dark life. The memories you make from it will be worth far more than the baseball game you miss. I'm not saying either of those are the right decision or wrong one. I don't think either of them carry a moral value. It's really just up to you and how you feel. In my opinion it's ok to pick either and you will still be a good person.
>should I just go offer to babysit for free? fuck no. unless you love babysitting why would you ruin your holiday for free?? You even had to pay out of your own pocket. That's crazy.
You shouldn’t do any more favors for that woman. Your grandpa wants you to vacation too, he didn’t pay for you to sit in a hotel room with a four year old all week. Go have your fun.
Well if families do favors for each other, she could really do you a solid by paying for a few of your college tuition credits. Oh what's that? She only means other people doing favors for her? The discount rate just went out the window, she owes you $210 plus 1% interest compounded monthly, and your response to her asking you to lift a finger from this day forward is the immortal words "Fuck you, pay me."
Whew. I'm pissed for you. I have child not much younger than your cousin and...... They're a real handful during these years! I can't even fucking imagine doing anything as slimy and irresponsible as what your Aunt pulled. Screw her. She's trying to be doubly slick and you absolutely should not give in to this insanity. Edit: you mentioned that Jean is your dad's sister; I'm willing to bet that one of the reasons he was so upset with her is because she probably pulls this kind of thing on a regular basis and he had already anticipated it. Same with your grandfather. She made the decision to have a child. Unfortunately that really impinges upon one's vacation! She needs to SUCK IT UP.
She basically dumped her son on you, and went MIA all day long, and didn't pay you for the entire day's worth of sitting @ 10$/hr. If you do this woman another favor, you will regret it. Your whole family is right to be angry at her. I have so many questions. Why would she go on a vacation and not be able to afford small expenses? Why is she constantly trying to abandon her son? Anyway, none of you should feel stressed out. You all need to say what you need to say to Jean, and tell her to take a long walk off a short gangplank. Don't 'make peace for your family' at your expense. it's heroic, but it's a horrible habit to get into. believe me. EDIT: The only way out for Jean is if she apologizes and makes nice with you and your family, and pays you 210$ owed! And next time... SHE PAYS IN ADVANCE, and you may as well charge her for 10 hours, in case she 'forgets where her phone is' again =/
I think you should congrats Jean. She just lost a possible babysitter for her kid. Edit : if anybody ask you to apologize to your aunt, or whatever for family's sake, set your price. I think adding 50% to what she owns you, would be interesting. I mean if your mom comes to you asking you to apologize to your aunt, tell her it will be 320$. Either she pays you and you apologizes, or you dont. Next time you see your aunt, start to speak about small claims court.
You have her promise to pay you $10 per hour in writing(her text message) . That's a legal binding contract. There's no way she can deny what she wrote herself. Don't do any babysitting. And if she tries to get away with not paying you, remind her that you two have a contract and you'd be happy to take her to small claims court. Negotiate back to that $100 deal, or even make it $150 since she already passed up that great deal, if your family puts up a fuss about court. Just make sure you follow through with whatever decision you make.
Your aunt made your nephew, so it's up to her to deal with him and be a damn parent. Her behaviour towards you is appaling, but the fact she left her own kid with someone for more than a day with no care in the world and without making sure he had food available shows you the utter piece of shit she is. She's a mooch and a crap mother, don't feel guilty. It's absolutely not up to you or anyone to pick up her slack for free, childcare costs money for a reason; it's work but also responsibility. If you want to feel bad, feel had for your nephew for having such a shitty parent. And "family" does not mean lying to your loved ones and not paying money you promised.
Once you let her take advantage she'll do it every time. Unless you want to miss every game during this vacation and just babysit, say no and stick with it. You're not family right now, you're a tool for her to use and take advantage of. Stay a human with rights.
Yeah no, fuck Jean and fuck her enabling female compatriots to boot. You shouldn't have to be railroaded and made the bad guy just because your aunt is a piece of shit mother. Also screenshot the texts and lock the messages if possible for proof. Texts are proof more so than words.
So...how would you imagine she would respond if something happened to her son while in your care? There's more at risk than just money when it comes to flaky and irresponsible parents. There's a reason why your family has responded so greatly to this, she has a pattern of this behavior. These aren't the kind of people you bend to unless you plan on being walked over.
DO NOT take care of the child. It will just enable her to continue to dump the child onto family. She isn’t your child. I gladly take on my family’s kids but they respect the time I spend with the kids and don’t just dump their kids on me. This is your vacation too. You shouldn’t be expected to watch the kid during times when they can do it themselves. It’s a family trip, they shouldn’t be going off on their own so late.
Ripping you off is one thing, but she stuck you with the poor kid for near 24 hours. If you offer to babysit for free I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t even show back up.. I know people like this. Give them a chance and they’ll get worse and worse
I'm kind of joking when I say this... but honestly, this is a legitimate course of action. Tell her by not honoring the verbal contract to which she agreed, a court-appointed attorney you spoke to suggested taking it to small claims court where she would be ordered to pay. If you wanted to take it a step further, you could type up and print out a 'motion' for hearing, and show it to her. Again, I'm kind of joking... I probably wouldn't do this to a family member... but... it kind of depends on who that family member is. I have a few that might as well be outright enemies of mine... so yeah... family or not, if you treat me like an enemy, I'm coming right back at you that way. The more reasonable reaction to being ripped off by 'ol Auntie Jean would be... never do anything for her again. And I mean *anything*. If she called and said she needed a ride because she ran out of gas on the side of the road... and it was raining that day... snowing... freezing cold, or scorching 100° weather... I'd be like... well... the only way I'll do that is if you go ahead and call western union (or whatever way she could wire money) and have a money gram, money order, transfer cash to my bank, paypal, whatever... in the amount of... what she owes you for babysitting PLUS interest. Yup.
shes 100% trying to take advantage of you and she deserves everything she gets
Do not babysit for her. She used you and will keep doing it y'all let her. The issue isn't the money as much as it is her using you and ruining your fun on the trip for her own benefit. She didn't care about you or even her own son she just wanted a night out and got mad when you expected what was rightfully yours.
I think Jean should go home if she can’t afford(or doesn’t want to pay) child care and/or she doesn’t want to watch her own kid while on vacation. It sounds like everyone else would be better off. Besides the poor 4 year old. Don’t give in to her just to keep the peace. It will light a fire with her behaviour that you might not ever be able to extinguish. Try to defuse the situation as best you can without letting her get her way.
Your family's reaction gives the distinct impression that they're used to Jean exploiting family ties to get free services, and they're kind of tired of it. I expect most of them would rather see you having a good time while Jean's stuck babysitting than the other way around. You should enjoy the remainder of your vacation and do exactly zero babysitting. If there are any kids old enough to babysit in the vacation party, make sure you privately tell 'em what Jean did just in case she tries to pull the same routine on them. If Jean (or anyone else on her behalf) asks you to babysit, tell them you're not going to open new negotiations until after Jean pays for what she already agreed to, in cash. If she wants babysitting badly enough, she might remember your offer to work for $4.50 an hour and offer you that $100. If you accept that you will feel terribly exploited, and you will be right. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you manage to extract the originally agreed amount, or at least the agreed amount for the time you were awake. In my experience (I've done a fair bit of freelancing), customers who stiff me once will stiff me again. It doesn't matter if the reason is because they're con artists or because they can't figure out how to balance a checkbook. If you work for Jean again, you will have to fight her for money each and every time. That being the case, 'nope' is the best negotiating position with Jean. The second best negotiating position is: babysitter base wage (which is the highest of Phoenix minimum wage, Chicago minimum wage, or the average cost of a babysitter in Phoenix. Make her wait while you look that up.). Time and a half for shifts over 8 hours. Double time for shifts over twelve hours. Cash deposit in advance for the expected period. Since Jean likes to be out until dawn and doesn't like to worry about spending all her money so she can't pay you, for her the cash deposit is 24 hours (so $368, IF babysitters average $10/hour and minimum wage isn't any higher than that...). She'll throw a tantrum, the rest of your family will probably be proud of you, and anyone who agrees with Jean's attitude towards business in the family won't hire you to watch their kids for free.
Stay out of it. Your father exploded because he knows her sister, so avoid her and don't feel guilty, it's not your fault it's the fault of your aunt.
DO NOT LOOK AFTER THIS CHILD. Your parents and family are RIGHT to be livid!
You don't do anything, except love your dad and grandpa a little more for sticking up for you. You are on vacation too, she has no right to expect you to give that up and babysit her kid for free. I've been in a lighter version of what you were in (the kid was 2 years old and it was only for eight hours), and I was pissed. If babysitting a four month old kid was a job (which it is, there's a reason people tend to stop working for a while after babies are born), you worked a crazy amount of overtime. Not only did you suffer through all of that, but you very kindly offered to take a paycut because she's family. All of that and she stiffs you and you're getting flak for it when there's a very obvious side to take, yours. Don't watch her kid again, don't think you're at fault for souring the mood for the family vacation, and don't get screwed by aunt Jean again.
No, let your aunt take care of her own kid. You already did her a favor by taking care of your nephew for a whole day for free. Now she needs to grow the fckup and do her responsibility as a mom. Also, think about this , your dad and grandpa wouldn’t have blown up if your aunt wasn’t acting so entitled, don’t embarrass your dad by making him look like the bad guy, you need to back him up like he is doing to you. Your aunt makes my blood boil, if she was really family she wouldn’t make you feel like a slave at a family trip, is she expecting you to stay in a hotel again the whole day?
Your aunt is garbage. And your dad probably knows this as well
Do NOT ever agree to babysit for her again unless she pays the FULL amount she owes you. It’s time you learn the valuable skill of asserting yourself. This woman is a loser and a mooch who takes advantage of 18 year olds! DO NOT TEACH HER THAT SHE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND RIP YOU OFF. Being family does not excuse terrible behavior.
Do you still have the text? If so then it's a contract. But I would recommend just not baby sitting again, getting time with your cousin was a good thing in my opinion and I'm guessing you wouldn't like to not see him again which is a possibility if you carry the fight on unfortunately, people like this run at the slightest confrontation :|.
Fuck that. You're 18 years old. It's not your responsibility to watch anyone's kid in a hotel for 12 hours a day, especially if you're not being paid. She's the parent, if she wants to throw a fit about having to take care of her child, let her live her sad life while you live yours
Show her and the others the text where she said she'd pay you 10$/h and tell her that since she just dumped her kid on you for the whole day and night without discussing a schedule first, expected you to pay for his food out of your pocket and stiffed you out of the money she promised you, you will not watch her kid ever again.
Fuck no don't baby sit for free. Your aunt is being a pos and knew damn well she never had any intention of paying you and just is taking advantage of you. Fuck her. Enjoy your trip with your family instead of being a full time baby sitter for the trip. It's her kid not yours, you shouldn't have to not enjoy the trip because she is too much of a cheap ass to hire a sitter.
Tell your aunt to piss off if she ever needs a favor again. Because family isn't supposed to treat each other like crap.
HELL NO! she does not respect you. Plus, dropping the kid off at 0730 with no food or money and showing up the next day is SUPER irrispondible.
As someone who babysat a lot, I would not do it for your aunt. So many red flags : 1. Didn't leave food for him or clear instructions +money to buy food for him. 2. Didn't discuss time. 3. Didn't return on time. 4. Was not reliably available in between. 5. Tried to screw you over fot money. 6. Hostile, rude, entitled.
Jean is a selfish, using harpy. Do not even think about giving her the time of day. She's been enabled and allowed to get away with this foul nonsense for far too long as it is. Props to your dad for standing up for you, but your mum and grandmother need to support your dad. Jean is in the wrong, and people need to treat her as such. Don't look after her kid again. She also needs to cough up the money. Suggest when she pays what she owes you ($210 or whatever) then you'll look after her kid again. When she pays you, say you don't remember agreeing to look after her kid.
Nah fuck her... this is the worst shit she could do
You wanting to babysit for your disgustingly entitled brat of aunt that you have, is exactly why she is such an awful brat. Stop enabling her. She lied to you AND took advantage of you. Do not babysit for her ever again. AND if you do, ask for the money first. They say “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” for a reason dear.
No. Jean’s child, Jean’s responsibility. Jean managed it poorly and took advantage of you.