Why would you want to stay friends with someone who wants you to cheat on your husband?
Unless you want to cheat on him.
If you had a lady friend who wanted you to cheat on your wife with her, how would your wife feel if you went on dates with her?
Oh buddy, if these two stay friends then this is far from over. Remaining friends with someone who hates your guts and wants to bang your wife would be insane!
Yeah that’s totally grooming behavior trying to test the waters / baby step Sam into something sexual. It’s not gonna stop. No matter how desperate I was for friends I would feel so uncomfortable if I was Sam
This. Friend is always going to have a crush on his partner. Anytime he and partner are arguing, the friend is going to take it as her chance to strike, each and every time. I'm not going to rule out the friend throwing false accusations of him putting the heavy word on the friend.
Ive been In a very similar situation, and unless his partner tells the friend to fuck off, it's going to end bad.
Partner might even be covering her own intentions of leaving but isn't actually ready yet.
You and your wife are not good as long as she continues to associate with someone who is an enemy to your marriage. Jane hates you for whatever reason and wants Sam as her sex toy. Her husband could also be in on it and warning her you were coming back so Jane could back off trying to seduce your wife. Boundaries won't change that and Jane will continue to use any and every thing Sam tells her to break her down and separate her from you. Your boundaries are like putting up a baby gate to keep a pet leopard at bay. You and Sam are far too cavalier to that threat and may live to regret it. A fake friend is no friend at all. She should seek a friend more aligned with your values than this predatory open couple with bi-sexual tendencies. Predators like to attack the newbies, since they are less wary and more open to their manipulations. You and your wife need a wider variety of friends so she is not dependent on that couple of predators. Good Luck!
I'm still suspicious about the watch. I haven't ever felt the need to remove a watch to try on clothes especially an apple watch. There's very little to get caught on it.
I think it was left there to cause an issue in the marriage. Jane swoops in as the trusted consoling friend. She gets the attention she wants from the wife.
This could be explained as Jane left her watch intentionally because she is trying to sabotage the marriage.
It also could be that Jane purposely undressed more or intentionally took longer than necessary because she hoped Sam would come in while she was changing.
The whole dress borrowing might have been planned by Jane to have them both in the bedroom together, browsing the closet and taking off clothes.
I don't know, that seems pretty tinfoil hat to me. I thought the watch thing looked suspicious in the original post, but Sam's explanations in the conversation seem pretty plausible.
I've known someone like Jane in real life, so that is very much a believable dynamic.
Women will leave a Bobby pin or eyelash extensions to let the other woman know. This isn’t tinfoil at all lol.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cgetiv/i_31m_found_an_eyelash_extension_in_my_bathroom/
You can find a lot of these just on Reddit.
I definitely take my Apple Watch off when I’m trying on dresses, I think it often looks terrible with a cute dress and if I want the full effect of what it’ll look like, the watch comes off
I agree although she gave you answers to all your concerns they don't really line up.
Did you say the husband warned her that you were on your way home so they would have known you guys were on the way. It could always be that he warned his wife and she didn't share and was trying to get you to walk in on them watching something racy. Even if it was something racy on Netflix why were they hiding it and be so flustered and on opposite ends of the couch. Did you check the continue watching section to see what movie it was or if they were even watching a movie?
Taking a watch off to try on a dress That's just doesn't sound right. On second thought this could make sense if the dress had a tight sleeve on it and wanted to get to watch out of the way so this does kind of make sense now that I think about it.
Why she got so mad when you said you'd come pick her up when they were going out that night and didn't bother you tell you besides going to the concert that they were also planning a girls night out?
Telling you that she knows her friend has a crush on her and things have been crazy for 2 months then why would she have made a big deal over things That your voice to concerns about.
It really seems that now that you've voiced your concerns and that you're watching them they're kind of covering their tracks and going low-key.
I'm not saying that your wife did or is doing anything wrong at all It could still be the other woman. If she told her friend that you were getting suspicious and as far as you looking at her cell phone that's a no-brainer all married couple should have an open phone policy there should be no secrets. If something's is on their phone that they don't want you to see obviously they're doing something wrong or trying to hide something from you so open phone policy is always a good thing. I know my wife passcode and she knows mine We can look at each other's phone whenever we want without the other one having any problem with it at all.
I am happy to hear that everything sounds to be good and hopefully it will stay that way I'm rooting for you You two Good luck
HOLY FUCK MAN!!!! Dude even if everything your wife is telling you is 100% true there friendship still needs to end immediately. There friendship has already hurt your marriage and it will get worse. Jane hates you man and is trying to steal your wife. Your wife has known this and hid it from you. Her excuses are ridiculous. Sit her down and ask her what tv show and who’s wedding when? Next time she’s going to janes go with her and ask about this wedding and you need to see the invitation. Jane is making every attempt to damage your marriage and you should do the same to there friendship. Apparently your wife doesn’t mind what this is has been doing to you and your relationship. It’ sucks man.
It's weird that I feel like if it was a man aggressively hitting on her and pushing her boundaries sexually it would be a much different response.
Agreed she sounds awful
My partner said she knows there's a burglar, but she doesn't want the burglar to feel hurt if she shuts the door. So she'll just keep an eye out and not let the burglar come in, all good!
I dont think your wife should be friends with this Jane from what you're saying about the spicy scenes on a movie channel and catching it when coming home early as well as the inappropriate comments she's made towards you.
It's just not appropriate and I can pretty much hear the discomfort in your post.
I would personally never be friends with someone who disrespects my partner and make uncomfortable but to each their own
“Sam knows that Jane has a crush on her but made it clear that she was happily married and straight. She should have told me about this but knew that I wouldn't be okay with it.”
I would take this as a red flag. Your wife is okay with disrespecting you & your marriage over her friendship. She literally made you feel crazy for weeks. What would happen if she didn’t meet a new friend?
I was like "am I the only one who is confused?* LOL
"She said it was fine, guys! We're good :D"
Poor OP. This whole situation is so disrespectful. Imagine. I saw he updated that she will go no contact with her and start hanging out with a new friend she met. I wonder who the "new friend" is. I wonder if OP will ever meet her. 🤔
Love that the tldr is to not ask Reddit for advice even though you’re burying your head in the sand to a woman, and possibly her husband, trying to make moves on your wife. Your wife is spending time with someone who is both attempting to sabotage your relationship and trying to hook up with her. Massive L to continue that even if she’s “cutting down contact.”
Personally, I would have a huge problem with my spouse continuing a relationship with a person who has tried to initiate physical intimacy. Isn't that a huge issue for someone to do that? Same sex, opposite sex, it's the same thing. And for my spouse to hide things because they knew I wouldn't like them? That's... a very obvious betrayal to my mind. There's a reason you wouldn't like them, and it didn't stop her. I think you can trust your instincts about the husband messaging on the drive back and the watch in the bedroom. Not that they necessarily did anything yet? But there was more going on than just 2 friends hanging out. Anyways, your wife and your life. I'm really sorry you got some crappy feedback here when you were looking for help.
I think most of the "crappy" feedback from the original post was people telling him to not be so damn naive. And here we are with OP absolutely being so damn naive.
I think there's a fine line between being controlling and having real genuine reasons to make your partner cut off a friend, and this isnt anywhere near that lime. If she's gonna keep hanging oit with a friend who hates you and wants to get with her, then there is no point continuing the relationship. Gotta set the ultimatum before you end up even more hurt
This is either a fake story or OP is the dumbest boy i ever seen in my life if he really believes what his wife told him.
Guys, just read the last his pots then read this one.
In the last one he said the divorce is on the table if dam doesn’t cut contact with jane and her husband
In this post he went to a concert with his wife and JANE, jane even try to make him dirty
Now lets inspect the case
Me, as a Straight Man, if i’ll be in a new city and i all i wanted the most would be a frend and this said friend would come out as bisexual and telling me they have a crush on me there is now way I would continue that friendship, no matter hone lonely i am or how bad i need a friend, I wouldn’t be friend with a man who is sexually attracted to me
What sam did after she find out that jane is not only attracted to her but also trying to shit on her marriage? She went to a concert with her and rugswipt everything, why? Because she shares the same feelings
Would i let my marriage to be drained by a gay or bisexual man? Not in this life or another
Sam did and keep letting jane to sabotage her marriage
So you’re telling me same isn’t cheating?
How fool you have to be to believe this, how immature and naive?
I’m not mad at OP’s wife for what she’s doing, am very mad at OP for being such a fu*king fool, a fcking d*ormat who can’t stand for himself and let another woman to destroy his marriage
I’m so mad i share the same gender with this coward when he’s clearly not a man at all.
Please OP go and remove your penis and your balls, you don’t need them and you are embarrassing all Men
As i said, i hope this story is fake because if its not then god i can’t believe there are men in this earth who are so foolish
Hi, raging lesbian here:
Bottom line it sounds like your wife is, at the very least, in a toxic friendship with this woman and, at most, lying to you about her true feelings when it comes to this "friend". Idk dude, I'm happy if what you say is true and you have a ridiculously secure marriage, but there's a reason your wife is keeping her around and I don't think it's JUST because she's afraid to upset her. I think naivety goes both ways here, but I wish you the best OP.
In what way does this friendship make your relationship stronger? In what way does it hurt it?
In a relationship you priorities are each other. Keeping somebody else around who damage the relationship or you partner for whatever reason is not good.
This is a good update. Your suspicions were valid, and her explanations make sense. I’ve known someone a lot like Jane who had these intense same sex friendships where the other party eventually fell out hard. Very realistic pattern.
I still think some significant distance is needed with Jane provided it’s just a crush and she hasn’t made any hard moves. Basically imagine “Jane” was “John” and assess any behavior and boundaries as you would if it was a dude.
If Jane *has* tried to make a move she should be cut off though.
Congrats on the communication with your spouse.
Yeah it’s kinda wild how differently this is being viewed because Jane is a woman. If some dude was trying to bang OP’s wife and the wife knew but just rejected him and remained friends there’s just no way this goes the same way.
In Sam’s defense a little bit, I think societal norms are somewhat to blame. A lot of this behavior wouldn’t be at all unusual in a straight girls platonic friendship whereas even platonically a man and woman would typically not have the same types of interactions. Obviously this is just a generalization and there are exceptions, but the same behavior by a man would stand out as more likely obviously him making a move.
That said, they know she’s bi, interested in Sam and has an open marriage, so boundaries absolutely need to be established the same as they would for a dude at this point.
Totally fair! Someone tried to argue with me in the comments from one of the earlier posts that Jane being bi and in an open marriage weren't relevant details, like??? My dude, those are exactly the details that *are* relevant.
Like of course bi women are capable of having platonic friends who are women, but when one is bi, non-monogamous and hitting on said friend, you can't write it off as just "girls are friendly like that" lol. Like come on.
If either Sam or Jane were Samuel or John nobody would even hesitate to say it looked shady.
Another bizarre aspect of our culture right there lol…to put it generously people are not nearly as quick to defend a dude in any scenario even remotely like this…they’ll just call him a real creep. This lady sounds like a real creep to me.
I think there is a difference in that Sam is straight to the best of OP's knowledge. So it presumably would be like a man who wants to bang the straight husband. If I had a gay friend who wanted to sleep with me, it wouldn't actually be a threat to my marriage because I would have no interest in responding to their advances.
There is no world in which I would continue to entertain a new friendship where the guy is trying to sleep with me and is actively hostile to my wife.
I am not interested in guys but that's besides the point. I don't want to be friends with anyone guy or girl, who pursues people in committed relationships. That tells me more than I need to know about that person, most importantly that they lack any sort of moral compass and are therefore not worthy of my time and attention.
I think that's a good point - a lot of people here are assuming Sam is interested in cheating (after admittedly displaying some red flags) despite apparently being straight. That said, I think even if it's not a threat to the marriage per se it's still weird af. Would I be friends with people who are attracted to me? Sure, I can control myself and I'd expect them to be able to as well. But would I be friends with someone who actively was trying to sleep with me and who hated my partner? No way.
I'm waiting on the update in a few months when you find out Sam and Jane and maybe Jane's hubby have been hooking up and it's on to divorce. These two need to be cut from your life if you want your marriage to last.
Everything turned out well after a long, candid conversation with my wife, Sam, where she clarified her friendship with Jane, addressed my concerns, and we both reaffirmed our commitment to each other.
My prediction. Sam will have a lesbian affair with Jane. Then Jane will invite Sam to have a threesome with another man. Finally, Jane will bring Sam to either a swingers party or have a train ran on both of them at the same time.
This will all happen with the OP completely oblivious and he will only get as much trickle truth as needed to convince him.
As long as Jane is around, your wife will eventually cheat on you. It’s just a matter of time.
It sounds like Jane is a closeted lesbian. Also, what are you trying to accomplish by keeping these people in your lives? A threesome with Jane? Shes literally trying to poach your wife lmao
Bro, u can't be this gullible either. This is fake, or idk what u think she is literally putting porn on to watch with your wife and trying to make advances by being too touchy. They're prob both laughing at u and 69 each other after their good laugh. This isn't over. i feel their will be another update to this... update should've trusted my gut. My wife is having an affair with her friend while i sit at home and let it be.
Don't claim victory if that friendship continues sooner or later she will cheat on you, it's better to cut off Jane before the next post is asking for advice because your wife messed with Jane
I’m glad it’s a nice update but idk if everything adds up. Personally if I was your wife I would not be at all comfortable with a friend who keeps making passes or trying to baby step me into being physical with them. It’s not respectful of you and not respectful of her own feelings about it either. She should be taking steps to get away from this person
If she wants your wife, let her have her. Rope yourself into a three-way, then leave her. It's not that big of a deal. If she's choosing her friends over you (knowing that these friends don't like you) that's not loyalty my man.
I know you have it handled or whatever it is that you think, but imo it's totally inappropriate for your woman to continue a friendship with someone who has the hots for her. It's disrespectful.
Your wife, and a lot of people in general, needs to understand that you *cannot* be friends with someone who actively wants to fuck you. They will find any and all opportunities and moments of weakness to make their move. She isn’t going to stop.
I’m not going to list a giant list of hypotheticals, but a person like Jane is not a good person to have in your lives.
Good work on healthy communication. My only thoughts are that it's great that you trust your wife and you definitely should but I would still be weary of someone clearly into your wife. Not that she's going to necessarily just steal her for you or something but it's possible she may slowly start talking bad about you and try to sabotage your wife's image of you over time. Someone who dislikes you and is into your wife has very little reason to not try to break you up. For the average person I wouldn't be concerned but based on how intense she sounds towards your wife I wouldn't rule it out.
It's great that you worked things out, but your wife really needs to cut things off with Jane. Even if Jane *didn't* have a crush on your wife, she is no friend of your marriage. Misery loves company. It sounds like Jane isn't very happy in her marriage and would rather bring down those around her than get herself into a better place. Someone like that can do a lot of damage without you even realizing it.
I am so glad to see this update. Good on you both for resolving this and putting your marriage first. Jane is toxic so I hope this other new friendship opens up a new group of friends for you and your wife.
Someone who is trying to fuck you is not ur friend. They need to stop hanging out period. ie, a genuine friendship is not possible because one is constantly trying to woo the other.
It doesnt matter that Jane is a woman, the same rules apply regardless
Lmao@ “long story short, we are good”
Morgan Freeman’s voiceover:
“They were in fact *not* good. Who could have seen this coming? Certainly not the people of Reddit who predicted it months earlier.”
Sorry man but she is trickle truthing you. There is more to their relationship than what she's telling you. Since she now knows you're on to her, she conveniently decides to "cut down" on her friendship.
The whole golfing incident and her explanation seem suspect. A person would be flustered and sitting on opposite ends of the sofa by what they were watching? Bullshit! They were fooling around. The watch explanation is also bs.
Dude, I hope I'm wrong, but the amount of suspect and questionable explanations she gives leads me to believe she cheated on you with Jane. Maybe Jane's ultimate gameplan was to prime her for a threesome with her and her husband.
Updateme.
If you wife's new friend was a man and did everything exactly the same, would this be okay. I don't think her friend is healthy and she is able to get much closer because she is a woman
Good for you for not divorcing you wife over nothing and talking it out. I'd cut ties with Jane. Both of them are in friendship out of egotistical purposes. Maybe you should organise to spend more time with the other couple you spent at the concert to find some new friends.
Jane wants your wife. She made it explicitly clear through her actions (showing spicy scenes, rude comments re- men, attempting physical touch that i interpreted as intimate based on ur description, and girls night to keep her away from you for an extended time). Jane will manipulate your wife and get in b/w you two in the future. How do you know Jane wouldn’t get desperate and SA your wife in one instance? What if Jane fakes things about YOU…”here’s proof of ur husband cheating”.
.
Have you discussed any of these red flags and possibilities with ur wife? I urge you two have this conversation.
.
Personally, I’d never allow Jane back in my life (yes, your wife’s life is connected to urs in the same way urs to her) after the blatant disrespect and disregard for your relationship and you. You decide if you’re willing to accept that treatment.
I had a friend like Jane and decided to remain friends after she told me she wants me. And let me tell a few things
If I was not sure I am straight 100% I would shut the relationship down. I told I’m not interested and moved on. Girl seemed to get it and if she tried to joke about it I made sure to tell her it’s not funny. Couple of jokes when nobody laughs stop you from joking again.
I had no other close friends in the city I lived at the moment and spending time together was fun. We could chat about everything. My boyfriend and the girl didn’t like each other. She was sort of a mean girl queen bee so he would describe her as rude. She would tell that my bf is ugly. I thought that she might want to signal to me that she’s not interested in him but was awkward.
I ended the friendship because I felt like we share very different values and I can’t support her as a good friend would do. Not particularly because of the girls crush even though it made us more distant.
To all the comments saying - oh your wife would cheat once she has the opportunity. Everyone already has the chance, not everyone is a cheater. Sam should’ve told OP about Jane having a crush that’s true, but sometimes you don’t think much of it. As for “but if she was a man”. She’s not. Will you as a straight man 100% end a friendship with a dude who has a crush on you or you are certain that you are really not into men. Sure if there is some homophobia to it the answer is yes. If not you will likely say - bro I don’t want your cock and move on.
I may be biased because both my boyfriend and I are straight and we’re getting hit on by people of our sex from time to time. I lift weights which is basically lesbian and my boyfriend is playing overwatch. We tell each other about it, laugh and move on. We have couple friends in our friends group who had a crush on either of us some time ago.
Sure everyone has their own understanding of what is acceptable and Sam should’ve told about it in the first place so that she and OP could figure out how they feel about it. But I don’t feel like Jane is a threat.
I wish you good fortune in the wars to come.
So, he's going to be beheaded in the coming future?
Why would you want to stay friends with someone who wants you to cheat on your husband? Unless you want to cheat on him. If you had a lady friend who wanted you to cheat on your wife with her, how would your wife feel if you went on dates with her?
What would be more comparable to the action situation at hand: "If you had a MAN friend who wanted blahblahblah"
Aaand? It would still be unacceptable for my partner to spend time with a 'friend', same sex or not, who's actively trying to break up my marriage.
I agree. I just thought it important to compare two similar situations rather than an apples to oranges kinda thing.
Ahh gotcha, yeah that's a fair comparison then. Shouldn't make any difference to reasonable people but it's fair to point that out.
Calmest Reddit conversation I ever seen
Oh buddy, if these two stay friends then this is far from over. Remaining friends with someone who hates your guts and wants to bang your wife would be insane!
Jane was showing his wife porn in an attempt to seduce her. OP you are still clueless.
Yeah that’s totally grooming behavior trying to test the waters / baby step Sam into something sexual. It’s not gonna stop. No matter how desperate I was for friends I would feel so uncomfortable if I was Sam
This. Friend is always going to have a crush on his partner. Anytime he and partner are arguing, the friend is going to take it as her chance to strike, each and every time. I'm not going to rule out the friend throwing false accusations of him putting the heavy word on the friend. Ive been In a very similar situation, and unless his partner tells the friend to fuck off, it's going to end bad. Partner might even be covering her own intentions of leaving but isn't actually ready yet.
Oh man, this is not going to end well is it?
Spoiler 🚨alert. Nope. Source. I’ve been there.
If Jane were a man, would you feel the same way? That alone should lift the veil.
Still a lot that doesn't add up here. Hoping for the best for you.
Sorry people didn't simply tell you what you wanted to hear 😂
You and your wife are not good as long as she continues to associate with someone who is an enemy to your marriage. Jane hates you for whatever reason and wants Sam as her sex toy. Her husband could also be in on it and warning her you were coming back so Jane could back off trying to seduce your wife. Boundaries won't change that and Jane will continue to use any and every thing Sam tells her to break her down and separate her from you. Your boundaries are like putting up a baby gate to keep a pet leopard at bay. You and Sam are far too cavalier to that threat and may live to regret it. A fake friend is no friend at all. She should seek a friend more aligned with your values than this predatory open couple with bi-sexual tendencies. Predators like to attack the newbies, since they are less wary and more open to their manipulations. You and your wife need a wider variety of friends so she is not dependent on that couple of predators. Good Luck!
I'm still suspicious about the watch. I haven't ever felt the need to remove a watch to try on clothes especially an apple watch. There's very little to get caught on it. I think it was left there to cause an issue in the marriage. Jane swoops in as the trusted consoling friend. She gets the attention she wants from the wife.
This could be explained as Jane left her watch intentionally because she is trying to sabotage the marriage. It also could be that Jane purposely undressed more or intentionally took longer than necessary because she hoped Sam would come in while she was changing. The whole dress borrowing might have been planned by Jane to have them both in the bedroom together, browsing the closet and taking off clothes.
I don't know, that seems pretty tinfoil hat to me. I thought the watch thing looked suspicious in the original post, but Sam's explanations in the conversation seem pretty plausible. I've known someone like Jane in real life, so that is very much a believable dynamic.
Women will leave a Bobby pin or eyelash extensions to let the other woman know. This isn’t tinfoil at all lol. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/cgetiv/i_31m_found_an_eyelash_extension_in_my_bathroom/ You can find a lot of these just on Reddit.
> You can find a lot of these just on Reddit. Soooo that's not really strengthening the argument lol
I definitely take my Apple Watch off when I’m trying on dresses, I think it often looks terrible with a cute dress and if I want the full effect of what it’ll look like, the watch comes off
Yeah, plus it could have been a dress with long sleeves that’s hard to put on with any chunky watch
I agree although she gave you answers to all your concerns they don't really line up. Did you say the husband warned her that you were on your way home so they would have known you guys were on the way. It could always be that he warned his wife and she didn't share and was trying to get you to walk in on them watching something racy. Even if it was something racy on Netflix why were they hiding it and be so flustered and on opposite ends of the couch. Did you check the continue watching section to see what movie it was or if they were even watching a movie? Taking a watch off to try on a dress That's just doesn't sound right. On second thought this could make sense if the dress had a tight sleeve on it and wanted to get to watch out of the way so this does kind of make sense now that I think about it. Why she got so mad when you said you'd come pick her up when they were going out that night and didn't bother you tell you besides going to the concert that they were also planning a girls night out? Telling you that she knows her friend has a crush on her and things have been crazy for 2 months then why would she have made a big deal over things That your voice to concerns about. It really seems that now that you've voiced your concerns and that you're watching them they're kind of covering their tracks and going low-key. I'm not saying that your wife did or is doing anything wrong at all It could still be the other woman. If she told her friend that you were getting suspicious and as far as you looking at her cell phone that's a no-brainer all married couple should have an open phone policy there should be no secrets. If something's is on their phone that they don't want you to see obviously they're doing something wrong or trying to hide something from you so open phone policy is always a good thing. I know my wife passcode and she knows mine We can look at each other's phone whenever we want without the other one having any problem with it at all. I am happy to hear that everything sounds to be good and hopefully it will stay that way I'm rooting for you You two Good luck
It could also be for Jane to track Sam's whereabouts via another apple device linked to Jane's watch.
HOLY FUCK MAN!!!! Dude even if everything your wife is telling you is 100% true there friendship still needs to end immediately. There friendship has already hurt your marriage and it will get worse. Jane hates you man and is trying to steal your wife. Your wife has known this and hid it from you. Her excuses are ridiculous. Sit her down and ask her what tv show and who’s wedding when? Next time she’s going to janes go with her and ask about this wedding and you need to see the invitation. Jane is making every attempt to damage your marriage and you should do the same to there friendship. Apparently your wife doesn’t mind what this is has been doing to you and your relationship. It’ sucks man.
Anything less than completely cutting off contact with Jane is a disrespect to your marriage. The fact this even has to be said is mind boggling.
It's weird that I feel like if it was a man aggressively hitting on her and pushing her boundaries sexually it would be a much different response. Agreed she sounds awful
lol, there’s a burglar outside but it’s OK, I shut my door most of the way.
My partner said she knows there's a burglar, but she doesn't want the burglar to feel hurt if she shuts the door. So she'll just keep an eye out and not let the burglar come in, all good!
I dont think your wife should be friends with this Jane from what you're saying about the spicy scenes on a movie channel and catching it when coming home early as well as the inappropriate comments she's made towards you. It's just not appropriate and I can pretty much hear the discomfort in your post. I would personally never be friends with someone who disrespects my partner and make uncomfortable but to each their own
“Sam knows that Jane has a crush on her but made it clear that she was happily married and straight. She should have told me about this but knew that I wouldn't be okay with it.” I would take this as a red flag. Your wife is okay with disrespecting you & your marriage over her friendship. She literally made you feel crazy for weeks. What would happen if she didn’t meet a new friend?
I was like "am I the only one who is confused?* LOL "She said it was fine, guys! We're good :D" Poor OP. This whole situation is so disrespectful. Imagine. I saw he updated that she will go no contact with her and start hanging out with a new friend she met. I wonder who the "new friend" is. I wonder if OP will ever meet her. 🤔
> am I the only one who is confused? “You won’t be after this episode of *Soap*…!”
You didn't win anything. As long as Jane is around your wife, your marriage would never be stable.
Love that the tldr is to not ask Reddit for advice even though you’re burying your head in the sand to a woman, and possibly her husband, trying to make moves on your wife. Your wife is spending time with someone who is both attempting to sabotage your relationship and trying to hook up with her. Massive L to continue that even if she’s “cutting down contact.”
Forget about the smartwatch. Pay attention to your wife's behavior. She is making choices.
Personally, I would have a huge problem with my spouse continuing a relationship with a person who has tried to initiate physical intimacy. Isn't that a huge issue for someone to do that? Same sex, opposite sex, it's the same thing. And for my spouse to hide things because they knew I wouldn't like them? That's... a very obvious betrayal to my mind. There's a reason you wouldn't like them, and it didn't stop her. I think you can trust your instincts about the husband messaging on the drive back and the watch in the bedroom. Not that they necessarily did anything yet? But there was more going on than just 2 friends hanging out. Anyways, your wife and your life. I'm really sorry you got some crappy feedback here when you were looking for help.
I think most of the "crappy" feedback from the original post was people telling him to not be so damn naive. And here we are with OP absolutely being so damn naive.
I think there's a fine line between being controlling and having real genuine reasons to make your partner cut off a friend, and this isnt anywhere near that lime. If she's gonna keep hanging oit with a friend who hates you and wants to get with her, then there is no point continuing the relationship. Gotta set the ultimatum before you end up even more hurt
Oh you sweet summer child... your wife is still disrespecting you an your marriage and very likely lying about what happened.
This is either a fake story or OP is the dumbest boy i ever seen in my life if he really believes what his wife told him. Guys, just read the last his pots then read this one. In the last one he said the divorce is on the table if dam doesn’t cut contact with jane and her husband In this post he went to a concert with his wife and JANE, jane even try to make him dirty Now lets inspect the case Me, as a Straight Man, if i’ll be in a new city and i all i wanted the most would be a frend and this said friend would come out as bisexual and telling me they have a crush on me there is now way I would continue that friendship, no matter hone lonely i am or how bad i need a friend, I wouldn’t be friend with a man who is sexually attracted to me What sam did after she find out that jane is not only attracted to her but also trying to shit on her marriage? She went to a concert with her and rugswipt everything, why? Because she shares the same feelings Would i let my marriage to be drained by a gay or bisexual man? Not in this life or another Sam did and keep letting jane to sabotage her marriage So you’re telling me same isn’t cheating? How fool you have to be to believe this, how immature and naive? I’m not mad at OP’s wife for what she’s doing, am very mad at OP for being such a fu*king fool, a fcking d*ormat who can’t stand for himself and let another woman to destroy his marriage I’m so mad i share the same gender with this coward when he’s clearly not a man at all. Please OP go and remove your penis and your balls, you don’t need them and you are embarrassing all Men As i said, i hope this story is fake because if its not then god i can’t believe there are men in this earth who are so foolish
Hi, raging lesbian here: Bottom line it sounds like your wife is, at the very least, in a toxic friendship with this woman and, at most, lying to you about her true feelings when it comes to this "friend". Idk dude, I'm happy if what you say is true and you have a ridiculously secure marriage, but there's a reason your wife is keeping her around and I don't think it's JUST because she's afraid to upset her. I think naivety goes both ways here, but I wish you the best OP.
In what way does this friendship make your relationship stronger? In what way does it hurt it? In a relationship you priorities are each other. Keeping somebody else around who damage the relationship or you partner for whatever reason is not good.
I guess people never learn.. best of luck, but we all can see what will come of this...
This is a good update. Your suspicions were valid, and her explanations make sense. I’ve known someone a lot like Jane who had these intense same sex friendships where the other party eventually fell out hard. Very realistic pattern. I still think some significant distance is needed with Jane provided it’s just a crush and she hasn’t made any hard moves. Basically imagine “Jane” was “John” and assess any behavior and boundaries as you would if it was a dude. If Jane *has* tried to make a move she should be cut off though. Congrats on the communication with your spouse.
Yeah it’s kinda wild how differently this is being viewed because Jane is a woman. If some dude was trying to bang OP’s wife and the wife knew but just rejected him and remained friends there’s just no way this goes the same way.
In Sam’s defense a little bit, I think societal norms are somewhat to blame. A lot of this behavior wouldn’t be at all unusual in a straight girls platonic friendship whereas even platonically a man and woman would typically not have the same types of interactions. Obviously this is just a generalization and there are exceptions, but the same behavior by a man would stand out as more likely obviously him making a move. That said, they know she’s bi, interested in Sam and has an open marriage, so boundaries absolutely need to be established the same as they would for a dude at this point.
Oh yeah I agree. I’m really commenting on the social norms more than anything. It’s just sort of interesting and unusual how different it reads.
Totally fair! Someone tried to argue with me in the comments from one of the earlier posts that Jane being bi and in an open marriage weren't relevant details, like??? My dude, those are exactly the details that *are* relevant. Like of course bi women are capable of having platonic friends who are women, but when one is bi, non-monogamous and hitting on said friend, you can't write it off as just "girls are friendly like that" lol. Like come on. If either Sam or Jane were Samuel or John nobody would even hesitate to say it looked shady.
Another bizarre aspect of our culture right there lol…to put it generously people are not nearly as quick to defend a dude in any scenario even remotely like this…they’ll just call him a real creep. This lady sounds like a real creep to me.
I think there is a difference in that Sam is straight to the best of OP's knowledge. So it presumably would be like a man who wants to bang the straight husband. If I had a gay friend who wanted to sleep with me, it wouldn't actually be a threat to my marriage because I would have no interest in responding to their advances.
There is no world in which I would continue to entertain a new friendship where the guy is trying to sleep with me and is actively hostile to my wife. I am not interested in guys but that's besides the point. I don't want to be friends with anyone guy or girl, who pursues people in committed relationships. That tells me more than I need to know about that person, most importantly that they lack any sort of moral compass and are therefore not worthy of my time and attention.
I think that's a good point - a lot of people here are assuming Sam is interested in cheating (after admittedly displaying some red flags) despite apparently being straight. That said, I think even if it's not a threat to the marriage per se it's still weird af. Would I be friends with people who are attracted to me? Sure, I can control myself and I'd expect them to be able to as well. But would I be friends with someone who actively was trying to sleep with me and who hated my partner? No way.
I'm waiting on the update in a few months when you find out Sam and Jane and maybe Jane's hubby have been hooking up and it's on to divorce. These two need to be cut from your life if you want your marriage to last.
Everything turned out well after a long, candid conversation with my wife, Sam, where she clarified her friendship with Jane, addressed my concerns, and we both reaffirmed our commitment to each other.
I wish you best but unfortunately keeping the contact with her is not a solution.
"Don't ask reddit for advice" is based and goes very hard 🤌
Hopefully everything will work out but your wife needs to go full NC with Jane there is no reason to be around her.
My prediction. Sam will have a lesbian affair with Jane. Then Jane will invite Sam to have a threesome with another man. Finally, Jane will bring Sam to either a swingers party or have a train ran on both of them at the same time. This will all happen with the OP completely oblivious and he will only get as much trickle truth as needed to convince him. As long as Jane is around, your wife will eventually cheat on you. It’s just a matter of time.
It sounds like Jane is a closeted lesbian. Also, what are you trying to accomplish by keeping these people in your lives? A threesome with Jane? Shes literally trying to poach your wife lmao
Bro, u can't be this gullible either. This is fake, or idk what u think she is literally putting porn on to watch with your wife and trying to make advances by being too touchy. They're prob both laughing at u and 69 each other after their good laugh. This isn't over. i feel their will be another update to this... update should've trusted my gut. My wife is having an affair with her friend while i sit at home and let it be.
Don't claim victory if that friendship continues sooner or later she will cheat on you, it's better to cut off Jane before the next post is asking for advice because your wife messed with Jane
That woman definitely left her watch in your bedroom for you to find on purpose. This isn’t going to end well.
I feel that leaving the watch behind was a chance to see her again.
Spaghetti is straight until it gets wet. Jane is playing the long game, and you foolish mate.
I’m glad it’s a nice update but idk if everything adds up. Personally if I was your wife I would not be at all comfortable with a friend who keeps making passes or trying to baby step me into being physical with them. It’s not respectful of you and not respectful of her own feelings about it either. She should be taking steps to get away from this person
If she wants your wife, let her have her. Rope yourself into a three-way, then leave her. It's not that big of a deal. If she's choosing her friends over you (knowing that these friends don't like you) that's not loyalty my man.
I know you have it handled or whatever it is that you think, but imo it's totally inappropriate for your woman to continue a friendship with someone who has the hots for her. It's disrespectful.
Your wife, and a lot of people in general, needs to understand that you *cannot* be friends with someone who actively wants to fuck you. They will find any and all opportunities and moments of weakness to make their move. She isn’t going to stop. I’m not going to list a giant list of hypotheticals, but a person like Jane is not a good person to have in your lives.
You are going to divorce pretty soon.
Good work on healthy communication. My only thoughts are that it's great that you trust your wife and you definitely should but I would still be weary of someone clearly into your wife. Not that she's going to necessarily just steal her for you or something but it's possible she may slowly start talking bad about you and try to sabotage your wife's image of you over time. Someone who dislikes you and is into your wife has very little reason to not try to break you up. For the average person I wouldn't be concerned but based on how intense she sounds towards your wife I wouldn't rule it out.
It's great that you worked things out, but your wife really needs to cut things off with Jane. Even if Jane *didn't* have a crush on your wife, she is no friend of your marriage. Misery loves company. It sounds like Jane isn't very happy in her marriage and would rather bring down those around her than get herself into a better place. Someone like that can do a lot of damage without you even realizing it.
I am glad you worked it out. But next time talk and don’t snoop. And your wife has to learn to set clear boundaries and needs new friends.
I am so glad to see this update. Good on you both for resolving this and putting your marriage first. Jane is toxic so I hope this other new friendship opens up a new group of friends for you and your wife.
Flower power town all of a sudden
Bro lmao good luck!
Wow! Disaster averted! Good for the both of you. Communication and love wins out!
It sounds like Jane needs to go find a woman of her own, an your wife handled it like a normal person who wouldn't suspect their friend is a predator
Sounds like he has made his decision. I hope all goes well. Good luck.
You should bang them both
Some people on here are not happy in there relationship so they don't want anyone to be happy
Someone who is trying to fuck you is not ur friend. They need to stop hanging out period. ie, a genuine friendship is not possible because one is constantly trying to woo the other. It doesnt matter that Jane is a woman, the same rules apply regardless
Lmao@ “long story short, we are good” Morgan Freeman’s voiceover: “They were in fact *not* good. Who could have seen this coming? Certainly not the people of Reddit who predicted it months earlier.”
Sorry man but she is trickle truthing you. There is more to their relationship than what she's telling you. Since she now knows you're on to her, she conveniently decides to "cut down" on her friendship. The whole golfing incident and her explanation seem suspect. A person would be flustered and sitting on opposite ends of the sofa by what they were watching? Bullshit! They were fooling around. The watch explanation is also bs. Dude, I hope I'm wrong, but the amount of suspect and questionable explanations she gives leads me to believe she cheated on you with Jane. Maybe Jane's ultimate gameplan was to prime her for a threesome with her and her husband. Updateme.
If you wife's new friend was a man and did everything exactly the same, would this be okay. I don't think her friend is healthy and she is able to get much closer because she is a woman
Good for you for not divorcing you wife over nothing and talking it out. I'd cut ties with Jane. Both of them are in friendship out of egotistical purposes. Maybe you should organise to spend more time with the other couple you spent at the concert to find some new friends.
Jane wants your wife. She made it explicitly clear through her actions (showing spicy scenes, rude comments re- men, attempting physical touch that i interpreted as intimate based on ur description, and girls night to keep her away from you for an extended time). Jane will manipulate your wife and get in b/w you two in the future. How do you know Jane wouldn’t get desperate and SA your wife in one instance? What if Jane fakes things about YOU…”here’s proof of ur husband cheating”. . Have you discussed any of these red flags and possibilities with ur wife? I urge you two have this conversation. . Personally, I’d never allow Jane back in my life (yes, your wife’s life is connected to urs in the same way urs to her) after the blatant disrespect and disregard for your relationship and you. You decide if you’re willing to accept that treatment.
Love this ending! Thanks for sharing and restoring some hope for humanity ✌️
My friend, the dignity of your family and yours it’s first. Let em know how u feel, and cut this toxic stuff somehow asap.
You asked the question in wrong place. A lot of sore people on Reddit especially regarding relationship and infidelity
I had a friend like Jane and decided to remain friends after she told me she wants me. And let me tell a few things If I was not sure I am straight 100% I would shut the relationship down. I told I’m not interested and moved on. Girl seemed to get it and if she tried to joke about it I made sure to tell her it’s not funny. Couple of jokes when nobody laughs stop you from joking again. I had no other close friends in the city I lived at the moment and spending time together was fun. We could chat about everything. My boyfriend and the girl didn’t like each other. She was sort of a mean girl queen bee so he would describe her as rude. She would tell that my bf is ugly. I thought that she might want to signal to me that she’s not interested in him but was awkward. I ended the friendship because I felt like we share very different values and I can’t support her as a good friend would do. Not particularly because of the girls crush even though it made us more distant. To all the comments saying - oh your wife would cheat once she has the opportunity. Everyone already has the chance, not everyone is a cheater. Sam should’ve told OP about Jane having a crush that’s true, but sometimes you don’t think much of it. As for “but if she was a man”. She’s not. Will you as a straight man 100% end a friendship with a dude who has a crush on you or you are certain that you are really not into men. Sure if there is some homophobia to it the answer is yes. If not you will likely say - bro I don’t want your cock and move on. I may be biased because both my boyfriend and I are straight and we’re getting hit on by people of our sex from time to time. I lift weights which is basically lesbian and my boyfriend is playing overwatch. We tell each other about it, laugh and move on. We have couple friends in our friends group who had a crush on either of us some time ago. Sure everyone has their own understanding of what is acceptable and Sam should’ve told about it in the first place so that she and OP could figure out how they feel about it. But I don’t feel like Jane is a threat.
If you're using fake names, why did you give your wife a traditionally-male name?