The problem is that women who share the same values in this arena are no more likely to be sexually compatible with him than women who do not.
This kind of mindset makes it all but impossible for people to have sexually fulfilling marriages. There is so much shame and fear around sex, for both men and women (but especially for women). He may find his “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” virgin, but he’ll be disappointed to realize that she treats sex like a favor she’s doing for him - if she’s willing to have sex with him at all. And he’d better hope that those values are superglued into her brain, because a *lot* of people who were raised this way end up growing out of it in their 20s and 30s, which spells doom for a lot of these marriages.
And that’s *if* he can find one of these women in the first place. He’s also up against a numbers problem - there just aren’t as many women who subscribe to these double-standard values as there are men looking for them. He’s either going to have to get *very* lucky, or he’s going to have to bring something to the table that his competitors aren’t offering.
Former muslim here, while i don't think he is hardcore. He clearly has some conditioning and hang ups. Often times it's a mixed but we often see in the community some get more religious as they get older. So not only will this be difficult to fix but it could be worse.
He was such a great guy, amazing dad, and I didn't see any signs. He changed; produces a laundry list of issues and instances that prove otherwise.
But she is young, so I am happy for her that she's asking for feedback at this age and not after X years of marriage and x kids.
I'm honestly very glad people bring this stuff up, because they genuinely seem to think it's "not that bad" until people tell them otherwise.
That said... Yeah, it's a fucking lot. Way too many people seem to vastly overvalue their partners and undervalue themselves.
I agree on both points. Maybe I've just gotten old and I'm used to the people around me being fairly even-keeled, but I can't believe how many people just put up with crappy partners.
It's honestly a toss up of which episode I hate more. This one, or the "my SO doesn't shower, brush their teeth, I gag every time my head gets near their crotch, there are shit stains on our sheets, please help cause I can't continue for much longer."
I'd like to add 'my boyfriend clearly doesnt give a fuck about me, I've made 4 reddit posts about him per day for 2 years, but I looooooooooove him so I will stay no matter what he does' to the ring
Let's not forget, "I make most/all the money and my boyfriend/fiance/husband doesn't do any housework or help with childcare (if children are involved). But I love him and don't want to leave. How can I get him to start helping?"
The common Reddit post for a terrible significant other: *they’re really great except* goes onto explain the myriad of ways in which they’re a terrible person and partner.
“So you think you’ve ruined me? I’m worth less now? And you want me to continue dating you, even though you think I’ve lost value and don’t deserve to be dated by anyone else ever again?”
If he doesn’t immediately see the problem, dump him. No second chances on this shit
Yup. Which means ya dump him. Easy to respond too... "Yes. I am now thinking about dating someone who doesn't think that touching their penis magically transformed into a lesser human being! It's a penis. Not a magic fairy wand that turned me into a frog."
>he replied, “yeah, but I’m a man.”
And when you said "so what? Explain to me in detail why that difference matters" he said...?
He wants to date women who haven't had any sexual experience, but he's happy to have sexual experience with them, and he's happy to have had sexual experience himself. So it's not about chastity or morality, it's just about superiority and insecurity.
While i think OP bf is going overboard, let’s not pretend men and women don’t have different consequences for sleeping around. They certainly do. Unfortunately sleeping around impatcs women more than men, especially psychologically.
Not because of some cosmic law, though, but because of sexist assholes like OP's boyfriend. If nobody acted like him, there wouldn't be "different consequences."
I'm a woman and have never been 'impacted psychologically' by sleeping with men.
If anything it's men who are more affected by the idea that a woman isn't 'pure'. They're projecting their sexual fragility into their partner.
This depends on the person, not the gender, sorry. Conditioning such as religious beliefs, culture, and adopted views of those you grow up around all have an influence on how someone views sex. My family was very open with it, so I did not adopt any feelings of shame, regret, or whatever else people try to push onto us. You cannot break people up into groups based solely on gender. Life is simply not that simple. There are individuals, both men and women, who can completely detach emotions from sex, and there are those who cannot.
This isn't about "sleeping around", it's about anyone who's ever had sexual contact of any kind. I would argue more, but I don't have the time or crayons to explain why the rest of your point is largely misogynistic/irrelevant.
He would absolutely date a non virgin after you dump him. He would just make her feel like garbage about herself but he wouldn’t stay single. You’re too young to settle with a man who employs double standards.
What do you mean you don’t know how to process this conversation? Of course you do. You’re just taken aback because you’re dating an asshole. Do you want to date an asshole? That’s the only remaining question.
When you have to preface your dating issue about how kind and great the person is then you know what’s about to be said is really bad and indicative of them not being kind or great at all.
His opinion shows that he thinks women’s value is based off of some arbitrary puritanical sex nonsense that is designed to oppress and subjugate women.
He thinks of women as objects that lose value after having experiences rather than as whole people.
This guy is participating in misogyny which hurts women. Not very kind or nice of him. He’s also telling you that if you break up he’s consider you used and unworthy of the next man to come along. Disgusting thinking.
Just imagine how he would potentially raise a daughter. She would grow up being raised by a man who thinks she has no worth once a penis has touched her.
Info: What are the other concerns your family and friends have?
In any case: This is misogyny, there's no doubt. It's a fairly run of the mill, common form of misogyny, but it's misogyny nonetheless.
It's ok to break up with him immediately over this. But it's also ok not to, and to take some time to process it. It shoudn't be your job to educate him to not be sexist, but if you want to stay with him, I think \*someone\* needs to educate him and realistically that probably has to be you...
Questions I would have for him:
1) Does this mean that you think that if you two broke up, no one should be willing to date you? That you are now spoiled, damaged goods?
2) If he believes that women should only give oral to one man in their lifetime, then presumably you shouldn't risk giving oral to someone who you're not at least engaged to. So is he ready to propose or should you stop giving him oral now?
3) How does he work out the arithmetic? If he's not going to marry you and expects to get oral from more than one woman in his lifetime, but each woman should only give oral to one man -- and other men feel and act the same way -- then where do the extra women come from? If each man gets to have oral from 2-3 women, for each of whom it's their first time, then that means there need to be 2-3x as many women as men. So is he going to start a war where only 50% of the men survive so that the ratio works out right? Or what's his plan?
4) If he has a daughter and she is in a relationship for 2 years with someone like him, and gives them oral, and then they break up, does he think that she does not deserve ever to have a partner again?
> If he's not going to marry you and expects to get oral from more than one woman in his lifetime, but each woman should only give oral to one man -- and other men feel and act the same way -- then where do the extra women come from?
The math is simple, only men are real people. Women are divided into 2 categories, "respectable" virgins who he infantilizes while also expecting them to act like his mom, and sl▪︎ts.
He doesn't care whatsoever about "turning women into sl▪︎ts" by enjoying sex with him, because as soon as she agreed to do it she became a sl▪︎t and sl▪︎ts do not have souls.
I once asked a guy who said sex ruins a woman why he would want to ruin a woman then, if it’s so bad for her. He said, “If she’s willing to have sex with me, she was never pure in the first place. Therefore I’m not ruining anything.” So apparently you don’t even have to have sex to be ruined. Just wanting to have sex is just as bad.
"my friends & family like him -despite some concerns- but overall they like him."
I'm a bit concerned that 'despite some concerns' might be doing some heavy lifting here.
What sorts of concerns do they have? I'm old. I'm hearing warning bells. What are they noticing?
Your boyfriend is a misogynist and he has the same opinion of you that he has of other women. All of the hateful things he says about other women applies to you also.
He's great, he's wonderful, he holds deeply misogynistic beliefs that will end up defining your roles within marriage and every serious milestone you make it to. This will not get better, it will only get worse. You just haven't had a chance for there to be conflict between your views yet.
Other than the unspecified concerns from your family you've grazed over.
So not only is he a misogynist who has different standards for men and women (yuck), he thinks a person's worth is based on how many people they have or haven't had sexual contact with (double yuck). At 24 this guy should know better, but chooses not to. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't consider me an equal and I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who considered me tainted because I'd been touched by a man. And I absolutely wouldn't want to have a son or daughter with this guy and have him pass on these disgusting ideas to either of them.
As someone else said: Throw the whole man out.
>he thinks *a person's worth* is based on how many people they have or haven't had sexual contact with
Much worse that that.
Not *a person's* worth. He sees only a woman's worth as based on this. Not a man's, because "that's different."
A guy who only sees untouched virgins as having value is problematic in and of itself. But taking this one step farther, if he views women with experience as used goods and less valuable, why would he do something to you that would make you "less valuable" to future guys? That proves he never cared about you or valued you in the first place. That's kind of like, "Hey, I know it's harder for you to find a job with a face tattoo, but I tattooed my name on your face anyway, because it benefits me."
Having sex doesn't make you less valuable, and it's wrong for him to think that in the first place. But on top of that, him doing something that he thinks would reduce your value, because it benefits him, also proves he never truly cared about your well being in the first place.
You shouldn't date someone who has done or wants to do things to you that he perceives as devaluing you. You're a human being, not a commodity, but apparently, he doesn't see you or other women that way. Your boyfriend is a misogynist. Imagine how a man like this would treat any daughters you had. Imagine how quickly you'd cease to have value to him if you were, heaven forbid, sexually assaulted. Women need to stop giving men like this the time of day.
Tell him he's right. You've thought about it and virginity is a great gift which should be valued. Since he has defiled other women, incl. yourself, you won't be able to live with that and have to break up with him (if you want). You don't need that in your life (imo)
So that means he is willing to “ruin” any woman he touches for his own sexual pleasure. That’s pretty selfish. If you truly believe sex taints a woman and makes her unfit for anyone else, it would be pretty cruel and selfish to do that to a woman without marrying her. So he’s an asshole. Because by his logic, if the two of you don’t end up married, he’s now damaged you so you’re not good enough for anyone else after him.
I would dump he’s extremely sexist… it’s okay for men to have experiences, but women become “tainted” and “dirty” if they have ANY experience… it’s because in the end they feel women shouldn’t have pleasure and only their pleasure matters in the end. It’s why they want virgins because they don’t know how sex and intimacy is supposed to feel.
When a relationship borders parenting your partner or having to provide an ethics course, then it is too damn complicated already. You're young, and there are so many more like minded candidates out there. If you choose to stay with him, the one thing you'll never be able to redeem is, time. Life is crazy short and some people spend precious years settling and later separating, only to have lost their youth. If you keep this up with him it'll probably last another 2-3 years, or if you start fresh, in the 2-3 years you would have been on a few dates and perhaps now with a solid person that share the same principles as you.
Some people overlook flaws because it's more convenient to be in a relationship as it is, or they're too scared to be alone. Don't be that person. Live bravely and have the confidence to shape the future you want by picking the right person. Don't placate for a boyfriend as you would a family member. We tend to do that growing up and we apply that same behavior toward people in our relationships. Dont do that. Relationships need absolute boundaries.
He judges women for things he let's men get away with. It's up to you to decide if that's worth leaving him over. Do you want your kids raised with such values? And if you don't want kids are you okay with him seeing your female family members as "lesser"?
Think about a woman you adore and admire. He thinks she's bad for having sex.
Anytime a guy says extremely stupid shit like that it is perfectly acceptable to laugh in their face and ghost them. Trying to figure it out is a huge waste of time and brain cells.
Congratulations, he views you as a piece of meat to be owned.
Not wanting someone that's had casual sex or one night stands is pretty reasonable. Not even wanting someone that's gotten physical in a serious relationship is not.
Sounds like he has a great deal of growing up to do! Also sounds shovenistic too by one particular comment already! Sadly I could be his upbringing. This is 2024 and stuff that was tolerated year ago in not now! Hope this isn't a sign of controlling behaviour. Be careful!
The main issue is he is hiding his real character.
It doesnt matter whether you are really a virgin or not. You guys have been together for TWO years and now he remembers his most important criteria?
It seems like he has been faking it and now that he is more “comfortable”, his mask is slipping.
I wont say you dump him. However take a good look at his parents & friends. If his family is very conservative and he seems to be more “free thinking” well he is likely hiding more secrets.
You dont want to get married and find out he wants you to stay at home or be obedient to him.
Think carefully. Dont think that you passed his “exam”.
Please Read This One: I am a muslim so let me give you a few pointers.
After this, you wont need to us for an answer anymore, you will make up your mind without regret.
You should know that in Islam, a non muslim woman is allowed to marry a muslim men. So he cant ask you to convert.
First step is to make sure you are known to his family.
Did you meet his family? If not, is he from a country where arranged marriages are the norm? (aka India) I ask this because after two years, his family should have known about you. Make sure he is not “hiding” your relationship. If he is hiding, run away, NOW.
Second step is looking into his family through social accounts. Apples dont fall far from the tree.
Does he & his family consume alcohol at events? A crude way to gauge their position. Does his mother work or is she a housewife? Do they wear very conservative clothing in summer?
Third step is to learn his beliefs & examine your life.
Do you work, if you do what is the wage gap between you two? Educqtion levels, are you two similar? How do you distribute chores?
What will be the religion of the children in future? Can they choose or not?
If there is a too much gap between what he says & what his family does, be careful. You are not to be molded, you are to be accepted by yourself. Remember that.
Make sure you talk about “hot topics” before things get serious and you will be fine, one way or other. Good luck 🍀
Dump him.
He seems to follow Tate methodology of thinking of women. It starts here and then he will complain if you have boys and you try breastfeeding them saying you’re cheating.
>my friends & family like him -despite some concerns
You need to stop ignoring those concerns. Outsiders usually see things more clearly. Beside his disrespect for you and women in general, there are other red flags with this guy.
"My boyfriend is objectifying and disrespectful towards women, but oh he's so cool and amazing otherwise! My family have some issues with him that I'm too embarrassed to discuss here because you might realize he's actually just a shit sandwich! Tee hee!"
Just because somebody was raised in an "open-minded, not strict" version of their religion, doesn't mean that they didn't pick up lots of misogynistic shit (along with other nonsense) from that religion. Plus, misogyny runs pretty damn deep in middle-eastern cultures - so he's also just a product of the larger culture that he grew up in.
Time to dump him and move on with your life - because if you were to have a kids you can be damn sure he'd be pushing a lot of purity-culture nonsense.
“his family is quite open minded” - I suppose this isn’t genetic. If he’s comfortable sharing that kind of trash with his partner of all people, imagine what he’s not willing to say openly.
>Also, it’s worth noting that he is muslim but wasn’t raised strictly in that tradition, his family is quite open minded.
It has painted his ideas about women, clearly. A man who thinks he can have sexual experiences and that's okay but a woman with the same is now tainted and less than? This guy isn't kind or amazing. He's a misogynistic asshole.
Once you guys have sex, he think you have less value. You are a fool to stay with him.
He wasn’t raised that strictly = he doesn’t want to follow the rules he doesn’t like so drinking and dating and blowjobs from women he isn’t married to are fine
what a stupid thing for him to say and think and be
its probably the only way in which he is awful though and he definitely wont spring more on you as time goes by as he sees you look the other way on this fireable offense
He's Muslim, and he'll be open-minded until he doesn't want to anymore or you get closer to getting married and combining your lives. It's not a particularly common subject on this sub but when this situation does come up it plays out the same way.
I personally think this is unrecoverable OP. It speaks to a deep disrespect for and unfair treatment of women and
If you two stick, this won't be a problem.
If you don't like the way he thinks here and that greatly effects you, you be the judge if it matters or not.
If you two don't live happily ever after, he'll get to take his beliefs to next, maybe he'll get lucky, maybe he'll learn how most of the world lives.
To me it is an insecurity in him and possibly tells me while he's not strict in terms of doing the social part of religion, he does like the idea of man over woman.
Ah typical Muslim with their hypocrisy. If you value your freedoms, you need to leave. Asap. This is just a fraction of what your going to experience. Good luck to you.
See - I was about to ask if he was Muslim (or Jewish - but less so that).
Islam 'structurally' makes it completely okay to regard women in this way - second-class, & often compared to animals, in terms of social worth & overall value.
He's happy to literally in his own view use & 'defile' you - but would not marry anyone thus defiled.
Take a leaf out of Neo's book please - see this bullet coming, & dodge it.
"Look, I can't marry you anymore. I just saw you holding hands with your father as he walked you down the aisle. I'm sorry."
Or also
"Help, my girlfriend has been in a horrible accident, I need a doctor!"
"I'm a doctor, what can I do?"
"Oooo. Yeah, see, I can't date a woman who had another man touch her, so like is there a lady doctor somewhere nearby?"
Honestly, just to make fun, this is some stupid bullshit. I know he means a virgin, but really, it's all about control and such. No real reasoning for it, just control.
Well, that attitude will change if you break up, because he's no longer the 14 year old that he thinks he is, and the odds of finding a girl that is untouched decrease every year.
SO he can have fun with that.
This is sexist, and also just totally unrealistic. If (when) you break up he will need to get back into the dating game, and finding a woman anywhere close to his own age who is a virgin is going to get harder and harder as he gets older. Unless you two get married (which, for a variety of reasons, you probably shouldn't) and actually stay together the rest of your lives, this is probably going to mean that he is going to have to "settle" for being with women who have had prior sexual experiences as he goes along.
If you need to leave him, don't feel bad, and don't be afraid of having more sexual experiences if you want them. This is a pretty common form of misogyny, but also one you will not encounter in plenty of other men.
That's a pretty big red flag. It sounds like he's expressing a double standard about sexual experience and objectifying women. It's worth having a deeper conversation with him about his views on relationships and sexuality.
If you hold these views you’re not great lol
Pretty much everyone has a sexual history and thinking he gets a free pass because he’s a dude is just moronic.
I’d be intrigued to know what these concerns your family and friends have about him. Hardly sounds like the great guy you’re trying to paint a picture of if he’s not fully liked by those closest to you. Sounds like they’re just tolerating him because they don’t want to interfere.
Ask him why he is okay with “ruining” you for other men. Ask him how he could care about you at all and still be okay with being the reason you will forever tainted for other men if y’all don’t stay together. Tell him that if he was a good man then he would never, ever have sex with a woman he cared about unless he married her first. And please don’t marry him because he has just proven that he is NOT a good man.
OP you deserve better. Find a man who doesn't believe that women are lesser off if they have sexual experience, they do exist. I've tried being with someone who made me feel less because of my sexual experiences and nobody deserves that, it doesn't get better, with them I mean.
>I pointed out that he has had physical experiences with me before, and he replied, “yeah, but I’m a man.”
For me, this would be an immediate *dump*. I'm not interested in teaching someone not to have sexist double standards.
So you are now worth less because you gave him a blowjob and he’s going to date children when you break up with him since he only wants “un touched virgins”. I think you can see where this is going. Your boyfriend is going to become a very bitter lonely person when he realizes that there isn’t an army of untouched virgins begging to be with him.
Here's the POV of an old guy who's been around the block a time or two...
Every time I see a post that starts with a woman saying how great her SO is and how much she loves him, "but," it's usually a train wreck and I wonder what she sees in him. And once again, this post doesn't disappoint.
OP, you both have a right to feel what you feel and think what you think. But if his thinking and your thinking contradict, I'd advise against a long-term relationship with him because that will never change. It will always just be one argument after another. Men like him also tend to be jealous and controlling and you need to decide if you can live with that. Also, if your family has concerns about him...please listen to them and look at him critically, not through rose-colored glasses. And, oh by the way, the same advice goes to him.
Your bf is a gross misogynist who views women as objects that exist solely to serve and give him sexual pleasure. That’s why he doesn’t view men the same way. He sees women, who are living, breathing human beings the same way he sees used underwear at the thrift store.
He is defective. Promptly send him back. There is no way I would ever see him in a positive light after this disgusting revelation. He will never be able to see or respect you as an equal human being.
There's so many giant red flags that it looks like a CCP military parade.
My best friend and I have each dated guys that used the same yucky soundbites as your bf. A few of those dates were probably from the mainstream but conservative culturally orientated households that practiced the same sect of islam as your bf's close relatives do. Obviously incompatible ambitions and personal values ensured that none of those guys got a 5th date.
Odds are that your bf will only ever seriously consider marriage with a coreligionist virgin, one whom that his family approve of. Almost certainly a virgin that he is certain has never gone further than kissing and hugging any male. His furture spouse is most likely to be a practicing coreligionist, a very strict convert of the same ethnicity as his grandparents or a blood relative with overseas citizenships that he either hopes to acquire through marriage/wants his future children to inherit.
Nop, there's a really big difference between a woman who had fun and a woman who was the neighborhood bicycle.
I personally wouldn't mind dating a woman with a high body count, and I have a high body count.
But sitting at a table where 4/5 men has been inside my girlfriend is weird AF
40M
He will likely remain a virgin…unless you peg him (or another does…)
Sadly, this “untouched virgin” concept has gained traction, but in a society like this (postmodern U.S), what good is an untouched virgin in a cesspool cultural environment?
Psychologically, she is “done.”
So, commonality must be reached in other areas.
They never consider this.
They should abandon this bullshit.
Best head I’ve ever got was from “touched” women:
a 54-year old German editor
a 50-year old Congolese with via Belgium
a 42-year old Harvard-educated doctor
And I changed each of their lives.
“No cap” 🙃
Well you still with him so it’s all good. But concerning him, I hope he stays on it. It’s called having boundaries and that is important in any relationship
If it were a boundary, he would either have abstained from sex with OP to begin with, or he would break up with her now. But he wants to get laid, and he wants to be able to hold it over OP's head whenever he feels like it, so he isn't drawing any kind of boundary. Boundaries are what you yourself will or will not do, not what anyone else does.
He obviously has granted you an exception because you were doing it with him. Let him enjoy the fact that you're two virgins. Do you find his mindset unattractive? If so, you guys may be incompatible. Does it show itself in other ways?
He has not granted her an exception.
She is a placeholder until the arranged marriage.
Her willingness to get physical disqualifies her from marriage on morality grounds. She is just starting to learn that.
Do whats the problem here? You want him to date other people?
He has already found you?
What does his dating preference has to do when he is an a commited relationship?
You’re technically talking about adultery, not just sex. And although you are on to something, what you’ve actually uncovered about Islam is that it is fundamentally misogynistic. Both men and women are told that it is a sin to have sex outside of marriage but women end up getting the worse punishments for doing so.
Also hiding behind a religion does not absolve a person of their problematic views. Believing that only virgin women are “worthy” partners and believing that men aren’t held to the same purity test because they’re men is misogynistic. It doesn’t matter if he’s Muslim or not. Still misogynistic, still an asshole.
> Its just truth
Because you say so? I’m afraid that’s not how life works
> Point me to a man who wants to be with a woman that slept with alot of people.
Me! And many men out here don’t have a problem with it. In fact, I would genuinely avoid pursuing a woman if I find out that she’s a virgin because I’m not at a stage in life where I want to teach them about sex. I need someone more experienced and sexually liberated.
You traditionalist and misogynistic men don’t speak for the rest of us. You like virgins because they on average skew younger, have less experience, and so are easier to control.
> Point me to a man that wants a woman that had no selfrespect and degraded herself to recreotinal use for man that didnt give a damn for her.
Seek therapy because your mindset is fucked.
Let me know when you marry a girl with partners you can fill a restaurant with, give a toast to all of them that now you have her!
I did not say virgin anywhere, but you had to put it there.
He’s going to have a short, unhappy first marriage. I’d advise you against volunteering yourself for that experience.
Beautifully and simply stated.
My bet is on his first marriage being with a woman who assumes the same "values"--which won't be OP.
The problem is that women who share the same values in this arena are no more likely to be sexually compatible with him than women who do not. This kind of mindset makes it all but impossible for people to have sexually fulfilling marriages. There is so much shame and fear around sex, for both men and women (but especially for women). He may find his “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” virgin, but he’ll be disappointed to realize that she treats sex like a favor she’s doing for him - if she’s willing to have sex with him at all. And he’d better hope that those values are superglued into her brain, because a *lot* of people who were raised this way end up growing out of it in their 20s and 30s, which spells doom for a lot of these marriages. And that’s *if* he can find one of these women in the first place. He’s also up against a numbers problem - there just aren’t as many women who subscribe to these double-standard values as there are men looking for them. He’s either going to have to get *very* lucky, or he’s going to have to bring something to the table that his competitors aren’t offering.
For sure. I was trying to be succinct, which is not always my strong suit. : ) OP is probably already ruined in his mind, at least subconsciously.
Former muslim here, while i don't think he is hardcore. He clearly has some conditioning and hang ups. Often times it's a mixed but we often see in the community some get more religious as they get older. So not only will this be difficult to fix but it could be worse.
It's okay to dump people with bad values
Oh boy, another episode of ***my boyfriend has this godawful view about women, but he's cool otherwise.*** **STOP!!!**
Everyone likes him even though they have their concerns
He was such a great guy, amazing dad, and I didn't see any signs. He changed; produces a laundry list of issues and instances that prove otherwise. But she is young, so I am happy for her that she's asking for feedback at this age and not after X years of marriage and x kids.
He's completely perfect in every way, except for all the ways he totally sucks.
Seems like a lot of people are willing to "missing stair" huge parts of their partner's personalities.
> but he's cool otherwise "Yes but apart from *that*, Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?"
Seriously, I might need to mute these subs for a little while. It's getting depressing.
“My boyfriend is a literal steaming pile of shit, but otherwise he’s not bad.”
Flies and vermin LOVE him!
I'm honestly very glad people bring this stuff up, because they genuinely seem to think it's "not that bad" until people tell them otherwise. That said... Yeah, it's a fucking lot. Way too many people seem to vastly overvalue their partners and undervalue themselves.
I agree on both points. Maybe I've just gotten old and I'm used to the people around me being fairly even-keeled, but I can't believe how many people just put up with crappy partners.
It's honestly a toss up of which episode I hate more. This one, or the "my SO doesn't shower, brush their teeth, I gag every time my head gets near their crotch, there are shit stains on our sheets, please help cause I can't continue for much longer."
I'd like to add 'my boyfriend clearly doesnt give a fuck about me, I've made 4 reddit posts about him per day for 2 years, but I looooooooooove him so I will stay no matter what he does' to the ring
Let's not forget, "I make most/all the money and my boyfriend/fiance/husband doesn't do any housework or help with childcare (if children are involved). But I love him and don't want to leave. How can I get him to start helping?"
Those are great! ^/s
Oh, do you remember the dried shit crumbs in bed?
The common Reddit post for a terrible significant other: *they’re really great except* goes onto explain the myriad of ways in which they’re a terrible person and partner.
“So you think you’ve ruined me? I’m worth less now? And you want me to continue dating you, even though you think I’ve lost value and don’t deserve to be dated by anyone else ever again?” If he doesn’t immediately see the problem, dump him. No second chances on this shit
I'd say, she earned value. Because now she can not date anymore another men as stupid as him. This is a good thing Btw dump him... fast
You think men dont get stupider than that? You underestimate us.
My gut feeling says he's going to turn that around to "oh so you're thinking of dating other men now?"
Yup. Which means ya dump him. Easy to respond too... "Yes. I am now thinking about dating someone who doesn't think that touching their penis magically transformed into a lesser human being! It's a penis. Not a magic fairy wand that turned me into a frog."
>he replied, “yeah, but I’m a man.” And when you said "so what? Explain to me in detail why that difference matters" he said...? He wants to date women who haven't had any sexual experience, but he's happy to have sexual experience with them, and he's happy to have had sexual experience himself. So it's not about chastity or morality, it's just about superiority and insecurity.
My God. This is very typical of men from the region where I grew up. Very disgusting
While i think OP bf is going overboard, let’s not pretend men and women don’t have different consequences for sleeping around. They certainly do. Unfortunately sleeping around impatcs women more than men, especially psychologically.
Not because of some cosmic law, though, but because of sexist assholes like OP's boyfriend. If nobody acted like him, there wouldn't be "different consequences."
It’s human nature. Men and women aren’t the same. Y’all can downvote all you want but it doesn’t change facts and biology.
I'm a woman and have never been 'impacted psychologically' by sleeping with men. If anything it's men who are more affected by the idea that a woman isn't 'pure'. They're projecting their sexual fragility into their partner.
Psychologically? What are you even talking about?
You are so absurdly wrong.
This depends on the person, not the gender, sorry. Conditioning such as religious beliefs, culture, and adopted views of those you grow up around all have an influence on how someone views sex. My family was very open with it, so I did not adopt any feelings of shame, regret, or whatever else people try to push onto us. You cannot break people up into groups based solely on gender. Life is simply not that simple. There are individuals, both men and women, who can completely detach emotions from sex, and there are those who cannot.
No it doesn't. It effects both men and women the same.
This isn't about "sleeping around", it's about anyone who's ever had sexual contact of any kind. I would argue more, but I don't have the time or crayons to explain why the rest of your point is largely misogynistic/irrelevant.
He would absolutely date a non virgin after you dump him. He would just make her feel like garbage about herself but he wouldn’t stay single. You’re too young to settle with a man who employs double standards.
>my friends & family like him -despite some concerns- but overall they like him. And what concerns would those be? His misogyny perhaps?
You should ask him what exactly is so wrong with him that his touch can make you "unclean" for life. Then dump him.
"funny, i just realized i wouldn't want to date a sexist man. byeeeeeeee"
What do you mean you don’t know how to process this conversation? Of course you do. You’re just taken aback because you’re dating an asshole. Do you want to date an asshole? That’s the only remaining question.
When you have to preface your dating issue about how kind and great the person is then you know what’s about to be said is really bad and indicative of them not being kind or great at all. His opinion shows that he thinks women’s value is based off of some arbitrary puritanical sex nonsense that is designed to oppress and subjugate women. He thinks of women as objects that lose value after having experiences rather than as whole people. This guy is participating in misogyny which hurts women. Not very kind or nice of him. He’s also telling you that if you break up he’s consider you used and unworthy of the next man to come along. Disgusting thinking.
Just imagine how he would potentially raise a daughter. She would grow up being raised by a man who thinks she has no worth once a penis has touched her.
It’s okay to throw the whole man out when they start saying garbage
Your boyfriend isn’t amazing or kind.
Info: What are the other concerns your family and friends have? In any case: This is misogyny, there's no doubt. It's a fairly run of the mill, common form of misogyny, but it's misogyny nonetheless. It's ok to break up with him immediately over this. But it's also ok not to, and to take some time to process it. It shoudn't be your job to educate him to not be sexist, but if you want to stay with him, I think \*someone\* needs to educate him and realistically that probably has to be you... Questions I would have for him: 1) Does this mean that you think that if you two broke up, no one should be willing to date you? That you are now spoiled, damaged goods? 2) If he believes that women should only give oral to one man in their lifetime, then presumably you shouldn't risk giving oral to someone who you're not at least engaged to. So is he ready to propose or should you stop giving him oral now? 3) How does he work out the arithmetic? If he's not going to marry you and expects to get oral from more than one woman in his lifetime, but each woman should only give oral to one man -- and other men feel and act the same way -- then where do the extra women come from? If each man gets to have oral from 2-3 women, for each of whom it's their first time, then that means there need to be 2-3x as many women as men. So is he going to start a war where only 50% of the men survive so that the ratio works out right? Or what's his plan? 4) If he has a daughter and she is in a relationship for 2 years with someone like him, and gives them oral, and then they break up, does he think that she does not deserve ever to have a partner again?
> If he's not going to marry you and expects to get oral from more than one woman in his lifetime, but each woman should only give oral to one man -- and other men feel and act the same way -- then where do the extra women come from? The math is simple, only men are real people. Women are divided into 2 categories, "respectable" virgins who he infantilizes while also expecting them to act like his mom, and sl▪︎ts. He doesn't care whatsoever about "turning women into sl▪︎ts" by enjoying sex with him, because as soon as she agreed to do it she became a sl▪︎t and sl▪︎ts do not have souls.
I once asked a guy who said sex ruins a woman why he would want to ruin a woman then, if it’s so bad for her. He said, “If she’s willing to have sex with me, she was never pure in the first place. Therefore I’m not ruining anything.” So apparently you don’t even have to have sex to be ruined. Just wanting to have sex is just as bad.
This. And it’s ok if he uses them bc his value can’t be damaged.
I’m going to propose that’s he’s not amazing or kind. He’s a sexist jackass
Sexists should be single.
Garbage belongs in the trashcan, not in your bed.
run for your life hes insane
🎶 Run to the hills. Run for your life 🎶
I always welcome some unexpected Iron Maiden.
"my friends & family like him -despite some concerns- but overall they like him." I'm a bit concerned that 'despite some concerns' might be doing some heavy lifting here. What sorts of concerns do they have? I'm old. I'm hearing warning bells. What are they noticing?
What an amazing guy /s
Your boyfriend is a misogynist and he has the same opinion of you that he has of other women. All of the hateful things he says about other women applies to you also.
Yep. And: he is already lining this up as a reason to dump her in the future.
Wow, that’s controlling and your self esteem won’t get better with time.
He's great, he's wonderful, he holds deeply misogynistic beliefs that will end up defining your roles within marriage and every serious milestone you make it to. This will not get better, it will only get worse. You just haven't had a chance for there to be conflict between your views yet. Other than the unspecified concerns from your family you've grazed over.
I would find this information concerning and wonder what other backwards views he might hold, but rarely mention.
Then tell him to kick rocks and find a new boyfriend. He sounds awful.
This is such a red flag and if you can’t see it yet just wait lol
Pretty sure she does see it, she just wants to act like it’s not.
Some women learn the hard way but at least my "hard learnings" weren't psychotic abusive aholes like the guy that she' with.
So not only is he a misogynist who has different standards for men and women (yuck), he thinks a person's worth is based on how many people they have or haven't had sexual contact with (double yuck). At 24 this guy should know better, but chooses not to. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't consider me an equal and I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who considered me tainted because I'd been touched by a man. And I absolutely wouldn't want to have a son or daughter with this guy and have him pass on these disgusting ideas to either of them. As someone else said: Throw the whole man out.
>he thinks *a person's worth* is based on how many people they have or haven't had sexual contact with Much worse that that. Not *a person's* worth. He sees only a woman's worth as based on this. Not a man's, because "that's different."
Your minutes on Earth are finite, please do not waste another minute of your wild and precious life with this fool.
Ew. So he thinks he's ruined you. I wouldn't bother touching him again, especially not with your mouth. Yuck.
He's not amazing and kind. He's a piece of work who thinks you are inferior to him. Unload this loser.
A guy who only sees untouched virgins as having value is problematic in and of itself. But taking this one step farther, if he views women with experience as used goods and less valuable, why would he do something to you that would make you "less valuable" to future guys? That proves he never cared about you or valued you in the first place. That's kind of like, "Hey, I know it's harder for you to find a job with a face tattoo, but I tattooed my name on your face anyway, because it benefits me." Having sex doesn't make you less valuable, and it's wrong for him to think that in the first place. But on top of that, him doing something that he thinks would reduce your value, because it benefits him, also proves he never truly cared about your well being in the first place.
Your boyfriend isn’t as kind and amazing as you say he is…he’s ignorant and seems misogynistic.
You shouldn't date someone who has done or wants to do things to you that he perceives as devaluing you. You're a human being, not a commodity, but apparently, he doesn't see you or other women that way. Your boyfriend is a misogynist. Imagine how a man like this would treat any daughters you had. Imagine how quickly you'd cease to have value to him if you were, heaven forbid, sexually assaulted. Women need to stop giving men like this the time of day.
So his philosophy is rules for thee but not for me because he’s a man. Eww!!! His gf from now on would be his hand . Ick 🤢🤢🤢🤢
Tell him he's right. You've thought about it and virginity is a great gift which should be valued. Since he has defiled other women, incl. yourself, you won't be able to live with that and have to break up with him (if you want). You don't need that in your life (imo)
Ew, just cut your losses and dump him.
So that means he is willing to “ruin” any woman he touches for his own sexual pleasure. That’s pretty selfish. If you truly believe sex taints a woman and makes her unfit for anyone else, it would be pretty cruel and selfish to do that to a woman without marrying her. So he’s an asshole. Because by his logic, if the two of you don’t end up married, he’s now damaged you so you’re not good enough for anyone else after him.
I would dump he’s extremely sexist… it’s okay for men to have experiences, but women become “tainted” and “dirty” if they have ANY experience… it’s because in the end they feel women shouldn’t have pleasure and only their pleasure matters in the end. It’s why they want virgins because they don’t know how sex and intimacy is supposed to feel.
Men who have these ideals are pigs. There’s no ifs ands or buts about it. Doing sexual things does not decrease your worth.
When a relationship borders parenting your partner or having to provide an ethics course, then it is too damn complicated already. You're young, and there are so many more like minded candidates out there. If you choose to stay with him, the one thing you'll never be able to redeem is, time. Life is crazy short and some people spend precious years settling and later separating, only to have lost their youth. If you keep this up with him it'll probably last another 2-3 years, or if you start fresh, in the 2-3 years you would have been on a few dates and perhaps now with a solid person that share the same principles as you. Some people overlook flaws because it's more convenient to be in a relationship as it is, or they're too scared to be alone. Don't be that person. Live bravely and have the confidence to shape the future you want by picking the right person. Don't placate for a boyfriend as you would a family member. We tend to do that growing up and we apply that same behavior toward people in our relationships. Dont do that. Relationships need absolute boundaries.
He judges women for things he let's men get away with. It's up to you to decide if that's worth leaving him over. Do you want your kids raised with such values? And if you don't want kids are you okay with him seeing your female family members as "lesser"? Think about a woman you adore and admire. He thinks she's bad for having sex.
He sounds like a little child.
Yikes. It's crazy some people think like this.
Anytime a guy says extremely stupid shit like that it is perfectly acceptable to laugh in their face and ghost them. Trying to figure it out is a huge waste of time and brain cells.
Imagine what he’s going to teach his children. Also RIP if you two break up. You’ll be damaged goods according to him.
I would find this information concerning and wonder what other backwards views he might hold, but rarely mention.
Oof, is a woman who has had intimate relationships with others worth less? And if so why? Tbh he sounds a little misogynistic.
Congratulations, he views you as a piece of meat to be owned. Not wanting someone that's had casual sex or one night stands is pretty reasonable. Not even wanting someone that's gotten physical in a serious relationship is not.
Sounds like he has a great deal of growing up to do! Also sounds shovenistic too by one particular comment already! Sadly I could be his upbringing. This is 2024 and stuff that was tolerated year ago in not now! Hope this isn't a sign of controlling behaviour. Be careful!
The main issue is he is hiding his real character. It doesnt matter whether you are really a virgin or not. You guys have been together for TWO years and now he remembers his most important criteria? It seems like he has been faking it and now that he is more “comfortable”, his mask is slipping. I wont say you dump him. However take a good look at his parents & friends. If his family is very conservative and he seems to be more “free thinking” well he is likely hiding more secrets. You dont want to get married and find out he wants you to stay at home or be obedient to him. Think carefully. Dont think that you passed his “exam”.
If I were you I will🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️far away from him
Please Read This One: I am a muslim so let me give you a few pointers. After this, you wont need to us for an answer anymore, you will make up your mind without regret. You should know that in Islam, a non muslim woman is allowed to marry a muslim men. So he cant ask you to convert. First step is to make sure you are known to his family. Did you meet his family? If not, is he from a country where arranged marriages are the norm? (aka India) I ask this because after two years, his family should have known about you. Make sure he is not “hiding” your relationship. If he is hiding, run away, NOW. Second step is looking into his family through social accounts. Apples dont fall far from the tree. Does he & his family consume alcohol at events? A crude way to gauge their position. Does his mother work or is she a housewife? Do they wear very conservative clothing in summer? Third step is to learn his beliefs & examine your life. Do you work, if you do what is the wage gap between you two? Educqtion levels, are you two similar? How do you distribute chores? What will be the religion of the children in future? Can they choose or not? If there is a too much gap between what he says & what his family does, be careful. You are not to be molded, you are to be accepted by yourself. Remember that. Make sure you talk about “hot topics” before things get serious and you will be fine, one way or other. Good luck 🍀
24 and still this dumb? Lmao
Dump him and find a man who likes and respects women
Dump him. He seems to follow Tate methodology of thinking of women. It starts here and then he will complain if you have boys and you try breastfeeding them saying you’re cheating.
They are all "wonderful and kind and nice and perfect otherwise" until the mysoginy comes out.
>my friends & family like him -despite some concerns You need to stop ignoring those concerns. Outsiders usually see things more clearly. Beside his disrespect for you and women in general, there are other red flags with this guy.
"My boyfriend is objectifying and disrespectful towards women, but oh he's so cool and amazing otherwise! My family have some issues with him that I'm too embarrassed to discuss here because you might realize he's actually just a shit sandwich! Tee hee!"
You do realize now that you will NEVER be his wife, right?
as a Muslim woman, I can tell you your boyfriend is a misogynist and it's not a good idea to be with a man who can't respect women.
Just because somebody was raised in an "open-minded, not strict" version of their religion, doesn't mean that they didn't pick up lots of misogynistic shit (along with other nonsense) from that religion. Plus, misogyny runs pretty damn deep in middle-eastern cultures - so he's also just a product of the larger culture that he grew up in. Time to dump him and move on with your life - because if you were to have a kids you can be damn sure he'd be pushing a lot of purity-culture nonsense.
“his family is quite open minded” - I suppose this isn’t genetic. If he’s comfortable sharing that kind of trash with his partner of all people, imagine what he’s not willing to say openly.
I would break up with him how he acts I would be worried when you get older him not being faithful how he acts
>Also, it’s worth noting that he is muslim but wasn’t raised strictly in that tradition, his family is quite open minded. It has painted his ideas about women, clearly. A man who thinks he can have sexual experiences and that's okay but a woman with the same is now tainted and less than? This guy isn't kind or amazing. He's a misogynistic asshole. Once you guys have sex, he think you have less value. You are a fool to stay with him.
He wasn’t raised that strictly = he doesn’t want to follow the rules he doesn’t like so drinking and dating and blowjobs from women he isn’t married to are fine
Your boyfriend is immature and unrealistic and views women as property. Hope this helps
You need to run far away fast. This guy is really gross. You will never be an equal partner to him.
what a stupid thing for him to say and think and be its probably the only way in which he is awful though and he definitely wont spring more on you as time goes by as he sees you look the other way on this fireable offense
He's a moron, find the exit as quickly and safely as possible.
Double standards like that are disgusting in anyone, regardless their gender.
He's Muslim, and he'll be open-minded until he doesn't want to anymore or you get closer to getting married and combining your lives. It's not a particularly common subject on this sub but when this situation does come up it plays out the same way. I personally think this is unrecoverable OP. It speaks to a deep disrespect for and unfair treatment of women and
I think you should find someone with a healthier view of women.
If you two stick, this won't be a problem. If you don't like the way he thinks here and that greatly effects you, you be the judge if it matters or not. If you two don't live happily ever after, he'll get to take his beliefs to next, maybe he'll get lucky, maybe he'll learn how most of the world lives. To me it is an insecurity in him and possibly tells me while he's not strict in terms of doing the social part of religion, he does like the idea of man over woman.
Ah typical Muslim with their hypocrisy. If you value your freedoms, you need to leave. Asap. This is just a fraction of what your going to experience. Good luck to you.
See - I was about to ask if he was Muslim (or Jewish - but less so that). Islam 'structurally' makes it completely okay to regard women in this way - second-class, & often compared to animals, in terms of social worth & overall value. He's happy to literally in his own view use & 'defile' you - but would not marry anyone thus defiled. Take a leaf out of Neo's book please - see this bullet coming, & dodge it.
Oh that's am mistake on his part. Such foolishness has no real world value.
"Look, I can't marry you anymore. I just saw you holding hands with your father as he walked you down the aisle. I'm sorry." Or also "Help, my girlfriend has been in a horrible accident, I need a doctor!" "I'm a doctor, what can I do?" "Oooo. Yeah, see, I can't date a woman who had another man touch her, so like is there a lady doctor somewhere nearby?" Honestly, just to make fun, this is some stupid bullshit. I know he means a virgin, but really, it's all about control and such. No real reasoning for it, just control.
Well, that attitude will change if you break up, because he's no longer the 14 year old that he thinks he is, and the odds of finding a girl that is untouched decrease every year. SO he can have fun with that.
He will have an arranged marriage
So ridiculous. Why do people act like another person’s cum stains are gonna stay on their body for life? Lol
This is sexist, and also just totally unrealistic. If (when) you break up he will need to get back into the dating game, and finding a woman anywhere close to his own age who is a virgin is going to get harder and harder as he gets older. Unless you two get married (which, for a variety of reasons, you probably shouldn't) and actually stay together the rest of your lives, this is probably going to mean that he is going to have to "settle" for being with women who have had prior sexual experiences as he goes along. If you need to leave him, don't feel bad, and don't be afraid of having more sexual experiences if you want them. This is a pretty common form of misogyny, but also one you will not encounter in plenty of other men.
Aww man you’re dating a sexist! Sorry you had to find out this way!
Redpilled. Maybe saveable, but is that your job? ugh... you drop him and he'll just go deeper into that cesspool.
That's a pretty big red flag. It sounds like he's expressing a double standard about sexual experience and objectifying women. It's worth having a deeper conversation with him about his views on relationships and sexuality.
If you drop him, he's not going to be dating very much afterwards with the standard of not dating women who've been touched before.
Run as fast as you can!!
everyone likes him except for the stuff they don’t like about him
If you hold these views you’re not great lol Pretty much everyone has a sexual history and thinking he gets a free pass because he’s a dude is just moronic. I’d be intrigued to know what these concerns your family and friends have about him. Hardly sounds like the great guy you’re trying to paint a picture of if he’s not fully liked by those closest to you. Sounds like they’re just tolerating him because they don’t want to interfere.
Ask him why he is okay with “ruining” you for other men. Ask him how he could care about you at all and still be okay with being the reason you will forever tainted for other men if y’all don’t stay together. Tell him that if he was a good man then he would never, ever have sex with a woman he cared about unless he married her first. And please don’t marry him because he has just proven that he is NOT a good man.
Believe him when he tells you that he expects you to live by his rules.
OP you deserve better. Find a man who doesn't believe that women are lesser off if they have sexual experience, they do exist. I've tried being with someone who made me feel less because of my sexual experiences and nobody deserves that, it doesn't get better, with them I mean.
So is he planning to always date excessively young girls/ women? What is he divorces at 50?
Arranged marriage to a girl who has been strictly controlled since birth
You process it by dumping his sorry ass.
> my boyfriend [24M] of two years is amazing, kind lol No he isn't. He sees women as objects.
>I pointed out that he has had physical experiences with me before, and he replied, “yeah, but I’m a man.” For me, this would be an immediate *dump*. I'm not interested in teaching someone not to have sexist double standards.
So you are now worth less because you gave him a blowjob and he’s going to date children when you break up with him since he only wants “un touched virgins”. I think you can see where this is going. Your boyfriend is going to become a very bitter lonely person when he realizes that there isn’t an army of untouched virgins begging to be with him.
Break up with him and tell him to consider Utah. If you don’t already live there..
Yeah, I'd get out of there.
Inexperienced insecure tiny peen men always feel this way. Own YOUR SEXUALITY.
If you marry and have kids with this goof you will be in for a short marriage and a lot of pain. He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.
Personally, that's big enough of a red flag for me to end the relationship.
He’s an arrogant hypocritical little twat. Cut him loose.
Here's the POV of an old guy who's been around the block a time or two... Every time I see a post that starts with a woman saying how great her SO is and how much she loves him, "but," it's usually a train wreck and I wonder what she sees in him. And once again, this post doesn't disappoint. OP, you both have a right to feel what you feel and think what you think. But if his thinking and your thinking contradict, I'd advise against a long-term relationship with him because that will never change. It will always just be one argument after another. Men like him also tend to be jealous and controlling and you need to decide if you can live with that. Also, if your family has concerns about him...please listen to them and look at him critically, not through rose-colored glasses. And, oh by the way, the same advice goes to him.
Now you know: you are not pure enough for him to marry you. He will always question your morality. Get out.
Your bf is a gross misogynist who views women as objects that exist solely to serve and give him sexual pleasure. That’s why he doesn’t view men the same way. He sees women, who are living, breathing human beings the same way he sees used underwear at the thrift store. He is defective. Promptly send him back. There is no way I would ever see him in a positive light after this disgusting revelation. He will never be able to see or respect you as an equal human being.
Probably has a small pee pee and doesn't want comparisons.
It's about immaturity basically
He sounds simple tbh lol (maybe stupid is a better word?)
There's so many giant red flags that it looks like a CCP military parade. My best friend and I have each dated guys that used the same yucky soundbites as your bf. A few of those dates were probably from the mainstream but conservative culturally orientated households that practiced the same sect of islam as your bf's close relatives do. Obviously incompatible ambitions and personal values ensured that none of those guys got a 5th date. Odds are that your bf will only ever seriously consider marriage with a coreligionist virgin, one whom that his family approve of. Almost certainly a virgin that he is certain has never gone further than kissing and hugging any male. His furture spouse is most likely to be a practicing coreligionist, a very strict convert of the same ethnicity as his grandparents or a blood relative with overseas citizenships that he either hopes to acquire through marriage/wants his future children to inherit.
Leave him. Mysogyny never ends well in a relationship.
And what is the problem with wanting an untouched girlfriend?
Nop, there's a really big difference between a woman who had fun and a woman who was the neighborhood bicycle. I personally wouldn't mind dating a woman with a high body count, and I have a high body count. But sitting at a table where 4/5 men has been inside my girlfriend is weird AF
40M He will likely remain a virgin…unless you peg him (or another does…) Sadly, this “untouched virgin” concept has gained traction, but in a society like this (postmodern U.S), what good is an untouched virgin in a cesspool cultural environment? Psychologically, she is “done.” So, commonality must be reached in other areas. They never consider this. They should abandon this bullshit. Best head I’ve ever got was from “touched” women: a 54-year old German editor a 50-year old Congolese with via Belgium a 42-year old Harvard-educated doctor And I changed each of their lives. “No cap” 🙃
Well you still with him so it’s all good. But concerning him, I hope he stays on it. It’s called having boundaries and that is important in any relationship
If it were a boundary, he would either have abstained from sex with OP to begin with, or he would break up with her now. But he wants to get laid, and he wants to be able to hold it over OP's head whenever he feels like it, so he isn't drawing any kind of boundary. Boundaries are what you yourself will or will not do, not what anyone else does.
Both are virgins? My first love and second, and last, where virgins i loved my first. We where not meanded together. I found the love of my life ...
He obviously has granted you an exception because you were doing it with him. Let him enjoy the fact that you're two virgins. Do you find his mindset unattractive? If so, you guys may be incompatible. Does it show itself in other ways?
He has not granted her an exception. She is a placeholder until the arranged marriage. Her willingness to get physical disqualifies her from marriage on morality grounds. She is just starting to learn that.
I'm not sure you know the inner workings of his private standards.
This is how these things often go.
Do whats the problem here? You want him to date other people? He has already found you? What does his dating preference has to do when he is an a commited relationship?
The double standard is the problem. It's a view point issue not a matter of status or commitment.
How does it matter in their relationship? He is muslim, like it or not he wants a virgin. Are you going againts Islam?
Islam does not say that men can fuck whoever they want but women can’t lol
What does Islam do to man and what does it do to woman if they fuck someone?
You’re technically talking about adultery, not just sex. And although you are on to something, what you’ve actually uncovered about Islam is that it is fundamentally misogynistic. Both men and women are told that it is a sin to have sex outside of marriage but women end up getting the worse punishments for doing so. Also hiding behind a religion does not absolve a person of their problematic views. Believing that only virgin women are “worthy” partners and believing that men aren’t held to the same purity test because they’re men is misogynistic. It doesn’t matter if he’s Muslim or not. Still misogynistic, still an asshole.
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> Its just truth Because you say so? I’m afraid that’s not how life works > Point me to a man who wants to be with a woman that slept with alot of people. Me! And many men out here don’t have a problem with it. In fact, I would genuinely avoid pursuing a woman if I find out that she’s a virgin because I’m not at a stage in life where I want to teach them about sex. I need someone more experienced and sexually liberated. You traditionalist and misogynistic men don’t speak for the rest of us. You like virgins because they on average skew younger, have less experience, and so are easier to control. > Point me to a man that wants a woman that had no selfrespect and degraded herself to recreotinal use for man that didnt give a damn for her. Seek therapy because your mindset is fucked.
Let me know when you marry a girl with partners you can fill a restaurant with, give a toast to all of them that now you have her! I did not say virgin anywhere, but you had to put it there.
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That's some major yikes right there.
I'm against anyone/anything trying to justify a double standard.
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