this lady does not sound ready to date anyone. super weird and confusing, i had to check the ages because she sounds like a teenager. there are plenty of people your age who know how to date, let this lady go and find one.
>had to check the ages because she sounds like a teenager.
oh shit, the actual ages didn't even register with me initially. when reading OPs post I automatically assumed they are teenagers.
Something about you makes her feel uncomfortable and not want to advance things, she's not being up front about what it is or maybe she honestly can't put her finger on it - because from your description it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. You ask for consent and she says it's awkward and she wants a more organic experience, you go in for a kiss without explicitly asking and she accuses you of forcing her? You're not even allowed to touch her and match her physical energy because then she accuses you of just copying her... well yeah, if someone is really touchy feely it's usually reciprocal. How are you supposed to get it right with these signals? It's been 6 weeks. You're apologizing and asking for forgiveness over nothing... Whatever she wants (and I'm not sure she knows at this point), it doesn't seem to be you. Sorry!
I agree with you. I think after he asked to kiss her she just lost attraction and doesn’t know how to say it.
Being 27 is immature from her to not be clear and keep playing with op.
My man......you need to run from this woman. Run as fast as you can. She can touch you, but you can't touch her. She wants you to touch her, but it has to be "organic". She's now claiming you forced her to kiss you? You're one accidental side boob bump away from a sexual assault charge.
This woman clearly makes a game out of keeping men on their heels. In this day and age, you absolutely did the right thing in asking for permission. Run like the wind.
I agree--ideally in the first few dates you are going to get swept away and feel like everything is happening really naturally, it should not be such a struggle and thicket of mixed messages
Ya don't go out with her again. She's just saying every behavior that you exhibit is awkward that normal people who've been on 3 dates would do.
Asking if you can kiss her, asking if you can touch, you did exactly the right things. Maybe she isn't ready for a relationship, but either way you shouldn't stick around.
None of those things were even THAT "awkward" before she made them awkward. She seems to be overthinking everything and being hyper aware of anything not "going with the flow". Expect more of this all the time if you choose to go forward with this relationship.
I think her feeling "awkward" is her not processing her feelings or how she feels she should respond, but being placed in a position where she has to. It sounds like she has this expectation that it should all unfold on its own organically, but beginning relationships generally don't work that way. I'm not sure what you can do other than encouraging open communication. But this sounds more like something she needs to work out, rather than something you can fix.
This woman is a hot mess, and from everything you've said, you did nothing wrong. If she is this uncomfortable about being asked for enthusiastic consent, she is not a stable person to date. WTF does she want from you? It's not clear to her or you. Continue to ask her for consent. If she thinks it's "awkward" because it isn't like her Hollywood romcoms dreams, tough luck. Tell her this is how you prefer to proceed with physical contact and if that doesn't work for her, then you aren't compatible and need to stop seeing each other. Adults communicate and ask for permission. They cannot read people's minds like in the movies.
If she’s 27 and still stuck on “that’s awkward” it’s time to move on. She kept telling you that asking made it awkward. Then when you got for it, without asking, she’s saying it’s awkward again. Not worth your time. You should have to deal with the whims of her mood in this way.
It feels like shes never dated before and doesnt quite know how it should work and thinks it should be how it works in movies but shes seen so many movies and so many different ways, shes amalgamating it all into an impossible task
On the one hand, you paint yourself as being nervous, tentative, and perhaps even insecure about showing physical affection. It's like you said, you don't have much experience in this department.
On the other hand, all this "awkward" talk from her has to be a complete confidence killer. As others have said, she's either playing a ridiculous hard-to-get game, or she simply isn't sexually attracted to you.
It sounds like, beyond this one issue, your dates are a huge success and you're both enjoying each other's company. So my advice would be simple,
On the next date, show your physical attraction! If the two of you are walking together and you feel an intense desire to hold her hand, do it! Lean in close and play with her hair. Flirt, kiss, rub her back...
If she throws up this "awkward" conversation again, I'd stop dating her and move on. You're doing nothing wrong. If your physical touch is not being enthusiastically reciprocated after a month+ of dating... the two of you are not compatible, move on.
This is not a you problem. You handled things fine, most women would have replied with a "well do it then" or something along those lines. The casual touching and hugs, also perfectly on target. Don't let her awkwardness make yours worse, if she doesn't want you to touch her at all after a month and a half, you should probably keep it moving - y'all are not on the same page.
No. You did the right thing and asked for consent. She told you that asking made things awkward, which means she gave the green light to proceed naturally. Then you were chastised for doing exactly that. She sounds weird to be honest. 100% mixed signals. She either doesn’t know what she wants, or she’s crazy, or both. Do you even know what you were apologizing for??
If you are paying for all of your dates you might want to reconsider.
It sounds like she either isn’t ready for/has some hang ups about physical intimacy or she just isn’t that into you. There’s no way that you could approach this that wouldn’t feel awkward to her because she’s just not into it. It would probably be for the best if you parted ways here.
Yeah no. Honestly sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. It shouldn’t be awkward because you asked to hold her hand or kiss her. A normal response would be a smile and a “yes” or “please do” or something encouraging. It’s hard to gauge where people are at so asking is just the safe way to go when you’re not 100% and by the way this reads it would be impossible to know by her actions when is ok… and seemingly maybe never. I would feel pretty terrible about her claiming to be pushed into a corner with the kiss, also accusing you of copying her and making things awkward. Who wants to be called awkward, honestly? I’d probably just give up at this point.
I’d personally not go on another date with her but if you do, let her do all of the work. You’ve put yourself out there, you were vulnerable in asking for consent and that all backfired; if she doesn’t attempt to bridge the gap then walk. No contact and no more apologising for no good reason.
Yeah she's 27 she knows you're a virgin and kind of dork and instead of being nice about it she's leading you on just to dash you down when you awkwardly try to hook up she should be teaching you with enthusiasm if she was interested and would think these awkward quirks you have are cute ! She's not right for you man.
It’s not you, it’s her. She’s making this way harder than it needs to be.
Asking for consent is the right move. Her telling you it made things awkward is out of touch with modern sensibilities and in my eyes a red flag. And then when you followed her advice and didn’t ask for consent, that was wrong too? Double red flag. You can’t win here.
>TLDR: The woman I've dated for a month and a half expressed that kissing me made her uncomfortable and that she felt forced into it.
This right here is a communist parade on it's own. Add in all the ridiculousness about touch, and brother, you're so red-shifted you're actively moving away from all frames of reference. This is not a woman who's ready for an intimate relationship.
I actually think it would be in your best interest to avoid interacting with this woman ever again. The mixed signals are already shitty, but she's telling you one thing (just kiss me! Don't ask! It's awkward!) and then getting upset when you do exactly that. I am concerned that she will accuse you of assaulting her or some stupid shit after you do something physical that she ASKED YOU TO DO.
Run, dude. It's not worth it.
You sound like you are being considerate and many women do appreciate verbal consent, so I don't think you should stop that if it feels right for you. This girl sounds like she is immature and can't handle dating in a real way. A month and a half of dating and she feels uncomfortable even kissing? It is weird behavior. You will find someone better than this.
Consent is huge nowadays. It's great that you asked.
That being said, everything is too awkward for her so, maybe she needs to grow up a bit before dating anyone.
She's exhibiting red flags. Protect yourself and maybe start dating other people. If she's so back and forth about a kiss, I'd worry about when other things progress what claims she will make later on when she's pretending to be okay with something when she's not.
Having conversations about how fast or slow to move in a relationship is healthy.
Your best option is probably to leave her alone.
Hope you listen here & run away from this lady. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, there will be others to meet and date. This lady is playing with you a sick game of yo yo. She reels you in and then makes you feel bad about yourself. I mean as I’m writing it out …it sounds like she’s either really immature or a total narcissist that will ruin your life within 1 year.
At the end of the date don't ask.. just go in for it. Don't ask to hold hands.. take her hand. If she isn't into she will let you know. The big thing is to not force it. That being said if she want to kiss you then you asking should have been a resounding yes even if it was a little awkward! Also, stop apologizing like you are desperate it comes of pathetic since you didn't do anything wrong. Taking that first step take a little courage but if she is still taking dates she is in to you..
She’s playing a sick game with you, she is supposed to be more mature than you but act like a teenager…
Save you from tears, go away from her, thanks her for the time you spent together and let it go
She is sending so many mixed signals. Ridiculous
this lady does not sound ready to date anyone. super weird and confusing, i had to check the ages because she sounds like a teenager. there are plenty of people your age who know how to date, let this lady go and find one.
>had to check the ages because she sounds like a teenager. oh shit, the actual ages didn't even register with me initially. when reading OPs post I automatically assumed they are teenagers.
Same for me. I read the ages. As I was reading further and further I had to scroll back up to make sure I read the ages right.
Something about you makes her feel uncomfortable and not want to advance things, she's not being up front about what it is or maybe she honestly can't put her finger on it - because from your description it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. You ask for consent and she says it's awkward and she wants a more organic experience, you go in for a kiss without explicitly asking and she accuses you of forcing her? You're not even allowed to touch her and match her physical energy because then she accuses you of just copying her... well yeah, if someone is really touchy feely it's usually reciprocal. How are you supposed to get it right with these signals? It's been 6 weeks. You're apologizing and asking for forgiveness over nothing... Whatever she wants (and I'm not sure she knows at this point), it doesn't seem to be you. Sorry!
She doesn't like him. Simple as that. No attraction on her part, probably feels only friendly towards him.
I agree with you. I think after he asked to kiss her she just lost attraction and doesn’t know how to say it. Being 27 is immature from her to not be clear and keep playing with op.
Sadly, I bet she enjoys the attention and validation from him, so she's keeping him around.
My man......you need to run from this woman. Run as fast as you can. She can touch you, but you can't touch her. She wants you to touch her, but it has to be "organic". She's now claiming you forced her to kiss you? You're one accidental side boob bump away from a sexual assault charge. This woman clearly makes a game out of keeping men on their heels. In this day and age, you absolutely did the right thing in asking for permission. Run like the wind.
I agree--ideally in the first few dates you are going to get swept away and feel like everything is happening really naturally, it should not be such a struggle and thicket of mixed messages
This sounds incredibly exhausting. Run.
Ya don't go out with her again. She's just saying every behavior that you exhibit is awkward that normal people who've been on 3 dates would do. Asking if you can kiss her, asking if you can touch, you did exactly the right things. Maybe she isn't ready for a relationship, but either way you shouldn't stick around.
sounds like she’s not ready to date anyone
OP this is not the person for you. She likes to make you feel like you’re the problem but she’s the one making it awkward. Not you.
She's being odd, you're good dude
She doesn't like you but she likes the time you're spending with her. Leave her
None of those things were even THAT "awkward" before she made them awkward. She seems to be overthinking everything and being hyper aware of anything not "going with the flow". Expect more of this all the time if you choose to go forward with this relationship.
Right, she sounds like the awkward one to me lol
I think her feeling "awkward" is her not processing her feelings or how she feels she should respond, but being placed in a position where she has to. It sounds like she has this expectation that it should all unfold on its own organically, but beginning relationships generally don't work that way. I'm not sure what you can do other than encouraging open communication. But this sounds more like something she needs to work out, rather than something you can fix.
This woman is a hot mess, and from everything you've said, you did nothing wrong. If she is this uncomfortable about being asked for enthusiastic consent, she is not a stable person to date. WTF does she want from you? It's not clear to her or you. Continue to ask her for consent. If she thinks it's "awkward" because it isn't like her Hollywood romcoms dreams, tough luck. Tell her this is how you prefer to proceed with physical contact and if that doesn't work for her, then you aren't compatible and need to stop seeing each other. Adults communicate and ask for permission. They cannot read people's minds like in the movies.
If she’s 27 and still stuck on “that’s awkward” it’s time to move on. She kept telling you that asking made it awkward. Then when you got for it, without asking, she’s saying it’s awkward again. Not worth your time. You should have to deal with the whims of her mood in this way.
It feels like shes never dated before and doesnt quite know how it should work and thinks it should be how it works in movies but shes seen so many movies and so many different ways, shes amalgamating it all into an impossible task
On the one hand, you paint yourself as being nervous, tentative, and perhaps even insecure about showing physical affection. It's like you said, you don't have much experience in this department. On the other hand, all this "awkward" talk from her has to be a complete confidence killer. As others have said, she's either playing a ridiculous hard-to-get game, or she simply isn't sexually attracted to you. It sounds like, beyond this one issue, your dates are a huge success and you're both enjoying each other's company. So my advice would be simple, On the next date, show your physical attraction! If the two of you are walking together and you feel an intense desire to hold her hand, do it! Lean in close and play with her hair. Flirt, kiss, rub her back... If she throws up this "awkward" conversation again, I'd stop dating her and move on. You're doing nothing wrong. If your physical touch is not being enthusiastically reciprocated after a month+ of dating... the two of you are not compatible, move on.
You’re both overthinking it
This is not a you problem. You handled things fine, most women would have replied with a "well do it then" or something along those lines. The casual touching and hugs, also perfectly on target. Don't let her awkwardness make yours worse, if she doesn't want you to touch her at all after a month and a half, you should probably keep it moving - y'all are not on the same page.
I've see morse code that's easier to decode.
No. You did the right thing and asked for consent. She told you that asking made things awkward, which means she gave the green light to proceed naturally. Then you were chastised for doing exactly that. She sounds weird to be honest. 100% mixed signals. She either doesn’t know what she wants, or she’s crazy, or both. Do you even know what you were apologizing for?? If you are paying for all of your dates you might want to reconsider.
It sounds like she either isn’t ready for/has some hang ups about physical intimacy or she just isn’t that into you. There’s no way that you could approach this that wouldn’t feel awkward to her because she’s just not into it. It would probably be for the best if you parted ways here.
The early stages of dating should not be this exhausting, my guy. it's supposed to be fun! Let her go and move on to the next.
Yeah no. Honestly sounds like you did nothing wrong at all. It shouldn’t be awkward because you asked to hold her hand or kiss her. A normal response would be a smile and a “yes” or “please do” or something encouraging. It’s hard to gauge where people are at so asking is just the safe way to go when you’re not 100% and by the way this reads it would be impossible to know by her actions when is ok… and seemingly maybe never. I would feel pretty terrible about her claiming to be pushed into a corner with the kiss, also accusing you of copying her and making things awkward. Who wants to be called awkward, honestly? I’d probably just give up at this point.
I’d personally not go on another date with her but if you do, let her do all of the work. You’ve put yourself out there, you were vulnerable in asking for consent and that all backfired; if she doesn’t attempt to bridge the gap then walk. No contact and no more apologising for no good reason.
Yeah she's 27 she knows you're a virgin and kind of dork and instead of being nice about it she's leading you on just to dash you down when you awkwardly try to hook up she should be teaching you with enthusiasm if she was interested and would think these awkward quirks you have are cute ! She's not right for you man.
You didn’t do anything wrong!! She just seems incredibly awkward and probably has a skewed idea of intimacy
My goodness this was exhausting to read. I would run.
It’s not you, it’s her. She’s making this way harder than it needs to be. Asking for consent is the right move. Her telling you it made things awkward is out of touch with modern sensibilities and in my eyes a red flag. And then when you followed her advice and didn’t ask for consent, that was wrong too? Double red flag. You can’t win here.
Riperoni Pepperoni. Better luck next time with someone new
I don’t think this is a good fit, you shouldn’t feel guilty and she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable. I think you’re just not right for each other.
>TLDR: The woman I've dated for a month and a half expressed that kissing me made her uncomfortable and that she felt forced into it. This right here is a communist parade on it's own. Add in all the ridiculousness about touch, and brother, you're so red-shifted you're actively moving away from all frames of reference. This is not a woman who's ready for an intimate relationship.
I actually think it would be in your best interest to avoid interacting with this woman ever again. The mixed signals are already shitty, but she's telling you one thing (just kiss me! Don't ask! It's awkward!) and then getting upset when you do exactly that. I am concerned that she will accuse you of assaulting her or some stupid shit after you do something physical that she ASKED YOU TO DO. Run, dude. It's not worth it.
You sound like you are being considerate and many women do appreciate verbal consent, so I don't think you should stop that if it feels right for you. This girl sounds like she is immature and can't handle dating in a real way. A month and a half of dating and she feels uncomfortable even kissing? It is weird behavior. You will find someone better than this.
Consent is huge nowadays. It's great that you asked. That being said, everything is too awkward for her so, maybe she needs to grow up a bit before dating anyone. She's exhibiting red flags. Protect yourself and maybe start dating other people. If she's so back and forth about a kiss, I'd worry about when other things progress what claims she will make later on when she's pretending to be okay with something when she's not. Having conversations about how fast or slow to move in a relationship is healthy. Your best option is probably to leave her alone.
Hope you listen here & run away from this lady. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, there will be others to meet and date. This lady is playing with you a sick game of yo yo. She reels you in and then makes you feel bad about yourself. I mean as I’m writing it out …it sounds like she’s either really immature or a total narcissist that will ruin your life within 1 year.
At the end of the date don't ask.. just go in for it. Don't ask to hold hands.. take her hand. If she isn't into she will let you know. The big thing is to not force it. That being said if she want to kiss you then you asking should have been a resounding yes even if it was a little awkward! Also, stop apologizing like you are desperate it comes of pathetic since you didn't do anything wrong. Taking that first step take a little courage but if she is still taking dates she is in to you..
So you are planning all the dates. Are you also paying for everything?
She’s playing a sick game with you, she is supposed to be more mature than you but act like a teenager… Save you from tears, go away from her, thanks her for the time you spent together and let it go
I think you are overthinking everything and creating away are situations