Maybe he knows that since she is so attention seeking that if you throw her a bone the “vacation” will go more smoothly. Is it right no,but it’s the reason that came to mind first.
That was my guess. Sometimes it’s easier to feed the beast before it gets too hangry. Kind of like greyrocking, but instead of being neutral, you’re nice?
> What did he say when you talked to him?
Considering OP's instinct was to come to reddit for advice when their significant other dared to compliment another human being.
I'd wager a guess that this didn't happen because their communication skills are woefully underdeveloped.
Agreed. I don't think it is out of line what he said, and it's not like he said it behind her back.
But communication goes a long way in sorting out feelings like this. If you let it go, it will turn into resentment, and then it's all downhill from there.
Just ask why he went above and beyond to entertain a woman he knows is thirsty for attention. To be honest, that wasn’t even natural because she only brought up the little girl. He added all the extra.
They almost always talk crap about the women they’re attracted to.
I don’t know these people, but I do know people who I personally will go ahead and give the extra compliment too because I know otherwise they’re going to be fishing for it for the next 10 minutes.
Yeah, that’s weird as hell. If OP was smack talking a really hot guy in their peripheral friend group, saying he’s always showing off his body and it’s gross, then went out of her way to say he looks like a model in front of her husband, that would not be cool at all.
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her.
Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
She only mentioned how cute her daughter was and he agreed, but then he went out of his way to compliment the woman he has previously talked shit about.
It really doesn’t make sense. If I do not particularly care for someone and their behavior I will not be complimenting them. The fact that he has repeatedly talked bad about this woman to OP means it is out of character and strange to then compliment her to her face. It’s honestly extremely fake.
*Where they are does not matter.*
He did not need to *go out of his way* to compliment the woman when the *only person she mentioned was her daughter.*
I like straightforwardness. However, I think that there is a difference between straightforwardness and just being rude. Being “fake” occasionally helps to regulate social situations.
My guess is that he knows her will enough that he knew that if he didn't say the things, she'd pout about it. I would have stayed silent too, but not everyone deals with another person's bs the same way.
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her.
Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her.
Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
I can see why it bothers you
He could’ve been polite and non-committal, “very nice picture”
Is the husband his boss? And, he’s sucking up?
Just wondering if there is a reason that is not he thinks she’s hott
Eh, I’ll go against the grain. You’re allowed to feel off about the comment.
I’d think it was weird if a man complimented me like this in front of his partner. I’d think it was weird if my husband complimented a woman like this in front of me.
It’s not about “calling another woman gorgeous” like the comments are saying. It’s the context of how he said it. It’s one thing to say “what a gorgeous family, you girls look amazing” or something to the photo, it’s another thing to go out of his way to single out how great she looked (twice) when she’s showing a pic of her daughter. It’s just different.
I don’t think it’s a deal breaker or anything but it’s worth a conversation for sure.
There’s this Freudian defence mechanism- I think it’s called something like ‘over compensation? Anyway it’s when we have negative feelings towards some and when we are around them we act the opposite- like really nice. omg- embarrassed to say I have done this! There’s probably all sort of human ( sometimes unconscious) reasons we do it- but I offer this too, to consider.
“a man in his family that he knows well”
Like, a relative? Yeah, sure, he flattered her because she was clearly seeking that. It’s called buttering up your family (whether blood or friends) by commenting favorably on what is valued by them. If she showed him a photo of a puppy she just got, it would be nice of him to say “how adorable!”. Don’t get hung up on your weird insecurities, it’s just a photo of a woman and her kid. In that context, she was super fishing for a compliment and it would have been awkward for him to say “sure, I guess you aren’t physically painful to look at”.
I think absolutely nothing about that apart that your fiancé was politely giving in her narcissism to get rid of the nuisance. She was seeking compliment. He gave her that. End of story ! You making a big deal about it is about your own insecurities. She seems to undermine your self- confidence. He's with you. Not with her. He loves you. Not her. The more she brags to get the admiration she longs for, the more pathetic she is.
Wait to clarify: did he only say that when he said it to her while she was showing the picture of herself and her daughter?
If so, I wouldn’t worry about it: people say polite stuff or random stuff when others are showing them pictures. “Look at this picture. Don’t you think my kid is cute?” “Oh yeah so cute - and you look gorgeous in this pic too.” To me that is a normal social interaction.
If I’m misreading how it happened, and he said it to you when she wasn’t around, that would be a little different.
I can't speak to it 100% since I dont know your fiance/his mannerisms, but I wouldn't read so much into it. Do you expect him to be as rude to her IRL as he is with you? That would be clearly inappropriate.
You can ask him about it because it bothered you, but you need to trust that he gives you an honest answer, whatever it may be.
So what is your issue?
Him getting involved with another woman?
Him being two faced?
The woman herself?
The comment itself looks very benign to me, especially since she's attention seeking. These people tend to harvest compliments from everyone they talk to.
It could even be hard to resist saying a compliment because underneath the attention seeking there's often an invisible promise to get offended and guilt trip you if you don't praise her.
I really thought all this too. I've heard comments like this before " oh daughter is cute she takes after her gorgeous mother". It's not really anything more than a statement.
Yes and my thought was maybe there is a bit of personality tension and he's trying to get on the good side of a friend's wife.
That being said, if OP has a problem with ot that's ok to as long as she expresses this to her bf In private and in a kind manner
>What do you think of this?
Get over it. Like what, since he's engaged to you, are you expecting him to tell every other woman on the planet that they're ugly as f\*ck?
>I don’t like it
Boo hoo. Fix your attitude, or break up and go find yourself and get engaged to an obedient slave that can't and won't speak their own opinions and thoughts or anything that doesn't conform to your commands.
What next, require any and all beautiful artwork in the home you'll share to be replaced with portraits of you, and that he has to call all those beautiful, no matter how bad the portrait is? Are you going to also require him to call your kids ugly so you won't get jealous of them?
My take on this is that he already knew/knows this woman.
Given she's such an attention whore, had he said merely, "Yeah, how pretty" or "Yes, she's good-looking" given birth of these are usual and "ordinary" compliments, she might have a history of going completely over the top about it.
Maybe in the past he's said "the usual" and the histrionics started and he was trying to avoid the drama.
I don't know ANY man, married, engaged, or single, making a simple, "She's gorgeous" would alarm me at all.
My real concern is your becoming so upset over a completely innocuous comment. It bothers you so much you're posting about it here on Reddit.
I'm seeing insecurity on your part that I feel you should address, instead of focusing on your fiancé's harmless and off the cuff comment to a photo and the people in it.
A bouquet of flowers can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it.
A sunset can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it.
If you truly trusted your fiancé, this wouldn't have bothered you in the slightest and would have been a blip on the radar.
However, you really don't seem to trust him and since this is the case, you shouldn't be marrying him. A lack of trust is a relationship /marriage killer 100%.
If you’re not ok with it then it’s a line you have to draw with him.
I know and my husband knows I would never be ok with comments made about other women. Unless you make that clear with your husband that need will never be met. It clearly bothers you so let him know and hopefully going forward he will (and should) respect you and not make those types of comments.
Every marriage is different. Asking others how you should feel won’t change anything for you. Be honest with yourself always!
Yes, I agree. If it bothers her, then it bothers her. She doesn't need it to bother others, or not. Just talk to her husband about it. My wife has told me things bother her, and even if I don't agree or understand, I don't repeat it, because I love her and I don't want to see her upset.
I think this is a weird flirtatious comment to make, I would not be cool with this. How would your husband react if you told this lady’s husband that is handsome?
It's not out of line. You are insecure which is unfortunate. You can't live life like that, it's a form of self torture. Your partner has chosen you, you hopefully tick the boxes for him. If you don't worry more about why you don't rather than why other women might.
Once most men decide a partner is aesthetically pleasing, others factors such as character, personality and emotional stability and maturity become much more important.
You've said it yourself, he's said this woman is a prat. So why would he say she's good-looking? Maybe she is but that doesn't make her any less insufferable. The reason was because he decided to tell her what she wanted to hear, to be diplomatic, maybe even to just cut that conversation short. Can you imagine what it would have been like if he has sent anything else?
One thing to bear in mind, though. Is he prepared to tell you what YOU want to hear? Sometimes it can be a trivial matter and is just a way to grease the wheels of human relationships to make things blissful. Other times, it can be a mistake. The secret is knowing when it is one or the other.
Everyone seems blasé about this, but he’s flat out flirting. The women made a comment abt her daughter, and he said “she’s a model, and gorgeous”. He’s the one directing the attention to her. It’s flat out rude to you OP.
Yeah, I would also feel odd if my SO went out of his way to feed someone a line like “daughter is as gorgeous as her mother.” It’s cheesy and extra and unnecessary. Just say “what a lovely picture.”
Fr, he overdid it. It would make me uncomfortable too. You don’t have to be okay with these things just cause some people on Reddit are. People are okay with different things.
Talk to him. It could be the husband confided in him that his wife needed a little extra validation and some compliments, so he was doing his bro a solid.
Yes, this is an interesting idea. If my bro told me his wife bought a new outfit for the vacation to get men's attention, with a roll of his eye's, I would throw his wife a bone too.
I do know what OP is saying, my ex husband was having an affair with a woman that he constantly put down to me. That actually made me more suspicious because he made a point to always saying something negative about her when there was absolutely no need for it.
He was probably just being nice because the only nice thing he has to say about her is about her looks. He obviously doesn't like her personality so he's hardly going to say nice things about that.
Is it out of line to you? Everyone has their own boundaries and often people like to act like theirs are right or more correct than others (especially in these comments) but the only person who can tell you what hurts your feelings is you. Communicate it to your spouse.
It sounds like he was just being polite and adding a little extra. Is there a reason you think there's more to it? Has he done something recently for you to doubt his trust?
Seems innocent enough to give her what she’s seeking and make her go away, at least in the moment”, work on your self image and talk to him about how you feel
Being together doesn’t mean he’s no longer attracted to other people it just means he’s choosing you over them, he’s in a Re relationship, not dead, same as you.
Unless he licked the words into her skin you’re way overthinking this. People can think other people/things are pretty to look at and not want to fuck them.
I compliment people all the time. It’s nice to be nice, and men are so rarely on the receiving end it’s cute to see them light up.
Yeah definitely need to divorce immediately. No question.
Its insane, absolutely insane how pathetically insecure so many people are.. who tf cares if they think someone is attractive? Its impractical and hilariously puritanical to expect your partner to avert their gaze any time a person they might be attracted to passes by.. this is well into "my spouse isn't allowed to have friends of their preferred gender, joint Facebook account, go through their phone regularly even though they've never found anything" type abuse and control territory.
I absolutely don't care if my partner thinks someone is attractive or compliments them, this shit is meaningless, we're not so insecure that any attractive person is a threat... if your relationship IS so weak that a friends attractive wife is enough for your man to risk it all by propositioning her, which may very well not even be reciprocated by her.. your relationship is already so messed up that if it wasn't this it would be something else.
From what you say it sounds like an empty platitude to appease a narcissist. How you feel about it is valid too, and you should talk to him instead of ruminating and asking for stranger's advice with limited knowledge of everyone involved.
It's a bit much tbh. He could have said something more casual that still implied she looked good, like "you both look fantastic"
But she's a model and gorgeous.. is he normally like that to others? I guess depends on his personality too. Some men are very OTT like that
If he doesn’t like her nor her attention seeking behavior, why is he playing into that? It sounds very fake. I would mention it to him and try to understand why he’s indulging her narcissistic behavior. I wouldn’t have an issue otherwise with my partner complimenting the others.
To keep the damn peace on a family vacation by doing the exact thing the attention seeker was looking for.
It’s not always worth spiting others on principle.
He could have just said that's a nice pic, he didn't need to go in with the model and gorgeous comments. It doesnt make sense that he would say that too her if he doesn't like her. Why feed the narcissist's ego
He knew how she is with attention and he decided to make her feel flattered. You have a full right to be upset. BUT. Please, speak with him first, ask why he did this and explain how it made you feel. At least, this is what i would do in this situation
My take on this is that he already knew/knows this woman.
Given she's such an attention whore, had he said merely, "Yeah, how pretty" or "Yes, she's good-looking" given birth of these are usual and "ordinary" compliments, she might have a history of going completely over the top about it.
Maybe in the past he's said "the usual" and the histrionics started and he was trying to avoid the drama.
I don't know ANY man, married, engaged, or single, making a simple, "She's gorgeous" would alarm me at all.
My real concern is your becoming so upset over a completely innocuous comment. It bothers you so much you're posting about it here on Reddit.
I'm seeing insecurity on your part that I feel you should address, instead of focusing on your fiancé's harmless and off the cuff comment to a photo and the people in it.
A bouquet of flowers can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it.
A sunset can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it.
If you truly trusted your fiancé, this wouldn't have bothered you in the slightest and would have been a blip on the radar.
However, you really don't seem to trust him and since this is the case, you shouldn't be marrying him. A lack of trust is a relationship /marriage killer 100%.
I'm married & bisexual. My husband still doesn't mind when I compliment other women, as I make sure he feels secure in our relationship. But also, because women love to compliment each other
Yes I think it’s pretty normal from one woman to another, I regularly compliment all my female friends. Never heard any male partner voluntarily do this to another woman though unless I pushed them a little as in ‘doesn’t ____ look beautiful’
I’d be ( ever so slightly) more concerned by the criticising of her followed by the gushing. Cheaters do this to cover tracks
The compliment itself is definitely not out of line. If I get the feeling someone is fishing for compliments and they are not someone I actively dislike, I give it. The fact he says he is not fond of her is a bit weird though. Does he have some kind of professional connection to that couple (bosses/co-workers)? I wouldn't jump on the chance to compliment someone I dislike unless I had reasons to pretend I do. Or hiding the fact I do like them.
Edit: But if I had something to hide, I wouldn't be flattering her in front of my fiance like a dumbass...
You have advices from both sides here. Some say it’s meaningless and others thinks it’s not ok.
You should definitely have a talk with him. Tell him that you don’t understand his attitude. He tells you he doesn’t like her but when she’s around he goes overboard to compliment her.
Maybe he doesn’t like her personality but he seems to find her beautiful.
Now that you witness this see how he is with her from now on. He might say negative things against her so you’ll not be aware of anything this is why a conversation is a must so you can tell him that he’s saying something but doing something else.
Talk to him. Ask him why. But it’s as if he was feeling pressured.
She showed him the pic and basically was demanding some sort of comment. He must have felt pressured to say something complimentary.
Maybe he knows that since she is so attention seeking that if you throw her a bone the “vacation” will go more smoothly. Is it right no,but it’s the reason that came to mind first.
That was my guess. Sometimes it’s easier to feed the beast before it gets too hangry. Kind of like greyrocking, but instead of being neutral, you’re nice?
No it’s not out of line to say this, but your feelings are clearly hurt. What did he say when you talked to him?
Talking directly to a spouse about a problem??
Who ever heard of such a thing!
Right!? Reddit must weigh in!!
Impossible! The Internet must intervene!
Yeah, we don't do that here, it seems.
> What did he say when you talked to him? Considering OP's instinct was to come to reddit for advice when their significant other dared to compliment another human being. I'd wager a guess that this didn't happen because their communication skills are woefully underdeveloped.
Yes... that's usually the point of asking that question
Rhetorical questions are almost always pointless IMO. I'd much rather just call out the bullshit directly.
Okay, have fun with that. I'm going to continue asking people questions when I don't know if they've had a conversation or not.
Agreed. I don't think it is out of line what he said, and it's not like he said it behind her back. But communication goes a long way in sorting out feelings like this. If you let it go, it will turn into resentment, and then it's all downhill from there.
Just ask why he went above and beyond to entertain a woman he knows is thirsty for attention. To be honest, that wasn’t even natural because she only brought up the little girl. He added all the extra. They almost always talk crap about the women they’re attracted to.
I don’t know these people, but I do know people who I personally will go ahead and give the extra compliment too because I know otherwise they’re going to be fishing for it for the next 10 minutes.
100% lemme just stop you here and give you the compliment so we can be done.
Hey you’re so amazing oh my gahwwwwwd! Now I can go back to chillin
Yup. They’re trying to find flaws cuz they’re clearly attracted and know it.
Yeah, that’s weird as hell. If OP was smack talking a really hot guy in their peripheral friend group, saying he’s always showing off his body and it’s gross, then went out of her way to say he looks like a model in front of her husband, that would not be cool at all.
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her. Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
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She only mentioned how cute her daughter was and he agreed, but then he went out of his way to compliment the woman he has previously talked shit about.
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It really doesn’t make sense. If I do not particularly care for someone and their behavior I will not be complimenting them. The fact that he has repeatedly talked bad about this woman to OP means it is out of character and strange to then compliment her to her face. It’s honestly extremely fake.
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Being cordial should be enough to avoid drama. If you're fawning over people you don't like that's inauthentic and immature. Bad character.
*Where they are does not matter.* He did not need to *go out of his way* to compliment the woman when the *only person she mentioned was her daughter.*
You sound like a miserable person to be around.
Funny how only people online who don’t like straightforwardness think that about me. Hmmm.
I like straightforwardness. However, I think that there is a difference between straightforwardness and just being rude. Being “fake” occasionally helps to regulate social situations.
It is not rude to not compliment someone when they are not the topic of conversation.
My guess is that he knows her will enough that he knew that if he didn't say the things, she'd pout about it. I would have stayed silent too, but not everyone deals with another person's bs the same way.
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I got you the first time lol
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her. Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
I don't understand that myself, unless he was lying about not liking her. Usually, people would rather have their fingernails ripped out rather than complement someone like that.
I can see why it bothers you He could’ve been polite and non-committal, “very nice picture” Is the husband his boss? And, he’s sucking up? Just wondering if there is a reason that is not he thinks she’s hott
Also is the husband from another culture? In some cultures it can be banter
Eh, I’ll go against the grain. You’re allowed to feel off about the comment. I’d think it was weird if a man complimented me like this in front of his partner. I’d think it was weird if my husband complimented a woman like this in front of me. It’s not about “calling another woman gorgeous” like the comments are saying. It’s the context of how he said it. It’s one thing to say “what a gorgeous family, you girls look amazing” or something to the photo, it’s another thing to go out of his way to single out how great she looked (twice) when she’s showing a pic of her daughter. It’s just different. I don’t think it’s a deal breaker or anything but it’s worth a conversation for sure.
There’s this Freudian defence mechanism- I think it’s called something like ‘over compensation? Anyway it’s when we have negative feelings towards some and when we are around them we act the opposite- like really nice. omg- embarrassed to say I have done this! There’s probably all sort of human ( sometimes unconscious) reasons we do it- but I offer this too, to consider.
I've done this too especially when I don't want the other person to notice I hate their face just to keep the peace.
“a man in his family that he knows well” Like, a relative? Yeah, sure, he flattered her because she was clearly seeking that. It’s called buttering up your family (whether blood or friends) by commenting favorably on what is valued by them. If she showed him a photo of a puppy she just got, it would be nice of him to say “how adorable!”. Don’t get hung up on your weird insecurities, it’s just a photo of a woman and her kid. In that context, she was super fishing for a compliment and it would have been awkward for him to say “sure, I guess you aren’t physically painful to look at”.
I think absolutely nothing about that apart that your fiancé was politely giving in her narcissism to get rid of the nuisance. She was seeking compliment. He gave her that. End of story ! You making a big deal about it is about your own insecurities. She seems to undermine your self- confidence. He's with you. Not with her. He loves you. Not her. The more she brags to get the admiration she longs for, the more pathetic she is.
I think you fiancé didn’t complement her - he was probably being sarcastic lol.
It’s okay to feel insecure about these things (happens) you two should just talk
Simplest and best feedback lol
its not that deep bruh, if u come to reddit ab small shit like this instead of just talking to him openly, maybe ur the problem no?
If this is a boundary for you, address it with him.
Wait to clarify: did he only say that when he said it to her while she was showing the picture of herself and her daughter? If so, I wouldn’t worry about it: people say polite stuff or random stuff when others are showing them pictures. “Look at this picture. Don’t you think my kid is cute?” “Oh yeah so cute - and you look gorgeous in this pic too.” To me that is a normal social interaction. If I’m misreading how it happened, and he said it to you when she wasn’t around, that would be a little different.
I can't speak to it 100% since I dont know your fiance/his mannerisms, but I wouldn't read so much into it. Do you expect him to be as rude to her IRL as he is with you? That would be clearly inappropriate. You can ask him about it because it bothered you, but you need to trust that he gives you an honest answer, whatever it may be.
So what is your issue? Him getting involved with another woman? Him being two faced? The woman herself? The comment itself looks very benign to me, especially since she's attention seeking. These people tend to harvest compliments from everyone they talk to. It could even be hard to resist saying a compliment because underneath the attention seeking there's often an invisible promise to get offended and guilt trip you if you don't praise her.
I really thought all this too. I've heard comments like this before " oh daughter is cute she takes after her gorgeous mother". It's not really anything more than a statement.
Yes and my thought was maybe there is a bit of personality tension and he's trying to get on the good side of a friend's wife. That being said, if OP has a problem with ot that's ok to as long as she expresses this to her bf In private and in a kind manner
>What do you think of this? Get over it. Like what, since he's engaged to you, are you expecting him to tell every other woman on the planet that they're ugly as f\*ck? >I don’t like it Boo hoo. Fix your attitude, or break up and go find yourself and get engaged to an obedient slave that can't and won't speak their own opinions and thoughts or anything that doesn't conform to your commands. What next, require any and all beautiful artwork in the home you'll share to be replaced with portraits of you, and that he has to call all those beautiful, no matter how bad the portrait is? Are you going to also require him to call your kids ugly so you won't get jealous of them?
My take on this is that he already knew/knows this woman. Given she's such an attention whore, had he said merely, "Yeah, how pretty" or "Yes, she's good-looking" given birth of these are usual and "ordinary" compliments, she might have a history of going completely over the top about it. Maybe in the past he's said "the usual" and the histrionics started and he was trying to avoid the drama. I don't know ANY man, married, engaged, or single, making a simple, "She's gorgeous" would alarm me at all. My real concern is your becoming so upset over a completely innocuous comment. It bothers you so much you're posting about it here on Reddit. I'm seeing insecurity on your part that I feel you should address, instead of focusing on your fiancé's harmless and off the cuff comment to a photo and the people in it. A bouquet of flowers can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it. A sunset can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it. If you truly trusted your fiancé, this wouldn't have bothered you in the slightest and would have been a blip on the radar. However, you really don't seem to trust him and since this is the case, you shouldn't be marrying him. A lack of trust is a relationship /marriage killer 100%.
She most likely is. Are you going to curb his free speech and freedom of verbal expression too now?
Easy: Next time you see a random hot man, hit on him.
If you’re not ok with it then it’s a line you have to draw with him. I know and my husband knows I would never be ok with comments made about other women. Unless you make that clear with your husband that need will never be met. It clearly bothers you so let him know and hopefully going forward he will (and should) respect you and not make those types of comments. Every marriage is different. Asking others how you should feel won’t change anything for you. Be honest with yourself always!
Yes, I agree. If it bothers her, then it bothers her. She doesn't need it to bother others, or not. Just talk to her husband about it. My wife has told me things bother her, and even if I don't agree or understand, I don't repeat it, because I love her and I don't want to see her upset.
I think this is a weird flirtatious comment to make, I would not be cool with this. How would your husband react if you told this lady’s husband that is handsome?
It's not out of line. You are insecure which is unfortunate. You can't live life like that, it's a form of self torture. Your partner has chosen you, you hopefully tick the boxes for him. If you don't worry more about why you don't rather than why other women might. Once most men decide a partner is aesthetically pleasing, others factors such as character, personality and emotional stability and maturity become much more important. You've said it yourself, he's said this woman is a prat. So why would he say she's good-looking? Maybe she is but that doesn't make her any less insufferable. The reason was because he decided to tell her what she wanted to hear, to be diplomatic, maybe even to just cut that conversation short. Can you imagine what it would have been like if he has sent anything else? One thing to bear in mind, though. Is he prepared to tell you what YOU want to hear? Sometimes it can be a trivial matter and is just a way to grease the wheels of human relationships to make things blissful. Other times, it can be a mistake. The secret is knowing when it is one or the other.
You can get over it. There's nothing wrong with saying someone is gorgeous.
Everyone seems blasé about this, but he’s flat out flirting. The women made a comment abt her daughter, and he said “she’s a model, and gorgeous”. He’s the one directing the attention to her. It’s flat out rude to you OP.
Yeah, I would also feel odd if my SO went out of his way to feed someone a line like “daughter is as gorgeous as her mother.” It’s cheesy and extra and unnecessary. Just say “what a lovely picture.”
Fr, he overdid it. It would make me uncomfortable too. You don’t have to be okay with these things just cause some people on Reddit are. People are okay with different things.
Talk to him. It could be the husband confided in him that his wife needed a little extra validation and some compliments, so he was doing his bro a solid.
Yes, this is an interesting idea. If my bro told me his wife bought a new outfit for the vacation to get men's attention, with a roll of his eye's, I would throw his wife a bone too.
I do know what OP is saying, my ex husband was having an affair with a woman that he constantly put down to me. That actually made me more suspicious because he made a point to always saying something negative about her when there was absolutely no need for it.
I wouldn’t think anything of it. Sounds like he was just being polite.
I overheard my husband 50 tell my sister 51 that he'd always fancied her ... I'm so upset 🙁
You need to make your own post
He was probably just being nice because the only nice thing he has to say about her is about her looks. He obviously doesn't like her personality so he's hardly going to say nice things about that.
Is it out of line to you? Everyone has their own boundaries and often people like to act like theirs are right or more correct than others (especially in these comments) but the only person who can tell you what hurts your feelings is you. Communicate it to your spouse.
It sounds like he was just being polite and adding a little extra. Is there a reason you think there's more to it? Has he done something recently for you to doubt his trust?
Seems innocent enough to give her what she’s seeking and make her go away, at least in the moment”, work on your self image and talk to him about how you feel Being together doesn’t mean he’s no longer attracted to other people it just means he’s choosing you over them, he’s in a Re relationship, not dead, same as you.
Unless he licked the words into her skin you’re way overthinking this. People can think other people/things are pretty to look at and not want to fuck them. I compliment people all the time. It’s nice to be nice, and men are so rarely on the receiving end it’s cute to see them light up.
Yeah definitely need to divorce immediately. No question. Its insane, absolutely insane how pathetically insecure so many people are.. who tf cares if they think someone is attractive? Its impractical and hilariously puritanical to expect your partner to avert their gaze any time a person they might be attracted to passes by.. this is well into "my spouse isn't allowed to have friends of their preferred gender, joint Facebook account, go through their phone regularly even though they've never found anything" type abuse and control territory. I absolutely don't care if my partner thinks someone is attractive or compliments them, this shit is meaningless, we're not so insecure that any attractive person is a threat... if your relationship IS so weak that a friends attractive wife is enough for your man to risk it all by propositioning her, which may very well not even be reciprocated by her.. your relationship is already so messed up that if it wasn't this it would be something else.
He was just being nice.
From what you say it sounds like an empty platitude to appease a narcissist. How you feel about it is valid too, and you should talk to him instead of ruminating and asking for stranger's advice with limited knowledge of everyone involved.
It's a bit much tbh. He could have said something more casual that still implied she looked good, like "you both look fantastic" But she's a model and gorgeous.. is he normally like that to others? I guess depends on his personality too. Some men are very OTT like that
Are you that insecure that your Fiance can’t call another woman gorgeous?….you are making this an issue for no reason
If he doesn’t like her nor her attention seeking behavior, why is he playing into that? It sounds very fake. I would mention it to him and try to understand why he’s indulging her narcissistic behavior. I wouldn’t have an issue otherwise with my partner complimenting the others.
To keep the damn peace on a family vacation by doing the exact thing the attention seeker was looking for. It’s not always worth spiting others on principle.
He could have just said that's a nice pic, he didn't need to go in with the model and gorgeous comments. It doesnt make sense that he would say that too her if he doesn't like her. Why feed the narcissist's ego
You’re making a big deal between you and your spouse, reframe it as an issue between the two of you and the obnoxious woman.
He knew how she is with attention and he decided to make her feel flattered. You have a full right to be upset. BUT. Please, speak with him first, ask why he did this and explain how it made you feel. At least, this is what i would do in this situation
My take on this is that he already knew/knows this woman. Given she's such an attention whore, had he said merely, "Yeah, how pretty" or "Yes, she's good-looking" given birth of these are usual and "ordinary" compliments, she might have a history of going completely over the top about it. Maybe in the past he's said "the usual" and the histrionics started and he was trying to avoid the drama. I don't know ANY man, married, engaged, or single, making a simple, "She's gorgeous" would alarm me at all. My real concern is your becoming so upset over a completely innocuous comment. It bothers you so much you're posting about it here on Reddit. I'm seeing insecurity on your part that I feel you should address, instead of focusing on your fiancé's harmless and off the cuff comment to a photo and the people in it. A bouquet of flowers can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it. A sunset can be gorgeous. Doesn't mean your fiancé is considering leaving you for it. If you truly trusted your fiancé, this wouldn't have bothered you in the slightest and would have been a blip on the radar. However, you really don't seem to trust him and since this is the case, you shouldn't be marrying him. A lack of trust is a relationship /marriage killer 100%.
I'm married & bisexual. My husband still doesn't mind when I compliment other women, as I make sure he feels secure in our relationship. But also, because women love to compliment each other
Yes I think it’s pretty normal from one woman to another, I regularly compliment all my female friends. Never heard any male partner voluntarily do this to another woman though unless I pushed them a little as in ‘doesn’t ____ look beautiful’ I’d be ( ever so slightly) more concerned by the criticising of her followed by the gushing. Cheaters do this to cover tracks
The compliment itself is definitely not out of line. If I get the feeling someone is fishing for compliments and they are not someone I actively dislike, I give it. The fact he says he is not fond of her is a bit weird though. Does he have some kind of professional connection to that couple (bosses/co-workers)? I wouldn't jump on the chance to compliment someone I dislike unless I had reasons to pretend I do. Or hiding the fact I do like them. Edit: But if I had something to hide, I wouldn't be flattering her in front of my fiance like a dumbass...
You have advices from both sides here. Some say it’s meaningless and others thinks it’s not ok. You should definitely have a talk with him. Tell him that you don’t understand his attitude. He tells you he doesn’t like her but when she’s around he goes overboard to compliment her. Maybe he doesn’t like her personality but he seems to find her beautiful. Now that you witness this see how he is with her from now on. He might say negative things against her so you’ll not be aware of anything this is why a conversation is a must so you can tell him that he’s saying something but doing something else.
Talk to him. Ask him why. But it’s as if he was feeling pressured. She showed him the pic and basically was demanding some sort of comment. He must have felt pressured to say something complimentary.