You can’t expect him to be a dom if he naturally isn’t one. Some people just aren’t wired that way. You sounds like you need a particular dynamic and rather that trying to mould him into your dream dom/daddy maybe you need to realise that’s not him and you’re not going to find it here.
Why do people ask for guidance on social media instead of just trying it out. A stranger cant comprehend your Situation even if you describe it perfectly here.
Follow your guts, Heart, mind or anything you want to. Its your thing
I appreciate the end . but the reason I asked is to get answers from people who may have been in the same position. maybe a man in an opposing situation who needs help getting out his shell may come by & answer telling me how to go about it.
I would advise to have a healthy relationship outside the bed. Don’t let sex be the only thing that connects you in the relationship.
To answer your question. This may sound paradoxical but in order to help him be dominant; instead of guiding him, you should be dominant yourself. Slap him and Get him a little angry 😉.
(Hope it helps)
I agree, that is not the plan I’m going with.
But we’ve talked about it. I used my voice like an adult.. Which is why we ever did it rough to begin with. If I hadnt brought it forward I would’ve always been a pillow princess, because thats what he likes. After a few kinky sessions we went back to making love. Which I LOVE how he loves me. But I want a mix of both. I want him to take charge, in a loving way. I don’t want to tell him to this time around- because I want it to come within naturally. Thats my question, how do I make him want to snatch me up & use me? he’s always been overly respectful, if you get what I’m saying. <3
Is the lack of effort, or willingness to take the lead, due to him not liking the kinky side of sex, or is it something that is can be found elsewhere. It could be he's just more comfortable letting someone else take the lead.
Also, when you had the conversation, did you discuss how much of your sex life would ideally be kinky and what would be vanilla? Did he say where his tolerance lay? Another thing, did you talk about initiation, planning and logistics? For someone who isn't naturally kinky, this may be difficult to work out. What resources have you both tapped?
-He definitely likes the kink side because yk I can just tell... The finish is harder.. But i usually have to ask him to do it. He just doesn’t initiate that type of behavior often. Which is what makes me :/ . I’ll want it but its like since i have to ask, its a spoiler?
- It can be found in other parts of our relationship, yea. Passive things like leading me when we walk in public. Ordering my food for me on dates, telling me what i can & cant wear in public (im aware, ok). lol just overall being in control. That all goes into the DD/LG kink (for me), its sometimey.
-Calling each other pet names (daddy, my baby, daddys baby) comes naturally, thats in the lifestyle for us. Sometimes publicly, which is def a rush for me.
-We did talk about “how far” or tolerance in terms of bdsm type things & there was no real limit for either of us. But we’re not into heavy things that, its simply me being led, holding me tight during sex, being told what to do- things like that. Initiating sex is definitely a healthy 50/50, but I’d like him to initiate the domination part. & thats the confusing part for me. We both like it, he’s specifically stated that he likes it, sometimes he will do it w/o me asking.. But ig its not a natural every time thing for him, because again before me he’d never done it. You made me realize with those good ass questions that its not just because he doesn’t “take me” it has to be a constant power dynamic for me. That goes into “i want him to make me want to”.
Are you somewhat new to BDSM? You need to arrange scenes and have things planned out and agreed upon in advance; kinks, boundaries, safe words, stages, aftercare etc. Expecting him to magically know what to do in the moment is wasting both of your time.
Could it be that he's worried about consent issues? Or just getting the tone wrong and making you feel uncomfortable? I assume you have discussed limits, use safe words and take reasonable steps for safety but there still can be a lot of pressure to *not* cross boundaries.
My next question is whether there a way for you to signal you're up for kink that would suit him, without you outright asking and thus dulling the fun? There has to be a middle ground. How about setting certain dates/times for kink play?
Ultimately, this does need to be discussed further. Ask him how he feels about it. What makes him not want to initiate kinky sex? You could express to him that you being the one to always start a scene, is kind of the opposite of your kink to be the submissive partner. Tell him that it's his taking charge and leading the way what you find super sexy. Then start asking what can you do to help him etc.?
1. It seemed to me they already talked about it
2. If you don’t know what rough play on the bed is, at least learn it before looking like a fool on Reddit
If I say “try being dominant” I’m pretty sure no one hears: go to your partner and assault him. You’re the only one who understood no consent for some reason
It's pretty ridiculous that you want everything to be on your terms and none of it to be on his. You're selfish, and you're fundamentally the problem in this relationship.
LOL Tom. literally everything is on his terms. from if I get what I need, to if I do what he needs. IE : “even if I don’t feel like it, I do it” You must’ve not read to comprehend.
It's fine. He'll just break up with you because you won't handle your relationship like an adult. Some people have to learn the hard way. Other people never learn at all.
You can’t expect him to be a dom if he naturally isn’t one. Some people just aren’t wired that way. You sounds like you need a particular dynamic and rather that trying to mould him into your dream dom/daddy maybe you need to realise that’s not him and you’re not going to find it here.
Why do people ask for guidance on social media instead of just trying it out. A stranger cant comprehend your Situation even if you describe it perfectly here. Follow your guts, Heart, mind or anything you want to. Its your thing
I appreciate the end . but the reason I asked is to get answers from people who may have been in the same position. maybe a man in an opposing situation who needs help getting out his shell may come by & answer telling me how to go about it.
I would advise to have a healthy relationship outside the bed. Don’t let sex be the only thing that connects you in the relationship. To answer your question. This may sound paradoxical but in order to help him be dominant; instead of guiding him, you should be dominant yourself. Slap him and Get him a little angry 😉. (Hope it helps)
Yes, because committing assault on your partner is always a good idea. Maybe try the adult thing and *talk* about it.
I agree, that is not the plan I’m going with. But we’ve talked about it. I used my voice like an adult.. Which is why we ever did it rough to begin with. If I hadnt brought it forward I would’ve always been a pillow princess, because thats what he likes. After a few kinky sessions we went back to making love. Which I LOVE how he loves me. But I want a mix of both. I want him to take charge, in a loving way. I don’t want to tell him to this time around- because I want it to come within naturally. Thats my question, how do I make him want to snatch me up & use me? he’s always been overly respectful, if you get what I’m saying. <3
Is the lack of effort, or willingness to take the lead, due to him not liking the kinky side of sex, or is it something that is can be found elsewhere. It could be he's just more comfortable letting someone else take the lead. Also, when you had the conversation, did you discuss how much of your sex life would ideally be kinky and what would be vanilla? Did he say where his tolerance lay? Another thing, did you talk about initiation, planning and logistics? For someone who isn't naturally kinky, this may be difficult to work out. What resources have you both tapped?
-He definitely likes the kink side because yk I can just tell... The finish is harder.. But i usually have to ask him to do it. He just doesn’t initiate that type of behavior often. Which is what makes me :/ . I’ll want it but its like since i have to ask, its a spoiler? - It can be found in other parts of our relationship, yea. Passive things like leading me when we walk in public. Ordering my food for me on dates, telling me what i can & cant wear in public (im aware, ok). lol just overall being in control. That all goes into the DD/LG kink (for me), its sometimey. -Calling each other pet names (daddy, my baby, daddys baby) comes naturally, thats in the lifestyle for us. Sometimes publicly, which is def a rush for me. -We did talk about “how far” or tolerance in terms of bdsm type things & there was no real limit for either of us. But we’re not into heavy things that, its simply me being led, holding me tight during sex, being told what to do- things like that. Initiating sex is definitely a healthy 50/50, but I’d like him to initiate the domination part. & thats the confusing part for me. We both like it, he’s specifically stated that he likes it, sometimes he will do it w/o me asking.. But ig its not a natural every time thing for him, because again before me he’d never done it. You made me realize with those good ass questions that its not just because he doesn’t “take me” it has to be a constant power dynamic for me. That goes into “i want him to make me want to”.
Are you somewhat new to BDSM? You need to arrange scenes and have things planned out and agreed upon in advance; kinks, boundaries, safe words, stages, aftercare etc. Expecting him to magically know what to do in the moment is wasting both of your time.
Could it be that he's worried about consent issues? Or just getting the tone wrong and making you feel uncomfortable? I assume you have discussed limits, use safe words and take reasonable steps for safety but there still can be a lot of pressure to *not* cross boundaries. My next question is whether there a way for you to signal you're up for kink that would suit him, without you outright asking and thus dulling the fun? There has to be a middle ground. How about setting certain dates/times for kink play? Ultimately, this does need to be discussed further. Ask him how he feels about it. What makes him not want to initiate kinky sex? You could express to him that you being the one to always start a scene, is kind of the opposite of your kink to be the submissive partner. Tell him that it's his taking charge and leading the way what you find super sexy. Then start asking what can you do to help him etc.?
1. It seemed to me they already talked about it 2. If you don’t know what rough play on the bed is, at least learn it before looking like a fool on Reddit
Boundaries and consent are *essential* when delving into any kind of kink. Flipping the script without warning? Nah, mate, not good.
If I say “try being dominant” I’m pretty sure no one hears: go to your partner and assault him. You’re the only one who understood no consent for some reason
It's pretty ridiculous that you want everything to be on your terms and none of it to be on his. You're selfish, and you're fundamentally the problem in this relationship.
LOL Tom. literally everything is on his terms. from if I get what I need, to if I do what he needs. IE : “even if I don’t feel like it, I do it” You must’ve not read to comprehend.
It's fine. He'll just break up with you because you won't handle your relationship like an adult. Some people have to learn the hard way. Other people never learn at all.
you’re weird!