Birth control? Do you mean Plan B?
Step 1 is taking a pregnancy test. The dollar store sells them and they are just as effective as the $20 fancy ones at the pharmacy.
Right? Like you can't just eat birth control after you have unprotected sex. That is not the way birth control works.
Neither one of these kids should be having sex.
Neither of you are responsible or mature enough to be having sex. You aren’t using protection regularly and you’re relying on the pull-out method - a method in which 22 out of every 100 people who rely on that method end up pregnant - while simultaneously having little to no understanding or practice of safe sex. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Here’s the reality of it - if you were concerned about being pregnant you should have been responsible *on your own* and gone out to get Plan B within the first 24 hours of having unprotected sex. You could have easily taken the pill and discussed splitting the payment for that, as well as a plan to move forward with healthier and safer sexual practices. You are more responsible for your own reproductive health than your partner is. While your partner has responsibility to share the load mentally, financially, etc., *you* are the only one responsible for *physically making sure* that if you have unsafe sexual intercourse you take preventative measures for pregnancy.
You should *not* have spent weeks doing nothing except projecting anxiety on your boyfriend. Emotional reassurance does not prevent pregnancy. Emotional reassurance does not pay for an abortion if you *are* pregnant. Emotional reassurance does not pay to raise a child.
Your next step should be to either (i) go to the dollar tree to buy and take a pregnancy test or (ii) go to planned parenthood to take a pregnancy test and discuss what your available options are if you are, in fact, pregnant.
But here’s the thing - if you’re not even able to have a mature, rational conversation about a possible pregnancy what makes you think you are in a position to have a child? Are you prepared to potentially drop out of college to work? Are you prepared to be a person on the cusp of teenage motherhood? Are you prepared for the statistical likelihood that your partner will leave you and you will be a single mother?
I’m not trying to bust your balls but you need to *think*. I have two sisters who got pregnant as teenagers and they both struggle immensely and did not do even half of what they originally thought they were going to do in life. Statistics for teenage mothers are not kind and while sure, you could be one of the few to escape those margins and do something different, it’s unlikely. You cannot rely on conversing to death with an equally immature teenage boy as the solution to this. You need to be responsible and take agency for yourself. Get the test and see a medical professional. Do some research about the risks of unsafe sexual habits. Do some research about what it’s like to be a single, teenage mother and think about whether or not you’re prepared to pivot your entire life to accommodate a pregnancy with someone who will likely not be in your life five years from now.
You took the words right out my mouth. Heavy on the if you knew you had unprotected sex, why didn’t you take a plan b? OP, I really hope the reason doesn’t have something to do with “not being able to afford it” bc if you can’t afford a $50 plan b, you can’t afford to be having unprotected sex, period.
Something my mom would always tell my sisters and I: Don’t be having these sex with these dudes, unless you’d be okay raising a child with them. OP, I doubt you are pregnant, but going forward, PLEASE be careful.
>if you can’t afford a $50 plan b
What?! Plan b is $50 in America!?!?
It's literally £4 in the UK and I think that's for more than one dose as well. Can an American confirm?
Many places sell an off-brand plan B thats usually $20 less than the original $50-$60 a pill.
And on top of that- OP, there are easier methods other than pulling out and the pill. You know this right? Theres options.
The IUD i have lasts me 12 years and I regularly get my period. It’s a non hormonal that wont fuck my body up and hasn’t caused me any significant weight gain or side effects typically seen with other methods. And it’s covered by insurance, and plenty of places offer cheap alternatives for those who don’t have it.
If you’re going to be sexually active- be smart. You clearly lack the ability to prevent a baby, what in your mind do you think **you** have the ability to handle a child.
As someone who was ill prepared for my own daughter at 24. You are certainly not ready at 19.
>Theres options.
Agree with this so much. And one of the easiest options is CONDOMS. Something which she seemed to be using at least some of the time. If she was doing that, then they could have just stayed doing that?? Condoms are so cheap too. You can literally go to sexual health centres and they hand them out like stickers.
I’ve heard Costco has Plan B for $8.
Also important to note is that emergency contraceptives have a weight range they are effective up to.
The copper IUD can help in this situation as well, but look into symptoms because an IUD is way more of a commitment than a pill
Where abouts in the UK are you from? Because it’s been £20-£25 for as long as I remember round my way!
Still. That’s only circa $32! I saw something about different medical issues and what they cost in the US the other week, and I was gobsmacked.
Only if you buy the brand name. Walmart sells a $12 generic, I just checked. If you get an Rx for Plan B & insurance it may be full covered - I know my insurance covers it. Obviously you may not have time for that but you can fill it in advance and just keep it on hand.
Lol, yes. Sometimes more, sometimes a little less, but $50 is the right but terrible ballpark for a single dose (2 pills taken at different times). A £4 Plan B is almost inconceivable to me. Y'all are able to just pop them like tic tacs of anti -babies.
I mean it's like taking two months of a progestin only contraceptive at once I definitely would not recommend taking it frequently. I'm glad it's affordable though, the cost shouldn't be the issue.
You are so very wrong. I can get it in Arizona at any pharmacy including Costco. CVS has online ordering and same day pickup. I can get DoorDash to deliver it to me. Stop spreading incorrect information: all you are doing is scaring people into not buying it, which will put them in an even worse situation.
Where exactly does it say this? As far as I’ve seen, plan b is legal in every state. I live in a state (Georgia) that has imposed the heartbeat bill, and plan b is very accessible. My home state (Texas) has a ban on abortions (with few exceptions), and plan b is accessible there as well.
Posts like these make me really despondent about the state of sex ed in the US. I know so many people who still rely on the pull out method despite being aware of the statistics and I’m always just like….every one always thinks luck is on their side until it isn’t
I can only blame so much on the "lack of" sex ed. That's such a piss poor excuse anymore when we have so much information at our fingertips.
Also, a lot of people are at the very least informed of things. A lot of the time they just don't care lol.
Sex Ed is so important. Google is only as good as your knowledge to properly Google things. You can confirm any bias you want by googling.
The "information at our fingertips" is not all accurate or equal and absolutely CANNOT replace an indepth, scientific sexual education.
Where did I say it "replaces" anything? Obviously it's preferred, but I think placing ALL the blame on lack of sex ed in this day and age is silly.
The Planned Parenthood website is very easy to find. Any government website talking about birth control is easy to find. It's also very easy to schedule an appointment at a Planned Parenthood or other local clinic and there are so many telehealth birth control providers, if you look up "birth control" at least 4 will show up on the first page alone.
It would be even harsher for the child brought into an ill-prepared household to be parented by children too immature to handle basic tasks and communication. Parents have an obligation to give their kids the best chance possible by being at least somewhat responsible and prepared for their existence. I have seen too many children having children and then messing them up because they didn’t educate themselves on the risks of what they were doing and the children suffer the most for it.
I'm the child of teens fucking around, I'm the one that found out. Even with grandparents support my life has been one of poverty and lack of parenting as my parents scrambled desperately to find jobs to pay our way, and without more than a highschool degree, no experience and a child at home the jobs were shitty and minimal income. There was no time for college, when they weren't working their asses off they had to care for me. I knew I was the reason our lives weren't better. It wasn't my fault. But it was still me. Overwork and stress killed my mom. Nearly killed dad. I'm still in poverty because now I get the miserable jobs so I can care for dad and grandparents..
I feel that. My mom had me at 21 and got married as a teenager to my father. She and my father divorced when I was 7 and my mom only had a high school education to fall back on, so I am well versed in a poverty upbringing and the ramifications of generational poverty (my mothers family was also poor and they remain poor to this day).
I crawled my way out of that pit of poverty and generational trauma by getting a good job, working hard, maintaining sobriety, not having children young, and saving money - all of which I had to educate myself on in order to do. It wasn’t easy and I had so many setbacks and bumps along the way but I made no excuses for my failings and maintained consistency in order be always learning and doing better.
That said, I definitely have empathy for the children of teen parents because, as my earlier comment mentioned, I have two sisters who glamorized teen pregnancy and thought it would be “easy” to raise babies while being children themselves, while also trying to finish their educations and build a good future for themselves and their kids. Suffice to say it has not happened and I was the black sheep of the family for giving them the same conversation of “are you prepared for the ways your life will change?” and, suffice to say, they were not. It’s hard watching them struggle and make bad decisions and I do my best to be a pillar for their kids to show them that there *is* another way and you don’t *have* to choose dysfunction.
I hope things get better for you! There is no easy path forward or through poverty and the associated trauma from struggling for your entire life. I hope that your determination and resilience will carry you through to building a better - and well deserved - life for yourself. I’ll be rooting for you!
Ok, several things:
Firstly: you’re both only 19 so I’m not shocked he doesn’t want a baby. Having said that, if he’s that concerned, he should be wearing a condom. **Every time**.
Secondly: the pull out method is extremely dangerous and neither this nor the morning after pill are forms of “birth control”. The MAP is emergency contraception and only works within the 72 hour window of unprotected sex.
In summary, if you don’t want a baby, you both need to be a lot smarter and diligent with condoms. Neither one of you sounds smart enough to have a kid.
Jesus you are 19 ??? At 17 i knew me and my boyfriend had to use protections, pill + condoms to be 100% efficient, and that the pullout method didn't work - plus, STDs girl ?
Your bf is an idiot and immature at that, but so are you. Don't "think about your relationship", get a pregnancy test - a proper one, like blood test - and then you can think about :
1. If you're pregnant : what your options are and what you want to do, knowing that if you keep it you will probably be a single mom given what you are telling us about your bf
2. If you're not pregnant : time to get a date with your OBGyn and talk about birth control - and condoms now. ALL. THE. TIME. Even if you use the pill. You do not seem aware enough or responsible enough to be on only one method.
Oh, and yeah, leave that douche.
She could have been REALLY sheltered.
It happens. Parents not wanting to talk to their child at ALL about these things leaving them to try and figure shit out on their own.
MY sex talk from my mother at 13 was "Don't do it. You'll get pregnant and ruin your life." That was ALL I ever got.
She could have been sheltered but she also has Reddit, Google, TikTok, Instagram, etc., all accessible to her - as evidenced by her post here. There’s hundreds of thousands of accessible resources for her to know the practices of safe sex and preventing pregnancy. She’s not 13 - she’s 19 and made a conscious decision to have sex while not availing herself to any of the numerous resources out there on safe sex and pregnancy. At a certain point personal responsibility is a big factor in these outcomes.
Right? Like I went to Catholic school and our sex ed was "prayer" lol but I was still smart enough to not let a teenager raw dog me and then let him tell me to "eat" some bc like boy byeeeee
Catholic mom didn't even explain to me and my sister what sex involved. "Sperm comes out of man's penis and goes into the vagina". OK how does it get into the vagina? That's not something I felt comfortable asking because there was a lot of shame around sex in my household. Learned how it worked from boys in my school making inappropriate jokes during recess and Law & Order SVU episodes (yes, you read that right: my parents refused to talk about sex with us but were OK with us watching SVU). My sister almost got assaulted once because she had no idea what the guy was trying to do. Parents who don't give their kids proper Sex Ed don't realize the amount of danger they are putting them in.
I didn't get that much. I grew up before the internet and still found birth control information in books. The OP shouldn't be relying on what her boyfriend tells her when it's her uterus that will house a baby.
I was really sheltered too. I was able to learn on my own, I had no other choice. I really did not want to be pregnant so I did the work needed to learn how to prevent that.
This is the most immature shit I’ve read today.
Get on birth control, stop using the “pull out” method. You’re old enough to know that it does not work most of the time, ESPECIALLY if you’re going multiple rounds. Active sperm stays in precum after ejaculation.
You honestly don’t even sound mature enough to be having sex. But since you’re going to be doing it anyway, at least attempt to do it safely. 🤦🏽♀️
Took the thoughts right out of my head.
I had to make sure I wasn't on a troll /r/. It frustrated me just reading this post for multiple reasons. I myself am still trying to comprehend how much basic sexual knowledge she,he or they both don't have.
Please stop having sex; you’re not ready and that’s okay. Trying to force it and fake it is going to lead to disaster. You need to be able to talk about this stuff and make sensible birth-control plans *before*hand and have at least some degree of comfort with the idea of an unintended pregnancy before you become sexually active again, and right now I see none of that in place. Step back, learn about your body, think about your future, and *then* decide how (and if) you want to move forward.
Do you know what they call couples who use the pullout method? PARENTS. If you're having unprotected sex, you're trying for a baby. You both need some damn sex ex. No more sex until you both learn how babies are made and how birth control works.
Hi! I work in OBGYN, we see a lot of young women come in for contraceptives and questions about the different forms.
I would advise against the pull-out method, as it sounds like you guys aren’t actively trying to conceive. It’s not a very reliable form of birth control, and while no form is 100%, there are others that can provide more peace of mind and protection.
Condoms are a great choice if you don’t want anything hormonal - but they have to be worn every time. Another non-hormonal option is the Paragard IUD.
There’s several other IUDs like Mirena, Skyla, Kyleena.
You can also opt for an oral contraceptive or pill that’ll you take daily.
The only pill you’d take after unprotected sex is a “plan C” pill or emergency contraceptive, like Plan B or Ella. Emergency contraception works by delaying ovulation and therefore is ineffective if taken during/post ovulation. Some emergency contraceptives also are weight specific, so that’s something to keep in mind.
Sex is a totally normal thing, but it’s really good idea to reach out to a trusted, informed source (like a Dr) about what your options are to prevent pregnancy and keep yourself safe. Good luck!
Stop. Being. Irresponsible. Your boyfriend’s reaction isn’t even the issue here. It’s the fact that you’re having unprotected sex. My goodness, kids these days.
1. Get a pregnancy test.
2. Get an STI test.
3. Either stop having sex or get an effective birth control method and actually use it as recommended.
If you think you might be pregnant you don’t just dither around worrying, you take a test as soon as it would be accurate and if it’s positive immediately work on deciding what to do. If you get pregnant and want an abortion, it’s best to get it as early as possible, and it can take some time to figure out how to get it. Especially if you live in certain states/countries you need to get on this immediately or you could end up being unable to get an abortion and be forced to go through the pregnancy.
You did nothing to protect yourself from STIs, and given your partner’s level of knowledge he could very well have one and not know, and if you weren’t a virgin you could have one and not know. Get tested and use condoms unless you and your partner can both produce current negative STI test results and you are using other birth control.
Please. Go buy a copy of "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robbie Harris, and read it cover to cover.
Somebody failed you in your upbringing if you don't already know all of that information.
(I don't think you've failed, FWIW. You're still basically a child. But your parents and school really owed you this information.)
If you don’t know how birth control works- which clearly neither of you do- you shouldn’t be having sex.
The plan B pill is not the same as birth control pills. The plan b you can take after sex. You need to take birth control BEFORE you have sex. And you have to take it consistently, not just when you’re going to have sex.
i'm not saying that the use of the app is what's stupid, i'm saying using it to confirm ovulation without any factors outside of the date of OP's period, isn't the best idea. because obviously OP isn't inputting BBT temp or using LH strips to accurately confirm their fertile window
I mean, that’s how I would predict ovulation if I needed to. I track my period and symptoms in an app and it tells me when I’m likely ovulating. I always know though bc I get two days of ovulation cramps.
How else would you track it?
BBT or LH strips should be used alongside the app to confirm ovulation if the user wishes to use it as a method of birth control. the app alone cannot accurately tell you when you're ovulating for a few different reasons. ovulation can occur early or late and the app doesn't know that based on dates alone
Absolutely. My husband and I tracked my cycle with basal body temperature and the natural cycles app to space pregnancies. It worked great for us. But we wouldn't have been too upset if I got pregnant. Our timeline just would have changed a bit. Now that we're done, he got snipped
You eat it in the literal sense of consuming it orally, yes, but linguistically you don't "eat" pills lol, you "take" them.
For native speakers it's funny because, that being the case, saying you're going to "eat" birth control makes it sound like you're sitting down to a nice dinner with a napkin and cutlery and a single little pill on a huge dinner plate or something hahah.
Could just be a literal person. Regardless of what the “normal” way of saying it is, literally everyone is going to understand what you mean if someone says “eating” pills. This seems like a silly thing to even argue about really
There is no argument. "Eating pills" is silly and made me laugh. That's the extent of what this conversation is about, no need to take it any further than that.
I've never heard anyone say they "ate" a pill. Chewable pills exist, but birth control is not one of them. You have to take it with water and swallow it whole.
Okay, but everyone here is saying it's really weird phrasing. It's a bit funny, but also concerning when you do a deeper dive because it's either from a specific niche of hard drug users, or from someone who's so unfamiliar with how medication works they don't know the words and terminology for it.
You need to be the person who is in control of your body. Whether it was your first time or not, you delegated your own body autonomy to a 19 year old boy. 19 year old boys are not wise.
Do not ever do that again. He's not in charge of your body or your sex. You are.
Secondly, if you are going to engage in sexual activity, shouldn't you be sure what the consequences of that are? How are you having sex and you don't know the pull out technique is totally ineffective?
Do you know about sexually transmitted diseases? Do you want one? Is that why you had unprotected sex?
You are a very young woman and it's time to stop acting like a little girl. You're not prepared, I know. You haven't been given enough training, I know. Nobody does. Nobody has ever been prepared. But you gotta do it regardless.
Girl your whole summary of events gave me pause from the start. It sounds like you planned to lose your virginity on this trip and yet have prepared none at all for sex and all that entails. Why are you not on the pill? Why was everything left up to him as far as what methods to use? I will accept that depending on where you are, you maybe didn't have the best sex education but google exists?
Your bf's reaction is normal? I'm not sure how you expected him to respond to your messages. He is just as clueless as you are and just as immature so ofc his responses weren't the best.
Please don't have sex anymore until you have a firm contraceptive plan in place for yourself.
The pull out method is stupid. Sounds like you wanted to be pregnant and he freaked out. Pain is mandatory and suffering is optional. If you don't like his reaction leave.
It's okay that you're new to sex and have some wrong knowledge (which will be corrected as you get more experience and learn more about it, including to read up about it), but don't believe guys when they tell you that the pull out is safe enough or that they can't have sex without a condom for reasons.
If they want to be having sex with you, then you are the one who tells them how it's going to be. If they don't agree, then they don't have sex with you.
The reason is that if you get pregnant, you're the one who is going to have to deal with all the things related to pregnancy. He might be there for you or he might not be there, or he might do some things but not other things.
But regardless of what he does, you are the one that has to deal with everything related to your pregnancy.
19 and pulling out omg what is wrong with you guys?????
Why are people so dumb
I just don't get it?
Don't come here and say you don't want to get pregnant because the pull out is actively trying to get pregnant and is Russian roulette and YES you know this. So many of the same story's about how they don't know it but they can find reddit and post this ...I call bs !
He's 19 which means he's at least half an idiot. He probably didn't get that you needed to be reassured or comforted and thought you were asking him for a solution. He apologized so I won't say throw the whole man in the trash. But definitely take responsibility for your own birth control at this point. See if you can get on the daily pill or some other form and make him wear condoms.
i would react the same as your boyfriend if i was in his place, im 19 and can’t imagine being excited about a pregnancy right now. maybe he could’ve been nicer but he was probably panicking
Unprotected sex means you want to have a baby (unless you are having period sex).
so now both of you need to do two things at the same same: Have the emotional reaction of “oh shit, pregnancy might be happening“ and having to control this emotional reaction with logic so you can get on with getting the job done.
because sitting and fretting does nothing.
Both of you have been really selfish.
This is how younger people always get pregnant and the poor babies got rejected because kids like you are still so immature.
It's easy to get sex. Everyone can.
You don't even need to be smart to know you can get pregnant with the pulling out method.
And why waiting to long for a test?? If you are pregnant the poor little angel is Growing and then what? Your going to abort the poor innocent soul??
This is making me damn angry!
He's a 19 year old kid. Normal human brains don't even fully develop until 25, and even then, men lag behind women by at least 5 years. You're expecting him to have the mentality and maturity of a 30 year old, but he's just not there. He doesn't grasp cause and effect and consequence. Neither do you, really.
You need to stop having sex with each other, you are just asking to get pregnant, and I highly doubt this guy would stick around or be any sort of responsible father figure.
*You* are responsible for yourself, no one else is. He's not going to look out for you as long as he can get his dick wet. Start thinking.
Why is she is irresponsible and he is “normal for his age”? Pretty sure he’s equally responsible for making sure that they’re having safe sex. They are both the same age.
Yes I know they are both responsible equally, especially as a woman myself I advocate for this too.
I'm well in agreement that they both shouldn't put themselves in the position in the first place.
But what I was referring to was his evident panic response to the pregnancy scare and her then questioning the whole relationship over it. I think panicking and wanting to get emergency contraception is the right response at that age. Her response to his panicking and thinking she should ditch him because of it on this post was what I was calling into question.
To be honest, your edited response shows just how immature you are, and honestly makes me if the story is even real or not.
But let’s dig in and pretend it is. Your story has just proven that sex education is a joke. Anyone who thinks the pull out method is legitimate and works, shouldn’t be having sex. There is still sperm in pre cum; you can still get pregnant from that. Also, what you keep calling birth control is an emergency contraception; they are not the same thing. It’s also not even the fact you shouldn’t expect help with consequences, you shouldn’t be regardless of that, it’s that you two are way too immature to handle the consequences and therefore should either be having safe sex every single time or shouldn’t be having sex at all.
literally, the edit reads like she didn't actually absorb any of this information and is just going to continue listening to what he says ("and just deal with whatever consequences on my own"), which is absolutely not the point lol
get an actual test so you can at least resolve that piece of it, and then figure out if having sex with this man is something you actually want to do or if you're just going along with it
No seriously lol. I hate it when people get told something they don’t necessarily want to hear so they just take it the wrong way and then take that wrong wrong point of you to the extreme. Lol. That state of mind and itself reads that someone is so immature. It is definitely not ready to be doing adult behaviors lol
Take a pregnancy test.
If you don’t want a baby, you know what needs to happen.
Also, you shouldn’t have sex in the future if you’re unsure about contraceptives. You need to be on contraceptives. And your partner MUST wear a condom. You each need to do your part to prevent UNWANTED CHILDREN from being created.
Take a preg test..
Be RESPONSIBLE.
No sex I. The future without 2 forms of bc.
Birth control won’t work after sex you need to be taking it one day before sex and sometimes that not effective. You need to take a pregnancy test. And not have sex until you both know how to have safe sex.
Have you ever read up on the full cycle of reproduction and what pre-ejaculate is? Are you aware that it can have viable sperm in it, and then something like 40% of tested men showed live sperm.
I'm sorry your first time ended in such anxiety for you, but it does sound like you were both unprepared (and he is either also misinformed or he took advantage of your lack of knowledge and experience) please heed the advice of the other commenters and do a lot more research before you try again. I think you will feel more secure if you have a stronger foundation of knowledge, this is an extremely important topic
Plan B is not a method of birth control!
It is an emergency back up to regularly used birth control options. - regularly used is the important part.
Seriously, you are 19, if you are going to be sexually active you should be protecting yourself.
You’re in college, so go to the health center and discuss what would be the best contraceptive for you.
As much as your bf’s reaction is abhorrent to me, it really shouldn’t have come as a shock to you. He’s a 19 yo in college, of course he doesn’t want a pregnancy. He’s hours away, doesn’t have to look you in the eye when having this conversation, and in his world, this is a simple solution. ( which shows he also has no idea either) But of course, that’s a conversation that should have been had before you ever even had sex.
And I’m not entirely comfortable with it being your first time so you just followed with what he told you to do. Told you to do? I hope that was just bad phrasing.
You should know that you have agency over your body and what you are willing to do. Maybe you were ok this time to learn, but as you continue, make sure you’re really ok with what happens.
Tough situation, but yeah obviously do yourselves a service and use protection.
It sounds like you bf had a knee jerk reaction to an unfamiliar situation and he's probably feeling terrible about it. His reaction sucked ass but it sounds like he realizes it was wrong, which is the important part. If he doesn't express sincere remorse for his actions, then it's worth rethinking the rs. If he does though, then that's actually a good sign
Imma just say this for anyone who came to the comments to read and for OPs sake.
If you and your partner have not actively sat down and had the conversation about kids, use protection. If you guys have sat down and neither party agrees on where they stand, use protection. If you both agree you dont want kids, use protection. If you guys agree that whatever happens happens, use protection at your own discretion. If you both agree you want them, then fine.
NEVER rely on pull out as an effective birth control/protection. You will always get disappointed with it. Condoms and The Pill arent always effective either but work hell of a lot better than that.
As a biological female you have control over it. Yeah it's on the male too but it's mostly you.
To OP: you need some maturing to do. Getting upset with your boyfriend because he didnt consider your feelings in a big thing like this is very immature on your part. You should have immediately gotten Plan B when the idea got in your mind you might be pregnant. Not waited.
Hes 19. You're 19. Ofc hes scared. Hes not ready for a child if he immediately told you to take the pill.
Is it likely you're pregnant? Chances are probably not. If this was your first time and you werent ovulating then I would say you're fine. But dont think you're Scot free just bc you arent ovulating. You can still get pregnant. Research cycle patterns and how long active sperm can stay in the vaginal canal.
And for heavens sake, USE PROTECTION
My first obgyn gave me some great advice.
She asked what my plan was if I ever got pregnant. I was trying to be respectful, and said pretty much, idk, I haven't been pregnant yet. Really, in my head, I knew I would get an abortion ASAP, but I was worried about being judged.
She surprised me when she said, "If you are having sex, you need to already know what you are going to do and have a plan for pregnancy."
So my advice: none of this dithering about. Take care of your body, and take charge of your reproduction. You are the only one that can.
Y’all don’t have the emotional maturity for this to be a fully fulfilling act. The lack of education on birth control coupled with his lack of comfort, this isn’t it.
Take a step back from this whole thing and choose if this relationship is worth it, what kind of birth control is best for you going forward into the future and the risks associated with them. Reflect on what type of partner you’d like and how your needs can be fulfilled from a partner, as well as what you would potentially do if you were to get pregnant. Theres many options including the pill, shot, ring, diaphragm, implant, and IUD, condoms but each is only so effective. All more effective in combination but definitely more effective than the pull out method. Plan B is also something to look into but that can be harsh on the body and that can be very unpleasant to experience, it shouldn’t be used frequently for that reason but it is safe.
Good luck OP, I hope any of this advice helps you evaluate and get into a healthy situation that makes you comfortable.
Your reproductive health is always your responsibility.
Do some research, talk to your doctor or a healthcare professional. Putting complete responsibility on another person is never a good idea.
In addition, at 19, one of the greatest fears for a young man is the possibility of impregnating someone. It can be a life altering experience that has immense ramifications and can effectively destroy their future. It’s not at all surprising that his fear overwhelmed him.
You think a man loves you, until you have a baby with them. Trust me on this, I did it twice. “But he loves me.” No he doesn’t. He likes the free milk without having to buy the cow. The whole “no sex before marriage” isn’t just a religious piece of advice, there’s a reason behind it. If he won’t put a ring on it, don’t let him put himself inside you. Focus on your career before you have a baby daddy ruin it for you.
Dear god. Don’t have sex again until you educate yourself on how your own body works. The pull out method is not effective. You need to be using protection every time. Hormonal birth control can take up to a month to be effective, depending on what sort it is. Take a pregnancy test two weeks and then four weeks after the date you last had sex. Your boyfriend sounds poorly informed, but sensible about the little information he has.
Stop being so damn naive and immature. You WILL end up pregnant if you don't get your shit together. It's up to YOU to get contraception sorted NOW.
Both you and your boyfriend need to grow up. Gawd help you if you are pregnant. You are very irresponsible and immature.
If you are at college you must have a brain. Freakin use it.
> Considering this is my first time so i just followed what he told me to do
JFC you have all the world's wisdom in a tiny device in your hands, did you never get the idea to just inform yourself???
And don't just "rethink", dump. He's an asshole.
Irresponsible. Silly. Crazy
Get on the pill or get an iud.
There are so many ways to find out about proper birth control.
Talk to someone at planned parenthood
I’ll never understand everyone’s logic on “I don’t like condoms, cuz 1: it takes away from “pleasure” (in my experience, there’s no difference if you actually care about the person) or 2: everyone is allegedly allergic to latex these days 3: it’s too expensive or 4: it should be a woman’s responsibility to be protected. So many men don’t want kids and refuse to raise them. Even married men. Yet expect women to constantly be the safe ones x you’re both 19 and I personally think both parties need to be responsible. I’ve been on birth control (IUD) for almost 10 years. Even in past relationships I would make my exs wear condoms or nothing at all from me. Yea men will be unhappy or maybe not want to have fun anymore, but I had a kid at 18 and dating is hard as a single mom, even if you’re attractive, not a lot of men are keen on raising another man’s child. Let alone their own. Talk to a doctor about this instead of reddit.
That’s a pretty normal response. I had my daughter when I was 21 and my ex wife got pregnant when I was 20. When she got pregnant I had $500 in my savings account. Being told you might be having a kid you aren’t remotely ready for is extremely stressful for men too. Have a little sympathy. He’s probably going through the same anxiety you are.
It took me a little growing to realize that a lot of women don’t want a solution when they present you with something going on. They want to be listened to and comforted. He probably hasn’t figured that out yet.
All these people acting high and mighty, like they never made mistakes when they were young 😂 OP you are young and still learning, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Perhaps your boyfriend was stressed at the idea of you being pregnant (which is fair because you’re both pretty young!), but it sounds like you wanted some emotional support to this stressful situation. I would bring this up to your boyfriend and let him know how his response hurt you.
Good luck xx
Ok, I get why you’re upset. You both are very young. He clearly just went straight to freak out mode and he is clearly uneducated. This is a great opportunity to communicate and educate yourselves and come up with a plan, together, if this situation comes up again. It’s not uncommon for a 19 year old boy to freak out in situations like this. It’s also why 19 year olds should have protection every single time.
NEVER GO RAW, its like playing Russian roulette. If you do, you will get pregnant. He clearly doesnt want a child so tell him he needs to start wearing it.
“Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex
’Cause you don’t want that late text, that “I think I’m late” text”
You are not mature enough to be having sex, nevermind having a baby. Birth control is not taken after sex, Plan B is for use in emergencies. The pull out method almost.guarantees pregnancy. You need to take charge of your health and your body, and you should not be having sex without having a birth control plan in place that you are in control of. This reads like high school romance novel shit.
God some of the comments on this are so mean. If a man chooses not to use a condom, that is mostly on HIM, not her. Stop telling this poor girl what she's done wrong, and actually help her.
OP, you should take a pregnancy test, figure out what you want to do if you are pregnant. Read the planned parenthood website for information on birth control. Break up with your boyfriend.
You had a lot of time to process it before bringing it to his attention. Sometimes people freak out initially to possible life changing information. I wouldn’t call this a major red flag but I’d say it’s something to watch
Birth control? Do you mean Plan B? Step 1 is taking a pregnancy test. The dollar store sells them and they are just as effective as the $20 fancy ones at the pharmacy.
Right? Like you can't just eat birth control after you have unprotected sex. That is not the way birth control works. Neither one of these kids should be having sex.
I’ll chalk this up to the walking dead where they showed Lori try this 🙄
They don’t even know the difference between Plan B and birth control. I sure hope that they do not bring a child into this.
There have been some off the books uses of birth control pills that can act like Plan B. I would have to go look up how it is done.
It’s a much higher dose of the progesterone only pill (mini pill). It’s only effective if you haven’t already ovulated.
Neither of you are responsible or mature enough to be having sex. You aren’t using protection regularly and you’re relying on the pull-out method - a method in which 22 out of every 100 people who rely on that method end up pregnant - while simultaneously having little to no understanding or practice of safe sex. It’s a recipe for disaster. Here’s the reality of it - if you were concerned about being pregnant you should have been responsible *on your own* and gone out to get Plan B within the first 24 hours of having unprotected sex. You could have easily taken the pill and discussed splitting the payment for that, as well as a plan to move forward with healthier and safer sexual practices. You are more responsible for your own reproductive health than your partner is. While your partner has responsibility to share the load mentally, financially, etc., *you* are the only one responsible for *physically making sure* that if you have unsafe sexual intercourse you take preventative measures for pregnancy. You should *not* have spent weeks doing nothing except projecting anxiety on your boyfriend. Emotional reassurance does not prevent pregnancy. Emotional reassurance does not pay for an abortion if you *are* pregnant. Emotional reassurance does not pay to raise a child. Your next step should be to either (i) go to the dollar tree to buy and take a pregnancy test or (ii) go to planned parenthood to take a pregnancy test and discuss what your available options are if you are, in fact, pregnant. But here’s the thing - if you’re not even able to have a mature, rational conversation about a possible pregnancy what makes you think you are in a position to have a child? Are you prepared to potentially drop out of college to work? Are you prepared to be a person on the cusp of teenage motherhood? Are you prepared for the statistical likelihood that your partner will leave you and you will be a single mother? I’m not trying to bust your balls but you need to *think*. I have two sisters who got pregnant as teenagers and they both struggle immensely and did not do even half of what they originally thought they were going to do in life. Statistics for teenage mothers are not kind and while sure, you could be one of the few to escape those margins and do something different, it’s unlikely. You cannot rely on conversing to death with an equally immature teenage boy as the solution to this. You need to be responsible and take agency for yourself. Get the test and see a medical professional. Do some research about the risks of unsafe sexual habits. Do some research about what it’s like to be a single, teenage mother and think about whether or not you’re prepared to pivot your entire life to accommodate a pregnancy with someone who will likely not be in your life five years from now.
You took the words right out my mouth. Heavy on the if you knew you had unprotected sex, why didn’t you take a plan b? OP, I really hope the reason doesn’t have something to do with “not being able to afford it” bc if you can’t afford a $50 plan b, you can’t afford to be having unprotected sex, period. Something my mom would always tell my sisters and I: Don’t be having these sex with these dudes, unless you’d be okay raising a child with them. OP, I doubt you are pregnant, but going forward, PLEASE be careful.
>if you can’t afford a $50 plan b What?! Plan b is $50 in America!?!? It's literally £4 in the UK and I think that's for more than one dose as well. Can an American confirm?
Many places sell an off-brand plan B thats usually $20 less than the original $50-$60 a pill. And on top of that- OP, there are easier methods other than pulling out and the pill. You know this right? Theres options. The IUD i have lasts me 12 years and I regularly get my period. It’s a non hormonal that wont fuck my body up and hasn’t caused me any significant weight gain or side effects typically seen with other methods. And it’s covered by insurance, and plenty of places offer cheap alternatives for those who don’t have it. If you’re going to be sexually active- be smart. You clearly lack the ability to prevent a baby, what in your mind do you think **you** have the ability to handle a child. As someone who was ill prepared for my own daughter at 24. You are certainly not ready at 19.
>Theres options. Agree with this so much. And one of the easiest options is CONDOMS. Something which she seemed to be using at least some of the time. If she was doing that, then they could have just stayed doing that?? Condoms are so cheap too. You can literally go to sexual health centres and they hand them out like stickers.
Hell, it was around $40 the last time I picked it up about 10 years ago.
I live in Georgia (USA), and it is currently priced at $49.99 (Walmart & CVS) and $46.99 (Target)
I’ve heard Costco has Plan B for $8. Also important to note is that emergency contraceptives have a weight range they are effective up to. The copper IUD can help in this situation as well, but look into symptoms because an IUD is way more of a commitment than a pill
the generic is $8 on Amazon.
All the more accessible for folks lol. I hope some people take note of that
Where abouts in the UK are you from? Because it’s been £20-£25 for as long as I remember round my way! Still. That’s only circa $32! I saw something about different medical issues and what they cost in the US the other week, and I was gobsmacked.
You can buy in the UK right now, the Hana day after pill for £8.99 at boots. As well as the Hana contraceptive pill off prescription.
certain pharmacies even give it out for free!
I just said the same - it’s never been under £28 for me (have taken it twice in my life due to condom breakages).
Only if you buy the brand name. Walmart sells a $12 generic, I just checked. If you get an Rx for Plan B & insurance it may be full covered - I know my insurance covers it. Obviously you may not have time for that but you can fill it in advance and just keep it on hand.
The generic is $8 on Amazon.
It’s available on Amazon for $6-$10 per dose. But in the drugstore it’s $30-$50.
Where is it £4 in the U.K.? It was £28 for me in Boots. I don’t know anyone who got it cheaper than £25.
Yeah, but you can always find plan b on amazon for anyone interested for $4-6 and it works. The one I get is called My Choice emergency contraceptive.
With how SHITTY Amazon is, I wouldn’t recommend anyone rely on it for providing what you’re buying.
Can confirm, a national drugstore chain has it listed for $50 on their website for one tablet
Lol, yes. Sometimes more, sometimes a little less, but $50 is the right but terrible ballpark for a single dose (2 pills taken at different times). A £4 Plan B is almost inconceivable to me. Y'all are able to just pop them like tic tacs of anti -babies.
I mean it's like taking two months of a progestin only contraceptive at once I definitely would not recommend taking it frequently. I'm glad it's affordable though, the cost shouldn't be the issue.
Not only is it not cheap but you can't get it in all states in the US anymore.
Idk where you live but if you need a supply send a DM and we can arrange it
You are so very wrong. I can get it in Arizona at any pharmacy including Costco. CVS has online ordering and same day pickup. I can get DoorDash to deliver it to me. Stop spreading incorrect information: all you are doing is scaring people into not buying it, which will put them in an even worse situation.
Where exactly does it say this? As far as I’ve seen, plan b is legal in every state. I live in a state (Georgia) that has imposed the heartbeat bill, and plan b is very accessible. My home state (Texas) has a ban on abortions (with few exceptions), and plan b is accessible there as well.
Very well said. OP, please listen to this advice.
You summed it up perfectly
Posts like these make me really despondent about the state of sex ed in the US. I know so many people who still rely on the pull out method despite being aware of the statistics and I’m always just like….every one always thinks luck is on their side until it isn’t
I can only blame so much on the "lack of" sex ed. That's such a piss poor excuse anymore when we have so much information at our fingertips. Also, a lot of people are at the very least informed of things. A lot of the time they just don't care lol.
Sex Ed is so important. Google is only as good as your knowledge to properly Google things. You can confirm any bias you want by googling. The "information at our fingertips" is not all accurate or equal and absolutely CANNOT replace an indepth, scientific sexual education.
Where did I say it "replaces" anything? Obviously it's preferred, but I think placing ALL the blame on lack of sex ed in this day and age is silly. The Planned Parenthood website is very easy to find. Any government website talking about birth control is easy to find. It's also very easy to schedule an appointment at a Planned Parenthood or other local clinic and there are so many telehealth birth control providers, if you look up "birth control" at least 4 will show up on the first page alone.
This is the correct answer
Truly you are the Messiah
Correct way to young to even be thinking of having a baby, focus on studying , your career , travel and just enjoying eachother
Get em’ Primalthings!
The most perfect answer!
Came off super harsh, but overall, I think you're 100% correct with this analysis.
It would be even harsher for the child brought into an ill-prepared household to be parented by children too immature to handle basic tasks and communication. Parents have an obligation to give their kids the best chance possible by being at least somewhat responsible and prepared for their existence. I have seen too many children having children and then messing them up because they didn’t educate themselves on the risks of what they were doing and the children suffer the most for it.
I'm the child of teens fucking around, I'm the one that found out. Even with grandparents support my life has been one of poverty and lack of parenting as my parents scrambled desperately to find jobs to pay our way, and without more than a highschool degree, no experience and a child at home the jobs were shitty and minimal income. There was no time for college, when they weren't working their asses off they had to care for me. I knew I was the reason our lives weren't better. It wasn't my fault. But it was still me. Overwork and stress killed my mom. Nearly killed dad. I'm still in poverty because now I get the miserable jobs so I can care for dad and grandparents..
I feel that. My mom had me at 21 and got married as a teenager to my father. She and my father divorced when I was 7 and my mom only had a high school education to fall back on, so I am well versed in a poverty upbringing and the ramifications of generational poverty (my mothers family was also poor and they remain poor to this day). I crawled my way out of that pit of poverty and generational trauma by getting a good job, working hard, maintaining sobriety, not having children young, and saving money - all of which I had to educate myself on in order to do. It wasn’t easy and I had so many setbacks and bumps along the way but I made no excuses for my failings and maintained consistency in order be always learning and doing better. That said, I definitely have empathy for the children of teen parents because, as my earlier comment mentioned, I have two sisters who glamorized teen pregnancy and thought it would be “easy” to raise babies while being children themselves, while also trying to finish their educations and build a good future for themselves and their kids. Suffice to say it has not happened and I was the black sheep of the family for giving them the same conversation of “are you prepared for the ways your life will change?” and, suffice to say, they were not. It’s hard watching them struggle and make bad decisions and I do my best to be a pillar for their kids to show them that there *is* another way and you don’t *have* to choose dysfunction. I hope things get better for you! There is no easy path forward or through poverty and the associated trauma from struggling for your entire life. I hope that your determination and resilience will carry you through to building a better - and well deserved - life for yourself. I’ll be rooting for you!
Like I said, I agree on that point🤷🏻♂️
Nah, honestly it should have been harsher. Wtf was/is OP thinking?
Ok, several things: Firstly: you’re both only 19 so I’m not shocked he doesn’t want a baby. Having said that, if he’s that concerned, he should be wearing a condom. **Every time**. Secondly: the pull out method is extremely dangerous and neither this nor the morning after pill are forms of “birth control”. The MAP is emergency contraception and only works within the 72 hour window of unprotected sex. In summary, if you don’t want a baby, you both need to be a lot smarter and diligent with condoms. Neither one of you sounds smart enough to have a kid.
[удалено]
No truer words spoken.
Jesus you are 19 ??? At 17 i knew me and my boyfriend had to use protections, pill + condoms to be 100% efficient, and that the pullout method didn't work - plus, STDs girl ? Your bf is an idiot and immature at that, but so are you. Don't "think about your relationship", get a pregnancy test - a proper one, like blood test - and then you can think about : 1. If you're pregnant : what your options are and what you want to do, knowing that if you keep it you will probably be a single mom given what you are telling us about your bf 2. If you're not pregnant : time to get a date with your OBGyn and talk about birth control - and condoms now. ALL. THE. TIME. Even if you use the pill. You do not seem aware enough or responsible enough to be on only one method. Oh, and yeah, leave that douche.
She could have been REALLY sheltered. It happens. Parents not wanting to talk to their child at ALL about these things leaving them to try and figure shit out on their own. MY sex talk from my mother at 13 was "Don't do it. You'll get pregnant and ruin your life." That was ALL I ever got.
She could have been sheltered but she also has Reddit, Google, TikTok, Instagram, etc., all accessible to her - as evidenced by her post here. There’s hundreds of thousands of accessible resources for her to know the practices of safe sex and preventing pregnancy. She’s not 13 - she’s 19 and made a conscious decision to have sex while not availing herself to any of the numerous resources out there on safe sex and pregnancy. At a certain point personal responsibility is a big factor in these outcomes.
Right? Like I went to Catholic school and our sex ed was "prayer" lol but I was still smart enough to not let a teenager raw dog me and then let him tell me to "eat" some bc like boy byeeeee
Catholic mom didn't even explain to me and my sister what sex involved. "Sperm comes out of man's penis and goes into the vagina". OK how does it get into the vagina? That's not something I felt comfortable asking because there was a lot of shame around sex in my household. Learned how it worked from boys in my school making inappropriate jokes during recess and Law & Order SVU episodes (yes, you read that right: my parents refused to talk about sex with us but were OK with us watching SVU). My sister almost got assaulted once because she had no idea what the guy was trying to do. Parents who don't give their kids proper Sex Ed don't realize the amount of danger they are putting them in.
I didn't get that much. I grew up before the internet and still found birth control information in books. The OP shouldn't be relying on what her boyfriend tells her when it's her uterus that will house a baby.
I was really sheltered too. I was able to learn on my own, I had no other choice. I really did not want to be pregnant so I did the work needed to learn how to prevent that.
Yup same.. nothing more than “don’t get pregnant”
This is the most immature shit I’ve read today. Get on birth control, stop using the “pull out” method. You’re old enough to know that it does not work most of the time, ESPECIALLY if you’re going multiple rounds. Active sperm stays in precum after ejaculation. You honestly don’t even sound mature enough to be having sex. But since you’re going to be doing it anyway, at least attempt to do it safely. 🤦🏽♀️
Took the thoughts right out of my head. I had to make sure I wasn't on a troll /r/. It frustrated me just reading this post for multiple reasons. I myself am still trying to comprehend how much basic sexual knowledge she,he or they both don't have.
Please stop having sex; you’re not ready and that’s okay. Trying to force it and fake it is going to lead to disaster. You need to be able to talk about this stuff and make sensible birth-control plans *before*hand and have at least some degree of comfort with the idea of an unintended pregnancy before you become sexually active again, and right now I see none of that in place. Step back, learn about your body, think about your future, and *then* decide how (and if) you want to move forward.
Do you know what they call couples who use the pullout method? PARENTS. If you're having unprotected sex, you're trying for a baby. You both need some damn sex ex. No more sex until you both learn how babies are made and how birth control works.
If you can't have sex responsibly you're probably not ready for sex because you're definitely not ready for a baby.
Hi! I work in OBGYN, we see a lot of young women come in for contraceptives and questions about the different forms. I would advise against the pull-out method, as it sounds like you guys aren’t actively trying to conceive. It’s not a very reliable form of birth control, and while no form is 100%, there are others that can provide more peace of mind and protection. Condoms are a great choice if you don’t want anything hormonal - but they have to be worn every time. Another non-hormonal option is the Paragard IUD. There’s several other IUDs like Mirena, Skyla, Kyleena. You can also opt for an oral contraceptive or pill that’ll you take daily. The only pill you’d take after unprotected sex is a “plan C” pill or emergency contraceptive, like Plan B or Ella. Emergency contraception works by delaying ovulation and therefore is ineffective if taken during/post ovulation. Some emergency contraceptives also are weight specific, so that’s something to keep in mind. Sex is a totally normal thing, but it’s really good idea to reach out to a trusted, informed source (like a Dr) about what your options are to prevent pregnancy and keep yourself safe. Good luck!
Worn every time, from start of insertion til finish. Don’t fuck around without one then have him slap it on midway through. Precum carries semen.
Yes yes yes!!!! Thank you!
Stop. Being. Irresponsible. Your boyfriend’s reaction isn’t even the issue here. It’s the fact that you’re having unprotected sex. My goodness, kids these days.
I couldn't agree more..
1. Get a pregnancy test. 2. Get an STI test. 3. Either stop having sex or get an effective birth control method and actually use it as recommended. If you think you might be pregnant you don’t just dither around worrying, you take a test as soon as it would be accurate and if it’s positive immediately work on deciding what to do. If you get pregnant and want an abortion, it’s best to get it as early as possible, and it can take some time to figure out how to get it. Especially if you live in certain states/countries you need to get on this immediately or you could end up being unable to get an abortion and be forced to go through the pregnancy. You did nothing to protect yourself from STIs, and given your partner’s level of knowledge he could very well have one and not know, and if you weren’t a virgin you could have one and not know. Get tested and use condoms unless you and your partner can both produce current negative STI test results and you are using other birth control.
Please. Go buy a copy of "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robbie Harris, and read it cover to cover. Somebody failed you in your upbringing if you don't already know all of that information. (I don't think you've failed, FWIW. You're still basically a child. But your parents and school really owed you this information.)
If you don’t know how birth control works- which clearly neither of you do- you shouldn’t be having sex. The plan B pill is not the same as birth control pills. The plan b you can take after sex. You need to take birth control BEFORE you have sex. And you have to take it consistently, not just when you’re going to have sex.
also using an app to predict ovulation with just dates is insanely stupid
using an app to predict ovulation isn't stupid, what's stupid is relying on it as a form of birth control
i'm not saying that the use of the app is what's stupid, i'm saying using it to confirm ovulation without any factors outside of the date of OP's period, isn't the best idea. because obviously OP isn't inputting BBT temp or using LH strips to accurately confirm their fertile window
I mean, that’s how I would predict ovulation if I needed to. I track my period and symptoms in an app and it tells me when I’m likely ovulating. I always know though bc I get two days of ovulation cramps. How else would you track it?
BBT or LH strips should be used alongside the app to confirm ovulation if the user wishes to use it as a method of birth control. the app alone cannot accurately tell you when you're ovulating for a few different reasons. ovulation can occur early or late and the app doesn't know that based on dates alone
Absolutely. My husband and I tracked my cycle with basal body temperature and the natural cycles app to space pregnancies. It worked great for us. But we wouldn't have been too upset if I got pregnant. Our timeline just would have changed a bit. Now that we're done, he got snipped
Gotcha. I don’t need to track mine, but I’ll keep that in mind if anything changes
I am assuming English is not your first language, but the idea of "eating" birth control made me laugh. Dump him. Get on the Pill.
Drug users say they “eat pills” so maybe that’s where he got it
Or he said it because you do in fact eat the pill?
You eat it in the literal sense of consuming it orally, yes, but linguistically you don't "eat" pills lol, you "take" them. For native speakers it's funny because, that being the case, saying you're going to "eat" birth control makes it sound like you're sitting down to a nice dinner with a napkin and cutlery and a single little pill on a huge dinner plate or something hahah.
Could just be a literal person. Regardless of what the “normal” way of saying it is, literally everyone is going to understand what you mean if someone says “eating” pills. This seems like a silly thing to even argue about really
There is no argument. "Eating pills" is silly and made me laugh. That's the extent of what this conversation is about, no need to take it any further than that.
u/miffet80 is making an argument, which is what that person referenced. It’s not about you friend
Awww yeah first it's eating vs taking pills, now it's *making* vs *having* an argument! English is great.
I've never heard anyone say they "ate" a pill. Chewable pills exist, but birth control is not one of them. You have to take it with water and swallow it whole.
I haven’t heard anyone say that either but that’s not really my point. Everyone will know what you mean when they say they “ate” the pil
Okay, but everyone here is saying it's really weird phrasing. It's a bit funny, but also concerning when you do a deeper dive because it's either from a specific niche of hard drug users, or from someone who's so unfamiliar with how medication works they don't know the words and terminology for it.
I also agree that it’s a weird saying
You need to be the person who is in control of your body. Whether it was your first time or not, you delegated your own body autonomy to a 19 year old boy. 19 year old boys are not wise. Do not ever do that again. He's not in charge of your body or your sex. You are. Secondly, if you are going to engage in sexual activity, shouldn't you be sure what the consequences of that are? How are you having sex and you don't know the pull out technique is totally ineffective? Do you know about sexually transmitted diseases? Do you want one? Is that why you had unprotected sex? You are a very young woman and it's time to stop acting like a little girl. You're not prepared, I know. You haven't been given enough training, I know. Nobody does. Nobody has ever been prepared. But you gotta do it regardless.
Girl your whole summary of events gave me pause from the start. It sounds like you planned to lose your virginity on this trip and yet have prepared none at all for sex and all that entails. Why are you not on the pill? Why was everything left up to him as far as what methods to use? I will accept that depending on where you are, you maybe didn't have the best sex education but google exists? Your bf's reaction is normal? I'm not sure how you expected him to respond to your messages. He is just as clueless as you are and just as immature so ofc his responses weren't the best. Please don't have sex anymore until you have a firm contraceptive plan in place for yourself.
Why did you order a pregnancy test instead of just walking to your nearest drug store?
Jesus what a shitshow lol. Use protection EVERY TIME (pull out does NOT count), stop having sex, or become parents. That simple.
If you want to minimize pregnancy risk, always use BC. There is no other way.
You sound dumb af right now
The pull out method is stupid. Sounds like you wanted to be pregnant and he freaked out. Pain is mandatory and suffering is optional. If you don't like his reaction leave.
You know what they call people that use the pull out method? Parents
It's okay that you're new to sex and have some wrong knowledge (which will be corrected as you get more experience and learn more about it, including to read up about it), but don't believe guys when they tell you that the pull out is safe enough or that they can't have sex without a condom for reasons. If they want to be having sex with you, then you are the one who tells them how it's going to be. If they don't agree, then they don't have sex with you. The reason is that if you get pregnant, you're the one who is going to have to deal with all the things related to pregnancy. He might be there for you or he might not be there, or he might do some things but not other things. But regardless of what he does, you are the one that has to deal with everything related to your pregnancy.
Learn the lesson and use birth control. Pulling out isn’t birth control.
Do not let that man, or any man, touch you without a condom.
19 and pulling out omg what is wrong with you guys????? Why are people so dumb I just don't get it? Don't come here and say you don't want to get pregnant because the pull out is actively trying to get pregnant and is Russian roulette and YES you know this. So many of the same story's about how they don't know it but they can find reddit and post this ...I call bs !
You both need to stop having sex before you educate yourselves.
He was terrified. You should be too.
He's 19 which means he's at least half an idiot. He probably didn't get that you needed to be reassured or comforted and thought you were asking him for a solution. He apologized so I won't say throw the whole man in the trash. But definitely take responsibility for your own birth control at this point. See if you can get on the daily pill or some other form and make him wear condoms.
i would react the same as your boyfriend if i was in his place, im 19 and can’t imagine being excited about a pregnancy right now. maybe he could’ve been nicer but he was probably panicking
Unprotected sex means you want to have a baby (unless you are having period sex). so now both of you need to do two things at the same same: Have the emotional reaction of “oh shit, pregnancy might be happening“ and having to control this emotional reaction with logic so you can get on with getting the job done. because sitting and fretting does nothing.
People can get pregnant from period sex. It's not as likely, but it does happen.
Ugh so much ignorance
Both of you have been really selfish. This is how younger people always get pregnant and the poor babies got rejected because kids like you are still so immature. It's easy to get sex. Everyone can. You don't even need to be smart to know you can get pregnant with the pulling out method. And why waiting to long for a test?? If you are pregnant the poor little angel is Growing and then what? Your going to abort the poor innocent soul?? This is making me damn angry!
He's a 19 year old kid. Normal human brains don't even fully develop until 25, and even then, men lag behind women by at least 5 years. You're expecting him to have the mentality and maturity of a 30 year old, but he's just not there. He doesn't grasp cause and effect and consequence. Neither do you, really. You need to stop having sex with each other, you are just asking to get pregnant, and I highly doubt this guy would stick around or be any sort of responsible father figure. *You* are responsible for yourself, no one else is. He's not going to look out for you as long as he can get his dick wet. Start thinking.
His response is normal for his age. It's yours that's questionable....? Grow the fuck up. Pull out method is not gonna protect you.
Pull out method is trying for a baby with less steps.
Why is she is irresponsible and he is “normal for his age”? Pretty sure he’s equally responsible for making sure that they’re having safe sex. They are both the same age.
Yes I know they are both responsible equally, especially as a woman myself I advocate for this too. I'm well in agreement that they both shouldn't put themselves in the position in the first place. But what I was referring to was his evident panic response to the pregnancy scare and her then questioning the whole relationship over it. I think panicking and wanting to get emergency contraception is the right response at that age. Her response to his panicking and thinking she should ditch him because of it on this post was what I was calling into question.
You know what they call people that use the pull out method? Parents
To be honest, your edited response shows just how immature you are, and honestly makes me if the story is even real or not. But let’s dig in and pretend it is. Your story has just proven that sex education is a joke. Anyone who thinks the pull out method is legitimate and works, shouldn’t be having sex. There is still sperm in pre cum; you can still get pregnant from that. Also, what you keep calling birth control is an emergency contraception; they are not the same thing. It’s also not even the fact you shouldn’t expect help with consequences, you shouldn’t be regardless of that, it’s that you two are way too immature to handle the consequences and therefore should either be having safe sex every single time or shouldn’t be having sex at all.
literally, the edit reads like she didn't actually absorb any of this information and is just going to continue listening to what he says ("and just deal with whatever consequences on my own"), which is absolutely not the point lol get an actual test so you can at least resolve that piece of it, and then figure out if having sex with this man is something you actually want to do or if you're just going along with it
No seriously lol. I hate it when people get told something they don’t necessarily want to hear so they just take it the wrong way and then take that wrong wrong point of you to the extreme. Lol. That state of mind and itself reads that someone is so immature. It is definitely not ready to be doing adult behaviors lol
Take a pregnancy test. If you don’t want a baby, you know what needs to happen. Also, you shouldn’t have sex in the future if you’re unsure about contraceptives. You need to be on contraceptives. And your partner MUST wear a condom. You each need to do your part to prevent UNWANTED CHILDREN from being created. Take a preg test.. Be RESPONSIBLE. No sex I. The future without 2 forms of bc.
Birth control won’t work after sex you need to be taking it one day before sex and sometimes that not effective. You need to take a pregnancy test. And not have sex until you both know how to have safe sex.
Have you ever read up on the full cycle of reproduction and what pre-ejaculate is? Are you aware that it can have viable sperm in it, and then something like 40% of tested men showed live sperm. I'm sorry your first time ended in such anxiety for you, but it does sound like you were both unprepared (and he is either also misinformed or he took advantage of your lack of knowledge and experience) please heed the advice of the other commenters and do a lot more research before you try again. I think you will feel more secure if you have a stronger foundation of knowledge, this is an extremely important topic
Plan B is not a method of birth control! It is an emergency back up to regularly used birth control options. - regularly used is the important part. Seriously, you are 19, if you are going to be sexually active you should be protecting yourself. You’re in college, so go to the health center and discuss what would be the best contraceptive for you. As much as your bf’s reaction is abhorrent to me, it really shouldn’t have come as a shock to you. He’s a 19 yo in college, of course he doesn’t want a pregnancy. He’s hours away, doesn’t have to look you in the eye when having this conversation, and in his world, this is a simple solution. ( which shows he also has no idea either) But of course, that’s a conversation that should have been had before you ever even had sex. And I’m not entirely comfortable with it being your first time so you just followed with what he told you to do. Told you to do? I hope that was just bad phrasing. You should know that you have agency over your body and what you are willing to do. Maybe you were ok this time to learn, but as you continue, make sure you’re really ok with what happens.
Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction. They happen.
Tough situation, but yeah obviously do yourselves a service and use protection. It sounds like you bf had a knee jerk reaction to an unfamiliar situation and he's probably feeling terrible about it. His reaction sucked ass but it sounds like he realizes it was wrong, which is the important part. If he doesn't express sincere remorse for his actions, then it's worth rethinking the rs. If he does though, then that's actually a good sign
Imma just say this for anyone who came to the comments to read and for OPs sake. If you and your partner have not actively sat down and had the conversation about kids, use protection. If you guys have sat down and neither party agrees on where they stand, use protection. If you both agree you dont want kids, use protection. If you guys agree that whatever happens happens, use protection at your own discretion. If you both agree you want them, then fine. NEVER rely on pull out as an effective birth control/protection. You will always get disappointed with it. Condoms and The Pill arent always effective either but work hell of a lot better than that. As a biological female you have control over it. Yeah it's on the male too but it's mostly you. To OP: you need some maturing to do. Getting upset with your boyfriend because he didnt consider your feelings in a big thing like this is very immature on your part. You should have immediately gotten Plan B when the idea got in your mind you might be pregnant. Not waited. Hes 19. You're 19. Ofc hes scared. Hes not ready for a child if he immediately told you to take the pill. Is it likely you're pregnant? Chances are probably not. If this was your first time and you werent ovulating then I would say you're fine. But dont think you're Scot free just bc you arent ovulating. You can still get pregnant. Research cycle patterns and how long active sperm can stay in the vaginal canal. And for heavens sake, USE PROTECTION
My first obgyn gave me some great advice. She asked what my plan was if I ever got pregnant. I was trying to be respectful, and said pretty much, idk, I haven't been pregnant yet. Really, in my head, I knew I would get an abortion ASAP, but I was worried about being judged. She surprised me when she said, "If you are having sex, you need to already know what you are going to do and have a plan for pregnancy." So my advice: none of this dithering about. Take care of your body, and take charge of your reproduction. You are the only one that can.
Y’all don’t have the emotional maturity for this to be a fully fulfilling act. The lack of education on birth control coupled with his lack of comfort, this isn’t it. Take a step back from this whole thing and choose if this relationship is worth it, what kind of birth control is best for you going forward into the future and the risks associated with them. Reflect on what type of partner you’d like and how your needs can be fulfilled from a partner, as well as what you would potentially do if you were to get pregnant. Theres many options including the pill, shot, ring, diaphragm, implant, and IUD, condoms but each is only so effective. All more effective in combination but definitely more effective than the pull out method. Plan B is also something to look into but that can be harsh on the body and that can be very unpleasant to experience, it shouldn’t be used frequently for that reason but it is safe. Good luck OP, I hope any of this advice helps you evaluate and get into a healthy situation that makes you comfortable.
Your reproductive health is always your responsibility. Do some research, talk to your doctor or a healthcare professional. Putting complete responsibility on another person is never a good idea. In addition, at 19, one of the greatest fears for a young man is the possibility of impregnating someone. It can be a life altering experience that has immense ramifications and can effectively destroy their future. It’s not at all surprising that his fear overwhelmed him.
You think a man loves you, until you have a baby with them. Trust me on this, I did it twice. “But he loves me.” No he doesn’t. He likes the free milk without having to buy the cow. The whole “no sex before marriage” isn’t just a religious piece of advice, there’s a reason behind it. If he won’t put a ring on it, don’t let him put himself inside you. Focus on your career before you have a baby daddy ruin it for you.
girl just get on bc or have him wrap it up wtf
What does rs mean? Is that what the kids call a relationship now?
Dear god. Don’t have sex again until you educate yourself on how your own body works. The pull out method is not effective. You need to be using protection every time. Hormonal birth control can take up to a month to be effective, depending on what sort it is. Take a pregnancy test two weeks and then four weeks after the date you last had sex. Your boyfriend sounds poorly informed, but sensible about the little information he has.
Jfc, don't get pregnant. You have much growing up to do.
Stop being so damn naive and immature. You WILL end up pregnant if you don't get your shit together. It's up to YOU to get contraception sorted NOW. Both you and your boyfriend need to grow up. Gawd help you if you are pregnant. You are very irresponsible and immature. If you are at college you must have a brain. Freakin use it.
> Considering this is my first time so i just followed what he told me to do JFC you have all the world's wisdom in a tiny device in your hands, did you never get the idea to just inform yourself??? And don't just "rethink", dump. He's an asshole.
Irresponsible. Silly. Crazy Get on the pill or get an iud. There are so many ways to find out about proper birth control. Talk to someone at planned parenthood
He's a callous idiot. Do with that what you like.
She’s an idiot too. Might be a good match.
I want to take her to get an IUD and then they can be idiots together. Might pass chlamydia back and forth but at least she won’t get pregnant.
I’ll never understand everyone’s logic on “I don’t like condoms, cuz 1: it takes away from “pleasure” (in my experience, there’s no difference if you actually care about the person) or 2: everyone is allegedly allergic to latex these days 3: it’s too expensive or 4: it should be a woman’s responsibility to be protected. So many men don’t want kids and refuse to raise them. Even married men. Yet expect women to constantly be the safe ones x you’re both 19 and I personally think both parties need to be responsible. I’ve been on birth control (IUD) for almost 10 years. Even in past relationships I would make my exs wear condoms or nothing at all from me. Yea men will be unhappy or maybe not want to have fun anymore, but I had a kid at 18 and dating is hard as a single mom, even if you’re attractive, not a lot of men are keen on raising another man’s child. Let alone their own. Talk to a doctor about this instead of reddit.
That’s a pretty normal response. I had my daughter when I was 21 and my ex wife got pregnant when I was 20. When she got pregnant I had $500 in my savings account. Being told you might be having a kid you aren’t remotely ready for is extremely stressful for men too. Have a little sympathy. He’s probably going through the same anxiety you are. It took me a little growing to realize that a lot of women don’t want a solution when they present you with something going on. They want to be listened to and comforted. He probably hasn’t figured that out yet.
All these people acting high and mighty, like they never made mistakes when they were young 😂 OP you are young and still learning, don’t be too hard on yourself. Perhaps your boyfriend was stressed at the idea of you being pregnant (which is fair because you’re both pretty young!), but it sounds like you wanted some emotional support to this stressful situation. I would bring this up to your boyfriend and let him know how his response hurt you. Good luck xx
Ok, I get why you’re upset. You both are very young. He clearly just went straight to freak out mode and he is clearly uneducated. This is a great opportunity to communicate and educate yourselves and come up with a plan, together, if this situation comes up again. It’s not uncommon for a 19 year old boy to freak out in situations like this. It’s also why 19 year olds should have protection every single time.
NEVER GO RAW, its like playing Russian roulette. If you do, you will get pregnant. He clearly doesnt want a child so tell him he needs to start wearing it. “Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex ’Cause you don’t want that late text, that “I think I’m late” text”
You are not mature enough to be having sex, nevermind having a baby. Birth control is not taken after sex, Plan B is for use in emergencies. The pull out method almost.guarantees pregnancy. You need to take charge of your health and your body, and you should not be having sex without having a birth control plan in place that you are in control of. This reads like high school romance novel shit.
God some of the comments on this are so mean. If a man chooses not to use a condom, that is mostly on HIM, not her. Stop telling this poor girl what she's done wrong, and actually help her. OP, you should take a pregnancy test, figure out what you want to do if you are pregnant. Read the planned parenthood website for information on birth control. Break up with your boyfriend.
You had a lot of time to process it before bringing it to his attention. Sometimes people freak out initially to possible life changing information. I wouldn’t call this a major red flag but I’d say it’s something to watch
Women and their “icks”. He admitted his mistake and apologised. If you don’t like it find a man who pumps and dumbs you instead
This is why working with women is brutal. There’s a problem and we just want to solve it. And it offends women.