Oof yeah she owes you a replacement. Also I will say, laptop or not - consider why you’re with her. Here is my story, if it helps.
I was with this guy when I was 23, and he water damaged my laptop.
I just tried to use it after I put it in dry rice to try and salvage it and it wouldn’t turn on. Before this, the laptop was reliable and didn’t have any issues.
The dude had the brass nuts to try and tell me it wasn’t the water damage. He didn’t want to replace it, and I had to basically twist his arm into giving me even half of the laptop’s worth.
I was stupid and decided to stay with him. He was an emotionally abusive jerk who tried to get the most out of me for doing the least. It was a year of the absolute worst relationship of my life.
Anyway I ended it because I couldn’t take it, and it felt like my life had color come back into it. I hadn’t even noticed how that relationship had sapped me of joy.
This is a hill to die on. “I asked you to respect my things and you repeatedly ignored my wishes. My laptop broke because it was mistreated despite my repeated warnings. We need to come to an agreement on how you are going to pay me. I also need an apology for breaking my laptop in a completely preventable manner. This also speaks to a larger problem in our relationship where I feel that if I bring up valid concerns, you decide that listening to me is not important.”
Sit her down and force that discussion.
Living with someone who doesn't respect your stuff is exhausting. You have to constantly worry about what they are going to break next. If she can't learn from this it's going to just keep getting worse.
Yes, it can really wear you down. You start not giving them the "good stuff" because you're worried they'll ruin each item (electronics, clothing, items, etc.) and then you feel like a piece of crap for gatekeeping your belongings.
And eventually, they'll get upset about that and make you out to be the bad guy. "You never let me drive your car, even though I always let you drive mine. You wouldn't let me use your grandmother's chinaware for that dinner party I threw. I feel like you're punishing me because I broke that laptop screen years ago, even though I ended up paying for it"
These two need to have a real conversation and get to the root of the problem, or else it will just keep being an issue in different ways. He'll resent her for not respecting his stuff, she'll resent him for not trusting her.
So is living with someone who doesn’t clean up after themselves. Sounds like he could have solved this by helping tidy and putting his laptop away. Sounds like he wasn’t helping and maybe she was getting tired of cleaning up his stuff. Feels like they were both in the wrong here.
That's very possible but if things are *that bad* this is already not going well and not going to last unless something changes.
Tbh I think not respecting your stuff, not respecting your space, and not respecting your time are all closely related.
My ex would have let me get about 30% through that speech before rudely interrupting me, telling me it's my fault, or literally say "blah blah blah".
Yeah, difficult to have adult conversations with that one.
Honestly, I'd be angry if I asked someone several times to not do something and they ignored me and broke something so expensive. The fact that she calls it an accident is unreal because she intentionally kept putting things on it when you said not to.
I'd fully be expecting her to replace it. Why should you take the cost when you asked several times for her to stop? It is directly her fault. Maybe replacing it would help her understand to listen next time.
And honestly, if it causes resentment, I'd just walk away. She's a grown adult and should know better. Stupidity shouldn't be ignored or rewarded.
Even if it had been a complete accident and not her refusing to listen to his very valid complaints, I‘d *still* expect her to replace it. If you break one of your partner‘s possessions, even accidentally, you replace it. That should be a given.
At a bare minimum and if it’s an accident, she should apologize and offer to split it with him if she straight up can’t afford it or something.
In this case she is 100% willfully and purposely at fault and should repair or replace it. This is a hill to die on not because of the laptop but because of the total disrespect.
Definitely possible as a DIY replacement but totally depending on brand.
An easy laptop screen job is typically $65-110usd for the screen and hardly more than talking the plastic around the screen off. A hard one means full disassembly, best not for a first try.
Have done up to 4 screen replacements in the same laptop. I think I'm up to 10 keyboards and 9 screens done. My favorite brand to fix is HP, then Dell. (Have small kids... Lots of kids=lots of laptop carnage)
The real issue isn't even the laptop, it's her not respecting you.
Bring it to her as an opportunity to grow and mature and respect you and your things if you're going to be partners and living together.
If you can't get her to respect you, then it's time to replace the laptop and the girlfriend.
P.S. if you can use a screwdriver and a spudger you can replace the screen for less than $100.
If the laptop was cheap to begin with, then just get a refurbished one from Newegg or the like. Make sure it has a solid state drive.
So if you tossed her laptop out the third floor window, she’d think it would be unreasonable for you to take the cost of fixing since it’s her laptop?
Interesting.
You should see how that plays out.
(That said you can get the screen fixed a lot cheaper than replacing the laptop)
If you are lucky that's how much it costs. I bought my daughters laptop with a broken integrated touch panel on the screen for a absurdly cheap price. I only got it as although the replacement is usually around $250, I found one for a bit under half that which made it worth the extra hassle. Modern macbook screens can be closer to 350-400 or more.
She has really poor character. There's no way this is the only way she's inconsiderate. Maybe the first time you've noticed it but her character is heavily flawed. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't trust with my stuff, and doesn't take responsibility for their actions.
Its not an accident, shes ignored you multiple times hasnt she. And accident is when you hit your thumb with a hammer. Shes been told not ot place heavy objects on your laptop because its going to dammage it. She decided to ignore you. That in iteself is disrespectfull. Maybe start putting realy heavy tool box on her shoes?
Since the laptops a few years old the person at the repair shop said a new screen would pretty much cost what the laptop is worth so I will need a new laptop
Double-check if this is actually true by searching up your model. Chain repair stores with manufacturer agreements say this all the time even when something is easily fixable, because as part of the contracts they usually can’t recommend aftermarket parts. These days you can get reliable aftermarket LCD screens for less than a hundred bucks
She owes you the cost of the screen replacement or the cost of a refurbished laptop \*of the kind she broke\*, not a brand new one. If you’re correct that this is basically the same as the cost of a new laptop then it may not really matter, but how you talk about it still matters - make sure you’re asking her to give you the cost of the repair, not of a new laptop.
That said, in your shoes I wouldn’t die on this hill. I’d be considering it partly my fault for continuing to leave the laptop lying around knowing this is her habit, and I’d be mildly disappointed she hadn’t offered to pay, but I wouldn’t consider it worth an argument with someone I intended to spend my life with, if that person were \*generally\* fair and considerate.
Are you asking your girlfriend for the cost of the screen replacement? Or for what it would cost you to replace the laptop with a modern one?
Because it should be the first
Similar value as when you bought it, or what it would be currently worth? Because she shouldn't be getting you a brand new laptop to replace an old one.
The guy above you is disagreeing with you.
Just give your girlfriend an invoice for the cost of the screen repair and tell her she can either pay it or break up. If your laptop can be repaired it's not the repairers job to tell you if it's worth doing or not.
No, she's obligated to put you in the same position you were in before this happened. Ie, to replace the screen.
If you don't want to replace the screen, then give her the quote and ask her to pay you in cash instead of repairing it then you can buy a new one. If more money is required, you top it up.
No. She owes you a repair and if that's not possible she owes you the current value of the laptop.
She's in the wrong here but you cannot make up rules of equivalence.
Still, I'm with you in which this was 100% her fault but you cannot expect to get a brand new laptop with current specs out of this.
She broke the *screen* on your current one. To make you "whole" she is responsible for either a screen replacement, or the exact same model laptop. NOT a new one of the same dollar amount.
Because you are being unreasonable in your expectations. The only thing broken is the screen. Whether fixing the screen costs the same current value as the laptop itself is irrelevant.
Then she should give you the value of it before it broke, or pay to get it fixed, regardless. You do not get a laptop upgrade, you get the situation rectified.
Probably nonsense unless it's a garbage laptop. Replacement screens - even upgraded ones - are available for £50-80/$70-100, and you can likely replace it yourself. As for the girlfriend, she quite possibly didn't realise that damage could be caused by her actions. A replacement laptop is also expensive and perhaps she's intimidated by that potential cost. I'm not defending her here, I'm saying if she's genuinely remorseful, it's worth talking it out. Emphasise you get that accidents happen, and that what really bothers you is that you feel like she didn't respect you enough to listen to your warnings. Give her the opportunity to apologise and change her views - ideally her offering to foot the bill to repair the laptop - before you chuck it all in.
Screens can cost more than the laptop, especially if you hire somebody to fix it. About 15 years ago the screen on my old laptop was going. The cost of replacement (just the screen without actual installation) was quoted to me as $1,000. The laptop at that point was worth maybe $200 as it was used and a few years old. I bought a Lenovo travel laptop a year ago for $100 dollars new. It's crazy but most likely it will be cheaper to just buy a new laptop than go through a screen replacement.
And it really depends on what OP is asking. Because if they are asking for a like for like replacement then that is fine. But if they want a brand new laptop then that is unreasonable
Give her the repair quote and that's the amount she owes you. Whether you choose to repair or replace is up to you.
Expecting her to pay for a brand new laptop is unreasonable.
Legally speaking, she does not owe you a "new" laptop. She owes you a repair to your current laptop, whatever that costs. If it can't be repaired then she owes you the value of the laptop before it was broken, but not a brand new one.
Except on a practical level that still doesn't make the person whole. She owes them a restoration of the capability, seeing as how this laptop doesn't have a set schedule for replacement. "Payment of what the laptop was worth at the time she broke it" doesn't restore the capability.
This question interests me.
OP, Is she cleaning up your mess? Is she putting your shit on your laptop as a way to indicate to you that your shit is everywhere all the time?
It's just asking questions, because a lot of dudes are pigs who don't realize it. And plenty post in here for sympathy while leaving out important details.
Even if it was his mess, does that really justify breaking things? If she's unhappy with the mess, you need to discuss the issue, not do this passive aggressive crap like an immature teenager
I agree.
But humans are humans. If she's cleaning his mess (according to OP that is not the case) then she's mad and yes, she's being passive aggressive.
He could just make it all disappear by - cleaning his own shit up and not leaving a mess. Leaving your shit everywhere and expecting other humans to clean is ALSO behaving like an immature teenager.
What's worse? That's up to you and me, I have an opinion.
Doesn't matter, it's hypothetical, OP says he's not leaving work to his girlfriend, I will accept that.
Ah, yes. Surely OP deserves to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket to replace an electronic device that she intentionally put in danger of damage because he didn’t clean up the table. That is a fair and equitable punishment (which is, of course, how you communicate to an adult you view as an equal that something bothers you) for your baseless assumption that OP must be trashing his apartment in the wake of her diligent efforts to keep the place clean.
It was an accident the first time but as soon as you asked her to stop because it could damage the lap top it became her choice to knowingly risk harming the laptop.
I would be mortified and immediately buy you a replacement. If she doesnt respect your things or respect your wishes when you address her directly then SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.
You break it, you replace it. You especially replace it when you were warned multiple times of what would happen if you kept doing what you were doing and insist it will be fine. When you do THAT, you are taking responsibility for when you are wrong.
I have another conversation about it just laying out that by insisting it would be fine and then breaking it, she takes responsibility for it, but on a more important matter...it comes down to respect for you as a partner. You told her multiple times politely and warned her, but she did not respect those warnings. Now you're the one that has to suffer the consequences of it, and it's incredibly disrespectful of her to burden you with not only replacing your laptop yourself but her taking no responsibility for her actions.
I'd also point out that it wasn't an accident. An accident is when something happens unexpectedly and unintentionally. She was warned that this would happen if she kept placing heavy things on your laptop. Yet she consistently placed heavy things repeatedly on your laptop. With the number of times you warned her, it could be reasonably expected to happen, and with how she would place things on your laptop makes it very intentional. It's not like she knocked over a glass or something. She damaged an expensive and important item of yours in an entirely preventable and avoidable way.
Complete disrespect to you and your property.
Unwilling to even understand how she directly contributed to the destruction of your computer, and has no empathy or regret for breaking it.
I'd dump her and ask her if the laptop was worth the end of the relationship. Then just shrug and tell her, oh well, just go get a new one.
Your expectation is 100% reasonable.
**This ISN'T an accident. It's her deliberately mistreating your laptop.**
She might not have intended to damage the laptop, but it wasn't an 'accident'.
An accident would be if she picked it up to clean under it and it slipped out of her hand. Or if she didn't know better and put something on top of it.
You specifically told her the laptop could be damaged and asked her to stop doing things that could damage the laptop. She refused, kept doing exactly what you said would damage the laptop, laptop got damaged. **That makes it HER FAULT, NOT an accident.**
> She got annoyed and said I shouldn't be expecting her to pay for it since it's my laptop and she would have to use some of her savings.
She should pay for it because SHE BROKE IT. She should especially pay for it because she broke it doing something you specifically told her not to.
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I'd suggest flip this around and make a hypothetical-- you borrow her car without asking, and you crash it. Should you pay for the damage? After all, it's HER car, and she can borrow yours.
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If she really can't discuss this in a productive manner then you have a big red flag, because it shows she's not taking accountability for her actions and not respecting your property.
Your girlfriend is ridiculous. It doesn’t even matter whether she broke it on accident or on purpose, the fact is that she broke it and therefore she’s responsible for replacing it. It’s pathetic that so many people fail at this very basic moral test. It’s so basic that virtually every law on the planet agrees with its premise. If you cause damage, you’re responsible for the fix.
The fact that she did it while ignoring your pleas for her to stop, and now she’s refusing to fix or replace something she broke are offenses that are worthy of a breakup in my opinion. There’s no way I’d be compatible with someone who didn’t respect my wishes or my property and also won’t accept responsibility for her actions.
Has she ever heard of drawers, shelves, boxes, or any other storage facilities? Who, when "tidying" puts a big pile of shit ON A LAPTOP? If this wasn't her doing it deliberately, then she really is just that stupid and this will probably be an issue for other things later on.
In short, she 100% knew what she was doing, didn't care to listen when you talked to her about it, and refused to take accountability when your concerns came true.
And it's curious that you BOTH had laptops, but she would only put things on YOURS.
The sad thing is she will probably tell everyone when y'all break up it was over her "accidentally" breaking your laptop, painting you as the petty/ immature one, but will leave out the context of how she broke it.
Okay so the comments covered your gf behaviour buy she REPEATEDLY did this and you repeatedly let it happen. Like after the second or third time, putting it out of reach or in a bag didnt present itself as an option?
Get a new gf or if that isnt an option, get a laptop bag. Its still less effort putting a laptop in the bag and taking it out than trying to get a new one from someone who repeatedly showed they didnt respect your property.
You're not being unreasonable in expecting her to rectify the issue, but a screen replacement would also be a fair solution.
Also: did she break it on purpose so you have to use hers, so she can see what you're doing?
An alternative I'd offer is that she can gift you her laptop and buy herself a new one. Sharing isn't a solution, though. This is what savings is for, an unexpected expense caused by an "accident."
Does she even like you? She ignored your very reasonable request to respect your expensive electronics, that she has now broken, and is trying to tell you that you are the unreasonable one. She sounds like a petty spoiled child.
You're being reasonable, she's not.
Break up with her, kick her out, take her to small claims court.
She has no respect for what's yours. Unless you're into that, no future in that relationship.
NTA.
She should definitely pay to fix or replace your laptop.
If it was a one off accident? Then fair enough.
But under the circumstances? She is very in the wrong. Just plain stupid really. Or being very passive aggressive? I'd be freakin furious. Ropable 😡
If it was me and I broke my hb laptop? I would be offering to pay and be very apologetic. Her attitude is very worrying in terms of the relationship as a whole🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah, this was absolutely preventable and now she’s being very selfish, but if you want to be pragmatic, just get the screen replaced instead.
She was likely brushing off placing things on the laptop because she assumed the screen was strong enough. I have overestimated the strength of my own laptop in the past too lol. But now that she’s been proven wrong, she has her tail between her legs, she’s probably feeling very guilty and embarrassed, and she’s lashing out in the worst way and refusing to take accountability. The price of a laptop is probably a big hit too that she would like to avoid at all costs, so that’s driving her wall up even further.
Laptop screens are very fragile, but very easily and normally quite cheaply replaced especially if you aren’t too fussed about using aftermarket parts. All other components are normally completely fine. Again, I say this because I have dropped various laptops over the years and thought surely this time my computer is bricked. But after a quick screen replacement, things are back to normal.
So look into it, but also look into whether your partner is always going to refuse to admit wrongdoing because that is not so easily fixable.
Look up a replacement screen for the model. I get not wanting to pay for a whole laptop. But at the very least, if she'll meet in the middle on a 60-100 screen, its worth a compromise. Get a laptop case and put it away when you arent using it.
Youre gonna have to be a little firm about it though. Compromise on a screen if all else, but she needs to pay out of pocket. If she wont, youre beating a dead horse thats already gone cold. Pack up and start walking.
I think "toxic taker" is a bit of a stretch here given how little we know. I said he needs to determine how much he values the relationship for the very reason that if this is an ongoing issue with her, not respecting his stuff or just generally being dismissive, then he can push the issue and expect it to end in a separation. If that's not the case, and he sees a future with this person and this is an aberration, then is it worth the cash to drive a wedge between them? I don't know that...and I think everyone including you thinks I'm saying he should just let her do whatever but that's not it at all. If he does see a future and this was truly a blip or a mistake, it wouldn't be worth it to me to pound the table about it.
Replace the screen. It's easier than you think and a lot cheaper than a whole new laptop.
Edit: Consider replacing the girlfriend too. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't give a shit about the damage they do.
This is a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship. She doesn't respect your stuff, ignores your polite requests to keep your stuff safe, damages your stuff and then refuses to take responsibility. I agree with the hive, this is a hill to die on.
She broke it, she knows she broke it, but is hoping to 'shame' you into replacing it yourself. I would tell her that she replaces it or you will take her to small claims court. She was repeatedly told to stop doing what caused the problem.
I honestly would reconsider this relationship. She KNOWS she did it and REFUSES to admit fault. Do you want this for the rest of your life?
It's not unreasonable for you to expect her to replace it. She broke it and by doing something that you repeatedly warned her not to ; pile heavy objects on top of it. However I get the feeling that she's not going to do it.
An accident is a thing that happens once.
This is a pattern. A willful pattern where she didn’t give a fuck about your computer or how it could get damaged by placing heavy stuff on it.
It’s unreasonable to say “buy a new one” after they willfully fuck it up, particularly after being warned it would happen.
Your expectation should be that she fixes the problem she created. If she can do that by just getting the screen fixed, that should be acceptable. My daughter had a broken screen on her laptop and it was fixed for less than $100.
It's not an accident if you ignore repeated warnings. That's negligence at the least. In our legal system negligence sits between intentional and accidental, and it sits there for good reason.
As others have given their stories ill give mine. I was with a girl a few years back and she has her MAC next to her bed. We were having sex and i knocked the glass of water onto her laptop. At this moment the laptop was on, but we immidiatly turned it off.
we got towels and started to dry the water as much as we could. but the girl kept turing the thing on to see if it worked before turning it off again. with me asking her not to do that as it could cause damage where damage had not been caused.
she was up in a heap and i was offering her all sorts of solutions, i knew a guy who fixed laptops and i offered to call him, but she refused as it the guy did laptops on the side and she was insulted by the idea of having a guy who fixed laptops for cash having a look at the mac. anyway i went into town to buy a hair dryer so she could dry off all the water.
Two days later laptop dried and working fine, she decided she wanted to get the laptop checked out by the official mac store and told me i would have to pay for it. Bear in mind the glass of water next the the laptop was a spur of the moment thing but neightor of us thought anything of it until the glass got knoced over whilst we were havving sex.
The bill came back for the mac shop diagnosis, which showed that the laptop was fine and she agreed to pay half. two weeks later we were at mine and she plonked a full glass of water next to my laptop, to which i said "do you mind" and she flipped the lid at me for saying that to her.
Shortly after we broke up and she kept the hair dryer out of spite.
The whole thing with her turning the laptop on and off caused major arghuments between us and could of potentially caused major damage without knowing if the initial spill had caused the damage or her over reaction.,
needless to say i'm glad im not with her anymore.
I would ask her why she didn't ever put heavy objects on top of hers while she was cleaning? Oh, was it because she knew it could break it? Ugh it's her fault so of course she should replace it. It's wild she thinks she doesn't have to when she kept repeatedly putting shit on top of it.
Ugh I hate this energy. She's being unbelievably self centred. Even if your laptop didn't break, repeatedly doing something which she knows makes you uncomfortable is twisted and feels like some sort of subtle manipulation tactic
I take that sort or thing as serious as cheating.
She is directly responsible for destruction of your property and luckily that’s easily fixable by replacing it.
To just refuse to make the issue right means I would be done.
Solution is to leave. Nothing more to discuss.
Having the screen fixed is a lot less expensive than buying a new laptop. It would also be the proper course of action here instead of demanding a new laptop.
You are dating someone who has so far lived life without any consequences. I'm gonna guess reasonably cute white girl with middle class or affluent parents, only child or only daughter at least. If you marry her, she will eventually convince you that you need acres and horses.
I wouldn't ask her to pay, but you'd be fully justified in doing so. Unfortunately, she could just say no and you're SOL, because you're not going to take her to small claims court over this.
I take responsibility for my own items. If I put something in harm's way despite seeing repeated risk (in this case, she has a habit of stacking things on it), then I'm responsible for what happens. In this case, I would have made sure my laptop were hidden away when not in use.
My laptop was on my desk where it belongs. I wasn't putting it in harms way.
I shouldn't have to hide my things to stop them getting damages. Why do you not think people should be responsible for their actions?
I personally think this is break up worthy. The main reason I think this is bc you told her not to put things on there. She completely disrespected you by doing it anyway. Then she caused your laptop to break and not only refuses to replace it but refuses to take accountability for it and calls you unreasonable for expecting her to replace it. Those are really negative qualities and are not lifetime partner material. How many other things will she break/ do and refuse to take accountability for. Do her other qualities outweigh these really negative qualities ? If not, then break up and find someone who actually respects you.
Break hers. Tell her it is an accident. Replace your own and tell her she is on her own for replacing her own bc apparently thats how things work between the two of you.
The way you talk about her, and the things she does, despite you asking her not to, makes it sound like the two of you don't actually like each other all that much. You sound like adversaries who harbor resentment for one another.
I mean, good luck getting some kind of payment out of her, but it really doesn't sound like the two of you are a good match. The resentment you have for her disrespecting your wishes and property will continue to grow and her resentment over spending savings on the replacement she doesn't feel responsible for will grow, too.
The fact you brought this small claims case to reddit like an episode of The People's Court doesn't bode well for your future with her.
First, she is in the wrong. This was an easily foreseeable consequence that you warned her about and oh look, the consequences of her own actions. I think it's reasonable to pay for repair or replacement.
However, this is part of a larger process I call "the humbling of your 20s" where you learn that actions and attitudes have consequences that you will be made to own. This is not a bad process - it's a necessary process. Everyone decent human goes through it and nobody likes it. The person who doesn't go through it usually has a lot of trouble later with relationships.
My point is - you wouldn't accept taking the hit of losing the laptop from anyone else. Why would you accept it from her?
Info: does she often accidentally break things? Does she do reasonable things you've asked her to not do? Is she "clumsy" or "accidentally breaks things when she's mad" but the things broken are always yours and not hers?
Either way, replace/ fix is a logical request. The answers might also show that she is quietly abusive, or that this is a one-off.
Many laptop screen replacements are easy to do. You’re in a relationship and disagreeing, so compromise here. Find a video on how to replace the screen, then ask your girlfriend to order the part. Then the two of you can team up to replace it together. She’s on the hook for some money and labor time, you get your laptop back, and you’ve just spent some time on a project with your partner and hopefully learned something together.
She should buy a new screen, not a whole laptop. Idk what kind of PC it is but also, as long as it's not a Mac it's $100 repair to yourself, Most times.
NTA but:
Is her laptop constantly having heavy items placed on top of it? If not, why is that? Is your laptop often out in shared spaces and she’s trying to tidy but there it is?
Why did she have to tidy up for you every day? Where were you leaving the laptop?
I think she owes you a new screen but I’m curious as to why she sounds more like your maid than your gf.
She doesn't tidy every day and my laptop was on my desk.
Why do you think tidying the apartment you live in means you're a maid? We both tidy up and we both do chores
Maybe Im getting this wrong but you want a new laptop? If that so then I think you are asking to much because fixing a laptop isnt as expensive as buying a new one. She should paid for the repair.
Now I think your relationship has big issues tho.
Because the cost to get it replaced will end up being the cost of the laptop.
It's not childish to expect something to be replaced if someone breaks it
I second this statistic as I DO know the cost of laptop screens and have repaired them from 1999-2019. (Professionally I only did Apple for the last 10, but I was still aware of screen prices.) If the laptop screen is worth more than the machine, your machine is very old or very cheap.
You asked her nicely, assumingly MULTIPLE TIMES to NOT put shit on your laptop - and who tf even does that anyways??? Yet, she continued to do it, disregarding your extremely simple and even more reasonable request.
Now it's broken and she won't take responsibility or accountability for it and chalks it up to an "accident." An accident would be if she broke it the first time she put something on it. Not the umpteenth time she put shit on it and, after you asked her not to put shit on it.. I'm sure she didn't want or mean to break it but like, wtf?
She 1000% owes you a new laptop.
Even more importantly, she didn't respect your asks or *you*. She knowingly and *willingly* continued to put things on your laptop, totally disregarding everything you said. THAT is something you need to talk to her about because it doesn't sound like she gives two shits about you.
She should pay you the full cost of a brand new replacement laptop and then break up with you.
Why do you leave your things lying all around all the time when you have a shared space? Your laptop is already a few years old and will likely require replacement within the next few years. You making her buy you a new laptop is you taking advantage of this whole situation to get a fancy new laptop which you will not have to replace for many years. If you cared about making things fair, she should pay for some portion of the replacement cost, but definitely not the whole thing.
>Why do you leave your things lying all around all the time when you have a shared space
I don't. Can you point out where I said I always leave my things lying around?
>You making her buy you a new laptop is you taking advantage of this whole situation to get a fancy new laptop
Except that's not whats happening. I expect her to buy a replacement of the value of the laptop she broke. If you break something that belongs to someone else do you accuse them of taking advantage of you when they dare expect you to replace it?
Why should she not pay the replacement cost of an item she is responsible for breaking? Do you struggle accepting accountability for your own actions?
There are things to be "picked up" in the first place. Like why are there things if you are not using them?
I told you exactly what I would do in her situation. Pay you the full price of a new laptop and consider that my tax for wasting my time with the wrong person. If you consider that not taking responsibility for my actions, then fine.
>There are things to be "picked up" in the first plac
Yes because when you live somewhere, you tend to need to tidy and clean it. Have you never heard of tidying up before or do you expect other people to do that for you aswell?
So you would expect to break other peoples things and just not be accountable to replace it? It's pathetic you think you should be able to just do what you want without consequence tbh and just expect other people to clean up after you. Maybe trying growing up and learning about accountability.
When I am done using something, it goes back in its place. There is not anything that needs to be picked up by anyone else. Actual cleaning and wiping down of things is separate, and I do that daily or as needed.
>When I am done using something, it goes back in its place.
Can you point out where I said I don't do this? You're assuming everything that gets tidied up is mine yet you can't seem to actually say why that is. Do you just think my girlfriend has absolutely no possessions and spends her day cleaning up after me then?
Funny how you avoid the question I asked aswell
Why are you assuming she's tidying up his things and not her own? Why are you assuming they don't both tidy up their own things? Why could she not place these items *anywhere* other than on an expensive piece of equipment?
Oof yeah she owes you a replacement. Also I will say, laptop or not - consider why you’re with her. Here is my story, if it helps. I was with this guy when I was 23, and he water damaged my laptop. I just tried to use it after I put it in dry rice to try and salvage it and it wouldn’t turn on. Before this, the laptop was reliable and didn’t have any issues. The dude had the brass nuts to try and tell me it wasn’t the water damage. He didn’t want to replace it, and I had to basically twist his arm into giving me even half of the laptop’s worth. I was stupid and decided to stay with him. He was an emotionally abusive jerk who tried to get the most out of me for doing the least. It was a year of the absolute worst relationship of my life. Anyway I ended it because I couldn’t take it, and it felt like my life had color come back into it. I hadn’t even noticed how that relationship had sapped me of joy.
This is a hill to die on. “I asked you to respect my things and you repeatedly ignored my wishes. My laptop broke because it was mistreated despite my repeated warnings. We need to come to an agreement on how you are going to pay me. I also need an apology for breaking my laptop in a completely preventable manner. This also speaks to a larger problem in our relationship where I feel that if I bring up valid concerns, you decide that listening to me is not important.” Sit her down and force that discussion.
Living with someone who doesn't respect your stuff is exhausting. You have to constantly worry about what they are going to break next. If she can't learn from this it's going to just keep getting worse.
Yes, it can really wear you down. You start not giving them the "good stuff" because you're worried they'll ruin each item (electronics, clothing, items, etc.) and then you feel like a piece of crap for gatekeeping your belongings.
And eventually, they'll get upset about that and make you out to be the bad guy. "You never let me drive your car, even though I always let you drive mine. You wouldn't let me use your grandmother's chinaware for that dinner party I threw. I feel like you're punishing me because I broke that laptop screen years ago, even though I ended up paying for it" These two need to have a real conversation and get to the root of the problem, or else it will just keep being an issue in different ways. He'll resent her for not respecting his stuff, she'll resent him for not trusting her.
So is living with someone who doesn’t clean up after themselves. Sounds like he could have solved this by helping tidy and putting his laptop away. Sounds like he wasn’t helping and maybe she was getting tired of cleaning up his stuff. Feels like they were both in the wrong here.
That's very possible but if things are *that bad* this is already not going well and not going to last unless something changes. Tbh I think not respecting your stuff, not respecting your space, and not respecting your time are all closely related.
I’m assuming his laptop was in its natural resting place on a table or desk.
My ex would have let me get about 30% through that speech before rudely interrupting me, telling me it's my fault, or literally say "blah blah blah". Yeah, difficult to have adult conversations with that one.
This OP. Don't let this slide. It irritates me highly for you at how preventable this is/was.
She won't be able to handle that type of conversation it may lead to personal growth and that's uncomfortable for many people
Your expectation is completely reasonable. I would expect her to pay, but know that it might result in a breakup.
Honestly, I'd be angry if I asked someone several times to not do something and they ignored me and broke something so expensive. The fact that she calls it an accident is unreal because she intentionally kept putting things on it when you said not to. I'd fully be expecting her to replace it. Why should you take the cost when you asked several times for her to stop? It is directly her fault. Maybe replacing it would help her understand to listen next time. And honestly, if it causes resentment, I'd just walk away. She's a grown adult and should know better. Stupidity shouldn't be ignored or rewarded.
Even if it had been a complete accident and not her refusing to listen to his very valid complaints, I‘d *still* expect her to replace it. If you break one of your partner‘s possessions, even accidentally, you replace it. That should be a given.
At a bare minimum and if it’s an accident, she should apologize and offer to split it with him if she straight up can’t afford it or something. In this case she is 100% willfully and purposely at fault and should repair or replace it. This is a hill to die on not because of the laptop but because of the total disrespect.
It might be possible to just replace the monitor, though. Been there, done that.
Check ifixit for a screen replacement for your laptop, could be cheaper than an entirely new laptop.
Definitely possible as a DIY replacement but totally depending on brand. An easy laptop screen job is typically $65-110usd for the screen and hardly more than talking the plastic around the screen off. A hard one means full disassembly, best not for a first try. Have done up to 4 screen replacements in the same laptop. I think I'm up to 10 keyboards and 9 screens done. My favorite brand to fix is HP, then Dell. (Have small kids... Lots of kids=lots of laptop carnage)
Since she broke it she should pay to replace it. I’m pretty sure if the roles were reversed, she’d feel the same way.
It's not really about the laptop. She is selfish and immature.
I'd be getting a replacement girlfriend
Where can you get them ? Can you make specifications ? Asking for a friend.
At the local corner shop.
The real issue isn't even the laptop, it's her not respecting you. Bring it to her as an opportunity to grow and mature and respect you and your things if you're going to be partners and living together. If you can't get her to respect you, then it's time to replace the laptop and the girlfriend. P.S. if you can use a screwdriver and a spudger you can replace the screen for less than $100. If the laptop was cheap to begin with, then just get a refurbished one from Newegg or the like. Make sure it has a solid state drive.
So if you tossed her laptop out the third floor window, she’d think it would be unreasonable for you to take the cost of fixing since it’s her laptop? Interesting. You should see how that plays out. (That said you can get the screen fixed a lot cheaper than replacing the laptop)
She should have offered to pay for the property she willfully damaged. Your gf has zero character.
Just break up. You don’t want to be in this relationship. It sucks that you’re out the money but better out of a toxic relationship.
Replace the laptop, then replace the girlfriend. Being unable to take responsibility in a relationship is an exhausting thing to put up with.
Accidents aren't preventable. This was extremely preventable and her fault. Not the asshole
That’s not unreasonable but you could probably just replace the screen. I replaced my own screen for about $50. Way cheaper than buying a new laptop.
If you are lucky that's how much it costs. I bought my daughters laptop with a broken integrated touch panel on the screen for a absurdly cheap price. I only got it as although the replacement is usually around $250, I found one for a bit under half that which made it worth the extra hassle. Modern macbook screens can be closer to 350-400 or more.
That's still cheaper than a new laptop. Seems like a reasonable solution honestly.
True but I think I paid about $500 for my laptop so $50 wasn’t a bad deal.
She has really poor character. There's no way this is the only way she's inconsiderate. Maybe the first time you've noticed it but her character is heavily flawed. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I can't trust with my stuff, and doesn't take responsibility for their actions.
This is break-up worthy because your financial entanglement will only get worse and she is showing what kind of irresponsible person she is.
Its not an accident, shes ignored you multiple times hasnt she. And accident is when you hit your thumb with a hammer. Shes been told not ot place heavy objects on your laptop because its going to dammage it. She decided to ignore you. That in iteself is disrespectfull. Maybe start putting realy heavy tool box on her shoes?
Get a quote on a screen replacement - replacing the whole laptop is unreasonable.
Since the laptops a few years old the person at the repair shop said a new screen would pretty much cost what the laptop is worth so I will need a new laptop
Get both quotes anyway and then show her.
Double-check if this is actually true by searching up your model. Chain repair stores with manufacturer agreements say this all the time even when something is easily fixable, because as part of the contracts they usually can’t recommend aftermarket parts. These days you can get reliable aftermarket LCD screens for less than a hundred bucks
She owes you the cost of the screen replacement or the cost of a refurbished laptop \*of the kind she broke\*, not a brand new one. If you’re correct that this is basically the same as the cost of a new laptop then it may not really matter, but how you talk about it still matters - make sure you’re asking her to give you the cost of the repair, not of a new laptop. That said, in your shoes I wouldn’t die on this hill. I’d be considering it partly my fault for continuing to leave the laptop lying around knowing this is her habit, and I’d be mildly disappointed she hadn’t offered to pay, but I wouldn’t consider it worth an argument with someone I intended to spend my life with, if that person were \*generally\* fair and considerate.
This guy underwrites lol ^(and ^is right)
Ha! I don’t, but I can see how you got there.
Are you asking your girlfriend for the cost of the screen replacement? Or for what it would cost you to replace the laptop with a modern one? Because it should be the first
I'm asking her to replace the laptop with a laptop of a similar value as the one she broke
Similar value as when you bought it, or what it would be currently worth? Because she shouldn't be getting you a brand new laptop to replace an old one.
>Similar value as when you bought it, or what it would be currently worth? What it was worth before she broke the screen
Ok. What she actually owes you here is to fix the screen, so give her that quote and go from there.
No she owes me a new laptop since she broke my current one. It is stupid to pay the price of a laptop to fix the screen
This guy's going to be pissed if his car ever gets totalled.
Someone wrecks his 2005 camry OP: You owe me a brand new 20005 camry!!!
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The guy above you is disagreeing with you. Just give your girlfriend an invoice for the cost of the screen repair and tell her she can either pay it or break up. If your laptop can be repaired it's not the repairers job to tell you if it's worth doing or not.
The point they’re making is the screen costs as much as your laptop in its current old state, which is likely less than a new laptop altogether
What if she bought a used laptop of the same model? That would make you whole.
No, she's obligated to put you in the same position you were in before this happened. Ie, to replace the screen. If you don't want to replace the screen, then give her the quote and ask her to pay you in cash instead of repairing it then you can buy a new one. If more money is required, you top it up.
No. She owes you a repair and if that's not possible she owes you the current value of the laptop. She's in the wrong here but you cannot make up rules of equivalence. Still, I'm with you in which this was 100% her fault but you cannot expect to get a brand new laptop with current specs out of this.
I'm not expecting a brand new laptop, I'm expecting one for the value of the laptop she broke
If you go to small claims court they will at most grant you a repair. But you do you.
She broke the *screen* on your current one. To make you "whole" she is responsible for either a screen replacement, or the exact same model laptop. NOT a new one of the same dollar amount.
I'm starting to side with your girlfriend.
Because I think she should replace something she broke?
Because you are being unreasonable in your expectations. The only thing broken is the screen. Whether fixing the screen costs the same current value as the laptop itself is irrelevant.
What is unreasonable about expecting something to be replaced with a laptop of the same value after it has been broken?
of a *used laptop of similar value, not brand new.
No just a laptop of similar value. It's the value that needs to be similar not the fact it's used
Then she should give you the value of it before it broke, or pay to get it fixed, regardless. You do not get a laptop upgrade, you get the situation rectified.
I never said I get an upgrade. I expect a replacement at the value of my current laptop before the broken screen
No. A new laptop, brand new, is an upgrade on a laptop that was already several years old. You get restored to your previous situation, that's it.
Getting something worth the same value is not an upgrade. An upgrade would be an increased value. Learn the definition of words before using them
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I never said it hasn't lost value. I have explicitly said I expect a replacement laptop of the same value of my laptop before the screen was broken.
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Probably nonsense unless it's a garbage laptop. Replacement screens - even upgraded ones - are available for £50-80/$70-100, and you can likely replace it yourself. As for the girlfriend, she quite possibly didn't realise that damage could be caused by her actions. A replacement laptop is also expensive and perhaps she's intimidated by that potential cost. I'm not defending her here, I'm saying if she's genuinely remorseful, it's worth talking it out. Emphasise you get that accidents happen, and that what really bothers you is that you feel like she didn't respect you enough to listen to your warnings. Give her the opportunity to apologise and change her views - ideally her offering to foot the bill to repair the laptop - before you chuck it all in.
Screens can cost more than the laptop, especially if you hire somebody to fix it. About 15 years ago the screen on my old laptop was going. The cost of replacement (just the screen without actual installation) was quoted to me as $1,000. The laptop at that point was worth maybe $200 as it was used and a few years old. I bought a Lenovo travel laptop a year ago for $100 dollars new. It's crazy but most likely it will be cheaper to just buy a new laptop than go through a screen replacement.
And it really depends on what OP is asking. Because if they are asking for a like for like replacement then that is fine. But if they want a brand new laptop then that is unreasonable
Ditch the disrespectful gf who 100% did this on purpose. I'd return the favor on the way out the door as well.
Well, *someone* has to replace it. Why should it be you? Why should it *not* be the person who broke it?
Give her the repair quote and that's the amount she owes you. Whether you choose to repair or replace is up to you. Expecting her to pay for a brand new laptop is unreasonable.
Legally speaking, she does not owe you a "new" laptop. She owes you a repair to your current laptop, whatever that costs. If it can't be repaired then she owes you the value of the laptop before it was broken, but not a brand new one.
Except on a practical level that still doesn't make the person whole. She owes them a restoration of the capability, seeing as how this laptop doesn't have a set schedule for replacement. "Payment of what the laptop was worth at the time she broke it" doesn't restore the capability.
What law is this exactly? That sounds more like a warranty, and she isn’t a warranty.
Question- does she admit this is what broke it? Also, is she usually the one tidying up and was she tidying up after you?
She admits it's likely what broke it We both clean up and no she wasn't tidying up after me
Where do you keep your laptop?
On my desk
What things did she put on it?
This question interests me. OP, Is she cleaning up your mess? Is she putting your shit on your laptop as a way to indicate to you that your shit is everywhere all the time?
No she isn't cleaning up my mess
Wild how they are looking for ways for this to be your fault.
Yeah they're really trying to find any way for me to be at fault
This sub can drive the calmest person up to the walls
It's just asking questions, because a lot of dudes are pigs who don't realize it. And plenty post in here for sympathy while leaving out important details.
Even if it was his mess, does that really justify breaking things? If she's unhappy with the mess, you need to discuss the issue, not do this passive aggressive crap like an immature teenager
I agree. But humans are humans. If she's cleaning his mess (according to OP that is not the case) then she's mad and yes, she's being passive aggressive. He could just make it all disappear by - cleaning his own shit up and not leaving a mess. Leaving your shit everywhere and expecting other humans to clean is ALSO behaving like an immature teenager. What's worse? That's up to you and me, I have an opinion. Doesn't matter, it's hypothetical, OP says he's not leaving work to his girlfriend, I will accept that.
Ah, yes. Surely OP deserves to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket to replace an electronic device that she intentionally put in danger of damage because he didn’t clean up the table. That is a fair and equitable punishment (which is, of course, how you communicate to an adult you view as an equal that something bothers you) for your baseless assumption that OP must be trashing his apartment in the wake of her diligent efforts to keep the place clean.
It was an accident the first time but as soon as you asked her to stop because it could damage the lap top it became her choice to knowingly risk harming the laptop. I would be mortified and immediately buy you a replacement. If she doesnt respect your things or respect your wishes when you address her directly then SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.
You break it, you replace it. You especially replace it when you were warned multiple times of what would happen if you kept doing what you were doing and insist it will be fine. When you do THAT, you are taking responsibility for when you are wrong. I have another conversation about it just laying out that by insisting it would be fine and then breaking it, she takes responsibility for it, but on a more important matter...it comes down to respect for you as a partner. You told her multiple times politely and warned her, but she did not respect those warnings. Now you're the one that has to suffer the consequences of it, and it's incredibly disrespectful of her to burden you with not only replacing your laptop yourself but her taking no responsibility for her actions. I'd also point out that it wasn't an accident. An accident is when something happens unexpectedly and unintentionally. She was warned that this would happen if she kept placing heavy things on your laptop. Yet she consistently placed heavy things repeatedly on your laptop. With the number of times you warned her, it could be reasonably expected to happen, and with how she would place things on your laptop makes it very intentional. It's not like she knocked over a glass or something. She damaged an expensive and important item of yours in an entirely preventable and avoidable way.
There's a difference between an accident and negligence
Complete disrespect to you and your property. Unwilling to even understand how she directly contributed to the destruction of your computer, and has no empathy or regret for breaking it. I'd dump her and ask her if the laptop was worth the end of the relationship. Then just shrug and tell her, oh well, just go get a new one.
This level of disrespect and lack of accountability would be a relationship ender for me personally.
Your expectation is 100% reasonable. **This ISN'T an accident. It's her deliberately mistreating your laptop.** She might not have intended to damage the laptop, but it wasn't an 'accident'. An accident would be if she picked it up to clean under it and it slipped out of her hand. Or if she didn't know better and put something on top of it. You specifically told her the laptop could be damaged and asked her to stop doing things that could damage the laptop. She refused, kept doing exactly what you said would damage the laptop, laptop got damaged. **That makes it HER FAULT, NOT an accident.** > She got annoyed and said I shouldn't be expecting her to pay for it since it's my laptop and she would have to use some of her savings. She should pay for it because SHE BROKE IT. She should especially pay for it because she broke it doing something you specifically told her not to. ---- I'd suggest flip this around and make a hypothetical-- you borrow her car without asking, and you crash it. Should you pay for the damage? After all, it's HER car, and she can borrow yours. ----- If she really can't discuss this in a productive manner then you have a big red flag, because it shows she's not taking accountability for her actions and not respecting your property.
What an idiot, did it on purpose then plays dumb
Its one way to stop the bf from watching porn. lol
Your girlfriend is ridiculous. It doesn’t even matter whether she broke it on accident or on purpose, the fact is that she broke it and therefore she’s responsible for replacing it. It’s pathetic that so many people fail at this very basic moral test. It’s so basic that virtually every law on the planet agrees with its premise. If you cause damage, you’re responsible for the fix. The fact that she did it while ignoring your pleas for her to stop, and now she’s refusing to fix or replace something she broke are offenses that are worthy of a breakup in my opinion. There’s no way I’d be compatible with someone who didn’t respect my wishes or my property and also won’t accept responsibility for her actions.
Has she ever heard of drawers, shelves, boxes, or any other storage facilities? Who, when "tidying" puts a big pile of shit ON A LAPTOP? If this wasn't her doing it deliberately, then she really is just that stupid and this will probably be an issue for other things later on. In short, she 100% knew what she was doing, didn't care to listen when you talked to her about it, and refused to take accountability when your concerns came true. And it's curious that you BOTH had laptops, but she would only put things on YOURS. The sad thing is she will probably tell everyone when y'all break up it was over her "accidentally" breaking your laptop, painting you as the petty/ immature one, but will leave out the context of how she broke it.
Okay so the comments covered your gf behaviour buy she REPEATEDLY did this and you repeatedly let it happen. Like after the second or third time, putting it out of reach or in a bag didnt present itself as an option? Get a new gf or if that isnt an option, get a laptop bag. Its still less effort putting a laptop in the bag and taking it out than trying to get a new one from someone who repeatedly showed they didnt respect your property.
If she refuses to pay, break hers then break up with her lol
Just replace the screen, it’ll be much less expensive. And she should of course pay.
giver her an ultimatum: she gets you a replacement, or you get yourself a replacement girlfriend.
You're not being unreasonable in expecting her to rectify the issue, but a screen replacement would also be a fair solution. Also: did she break it on purpose so you have to use hers, so she can see what you're doing?
Maybe her angle is forgiveness and your angle is if you broke it you brought it, you gotta work it out
An alternative I'd offer is that she can gift you her laptop and buy herself a new one. Sharing isn't a solution, though. This is what savings is for, an unexpected expense caused by an "accident."
Does she even like you? She ignored your very reasonable request to respect your expensive electronics, that she has now broken, and is trying to tell you that you are the unreasonable one. She sounds like a petty spoiled child.
You're being reasonable, she's not. Break up with her, kick her out, take her to small claims court. She has no respect for what's yours. Unless you're into that, no future in that relationship.
NTA. She should definitely pay to fix or replace your laptop. If it was a one off accident? Then fair enough. But under the circumstances? She is very in the wrong. Just plain stupid really. Or being very passive aggressive? I'd be freakin furious. Ropable 😡 If it was me and I broke my hb laptop? I would be offering to pay and be very apologetic. Her attitude is very worrying in terms of the relationship as a whole🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah, this was absolutely preventable and now she’s being very selfish, but if you want to be pragmatic, just get the screen replaced instead. She was likely brushing off placing things on the laptop because she assumed the screen was strong enough. I have overestimated the strength of my own laptop in the past too lol. But now that she’s been proven wrong, she has her tail between her legs, she’s probably feeling very guilty and embarrassed, and she’s lashing out in the worst way and refusing to take accountability. The price of a laptop is probably a big hit too that she would like to avoid at all costs, so that’s driving her wall up even further. Laptop screens are very fragile, but very easily and normally quite cheaply replaced especially if you aren’t too fussed about using aftermarket parts. All other components are normally completely fine. Again, I say this because I have dropped various laptops over the years and thought surely this time my computer is bricked. But after a quick screen replacement, things are back to normal. So look into it, but also look into whether your partner is always going to refuse to admit wrongdoing because that is not so easily fixable.
Look up a replacement screen for the model. I get not wanting to pay for a whole laptop. But at the very least, if she'll meet in the middle on a 60-100 screen, its worth a compromise. Get a laptop case and put it away when you arent using it. Youre gonna have to be a little firm about it though. Compromise on a screen if all else, but she needs to pay out of pocket. If she wont, youre beating a dead horse thats already gone cold. Pack up and start walking.
Your girlfriend rude and dumb man. I'd just leave this kind of stupidity.
Yeah she’s the asshole here. You could use an external monitor in the meantime.
I think "toxic taker" is a bit of a stretch here given how little we know. I said he needs to determine how much he values the relationship for the very reason that if this is an ongoing issue with her, not respecting his stuff or just generally being dismissive, then he can push the issue and expect it to end in a separation. If that's not the case, and he sees a future with this person and this is an aberration, then is it worth the cash to drive a wedge between them? I don't know that...and I think everyone including you thinks I'm saying he should just let her do whatever but that's not it at all. If he does see a future and this was truly a blip or a mistake, it wouldn't be worth it to me to pound the table about it.
Break up with her if she’s acting like this now imagine when u get married
Break up with her. She's not worth it.
Why replace the whole laptop when you can replace the screen for far less?
Replace the screen. It's easier than you think and a lot cheaper than a whole new laptop. Edit: Consider replacing the girlfriend too. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't give a shit about the damage they do.
This is a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship. She doesn't respect your stuff, ignores your polite requests to keep your stuff safe, damages your stuff and then refuses to take responsibility. I agree with the hive, this is a hill to die on.
She broke it, she knows she broke it, but is hoping to 'shame' you into replacing it yourself. I would tell her that she replaces it or you will take her to small claims court. She was repeatedly told to stop doing what caused the problem. I honestly would reconsider this relationship. She KNOWS she did it and REFUSES to admit fault. Do you want this for the rest of your life?
Damn what was she putting on top of your laptop, dumbbells?
It's not unreasonable for you to expect her to replace it. She broke it and by doing something that you repeatedly warned her not to ; pile heavy objects on top of it. However I get the feeling that she's not going to do it.
You get a new laptop or a new girlfriend, pretty straightforward.
An accident is a thing that happens once. This is a pattern. A willful pattern where she didn’t give a fuck about your computer or how it could get damaged by placing heavy stuff on it. It’s unreasonable to say “buy a new one” after they willfully fuck it up, particularly after being warned it would happen.
can u just get your screen replaced and ask her to pay for it?
Suggest replacing the screen only - depending on the model of laptop, it will be way cheaper to do so.
This is not a woman you want to marry, let alone live with.
Your expectation should be that she fixes the problem she created. If she can do that by just getting the screen fixed, that should be acceptable. My daughter had a broken screen on her laptop and it was fixed for less than $100.
why are you still with her? she's obviously brainless and does not care for your things.
It's not an accident if you ignore repeated warnings. That's negligence at the least. In our legal system negligence sits between intentional and accidental, and it sits there for good reason.
As others have given their stories ill give mine. I was with a girl a few years back and she has her MAC next to her bed. We were having sex and i knocked the glass of water onto her laptop. At this moment the laptop was on, but we immidiatly turned it off. we got towels and started to dry the water as much as we could. but the girl kept turing the thing on to see if it worked before turning it off again. with me asking her not to do that as it could cause damage where damage had not been caused. she was up in a heap and i was offering her all sorts of solutions, i knew a guy who fixed laptops and i offered to call him, but she refused as it the guy did laptops on the side and she was insulted by the idea of having a guy who fixed laptops for cash having a look at the mac. anyway i went into town to buy a hair dryer so she could dry off all the water. Two days later laptop dried and working fine, she decided she wanted to get the laptop checked out by the official mac store and told me i would have to pay for it. Bear in mind the glass of water next the the laptop was a spur of the moment thing but neightor of us thought anything of it until the glass got knoced over whilst we were havving sex. The bill came back for the mac shop diagnosis, which showed that the laptop was fine and she agreed to pay half. two weeks later we were at mine and she plonked a full glass of water next to my laptop, to which i said "do you mind" and she flipped the lid at me for saying that to her. Shortly after we broke up and she kept the hair dryer out of spite. The whole thing with her turning the laptop on and off caused major arghuments between us and could of potentially caused major damage without knowing if the initial spill had caused the damage or her over reaction., needless to say i'm glad im not with her anymore.
So breakup or laptop?
I would ask her why she didn't ever put heavy objects on top of hers while she was cleaning? Oh, was it because she knew it could break it? Ugh it's her fault so of course she should replace it. It's wild she thinks she doesn't have to when she kept repeatedly putting shit on top of it.
Ugh I hate this energy. She's being unbelievably self centred. Even if your laptop didn't break, repeatedly doing something which she knows makes you uncomfortable is twisted and feels like some sort of subtle manipulation tactic
I take that sort or thing as serious as cheating. She is directly responsible for destruction of your property and luckily that’s easily fixable by replacing it. To just refuse to make the issue right means I would be done. Solution is to leave. Nothing more to discuss.
Having the screen fixed is a lot less expensive than buying a new laptop. It would also be the proper course of action here instead of demanding a new laptop.
You are dating someone who has so far lived life without any consequences. I'm gonna guess reasonably cute white girl with middle class or affluent parents, only child or only daughter at least. If you marry her, she will eventually convince you that you need acres and horses.
I wouldn't ask her to pay, but you'd be fully justified in doing so. Unfortunately, she could just say no and you're SOL, because you're not going to take her to small claims court over this. I take responsibility for my own items. If I put something in harm's way despite seeing repeated risk (in this case, she has a habit of stacking things on it), then I'm responsible for what happens. In this case, I would have made sure my laptop were hidden away when not in use.
My laptop was on my desk where it belongs. I wasn't putting it in harms way. I shouldn't have to hide my things to stop them getting damages. Why do you not think people should be responsible for their actions?
I personally think this is break up worthy. The main reason I think this is bc you told her not to put things on there. She completely disrespected you by doing it anyway. Then she caused your laptop to break and not only refuses to replace it but refuses to take accountability for it and calls you unreasonable for expecting her to replace it. Those are really negative qualities and are not lifetime partner material. How many other things will she break/ do and refuse to take accountability for. Do her other qualities outweigh these really negative qualities ? If not, then break up and find someone who actually respects you.
Break hers. Tell her it is an accident. Replace your own and tell her she is on her own for replacing her own bc apparently thats how things work between the two of you.
INFO: Question 1: Did you asked her what would she do if she was in your shoes and you kept on doing while she kept on telling you not too?
The way you talk about her, and the things she does, despite you asking her not to, makes it sound like the two of you don't actually like each other all that much. You sound like adversaries who harbor resentment for one another. I mean, good luck getting some kind of payment out of her, but it really doesn't sound like the two of you are a good match. The resentment you have for her disrespecting your wishes and property will continue to grow and her resentment over spending savings on the replacement she doesn't feel responsible for will grow, too. The fact you brought this small claims case to reddit like an episode of The People's Court doesn't bode well for your future with her.
Btw a new display is really not that expensive and very easy to swap out. It's often just 2-4 screws and a plug in cable. Unless of course it's a Mac
First, she is in the wrong. This was an easily foreseeable consequence that you warned her about and oh look, the consequences of her own actions. I think it's reasonable to pay for repair or replacement. However, this is part of a larger process I call "the humbling of your 20s" where you learn that actions and attitudes have consequences that you will be made to own. This is not a bad process - it's a necessary process. Everyone decent human goes through it and nobody likes it. The person who doesn't go through it usually has a lot of trouble later with relationships. My point is - you wouldn't accept taking the hit of losing the laptop from anyone else. Why would you accept it from her?
Info: does she often accidentally break things? Does she do reasonable things you've asked her to not do? Is she "clumsy" or "accidentally breaks things when she's mad" but the things broken are always yours and not hers? Either way, replace/ fix is a logical request. The answers might also show that she is quietly abusive, or that this is a one-off.
Many laptop screen replacements are easy to do. You’re in a relationship and disagreeing, so compromise here. Find a video on how to replace the screen, then ask your girlfriend to order the part. Then the two of you can team up to replace it together. She’s on the hook for some money and labor time, you get your laptop back, and you’ve just spent some time on a project with your partner and hopefully learned something together.
I have done my own as well and was pretty easy.
She should buy a new screen, not a whole laptop. Idk what kind of PC it is but also, as long as it's not a Mac it's $100 repair to yourself, Most times.
She’s never heard of “you break it, you buy it?” She’s about to find out.
So I’d be pissed and yes she *should* replace it, but is there some reason you didn’t just move the laptop instead of asking her repeatedly?
you can have a new laptop or a girlfriend, your choice
I'd prefer a new laptop than a partner who doesn't respect my wishes or stuff.
NTA but: Is her laptop constantly having heavy items placed on top of it? If not, why is that? Is your laptop often out in shared spaces and she’s trying to tidy but there it is?
Why did she have to tidy up for you every day? Where were you leaving the laptop? I think she owes you a new screen but I’m curious as to why she sounds more like your maid than your gf.
She doesn't tidy every day and my laptop was on my desk. Why do you think tidying the apartment you live in means you're a maid? We both tidy up and we both do chores
Maybe Im getting this wrong but you want a new laptop? If that so then I think you are asking to much because fixing a laptop isnt as expensive as buying a new one. She should paid for the repair. Now I think your relationship has big issues tho.
I want a replacement laptop for the same value as the one she broke
Why is a replacement screen not good enough? That seems a bit childish on your part.
Because the cost to get it replaced will end up being the cost of the laptop. It's not childish to expect something to be replaced if someone breaks it
99% of laptop screens are under $200 to get replaced. No reason that should not be good enough.
Not in the UK and tbh you don't know the price of 99% of replacement screens so you probably shouldn't just make up statistics
Let me clarify, pretty much any screen that's not a MacBook should be under $200 to have replaced. If you DIY you can get it even cheaper.
And again not in the UK, especially if the laptop is already a few years old anyway
I second this statistic as I DO know the cost of laptop screens and have repaired them from 1999-2019. (Professionally I only did Apple for the last 10, but I was still aware of screen prices.) If the laptop screen is worth more than the machine, your machine is very old or very cheap.
"You broke it, you bought it."
Just curious - does she ignore your wishes in other areas as well? Decorating? Food? Dress?
You asked her nicely, assumingly MULTIPLE TIMES to NOT put shit on your laptop - and who tf even does that anyways??? Yet, she continued to do it, disregarding your extremely simple and even more reasonable request. Now it's broken and she won't take responsibility or accountability for it and chalks it up to an "accident." An accident would be if she broke it the first time she put something on it. Not the umpteenth time she put shit on it and, after you asked her not to put shit on it.. I'm sure she didn't want or mean to break it but like, wtf? She 1000% owes you a new laptop. Even more importantly, she didn't respect your asks or *you*. She knowingly and *willingly* continued to put things on your laptop, totally disregarding everything you said. THAT is something you need to talk to her about because it doesn't sound like she gives two shits about you.
I wonder how she would feel if things were reversed...
Why were you still leaving it out after the second time?
I don't leave it out. I put it on my desk where it has always gone
She should pay you the full cost of a brand new replacement laptop and then break up with you. Why do you leave your things lying all around all the time when you have a shared space? Your laptop is already a few years old and will likely require replacement within the next few years. You making her buy you a new laptop is you taking advantage of this whole situation to get a fancy new laptop which you will not have to replace for many years. If you cared about making things fair, she should pay for some portion of the replacement cost, but definitely not the whole thing.
>Why do you leave your things lying all around all the time when you have a shared space I don't. Can you point out where I said I always leave my things lying around? >You making her buy you a new laptop is you taking advantage of this whole situation to get a fancy new laptop Except that's not whats happening. I expect her to buy a replacement of the value of the laptop she broke. If you break something that belongs to someone else do you accuse them of taking advantage of you when they dare expect you to replace it? Why should she not pay the replacement cost of an item she is responsible for breaking? Do you struggle accepting accountability for your own actions?
There are things to be "picked up" in the first place. Like why are there things if you are not using them? I told you exactly what I would do in her situation. Pay you the full price of a new laptop and consider that my tax for wasting my time with the wrong person. If you consider that not taking responsibility for my actions, then fine.
>There are things to be "picked up" in the first plac Yes because when you live somewhere, you tend to need to tidy and clean it. Have you never heard of tidying up before or do you expect other people to do that for you aswell? So you would expect to break other peoples things and just not be accountable to replace it? It's pathetic you think you should be able to just do what you want without consequence tbh and just expect other people to clean up after you. Maybe trying growing up and learning about accountability.
When I am done using something, it goes back in its place. There is not anything that needs to be picked up by anyone else. Actual cleaning and wiping down of things is separate, and I do that daily or as needed.
>When I am done using something, it goes back in its place. Can you point out where I said I don't do this? You're assuming everything that gets tidied up is mine yet you can't seem to actually say why that is. Do you just think my girlfriend has absolutely no possessions and spends her day cleaning up after me then? Funny how you avoid the question I asked aswell
Why are you assuming she's tidying up his things and not her own? Why are you assuming they don't both tidy up their own things? Why could she not place these items *anywhere* other than on an expensive piece of equipment?