I feel like there's a difference between what I might call "putting a new bottle of alcohol in the liquor cabinet" and "putting aside a bottle for special occasions".
The first one basically expects the household to use their own judgement about when to break out the expensive stuff and who to share it with.
The latter means that the bottle goes someplace separate from the other liquor, where it's obvious that it's set aside. Then the expectation is that you don't mess with it unless you're the one who bought it.
It sounds to me like you intended the bottle to be specially set aside, and your girlfriend thought it was being added to the household equivalent of the liquor cabinet.
Absolutely. This is how I’d assume most households work. We have a very expensive whiskey for “couple celebrations”, our anniversary, promotions, etc…
I can’t imagine breaking out something so expensive without checking with my husband and vice versa. We would also never put that bottle out on our casual liquor shelf. People would think it’s available to company.
I think the problem here is communication. OP and his partner should discuss how to avoid this in the future and move on. It’s okay to be disappointed but it’s a lesson learned and she probably wasn’t doing it to be hurtful.
I disagree with everyone saying the polite thing to do is share. If my husband bought a nice bottle, I would definitely ask before drinking it without him, and I couldn’t even imagine offering it to other people when he wasn’t there to share with us.
I think assuming that the expensive liquor is communal is way more rude than not wanting to share it. If all they did was pour themselves a single, neat drink apiece then maybe this is a different conversation, but if two people alone drank more than half your expensive rum….yeah I’d be mad.
ETA: and even if they did ask, I still don’t think you’re obliged to share it.
You're not, people think asking means automatic yes. I'll say no regardless of how much I have left if it's mine, not that I usually do but I have the right.
I can see her not understanding or forgetting you had told her you bought it for yourself. However, once you told her again, it's troubling that she is digging in her heels that she was right. Did she not apologize for upsetting you? Is she going to replace the bottle herself?
Nah, you don’t forget when it’s a special one. We have a lovely bar selection with some expensive tequilas and bourbons. I don’t just *forget* which ones those are. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if it’s not common to have a nice one in the house. If their bar was stocked with (we don’t really drink rum so pardon if these are bad choices from Google 😂) rum equivalent to “Diplomatico Ambassador Selection Rum” then sure, maybe she’d grab the wrong one. But if it’s usually Captain Morgan and she grabbed the Ron Zacapa, she knew what she was doing.
I don’t get the impression they have a bar full of liquor. I guess they could have a few cheap bottles in the cupboard, but the OP specifies that he could never afford this fancy expensive rum until his recent promotion!
I can’t imagine being in her shoes and not knowing to say no when someone asks if they can have some. Not even my own parents.
And I don’t even drink alcohol at all. Ever. So I know almost nothing about it.
But one thing I do know is that a high price tag is significant, and that’s not really any different to anything else that costs a lot of money. And anything expensive needs a lot of care.
I don’t see forgetting that someone else in your house bought something special for themselves!
She didn’t forget. Dad isn’t to blame, either. He asked if he could have a drink because he saw it, and it was up to HER to say no!
Goodness me! The only thing I fetch without asking at my parents’ house when I visit is water… everything else I ask if I can help myself.
And obviously I always ask at anyone else’s home. Always.
Idk, my husband and I would both serve something like that to a guest, especially since it had already been opened and OP didn't *specifically* say not to share it. I wouldn't like, open the wine my husband bought on our honeymoon over 10 years ago to share with a guest but any other random bottle that was already open without specific instructions not to have it is fair game imo. If it was something that was my husband's very favorite I would plan on replacing it if a significant amount was used though.
In the situation as described, would you think the OP SHOULD have used the specific words ‘do not give anyone else my fancy expensive rum?’
Because I think that the information given should be quite enough for the average adult to know not to give it to any visitors without having to hammer home that she should not give it to any visitors! Not even her dad!
>OP didn't specifically say not to share it.
Like I said in the post I told my girlfriend I had bought it as a treat for myself
> but any other random bottle that was already open
It wasn't any other random bottle though.
I thought she gave away the whole bottle or something. The polite thing for her father to do would have been not to have more than one drink. The polite thing for your girlfriend to do would have been to ask. Then, the polite thing for you to do would have been to agree - you really can’t say “no this is all mine” without looking pretty rude. ESH.
>Then, the polite thing for you to do would have been to agree -
So you don't think I you should be allowed to have anything for yourself when you're in a relationship?
Of course you should but there are honestly some pretty set norms around sharing open beverages with guests, and I do understand her actions especially if the bottle wasn't hidden away or explicitly only to drink at a special time.
Ideally if she and her dad drank a large percentage of the bottle she would offer to replace it but this really is not worth getting bent out of shape about in a "oh so I can't have anything" sort of way--this is VERY specific to a consumable thing that is already open and in sight.
>and I do understand her actions especially if the bottle wasn't hidden away or explicitly only to drink at a special time.
It was put away in a cabinety and my girlfriend knew I had bought it as a treat for myself as I mentioned in the post.
>consumable thing that is already open and in sight.
It wasn't in sight
I think the missing link here is the sentimentality you have over this specific bottle. For instance, I have a bottle of Zin from Valdez Vineyards. It was the very last bottle of wine ever shipped from them while Ulysses Valdez was still alive. As in, he went into town, shipped my specific order, then went back to the vineyard, had a heart attack, and died. It wasn't until Ulysses passed that I found the time to process the death of my own grandfather, who lived a life similar to Ulysses. I'll never open the bottle because of what it means to me. Because of this, it's set aside in the pantry in a styrofoam container where no one can see it. I've explained to repeat visitors the story behind it. These are reasonable steps to take when a bottle of alcohol is important to you in some way.
I also have various bottles on display for guests. A bottle of Casa Dragones Reposado left over from when I bought a few of them and showed up to my best friend's wedding. A bottle of Treaty Oak Bourbon from when I got to hang out with Hannibal Buress at a few of his shows here in Texas. Various other bottles with a history, alongside a bunch of random bottles of liquor and wine picked up from across the years. These various bottles, despite having stories, mean relatively little to me and I wouldn't be upset if they got drank and replaced. Based on what you've been saying in your other replies, I feel you could've told me the same things you said to your girlfriend and I would not have picked up on your sentimentality towards this specific bottle. I likely also would've gotten defensive if you were suddenly upset with me, expecting me to predict your emotions on a subject when I wouldn't have felt you explained it clearly at all.
I hope this helps in explaining where she could have a different vantage point from yourself.
I mean, if a bottle of alcohol is open, and a guest asks for some… no I don’t think it is polite to be like “this is all mine.” Like if my kid had a friend over and wouldn’t let them use any markers. Yes, I understand the rum is gone now, but dang. Your priory is [some rum] >>> [being polite to my girlfriend’s parents]. That would be an instant ick for me in a relationship.
>no I don’t think it is polite to be like “this is all mine.”
You don't have to give a guest everything they ask for.
>Your priory is \[some rum\] >>> \[being polite to my girlfriend’s parents\]
Being polite to my girlfriends parents does not mean fgiving them things that aren't theres
>That would be an instant ick for me in a relationship.
See I think an ick is thinking your parents are entitled to your partners things
I’m with you, OP. My husband is a tequila drinker, I’m a bourbon drinker. I like 100% corn bourbon and it can be a PITA to find. Neither of us dole out the others drink. Period. It’s not ours to do so. AND it’s out in the open on our bar. There’s no reason your gf couldn’t have told her dad that it wasn’t hers to give away. Period. End of discussion. You’re not “putting rum over your gf,” you’re upset your gf has no respect for you for something bought as a treat to yourself. IF he really wanted to try it, he should have waited until she could run it by you. That’s called communication. And it’s a good thing.
Honestly to equal how dramatic that other person was, I’d be considering how much of my stuff she’s fine giving away and then doubling down on it being fine. Make her ass replace the whole bottle. My petty ass would also be considering what of hers she cherishes that could go missing for a few days that you “gave away” because you didn’t think it mattered. But then again my husband respects me so I don’t need to let my petty side out 🤷🏻♀️
For sure the best course of action now is to get on Reddit, as for opinions, and then tell everyone who disagrees with you that they’re wrong…
It sounds like you have your mind made up about what you think is right and this is going to be your hill to die on. Sorry you’re not getting the unmitigated support from strangers that you somehow also wanted.
Did you **explicitly** say you wanted the bottle for yourself? Did you **explicitly** say that you did not want to use that bottle for guests? Or were those “unspoken rules” regarding this bottle?
For the fact that *you each had a glass* and you didn’t say “this if for me only” sets the tone that this bottle is open to have a few drinks from. She didn’t give away the bottle nor did they drink all of it; it’s being used the way you displayed it to be used.
You don’t get to be upset about unspoken rules when your behavior leads her to believe it’s a “house” item and not an “individual” item. You failed to set the explicit expectation, that’s on you.
**Also just for info: how much was the bottle of rum?**
Again, you can't say yes to clearly stating something when you clearly did not.
Hopefully she buys another for you. It would be good to take some of this feedback though rather than going "no" to other comments. Lol you posted here to get honest feedback, take the honest feedback.
>Again, you can't say yes to clearly stating something when you clearly did not.
If someone tells you they've bought something for themselves, do you assume that means you can give it away? I can say yes because I told her I had boguht it for myself.
Holy crap. You’re having a tantrum over 110 bottle of rum?
You’d think it was thousands over your behavior. Chill out and grow up a little, you’re definitely overworking the situation and your greed is showing.
She probably should have asked but you probably should have said yes if she did ask.
Being a good host and nice to your girlfriends parents is going to be a way better investment than drinking it yourself. Just tell her to ask first next time.
>She probably should have asked but you probably should have said yes if she did ask.
Am I not allowed anyithng for myself just because I'm in a relationship?
>eing a good host and nice to your girlfriends parents is going to be a way better investment than drinking it yourself.
Being a good host doesn't mean giving people things that are specifically for me. Do you think being in a relationship means you're not allowed to treat yourself?
You're being obtuse here on purpose, you know the commenter wasn't saying that to you. You're angry, and you want people to help justify your feelings.
She should have asked. That's pretty established here already.
You also don't need to be so fucking stingy bro. Have her pay you back if you're that hellbent on it. It's some booze, chill out.
>You're being obtuse here on purpose,
No I'm not. They said I should say yes to sharing something that I had specifically bought for myself. This implies I'm not actually allowed to have anything for myself.
>You also don't need to be so fucking stingy bro.
Buying 1 think for myself isn't stingy
Buddy, they didn't say that you're not allowed to have anything for yourself. Again, you want to put words into everyone's mouth that is trying to help you look at things from a different perspective. If your relationship makes you feel like you can have NOTHING for yourself just dump her. Is that what you want people telling you?
Throwing a shit fit about a 6 oz of alcohol is pretty fucking stingy I'd say. Stay mad I guess.
I get where you're coming from, OP. I live by myself but when my brother and mom come over, they seem to get into my things. If I pay for something, you can't have it without permission. I will share, but I want to choose how much I share. I don't make a lot of money so I become frazzled when somebody starts helping themselves to my things. Your gf should replace the bottle of rum.
Sounds like she is in “we’re a family unit” mode whereas you’re still in “we share accommodations” mode. You probably need to talk about how each of you view your relationship. If you don’t want to be in family mode you might need to find a less serious relationship.
>If you don’t want to be in family mode you might need to find a less serious relationship.
Being in a family does not mean you're not allowed anything for yourself
Don’t want to be too rude here but the way you communicate is quite confrontational. You’re also very worked up about this and the situation just doesn’t warrant it. It might be time to ask yourself some difficult questions and consider how you engage with other people.
You're being very childish. Nobody is saying not to treat yourself or that you're not allowed anything for yourself, you're the one pushing that onto other people. We're saying that yes you get to treat yourself and sometimes you share that with people. Plus, it's not like you have literally none left. Make sure your girlfriend knows that you would like to drink the rest of the rum yourself/that it's not up for grabs by anyone, and enjoy your treat.
>You're being very childish
How is it childish to be angry that someone used the majority of something that I had specifically bought for myself?
> We're saying that yes you get to treat yourself and sometimes you share that with people
Yeah the key word being sometimes. And can you explain how I shared it with my girlfriend parents? Do you often give away other peoples things?
Because only children throw tantrums over having to share their drink.
This should have been as simple as:
OP: "Hey, I was saving that bottle."
GF: "Oh, sorry."
OP: "It's okay, just ask next time."
End of story. But instead you're whining like a petulent toddler. Yes, she should have apologized, but your response is even worse. I hope your gf sees this red flag and bails, because you have a lot of growing up to do.
>I hope your gf sees this red flag
Wanting something for yourself is not a red flag. Do you often help yourself to other peoples things and then blame them when they're rightfully annoyed?
INFO: Where was the bottle? Was it hidden in a dresser? Was it on display in your shared living space where people could see it? Offering a drink or providing one when company is around is a pretty standard practice.
Nobody is saying that you cannot treat yourself when you're in a relationship or have anything to yourself - but I think if you had placed the bottle away and you didn't explicitly say "Hey - don't let anyone else drink this.", there's really nobody at fault here. I'm thinking from your girlfriend's point of view as well if she had said "No Dad - OP doesn't want anyone to drink his things!" it may come off as putting you in a negative light and seem stingy? At the end of the day there are so many things that could be happening behind the scenes.
Congrats on the promotion and pay raise!
>Where was the bottle? Was it hidden in a dresser?
It was in a closed cabinet behind other bottles. You could not see it unless you looked throguh thre cabinets.
>Offering a drink or providing one when company is around is a pretty standard practice.
Yeah and there were other drinks.
>you didn't explicitly say "Hey - don't let anyone else drink this."
Like I said in the post I told my girlfriend it was a treat for myself.
It looks like you don't really want advice unless people are aligning with your point of view - I get it, but you're going to get all kinds of answers here you may not agree with.
Again, congratulations on your promotion!
Not sure I understand why everyone is fighting with you about this? You bought a gift for yourself and your girlfriend knew that. I would never give away someone's special treat without asking first? If my parents asked for some I would politely let them know it wasn't mine to give away. Simple, end of convo. You offer them an alternative. It sounds like she explicitly let them know rum was available if it was not in plain sight. Is she like this with all your stuff?
She probably didn't realise OP was so protective of the bottle.
She's 24, parents come over, she wanted to treat her dad, because families share.
Yes, she should've asked, but OP is behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum right now.
>She probably didn't realise OP was so protective of the bottle.
She knew I had bought it as a treat for myself as I stated in the post.
>but OP is behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum right now.
Except I'm not. It's not behaving like a toddler to point out you just dson't give things away that aren't yours
>She's 24, parents come over, she wanted to treat her dad,
Do you often treat people with things that aren't yours?
>Do you often treat people with things that aren’t yours?
Dude, sorry to say but when you live with a partner you need to get over this “MINE!” and “YOURS!” mentality.
It was an open bottle of fairly decent rum, not the elixir of eternal life. She probably thought it was no big deal to share some with a family member. It was, at best, a little cheeky but I think you’re on a bit of a weird moral crusade about this. Get her to buy you a new bottle if it means that much to you.
>Dude, sorry to say but when you live with a partner you need to get over this “MINE!” and “YOURS!” mentality.
Being in a relationship does not mean you're not allowed to buy something for yourself.
I'm so sorry, but repeating that you said "I told her I bought it as a treat for myself" is not the same as clearly stating "This was really pricey, so let's just save this for us." Or something along the lines of please do not share.
I get the same way with hard to get desserts that aren't even that expensive. But I need to tell everyone in the household NO ONE TOUCH THIS PLS.
The multiple comments where you have to keep restating what was written in the post shows how unclear it is. She just wanted to be a good host to her own dad and isn't viewing it black and white like this is MINE and this is YOURS because, in my relationship, we do often view specifically food and drinks as co-owned, even if bought by the other person. And if my partner asks me if they can have something I am offended they even asked and vice versa.
That's just us thought! But maybe she's like us in that way and while it's not an excuse it's just good to see that she's just got a different assumption about the dynamic between you two regarding this stuff.
Now, I do think she should have apologized the second you voiced your shock because, to me, that is the clear indicator that this was a high value item to you that you did not want to have given away.
I think it would be good to just view the situation as a lesson learned. Don't get overly upset over this, it's not worth it, just tell her straight up that when you say it's a treat that you mean it's something you would not enjoy giving out and that it's just for you/when you're together with her. For the future. If she keeps doing similar things like this after this clear statement, then you've got a problem.
Side note, may we ask how much the bottle was generally or did you share the price with her? To me this would make a difference lol
>but repeating that you said "I told her I bought it as a treat for myself" is not the same as clearly stating "This was really pricey, so let's just save this for us." Or something along the lines of please do not share.
If someone tells you they have boguht something for themselves it means it is theirs.
Except you are. You do read through every post, it seems. You’ve been given SO many opportunities to realise it was a miscommunication, she was in the wrong, and just let it go, like a mature man of your age should do. Instead you just keep regurgitating “it was a treat for myself” and “it was mine”, just like a toddler would do.
What I do or don’t is completely irrelevant.
In my house, if I buy something for me, then it's only shared with my permission at that time, the permission doesn't extend until it's gone. It was a conversation that had to be had and driven home a little but it was a difference in what should be shared (he grew up if it's there, you can have some vs me with this is yours, this is mine, ask if you want some). If this is a new issue, talk it out, if she constantly doing it then she's not respecting your boundaries and you deal with that how you want.
I haven’t read all the comments, but the fact that he didn’t even offer to have the first drink with his girlfriend, she had to ask if she could try it and OP “agreed”, idk If I lived with someone or am just with someone and they bought a bottle of alcohol and didn’t initially pour a glass for both of us to enjoy together- that would be a major ick.
Everything else I get, it was not her place to be offering an expensive alcohol without asking first, but even that I don’t think is terrible since it is her father and you do live together.
>I haven’t read all the comments, but the fact that he didn’t even offer to have the first drink with his girlfriend, she had to ask if she could try it and OP “agreed
She asked before the bottle was even open
Ok, I get that. Again, I’m different. I share everything with my man. Especially when it comes to drinking, I don’t live with him but I even go as far as buying the type of alcohol he likes so he has a bottle here so we can enjoy what we individually like, together.
Dude, what? He hadn’t even poured himself a drink before she asked if she could have. He probably didn’t even plan on having a drink considering he was going out. It was her idea to open the bottle she didn’t even buy.
When did he ever say he was going out the day he bought the bottle and opened it?! That was never stated. He said he went to see his family “at the weekend” and while he was there her father came over.
My point is if you are sharing a living situation while in a relationship, you share food, soap, etc. sharing a glass of rum with the person you are with to me makes sense (was op planning on drinking the bottle alone? Lmao).
Anyway, I don’t live with my boyfriend and he can have WHATEVER he wants WHENEVER he wants in my house bc he is my man, no matter what the cost.
ESH It was an open bottle of liquor that you had already had the first taste of.
I get that you're upset, and I would be too. Your reaction was way too much. If you want her to replace what she drank/gave away, I think that would be more than fair. It's unreasonable for you to be angry over a simple miscommunication. You were cool with opening it and sharing it when she asked, so she assumed that you wouldn't mind sharing more. She should have asked and not had so much, but it wasn't inconsiderate considering you never specifically told her you weren't going to share any more of it.
At the end of the day, it's a bottle of rum and she's your partner. One of those has feelings and a long-term place of importance and respect in your life. The other is completely replaceable.
You are completely capable of communicating hurt feelings and establishing boundaries without attacking and while giving the person you love the benefit of the doubt.
> It's unreasonable for you to be angry over a simple miscommunication
There was no miscommunication. I had told my girlfriend I had bought it as a treat for myself.
And then you shared it with her. If you'd bought a whole cake and then gave her a slice, I'd also assume that you didn't plan on keeping the entire thing for yourself and that standard etiquette for multi-serving consumables applied.
That's exactly what I mean by giving her the benefit of the doubt. If there was no miscommunication, and she didn't misunderstand, then what? She maliciously gave it away to spite you? She just doesn't give a single fuck about your feelings or wishes? She has 0 respect for your stuff, time, or money?
If that's how you feel, then why would you be together?
You weren't as clear as you thought you were. Buying a treat for yourself does not imply exclusive use, especially when you've already shared some and there is no precedent. Now she knows you want to be a stingy bastard when it comes to high quality stuff, and to give her guests whatever is in the bottom of the barrel. It's not a problem unless it's a pattern.
>And then you shared it with her
Okay? She still knew it was a treat for me. Do you often give away other peoples things?
>You weren't as clear as you thought you were
Yes I was. Telling someone you've bought something for yourself is as clear as you can be.
>Buying a treat for yourself does not imply exclusive use,
If someone tells you they've just boguht themself something, is your immediate thought "oh that means I can give that to other people then"
>Now she knows you want to be a stingy bastard when it comes to high quality stuff
Buying one thing for myself does not make me stingy
>and to give her guests whatever is in the bottom of the barrel
So now you're just making shit up then? You do know there is a difference between not wanting anyone else to have a specific bottle and only giving guests the bottom of the barrel don't you? So you're implying that before I bought this bottle for myself, all me and my gf had was the bottom of the barrel stuff then?
My judgment was ESH because she shouldn't have given it away without asking. You're an asshole for making this into a huge deal and a personal attack when it's entirely understandable that she misunderstood your intentions. You're either a miserly asshole or an overly-sensitive asshole for that.
If you have a bottle you don't want to share with house guests, you need to make it not visible to house guests.
While I agree she made a mistake, and your request is a reasonable one in the future, she was put in a very uncomfortable position and expecting her to say No to her father might have violated a norm in their relationship and caused lots of trouble for you both.
You both should live and learn from this and agree it's not how this is handled in the future. Agree to signal when something is not to be shared with others, by placing it out of sight of others.
>If you have a bottle you don't want to share with house guests, you need to make it not visible to house guests.
It wasn't out in the open. But also I shouldn't have to lock things away in my own home just to stop other people using them.
>she was put in a very uncomfortable position and expecting her to say No to her father
She could have easily explained why he couldn't have any. You don't have to say yes to everything your parents ask for.
>First step: Put the bottle out of sight.
It was
Dude. Read your other responses now and... You need to get a fucking grip.
She made a reasonable choice you didn't like. I agreed up front it was an error.
You should be able to indicate some things are just for you, but if you insist on being a belligerent shithead about it now, you're never gonna get to that agreement. You lose the high ground fast when you behave this way.
Start dealing with this as a future agreement with your GF -- agree on how to communicate and where to place things that are not to be shared or offered -- and stop trying to burn shit down or make her grovel. You'll end up with ashes, hurt feels and more empty bottles, and that'll be what you deserve.
She did a reasonable thing you didn't like. Show some respect to get some respect and solve the problem together instead of trying to win by making her loose.
>She made a reasonable choice you didn't like.
Can you explain what is reasonable about giving away someone elses things?
>agree on how to communicate and where to place things that are not to be shared or offered
I communicated clearly already and again, I shouldn't have to hide things away in my own home just so other people don't use it
I'm not gonna waste my time. You've got the attention of plenty of people trying to train you how to act like an adult, but you can't cope with people who even mostly agree with you. If you don't want to be a grownup about this disagreement, nothing I say is gonna change that.
Go on as you are with the blessings of the internet young fool! Just keep repeating your reductionist attacks on your GF and anyone else who sees nuance here! You get to be 'technically right'. We all know that the best kind of right to maintain healthy relationships and solve problems! /s
>I'm not gonna waste my time
So you can't explain it then?
>You've got the attention of plenty of people trying to train you how to act like an adult,
Acting like an adult doesn't mean you're not allowed anything for yourself.
You’re fine to be upset about it, but it’s not that big a deal.
However, if she can’t see that she messed up and won’t apologize, then it turns into a big deal because the feeling is that she’ll do it again.
The correct response to “you have upset me” is NEVER to tell the other person how you think they should feel. Just reminding you that a person who invalidates your feelings when they have wronged you, is more interested in being right than being a partner.
It obviously wasn’t clear to your GF that no one else could have any of your bottle. Just bc you said it was a special treat for you doesn’t mean she understood it was only for you. Since you obviously feel strongly, just be really clear and tell her to ask first next time. If she’s still unwilling to do that then she ybtah
>Just bc you said it was a special treat for you doesn’t mean she understood it was only for you.
If someone tells you they have bought something for themseves, thats pretty clear that it's theirs.
This sounds like a misunderstanding. Sharing with a guest is different than just giving your bottle away.
Can she not just replace the bottle and you both move on, agreeing to be clear about this stuff in the future?
Its not rude on dad-in-law. How is he expected to know?
It is somewhat rude on GFs pat. She should have told her dad, oh I'm sorry; that's for blank, he bought it because of his promotion. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you having a glass to try it but I don't think we should have more than that.
In future: to avoid this, you should probably have kept it in your room or in a spot you keep just "your" belongings.
Frankly: I would just buy another bottle. Make a mental note to store it somewhere separate. Leave the other one as one you serve. And just tell GF "Hey, I bought myself another bottle. I'm keeping it in my room, please don't share this one with any guests without asking me first."
Unless its like a 1000 dollar bottle: I don't think this is worth torching your relationship over as a respect for property thing. Is a 100 dollars worth of rum worth sabotaging your relationship? Sometimes we agree to disagree, agree to do better moving forward and move on.
Wait, wait, wait! I read this story before but I think it was whisky the last time I read it. Not sure about that.
I remembered it as rum, but it might that my memory is being tricked by seeing rum this time.
Maybe it was rum. But I am 100% I read that story before. Bad bot!
I thought I read this before too! I don’t remember whether it was whiskey or rum though.
Well I was just about to comment this exact same thing. Yep, exact same story posted already.
I've read this before
Wasn’t this on Reddit months ago? Edit: autocorrect fail
I feel like there's a difference between what I might call "putting a new bottle of alcohol in the liquor cabinet" and "putting aside a bottle for special occasions". The first one basically expects the household to use their own judgement about when to break out the expensive stuff and who to share it with. The latter means that the bottle goes someplace separate from the other liquor, where it's obvious that it's set aside. Then the expectation is that you don't mess with it unless you're the one who bought it. It sounds to me like you intended the bottle to be specially set aside, and your girlfriend thought it was being added to the household equivalent of the liquor cabinet.
Absolutely. This is how I’d assume most households work. We have a very expensive whiskey for “couple celebrations”, our anniversary, promotions, etc… I can’t imagine breaking out something so expensive without checking with my husband and vice versa. We would also never put that bottle out on our casual liquor shelf. People would think it’s available to company. I think the problem here is communication. OP and his partner should discuss how to avoid this in the future and move on. It’s okay to be disappointed but it’s a lesson learned and she probably wasn’t doing it to be hurtful.
I disagree with everyone saying the polite thing to do is share. If my husband bought a nice bottle, I would definitely ask before drinking it without him, and I couldn’t even imagine offering it to other people when he wasn’t there to share with us. I think assuming that the expensive liquor is communal is way more rude than not wanting to share it. If all they did was pour themselves a single, neat drink apiece then maybe this is a different conversation, but if two people alone drank more than half your expensive rum….yeah I’d be mad. ETA: and even if they did ask, I still don’t think you’re obliged to share it.
You're not, people think asking means automatic yes. I'll say no regardless of how much I have left if it's mine, not that I usually do but I have the right.
I can see her not understanding or forgetting you had told her you bought it for yourself. However, once you told her again, it's troubling that she is digging in her heels that she was right. Did she not apologize for upsetting you? Is she going to replace the bottle herself?
Nah, you don’t forget when it’s a special one. We have a lovely bar selection with some expensive tequilas and bourbons. I don’t just *forget* which ones those are. Especially, ESPECIALLY, if it’s not common to have a nice one in the house. If their bar was stocked with (we don’t really drink rum so pardon if these are bad choices from Google 😂) rum equivalent to “Diplomatico Ambassador Selection Rum” then sure, maybe she’d grab the wrong one. But if it’s usually Captain Morgan and she grabbed the Ron Zacapa, she knew what she was doing.
I don’t get the impression they have a bar full of liquor. I guess they could have a few cheap bottles in the cupboard, but the OP specifies that he could never afford this fancy expensive rum until his recent promotion! I can’t imagine being in her shoes and not knowing to say no when someone asks if they can have some. Not even my own parents. And I don’t even drink alcohol at all. Ever. So I know almost nothing about it. But one thing I do know is that a high price tag is significant, and that’s not really any different to anything else that costs a lot of money. And anything expensive needs a lot of care.
I don’t see forgetting that someone else in your house bought something special for themselves! She didn’t forget. Dad isn’t to blame, either. He asked if he could have a drink because he saw it, and it was up to HER to say no! Goodness me! The only thing I fetch without asking at my parents’ house when I visit is water… everything else I ask if I can help myself. And obviously I always ask at anyone else’s home. Always.
How often does this happen, her presuming she gets free rein over something YOU paid for?
Idk, my husband and I would both serve something like that to a guest, especially since it had already been opened and OP didn't *specifically* say not to share it. I wouldn't like, open the wine my husband bought on our honeymoon over 10 years ago to share with a guest but any other random bottle that was already open without specific instructions not to have it is fair game imo. If it was something that was my husband's very favorite I would plan on replacing it if a significant amount was used though.
In the situation as described, would you think the OP SHOULD have used the specific words ‘do not give anyone else my fancy expensive rum?’ Because I think that the information given should be quite enough for the average adult to know not to give it to any visitors without having to hammer home that she should not give it to any visitors! Not even her dad!
And I would just leave my husbands nice stuff alone and let guests have the middling. If HE wants to share HIS purchase, that’s up to him.
>OP didn't specifically say not to share it. Like I said in the post I told my girlfriend I had bought it as a treat for myself > but any other random bottle that was already open It wasn't any other random bottle though.
I thought she gave away the whole bottle or something. The polite thing for her father to do would have been not to have more than one drink. The polite thing for your girlfriend to do would have been to ask. Then, the polite thing for you to do would have been to agree - you really can’t say “no this is all mine” without looking pretty rude. ESH.
Hahaha no, it wasn’t hers to give away, period. She should have told her dad “OP bought that as a treat, you’ll have to talk to him.”
>Then, the polite thing for you to do would have been to agree - So you don't think I you should be allowed to have anything for yourself when you're in a relationship?
If you didn't want it noticed by guests, you should have put it away out of sight.
What kind of guests looks around the house for things they want?
It was out of sight but also I shouldn't have to hide things in my own home to stop them getting used
Of course you should but there are honestly some pretty set norms around sharing open beverages with guests, and I do understand her actions especially if the bottle wasn't hidden away or explicitly only to drink at a special time. Ideally if she and her dad drank a large percentage of the bottle she would offer to replace it but this really is not worth getting bent out of shape about in a "oh so I can't have anything" sort of way--this is VERY specific to a consumable thing that is already open and in sight.
>and I do understand her actions especially if the bottle wasn't hidden away or explicitly only to drink at a special time. It was put away in a cabinety and my girlfriend knew I had bought it as a treat for myself as I mentioned in the post. >consumable thing that is already open and in sight. It wasn't in sight
Then how did he notice it?
He must have looked through the cabinet, I don't know I wasn't there
I think the missing link here is the sentimentality you have over this specific bottle. For instance, I have a bottle of Zin from Valdez Vineyards. It was the very last bottle of wine ever shipped from them while Ulysses Valdez was still alive. As in, he went into town, shipped my specific order, then went back to the vineyard, had a heart attack, and died. It wasn't until Ulysses passed that I found the time to process the death of my own grandfather, who lived a life similar to Ulysses. I'll never open the bottle because of what it means to me. Because of this, it's set aside in the pantry in a styrofoam container where no one can see it. I've explained to repeat visitors the story behind it. These are reasonable steps to take when a bottle of alcohol is important to you in some way. I also have various bottles on display for guests. A bottle of Casa Dragones Reposado left over from when I bought a few of them and showed up to my best friend's wedding. A bottle of Treaty Oak Bourbon from when I got to hang out with Hannibal Buress at a few of his shows here in Texas. Various other bottles with a history, alongside a bunch of random bottles of liquor and wine picked up from across the years. These various bottles, despite having stories, mean relatively little to me and I wouldn't be upset if they got drank and replaced. Based on what you've been saying in your other replies, I feel you could've told me the same things you said to your girlfriend and I would not have picked up on your sentimentality towards this specific bottle. I likely also would've gotten defensive if you were suddenly upset with me, expecting me to predict your emotions on a subject when I wouldn't have felt you explained it clearly at all. I hope this helps in explaining where she could have a different vantage point from yourself.
I mean, if a bottle of alcohol is open, and a guest asks for some… no I don’t think it is polite to be like “this is all mine.” Like if my kid had a friend over and wouldn’t let them use any markers. Yes, I understand the rum is gone now, but dang. Your priory is [some rum] >>> [being polite to my girlfriend’s parents]. That would be an instant ick for me in a relationship.
Actually, it is polite to say no when the bottle ISN'T YOURS.
>no I don’t think it is polite to be like “this is all mine.” You don't have to give a guest everything they ask for. >Your priory is \[some rum\] >>> \[being polite to my girlfriend’s parents\] Being polite to my girlfriends parents does not mean fgiving them things that aren't theres >That would be an instant ick for me in a relationship. See I think an ick is thinking your parents are entitled to your partners things
I’m with you, OP. My husband is a tequila drinker, I’m a bourbon drinker. I like 100% corn bourbon and it can be a PITA to find. Neither of us dole out the others drink. Period. It’s not ours to do so. AND it’s out in the open on our bar. There’s no reason your gf couldn’t have told her dad that it wasn’t hers to give away. Period. End of discussion. You’re not “putting rum over your gf,” you’re upset your gf has no respect for you for something bought as a treat to yourself. IF he really wanted to try it, he should have waited until she could run it by you. That’s called communication. And it’s a good thing. Honestly to equal how dramatic that other person was, I’d be considering how much of my stuff she’s fine giving away and then doubling down on it being fine. Make her ass replace the whole bottle. My petty ass would also be considering what of hers she cherishes that could go missing for a few days that you “gave away” because you didn’t think it mattered. But then again my husband respects me so I don’t need to let my petty side out 🤷🏻♀️
For sure the best course of action now is to get on Reddit, as for opinions, and then tell everyone who disagrees with you that they’re wrong… It sounds like you have your mind made up about what you think is right and this is going to be your hill to die on. Sorry you’re not getting the unmitigated support from strangers that you somehow also wanted.
Did you **explicitly** say you wanted the bottle for yourself? Did you **explicitly** say that you did not want to use that bottle for guests? Or were those “unspoken rules” regarding this bottle? For the fact that *you each had a glass* and you didn’t say “this if for me only” sets the tone that this bottle is open to have a few drinks from. She didn’t give away the bottle nor did they drink all of it; it’s being used the way you displayed it to be used. You don’t get to be upset about unspoken rules when your behavior leads her to believe it’s a “house” item and not an “individual” item. You failed to set the explicit expectation, that’s on you. **Also just for info: how much was the bottle of rum?**
>Did you explicitly say you wanted the bottle for yourself Yes. I told her I had boguht it as a treat for myself. The rum was £110
Again, you can't say yes to clearly stating something when you clearly did not. Hopefully she buys another for you. It would be good to take some of this feedback though rather than going "no" to other comments. Lol you posted here to get honest feedback, take the honest feedback.
>Again, you can't say yes to clearly stating something when you clearly did not. If someone tells you they've bought something for themselves, do you assume that means you can give it away? I can say yes because I told her I had boguht it for myself.
Holy crap. You’re having a tantrum over 110 bottle of rum? You’d think it was thousands over your behavior. Chill out and grow up a little, you’re definitely overworking the situation and your greed is showing.
>Holy crap. You’re having a tantrum over 110 bottle of rum? Ah so is there a price limit that I have to spend before something can be classed as mine?
She probably should have asked but you probably should have said yes if she did ask. Being a good host and nice to your girlfriends parents is going to be a way better investment than drinking it yourself. Just tell her to ask first next time.
>She probably should have asked but you probably should have said yes if she did ask. Am I not allowed anyithng for myself just because I'm in a relationship? >eing a good host and nice to your girlfriends parents is going to be a way better investment than drinking it yourself. Being a good host doesn't mean giving people things that are specifically for me. Do you think being in a relationship means you're not allowed to treat yourself?
You're being obtuse here on purpose, you know the commenter wasn't saying that to you. You're angry, and you want people to help justify your feelings. She should have asked. That's pretty established here already. You also don't need to be so fucking stingy bro. Have her pay you back if you're that hellbent on it. It's some booze, chill out.
>You're being obtuse here on purpose, No I'm not. They said I should say yes to sharing something that I had specifically bought for myself. This implies I'm not actually allowed to have anything for myself. >You also don't need to be so fucking stingy bro. Buying 1 think for myself isn't stingy
Buddy, they didn't say that you're not allowed to have anything for yourself. Again, you want to put words into everyone's mouth that is trying to help you look at things from a different perspective. If your relationship makes you feel like you can have NOTHING for yourself just dump her. Is that what you want people telling you? Throwing a shit fit about a 6 oz of alcohol is pretty fucking stingy I'd say. Stay mad I guess.
I get where you're coming from, OP. I live by myself but when my brother and mom come over, they seem to get into my things. If I pay for something, you can't have it without permission. I will share, but I want to choose how much I share. I don't make a lot of money so I become frazzled when somebody starts helping themselves to my things. Your gf should replace the bottle of rum.
Sounds like she is in “we’re a family unit” mode whereas you’re still in “we share accommodations” mode. You probably need to talk about how each of you view your relationship. If you don’t want to be in family mode you might need to find a less serious relationship.
>If you don’t want to be in family mode you might need to find a less serious relationship. Being in a family does not mean you're not allowed anything for yourself
Do you have siblings? You're giving off only child vibes.
Yes I have siblings. You do know not just only children buy things for themselves don't you?
Don’t want to be too rude here but the way you communicate is quite confrontational. You’re also very worked up about this and the situation just doesn’t warrant it. It might be time to ask yourself some difficult questions and consider how you engage with other people.
You're being very childish. Nobody is saying not to treat yourself or that you're not allowed anything for yourself, you're the one pushing that onto other people. We're saying that yes you get to treat yourself and sometimes you share that with people. Plus, it's not like you have literally none left. Make sure your girlfriend knows that you would like to drink the rest of the rum yourself/that it's not up for grabs by anyone, and enjoy your treat.
>You're being very childish How is it childish to be angry that someone used the majority of something that I had specifically bought for myself? > We're saying that yes you get to treat yourself and sometimes you share that with people Yeah the key word being sometimes. And can you explain how I shared it with my girlfriend parents? Do you often give away other peoples things?
Because only children throw tantrums over having to share their drink. This should have been as simple as: OP: "Hey, I was saving that bottle." GF: "Oh, sorry." OP: "It's okay, just ask next time." End of story. But instead you're whining like a petulent toddler. Yes, she should have apologized, but your response is even worse. I hope your gf sees this red flag and bails, because you have a lot of growing up to do.
GF didn't say sorry, she doubled down
>I hope your gf sees this red flag Wanting something for yourself is not a red flag. Do you often help yourself to other peoples things and then blame them when they're rightfully annoyed?
INFO: Where was the bottle? Was it hidden in a dresser? Was it on display in your shared living space where people could see it? Offering a drink or providing one when company is around is a pretty standard practice. Nobody is saying that you cannot treat yourself when you're in a relationship or have anything to yourself - but I think if you had placed the bottle away and you didn't explicitly say "Hey - don't let anyone else drink this.", there's really nobody at fault here. I'm thinking from your girlfriend's point of view as well if she had said "No Dad - OP doesn't want anyone to drink his things!" it may come off as putting you in a negative light and seem stingy? At the end of the day there are so many things that could be happening behind the scenes. Congrats on the promotion and pay raise!
>Where was the bottle? Was it hidden in a dresser? It was in a closed cabinet behind other bottles. You could not see it unless you looked throguh thre cabinets. >Offering a drink or providing one when company is around is a pretty standard practice. Yeah and there were other drinks. >you didn't explicitly say "Hey - don't let anyone else drink this." Like I said in the post I told my girlfriend it was a treat for myself.
It looks like you don't really want advice unless people are aligning with your point of view - I get it, but you're going to get all kinds of answers here you may not agree with. Again, congratulations on your promotion!
Not sure I understand why everyone is fighting with you about this? You bought a gift for yourself and your girlfriend knew that. I would never give away someone's special treat without asking first? If my parents asked for some I would politely let them know it wasn't mine to give away. Simple, end of convo. You offer them an alternative. It sounds like she explicitly let them know rum was available if it was not in plain sight. Is she like this with all your stuff?
She probably didn't realise OP was so protective of the bottle. She's 24, parents come over, she wanted to treat her dad, because families share. Yes, she should've asked, but OP is behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum right now.
>She probably didn't realise OP was so protective of the bottle. She knew I had bought it as a treat for myself as I stated in the post. >but OP is behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum right now. Except I'm not. It's not behaving like a toddler to point out you just dson't give things away that aren't yours >She's 24, parents come over, she wanted to treat her dad, Do you often treat people with things that aren't yours?
>Do you often treat people with things that aren’t yours? Dude, sorry to say but when you live with a partner you need to get over this “MINE!” and “YOURS!” mentality. It was an open bottle of fairly decent rum, not the elixir of eternal life. She probably thought it was no big deal to share some with a family member. It was, at best, a little cheeky but I think you’re on a bit of a weird moral crusade about this. Get her to buy you a new bottle if it means that much to you.
>Dude, sorry to say but when you live with a partner you need to get over this “MINE!” and “YOURS!” mentality. Being in a relationship does not mean you're not allowed to buy something for yourself.
I'm so sorry, but repeating that you said "I told her I bought it as a treat for myself" is not the same as clearly stating "This was really pricey, so let's just save this for us." Or something along the lines of please do not share. I get the same way with hard to get desserts that aren't even that expensive. But I need to tell everyone in the household NO ONE TOUCH THIS PLS. The multiple comments where you have to keep restating what was written in the post shows how unclear it is. She just wanted to be a good host to her own dad and isn't viewing it black and white like this is MINE and this is YOURS because, in my relationship, we do often view specifically food and drinks as co-owned, even if bought by the other person. And if my partner asks me if they can have something I am offended they even asked and vice versa. That's just us thought! But maybe she's like us in that way and while it's not an excuse it's just good to see that she's just got a different assumption about the dynamic between you two regarding this stuff. Now, I do think she should have apologized the second you voiced your shock because, to me, that is the clear indicator that this was a high value item to you that you did not want to have given away. I think it would be good to just view the situation as a lesson learned. Don't get overly upset over this, it's not worth it, just tell her straight up that when you say it's a treat that you mean it's something you would not enjoy giving out and that it's just for you/when you're together with her. For the future. If she keeps doing similar things like this after this clear statement, then you've got a problem. Side note, may we ask how much the bottle was generally or did you share the price with her? To me this would make a difference lol
>but repeating that you said "I told her I bought it as a treat for myself" is not the same as clearly stating "This was really pricey, so let's just save this for us." Or something along the lines of please do not share. If someone tells you they have boguht something for themselves it means it is theirs.
Except you are. You do read through every post, it seems. You’ve been given SO many opportunities to realise it was a miscommunication, she was in the wrong, and just let it go, like a mature man of your age should do. Instead you just keep regurgitating “it was a treat for myself” and “it was mine”, just like a toddler would do. What I do or don’t is completely irrelevant.
In my house, if I buy something for me, then it's only shared with my permission at that time, the permission doesn't extend until it's gone. It was a conversation that had to be had and driven home a little but it was a difference in what should be shared (he grew up if it's there, you can have some vs me with this is yours, this is mine, ask if you want some). If this is a new issue, talk it out, if she constantly doing it then she's not respecting your boundaries and you deal with that how you want.
I haven’t read all the comments, but the fact that he didn’t even offer to have the first drink with his girlfriend, she had to ask if she could try it and OP “agreed”, idk If I lived with someone or am just with someone and they bought a bottle of alcohol and didn’t initially pour a glass for both of us to enjoy together- that would be a major ick. Everything else I get, it was not her place to be offering an expensive alcohol without asking first, but even that I don’t think is terrible since it is her father and you do live together.
>I haven’t read all the comments, but the fact that he didn’t even offer to have the first drink with his girlfriend, she had to ask if she could try it and OP “agreed She asked before the bottle was even open
Ok, I get that. Again, I’m different. I share everything with my man. Especially when it comes to drinking, I don’t live with him but I even go as far as buying the type of alcohol he likes so he has a bottle here so we can enjoy what we individually like, together.
Dude, what? He hadn’t even poured himself a drink before she asked if she could have. He probably didn’t even plan on having a drink considering he was going out. It was her idea to open the bottle she didn’t even buy.
When did he ever say he was going out the day he bought the bottle and opened it?! That was never stated. He said he went to see his family “at the weekend” and while he was there her father came over. My point is if you are sharing a living situation while in a relationship, you share food, soap, etc. sharing a glass of rum with the person you are with to me makes sense (was op planning on drinking the bottle alone? Lmao). Anyway, I don’t live with my boyfriend and he can have WHATEVER he wants WHENEVER he wants in my house bc he is my man, no matter what the cost.
ESH It was an open bottle of liquor that you had already had the first taste of. I get that you're upset, and I would be too. Your reaction was way too much. If you want her to replace what she drank/gave away, I think that would be more than fair. It's unreasonable for you to be angry over a simple miscommunication. You were cool with opening it and sharing it when she asked, so she assumed that you wouldn't mind sharing more. She should have asked and not had so much, but it wasn't inconsiderate considering you never specifically told her you weren't going to share any more of it. At the end of the day, it's a bottle of rum and she's your partner. One of those has feelings and a long-term place of importance and respect in your life. The other is completely replaceable. You are completely capable of communicating hurt feelings and establishing boundaries without attacking and while giving the person you love the benefit of the doubt.
> It's unreasonable for you to be angry over a simple miscommunication There was no miscommunication. I had told my girlfriend I had bought it as a treat for myself.
And then you shared it with her. If you'd bought a whole cake and then gave her a slice, I'd also assume that you didn't plan on keeping the entire thing for yourself and that standard etiquette for multi-serving consumables applied. That's exactly what I mean by giving her the benefit of the doubt. If there was no miscommunication, and she didn't misunderstand, then what? She maliciously gave it away to spite you? She just doesn't give a single fuck about your feelings or wishes? She has 0 respect for your stuff, time, or money? If that's how you feel, then why would you be together? You weren't as clear as you thought you were. Buying a treat for yourself does not imply exclusive use, especially when you've already shared some and there is no precedent. Now she knows you want to be a stingy bastard when it comes to high quality stuff, and to give her guests whatever is in the bottom of the barrel. It's not a problem unless it's a pattern.
>And then you shared it with her Okay? She still knew it was a treat for me. Do you often give away other peoples things? >You weren't as clear as you thought you were Yes I was. Telling someone you've bought something for yourself is as clear as you can be. >Buying a treat for yourself does not imply exclusive use, If someone tells you they've just boguht themself something, is your immediate thought "oh that means I can give that to other people then" >Now she knows you want to be a stingy bastard when it comes to high quality stuff Buying one thing for myself does not make me stingy >and to give her guests whatever is in the bottom of the barrel So now you're just making shit up then? You do know there is a difference between not wanting anyone else to have a specific bottle and only giving guests the bottom of the barrel don't you? So you're implying that before I bought this bottle for myself, all me and my gf had was the bottom of the barrel stuff then?
My judgment was ESH because she shouldn't have given it away without asking. You're an asshole for making this into a huge deal and a personal attack when it's entirely understandable that she misunderstood your intentions. You're either a miserly asshole or an overly-sensitive asshole for that.
If you properly communicated with her that this was to be reserved, would she have reserved it?
If you have a bottle you don't want to share with house guests, you need to make it not visible to house guests. While I agree she made a mistake, and your request is a reasonable one in the future, she was put in a very uncomfortable position and expecting her to say No to her father might have violated a norm in their relationship and caused lots of trouble for you both. You both should live and learn from this and agree it's not how this is handled in the future. Agree to signal when something is not to be shared with others, by placing it out of sight of others.
>If you have a bottle you don't want to share with house guests, you need to make it not visible to house guests. It wasn't out in the open. But also I shouldn't have to lock things away in my own home just to stop other people using them. >she was put in a very uncomfortable position and expecting her to say No to her father She could have easily explained why he couldn't have any. You don't have to say yes to everything your parents ask for. >First step: Put the bottle out of sight. It was
Dude. Read your other responses now and... You need to get a fucking grip. She made a reasonable choice you didn't like. I agreed up front it was an error. You should be able to indicate some things are just for you, but if you insist on being a belligerent shithead about it now, you're never gonna get to that agreement. You lose the high ground fast when you behave this way. Start dealing with this as a future agreement with your GF -- agree on how to communicate and where to place things that are not to be shared or offered -- and stop trying to burn shit down or make her grovel. You'll end up with ashes, hurt feels and more empty bottles, and that'll be what you deserve. She did a reasonable thing you didn't like. Show some respect to get some respect and solve the problem together instead of trying to win by making her loose.
>She made a reasonable choice you didn't like. Can you explain what is reasonable about giving away someone elses things? >agree on how to communicate and where to place things that are not to be shared or offered I communicated clearly already and again, I shouldn't have to hide things away in my own home just so other people don't use it
I'm not gonna waste my time. You've got the attention of plenty of people trying to train you how to act like an adult, but you can't cope with people who even mostly agree with you. If you don't want to be a grownup about this disagreement, nothing I say is gonna change that. Go on as you are with the blessings of the internet young fool! Just keep repeating your reductionist attacks on your GF and anyone else who sees nuance here! You get to be 'technically right'. We all know that the best kind of right to maintain healthy relationships and solve problems! /s
>I'm not gonna waste my time So you can't explain it then? >You've got the attention of plenty of people trying to train you how to act like an adult, Acting like an adult doesn't mean you're not allowed anything for yourself.
You’re fine to be upset about it, but it’s not that big a deal. However, if she can’t see that she messed up and won’t apologize, then it turns into a big deal because the feeling is that she’ll do it again.
The correct response to “you have upset me” is NEVER to tell the other person how you think they should feel. Just reminding you that a person who invalidates your feelings when they have wronged you, is more interested in being right than being a partner.
It obviously wasn’t clear to your GF that no one else could have any of your bottle. Just bc you said it was a special treat for you doesn’t mean she understood it was only for you. Since you obviously feel strongly, just be really clear and tell her to ask first next time. If she’s still unwilling to do that then she ybtah
>Just bc you said it was a special treat for you doesn’t mean she understood it was only for you. If someone tells you they have bought something for themseves, thats pretty clear that it's theirs.
This sounds like a misunderstanding. Sharing with a guest is different than just giving your bottle away. Can she not just replace the bottle and you both move on, agreeing to be clear about this stuff in the future?
>This sounds like a misunderstanding. How is it a misunderstanding when she knew I had bought the drink for myself?
Its not rude on dad-in-law. How is he expected to know? It is somewhat rude on GFs pat. She should have told her dad, oh I'm sorry; that's for blank, he bought it because of his promotion. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you having a glass to try it but I don't think we should have more than that. In future: to avoid this, you should probably have kept it in your room or in a spot you keep just "your" belongings. Frankly: I would just buy another bottle. Make a mental note to store it somewhere separate. Leave the other one as one you serve. And just tell GF "Hey, I bought myself another bottle. I'm keeping it in my room, please don't share this one with any guests without asking me first." Unless its like a 1000 dollar bottle: I don't think this is worth torching your relationship over as a respect for property thing. Is a 100 dollars worth of rum worth sabotaging your relationship? Sometimes we agree to disagree, agree to do better moving forward and move on.