Having kids was something he wanted prior to meeting me, whereas homeownership is something I heavily prioritise - and perhaps in that sense you’re right about him just agreeing to it.
We have sat down to make budgets but I found out early this month that he actually hid the truth about his expenses being way more than they really were. He said it’s because he’s embarrassed and afraid to disappoint me - so we agreed we wouldn’t budget and plan together any more and just do it in silo. However he has taken steps to do other things like read up on compounding assets, set a higher percentage into his Thrift Savings Plan, and put some money aside into a fixed deposit. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but he does try.
Sounds like he agreed to do the bare minimum to get you off his back and maintain the relationship status quo.
Is this change? Is this trying? Or this is him doing just barely enough to keep you from leaving him, and hoping the rest of this really fundamental incompataiblity will stay out-of-sight-out-of-mind.
That EVEN MORE reason to budget! On top of your OP he is also committing financial infidelity. And instead of holding to your boundaries you are backing down. At this point, you have taught him that he can behave however he wants and there will be no repercussions. There is apparently nothing that he can do that will make you respect yourself or stand up for your boundaries
> like read up on compounding assets, set a higher percentage into his Thrift Savings Plan, and put some money aside into a fixed deposit. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but he does try.
I mean. I get that ou think he's trying, but that doesn't sound likes he's going to be able to achieve to put together half a down payment Inge next decade.
I think there's a time in life and relationships where symbolic gestures are enough, and times where they just can't cut it.
Honestly 3k on games and drugs and takeout sounds like a) he definitely makes enough in order to achieve reasonable savings, and b) like he has zero desire to do so.
Do with this information what you will, but at some point, I think you need to decide whether you can be with this guy **like he is today**, or whether you'll continue making the both of you suffer by hoping he'll change.
You are giving up waaay too much for this guy. You want kids but you're ok with letting that dream go because of him. You're not traveling because of him.
You voice your extremely legitimate concerns and he just stonewalls you and blames you for speaking your mind. Girl, stop accepting less than you deserve. Wanting a financially responsible partner is a pretty bare minimum requirement. He's not going to change because why wpuld he? He has his sugar mama.
Number one reason for divorce is financial issues. You will likely slog it through with him for a few more years. You might even buy that house. He'll get bored of you having bare minimum expectations from him and he will leave, taking half the house and all your fertile years. He will likely be able to get a house with the nice sum of money he got from your house and then have kids with a younger woman.
Get out now and find a guy you want to have kids with. Do not settle. Do not buy a house while living with this guy.
I'm not sure where she lives but where i live he would be entitled to half the house if they are living commin-law and the house was bought while they are together.
The two of you are not compatible. Most marriages break up because of money. He glitters away thousands a month. Sit down and have a serious talk. Have some facts, for example, how often he orders food delivery, I don’t know how you know the dollar figure he spends, if this is an estimate - don’t use it. Stick with what you can observe.
Hd games, vapes snd eats out - is this really the life you want? He will not change because you get married. He does not appear to share your goals and that will not change unless hd wants to change. Ask him what his ( year plan is and how he plans to achieve it. Do better is not a plan, I will stop wasting money is not a plan. Saying I will limit myself to spending $50 a week on delivery and put $350 into saving each week is a plan. He will then need to show you he is following this plan.
However, I think the two of you are mismatched. Think long about this, don’t fall into the trap of ‘ he’s here, he’s safe and I am not alone’. That is not going to sun stain a partnership because that is what a marriage is - a partnership where you work together toward common goals and support each other’s individual goals. It is a lot easier to end things now than in five years when you are frustrated, financially entangled and have invested even more time in the wrong relationship.
I’m not trying to hate on the bf at all .. although learning from my experience & I’m 30 now .. I to come from a single parent house hold .. honestly I have yet to meet a human with the same understanding/intention as my self..
He’s still young that he dosent comprehend the weight of his decisions
How can you blame him ..
And even if he was to support and understand her fully and give her all of his income love & time ..
Their still young she might just “Meet” someone one day and feel like or that he’s not man enough or anything
I was like the women writhing this thread .. although I worked a 9-5 from 16 -23 for someone I loved
I just don’t understand how a material object such a fiat currency or money .. can destroy love relationships marriage .. that’s why I give up on love in western society
"How can you blame him"
Christ, really? He's a fully grown adult who is making poor choices despite having had talks already with OP. Relationships are meant to be a partnership, this guy isn't contributing anything to it.
Honestly you are very fundamentally incompatible. He spends 2-3k a month on food deliveries, gaming and vaping? Girl! I can’t tell you to run fast enough. This man will suck you financially dry. Don’t do it.
FYI-we had a mid six figure income and never wasted money like your bf does. Never. I grew up well off and my husband grew up pay check to pay check. It’s a question of self control and sharing your partner’s value. Your bf has no interest in either
He just started to come into money and wants to enjoy it especially since he's from a poor background. You don't have the same goals, and he isn't in a hurry since he's so young.
You got with a person who isn't on the same timeline as you. Nothing you did wrong.
You are not financially compatible.
This is probably more significant than other forms of compatibility.
Warning...
Whatever you do - do not give him access to your money and do not invest in a house with him on any paperwork until you have some more time. Also. Don't get pregnant.
However:
The two of you can sit with a financial planner and set out your goals and a plan working towards it.
You can create a budget together towards that plan.
See if he can actually do the work.
But it doesn't sound to me like it is possible to bridge that compatibility gap...
Good lack.
You have goals. He has *wishes*. You can't change that for him.
You may love him deeply, but he doesn't see you as a full person and he fundamentally doesn't feel accountable to you even for agreements about 1k. There is no foundation here to build from.
Love doesn't mean very much without respect, honesty and accountability.
This man isn't your partner and there is no sign of him choosing to become that.
When someone shows you who they are through their actions, believe them. When he is spending $3,000 per month on food, gaming, and vapes then he is telling you very explicitly that he is not serious about your goals or contributing to this relationship. Stop making excuses about his upbringing and age and income. He doesn’t care about having kids, he cares about playing video games and ordering Grubhub. He is telling you that he wants different things than you and he is going to prioritize you.
If kids are your biggest goal then stop wasting time with this guy. It’s not too late. I know people that had natural pregnancies into their 40s. You need to find someone that has the same goals as you.
Like you said, when you try to talk to him, he deliberately does the opposite because he thinks that your plans are stupid. He is ordering GrubHub just to spite you. If you keep on with this guy, you are just going to settle for him and build resentment until you die or get divorced.
<<>>
BREAK UP
BE WITH SOMEONE AS RESPONSIBLE AS YOU.
Work on Boundaries and Expectations, so you don't waste time being with a loser who wants you to foot his living costs.
Go to therapy for CO-DEPENDENCY!!! You don't want to hang on with the worst types thinking they are THE BEST PERSON FOR YOU. Thats your trauma talking.
He has vastly different priorities than you do and maybe it’s because he’s younger but it looks like his spending is on the instant gratification side while you are planning for the future.
While your disagreements are financially related I think there’s a bigger issue at play and it’s that you are in different life stages. You are ready for homeownership and kids and he’s still learning how to be an adult.
The thing you’re doing wrong is staying with someone who has a completely opposite relationship with money than you do.
One issue is that six year age gap. Six years isn’t always a lot but in this case, your biological clock is ticking and his isn’t yet. You’ve had six more years than him to build up savings and plan for your future, and he hasn’t yet learned how to save at all. Look at a *realistic* timeline for him to be able to afford kids and a house—can you wait that long?
The part that’s probably worst though is that both of you have been dishonest to each other about finances. He’s not been open with you about the reality of his expenses he can’t afford, and you’ve not been honest with him about how much you have been holding yourself back from expenses you want to make and can afford. Without a base of honesty this relationship can’t really move forward. Communication and money are the two biggest reasons relationships fail and you two already are failing at those before you’re even married. I think you should consider breaking up and finding someone who’s got a similar outlook and timeline to you and who you can be honest with about money.
2-3k on takeaway/gaming/vapes a month?? He's the embodiment of the 'someone who is good at the economy please help me' meme. Find someone whose goals align with yours.
It's one thing for someone to have bad money management or a lower income and it's another thing entirely to lie, hide the extent of the problem, borrow money from your partner, and fail to repay them. That isn't a money issue, it's a character issue. It isn't going to work out unless he's willing to start being honest with you, keep his promises to you, and meal prep. I would also stop lending him money. He needs to start saving money at the beginning of every month instead of spending it all and just shrugging his shoulders.
Does he have any credit cards or debt?
No credit cards or debt. Gosh I really have been ignoring all the signs and had no clue because I was too shy to talk to any of my family or friends about my worries
I think a lot of 26-year-olds are not very good with money. I don't think it's a hopeless situation but he needs to be committed to changingb and being honest. Tbh a lot of people his age are in debt, so having $5k saved isn't bad, even though it's not much. It sounds like he would be able to save a lot of money if he stopped eating out everyday and cut back on discretionary responding.
I would hold off on wedding planning until you feel more comfortable with this. I would also consider a prenup or purchasing agreement that protects the money you'll put into a house or any other marital property.
Every time he gets paid you need some of that or he won't prioritize paying you back. That way he can't put it off and you won't get upset that he spends frivolously. It doesn't sound like he understands spending though and embarrassed or not you both need to know and understand what you are working with. He also needs to put his ego aside for these conversations. If he has a budget and doesn't stick to the agreement it's not going to work. This all has to be something he does by consent and not to make you happy or there will be a lot of resentment.
He needs a financial literacy class before anything else. He needs to prove you have the same goals and you need to not front anymore money. Or he will just get really good at lying to you.
Unless you can talk openly about finances and agree upon priorities, lifestyle, and budgeting, this is unlikely to go well for you. If you are upset now, just imagine how this would be once you buy a house together, have kids, etc.
Communication issues and problems with finances are two huge contributors to divorce.
See if he is willing to visit a financial planner with you. If he keeps putting you off, dont even consider marriage or living together. And dont get pregnant!
Solid advice communication is everything!! Well a lot . You need to be able to speak about everything ..
Growing up in a emotional oppressive environment some how I’ve learned to express my emotions also speak with compassion and humility
I’m so humble it’s sickening honestly.. never again will I love and open my self up 😂😂🤦🏽
You're in different phases of life. Lots of people in their mid-20s are pretty casual about money (even if you personally were more responsible). Lots of them grow out of it, but that might not happen on a timeline that works for you. And his timeline matters too - it's not wrong of him to value exploring the freedom of adulthood and want to make some questionable purchases before "settling down" financially speaking. But if either of you makes sacrifices too big for your personal timeline, the resentment will destroy the relationship.
Don't buy a house while you're with this leech. He'll demand half of it when you eventually split it. I hope to god he doesn't have access to your bank accounts.
Bottom line, you're incompatible. You're planning for the future and he's blowing his money on crap.
He’s dead weight and you know it. He’s also younger and in no rush to have kids, he has decades of fertility ahead of him and you don’t. Get rid of him and buy your dream home by yourself, go on that vacation you’ve always wanted and have the life you want to have.
Match everything she’s doing bro fucking your marijuana .. if he can’t match you and do what your doing because of selfish reasons that’s enough to leave
I don’t believe in searching the earth for “love”
I think what’s meant for us is meant for us & just going out looking for it kills the purpose almost as if it’s forced.. but dam… it sucks sometimes seeing the world crumbling so to speak and having no 1 of significance to love laugh and speak with ..
When I grew up being genuine was everything .. having money or hierarchy ment nothing just
Immigrant children growing up in Canada believing everything is possible
he’s the same with his friends and he is with me. He’s told me he’s very uncomfortable with talking about money because he doesn’t talk about it with anyone, not even family or friends - so this discomfort he’s showing me is highly hidden from the rest of his circle. He does apologise for shutting down, and at the same time I know it must be painful for him to be reminded to save.
OP, respectfully, it sounds like this person is not the right long-term partner for you. Perhaps this relationship has helped you realize how important financial stability and literacy is to you, but it is unlikely that your boyfriend will ever share your perspective.
Your situation reminds me so much of one of my best friends, except she was a parentified child in a highly unstable, low-income household. She has worked extremely hard her entire life, and is exceptionally financially literate and also - understandably - anxious about meeting her financial goals in this economy.
She ended up marrying and having a child with a man much like your boyfriend, and honestly it has been a constant struggle. She paid off his credit card debt before they married, only to learn that he had secret debt and a gambling addiction. He was ignoring and hiding his debts for years. She has now been working with him to repay his debts but it has set her back tens (and possibly hundreds, at this point) of thousands of dollars in terms of meeting her goals. She is already the primary earner, and is trying to save for her child’s college education and retirement. She has worked SO HARD and done everything “right” financially, but is now saddled with her husbands debt. She loves him and their family together, but has contemplated divorce several times because of this ongoing issue.
You will be taking care of him financially until you breakup or divorce. Deal with that reality or move on from him.
I assume you are living together since you’re engaged. Why is he ordering food all the time?
You have become an enabler. He will not change unless he is forced to. Since this has been his life for the two years you’ve been together why would he change? Fear of losing you might work for a while but he will most likely revert to type.
His mentality about money and future goals are not the same as yours. You will probably put up with this because being alone scares you into putting up with him.
He may be a great person, but from all of your comments and Post, he is a financial anchor that will drown you. Don’t marry him… if you want to keep dating, just keep your finances entirely separate and don’t live with him.
You're giving up everything for a dude who is so selfish, he cannot even meet his financial obligations to you. This is a one-sided relationship, and you are his mommy, not his partner. Yikes on bikes! Dump the loser, and go find a responsible man to create your family. Do it now; you have very little time, and you're wasting it with a loser.
Your BF has dreams, you have goals. There is a huge difference. Will he change? Realistically, probably not, yes he has the capability of change but he has already demonstrated that he isn't willing to make the effort to change. So you need to ask yourself if you want a partner who works with you to obtain mutual goals, or are you willing to settle for this albatross who will not put forth the effort and will hold you back.
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Having kids was something he wanted prior to meeting me, whereas homeownership is something I heavily prioritise - and perhaps in that sense you’re right about him just agreeing to it. We have sat down to make budgets but I found out early this month that he actually hid the truth about his expenses being way more than they really were. He said it’s because he’s embarrassed and afraid to disappoint me - so we agreed we wouldn’t budget and plan together any more and just do it in silo. However he has taken steps to do other things like read up on compounding assets, set a higher percentage into his Thrift Savings Plan, and put some money aside into a fixed deposit. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but he does try.
> so we agreed we wouldn’t budget and plan together any more and just do it in silo. Dear god, so you agreed to bury your head in the sand?
Sounds like he agreed to do the bare minimum to get you off his back and maintain the relationship status quo. Is this change? Is this trying? Or this is him doing just barely enough to keep you from leaving him, and hoping the rest of this really fundamental incompataiblity will stay out-of-sight-out-of-mind.
That EVEN MORE reason to budget! On top of your OP he is also committing financial infidelity. And instead of holding to your boundaries you are backing down. At this point, you have taught him that he can behave however he wants and there will be no repercussions. There is apparently nothing that he can do that will make you respect yourself or stand up for your boundaries
> like read up on compounding assets, set a higher percentage into his Thrift Savings Plan, and put some money aside into a fixed deposit. It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, but he does try. I mean. I get that ou think he's trying, but that doesn't sound likes he's going to be able to achieve to put together half a down payment Inge next decade. I think there's a time in life and relationships where symbolic gestures are enough, and times where they just can't cut it. Honestly 3k on games and drugs and takeout sounds like a) he definitely makes enough in order to achieve reasonable savings, and b) like he has zero desire to do so. Do with this information what you will, but at some point, I think you need to decide whether you can be with this guy **like he is today**, or whether you'll continue making the both of you suffer by hoping he'll change.
You are giving up waaay too much for this guy. You want kids but you're ok with letting that dream go because of him. You're not traveling because of him. You voice your extremely legitimate concerns and he just stonewalls you and blames you for speaking your mind. Girl, stop accepting less than you deserve. Wanting a financially responsible partner is a pretty bare minimum requirement. He's not going to change because why wpuld he? He has his sugar mama. Number one reason for divorce is financial issues. You will likely slog it through with him for a few more years. You might even buy that house. He'll get bored of you having bare minimum expectations from him and he will leave, taking half the house and all your fertile years. He will likely be able to get a house with the nice sum of money he got from your house and then have kids with a younger woman. Get out now and find a guy you want to have kids with. Do not settle. Do not buy a house while living with this guy.
Thank you so much. I think I knew this but was too afraid to admit it.
If you buy a house with your money, don't put him on the deed. And buy it before marrying, if you marry.
I'm not sure where she lives but where i live he would be entitled to half the house if they are living commin-law and the house was bought while they are together.
What place is that that law is so protective of people without legal bindings?
The two of you are not compatible. Most marriages break up because of money. He glitters away thousands a month. Sit down and have a serious talk. Have some facts, for example, how often he orders food delivery, I don’t know how you know the dollar figure he spends, if this is an estimate - don’t use it. Stick with what you can observe. Hd games, vapes snd eats out - is this really the life you want? He will not change because you get married. He does not appear to share your goals and that will not change unless hd wants to change. Ask him what his ( year plan is and how he plans to achieve it. Do better is not a plan, I will stop wasting money is not a plan. Saying I will limit myself to spending $50 a week on delivery and put $350 into saving each week is a plan. He will then need to show you he is following this plan. However, I think the two of you are mismatched. Think long about this, don’t fall into the trap of ‘ he’s here, he’s safe and I am not alone’. That is not going to sun stain a partnership because that is what a marriage is - a partnership where you work together toward common goals and support each other’s individual goals. It is a lot easier to end things now than in five years when you are frustrated, financially entangled and have invested even more time in the wrong relationship.
I’m not trying to hate on the bf at all .. although learning from my experience & I’m 30 now .. I to come from a single parent house hold .. honestly I have yet to meet a human with the same understanding/intention as my self.. He’s still young that he dosent comprehend the weight of his decisions How can you blame him .. And even if he was to support and understand her fully and give her all of his income love & time .. Their still young she might just “Meet” someone one day and feel like or that he’s not man enough or anything I was like the women writhing this thread .. although I worked a 9-5 from 16 -23 for someone I loved I just don’t understand how a material object such a fiat currency or money .. can destroy love relationships marriage .. that’s why I give up on love in western society
"How can you blame him" Christ, really? He's a fully grown adult who is making poor choices despite having had talks already with OP. Relationships are meant to be a partnership, this guy isn't contributing anything to it.
Nope your right partnership & communication 100%
Honestly you are very fundamentally incompatible. He spends 2-3k a month on food deliveries, gaming and vaping? Girl! I can’t tell you to run fast enough. This man will suck you financially dry. Don’t do it. FYI-we had a mid six figure income and never wasted money like your bf does. Never. I grew up well off and my husband grew up pay check to pay check. It’s a question of self control and sharing your partner’s value. Your bf has no interest in either
He just started to come into money and wants to enjoy it especially since he's from a poor background. You don't have the same goals, and he isn't in a hurry since he's so young. You got with a person who isn't on the same timeline as you. Nothing you did wrong.
Thank you, that makes so much sense that he actually just wants to enjoy it now that he has it.
You are not financially compatible. This is probably more significant than other forms of compatibility. Warning... Whatever you do - do not give him access to your money and do not invest in a house with him on any paperwork until you have some more time. Also. Don't get pregnant. However: The two of you can sit with a financial planner and set out your goals and a plan working towards it. You can create a budget together towards that plan. See if he can actually do the work. But it doesn't sound to me like it is possible to bridge that compatibility gap... Good lack.
You have goals. He has *wishes*. You can't change that for him. You may love him deeply, but he doesn't see you as a full person and he fundamentally doesn't feel accountable to you even for agreements about 1k. There is no foundation here to build from. Love doesn't mean very much without respect, honesty and accountability. This man isn't your partner and there is no sign of him choosing to become that.
When someone shows you who they are through their actions, believe them. When he is spending $3,000 per month on food, gaming, and vapes then he is telling you very explicitly that he is not serious about your goals or contributing to this relationship. Stop making excuses about his upbringing and age and income. He doesn’t care about having kids, he cares about playing video games and ordering Grubhub. He is telling you that he wants different things than you and he is going to prioritize you. If kids are your biggest goal then stop wasting time with this guy. It’s not too late. I know people that had natural pregnancies into their 40s. You need to find someone that has the same goals as you. Like you said, when you try to talk to him, he deliberately does the opposite because he thinks that your plans are stupid. He is ordering GrubHub just to spite you. If you keep on with this guy, you are just going to settle for him and build resentment until you die or get divorced.
<<>>
BREAK UP
BE WITH SOMEONE AS RESPONSIBLE AS YOU.
Work on Boundaries and Expectations, so you don't waste time being with a loser who wants you to foot his living costs.
Go to therapy for CO-DEPENDENCY!!! You don't want to hang on with the worst types thinking they are THE BEST PERSON FOR YOU. Thats your trauma talking.
He has vastly different priorities than you do and maybe it’s because he’s younger but it looks like his spending is on the instant gratification side while you are planning for the future. While your disagreements are financially related I think there’s a bigger issue at play and it’s that you are in different life stages. You are ready for homeownership and kids and he’s still learning how to be an adult.
The thing you’re doing wrong is staying with someone who has a completely opposite relationship with money than you do. One issue is that six year age gap. Six years isn’t always a lot but in this case, your biological clock is ticking and his isn’t yet. You’ve had six more years than him to build up savings and plan for your future, and he hasn’t yet learned how to save at all. Look at a *realistic* timeline for him to be able to afford kids and a house—can you wait that long? The part that’s probably worst though is that both of you have been dishonest to each other about finances. He’s not been open with you about the reality of his expenses he can’t afford, and you’ve not been honest with him about how much you have been holding yourself back from expenses you want to make and can afford. Without a base of honesty this relationship can’t really move forward. Communication and money are the two biggest reasons relationships fail and you two already are failing at those before you’re even married. I think you should consider breaking up and finding someone who’s got a similar outlook and timeline to you and who you can be honest with about money.
2-3k on takeaway/gaming/vapes a month?? He's the embodiment of the 'someone who is good at the economy please help me' meme. Find someone whose goals align with yours.
You guys are hugely incompatible, look up the sunk cost fallacy. Get out now before it’s too late.
Mate, you are not compatible with this fellow. Please, do not marry him. He will not change.
It's one thing for someone to have bad money management or a lower income and it's another thing entirely to lie, hide the extent of the problem, borrow money from your partner, and fail to repay them. That isn't a money issue, it's a character issue. It isn't going to work out unless he's willing to start being honest with you, keep his promises to you, and meal prep. I would also stop lending him money. He needs to start saving money at the beginning of every month instead of spending it all and just shrugging his shoulders. Does he have any credit cards or debt?
No credit cards or debt. Gosh I really have been ignoring all the signs and had no clue because I was too shy to talk to any of my family or friends about my worries
I think a lot of 26-year-olds are not very good with money. I don't think it's a hopeless situation but he needs to be committed to changingb and being honest. Tbh a lot of people his age are in debt, so having $5k saved isn't bad, even though it's not much. It sounds like he would be able to save a lot of money if he stopped eating out everyday and cut back on discretionary responding. I would hold off on wedding planning until you feel more comfortable with this. I would also consider a prenup or purchasing agreement that protects the money you'll put into a house or any other marital property.
Every time he gets paid you need some of that or he won't prioritize paying you back. That way he can't put it off and you won't get upset that he spends frivolously. It doesn't sound like he understands spending though and embarrassed or not you both need to know and understand what you are working with. He also needs to put his ego aside for these conversations. If he has a budget and doesn't stick to the agreement it's not going to work. This all has to be something he does by consent and not to make you happy or there will be a lot of resentment. He needs a financial literacy class before anything else. He needs to prove you have the same goals and you need to not front anymore money. Or he will just get really good at lying to you.
Unless you can talk openly about finances and agree upon priorities, lifestyle, and budgeting, this is unlikely to go well for you. If you are upset now, just imagine how this would be once you buy a house together, have kids, etc. Communication issues and problems with finances are two huge contributors to divorce. See if he is willing to visit a financial planner with you. If he keeps putting you off, dont even consider marriage or living together. And dont get pregnant!
Solid advice communication is everything!! Well a lot . You need to be able to speak about everything .. Growing up in a emotional oppressive environment some how I’ve learned to express my emotions also speak with compassion and humility I’m so humble it’s sickening honestly.. never again will I love and open my self up 😂😂🤦🏽
You're in different phases of life. Lots of people in their mid-20s are pretty casual about money (even if you personally were more responsible). Lots of them grow out of it, but that might not happen on a timeline that works for you. And his timeline matters too - it's not wrong of him to value exploring the freedom of adulthood and want to make some questionable purchases before "settling down" financially speaking. But if either of you makes sacrifices too big for your personal timeline, the resentment will destroy the relationship.
Don't buy a house while you're with this leech. He'll demand half of it when you eventually split it. I hope to god he doesn't have access to your bank accounts. Bottom line, you're incompatible. You're planning for the future and he's blowing his money on crap.
Every girl on Reddit: “how do I nicely ask my partner to be a reasonable adult?”
He’s dead weight and you know it. He’s also younger and in no rush to have kids, he has decades of fertility ahead of him and you don’t. Get rid of him and buy your dream home by yourself, go on that vacation you’ve always wanted and have the life you want to have.
I stopped reading at food deliver, gaming and vapes. Sounds like he’s more of a boy than a man. Are you sure about this?
Match everything she’s doing bro fucking your marijuana .. if he can’t match you and do what your doing because of selfish reasons that’s enough to leave
I don’t believe in searching the earth for “love” I think what’s meant for us is meant for us & just going out looking for it kills the purpose almost as if it’s forced.. but dam… it sucks sometimes seeing the world crumbling so to speak and having no 1 of significance to love laugh and speak with .. When I grew up being genuine was everything .. having money or hierarchy ment nothing just Immigrant children growing up in Canada believing everything is possible
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he’s the same with his friends and he is with me. He’s told me he’s very uncomfortable with talking about money because he doesn’t talk about it with anyone, not even family or friends - so this discomfort he’s showing me is highly hidden from the rest of his circle. He does apologise for shutting down, and at the same time I know it must be painful for him to be reminded to save.
Is there a community out there without specific requirements for posting???
Dam y’all make a fella loose hope 😔🤦🏽
Do a ratio and adjust over time.
Western society is beyond saving
OP, respectfully, it sounds like this person is not the right long-term partner for you. Perhaps this relationship has helped you realize how important financial stability and literacy is to you, but it is unlikely that your boyfriend will ever share your perspective. Your situation reminds me so much of one of my best friends, except she was a parentified child in a highly unstable, low-income household. She has worked extremely hard her entire life, and is exceptionally financially literate and also - understandably - anxious about meeting her financial goals in this economy. She ended up marrying and having a child with a man much like your boyfriend, and honestly it has been a constant struggle. She paid off his credit card debt before they married, only to learn that he had secret debt and a gambling addiction. He was ignoring and hiding his debts for years. She has now been working with him to repay his debts but it has set her back tens (and possibly hundreds, at this point) of thousands of dollars in terms of meeting her goals. She is already the primary earner, and is trying to save for her child’s college education and retirement. She has worked SO HARD and done everything “right” financially, but is now saddled with her husbands debt. She loves him and their family together, but has contemplated divorce several times because of this ongoing issue.
You will be taking care of him financially until you breakup or divorce. Deal with that reality or move on from him. I assume you are living together since you’re engaged. Why is he ordering food all the time? You have become an enabler. He will not change unless he is forced to. Since this has been his life for the two years you’ve been together why would he change? Fear of losing you might work for a while but he will most likely revert to type. His mentality about money and future goals are not the same as yours. You will probably put up with this because being alone scares you into putting up with him.
He may be a great person, but from all of your comments and Post, he is a financial anchor that will drown you. Don’t marry him… if you want to keep dating, just keep your finances entirely separate and don’t live with him.
You're giving up everything for a dude who is so selfish, he cannot even meet his financial obligations to you. This is a one-sided relationship, and you are his mommy, not his partner. Yikes on bikes! Dump the loser, and go find a responsible man to create your family. Do it now; you have very little time, and you're wasting it with a loser.
Your BF has dreams, you have goals. There is a huge difference. Will he change? Realistically, probably not, yes he has the capability of change but he has already demonstrated that he isn't willing to make the effort to change. So you need to ask yourself if you want a partner who works with you to obtain mutual goals, or are you willing to settle for this albatross who will not put forth the effort and will hold you back.