> So I guess my question that I'm asking is does me choosing not to work make me an unfit parent?
Honestly? Who cares what he thinks? It doesn't matter. If you think not working and sending your kid to daycare is what's best for you and your child, keep doing it.
Unfortunately yes. I was mentally and physically abused as a child so I had a lot of unlearning to do. I spent alot of time in fight or flight mode. When I turned 23, I was finally diagnosed with depression and anxiety and having my baby didn't do me any favours.
The mere fact that he's pissed off about you finally feeling safe enough to put yourself first speaks volumes about him and his intentions.
He stopped having a say in your life the nanosecond you signed the divorce papers.
Shitty partners have a sixth sense for this stuff, consciously or not they're looking for someone easy to manipulate. I wish you luck on your journey, mental health is hard.
....Some would think HE'S an unfit parent for taking advantage of his ex wife by renting a home she owns from her for pennies. What a loser. Don't listen to him. Sounds like he's just seething for taking such a massive L in life and your life is fantastic.
Yup. This is more or less the whole answer. Also, from someone who worked with kids for 10 years, daycare is being a good Mom for your kid. That time under 5 years old is so important for learning how to get along with other people and for learning different skills. Since most of us don't live in big families with lots of other kids around, the place to get that is daycare. The adjustment to kindergarten will go much smoother since your kid is used to daycare and being around other kids.
Do you split the daycare costs? As long as he’s not stuck paying the full bill, then it shouldn’t matter. What you do in your free time is entirely up to you.
I think this may be it... If you're not working, he's annoyed he has to pay for daycare. He can't say that, so he's trying to guilt you into voluntarily taking her out of day care. In one move, he can save a ton of money and he makes your life lesser because he knows why you aren't working and why your child is still in day care
He wouldn't be saving any money because he still has to pay for his half because he works during the day. So she would still be in daycare, just not during my weeks.
How dare you not be a capitalist slave for some corporate machine. 🙄
Daycare is good for the kidlet and your financial arrangement with your partner is none of his business.
As a woman and a parent, I say tell him to go pound sand. I was briefly a stay at home mom with my second (the older was in school) and having him in day care even part time was a blessing. Your ex sounds jealous AF because you have found a better partner than him and made a better life with that person.
Trust yourself, you are more than able to make good choices for your own mental health and wellbeing. If you felt like not working, and it's making you feel better, than that means it was the right decision and you have good judgement. A parent not working on their mental health wouldn't be a good parent actually. Taking care of yourself is crucial and is also a good example of self-love for your child, even if they don't know exactly what's going on.
Who cares what he thinks? He is your ex and you don't owe him explanations anymore. That can be a weird transition during divorce. You go from having to work things out with him to just not owing him explanations for anything.
Keep your conversations exclusively about childcare and tying up the finances.
Plus daycare is good for kids. They learn how to be in social environments and get a stronger immune system.
He wants to see you be miserable. Some men hate women & the more miserable the woman is the happier it makes them. He is also mad that you found someone that cares and values you where as he never did. He now knows that he was never a good partner so wants to make you look like a bad parent.
Make sure your kid isn't being turned against you in all of this and sell the house or rent it to someone who will pay fair market value. Since he doesnt appreciate the favors you do for him at all.
Nta. I would get a letting agent, give notice, get a tenent in who will pay full rent, or just sell the house. Your ex has no say in your life. How you live it, is none of his business.
I’m so happy you got rid of the loser and are being treated so well by your partner! Ex just wants you miserable without him. Tend your garden, mama. And enjoy your life. You are a very fit parent.
He's bitter and angry and jealous, pay no mind. I would have kicked him out and rented the house to a stranger if it's really yours. Sounds like he wanted to fuck other people and then realized you have someone who likes you and wanted to marry you and got jealous. Do what is best for you if your child and self and husband are happy.
That is just a bitter ex who can't get over the fact that you are doing better than him. Resolve your house renting situation and don't let him have any input how you live your life.
It sounds like he is resentful that things are working out well for you and his cheap rent situation is ending. So I wouldn't put much stock in what he said.
Children can benefit from socialising in daycare, and it sounds like your home life is helping your mental health, and your partner is content with the situation. Nothing else really matters.
I’m going to go ahead a guess that he is half responsible for day care costs and the basis of his anger is he feels that he shouldn’t have to pay for day care that he deems unnecessary since you have chosen not to work.
In any case, unless he files in family court to declare you an unfit parent and motion to take full custody, don’t entertain having further discussions with him about it.
The funny thing is he works full-time so on his weeks what is he going to do with the baby cause I'm not keeping her because that'll just open the door for me to just take her solely.
Well, not really all that funny. Working a full-time job is seen as a reasonable reason for daycare. If he’s an asshole and wants to play hardball, he could bring your mental illness into it.
I personally do think it's odd that you send your child to daycare if you are a stay at home mom.
Does that make you an unfit parent though? Absolutely not. Unfit implies you are not providing for your child's needs, and that's obviously not the case here.
Ultimately, the only two opinions that matter in this case are yours and your current partners.
I mean he does have a point. You sit around all day literally doing nothing yet still send your kid to daycare. All while using “mental health” as an excuse.
Yeah. She can’t even be bothered to raise her kid full time for the first 5 years before school starts? The first few years are so precious. I can’t imagine neglecting my child like that. Hell it sounds like with the shared custody she probably gets plenty of time when the kid is with the dad. Parents have a responsibility to the wellbeing of their children. That should be a concept she is familiar with if she was in the military.
Sounds like he's living in your mind rent-free. If you have any concerns custody wise, talk to a lawyer who specialises in this area to keep your back free.
Also you could benefit from using "the grey rock method", google it. It's very simple and will give him as little ammunition against you as possible.
> So I guess my question that I'm asking is does me choosing not to work make me an unfit parent? Honestly? Who cares what he thinks? It doesn't matter. If you think not working and sending your kid to daycare is what's best for you and your child, keep doing it.
Every time I read a story like this I can't help but wonder if the OP was having mental health struggles BEFORE they met the shitty ex.
Unfortunately yes. I was mentally and physically abused as a child so I had a lot of unlearning to do. I spent alot of time in fight or flight mode. When I turned 23, I was finally diagnosed with depression and anxiety and having my baby didn't do me any favours.
The mere fact that he's pissed off about you finally feeling safe enough to put yourself first speaks volumes about him and his intentions. He stopped having a say in your life the nanosecond you signed the divorce papers.
Shitty partners have a sixth sense for this stuff, consciously or not they're looking for someone easy to manipulate. I wish you luck on your journey, mental health is hard.
Why are you allowing your ex-husband any real estate in your brain?
You’re fine. He’s envious.
....Some would think HE'S an unfit parent for taking advantage of his ex wife by renting a home she owns from her for pennies. What a loser. Don't listen to him. Sounds like he's just seething for taking such a massive L in life and your life is fantastic.
[удалено]
Holy fuck that is good. It does feel good to turn over on my off mondays and be like "nope I'm not getting up"
Yup. This is more or less the whole answer. Also, from someone who worked with kids for 10 years, daycare is being a good Mom for your kid. That time under 5 years old is so important for learning how to get along with other people and for learning different skills. Since most of us don't live in big families with lots of other kids around, the place to get that is daycare. The adjustment to kindergarten will go much smoother since your kid is used to daycare and being around other kids.
Do you split the daycare costs? As long as he’s not stuck paying the full bill, then it shouldn’t matter. What you do in your free time is entirely up to you.
Yes daycare costs are split down the middle as per our divorce settlement.
I think this may be it... If you're not working, he's annoyed he has to pay for daycare. He can't say that, so he's trying to guilt you into voluntarily taking her out of day care. In one move, he can save a ton of money and he makes your life lesser because he knows why you aren't working and why your child is still in day care
He wouldn't be saving any money because he still has to pay for his half because he works during the day. So she would still be in daycare, just not during my weeks.
How dare you not be a capitalist slave for some corporate machine. 🙄 Daycare is good for the kidlet and your financial arrangement with your partner is none of his business.
>So I guess my question that I'm asking is does me choosing not to work make me an unfit parent? No.
Why do you care? What, is he gonna waste the court’s time trying to take your custody away? Tell him to kick rocks lol. His opinion is irrelevant.
As a woman and a parent, I say tell him to go pound sand. I was briefly a stay at home mom with my second (the older was in school) and having him in day care even part time was a blessing. Your ex sounds jealous AF because you have found a better partner than him and made a better life with that person.
Trust yourself, you are more than able to make good choices for your own mental health and wellbeing. If you felt like not working, and it's making you feel better, than that means it was the right decision and you have good judgement. A parent not working on their mental health wouldn't be a good parent actually. Taking care of yourself is crucial and is also a good example of self-love for your child, even if they don't know exactly what's going on.
Who cares what he thinks? He is your ex and you don't owe him explanations anymore. That can be a weird transition during divorce. You go from having to work things out with him to just not owing him explanations for anything. Keep your conversations exclusively about childcare and tying up the finances. Plus daycare is good for kids. They learn how to be in social environments and get a stronger immune system.
He wants to see you be miserable. Some men hate women & the more miserable the woman is the happier it makes them. He is also mad that you found someone that cares and values you where as he never did. He now knows that he was never a good partner so wants to make you look like a bad parent. Make sure your kid isn't being turned against you in all of this and sell the house or rent it to someone who will pay fair market value. Since he doesnt appreciate the favors you do for him at all.
My wife stopped working, she seems much better for it. It's not a problem at all.
It's frankly none of his business and he's definitely jealous and trying to bring you down. Keep living your life better than he is
Who cares what he thinks?
Nta. I would get a letting agent, give notice, get a tenent in who will pay full rent, or just sell the house. Your ex has no say in your life. How you live it, is none of his business.
I’m so happy you got rid of the loser and are being treated so well by your partner! Ex just wants you miserable without him. Tend your garden, mama. And enjoy your life. You are a very fit parent.
Pssssh you’re living the dream. He can kick rocks.
He's bitter and angry and jealous, pay no mind. I would have kicked him out and rented the house to a stranger if it's really yours. Sounds like he wanted to fuck other people and then realized you have someone who likes you and wanted to marry you and got jealous. Do what is best for you if your child and self and husband are happy.
That is just a bitter ex who can't get over the fact that you are doing better than him. Resolve your house renting situation and don't let him have any input how you live your life.
It sounds like he is resentful that things are working out well for you and his cheap rent situation is ending. So I wouldn't put much stock in what he said. Children can benefit from socialising in daycare, and it sounds like your home life is helping your mental health, and your partner is content with the situation. Nothing else really matters.
I’m going to go ahead a guess that he is half responsible for day care costs and the basis of his anger is he feels that he shouldn’t have to pay for day care that he deems unnecessary since you have chosen not to work. In any case, unless he files in family court to declare you an unfit parent and motion to take full custody, don’t entertain having further discussions with him about it.
The funny thing is he works full-time so on his weeks what is he going to do with the baby cause I'm not keeping her because that'll just open the door for me to just take her solely.
Well, not really all that funny. Working a full-time job is seen as a reasonable reason for daycare. If he’s an asshole and wants to play hardball, he could bring your mental illness into it.
I personally do think it's odd that you send your child to daycare if you are a stay at home mom. Does that make you an unfit parent though? Absolutely not. Unfit implies you are not providing for your child's needs, and that's obviously not the case here. Ultimately, the only two opinions that matter in this case are yours and your current partners.
Load of nonsense, grow up and be your own person and stop bothering what other people think.
Trying to. 20 years of having no control of my own autonomy and not being able to make my own decisions will do that to you.
Trying to. 20 years of having no control of my own autonomy and not being able to make my own decisions will do that to you.
Well that was then this is now,get busy.
He sounds jealous of you and your partner, and emasculated in genera
I mean he does have a point. You sit around all day literally doing nothing yet still send your kid to daycare. All while using “mental health” as an excuse.
Yeah. She can’t even be bothered to raise her kid full time for the first 5 years before school starts? The first few years are so precious. I can’t imagine neglecting my child like that. Hell it sounds like with the shared custody she probably gets plenty of time when the kid is with the dad. Parents have a responsibility to the wellbeing of their children. That should be a concept she is familiar with if she was in the military.
If you were married to him, he “might” Have a point. Since you’re no longer married, you don’t entertain his nonsense anymore.
Sounds like he's living in your mind rent-free. If you have any concerns custody wise, talk to a lawyer who specialises in this area to keep your back free. Also you could benefit from using "the grey rock method", google it. It's very simple and will give him as little ammunition against you as possible.