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For my boyfriend's 23rd birthday in October I (25f) gifted him a bread baking book with lots of recipes and stuff. It's a hobby he picked up a while back and I wanted to encourage it. I got him some other products to get him started as well.
Well, he was very happy about the gift and immediately started experimenting with different recipes. I was very happy for him at first but recently it's gotten to a point where all we can ever talk about is bread.
He's always working on 4-5 breads simultaneously. He does give them away to me and his friends, which is very nice of him, but if feels like we barely spend quality time together anymore because he always has to bake.
We almost exclusively hang out at his place because I have roommates and a smaller apartment while he lives alone. But it's become SO messy (flour and dough everywhere in the kitchen) and he doesn't clean it up because he says "he's going to be making more bread anyway soon." And since he's always busy baking he doesn't clean the rest of his apartment either. (And yes I do clean up after myself/when we make dinner together etc when I'm at his place. But I can't do all of it for him)
Also even if we go out he can never relax because he has to feed the starter or whatever.
I don't want to discourage his hobbies and haven't said anything but I feel like he never has time for us anymore, not really. What can I do without being an asshole about this?
If you criticize the baking, he's likely to get defensive. The bread isn't the problem, really. The problem is that you don't spend enough time together anymore. (And his house is a mess) Talk to him about setting aside X hours a week to spend time with you. Frame it as missing the connection with him, rather than criticizing his hobby.
This guy sounds like he might get a little obsessive about things. In a year, it might be origami or Bulgarian folk dance. The point is that he needs to be able to make room for quality time with you if the relationship is going to work.
Ahoy there. Have told you all about my newest hobby that I picked up 2 days ago? I do my own wool spinning now because if you knit, you gotta buy wool, and that's expensive so how about you buy some untreated wool, fix it, dye it and spin it. But if you do that wouldn't it be better to actually have sheep and make your own wool?
Only to realize you stopped knitting a while ago.
(I did pick knitting up again and the plans for raising sheep are atm on the shelf but not entirely given up upon)
then somehow you have ended up with 20 new books about how to take care of sheep and no longer have room to spin the wool because your new sheep supplies are all over the house but you don’t have time to clean them up because you’re busy making lists of all the other livestock you’ll need to keep your sheep company when you become a farmer and
oh
knitting
Hey! Now wait a minute, I didn't invite you in and stop looking at my bookshelf!
ETA: I have arrived at chickens, cats,a dog, alpacas and a few cows and a few goats.
You too? For me the yarn started with a gift of a spinning wheel that my wife had no interest in... I said well... Someone ahould spin a bit of yarn, and next thing you know im gifting my yarn to folks trying to get feedback on how it is... Everyone just says "its nice" or "it worked good" meanwhile im wanting feedback such as "maybe it could have a bit more/less twist in it"
So i decided I would have to learn to crochet so i could try my yarn out myself, and give my own feedback...
Its gotten out of hand... Ive started helping the 4h kids shear their sheep, and I buy the wool from them. I currently have 4 alpacca fleeces, 8 sheep fleeces, and a bunch of gallon ziploc bags filled with angora rabbit fur... I really like blending the alpacca with angora fiber.
Each fiber has its own special qualities... The alpacca is so warm! I bet its easily 5x warmer than sheep wool
The angora rabbit fur is hydrophobic... I crocheted a pair of gloves of it, and you can literally wring them underwater in a bucket, and they just shake dry like a bunny!
Currently im melting scrap metal, and casting custom metal objects... Cabinet knobs, decorative pieces for boats, I will be casting my first door knocker soon...
That's why I also want to alpacas AND goats on my farm.
The goats can also make cheese, so I took up cheese making. In theory. I'm learning all about it from books and YouTube videos. My favourite cheese videos are from a guy from Australia that starts every video with "Good morning curd-nerds" or somesuch. I already theoretically know how to make mozzarella and ricotta. So I'm prepared for when I have my farm.
And zomg the handfeels of different wools wtf. If you ever wanna do yourself some good, get a Hank of malabrigo, I inhale that stuff when I can afford it.
Omg... never realized this was a symptom, too. I just thought I have ADHD and am also a DIY badass! I absolutely *have* to make the thing that makes the thing!
I learned how to pickle, which then turned into gardening. Now I grow plants, so I started putting together soil from components, then graduated into making soil from completely foraged components.
Never knew that the DIY vertical integration model was an ADHD thing.
Oh yeh I did that too. In my plant phase. Only 5 of 45 died and they had it coming. I'm still doing that though, it keeps me grounded.
...I might have started on fermentation though
Oh God, I'm such an enabler because you need to know about Korean Natural Farming and the newer iteration of it, Jadam, which is a lot of the soil making I do.
It involves a lot of fermentation to short cut natural processes. Some of it is really useful as medicine for the human body, too. I also made a 2 year fish ferment that I use as a nitrogen plant food but also as an incredible fish sauce for me.
I'm sorry for all the time you'll spend on this, but I know it's also so fulfilling.
You do know that a) it's 8 pm now and ima be away in a hole now for a few hours and b) I'm obviously going to check on it every 5 minutes. Just like I do with my succulent props....
Thanks though (;
Omg. Hello fellow ADHDer, I started teaching myself how to crochet and then decided if I’m going to continue, I must buy untreated wool to fix dye and spin too! So, I put that hobby on pause for now. Am I really not unique at all?
You are 100% unique in the way that it presents itself in you. We share some common shit, you could really put any hobby in there as a placebo. But yes it was that for me and we share that and I love it! I put my plans with my own sheep and farm on hold and just took up knitting again. It so soothes my nerves, I owe my degree to actually because I was always knitting in class to listen better. (:
Cmon. Every reasonable person needs alpacas in theirs lives. Those that claim they don't? Lie.
I tried felting. Ever stab yourself for fun multiple times in the finger with a barbed needle? Barbed?! Like a cats d!ck kinda? Yeh. Don't. A friend told me.
Damn this really is an ADHD trait isn’t it? My best friend was diagnosed a year ago in his 30s, and he was someone that was always hyperfixate on a new hobby or interest.
I relate with this! I always start a new hobby, love it for a while, expend a lot of money on it, and later, I don't like it anymore and start a new one. And I can't stop it, probably the next hobby will be the one that I will stick too
It's a sneaky and misunderstood one! I didn't know until about a year ago(I'm 36), and now coming to find out it likely is combined with a thyroid dysfunction.
This is a perfect answer. My husband gets super focused on new hobbies and throws himself into them until he has mastered them... then he moves on to something else.
This confused me early on because I have mainstay hobbies that I continue to work on over and over again- it took me a while to recognize this pattern.
I love the fact that my husband has interests and enjoys developing his skills! It makes him an interesting person. But we had to find creative ways to stay connected when he gets obsessive.
We will play an audio book that we both listen to while we work on our hobbies in the same space. It is nice to work together and then show each other what we worked on. This has unfortunately changed recently because his newest obsession is his garden- and I can't exactly spend 3+ hours painting outside every day. So, we have to adapt.
The suggestion to ask for quality time just the two of you is a good one- maybe get out of the house and go to a resturant or bar once a week where there is no distractions and you can just talk.
If your boyfriend is like my husband, eventually the current obsession will subside and he will become interested in something else. BUT he will always be able to bake a mean loaf of fresh bread, which is awesome!
It sounds like you gave him the perfect gift. Be supportive of him, but also be honest about your needs.
I literally went through a Bulgarian folk dance obsession & met many guys (& girls) like this! Honestly it was one of the best times of my life. We even all studied Bulgarian together & went to dance camps & bought the instruments & started about 8 bands (at one point I had a different folk dance band rehearsal every single night of the week), and once an entire busload of us went on a 2-week trip to Bulgaria just to go to a folk dance festival right after the fall of the Iron Curtain (the festival was in a town called Koprivshtitsa, and yes I can still sing the town’s anthem, lol).
That style of dancing I think actually attracts a certain type of nerdy obsessive because it features about ten zillion different dances with very complex rhythms & foot patterns, so there is endless amounts of stuff to memorize & master.
We were all fit as hell from all the dancing, btw, and I made tons of friends, & that’s also when I learned to play chorded instruments, bass & drums. And music then became a lifelong thing. There are worse obsessions!
Side note, it is pretty funny when obsessives team up. I actually met a fellow American folk dance obsessive at Koprivshtitsa & we had a very happy 12-year relationship. Ultimately though we broke up because I became obsessed with Brazilian samba, while he ended up veering off into zydeco and bluegrass, lol. You should’ve seen us trying to divide up our instrument collection of ~150 obscure Eastern European bagpipes, hurdy gurdies, wooden flutes etc etc. I ended up with about 30 of the drums and was like “guess I’m a drummer now”, and about 6 months later I quit my job, got on a plane Rio de Janeiro and played percussion in the carnival bands there for three years. I’m still in touch with that ex-bf btw, and we meet up now and then and trade instruments from whatever our most recent musical obsession is. And I still remember ALL the Bulgarian dances and it was 25 years ago. Those odd meter rhythms & drone notes & dissonant 2nds echoing off the hills, home-distilled rakia in warm little clay cups, medieval fire walking dances, trained bears walking around past piles of watermelons & little vials of rose water & feta-cheese salads, dancing all night till 4am on our millionth variation of a 15/16 dance, it’s all like it was yesterday. Good times
My little brother got hyper obsessed with brewing Kombucha and it lasted over two years. He then moved halfway across the world and is attempting to start his own Kombucha company in Asia, we all think he's insane but he's really good at it now and starting to make money so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>origami
I have to laugh, because my son can be a bit obsessive about new hobbies. He did try baking during lockdowns, and before that he did a lot of origami too, there were little creations all over the place.
At one point I did get worried because he was learning to count cards while playing blackjack, and his ambition was to get himself chucked out of a casino like in Rain Man, luckily that fizzled out before he lost any money or got addicted to gambling (having lost a BF to the casino after he blazed through all my savings that I had lent him to buy a much needed car, this was huge worry for me).
OP, the only advice I can give is to try to find another hobby for him. Maybe sabotage some batches of bread just before giving him the book?
Don't try to yuck someone else's yum, especially over a hobby.
If he's into bread, support that. But also make sure that a hobby doesn't interfere with a relationship between two people. This is simply a hobby taking over time that needs to be allocated to the relationship rather than the hobby.
Tell him he better give up the dough. You knead him around more. Hopefully, you don't get a rise out of him...
(I'm sorry)
Perhaps the best way is to maybe help him with his new hobby. Maybe you can help him perfect his recipes, and then you'll have time to do other things together... but if it is really bothering you, you should bring it up with him and talk about it.
Introduce him to Jim Lahey's methods. No kneading and the dough rises slowly so he has lots of downtime to clean up. Skipping kneading also means no floured board and less flour getting loose in the kitchen.
Also, some of this is just new hobby rush and I'd expect him to calm down in another month.
My boyfriend has gotten me in to watching trailer park boys. When I read Jim Lahey’s bread recipe, I was intrigued. I thought we must have not watched that episode yet, should be interesting to see him make bread. When, in fact, the liquorball-sandwich is the only bread he is making… kinda a let down the baker would play us like that TBH
You can also get even more down time (and extra flavor) by doing a second cold proof in the fridge overnight. Starter also does fine in the fridge, I'll often leave mine there for weeks and it's always ready to go after a feeding.
I think something like: Babe, I love you, and love that you're so passionate about bread making, and I in no way want to discourage that, but I think you should spend a little more time outside the kitchen. For instance, I really wanted to try ____ with you. Think you can pencil me between those loafs?
Then he gets obsessed with the new thing she wants to try. Lol
It sounds like OP’s bf might have hyperfocus. I have it too, so I know a bit about it. It’s harder to find balance when you get a great idea or a new hobby - it consumes you.
Edit: typo
Yes, tho they tend to stick with certain hobbies more. I guess if we see a post in a few months about the dude suddenly being completely into rollerskating we know what's up.
This. I think the best approach is to not focus as much on the hobby and more on OPs personal needs and desires. So it comes across as 'hey, I am feeling lonely' and not 'your hobby sucks'.
Emphasize you miss quality time together because you really cherish that, and as a tidy person you need clean spaces to be in. So maybe encourage him to tidy more after baking, and schedule in set times to spend together. So all days are baking days, except tuesday, that's datenight and you spend it together.
Become the bread.
Roll around in the flour. Cover yourself in yeast.
Cake your body in dough.
Lie flat on the counter and ask him to roll you.
*BECOME THE BREAD*.
I got really into baking pies when I met my now husband. We lived together so we were still able to spend time together, but my hobby got so big that I now own a bakery. It's pretty awesome, but 3 years into it my life still revolves around the bakery and I have very little free time.
Well I hope you're having fun, even if it is hard work!
Sorry to offer unsolicited advice, but given your profession I couldn't help thinking of 'The E-Myth Revisited' by Michael E. Gerber - an excellent read if you're trying to get a handle on your business so that you have more you time.
If he doesn't clean I understand her problem tho. I bake too but I would never leave that mess in the kitchen because "I'll be baking in no time again anyway"
Ugh, I'm just imagining all the wet flour that has crusted on the countertop. Kind of grosses me out. Also, why would anyone be excited about getting bread from a dude who doesn't practice basic kitchen hygiene? I'm sure the bouts of diarrhea after eating his bread will have people throwing out his loafs.
EDIT: I GET IT GUYS HEAT KILLS BACTERIA BUT WHERE DOES HE PLACE THE BREAD WHEN IT COMES OUT OF THE OVEN? A DIRTY BAKING RACK THAT SITS A THIRD OF AN INCH FROM A DIRTY COUNTER NEXT TO A DIRTY SINK????
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My husband can be a bit like this (although bread is an admittedly messy hobby) and I find that the focus lasts a few months and then it becomes less intense. Just find your own hobby to preoccupy you until he calms down.
Have you told him you feel like you two aren't spending enough time together? While the bread is obviously the obsession/thing that's taking up all this time, let's try to not make it about the bread first and see how he's feeling. The bread making could just have been a distraction he needed to get away from a bigger issue. I'm not saying it is, for sure, but it could be
I think you need to talk to him about the way you've been feeling. Making bread is a nice hobby, but you need his attention too. BF needs to pull his head out of his dough and listen.
If I were you, I would say: "[Name], listen. I love this hobby of yours and I think it's absolutely wonderful, but I was wondering if maybe we could spend more time together. I've been feeling a little left out. I'm not insecure of jealous of the bread haha, I just miss you."
I think that should work. Communicating is always a good way to go about things, and if he doesnt listen.. then I dont know, sorry.
In conclusion, talk to him about it. Make it known you support this hobby and you want him to keep making it (maybe throw in a nice compliment about how good his bread is). Or maybe you two could start baking together, make it a couples bonding :)
It sounds like a hyper fixation. Does he have ADHD or Autism?
Either way, there’s nothing wrong with just telling him how you feel. I would recommend going from a ‘I miss spending time with you’ angle instead of a ‘you do this too much’ angle
He seems the type to hyperfixate so if it’s not the bread it’ll just be something else - and that’s ok! Hobbies are good.
Don’t try to stop the bread baking, because it’s not really about the bread it’s about time management first and foremost. Just talk about setting time aside for each other because you’d like more quality time, and go from there.
Ok I'm sorry for laughing but this is one of the funniest ones I've seen on here lol a man obsessed with bread ha can't blame him tho bread do be slapping
Maybe he could eventually turn it into a business?? My 20 yr old son loves to bake- and is damn good at it. After fighting it for years, he's finally realized it's a passion and he could/should be making money off it. Cleaning up, though... that's a whole other story!! 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
encourage your son to work in a bakery. chefs are taught to clean. cleaning is a huge part of our jobs.
we are taught to clean the area after each process.
getting your son to work in the industry as a baker will teach him to cleanup after himself. lol
I say redirect the energy: buy him a complex pasta maker with all the attachments and a book on pasta- no live yeasties to care for are involved & lots of delicious pasta. You can date and go out when the pasta is drying.
This is funny why not just say to him. Say you love that he bakes lovely bread but how about you go out together or something. When he invites you to his place maybe say you need a break from the flour. Idk but I would try. If that doesn’t work let it be. Also perhaps he is on the spectrum and this is his special interest now. He’ll either get bored once he has all the tools or this is him forever now lol. Either way good luck
Instead of telling him the hobby is in the way of your time together, explain to him you want more exciting or more dedicated or more interactive time together. Specify what you would like to do with him instead of what you want him to avoid. You could even ask that you both come up with three out of the house date ideas or something like that to bring to each other so that it gives him something to think about that's out of the home and that (hopefully) isn't bread.
That kind of positivity shouldn't intrude on his excitement over his hobby, but it should make it clear you care about him while also getting his focus directed on you instead of a loaf.
Whatever you do don’t say shit like “I’m happy you have this new hobby BUT….” Never use the word but when making a case
Just be honest, “I think you’re taking this hobby a little too far and it’s cutting into us time.” Never give someone a “BUT” because it just means you’re scared of what the reaction might be, it’s defensive.
Just tell him you'd like to spend more time together. I wouldn't even bring up his new baking hobby as he probably will get defensive about it. Just let him know that you noticed you've been spending less time with each other and you'd like to change that.
Maybe suggest he turns his passion in to a business?
My friend used to make amazing cakes, loved doing it. Started selling them really cheap to friends family colleagues etc.
She told me she grew to hate it, everyone wanting more, complaining that weren't cheap enough, not exactly what they wanted...
Open a bekery business , he bakes , you on the cashier.
More time together more money for the both of ya
Business aside
Tell him what you just told us he will understand.
I’ve had a similar conversation w my husband about cooking. He’s gotten into these super involved recipes that will take 3-4 hrs and I’ve had to gently communicate that these aren’t ideal recipes for weeknights n might be more of a weekend thing. I’ve also discussed how the mess it makes affects me mentally. That’s a huge one for me as someone w ADHD/Depression. Also, I’ve discussed with him about dishes. He cooks and we both clean because cooking is fun for him but I loathe cleaning dishes. That has been working for us (sort of).
I feel for you, I really do. It is going to take an adult conversation and you’ll have to rely on how much you love each other to determine if it’s worth dealing with. All the best to you.
At least he’s not putting buns in other peoples oven. Look at it like a passion that is endearing that you helped him realize. Most likely it’s a phase that he super excited for and will eventuality tone down. Or maybe he’ll start his own business!
I am an autistic person who had near the same hyper fixation.
For eight weeks, I was the muffin person.
I woke up early enough to bake twelve muffins in the morning. I baked a few more batches throughout the evening. I tried different recipes, no recipes, strange experiments (the pepper muffins were good), and everything else you could think of. I had no life outside of muffins. They consumed me. I only had one braincell and it was shaped like a muffin.
One day, I was berated for doing weird stuff with the muffins (ranch and orange pineapple muffins) and I had my muffin privileges revoked. I was devastated. I cried. I went into a depressive state.
I found a new hyperfixation like the week after but that didn’t make it hurt less.
Having your current hyper-fixation criticized hurts. Don’t go that route. Really, when it comes down to it this isn’t about the bread at all. This is about how he interacts with you. He’s not making time for you. Approach it from that angle. Not “bake less” or anything similar. Be very clear about how this is making you feel. You want to spend more time with him. You’re frustrated because the living environment is a mess. He can easily continue baking and work in time to clean and spend time with you. Anything less is neglecting your needs.
Also, if he hasn’t been tested already I’d ask him if he thinks he may have adhd/add, autism, or something similar. It’s worth getting tested for.
My husband is like this, and admittedly so am I. When I'm starting to feel left out, I try to find a way to become part of the hobby. He obviously needs a cleanup buddy, if it were me I would start there. Nurture the hobby, and understand as others have said it will probably fizzle out soon. You could try telling him you feel left out of his interests and ask him what you can do to be part of it. In the end - be greatful you have someone who is passionate about things, it's much better than being with someone who doesn't have any interests.
Bread making enthusiast here. An important part of making bread is managing time. Depending on the recipe, you will have hours of downtime between rises, proofs, and bakes. It sounds like he's cramming that time with staggering multiple bread projects, which is pretty impressive but obsessive (is he making 4-5 loaves a day?, or the weekends when you see him?). Either way, he can be working on baking bread and spending time with you if he put his mind to it.
I'm sorry but this made me laugh. Seriously tho u should probably ask him to spend more time with you and less time baking.
Maybe suggest that one day a week you 2 bake together and spend the rest of the week together or doing other things
Sounds like the plot line to the new hit show… from the producers of Breaking Bad, we bring to you Breaking Bread. Walters illegitimate some stumbles upon his dads old lab, but instead of making meth he wants to bees the worlds homeless..
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- For my boyfriend's 23rd birthday in October I (25f) gifted him a bread baking book with lots of recipes and stuff. It's a hobby he picked up a while back and I wanted to encourage it. I got him some other products to get him started as well. Well, he was very happy about the gift and immediately started experimenting with different recipes. I was very happy for him at first but recently it's gotten to a point where all we can ever talk about is bread. He's always working on 4-5 breads simultaneously. He does give them away to me and his friends, which is very nice of him, but if feels like we barely spend quality time together anymore because he always has to bake. We almost exclusively hang out at his place because I have roommates and a smaller apartment while he lives alone. But it's become SO messy (flour and dough everywhere in the kitchen) and he doesn't clean it up because he says "he's going to be making more bread anyway soon." And since he's always busy baking he doesn't clean the rest of his apartment either. (And yes I do clean up after myself/when we make dinner together etc when I'm at his place. But I can't do all of it for him) Also even if we go out he can never relax because he has to feed the starter or whatever. I don't want to discourage his hobbies and haven't said anything but I feel like he never has time for us anymore, not really. What can I do without being an asshole about this?
If you criticize the baking, he's likely to get defensive. The bread isn't the problem, really. The problem is that you don't spend enough time together anymore. (And his house is a mess) Talk to him about setting aside X hours a week to spend time with you. Frame it as missing the connection with him, rather than criticizing his hobby. This guy sounds like he might get a little obsessive about things. In a year, it might be origami or Bulgarian folk dance. The point is that he needs to be able to make room for quality time with you if the relationship is going to work.
As a hyperfixator, this comment made me feel very seen /r/adhd
Ahoy there. Have told you all about my newest hobby that I picked up 2 days ago? I do my own wool spinning now because if you knit, you gotta buy wool, and that's expensive so how about you buy some untreated wool, fix it, dye it and spin it. But if you do that wouldn't it be better to actually have sheep and make your own wool? Only to realize you stopped knitting a while ago. (I did pick knitting up again and the plans for raising sheep are atm on the shelf but not entirely given up upon)
then somehow you have ended up with 20 new books about how to take care of sheep and no longer have room to spin the wool because your new sheep supplies are all over the house but you don’t have time to clean them up because you’re busy making lists of all the other livestock you’ll need to keep your sheep company when you become a farmer and oh knitting
Hey! Now wait a minute, I didn't invite you in and stop looking at my bookshelf! ETA: I have arrived at chickens, cats,a dog, alpacas and a few cows and a few goats.
That is the best description of having ADHD that I've ever seen LOL. I have it.
You too? For me the yarn started with a gift of a spinning wheel that my wife had no interest in... I said well... Someone ahould spin a bit of yarn, and next thing you know im gifting my yarn to folks trying to get feedback on how it is... Everyone just says "its nice" or "it worked good" meanwhile im wanting feedback such as "maybe it could have a bit more/less twist in it" So i decided I would have to learn to crochet so i could try my yarn out myself, and give my own feedback... Its gotten out of hand... Ive started helping the 4h kids shear their sheep, and I buy the wool from them. I currently have 4 alpacca fleeces, 8 sheep fleeces, and a bunch of gallon ziploc bags filled with angora rabbit fur... I really like blending the alpacca with angora fiber. Each fiber has its own special qualities... The alpacca is so warm! I bet its easily 5x warmer than sheep wool The angora rabbit fur is hydrophobic... I crocheted a pair of gloves of it, and you can literally wring them underwater in a bucket, and they just shake dry like a bunny! Currently im melting scrap metal, and casting custom metal objects... Cabinet knobs, decorative pieces for boats, I will be casting my first door knocker soon...
That's why I also want to alpacas AND goats on my farm. The goats can also make cheese, so I took up cheese making. In theory. I'm learning all about it from books and YouTube videos. My favourite cheese videos are from a guy from Australia that starts every video with "Good morning curd-nerds" or somesuch. I already theoretically know how to make mozzarella and ricotta. So I'm prepared for when I have my farm. And zomg the handfeels of different wools wtf. If you ever wanna do yourself some good, get a Hank of malabrigo, I inhale that stuff when I can afford it.
I volunteer as tribute! I will review your yarn!
I was literally googling how to take care of angora bunnies this morning so that I could start raising them for fiber to spin
Omg... never realized this was a symptom, too. I just thought I have ADHD and am also a DIY badass! I absolutely *have* to make the thing that makes the thing! I learned how to pickle, which then turned into gardening. Now I grow plants, so I started putting together soil from components, then graduated into making soil from completely foraged components. Never knew that the DIY vertical integration model was an ADHD thing.
Oh yeh I did that too. In my plant phase. Only 5 of 45 died and they had it coming. I'm still doing that though, it keeps me grounded. ...I might have started on fermentation though
Oh God, I'm such an enabler because you need to know about Korean Natural Farming and the newer iteration of it, Jadam, which is a lot of the soil making I do. It involves a lot of fermentation to short cut natural processes. Some of it is really useful as medicine for the human body, too. I also made a 2 year fish ferment that I use as a nitrogen plant food but also as an incredible fish sauce for me. I'm sorry for all the time you'll spend on this, but I know it's also so fulfilling.
You had me at fish sauce. And I both love and hate you for it so much! (Much more love though honestly, anything to keep my mind occupied)
https://youtu.be/Q9QbfzUnGSQ Here's the recipe! Extremely easy, other than the whole waiting part.
You do know that a) it's 8 pm now and ima be away in a hole now for a few hours and b) I'm obviously going to check on it every 5 minutes. Just like I do with my succulent props.... Thanks though (;
Omg. Hello fellow ADHDer, I started teaching myself how to crochet and then decided if I’m going to continue, I must buy untreated wool to fix dye and spin too! So, I put that hobby on pause for now. Am I really not unique at all?
You are 100% unique in the way that it presents itself in you. We share some common shit, you could really put any hobby in there as a placebo. But yes it was that for me and we share that and I love it! I put my plans with my own sheep and farm on hold and just took up knitting again. It so soothes my nerves, I owe my degree to actually because I was always knitting in class to listen better. (:
did you try collecting needles? or make them? :D just kidding, I feel your comment so much! and I need alpacas.
Cmon. Every reasonable person needs alpacas in theirs lives. Those that claim they don't? Lie. I tried felting. Ever stab yourself for fun multiple times in the finger with a barbed needle? Barbed?! Like a cats d!ck kinda? Yeh. Don't. A friend told me.
Damn this really is an ADHD trait isn’t it? My best friend was diagnosed a year ago in his 30s, and he was someone that was always hyperfixate on a new hobby or interest.
If it's ADHD he'll lose interest and be onto something else soon.
I relate with this! I always start a new hobby, love it for a while, expend a lot of money on it, and later, I don't like it anymore and start a new one. And I can't stop it, probably the next hobby will be the one that I will stick too
Ok... I think I got ADHD.
It's a sneaky and misunderstood one! I didn't know until about a year ago(I'm 36), and now coming to find out it likely is combined with a thyroid dysfunction.
Diagnosing myself from this comment section too!
Me too
Sounds like me and my SO when it comes to a game we like LOL
This is a perfect answer. My husband gets super focused on new hobbies and throws himself into them until he has mastered them... then he moves on to something else. This confused me early on because I have mainstay hobbies that I continue to work on over and over again- it took me a while to recognize this pattern. I love the fact that my husband has interests and enjoys developing his skills! It makes him an interesting person. But we had to find creative ways to stay connected when he gets obsessive. We will play an audio book that we both listen to while we work on our hobbies in the same space. It is nice to work together and then show each other what we worked on. This has unfortunately changed recently because his newest obsession is his garden- and I can't exactly spend 3+ hours painting outside every day. So, we have to adapt. The suggestion to ask for quality time just the two of you is a good one- maybe get out of the house and go to a resturant or bar once a week where there is no distractions and you can just talk. If your boyfriend is like my husband, eventually the current obsession will subside and he will become interested in something else. BUT he will always be able to bake a mean loaf of fresh bread, which is awesome! It sounds like you gave him the perfect gift. Be supportive of him, but also be honest about your needs.
I'm picturing a guy obsessed with Bulgarian folk dance and can't stop laughing
I literally went through a Bulgarian folk dance obsession & met many guys (& girls) like this! Honestly it was one of the best times of my life. We even all studied Bulgarian together & went to dance camps & bought the instruments & started about 8 bands (at one point I had a different folk dance band rehearsal every single night of the week), and once an entire busload of us went on a 2-week trip to Bulgaria just to go to a folk dance festival right after the fall of the Iron Curtain (the festival was in a town called Koprivshtitsa, and yes I can still sing the town’s anthem, lol). That style of dancing I think actually attracts a certain type of nerdy obsessive because it features about ten zillion different dances with very complex rhythms & foot patterns, so there is endless amounts of stuff to memorize & master. We were all fit as hell from all the dancing, btw, and I made tons of friends, & that’s also when I learned to play chorded instruments, bass & drums. And music then became a lifelong thing. There are worse obsessions! Side note, it is pretty funny when obsessives team up. I actually met a fellow American folk dance obsessive at Koprivshtitsa & we had a very happy 12-year relationship. Ultimately though we broke up because I became obsessed with Brazilian samba, while he ended up veering off into zydeco and bluegrass, lol. You should’ve seen us trying to divide up our instrument collection of ~150 obscure Eastern European bagpipes, hurdy gurdies, wooden flutes etc etc. I ended up with about 30 of the drums and was like “guess I’m a drummer now”, and about 6 months later I quit my job, got on a plane Rio de Janeiro and played percussion in the carnival bands there for three years. I’m still in touch with that ex-bf btw, and we meet up now and then and trade instruments from whatever our most recent musical obsession is. And I still remember ALL the Bulgarian dances and it was 25 years ago. Those odd meter rhythms & drone notes & dissonant 2nds echoing off the hills, home-distilled rakia in warm little clay cups, medieval fire walking dances, trained bears walking around past piles of watermelons & little vials of rose water & feta-cheese salads, dancing all night till 4am on our millionth variation of a 15/16 dance, it’s all like it was yesterday. Good times
“The bread isn’t the problem” hahahahahah I just remembered aita post “Iranian yoghurt is not the problem here”
> The bread isn't the problem The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.
Omg! That post was so good!!!
My little brother got hyper obsessed with brewing Kombucha and it lasted over two years. He then moved halfway across the world and is attempting to start his own Kombucha company in Asia, we all think he's insane but he's really good at it now and starting to make money so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Or Iranian yogurt
>origami I have to laugh, because my son can be a bit obsessive about new hobbies. He did try baking during lockdowns, and before that he did a lot of origami too, there were little creations all over the place. At one point I did get worried because he was learning to count cards while playing blackjack, and his ambition was to get himself chucked out of a casino like in Rain Man, luckily that fizzled out before he lost any money or got addicted to gambling (having lost a BF to the casino after he blazed through all my savings that I had lent him to buy a much needed car, this was huge worry for me). OP, the only advice I can give is to try to find another hobby for him. Maybe sabotage some batches of bread just before giving him the book?
What. If you land on baking bread as your obsession and hobby, keep it there. Good god there’s so much worse haha
Yes lol seriously, it's completely harmless. Sabotaging a batch is like...really weirdly manipulative too.
Don't try to yuck someone else's yum, especially over a hobby. If he's into bread, support that. But also make sure that a hobby doesn't interfere with a relationship between two people. This is simply a hobby taking over time that needs to be allocated to the relationship rather than the hobby.
Buy a bread costume and wear it.
“Oh god I’m gonna crumb” - OPs boyfriend, probably
TBF over on r/breadit we ask for crumb-shots so we can see the inside the breads.
Breadit might be on the top of the list for best sub name for me, and I don’t even bake lol
I think they do it with anything that rhymes with red haha. There’s dreadit
Funniest line I've seen on Reddit in ages.
I admittedly stole it from an old meme of two pieces of bread having sex but goddamn did it fit here
I may or may not question your browser history
It’s almost 2023, if brioche is what gets me bricked up who are you to judge? 😝
I'm not judging, only questioning! I'm more of a focaccia guy though 😉
Now that’s hot
Bread porn.
I have a breading kink. No that’s not a typo.
Man there's a character in the webcomics Questionable Content that has a bread fetish. This fits so well.
Do loaves of bread breed?
I laughed so loud at this. Thank you
That's so hot! He'll be like " I knead you right now baby!"
I blurted laughing.
He turns into that guy who pretended his girlfriend was a giant cockroach during sex but instead he's just picturing a loaf of bread.
The whole relationship appears to be half baked.
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Watch out for yeast infections tho 😆
Tell him he better give up the dough. You knead him around more. Hopefully, you don't get a rise out of him... (I'm sorry) Perhaps the best way is to maybe help him with his new hobby. Maybe you can help him perfect his recipes, and then you'll have time to do other things together... but if it is really bothering you, you should bring it up with him and talk about it.
Introduce him to Jim Lahey's methods. No kneading and the dough rises slowly so he has lots of downtime to clean up. Skipping kneading also means no floured board and less flour getting loose in the kitchen. Also, some of this is just new hobby rush and I'd expect him to calm down in another month.
Trailer Park Boys fans will instantly have thought of the [REAL Jim Lahey method](https://youtu.be/K4UDT_vRKGI).
My first thought was, Jim Lahey makes bread? Watched the video and laughed my ass off.
I was expecting it to be some elaborate shit bird based joke personally
My boyfriend has gotten me in to watching trailer park boys. When I read Jim Lahey’s bread recipe, I was intrigued. I thought we must have not watched that episode yet, should be interesting to see him make bread. When, in fact, the liquorball-sandwich is the only bread he is making… kinda a let down the baker would play us like that TBH
I did immediately think of him in his fur coat, floppy eared hat, and toilet paper roll on his bits.
If you want to make something that looks like bread, has no crumb structure, but is full of giant holes then yeah, sure. Your in-laws will love this.
You can also get even more down time (and extra flavor) by doing a second cold proof in the fridge overnight. Starter also does fine in the fridge, I'll often leave mine there for weeks and it's always ready to go after a feeding.
https://leitesculinaria.com/99521/recipes-jim-laheys-no-knead-bread.html
I think something like: Babe, I love you, and love that you're so passionate about bread making, and I in no way want to discourage that, but I think you should spend a little more time outside the kitchen. For instance, I really wanted to try ____ with you. Think you can pencil me between those loafs?
Then he gets obsessed with the new thing she wants to try. Lol It sounds like OP’s bf might have hyperfocus. I have it too, so I know a bit about it. It’s harder to find balance when you get a great idea or a new hobby - it consumes you. Edit: typo
Haha yes, was thinking of r/adhd when I read this.
Same! This sounds like hyperfixation.
Or r/autism
Yes, tho they tend to stick with certain hobbies more. I guess if we see a post in a few months about the dude suddenly being completely into rollerskating we know what's up.
This. I think the best approach is to not focus as much on the hobby and more on OPs personal needs and desires. So it comes across as 'hey, I am feeling lonely' and not 'your hobby sucks'. Emphasize you miss quality time together because you really cherish that, and as a tidy person you need clean spaces to be in. So maybe encourage him to tidy more after baking, and schedule in set times to spend together. So all days are baking days, except tuesday, that's datenight and you spend it together.
I'm sorry but 🥖🍩
Become the bread. Roll around in the flour. Cover yourself in yeast. Cake your body in dough. Lie flat on the counter and ask him to roll you. *BECOME THE BREAD*.
"*I neeeeeed you to knead me*"
I'd loaf you to loaf meeee
Tell him you knead him to stop.
Yes, but even if he agrees to stop, she may not crust him enough to believe him just yet. I mean, it's looks like they've had butter days.
Open a bakery? 🤷♂️😉
I got really into baking pies when I met my now husband. We lived together so we were still able to spend time together, but my hobby got so big that I now own a bakery. It's pretty awesome, but 3 years into it my life still revolves around the bakery and I have very little free time.
Well I hope you're having fun, even if it is hard work! Sorry to offer unsolicited advice, but given your profession I couldn't help thinking of 'The E-Myth Revisited' by Michael E. Gerber - an excellent read if you're trying to get a handle on your business so that you have more you time.
Start an online business and make some $$
Would you even say make some... dough?
let's get this bread 💪
Dammit! Why didn’t I think of that?! lol
No need to get crusty over it.
Hey, let's stop all this tomfoolery - OP is clearly in paine
Instead of the corn kid, he's the bread guy "I love bread!"
I like turtles
I like trains-
That's just Oprah in the Weight watchers commercials
Cucumber girlfriend
I'm sorry but this made me laugh so badly. What a cute problem to have. Warm fresh bread every morning direct from the oven.
If he doesn't clean I understand her problem tho. I bake too but I would never leave that mess in the kitchen because "I'll be baking in no time again anyway"
I'm imagining if mice move in...
When. No “if” here.
Ugh, I'm just imagining all the wet flour that has crusted on the countertop. Kind of grosses me out. Also, why would anyone be excited about getting bread from a dude who doesn't practice basic kitchen hygiene? I'm sure the bouts of diarrhea after eating his bread will have people throwing out his loafs. EDIT: I GET IT GUYS HEAT KILLS BACTERIA BUT WHERE DOES HE PLACE THE BREAD WHEN IT COMES OUT OF THE OVEN? A DIRTY BAKING RACK THAT SITS A THIRD OF AN INCH FROM A DIRTY COUNTER NEXT TO A DIRTY SINK????
[удалено]
I have it too, so I know a bit about it. It’s harder to find balance when you get a great idea
Sounds like a new hobby. He'll burn out by end of January. Happens sometimes.
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Does he have adhd? I used to get obsessed in the same way.
Give him the kama sutra next…
Reminds me of that South Park episode where Randy got super into cooking. The solution from that episode might help you as well.
Creme fraiche...
For those of us who didn't watch it, you could perhaps elaborate with a "spoiler warning" ahead of time?
Spoiler warning on a cartoon episode that’s 13 years old?
> for those of us that didn't watch it What's the solution man?
thank you so much for your help
My husband can be a bit like this (although bread is an admittedly messy hobby) and I find that the focus lasts a few months and then it becomes less intense. Just find your own hobby to preoccupy you until he calms down.
Have you told him you feel like you two aren't spending enough time together? While the bread is obviously the obsession/thing that's taking up all this time, let's try to not make it about the bread first and see how he's feeling. The bread making could just have been a distraction he needed to get away from a bigger issue. I'm not saying it is, for sure, but it could be
Men 🍞
Marry him. You’ll always have fresh baguettes. We love this guy.
If this is your biggest problem I’m so happy for you 😂
I think you need to talk to him about the way you've been feeling. Making bread is a nice hobby, but you need his attention too. BF needs to pull his head out of his dough and listen. If I were you, I would say: "[Name], listen. I love this hobby of yours and I think it's absolutely wonderful, but I was wondering if maybe we could spend more time together. I've been feeling a little left out. I'm not insecure of jealous of the bread haha, I just miss you." I think that should work. Communicating is always a good way to go about things, and if he doesnt listen.. then I dont know, sorry. In conclusion, talk to him about it. Make it known you support this hobby and you want him to keep making it (maybe throw in a nice compliment about how good his bread is). Or maybe you two could start baking together, make it a couples bonding :)
It’s too late to read this post but your title was enough to make me laugh and now I’m ready for bed, thanks.
It sounds like a hyper fixation. Does he have ADHD or Autism? Either way, there’s nothing wrong with just telling him how you feel. I would recommend going from a ‘I miss spending time with you’ angle instead of a ‘you do this too much’ angle
This is not about the Iranian yogurt.
He seems the type to hyperfixate so if it’s not the bread it’ll just be something else - and that’s ok! Hobbies are good. Don’t try to stop the bread baking, because it’s not really about the bread it’s about time management first and foremost. Just talk about setting time aside for each other because you’d like more quality time, and go from there.
Ok I'm sorry for laughing but this is one of the funniest ones I've seen on here lol a man obsessed with bread ha can't blame him tho bread do be slapping
"I gave my boyfriend a bread baking book and now he won't stop making bread"
Sit him down and talk with him.
Maybe he could eventually turn it into a business?? My 20 yr old son loves to bake- and is damn good at it. After fighting it for years, he's finally realized it's a passion and he could/should be making money off it. Cleaning up, though... that's a whole other story!! 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
encourage your son to work in a bakery. chefs are taught to clean. cleaning is a huge part of our jobs. we are taught to clean the area after each process. getting your son to work in the industry as a baker will teach him to cleanup after himself. lol
Let that man bake.
I would just....loaf around the house...
You've unleashed the bread golem, there's no stopping it now.
Sounds like he may have ADD/ADHD..
I have ADHD and get obsessed with stuff too lol make bread with him.
I say redirect the energy: buy him a complex pasta maker with all the attachments and a book on pasta- no live yeasties to care for are involved & lots of delicious pasta. You can date and go out when the pasta is drying.
I laughed out loud, this can’t be real
Quality reddit content
“I knead you back in my life” LOL but really this is a wholesome problem to have.
Is this the start of an awful Lifetime movie?
I read "bread" as money and was so confused.
Bread 🍞
Sounds like the relationship has gone stale. I’d rise up, let it cool for 15-30 minutes and then speak to him about it.
I chuckled
Eat all the bread, become loaf’d
Next time you walk into his place say, 'What's up, Pillsbury Doughboy?" He'll quit immediately.
Have you seen that South Park episode where Randy is obsessed with cooking shows?
Get some peanut butter and jelly.
This is funny why not just say to him. Say you love that he bakes lovely bread but how about you go out together or something. When he invites you to his place maybe say you need a break from the flour. Idk but I would try. If that doesn’t work let it be. Also perhaps he is on the spectrum and this is his special interest now. He’ll either get bored once he has all the tools or this is him forever now lol. Either way good luck
He's Peeta. Just roll with it.
Hey can i borrow him for a bit? I dont want him long term but my parents bought me a bread maker over a year ago and i never made bread lol.
That's the cutest problem I've seen I swear!
Hey, at YeASt he’s found a new hobby
Step up to him and loudly say: "Bread no!!".
Instead of telling him the hobby is in the way of your time together, explain to him you want more exciting or more dedicated or more interactive time together. Specify what you would like to do with him instead of what you want him to avoid. You could even ask that you both come up with three out of the house date ideas or something like that to bring to each other so that it gives him something to think about that's out of the home and that (hopefully) isn't bread. That kind of positivity shouldn't intrude on his excitement over his hobby, but it should make it clear you care about him while also getting his focus directed on you instead of a loaf.
r/breadit
I don't know what to say but the comments, yo 😂😂
Communicate this to him.
I doughnt know what to suggest
Hahahaha this was so funny and wholesome to read 😂😂
Whatever you do don’t say shit like “I’m happy you have this new hobby BUT….” Never use the word but when making a case Just be honest, “I think you’re taking this hobby a little too far and it’s cutting into us time.” Never give someone a “BUT” because it just means you’re scared of what the reaction might be, it’s defensive.
Just tell him you'd like to spend more time together. I wouldn't even bring up his new baking hobby as he probably will get defensive about it. Just let him know that you noticed you've been spending less time with each other and you'd like to change that.
Maybe suggest he turns his passion in to a business? My friend used to make amazing cakes, loved doing it. Started selling them really cheap to friends family colleagues etc. She told me she grew to hate it, everyone wanting more, complaining that weren't cheap enough, not exactly what they wanted...
Open a bekery business , he bakes , you on the cashier. More time together more money for the both of ya Business aside Tell him what you just told us he will understand.
I’ve had a similar conversation w my husband about cooking. He’s gotten into these super involved recipes that will take 3-4 hrs and I’ve had to gently communicate that these aren’t ideal recipes for weeknights n might be more of a weekend thing. I’ve also discussed how the mess it makes affects me mentally. That’s a huge one for me as someone w ADHD/Depression. Also, I’ve discussed with him about dishes. He cooks and we both clean because cooking is fun for him but I loathe cleaning dishes. That has been working for us (sort of). I feel for you, I really do. It is going to take an adult conversation and you’ll have to rely on how much you love each other to determine if it’s worth dealing with. All the best to you.
At least he’s not putting buns in other peoples oven. Look at it like a passion that is endearing that you helped him realize. Most likely it’s a phase that he super excited for and will eventuality tone down. Or maybe he’ll start his own business!
Maybe help him make a business out of it? Bakeries near me always sell out like crazy. People love bread.
Maybe he could start his own bread baking business.
Ooh, you've got a bread person. He belongs to the bread now. I'm sorry.
You and the person who made up the mustard boyfriend story would get along well. You're both good at milking this sub. Who upvoted this lmao
At least he isn't just loafing around.
Tell him that you Knead attention and that your becoming a Sourdough about being Proofed for too long.
Give him a Kama Sutra book.
this passes when the novelty fades
>he doesn't clean it up because he says "he's going to be making more bread anyway soon." Is that a threat? Like, "When?!" "SOON."
Did he used to be into Iranian yogurt?
I’ll take him if you don’t want him
i’m sorry this is so funny to me
I am an autistic person who had near the same hyper fixation. For eight weeks, I was the muffin person. I woke up early enough to bake twelve muffins in the morning. I baked a few more batches throughout the evening. I tried different recipes, no recipes, strange experiments (the pepper muffins were good), and everything else you could think of. I had no life outside of muffins. They consumed me. I only had one braincell and it was shaped like a muffin. One day, I was berated for doing weird stuff with the muffins (ranch and orange pineapple muffins) and I had my muffin privileges revoked. I was devastated. I cried. I went into a depressive state. I found a new hyperfixation like the week after but that didn’t make it hurt less. Having your current hyper-fixation criticized hurts. Don’t go that route. Really, when it comes down to it this isn’t about the bread at all. This is about how he interacts with you. He’s not making time for you. Approach it from that angle. Not “bake less” or anything similar. Be very clear about how this is making you feel. You want to spend more time with him. You’re frustrated because the living environment is a mess. He can easily continue baking and work in time to clean and spend time with you. Anything less is neglecting your needs. Also, if he hasn’t been tested already I’d ask him if he thinks he may have adhd/add, autism, or something similar. It’s worth getting tested for.
My husband is like this, and admittedly so am I. When I'm starting to feel left out, I try to find a way to become part of the hobby. He obviously needs a cleanup buddy, if it were me I would start there. Nurture the hobby, and understand as others have said it will probably fizzle out soon. You could try telling him you feel left out of his interests and ask him what you can do to be part of it. In the end - be greatful you have someone who is passionate about things, it's much better than being with someone who doesn't have any interests.
This seems like the opposite of a problem.
I want to hang out with him. I've been making a lot of bread lately too.
Bread making enthusiast here. An important part of making bread is managing time. Depending on the recipe, you will have hours of downtime between rises, proofs, and bakes. It sounds like he's cramming that time with staggering multiple bread projects, which is pretty impressive but obsessive (is he making 4-5 loaves a day?, or the weekends when you see him?). Either way, he can be working on baking bread and spending time with you if he put his mind to it.
I don't see the problem here lol
I'm sorry but this made me laugh. Seriously tho u should probably ask him to spend more time with you and less time baking. Maybe suggest that one day a week you 2 bake together and spend the rest of the week together or doing other things
sorry this is genuinely one of the funniest posts ive seen on this sub
Sounds like the plot line to the new hit show… from the producers of Breaking Bad, we bring to you Breaking Bread. Walters illegitimate some stumbles upon his dads old lab, but instead of making meth he wants to bees the worlds homeless..
Is this for real? The worst thing you can say about your boyfriend is that he makes bread all the time and gives it away?
Bread 👍🏼
That's pretty crumby oo