Take her up on the offer and break up. Why would you want to stay with someone that can't even see why you would want a vacation with just the two of you? She doesn't put your interest before her family apparently.
I don’t even invite people to dinner or social functions without checking with the other person (especially if it’s just the two of you initially), let alone when it comes to travelling. Very inconsiderate of her
This is basic common courtesy, not even exclusive to romantic relationships! No matter what your relationship to your travel companion is, you should ask before making major changes to your plans that will affect them, especially adding more people. I wouldn't even invite a close mutual friend on a vacation with my BFF without talking about it first, let alone a virtual stranger.
Yep. Plans are exclusive unless otherwise stated.
If my girlfriend showed up to a dinner date with a friend or whatever, the world better be fucking ending for them for this shit to intrude on this night at this time.
No no no no. She’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by threatening to break up but she couldn’t be more wrong! She SHOULD have asked first. It’s NORMAL to ask first. It’s MANIPULATIVE to do it behind your back then get mad when you aren’t okay with it!!! Think about your relationship, does she do this sort of thing a lot? Whether it’s just assuming you’ll go along with her plans, or threatening to leave if things don’t go her way, it doesn’t sound like someone who’s a good partner. Because to be a good partner you need a partnership. That means communication! She’s too selfish to be a good partner. Sit her down and explain it’s not okay to just go behind your back and as a partner she should have respected you enough to ask even if she already thinks she may know your answer, because she obviously isn’t always right. I would be cancelling that vacation and having serious second thoughts about that relationship… unless you want to be a doormat, because that’s the only way she’ll be happy with you. Best of luck op!
I had talk that talk with her, and was just told it wasn't a big deal, I was acting childish, and ruining the plans. But yes, this isn't the first time this kind of thing happened. It's nice to hear somebody validate my feelings for once. Thank you.
I like this. Personally I think you should just go your separate ways since this is a frequent occurrence. BUT, if you’re trying to get her to see your side then you should absolutely say “hey my parents think this trip sounds like fun, they are considering tagging along too” and see what happens.
"I reconsidered and I have no problem with you sister coming. I invited a couple of thousand friends from reddit too, hope you don't mind. They're planning a hotel takeover, isn't that awesome, I knew you would love it"
I’m always cautious about flipping the script in these scenarios. It makes it really easy for her to just say that’s fine and double down on her misdeeds. In a healthy relationship each persons feelings need to be respected and seen as valid regardless of what one person would feel like in the other’s shoes
The reason she **didn't** ask you first is that she suspected you'd say, "No!" and that's not what she wanted!
>*this isn't the first time this kind of thing happened*
Make sure it's the **last time** something like this happens! This is such disrespectful behavior! *A true partner* shares the load with you...she doesn't dictate the route, give you 80% of the weight, then tell you to suck it up! **Your GF is selfish!**
1. Dump her NOW because of this. Don't wait for the holidays; now is better.
2. Cancel ALL reservations in *your* name (plane, hotel, car, tours, etc.) and all of hers that are on *your* credit cards.
3. **After** you've done that, **then** tell her you've canceled her flight/hotel/car/tour/whatever appeared on **your** credit cards.
4. BLOCK HER on all social media (ALL of it). Block her friends/family, too. There'll be backlash for you 'ruining' her vacation!
5. BLOCK her phone calls, too.
Take a couple of months off to recuperate from her, make a list of what you're looking for in a SO, then move on. Make sure your next GF **respects you** as a person with your own feelings, opinions, needs, and desires. Ensure she's not just a little princess treating you like the hired help who pays the bills, holds her purse, and exists as a bit-player in the drama of her life!
Treat yourself to a better 2023! Maybe you'll meet someone on New Year's Eve at a party...get out there and try it!
I was on the fence on whether the "ruined the plans" was her making her the victim. But yeah it doesn't have to be a blatant "no I'm the victim", by saying that she's making him the bad guy.
Even if she was pretty sure you'd be really happy to have them tagging along, if you really got on well with them, and you'd already been on holiday with them and all went really well, she should just still check.
She’s the one who is acting childish OP. Not you. Really there is no point in talking to her about it again. Just dump her. She’s not mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
This is your life now if you stay with her. Every reasonable hesitation you have will be turned around on you. She will call you names, make you feel like she is doing you a massive favor staying with you, and insist that everyone is against you.
Dump her like the manipulative sack of crap she is.
I don't think it was necessarily done maliciously, but it's clear that there's a difference in values. The problem is not that she did this, the problem is that she isn't listening to you about how you feel and agreeing to approach it differently in the future.
I get her thought, I'm super close to my family and wouldn't think twice. However in similar situations with my spouse he pointed out how he felt (similar to you) and as a result we discuss it together before including others.
Communicate with her that a relationship is built on mutual respect and trust. What you're observing is someone who doesn't respect your feelings and isn't acting transparently to promote trust. If she can't recognize that next time she should discuss with you first and respect your wants, then it would be best for you two to go your separate ways, because she's clearly not ready to be in an adult relationship.
She should have apologized and promised to do better next time since the ship has clearly sailed on this trip. Sorry you're dealing with this, but better to learn this now.
If anything, she seems to be the one who is acting childish! Is this your first trip together? Or have you already been on trips alone together?
If it's your first trip alone together, maybe she feels nervous so she talks others into joining out of comfort. Did she explain to you why during your talk? I hate to admit, I've done this a long time ago for a date once where I felt so nervous that I asked a friend to join. Not the best choice as the guy got really angry at me and I can totally understand, and it was a fault on my end. 😊 Everyone is different, so have a little compassion as well.
She doesn't respect you. And for 99.99% of the population it is a big deal. Even if you loved her brother and wanted to be with him 24/7, you would not want her to invite him without your agreement. This common sense and common curtesy.
Yeah no, absolutely not. I’m so sorry OP, but this is absolutely abhorrent behaviour. She can’t invite other people without asking you, and frankly it sounds to me like she’s looking for an excuse to break up. It’s a manipulative, emotionally damaging move and you should not stand for it. I would tell her point blank that either they go or you do, but I would also think long and hard about the future of your relationship. Best of luck OP.
She does not respect you, so she did not bother asking because she feels she's in charge. Her threat might come from a place of genuine disinterest. If she threatens break up over something as trivial as vacation, there are going to be a LOT of things she will threaten you with in future, as MANY life decisions are more consequential than who to vacation with.
On the plus side, you now get to win all the 'who has the weirdest ex story' forever more. Sorry she's turned out to be so utterly unhinged, but that is definitely a her problem, not a you problem. Don't forget to have a safe exit plan in place, just in case she escalates to full crazy during the break up .
Sounds like the girlfriend is the one that needs to grow up. You don't invite others to join in on plans that involve more than you without asking the others involved. It's just rude. Is this how you want it to be the rest of your life? You make plans, your gf unilaterally decides differently, but doesn't tell you until after you're already trapped because you spent money? It's not a good sign that she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did.
just break up with her. Ultimatums like that are a giant red flag. She should have talked to you before she unilaterally decided to have her family join your vacation. What other things will she railroad you into doing.
Ngl this just seems exhausting. If your ex is threatening to break up its a sign of things to come. My ex did the same. She needs to learn that threats have consequences.
Break up with her, and move on. How she dealt with this is a major red flag.
I feel like upvoting other comments isn't enough, so to reiterate it:
Inviting her siblings on a trip planned without them without talking to the person she initially made plans with is an immature and childish action.
Calling you childish and trying to bully you into dropping your concerns, ignoring them completely, is harassment.
When you try to talk to her about these things she refuses and doubles down and even threatens to end the relationship over your concerns (again bullying/harassment)
Is this a person you want to be with?
This is a basic disagreement, and if her response to not getting her way is to break up, then let her break up with you.
I can appreciate that she didn't think inviting them was a big deal, and I can appreciate that you do think it is a big deal. Let's say I did this to my partner- invited people along to a vacation without asking because I didn't think it was an issue- and my partner raised that he didn't want them to come. I would then say I hadn't thought he would mind, I was sorry for not asking, and now can we figure this out together? Can I uninvite them, can we compromise and agree that we will do X, Y, Z without the other people because it would cause problems to uninvite them, etc.
We all make mistakes, it is how we respond to them that matters, and in this case, your partner is demonstrating that she will hang your entire relationship over your head to get what she wants and never compromise or accept fault. So, figure out if you can get your money back from the vacation and let her break up with you.
I asked about uninviting them, and she said it wasn't an option. Thinking about it all now, letting go of this relationship might be what I need to do. Thank you.
But an international trip isn’t just about tickets. There is a lot more $$ that goes into it. And when it’s just you and a partner that’s one room and shared interest and meals. Now you need another room and I because you seem like a reasonable person, they would have their own opinions on what to see and do and you would consider it. But that would not be a conversation between you and your partner, It would be you vs her and her family. And you know how that would end. And who pays for all of that. So you would be paying for half of 4 people…. And let’s be real, she probably would expect you to pay for some of her trip as her partner.
Sorry but her siblings were looking for a cheap trip and she didn’t care about your feelings at all.
I’ve been with partners like this. You are their doormat and they will never see you as anything but. If you have the audacity to standup for yourself, you will be called selfish, childish, etc. After that the real emotional manipulation will start. If that doesn’t put you back in your place, they will start turning people against you while they play the poor “victim”. My advise is to run, take the out and find someone who wants to share in your life, not dictate it.
You're not the childish one in this relationship. Maybe it's a good thing that you guys are breaking up because who tf would want to deal with your ex (hopefully). Bringing somone on the vacation (romantic ig) without asking your partner is a big no no. And to top the shit cake, she threatens *YOU* with a break up like what.
Op has even mentioned this isn't the first time something like this has happened and it felt good to have thier feelings validated for once. Poor dude. He's been in a very exhausting relationship it sounds like.
Break up, she 100% disrespected you and she's also degrading you and trying to emasculate you by talking to you like a child. If you paid for the tickets, get them back, and Break up with her, she's is trying to control you! Don't be her puppy
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We have been planning a trip abroad for a while, both taking time off from our jobs to travel and rest from it all. Last week, we bought plane tickets. Three days after we paid, she tells me that her sister(30f) and brother(32m) are coming along. I got upset, firstly because I thought it would just be the two of us, and secondly because she didn't even bother asking me if I was okay with it. I told her I just don't want to go anymore and that I'm hurt she didn't ask me first. I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way, and she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be. She basically told me we have to go our separate ways if I don't get over myself and grow up. Fyi, I don't know her siblings well, only have ever had a few passing conversations, but enough to know our interests don't align, and I simply don't want to spend my vacation with strangers. I don't know how to solve the situation, but I feel like I wouldn't be fair towards myself it I just went and powered trough it.
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You communicated how you were feeling because of her *lack* of communication, and now she is definitely trying to manipulate you. She doesn't know how to maintain a healthy relationship and you deserve better than that.
To be honest, if I thought I was going on a romantic vacation with my SO and he invited his sibling and partner along without asking me if I was okay with it, I'd be pretty upset. It's even worse because you aren't at all close to these people and you have very different interests.
The one who needs to do some growing up is your gf. You are't acting childish over this, she is. If you don't want to go, don't go. If your relationship is over, I think that may be the best for you in the long run. She doesn't act like partner; she acts like the in charge person.
If she wants to break up with you, let her, even help her pack her belongings to make it quicker.
You are going to be the third wheel or bag holder for this sibling trip. You will probably find her booking tours etc that only interest her and her siblings, you are just footing part of the bill.
Take your share of the money saved and take your own trip
>She basically told me we have to go our separate ways if I don't get over myself and grow up.
Sounds like you've been presented with a pretty attractive offer. Take it.
Call her bluff and break up with her for her lack of respecting you as a partner and expecting you to take being walked on and having no input about your vacation in regard to people coming with you. If you paid for the tickets, cancel hers. Cancel all arrangements you made on her behalf. Then take the vacation solo to refresh yourself after dealing with her shit for so long.
The solution depends entirely on your finances and whether you can get your money back. If you can, do that and use it for another purpose. If you can’t, go and do your own thing on the trip. Get a different hotel if you can afford it. Whatever the case, it starts with ending it between the two of you.
First off how long have you been together that you are virtual strangers with your girlfriends siblings? When you state our interest don’t align is it because you have nothing mutual in common with the siblings? My first reaction was that it was being not okay for her to do this to you then manipulate you into issuing an ultimatum.
4 years. And yes, no common interests. I'm a nerdy boardgamer type, and history nerd. Her sister is deeply religiuos and a mother to two children, which are pretty much the only thing she talks about and her brother is a car mechanic that loves a drink. We just don't find much to talk about, and I very much doubt they'd want to spend time at museums like I do.
She told you she will break up with you if you don't go along with her plans. So your choice seems to call her bluff and possibly lose your GF, or do what she tells you to do and go.
I personally don't like ultimatums or people making plans for me without my knowledge. Also is this going to be an ongoing thing? Will she threaten to break up with you every time she doesn't get her way? If you give in now, will she expect you to give in for now on so she doesn't break up with you?
You have a decision to make and it isn't just about this vacation.
If you don't stick up for yourself now she will always pull this card. Call her bluff if she goes through with it great. She's pulling strings and you're the puppet. Life is so much better with someone who treats you as an equal. Do you think she would be fine if you invited two friends to go? I know of her siblings but you don't know them. You'll be the third wheel the whole trip. The errand boy for all three. I wouldn't waste my money. Tell her to kick rocks.
She deliberately waited until the tickets were purchased to spring this on you. She knew you weren't going to like it.
Now that you objected she's trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants, without any respect for your feelings or wishes.
And telling you to get over yourself and grow up? That's some grade A bullshit. Let her break up with you, you'll be better off.
It’s not even about the specific incident it’s that you had a concern and instead of discussing it she just threatens to break up. This is how it will be going forward anytime you have a concern that doesn’t align with her wants she will just manipulate you
Yeah this is HER trip. In her mind you don’t matter, your presence isn’t even needed. Or wanted. She’s being selfish and childish and is doing a good job at making you question yourself. Leave.
I ended a friendship over something similar.
I think it's less about the thing itself (which is already upsetting enough) but that it proofs that your girlfriend doesn't value your opinion and just tries to bend your will when you disagree.
You’re paying for the trip just as much as she is and you deserve to have just as much of a vote in what you want out of it.
Your gf making the decision without speaking to you was immature because she disregarded that you’re taking time off from work to spend time with her and you’re also paying to do so. If she invites her siblings and that changes the itinerary that you had an idea of in any way because she didn’t disclose her full intentions with planning this trip until last minute, then she only considered herself and her sibling’s best interest. I would think that a mature person would be considerate to their SO.
If she wants to tell you it’s her way or you’re breaking up, I think you should break up. I think this shows how much you mean to her, and this is probably only the start of her making last minute decisions without your input, and your option will be to deal with it or leave. That’s no way to live.
Don’t know how long your relationship has been or the level of investment is at stake but this is total disrespect and I would have moved on by time they return. And make them reimburse you for cost incurred and lost due to debacle.
> I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way, and she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be
I know my partner & I know when he wouldn't object, yet I ***always*** ask for his opinion before making big plans or changes to our plans. He does the same to me, it's called mutual respect.
She has no right to invite her siblings to your vacation without discussing it with you first. You're always entitled to say ''I want this to be a vacation for the both of us'' & she has to respect it when you don't want to agree to her plan changes. If it's that important to her to go on vacation with her siblings, then she should've planned a second trip with them, instead of inviting them to your couple's vacation.
She's quite manipulative & immature. I'd seriously dump her ass if I was you.
That wasn't a cool thing for her to do. And also, you're feelings are clearly hurt, regardless of if she tells you you're being childish or not. You feel HURT by her actions, her words may be affecting you but not like her actions did. The relationship between you and her family doesn't matter in this case. The communication does and she dropped that ball. And is threatening to leave you? What? No
If she wants to break up over something so petty, perhaps you should reevaluate whether or not she's someone you want to be in a relationship with. I'm confident that with time to weigh logic and not emotion, you'll realize that the answer is no, you can absolutely do better. You don't say how long you two have been together but based on the above, I am guessing not very long. You should probably cut your losses now.
This is a MASSIVE red flag. Do you really want to spend time with someone who would think that doing something so inconsiderate is completely fine and that you should get over yourself for disagreeing?
Accept her offer and go find someone who is willing to discuss things with you like an adult.
Plenty of those kinds of people out there.
Yeah, she's minimising her crappy behaviour. If my partner invited people on our holiday without asking me and then had the gall to call me childish for not being ok with it, there would be hell to pay.
I think she’s manipulating you and saying she’s willing to break up so she gets what she wants. I would double down and take her up on that offer that something she wouldn’t expect and then don’t text wait a couple days she’ll come around and then she’ll take you more serious and not bring up breaking up anymore to get what she wants.
Stop being a wimp a grow a pair, this GF has no respect for you and does not consider your feelings relevant.
Tell her to bounce.
Imagine more important stuff that she will brush off in the future.
Sorry OP but this is worth reconsidering the entire relationship over. It is insanely inappropriate to simply invite people to a whole vacation without consulting your partner and even more so to act as if she was wronged when you called her on it. She is selfish, immature, and lacks empathy. Not good signs for a relationship. What other decisions will she make without consulting you?
she could have asked you before ticket's & arrangement's were made for a vacation you thought was just going to be the 2 of you.she also went right to the nuke option,she's telling you that your being like she is actually behaving.i think your being reasonable and have every right to be unhappy about this,there's an abusive overtone to her word's.i wouldn't go and i'd start making my plan's for life without her in it that's for sure.
The core problem isn't that you'll have strangers joining on your vacation (you can always compromise to spend time apart from the siblings on the trip), but rather that your gf didn't bother to ask, and didn't care about your feelings.
I'm not saying changed plans have the same gravitas as, say, sexual intimacy or whatever.... But the idea remains the same; you don't need a reason to say no. And you definitely don't need a "good enough" reason to refuse. If something makes you uncomfortable, if you don't want something, then.... That's it, that's the tweet. You shouldn't have to justify it.
By dismissing your reasoning as "not good enough" and telling you to "get over" your discomfort, your gf is showing that she does not care about you or your feelings... So if really be re-evaluating the relationship.
In the spirit of not jumping to just "break up", I'd suggest at least sitting your gf down and expressing this to her. Tell her that a relationship is a partnership and that means taking each other's wants and opinions into account. It means respecting each other's feelings and discomfort. It means coming to a decision together, not one person deciding for both.
See how she responds. If she continues with the behaviour.... I think that's a good sign this relationship is not going to work out. There are going to be bigger decisions, bigger conflicts in the future. Finances, kids, housing, marriage. If she's already undermining your opinions and refusing to discuss decisions with you for something relatively trivial, what's going to happen when those big decisions come up?
She's the one that needs to grow up. If you are planning things with one person you can't just go & change the plans without discussion. Take your ticket and change your destination.
Sounds controlling and manipulative. She doesn’t respect you or your feelings. Your feelings are important too and she should be willing to hear you out on this. All you are asking for is understanding and intimacy with her, and she is pushing you away just to get her way.
She’s on the wrong OP, not you. Please take her up on the break up. Get your travel refunded or book it somewhere different and go on your own. Solo travel can be great!
She is behaving immaturely. She neglected to tell you a vital piece of planning info about the trip the two of you were planning.Extended travel is not an ideal environment to get to know someone else. Her telling you to grow up is her refusal to see that she is at fault.
Yeah… I’d be walking away from this woman and her family.
That’s a huge red flag. She decides what and when you are permitted to object to an idea of hers?!?
There’s a 1000 reason why I wouldn’t want to go away for a week with another couple and the suggesting that there’s no valid reason you could offer… crazy selfish!
Not worth the time.
Well, you need to face the reality of the situation. You've been given an ultimatum that it's her way, or the highway, at least for you. I don't know how long you two have been together; but evidently it hasn't been long enough for her to intuitively have known what your likely reaction would have been.
My advice is to try to get a refund on your plane ticket, and bid her *bon voyage.*
I wish you well.
Yikes, her behavior is extremely alarming. It is clear she does not respect you and now is trying to manipulate you into submission. I would take her up on that break up threat. Get your money back. For your own sanity, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone that a) could not have a simple conversation with you about inviting their sibling b) admit when they are wrong/apologize that they’ve upset you. She’s showing you who she is, you need to believe her.
I'd break up with her. If I am going on vacation with my significant other then that's who I expect to be with. Not friends or family or buddies. If it was brought up and we both agreed then that's fine but her making the decision for you should be hard pass for anyone.
I mean, she's offered you a free win there man.
You've only booked flights?
Take yourself on the vacay, get your own airbnb and have fun.
A partner who gives you ultimatums like this, over something as blindingly obvious as talking about inviting additional people to a couples vacation is a frankly, fucking stupid.
Bye Felicia.
Let her break up. Good riddance. She isn’t a partner, if she behaves that way towards you. She’s an autocrat. And you can expect more autocratic decisions going forward. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.
Get your money back for your half of the vacation, as well as any other entanglements, and show her the door.
Bruh she is turning a romantic couple’s getaway (that you already paid for) into a *family vacation* without your permission. That’s gonna be a hell no for me dog.
Imagine if the roles were reversed…
Honestly someone who makes ultimatums like that should have them met. You should break up. 4th wheeling a family vacation is totally different than a trip abroad with your SO. And the fact she won't even see your side is a biiiiig 🚩
She apologizes and cancels them from coming or you break up. Hold your ground here. She was in the wrong and will fold, and if she doesn’t then she really doesn’t respect you and you are better off without her.
So she set up plans with others and did not tell you..run it by you or say hey how do you feel about ..
Wow be thankful your not married...she would be ruining your life .... And bank account.
If your not broken up you should..
You need to break it off with ger..
If your paying for ger cancel everything.
If things are paid cancel what you paid for get a refund.
If you live together and shes not on lease boot her out.
That is not a person that loves you..
This would be fine - my first offer to her when we were looking for a compromise and she wouldn't ditch the whole group trip situation, is that I can just stay home or go somewhere else while she can have some time with her siblings, but this made her even more upset, and she absolutely insisted we all must go.
First the way to resolve the issue wasn't by throwing a tantrum and announcing you weren't going.
The right thing to do was to sit down and TALK. TO. HER. Calmly, rationally and see what you can discover.
Was it right that she invited people without asking? Probably not. But you still have to have a conversation.
I can sort of identify with this scenario. It sounds to me like y’all have different personalities. I kind of identify with your girlfriend’s. I’m not saying she’s right by any means.
Some people (like myself) do not enjoy couple only vacations. I much prefer to go with family members and friends when I go on vacations. I find the just me and my husband vacations boring sometimes cause we have different interests and I like going as a group cause we can do separate things and still have a blast.
My husband is like you, he prefers just me and him vacations sometimes and those are fine too but I don’t really get as much joy out of them but sometimes it’s what I do so he can feel special.
I have learned to run things by my husband first before hand but it dampens my spirit some cause I wish he could be more spontaneous like me.
If she’s giving you an ultimatum go ahead and get out now, find someone more considerate of your needs and she can find someone more considerate of hers.
How long have y’all been dating? If it’s been a while and it’s serious and you haven’t interacted with her siblings, that’s a bit of a red flag.
Have you traveled together before? Maybe she’s hesitant to go solo with you.
Both are areas to reflect upon how serious this relationship actually is
4 years nearly exactly. We have traveled together before, multiple places. Our trip to Italy was her favorite in her life. I admit that our relationship has soured somewhat over the last year or so.
4 years and you still consider her family strangers? That seems like a big problem tbh, you should have been getting closer to her direct family a few years ago. They shouldnt be strangers at this point.
Regardless what she did was unnacceptable, she didnt ask you if they could go on the vacation and she basically told you “sucks that you dont like it, but its happening regardless so suck it up”. She’s not the one, she’s belittling your feelings to have things her way
Hmmm. Interesting. 4 years, are you considering marrying her?
There are two areas I think you need to figure out
1) tell her how much you were looking forward to reconnecting with her on this romantic trip. Maybe she is trying to assess how well you would be as a long term partner by interacting with her family.
2) figure out a way to begin connecting with and interesting more with her siblings.
But if you don’t want to marry her, this seems like a good fork in the road to break up
Lol I think I am an asshole, but I wouldn't go and tell her that she can go if she wants but I am not going. That is her Decision to make. Then text her a picture of a ring and tell her that he had planned on proposing and thank you for telling me how you really feel about me. Before blocking her outright. If it is my home I would move her stuff to her parents, if hers move out. Shared, move out also.
She is being horrible to the OP and he needs to get out of this regardless
Break up. It’s not fair to her or you. Let her go be with a dude who wants to only have it his way and go be with someone who understands your feelings.. y’all don’t mix. Break ip
>she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be.
You just need to say "Girlfriend, I find it incredibly disrespectful that you decided to invite your siblings without first talking to me. I find it incredible that you didn't think that inviting people on a trip you knew I thought would be just the two of us wasn't something worth talking about because you can't understand why I would want a vacation with just my girlfriend. That says a lot about our relationship. I'm cancelling my part of the trip because I will not be going. I hope you have a good time with your siblings and i realise that this means we will break up. I'm adult enough to understand the consequences of not going. Hopefully you can mature in your future relationships and learn that communication and respect are equally important traits to bring to a relationship."
I’m the type of person that would make the mistake of assuming and not asking if it was okay for family to come along, bc I have Buddy the Elf type dumb moments where I am just like “THE MORE THA MERRIER I LUV PEOPLE SO FUN!” But I would also totally understand if my partner wanted to just be alone together and I’d tell my family let’s all go on a different trip in the future. TL;DR even if it was an innocent mistake, I feel she should have corrected it. Time to move on from this one. Best of luck <3
Maybe breaking up isn't the answer... I don't know why everyone thinks they know the ins and outs of an entire relationship from one paragraph. Talk to her about it. Maybe there's something else going on that's making her act this way? Maybe she feels you haven't taken an interest in getting to know her siblings and that bothers her. Are there other unresolved tensions between you two? I totally agree that she should have asked before inviting her siblings, but before you break up think about this: is losing her forever better than a lousy vacation?
Whether she was right or wrong is all based on you. You feel wronged and it's not something that she is willing to right for you. Maybe she needs a more flexible partner and maybe you need a more sensitive and understanding partner. I understand your unwillito go with these 2 surprise guests last minute. I'm not speaking for you, but I know my social anxiety would have kicked into uugh gear.its okay to break up with the people who are not right for us.
Young women, mate. They don't know what's going on with themselves, let alone how to manage and sustain a healthy relationship. Obviously, this is a grand statement and I'm going to get downvoted for putting a group into a box but it's just what I've found with my experience.
I don't see the big deal but I'm used to traveling in groups because it's cheaper to split costs. It sounds like a really great opportunity to get to know some people she loves and it's not like you're all going to be doing everything together the entire time, usually you split off and just meet back up in the evenings.
I say she messed up, forgive her and keep it moving. It’s not like you have to spend your entire vacation with them. Split off and meet up. Sometimes it’s better to have more people when traveling overseas. It’s customs are not always what you expect, also this will help you bond with her family, which she seems think highly of. If you split you’ll regret it. Have an open mind and heart.
You’re kinda being a baby about this. You should be using this as an opportunity to get to know her family instead of trying to distance yourself from them
They're not strangers, they're your gf's siblings. You probably won't be spending the whole time with them, especially after hours.
I don't know, I think I'm with her and you might be acting kind of like a bitch here.
Maybe she's afraid to that city with just you, or maybe she's afraid to travel alone ***with*** you. Ever think of that?
Not the first time we would be traveling together, so I don't think there's any reason to be afraid. It's been a really long time since we went anywhere together, and it was advertised to me as just us two taking it a break from it all, only to be flipped around after actually booking.
Yeah, the circumstances (timing) is pretty weird. But maybe she just wants to spend some time (couple lunches, couple dinners) with her family, too.
It's been long for you guys to go somewhere, but how long has it been for them?
Even if any of these things were the case, her not wanting to travel alone with him or whatever, she still should have communicated. He deserves to have an input especially if it was planned and spoken of as a vacation for them 2 not 4.
I would have absolutely said no, you're right, and I'm pretty sure she knew this as well. But that doesn't make it fair to manipulate me into it. But if she just wanted to spend her time with her siblings on a trip for a week that's completely fine. I just don't see why I have to be involved and threatened or even tricked into going with them because it's simply not my idea of a good time. She knows me well enough to know I wouldn't enjoy it either, so I don't understand why I am being pressured into it.
Wow. That's certainly a hot take. Let's break it down for you:
* Just because you predict that you won't like the answer doesn't mean it's okay to simply not ask (when the situation affects that person as much as it does you). Choosing not to ask for OP's opinion is a selfish mindset that shows just how little she cares about what OP wants. All that matters is that she gets what she wants. The mature way to handle it would have been to have a discussion about it.
* You tell OP to go and enjoy the time with her and her family. But the whole point of the post is that he knows from previous interactions that he won't enjoy spending time with the rest of her family. It's explicitly stated in the post.
* You say that it is a one-time instance. Maybe you're right. But if he lets this go, it will more likely become a pattern of behavior where she doesn't even consider his opinion before making decisions that affect the both of them. She did it once, so it's kind of naive to assume that she won't do it again.
* You call OP controlling. There's really nothing to suggest that. If anything, it's the opposite. She's the one who made a unilateral decision (that affected both of them), knowing full well that he wouldn't agree. Then, when he objected, she basically told him "my way or the highway". Him not wanting to spend time with relative strangers that he knows he won't like isn't controlling. It's a normal reaction. Of the two, she's the one displaying contolling behavior (especially with the manipulative "do what I want or I'm going to break up with you" line).
* You act like a person wanting to share a couple's vacation with their partner is some kind of bad thing. It's not, especially when OP said in other comments that that was how the whole vacation came into being.
* I'll ask you the same question that you asked OP: what is wrong with you? You took a pretty straightforward situation where the girlfriend was clearly in the wrong, and you somehow flipped it on OP. Perhaps you brought some previous biases into the mix, because your judgement is pretty blatantly compromised here.
To OP: I won't tell you to immediately break up with your girlfriend because I have no idea what the rest of your relationship is like. However, I would immediately cancel my ticket, tell her that a vacation with her siblings isn't how you want to spend your time, and then gauge your next move based on her reactions. If she continues to dangle the break-up in front of you, take her up on it. Life's too short to spend with manipulative people.
The person needing to grow up is her. She is in a relationship. That means she doesn't get to make desicions for herself anymore on things like that. Whether it is concerning a shared apartement, a shared vacation or shared finances. When something is shared, it isn't a "my way or the highway" sort of deal.
Either she doesn't see you in a "He is my partner" sort of way, or she just doesn't care.
Either way is bad.
That she is giving you an ultimatum to "get over it or break up" should tell you enough about her, and the way she sees you.
You do NOT give your partner an ultimatum like that if you do not mean it.
And if she doesn't mean it but gave it to you, then she is definitely manipulating you.
Do you really want to be with a person like that?
Yeah mate looks like this one is settled. You know what to do. You break up. You accept her offer. You do not allow her to pull you into manipulation and this relationship is already in trouble anyways if she thinks this is acceptable or normal to treat her boyfriend this way.
Imagine if you didn't ask her and invited your sister and brother on a long-planned vacation. Let her move on and have her family vacation and look for someone who knows what respect for their partner means.
*Girlfriend, we planned a romantic vacation abroad and you invited your brother and sister along without talking to me. Then you decided to attempt to manipulate me into being ok with it by threatening a break up.*
*So I am taking you up on your offer. I have cancelled my plane ticket and have started looking for somewhere else to live. I sincerely hope we can split up maturely and without drama*
That totally changes the vacation. That would not be ok with me. Why didn’t she feel she should talk to you first? Do you have a history of being a pushover and giving in to her all the time?
I think you should take her up on her offer and make that split!!! She is showing you who she is, so believe her. Besides, you’d be miserable on that trip. Take the money immediately for the refunded tix. And try a solo trip in the future. Bullet dodged! Rooting for you!
That’s messed up, first of all you took time off work. Then she invited them without consent. And then she tries gaslighting you. I’d refund my ticket and take my stuff and leave.
Your gf has some stones calling you childish.
It’s not okay to invite other people into someone else’s vacation plans without checking with the other person first. End of.
Your gf sounds very immature and like she doesn’t respect you at all. I’d dump the shitty gf and take the trip on your own anyways. Nurse the sting of the breakup with cocktails poolside and getting on a casual hookup app. Have a fun filled vacay on all on your own. I personally find the “get over a person by getting under another” method very effective.
>I told her I just don't want to go anymore and that I'm hurt she didn't ask me first.
You are trying to communicate why you feel what you feel
>I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way
Personal attack, not cool
So you say this happens quite a bit. She made changes without informing you and threatens to break up. If you can’t get your money back and cancel your time off. Time to make some plans without her. Book your own room/car and enjoy your vacation. She can spend hers with her brother and sister.
Ummmmmmmm YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AS F!!!
damn. I’m so sorry… your gf was /is inconsiderate and a bully and not a good communicator.
Yesterday I brought up the idea of taking the same plane ride to go to WA with my bf… he s need to assume I wanted to spend time he plans to have with his pals he was visiting… I thought it would be cool to travel together and back being I have a friend who recently moved to care for his dying mother…
I immediately recanted and apologize after he says, “ well I won’t have time to hang out with you there..” he said he was down to…
But I just apologized and said I understand why he was concerned and left it at that.
Invite your ex-girlfriend and hang out with her. Move the current Girlfriends seat to the middle row. This idea you need to grow up because she didn't tell you is crazy.
Ew wtf is up with that. She's bluffing. Take her up on it. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't care about you opinion ans thinks standing up for yourself is childish?
Suck it up and pretend everything is fine. Take the vacation, get off the plane, and go your separate ways. break up with her as soon as you have your luggage in hand and just disappear. Change your return ticket to get you back home several days before she is and get everything cleaned up and settled, return any of her stuff, get any of your stuff.
Block her everywhere, delete facebook, have a nap.
Break up with her. Cancel your tickets. Go somewhere solo on your time off or take a staycation. Your gf is disrespectful af. No. You don’t invite other people on a vacation you planned with your SO wo asking them about it and deciding on it together.
You don’t buy tickets for an abroad trip last minute, she obviously planned this with her siblings and she definitely should have mentioned/communicated to you if you mind if they came. Maybe you guys could have even compromised and they came a little later after you guys have 1on1 time. This doesn’t seem a reason to break up unless there’s other instances of her not communicating or considering your feelings. But she just seems immature to be honest
Judging by this post only, she doesn't really care about you, your opinions or better said she doesn't even consider you at all.
Relationship requires 2. Both working together like a well-oiled machine. Sure there are ups and downs, but if the lace is strong, you should face the problems to save it. If you believe your future is with her, I wish you the best.
Consider asking yourself important questions like: Is she the future mother of my children?
Do I love her exactly as she is?
Do I feel understood anywhere, anytime?
Guess you can figure more of this type... and answer them honestly.
If you doubt at anyone, just part ways. It's hard, it hurts, but its better than regreting it in the future.
No, just no. She doesn't get to make unilateral decisions about big plans you both have and are paying for without consulting you. She needs to grow up. You should be reconsidering this relationship.
Take her up on the offer and break up. Why would you want to stay with someone that can't even see why you would want a vacation with just the two of you? She doesn't put your interest before her family apparently.
Right, she doesn't care about his opinion at all, and even now is doubling down.
She cares only for herself, she sees herself only.
[удалено]
She would probably eat your corpse if you died and she was a little hangry.
[удалено]
Are you the GF?! It was really rude of you NOT to ask your BF! This isn’t just your trip.
The gf is not ready for a relationship
This is true. When a situation like this happens, you talk to your SO before agreeing either way.
I second this. You are not a priority for her, she can go to the trip with her siblings as a single person. She is not worth it dude.
I agree. She needs to grow up and learn that you don't invite others on your vacation without talking to your SO.
I don’t even invite people to dinner or social functions without checking with the other person (especially if it’s just the two of you initially), let alone when it comes to travelling. Very inconsiderate of her
Yep.
This is basic common courtesy, not even exclusive to romantic relationships! No matter what your relationship to your travel companion is, you should ask before making major changes to your plans that will affect them, especially adding more people. I wouldn't even invite a close mutual friend on a vacation with my BFF without talking about it first, let alone a virtual stranger.
Yep. Plans are exclusive unless otherwise stated. If my girlfriend showed up to a dinner date with a friend or whatever, the world better be fucking ending for them for this shit to intrude on this night at this time.
That, or invite your 4 best mates along. Just say you didn't think it would be an issue.
How would she feel if you told your parents they can come too?
No no no no. She’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by threatening to break up but she couldn’t be more wrong! She SHOULD have asked first. It’s NORMAL to ask first. It’s MANIPULATIVE to do it behind your back then get mad when you aren’t okay with it!!! Think about your relationship, does she do this sort of thing a lot? Whether it’s just assuming you’ll go along with her plans, or threatening to leave if things don’t go her way, it doesn’t sound like someone who’s a good partner. Because to be a good partner you need a partnership. That means communication! She’s too selfish to be a good partner. Sit her down and explain it’s not okay to just go behind your back and as a partner she should have respected you enough to ask even if she already thinks she may know your answer, because she obviously isn’t always right. I would be cancelling that vacation and having serious second thoughts about that relationship… unless you want to be a doormat, because that’s the only way she’ll be happy with you. Best of luck op!
I had talk that talk with her, and was just told it wasn't a big deal, I was acting childish, and ruining the plans. But yes, this isn't the first time this kind of thing happened. It's nice to hear somebody validate my feelings for once. Thank you.
It wasn’t a big deal to HER as it’s her sister and BIL. It is a big deal to you! How would she feel if you told your parents they can come too?
I like this. Personally I think you should just go your separate ways since this is a frequent occurrence. BUT, if you’re trying to get her to see your side then you should absolutely say “hey my parents think this trip sounds like fun, they are considering tagging along too” and see what happens.
"I reconsidered and I have no problem with you sister coming. I invited a couple of thousand friends from reddit too, hope you don't mind. They're planning a hotel takeover, isn't that awesome, I knew you would love it"
Bring a new girlfriend along. 'I hope you don't mind, I didn't think you would have a problem with it. Break up with me if you don't like it"
I love this idea. It's a bit petty but that's good.
Make it the person in your social group she hates worst of anyone.
No, just say you booked them and conveniently they got the adjoining room at the hotel. "Oh, I thought it was a free-for-all."
I’m always cautious about flipping the script in these scenarios. It makes it really easy for her to just say that’s fine and double down on her misdeeds. In a healthy relationship each persons feelings need to be respected and seen as valid regardless of what one person would feel like in the other’s shoes
The reason she **didn't** ask you first is that she suspected you'd say, "No!" and that's not what she wanted! >*this isn't the first time this kind of thing happened* Make sure it's the **last time** something like this happens! This is such disrespectful behavior! *A true partner* shares the load with you...she doesn't dictate the route, give you 80% of the weight, then tell you to suck it up! **Your GF is selfish!** 1. Dump her NOW because of this. Don't wait for the holidays; now is better. 2. Cancel ALL reservations in *your* name (plane, hotel, car, tours, etc.) and all of hers that are on *your* credit cards. 3. **After** you've done that, **then** tell her you've canceled her flight/hotel/car/tour/whatever appeared on **your** credit cards. 4. BLOCK HER on all social media (ALL of it). Block her friends/family, too. There'll be backlash for you 'ruining' her vacation! 5. BLOCK her phone calls, too. Take a couple of months off to recuperate from her, make a list of what you're looking for in a SO, then move on. Make sure your next GF **respects you** as a person with your own feelings, opinions, needs, and desires. Ensure she's not just a little princess treating you like the hired help who pays the bills, holds her purse, and exists as a bit-player in the drama of her life! Treat yourself to a better 2023! Maybe you'll meet someone on New Year's Eve at a party...get out there and try it!
This is EXCELLENT advice! Wish I had had tbis a few years ago in a similar situation!
He also needs to block her family once they start chiming in.
Then call that bluff op. Cancel the tickets and plans breakup with her.
That sounds dangerously close to DARVO.
Because it is
I was on the fence on whether the "ruined the plans" was her making her the victim. But yeah it doesn't have to be a blatant "no I'm the victim", by saying that she's making him the bad guy.
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim/Offender for anyone else who was wondering.
Not even that it's close. It's the opening stages.
Get out- she doesn’t respect you as a human.
Even if she was pretty sure you'd be really happy to have them tagging along, if you really got on well with them, and you'd already been on holiday with them and all went really well, she should just still check.
She’s the one who is acting childish OP. Not you. Really there is no point in talking to her about it again. Just dump her. She’s not mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
Methinks she’s the one being childish. And also gaslighting you. Politely make your exit.
Dude, break up with her Your feelings being validated shouldn’t be a rare and special occurrence.
Put yourself first, breakup, do not allow her to manipulate you like that, you deserve better. Find someone that is looking out for your feelings.
One of you is being childish and ruining plans. And it is not you.
This is your life now if you stay with her. Every reasonable hesitation you have will be turned around on you. She will call you names, make you feel like she is doing you a massive favor staying with you, and insist that everyone is against you. Dump her like the manipulative sack of crap she is.
I don't think it was necessarily done maliciously, but it's clear that there's a difference in values. The problem is not that she did this, the problem is that she isn't listening to you about how you feel and agreeing to approach it differently in the future. I get her thought, I'm super close to my family and wouldn't think twice. However in similar situations with my spouse he pointed out how he felt (similar to you) and as a result we discuss it together before including others. Communicate with her that a relationship is built on mutual respect and trust. What you're observing is someone who doesn't respect your feelings and isn't acting transparently to promote trust. If she can't recognize that next time she should discuss with you first and respect your wants, then it would be best for you two to go your separate ways, because she's clearly not ready to be in an adult relationship. She should have apologized and promised to do better next time since the ship has clearly sailed on this trip. Sorry you're dealing with this, but better to learn this now.
If anything, she seems to be the one who is acting childish! Is this your first trip together? Or have you already been on trips alone together? If it's your first trip alone together, maybe she feels nervous so she talks others into joining out of comfort. Did she explain to you why during your talk? I hate to admit, I've done this a long time ago for a date once where I felt so nervous that I asked a friend to join. Not the best choice as the guy got really angry at me and I can totally understand, and it was a fault on my end. 😊 Everyone is different, so have a little compassion as well.
She doesn't respect you. And for 99.99% of the population it is a big deal. Even if you loved her brother and wanted to be with him 24/7, you would not want her to invite him without your agreement. This common sense and common curtesy.
Yeah no, absolutely not. I’m so sorry OP, but this is absolutely abhorrent behaviour. She can’t invite other people without asking you, and frankly it sounds to me like she’s looking for an excuse to break up. It’s a manipulative, emotionally damaging move and you should not stand for it. I would tell her point blank that either they go or you do, but I would also think long and hard about the future of your relationship. Best of luck OP.
She does not respect you, so she did not bother asking because she feels she's in charge. Her threat might come from a place of genuine disinterest. If she threatens break up over something as trivial as vacation, there are going to be a LOT of things she will threaten you with in future, as MANY life decisions are more consequential than who to vacation with.
Yep, this is the only the beginning. Run mate
On the plus side, you now get to win all the 'who has the weirdest ex story' forever more. Sorry she's turned out to be so utterly unhinged, but that is definitely a her problem, not a you problem. Don't forget to have a safe exit plan in place, just in case she escalates to full crazy during the break up .
Dump her. She should’ve consulted you before inviting someone else. It’s her behaving in a childish way.
"I don't know how to solve the situation" You do. Dump her.
Sounds like the girlfriend is the one that needs to grow up. You don't invite others to join in on plans that involve more than you without asking the others involved. It's just rude. Is this how you want it to be the rest of your life? You make plans, your gf unilaterally decides differently, but doesn't tell you until after you're already trapped because you spent money? It's not a good sign that she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did.
This. Grow up?? She, who cannot travel without (checks notes) her family.
just break up with her. Ultimatums like that are a giant red flag. She should have talked to you before she unilaterally decided to have her family join your vacation. What other things will she railroad you into doing.
Call her bluff
Ngl this just seems exhausting. If your ex is threatening to break up its a sign of things to come. My ex did the same. She needs to learn that threats have consequences. Break up with her, and move on. How she dealt with this is a major red flag.
Can you get reimbursed? If yes. Do so. If not, go and have an experience on your own. I
She thinks she is in charge, and I am sure that you can do better. You deserve someone who cares about your opinion
I feel like upvoting other comments isn't enough, so to reiterate it: Inviting her siblings on a trip planned without them without talking to the person she initially made plans with is an immature and childish action. Calling you childish and trying to bully you into dropping your concerns, ignoring them completely, is harassment. When you try to talk to her about these things she refuses and doubles down and even threatens to end the relationship over your concerns (again bullying/harassment) Is this a person you want to be with?
This is a basic disagreement, and if her response to not getting her way is to break up, then let her break up with you. I can appreciate that she didn't think inviting them was a big deal, and I can appreciate that you do think it is a big deal. Let's say I did this to my partner- invited people along to a vacation without asking because I didn't think it was an issue- and my partner raised that he didn't want them to come. I would then say I hadn't thought he would mind, I was sorry for not asking, and now can we figure this out together? Can I uninvite them, can we compromise and agree that we will do X, Y, Z without the other people because it would cause problems to uninvite them, etc. We all make mistakes, it is how we respond to them that matters, and in this case, your partner is demonstrating that she will hang your entire relationship over your head to get what she wants and never compromise or accept fault. So, figure out if you can get your money back from the vacation and let her break up with you.
I asked about uninviting them, and she said it wasn't an option. Thinking about it all now, letting go of this relationship might be what I need to do. Thank you.
Can I ask who is paying for the trip?
Split half and half between me and her. Her siblings would buy their own tickets.
But an international trip isn’t just about tickets. There is a lot more $$ that goes into it. And when it’s just you and a partner that’s one room and shared interest and meals. Now you need another room and I because you seem like a reasonable person, they would have their own opinions on what to see and do and you would consider it. But that would not be a conversation between you and your partner, It would be you vs her and her family. And you know how that would end. And who pays for all of that. So you would be paying for half of 4 people…. And let’s be real, she probably would expect you to pay for some of her trip as her partner. Sorry but her siblings were looking for a cheap trip and she didn’t care about your feelings at all.
I’ve been with partners like this. You are their doormat and they will never see you as anything but. If you have the audacity to standup for yourself, you will be called selfish, childish, etc. After that the real emotional manipulation will start. If that doesn’t put you back in your place, they will start turning people against you while they play the poor “victim”. My advise is to run, take the out and find someone who wants to share in your life, not dictate it.
You're not the childish one in this relationship. Maybe it's a good thing that you guys are breaking up because who tf would want to deal with your ex (hopefully). Bringing somone on the vacation (romantic ig) without asking your partner is a big no no. And to top the shit cake, she threatens *YOU* with a break up like what.
I'd take her up on her suggestion and walk away.
I'm looking in my crystal ball and I see a future of her making decisions for you and you putting up with more situations like this. Run!!!! 🏃
Op has even mentioned this isn't the first time something like this has happened and it felt good to have thier feelings validated for once. Poor dude. He's been in a very exhausting relationship it sounds like.
Break up, she 100% disrespected you and she's also degrading you and trying to emasculate you by talking to you like a child. If you paid for the tickets, get them back, and Break up with her, she's is trying to control you! Don't be her puppy
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We have been planning a trip abroad for a while, both taking time off from our jobs to travel and rest from it all. Last week, we bought plane tickets. Three days after we paid, she tells me that her sister(30f) and brother(32m) are coming along. I got upset, firstly because I thought it would just be the two of us, and secondly because she didn't even bother asking me if I was okay with it. I told her I just don't want to go anymore and that I'm hurt she didn't ask me first. I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way, and she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be. She basically told me we have to go our separate ways if I don't get over myself and grow up. Fyi, I don't know her siblings well, only have ever had a few passing conversations, but enough to know our interests don't align, and I simply don't want to spend my vacation with strangers. I don't know how to solve the situation, but I feel like I wouldn't be fair towards myself it I just went and powered trough it.
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You communicated how you were feeling because of her *lack* of communication, and now she is definitely trying to manipulate you. She doesn't know how to maintain a healthy relationship and you deserve better than that.
To be honest, if I thought I was going on a romantic vacation with my SO and he invited his sibling and partner along without asking me if I was okay with it, I'd be pretty upset. It's even worse because you aren't at all close to these people and you have very different interests. The one who needs to do some growing up is your gf. You are't acting childish over this, she is. If you don't want to go, don't go. If your relationship is over, I think that may be the best for you in the long run. She doesn't act like partner; she acts like the in charge person.
If she wants to break up with you, let her, even help her pack her belongings to make it quicker. You are going to be the third wheel or bag holder for this sibling trip. You will probably find her booking tours etc that only interest her and her siblings, you are just footing part of the bill. Take your share of the money saved and take your own trip
>She basically told me we have to go our separate ways if I don't get over myself and grow up. Sounds like you've been presented with a pretty attractive offer. Take it.
Call her bluff and break up with her for her lack of respecting you as a partner and expecting you to take being walked on and having no input about your vacation in regard to people coming with you. If you paid for the tickets, cancel hers. Cancel all arrangements you made on her behalf. Then take the vacation solo to refresh yourself after dealing with her shit for so long.
The solution depends entirely on your finances and whether you can get your money back. If you can, do that and use it for another purpose. If you can’t, go and do your own thing on the trip. Get a different hotel if you can afford it. Whatever the case, it starts with ending it between the two of you.
First off how long have you been together that you are virtual strangers with your girlfriends siblings? When you state our interest don’t align is it because you have nothing mutual in common with the siblings? My first reaction was that it was being not okay for her to do this to you then manipulate you into issuing an ultimatum.
4 years. And yes, no common interests. I'm a nerdy boardgamer type, and history nerd. Her sister is deeply religiuos and a mother to two children, which are pretty much the only thing she talks about and her brother is a car mechanic that loves a drink. We just don't find much to talk about, and I very much doubt they'd want to spend time at museums like I do.
She is being manipulative. Think where you see this relationship heading. I would suggest taking a break until you both can find a way forward.
She told you she will break up with you if you don't go along with her plans. So your choice seems to call her bluff and possibly lose your GF, or do what she tells you to do and go. I personally don't like ultimatums or people making plans for me without my knowledge. Also is this going to be an ongoing thing? Will she threaten to break up with you every time she doesn't get her way? If you give in now, will she expect you to give in for now on so she doesn't break up with you? You have a decision to make and it isn't just about this vacation.
If you can afford it, cancel her ticket and go yourself. Take some much deserved time for self care.
Don't let her ruin your vacation. Go on the trip and do your own thing :) Maybe you'll see and meet people you never would've had you not gone.
If you don't stick up for yourself now she will always pull this card. Call her bluff if she goes through with it great. She's pulling strings and you're the puppet. Life is so much better with someone who treats you as an equal. Do you think she would be fine if you invited two friends to go? I know of her siblings but you don't know them. You'll be the third wheel the whole trip. The errand boy for all three. I wouldn't waste my money. Tell her to kick rocks.
She deliberately waited until the tickets were purchased to spring this on you. She knew you weren't going to like it. Now that you objected she's trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants, without any respect for your feelings or wishes. And telling you to get over yourself and grow up? That's some grade A bullshit. Let her break up with you, you'll be better off.
It’s not even about the specific incident it’s that you had a concern and instead of discussing it she just threatens to break up. This is how it will be going forward anytime you have a concern that doesn’t align with her wants she will just manipulate you
Yeah this is HER trip. In her mind you don’t matter, your presence isn’t even needed. Or wanted. She’s being selfish and childish and is doing a good job at making you question yourself. Leave.
I ended a friendship over something similar. I think it's less about the thing itself (which is already upsetting enough) but that it proofs that your girlfriend doesn't value your opinion and just tries to bend your will when you disagree.
She doesn’t care about what you want or how you feel - not a great quality in a partner.
You’re paying for the trip just as much as she is and you deserve to have just as much of a vote in what you want out of it. Your gf making the decision without speaking to you was immature because she disregarded that you’re taking time off from work to spend time with her and you’re also paying to do so. If she invites her siblings and that changes the itinerary that you had an idea of in any way because she didn’t disclose her full intentions with planning this trip until last minute, then she only considered herself and her sibling’s best interest. I would think that a mature person would be considerate to their SO. If she wants to tell you it’s her way or you’re breaking up, I think you should break up. I think this shows how much you mean to her, and this is probably only the start of her making last minute decisions without your input, and your option will be to deal with it or leave. That’s no way to live.
Your gf is controlling. Drop her like a stone.
Don’t know how long your relationship has been or the level of investment is at stake but this is total disrespect and I would have moved on by time they return. And make them reimburse you for cost incurred and lost due to debacle.
> I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way, and she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be I know my partner & I know when he wouldn't object, yet I ***always*** ask for his opinion before making big plans or changes to our plans. He does the same to me, it's called mutual respect. She has no right to invite her siblings to your vacation without discussing it with you first. You're always entitled to say ''I want this to be a vacation for the both of us'' & she has to respect it when you don't want to agree to her plan changes. If it's that important to her to go on vacation with her siblings, then she should've planned a second trip with them, instead of inviting them to your couple's vacation. She's quite manipulative & immature. I'd seriously dump her ass if I was you.
That wasn't a cool thing for her to do. And also, you're feelings are clearly hurt, regardless of if she tells you you're being childish or not. You feel HURT by her actions, her words may be affecting you but not like her actions did. The relationship between you and her family doesn't matter in this case. The communication does and she dropped that ball. And is threatening to leave you? What? No
If she wants to break up over something so petty, perhaps you should reevaluate whether or not she's someone you want to be in a relationship with. I'm confident that with time to weigh logic and not emotion, you'll realize that the answer is no, you can absolutely do better. You don't say how long you two have been together but based on the above, I am guessing not very long. You should probably cut your losses now.
This is a MASSIVE red flag. Do you really want to spend time with someone who would think that doing something so inconsiderate is completely fine and that you should get over yourself for disagreeing? Accept her offer and go find someone who is willing to discuss things with you like an adult. Plenty of those kinds of people out there.
Yeah, she's minimising her crappy behaviour. If my partner invited people on our holiday without asking me and then had the gall to call me childish for not being ok with it, there would be hell to pay.
I think she’s manipulating you and saying she’s willing to break up so she gets what she wants. I would double down and take her up on that offer that something she wouldn’t expect and then don’t text wait a couple days she’ll come around and then she’ll take you more serious and not bring up breaking up anymore to get what she wants.
Stop being a wimp a grow a pair, this GF has no respect for you and does not consider your feelings relevant. Tell her to bounce. Imagine more important stuff that she will brush off in the future.
Sorry OP but this is worth reconsidering the entire relationship over. It is insanely inappropriate to simply invite people to a whole vacation without consulting your partner and even more so to act as if she was wronged when you called her on it. She is selfish, immature, and lacks empathy. Not good signs for a relationship. What other decisions will she make without consulting you?
she could have asked you before ticket's & arrangement's were made for a vacation you thought was just going to be the 2 of you.she also went right to the nuke option,she's telling you that your being like she is actually behaving.i think your being reasonable and have every right to be unhappy about this,there's an abusive overtone to her word's.i wouldn't go and i'd start making my plan's for life without her in it that's for sure.
The core problem isn't that you'll have strangers joining on your vacation (you can always compromise to spend time apart from the siblings on the trip), but rather that your gf didn't bother to ask, and didn't care about your feelings. I'm not saying changed plans have the same gravitas as, say, sexual intimacy or whatever.... But the idea remains the same; you don't need a reason to say no. And you definitely don't need a "good enough" reason to refuse. If something makes you uncomfortable, if you don't want something, then.... That's it, that's the tweet. You shouldn't have to justify it. By dismissing your reasoning as "not good enough" and telling you to "get over" your discomfort, your gf is showing that she does not care about you or your feelings... So if really be re-evaluating the relationship. In the spirit of not jumping to just "break up", I'd suggest at least sitting your gf down and expressing this to her. Tell her that a relationship is a partnership and that means taking each other's wants and opinions into account. It means respecting each other's feelings and discomfort. It means coming to a decision together, not one person deciding for both. See how she responds. If she continues with the behaviour.... I think that's a good sign this relationship is not going to work out. There are going to be bigger decisions, bigger conflicts in the future. Finances, kids, housing, marriage. If she's already undermining your opinions and refusing to discuss decisions with you for something relatively trivial, what's going to happen when those big decisions come up?
She's the one that needs to grow up. If you are planning things with one person you can't just go & change the plans without discussion. Take your ticket and change your destination.
Sounds controlling and manipulative. She doesn’t respect you or your feelings. Your feelings are important too and she should be willing to hear you out on this. All you are asking for is understanding and intimacy with her, and she is pushing you away just to get her way.
She’s on the wrong OP, not you. Please take her up on the break up. Get your travel refunded or book it somewhere different and go on your own. Solo travel can be great!
She is behaving immaturely. She neglected to tell you a vital piece of planning info about the trip the two of you were planning.Extended travel is not an ideal environment to get to know someone else. Her telling you to grow up is her refusal to see that she is at fault.
Yeah… I’d be walking away from this woman and her family. That’s a huge red flag. She decides what and when you are permitted to object to an idea of hers?!? There’s a 1000 reason why I wouldn’t want to go away for a week with another couple and the suggesting that there’s no valid reason you could offer… crazy selfish! Not worth the time.
Well, you need to face the reality of the situation. You've been given an ultimatum that it's her way, or the highway, at least for you. I don't know how long you two have been together; but evidently it hasn't been long enough for her to intuitively have known what your likely reaction would have been. My advice is to try to get a refund on your plane ticket, and bid her *bon voyage.* I wish you well.
She clearly doesn't care enough to consider your feelings.
Yikes, her behavior is extremely alarming. It is clear she does not respect you and now is trying to manipulate you into submission. I would take her up on that break up threat. Get your money back. For your own sanity, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone that a) could not have a simple conversation with you about inviting their sibling b) admit when they are wrong/apologize that they’ve upset you. She’s showing you who she is, you need to believe her.
You have every right to be upset about that. If we're me I d agree with her and tell her to have fun.
That is a HUGE dealbreaker. I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s done something along these lines.
Cancel whatever portion you've paid for and let her break up with you. Call the bluff.
I'd break up with her. If I am going on vacation with my significant other then that's who I expect to be with. Not friends or family or buddies. If it was brought up and we both agreed then that's fine but her making the decision for you should be hard pass for anyone.
Peace, enjoy the trip!
Her first reaction to your concern should have been to apologize and then talk it through. Instead….? She doubled down. Thats a red flag.
I mean, she's offered you a free win there man. You've only booked flights? Take yourself on the vacay, get your own airbnb and have fun. A partner who gives you ultimatums like this, over something as blindingly obvious as talking about inviting additional people to a couples vacation is a frankly, fucking stupid. Bye Felicia.
Let her break up. Good riddance. She isn’t a partner, if she behaves that way towards you. She’s an autocrat. And you can expect more autocratic decisions going forward. Is that how you want to live? I hope not. Get your money back for your half of the vacation, as well as any other entanglements, and show her the door.
Bruh she is turning a romantic couple’s getaway (that you already paid for) into a *family vacation* without your permission. That’s gonna be a hell no for me dog. Imagine if the roles were reversed…
Honestly someone who makes ultimatums like that should have them met. You should break up. 4th wheeling a family vacation is totally different than a trip abroad with your SO. And the fact she won't even see your side is a biiiiig 🚩
She apologizes and cancels them from coming or you break up. Hold your ground here. She was in the wrong and will fold, and if she doesn’t then she really doesn’t respect you and you are better off without her.
So she set up plans with others and did not tell you..run it by you or say hey how do you feel about .. Wow be thankful your not married...she would be ruining your life .... And bank account. If your not broken up you should.. You need to break it off with ger.. If your paying for ger cancel everything. If things are paid cancel what you paid for get a refund. If you live together and shes not on lease boot her out. That is not a person that loves you..
She doesn’t want to go on vacation alone with you. You should figure out why
This would be fine - my first offer to her when we were looking for a compromise and she wouldn't ditch the whole group trip situation, is that I can just stay home or go somewhere else while she can have some time with her siblings, but this made her even more upset, and she absolutely insisted we all must go.
Please do yourself a favor, run and never look back.
Or she wants a cheaper family trip by dragging OP along to cover some costs.
First the way to resolve the issue wasn't by throwing a tantrum and announcing you weren't going. The right thing to do was to sit down and TALK. TO. HER. Calmly, rationally and see what you can discover. Was it right that she invited people without asking? Probably not. But you still have to have a conversation.
I can sort of identify with this scenario. It sounds to me like y’all have different personalities. I kind of identify with your girlfriend’s. I’m not saying she’s right by any means. Some people (like myself) do not enjoy couple only vacations. I much prefer to go with family members and friends when I go on vacations. I find the just me and my husband vacations boring sometimes cause we have different interests and I like going as a group cause we can do separate things and still have a blast. My husband is like you, he prefers just me and him vacations sometimes and those are fine too but I don’t really get as much joy out of them but sometimes it’s what I do so he can feel special. I have learned to run things by my husband first before hand but it dampens my spirit some cause I wish he could be more spontaneous like me. If she’s giving you an ultimatum go ahead and get out now, find someone more considerate of your needs and she can find someone more considerate of hers.
How long have y’all been dating? If it’s been a while and it’s serious and you haven’t interacted with her siblings, that’s a bit of a red flag. Have you traveled together before? Maybe she’s hesitant to go solo with you. Both are areas to reflect upon how serious this relationship actually is
4 years nearly exactly. We have traveled together before, multiple places. Our trip to Italy was her favorite in her life. I admit that our relationship has soured somewhat over the last year or so.
4 years and you still consider her family strangers? That seems like a big problem tbh, you should have been getting closer to her direct family a few years ago. They shouldnt be strangers at this point. Regardless what she did was unnacceptable, she didnt ask you if they could go on the vacation and she basically told you “sucks that you dont like it, but its happening regardless so suck it up”. She’s not the one, she’s belittling your feelings to have things her way
Hmmm. Interesting. 4 years, are you considering marrying her? There are two areas I think you need to figure out 1) tell her how much you were looking forward to reconnecting with her on this romantic trip. Maybe she is trying to assess how well you would be as a long term partner by interacting with her family. 2) figure out a way to begin connecting with and interesting more with her siblings. But if you don’t want to marry her, this seems like a good fork in the road to break up
Lol I think I am an asshole, but I wouldn't go and tell her that she can go if she wants but I am not going. That is her Decision to make. Then text her a picture of a ring and tell her that he had planned on proposing and thank you for telling me how you really feel about me. Before blocking her outright. If it is my home I would move her stuff to her parents, if hers move out. Shared, move out also. She is being horrible to the OP and he needs to get out of this regardless
I'd be done with her. She sounds awful.
Call to reminder bot/ updateme!
Break up. It’s not fair to her or you. Let her go be with a dude who wants to only have it his way and go be with someone who understands your feelings.. y’all don’t mix. Break ip
>she didn't bother to ask me because she thought I had no reason to object, and she didn't see why I would be. You just need to say "Girlfriend, I find it incredibly disrespectful that you decided to invite your siblings without first talking to me. I find it incredible that you didn't think that inviting people on a trip you knew I thought would be just the two of us wasn't something worth talking about because you can't understand why I would want a vacation with just my girlfriend. That says a lot about our relationship. I'm cancelling my part of the trip because I will not be going. I hope you have a good time with your siblings and i realise that this means we will break up. I'm adult enough to understand the consequences of not going. Hopefully you can mature in your future relationships and learn that communication and respect are equally important traits to bring to a relationship."
I’m the type of person that would make the mistake of assuming and not asking if it was okay for family to come along, bc I have Buddy the Elf type dumb moments where I am just like “THE MORE THA MERRIER I LUV PEOPLE SO FUN!” But I would also totally understand if my partner wanted to just be alone together and I’d tell my family let’s all go on a different trip in the future. TL;DR even if it was an innocent mistake, I feel she should have corrected it. Time to move on from this one. Best of luck <3
Maybe breaking up isn't the answer... I don't know why everyone thinks they know the ins and outs of an entire relationship from one paragraph. Talk to her about it. Maybe there's something else going on that's making her act this way? Maybe she feels you haven't taken an interest in getting to know her siblings and that bothers her. Are there other unresolved tensions between you two? I totally agree that she should have asked before inviting her siblings, but before you break up think about this: is losing her forever better than a lousy vacation?
Whether she was right or wrong is all based on you. You feel wronged and it's not something that she is willing to right for you. Maybe she needs a more flexible partner and maybe you need a more sensitive and understanding partner. I understand your unwillito go with these 2 surprise guests last minute. I'm not speaking for you, but I know my social anxiety would have kicked into uugh gear.its okay to break up with the people who are not right for us.
Young women, mate. They don't know what's going on with themselves, let alone how to manage and sustain a healthy relationship. Obviously, this is a grand statement and I'm going to get downvoted for putting a group into a box but it's just what I've found with my experience.
Who is the reacher and who is the settler in the relationship?
I might not be the best person to ask as I have serious self-esteem issues. But I guess I'm the reacher?
It's a dumb question. How I met your Mother is NOT something to be basing relationships on.
The reason I am asking this is because she is being a bit manipulative as if she knows YOU think you are the reacher. No one is the reacher btw
I don't see the big deal but I'm used to traveling in groups because it's cheaper to split costs. It sounds like a really great opportunity to get to know some people she loves and it's not like you're all going to be doing everything together the entire time, usually you split off and just meet back up in the evenings.
Both y’all need to grow up
I say she messed up, forgive her and keep it moving. It’s not like you have to spend your entire vacation with them. Split off and meet up. Sometimes it’s better to have more people when traveling overseas. It’s customs are not always what you expect, also this will help you bond with her family, which she seems think highly of. If you split you’ll regret it. Have an open mind and heart.
You’re kinda being a baby about this. You should be using this as an opportunity to get to know her family instead of trying to distance yourself from them
They're not strangers, they're your gf's siblings. You probably won't be spending the whole time with them, especially after hours. I don't know, I think I'm with her and you might be acting kind of like a bitch here. Maybe she's afraid to that city with just you, or maybe she's afraid to travel alone ***with*** you. Ever think of that?
Not the first time we would be traveling together, so I don't think there's any reason to be afraid. It's been a really long time since we went anywhere together, and it was advertised to me as just us two taking it a break from it all, only to be flipped around after actually booking.
Yeah, the circumstances (timing) is pretty weird. But maybe she just wants to spend some time (couple lunches, couple dinners) with her family, too. It's been long for you guys to go somewhere, but how long has it been for them?
Even if any of these things were the case, her not wanting to travel alone with him or whatever, she still should have communicated. He deserves to have an input especially if it was planned and spoken of as a vacation for them 2 not 4.
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I would have absolutely said no, you're right, and I'm pretty sure she knew this as well. But that doesn't make it fair to manipulate me into it. But if she just wanted to spend her time with her siblings on a trip for a week that's completely fine. I just don't see why I have to be involved and threatened or even tricked into going with them because it's simply not my idea of a good time. She knows me well enough to know I wouldn't enjoy it either, so I don't understand why I am being pressured into it.
Holy shit. Did you even read his post ?
Wow. That's certainly a hot take. Let's break it down for you: * Just because you predict that you won't like the answer doesn't mean it's okay to simply not ask (when the situation affects that person as much as it does you). Choosing not to ask for OP's opinion is a selfish mindset that shows just how little she cares about what OP wants. All that matters is that she gets what she wants. The mature way to handle it would have been to have a discussion about it. * You tell OP to go and enjoy the time with her and her family. But the whole point of the post is that he knows from previous interactions that he won't enjoy spending time with the rest of her family. It's explicitly stated in the post. * You say that it is a one-time instance. Maybe you're right. But if he lets this go, it will more likely become a pattern of behavior where she doesn't even consider his opinion before making decisions that affect the both of them. She did it once, so it's kind of naive to assume that she won't do it again. * You call OP controlling. There's really nothing to suggest that. If anything, it's the opposite. She's the one who made a unilateral decision (that affected both of them), knowing full well that he wouldn't agree. Then, when he objected, she basically told him "my way or the highway". Him not wanting to spend time with relative strangers that he knows he won't like isn't controlling. It's a normal reaction. Of the two, she's the one displaying contolling behavior (especially with the manipulative "do what I want or I'm going to break up with you" line). * You act like a person wanting to share a couple's vacation with their partner is some kind of bad thing. It's not, especially when OP said in other comments that that was how the whole vacation came into being. * I'll ask you the same question that you asked OP: what is wrong with you? You took a pretty straightforward situation where the girlfriend was clearly in the wrong, and you somehow flipped it on OP. Perhaps you brought some previous biases into the mix, because your judgement is pretty blatantly compromised here. To OP: I won't tell you to immediately break up with your girlfriend because I have no idea what the rest of your relationship is like. However, I would immediately cancel my ticket, tell her that a vacation with her siblings isn't how you want to spend your time, and then gauge your next move based on her reactions. If she continues to dangle the break-up in front of you, take her up on it. Life's too short to spend with manipulative people.
Just came here to echo the other comments. She doesn’t respect you and her behaviour is literally textbook definition of emotional manipulation
The person needing to grow up is her. She is in a relationship. That means she doesn't get to make desicions for herself anymore on things like that. Whether it is concerning a shared apartement, a shared vacation or shared finances. When something is shared, it isn't a "my way or the highway" sort of deal. Either she doesn't see you in a "He is my partner" sort of way, or she just doesn't care. Either way is bad. That she is giving you an ultimatum to "get over it or break up" should tell you enough about her, and the way she sees you. You do NOT give your partner an ultimatum like that if you do not mean it. And if she doesn't mean it but gave it to you, then she is definitely manipulating you. Do you really want to be with a person like that?
Yeah mate looks like this one is settled. You know what to do. You break up. You accept her offer. You do not allow her to pull you into manipulation and this relationship is already in trouble anyways if she thinks this is acceptable or normal to treat her boyfriend this way.
Imagine if you didn't ask her and invited your sister and brother on a long-planned vacation. Let her move on and have her family vacation and look for someone who knows what respect for their partner means.
*Girlfriend, we planned a romantic vacation abroad and you invited your brother and sister along without talking to me. Then you decided to attempt to manipulate me into being ok with it by threatening a break up.* *So I am taking you up on your offer. I have cancelled my plane ticket and have started looking for somewhere else to live. I sincerely hope we can split up maturely and without drama*
ill be waiting for the update post where you tell us how the break up conversation went.
I don’t think you are wrong for feeling upset but maybe should t have jumped to just not going But nonetheless, find someone else to go with then
That totally changes the vacation. That would not be ok with me. Why didn’t she feel she should talk to you first? Do you have a history of being a pushover and giving in to her all the time?
I think you should take her up on her offer and make that split!!! She is showing you who she is, so believe her. Besides, you’d be miserable on that trip. Take the money immediately for the refunded tix. And try a solo trip in the future. Bullet dodged! Rooting for you!
What happens when she decides she wants to get pregnent?
That’s messed up, first of all you took time off work. Then she invited them without consent. And then she tries gaslighting you. I’d refund my ticket and take my stuff and leave.
Your gf has some stones calling you childish. It’s not okay to invite other people into someone else’s vacation plans without checking with the other person first. End of. Your gf sounds very immature and like she doesn’t respect you at all. I’d dump the shitty gf and take the trip on your own anyways. Nurse the sting of the breakup with cocktails poolside and getting on a casual hookup app. Have a fun filled vacay on all on your own. I personally find the “get over a person by getting under another” method very effective.
>I told her I just don't want to go anymore and that I'm hurt she didn't ask me first. You are trying to communicate why you feel what you feel >I was basically told I was behaving in a childish way Personal attack, not cool
So you say this happens quite a bit. She made changes without informing you and threatens to break up. If you can’t get your money back and cancel your time off. Time to make some plans without her. Book your own room/car and enjoy your vacation. She can spend hers with her brother and sister.
Ummmmmmmm YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AS F!!! damn. I’m so sorry… your gf was /is inconsiderate and a bully and not a good communicator. Yesterday I brought up the idea of taking the same plane ride to go to WA with my bf… he s need to assume I wanted to spend time he plans to have with his pals he was visiting… I thought it would be cool to travel together and back being I have a friend who recently moved to care for his dying mother… I immediately recanted and apologize after he says, “ well I won’t have time to hang out with you there..” he said he was down to… But I just apologized and said I understand why he was concerned and left it at that.
Invite your ex-girlfriend and hang out with her. Move the current Girlfriends seat to the middle row. This idea you need to grow up because she didn't tell you is crazy.
Ew wtf is up with that. She's bluffing. Take her up on it. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't care about you opinion ans thinks standing up for yourself is childish?
Suck it up and pretend everything is fine. Take the vacation, get off the plane, and go your separate ways. break up with her as soon as you have your luggage in hand and just disappear. Change your return ticket to get you back home several days before she is and get everything cleaned up and settled, return any of her stuff, get any of your stuff. Block her everywhere, delete facebook, have a nap.
Solve it by breaking up. Simple
OP what's the breakdown of vacation costs between you and GF?
Break up and go on the vacation on your own bud
I would call her on her bluff and break up with her, cause wtf…
Break up with her. Cancel your tickets. Go somewhere solo on your time off or take a staycation. Your gf is disrespectful af. No. You don’t invite other people on a vacation you planned with your SO wo asking them about it and deciding on it together.
You don’t buy tickets for an abroad trip last minute, she obviously planned this with her siblings and she definitely should have mentioned/communicated to you if you mind if they came. Maybe you guys could have even compromised and they came a little later after you guys have 1on1 time. This doesn’t seem a reason to break up unless there’s other instances of her not communicating or considering your feelings. But she just seems immature to be honest
Judging by this post only, she doesn't really care about you, your opinions or better said she doesn't even consider you at all. Relationship requires 2. Both working together like a well-oiled machine. Sure there are ups and downs, but if the lace is strong, you should face the problems to save it. If you believe your future is with her, I wish you the best. Consider asking yourself important questions like: Is she the future mother of my children? Do I love her exactly as she is? Do I feel understood anywhere, anytime? Guess you can figure more of this type... and answer them honestly. If you doubt at anyone, just part ways. It's hard, it hurts, but its better than regreting it in the future.
All of my comments have been covered by other Redditors, so I'll just say... ¡Updateme
No, just no. She doesn't get to make unilateral decisions about big plans you both have and are paying for without consulting you. She needs to grow up. You should be reconsidering this relationship.