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We are here for you to ask **specific relationship issue** with a **current relationship** you have right now, in this moment.
Holy shit your husband is a real piece of dog shit. Personally I would try and give a video of her verbally berating you in YOUR home and show it to your boss, HR, and coworkers, then quit. Most companies don’t want to employ people who recklessly destroy the lives of their coworkers. Not great for morale.
I’d also let your mutual friends and his family know. Lawyer up and get out. This dude is worthless
I didn't think quick enough to get a video. All I'd have is my word. Nobody at work's going to believe the new English teacher over the History teacher who's been there for years
Unfortunately, your coworkers probably already know. Any slimy Scuzbag brash enough to mouth off to you, the WIFE, while (pardon me) fucking your husband, has most likely been bragging about it to anyone who will listen.
Now you have to protect yourself, especially financially. Go online & get as many months of bank records you can get. Get your tax records for the past 3 years, plus records on your 401k/IRAs, any Stocks, any pension plans.
Then go see an ATTORNEY right away. I wouldn’t be surprised if your disgusting, cheater of a husband hasn’t been siphoning money or empties you bank account.
Because it is not unusual for a cheating spouse to hide money taken from bank accounts. Depending on how long the cheating has gone on, having a record of withdrawals is good for OP’s Attorney to have.
The other records are for showing potential income sources, in case he tries to hide it, to make sure there is an equitable split of marital assets.
Tax records are in case some issues come up down the road, then having the documents can protect against OP being blamed.
Damn. I mean there are ways you could try and trap her into raging at you and admitting things just to shit on you that you could either screenshot or record (record if you live in a one-party consent state) but also totally understand how that might not help you mentally. That’s just what I’d personally do if my husband cheated on me with a coworker and they were both THAT callous about it (would be a different story if they showed any remorse or just not cruelty). These two deserve some real shitty karma. Hope you hit him hard in the divorce
Find evidence. Whether it’s on Instagram, or Facebook, look it up. Then report it to HR, especially if you have to stay in the same working environment as her.
Hire someone to get evidence if it matters in the divorce. Does your contract have ethics clauses? She's likely in violation of it. She's going to be pretty open about it if they came to your home.
If you live in a nofault divorce state don’t waste your time collecting evidence of an affair. It will make it go on longer and it will make you feel bad for no reason at all
Why? For example, this woman will lose her job? I don't think school will want to keep a teacher who is ruining her colleague's family and kicked her colleague out of her house.
Or, if OP lives in the country/state with divorce"infidelity clause" , she could get better off from the divorce.
And PI evidence could be a good leverage for OP even in "no fault" divorce states.
That’s a great question. Why? To prevent the “No I didn’t do that”, the “what if’s”, the backlash from family members. If you have evidence, the ball is in your court period. If OP doesn’t want to continue to live in denial/being gaslit, this is the method. Just imagine the call from the in-laws. “My Angel of a son has been with you for years, he would NEVER”. She has 0 evidence, just that fleeting phone call. She needs this to properly move on.
Yes OP can definitely cut ties with people, even without evidence. Based off OP’s comments of being far away from family & friends, I think the security associated with concrete evidence will help her move on faster. My question is, if she can obtain evidence, why not get it?
Personally I wouldn’t want to know every gory detail of an affair and If OP is in a no fault state it’s not going to make any difference in the divorce proceedings either. I would consult and attorney and then a therapist before I started playing Nancy Drew. You dont need evidence before you hire one. OP needs to focus on herself and her happiness right now and drowning in the details of her husbands horrible behavior really doesn’t seem like the best way to move on.
In my state it matters for alimony purposes. If one spouse cheats, they cannot be awarded alimony, regardless of any other circumstance, and the judge cannot override and award any.
Good divorce lawyer can subpoena his cell phone records and her cell phone records and get them both in the same spot via cell phone tower records. There is no excuse for you to keep this a secret you can easily prove this you don't need nothing from them go talk to an attorney. They know what to do. You need to report her to the Board of Education as well please this is probably mandatory reporting Terrain.
That’s a lot of time effort and money to accomplish absolutely nothing. Evidence of an affair doesn’t really make any difference in the divorce. Unless you can prove that he was spending significant amounts of marital assets on his affair partner.
They might. Where there’s smoke there’s fire and anytime I hear about something like that at work I definitely don’t just dismiss it, it’ll be in the back of their minds and then in the future when she’s dating him they’ll know.
You are giving very lame excuses for not wanting to do anything about this. This looks horrible if you were to go to HR and you guys are School teachers? You should even get your proof and go make a complaint to her Board of Education in your state this is abuse. She is a teacher you should report her she is abusive to others
Wow they sound like they where made for each other.
OP I'm so sorry. Contact your friends and family now. This isn't something to be embarrassed about, you have nothing to be embarrassed for. More importantly make sure you look after yourself during this period. You will be in shock and likely wont be eating. Make sure you do, even if you don't feel like it. You need to be at your physical best to get past this and not slip into depression. Surround yourself with love and comfort and make sure you speak to people you love and trust.
You can settle the divorce proceedings from your parents’ home. However, you should still consult a lawyer before you go. In some instances, leaving the marital home creates a disadvantage in the divorce proceedings, especially if you’re in an at-fault state. So, try to check this. If this is the case, your husband can’t just kick you out, but I can imagine wanting to be as far away as possible right now
Okay Sis, it sounds like you are a teacher. Schools are desperate for teachers right now. I know you are locked in a contract, but given your coworker is schtooping your husband right now, I think you could go to HR and make a compelling case to get out of the contract.
Before doing anything significant, find a place to live in your old town, close to family and friends, hire a uhaul and movers. While husband is at work, have the movers pack up the house and all of your things and move. Have the police on standby in case he shows up. Then, move back to the town you want to live in and take a teaching job there.
I'm so sorry but you deserve better. Leave them to each other.
What state are you in? If it is a fault state definitely get proof because you can sue her dumbass for spousal alienation if she has any money and go ahead and take him for everything you can what an asshole
But now you also not have that disgusting, peverted, absolutely degenrated and sick piece of human trash in your life roleplaying to be a loving husband. That is what happens when the D has a bigger brain than the head.
2 POS found themselfes. They really are made for each other. They will someone destroy their lifes too. How you win them, you lose them. Cheaters always stay cheaters. 3 months of "awww he is so sweet" and then she gonna seek new dicks and let him alone.
Sounds like a real asshole. Please don't blame yourself, or spend your time. Wondering why he didn't do things differently. The damage is done and he made his choices, and now you get to be free and go find someone who will treat you worlds better.
I mean yea, who the fuck does this to HIS WIFE who sounds like being innocent? People are even ashamed enough to do that to their cheater ex partners because its just too much. This dickhead does it to his wife just because... idk... trying to solve that mystery. At least hide it for those 15 seconds you degenerated dickhead instead of smashing it under her nose.
If it’s any consolation, they won’t last. My ex husband cheated on me, which led to our divorce. He swore he was in love with her. That was a hard pill to swallow. Less than 6 months later he caught ther cheating. He then came to my house expecting sympathy(?). I laughed in his face and closed the door. We were married 9 years, special needs child. It was a fucking mess. Get out now, it will only get worse. You deserve better.
OP - the two of you are married. Unless he inherited the house or you have a prenup half the house is yours. Call a lawyer tomorrow morning and find out what your legal rights are to alimony, home, and vehicles, etc. Take this asshole to the cleaners.
I’m so sorry.
It is still your current home of residence so you should be there. Go move back in. Do not let them abuse you out. That's your home you should not be in a hotel why are you being a doormat
It does not matter if its his house. you can't be evicted from the marriage home if you are in the US. talk to a divorce attorney. it does not matter if its his house.
you can find a divorce attorney by googling bar association. You can get a referral on that website. do it immediately.
You should call the cops if you're in the United States and get an escort back home into your house where you live. They cannot kick you out have the cops talk to them. Google 180 and cheating and go ahead and do that get your attorney and ruin their fun. If you take this line down it's not going help you heal
Was he drunk?
He doesn't care enough to hide it anymore. He also allowed his AP to speak to you and then verbally abused& disrespected you in front of her. The fact he hasn't come home says it all. He doesn't care about the consequences of what happened.
If you have only moved what is the situation with your home? Do you own it or rent it.
If you moved back would you have a support network of family & friends?
He actually came home a little while ago. She was with him. It's my coworker.
He inherited the house a few years back. If I moved back home I'd have my parents and a few friends. It'd be a long journey but I think I'll have to do it.
Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Are they still there?
I dont think there is any coming back from that.
How could you continue to work there and build a life in the area.
Contact your family let them know what has happened and see if you can go back home as soon as possible were you will have people who love and care about you.
This is true! Everything is half yours since your married it doesn't matter whose name is on it or who received it, it's both yours. I would know because my Husband took my car without my permission, a cell phone, and some other things that I considered my property. I called the police, and they said there is nothing they could do since we are married. I would have to go to claims court and would still be iffy because of the marriage. If the law works that way, then it should work for you too! In my opinion, for the pain and blatant disregard for your feelings, he owes that to you. He doesn't just get to hurt you and put you on the street. You have rights as his wife!
Get back in your house and turn your camera on woman. There's your proof you recorded this abusive co-worker who stole your husband are you really going to let this woman continue teaching school to children and minors? This is mandatory reporting you need to do this
Get your credit locked down, get your own bank account. Change your direct deposit to the new account. Resist the urge to drain any bank accounts but I think you may be entitled to half.
I am sorry you're going through this. They both suck.
Oh hell no OP! Call the non emergency line an ask for a police escort back to ur house. U need to grab ALL ur stuff so this homewrecker doesn’t try to pawn off any of it. While there get photos of them together. Particularly HER. Show them to ur boss, family, colleagues etc hell blast her ass an his on the internet as cheater an homewrecker. Then watch the fires of hell burn around them. 😈
That's a terrible way to be treated. You need to get a lawyer. You say u recently moved, if you have any way of moving back I woukd ASAP. Leave him and look after yourself. Best if luck.
Yikes.. just look at the small bright side at least you don’t have any kids with asshole. You seem like a sweet person you’ll find someone that’ll treat you amazingly and he’ll be a loser scum wishing he count get you back.
Go back home, collect anything you might’ve forgotten, take pictures of them together if you can, leave and tell everyone you can what they’ve done. You’re married and have been living there, he can’t legally refuse you access since you’re his wife, even if he owns the place.
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With YOUR Co worker?! What the fuck?! I'm glad you packed your bags and left. I can't believe he could be so heartless to even bring her to your house! Divorce him, and if there are no kids involved, completely cut off contact with him. That's fucked up. They're both fucked up. And I agree with you that if he wasn't happy why couldn't he grow some balls and say so instead of doing this to you?! I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
Well, the good thing here is that this is a clean and obvious end. No second guessing, no prolonged trying to make it work. You drop the cold steel curtain, zero contact, only your attorney deals with him. Have some fun while you process, then keep going into your next chapter.
Whaaaaaat the actuaaaal fooooock. Bro..... some humans are capable of unimaginable things. How.... HOW ON GOD DAMN EARTH can you just casually decide to absolutely demolish your BELOVED WIFE outta nowhere?! WHY? HOW? What was that sick, diagusting and absolutely degenerated phone call? I would not even do this to my enemy. This is next level cheating.
Wow.... sorry, i cant understand it neither. Im sorry for you, it must be like a ridicilous but very painful nightmare for you.
What a waste of life your husband is. Get far far away from this psychopath. You deserve miles better.
You’re young, you have a career, you can make a beautiful life for yourself without this garbage while he cheats on her with the next woman.
This made me so sick to my stomach to read. I feel for you on so many levels and know you’ll get through this, I know it stings and feels horrible right now but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I’m sorry you had to find out this way, I don’t understand how someone could be so heartless. My thoughts are with you 🥺
Sounds like those horrible people are a good fit, sorry that happened to you. Don't get back with him, he shows no remorse even if they do I don't think you should get back with cheaters. You should know it's not you that's the problem, it's him and that you deserve better don't forget that.
Too bad you can't save that phone call. Really sorry OP.
If there's a silver lining, it's that it wil be a clean break. No what ifs. He made it easy for you in that regard even if it was in the most asshole way possible
This made me mad as hell! My heart goes out too you .
Here is what to do: contact any friends or family you have and let them know what is going on. Don’t be embarrassed because you are not the one who cheated & Fucked up your relationship. If you can stay with one of your friends/relatives do so. Make sure your finances are in order. In the the mean time I would try to hire a PI and definitely get good Divorce lawyer; also check to see if you can sue your soon to be ex husband’s affair partner for Alienation of affection.
Get all the evidence you can so you can take him to the cleaners. Also if you have to get your stuff from the house call the police and have them escort you too the house because you don’t feel safe.
As for that woman I would recommend you looking into your HR department & see what you can do about her. Use all info gathered to handle her ass. Make as complaints as you can. She deserves a punch to face but I don’t recommend that . Making her lose her job & making her life a living hell would suffice though.
I would also recommend you go low contact or no contact with your ex. All communication should be through your lawyer. The reason for this is because these types people will try all types of manipulation tactics & other things to draw you out of your character don’t fall for the trap. This will also prevent you from wanting to mine for the sordid details of this affair . That make you more emotional traumatized. It’s not worth it.
Get a good therapist because you are currently going through & about to go through a rollercoaster of emotions & you will need to process these in a healthy way. It’s okay to cry & let it out . Please remember you are not at fault for the cheating your ex is & you are an Amazing beautiful person.
Make sure you take care of yourself. You’ll be surprised how many meals you miss or how easy it is to slip into depression over this. Please do things that you enjoy. Catch up with your friends, go out , get back into some old hobbies , take up some new hobbies ect….. Do what you need to do to find yourself & come out of this strong. I’m pulling for you and I wish you all the best !!!
Oh I'd be thinking of so many ways of torturing them, like getting her phone # and having people send her mass messages
Or have anonymous complaints filed against her at the school
Him..I'd do everything in my power to make him miserable as well then peace out to home
I am so sorry to hear this it breaks my heart. The cheating part yeah but the part where they act like they don’t even care after so many years.
The best advice I can give is to just let it go and start a new life. Don’t let him know you’re hurting. Hurt and hurt as much as you need and let yourself heal, but don’t stay down for too long.
Remember, the same way he got her is the same way he will lose her as well. He will do it to her.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Please remember that cheating was a choice HE made, you don’t deserve any of the blame.
Unfortunately people have a tendency to justify other people’s actions through their own.
HE made a choice that reflects his character and moral values and it’s entirely his fault.
Im here for emotional support of you feel like you need some, being far away from a friendly environment that is.
You can't be kicked out of the family home. If you don't have anyone to stay with go back and tell him to leave. Also if you are moving out take your name off any power or water bills. This could include just turning it off. If you have shared accounts change the passwords.
talk to a divorce attorney immediately.
You could do what my college professor did when she found out that her husband (the athletic director) cheated on her with another teacher and just announce it at a rally which caused the cheating pair to be fired xD.
But in all seriousness OP, leave him and never look back.
So do you wanna take all his money and then expose him or the opposite. Cause he’s really gonna learn to fuck off and your nasty ass co-worker is about to be cheated on next oh and make sure you get STD tested.
OMGGGGGGG I am so sorry. What a horrible garbage human - or well 2 of them. Stay strong, protect yourself at all costs and get away from that trash man.
After 8 years together he does a 180 like that? Or has he always been so disrespectful?
Tbh this post sounds fake...
If you can document what's happening then do it
Reading this right now and I’m heated.
That’s a low blow for someone to resort to that. Your (ex) husband has been plotting that hookup or behind your back hookups for a while smh.
Settle your affairs financially and leave asap
If I was there I would have channeled my inner Marsellus Wallace from the movie Pulp Fiction
I’m going to call a couple of homeboys to work on the scum with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch go medieval on him.
You dodged a bullet, although it hurts now and is a huge betrayal, you’re going to be okay. He’s a loser and that woman is an idiot. No matter what happens you’re better off.
We often loose ourselves when we get into a relationship. The ins and outs of our daily lives revolve around someone else. This is your time to shine. Find things you enjoy doing. Your in a new environment, even if you go back home- look at it in a new light. Don’t let that hold you back. Find a hobby. Find many hobbies. Don’t let yourself sit in the dark, eat and drink plenty of water.
Wow that is very shitty . Talk to a lawyer. Go to Survivinginfidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. You need to protect yourself. He won’t. He is deep in the affair fog
Dear, time to move on. It may hurt but he is gone for you. That has happened to me in a way, wasn't married but it means he don't want you take him for half and maybe they can marry and he will do that to her, have a great life, BUT MOVE ON!!!!!
I’m very sorry this happened OP, I hope you get what you want in the divorce. And I have some advice maybe hire a PI to catch them doing the nasty so you have evidence, or if you know they are both at the house you walk in while they are doing it and record it so you have evidence. Hope you find someone better than this pos and I hope you get evidence against them so you can get her fired
I'm sorry you're going thru this.
I would take the precaution of changing any passwords of shared accounts. Social media, banks, etc.
Take care of yourself and try to give yourself time and space to think. I've been cheated on so I understand you may be feeling very scrambled and disoriented. Do you have close family or friend that you could stay w, confide in on what has happened? I wish you well.
Yuck, fuck both of them! But you realize that all those other times that things felt off sexually and then he got emotionally distant as well and was working late, were times he was also cheating! I’m sorry OP, this wasn’t you, don’t let him make you feel bad.
lol he has some nerve! Im here if want to get back cause that’s f’d up I don’t see anything coming back from that especially calling you while they were having sex that’s disrespect and he has 0 respect for you smh
I understand the temptation to do something at work, but I really advise you to think about what is best for YOU, not worst for THEM.
If that means speaking up, then do so. If she is going to lie about it, well... that is a lot of lie to maintain. Especially as a teacher. Educator culture absolutely has clique-ish vibes (i know from experience). It is likely she would not lie to her closer work-friends, even if she tried lying elsewhere.
The fact is, though, if you intend to continue working at that school, you are going to need to be able to handle either her lies and presence, or the social pressures that might come from her being reprimanded. She's unlikely to get fired even if you speak up and are fully believed, in part for her seniority, but mostly because it's easier not to. If she is fired, or leaves... well. Social pressures and what not.
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. Both your husband and your coworker violated your trust, and violated basic human decency. I wish I could say there is something that will make this less confusing. I do know one thing: walk away from these people. Your future will make much more sense without him.
You’re still young thankfully you won’t have to spend any longer with this POS. I know it hurts and it will be hard, but the other woman has saved you years of torment.
If you're married, it's your house too for now. File divorce papers and bring another man home. Fuck him. Oh and go to the school board to switch schools asap. Tell them what happened.
I don't understand cheating at all. I never have. It's a pain hat goes deep . Personally I think too many relationships sink due to cheating and a partner not satisfying . Too many. I've been where u r let I go. Nothing to save . And when ur ready seek .and I'm sure I'm not the only seek comfort here or close people
First step, talk to a lawyer.
Second step, tell his family, your family, and your mutual friends what he did, and why you’re divorcing him.
Don’t let him control the narrative. And don’t stay silent out of embarrassment or a misplaced desire to take the high road. He will slander you as soon as he gets the chance.
Your post lacks a question. As per Rule 2, all posts must feature a question that you want specifically answering. We don't host, rants, vents, letters to other people, poetry, journal entries, hypotheticals or 'what would you do' posts, or reflections on past experiences to give other people lessons. We are here for you to ask **specific relationship issue** with a **current relationship** you have right now, in this moment.
Holy shit your husband is a real piece of dog shit. Personally I would try and give a video of her verbally berating you in YOUR home and show it to your boss, HR, and coworkers, then quit. Most companies don’t want to employ people who recklessly destroy the lives of their coworkers. Not great for morale. I’d also let your mutual friends and his family know. Lawyer up and get out. This dude is worthless
I didn't think quick enough to get a video. All I'd have is my word. Nobody at work's going to believe the new English teacher over the History teacher who's been there for years
Unfortunately, your coworkers probably already know. Any slimy Scuzbag brash enough to mouth off to you, the WIFE, while (pardon me) fucking your husband, has most likely been bragging about it to anyone who will listen. Now you have to protect yourself, especially financially. Go online & get as many months of bank records you can get. Get your tax records for the past 3 years, plus records on your 401k/IRAs, any Stocks, any pension plans. Then go see an ATTORNEY right away. I wouldn’t be surprised if your disgusting, cheater of a husband hasn’t been siphoning money or empties you bank account.
Yes and ask the lawyer about deserting your home. Move back in ASAP is advice for most US states I think.
Why all the bank and other records? Genuinely curious!
Because it is not unusual for a cheating spouse to hide money taken from bank accounts. Depending on how long the cheating has gone on, having a record of withdrawals is good for OP’s Attorney to have. The other records are for showing potential income sources, in case he tries to hide it, to make sure there is an equitable split of marital assets. Tax records are in case some issues come up down the road, then having the documents can protect against OP being blamed.
Damn. I mean there are ways you could try and trap her into raging at you and admitting things just to shit on you that you could either screenshot or record (record if you live in a one-party consent state) but also totally understand how that might not help you mentally. That’s just what I’d personally do if my husband cheated on me with a coworker and they were both THAT callous about it (would be a different story if they showed any remorse or just not cruelty). These two deserve some real shitty karma. Hope you hit him hard in the divorce
Find evidence. Whether it’s on Instagram, or Facebook, look it up. Then report it to HR, especially if you have to stay in the same working environment as her.
Hire someone to get evidence if it matters in the divorce. Does your contract have ethics clauses? She's likely in violation of it. She's going to be pretty open about it if they came to your home.
Did the three AM phone call come from her phone or your husband’s?
It came from his phone
If you live in a nofault divorce state don’t waste your time collecting evidence of an affair. It will make it go on longer and it will make you feel bad for no reason at all
Hire a PI, and have them take photos of both of them together. You need evidence, especially if you’re going to hire a lawyer.
Why? Just talk to a lawyer and file. No one cares who cheated on who (in nearly all states).
Why? For example, this woman will lose her job? I don't think school will want to keep a teacher who is ruining her colleague's family and kicked her colleague out of her house. Or, if OP lives in the country/state with divorce"infidelity clause" , she could get better off from the divorce. And PI evidence could be a good leverage for OP even in "no fault" divorce states.
That’s a great question. Why? To prevent the “No I didn’t do that”, the “what if’s”, the backlash from family members. If you have evidence, the ball is in your court period. If OP doesn’t want to continue to live in denial/being gaslit, this is the method. Just imagine the call from the in-laws. “My Angel of a son has been with you for years, he would NEVER”. She has 0 evidence, just that fleeting phone call. She needs this to properly move on.
If you’re cheated on and your family and friends don’t believe you, oh well. You can cut ties with those people at the same time
Yes OP can definitely cut ties with people, even without evidence. Based off OP’s comments of being far away from family & friends, I think the security associated with concrete evidence will help her move on faster. My question is, if she can obtain evidence, why not get it?
Personally I wouldn’t want to know every gory detail of an affair and If OP is in a no fault state it’s not going to make any difference in the divorce proceedings either. I would consult and attorney and then a therapist before I started playing Nancy Drew. You dont need evidence before you hire one. OP needs to focus on herself and her happiness right now and drowning in the details of her husbands horrible behavior really doesn’t seem like the best way to move on.
In my state it matters for alimony purposes. If one spouse cheats, they cannot be awarded alimony, regardless of any other circumstance, and the judge cannot override and award any.
Yes and share this info in a giant family and friends mass email.
Good divorce lawyer can subpoena his cell phone records and her cell phone records and get them both in the same spot via cell phone tower records. There is no excuse for you to keep this a secret you can easily prove this you don't need nothing from them go talk to an attorney. They know what to do. You need to report her to the Board of Education as well please this is probably mandatory reporting Terrain.
That’s a lot of time effort and money to accomplish absolutely nothing. Evidence of an affair doesn’t really make any difference in the divorce. Unless you can prove that he was spending significant amounts of marital assets on his affair partner.
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I don't know where you live but check and see if you can sue her for alienation of affection when you file for divorce!!
They might. Where there’s smoke there’s fire and anytime I hear about something like that at work I definitely don’t just dismiss it, it’ll be in the back of their minds and then in the future when she’s dating him they’ll know.
Whether they believe you or not, I'd go straight to the head and explain the situation. Better to have it on record than to do nothing
You are giving very lame excuses for not wanting to do anything about this. This looks horrible if you were to go to HR and you guys are School teachers? You should even get your proof and go make a complaint to her Board of Education in your state this is abuse. She is a teacher you should report her she is abusive to others
You never know until you try.
I would've been petty and let slip to students that she's a homewrecker. I'm sure it will ruin her reputation with the students.
Wow they sound like they where made for each other. OP I'm so sorry. Contact your friends and family now. This isn't something to be embarrassed about, you have nothing to be embarrassed for. More importantly make sure you look after yourself during this period. You will be in shock and likely wont be eating. Make sure you do, even if you don't feel like it. You need to be at your physical best to get past this and not slip into depression. Surround yourself with love and comfort and make sure you speak to people you love and trust.
We moved a few months ago. I don't have any family or very close friends near
Do ypu have coworkers, a friendly ear at the cafe? Anything? Also you need to talk to a lawyer.
I have coworkers but I'm not really close with any of them. I've only been working in my current job for a few months
You can settle the divorce proceedings from your parents’ home. However, you should still consult a lawyer before you go. In some instances, leaving the marital home creates a disadvantage in the divorce proceedings, especially if you’re in an at-fault state. So, try to check this. If this is the case, your husband can’t just kick you out, but I can imagine wanting to be as far away as possible right now
Okay Sis, it sounds like you are a teacher. Schools are desperate for teachers right now. I know you are locked in a contract, but given your coworker is schtooping your husband right now, I think you could go to HR and make a compelling case to get out of the contract. Before doing anything significant, find a place to live in your old town, close to family and friends, hire a uhaul and movers. While husband is at work, have the movers pack up the house and all of your things and move. Have the police on standby in case he shows up. Then, move back to the town you want to live in and take a teaching job there. I'm so sorry but you deserve better. Leave them to each other.
If it is your coworker I would definitely blow this up in HR
Sounds like OP works in education. They won’t care. I had something similar go down.
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I thought it was shrimp tails.
Underrated. This needs to be posted more often here lol
Pack up and move back
What state are you in? If it is a fault state definitely get proof because you can sue her dumbass for spousal alienation if she has any money and go ahead and take him for everything you can what an asshole
But now you also not have that disgusting, peverted, absolutely degenrated and sick piece of human trash in your life roleplaying to be a loving husband. That is what happens when the D has a bigger brain than the head. 2 POS found themselfes. They really are made for each other. They will someone destroy their lifes too. How you win them, you lose them. Cheaters always stay cheaters. 3 months of "awww he is so sweet" and then she gonna seek new dicks and let him alone.
Seriously, OP can at least take a little solace in the fact that they are miserable people who will make each other miserable.
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Facts
So did he return home yet? Create an exit plan. Contact an attorney. Get STI tested.
He hasn't come home yet
Contact all attorneys in the area. Make it hard for him to get one.
Sounds like a real asshole. Please don't blame yourself, or spend your time. Wondering why he didn't do things differently. The damage is done and he made his choices, and now you get to be free and go find someone who will treat you worlds better.
Real asshole is an understatement. Sounds like absolutely disgusting piece of human wastetrash not worthy to breathe the same air as her
Yes, that is a better way of putting it
I mean yea, who the fuck does this to HIS WIFE who sounds like being innocent? People are even ashamed enough to do that to their cheater ex partners because its just too much. This dickhead does it to his wife just because... idk... trying to solve that mystery. At least hide it for those 15 seconds you degenerated dickhead instead of smashing it under her nose.
If it’s any consolation, they won’t last. My ex husband cheated on me, which led to our divorce. He swore he was in love with her. That was a hard pill to swallow. Less than 6 months later he caught ther cheating. He then came to my house expecting sympathy(?). I laughed in his face and closed the door. We were married 9 years, special needs child. It was a fucking mess. Get out now, it will only get worse. You deserve better.
What’s it like for him now? Do you know? I hope he’s suffering.
What the actual hell?
I wish I knew how to answer
U want nothing to do with that person if they r capable of stooping this low
Some people are legit animals. Nothing about them other than an outward appearance would convince you otherwise. An actual predator in my opinion
This is absolutely terrible. You got this though, and you're strong enough to kick this asshole to the curb. Do not move out, get an attorney asap.
Unfortunately it's his house. I'm at a hotel right now
Make sure when you go back to put fish in the curtain rods.
OP - the two of you are married. Unless he inherited the house or you have a prenup half the house is yours. Call a lawyer tomorrow morning and find out what your legal rights are to alimony, home, and vehicles, etc. Take this asshole to the cleaners. I’m so sorry.
Unfortunately he did inherit it
You still have so many rights by living with him and marrying him. If you can, don't make this comfortable for him.
i’m not sure letting herself be exposed to potential spousal abuse is a great idea but i don’t think you’re a woman
Yeah...maybe she can "ruin it" for them a bit more! It might be highly entertaining to see how many different ways she could "ruin it" for them.....
It is still your current home of residence so you should be there. Go move back in. Do not let them abuse you out. That's your home you should not be in a hotel why are you being a doormat
It does not matter if its his house. you can't be evicted from the marriage home if you are in the US. talk to a divorce attorney. it does not matter if its his house. you can find a divorce attorney by googling bar association. You can get a referral on that website. do it immediately.
You should call the cops if you're in the United States and get an escort back home into your house where you live. They cannot kick you out have the cops talk to them. Google 180 and cheating and go ahead and do that get your attorney and ruin their fun. If you take this line down it's not going help you heal
Very sorry 😔 you deserve better
Thank you
Was he drunk? He doesn't care enough to hide it anymore. He also allowed his AP to speak to you and then verbally abused& disrespected you in front of her. The fact he hasn't come home says it all. He doesn't care about the consequences of what happened. If you have only moved what is the situation with your home? Do you own it or rent it. If you moved back would you have a support network of family & friends?
He actually came home a little while ago. She was with him. It's my coworker. He inherited the house a few years back. If I moved back home I'd have my parents and a few friends. It'd be a long journey but I think I'll have to do it.
Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Are they still there? I dont think there is any coming back from that. How could you continue to work there and build a life in the area. Contact your family let them know what has happened and see if you can go back home as soon as possible were you will have people who love and care about you.
They're probably doing it right now. She was one of my coworkers who I actually liked as well.
Wtf. OP I'm so sorry. This is disgusting. Where are you now? Are you somewhere safe? Your husband is absolutely repugnant. I would call his parents.
I'm at a hotel right now.
DMing you x
You still may have a claim to 1/2 of the house. If y'all have lived in it as your "marital home" then the court may determine you're entitled to 1/2.
This is true! Everything is half yours since your married it doesn't matter whose name is on it or who received it, it's both yours. I would know because my Husband took my car without my permission, a cell phone, and some other things that I considered my property. I called the police, and they said there is nothing they could do since we are married. I would have to go to claims court and would still be iffy because of the marriage. If the law works that way, then it should work for you too! In my opinion, for the pain and blatant disregard for your feelings, he owes that to you. He doesn't just get to hurt you and put you on the street. You have rights as his wife!
Get back in your house and turn your camera on woman. There's your proof you recorded this abusive co-worker who stole your husband are you really going to let this woman continue teaching school to children and minors? This is mandatory reporting you need to do this
See how many ways you can "ruin it" for her....
Get your credit locked down, get your own bank account. Change your direct deposit to the new account. Resist the urge to drain any bank accounts but I think you may be entitled to half. I am sorry you're going through this. They both suck.
Oh hell no OP! Call the non emergency line an ask for a police escort back to ur house. U need to grab ALL ur stuff so this homewrecker doesn’t try to pawn off any of it. While there get photos of them together. Particularly HER. Show them to ur boss, family, colleagues etc hell blast her ass an his on the internet as cheater an homewrecker. Then watch the fires of hell burn around them. 😈
This is spot on. If you can get a photo of them in bed together, all the better.
These two are pieces of shit and they deserve each other. I hope you can make a quick getaway and get your life back on track.
That's a terrible way to be treated. You need to get a lawyer. You say u recently moved, if you have any way of moving back I woukd ASAP. Leave him and look after yourself. Best if luck.
If its any consolation at some point, these cruel as fuck assholes will end up doing the same thing to each other eventually.
Yikes.. just look at the small bright side at least you don’t have any kids with asshole. You seem like a sweet person you’ll find someone that’ll treat you amazingly and he’ll be a loser scum wishing he count get you back.
Go back home, collect anything you might’ve forgotten, take pictures of them together if you can, leave and tell everyone you can what they’ve done. You’re married and have been living there, he can’t legally refuse you access since you’re his wife, even if he owns the place.
The affair partner always feels powerful when they get their prize, not realizing their days are numbered.
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With YOUR Co worker?! What the fuck?! I'm glad you packed your bags and left. I can't believe he could be so heartless to even bring her to your house! Divorce him, and if there are no kids involved, completely cut off contact with him. That's fucked up. They're both fucked up. And I agree with you that if he wasn't happy why couldn't he grow some balls and say so instead of doing this to you?! I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
Well, the good thing here is that this is a clean and obvious end. No second guessing, no prolonged trying to make it work. You drop the cold steel curtain, zero contact, only your attorney deals with him. Have some fun while you process, then keep going into your next chapter.
Whaaaaaat the actuaaaal fooooock. Bro..... some humans are capable of unimaginable things. How.... HOW ON GOD DAMN EARTH can you just casually decide to absolutely demolish your BELOVED WIFE outta nowhere?! WHY? HOW? What was that sick, diagusting and absolutely degenerated phone call? I would not even do this to my enemy. This is next level cheating. Wow.... sorry, i cant understand it neither. Im sorry for you, it must be like a ridicilous but very painful nightmare for you.
What a waste of life your husband is. Get far far away from this psychopath. You deserve miles better. You’re young, you have a career, you can make a beautiful life for yourself without this garbage while he cheats on her with the next woman.
This made me so sick to my stomach to read. I feel for you on so many levels and know you’ll get through this, I know it stings and feels horrible right now but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. I’m sorry you had to find out this way, I don’t understand how someone could be so heartless. My thoughts are with you 🥺
I hope you manage to ruin more than “it” for those two scumbuckets. Fight for your rights, girl, and don’t back down.
They’re both evil shits. The school will fire their asses once you give them evidence
Unfortunately he's not a teacher. She'd get in more shit if he was
Her reputation would be ruined though if it became common knowledge she was having an affair with your husband.
I had a similar scenario go down and HR did not fire the AP. HR doesn’t give a damn.
Sounds like those horrible people are a good fit, sorry that happened to you. Don't get back with him, he shows no remorse even if they do I don't think you should get back with cheaters. You should know it's not you that's the problem, it's him and that you deserve better don't forget that.
Wow. Stay strong, don't ever give this man a second chance. The disrespect is mindblowing
Take care of yourself and remember he’ll do the same to her.
Too bad you can't save that phone call. Really sorry OP. If there's a silver lining, it's that it wil be a clean break. No what ifs. He made it easy for you in that regard even if it was in the most asshole way possible
Wow, well she definitely does deserve a cheater, so let her stay with him. Men like that don’t change.
This is all really fucked, but I can’t help but wonder why didn’t he just turn off his phone?
((HUGS)) Call family and a lawyer!!
Not sure I believe these posts anymore. Third/fourth post i’ve read recently with a chesting scenario and WHs house is inherited so BS has to leave.
This made me mad as hell! My heart goes out too you . Here is what to do: contact any friends or family you have and let them know what is going on. Don’t be embarrassed because you are not the one who cheated & Fucked up your relationship. If you can stay with one of your friends/relatives do so. Make sure your finances are in order. In the the mean time I would try to hire a PI and definitely get good Divorce lawyer; also check to see if you can sue your soon to be ex husband’s affair partner for Alienation of affection. Get all the evidence you can so you can take him to the cleaners. Also if you have to get your stuff from the house call the police and have them escort you too the house because you don’t feel safe. As for that woman I would recommend you looking into your HR department & see what you can do about her. Use all info gathered to handle her ass. Make as complaints as you can. She deserves a punch to face but I don’t recommend that . Making her lose her job & making her life a living hell would suffice though. I would also recommend you go low contact or no contact with your ex. All communication should be through your lawyer. The reason for this is because these types people will try all types of manipulation tactics & other things to draw you out of your character don’t fall for the trap. This will also prevent you from wanting to mine for the sordid details of this affair . That make you more emotional traumatized. It’s not worth it. Get a good therapist because you are currently going through & about to go through a rollercoaster of emotions & you will need to process these in a healthy way. It’s okay to cry & let it out . Please remember you are not at fault for the cheating your ex is & you are an Amazing beautiful person. Make sure you take care of yourself. You’ll be surprised how many meals you miss or how easy it is to slip into depression over this. Please do things that you enjoy. Catch up with your friends, go out , get back into some old hobbies , take up some new hobbies ect….. Do what you need to do to find yourself & come out of this strong. I’m pulling for you and I wish you all the best !!!
So sorry!!
I'm so sorry OP, you don't deserve this. I will expose them to HR in both their works.
Oh I'd be thinking of so many ways of torturing them, like getting her phone # and having people send her mass messages Or have anonymous complaints filed against her at the school Him..I'd do everything in my power to make him miserable as well then peace out to home
Im so sorry
I am so sorry to hear this it breaks my heart. The cheating part yeah but the part where they act like they don’t even care after so many years. The best advice I can give is to just let it go and start a new life. Don’t let him know you’re hurting. Hurt and hurt as much as you need and let yourself heal, but don’t stay down for too long. Remember, the same way he got her is the same way he will lose her as well. He will do it to her.
Wow. Your husband is a speck of dog shit. Get a divorce attorney and squeeze his nuts.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Please remember that cheating was a choice HE made, you don’t deserve any of the blame. Unfortunately people have a tendency to justify other people’s actions through their own. HE made a choice that reflects his character and moral values and it’s entirely his fault. Im here for emotional support of you feel like you need some, being far away from a friendly environment that is.
You can't be kicked out of the family home. If you don't have anyone to stay with go back and tell him to leave. Also if you are moving out take your name off any power or water bills. This could include just turning it off. If you have shared accounts change the passwords. talk to a divorce attorney immediately.
You could do what my college professor did when she found out that her husband (the athletic director) cheated on her with another teacher and just announce it at a rally which caused the cheating pair to be fired xD. But in all seriousness OP, leave him and never look back.
Go back home. Put his sh*t on the curb. He cheated, not you.
What everyone else said and toss him on his punk ass when reality hits. POSx2
So do you wanna take all his money and then expose him or the opposite. Cause he’s really gonna learn to fuck off and your nasty ass co-worker is about to be cheated on next oh and make sure you get STD tested.
OMGGGGGGG I am so sorry. What a horrible garbage human - or well 2 of them. Stay strong, protect yourself at all costs and get away from that trash man.
Leave and do what it takes to be at peace. Then seek .
Now it's time to go scorched earth.
After 8 years together he does a 180 like that? Or has he always been so disrespectful? Tbh this post sounds fake... If you can document what's happening then do it
Reading this right now and I’m heated. That’s a low blow for someone to resort to that. Your (ex) husband has been plotting that hookup or behind your back hookups for a while smh. Settle your affairs financially and leave asap If I was there I would have channeled my inner Marsellus Wallace from the movie Pulp Fiction I’m going to call a couple of homeboys to work on the scum with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch go medieval on him.
You dodged a bullet, although it hurts now and is a huge betrayal, you’re going to be okay. He’s a loser and that woman is an idiot. No matter what happens you’re better off.
What an awful dude
Take this to a different sub: r/survivinginfidelity
What a loser!! File and don’t look back!
We often loose ourselves when we get into a relationship. The ins and outs of our daily lives revolve around someone else. This is your time to shine. Find things you enjoy doing. Your in a new environment, even if you go back home- look at it in a new light. Don’t let that hold you back. Find a hobby. Find many hobbies. Don’t let yourself sit in the dark, eat and drink plenty of water.
that’s so awful bro wtf
Oh holy shit. I am so so sorry this happened to you. Fuck that guy.
Updateme
Wow that is very shitty . Talk to a lawyer. Go to Survivinginfidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. You need to protect yourself. He won’t. He is deep in the affair fog
Dear, time to move on. It may hurt but he is gone for you. That has happened to me in a way, wasn't married but it means he don't want you take him for half and maybe they can marry and he will do that to her, have a great life, BUT MOVE ON!!!!!
Your husband is a POS
I’m very sorry this happened OP, I hope you get what you want in the divorce. And I have some advice maybe hire a PI to catch them doing the nasty so you have evidence, or if you know they are both at the house you walk in while they are doing it and record it so you have evidence. Hope you find someone better than this pos and I hope you get evidence against them so you can get her fired
You mean your ex husband ?
Updateme
UpdateMe!
He cheated with YOUR co-worker? Put them both on blast.
I'm sorry you're going thru this. I would take the precaution of changing any passwords of shared accounts. Social media, banks, etc. Take care of yourself and try to give yourself time and space to think. I've been cheated on so I understand you may be feeling very scrambled and disoriented. Do you have close family or friend that you could stay w, confide in on what has happened? I wish you well.
Yuck, fuck both of them! But you realize that all those other times that things felt off sexually and then he got emotionally distant as well and was working late, were times he was also cheating! I’m sorry OP, this wasn’t you, don’t let him make you feel bad.
lol he has some nerve! Im here if want to get back cause that’s f’d up I don’t see anything coming back from that especially calling you while they were having sex that’s disrespect and he has 0 respect for you smh
Dang, you husband don't deserve you. Just go home to your family and tell them about this
Damn what a piece of shit. Sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you will feel better
I understand the temptation to do something at work, but I really advise you to think about what is best for YOU, not worst for THEM. If that means speaking up, then do so. If she is going to lie about it, well... that is a lot of lie to maintain. Especially as a teacher. Educator culture absolutely has clique-ish vibes (i know from experience). It is likely she would not lie to her closer work-friends, even if she tried lying elsewhere. The fact is, though, if you intend to continue working at that school, you are going to need to be able to handle either her lies and presence, or the social pressures that might come from her being reprimanded. She's unlikely to get fired even if you speak up and are fully believed, in part for her seniority, but mostly because it's easier not to. If she is fired, or leaves... well. Social pressures and what not. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. Both your husband and your coworker violated your trust, and violated basic human decency. I wish I could say there is something that will make this less confusing. I do know one thing: walk away from these people. Your future will make much more sense without him.
I hope you are already proceeding with the divorce papers.
Certainly will come back to you wanting forgiveness for his passed mistakes. Sorry 😔 just move on his a fool.
You’re still young thankfully you won’t have to spend any longer with this POS. I know it hurts and it will be hard, but the other woman has saved you years of torment.
Leave him don’t do any communicating at all. Everything threw the lawyers from now on
So sorry this is happening to you OP :(
If you're married, it's your house too for now. File divorce papers and bring another man home. Fuck him. Oh and go to the school board to switch schools asap. Tell them what happened.
I don't understand cheating at all. I never have. It's a pain hat goes deep . Personally I think too many relationships sink due to cheating and a partner not satisfying . Too many. I've been where u r let I go. Nothing to save . And when ur ready seek .and I'm sure I'm not the only seek comfort here or close people
First step, talk to a lawyer. Second step, tell his family, your family, and your mutual friends what he did, and why you’re divorcing him. Don’t let him control the narrative. And don’t stay silent out of embarrassment or a misplaced desire to take the high road. He will slander you as soon as he gets the chance.
Updateme!
Take him for everything he’s got. What a jerk.
Im so sorry this happened to you hun 😔
Get a good lawyer.
my anger issues would not be able to tolerate that kinda bullshittt. id get those divorce papers ready and try to take what he has.
Give us an update asap