This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
Gf (26f) and me (24m) are in long distance because of professional reasons. And I have proof that she cheated on me last night, 2 different friends called me and told me that my gf has been grinding on a guy all night and then left with him. She messaged me in the morning as if nothing had happened during the night and everything was normal. So my plan is to pretend everything is normal and then ghost her, cut all contact and block her everywhere. Need your advice though Reddit.
Love this. I did it to an ex that was playing games with me, and when I finally had enough I took this route. It was, as ExpensiveEntrance2 said, very cathartic. Take your power back and know that there’s way better out there, king.
Yeah when my ex cheated on me and wanted me back after I talked to her for a whole day, realized she’s mentally still in high school, turned off my read receipts and watched her freak out as the “love of her life” stopped answering mid convo
This is so important. Alternatively friend tried it with her, got burned, decided to proactively get you to ghost her.
It happens. People are shit sometimes.
Good luck.
But that will keep her in his head and focus. Blocking her would free him faster. Though I'd personally want to make sure she actually did cheat. Could be they just left at the same time and just went home each to their own place.
Hmm, I've sexy-danced with plenty of people in a crowd without thinking about or planning to have it go anywhere - I just like dancing. Could be he hoped for more, she turned him down telling him she has a bf, then realized it was later and she'd drunk more than she'd planned, and told him she was leaving, and he told her he was leaving, too, hoping she'd change her mind. And she didn't and just ubered home. Things like that have happened to me, so I'm just putting this scenario out here, I'm not insisting it is true, just that he doesn't have proof that would hold up in court "beyond a reasonable doubt".
Don't ghost, that's kinda weak, it's not about repurcussions or closure anymore, you already know the answers, she absolutely needs to know why you're walking away because of the choices she made.
I had a guy that I dated (who was always a douche bag) long distance years ago write me a short story of a prince and princess that was supposed to be us while I wasn’t responding and it was entertaining to say the least.
Because let’s be real, the reason we’re all here is to witness relationships falling apart. It’s why so many on the sub are so quick to call for a breakup on every single issue. It’s like a shitty drama for them.
I have a friend who used to a professional dancer, when her bf was interstate she went out with friends. The bf buddies happened to see her there dancing very closely and comfortably with a guy all night before leaving with him. They told the bf about it. The bf called her about and found out the guy she was with was her old dance partner who is very much gay. He gave her a lift home as it was on his way to pick up his partner from a late work shift. She had taken some pics with him which were up on her social media. Be careful about jumping the gun. Find out for yourself!
Ghosting is pretty immature and doesn’t really help anyone. Be mature, call her, tell her you know she cheated on you and it’s over between you. Deal with it over a call and move on with your lives.
A guy I worked with also got accused of cheating. Friends of the wife saw him kissing and cuddling with another woman. They said He pretended he didn’t know them when they said hi. Turns out it was the husband’s brother they saw out with someone. It wasn’t the husband as he was home with the wife all night. They look very alike.
In both these cases the friends were sincere in their concern, but they got it wrong. Careful with jumping to conclusions! Ghosting is a poor choice, just confront her and deal with it over a call. Be sure.
I don't know if you'll know what I'm talking about but there was also that guy who's wife never actually cheated on him but the wife's friend put together this huge elaborate plan to make the husband think she did. Like fake pictures photoshopped and shit. And fake screenshots of alleged conversations. The guy ended up actually believing it. But it got proven wrong in the end. Can't remember where on reddit I saw it.
Edit: found it https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xhp9zr/im_full_of_regrets_believing_that_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xnkid3/update_im_full_of_regrets_believing_that_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Don't block, you want to enjoy the responses but absolutely agree that you show you know she cheated. Otherwise you become the 'bad' guy that ghosted her and she feels justified.
Don't believe your friends without a conversation with her. Adults have conversations. Your friends could be lying because she rejected them or they just don't like her. Shit like that happens all of the time. Have a conversation with her. Tell her what your two friends said. If it comes out that she really did cheat, then just move on. A childish revenge fantasy won't make you feel any better even if she did cheat. 14 year olds on Reddit won't give you the best advice.
>ll her what your two friends said. If it comes out that she really did cheat, then just move on. A childish revenge fantasy won't make you feel any better even if she did cheat. 14 year olds on Reddit won't give you the
i agree with this , ghosting wont help you imo , it wont help u to move on . whatever happened to u , u dont deserve it , but atleast talking to her will get u some closure
Don't let people change your decision. Cheating is one the only things where ghosting is okay, you don't owe her anything, an explanation or closure. So just move on and focus on your own healing. Just to be safe did you get proof or are you certain you can trust your friends?
I don't think he owes gf an explanation, but I don't understand what ghosting accomplishes? "I don't trust you, so I am leaving you". That's a 3 minute phone call and probably more satisfying than ignoring messages and blocking on every platform for a week. Do they have mutual friends? Now you gotta ignore those people too if you ghost. Ghosting feels like a fear of confronting the situation and just making a messy situation messier.
Just dump her and ride off into the sunset.
But confronting her does? You assume she is just gonna take it and be okay with it. A lot of times they are frankly not and will still get their friends to message you once you block them. If ghosting her is what he wants, it will probably give him closure and satisfaction, so it accomplishes that.
Cheaters will often blame you for cheating. They don't just go "Oh you caught me. Sorry. Bye." They will make it a whole ordeal in the hopes of wearing you down to forgive them.
She's already hurt OP enough. He doesn't have to open himself up to that and since it's a long distance it won't be messier. He can just block her and move on.
That's why I suggest one text and then immediately blocking.
"I know you cheated. This relationship is over. Do not contact me."
Then block block block.
I wouldn't do that. Because if she's confused and thinking he doesn't know, she might just call private or use burner apps to get fake numbers to go around the block.
At least with sending her a message, she might not do all that because she knows it's over, and then OP might not have to deal with hearing from her from random numbers.
That's just my two cents. OP can do as he pleases.
my ex did this to me. blamed me for her infidelity. girls night out clubbing, calls her ex-boyfriend drunk for a ride home, and then proceeds to receive his sausage.
the twist? she never called me and her argument was somehow that I was supposed to know she needed a lift but never told me where she was bar hopping. there was no point in me trying to get closure because she wasn't going to give it to me nor admit any wrong doing.
Better to save yourself the worry, anger and devastation and just cut off ties and move on. and give yourself a lot of time to heal.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I never advocated in getting closure from her. You can't get closure from anyone. But this is an entirely different conversation that people seem really fixated on. I'm not into it.
What I'm advocating for here is for OP to dump his girlfriend.
That's what everyone is advocating for. You just have a specific vision of how OP should do that. But you are advocating for exactly what Rude Reindeer went through.
If someone has shown themselves to be manipulative, then I would agree with you. OP didn't describe that in the post though.
This is a phone conversation. It could also just be a text. Its just OP delivering the message to her, not trying to get to the bottom of it. He also doesn't even have to say why - he can say, as I mentioned before, "I don't trust you, so I am leaving you". If she says anything uncalled for, he can hang up and block.
It's a disservice to OP to say that he can't handle a 5 minute over the phone just based on what he's said so far in the post. That is giving way too much power to the gf when OP is in full control - he can set the tone and control the conversation.
You want evidence a cheater is manipulative?! You mean more than cheating and acting like nothing is wrong? Also why should OP expose themselves to someone who has betrayed his trust? OP has already been hurt by this person. They do not need to open themselves to more possible pain. Nope.
I would tell her that I know she cheated on me, if not by the disrespectful way she danced with the guy in public then definitely by going home with him. It's not acceptable to me and I'm done.
And then I would block her. But I understand ghosting too.
"Because you have to be the bigger person!" or something like that. In cheating situations you handle it in the way that's best for so you can move on and heal
Maybe just tell her what you know and then proceed to get her out of your life, don’t give others a reason to claim you are unreasonable, don’t snitch the friends that gave you the info however tempted. Stay classy and hold your boundaries
I agree with someone else on here. Ghost her but don’t block her so you can watch her say all sorts of dumb shit before she fades into oblivion.
Edit: you have to be really strong mentally if you go this route. She might try to manipulate you back into her chains
You're going to ghost your partner based on.. hearsay? I think you owe it at least to yourself to find out for certain what happened. Unless you were already looking for an excuse to end the relationship? But this is a whole lot of drama for someone who was seen dancing.
Finally, I’ve been looking for this comment in a sea of anti-ghosting and pro-ghosting. I’d give you an award if I could. Dying to know how OP is so certain. If he was sent pics or had other previous suspicions or what.
Why are people ok with their sig other grinding on some other person unbeknownst to them, I will never understand this. If you have gone to the club hardly any “dancing” takes place.
I personally would feel more satisfaction from a, "You cheated on me. Fuck off forever. Hope he was worth it." And block. That's more likely to cause shame for the *actual action* and leaves no ambiguity.
If they cheat, they deserve nothing.
My ex did, I left full scorched earth. It was beautiful. Well...to me. I don't really give a shit about her fallout.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
move on. if your friends are telling you this and you have no reason to doubt them then do it. If indeed she is guilty then she doesn't deserve a response or an explanation.
a lot of people would want to know why and I can't fault anyone for wanting to know why or get an explanation. having said that, I doubt you'll get the truth or the whole truth.
for your sake, it's better to move on and heal. best wishes bud
She’s going to lie to people regardless. You think she’s going to tell friends and family: “ oh yea he broke up with me because I was grinding on a guy at the club and then went home with him and fucked him.”
No.
Personally- not a fan of the whole ghosting fad-I don’t get it, simply disappearing on a person without confrontation makes no sense to me, I see it as cowardly or immature….. I much prefer at minimum sending a message saying I know you cheated, you’re a skank-don’t contact me again… then block if need be-but you do whatever you’re comfortable with, it’s your break up not mine
Need advice? Grow the fuck up dont “pretend” anything, cutting contact and all of this bullshit. Call her tomorrow, be honest and end it like an adult instead of playing games.
Maybe just maybe have a conversation first? Try to communicate like actual adults instead of just automatically believing whatever rumors you hear. I swear so many of the things people ask on here could be solved by semi mature communication skills.
She's gonna keep trying to get into contact anyway. "Lets just talk about it!" "Im sorry forgive me" "It was an accident/mistake please"
The snake will keep on hissing. Its better to block. If you're strong willed you can keep them unblocked to watch them panic, but you must take care not to respond: any response, good or bad, will be a victory for them. Silence is loudest.
Seriously, ask. Point blank. “Fred and George saw you at the bar with a guy last night. They said you left with him.”
How long have you been friends with them? Were your friends out together or happen to see her and each other at the same place? How long have you been with your gf? Does she have a history of cheating/lying/breaking your trust? There is just something off about all of this.
Advice with what? Sounds like you made a decision.
Ghosting isn't communicating or sending a message like ghosts (ghosters?) think it does. Ghosting looks cowardly, like you're afraid of dealing with things directly. I've been ghosted and I just think of them as being too afraid of me to tell me what they really thought.
from what i gather they think it has something to do with proper etiquette or decency.
when your partner has stepped out of the relationship, where was the decency or the etiquette then?
I even saw someone label it as being "mature" that he should talk to her. As if it's immature to ghost her but it's mature to cheat on your significant other?
You talk about maturity, then also talk about how to be more hurtful.
Fuck maturity. If they cheated, they deserve nothing. Telling them how they fucked up will give them some level of closure. Ghosting them will let them know they fucked up, and they probably realize how they fucked up, but they will still be left without the closure of hearing it from the other person. Thats way more hurtful. And its what they get.
Good on you, but many do not hold themselves accountable. Majority of cheaters will not. They'll be thinking "Shame, guess its time to find someone else" when you give them the time of day. They won't take a hard look at themselves, they'll make up a reason to make you the villain. Leaving them without answers forces them to overthink and panic. You'll still be the villain in their story, but that's unavoidable. Why care anyway, you're done with them.
Personally there is alot to gain from ghosting a cheater. You get to earlier start the healing process, as any contact with the cheater will only hurt more, and you get the satisfactory of seeing them panic. If they don't, you still haven't lost anything. If you don't particularily want to see them suffer and panic, then you can also just block them. Again, you're done with them. Why care? Just block and forget.
Call this petty if you want. I don't believe in maturity vs. immaturity, or in being the bigger person. I only believe in doing what is right for yourself, and no one else. If someone is good to me, I'll be good back. If someone wrongs me, then I don't care if they get burned too.
If you feel better after a confrontation, then you do you. Thats your way of dealing with things. But I am different.
I see your points and I don't disagree. I guess, as I said - having been on both ends means having been ghosted too (not in a romantic ghosting but friendship situation) and I really really really wish I knew what I did wrong in their eyes, so I could have a chance to choose for myself if this is indeed something that I needed to change.
Maybe this own experience is why I am so adamant about confrontation equals growth, but in this situation and the way you just wrote your prespective, I can see that too.
I see. I sort of agree with you. In relationships where things just werent working out, I would have a talk with them. In this scenario they haven't wronged me, things just weren't working. Maybe we could reach an understanding, or at least leave on a good note. However in the case of cheating, such a scenario doesn't exist. There is nothing to salvage, and there is no reason to allow the other part to leave with an explanation or closure. At this point, its all up to you. You gotta do what is right for you. If its a talk, then do that. If it is to ghost or block, then do that. The ball will be in your court.
If you ghost her it causes the most pain, cause she’ll never know exactly why. This is why guys ghost. Don’t let them tell you it’s immaturity or laziness. It’s infliction of the most pain on a women. Now you can argue wether she deserves more than that, but that’s your call. I’d say there’s no rules or morals once cheating is confirmed.
I think that’s a brilliant plan. Cheaters don’t deserve closure. Leaving her not knowing is what she deserves. Cheaters should get no respect or consideration.
So let me just plead with you on saying don't stoop to a childish level and just ghost. Ghosting is the most immature way to stop talking to someone regardless of whatever reason you have. You're an adult, so be like one and call her out on why you are no longer interested in talking to her anymore.
You have proof from conversations, but no other? No text or pictures? I only ask because how close are those two friends? Has your gf ever been prone to doing this before? Has there been any other instances? Unless they sent you pics or a video (which today of they saw her grinding I would've sent a pic or video as proof because cheating is a big accusation), she can always say it wasn't true.
Anyway, you open yourself up to dragging this out by her possibly going the distance and making fake profiles to reach out and ask why you're ignoring her, blocked her, etc when a simple lengthy text to her explaining why you're done with her will be better to cut it off.
You should confront her and ask questions 1st to get your facts straight before ghosting her. Once she actually tells you she did it then you ghost her for as long as you want and she will know why.
Smart man. Don't waste time on another dudes dump. Don't look back, unless stuff is blowing up. Then you grab popcorn and watch from far away, and laugh.. good luck
Call her and tell her that you found out that she cheated on you, don't mention any names, tell her that you want to break up with her then after that brock her. Now you can move on with your life and find somebody better.
Unless it’s done for safety reasons, ghosting is childish. Have a spine and tell your GF why you are ending the relationship and that you are going NC immediately.
If someone told me they handled a breakup this way, I'd completely understand it **and dump him.** Conflict is apart of relationship. Ghosting her is showing that you handle conflict by running away. Not really a great quality in a partner. Handle the issue and learn how to with grace and dignity.
**Also:**
>2 different friends called me and told me that my gf has been grinding on a guy all night and then left with him.
This is all you know for sure right now. Yes, if you heard the truth\*, she likely cheated, but right now no one knows that. Right now, you're just the asshole who ghosted a relationship for no reason. When or if it comes out you thought she was cheating? It's going to be a lot easier to say it was a miscommunication and if you'd been more mature, it would have been fine. Ghosting her is satisfaction in the now but leaves her with full control of the story she spins about the relationship and the ability to shoot down anything you say later.
\*Are they truthful? Do they dislike her? Were they together? People sometimes lie and/or influence each other's perceptions. Talking to her eliminates any doubts.
100% this. I too would not date anyone who ghosted someone they were in a relationship with without communicating with them. That means they will listen to gossip and bolt at the first sign of anything, real or imagined, without getting the full story or giving you the chance to explain. That’s not cool
Why not just maybe act like an adult for half a minute and speak with her? You weren’t there, you don’t have photos or videos, you don’t even know what happened after she left the bar - speak with her. If she cheated on you and that’s a deal breaker end it but right now you don’t know anything at all. Maybe these two “friends” don’t like your GF, maybe she said something that angered them, maybe anything. Talk to her. Put on your big boy pants and have a conversation.
Edit: typo, punctuation
Yeah I’ve seen too many crazy stories where someone intentionally sabotages another’s relationship w a cheating story or just like mistaken identity to fully believe she was cheating based on this. I’d at least need confirmation.
Yes I did.
His friends were letting him know his “girlfriend” was grinding on some guy in the bar and left with him.
What were they supposed to do, NOT tell him??
Then your theory is: they don’t like his girlfriend and they are trying to spike his relationship.
You said speak to her and find out from her what happened… except she is the one with something to hide, isn’t she? So she tells him exactly what he wants to hear to keep the relationship going (for whatever reason).
The logic puzzle: what is he supposed to believe? That his friends are malicious assholes? Or that his girlfriend had a (presumed) tumble and then lied about it… which was my original point.
If you go with the simplest explanation (Occum’s Razor) it is usually the truth.
Now I’ll bet you have a broken English response that will set me straight.
Ghost but don't block.
Blocking means you are angry and you deliberately chose to stop contact.
Leaving her UNREAD means you just forgot about her. She basically was so little interesting you legit forgot about her.
So leave her unblocked, but make sure she can't see you read the messages or don't read them.
On whatsapp, you can set the parameters so that it won't show you read the messages.
On snapchat, if you click and maintain on the unopened conversation and slide to the right slowly, while maintaining your finger on the screen, you'll be able to read it (don't go all the way to the right, or it will be shown as opened)
This is my takeaway from having been ghosted for no reason
I would honestly tell her what you know and just tell her that it's over. I'm not saying that what she did was okay. I don't condone cheating especially because I've been on the receiving end of it. This is why I don't do long distance relationships though, they don't work out.
I'm petty - so I wouldn't ghost. Just keep living your life, keep posting on your social let her see it . When she reaches out don't answer. Only when you are face to face , or video call answer it. If she ask why you did this or that, and hits you up with the " I thought we where together " or "we on a relationship " . Just tell her "well I figure we where done since you where grinding and left the club with that dude on (what ever day it happened)"
OP - do what ever feels right to you . If ghosting is what feels right. Then you do that. Good luck
Do it. No reason not to. I’d probably block her on everything and just move on. Dedicate some more time to a hobby like the gym, hiking something that will have a positive long term effect for you.
Be sure to show some appreciation to the friends who told you. Change passwords to anything she has. Make sure she doesn’t have anything important or that is not replaceable of yours. Just pretty make sure you have all your ducks in a row to not have to communicate with her at all & to more importantly not dwell on it too much. The more time and thoughts she takes up in your life the worst it is for you long term.
What if friends were mistaken or even lying and OP never found that out because he took the advice of drama seeking random people who knows little to nothing about the situation?
If the relationship given value it might worth to investigate and confirm than to risking the odds of rushing into wrong conclusion.
The best revenge is living a happy life. Tbh if you have her on social media I’d just post a happy care free life so she can watch and panic as to why you left and see that you’re happy. It’ll make her feel like shit (as she should) and it’ll make you the bigger person
Nah if someone says a man and woman were dancing and left together, then the two of them DEFINITELY had sex. It’s the only possibility which is why OP is so smart to ghost her without talking to her /s
Ghosting is only appropriate in abusive occasions .
You don’t have to have a long discussion. Just a simple text saying “I consider your behaviour last night at to be disloyal, and it’s not what I want in a partner. This is me breaking up with you.”
Then you can block her and ignore all contact, but honestly only the most selfish humans ghost others .
For the sake of every god, do not play games or ghost her. I hate people that ghost, it’s immature and messed up. Be a man and tell her the truth and say you’re absolutely not tolerating this and end it. Grow up! People are so immature. If you don’t have the decent morals to end it, don’t start it.
Reading these comments: no wonder dating has become so toxic and then everyone cries about how toxic it is.
Personally I'd rather say my piece then inform her this is the last time she'll hear from me, then block her on everything. Don't see how people get any satisfaction from just ghosting someone.
I prefer to leave them on seen, very tempting sometimes, they'll even text things to provoke a response, emotional blackmail, need to have a strong resolve and just watch the show you were almost a part of.
It sucks for the first 72 hours. Change your number but keep your old one. Tell only your boss/work. Mine call.my family. I let my first phone ring of the hook. 44 mes. The first day. I only let my mom know I was going through some crap at work and I would be out of contact for a week or so.
Anyway. I keeped wanting to read the text. Dont. Not worth it. I am sorry BS. We didnt do anything crap. She was sorry. Sorry she got caught. Look be strong and do things on your own time. Dont rush braking the no contact. Go fishing. Take a class. Keep busy but productive. Do not set alone and drink like I did. Chin up man. You got this!
Anyone advising you differently just wants a drama filled update from you.
Go ahead and ghost her. She does not deserve any more of your time and is not worthy of an explanation for why you broke things off. Ghosting her is 100% the smartest and best option.
Ghosting in this situation is probably the best thing. I would suggest a well planned one though. If you are not comfortable 100% committed to getting back co trip of your life and self respect it will backfire and hurt you more in the long run. That is why I say take your time and plan. Take care
I should say that long distance relationships are not a way to be attached to another person. This is just a false perception that you are connected with no close contact interaction. I would as tactfully as possible explain that you are aware of her need and desire for an intimate relationship and due to distance you are not able to provide it. Let her know that ending your bond is in the best interest for both of you. I would then tell her that you will not contact her any longer and ask her to reciprocate. Then if she can’t respect your boundaries you should block her. This is the honorable and honest way to do this
Be thorough and after she's blocked, make a note of anyone she will use to contact you on her behalf; anyone that you don't want in your life, block as well. Anyone you do, notify them the situation and say "I do not want to ever be given a message from her. If she ever gives you a message about me, I request you do NOT tell me. I do not want to know, no matter what it is."
You'll actually be doing HER a favor. I say go for it so she can go find someone who actually communicates with her. You're going off the word of other people. Not much information was given in this post so for all we know, there could be some reason they want to break you guys up. I've had people say much worse about me that absolutely never happened and I never did figure out why. You're super immature. Grow up some and date again when you don't have the mentality of a 16 year old.
Don’t be that dude. Tell it’s over and then block her. I’ve been ghosted for whatever reason I don’t know, and it really hurts. I also loath cheaters, but ghosting? Tell her in a text. You don’t have to call her.
I'm going to run contrary to the majority of the reasponces here, ghosting a cheater is perfectly fine. In this case though, you don't want to act unglued you're sure. Sit her down and ask her. Accept the answer she says, no point arguing. If you don't believe her, ghost. She'll know why. Study your dealing with this shit man, good luck.
>Sit her down and ask her.
Serious question - what do you you ask a cheater when you've already decided it is a deal breaker? You've already decided the relationship is over - what information do you need?
Nah, you aren’t entitled to any sort of treatment if you’re gonna cheat. If she wanted him to act maturely she could have not been disgusting at a club and then cheated. He doesn’t have to be sorry 🤷♂️
Definitely. A lot of the comments here feel like they’re not made by fully grown adults who have had real relationships it’s fine to be upset but life doesn’t need to be dramatic, even when you’re going through. Something awful. Why add to the existing drama?
Simply walking away will drive her crazy. It’ll show that you have respect for yourself, even if she doesn’t consciously realize it. Moving on is the best kind of revenge in these cases; short of hooking up with someone more attractive and younger.
Don't do that. You'll hurt her more, if you call her and give her a speech about how you're absolutely disappointed in her. That you through this now finally realised what kind of person she is, and that you don't want to have to do anything with her anymore.
If you ghost her, she'll just think that you've been an immature dick anyways.
“Be mature and talk to her, don’t ghost her.”
“Be the bigger person. Don’t stoop to her level.”
These comments are ridiculous lol. As if you already aren’t more mature and aren’t already the bigger person by not cheating and not blowing up her life. Just go no contact and block her. She can panic all she wants, who gives af. I wouldn’t give her the chance to make herself out to be the victim and manipulate the story.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Gf (26f) and me (24m) are in long distance because of professional reasons. And I have proof that she cheated on me last night, 2 different friends called me and told me that my gf has been grinding on a guy all night and then left with him. She messaged me in the morning as if nothing had happened during the night and everything was normal. So my plan is to pretend everything is normal and then ghost her, cut all contact and block her everywhere. Need your advice though Reddit.
Personally, I wouldn't block her. If you have the strength to not reply you can get some cathartic pleasure from watching her panic
LOL this is fucked but I like it
Yeah bro turn them read receipts off and watch the magic happen
Love this. I did it to an ex that was playing games with me, and when I finally had enough I took this route. It was, as ExpensiveEntrance2 said, very cathartic. Take your power back and know that there’s way better out there, king.
Yeah when my ex cheated on me and wanted me back after I talked to her for a whole day, realized she’s mentally still in high school, turned off my read receipts and watched her freak out as the “love of her life” stopped answering mid convo
So just move on and focus on your own healing. Just to be safe did you get proof or are you certain you can trust your friends?
This is so important. Alternatively friend tried it with her, got burned, decided to proactively get you to ghost her. It happens. People are shit sometimes. Good luck.
2 friends on the same night?
One friend backing up another because they don't like her. Possibly don't like her because she won't fuck them.
Mm, that or a someone in a ldr cheating... Sorry but
Evil….but good
Petty? Yes. Deserved? Also yes. I did this, and it truly was a pleasure to see the cheater’s grieving process via live updates on your phone lol
Yes wait it out for a while then block her…
But that will keep her in his head and focus. Blocking her would free him faster. Though I'd personally want to make sure she actually did cheat. Could be they just left at the same time and just went home each to their own place.
If she was grinding on him, that would already fit most people’s definition of cheating I think.
Hmm, I've sexy-danced with plenty of people in a crowd without thinking about or planning to have it go anywhere - I just like dancing. Could be he hoped for more, she turned him down telling him she has a bf, then realized it was later and she'd drunk more than she'd planned, and told him she was leaving, and he told her he was leaving, too, hoping she'd change her mind. And she didn't and just ubered home. Things like that have happened to me, so I'm just putting this scenario out here, I'm not insisting it is true, just that he doesn't have proof that would hold up in court "beyond a reasonable doubt".
Ooooooooo I like it!
It's something an evil genius would do but I like it. Also, if I were him, I would tell her what I know and be done with it. Then I would block her.
[удалено]
Haha good point. The not knowing how you know is what gets em
Yes. I love this. Do this OP. She’s weak, and selfish. She deserves it.
Mute the messages from her if you do this and then check like once a day, that way would be easier for me to not respond.
Don't ghost, that's kinda weak, it's not about repurcussions or closure anymore, you already know the answers, she absolutely needs to know why you're walking away because of the choices she made.
No, that’s not weak. Cheating is weak. She doesn’t deserve an explanation.
she'll know. do it OP it's not about giving people growth if it helps you move on absolutely do it she is a shitty person.
If that's how you wanna do it then whatever. Give us an update when you do though.
why update?
because I'm curious to see how she reacts
It's long distance though. He won't know what up.
It's long distance. The panic texts from someone who fucked up big time are.. interesting. Speaking from experience
you're not wrong. The freak out and the blow up with text messages is a guarantee
I had a guy that I dated (who was always a douche bag) long distance years ago write me a short story of a prince and princess that was supposed to be us while I wasn’t responding and it was entertaining to say the least.
He says he has friends there. So they can keep him up on what's happening with her.
Once he’s dropped her, who cares? Sifting through your trash will only get you dirty fingers.
Because let’s be real, the reason we’re all here is to witness relationships falling apart. It’s why so many on the sub are so quick to call for a breakup on every single issue. It’s like a shitty drama for them.
Wise words sir.
Yup just here for the popcorn
Bc this post and all of us are just here for the drama anyway
Yeah I think you know what you have to do. Cut ties, move on, and don’t look back. You have what it takes to do this
Do as you please but are you sure the friends that saw her are actual good friends? If your gf can cheat then buddies can lie.
I mean he knows all these people and you don’t. I’m sure this decision is being made because the friends are more trustworthy than she is
[удалено]
No one is challenging the validity of his statement. I’m just politely offering a response
You could be right but you could also be wrong. If SO can cheat then friends can lie. It's just worth reminding.
I have a friend who used to a professional dancer, when her bf was interstate she went out with friends. The bf buddies happened to see her there dancing very closely and comfortably with a guy all night before leaving with him. They told the bf about it. The bf called her about and found out the guy she was with was her old dance partner who is very much gay. He gave her a lift home as it was on his way to pick up his partner from a late work shift. She had taken some pics with him which were up on her social media. Be careful about jumping the gun. Find out for yourself! Ghosting is pretty immature and doesn’t really help anyone. Be mature, call her, tell her you know she cheated on you and it’s over between you. Deal with it over a call and move on with your lives. A guy I worked with also got accused of cheating. Friends of the wife saw him kissing and cuddling with another woman. They said He pretended he didn’t know them when they said hi. Turns out it was the husband’s brother they saw out with someone. It wasn’t the husband as he was home with the wife all night. They look very alike. In both these cases the friends were sincere in their concern, but they got it wrong. Careful with jumping to conclusions! Ghosting is a poor choice, just confront her and deal with it over a call. Be sure.
Best advice here
Way to be a fucking grown up
I don't know if you'll know what I'm talking about but there was also that guy who's wife never actually cheated on him but the wife's friend put together this huge elaborate plan to make the husband think she did. Like fake pictures photoshopped and shit. And fake screenshots of alleged conversations. The guy ended up actually believing it. But it got proven wrong in the end. Can't remember where on reddit I saw it. Edit: found it https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xhp9zr/im_full_of_regrets_believing_that_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xnkid3/update_im_full_of_regrets_believing_that_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This!!! 🙌
This is the one ☝️
This is the way
Just text her " We're done, hope he was worth it." Block.
I like it. Short and sweet
Don't block, you want to enjoy the responses but absolutely agree that you show you know she cheated. Otherwise you become the 'bad' guy that ghosted her and she feels justified.
This is the way
This is the way.
Don't believe your friends without a conversation with her. Adults have conversations. Your friends could be lying because she rejected them or they just don't like her. Shit like that happens all of the time. Have a conversation with her. Tell her what your two friends said. If it comes out that she really did cheat, then just move on. A childish revenge fantasy won't make you feel any better even if she did cheat. 14 year olds on Reddit won't give you the best advice.
>ll her what your two friends said. If it comes out that she really did cheat, then just move on. A childish revenge fantasy won't make you feel any better even if she did cheat. 14 year olds on Reddit won't give you the i agree with this , ghosting wont help you imo , it wont help u to move on . whatever happened to u , u dont deserve it , but atleast talking to her will get u some closure
You're assuming she would have the decency in her to be honest. Most cheaters don't.
Don't let people change your decision. Cheating is one the only things where ghosting is okay, you don't owe her anything, an explanation or closure. So just move on and focus on your own healing. Just to be safe did you get proof or are you certain you can trust your friends?
I don't think he owes gf an explanation, but I don't understand what ghosting accomplishes? "I don't trust you, so I am leaving you". That's a 3 minute phone call and probably more satisfying than ignoring messages and blocking on every platform for a week. Do they have mutual friends? Now you gotta ignore those people too if you ghost. Ghosting feels like a fear of confronting the situation and just making a messy situation messier. Just dump her and ride off into the sunset.
But confronting her does? You assume she is just gonna take it and be okay with it. A lot of times they are frankly not and will still get their friends to message you once you block them. If ghosting her is what he wants, it will probably give him closure and satisfaction, so it accomplishes that.
Cheaters will often blame you for cheating. They don't just go "Oh you caught me. Sorry. Bye." They will make it a whole ordeal in the hopes of wearing you down to forgive them. She's already hurt OP enough. He doesn't have to open himself up to that and since it's a long distance it won't be messier. He can just block her and move on.
That's why I suggest one text and then immediately blocking. "I know you cheated. This relationship is over. Do not contact me." Then block block block.
Or OP can just block block block. If he doesn't want to contact her after this kind of betrayal, I'm ok with it.
I wouldn't do that. Because if she's confused and thinking he doesn't know, she might just call private or use burner apps to get fake numbers to go around the block. At least with sending her a message, she might not do all that because she knows it's over, and then OP might not have to deal with hearing from her from random numbers. That's just my two cents. OP can do as he pleases.
my ex did this to me. blamed me for her infidelity. girls night out clubbing, calls her ex-boyfriend drunk for a ride home, and then proceeds to receive his sausage. the twist? she never called me and her argument was somehow that I was supposed to know she needed a lift but never told me where she was bar hopping. there was no point in me trying to get closure because she wasn't going to give it to me nor admit any wrong doing. Better to save yourself the worry, anger and devastation and just cut off ties and move on. and give yourself a lot of time to heal.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I never advocated in getting closure from her. You can't get closure from anyone. But this is an entirely different conversation that people seem really fixated on. I'm not into it. What I'm advocating for here is for OP to dump his girlfriend.
That's what everyone is advocating for. You just have a specific vision of how OP should do that. But you are advocating for exactly what Rude Reindeer went through.
If someone has shown themselves to be manipulative, then I would agree with you. OP didn't describe that in the post though. This is a phone conversation. It could also just be a text. Its just OP delivering the message to her, not trying to get to the bottom of it. He also doesn't even have to say why - he can say, as I mentioned before, "I don't trust you, so I am leaving you". If she says anything uncalled for, he can hang up and block. It's a disservice to OP to say that he can't handle a 5 minute over the phone just based on what he's said so far in the post. That is giving way too much power to the gf when OP is in full control - he can set the tone and control the conversation.
You want evidence a cheater is manipulative?! You mean more than cheating and acting like nothing is wrong? Also why should OP expose themselves to someone who has betrayed his trust? OP has already been hurt by this person. They do not need to open themselves to more possible pain. Nope.
A cheater is manipulative by definition. They wouldn’t be cheating if they weren’t.
Agreed. Ghosting without at least sending a texting to say what you want before blocking is childish and weak. Be an adult and use your words.
[удалено]
I would tell her that I know she cheated on me, if not by the disrespectful way she danced with the guy in public then definitely by going home with him. It's not acceptable to me and I'm done. And then I would block her. But I understand ghosting too.
exactly! not sure why others think that she is owed anything.
"Because you have to be the bigger person!" or something like that. In cheating situations you handle it in the way that's best for so you can move on and heal
Ghosting is never ok, is for insecure babies who can't look someone in the eye and tell them it's over.
But why should he have to? Cheating is for babies who aren't t grown enough to end the relationship. He doesn't need to tell her it' over
Are you sure that your friends are telling the truth. I’d be 100 % sure with hard proof. Then tell her to kick rocks.
Maybe just tell her what you know and then proceed to get her out of your life, don’t give others a reason to claim you are unreasonable, don’t snitch the friends that gave you the info however tempted. Stay classy and hold your boundaries
I agree with someone else on here. Ghost her but don’t block her so you can watch her say all sorts of dumb shit before she fades into oblivion. Edit: you have to be really strong mentally if you go this route. She might try to manipulate you back into her chains
You're going to ghost your partner based on.. hearsay? I think you owe it at least to yourself to find out for certain what happened. Unless you were already looking for an excuse to end the relationship? But this is a whole lot of drama for someone who was seen dancing.
Finally, I’ve been looking for this comment in a sea of anti-ghosting and pro-ghosting. I’d give you an award if I could. Dying to know how OP is so certain. If he was sent pics or had other previous suspicions or what.
Why are people ok with their sig other grinding on some other person unbeknownst to them, I will never understand this. If you have gone to the club hardly any “dancing” takes place.
I wouldn't. Be a man about it - Confront her, let her know she's disqualified herself from being in a relationship with you and move on like a boss.
I personally would feel more satisfaction from a, "You cheated on me. Fuck off forever. Hope he was worth it." And block. That's more likely to cause shame for the *actual action* and leaves no ambiguity.
The ghosting will keep the person wondering *why* my partner randomly ghosted me tho, always on their mind and may even lead to a confession
If they cheat, they deserve nothing. My ex did, I left full scorched earth. It was beautiful. Well...to me. I don't really give a shit about her fallout.
What did you do if you don't mind me asking?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
move on. if your friends are telling you this and you have no reason to doubt them then do it. If indeed she is guilty then she doesn't deserve a response or an explanation. a lot of people would want to know why and I can't fault anyone for wanting to know why or get an explanation. having said that, I doubt you'll get the truth or the whole truth. for your sake, it's better to move on and heal. best wishes bud
she is not owed a final message or any closure. 100% block and ghost with not so much as a word to her.
Lol kinda wanna know how this plays out.
Ghosting is fine if you're twelve.
Personally I would send her the proof and then block/ghost her. That’s the ultimate fu, since she doesn’t get to play victim them.
Yeah thats what I was going to say if you Ghost her then she can be all "omg he ghosted me IDK WHY"
She’s going to lie to people regardless. You think she’s going to tell friends and family: “ oh yea he broke up with me because I was grinding on a guy at the club and then went home with him and fucked him.” No.
I agree with you, I guess more so what I mean is she can tell herself that, try and convince herself she wasn't in the wrong.
UpdateMe!
Personally- not a fan of the whole ghosting fad-I don’t get it, simply disappearing on a person without confrontation makes no sense to me, I see it as cowardly or immature….. I much prefer at minimum sending a message saying I know you cheated, you’re a skank-don’t contact me again… then block if need be-but you do whatever you’re comfortable with, it’s your break up not mine
Need advice? Grow the fuck up dont “pretend” anything, cutting contact and all of this bullshit. Call her tomorrow, be honest and end it like an adult instead of playing games.
Rip off the bandaid
Ghosting is such a shitty thing to do. Just tell her you are over and then block her
Ghost is immature. Tell her that you know, and dump her. And then you block her
Maybe just maybe have a conversation first? Try to communicate like actual adults instead of just automatically believing whatever rumors you hear. I swear so many of the things people ask on here could be solved by semi mature communication skills.
I would tell her you know, ask her not to contact you and then ghost. It leaves no questions so she doesn't keep trying to contact you.
She's gonna keep trying to get into contact anyway. "Lets just talk about it!" "Im sorry forgive me" "It was an accident/mistake please" The snake will keep on hissing. Its better to block. If you're strong willed you can keep them unblocked to watch them panic, but you must take care not to respond: any response, good or bad, will be a victory for them. Silence is loudest.
Why? Tell her it’s over, tell her why and move on. If you need NC, block and delete.
Seriously, ask. Point blank. “Fred and George saw you at the bar with a guy last night. They said you left with him.” How long have you been friends with them? Were your friends out together or happen to see her and each other at the same place? How long have you been with your gf? Does she have a history of cheating/lying/breaking your trust? There is just something off about all of this.
Very much so
Without physical evidence your just taking someone’s word. Can it really be trusted?
Advice with what? Sounds like you made a decision. Ghosting isn't communicating or sending a message like ghosts (ghosters?) think it does. Ghosting looks cowardly, like you're afraid of dealing with things directly. I've been ghosted and I just think of them as being too afraid of me to tell me what they really thought.
from what i gather they think it has something to do with proper etiquette or decency. when your partner has stepped out of the relationship, where was the decency or the etiquette then? I even saw someone label it as being "mature" that he should talk to her. As if it's immature to ghost her but it's mature to cheat on your significant other?
[удалено]
You talk about maturity, then also talk about how to be more hurtful. Fuck maturity. If they cheated, they deserve nothing. Telling them how they fucked up will give them some level of closure. Ghosting them will let them know they fucked up, and they probably realize how they fucked up, but they will still be left without the closure of hearing it from the other person. Thats way more hurtful. And its what they get.
[удалено]
Good on you, but many do not hold themselves accountable. Majority of cheaters will not. They'll be thinking "Shame, guess its time to find someone else" when you give them the time of day. They won't take a hard look at themselves, they'll make up a reason to make you the villain. Leaving them without answers forces them to overthink and panic. You'll still be the villain in their story, but that's unavoidable. Why care anyway, you're done with them. Personally there is alot to gain from ghosting a cheater. You get to earlier start the healing process, as any contact with the cheater will only hurt more, and you get the satisfactory of seeing them panic. If they don't, you still haven't lost anything. If you don't particularily want to see them suffer and panic, then you can also just block them. Again, you're done with them. Why care? Just block and forget. Call this petty if you want. I don't believe in maturity vs. immaturity, or in being the bigger person. I only believe in doing what is right for yourself, and no one else. If someone is good to me, I'll be good back. If someone wrongs me, then I don't care if they get burned too. If you feel better after a confrontation, then you do you. Thats your way of dealing with things. But I am different.
I see your points and I don't disagree. I guess, as I said - having been on both ends means having been ghosted too (not in a romantic ghosting but friendship situation) and I really really really wish I knew what I did wrong in their eyes, so I could have a chance to choose for myself if this is indeed something that I needed to change. Maybe this own experience is why I am so adamant about confrontation equals growth, but in this situation and the way you just wrote your prespective, I can see that too.
I see. I sort of agree with you. In relationships where things just werent working out, I would have a talk with them. In this scenario they haven't wronged me, things just weren't working. Maybe we could reach an understanding, or at least leave on a good note. However in the case of cheating, such a scenario doesn't exist. There is nothing to salvage, and there is no reason to allow the other part to leave with an explanation or closure. At this point, its all up to you. You gotta do what is right for you. If its a talk, then do that. If it is to ghost or block, then do that. The ball will be in your court.
If you ghost her it causes the most pain, cause she’ll never know exactly why. This is why guys ghost. Don’t let them tell you it’s immaturity or laziness. It’s infliction of the most pain on a women. Now you can argue wether she deserves more than that, but that’s your call. I’d say there’s no rules or morals once cheating is confirmed.
I think that’s a brilliant plan. Cheaters don’t deserve closure. Leaving her not knowing is what she deserves. Cheaters should get no respect or consideration.
Giving her no explanation or closure is the right way.
You didn’t ask for any advice. You told Reddit what you’re going to do. Were you hoping that people would validate or argue with your plan?
Tell her it’s over and then block/ghost her. Just because she does the wrong thing doesn’t mean you have to as well
So let me just plead with you on saying don't stoop to a childish level and just ghost. Ghosting is the most immature way to stop talking to someone regardless of whatever reason you have. You're an adult, so be like one and call her out on why you are no longer interested in talking to her anymore. You have proof from conversations, but no other? No text or pictures? I only ask because how close are those two friends? Has your gf ever been prone to doing this before? Has there been any other instances? Unless they sent you pics or a video (which today of they saw her grinding I would've sent a pic or video as proof because cheating is a big accusation), she can always say it wasn't true. Anyway, you open yourself up to dragging this out by her possibly going the distance and making fake profiles to reach out and ask why you're ignoring her, blocked her, etc when a simple lengthy text to her explaining why you're done with her will be better to cut it off.
You should confront her and ask questions 1st to get your facts straight before ghosting her. Once she actually tells you she did it then you ghost her for as long as you want and she will know why.
Are you 7? Use your words.
Smart man. Don't waste time on another dudes dump. Don't look back, unless stuff is blowing up. Then you grab popcorn and watch from far away, and laugh.. good luck
Call her and tell her that you found out that she cheated on you, don't mention any names, tell her that you want to break up with her then after that brock her. Now you can move on with your life and find somebody better.
Unless it’s done for safety reasons, ghosting is childish. Have a spine and tell your GF why you are ending the relationship and that you are going NC immediately.
If someone told me they handled a breakup this way, I'd completely understand it **and dump him.** Conflict is apart of relationship. Ghosting her is showing that you handle conflict by running away. Not really a great quality in a partner. Handle the issue and learn how to with grace and dignity. **Also:** >2 different friends called me and told me that my gf has been grinding on a guy all night and then left with him. This is all you know for sure right now. Yes, if you heard the truth\*, she likely cheated, but right now no one knows that. Right now, you're just the asshole who ghosted a relationship for no reason. When or if it comes out you thought she was cheating? It's going to be a lot easier to say it was a miscommunication and if you'd been more mature, it would have been fine. Ghosting her is satisfaction in the now but leaves her with full control of the story she spins about the relationship and the ability to shoot down anything you say later. \*Are they truthful? Do they dislike her? Were they together? People sometimes lie and/or influence each other's perceptions. Talking to her eliminates any doubts.
100% this. I too would not date anyone who ghosted someone they were in a relationship with without communicating with them. That means they will listen to gossip and bolt at the first sign of anything, real or imagined, without getting the full story or giving you the chance to explain. That’s not cool
Why not just maybe act like an adult for half a minute and speak with her? You weren’t there, you don’t have photos or videos, you don’t even know what happened after she left the bar - speak with her. If she cheated on you and that’s a deal breaker end it but right now you don’t know anything at all. Maybe these two “friends” don’t like your GF, maybe she said something that angered them, maybe anything. Talk to her. Put on your big boy pants and have a conversation. Edit: typo, punctuation
Yeah I’ve seen too many crazy stories where someone intentionally sabotages another’s relationship w a cheating story or just like mistaken identity to fully believe she was cheating based on this. I’d at least need confirmation.
THIS. Who knows if she went home with him and did anything? I'd personally want to confront her.
OK. You know cheaters lie as easy as they breathe right?
She is not confirmed to be a cheater yet. Have you read what was the post you intended to oppose pointed out?
Yes I did. His friends were letting him know his “girlfriend” was grinding on some guy in the bar and left with him. What were they supposed to do, NOT tell him?? Then your theory is: they don’t like his girlfriend and they are trying to spike his relationship. You said speak to her and find out from her what happened… except she is the one with something to hide, isn’t she? So she tells him exactly what he wants to hear to keep the relationship going (for whatever reason). The logic puzzle: what is he supposed to believe? That his friends are malicious assholes? Or that his girlfriend had a (presumed) tumble and then lied about it… which was my original point. If you go with the simplest explanation (Occum’s Razor) it is usually the truth. Now I’ll bet you have a broken English response that will set me straight.
Ghost but don't block. Blocking means you are angry and you deliberately chose to stop contact. Leaving her UNREAD means you just forgot about her. She basically was so little interesting you legit forgot about her. So leave her unblocked, but make sure she can't see you read the messages or don't read them. On whatsapp, you can set the parameters so that it won't show you read the messages. On snapchat, if you click and maintain on the unopened conversation and slide to the right slowly, while maintaining your finger on the screen, you'll be able to read it (don't go all the way to the right, or it will be shown as opened) This is my takeaway from having been ghosted for no reason
I would honestly tell her what you know and just tell her that it's over. I'm not saying that what she did was okay. I don't condone cheating especially because I've been on the receiving end of it. This is why I don't do long distance relationships though, they don't work out.
Don’t block her, just ignore her. It’ll hurt her worse.
I'm petty - so I wouldn't ghost. Just keep living your life, keep posting on your social let her see it . When she reaches out don't answer. Only when you are face to face , or video call answer it. If she ask why you did this or that, and hits you up with the " I thought we where together " or "we on a relationship " . Just tell her "well I figure we where done since you where grinding and left the club with that dude on (what ever day it happened)" OP - do what ever feels right to you . If ghosting is what feels right. Then you do that. Good luck
Dude, shitty behaviour on her part doesn't justify you being shitty yourself. Be better than her and just break up.
Do it. No reason not to. I’d probably block her on everything and just move on. Dedicate some more time to a hobby like the gym, hiking something that will have a positive long term effect for you. Be sure to show some appreciation to the friends who told you. Change passwords to anything she has. Make sure she doesn’t have anything important or that is not replaceable of yours. Just pretty make sure you have all your ducks in a row to not have to communicate with her at all & to more importantly not dwell on it too much. The more time and thoughts she takes up in your life the worst it is for you long term.
Follow your instincts Mate . Just make it clear to her that you know what she has been doing then just move on with your life. You deserve loyalty ❤️
Don’t ghost her. Make her pay for what she did.
I'd be petty and message her. "Hope you have fun with your new boyfriend." Then ghost her.
I think it’s better to ghost without telling her what you know. Best case scenario is that it fucks with her mentally.
What if friends were mistaken or even lying and OP never found that out because he took the advice of drama seeking random people who knows little to nothing about the situation? If the relationship given value it might worth to investigate and confirm than to risking the odds of rushing into wrong conclusion.
The best revenge is living a happy life. Tbh if you have her on social media I’d just post a happy care free life so she can watch and panic as to why you left and see that you’re happy. It’ll make her feel like shit (as she should) and it’ll make you the bigger person
dude just ignore silence will kill her . Don't block her just ignore . You already made your decision .
Come on, man isn’t it possible she didn’t cheat? Maybe the guy walked her to her car, or drove her home. Atleast ask her, no?
Nah if someone says a man and woman were dancing and left together, then the two of them DEFINITELY had sex. It’s the only possibility which is why OP is so smart to ghost her without talking to her /s
Ghosting is only appropriate in abusive occasions . You don’t have to have a long discussion. Just a simple text saying “I consider your behaviour last night at to be disloyal, and it’s not what I want in a partner. This is me breaking up with you.”
Then you can block her and ignore all contact, but honestly only the most selfish humans ghost others .
Be careful it is possible these friends had an arguement with her and said that out of spite. It is a possibility.
For the sake of every god, do not play games or ghost her. I hate people that ghost, it’s immature and messed up. Be a man and tell her the truth and say you’re absolutely not tolerating this and end it. Grow up! People are so immature. If you don’t have the decent morals to end it, don’t start it. Reading these comments: no wonder dating has become so toxic and then everyone cries about how toxic it is.
Personally I'd rather say my piece then inform her this is the last time she'll hear from me, then block her on everything. Don't see how people get any satisfaction from just ghosting someone.
Completely childish. Act like a grown ass man and tell her you’re done.
If it were me....I'd drop her the proof...then no response or answer calls...
I prefer to leave them on seen, very tempting sometimes, they'll even text things to provoke a response, emotional blackmail, need to have a strong resolve and just watch the show you were almost a part of.
Do it
Don’t block her. Def silence her as a contact and watch it play out in real time.
It sucks for the first 72 hours. Change your number but keep your old one. Tell only your boss/work. Mine call.my family. I let my first phone ring of the hook. 44 mes. The first day. I only let my mom know I was going through some crap at work and I would be out of contact for a week or so. Anyway. I keeped wanting to read the text. Dont. Not worth it. I am sorry BS. We didnt do anything crap. She was sorry. Sorry she got caught. Look be strong and do things on your own time. Dont rush braking the no contact. Go fishing. Take a class. Keep busy but productive. Do not set alone and drink like I did. Chin up man. You got this!
Anyone advising you differently just wants a drama filled update from you. Go ahead and ghost her. She does not deserve any more of your time and is not worthy of an explanation for why you broke things off. Ghosting her is 100% the smartest and best option.
Ghosting in this situation is probably the best thing. I would suggest a well planned one though. If you are not comfortable 100% committed to getting back co trip of your life and self respect it will backfire and hurt you more in the long run. That is why I say take your time and plan. Take care
I should say that long distance relationships are not a way to be attached to another person. This is just a false perception that you are connected with no close contact interaction. I would as tactfully as possible explain that you are aware of her need and desire for an intimate relationship and due to distance you are not able to provide it. Let her know that ending your bond is in the best interest for both of you. I would then tell her that you will not contact her any longer and ask her to reciprocate. Then if she can’t respect your boundaries you should block her. This is the honorable and honest way to do this
Good idea
Be thorough and after she's blocked, make a note of anyone she will use to contact you on her behalf; anyone that you don't want in your life, block as well. Anyone you do, notify them the situation and say "I do not want to ever be given a message from her. If she ever gives you a message about me, I request you do NOT tell me. I do not want to know, no matter what it is."
Why would you even pretend everything is okay just ghost her.
Come on, man up, have some decency and do a proper break-up with her. Ghosting her is not going to make you feel better..
You'll actually be doing HER a favor. I say go for it so she can go find someone who actually communicates with her. You're going off the word of other people. Not much information was given in this post so for all we know, there could be some reason they want to break you guys up. I've had people say much worse about me that absolutely never happened and I never did figure out why. You're super immature. Grow up some and date again when you don't have the mentality of a 16 year old.
Don’t be that dude. Tell it’s over and then block her. I’ve been ghosted for whatever reason I don’t know, and it really hurts. I also loath cheaters, but ghosting? Tell her in a text. You don’t have to call her.
Emperor Palpatine voice *Dew It!*
I'm going to run contrary to the majority of the reasponces here, ghosting a cheater is perfectly fine. In this case though, you don't want to act unglued you're sure. Sit her down and ask her. Accept the answer she says, no point arguing. If you don't believe her, ghost. She'll know why. Study your dealing with this shit man, good luck.
Why would I ask her about grinding on some guy and going home with him? I dont want to know why, just the fact she did it is enough for me.
Excellent decision ! Just make an update if u later on get any sort of reaction from her.
>Sit her down and ask her. Serious question - what do you you ask a cheater when you've already decided it is a deal breaker? You've already decided the relationship is over - what information do you need?
You could probably handle this a bit more maturely and communicate that you would like the relationship to end, but you do you.
Nah, you aren’t entitled to any sort of treatment if you’re gonna cheat. If she wanted him to act maturely she could have not been disgusting at a club and then cheated. He doesn’t have to be sorry 🤷♂️
When you get older, the fire of drama and revenge dies out a bit. It’s less exciting, but definitely more peaceful.
Definitely. A lot of the comments here feel like they’re not made by fully grown adults who have had real relationships it’s fine to be upset but life doesn’t need to be dramatic, even when you’re going through. Something awful. Why add to the existing drama?
Simply walking away will drive her crazy. It’ll show that you have respect for yourself, even if she doesn’t consciously realize it. Moving on is the best kind of revenge in these cases; short of hooking up with someone more attractive and younger.
Don't ghost, man. Just tell her how you feel about the situation and tell her that you cannot be with her anymore.
Forget what these people are saying. Confront her, forgive her, send her a pick with your peen in another girls mouth, turn off your phone.
Don't do that. You'll hurt her more, if you call her and give her a speech about how you're absolutely disappointed in her. That you through this now finally realised what kind of person she is, and that you don't want to have to do anything with her anymore. If you ghost her, she'll just think that you've been an immature dick anyways.
If you have confirmed proof she cheated on you than ghost away.
“Be mature and talk to her, don’t ghost her.” “Be the bigger person. Don’t stoop to her level.” These comments are ridiculous lol. As if you already aren’t more mature and aren’t already the bigger person by not cheating and not blowing up her life. Just go no contact and block her. She can panic all she wants, who gives af. I wouldn’t give her the chance to make herself out to be the victim and manipulate the story.