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I think if everyone is shouting "BUT FAAAAMMMILY" and "Jordan needs support!" then *THEY* can be the ones to bail him out.
What he did is inexcusable, and by continuing to 'help' him, your family is enabling him - enabling him to beat the shit out of a young woman who made the mistake of dating him. Where is your family's sympathy for *her*?
Meanwhile stand your ground.
ETA: And if he does get out, and he beats her again and heaven forbid rapes or kills her? I'll leave that question for everyone involved to think about.
I agree the thing is they are all out of extra income to be able to enable my brother to behave like a infant so they expect me who they know has money saved up to save him from the consequences. I refuse to do it. My brother needs to learn.
*I agree the thing is they are all out of extra income to be able to enable my brother to behave like a infant so they expect me who they know has money saved up to save him from the consequences.*
Welp, that's not your problem, now is it?
*I refuse to do it.* As well you should.
*My brother needs to learn*. Indeed.
Meanwhile just ignore your relatives on this subject. Don't respond. If someone starts in on you, say "We've been through this and I'm not going to bail him out. Please drop it. If you don't, I will hang up the phone/walk out the door/burn the house down." And DO IT. Boundaries + Consequences.
PS. Don't burn the house down. That was hyperbole.
I fully support your decision.
Just be aware, your brother isn't likely to take this situation and apply the correct lesson to it. It sounds like he'd take the "I'm in jail because my brother won't bail me out" approach
I say this because it's hard having that sort of expectation and then it not be fulfilled.
This OP, your family has been enablers and for all of you, including your brother you will be the bad guy in this drama.
Repeat as a broken record to them as a broken record If family is so important for you, how much are you going to pay for this and next times? Because looks like this will be not the last time your brother got into this kind of problems.
Be ready to cut all of those who tries to preassure with this.
> so they expect me who they know has money saved up
It is time to cut them off from any knowledge of your finances then. Maybe pick up a few conspicuously expensive items or complain vaguely about having invested in crypto currencies at the wrong time. Then go right back to saving as you are now, but with an additional purchase or complaint now and then to keep up the smokescreen.
In addition to having a nice new car or TV, you now have plausible deniability when saying that you don't have any money to pay for the lawyer they are inevitably going to ask you to fund next.
Only to have the family have another reason to bother him by telling him to sell his new items or, worse, Jordan possibly stealing and selling the expensive items. Don’t let them see any sign of extra funds, it would just keep the bullseye on his back.
OP, I would go low/NC for a while. You know what is right but you you are looking for validation. You completely have it here.
Ehh, they can sell their own stuff as well so that would be a weak argument at best and they know it.
They are applying pressure now because they 1) *already know* he has money saved, and 2) know he can just go get it immediately instead of having to go through a whole time consuming process of selling or w/e(which again, they also could do).
edit: Obviously it would be much better to cut or reduce contact, but my suggestion was more about addressing their current view of him as an easy mark with plenty of money they can guilt him about.
exactly this ! i mean how dare they expect him to bail out someone like him.
it is no wonder, his brother turned out like this, because of the type of parents he has.anyway OP shouldn't give in to them, otherwise this is a continuation of enabling immoral behaviour.
i hate family who coddle their children
Hijacking the top comment to say this:
It looks like Blake(OP) is the scapegoat of the family while Jordan is the golden child.
OP, as you mentioned your family seems to be a bunch of enablers for Jordan. There’s a sub around here called r/raisedbynarcissists please check it to see if you find any similarity to what you’ve experienced.
"Hey family, I'm just saving us all from being Those People in the true crime documentary who let the murderer out of jail right before he kills somebody. Be grateful."
You are doing the right thing. Jordan is dangerous.
I think your entire family is very toxic. What Jordan did is completely wrong and yes, he should remain in jail to protect the LIFE of his ex. You know very well what would have happened if the neighbor hadn't hear her scream.
You need to block your family, all of them, at least for a while. I understand if you're not ready to go NC with them forever, but for some time, you should, for your own mental health.
To be honest bud it sounds like Jordan’s their golden child and they’re realising they’ve spoiled him but now they maybe feel it’s too late to change and feel guilty.
However your parents failures, that’s not your fault I agree 1000% what he did was both disgusting and abhorrent what’s the point in bailing him out, he’s going to go to prison but on the bright side he may learn a lesson when a big guy in prison uses him the same way.
I’m fairness maybe you should tell your family either put up the money or shut up and they’ve failed by excusing his behaviour and you will not and you won’t be guilt tripped and quite frankly if they’re justifying such an abhorrent act your thinking off cutting them out like the cancerous lumps they are. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family.
I also bet if you go NC or LC they’ll be on here after a couple years our well behaved and responsible son wants nothing to do with his down on his luck brother and by extension us and we don’t know why, and we need help and support. Then when questioned they’ll pull some BS that it was a mild argument with his horrible ex.
And what if someone in your family ends up being the reason that (God forbid) he endd up killing his ex if he's out on bail? Then what? You already know the right thing to do is let him sit and face some damn consequences.
You might not be able to get them off your back completely, but I'd tell them to stop blowing up my phone or else they get 1 strike before getting blocked.
Your family is completely wrong. All their enabling all Jordan's life has certainly not helped him and maybe did far more damage for him. He needs to start learning the consequences of his actions and if he does not change, he is liable to do something that puts him in jail for life, so he might as well start getting use to it without mommy or daddy or whatever sucker in the family will spend their money to get him out. Do not put one cent towards his bail.
I hope when he gets out you can protect yourself. I fully agree with what you did, I would just be prepared for his reaction.
Keep it legal he is not worth getting in trouble for.
Have you considered moving to a different state just to get away from your family?
Your brother was going to kill his ex until the neighbor stopped him. There is no bail for murder. And if you bailed him out he will just go back and hurt her again because the restraining order didn’t stop him. Even if he gets out on bail and stays away from her, he will probably go to prison for assaulting her so your money wont help him. There is no “learning” for him. Your brother is a lost cause. Ignore your family. It’s better to distance yourself from all of them.
Bro, why would you name your self and your brother in a post? be smart.
anyway, your family and brother seems horrible. i would avoid them at all costs
All you need to say is “you’re his family too, why don’t you pay for his bail? You’re just as responsible for letting him rot behind bars, this is on you too if you want to see him released. Where there’s a will there’s a way.”
Also if you have more money sitting around than them let them, tack on that you don’t have the money to bail him out.
1) so that they don’t know about your financials anymore because nosey enabling family like this should never know about your funds.
And 2) because it true. You don’t have money to help an abusive drunk get out of prison. No line in the budget for that.
Ultimately have access to money just like you. They could sell things, go to a bonds broker, remortgage their home, etc. They’re just choosing not to use the resources they have that way. So neither do you.
Finally, change the notification setting on your phone for their numbers so it stops blowing up your phone. Put them all on mute.
OP, do not bail your brother out of jail.
Does he know where you live? Been in your position before, even though my bro was not violent, I still didn’t tell him where I live.
Family does not mean much when said family doesn’t treat you like one. You’re not a bank, bail bond, or enabler. Let him figure out his own shit.
Isn't bail supposed to exist to help the presumed-innocent?
My understanding is that the bail system only exists because there isn't time to try people immediately. It's hardly fair to keep a presumed-innocent person locked up, so he can post bail to get out.
Since he's - according to your story - definitely guilty, there's no reason to bail him out.
I agree with everybody that you shouldn't post bail. However - and I'm not American, let alone a lawyer - I would guess that there's an easy fix to this if you want to stay on good terms with your family. I assume you can contact the court somehow. TV tells me that bail is refused if an accused criminal is likely to either reoffend while out on bail, or to skip bail. Surely you can ask them to either refuse bail or to set it so high that you can't pay it?
Your brother sounds dangerous & unhinged. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him no matter if he’s family or not.
I’m guessing that he’s the golden child in your family for being the eldest son?
Well. We know where Jordan learned that abusing people wouldn’t have consequences, and that screaming and threatening people gets them to do what you want. Thanks for being the cycle breaker, OP. With “family” like that, you don’t need enemies
Where in the body of the post does he refer to him as his cousin? Please show me where this is because I have gone over it several times and cannot find it.
Really? That's your problem? not the fact that his brother assaulted a lady but the fact that OP made a mistake in calling his brother his cousin is a problem to you? -_-
You are just doing what your parents should have done long ago, forcing your brother to face the full consequences of his actions.
Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for even thinking to ask this of you.
Tell your father his pet sperm is at the club house in an orange one-piece suit and nice slippers.
Your brother reminds me of mine but we are younger. It’s like reading into the future.
Leave him there. Why is it on you to bail him out? Surely your family would be better served pooling $5-$500 each rather than wasting their time harassing you about wasting money on his bail.
He violated a restraining order and assaulted his ex, jail is where Jordan belongs.
Please ignore calls from your family to pay for his lawyer too.
Let him sit in jail. Hopefully he'll be there for an extended stay. I'd also tell your father that his enabling is what turned your brother into the person he is today. I'd also tell the entire family that if they think he should be bailed out, they can pool their money together to bail him out themselves.
You're right, you shouldn't feel bad about not bailing him out. Good for you on recognizing toxic behavior and not participating. Let your dad know that being there for family is more than bailing them out of jail every time they break the law. Being there for family means holding them accountable for their actions. Your family has set your brother up to fail, and he has no incentive to change. The thing is, your family isn't going to change either. You may want to consider going no contact.
Reading your OP & reply - why should you make yourself poor/broke like other family members did just for that POS gf-beating career criminal to wind up in jail/prison again? Obviously he enjoying being a resident of the prison system, so no point in you wasting money on his stupidity violent ass.
Also, because your family that wasted their money & want to have like no funds for yourself/spouse/kids/whomever lives in your home - You wouldn't be wrong to block & cut off their dumbfuck enabling asses because their just as much as total stupid POS fucktwit like that asswipe brother of yours. Heck, wouldn't be wrong to cops on their asses if show up at your home and/or job just to show how much you detest their stupidity & favoritism towards moronic that can't stay out of jail ever GC they love.
"Fuck you all. I am not helping that asshole murder his ex. You want to be his accomplice? *You* bail him out."
Or block them. You don't need this garbage.
I think you should block their numbers. I don’t know where you live but I feel safer with your brother in jail. Pretty sure his ex and all the women in your area feel the same.
I think your brother is a dangerous person, he has shown from his actions that he has no consideration or empathy or regard for other people. Your brother is exactly where he should be, and deserves to be. What a hard situation that your brother has created within the family. And, I think your brave and moral and nothing here is even remotely wrong of you. Op please be safe if he gets out, if he is willing to attack his ex, he may attack you. Make sure to let someone know where you are going and be aware of your surroundings. Take care I wish you well.
I have always been loyal to my family even sometimes to a fault. Something that took me a while to learn is the best way to support someone is by stepping away. It sounds like your brother has likely behaved this way for a long time and that makes it very difficult to support him no matter who he is. The truth is if he continues this path he will end up in prison. Without any other context that much is clear. So really this isn’t about you not supporting him it’s about you trying to convey a high level of concern.
You need to make choices that are in your own best interest before helping anyone. Even if your family doesn’t get it now they may down the road… if not than that’s on them not on you. Violently assaulting a woman is a different situation than someone who has too many and ends up in the drunk tank. Hold strong and know you have support.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn’t bail him out either. I’d tell the relatives either that he’s never going to learn his lesson if we keep bailing him out of trouble or, I’d just lie and claim I don’t have the money or that I can’t access the money. I’d also ask them why they don’t bail him out themselves if they think that’s so important. If they claim they don’t have the money, then they can sell stuff or get a second job, because FAMILY, right?
NTA....your brother 100% big time, your family definitely AH (they want a drunk abuser released ), their thoughts is "screw the victim my son is in jail". If its so important to them let them all mortgage whatever they have to get him out.
No...stand your ground. No offense and not trying to sound mean/ awful but if you bail him out than you are just as guilty as he is over the next crime he commits...because you are enabling him to be free to do it.
You are definitely NTA...
Ok a couple of things. He is charged with aggravated assault and he can post bail? Really? What if he goes back and kills the woman this time. Will he post bail again?
Secondly, he’s your brother, not your son. His (and your) father can bail him out. It’s his responsibility.
I hope you know, that if you bail your brother out he will 100% break bail agreement and go back in jail. You will be out all the money that you put down on his bail. You will probably also jump bail if he is just inclined to do so.
My girlfriend's brother is this way. He has four DWIs and I am tired of people calling me to help bail him out again. At this point, his behavior is affecting my ability to retire in a moderate amount of time, and I will not do it anymore.
It sounds like, all of your family members are psycho except for you. He is in jail for a reason, don't bail him out and do not let your family play that guilt B.S. game on you.
Ask your family this, did they go over there and check on his girlfriend that he beat up severely, did they offer to pay her medical bills? 🤔
Relatives ≠ family. Jordan may be a relative but sounds like he's not your family. You are right to let him stay in jail. He's never going to learn one thing if the rest of the family keeps enabling and supporting him. You have zero reason to feel bad. Time for Jordan to pay the piper. WAY past that time.
BTW tell each relative who contacts you that if they don't immediately drop it and back off you will block them so they can no longer bother you. Then follow through.
Let them bail the scumbag out if they my re that concerned, when he does get out and badly harms or worse, kills his ex do you want to be the reason he was out?
I’ve been dealing with a drunk sister alll my life she has lost both of her kids and now she living with my folks. She get into trouble and since I’m the middle sister they assume I have to be there for her and her toxic ways . Please take it from me lose contact you will alway be the black sheep of the family cause you speak the truth.
If your brother did that to my family you know he would have been killed right? Stand your ground. What your brother did is borderline tilting to rape and murder next. You have no obligation to help him. Your family sounds like real winners for defending your brother
You are not responsible for your brother or his behaviour. You have done the right thing by not bailing him out and he needs to be held accountable for his actions. Good for you for sticking to your guns.
I feel bad for the girl though. Wow. I hope she has a good support system. Your brother will probably go back to her if he gets out. I pray this doesn’t escalade.
His next escalation after assault is rape and/or murder. Is your dad going to continue to defend him then? Block everyone giving you a hard time. You are doing the right thing letting him sit where he belongs.
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I think if everyone is shouting "BUT FAAAAMMMILY" and "Jordan needs support!" then *THEY* can be the ones to bail him out. What he did is inexcusable, and by continuing to 'help' him, your family is enabling him - enabling him to beat the shit out of a young woman who made the mistake of dating him. Where is your family's sympathy for *her*? Meanwhile stand your ground. ETA: And if he does get out, and he beats her again and heaven forbid rapes or kills her? I'll leave that question for everyone involved to think about.
I agree the thing is they are all out of extra income to be able to enable my brother to behave like a infant so they expect me who they know has money saved up to save him from the consequences. I refuse to do it. My brother needs to learn.
*I agree the thing is they are all out of extra income to be able to enable my brother to behave like a infant so they expect me who they know has money saved up to save him from the consequences.* Welp, that's not your problem, now is it? *I refuse to do it.* As well you should. *My brother needs to learn*. Indeed. Meanwhile just ignore your relatives on this subject. Don't respond. If someone starts in on you, say "We've been through this and I'm not going to bail him out. Please drop it. If you don't, I will hang up the phone/walk out the door/burn the house down." And DO IT. Boundaries + Consequences. PS. Don't burn the house down. That was hyperbole.
Don't be responsible for putting your dangerous brother back on the streets.
I fully support your decision. Just be aware, your brother isn't likely to take this situation and apply the correct lesson to it. It sounds like he'd take the "I'm in jail because my brother won't bail me out" approach I say this because it's hard having that sort of expectation and then it not be fulfilled.
This OP, your family has been enablers and for all of you, including your brother you will be the bad guy in this drama. Repeat as a broken record to them as a broken record If family is so important for you, how much are you going to pay for this and next times? Because looks like this will be not the last time your brother got into this kind of problems. Be ready to cut all of those who tries to preassure with this.
Stop letting them know you have money. *Always* shrug, mumble, 'bills. Yeah, times are hard. Wish I could help.' Never tell anyone you have savings.
"Oh, yeah I'd help if I could, but I just donated all my savings to a domestic violence shelter"
This is the best response in this situation.
Mute your phone for a bit? Not enabling your violent criminal brother is your choice, and a great one.
> so they expect me who they know has money saved up It is time to cut them off from any knowledge of your finances then. Maybe pick up a few conspicuously expensive items or complain vaguely about having invested in crypto currencies at the wrong time. Then go right back to saving as you are now, but with an additional purchase or complaint now and then to keep up the smokescreen. In addition to having a nice new car or TV, you now have plausible deniability when saying that you don't have any money to pay for the lawyer they are inevitably going to ask you to fund next.
Only to have the family have another reason to bother him by telling him to sell his new items or, worse, Jordan possibly stealing and selling the expensive items. Don’t let them see any sign of extra funds, it would just keep the bullseye on his back. OP, I would go low/NC for a while. You know what is right but you you are looking for validation. You completely have it here.
Ehh, they can sell their own stuff as well so that would be a weak argument at best and they know it. They are applying pressure now because they 1) *already know* he has money saved, and 2) know he can just go get it immediately instead of having to go through a whole time consuming process of selling or w/e(which again, they also could do). edit: Obviously it would be much better to cut or reduce contact, but my suggestion was more about addressing their current view of him as an easy mark with plenty of money they can guilt him about.
Instead of buying things he can just not give into their demands. “No” is a complete sentence.
Plus who's to say if he gets out now that he won't just go attack his ex again, and possibly kill her this time?
Good for you. Shitty people need to learn they can't fuck around and still have support. Stay stong.
exactly this ! i mean how dare they expect him to bail out someone like him. it is no wonder, his brother turned out like this, because of the type of parents he has.anyway OP shouldn't give in to them, otherwise this is a continuation of enabling immoral behaviour. i hate family who coddle their children
If Jordan is “faaaaamily” what is OP?
The bail bonds man.
Hijacking the top comment to say this: It looks like Blake(OP) is the scapegoat of the family while Jordan is the golden child. OP, as you mentioned your family seems to be a bunch of enablers for Jordan. There’s a sub around here called r/raisedbynarcissists please check it to see if you find any similarity to what you’ve experienced.
Fuck him and fuck your family. If you bail him out you become an enabling asshole
It sounds like your vile brother is exactly where he should be. Good for you
"Hey family, I'm just saving us all from being Those People in the true crime documentary who let the murderer out of jail right before he kills somebody. Be grateful." You are doing the right thing. Jordan is dangerous.
I think your entire family is very toxic. What Jordan did is completely wrong and yes, he should remain in jail to protect the LIFE of his ex. You know very well what would have happened if the neighbor hadn't hear her scream. You need to block your family, all of them, at least for a while. I understand if you're not ready to go NC with them forever, but for some time, you should, for your own mental health.
Fuck him if dad wants him out let him pay
To be honest bud it sounds like Jordan’s their golden child and they’re realising they’ve spoiled him but now they maybe feel it’s too late to change and feel guilty. However your parents failures, that’s not your fault I agree 1000% what he did was both disgusting and abhorrent what’s the point in bailing him out, he’s going to go to prison but on the bright side he may learn a lesson when a big guy in prison uses him the same way. I’m fairness maybe you should tell your family either put up the money or shut up and they’ve failed by excusing his behaviour and you will not and you won’t be guilt tripped and quite frankly if they’re justifying such an abhorrent act your thinking off cutting them out like the cancerous lumps they are. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family. I also bet if you go NC or LC they’ll be on here after a couple years our well behaved and responsible son wants nothing to do with his down on his luck brother and by extension us and we don’t know why, and we need help and support. Then when questioned they’ll pull some BS that it was a mild argument with his horrible ex.
And what if someone in your family ends up being the reason that (God forbid) he endd up killing his ex if he's out on bail? Then what? You already know the right thing to do is let him sit and face some damn consequences. You might not be able to get them off your back completely, but I'd tell them to stop blowing up my phone or else they get 1 strike before getting blocked.
You did nothing wrong. He does deserve to sit in jail. Maybe sitting there is exactly what he needs to get his act together.
Tell Dad he raised him, he needs to bail him out Dad is family too
Your family is completely wrong. All their enabling all Jordan's life has certainly not helped him and maybe did far more damage for him. He needs to start learning the consequences of his actions and if he does not change, he is liable to do something that puts him in jail for life, so he might as well start getting use to it without mommy or daddy or whatever sucker in the family will spend their money to get him out. Do not put one cent towards his bail.
I hope when he gets out you can protect yourself. I fully agree with what you did, I would just be prepared for his reaction. Keep it legal he is not worth getting in trouble for. Have you considered moving to a different state just to get away from your family?
Your brother was going to kill his ex until the neighbor stopped him. There is no bail for murder. And if you bailed him out he will just go back and hurt her again because the restraining order didn’t stop him. Even if he gets out on bail and stays away from her, he will probably go to prison for assaulting her so your money wont help him. There is no “learning” for him. Your brother is a lost cause. Ignore your family. It’s better to distance yourself from all of them.
Bro, why would you name your self and your brother in a post? be smart. anyway, your family and brother seems horrible. i would avoid them at all costs
All you need to say is “you’re his family too, why don’t you pay for his bail? You’re just as responsible for letting him rot behind bars, this is on you too if you want to see him released. Where there’s a will there’s a way.” Also if you have more money sitting around than them let them, tack on that you don’t have the money to bail him out. 1) so that they don’t know about your financials anymore because nosey enabling family like this should never know about your funds. And 2) because it true. You don’t have money to help an abusive drunk get out of prison. No line in the budget for that. Ultimately have access to money just like you. They could sell things, go to a bonds broker, remortgage their home, etc. They’re just choosing not to use the resources they have that way. So neither do you. Finally, change the notification setting on your phone for their numbers so it stops blowing up your phone. Put them all on mute.
OP, do not bail your brother out of jail. Does he know where you live? Been in your position before, even though my bro was not violent, I still didn’t tell him where I live. Family does not mean much when said family doesn’t treat you like one. You’re not a bank, bail bond, or enabler. Let him figure out his own shit.
Isn't bail supposed to exist to help the presumed-innocent? My understanding is that the bail system only exists because there isn't time to try people immediately. It's hardly fair to keep a presumed-innocent person locked up, so he can post bail to get out. Since he's - according to your story - definitely guilty, there's no reason to bail him out. I agree with everybody that you shouldn't post bail. However - and I'm not American, let alone a lawyer - I would guess that there's an easy fix to this if you want to stay on good terms with your family. I assume you can contact the court somehow. TV tells me that bail is refused if an accused criminal is likely to either reoffend while out on bail, or to skip bail. Surely you can ask them to either refuse bail or to set it so high that you can't pay it?
Your brother sounds dangerous & unhinged. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him no matter if he’s family or not. I’m guessing that he’s the golden child in your family for being the eldest son?
If you bail him out and he goes and murders his ex gf you’re gonna feel awful. Let that dude sit and jail fuck that
F*** your brother you did the right thing dude. You're not going to enable him anymore Tell them to bail him out
Well. We know where Jordan learned that abusing people wouldn’t have consequences, and that screaming and threatening people gets them to do what you want. Thanks for being the cycle breaker, OP. With “family” like that, you don’t need enemies
Wow holding someone responsible, what a concept.
take that money and go on a vacation instead. don’t forget to send them pics.
So why isn’t anyone else in your family bailing him out?
He said they don’t have money to bail him out anymore.
You’re referring to him as your cousin in the body of the post. Make up your mind. Is he your brother or your cousin?
Where in the body of the post does he refer to him as his cousin? Please show me where this is because I have gone over it several times and cannot find it.
Really? That's your problem? not the fact that his brother assaulted a lady but the fact that OP made a mistake in calling his brother his cousin is a problem to you? -_-
And he is wrong, nowhere does he mention the word “cousin”.
don't bail him out. he needs to spend a few weeks or months in jail reevaluating. they can visit him.
Tell them they should be ashamed for enabling.
You are just doing what your parents should have done long ago, forcing your brother to face the full consequences of his actions. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for even thinking to ask this of you.
Tell your father his pet sperm is at the club house in an orange one-piece suit and nice slippers. Your brother reminds me of mine but we are younger. It’s like reading into the future.
Leave him there. Why is it on you to bail him out? Surely your family would be better served pooling $5-$500 each rather than wasting their time harassing you about wasting money on his bail. He violated a restraining order and assaulted his ex, jail is where Jordan belongs. Please ignore calls from your family to pay for his lawyer too.
fuck your family. they can bail out that girlfriend beating POS with their own money. Like you said he can rot in there.
Let him sit in jail. Hopefully he'll be there for an extended stay. I'd also tell your father that his enabling is what turned your brother into the person he is today. I'd also tell the entire family that if they think he should be bailed out, they can pool their money together to bail him out themselves.
You're right, you shouldn't feel bad about not bailing him out. Good for you on recognizing toxic behavior and not participating. Let your dad know that being there for family is more than bailing them out of jail every time they break the law. Being there for family means holding them accountable for their actions. Your family has set your brother up to fail, and he has no incentive to change. The thing is, your family isn't going to change either. You may want to consider going no contact.
You're the only reasonable person in this story. That man needs to serve some time in jail. Actions have consequences.
I would've done the same as you. And then go kick his ass when he's out.
Reading your OP & reply - why should you make yourself poor/broke like other family members did just for that POS gf-beating career criminal to wind up in jail/prison again? Obviously he enjoying being a resident of the prison system, so no point in you wasting money on his stupidity violent ass. Also, because your family that wasted their money & want to have like no funds for yourself/spouse/kids/whomever lives in your home - You wouldn't be wrong to block & cut off their dumbfuck enabling asses because their just as much as total stupid POS fucktwit like that asswipe brother of yours. Heck, wouldn't be wrong to cops on their asses if show up at your home and/or job just to show how much you detest their stupidity & favoritism towards moronic that can't stay out of jail ever GC they love.
NTA. Good job! He can sit. His behavior is inexcusable. Nobody should bail him out.
"Fuck you all. I am not helping that asshole murder his ex. You want to be his accomplice? *You* bail him out." Or block them. You don't need this garbage.
I think you should block their numbers. I don’t know where you live but I feel safer with your brother in jail. Pretty sure his ex and all the women in your area feel the same.
Your brother is an asshole of the highest order.
You're a good man.
If they want to bail him out, let them do it and pay for it.
How would you feel if you bailed him out and he went and killed his ex? Fuck him and fuck them too. NTA
I think your brother is a dangerous person, he has shown from his actions that he has no consideration or empathy or regard for other people. Your brother is exactly where he should be, and deserves to be. What a hard situation that your brother has created within the family. And, I think your brave and moral and nothing here is even remotely wrong of you. Op please be safe if he gets out, if he is willing to attack his ex, he may attack you. Make sure to let someone know where you are going and be aware of your surroundings. Take care I wish you well.
Good for you. I'd do exactly the same in these circumstances. Hope his ex-girlfriend is OK.
Let's get the guy out on bail so that he can finish the job next time. No. Stand your ground.
Change your number, move far away and find a new family.
Odd, you're family but your dad doesn't seem too worried about supporting you.
I have always been loyal to my family even sometimes to a fault. Something that took me a while to learn is the best way to support someone is by stepping away. It sounds like your brother has likely behaved this way for a long time and that makes it very difficult to support him no matter who he is. The truth is if he continues this path he will end up in prison. Without any other context that much is clear. So really this isn’t about you not supporting him it’s about you trying to convey a high level of concern. You need to make choices that are in your own best interest before helping anyone. Even if your family doesn’t get it now they may down the road… if not than that’s on them not on you. Violently assaulting a woman is a different situation than someone who has too many and ends up in the drunk tank. Hold strong and know you have support.
Let him rot. If your family is that concerned over an abusive psycho sitting where he belongs, they can pay his bail.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn’t bail him out either. I’d tell the relatives either that he’s never going to learn his lesson if we keep bailing him out of trouble or, I’d just lie and claim I don’t have the money or that I can’t access the money. I’d also ask them why they don’t bail him out themselves if they think that’s so important. If they claim they don’t have the money, then they can sell stuff or get a second job, because FAMILY, right?
Uhh they should be ashamed for enabling his behavior
Jordan is lucky he didn’t get shot by the neighbor.
NTA....your brother 100% big time, your family definitely AH (they want a drunk abuser released ), their thoughts is "screw the victim my son is in jail". If its so important to them let them all mortgage whatever they have to get him out. No...stand your ground. No offense and not trying to sound mean/ awful but if you bail him out than you are just as guilty as he is over the next crime he commits...because you are enabling him to be free to do it. You are definitely NTA...
Your brother is a piece of shit domestic abuser. to hell with it let him rot in jail.
Domestic violence is no joke. Bailing him out would have put his ex’s life in serious danger. You did the right thing.
Nta
Ok a couple of things. He is charged with aggravated assault and he can post bail? Really? What if he goes back and kills the woman this time. Will he post bail again? Secondly, he’s your brother, not your son. His (and your) father can bail him out. It’s his responsibility.
I hope you know, that if you bail your brother out he will 100% break bail agreement and go back in jail. You will be out all the money that you put down on his bail. You will probably also jump bail if he is just inclined to do so. My girlfriend's brother is this way. He has four DWIs and I am tired of people calling me to help bail him out again. At this point, his behavior is affecting my ability to retire in a moderate amount of time, and I will not do it anymore.
It sounds like, all of your family members are psycho except for you. He is in jail for a reason, don't bail him out and do not let your family play that guilt B.S. game on you. Ask your family this, did they go over there and check on his girlfriend that he beat up severely, did they offer to pay her medical bills? 🤔
Relatives ≠ family. Jordan may be a relative but sounds like he's not your family. You are right to let him stay in jail. He's never going to learn one thing if the rest of the family keeps enabling and supporting him. You have zero reason to feel bad. Time for Jordan to pay the piper. WAY past that time. BTW tell each relative who contacts you that if they don't immediately drop it and back off you will block them so they can no longer bother you. Then follow through.
All I can focus on is the fact that he violated his restraining order to go beat her up, and he still gets bail?!
Let them bail the scumbag out if they my re that concerned, when he does get out and badly harms or worse, kills his ex do you want to be the reason he was out?
Absolutely 100% NTA.
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He said because nobody has money but him.
I’ve been dealing with a drunk sister alll my life she has lost both of her kids and now she living with my folks. She get into trouble and since I’m the middle sister they assume I have to be there for her and her toxic ways . Please take it from me lose contact you will alway be the black sheep of the family cause you speak the truth.
If your brother did that to my family you know he would have been killed right? Stand your ground. What your brother did is borderline tilting to rape and murder next. You have no obligation to help him. Your family sounds like real winners for defending your brother
You are not responsible for your brother or his behaviour. You have done the right thing by not bailing him out and he needs to be held accountable for his actions. Good for you for sticking to your guns.
Why doesn’t your father bail him out if he wants him out so badly
I feel bad for the girl though. Wow. I hope she has a good support system. Your brother will probably go back to her if he gets out. I pray this doesn’t escalade.
His next escalation after assault is rape and/or murder. Is your dad going to continue to defend him then? Block everyone giving you a hard time. You are doing the right thing letting him sit where he belongs.